All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 03x09 - A Visit from Little Sven.

(music) Thank you for being a friend

(music) Traveled down the road and back again

(music) Your heart is true

(music) You're a pal and a confidant

(music) And if you threw a party

(music) Invited everyone you knew

(music) You would see

(music) The biggest gift would be from me

(music) And the card attached would say

(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)

Dorothy, I want a driver's license.

What for?

I'm doing a lot of stuntwork
in the new Burt Reynolds movie.

Why do you think?

Ma, you haven't driven in years.
Why is this coming up now?

This morning at the center,

Gladys Weinstock and I had a fight.

We both claim we're natural redheads,

but of course at our age
we can't prove it anymore.

So?

So, when I pulled out
my license to show her,

everyone saw it was expired.

It made me feel old, Dorothy.

- I want to learn again.
- Oh, come on.

Ma, you're 81 years old.

Your eyesight is weaker.
Your reflexes are slower.

And who are you, Magic Johnson?

Dorothy, please.

Oh, all right, Ma, we'll give it a try.

But, Ma, if anything
goes wrong we stop.

Relax. There are some things
you never forget.

Driving a car is like making love.

In both cases,
a mirror makes objects

appear larger than they really are.

Oh, Dorothy, I'm just so angry!

Floyd McCallan just called me

one hour before he's
supposed to pick me up

in his brand new
two-tone Mercedes.

- He's canceled our date for tonight!
- He probably had a good reason.

He said he had to go visit
his sick mother in the hospital.

Did you ever hear
such a weak excuse?

[Chuckling] And his mother
isn't in the hospital.

Of course she is,
but he can visit her anytime.

He can only see me tonight.

[Door unlocking]

- Is my cousin Sven here yet?
- No, Rose.

Oh, good. I got caught up at work

and I barely had time
to pick up a cake.

I wanted to make Sven feel welcome.

Rose, that cake is from the "Get it
While it's Hot" erotic bake shop.

Whoa!

[Laughing] Why, Rose Nylund!
Why, that cake is in the shape...

Blanche, we know what it is.

I thought it was
in the shape of Florida.

That reminds me, I've got to
give Charlie Milburne a call.

If this cake reminds you of Charlie
Milburne, we could both give him a call.

Rose, how long is your
cousin Sven going to, uh,

[stammers] be, uh,
staying here with us?

Oh, just a couple of days.

On Saturday he's flying back
to St. Olaf to meet his fiancée.

Oh, she went all alone?

No, he's never met her.
It's an arranged marriage.

See, little Sven's father,
we call him Big Sven,

left the old country two years
ago and settled in St. Olaf.

Then he sent for the rest of his family.

First he brought his father over.
We call him "Big Sven," too.

Well, doesn't that get
confusing, having two Big Svens?

There aren't, Blanche.
There's Big Sven and Big Sven II.

Like Jaws and Jaws II.

Rose, are any of your relatives
named Psycho and Psycho II?

Anyway, Big Sven picked out
a bride for little Sven

and now he's flying him over.

I don't know, it seems so unfair to me,
an arranged marriage.

I don't know, Dorothy. It can be fun.
George and I had that kind of marriage.

George would dress up as a ghost
and chase me around the house

with one of those little fly swatters.
Then when he caught me, he'd...

Blanche, I'm talking
about arranged marriages

not deranged marriages.

Oh. Sorry.

[Doorbell]

Oh, that must be Sven!

- Cousin Rose?
- Cousin Sven!

Oh!

Oh, let me look at you.
Boy have you grown!

We've never met.

But admit it, you have grown!

Uh, Rose, could you
introduce Blanche and me.

Of course. Dorothy, this is Blanche.

Blanche, this is Dorothy.

[Laughing]

We have jokes like that
around here all the time.

It's like living in a house
full of Howie Mandels.

- Sven, I'm Dorothy.
- Hello.

- And I'm Blanche. Welcome.
- Thank you.

Rose tells us you're getting married.

Yes, and I hope I'm good at it.

I don't have that much
experience with women.

A big, strong,
handsome thing like you?

Get out of here.

Well, it was nice meeting all of you.

Oh, that was an expression! Sven!

I never thought I'd say this

but I think Rose got the brains
in that family.

Meet me out front, Dorothy.
I'm gonna pull the car around.

Ma, hold it. Hold it.

