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1
00:00:00,518 --> 00:00:07,423
♪♪
2
00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:10,259
♪ Satisfaction ♪
3
00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:11,460
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo ♪
4
00:00:11,462 --> 00:00:14,530
♪ Came in a chain reaction ♪
5
00:00:14,532 --> 00:00:15,831
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
6
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:18,133
♪ I couldn't get enough ♪
7
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:21,370
♪ Till I had to self-destruct ♪
8
00:00:21,372 --> 00:00:23,072
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo ♪
9
00:00:23,074 --> 00:00:25,908
♪ The heat was on ♪
10
00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:30,179
♪ Risin' to the top ♪
11
00:00:30,181 --> 00:00:32,347
♪ Everybody's goin' strong ♪
12
00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:33,515
♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo ♪
13
00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:35,551
♪ That is when
my spark got hot ♪
14
00:00:35,553 --> 00:00:37,152
♪ I heard somebody say ♪
15
00:00:37,154 --> 00:00:38,987
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
16
00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:40,622
♪ Disco inferno ♪
17
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,291
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
18
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,293
♪ Burn that mother down, now ♪
19
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,295
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
20
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,163
♪ Disco inferno ♪
21
00:00:48,165 --> 00:00:49,732
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
22
00:00:49,734 --> 00:00:50,999
♪ Yeah, burn the mother down ♪
23
00:00:51,001 --> 00:00:52,034
♪ Burn it down ♪
24
00:00:52,036 --> 00:00:53,669
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
25
00:00:53,671 --> 00:00:55,537
♪ Disco inferno ♪
Blblblblbblb!
26
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:57,439
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
27
00:00:57,441 --> 00:00:59,241
♪ The mother down ♪
28
00:00:59,243 --> 00:01:01,310
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
29
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:03,212
♪ Aaaaaaah, ha! ♪
30
00:01:03,214 --> 00:01:04,780
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
31
00:01:04,782 --> 00:01:06,281
♪ Burn that mother down ♪
32
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:07,516
[ Laughter ]
33
00:01:07,518 --> 00:01:09,718
Good job, guys.
34
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,587
-Best day ever!
-Ahh.
35
00:01:11,589 --> 00:01:15,390
Whoa! Granny, how did I not
notice your humongo muff?
36
00:01:15,392 --> 00:01:17,593
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
37
00:01:17,595 --> 00:01:20,429
[ Foreigner's
"Hot Blooded" plays ]
38
00:01:20,431 --> 00:01:25,400
♪♪
39
00:01:25,402 --> 00:01:28,103
♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
40
00:01:28,105 --> 00:01:30,706
♪ Check it and see ♪
41
00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:34,543
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
42
00:01:34,545 --> 00:01:37,112
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
43
00:01:37,114 --> 00:01:40,015
♪♪
44
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,251
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Hey!
45
00:01:42,253 --> 00:01:43,552
Put down that spanakopita.
46
00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:45,687
Friday's the big day.
I need you looking fit.
47
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,689
-What's Friday?
-"What's Friday?"
48
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,191
Come on, Granny.
You kidding me?
49
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,760
Friday is the photo shoot for
the Fireman Beefcake Calendar.
50
00:01:51,762 --> 00:01:54,129
Like, hello? It's only the
biggest day of the year.
51
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:55,330
Hello!
52
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,466
I need you to get beefy,
Granny, okay?
53
00:01:57,468 --> 00:02:01,203
Station 48 sold 1,000 copies of
their calendar last month alone.
54
00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:02,704
You think I'm gonna
let us get outsold
55
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,239
by these
hideous gargoyles?
56
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:07,810
No. No. Look at this guy.
Joe Manganiello wannabe.
57
00:02:07,812 --> 00:02:09,912
When are we gonna stop
these competitions
58
00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:12,080
with other
fire stations, huh?
59
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:13,515
My butthole
is still burning
60
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:15,250
from the ghost-pepper
challenge video.
61
00:02:15,252 --> 00:02:17,085
Oh, yeah. How many ghost peppers
did you put in your butt?
62
00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:19,154
Like 12?
-And yet only 11 came out.
63
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:21,723
Strange, Granny.
-I don't know about you guys,
64
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,525
but I am ready
for the big shoot.
65
00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,460
I haven't had a carb
in three weeks.
66
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,162
Good for you,
but I got to tell ya,
67
00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:29,231
the key really is to be
as oily as possible.
68
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,566
Now, a little
trade secret --
69
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,568
in my other life, I'm a
professional male dancer.
70
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,735
Not sure if you know that.
71
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,904
And looking bad
is not an option.
72
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:39,541
That's why I trust generic brand
Canyon Breeze Baby Oil.
73
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:40,876
Both:
Canyon Breeze?
74
00:02:40,878 --> 00:02:43,111
Canyon Breeze --
America's number-one choice
75
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:44,913
for high-performance
stage oil.
76
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,850
♪ Canyon Breeze ♪
[ Ding! ]
77
00:02:47,852 --> 00:02:50,419
No, no. You remember
what happened last year
when we got too oily.
78
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,120
Nice technique. Good.
79
00:02:52,122 --> 00:02:54,323
[ Alarm blaring ]
80
00:02:54,325 --> 00:02:56,658
[ Floor squeaking ]
81
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,727
[ Grunts ] Aah!
82
00:02:58,729 --> 00:03:00,095
[ Squish ]
Ohh!
83
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:04,433
♪♪
84
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:05,767
Ahh...
85
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,469
Last year was last year.
86
00:03:07,471 --> 00:03:09,104
Last year, my mom didn't
even put up the calendar.
87
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,839
She said it was
borderline pornographic.
88
00:03:10,841 --> 00:03:12,908
Yeah, but your mom thinks
"Dancing with the Stars"
89
00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:14,243
is borderline
pornographic.
90
00:03:14,245 --> 00:03:15,644
Well, anything on ABC.
