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1
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- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
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Hello, my fellow Americans.
3
00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:09,351
- Hey.
- Fawz, you're back from Iraq.
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,180
I thought you were supposed
to be back a week ago.
5
00:00:11,186 --> 00:00:13,449
Well, that was the plan,
but as you might have heard,
6
00:00:13,455 --> 00:00:15,150
they've made it a little bit harder
7
00:00:15,156 --> 00:00:17,920
for people like me to
get back into the country.
8
00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:20,422
You're the one who voted for him.
9
00:00:20,428 --> 00:00:21,824
I'm not complaining.
10
00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:24,259
I just spent a glorious
weekend in the Baghdad airport
11
00:00:24,265 --> 00:00:27,763
living off of Cinnabons and
duty-free peppermint schnapps.
12
00:00:27,769 --> 00:00:31,233
Well, I'm glad you're back.
13
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:34,436
Did you, uh, bring me a souvenir?
14
00:00:34,442 --> 00:00:35,838
Snow globe? T-shirt?
15
00:00:35,844 --> 00:00:38,640
Some of those delicious
Kurds I keep hearing about?
16
00:00:38,646 --> 00:00:43,212
First of all, Kurds are people.
17
00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:44,980
And, no, I got you something better.
18
00:00:44,986 --> 00:00:46,882
- Try it on.
- Oh.
19
00:00:46,888 --> 00:00:48,250
Thanks, buddy.
20
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,518
What are those?
21
00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:51,920
- Oh, I'm taking the SATs next weekend.
- Yup.
22
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,857
Franco's been working really
hard at applying to college.
23
00:00:54,863 --> 00:00:59,127
And not getting me that donut
I ordered five minutes ago.
24
00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:00,295
Oh, my bad, Randy.
25
00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:02,397
You know, I might be
too old for college,
26
00:01:02,403 --> 00:01:04,500
but the good news is
that I hit that sweet spot
27
00:01:04,506 --> 00:01:06,201
where I get to hit on
faculty and students.
28
00:01:06,207 --> 00:01:10,339
Oh, yes, a young black man
who works at a donut shop
29
00:01:10,345 --> 00:01:13,375
and spends thousands of
dollars on an art degree.
30
00:01:13,381 --> 00:01:15,911
Sounds like a sad documentary.
31
00:01:15,917 --> 00:01:19,452
You know, I'm starting to
warm up to that travel ban.
32
00:01:20,788 --> 00:01:23,318
Guess who's got two arthritic thumbs
33
00:01:23,324 --> 00:01:25,854
and just bought a boat? This guy.
34
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Ow.
35
00:01:27,161 --> 00:01:28,557
Wow.
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00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:31,026
All these years of talking about a boat,
37
00:01:31,032 --> 00:01:32,694
- and you finally got one.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,863
- Never thought I'd see the day.
- Well,
39
00:01:34,869 --> 00:01:37,666
place has been doing very well
ever since I hired Franco here.
40
00:01:37,672 --> 00:01:39,368
Yeah, so instead of
putting those profits
41
00:01:39,374 --> 00:01:42,738
- into getting me a raise...
- I bought a boat!
42
00:01:42,744 --> 00:01:45,073
Hey, come on. You're the
one that's always telling me
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00:01:45,079 --> 00:01:47,242
to get out and enjoy my golden years.
44
00:01:47,248 --> 00:01:48,677
You're right, yeah. I think it's dope.
45
00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:50,579
Oh, I bought it at a police auction,
46
00:01:50,585 --> 00:01:52,481
and it was filled with dope.
47
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,251
Oh, man, I would have bought
that dope and left the boat.
48
00:01:56,257 --> 00:01:58,858
Okay, here I come.
49
00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:01,890
I love it.
50
00:02:01,896 --> 00:02:03,425
I think I'll go stand outside,
51
00:02:03,431 --> 00:02:06,198
see what the breeze has in store for me.
52
00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:13,669
Ugh.
53
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,338
That poor breeze.
54
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,274
So, is that what men wear in Iraq?
55
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,809
Actually, I forgot to get him something,
56
00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:23,015
so I picked that up
at the airport Chico's.
57
00:02:23,956 --> 00:02:25,756
My wife got one for herself.
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00:02:26,788 --> 00:02:29,451
Tush wears it better.
59
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,226
Damn! These SAT
questions weren't designed
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00:02:38,232 --> 00:02:40,028
for dudes who grew up in the hood.