I told you last night,
we don't do any driving

until we've gone over all the rules
in the driving manual.

What's to go over?

"How much distance should there be
between you and a fire hydrant?"

What am I, a poodle?

- [Rose] Morning, girls.
- [Sven] Morning.

Hey, what got you two
up and out so early?

I wanted to show Sven as many
of the sights as possible today.

Did he get a picture with that
Mr. Whipple cutout at the A&P?

We stopped to pick up breakfast
before we started off on our big day.

Will you ladies join us?

- What are you making?
- Flendahueven.

- What's that?
- Oatmeal.

It's usually served with a cracker
made from yak intestine.

Of course! Yak snacks.

Hi, girls. Hi, Swin.

- It's Sven, Blanche.
- Whatever.

Dorothy, could I borrow
your white wind breaker?

Floyd is taking me sailing
today on his yacht.

Uh, Blanche...

I guess he felt so guilty
about canceling last night

he wanted to do something extra special.

- Uh, Blanche...
- I can just hardly wait.

- Blanche...
- If you're about to tell me

Floyd canceled, I don't want to hear it.

- He called.
- Oh!

This is the last straw! This is it!

I don't care if Floyd
does own the most successful

pet neutering business
in greater Miami.

As of this minute,

I am never speaking to that
lowdown scuzzball ever again!

- [Phone rings]
- He changed his mind!

Hello. Yes, this is Rose.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Well, okay. Bye.

Sven, I have some bad news.

- Is it bad news?
- Yes, it's bad.

Were you two the cousins who
play the banjo in Deliverance?

- Rose, what's wrong?
- That was the center.

I have to work today.

Now who's gonna
show Sven the sights?

The only sights we're seeing
is the empty lot behind the mall.

I already showed him that.

Wait a minute. I have an idea.
Blanche, you're free.

Why don't you take Sven around?

I don't think I feel like sightseeing.

- It might do you good.
- I know it'll do you good.

And it's certainly a lot healthier

than sitting here
in the house stewing all day.

Maybe you're right.

An active day out on the town
with a handsome young man

might take my mind
completely off old...

- what's-his-name.
- [Laughing]

Floyd.

Okay, come on, Swin.

It's Sven.

He's mine now,
I can call him what I want to.

If you don't mind, Blanche,
I'd like to pay for lunch.

Oh, don't be silly, Swin.

I mean it. You gave me
a great tour of the city today.

I don't think we have
that many women shoe stores

in my whole country.

[Gasping] Oh, my Lord!
Look who just walked in.

- Who?
- Floyd.

[Blanche] Look at that
young thing with him.

- Why, she's half his age!
- She's half your age.

- Shut up and hold my hand.
- What?

Hold my hand.

Now look deep into my eyes.

Look like you want to kiss me.

Okay, move your lips around.
Go like this.

- Blanche, I don't...
- Okay, get ready to kiss me.

- Blanche...
- Get set.

- Blanche...
- Go!

Blanche, is that you?

Well, Floyd McCallan!

Oh, shame on you,
sneaking up on us like that.

And in front of this young child, too.

- Blanche, this is Linda.
- Hello, Linda.

Is your daddy taking you out to lunch?

- Linda's just a friend.
- Oops.

[Chuckles]

Oh, Floyd, I'm just so
embarrassed at you,

catching me and Swin like this.

Of course, you should've
seen us a few minutes ago.

We were feeding each other.

Blanche, look, about
those dates I canceled...

Honey, forget all about that,
I know I have.

- Blanche, can I call you later?
- Oh, sure, if you want to.

I'm not sure I'll be at home.

I just suddenly have this
craving for dessert.

Come on, Swin,
we're going to your place.

Okay, we can try,

but I've never sailed around the
Cape of Good Hope this time of year.

I am never getting into
a car with you again. Ever.

I can't believe you're
being such a wimp.

Ma, you went through the
stop sign, you hit a mailbox,

you almost ran over Mrs. Burlfine!

The woman's already in a wheelchair.
How much more damage could I do?

Hi, Dorothy. Why is your
lipstick all smeared?

I just kissed our driveway.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hello, Rose.

[Sophia] Oh, hi, Rose.

Would you consider
teaching me how to drive?

Sure, Sophia. How about this.

I teach you how to drive
and you teach me

how to be a great Italian cook?

Everybody's a comedian today.

Rose, everything okay
down at the counseling center?

