Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,039 --> 00:00:06,829
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
2
00:00:07,197 --> 00:00:08,207
[SHATTERS, ALL GASP]
3
00:00:08,222 --> 00:00:09,702
Well, my brainy little babies,
4
00:00:10,526 --> 00:00:12,953
I have officially been
thrown off the Harvard teat.
5
00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:14,750
I thought you were
fired a long time ago.
6
00:00:14,775 --> 00:00:16,352
Oh, I was, Marcus, yeah.
7
00:00:16,377 --> 00:00:18,758
I was kicked off the
salary and housing teat,
8
00:00:18,783 --> 00:00:20,625
but I was able to remain firmly latched
9
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:22,342
on to their phone-plan teat.
10
00:00:22,837 --> 00:00:25,255
- _
- Guys, if he says "teat" one more time,
11
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,780
we might be able to get him fired.
12
00:00:27,809 --> 00:00:29,775
Let's try and stay focused
on my phone, Sarika.
13
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,240
Uh, now, before you suggest
14
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,775
that I just go to a phone store
15
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,356
and sign up for my own plan...
16
00:00:34,381 --> 00:00:35,760
How is that not the solution?
17
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:38,497
Well, Anthony, because I have... Anyone?
18
00:00:39,617 --> 00:00:42,122
Atrocious credit. Yeah, yeah.
19
00:00:42,384 --> 00:00:45,344
No carrier will trust
me, so I am off the grid
20
00:00:45,597 --> 00:00:47,089
until I come up with a solution.
21
00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:49,099
[DRAMATIC NOTE]
22
00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:51,234
Are you saying you have no phone?
23
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,249
Like, for good?
24
00:00:53,274 --> 00:00:55,365
- That's what I'm saying.
- Are you gonna die?
25
00:00:55,563 --> 00:00:57,260
I mean, there's an outside chance
26
00:00:57,285 --> 00:00:58,765
you could get on my family's plan.
27
00:00:59,063 --> 00:01:00,291
Yeah, I mean, my parents would have
28
00:01:00,315 --> 00:01:01,377
to get to know you a little better,
29
00:01:01,401 --> 00:01:03,041
but we could schedule
a series of dinners.
30
00:01:03,391 --> 00:01:06,260
You know what? I would
dislike that, Marcus.
31
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,975
- I would dislike that very much.
- Yeah.
32
00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:10,440
But...
33
00:01:11,045 --> 00:01:13,605
the notion of piggybacking
on somebody else's phone plan
34
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:15,370
is very intriguing.
35
00:01:15,410 --> 00:01:16,760
[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
36
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,360
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
37
00:01:18,385 --> 00:01:21,038
♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
38
00:01:21,063 --> 00:01:23,810
♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
39
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:26,285
♪♪
40
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:28,310
♪ A.P. Bio 2x10 ♪
Handcuffed
41
00:01:28,335 --> 00:01:30,835
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
42
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,820
[CALMING ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]
43
00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:38,650
♪♪
44
00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:40,495
What up, Helen DeGeneres?
45
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,830
How's my little puppy bird?
46
00:01:42,855 --> 00:01:44,987
You know. Uh, is Principal Durbin ready
47
00:01:45,012 --> 00:01:46,740
for me to interview him
for the school paper?
48
00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:49,903
Uh, ready? He is so excited.
49
00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:51,769
We're gonna have to
wait a second, though,
50
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,141
because he's in there
delivering a bummer bomb.
51
00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:55,580
[DOOR OPENS]
52
00:01:55,605 --> 00:01:57,555
Gary, no one has signed up
53
00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:59,280
for Coin Club in three years.
54
00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:00,630
I had to cut something.
55
00:02:00,812 --> 00:02:02,334
One of these days, you're gonna find
56
00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:04,288
a beautiful Sacagawea,
and you're gonna be like,
57
00:02:04,313 --> 00:02:06,043
"Where's Gary? I want to talk about it."
58
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:08,599
And I'm gonna be... poof... ghost.
59
00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:11,665
Oh, God. I...
60
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:15,023
I hate, hate giving people bad news.
61
00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:16,665
Their faces... they look like
62
00:02:16,690 --> 00:02:18,260
teddy bears in a Dumpster.
63
00:02:18,331 --> 00:02:20,557
You're the principal. Let it rip.
64
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,365
You can tell them whatever you want.
65
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,740
I know, but I...
66
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:25,050
Ugh. I just feel sick.
67
00:02:25,207 --> 00:02:26,487
I feel sick, too.
68
00:02:26,935 --> 00:02:28,545
Though it could be because I ate a
69
00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:31,795
shellacked caramel off a old
Christmas ornament last night.