61
00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:41,597
Yeah, look at this math problem
62
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:43,365
about the fastest
schooner in the regatta.
63
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,566
What's a schooner?
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00:02:44,572 --> 00:02:46,401
What the hell's a regatta?
65
00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:47,936
It's a yacht race.
66
00:02:47,942 --> 00:02:49,842
Then call it a damn yacht race!
67
00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:52,140
Man, Chicago public schools...
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00:02:52,146 --> 00:02:53,208
they ain't prep us for this, man.
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00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,643
Our science books were so old,
70
00:02:54,649 --> 00:02:58,246
we had a table of elements.
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00:02:58,252 --> 00:02:59,915
That's what I'm talking about, man.
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00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:01,783
You know Chance The Rapper
donated one million dollars
73
00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:02,985
to the Chicago school system?
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00:03:02,991 --> 00:03:04,052
You know things are messed up
75
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,787
when the rappers have
to save the schools.
76
00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:06,989
Yeah.
77
00:03:06,995 --> 00:03:10,025
You know, Franco, they
do have SAT prep courses.
78
00:03:10,031 --> 00:03:11,693
Yeah, but those things
are crazy expensive, Randy,
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00:03:11,699 --> 00:03:13,666
and it ain't like I got boat money.
80
00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:17,399
Well, I could text you the name of one
81
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that's pretty reasonable.
82
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My daughter took it.
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And she got into Northwestern.
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00:03:20,975 --> 00:03:22,738
And now she's gonna be a pediatrician
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00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,673
helping premature babies.
86
00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:28,443
I think she was inspired
by watching me with her dad.
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00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:31,046
Thanks, Randy, I'll check it out.
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00:03:31,052 --> 00:03:32,514
You know, Franco, if that doesn't work,
89
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,616
you can always sleep with the dean.
90
00:03:34,622 --> 00:03:37,619
That's how I got into
the welding academy.
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00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:41,223
Let's just say I got a full ride
92
00:03:41,229 --> 00:03:44,030
and so did she.
93
00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:48,973
You know, it's gonna cost me $2,200
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00:03:48,997 --> 00:03:50,432
to dock my boat in Burnham Harbor.
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00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:53,839
Maybe your Mr. The Rapper can
give me the money for that.
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00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,497
Hey, kid, we got a customer.
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00:03:56,591 --> 00:04:00,208
See if you can sell her
$2,200 worth of donuts.
98
00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:01,810
Hi.
99
00:04:01,816 --> 00:04:04,813
Um, uh, good morning.
Uh, what can I get you?
100
00:04:04,819 --> 00:04:06,214
Uh, what are you known for?
101
00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:08,950
Well, people do say I have an
exquisite set of cheekbones.
102
00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:10,452
Mm.
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I bet they do.
104
00:04:11,426 --> 00:04:13,321
But I-I was talking about the donuts.
105
00:04:13,610 --> 00:04:15,824
Oh, right, right, 'cause
we're in a donut shop, right.
106
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,280
Okay.
107
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:17,626
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well,
I know just the one.
108
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You know, he's busy. I'll get it.
109
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:32,040
Ooh, this place has such a great vibe.
110
00:04:32,046 --> 00:04:33,809
It's like IHOP meets Studio 54.
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Then they end up sleeping together
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00:04:34,949 --> 00:04:37,779
and having a little
Superior Donuts baby.
113
00:04:37,785 --> 00:04:40,515
- Yeah, we get that all the time.
- Really?
114
00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:41,817
Course not. That's crazy as hell. Here.
115
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:45,754
So, how long have you been in business?
116
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,823
Arthur's owned this shop since 1870.
117
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,826
That would be 1970.
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You're a neighborhood institution.
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00:04:52,266 --> 00:04:53,562
What's your secret?
120
00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:55,931
Well, for starters, I make the
best damn donuts in Chicago.
121
00:04:55,937 --> 00:04:57,099
Damn right.
122
00:04:57,105 --> 00:04:58,200
Plus we have the perfect location.
123
00:04:58,206 --> 00:04:59,701
We get the commuters from the “L,”
124
00:04:59,707 --> 00:05:01,269
and we get the Cubs fans from Wrigley,
125
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:03,772
and the stoners from
the weed dispensary.
126
00:05:03,778 --> 00:05:06,645
Don't forget the quitters
from Weight Watchers.
