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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,265 [ship thrusters humming] 2 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:10,540 MALORY: [sighs] Well, this is another fine mess. 3 00:00:10,628 --> 00:00:12,106 Thanks to your idiot son. 4 00:00:12,194 --> 00:00:13,946 You're as much to blame as he is. 5 00:00:14,034 --> 00:00:15,209 Wha... How? 6 00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:16,777 - Exactly. - Wait, what? 7 00:00:16,865 --> 00:00:18,671 - You heard her! - Don't yell at her! 8 00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:20,626 - Don't yell at her! - Don't yell at him! 9 00:00:20,714 --> 00:00:22,078 - What are you doing? - I don't know! 10 00:00:22,165 --> 00:00:23,009 Guys, come on! 11 00:00:23,138 --> 00:00:25,206 I think we could all benefit from not yelling! 12 00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:27,788 The only thing you'd benefit from is an EMP. 13 00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:30,618 [gasps] Not even as a joke. 14 00:00:30,706 --> 00:00:32,352 BARRY: Do I look like I'm joking? 15 00:00:32,454 --> 00:00:34,655 I mean, honestly, it's hard to tell with you, 16 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,796 what with that robot face. 17 00:00:36,884 --> 00:00:38,830 [laughs] Well, I'm not joking. 18 00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:40,048 I actually didn't think you were. 19 00:00:40,135 --> 00:00:43,032 Because, meatbag, I don't think it's funny 20 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:45,118 when people steal from me. 21 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:46,835 What... Is that what this is about? 22 00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:48,274 What'd you think it was about? 23 00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:51,155 Again, hard to tell with you because of your... 24 00:00:51,243 --> 00:00:53,438 Say "robot face" again, shitlick. 25 00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:55,132 - Delivery? - Oh. 26 00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:57,105 You're gonna talk to me about delivery, 27 00:00:57,229 --> 00:00:58,885 after you stole my cargo? 28 00:00:58,996 --> 00:01:00,859 I didn't steal it. I still have it. 29 00:01:00,947 --> 00:01:03,108 - You... Where is it? - On the Seamus. 30 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,635 I was bringing it to you. Why do you think I'm here? 31 00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:07,858 Wha... Because I captured you? 32 00:01:07,946 --> 00:01:09,838 - Potato, pobobot. - What? 33 00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:12,297 Look, let me go back to the ship, I'll get the thing, 34 00:01:12,385 --> 00:01:15,133 bring it back here, and everything's space-jake. 35 00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:16,727 - Wow. - Yeah. 36 00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,434 You must think I'm pretty stupid. 37 00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:20,635 - Eh. - How 'bout you tell me where it is? 38 00:01:20,723 --> 00:01:22,518 - In the safe. - Let me finish. 39 00:01:22,613 --> 00:01:24,674 I send a couple of my guys to go get it, and... 40 00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:27,735 - [soft chuckle] Well, send a couple you don't like, - Let me... 41 00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:29,875 because if they punch in the wrong combination, 42 00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:32,791 they're gonna be eatinga 20-kiloton burrito for lunch. 43 00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:35,375 - Huh? - Huh? - It's got a nuclear self-destruct. 44 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,542 Okay, so then how 'bout you tell me the right combination? 45 00:01:38,629 --> 00:01:40,409 Well, because I feel like if I did, 46 00:01:40,497 --> 00:01:43,630 I'd no longer be negotiating from a position of power. 47 00:01:43,718 --> 00:01:45,784 You think you're in a position of power? 48 00:01:46,385 --> 00:01:47,571 Eh... 49 00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,987 M'kay. Well, I'm gonna go do this thing with... 50 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,141 well, to your friends. 51 00:01:52,229 --> 00:01:53,078 Tell 'em hey. 52 00:01:53,165 --> 00:01:54,340 And I'm while I'm gone, 53 00:01:54,427 --> 00:01:56,674 I'd really like you to give some thought to 54 00:01:56,762 --> 00:01:57,822 telling me the combination. 55 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,867 I feel like I have thought about it. 56 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,087 Well, but you haven't met my buddy... 57 00:02:02,174 --> 00:02:04,385 [heavy mechanical clunking] 58 00:02:08,784 --> 00:02:09,877 Funbeak. 