All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S04E07.HDTV.x264-aAF.en

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:08,432 Behold my door, bitche... 2 00:00:08,567 --> 00:00:10,432 Previously on "You Me Her"... 3 00:00:10,437 --> 00:00:13,705 They bought you a door. How, uh, romantic. 4 00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:17,041 It's a beautiful, bright-orange symbol of our love, 5 00:00:17,077 --> 00:00:18,810 and clearly, you don't get it, so shut up. 6 00:00:18,845 --> 00:00:20,444 Do you have any sequel ideas for me? 7 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,791 I mean, you're the writer in the family. 8 00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:23,748 I'd say, that's... 9 00:00:23,783 --> 00:00:28,086 Word around campus is that you're quite suddenly pansexual. 10 00:00:28,121 --> 00:00:30,321 Dare you to ask out the next human who's into you. 11 00:00:30,356 --> 00:00:32,890 - Hey. - Uh, do you want to hang out? 12 00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:36,460 Fuck, I am so sorry. 13 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,907 I'm straight. Like, weirdly straight. 14 00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,130 We can still be friends. 15 00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,464 I fucked up so bad. 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,066 I wish I could just go back in time 17 00:00:42,102 --> 00:00:44,901 and do what I wanted to do in the first place. 18 00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:47,137 - HOA violation? - HOA violation? 19 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:50,473 Fuck Lala! Fuck Hawthorne Heights! 20 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,908 Any sober second thoughts? 21 00:00:51,944 --> 00:00:54,077 Do you see any sober people around here? 22 00:00:54,113 --> 00:00:57,280 ... 3! 23 00:00:57,315 --> 00:00:59,482 Holy shit. 24 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:07,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 25 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:13,997 Holy shit, we just egged the holy fuck out of Lala's door. 26 00:01:18,502 --> 00:01:19,969 Fuck! 27 00:01:20,084 --> 00:01:21,550 We should run, right? 28 00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:23,285 - Move your ass! - Ooh! 29 00:01:25,422 --> 00:01:26,922 Oh, my God! 30 00:01:30,627 --> 00:01:33,896 - Shh! - Who's there? 31 00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,633 I can hear you! 32 00:01:38,669 --> 00:01:42,071 I'm not afraid to use this paddle! 33 00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:43,638 Wow, that was close. 34 00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:44,907 Did she see you? 35 00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:46,842 No, no, I don't think so. 36 00:01:50,848 --> 00:01:52,280 Oh! 37 00:01:52,315 --> 00:01:55,751 These were good eggs thrown by bad eggs! 38 00:01:55,786 --> 00:01:58,987 A lot of people will go hungry tomorrow for breakfast! 39 00:02:08,832 --> 00:02:12,401 So, how'd I do? 40 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:15,169 Did I pass? 41 00:02:15,205 --> 00:02:16,605 Did you pass what? 42 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,640 Well, did I prove that I could... 43 00:02:18,675 --> 00:02:20,776 I could do the wrong thing when it's called for? 44 00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:23,011 Uh, the only thing that you proved 45 00:02:23,046 --> 00:02:24,812 is that you throw like a frail child... 46 00:02:24,847 --> 00:02:26,580 that has to throw with his left hand 47 00:02:26,616 --> 00:02:28,816 because his right one is in a cast. 48 00:02:28,851 --> 00:02:31,251 And the child is blind. 49 00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:32,953 Wow, that's it. Thank you. 50 00:02:32,988 --> 00:02:34,655 - You're welcome. - Anything else? 51 00:02:34,690 --> 00:02:37,591 Hmm... nope. Okay. 52 00:02:37,627 --> 00:02:38,959 Interesting. 53 00:02:38,994 --> 00:02:40,461 Well, then. 54 00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:42,930 Yep. 55 00:02:47,537 --> 00:02:50,805 Oh! 56 00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,275 You... dick. 57 00:02:55,311 --> 00:02:57,877 Just gonna comb your hair for you. 58 00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:03,483 Okay. 59 00:03:03,518 --> 00:03:05,285 Hey. 60 00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:07,354 You know, even, uh... 61 00:03:07,389 --> 00:03:10,690 even with the whole test-drive thing... 62 00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,292 - Yeah. - Yeah. 63 00:03:12,328 --> 00:03:14,962 And, uh, the just-friends handshake... 64 00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:18,298 uh, I had fun. 65 00:03:18,334 --> 00:03:19,866 Me, too. 66 00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:22,802 I haven't said those three words much over the past year. 67 00:03:22,838 --> 00:03:25,705 And, uh... in that exact order... 68 00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:28,408 um... never? 69 00:03:28,444 --> 00:03:29,676 Sad. 70 00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:31,478 Yeah. 71 00:03:31,513 --> 00:03:33,346 Um, maybe we both needed it. 72 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,648 I will... I, uh... 73 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,585 So, see you on the playground. 74 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,653 Not if I see you first, nerd. 75 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,756 - Ooh. Okay. - Yeah, 'cause... 