70
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,320
I can be honest with you guys.
71
00:02:34,912 --> 00:02:36,212
[CLEARS THROAT]
72
00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:38,970
[CALMING ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]
73
00:02:39,176 --> 00:02:40,550
Gonna try to work it out.
74
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,090
Drop it down the pike.
75
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,420
♪♪
76
00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:47,937
So...
77
00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:49,435
how are things with Seth?
78
00:02:50,054 --> 00:02:51,514
- Good.
- Mm.
79
00:02:52,758 --> 00:02:54,470
Ugh. Ugh.
80
00:02:56,983 --> 00:02:58,950
- Mm-hmm.
- [ALL GROANING]
81
00:02:59,892 --> 00:03:01,697
- Mary, you want some?
- No.
82
00:03:02,022 --> 00:03:04,960
So he took you out again last night?
83
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,365
Sort of.
84
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:08,740
Uh, sort of? [LAUGHS]
85
00:03:09,164 --> 00:03:11,570
Uh, we got subs and ate
them at the Laundromat.
86
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:13,285
So, yeah, I took her out.
87
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:15,060
Oh, you're not a fan of restaurants?
88
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,147
Whoa, someone's a frickin' millionaire.
89
00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:18,970
- What?
- I'm a substitute teacher.
90
00:03:18,995 --> 00:03:21,014
So we each grabbed three on a six-inch.
91
00:03:21,358 --> 00:03:22,569
- We did.
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:24,580
And you call this a date?
93
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,605
Um, let's just say
that the changing table
94
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,865
in the bathroom didn't break itself.
95
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:29,940
[LAUGHS]
96
00:03:29,965 --> 00:03:31,705
We did... with sex.
97
00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:33,640
[BOTH LAUGHING]
98
00:03:33,665 --> 00:03:34,885
Ow! [BLEEP].
99
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,560
Ooh. Said I was gonna get you.
100
00:03:36,585 --> 00:03:37,765
Ha ha!
101
00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:39,400
Catch ya later, masturbator.
102
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:44,150
So has he met the parents?
103
00:03:44,937 --> 00:03:46,131
Ah, he needs to go.
104
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:47,610
It's just that he's subbing here,
105
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,566
and I can't just ghost
him like I usually do.
106
00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:50,693
Yeah.
107
00:03:50,718 --> 00:03:53,115
Now, which one of you is
gonna help me get rid of him?
108
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:55,574
Oh, not us. We are done.
109
00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:57,490
Every time we help you get rid of a guy,
110
00:03:57,515 --> 00:03:59,162
you wind up getting back together.
111
00:03:59,187 --> 00:04:00,790
- Mm-mm.
- You backslide.
112
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,802
It's an exhausting
cycle to watch and judge.
113
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,060
Oh, come on...
114
00:04:05,085 --> 00:04:07,915
Hey, hey, ladies, we're
all basically, like,
115
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,460
friends and family at this point, right?
116
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:12,051
I am finding it impossible
117
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:14,520
to secure a cell phone plan
under my name.
118
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,616
Ah, and you want to
piggyback on one of our plans.
119
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,554
- Ha.
- Jack, I have way too many cousins
120
00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:20,616
for you to doggy-style on my plan.
121
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,640
Okay, well, it's piggyback, but, yeah.
122
00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:27,648
Uh, you know, Jack, my
family plan is da bomb,
123
00:04:27,673 --> 00:04:29,055
and I'll let you get in on it.
124
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,812
- Yes!
- But you have to do
125
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,551
something for me in return.
126
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,000
You have to help me kick my
current boyfriend to the curb.
127
00:04:35,245 --> 00:04:37,085
Okay, well, that actually
sounds kind of fun.
128
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:38,294
But that's not the hard part.
129
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:40,675
The hard part is helping
me stay broken up with him,
130
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,107
'cause "Today Mary" is gonna want to
131
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:43,223
break up with that little scuzz,
132
00:04:43,247 --> 00:04:45,840
but "Tomorrow Mary" is
gonna go scuzz-blind.
133
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,020
You know, this all sounds
very doable. I am in.
134
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,354
Okay. Very nice doing business with you.
135
00:04:51,379 --> 00:04:52,409
Oh, wonderful.
136
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:53,854
Wonderful doing business with you.
137
00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,139
[LAUGHTER]
138
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,940
Yes! Nice. What?
139
00:04:58,282 --> 00:05:01,610
You have no idea the job
you just signed on for.
140
00:05:02,030 --> 00:05:04,550
There is nothing more
powerful than the bond
141
00:05:04,575 --> 00:05:07,097
between a Mary and her scuzz.