59 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,053 [screeches] 60 00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:13,664 Jesus Hannibal Christ. 61 00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:15,190 Right? [chuckles] 62 00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:16,671 Say hello, Funbeak. 63 00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:18,146 [voice glitching]: Hello, Fun-un-unbeak. 64 00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:20,453 - [screeches] - [chuckles] 65 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:21,759 You kook. 66 00:02:21,846 --> 00:02:23,463 [electricity clicking] 67 00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:25,592 Archer theme playing... 68 00:02:54,094 --> 00:02:56,041 *ARCHER (2009)* Season 10 Episode 02 69 00:02:56,182 --> 00:02:58,159 ♪ARCHER (2009)♪ Episode Title : "1999: Happy Borthday" 70 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,446 Okay, I'm looking around and I'm seeing 71 00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:08,870 some pretty mopey faces. 72 00:03:08,958 --> 00:03:11,102 Yeah, 'cause you're selling us into slavery 73 00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:12,291 down in the spek mines. 74 00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:14,947 - Wait, what? - Well, not all of you. 75 00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,732 - Come again? - PAM: Space phrasing. 76 00:03:16,889 --> 00:03:18,291 Well, thanks to your buddy Bort, 77 00:03:18,379 --> 00:03:20,294 one of you has a chance to go free. 78 00:03:20,382 --> 00:03:22,416 And, hell, I'll even throw in your ship. 79 00:03:22,504 --> 00:03:23,482 - Come on. - Uh... -That is our ship. 80 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,027 First of all, that's my ship. 81 00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:26,791 - Halfyours. - Shut up. And... 82 00:03:26,879 --> 00:03:28,737 And who knows? Maybe you'll win it back. 83 00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:30,740 - Win it back how? - Oh, man. 84 00:03:30,909 --> 00:03:32,948 I was hoping you'd ask that, 85 00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:36,758 because this sets up my big reveal. 86 00:03:36,846 --> 00:03:39,851 - [♪♪] Bum-bum-baa![♪♪] Ta-da! - [door whooshes open] 87 00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:40,650 PAM: Ah! 88 00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:42,345 - LANA: Jesus Space Christ. - CYRIL: Uh... okay. 89 00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:43,916 [crowd cheering] 90 00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:46,331 [♪♪] 91 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,151 [roars] 92 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:52,102 [grunting] 93 00:04:07,244 --> 00:04:08,839 PAM: Holy shit! 94 00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:11,085 It's that dickhead Bort. 95 00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:14,033 Hey. Hey, guys. 96 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,046 Whoever doesn't die, let's hang out after. 97 00:04:19,757 --> 00:04:20,910 [crowd exclaims] 98 00:04:20,997 --> 00:04:22,172 [grunts] 99 00:04:28,482 --> 00:04:30,484 [crowd cheering] 100 00:04:32,182 --> 00:04:34,053 [chuckles] Pretty sweet reveal, huh? 101 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,393 Gladiator fights? Are you serious? 102 00:04:36,481 --> 00:04:38,057 Maybe it is my delivery. 103 00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:40,870 Yeah, Bort rented y'all for his birthday party. 104 00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,776 - Rented? - Unless you die. 105 00:04:42,975 --> 00:04:44,190 Well, then he's buying you. 106 00:04:44,278 --> 00:04:46,019 Wait, have we done this before? 107 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,057 - Somebody has. - Right? [soft laugh] 108 00:04:48,145 --> 00:04:49,803 Doesn't matter. Okay, so 109 00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:52,415 while I go check in on Archer's torture sesh, 110 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,096 y'all decide who's gonna fight who. 111 00:04:54,184 --> 00:04:55,620 Actually, it's "whom." 112 00:04:55,708 --> 00:04:57,284 I said "whom." 113 00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,342 Or not. I don't know. 114 00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:01,180 Bee-boo-boop. 115 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,698 Hey, what do you guys think about my delivery? 116 00:05:04,078 --> 00:05:05,909 Well, now what are we supposed to do? 117 00:05:05,998 --> 00:05:07,855 I guess we got topick somebody to fight against. 118 00:05:07,942 --> 00:05:09,988 Aw, man, I can't fight you guys. 119 00:05:10,094 --> 00:05:11,291 I literally can't. 120 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,948 According to the First Law of Robotics, 121 00:05:13,036 --> 00:05:14,971 I'm not allowed to harm a human being. 