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00:05:07,949 --> 00:05:09,411
That's genius.
128
00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:11,046
Okay, well, thanks for the donut.
129
00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:13,148
Um, I'm Sofia, by the way.
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00:05:13,154 --> 00:05:14,783
- I'm Franco.
- Okay.
131
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:16,518
Oh, I just moved into the neighborhood,
132
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,019
so, I-I'm sure I'll see you around.
133
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:19,121
Okay.
134
00:05:19,127 --> 00:05:20,956
You got the door?
135
00:05:20,962 --> 00:05:23,191
She already had it.
136
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,660
- Looks like someone made a new friend.
- Yeah.
137
00:05:25,666 --> 00:05:27,496
Hey, I pay you to work, not to flirt.
138
00:05:27,502 --> 00:05:29,231
I can multitask.
139
00:05:29,237 --> 00:05:30,565
You saw her, she was nice.
140
00:05:30,571 --> 00:05:31,967
And it's hard to resist all this.
141
00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:33,468
Yeah.
142
00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:35,474
All 98 pounds of you.
143
00:05:36,911 --> 00:05:38,940
What the hell is that?
144
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:40,976
Well, I'm no expert,
but it appears to be
145
00:05:40,982 --> 00:05:42,978
a food truck.
146
00:05:42,984 --> 00:05:44,713
“Home of the organic breakfast bowl.”
147
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,815
Ah! Food truck!
148
00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,517
He's parking right in front of our shop.
149
00:05:48,523 --> 00:05:49,818
He can't do that.
150
00:05:49,824 --> 00:05:50,819
I agree, Arthur.
151
00:05:50,825 --> 00:05:52,120
It's presumptuous,
152
00:05:52,126 --> 00:05:54,589
egregious, audacious.
153
00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:58,260
Just say it's wack, man.
154
00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:01,329
Hey, hey. There's no way
you can park here, pal.
155
00:06:01,335 --> 00:06:02,564
Yeah.
156
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,333
It was a tight squeeze,
but I made it, buddy.
157
00:06:05,339 --> 00:06:07,035
No, no, no, no.
158
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,838
I-I-I-I think what he means
is you shouldn't park here.
159
00:06:09,844 --> 00:06:11,339
You know, like, right
in front of the shop.
160
00:06:11,345 --> 00:06:13,975
But you just said this
was the perfect location.
161
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:17,746
It's called small talk, not
use-against-me-later talk.
162
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,781
Hey, look, you're
selling breakfast food.
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00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:21,049
That's my business.
164
00:06:21,055 --> 00:06:23,718
No, actually, I think we
have very different clientele.
165
00:06:23,724 --> 00:06:26,755
I cater to people who want
socially conscious food choices,
166
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,291
and you cater to people
with emotional issues
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00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:31,793
- and a high risk of stroke.
- Ooh.
168
00:06:31,799 --> 00:06:33,228
This is Uptown.
169
00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:36,531
Nobody's really interested in
your fancy edahamama and icacai.
170
00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:37,899
All right?
171
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:39,568
Is he having a stroke?
172
00:06:39,574 --> 00:06:40,902
It's hard to tell sometimes.
173
00:06:40,908 --> 00:06:43,839
Hey, hey, listen, are you
gonna move this truck or not?
174
00:06:43,845 --> 00:06:47,642
Look, I've poured my entire
life savings into this truck
175
00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:49,744
and I really need to make it work.
176
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:50,745
Yeah, well, I've been paying a mortgage
177
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,480
and taxes here for 47 years.
178
00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:55,550
You just can't park here for
free and steal all my customers.
179
00:06:55,556 --> 00:06:57,623
Oh, my God, you're right. I...
180
00:06:59,727 --> 00:07:01,323
Now I can.
181
00:07:01,329 --> 00:07:02,657
- Wait a minute.
- No.
182
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:03,792
That-that-that was a dime.
183
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,831
I saw that. That was a dime.
184
00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:13,827
Unbelievable.
185
00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:15,352
Her line is down the block.
186
00:07:15,415 --> 00:07:17,348
Hey, she just stole two of my stoners.
187
00:07:18,627 --> 00:07:19,889
That's Sheila and Ziggy.
188
00:07:19,895 --> 00:07:22,058
I once saw them smoking the same joint,
189
00:07:22,064 --> 00:07:25,361
Lady and The Tramp style.