76 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,336 Oh! Ow! 77 00:03:57,372 --> 00:03:59,005 That was my toe! 78 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,406 - Shh! Shh! - What are you doing? 79 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,509 Hey. Shh! 80 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,545 Why is your hair sticky? 81 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,614 Is that egg? 82 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,884 What, did you and Nina have an egg fight? 83 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,752 Oh, God, I smell egg hair. 84 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,554 Oh, my God, now I said "egg hair," 85 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,789 and that sounds even grosser than it smells. 86 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,998 What's that smell? 87 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,970 Ow. 88 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,316 Good morning. 89 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,585 Hey! 90 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,486 Coffee me, please. 91 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:51,789 Look... Egg Head's awake. 92 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:55,426 Ooh, you look tired, dearest. 93 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,994 Nathan and I worked late. 94 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,163 We encountered a box full of shit... 95 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:01,666 Eggs? 96 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,434 Very funny. 97 00:05:03,549 --> 00:05:06,250 Of shitty confiscated booze, okay? 98 00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:09,353 And then I woke up between you two. 99 00:05:09,388 --> 00:05:11,155 What kept you out so late? 100 00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,323 - What? - You and Nathan. 101 00:05:13,359 --> 00:05:16,526 Oh, just, you know, guiding kids... 102 00:05:16,561 --> 00:05:18,427 - counseling them, if you will. - Mm. 103 00:05:18,463 --> 00:05:20,897 As a guidance counselor, you both guide and counsel. 104 00:05:20,932 --> 00:05:22,532 It's impressive. 105 00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:25,101 Um, can I have the creamer, 106 00:05:25,137 --> 00:05:27,704 - or will there be more waterboarding? - Mm. 107 00:05:27,739 --> 00:05:29,338 And more dental with "Marathon Man." 108 00:05:29,374 --> 00:05:30,685 You know what I could go for is, like, an omelet 109 00:05:31,109 --> 00:05:32,208 - if we had like seven or eight eggs. - Mm, yeah, I love eggs... 110 00:05:32,243 --> 00:05:35,111 fried eggs, scrambled eggs. 111 00:05:35,147 --> 00:05:37,547 Yeah. Do you have any more on your head, by any chance? 112 00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:39,060 Speaking of anything other than eggs, 113 00:05:39,084 --> 00:05:40,283 if you guys are done... 114 00:05:40,318 --> 00:05:41,551 No more yolks. 115 00:05:41,586 --> 00:05:43,186 ... I was going over the, um... 116 00:05:43,221 --> 00:05:44,799 the guest list for the anniversary party, 117 00:05:44,823 --> 00:05:47,390 and I thought... I thought since your mom 118 00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:49,725 is already in town, why don't we invite her? 119 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,460 No. Uh, first of all, there's no way 120 00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:53,362 that Jo just happens to be here, okay? 121 00:05:53,398 --> 00:05:57,233 Gabe lured her here for the sole purpose of ruining my life, so no. 122 00:05:57,268 --> 00:05:58,734 Plot foiled this time, okay? 123 00:05:58,769 --> 00:06:00,760 - This guy is not falling for that shit again. - Are you fucking kidding me? 124 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,205 What's that? 125 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,540 Sheriff Lala is fining us for Izzy's door. 126 00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:07,810 Apparently, Marigold 142 isn't an HOA-approved color. 127 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,144 What? 128 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:11,447 Where does she get the balls?! 129 00:06:11,482 --> 00:06:13,349 Give me that. 130 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:18,053 - Fuck this! - Yeah, fuck that. 131 00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:19,655 Fuck it! 132 00:06:19,691 --> 00:06:23,325 We're not just gonna bend over and take it from this... 133 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,894 Draconian She-Devil! 134 00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:28,130 This is America, God damn it, 135 00:06:28,165 --> 00:06:31,666 and that door represents our lives, 136 00:06:31,702 --> 00:06:34,669 our family, and our freedom! 137 00:06:34,705 --> 00:06:37,272 And scene. A-plus on the outrage. 138 00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:39,608 I demand to be a part of whatever revenge 139 00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:41,009 you two are plotting, 140 00:06:41,045 --> 00:06:43,145 but right now, in this moment, I d... 141 00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:46,982 I... I do... I... I... I have to go to work, so... 142 00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:48,250 I love you. Goodbye. 143 00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,219 I love you, too. 144 00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:55,257 First, they come for my Binge Club. 145 00:06:55,292 --> 00:06:57,358 - Then they come for my... - Oh, honey, I don't think 146 00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:59,794 you should reference a poem about the Holocaust 147 00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:01,863 when you're talking about an HOA kerfuffle. 