122 00:05:15,059 --> 00:05:17,057 - I pick Krieger. - Wha... No way! 123 00:05:17,106 --> 00:05:18,440 - Yes way. - Cyril. 124 00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,385 Shut your fat mouth! I get Krieger! 125 00:05:20,473 --> 00:05:22,214 - Excuse me? - I... 126 00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:24,887 No, I mean, come on. I called dibs. 127 00:05:24,974 --> 00:05:27,280 - Well then, I get Ms. Archer. - Aw, man. 128 00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:29,745 Well, as much as I'd like to see you idiots 129 00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,835 stomp each other's heads in... 130 00:05:33,317 --> 00:05:36,026 - Perhaps another time. - Ho-ho. 131 00:05:36,159 --> 00:05:37,993 Where the hell do you think you're going? 132 00:05:38,081 --> 00:05:40,612 To rescue Sterling and get off this rock. 133 00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:43,296 Plus, there has to be a bar around here. 134 00:05:43,383 --> 00:05:44,689 Oh, no you don't. 135 00:05:44,776 --> 00:05:46,038 - Whoop! - Ow! 136 00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:47,605 - [singsongy]: Toodles. - [laughing] 137 00:05:47,692 --> 00:05:50,782 - Okay, I pick you. - Bring it. 138 00:05:50,869 --> 00:05:53,045 Oh, I will. I'm bringing extra. 139 00:05:53,132 --> 00:05:55,393 So, Cheryl and Lana, Cyril and me, 140 00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,354 and where does that leave Pam? 141 00:05:57,484 --> 00:06:00,260 As the loneliest gal at the Monsters' Ball. 142 00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:01,956 - [chuckles] - [laughs]: Ooh! 143 00:06:02,044 --> 00:06:04,186 [clears throat] Krieger, want to swap with me? 144 00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:05,674 - Yep, yep, yep. - Wait, what? 145 00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:08,738 [chuckles] Oh, man, this is gonna be so gross. 146 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,072 [soft whimper] What is? 147 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,641 Cleaning your nuts out 148 00:06:11,729 --> 00:06:13,502 - from between my toes. - BOTH: Ew. 149 00:06:13,596 --> 00:06:15,153 - [gulps] - Yeah. 150 00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,063 You better gulp nervously. 151 00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:18,288 Lana, do something. 152 00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,206 Okay, okay. 153 00:06:20,294 --> 00:06:21,327 Me and Carol, 154 00:06:21,454 --> 00:06:22,847 - Cyril and Krieger... - Yes. 155 00:06:22,935 --> 00:06:25,633 Then those two winners fight, and then I guess 156 00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,297 Pam gets that winner. 157 00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:29,603 Aw. We're all winners in my book. 158 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,916 And I guess just try to make your fights look real, 159 00:06:32,022 --> 00:06:33,285 and maybe that'll buy us some time 160 00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,238 to come up with a planto get out of this crazy place. 161 00:06:35,325 --> 00:06:36,791 [Archer screaming] 162 00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:39,120 [gasps] That's Sterling. 163 00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:41,964 Come on, already! What are you, hourly? 164 00:06:42,051 --> 00:06:44,104 - [ice clinking] - I am, actually. 165 00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:47,596 [screaming] 166 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,353 [panting] 167 00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,229 Please don't do tha... [screaming] 168 00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,659 [panting] Please. 169 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,260 I can't take any more. 170 00:06:57,348 --> 00:06:59,594 But Funbeak has so much more to give. 171 00:06:59,682 --> 00:07:01,578 - [grunts] - That was a joke. 172 00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:03,855 Ha ha ha ha ha. 173 00:07:03,942 --> 00:07:05,940 Listen, listen... listen to me. 174 00:07:06,028 --> 00:07:09,143 You guys seriously have to work on your delivery. 175 00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:11,993 Funbeak will try again. Did you hear the one 176 00:07:12,081 --> 00:07:14,166 about the human with no penis? 177 00:07:14,315 --> 00:07:15,409 No. 178 00:07:15,497 --> 00:07:17,635 Wait. Hang on. Funbeak messed it up. 179 00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:20,827 Uh... hang on. Uh... o-okay. 180 00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:22,909 - So... - [electrical sputtering] 181 00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:25,050 [glass shatters] 182 00:07:27,684 --> 00:07:29,228 - Duh. - FUNBEAK: Hey. 183 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:32,231 - Mother? - Sterling. Are you all right? 