190
00:07:25,367 --> 00:07:26,863
Who is she taking next, huh?
191
00:07:26,869 --> 00:07:28,898
My cops, my bikers, my
construction workers?
192
00:07:28,904 --> 00:07:31,033
Are you sure you're not
thinking of the Village People?
193
00:07:31,039 --> 00:07:33,102
Relax.
194
00:07:33,108 --> 00:07:35,304
Food trucks are just a fad.
195
00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,107
No, food trucks means
Uptown has arrived, baby.
196
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,742
Soon, this will be a paradise
197
00:07:39,748 --> 00:07:42,411
of yoga studios and beard barbers.
198
00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:46,816
The streets will be paved with
gold, not syringes and poop.
199
00:07:46,822 --> 00:07:48,217
Where the hell is Franco?
200
00:07:48,223 --> 00:07:49,652
I need him to have one of those ideas
201
00:07:49,658 --> 00:07:52,388
that I hate at first,
but ends up working out.
202
00:07:52,394 --> 00:07:54,824
You told him he could
check out that SAT class
203
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:56,092
that Randy told him about.
204
00:07:56,098 --> 00:07:58,094
I know, but he was supposed
to be here 30 minutes ago.
205
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,429
Ugh. This is brutal.
206
00:08:00,435 --> 00:08:01,964
Ever since James transferred,
207
00:08:01,970 --> 00:08:05,468
I'm doing the job of
one and a half cops.
208
00:08:05,474 --> 00:08:06,669
Randy, thank God you're here.
209
00:08:06,675 --> 00:08:08,171
Look, I need you to get
rid of that food truck.
210
00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:09,806
Now?
211
00:08:09,812 --> 00:08:13,276
Oh, look, I just chased down
a fat, drunk guy with no pants.
212
00:08:13,282 --> 00:08:15,711
I mean, really,
213
00:08:15,717 --> 00:08:18,815
why do fat, drunk guys never have pants?
214
00:08:18,821 --> 00:08:21,621
Do they eat them?
215
00:08:24,726 --> 00:08:26,656
Randy, Randy, Randy, you
got to help me out here.
216
00:08:26,662 --> 00:08:28,591
Look, just
write her a ticket.
217
00:08:28,597 --> 00:08:31,494
Look, I'm not gonna deal
with some stupid food truck.
218
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:35,097
This is Chicago, murder
capital of the world.
219
00:08:35,103 --> 00:08:38,734
Call me when there's a
head in her deep fryer.
220
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:41,671
- Please! She's hammering me out there.
- Ugh.
221
00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:42,705
All right. Okay, okay.
222
00:08:42,711 --> 00:08:43,806
I'll go see what I can do.
223
00:08:43,812 --> 00:08:44,774
Thanks.
224
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:46,509
Ah! I better go with her.
225
00:08:46,515 --> 00:08:48,578
She's not used to
working without a partner.
226
00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:51,881
God forbid she gets in a
tussle with that food truck lady
227
00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,453
and I'm not there to film it.
228
00:08:57,426 --> 00:08:58,921
All right, Randy.
229
00:08:58,927 --> 00:09:01,490
I got your back.
230
00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:04,861
Sunglasses? Really?
231
00:09:04,867 --> 00:09:07,797
Classic intimidation tactic.
232
00:09:07,803 --> 00:09:10,333
They have rhinestones on the sides.
233
00:09:10,339 --> 00:09:14,136
They're my mom's.
234
00:09:14,142 --> 00:09:15,872
Oh, hello, Officer.
235
00:09:15,878 --> 00:09:18,774
Care for a nice, warm,
kale burrito on the house?
236
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,477
Uh, Chicago PD doesn't take bribes.
237
00:09:24,353 --> 00:09:27,483
Look, you can't be here.
238
00:09:27,489 --> 00:09:30,052
You can't be here.
239
00:09:30,058 --> 00:09:32,188
- Why not?
- Because this street is,
240
00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:36,158
uh, not permitted for
vehicles over five tons.
241
00:09:36,164 --> 00:09:38,995
Oh, well, lucky for
me, I top out at 4.8.
242
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,463
Okay.
243
00:09:40,469 --> 00:09:41,931
Well, then I'm gonna need to see
244
00:09:41,937 --> 00:09:43,933
your, uh, fire safety permit.
245
00:09:43,939 --> 00:09:46,369
Busted, baby.