148 00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,430 Point taken. 149 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:05,010 No, but someone's got to stop Lala's reign of terror, 150 00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:07,168 and that somebody is us. I'm serious. 151 00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:09,203 Yeah, well, I didn't think we would outsource it. 152 00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:11,172 So, what's the plan? 153 00:07:11,207 --> 00:07:13,307 Good, old-fashioned shoe leather. 154 00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:15,287 We're gonna start a petition for a special election. 155 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:16,622 Then we're gonna split up and canvass. 156 00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,379 I mean, this is about more than just a door. 157 00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:20,547 This is about our right to be edgy. 158 00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,383 "Marigold... we won't fold." 159 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:24,551 What do you think of that? 160 00:07:24,587 --> 00:07:27,889 - It's not bad. - "Marigold... we won't fold." 161 00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,723 I've heard worse. 162 00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:43,837 Note to self... drinking confiscated booze 163 00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:46,039 never, ever, ever leads to anything good. 164 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,409 Unh-unh. No. 165 00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:51,645 I feel like that truth should have been self-evident, 166 00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:54,682 but clearly, it was not. 167 00:07:54,717 --> 00:07:57,050 Not at all. 168 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,385 Um... 169 00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:01,689 So, about last night, as they say... 170 00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:03,357 Mm-hmm. 171 00:08:03,392 --> 00:08:04,758 We didn't kiss, did we? 172 00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,159 - What? - What? 173 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,361 No, ew! 174 00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:09,896 No, sorry! Not "ew." 175 00:08:09,932 --> 00:08:14,234 Just... just, uh... just one... just a regular no. 176 00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:17,537 So, then, we didn't really egg a house, right? 177 00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,073 Oh, no, we... we definitely did that. 178 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,775 Yeah, no, we did the fuck out of that. 179 00:08:22,811 --> 00:08:25,077 - Shit. - What? 180 00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:29,115 I don't know yet, but there will be shit. 181 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,901 For the record, I hate humming. 182 00:08:48,956 --> 00:08:51,190 Oh, come on, nobody hates humming. 183 00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:53,425 Well, maybe something bad happened to me, 184 00:08:53,461 --> 00:08:55,572 and, I don't know, somebody was humming while it happened. 185 00:08:55,596 --> 00:08:57,429 Aw, that's sad. 186 00:08:57,465 --> 00:08:59,331 I hum when I'm really happy, 187 00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,433 and you make me hum. 188 00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:03,735 Oh, right, you didn't brush your teeth this morning? 189 00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:07,206 Not the point I was making, but... 190 00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:09,274 Hey, do you want a ride to work? 191 00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,575 I got a crazy busy day ahead, 192 00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:13,411 - but I could easily just swing by... - No, I'm not getting out of bed. 193 00:09:13,446 --> 00:09:16,381 Nice! Oh, stayed in bed 'cause you can. 194 00:09:16,416 --> 00:09:20,284 I can dig that. Oh... hey. Right. 195 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,620 I'm gonna need a rain check on noodle night. 196 00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:24,755 Yeah, totes sad, but I start interviews tomorrow, 197 00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:27,291 and I got a whole stack of r�sum�s to get through, so... 198 00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:28,971 Well, it doesn't matter 'cause the only way 199 00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:30,873 I'd be eating noodles is if you brought them right here. 200 00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:32,397 Cool, cool, cool. 201 00:09:32,432 --> 00:09:33,564 Going after the big white whale, 202 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,878 the stuff of myth and lore... never-get-out-of-bed day. 203 00:09:37,404 --> 00:09:39,037 Well, you know where to find me... 204 00:09:39,072 --> 00:09:41,272 just waiting for someone to realize how empty 205 00:09:41,307 --> 00:09:43,607 and pointless life is without me. 206 00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:45,376 Yeah, you betcha. 207 00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:47,110 Okay, I'll check in with you later. 