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1
00:00:00,368 --> 00:00:01,936
Only on Fox.
2
00:00:07,542 --> 00:00:09,910
I had a great time
with you last night.
3
00:00:09,944 --> 00:00:13,681
Well, this morning
wasn't too bad, either.
4
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,684
-Don't you forget to hydrate.
5
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,455
Those are your friends
over there?
6
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,162
I've never seen them before
in my life.
7
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,498
No, Hank.
For the last time.
8
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,167
This is the signal for "W."
9
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,336
This is the signal for "P."
10
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,840
Wait, what's that
the signal for?
11
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,643
Oh, I don't know. It's just
something weird my arm does.
12
00:00:42,677 --> 00:00:45,480
Don't even tell me
what you guys are doing.
13
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,181
I don't want to know.
14
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,816
If you must know, Margaret,
15
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,651
I got to pass this eye test
16
00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:53,153
so I can renew my license
for my golf cart.
17
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,555
So to make sure
I'm gonna pass it,
18
00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:55,923
we runnin' a little scam.
19
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,025
To be real,
the eye test is the scam.
20
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,027
It's Western medicine, man.
21
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,129
You know, the government
designed this test
22
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:04,164
-to make our eyes worse.
Mm.
23
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,900
But you're wearing glasses
right now.
24
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:09,337
Yeah, I know.
I am a victim of it myself.
25
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,038
But think about this.
26
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,508
What are glasses made of?
27
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,075
Glass.
28
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,913
And what is glass made of?
29
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,381
Sand.
30
00:01:20,415 --> 00:01:22,417
And where does sand come from?
31
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,885
The Middle East.
32
00:01:26,421 --> 00:01:28,923
I'm not getting glasses.
33
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,326
That's the first stop
on the road to death.
34
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,729
Hank, just don't drive
a golf cart.
35
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,497
You could use the steps.
36
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,869
"Just don't drive a golf cart."
37
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:44,939
Ah...
38
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,507
:
Margaret.
39
00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:50,411
The dating scene
at Shady Meadows is a pyramid.
40
00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:52,780
At the top of the pyramid,
that's the stallions--
41
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,148
they have the golf carts.
42
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,483
-Right.
-At the bottom,
43
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,785
those are the walkers,
the slugs.
44
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,420
Me, I'm a stallion.
45
00:01:59,454 --> 00:02:02,790
I crush those slugs
under my thundering hooves.
46
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,726
Mm. The thundering hooves
of your golf cart.
47
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,562
-That's right.
-Boy.
48
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,631
Is there anybody normal around
here I can have breakfast with?
49
00:02:10,665 --> 00:02:12,367
Howdy, folks.
50
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,135
Boy, it's a nice day
to drink beer,
51
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,673
watch football and...
not have sex with men.
52
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,344
Did y'all buy that?
53
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,670
What is going on, Sid?
54
00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:51,639
My son Walt just told me
55
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,207
he's dropping by for a visit.
56
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,443
In an hour, Margaret. An hour.
57
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,512
Well, what is wrong with that?
58
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:01,416
Why are you dressed
like Woody from Toy Story?
59
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:04,485
I'm trying to dress
like a straight person,
60
00:03:04,519 --> 00:03:07,154
because Walt
does not know I'm gay.
61
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,926
Wait a minute.
62
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,695
You're not out to your son?
How could he not know?
63
00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:16,831
I see the struggle that
you're having there, Margaret.
64
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,833
It's a struggle that
we've all had ourselves.
65
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,801
-Yep.
-Now, what we've landed on--
66
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:22,670
and no offense, Sid--
is that, um,
67
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,872
that boy's just not bright.
68
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,774
Wait.
69
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,143
I-I'm just still trying
to wrap my head around the fact
70
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,178
that somebody could see you
and know you
71
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,347
and think that you're straight.
72
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,315
Kids just believe their dads.
73
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,051
You know, I get the dad thing.
74
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,219
I always thought my dad
was a rich dentist.
75
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:43,123
Turns out he was
just the guy that shot JFK.
76
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:49,396
Well, as great
as Charlie's example is, I...
77
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:53,033
I still think you should just
try telling your son the truth.
78
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,102
I can't. I can't.
79
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,404
I've lied to him
his entire life.
80
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,706
If I told him the truth
right now,
81
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,075
it would blow up
our entire relationship.
82
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,977
He'd be shattered.
83
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,613
Just shattered to smithereens.
84
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,149
He really doesn't know?
85
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,721
Okay, Walt's gonna be here
in 30 minutes.
86
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,856
I removed all the gay stuff
from my room.