184 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,580 [soft chuckle] I'm not great. 185 00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:35,598 Who are you and what are you doing? 186 00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:39,457 Well, I was drinking a surprisingly good martini, 187 00:07:39,586 --> 00:07:41,392 but now it seems I'll have to settle for 188 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,207 whipping the ass off of some robot cereal mascot. 189 00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:47,210 Funbeak will... 190 00:07:47,298 --> 00:07:49,300 destroy you. 191 00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:51,455 [screeches] 192 00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,504 Bring it, bird. 193 00:07:53,592 --> 00:07:55,115 [screeches] 194 00:07:56,821 --> 00:07:58,388 [laughs] Holy shit. 195 00:07:58,475 --> 00:08:00,956 This is literally a dream come true. 196 00:08:01,366 --> 00:08:03,262 Which, unfortunately, 197 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,311 turns super sexual. 198 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:16,052 [screeches] 199 00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:17,881 ARCHER: Will you quit screwing around? 200 00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:19,866 MALORY'S VOICE: Oh, you're just jealous. 201 00:08:19,954 --> 00:08:22,061 That you zapped yourself into the CPU 202 00:08:22,189 --> 00:08:23,694 of the world's ugliest bird? 203 00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:25,655 You're crazy. I'm gorgeous. 204 00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:27,054 - Will you... - [door whooshes open] 205 00:08:27,141 --> 00:08:29,850 - How we doing, gang? - Oh, um, uh... 206 00:08:29,938 --> 00:08:31,789 [robotic voice]: Subject is still uncooperative. 207 00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:33,741 Well, are you zapping his dick like I told you? 208 00:08:33,829 --> 00:08:34,991 - Yes. - All right. 209 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,749 - Let me see. - As you wish. 210 00:08:36,873 --> 00:08:38,049 Whoa, whoa, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no... 211 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:40,606 - [screaming] - [whoops] Yeah. 212 00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:42,514 [chuckles] How 'bout it, bud? 213 00:08:42,675 --> 00:08:45,113 Ready to tell me the combination to the safe? 214 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,835 [panting] No. 215 00:08:47,923 --> 00:08:49,838 All right. Well, I'm gonna go 216 00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:52,444 watch his nutwipe buddies try to kill each other, so... 217 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,533 Wait, wait, wait. What? 218 00:08:53,621 --> 00:08:55,536 Yeah, gladiator fights. 219 00:08:55,624 --> 00:08:58,589 Okay, Funbeak, keep it upwith the ol' weenie roast here. 220 00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:01,967 Weenie roast... That is a good one. LOL. 221 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:03,419 It was good. 222 00:09:03,617 --> 00:09:05,053 And my delivery's fine. 223 00:09:05,141 --> 00:09:06,420 [door whooshes open] 224 00:09:06,508 --> 00:09:07,402 [door clanks shut] 225 00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:09,358 Okay, now cut me out of here. 226 00:09:09,446 --> 00:09:10,914 [normal voice]: First tell me what's in the safe. 227 00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:12,441 In the what? Nothing. What are you... 228 00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:14,694 I was just trying to buy some time. 229 00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:16,889 Uh-huh. 230 00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:19,196 Now let's go find the shuttle 231 00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:20,523 and get the hell out of this dump. 232 00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:22,350 Whoa, wait, what about the others? 233 00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:25,264 Oh... they'll be fine. 234 00:09:25,352 --> 00:09:27,030 Aah! 235 00:09:27,118 --> 00:09:29,033 Cyril, no, no, no, no, no! 236 00:09:29,387 --> 00:09:31,356 ALL: Holy shit. 237 00:09:31,444 --> 00:09:32,481 Ooh. 238 00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:35,528 More like Isaac Assholimov, am I right? 239 00:09:35,782 --> 00:09:37,575 I'm right. 240 00:09:39,151 --> 00:09:42,111 Oh, man. He's cut in half and still talking smack. 241 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,107 Give it up for him. 242 00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,273 - [crowd boos] - Hey, shut up. 243 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,760 - Whose birthday is it? - [crowd cheers] 244 00:09:48,848 --> 00:09:50,545 Bort's, exactly. 