Yes, finally.

We had a manic depressive overload.

Luckily Dr. Ferguson had
heard some new knock-knock jokes

and that seemed to do the trick.

- [Chuckling] Knock-knock?
- Who's there?

Oh, shut up, Rose!

Hello, ladies. Hi, Cousin Rose.

Sven, hi.

I want to do something special
in honor of your wedding.

What are you in the mood for?

Oh, Cousin Rose, there
isn't going to be a wedding.

What? Why not?

Because I decided I can't marry
someone that I don't love.

You've never even met Olga.
How do you know you don't?

Because I know I'm in love
with someone else.

I'm in love with Blanche.

Swin, you can't be serious.
You're not in love with me.

Yes I am, Blanche.

I know it's sudden,
but I feel it in my heart.

His father is gonna kill me.

I'm in charge of Sven
for one day and he falls

for the first little floozy
that turns his head.

Blanche, did something
happen between you and Sven

that we don't know about?

You didn't tell them about kissing me?

Kissing him?

Or stroking my hair?

Stroking his hair?

Or feeding me?

All right, I'll say it. Feeding him?

I can't hear any more of this.
Blanche, how could you do this to me?

Rose, wait a minute.

I can explain everything.
It's not like you think.

If Sven said you kissed him,
you kissed him.

I did kiss him, but it was just pretend.

We were having lunch
at Fairview Gardens.

Well, Floyd McCallan
walked in with another woman.

So I pretended Swin was my boyfriend

just to make Floyd jealous.

Did you explain any of this to Sven?

I assumed he knew.

Blanche, how could you
assume anything?

The man offered to kill dinner
for us last night.

Maybe I made a mistake,

but I don't think I did
anything so terrible.

Well, I do!

There is a sweet, innocent man
whose heart is gonna get broken

because you decided to use him
in one of your petty games.

That's only one side of it.
Look at the other side.

He did get to kiss me.

Big deal.

More people get to kiss you
than the Pope's ring.

You have to go in there and talk to him.

I will, I will.

It's just that I'm not very good at it.

[Stammering] I was blessed
with one talent, turning men on.

I've just never known
how to turn them off.

You tell him, Dorothy.

I would, Blanche, but remember,
we just want to turn him off,

not drain the sex drive
completely out of him!

You know, I've always had this
trouble ever since high school.

I was the head cheerleader
and I was dating

our star quarterback,
Calwell Honeycutt.

Well, time came to break up

but I just could not
tell Calwell to his face.

I couldn't bear to inflict that much
grief and suffering on one man.

So I finally decided that
the best way to handle it

was just to lead my girls
in a farewell cheer.

Two-four-six-eight,
who will Blanche no longer date?

Calwell.

Did he get the message,

or did the band have to spell out
"buzz off' at half-time?

[Chuckles]

You have to go and set Sven straight.

The longer you wait,
the harder it'll get.

I know. You're right. I will.

Of course she's right.

You know, I once made
the same mistake myself.

I was dating a guy
my parents could not stand.

He used to come over to the
house during Sunday dinner,

help himself to some food,
take it into the living room,

turn on one of those
radio countdown shows

and belch to the music.

Finally my mother told me
that I just had to break it off

and of course
I knew she was right.

So I rehearsed my speech
and I made arrangements

to meet him at a coffee shop.

I got there five minutes early

and caught him
necking with a waitress.

- [Blanche] Oh!
- That must've made it easier.

No, I still could not do it.

How long had you
been together with this guy?

Thirty-eight years.

That was Stan?

And you know, to this day,

he can belch out the chorus
to Sweet Georgia Brown

on one Dr. Pepper.

Well, I'm gonna go talk to Swin.

I'll just let him down gently.

In the old country
when a woman dumps a man,

the man is allowed
to shave the woman's head

and make her wear an itchy hat.

I hear Pakistan has the same
penalty for jaywalking.

- Swin.
- Hi, Blanche.

Is something wrong?

No, I'm just embarrassed
about what happened before.

Embarrassed? What for?

- For acting so crazy.
- Oh, that wasn't crazy.

Yes, we kissed one time,
I let it go straight to my head.

I've been sitting here trying to
understand what made me act that way.

Could it be that I'm just
nervous about getting married?

Yes.

Or that I'm not used to being
with a beautiful woman like you?

Yes.

Or that I'm just a naive,
inexperienced man.