91
00:03:15,646 --> 00:03:19,014
But look. This is the annual
beefcake calendar, okay?
92
00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:20,816
It's not about
pleasing our families.
93
00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:24,052
It's about vanity,
ego, competition,
94
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:26,655
you know,
and charity, I suppose.
95
00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,490
-What charity?
-Primates for Pets.
96
00:03:28,492 --> 00:03:30,659
They provide helper monkeys
for retired service animals.
97
00:03:30,661 --> 00:03:32,361
All: Aww!
98
00:03:32,363 --> 00:03:34,897
The world has changed.
99
00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:37,566
Issues of workplace sexuality
are delicate.
100
00:03:37,568 --> 00:03:39,234
All right, well,
you can't take the beefiness
101
00:03:39,236 --> 00:03:40,535
out of
the beefcake calendar.
102
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:42,004
It's a point of pride
for my guys.
103
00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:43,705
This is coming
from up high, Terry.
104
00:03:43,707 --> 00:03:44,973
You know it's not me.
105
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,409
I'm the dirtiest gal
in all of City Hall.
106
00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:49,344
Last year's Secret Santa,
I gave Polly Purdue
107
00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:51,613
a mug that said
"Men are like coffee.
108
00:03:51,615 --> 00:03:54,416
The good ones keep you up
all night long."
109
00:03:54,418 --> 00:03:57,552
[ Laughing ]
110
00:03:57,554 --> 00:03:58,921
Oh, my gosh!
111
00:03:58,923 --> 00:04:00,555
All right, but, honestly,
what does this mean?
112
00:04:00,557 --> 00:04:03,025
What are the parameters?
Nothing hard and fast.
113
00:04:03,027 --> 00:04:04,960
[ Gasps, snorts ]
You see?!
114
00:04:04,962 --> 00:04:07,696
I'm like Sarah Silverman over
here with the raunchiness!
115
00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:09,865
-Funny.
-It's common sense, really.
116
00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:11,967
No more bare butt.
-Adorable.
117
00:04:11,969 --> 00:04:14,670
No more using live animals
to cover private parts.
118
00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:16,471
[ Chuckles ]
Sharp claws.
119
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:19,074
And no more using
fire hoses to suggest
120
00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:21,510
the functions
of the male genitalia.
121
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,811
Oh, yeah.
I didn't see that before.
122
00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:24,980
Huh. You're tying
our hands here.
123
00:04:24,982 --> 00:04:26,548
Just think of it
as a challenge.
124
00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:28,583
Come up with a nice,
wholesome calendar
125
00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,485
that has some
redeeming value.
126
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:33,522
Redeeming values? I don't
even know what that means.
127
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,924
Okay, I'm not happy
about it, either, but
maybe she's got a point.
128
00:04:35,926 --> 00:04:37,492
-Nah. Come on, Chief.
-What point? What?
129
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:38,827
-What do you mean?
-No way!
130
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,796
Well, maybe we pushed
this thing into the territory
131
00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:42,464
unbecoming of
a professional operation.
132
00:04:42,466 --> 00:04:44,666
But you can't do that!
I mean, I was gonna do this bit
133
00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:47,035
where I covered my
unmentionables in
extinguisher foam.
134
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,503
It was gonna be so hot!
135
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:49,705
You were gonna do this?
136
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,273
Why wouldn't I?
I'm a firefighter.
137
00:04:51,275 --> 00:04:53,342
Well, you know, I-I just figured
it was a beefcake calendar,
138
00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:54,910
so it'd be limited
to the beefs.
139
00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,478
That is sexist.
140
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,181
Chief, like it or not,
part of being a firefighter
141
00:04:59,183 --> 00:05:02,584
is the inalienable right to
pose seductively for a calendar
142
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:05,187
that people give to their
spinster aunt as a gag gift.
143
00:05:05,189 --> 00:05:07,022
-Yeah!
-You're Goddamn right!
144
00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:08,490
You're Goddamn right!
Come on!
145
00:05:08,492 --> 00:05:10,726
-Hallelujah!
-Okay. Great point.
146
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,795
In the meantime, I would
love for everyone to come up
147
00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:16,231
with a wholesome concept
for this calendar shoot.
148
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,399
-Ugh.
-No!
149
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,201
-Why?!
-Carry on.
150
00:05:19,203 --> 00:05:22,037
Mother: This is four Sundays in a row you've missed church.
151
00:05:22,039 --> 00:05:25,374
I know, Mom, but they have me
working on Sundays now.
152
00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:27,709
Ha, ha, ha.
That girl is hot A.F., huh?
153
00:05:27,711 --> 00:05:29,678
Pfft. Shoot! Huh!
154
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,946
Who are you talking to?
155
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:32,748
Who's hot A.F.? Are you dating a girl?
156
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,317
How come you won't call any of the nice girls I set you up with?
157
00:05:35,319 --> 00:05:37,185
Mom, I -- It was
just something on the TV, okay?
158
00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:38,687
What are they making you watch over there?
159
00:05:38,689 --> 00:05:39,888
"Dancing with the Stars"?
160
00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:42,924
Okay, Mom, uh, I got to go.
Okay? But I lov--
161
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:47,362
Ha, ha, ha!
Yeah! No, you shut up!
162
00:05:47,364 --> 00:05:48,597
Ah, totally!
163
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,798
[ Phone beeps ]
164
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,000
My dudes are crazy!
165
00:05:52,002 --> 00:05:53,201
How's your mom?
166
00:05:53,203 --> 00:05:55,170
[ Groans ]
You know, sh--
167
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:57,572
She's just so disapproving
of everything, you know?
168
00:05:57,574 --> 00:06:00,175
Well, maybe next year,
we'll do a Fun Run for charity.
169
00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:02,577
Yeah, she thinks jogging
is erotic, so...
170
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:03,979
It's calendar time!
171
00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:05,480
-Chiefy.
-Awesome!