245 00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:53,516 Okay, put your hands, tentacles, or cloacas together 246 00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:57,096 for our next contestants, a couple of furious females, 247 00:09:57,184 --> 00:10:00,013 Carol and Lana! 248 00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:01,668 [cheering] 249 00:10:01,756 --> 00:10:02,947 - What'd I miss? - Oh, man. 250 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,300 That one dude cut that other dude... 251 00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:06,171 Look at me... Literally in half. 252 00:10:06,259 --> 00:10:08,666 [chuckles] Sweet. 253 00:10:08,754 --> 00:10:10,887 [♪♪] 254 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:11,854 Good luck out there. 255 00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:13,377 Yeah. She's gonna need it. 256 00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:15,617 - Wait, what? - KRIEGER: Come on, man. 257 00:10:15,705 --> 00:10:17,971 You're spilling all my robot milk. 258 00:10:23,572 --> 00:10:25,322 Mother, there's way too many guards. 259 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,564 We need to go get the others. 260 00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:28,131 What we need is a distraction. 261 00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:31,291 - You could do your bird dance. - You're one to talk. 262 00:10:31,556 --> 00:10:32,787 - How? - Exactly. 263 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,219 Wait a minute, this thing's got a radio. 264 00:10:35,307 --> 00:10:37,053 - What if we called Ray? - Yeah, what if. 265 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,258 Well, couldn't he... do something? 266 00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:40,734 I don't know. I mean, maybe, 267 00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:42,320 if we could get him on the radio... 268 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,508 [big band music plays] 269 00:10:43,596 --> 00:10:45,094 Mama's out in space. 270 00:10:45,182 --> 00:10:46,715 Mama's doing stuff. 271 00:10:46,802 --> 00:10:50,268 Mama's eating cake. [munching] 272 00:10:50,369 --> 00:10:52,068 And if he wasn't Ray. 273 00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:53,596 Probably eating all the cake. 274 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,266 So, come on, let's go get the others. 275 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,578 But if you leave Lana here, 276 00:10:57,666 --> 00:11:00,424 you'll have the ship back all to yourself. 277 00:11:00,853 --> 00:11:02,984 Well, you'd still be there. 278 00:11:03,072 --> 00:11:04,383 - Wh... - And Ray. 279 00:11:04,471 --> 00:11:06,945 Uh. Such a fatty. 280 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,922 [munching] 281 00:11:09,010 --> 00:11:10,869 And I don't want the ship bad enough 282 00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:13,829 for Lana to actually, you know, die. 283 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,000 Who says she's gonna die? 284 00:11:16,088 --> 00:11:17,658 You are gonna die! 285 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,352 Wait, wait, what's going on? 286 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,750 Gladiators, on your marks... 287 00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:22,968 Wait, wait, hang on. 288 00:11:23,055 --> 00:11:24,164 Get set. 289 00:11:24,252 --> 00:11:25,841 [yelling] 290 00:11:25,928 --> 00:11:27,625 Whoa... 291 00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:28,974 - Whoa! - Bitch! 292 00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:30,889 [grunts] 293 00:11:31,188 --> 00:11:33,109 [cackling] 294 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,383 [grunts] 295 00:11:36,704 --> 00:11:38,941 - Oh, for the... - Can you believe this? 296 00:11:39,028 --> 00:11:39,985 [chuckles] Right? 297 00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,233 I'm not gonna lie, 298 00:11:41,321 --> 00:11:44,045 I've got my species' equivalentof a boner. 299 00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,061 - Ugh. - Ew. 300 00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:46,834 Shut up. You can't smell it. 301 00:11:46,922 --> 00:11:48,515 Yes, we can. 302 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:50,560 [grunts] 303 00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:53,129 Hi-yah! 304 00:11:53,216 --> 00:11:54,783 [grunts] 305 00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:56,785 - Berserker! - No! 306 00:11:56,872 --> 00:11:58,003 No, what are you... No, no! 307 00:11:58,090 --> 00:11:59,352 No, no, no! 308 00:11:59,439 --> 00:12:01,224 [crowd exclaims] 309 00:12:02,659 --> 00:12:05,765 I did not see that coming, ladies and gentlemen. 