87
00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:17,658
Tell me if I missed anything.
88
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,900
I'd say you missed everything.
89
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:35,042
Okay, this couch looks
pretty straight to me.
90
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,744
One second.
91
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,446
-Oh!
-There.
92
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,448
Perfect.
93
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,951
And I brought you a bunch of
straight guy stuff from my room,
94
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,152
so you could hang it up here.
95
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,287
I'm giving you
my football phone.
96
00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:51,058
My bikini girl poster.
97
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,732
And, uh...
Charles Barkley cologne.
98
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:01,301
Don't get this on your skin;
this is clothes only.
99
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:04,572
Am I pretending to be a straight
man or a 15-year-old boy?
100
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,174
If you figure out
the difference, let me know.
101
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:10,745
Now, I got to look and see that
there's football all weekend
102
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,880
so we can sail through
till Sunday.
103
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,215
Yeah, or here's a crazy thought.
104
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,384
You could maybe
just communicate with your son.
105
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,123
Margaret. Communication
between fathers and sons
106
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,993
is a series of nods and grunts
107
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,797
and decade-long bouts
of silence.
108
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,800
My dad gave me a grunt
of approval once, and I wept.
109
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,435
Later on, by myself, in the dark
so he couldn't see me.
110
00:05:37,972 --> 00:05:39,807
Thank you, Charlie.
111
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,510
You know what?
I want no part of this.
112
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,713
I'm just gonna go back
to my room
113
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:49,516
and try not to think about what
Hank has done to that poster.
114
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,856
What'd you do to that poster?
115
00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:59,860
I don't do it to the poster,
I do it to myself.
116
00:05:59,894 --> 00:06:01,862
-Oh, he's here!
117
00:06:01,896 --> 00:06:04,098
He's here. He's here.
118
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,600
I mean, uh...
119
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,367
let's get ready
to rock and roll, people.
120
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:11,371
-Walt.
-What's up, Pop?
121
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:14,208
-Oh, my little man!
122
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,676
Ho, ho, ho!
123
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:18,345
Ha-ha! How are
Tammy and the boys?
124
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,115
Oh, Tammy's good, and the boys
bite each other a lot.
125
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,117
-It's hilarious.
126
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,319
-Oh, you fellas must be...
-I'm Charlie.
127
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:26,320
...Charlie and Hank.
128
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:27,855
-Yeah.
-How are you?
129
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,423
We must be.
130
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,525
Walt, what's
with the surprise visit?
131
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,594
Well, I came to see
where you live.
132
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:36,563
And see who your friends are,
what your life's like.
133
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,999
You keep making excuses
for why I can't visit you,
134
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:40,901
so I decided to come on my own.
135
00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,269
Plus, it's the big game.
136
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,039
-The Cowboys.
-Oh, the Cowboys!
137
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,674
The Dallas Cowboys!
I love 'em!
138
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,343
They're the tits!
Which I also love.
139
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,979
You caught
last week's game, right?
140
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,714
You see all those sacks
our boys got?
141
00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:57,317
Oh, did I ever! It was
Sacks Fifth Avenue out there.
142
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,153
Oh!
143
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,756
Hilarious as always, Dad.
144
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,257
Well, park it, buster.
145
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,692
Let's watch some football.
146
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,593
I'm gonna sit
right on these chips,
147
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,696
'cause it
doesn't bother me at all.
148
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,668
:
Yeah.
149
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,069
-: Yeah.
-Yeah.
150
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,805
Mm-hmm.
151
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,376
Whose kimono is this?
152
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,111
Mi...
153
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,013
My, my, my.
154
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,783
Well, whose is it?
155
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,150
Whose is it?
156
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,720
Whose is it? Whose?
Whose, indeed.
157
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,422
Well, well, isn't that the, um,
doesn't belong to that, uh,
158
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,192
babe you been hooking up with?
You know, the hot babe.
159
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,094
That's right. That's right.
160
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,063
It's a... it's
a beautiful lady's kimono.
161
00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:45,432
She took it off
for the intercourse.
162
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,670
It's all comin' back to me now.
163
00:07:51,105 --> 00:07:52,572
-Hmm?
-Mm.
164
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,943
We got to go take an eye test.
165
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,247
Dad, you're seeing someone?
166
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,116
That's great!
167
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,085
I mean, I haven't heard you talk
about a woman since Mom.
168
00:08:05,119 --> 00:08:07,487
Well, that's true--
I haven't touched a woman
169
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,023
since your mother.
170
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,760
Uh, let's get back
to football. Want to?
171
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:15,763
-I love football. Mm-hmm.