142
00:05:07,419 --> 00:05:10,459
- Backslide, Jack.
- Backslide.
143
00:05:13,384 --> 00:05:17,564
[THUNDER BOOMING]
144
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,253
- Don't move!
- Jeez!
145
00:05:21,406 --> 00:05:23,016
- God, okay...
- [KNOCKING]
146
00:05:23,041 --> 00:05:24,481
- Hi.
- Hey.
147
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,466
Um, Mr. Griffin, what are
you doing in my math class?
148
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,980
Whoa. It's like seeing
a tiger in the wild.
149
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,160
[CHUCKLES] Uh, Seth.
150
00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:34,549
Hi, I'm uh, Jack
Griffin. I teach A.P. Bio.
151
00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:35,834
So you're subbing here?
152
00:05:35,859 --> 00:05:37,950
Yep, yep. Anywhere that needs me.
153
00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:39,430
- Ah.
- Kids really dig me.
154
00:05:39,455 --> 00:05:41,941
I always play the first
48 minutes of a movie.
155
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,960
I've seen the first half of a lot
156
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,310
- of really good flicks.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
157
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,586
Love it, I love it, I love it.
158
00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,660
- And no shoes. Very cool.
- Ah.
159
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,288
So I have something very sensitive
160
00:05:52,313 --> 00:05:53,710
in nature to talk to you about.
161
00:05:54,014 --> 00:05:57,165
Um, gang, if you could just
go ahead and move your bodies
162
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,253
to the back of the class,
and, you know, face the wall,
163
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,584
like "Blair Witch" style.
164
00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:01,892
Heather, you want to...?
165
00:06:02,747 --> 00:06:03,789
Yeah.
166
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,240
All right, move it or lose it, D-bags.
167
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,070
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
168
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:11,240
[SIGHS]
169
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:14,855
♪♪
170
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:15,942
Uh, is that in, like...
171
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,687
is that in the second
half of "Blair Witch"?
172
00:06:18,441 --> 00:06:21,314
Hey, so, um, I'm a friend of Mary's
173
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,718
and, well, she's asked
me to tell you it's been
174
00:06:23,743 --> 00:06:26,329
a tepid ride, but, uh, it's over, okay?
175
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:28,930
All right.
176
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,275
Wait, are you... are you serious?
177
00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:33,999
- C-can we talk about that?
- With me? No. No, no, no.
178
00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:35,706
I-I'm not really up
to speed on most of it.
179
00:06:35,731 --> 00:06:37,590
I just, uh... you know,
just the messenger here.
180
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,905
I just know it's over, you know?
181
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,760
So, uh, my work is sort of done here.
182
00:06:40,785 --> 00:06:42,466
I just... I'm gonna go talk
to her, because once she...
183
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,090
No, no, no. [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
184
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,631
I'm handling this.
185
00:06:46,630 --> 00:06:48,410
- [SNIFFLES]
- Oh.
186
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,500
[WHIMPERING]
187
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:50,780
Oh, God.
188
00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:52,630
[CRYING]
189
00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:55,620
When a man cries, nothing feels safe.
190
00:06:56,465 --> 00:06:57,855
[CONTINUES CRYING]
191
00:06:58,745 --> 00:07:00,643
He did not take it well.
192
00:07:01,105 --> 00:07:02,550
Are you breaking it off with Seth?
193
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:04,068
Hey! Stop snooping.
194
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,170
Go ahead, Jack. I'll cover.
195
00:07:07,646 --> 00:07:10,519
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
196
00:07:10,544 --> 00:07:12,700
All right. Uh, yeah, he
just... he wouldn't accept it.
197
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,560
All right? He was crying,
and he wants to talk.
198
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:19,010
Damn it, Jack. Ugh. Cover me.
199
00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:21,270
Oh. ♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪
200
00:07:21,295 --> 00:07:22,902
You were supposed to
handle this, you know,
201
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:25,100
like family, not just phone it in.
202
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,360
Yeah, we can definitely
still hear you back here.
203
00:07:27,385 --> 00:07:29,475
Oh, my God. Just plug each other's ears.
204
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:35,240
♪♪
205
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,596
Look, don't worry about
it. I got you, okay?
206
00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,098
I'll come over later, and
I'll help you break it off.
207
00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,080
Um, no, no, no. We got
to do it at your place.
208
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,960
Otherwise I'm gonna end
up hooking up with him.
209
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,748
Uh, well, no, we can... what?
You can't break up at my place.
210
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,287
Well, do you want to be
on my phone plan or not?
211
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,145
Yes. Okay, fine. Fine, all right?