310 00:12:05,853 --> 00:12:09,101 I guess it's just anything go... Oh, my God! 311 00:12:12,235 --> 00:12:13,279 [laughs] 312 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,541 - [gasps] - [grunts] 313 00:12:14,628 --> 00:12:17,806 Oh, so you want to play for keeps? 314 00:12:17,893 --> 00:12:21,201 - Oh, man, a full-on battle royale. - [Lana and Cheryl grunting] 315 00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:23,986 - This may be the best birthday party ever. - CHERYL: Bitch! 316 00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:25,912 Or, actually, maybe the third or fourth 317 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,412 best birthday party ever. 318 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,381 [yells] 319 00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:31,167 [grunting] 320 00:12:31,254 --> 00:12:32,733 I've never had a birthday party. 321 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,300 - Well, and who would come? - Wha... 322 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,748 What are you guys doing here? 323 00:12:35,836 --> 00:12:37,279 I thought you died or ditched us. 324 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:40,524 - Oh, now, uh, nobody died. - Not yet. 325 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,203 Holy space shit. 326 00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:43,640 [grunts] 327 00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,138 [grunts] 328 00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:50,337 Someone's gonna get hurt out there. 329 00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:51,143 You think? 330 00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,537 He said "someone," not "something." 331 00:12:53,624 --> 00:12:55,336 - Ugh. You know... - Krieger, shut up. 332 00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:56,720 How are we gonna get those dickheads 333 00:12:56,786 --> 00:12:59,071 to stop fighting long enough for all of us to escape? 334 00:12:59,159 --> 00:13:00,722 Hmm. [gasps] 335 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,003 Ooh. 336 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,731 Same height, similar build. 337 00:13:04,819 --> 00:13:07,743 Oh come on, no, that's just... 338 00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:10,011 Just crazy enough to work. [sniffs] 339 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,730 Ugh. And speaking of crazy, 340 00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:14,298 what is that smell? 341 00:13:14,386 --> 00:13:17,884 [sniffs] Oh, damn it. Did Pam have a boner in here? 342 00:13:17,972 --> 00:13:19,563 Wha... You can smell them? 343 00:13:19,651 --> 00:13:21,118 [stifled laugh] You-you can't? 344 00:13:21,206 --> 00:13:23,741 [sighs] 345 00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:32,972 - [♪♪] - [cheering] 346 00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:35,714 This wasn't the plan, you idiot! 347 00:13:35,802 --> 00:13:37,860 Well, I wasn't paying attention! 348 00:13:37,948 --> 00:13:39,245 PAM: Oh, yeah? 349 00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,481 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no... - Well, how do you like these apples? 350 00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:43,527 - [crack] - [groaning] 351 00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:46,269 I do not like those apples. 352 00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:48,448 [whoops] Thanks, Barry Six. 353 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,612 This is the best. 354 00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,886 I mean, I know we're not friends or anything, 355 00:13:51,974 --> 00:13:53,276 and I actually... I don't really 356 00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,497 have many friends, or any, really... 357 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,456 Yeah, you realize if they kill each other, 358 00:13:57,544 --> 00:13:58,698 you got to pay for 'em. 359 00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:01,136 Totally worth it. [slurps] 360 00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:03,842 Plus, I got a ton of birthday money. 361 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,323 Thanks, Nana. 362 00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:08,651 She used to be super hot. 363 00:14:09,222 --> 00:14:10,409 Nope. 364 00:14:11,742 --> 00:14:13,614 - Psst, hey, dummy. - [grunts] 365 00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:16,029 Yeah, you-you ordered a teabagging? 366 00:14:16,117 --> 00:14:18,032 [low grunt] 367 00:14:19,643 --> 00:14:21,688 - [electrical cracking] - [body thuds] 368 00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:23,995 What in God's name is a teabagging? 