208 00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:52,382 Well, enjoy walking upright, barkeep, 209 00:09:52,418 --> 00:09:55,252 'cause you're gonna be crawling back soon enough. 210 00:09:55,287 --> 00:09:57,754 Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha! Mm. 211 00:09:57,789 --> 00:10:01,058 Were you just talking to somebody? 212 00:10:01,093 --> 00:10:02,392 What? No. 213 00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:04,894 You didn't just do an evil-villain laugh? 214 00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,463 No. 215 00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:08,798 Just... just go. 216 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,833 Go. 217 00:10:16,141 --> 00:10:18,508 Okay, this might take a while. 218 00:10:18,544 --> 00:10:21,311 Fuck. 219 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,853 Hey, Layne. 220 00:10:30,889 --> 00:10:33,289 Hi, dick. 221 00:10:33,324 --> 00:10:36,325 Suck my balls, Trakarsky! 222 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,527 Fuck you! 223 00:10:46,004 --> 00:10:48,237 Hey. 224 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:53,576 Did the, uh, class president just tell you to suck her balls? 225 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,044 It's all good. 226 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,814 Just everyone hates the homophobic asshole who fucked over Alex, 227 00:10:58,849 --> 00:11:00,427 and death could come swiftly from any direction. 228 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,817 Okay. 229 00:11:01,852 --> 00:11:04,220 I feel like that's a little bit of an exagg... 230 00:11:07,024 --> 00:11:08,924 Whoa. 231 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,792 Yeah. 232 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:16,698 Oh, so, this is the petition nobody's signing. 233 00:11:16,734 --> 00:11:19,935 Uh, no, we have gotten off to a bit of a slow start, 234 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,437 but, um, the tide is turning. 235 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,606 You know, once you... with your signature, 236 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:27,009 that pen's gonna turn into a sword of tolerance and freedom. 237 00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:28,744 Oh, I thought it was about your door. 238 00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:30,245 It is about my door. 239 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,879 But it's a slippery slope, right? 240 00:11:31,914 --> 00:11:33,448 - Mm. - Yeah. 241 00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:35,416 You have to decide for yourself whether you want 242 00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:38,953 this power-hungry authoritarian to start dictating our lives. 243 00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:40,622 Yeah, see, I'm not really like that... 244 00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:42,290 all political and speechy. 245 00:11:42,325 --> 00:11:43,591 I didn't even vote last time. 246 00:11:43,627 --> 00:11:45,126 Ooh, okay. 247 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,961 Yeah, normally, I would be very upset 248 00:11:46,996 --> 00:11:49,275 by your apathy, but right now, I just need you to sign that. 249 00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:50,643 Can you just put, like, an initials... 250 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,967 or, like, even a smiley face is sufficient. 251 00:11:53,002 --> 00:11:55,236 I really don't want to get sideways with Lala, 252 00:11:55,272 --> 00:11:57,238 and what with Marigold 142 253 00:11:57,274 --> 00:11:59,240 being the official color of swingers... 254 00:11:59,276 --> 00:12:00,642 No. What? No, it's not. 255 00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,210 Well, I mean, who's to say? 256 00:12:02,245 --> 00:12:03,778 Me. I'm to say. 257 00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:05,390 That's not... there's no official color of swingers. 258 00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:06,891 They did say that you were gonna get loud and aggressive. 259 00:12:06,915 --> 00:12:08,315 Who's "they"? 260 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:09,727 What do you mean by "loud and aggressive"? 261 00:12:09,751 --> 00:12:11,218 I'm gonna go now. Okay. Bye. 262 00:12:11,253 --> 00:12:12,653 - "Loud and aggressive"?! - Bye. 263 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:16,256 I haven't even... "Loud and aggressive"? 264 00:12:16,292 --> 00:12:19,459 Fuck you! I am loud and aggressive. 265 00:12:19,495 --> 00:12:21,928 You know what? I'm sorry. 266 00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,330 Sorry I'm late. 267 00:12:23,365 --> 00:12:24,842 Yeah, well, thank God. I was going crazy. 268 00:12:24,866 --> 00:12:26,833 Walk with me. 269 00:12:26,868 --> 00:12:28,402 Wow! 270 00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:30,937 - Oh, that's Dave. - Aww! 271 00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,739 He has a gift for flashy apologies, 272 00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:36,443 but there are many, many miles between that man and "aww." 273 00:12:36,478 --> 00:12:38,612 That is so... so... 274 00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,079 You know what? 275 00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:41,447 I don't even know, but whatever 276 00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:42,959 'cause what I really need is a signature. 