212
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,170
But we got to do it fast,
213
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:53,322
'cause Lynette's coming over later.
214
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,702
Ooooh.
215
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:56,676
Marcus, how is it that
you're still hearing this?
216
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,260
My fingers are too
small for his ear canals.
217
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,755
They're huge.
218
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,400
Don't brag about that.
219
00:08:04,244 --> 00:08:07,114
[UPBEAT SYNTH TUNE PLAYING]
220
00:08:07,139 --> 00:08:08,889
♪ Sex is horrible ♪
221
00:08:08,914 --> 00:08:12,100
♪ And no one really likes it ♪
222
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,695
So that's what I play whenever I,
223
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,560
uh, catch a kid with a condom.
224
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:17,531
Mm, my readers will love this.
225
00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:19,928
Oh, and this what I play
whenever I catch a student
226
00:08:19,953 --> 00:08:21,760
with drugs. [CLEARS THROAT]
227
00:08:21,825 --> 00:08:26,577
♪ Meth gives you joy
only Gods can experience ♪
228
00:08:26,602 --> 00:08:28,510
♪ But don't do it ♪
229
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,629
Ralph, time to break some spirits.
230
00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:32,162
- Coach is here.
- Already?
231
00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:34,755
Oh, boy. You can stay Anthony.
232
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,949
♪♪
233
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:37,999
[CLEARS THROAT]
234
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:40,641
[SIGHS] Coach, I, uh...
235
00:08:41,305 --> 00:08:44,585
I have some bad news I wish
I could protect you from.
236
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,350
You don't got to
sugarcoat it for me, Ralph.
237
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:47,854
I'm not one of your book teachers.
238
00:08:47,879 --> 00:08:49,235
All right, uh, well, um...
239
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,708
I don't know how, uh...
240
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,280
It seems that there's a, uh...
241
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,868
Uh, well, I'm...
doesn't... It actually is...
242
00:08:58,657 --> 00:08:59,977
I'm sorry, uh...
243
00:09:01,805 --> 00:09:03,630
We're gonna let...
244
00:09:04,056 --> 00:09:07,200
the marching band and the football team
245
00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:10,785
share practice time
on the football field.
246
00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,892
What? No way. It's not...
it's not called a band field.
247
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,354
Uh, that's a good point.
248
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:17,603
You know what? I'm gonna,
uh, talk to the band director.
249
00:09:17,628 --> 00:09:19,650
Maybe we could, uh, find a...
250
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,463
Oh, my God. Move over.
251
00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:25,727
The band's gonna use
the field sometimes.
252
00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:27,870
This is happening to you.
253
00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:29,700
Deal with it.
254
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,948
Ralph, does the confident child speak
255
00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:33,313
on your behest for you?
256
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:38,960
Our talk is done. Shoo.
257
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,903
Shoo? You're gonna shoo me? Shoo you.
258
00:09:41,928 --> 00:09:43,880
Kids talk to me like that? Jesus Christ.
259
00:09:43,905 --> 00:09:45,286
That was amazing!
260
00:09:45,311 --> 00:09:46,460
Anthony! [GASPS]
261
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,900
I have to deliver bad news all day.
262
00:09:47,925 --> 00:09:50,135
Is there any chance you'd want to sit in
263
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,380
on some of these sessions?
264
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:54,145
Okay, I can sweeten the deal.
265
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:58,530
I got an Amazon gift card for Christmas,
266
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,380
but there's not a slot
on my computer for it,
267
00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:01,475
so...
268
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:04,990
Sure.
269
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,390
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
270
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,140
♪♪
271
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:14,310
- [SIGHS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
272
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,570
Okay.
273
00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:19,603
All right. Listen...
274
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,130
Mare-bear.
275
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,760
Tell me that he's a liar.
276
00:10:22,987 --> 00:10:24,570
Because I know that you love me.
277
00:10:24,595 --> 00:10:26,735
You even said that you
love how my back smells.
278
00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:29,200
No, I just said, "Your back smells."
279
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,480
[GROANS]
280
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,395
Seth, I'm looking for something else.
281
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:35,900
But, Mary, just think of all
the fun that we could have.
282
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:38,315
I just got us tickets
to see Michael McDonald
283
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:39,900
in concert next month.
284
00:10:40,227 --> 00:10:43,625
I mean... I mean, if you
already got the tickets, then...
285
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,495
Mary, he doesn't have the tickets.
286
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,475
- I'm gonna get the tickets.
- He's gonna get the tickets.
287
00:10:47,499 --> 00:10:48,665
- Yeah. He's never...
- Yeah, I'm gonna get...