369 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,651 [soft laugh] Oh... oh, come on. 370 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,045 - Like you don't know? - I'm sure I don't. 371 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,566 But I'll bet it's something disgusting. 372 00:14:30,675 --> 00:14:31,759 Eh. 373 00:14:31,864 --> 00:14:33,542 Now, will you go wrangle those idiots 374 00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:35,245 so we can get the hell out of here? 375 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,792 Okay, go get Krieger ready to move. 376 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,577 Or we could leave him. 377 00:14:38,665 --> 00:14:40,580 - Or you. - All right. 378 00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:42,323 Jesus. 379 00:14:42,411 --> 00:14:44,464 So, hey, since he brought it up, 380 00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:46,809 do you have any thoughts on teabagging? 381 00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:48,981 [low snarling] 382 00:14:49,069 --> 00:14:50,364 Uh, cool. 383 00:14:50,502 --> 00:14:52,676 Uh, excuse me. 384 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,880 [cheering] 385 00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,362 Are you even serious right now? 386 00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,762 [panting] Seriously? 387 00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,329 [yells] 388 00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:04,331 [laughs] 389 00:15:04,431 --> 00:15:06,651 Kooch, the undefeated champion, 390 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,785 is taking on four opponents at a time? 391 00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:09,874 Did you do this? 392 00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:12,051 A five-man bunkhouse stampede? 393 00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:13,723 How and why would I? 394 00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:15,700 Mm. Okay, folks, 395 00:15:15,816 --> 00:15:17,426 let's make some noise for... 396 00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,459 K-K-K-K-Kooch! 397 00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:21,791 [yells] 398 00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:25,887 - Is he serious? - [grunts] 399 00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:28,957 'Cause my toes only have room for so much nut-butter. 400 00:15:29,045 --> 00:15:30,832 - Ew. - Ew. - Seriously. 401 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,364 So... temporary truce? 402 00:15:33,452 --> 00:15:34,879 Ugh. I guess. 403 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,936 [chuckles] Okay, dickbag. You ready to party? 404 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,662 [whispers]: No, wait, wait, wait. Guys, it's me... 405 00:15:39,749 --> 00:15:40,895 - Archer? - What? 406 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:44,012 Hey, uh, what are they doing? 407 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,884 Yeah, what are they doing? 408 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,079 Don't stop. We got to act like we're fighting 409 00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:49,299 while I tell you my plan. 410 00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:51,395 Well, what's the plan? 411 00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,964 - We're gonna run for it. - Excuse me? 412 00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:55,676 Well, first we get Krieger and Mother, 413 00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,754 and then we're just gonna haul ass to the gig, 414 00:15:57,842 --> 00:16:00,504 smashing and slashing anyone who gets in our... 415 00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:06,297 Oh. Oh, okay. 416 00:16:06,446 --> 00:16:08,278 Yeah, I guess they're not acting suspicious. 417 00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:10,707 And also: what?! 418 00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:12,676 - Ow! - That's your plan? 419 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,504 I'm sorry. Did you have a... Ow! 420 00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:17,199 Damn it, will you quit smashing me... Ow! 421 00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:18,717 [laughing] 422 00:16:18,804 --> 00:16:19,805 [laughs] 423 00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:21,590 Goddamn... Ow! [grunts] 424 00:16:22,075 --> 00:16:23,082 Wow. 425 00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:25,559 Fame is a fickle mistress, huh? 426 00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:28,724 Wait a minute, hang on. He's right. 