-No, hang on, Dad.
172
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,397
Who is this woman?
173
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,133
Tell me more about her.
174
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,837
Well, as you probably gathered
from the kimono, uh...
175
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,638
she's Japanese.
176
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,442
Of, uh, royal blood.
177
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,911
But she's very down-to-earth.
178
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,947
She's actually worked
in the earth.
179
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,114
Uh...
180
00:08:34,148 --> 00:08:36,416
she's a coal miner.
181
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:37,985
Wow.
182
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,020
She sounds like
an incredible woman.
183
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:41,521
What's her name?
184
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,523
Her name?
185
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:46,226
Uh, uh, her name, uh...
186
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,628
Oh. Margaret!
187
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,930
Yeah. Me, Margaret.
188
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,298
I forgot my purse.
189
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,767
You also forgot your kimono.
190
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:54,869
Walt, meet Margaret,
191
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,737
my royal Japanese...
192
00:08:56,771 --> 00:08:58,572
coal-mining lover.
193
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,954
I cannot believe
that I agreed to this.
194
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,056
I'm sorry.
I tried to get us out of it,
195
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:17,892
but he insisted on lunch.
196
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,961
Just so you know, I don't
approve of any of this at all.
197
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,563
And you're gonna do
my income taxes this year.
198
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:28,302
Well, that shouldn't be hard--
I think I can add zero to zero.
199
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,670
You really want
to insult me right now?
200
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,340
I'm sorry,
I'm just a Stressy Bessy.
201
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,276
All right,
just bring me up to speed
202
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:39,246
on all this nonsense
you've spewed.
203
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,382
So I'm a...
Japanese coal miner?
204
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:46,020
A royal Japanese coal miner.
205
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:49,156
Oh. That makes much more sense.
206
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,526
I had a kimono in my hand
and a gun to my head.
207
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,428
I was free-associating.
208
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,596
At least you're interesting now.
209
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,099
Sorry. Sorry.
210
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,468
Uh, sorry about that.
211
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,037
Tammy was just checking in.
212
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,705
The boys set off a firecracker
in the toilet.
213
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,107
And I'm pissed.
214
00:10:07,141 --> 00:10:09,576
I mean, you hate to miss
the important stuff.
215
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:14,548
All right, stick to the story
and don't add anything.
216
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,617
-Got it.
-So, let's get
to know each other.
217
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,453
Where'd y'all meet?
218
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,321
-Here.
-The bayou.
219
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,527
:
Margaret. Margaret.
220
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,164
Margaret, I think my dad
wants to talk to you
221
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,266
underneath the table.
222
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:41,708
Why did I say bayou?
223
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:44,778
I was gonna ask you
the same question.
224
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,714
Well, what should we do?
225
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,017
Not this.
226
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,688
Well, yeah, uh, we met here.
227
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,657
When I said "bayou,"
I-I meant "by you."
228
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:01,896
Of course, I was referring to
you, being Margaret, my lover.
229
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,730
I love you, baby.
230
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,101
We're back on track.
231
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,442
Hank!
Hear you might need glasses.
232
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,178
Pretty soon,
you're gonna look as cool as me.
233
00:11:18,212 --> 00:11:19,779
Take a hike, Dudley.
234
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,050
I hope this works.
235
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,484
How am I supposed
to pass this stupid eye test?
236
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,520
I stole the shock collar
237
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,722
from Betsy Donahue's Pomeranian.
238
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:32,526
Put it in your pocket, and
I will buzz you for each letter.
239
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,828
One for "A," two for "B"...
240
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,096
That's beautiful, Charlie.
241
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,498
Yeah, I'm not done.
Three for "C"...
242
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:40,467
Yeah, I-I got it, and I love it.
243
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,137
This stallion's about
to be set loose.
244
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:46,006
By renewing his license
to drive an electric golf cart.
245
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,008
-See?
246
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,609
Yeah, you hear that?
247
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,111
That's the sound of freedom.
248
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:54,314
Horse freedom.
249
00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:56,316
What's up, guys?
I'm Dr. Chad.
250
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:59,486
Oh, another mindless disciple
of Western medicine.
251
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,689
Nice to meet you, "Doctor" Chad.
252
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,825
We're here
for the, uh... "eye" test.
253
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,328
Does he need to be here?
254
00:12:08,362 --> 00:12:10,364
Do yo need to be here?
255
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,034
Okay, Hank,
let's start with the top line.
256
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:17,437
If you don't pass this test,
I will be shocked.
257
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,241
All right, then I'm gonna
258
00:12:21,275 --> 00:12:23,377
start on the...