288
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,190
- No, he's never gonna get the tickets.
- I said I was gonna get...
289
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,666
- He will not get the tickets!
- I need to get paid,
290
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,418
- then I can buy the tickets.
- Mary, end this.
291
00:10:53,442 --> 00:10:54,659
You're a strong woman.
292
00:10:54,684 --> 00:10:57,150
I've seen you kick a
coffee table across a lobby.
293
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,450
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
294
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:03,489
Seth, have a happy life.
295
00:11:04,513 --> 00:11:06,802
No. I'm not going anywhere...
296
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:08,900
until you take me back.
297
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,815
Wait. What? Wait. Are those...
298
00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:13,417
Uh, that's not good.
299
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:15,799
- Whatever. Bye.
- Where you going?
300
00:11:15,824 --> 00:11:17,720
No, no, no. No, no, no.
301
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,225
You're not... no. Oh.
302
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:21,168
♪♪
303
00:11:21,193 --> 00:11:22,488
Oh.
304
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,340
♪♪
305
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,210
[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
306
00:11:27,235 --> 00:11:28,300
- Did she...
- [ENGINE TURNING OVER]
307
00:11:28,324 --> 00:11:29,338
She left, right?
308
00:11:29,363 --> 00:11:31,183
- Is that her car now?
- [SIGHS]
309
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:35,400
- Come on.
- Closer.
310
00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:37,942
Warmer. Warmer.
311
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:39,896
Oh, stop tricking me into touching
312
00:11:39,921 --> 00:11:41,091
other parts of your body.
313
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,897
Just tell me where the
keys to the cuffs are.
314
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:44,252
I don't know.
315
00:11:45,081 --> 00:11:47,373
All right, man. You asked for this.
316
00:11:49,274 --> 00:11:52,064
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
317
00:11:52,104 --> 00:11:54,234
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
318
00:11:54,703 --> 00:11:56,747
- You gonna tell me?
- This is fine.
319
00:11:57,203 --> 00:11:59,634
It's kind of like a back massage.
320
00:12:00,609 --> 00:12:03,044
Oops. That step's
trying to steal my jeans.
321
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,764
[CHUCKLES] Oh, it got 'em.
322
00:12:04,789 --> 00:12:05,869
There they go.
323
00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:08,021
Yeah, that's what I'm working with.
324
00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:10,034
- Oh, come on...
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
325
00:12:10,084 --> 00:12:13,084
[SIGHS, GROANS]
326
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:14,114
- Hi.
- Hello.
327
00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:15,449
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
328
00:12:15,587 --> 00:12:16,914
Oof. Okay.
329
00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:19,526
Three openers... Uh, you
look great, all right?
330
00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:21,679
You smell like lemons, and..
331
00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,377
Mary's ex-boyfriend is handcuffed
332
00:12:24,402 --> 00:12:26,074
to my dead mom's stair lift.
333
00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,956
- Hey, Lynette.
- Oh.
334
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,053
Jack took off my pants
with this antique elevator.
335
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:32,324
- No, that's... that's a lie.
- Hey, Seth.
336
00:12:32,349 --> 00:12:34,026
Hey, do you happen to
have my paycheck on you?
337
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:35,725
I think it should be around $38.
338
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:36,850
You know, I don't,
339
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:39,546
and I think you broke even after taxes.
340
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:40,975
[SCOFFS] Thanks, Obama.
341
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,464
- Wine? Yeah.
- Love some.
342
00:12:43,504 --> 00:12:44,934
What are we thinking,
though, red or white?
343
00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:46,698
[GROANS]
344
00:12:46,897 --> 00:12:48,947
I don't really know
anything about birds.
345
00:12:49,128 --> 00:12:52,307
My hobby is stuffing
things... you know, taxidermy.
346
00:12:53,674 --> 00:12:56,713
And I guess I'd just rather
stuff birds because...
347
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,360
So are you guys like a thing?
348
00:12:59,385 --> 00:13:01,021
Because you seem like
you're into each other,
349
00:13:01,045 --> 00:13:02,955
but you also seem like you're cousins.
350
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,190
Like, I guess what I'm asking
351
00:13:04,215 --> 00:13:05,964
is what stuff are you guys doing?
352
00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:07,567
- Mostly outercourse.
- None of your business.
353
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:09,339
"Outercourse"? [LAUGHS]
354
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,466
Okay, well... [CHUCKLES]
I'll leave you guys to it.
355
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,454
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
356
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,014
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
357
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,754
A man should have a hobby.
358
00:13:20,348 --> 00:13:22,228
[JAUNTY VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS]
359
00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:24,171
[CHUCKLES]
360
00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:27,869
Oh, man, these birds
are just so furious.