427 00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:29,621 - Huh? - Wait, what? 428 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,294 What other choice do we have? 429 00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:33,184 If we stay here, we're as good as dead. 430 00:16:33,272 --> 00:16:36,637 [groans] Which, serve you right, by the way. 431 00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:39,856 So, how do we even do this? 432 00:16:39,944 --> 00:16:41,685 [yelling] 433 00:16:42,263 --> 00:16:45,179 [all screaming] 434 00:16:46,526 --> 00:16:47,788 [cheering] 435 00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,684 Yeah, see? I mean, just like that, 436 00:16:49,772 --> 00:16:51,128 they're cheering for the other guys, like... 437 00:16:51,215 --> 00:16:52,316 Wait a minute. 438 00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:54,753 [all screaming] 439 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,512 No, no, no, no, no, that's Archer. 440 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,168 Move, Nana! 441 00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:00,979 Well, why do I have to carry him? 442 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,982 - Because look at you. - Look at you. 443 00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,593 Why are you a bird? 444 00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:07,206 Why are you a rockslide with tits? 445 00:17:07,439 --> 00:17:10,224 [sobbing] 446 00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:11,059 Burn. 447 00:17:11,147 --> 00:17:12,496 - Ow. - Shut up. 448 00:17:12,584 --> 00:17:13,786 - Can we go? - Damn it. 449 00:17:13,874 --> 00:17:15,957 It's my plan, I'm the group leader. 450 00:17:16,045 --> 00:17:17,046 [all exclaim] 451 00:17:18,299 --> 00:17:19,996 [growling] 452 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,676 Archer! 453 00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:22,896 And I say let's go! 454 00:17:22,984 --> 00:17:24,464 [all yelling] 455 00:17:28,058 --> 00:17:29,099 - [woman yelps] - [glass shatters] 456 00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:30,238 [growling] 457 00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:32,067 Aah! Move! 458 00:17:33,775 --> 00:17:37,027 [sighs] Still my fourth-best birthday. 459 00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:38,934 Mm, third. 460 00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,709 Mother! 461 00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:50,193 Calm down. 462 00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:53,293 Let's go. Let's go, come on. 463 00:17:53,381 --> 00:17:55,043 Goddamn it, I'm the group leader. 464 00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,264 Yeah, way to lead, buddy. 465 00:17:59,383 --> 00:18:00,776 Archer! 466 00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:05,520 Eat dicks, Barry Six. 467 00:18:13,371 --> 00:18:14,983 [sighs] 468 00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:21,426 Friggin' Bort. 469 00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:30,590 [slurping, chewing] 470 00:18:36,377 --> 00:18:38,676 [spoon clinking] 471 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,348 [clears throat] So, uh, listen, uh, 472 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,822 I know things got a little heated down there, 473 00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:09,760 and maybe we said and did some things 474 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:10,958 that we wish we could take back, 475 00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:14,091 but I hope we can put all that behind us and... 476 00:19:14,179 --> 00:19:16,526 Sterling stole something from Barry Six and it's 477 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,793 in the safe, so this whole idiotic fiasco was his fault. 478 00:19:19,895 --> 00:19:21,224 - Archer! - Busted, Archer! -Archer, 479 00:19:21,311 --> 00:19:23,434 - come on. - Well, Mother... touched my penis. 480 00:19:23,522 --> 00:19:24,523 [all exclaim] 481 00:19:24,611 --> 00:19:26,582 Yeah. Since we're playing the blame game. 482 00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:29,981 So just picture Mother's big old nasty bird claw 483 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,567 touching my cock. 484 00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:36,658 [sniffs] What the... 485 00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:37,450 Uh-oh. 486 00:19:37,538 --> 00:19:39,762 - Oh, God, gross! - Jesus Space Christ. -Oh, gross. 487 00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,069 - God damn it. - [chuckles]: Well... 488 00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:45,004 that's our Pam! 489 00:19:46,814 --> 00:19:48,468 What the hell are you doing? 490 00:19:48,758 --> 00:19:50,497 Freeze frame. 491 00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:52,309 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 492 00:19:52,396 --> 00:19:53,989 Sync corrections by srjanapala 493 00:20:12,809 --> 00:20:16,259 MAN: Made in Georgia. 34053

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