172
00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:07,215
All right. Who's kicking off
the brainstorm?
173
00:06:07,217 --> 00:06:08,750
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me start, okay?
174
00:06:08,752 --> 00:06:12,054
Because this is a slam dunk,
all right?
175
00:06:12,056 --> 00:06:16,258
Let's do the photo spread
covered in raw meat and pastry.
176
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,529
Nobody?
Guys, come on.
177
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:23,865
Raw meat -- beef.
Pastry -- cake.
178
00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,635
Beefcake. [ Laughs ]
Right? Perfect.
179
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,937
We'll get local businesses
to donate the food,
180
00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:31,006
then we auction it off
after we're done.
181
00:06:31,008 --> 00:06:32,140
-That's gross.
-No. Boo.
182
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,108
-Boo.
-What?
183
00:06:33,110 --> 00:06:35,010
-Auction used meat?
-Whatever.
184
00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:36,878
All right, next.
Come on. Let's go.
185
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,048
Okay, so, we are looking
for unsexy, right?
186
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:41,550
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
187
00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:45,287
What's more unsexy than
puppet versions of ourselves?
188
00:06:45,289 --> 00:06:46,922
-What does that mean?
-Okay, you know what?
189
00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:49,891
Maybe you'll be more
receptive to this idea
190
00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:52,327
if it's presented by...
191
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,563
[high-pitched voice]
...Fireman Bob!
192
00:06:54,565 --> 00:06:56,064
-[ Chuckles ]
-Oh, boy.
193
00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,133
So, uh, you all making
a calendar of sorts?
194
00:06:58,135 --> 00:06:59,401
Ha, ha. Is that it?
195
00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:00,402
-Boo, boo.
-Boo!
196
00:07:00,404 --> 00:07:01,703
How does that
even work?
197
00:07:01,705 --> 00:07:03,105
You dummies wouldn't
know a good idea
198
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,606
if it bit you
on the behind!
199
00:07:04,608 --> 00:07:05,907
[ Grunts ]
200
00:07:05,909 --> 00:07:08,777
Okay. Enough with your puppet.
Next! Come on, next.
201
00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:12,214
What if we all pose
in respectful portraits
202
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:14,416
with our
respective mothers?
203
00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:18,053
And, uh, we're wearing costumes
that celebrate our heritage,
204
00:07:18,055 --> 00:07:20,155
so I'd do Hawaii,
obviously.
205
00:07:20,157 --> 00:07:22,357
And you would do...
white?
206
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,692
-Okay, no.
-No, no, no, no, no.
207
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,227
-Boo!
-No. Boo, boo, boo.
208
00:07:25,229 --> 00:07:28,330
Okay, when's the last time
any of you saw firefighters
209
00:07:28,332 --> 00:07:30,999
posing with gigantic
fruits and vegetables?
210
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:33,268
That's not hot, Cap.
That's just bizarre.
211
00:07:33,270 --> 00:07:36,338
Mm. Believe me, Ike,
nudity is passé.
212
00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:38,039
Bizarre is
the new nudity.
213
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,641
That sounds like
a perfume commercial.
214
00:07:39,643 --> 00:07:41,243
Yeah, it sounds like
a perfume commercial.
215
00:07:41,245 --> 00:07:42,677
Chief, I can tell
you're intrigued.
216
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,312
Well, we're supposed
to do something
217
00:07:44,314 --> 00:07:45,680
with redeeming value,
right?
218
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,249
Fruits, vegetables,
food groups --
219
00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:48,383
something for the kids.
220
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,153
[ Inhales deeply ]
I like it.
221
00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:54,523
Run with it, Penisi.
Good meeting.
222
00:07:54,525 --> 00:07:56,958
This is the most ridiculous idea
I've ever heard!
223
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,661
Fruits and vegetables? Are
you having an aneurysm, Cap?
224
00:07:59,663 --> 00:08:01,863
Yeah, having an aneurysm
like a fox.
225
00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:05,534
We can be naked
behind the food.
226
00:08:05,536 --> 00:08:07,068
Natural, delicious foods
227
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,272
presented by au naturel
firefighters.
228
00:08:10,274 --> 00:08:12,841
It's the perfect Trojan horse.
Think about it.
229
00:08:12,843 --> 00:08:14,476
Who's gonna call you out
for being naked
230
00:08:14,478 --> 00:08:16,745
as long as
the food pyramid's involved?
231
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,113
-Nobody.
-Nobody.
232
00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:19,748
-Nobody.
-Cap! I could kiss you.
233
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,150
Well, you better do it now,
'cause in a couple days,
234
00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:23,485
I'm gonna be
naked and oily
235
00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:25,220
with a gigantic stalk
of nutritious asparagus
236
00:08:25,222 --> 00:08:26,621
right in front
of my wang!
237
00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:28,323
[ All laughing and cheering ]
238
00:08:29,159 --> 00:08:30,458
♪♪
239
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,260
Oh, that's what
I like to see --
240
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,062
some hard, buff bodies
for our wholesome
241
00:08:34,064 --> 00:08:35,630
and healthy
beefcake calendar.
242
00:08:35,632 --> 00:08:37,566
We're gonna out-sell
every station in town.
243
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:41,002
-You got that right.
-Ooh! Ho, ho, ho! Okay.
244
00:08:41,004 --> 00:08:43,838
Which one of you has
been doing one of those
stanky-ass cleanse diets?
245
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,373
Sauerkraut butt blast.
246
00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:48,009
-The paprika mega-purge.
-The cayenne clinch. Ahh.
247
00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,111
I've just been doing
Weight Watchers.
Sensible.
248
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,080
Hey, guys, let me get
your opinion on something.
249
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:54,115
I'm thinking about growing
my nip hairs out.
250
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,750
I think they're
making a comeback,
251
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,452
and I do want
to be on trend, so...
252
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,821
Lucky for you, the unibrow
is making a comeback.