361
00:13:28,356 --> 00:13:29,870
- So mad.
- One second.
362
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:31,503
I like it with the sound on.
363
00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:33,286
Do you? This is mine now.
364
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:37,254
[SIGHS] I mean, no
phone plan is worth this.
365
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,599
Hey, you know how you
get rid of me, right?
366
00:13:40,824 --> 00:13:42,178
You get me back with my love...
367
00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:44,334
my soul mate.
368
00:13:45,084 --> 00:13:49,314
♪♪
369
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:52,114
Hey, look, nobody wants
to see you backslide
370
00:13:52,139 --> 00:13:53,354
any less than me, but...
371
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,618
You should know Seth
is obsessed with you.
372
00:13:56,758 --> 00:13:58,399
He won't stop talking about you.
373
00:13:59,234 --> 00:14:00,454
Did he say obsessed, or...
374
00:14:00,494 --> 00:14:02,754
Uh-uh. Okay, I know that look.
375
00:14:02,804 --> 00:14:04,656
- Michelle, let's go.
- Yeah.
376
00:14:04,681 --> 00:14:07,194
I told you, Jack... backslide.
377
00:14:07,244 --> 00:14:10,244
♪♪
378
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,294
See you.
379
00:14:13,172 --> 00:14:15,204
- Yeah.
- Oop.
380
00:14:15,468 --> 00:14:16,861
I'll find it. Yeah.
381
00:14:17,993 --> 00:14:19,903
Look, I'm... [SCOFFS] I'm telling you,
382
00:14:19,928 --> 00:14:21,824
this guy wants you back so badly,
383
00:14:21,864 --> 00:14:23,254
he went on a hunger strike.
384
00:14:23,756 --> 00:14:25,653
Oh, he must be out of his mind for me.
385
00:14:25,678 --> 00:14:27,268
Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's a
mess. [EXHALES SHARPLY]
386
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,485
[SIGHS] You know, I'm just
gonna stay focused,
387
00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:30,874
and I'm not gonna think about him.
388
00:14:30,899 --> 00:14:32,379
- You are gonna be fine.
- Yeah.
389
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:33,549
[LAUGHS] All right.
390
00:14:33,574 --> 00:14:35,444
- Okay.
- You got this.
391
00:14:37,828 --> 00:14:39,404
[CELL PHONE CLICKING]
392
00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:43,144
- ♪♪
- _
393
00:14:43,194 --> 00:14:44,584
- [CELL PHONE BLOOPS]
- [LAUGHS]
394
00:14:44,624 --> 00:14:46,584
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
395
00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:49,789
♪♪
396
00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:51,514
Stay strong. Stay strong.
397
00:14:54,244 --> 00:14:56,164
[SIGHS]
398
00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:58,204
Time to hit some peeps with bad news.
399
00:14:58,229 --> 00:14:59,269
[CHUCKLES]
400
00:14:59,294 --> 00:15:01,204
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
401
00:15:01,229 --> 00:15:04,697
Joyce, we moved your parking
spot to the auxiliary lot.
402
00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:05,942
It's a done deal.
403
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:07,969
You see, that's not gonna work for me.
404
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,914
I'm already getting up at
2:00 a.m. to take my nephew
405
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,883
to the ER 'cause of his croup.
406
00:15:12,908 --> 00:15:15,264
- I says to my sister...
- Joyce. Joyce.
407
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,589
Joyce!
408
00:15:17,301 --> 00:15:18,430
Not my business.
409
00:15:18,825 --> 00:15:20,404
Mute and scoot.
410
00:15:20,429 --> 00:15:22,909
♪♪
411
00:15:22,934 --> 00:15:25,264
All of your cleaning
supplies are being switched
412
00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:26,756
to generic and unscented.
413
00:15:26,781 --> 00:15:28,324
"Unscented"? [LAUGHS]
414
00:15:28,349 --> 00:15:31,634
You know what humans
do in bathrooms, right?
415
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,134
You're with me on this, right, Durbin?
416
00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:36,680
Durbin's not here.
417
00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:38,854
Breathe out your mouth.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
418
00:15:39,904 --> 00:15:41,334
♪♪
419
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,994
[CRUNCHES]
420
00:15:43,357 --> 00:15:45,215
Principal Durbin isn't
concerning himself
421
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,156
with the casting of the school play.
422
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:50,746
You can either play "Tree
in Distance" or quit.
423
00:15:50,771 --> 00:15:53,935
Great! I'll play the
tree. I don't mind at all.
424
00:15:53,968 --> 00:15:54,979
Oh.