Yes.

No. It's none of those things, Blanche.

It's because I like you.

- I like everything about you.
- Swin.

- You hardly know me.
- I know enough.

- I know you're pretty.
- Yes.

- You're smart.
- Yes.

- Sexy.
- Yes.

- Sophisticated.
- Yes... No!

Swin, there's something
very important you don't know.

Oh, I don't know how to say this.

Um, it's the reason I kissed you
in the first place.

[Scoffing] To make Floyd jealous.

- You knew that?
- Yes.

And I think you had every right.

He deserved it the way
he's been rejecting you.

What do you mean rejecting me?

Well, canceling twice in two days.

Then he shows up
with that girl today. Woo!

- How old could she have been?
- Not very.

You're not like most women,
Blanche, I'll tell you that.

What do you mean?

Well, wouldn't most women let a thing
like this make them feel old?

Yes.

- And unattractive.
- Yes.

- Worn out.
- Yes.

Useless.

What's your point, Swin?

My point is...

Well, I was just hoping
that maybe you're tired

of people like Floyd
who don't appreciate you,

and maybe you're ready
to spend some time

with someone who does.

Like you.

I know you don't know me
very well yet,

but I'm just asking for a chance.

Okay, I'll think about it.

Thank you, Blanche.

You're welcome, Swin.

[Birds chirping]

- Hi, Ma.
- Read it and weep.

A driver's license?
Ma, how did you get this?

Hard work and determination.

If you put your mind to it,
you can do anything.

Look, Ma, I absolutely
forbid you to drive a car.

Ooh, look, Dorothy, I'm shaking.

Ma, I mean it!

Lighten up.

I told you before, I only want
a license to have not to use.

It's a symbol of my freedom,
my independence.

Now give me 50 dollars.

What for?

A guy named Paco makes these
babies up in his garage.

Good morning, girls.

I didn't sleep a wink last night
worrying about Blanche and Sven.

Rose, this is between the two of them.

No, it isn't. I'm supposed
to get Sven on a plane today.

That's why I called big Sven early
this morning to ask him what to do.

I knew he'd be up,
he gets up with the cows.

I know he gets up with the cows
because he sleeps with the cows.

What is your point, Rose?

Big Sven was furious with me.

He told me to do nothing,
he'd handle everything.

Then he hung up on me.

- Good morning!
- Maybe it is for you.

Now, Rose, you can't go on
being mad at me over this.

I feel just as bad as you do.

Do you have an angry Viking
yelling Scandinavian swear words

at you on the phone this morning?

My guess would be no.

Rose, as I told you last night,

your cousin is a
very sensitive man.

I just have to find
the right time and place

and I'll let him down softly.

Morning, everyone.

[Doorbell]

Who could that be?

- Rose Nylund?
- Yes.

Wow.

I'm Olga Nolstrom, from St. Olaf.

I'm looking for Sven Linstrom.

He's right there.

Wow.

Sven, your father sent me.

I was chosen to be your bride.

I'm not leaving this house without you.

Wow.

Uh, now might be a good time
to let him down softly.

Our cab is waiting, Sven.
Will you come?

Blanche, I've done some thinking.

I could never make you happy.

If you could never make her happy,

good luck with the lean,
mean, Swedish machine.

I understand, Swin. Go on.

Go on.

I'm coming, Olga.

Oh, Cousin Rose, thank you!

Thank you all.

Oh, wait. What about my clothes?

They're ugly. Any other questions?

I'll send them to you.
You two be on your way.

- Good luck!
- Thank you. Thank you.

Bye!

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

Wonderful? He just dropped me!

Oh, Blanche, come on.
You had no interest in Sven.

That's not the point, Dorothy.

The point is for the
second time in two days

I have been thrown over
for a younger woman.

I can't... I can't compete anymore.

Oh, honey, of course you can.

You just have to compete
in a different way,

like, with intelligence and charm.

I don't know those ways, Rose,
and I'm too old to learn.

I'm over the hill,
that's all there is to it.

[Phone rings]

I guess I'm just in the
same boat as the two of you.

[Blanche] Hello?

Yes.

[Giggles]

All right.

Goodbye.

What do you know.

Floyd McCallan is
taking me sailing today.

I guess you two
are in the same boat.

I'm in the yacht.

What's this boat
she keeps talking about?

Don't worry, Rose. You missed it.