253
00:08:59,823 --> 00:09:01,289
[ Laughter ]
254
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,825
And you need a once-over
with those ear and nose hairs,
255
00:09:03,827 --> 00:09:05,827
old timer.
Hey, watch it, whippersnapper.
256
00:09:05,829 --> 00:09:07,662
Hey, Andy, doesn't
your mom run a salon?
257
00:09:07,664 --> 00:09:09,731
Maybe she can give us all, like,
a friends and family discount.
258
00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:11,032
Yeah, I don't know.
259
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,201
I think there's something
weirdly sexual about my mom
260
00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:14,836
pouring hot wax
on your bodies.
261
00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:16,004
Hey, hey.
262
00:09:16,006 --> 00:09:18,440
Uh, then we're definitely
doing it, like 100%.
263
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:20,141
-Settled.
-Maybe she can take a look
264
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,177
at Granny's humongous muff.
Dude.
265
00:09:22,179 --> 00:09:24,312
Yeah, maybe she's got
a weed whacker in
the back of her salon.
266
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,214
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Time-out.
267
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:28,183
Nobody's touching
my briar patch, okay?
268
00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:30,218
Remember Samson in the Bible?
All right?
269
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,554
You cut off the bird's nest,
I lose my manhood.
270
00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:34,456
Not happening.
-Ugh!
271
00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:37,192
It smells like a Dumpster behind
a Hungarian restaurant in here.
272
00:09:37,194 --> 00:09:38,893
-We're all fartin'.
-We're all doing
273
00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:40,895
different master cleanses.
-I'm doing Weight Watchers.
274
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,897
Probie, go to my bathroom
and get the pot-pourri spray.
275
00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:46,034
Oh, great, now it'll smell
like shit and pot-pourri.
276
00:09:46,036 --> 00:09:48,503
Huh. Master cleanses
and vanity workouts, huh?
277
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,872
Seems unnecessary for
a food-group calendar.
278
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:52,540
We're just trying to
stay healthy, Chief.
279
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:53,975
-Is that what it is?
-Yeah.
280
00:09:53,977 --> 00:09:55,477
-You sure?
-Poz.
281
00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,178
You should try it sometime.
-What'd you say?
282
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,780
-Hmm?
-You say something?
283
00:09:58,782 --> 00:10:00,949
I said, uh, we're just trying
to stay healthy, Chief.
284
00:10:00,951 --> 00:10:04,185
Okay.
It stinks in here.
285
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,321
-Mm-hmm.
-[ Whistling ]
286
00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:08,556
Okay, so, we'll meet up
287
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:10,492
at Andy's mom's place
after work, right?
288
00:10:10,494 --> 00:10:11,826
On one condition, though.
289
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,662
Nobody say anything
about the calendar.
290
00:10:13,664 --> 00:10:15,430
She'd go nuts.
[ Laughs ]
291
00:10:15,432 --> 00:10:17,299
[ Fart ]
I gotta go.
292
00:10:17,301 --> 00:10:18,867
-Oh, oh, oh.
-Unh!
293
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,670
[ Door bell chimes ]
294
00:10:21,672 --> 00:10:23,672
Hi.
295
00:10:23,674 --> 00:10:25,740
Ooh, cool!
296
00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:28,743
Alo-Air -- Alao --
Alo-hay-ir.
297
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:31,513
Ala --
Hair-ah --
298
00:10:31,515 --> 00:10:34,015
Bah! I give up!
How do you say it?
299
00:10:34,017 --> 00:10:36,051
Hey! Ka'ponko!
300
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,119
-Hey, Mom. Hi.
-Hi, honey.
301
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:39,921
Ka'ponko? What's --
What's Ka'ponko?
302
00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:41,856
Oh, my Hawaiian name
is Ka'ponko.
303
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,024
-Oh.
-Oh.
304
00:10:43,026 --> 00:10:44,693
What are we doing today?
A butt wax?
305
00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:46,995
Or are we just touching up
around the ding-a-ling?
306
00:10:46,997 --> 00:10:48,330
-Ooh. Uh...
-[ Laughs ]
307
00:10:48,332 --> 00:10:51,366
-I'll do the usual.
-Oh, okay, all three. All right.
308
00:10:51,368 --> 00:10:53,201
Hey, let's
get smooth, huh?
309
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:54,836
-Hey, get smooth!
-Smooth.
310
00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:55,937
[ Tearing ]
311
00:10:55,939 --> 00:10:57,572
[ Chuckling ] Ow!
That's a new feeling.
312
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,375
You should have seen my son
after his first butt wax.
313
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:02,610
He cried for days!
-Mom!
314
00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:04,446
[ Laughter ]
315
00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:06,815
Aw, but, Andy's Mom,
I think that's just Ka'ponko
316
00:11:06,817 --> 00:11:08,416
being Ka'ponko,
though, right?
317
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,119
-That's our Ka'ponko!
-Classic Ka'ponko.
318
00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:12,354
Total Ka'ponko.
319
00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:13,955
Mm-hmm!
320
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:15,223
[ Laughter ]
321
00:11:15,225 --> 00:11:16,925
Ooh.
322
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:20,061
That is a lot of hair.
323
00:11:20,063 --> 00:11:22,897
Let me see here. Yikes!
324
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,533
Hey, did you sneak a
Portuguese Water Dog in here?
325
00:11:25,535 --> 00:11:27,335
Read the sign --
"No pets."
326
00:11:27,337 --> 00:11:29,137
Oh, no, ma'am.
With all due respect,
327
00:11:29,139 --> 00:11:32,307
I will pass on the waxing
of my low 'fro.
328
00:11:32,309 --> 00:11:34,976
Oh, don't be silly. Everybody in
my Bible study group's doing it.
329
00:11:34,978 --> 00:11:37,912
Oh, Granny, just do it.
Then you'll be all nice and trim
for the beefcake calendar.
330
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,347
What? Beefcake?