425
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:58,354
♪♪
426
00:15:58,394 --> 00:16:01,054
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
427
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,054
♪♪
428
00:16:03,094 --> 00:16:05,418
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
- Right, new plan.
429
00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,825
So I'm texting Mary from
her ex-boyfriend's phone.
430
00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:10,105
I'm gonna trick her into getting back
431
00:16:10,129 --> 00:16:11,896
with that idiot so I can
get him out of my house.
432
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,450
Uh, do you guys have any suggestions?
433
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:17,415
I don't get it. Aren't
you Mary's friend?
434
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,563
Of course. Yeah.
435
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:21,241
Yeah, and didn't she offer
to put you on her family plan
436
00:16:21,266 --> 00:16:22,741
if you help her get rid of this guy?
437
00:16:22,766 --> 00:16:23,790
Yeah.
438
00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:26,400
And now you're trying to set her up
with the very same man
439
00:16:26,425 --> 00:16:29,474
who you yourself called
an idiot not moments ago?
440
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:34,998
You guys... you all think I'm a bad guy?
441
00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:37,373
Is that what this is?
442
00:16:38,772 --> 00:16:40,234
Heather, where do you stand on this?
443
00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:42,939
I can't tell if you're doing a mission
444
00:16:42,964 --> 00:16:45,051
for Ms. Wagner or against her.
445
00:16:45,076 --> 00:16:47,045
I'm Team Griffin either way.
446
00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:50,534
Let's get her... or help her.
447
00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:53,030
I guess you have to ask yourself
448
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,081
if you really care about your friend.
449
00:16:57,910 --> 00:16:59,870
See, this is why I avoid friendships.
450
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,194
Yeah, that's why.
451
00:17:01,442 --> 00:17:02,724
[SIGHS]
452
00:17:02,749 --> 00:17:04,029
Now I'm gonna have to
figure out another way
453
00:17:04,053 --> 00:17:05,896
to get rid of this human pork rind.
454
00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:10,034
Guess I'm gonna have to do
it the old-fashioned way.
455
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:13,034
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
456
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:15,084
♪♪
457
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:23,981
Scuzz-blind.
458
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:26,394
Wait, what?
459
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:27,515
[SIGHS]
460
00:17:31,064 --> 00:17:33,154
[BOTH LAUGHING]
461
00:17:33,179 --> 00:17:35,577
I'm sorry, Mary, did you
have the key the whole time?
462
00:17:35,602 --> 00:17:37,194
No. Seth was hiding it
463
00:17:37,219 --> 00:17:39,309
in a place I call his "secret pouch."
464
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:40,514
And that's not my butt.
465
00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:42,301
[GROANS] No. What is happening? Why?
466
00:17:42,326 --> 00:17:44,332
We're back, baby. [LAUGHS]
467
00:17:44,357 --> 00:17:45,747
All right, I'm gonna pop upstairs,
468
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:46,911
I'm gonna put my jeans back on,
469
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,425
and then we're gonna scoot. [LAUGHS]
470
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:53,040
- Oh, God.
- I know.
471
00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:56,228
Mary, you... you... you can't
get back together with that guy.
472
00:17:56,252 --> 00:17:58,160
Jack, don't worry. You're off the hook.
473
00:17:58,185 --> 00:17:59,853
We'll go get you a
brand-new phone tomorrow
474
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:01,060
and sign you up on my plan.
475
00:18:01,085 --> 00:18:03,142
No, but it... it... it
just don't feel right.
476
00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,797
Okay, Jackie boy.
477
00:18:06,822 --> 00:18:07,857
It's been a fun 24 hours,
478
00:18:07,882 --> 00:18:09,322
but it's time for me to get going.
479
00:18:09,519 --> 00:18:11,049
Yeah, that's my mother's luggage.
480
00:18:11,074 --> 00:18:12,097
Oh.
481
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:16,760
Well, it's broken. Tell her that.
482
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:17,875
All right, babe.
483
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,604
I'm gonna go outside
and warm up the car...
484
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,305
with my farts.
485
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:23,920
[LAUGHING]
486
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,637
Eh, diet starts tomorrow,
487
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,209
but tonight I'm gonna go eat this cake.
488
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,340
Wait, wait. Hold on one second.
489
00:18:30,364 --> 00:18:32,194
- I just...
- What the fudge?
490
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:33,659
Uh-huh, yep. Nope.
491
00:18:33,684 --> 00:18:34,931
- [GRUNTS]
- No, no, no. Nope, nope.
492
00:18:34,955 --> 00:18:36,395
You're not going with him. Let's go.