277 00:12:42,983 --> 00:12:44,450 Oh, and we're back to you. 278 00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:46,185 - Okay. - Oh, no, just... just sign it. 279 00:12:46,221 --> 00:12:48,120 - May I read it first? - Why? 280 00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:49,633 Because I want to know what I'm signing! 281 00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:51,357 - But it's me. - Oh, yeah, no. 282 00:12:51,392 --> 00:12:53,270 What do you mean "yeah, no"? Are you kidding me? 283 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,793 Your door is stupid. 284 00:12:54,829 --> 00:12:57,263 There's a reason HOAs create approved-color lists, 285 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,198 and that eyesore is Exhibit A. 286 00:12:59,234 --> 00:13:00,766 What happened to your rebel spirit? 287 00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:03,469 What about any of this screams "rebel" to you? 288 00:13:03,504 --> 00:13:06,606 My God! Slow your roll, Norma Gay. 289 00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:08,307 - I'm bi. - Doesn't rhyme. 290 00:13:08,343 --> 00:13:11,143 This isn't about being gay, bi, poly, or trapezoidal. 291 00:13:11,178 --> 00:13:13,678 This is about you not selecting one of 42 292 00:13:13,714 --> 00:13:16,782 HOA-approved colors... colors you and I voted on 293 00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:18,528 so that people wouldn't trash the neighborhood 294 00:13:18,552 --> 00:13:20,552 with stupid doors like yours. 295 00:13:20,587 --> 00:13:21,820 See, that rhymes. 296 00:13:21,856 --> 00:13:24,223 Izzy picked it. 297 00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:26,158 I forgot about the list. 298 00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:31,130 You know, you are the best 299 00:13:31,165 --> 00:13:34,867 I've ever seen at whatever it is you do. 300 00:13:34,902 --> 00:13:37,870 Is it drawing... buildings? 301 00:13:37,905 --> 00:13:39,504 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. Um... 302 00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:41,306 But this right now... what you're doing now, 303 00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:43,142 the... the whole neighborhood thing? 304 00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:45,377 You don't want to treat this like a corporation, 305 00:13:45,412 --> 00:13:47,345 like, uh, you're leaving a body count 306 00:13:47,381 --> 00:13:50,815 on your ruthless climb to the corner office. 307 00:13:50,850 --> 00:13:53,084 Lala is not the enemy. 308 00:13:53,119 --> 00:13:55,754 Did you know that she owns that little hippie shop on the square 309 00:13:55,789 --> 00:13:58,156 with the soap and the candles and the groovy hemp skirts? 310 00:13:58,191 --> 00:13:59,424 Oh, of course she does. 311 00:13:59,459 --> 00:14:01,559 Okay. 312 00:14:01,595 --> 00:14:03,361 Just try not to destroy anybody, okay? 313 00:14:03,397 --> 00:14:04,596 - Okay. - Snacks are there. 314 00:14:04,631 --> 00:14:06,698 Uh... I'm gonna grab my stuff. 315 00:14:06,733 --> 00:14:07,932 Thank you, thank you. 316 00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,834 - Bye, girls! - Bye! 317 00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:11,770 Have a good day! 318 00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:17,175 I miss you. 319 00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,711 Poop! 320 00:14:19,746 --> 00:14:23,026 There we go. Callie, you can wipe her butt, right? 321 00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,529 Wow, really feeling the secondhand hate here. 322 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,164 Oh, hear that? 323 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,666 My new-girl card just spontaneously burst into flames. 324 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,236 Look, I got to find Alex. I got to talk to him. 325 00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,473 Oh, good timing. 326 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:38,542 - Hey, man, I... - Hey, fuck you, "man." 327 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,877 Who does that shit in 2019 Portland? 328 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,425 - Alex, I said I was sorry. I... - Dragging me into your frat-bro scheme 329 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,816 to get the girl or whatever... I mean, that's bad enough. 330 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,384 But egging my house... 331 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,253 You... you egged his house? 332 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,988 - When? - Somebody egged your house? 333 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,236 You scared the shit out of my mom last night, 334 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,892 you raging psychopath. 335 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,595 At least fucking own it. 336 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,264 Look, this is my problem. 337 00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:04,400 Don't follow me, okay? 338 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,169 Gabriel. 339 00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:08,605 We both know you didn't egg any houses last night, okay? 340 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:09,884 Why didn't you just say something? 341 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,574 Same reason you didn't. 342 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,610 Because I would get high-fives 343 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,578 and... and you wouldn't. 344 00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,749 I'm the asshole here. I knew you were straight. 