331
00:11:39,349 --> 00:11:41,416
[ Sizzling ]
Aaaaaaah!
332
00:11:41,418 --> 00:11:43,685
I don't do porn stars!
Get out!
333
00:11:43,687 --> 00:11:45,120
It's gonna be
a nice calendar, Mom.
334
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,354
That's what you said
last year
335
00:11:46,356 --> 00:11:47,722
when you grabbed
the fire hydrant
336
00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:50,825
between your legs to suggest how
the male genitalia functions!
337
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:53,395
-Well, you wax buttholes!
-Out, out, out!
338
00:11:53,397 --> 00:11:57,298
I will not have you taint
the dignity of the Myawani name!
339
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,434
The woman does know
a thing or two about taints.
340
00:11:59,436 --> 00:12:02,337
Not funny! Get out!
Get out, get out!
341
00:12:02,339 --> 00:12:04,439
-Hey, whoa! Hey!
-Out, cowboy boots!
342
00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:05,507
Thank you.
343
00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:10,345
[ All grunting ]
344
00:12:10,347 --> 00:12:11,646
Oh, God! I can't walk!
345
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,381
You guys,
don't break the fruit.
346
00:12:13,383 --> 00:12:15,216
We have to use it
for the calendar.
347
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:16,451
[ Laughs ]
348
00:12:16,453 --> 00:12:17,552
[ Both grunting ]
349
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:21,623
This calendar shoot
is gonna be bananas.
350
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:23,057
How you holding up,
Granny?
351
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:25,927
Had to shave it bald
to get all the wax off.
352
00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:28,596
[ Crying ] And it's gone.
It's all gone.
353
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,500
Am I the only one
freezing in here?
354
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,903
[ Whimpering ]
355
00:12:36,573 --> 00:12:38,273
"Excuse me, sir, have you,
uh, had your picture
356
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,809
taken before with fruits
and vegetables covering
your unmentionables?"
357
00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:42,377
"Um, yeah, well, you know,
I've done, uh --
358
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,778
I've done pickle,
I've done cucumber,
359
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,013
I've done, uh,
squash, eggplant.
360
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,881
Never a, uh, chili pepper,
though, so..."
361
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:48,283
How great
is this banana?
362
00:12:48,285 --> 00:12:50,318
If only I could pull back
the peels and then use that
363
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,986
to cover my melons,
you know what I mean?
364
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,621
[ Laughs ]
Awesome.
365
00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:55,523
Seems like the nudity's creeping
back into this photo shoot!
366
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,358
Oh, yeah!
It's gonna be epic, Chief!
367
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,726
-No, no, no, no, no.
-No, no, no, no, no.
368
00:12:58,728 --> 00:13:00,094
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
369
00:13:00,096 --> 00:13:01,563
It's clean.
It's on the up-and-up.
370
00:13:01,565 --> 00:13:02,931
-You sure?
-Yeah, you said no nudity.
371
00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,466
There's gonna be no --
n-no nudity.
372
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,668
Yeah. Fruits and vegetables.
What can we possibly
do that's dirty?
373
00:13:06,670 --> 00:13:08,036
No nudity.
374
00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:12,273
-You take my picture.
-Ohh!
375
00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:15,410
No-o-o-o!
376
00:13:15,412 --> 00:13:17,645
[ Sighs ]
377
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:24,018
♪♪
378
00:13:25,989 --> 00:13:27,956
[ Sighs ]
379
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:33,094
♪♪
380
00:13:33,096 --> 00:13:34,863
[ Breathes deeply ]
381
00:13:34,865 --> 00:13:37,098
Hmm.
382
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,033
♪♪
383
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:41,703
[ Sighs ]
384
00:13:41,705 --> 00:13:43,872
Release it all over.
385
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,607
Sorry about your pants, Cap,
but that's, you know...
386
00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:47,208
So, as you can see,
387
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:48,943
you got more of
a general shine
388
00:13:48,945 --> 00:13:50,545
going here, right?
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:53,414
Whereas my Canyon Breeze --
more of a shimmer, you know?
390
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,383
More -- More for show. Boop.
-Yeah, I see.
391
00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:57,552
-Got a nice scent, too.
-That's not bad.
392
00:13:57,554 --> 00:13:59,654
[ Sniffs ] I mean,
that smells great.
393
00:13:59,656 --> 00:14:02,257
Right?
It's like vanilla
with jasmine.
394
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,459
Hey, hold on, you guys.
Is that what
the Canyon Breeze is?
395
00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:06,728
-Yeah.
-Tough day for both of us, huh?
396
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:08,463
Yeah, but your pubes
will grown back,
397
00:14:08,465 --> 00:14:12,000
and my issue with my mom
is gonna go on forever.
398
00:14:12,002 --> 00:14:14,068
You know, I was raised
by my grandmother.
399
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:16,671
She said the same thing,
till a few years ago,
400
00:14:16,673 --> 00:14:19,908
I finally had enough, and
I walked straight up to Granny.
401
00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:23,511
I said, "Granny, I'm a
grown-ass man. No more."
402
00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:25,547
Granny said, "Don't
talk to me like that."
403
00:14:25,549 --> 00:14:27,115
I said,
"Granny, hear me out."
404
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:29,651
Granny said, "You go to
your room right now."
405
00:14:29,653 --> 00:14:32,220
"Granny, I'm not going
to my room anymore, Granny."
406
00:14:32,222 --> 00:14:34,155
"Granny, don't talk
to me like that!
407
00:14:34,157 --> 00:14:35,623
I said go to your room!"
408
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:39,227
"Well, Granny's time to go
to Granny's room is over!"
409
00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:41,262
And that's when I think
Granny understood.
410
00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:45,466
Or should I say...
Granny understood Granny.
411
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:48,036
I'm sorry.
You lost me so long ago.
412
00:14:48,038 --> 00:14:50,204
Point is, is that
you got to let her know
413
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,940
that you can make
your own decisions.