493
00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:39,510
Jack, I am a grown-ass woman,
494
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:42,414
and sometimes I want to make
bad decisions, so let me.
495
00:18:42,439 --> 00:18:45,099
No. I'm not letting you leave
until you've horned down a bit
496
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,084
and promise me you are
done with that dude.
497
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,864
Fine, then no phone plan for you.
498
00:18:49,340 --> 00:18:50,400
Fine.
499
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,720
But I have something to say,
500
00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:55,210
and this is not gonna be one
of those things where I tell you
501
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,534
that you are deserving
of someone far better than
502
00:18:57,559 --> 00:19:00,394
that human tapeworm out there
because you are a catch...
503
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,318
and not just a Toledo catch,
504
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,527
but, like, a regular, good-city catch.
505
00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:07,969
Instead, I'm gonna sit here with you
506
00:19:07,993 --> 00:19:09,820
until you come to that
conclusion on your own.
507
00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:13,107
And there is absolutely no way
I'm letting you go before then
508
00:19:13,132 --> 00:19:16,192
because I do not have the
keys to these handcuffs.
509
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,112
I'm just now realizing that.
510
00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:21,397
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
511
00:19:21,422 --> 00:19:22,822
[KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS]
512
00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:23,937
Hello?
513
00:19:24,365 --> 00:19:26,792
Oh, uh, where's Principal Durbin?
514
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:28,751
Take a seat.
515
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,086
Okeydokey. [CHUCKLES]
516
00:19:31,111 --> 00:19:34,071
Didn't expect, uh... you to be here.
517
00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:35,576
[CLEARS THROAT] So, uh...
518
00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:38,211
what is this meeting about?
519
00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:41,286
♪♪
520
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:43,684
As you can see, you gave me a B-minus
521
00:19:43,709 --> 00:19:45,319
on my erosion diorama.
522
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:47,174
I'll be damned if I'm
gonna let you keep me
523
00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:49,479
out of Georgetown, so
you're gonna give me an A,
524
00:19:49,976 --> 00:19:51,936
or we're gonna have to let you go.
525
00:19:51,961 --> 00:19:53,661
♪♪
526
00:19:53,686 --> 00:19:55,206
[GASPS]
527
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,024
Oh, thank God. Anthony's
trying to fire me.
528
00:19:58,761 --> 00:19:59,871
What are you doing?
529
00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:02,024
I think something bit Anthony.
530
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,183
Can you hear me?
531
00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:04,498
Quiet, Noodle Curls!
532
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:07,680
You got a little too much
dip on your chip, buster.
533
00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,563
Get up, take your disrespectful butt
534
00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,172
straight to my office!
535
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:13,711
Keep it moving!
536
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:16,266
I'm sorry. I was trying
to help Principal Durbin.
537
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:22,650
Dave, your classes are being
transferred to the trailer.
538
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:23,910
What?
539
00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,927
Oh, come on.
540
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:28,004
We're done talking. Shoo.
541
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,236
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- [GROANS]
542
00:20:31,307 --> 00:20:33,917
Well, thank you so
much for ruining my day.
543
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,692
I already sat in cornbread.
544
00:20:35,717 --> 00:20:38,157
[SIGHS] Come on.
545
00:20:38,182 --> 00:20:40,702
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
546
00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:42,247
[LAUGHING]
547
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,239
Well, good work,
Jack-In-The-Sweats.
548
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,680
Yeah, nice job.
549
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,813
Hey, I would do the
same for either of you.
550
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,119
- Aw.
- Please don't break up my marriage.
551
00:20:50,144 --> 00:20:51,374
- Please.
- I'm not...
552
00:20:51,399 --> 00:20:52,978
Now, Stef, she could use a little help.
553
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,486
I don't have a problem.
554
00:20:54,511 --> 00:20:57,471
I just like dating older Indian doctors.
555
00:20:57,739 --> 00:20:59,495
They're always secretly married.
556
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,596
Not happily.
557
00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:02,101
And leaders of a sex cult.
558
00:21:02,126 --> 00:21:03,936
Not happily.
559
00:21:04,284 --> 00:21:05,414
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
560
00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:06,884
Oh, I should head to class.
561
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:08,851
Yep, I should probably head with you.
562
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,472
Okeydokey.
563
00:21:10,497 --> 00:21:11,797
We can hit shop class at lunch.
564
00:21:11,822 --> 00:21:12,842
- Okay.
- You know?
565
00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,014
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Whoa.
566
00:21:14,038 --> 00:21:15,258
I got to say, though,
567
00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:17,553
- I, uh... I'm gonna miss this.
- Aw.
39957
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.