...top line
259
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,878
with that big one right there.
260
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,280
-And it is...
261
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,215
Ooh! Geez. "A"?
262
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,118
Correct.
263
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:34,188
:
How big is that Pomeranian?
264
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,691
So, I told my, um,
265
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,926
coal miner, uh, foreman
266
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,329
that, uh,
267
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:46,700
just because my dad is
the emperor, um...
268
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:50,504
it doesn't mean that
I should get special attention.
269
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,243
Isn't... she... amazing?
270
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,814
Wow.
That is an incredible story.
271
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,451
Margaret, I-I got to say,
and-and forgive me
272
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,620
if I'm speaking out of turn,
but...
273
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,623
you do not look
particularly Japanese.
274
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,993
Walt, I didn't raise you
like that.
275
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,032
No, that's fine.
I get it all the time.
276
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,534
Actually, I'm only,
uh, half Japanese.
277
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,968
-Yeah.
-Which half?
278
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,970
Uh... the...
279
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,939
the bottom half.
280
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,284
Neat.
281
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:41,288
Well, it seems like lunch has
come to a natural conclusion,
282
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,424
so, how about we catch
that Cowboys game?
283
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:46,726
Well, that's my cue to leave,
because I hate football.
284
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,628
It was really nice
to meet you, Walt.
285
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,264
Here you are, sexy.
Oh!
286
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,770
I've been looking everywhere
for you.
287
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,139
: Oh, Robert,
this is not a good time.
288
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:02,109
Uh, oh, maybe later, then.
289
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,943
I'm up until 9:00.
290
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,979
Ah.
291
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:09,015
Dad, what's going on?
292
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,151
Uh... yeah,
293
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:13,920
is there something going on
between you two?
294
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:17,057
Well, we're-we're trying not
to put any labels on it, Sid,
295
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:19,659
you know, except for one--
uh, "wow."
296
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:26,166
This isn't what it looks like,
Walt.
297
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,368
Shouldn't you be saying that
to my dad?
298
00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:32,139
This is not what
it looks like, Sid.
299
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,707
The hell it isn't!
300
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,743
You two are running around,
'hind my back.
301
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,812
Sid, what are you talking about?
302
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,181
I mean, what-what do you care
if I go out with Margaret?
303
00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:42,882
What-what does he care?!
304
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,684
He cares
because Margaret's his woman.
305
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:52,826
That-that...
that's, uh, impossible.
306
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:56,230
-Why?
-Why? Well, because Sid's...
307
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,666
You say one more word, Robert,
and I'll knock your block off!
308
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,702
Don't you make me get up
on this chair.
309
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,405
We-we really should go, Robert.
310
00:15:05,439 --> 00:15:08,342
And Sid, bye.
We'll always have Tokyo.
311
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,909
Oh, no.
312
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,845
You best go on and git!
313
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,713
And don't you ever come back.
314
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,215
You ruined my life.
315
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,016
You ruined it!
316
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,021
She'll come crawling back.
317
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,624
They always do.
318
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,233
-Ooh!
319
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,870
"H"?
320
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:42,041
Okay. Took a while,
but that's right and next?
321
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,378
-Ooh! Oh!
322
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,780
Ooh! Ooh!
323
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,882
"E."
324
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,850
Sorry, Hank.
That was actually...
325
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,752
-Oh! I mean "F".
326
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,890
Are you okay?
327
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,925
Why do I keep smelling
burnt hair?
328
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,630
Seems like the sort of thing
a real doctor would know.
329
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,735
Come on, man.
Let's keep going.
330
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:12,206
Okay. Just 24 more to go.
And next?
331
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,473
-Ooh! Ooh!
332
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:15,209
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
333
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,577
All right, this is too much.
I can't take it, man.
334
00:16:17,611 --> 00:16:19,145
Enough!
335
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,980
Is that Pomeranian still alive?
336
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,549
We got to go save that dog.
337
00:16:24,218 --> 00:16:26,820
You guys were trying to cheat
on the eye exam?
338
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,124
Well, neither of you
will be getting a lollipop.
339
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,760
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
340
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,995
Can't you just pass me, man?
341
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,631
Sorry. I took an oath.
342
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,833
What if I gave you $200?
343
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,102
Works for me.
344
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,272
Here.
345
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,474
What about your "precious oath"?
346
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:51,177
I oath the bank 100 grand
in student loans.
347
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,280
You're doing the right thing.
348
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,715
You made this stallion
very happy.
349
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,892
I am so sorry
350
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,628
about what just happened
with Margaret, Dad.