414
00:14:51,942 --> 00:14:54,542
And tell her that you're
doing that beefcake calendar.
415
00:14:54,544 --> 00:14:56,578
No, you're right. Yeah.
I'm gonna do it.
416
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:58,880
Thanks, Granny.
-That's what I'm talking about.
417
00:14:58,882 --> 00:15:00,949
-Mm-hmm.
-Is that pressure okay?
418
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:03,418
Mm, mm-hmm, mm.
Mm, Mm-hmm.
419
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:04,752
-There you go.
-Yeah.
420
00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,387
Feels like a lot, but it's not
that much. Ah, it is.
421
00:15:06,389 --> 00:15:08,456
It's quite a bit. Might go
down into your pants a bit.
422
00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:11,159
Oh, my God. My skin is, like,
absorbing this like a sponge.
423
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,394
Yeah, yeah. You know what you
got to do? You got to relax.
424
00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:16,130
-Okay, okay.
-Get my arm. Come on.
425
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,299
[ Ike and Granny grunting ]
Hey, hey, hey, guys!
426
00:15:18,301 --> 00:15:20,268
Can I have your attention,
please? Listen up here, guys.
427
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,803
I just got off the phone
with Linda Price.
428
00:15:21,805 --> 00:15:23,438
Apparently she got word
that you guys were trying
429
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,173
to sneak nudity
into this new concept.
430
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,674
And I'm sorry to say this,
431
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,477
but Linda Price has canceled
this year's calendar shoot.
432
00:15:29,479 --> 00:15:31,346
What?! What?!
What? No!
No, no, no!
433
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,181
-Hey, hey! Come on, Chief!
-It's off.
434
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,450
-Are you kidding me?!
-Terrible news, guys.
435
00:15:35,452 --> 00:15:36,918
-Come on!
-For all of us.
436
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,119
-Come on!
-Hey. Come on, Chief.
437
00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:39,621
-Chief!
-Man!
438
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:43,658
♪♪
439
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:45,693
You!
I tried to stop him,
Miss Price,
440
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,929
but...he was
too slippery.
441
00:15:47,931 --> 00:15:50,531
That's okay.
You seem hot and bothered.
442
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,966
-I am.
-And oily.
443
00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:53,868
-Yeah, I am.
-How can I help?
444
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,405
You can start by taking that
stick out of your badonkadonk!
445
00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,907
Look. I know times
are changing, okay?
446
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:03,044
But my grandfather
Luigi Penisi
447
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:07,115
appeared in the 1953
Tacoma FD Beefcake Calendar
448
00:16:07,117 --> 00:16:09,651
using a suggestively placed
sausage to help a woman
449
00:16:09,653 --> 00:16:11,953
in a bikini climb down
from a burning building.
450
00:16:11,955 --> 00:16:13,655
Now, I'm pretty sure
I understand
451
00:16:13,657 --> 00:16:15,690
why you couldn't get away
with that today.
452
00:16:15,692 --> 00:16:19,093
But I will not leave this office
until you explain to me
453
00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:21,262
why we can't have
a photo shoot
454
00:16:21,264 --> 00:16:23,498
where we pose with
oversize food groups.
455
00:16:25,935 --> 00:16:27,735
Ugh!
-Wow.
456
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,604
An impressive,
dramatic monologue
457
00:16:29,606 --> 00:16:32,240
and delightful display
of physical comedy.
458
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,675
Ohh.
459
00:16:33,677 --> 00:16:35,510
But who said you can't do
the photo shoot?
460
00:16:35,512 --> 00:16:37,912
Uh, I was told
that you were the one
461
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,481
who put the kibosh
on the calendar.
462
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,016
No.
463
00:16:42,018 --> 00:16:44,519
I've even arranged to put them
up in all the public schools.
464
00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:46,654
Be sure
to include cabbage.
465
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:49,390
I feel like cabbage
gets a bad rap.
466
00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:52,126
[ Chuckles ]
467
00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:54,996
T-That means that...
468
00:16:54,998 --> 00:16:57,699
Miss Price, I'm sorry
I got your desk all greasy.
469
00:16:57,701 --> 00:17:01,069
Mm. From now on, I'll call you
"Greasy Penisi."
470
00:17:01,071 --> 00:17:04,806
Yeah, actually that's a racially
insensitive slur nowadays.
471
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:07,442
Huh. Times really
have changed.
472
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,477
So, did you hear the one
about the two peanuts
473
00:17:09,479 --> 00:17:11,145
who got...a-salted?
474
00:17:11,147 --> 00:17:13,181
[ Chuckles ]
Shit. No. Wait.
475
00:17:13,183 --> 00:17:15,717
Two peanuts
walk into a bar.
476
00:17:15,719 --> 00:17:19,454
One of them
gets a-salted, yeah?
477
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:20,788
I think.
478
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,890
Okay, look. I'm off
my A-game. All right?
479
00:17:22,892 --> 00:17:25,226
I was forced to shave off
my low 'fro today,
480
00:17:25,228 --> 00:17:26,928
but if I can just kind of
give you an explanation...
481
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:28,863
[ Whistles ] Hey.
482
00:17:28,865 --> 00:17:31,199
...as to why the peanuts
were assaulted.
Come on, boys.
Let's get out of here.
483
00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:33,835
Hey. Let's go, buddy.
Oops.
484
00:17:33,837 --> 00:17:36,104
Have a nice day.
485
00:17:36,106 --> 00:17:39,974
Hey, Chief. Guess what.
I just spoke to Linda Price.
486
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:43,311
And she says she didn't
cancel the calendar.
487
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,779
Wh-a-a-at?
488
00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:47,415
In fact, she said she didn't
speak to you at all today.
489
00:17:47,417 --> 00:17:48,816
All right.
You know what?
490
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,551
I don't have to answer
to you guys
491
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:53,354
about the decisions made
in this station, okay?