345 00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:21,118 I dared you to prove you weren't. It's stupid. 346 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,585 Look, I'm not a puppet. 347 00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,420 Yeah, but you're a teenage boy, 348 00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,790 and it's not, like, that different. 349 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,359 Instead of strings, you have... 350 00:15:29,394 --> 00:15:30,926 you know. 351 00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:32,206 Look, I'll figure something out. 352 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,563 I just... I don't want you to... 353 00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:36,633 "I don't give a damn about my reputation." 354 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:39,035 - Runaways. - Yeah. 355 00:15:43,608 --> 00:15:46,609 Look, I'll fix this. 356 00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,996 This fucking sucks... 357 00:16:08,031 --> 00:16:10,065 mostly. 358 00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:21,142 Talk fast. I'm super busy drinking alone in bed. 359 00:16:21,178 --> 00:16:23,778 - It's 12:30. - I'm making a point. 360 00:16:23,814 --> 00:16:26,481 - That your life is really sad? - No. 361 00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:28,183 I'm on a mission to remind Shaun 362 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,851 that nothing matters without me. 363 00:16:29,886 --> 00:16:31,353 And how's that going so far? 364 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:33,288 I'm getting worried that I could rot here 365 00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:34,634 - and no one would notice. - Okay, back to me. 366 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:39,194 Anyway, um, remember my boss, Nathan? 367 00:16:39,229 --> 00:16:40,929 - Test-drive boyfriend? - Whatever. 368 00:16:40,964 --> 00:16:44,265 Um, so, last night... 369 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,467 we made some... 370 00:16:46,502 --> 00:16:48,837 not-so-good choices. 371 00:16:48,872 --> 00:16:50,371 You fucked him? 372 00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:52,140 - N... - Whoa, you are terrible, 373 00:16:52,175 --> 00:16:54,375 and I actually, uh, feel better already. 374 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,878 No, I didn't fuck him, okay? 375 00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:58,512 We agreed that we were just friends, 376 00:16:58,548 --> 00:17:01,149 but then was this, like, almost-kiss, 377 00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,517 and I'm freaking out about it. 378 00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:05,319 Whatever, it's not about the dude, anyway. 379 00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:07,622 - Explain. - Everything you've said or done 380 00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:09,190 in the past couple of weeks 381 00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:11,558 screams that you are nowhere near ready for the life 382 00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:12,971 that you're literally signing up for, 383 00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:14,394 so you're acting out. 384 00:17:14,429 --> 00:17:15,796 You're, uh, hoping someone else 385 00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:19,133 will make the decision for you. 386 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,468 - Still with me? - Barely. 387 00:17:21,503 --> 00:17:23,003 Just sack up and tell the Griswolds 388 00:17:23,038 --> 00:17:24,315 that you don't want to spend the rest of your life 389 00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:25,639 in Hawthorne Heights 390 00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,674 and that you do want to have your own babies, 391 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:29,910 and maybe let, um, what's-his-penis know 392 00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:31,845 that he's not the one before he says... 393 00:17:31,881 --> 00:17:34,481 - I need you. - Huh? 394 00:17:34,516 --> 00:17:35,816 I got to go. 395 00:17:35,851 --> 00:17:37,584 What? 396 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,356 Gabriel got busted, and Principal Morgan 397 00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:44,891 wants to talk to him right now. 398 00:17:44,926 --> 00:17:46,726 - Why? - Kid named Alex accused him 399 00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:48,561 of egging his house over a bad date, 400 00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:50,997 and there's a petition going around calling it a hate crime 401 00:17:51,032 --> 00:17:54,167 and demanding Gabriel's expulsion. 402 00:17:54,202 --> 00:17:55,702 Shit. 403 00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:57,404 Yeah... 404 00:17:57,439 --> 00:17:59,572 lots of that. 405 00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:17,190 What's all this? 406 00:18:17,225 --> 00:18:19,192 Oh, egg hair. 407 00:18:19,227 --> 00:18:20,759 Huh? 408 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,195 Uh, somebody egged your house. 409 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,996 Mostly the door. 410 00:18:29,304 --> 00:18:32,104 So, you know Alex just came out last summer, right? 