351
00:17:08,662 --> 00:17:09,996
Are you okay?
352
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,065
Oh, I'm... I'm-I'm-I'm fine.
353
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:14,133
Uh, easy come, easy go.
354
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,270
'Nother day, 'nother ho.
355
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,843
Dad, you don't have to pretend.
356
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,345
You can be honest with me.
357
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,448
I'll be honest with you.
358
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,550
I'm worried about you.
That's why I'm really here.
359
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,352
You never talk about your life.
360
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:34,053
And are you happy?
361
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:38,658
I... I am happy... Walt.
362
00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:40,059
Are you really?
363
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,061
You just got cheated on.
364
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,063
By the lower-half,
half-Japanese woman
365
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,933
who's the heir
to the Japanese empire.
366
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,437
Well, about all that...
367
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,872
Um...
368
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,874
I need to talk to you.
369
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,876
I want to tell you something.
370
00:17:56,910 --> 00:18:00,414
Uh, you don't have to worry
about me, 'cause I'm happy.
371
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:04,418
I'm really happy. I mean,
I think that I would be happier
372
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:07,721
if you could see the real me,
because I'm...
373
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,656
Sorry. What'd you say? I...
374
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,725
I'm...
375
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,893
I'm sorry, Dad.
I'm still not getting it.
376
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,495
:
I... am... gay.
377
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:16,963
Thanks for the newsflash, Sid.
378
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,698
:
Oh!
379
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:25,739
Walt, I, um...
380
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,107
I've always been gay,
and I'm... I'm really sorry
381
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:31,010
that I kept it from you,
but I... like ice dancing
382
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:35,849
and musical theater and...
making love to men.
383
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:39,218
I suppose that last one's
the main takeaway.
384
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,758
Wow.
385
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,760
My dad is gay.
386
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,728
I have a gay dad.
387
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:51,097
That explains a lot.
388
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,032
This is awesome.
389
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,669
Oh, I'm happy for you, Pop.
390
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,971
Oh, thank you. I'm so glad.
391
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,406
I... Oh, I'm so relieved.
392
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,975
I should have done this
years ago.
393
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:05,244
But I must say, I was hoping
for a little dramatics.
394
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,615
Some-some tears or a slow clap.
395
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,988
Well, it's a little late
for that, Walter John.
396
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:18,625
I'm glad you finally told me.
397
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:23,096
-I love you, Dad.
-Oh, I love you, son.
398
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,632
Oh, Sid, I broke up with Robert.
399
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,667
You're-you're the one
that I really want.
400
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,569
Come back with me to Japan.
401
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,807
It's okay, Margaret.
402
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,241
-I told him the truth...
-Oh.
403
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,243
...and you buttoned
your sweater wrong.
404
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,945
Oh. Huh. Oops.
405
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:42,148
So, Robert
and I didn't really break up.
406
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,986
I love this.
407
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,355
I feel seen.
408
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,858
You see the real me.
409
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,061
I can't see.
Brake, Hank! Brake!
410
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,671
Well, I got
my golf cart license back.
411
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,874
You drove into a building, man.
412
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,277
Very stallion, Hank.
413
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,747
-You guys okay?
-Oh, they're fine, Margaret.
414
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,584
Hank, Charlie,
I have got some really big news.
415
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,819
Now I have got even bigger news.
416
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:21,955
Everybody, listen up.
417
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,891
Now, this is very hard
for me to say,
418
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,126
but I've been living a lie.
419
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,529
And the truth is...
420
00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:31,698
...I can't see.
421
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,833
I need glasses.
422
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:36,202
There, I said it.
423
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,204
I...
424
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,540
need glasses.
425
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,678
How brave is this guy?
426
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,620
Are you friggin' kidding me?
427
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,461
Walt, you have been
through a lot this weekend, but
428
00:21:01,495 --> 00:21:03,897
can you handle
one more truth bomb?
429
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,032
Another one?
430
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,367
I actually
do not like the Dallas Cowboys.
431
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,869
Whoa!
432
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:11,738
Well, now.
433
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,573
That's gonna take some time
to process.
434
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:17,443
If it makes you feel any better,
I like cowboys in general.
435
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,813
I guess that's just gonna have
to be enough.
436
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,582
By the way, Dad,
I'm loving your real look.
437
00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:24,283
Yeah, you dress
just like the guy
438
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,185
who runs the bake sale
at our church.
439
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:29,022
Wait a second. Is he...?
440
00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:31,057
Oh, honey. He is.
441
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,226
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
442
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,227
That's pretty good.
443
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,702
You've made the cut
with The Cool Kids.
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