I knew it. I knew it.
492
00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:54,989
This calendar thing's
a distraction.
493
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,426
You guys are running around like
a bunch of oiled-up peacocks.
494
00:17:58,428 --> 00:18:01,129
Wait. This is
about me, isn't it?
495
00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:04,132
You just don't want
to see your little girl
496
00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:06,400
posing provocatively
for a calendar?
497
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:07,902
No, I don't mind that.
498
00:18:07,904 --> 00:18:10,738
I mean, well, I don't want to
see you in a racy photo, but...
499
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:13,074
you're a grown woman.
You can make your own choices.
500
00:18:13,076 --> 00:18:15,309
Yeah?
So what is it then?
501
00:18:16,713 --> 00:18:17,945
You want to know
what it is?
502
00:18:17,947 --> 00:18:19,413
Yeah, I want to know
what it is.
503
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:21,449
You want to know?
I just said I want
to know what it is.
504
00:18:21,451 --> 00:18:23,484
-Yes, we want to know!
-Do both of you want to know?!
505
00:18:23,486 --> 00:18:24,552
We want --
Tell us what it is!
506
00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:25,653
What do you think
we're doing here?!
507
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:28,589
It's me, okay?
It's me. Look.
508
00:18:28,591 --> 00:18:30,758
I used to be a fit stud.
509
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,627
I was a cover boy!
510
00:18:32,629 --> 00:18:35,396
A virile piece of man meat!
511
00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:39,233
That's June!
I look like Toby Keith!
512
00:18:39,235 --> 00:18:40,701
Now what, huh?
513
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,037
Now I'm supposed to be on
some calendar half undressed,
514
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,807
looking like a tired old sack
of whale blubber?!
515
00:18:45,809 --> 00:18:48,543
Dad,
don't be ridiculous.
516
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:51,445
You're still one of the
handsomest guys that I know.
517
00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:54,782
Yes, you're larger, but you
carry it with dignity. You know?
518
00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:58,319
Like Cedric the Entertainer
or Meat Loaf
519
00:18:58,321 --> 00:19:01,455
or, um, Steven Seagal.
520
00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:03,224
Yeah, Seagal.
521
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,660
Look, you're still easily
one of the best-looking guys
522
00:19:05,662 --> 00:19:06,894
at the station.
523
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,197
Okay, okay, let's not
spread it on too thick here.
524
00:19:09,199 --> 00:19:11,332
Come on, Uncle Eddie!
Tell him how gorgeous he is.
525
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:12,834
No, I'm not gonna
lie to the guy.
526
00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:14,168
He knows
what he looks like.
527
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:16,804
But I will
say this, Chief.
528
00:19:16,806 --> 00:19:19,106
The world needs to
celebrate people like you.
529
00:19:19,108 --> 00:19:20,241
Yeah!
530
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,376
People of all shapes
and sizes.
531
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,679
This is the perfect
opportunity
532
00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,914
for you to send
a body-positive message --
533
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:31,018
something validating to all
those little kids out there
534
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:34,922
who, like you, resemble
a bowling ball on toothpicks.
535
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,524
Kids with butts
536
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:39,360
that couldn't possibly
hold up a pair of pants.
537
00:19:39,362 --> 00:19:42,530
Just looking at ass crack
all day long, 24/7.
538
00:19:42,532 --> 00:19:44,599
Hey, thanks, Uncle Eddie.
I'll stop you there.
539
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,634
You know what else?
I know this photo editor,
540
00:19:46,636 --> 00:19:48,336
and she has these apps
on her phone,
541
00:19:48,338 --> 00:19:50,438
and she can literally
turn you into the love child
542
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,741
of Russell Wilson and The Rock
in like three minutes.
543
00:19:53,743 --> 00:19:56,077
Really?
Yeah, you're gonna
look amazing!
544
00:19:56,079 --> 00:19:58,846
Let's do that.
Yeah, I think
that's a better idea.
545
00:19:58,848 --> 00:20:01,782
♪♪
546
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:06,487
♪ Mm-mm, mm, mm,
mm-mm, mm, mm ♪
547
00:20:06,489 --> 00:20:08,656
Come on, Andy!
548
00:20:08,658 --> 00:20:11,225
Buddy!
Come on, man.
549
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:13,127
Get into it.
It's gonna be a blast.
550
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,263
They've got everything
you want here. Look.
551
00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:17,698
Professional-quality
hair in a can.
552
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:19,700
-Hey! God, man!
-You love this stuff!
553
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,638
Mom?
554
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,606
I wanted to come here
to make sure you're not
555
00:20:25,608 --> 00:20:28,476
participating in this...
disgusting orgy.
556
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,878
Oh. We're having an orgy
after the shoot?
557
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,647
Not sure
I like the ratio.
558
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:33,915
You didn't
have to come here.
559
00:20:34,751 --> 00:20:36,717
-Tell her.
-You know what?
560
00:20:36,719 --> 00:20:39,820
I'm not a child anymore.
I can make my own decisions.
561
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,856
And I'm here to
support my friends,
562
00:20:41,858 --> 00:20:45,793
show off my ripped glutes,
and promote healthy eating.
563
00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:48,996
I love you, but I'm gonna
do this calendar.
564
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,532
Am I still
your little Ka'ponko?
565
00:20:52,602 --> 00:20:55,269
I have no Ka'ponko.
566
00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:58,806
What? Ugh.
Did you hear that?
567
00:20:58,808 --> 00:21:00,741
Hey. Hey.
It's gonna be okay.
568
00:21:00,743 --> 00:21:02,476
-You're our little Ka'ponko.
-[ Giggles ]
569
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:03,878
Come on.
It's gonna be awesome.
570
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,646
-Hey. Wait. Hey.
-Come on.
571
00:21:05,648 --> 00:21:08,149
Okay, who's gonna be the
first one to forever change
572
00:21:08,151 --> 00:21:10,685
the way people look
at beefcake calendars?