411 00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:34,773 He doesn't have the tools to deal with any of this. 412 00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:37,043 Oh, you think this is for him? 413 00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:38,410 Are you sure? 414 00:18:38,446 --> 00:18:40,612 'Cause Hawthorne Heights is so progressive. 415 00:18:40,648 --> 00:18:42,215 Oh, you know what they say... 416 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,884 hate hides everywhere... 417 00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:48,120 - sometimes in your own family. - What is that supposed to mean? 418 00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:50,434 Alex went out and hung out with a kid from school last night. 419 00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:51,835 When he came home, he was pissed off, 420 00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:53,892 but he didn't want to talk about it. 421 00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:55,593 And? 422 00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:59,397 And obviously, I went through his phone, saw the kid's name... 423 00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:01,066 Gabriel. 424 00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,134 Only one of those at school. 425 00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:05,003 Same last name as you. 426 00:19:08,041 --> 00:19:09,674 Izzy. Izzy. 427 00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,442 Hold up. 428 00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:12,777 - Hold up! - Why? 429 00:19:12,812 --> 00:19:14,612 We can't let Gabriel take the fall. 430 00:19:14,647 --> 00:19:16,147 Of course not, but... 431 00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:17,426 but let's hold a beat and think this through. 432 00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:18,661 There's nothing to think about. 433 00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,486 Hey, we're gonna lose our jobs. 434 00:19:21,521 --> 00:19:22,999 Well, then I'll tell them it was just me. 435 00:19:23,023 --> 00:19:24,522 No! That's not happening. 436 00:19:24,557 --> 00:19:28,325 Okay, look... you confess, I confess. 437 00:19:28,361 --> 00:19:30,160 No. No. 438 00:19:30,196 --> 00:19:32,430 You have way more to lose. 439 00:19:32,465 --> 00:19:34,799 You sure about that? 440 00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,712 Look, the three of you just barely got that loan. 441 00:19:36,736 --> 00:19:38,636 And if they re-verify, 442 00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:41,171 you are going to lose the house. 443 00:19:41,207 --> 00:19:43,974 And I'm not just gonna get fired, Iz... 444 00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:45,643 No one's gonna hire me. 445 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,547 Why did I drag you into this? 446 00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:52,683 You didn't drag me into anything. 447 00:19:52,719 --> 00:19:54,952 I... I wanted to be with you. 448 00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:58,122 - Izzy? Izzy! Where the hell have you been? - W... I w... I was, um... 449 00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:00,635 - We were... we were just discussing the... - Oh, we were talking school. 450 00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:02,125 Okay, I don't care. 451 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,060 Um, Gabriel's innocent, and I can prove it. 452 00:20:04,095 --> 00:20:07,531 - What? How? - He was with me... all night. 453 00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:11,701 He's trying to protect me, but fuck that. 454 00:20:11,737 --> 00:20:14,805 I'm nobody's damsel. Look at the time stamp. 455 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,217 Egging happened around 2:00. 456 00:20:16,241 --> 00:20:17,719 Yeah, and we live on the northeast side. 457 00:20:17,743 --> 00:20:20,076 So, he couldn't have done it. 458 00:20:20,111 --> 00:20:21,344 No. 459 00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:24,047 Okay, come with me. 460 00:20:24,082 --> 00:20:26,015 That's what I said. 461 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,826 Dude, what the fuck? 462 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,727 I told you I didn't want to talk to him. 463 00:20:38,763 --> 00:20:40,207 - Oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Watch it! 464 00:20:40,231 --> 00:20:43,933 Language, please. 465 00:20:43,969 --> 00:20:48,237 I just got off the phone with your grandmother, Sasha. 466 00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:49,672 And she backed you up. 467 00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:53,542 You two are cleared. You got this? 468 00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:56,058 - Yep, thank you, Principal Morgan. - Thanks, Principal Morgan. 469 00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,583 I am so sorry. 470 00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:02,418 Still a dick move, using you like that. 471 00:21:02,454 --> 00:21:03,697 Oh, yeah, you're a massive choad, 472 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,388 no doubt about that, but... 473 00:21:05,423 --> 00:21:07,357 - Choad? - ... I don't know, if I were straight, 474 00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,958 I'd probably fake gay for her, too. 475 00:21:08,993 --> 00:21:13,061 Oh, my God. That is so weird and flattering. 476 00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:15,531 - I... - Will you please be my gay best friend? 477 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:18,033 Um, I'll put you on the waiting list, I guess. 478 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,102 It's like we're not even here. 479 00:21:20,137 --> 00:21:21,370 Oh, get used to it. 480 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,138 We reverted to being lamps 481 00:21:23,173 --> 00:21:24,785 and furniture once the threat was gone, so... 482 00:21:24,809 --> 00:21:26,408 Mm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 483 00:21:45,996 --> 00:21:49,797 It's just you. 484 00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:52,467 Mm. 485 00:21:52,503 --> 00:21:54,636 Shaun hasn't realized he can't live without you? 486 00:21:54,671 --> 00:21:56,405 I think this thing backfired 487 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,007 and actually proved the exact opposite. 488 00:21:59,043 --> 00:22:00,509 Okay. 489 00:22:00,544 --> 00:22:02,610 Let's get you up, walk you around a little bit, 490 00:22:02,646 --> 00:22:05,147 break up the blood clots, air you out. 491 00:22:09,653 --> 00:22:11,153 Okay. 492 00:22:11,188 --> 00:22:15,290 So, once you're off the bed for any other reason other than beer... 493 00:22:15,325 --> 00:22:16,758 - Unh, nah. - It's over? 494 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:19,626 No, you see, I never lose at Bed Battles, 495 00:22:19,662 --> 00:22:22,430 and lucky for jou, I'm not in the mood. 496 00:22:22,465 --> 00:22:23,764 Okay? So... Ow! Ow! 497 00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:25,466 Mmf! 498 00:22:25,501 --> 00:22:26,945 Shouldn't you be fixing the latest crisis you caused? 499 00:22:26,969 --> 00:22:28,169 Oh, I already did. 500 00:22:28,204 --> 00:22:29,870 I'm still riding the relief buzz. 501 00:22:29,905 --> 00:22:32,139 This is me being here for you! 502 00:22:32,175 --> 00:22:36,444 I'm really struggling to see it that way! 503 00:22:36,479 --> 00:22:39,213 I'm liberating you from a prison of your own making! 504 00:22:39,248 --> 00:22:42,627 Bullshit! You're just annoying me more aggressively than usual! 505 00:22:42,651 --> 00:22:45,553 - Oh! Yeah! - No, no! 506 00:22:45,588 --> 00:22:46,987 - Yes! - No! 507 00:22:47,022 --> 00:22:48,556 - No, no, no! - Yes, yes! 508 00:22:48,591 --> 00:22:49,868 What's that? What's that... sorry? 509 00:22:49,892 --> 00:22:51,324 I can't hear you. What'd you say? 510 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:52,637 I'm better than you at everything, 511 00:22:52,661 --> 00:22:54,327 including being smart and pretty? 512 00:22:54,362 --> 00:22:55,662 Oh, my God, stop. 513 00:22:55,698 --> 00:22:58,999 - You don't need to s... - Yes! 514 00:22:59,034 --> 00:23:02,469 The new Bed Battle champion of the world... me! 515 00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,944 You're absolutely certain that this is you helping me? 516 00:23:06,979 --> 00:23:10,025 Yeah. And here's the payoff... you'll never be alone, 517 00:23:10,049 --> 00:23:11,860 and you'll always be needed 'cause you've got me. 518 00:23:11,884 --> 00:23:15,385 Okay, stop threatening me, and get off my bed! 519 00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:17,320 Uh, this is my bed now, loser. 520 00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:20,390 Aah! 521 00:23:45,683 --> 00:23:51,253 Uh, hard fucking lessons, tough love, baby doll. 522 00:23:51,288 --> 00:23:53,856 Stop looking at me like that! You're gonna judge me now? 523 00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:55,157 Jesus Christ. 524 00:23:55,192 --> 00:23:56,403 Maybe I'm saving it for our date! 525 00:23:56,427 --> 00:23:58,393 Did you think of that? 526 00:23:58,429 --> 00:24:00,495 Dick. 527 00:24:03,366 --> 00:24:05,900 So, yeah, that's when Sasha saved us with those selfies. 528 00:24:07,437 --> 00:24:09,437 I'm so happy to have that behind us. 529 00:24:09,472 --> 00:24:12,107 Nah, I wouldn't say it's behind us just yet. 530 00:24:12,142 --> 00:24:13,775 - Well, I would. - Yeah, that's true. 531 00:24:13,810 --> 00:24:15,276 Lala's door didn't egg itself. 532 00:24:15,311 --> 00:24:16,845 No. 533 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,691 I mean, I... I assume it's a kid, right, because honestly, 534 00:24:18,715 --> 00:24:20,949 what adult would do something so idiotic and immature? 535 00:24:20,984 --> 00:24:22,517 - Right. - Mm-hmm. 536 00:24:22,552 --> 00:24:24,097 Certainly not someone in this neighborhood, right? 537 00:24:24,121 --> 00:24:25,419 Oh, no. 538 00:24:25,455 --> 00:24:26,921 Talk about shitting where you sleep. 539 00:24:26,957 --> 00:24:28,222 - It's vexing, isn't it? - Mm-hmm. 540 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,924 I know. We'll probably never know. 541 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,760 It's a mystery for the ages. 542 00:24:31,795 --> 00:24:33,194 - Theories will abound. - Mm. 543 00:24:33,229 --> 00:24:35,929 Podcasts will be produced, probably. 544 00:24:41,671 --> 00:24:44,405 Well, I wonder who that could be. 545 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,440 I don't know, honey. Let's find out. 546 00:24:46,476 --> 00:24:48,543 Why are you guys being weird? 547 00:24:52,348 --> 00:24:53,581 Oh, Iz! 548 00:24:53,616 --> 00:24:55,316 It's Lala, and she brought a movie. 549 00:24:55,351 --> 00:24:57,918 Okay. What kind of movie? 550 00:24:57,953 --> 00:24:59,953 A mash-up of my two favorite genres... 551 00:24:59,989 --> 00:25:02,056 true crime and found footage... 552 00:25:02,091 --> 00:25:05,293 from my neighbor's security camera. 553 00:25:05,328 --> 00:25:06,926 I'll get the popcorn. 554 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:15,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - 555 00:25:16,305 --> 00:25:22,474 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org39686

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.