573
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:13,487
Watch and learn,
you hairless lap dogs.
574
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,289
-Yeah!
-Yeah, Chief!
575
00:21:15,291 --> 00:21:17,825
-Ohh!
-Perfect!
576
00:21:17,827 --> 00:21:19,961
Ooh, that ain't
dolphin-safe, Chief.
577
00:21:19,963 --> 00:21:21,595
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
578
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:23,998
Lucy:
Go, Chief. Go, Chief.
579
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,834
-I like mine with cheese!
-Work those buns!
580
00:21:26,836 --> 00:21:29,470
-Flame-broiled muscle.
-Make it ripe! Make it ripe!
581
00:21:29,472 --> 00:21:31,439
Peel it. Peel it.
582
00:21:31,441 --> 00:21:33,674
-Yeah, Lucy!
-Oh, oh!
583
00:21:33,676 --> 00:21:36,711
-Yeah, Cap!
-Ohh!
584
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,779
Yeah, cabbage!
585
00:21:38,781 --> 00:21:40,915
-Hey!
-Hey!
586
00:21:40,917 --> 00:21:43,484
-Yeah, Andy!
-Go ahead!
587
00:21:43,486 --> 00:21:45,419
Have some milk
with that cupcake.
588
00:21:45,421 --> 00:21:48,856
-Mmm! Yeah!
-He's feelin' it!
589
00:21:48,858 --> 00:21:51,325
I told you!
I told you!
590
00:21:51,327 --> 00:21:53,027
[ Laughter ]
591
00:21:53,029 --> 00:21:55,129
[ Indistinct shouting ]
592
00:21:55,131 --> 00:21:57,298
Granny:
Look at that Hawaiian flyin'.
593
00:21:57,300 --> 00:21:59,500
-Yeah!
-Put some cream in that thing!
594
00:21:59,502 --> 00:22:01,369
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
595
00:22:01,371 --> 00:22:03,037
-Get a glass of milk!
-Myawani!
596
00:22:03,039 --> 00:22:05,973
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
597
00:22:05,975 --> 00:22:07,274
Mom.
598
00:22:07,276 --> 00:22:10,311
Oh, uh, Ka'ponko.
Hey, don't worry.
599
00:22:10,313 --> 00:22:11,912
It's okay. All right?
600
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:14,181
Standing back there,
watching you look so...
601
00:22:14,183 --> 00:22:18,919
cute and tiny behind that
gigantic cupcake with sprinkles,
602
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:22,990
it just made me realize that
I was the one being small --
603
00:22:22,992 --> 00:22:26,093
small for not accepting
what made you happy.
604
00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,762
Aww.
605
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,730
Ka'ponko. Ohh.
[ Squish ]
606
00:22:29,732 --> 00:22:31,532
Ugh. You know what?
607
00:22:31,534 --> 00:22:34,769
And if dancing around naked
with food makes you happy...
608
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,470
-Yeah.
-...it makes me happy.
609
00:22:36,472 --> 00:22:39,140
All: Aww!
610
00:22:39,142 --> 00:22:41,075
Oh, and I had to
make it up to you, too.
611
00:22:41,077 --> 00:22:44,145
So I made you this.
612
00:22:44,147 --> 00:22:45,713
-My new low 'fro!
-Uh-huh.
613
00:22:45,715 --> 00:22:47,515
-[ Laughs ]
-It's made from sweepings.
614
00:22:47,517 --> 00:22:49,050
It's like a hodgepodge.
615
00:22:49,052 --> 00:22:50,718
-Smells great!
-Ah.
616
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,486
-Oh, right now?
-Oh!
617
00:22:52,488 --> 00:22:55,022
-I got my muff back!
-Ah!
618
00:22:56,526 --> 00:22:56,590
I guess I was thinking
we would be normal-sized
619
00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:00,728
and the food would be huge.
620
00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:02,863
Granny: Well, maybe there was a
miscommunication at the printer.
621
00:23:02,865 --> 00:23:04,598
Oh, no, no.
No miscommunication.
622
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,067
This is exactly
what I told him to do.
623
00:23:06,069 --> 00:23:08,102
[ Laughs ]
Aw, you look adorable.
624
00:23:08,104 --> 00:23:09,870
Did you see me on May?
May.
625
00:23:09,872 --> 00:23:11,939
-But hey. 2,000 copies.
-Wow. Really?
626
00:23:11,941 --> 00:23:14,308
Yep, we printed 2,000
of these idiotic calendars,
627
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,609
and we only sold 17.
628
00:23:15,611 --> 00:23:17,211
And thanks to Lucy,
we couldn't even tap into
629
00:23:17,213 --> 00:23:19,413
our historically reliable
gay-dude demographic.
630
00:23:19,415 --> 00:23:21,082
-Right. Thanks, Lucy.
-Man.
631
00:23:21,084 --> 00:23:23,250
Even the Tacoma public schools
didn't want it.
632
00:23:23,252 --> 00:23:25,286
-So, what now?
-Well, now you guys find a place
633
00:23:25,288 --> 00:23:28,122
to stash this huge cache
of useless calendars,
634
00:23:28,124 --> 00:23:31,125
and we never speak
of it again.
635
00:23:31,127 --> 00:23:33,894
Wait, Chief.
H-Hey, fellas!
636
00:23:33,896 --> 00:23:37,398
♪♪
637
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,700
Fools.
Bureaucratic fools!
638
00:23:39,702 --> 00:23:41,402
Hey, hey.
639
00:23:41,404 --> 00:23:43,671
They don't know
what they've got there.
640
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:45,973
Let me buy you
a protein shake.
641
00:23:45,975 --> 00:23:47,875
You know. Protein?
642
00:23:47,877 --> 00:23:57,685
♪♪
643
00:23:57,687 --> 00:24:07,528
♪♪
644
00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:17,338
♪♪
56116
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