246
00:09:48,243 --> 00:09:50,473
Okay, here you go.
247
00:09:50,479 --> 00:09:53,843
It's my ventilation certificate
and my food storage license.
248
00:09:53,849 --> 00:09:57,146
Hey, if you're dying to write a ticket,
249
00:09:57,152 --> 00:10:00,583
I do see a violation of Code 10-28
250
00:10:00,589 --> 00:10:02,055
right there.
251
00:10:05,227 --> 00:10:07,456
What the hell is a 10-28?
252
00:10:07,462 --> 00:10:09,659
Something about your sign being too low.
253
00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:12,061
That woman really knows her stuff.
254
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,763
I can't believe you're
writing me a ticket.
255
00:10:13,769 --> 00:10:16,098
I'm drawing you a picture of a kitten.
256
00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:18,901
Take it and look mad. Oh. Yeah.
257
00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:24,173
- Hey.
- What up?
258
00:10:24,179 --> 00:10:25,841
Where the hell you been?
You're 45 minutes late.
259
00:10:25,847 --> 00:10:28,077
Man, that SAT prep class was messed up.
260
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:29,412
Them kids have been prepping for months.
261
00:10:29,418 --> 00:10:31,725
They got tutors and coaches and mentors.
262
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:32,682
Yeah, right.
263
00:10:32,688 --> 00:10:34,250
Only mentor I had growing
up was my neighbor, Ricky,
264
00:10:34,256 --> 00:10:36,752
who taught me how to roll a blunt.
265
00:10:36,758 --> 00:10:38,020
Fr-Fr... I need you to focus.
266
00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:39,088
- I need you to fo...
- And that's another thing, man.
267
00:10:39,094 --> 00:10:40,823
Them kids all hopped up on drugs.
268
00:10:40,829 --> 00:10:42,024
But the kind that
makes you study harder,
269
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:44,026
not the kind that makes music better.
270
00:10:44,032 --> 00:10:45,995
- Franco.
- What?
271
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:47,496
I need you to get rid
of that food truck.
272
00:10:47,502 --> 00:10:49,231
- What do you want me to do about it?
- Talk to her.
273
00:10:49,237 --> 00:10:51,867
Use some of that charm you
think you have. Come on.
274
00:10:51,873 --> 00:10:54,070
Throw out some of those
millennial words of yours,
275
00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:57,077
you know, like, uh, “fo' shizzle.”
276
00:10:59,514 --> 00:11:01,944
First of all, I've never
said that a day in my life.
277
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,612
- Okay.
- All right? But don't worry about it.
278
00:11:03,618 --> 00:11:04,780
I got you.
279
00:11:04,786 --> 00:11:05,982
Yeah.
280
00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:07,954
Hey, yo, Sofia... hi.
281
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:12,455
Yo, I want to apologize for
my cranky old friend in there.
282
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,156
But we all got one, right?
283
00:11:14,162 --> 00:11:16,125
No. My friends are all pretty much
284
00:11:16,131 --> 00:11:18,294
within 40 years of my own age.
285
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,862
Um...
286
00:11:19,868 --> 00:11:23,532
Look, he's just worried you're
gonna drive him out of business.
287
00:11:23,538 --> 00:11:25,267
You know? So, it'd be cool if
you can just take your truck
288
00:11:25,273 --> 00:11:28,170
and park it somewhere else.
289
00:11:28,176 --> 00:11:30,873
I have a permit. I have
every right to be here.
290
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:33,079
Fo' shizzle.
291
00:11:35,517 --> 00:11:36,846
I'm-a be real with you.
292
00:11:36,852 --> 00:11:38,948
He's been here his
whole life, all right?
293
00:11:38,954 --> 00:11:40,483
All he knows is donuts. All right?
294
00:11:40,489 --> 00:11:42,485
So he's just worried
you're gonna push him out.
295
00:11:42,491 --> 00:11:45,287
Yeah, but does he have to
be so belligerent about it?
296
00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:47,857
That's an SAT word. I know that one.
297
00:11:47,863 --> 00:11:50,726
Oh, are you going to college?
298
00:11:50,732 --> 00:11:52,028
Trying.
299
00:11:52,034 --> 00:11:53,262
I just don't know how
I'm supposed to compete
300
00:11:53,268 --> 00:11:54,663
with these kids and their fancy-ass
301
00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:56,565
guidance counselors, you know?
302
00:11:56,571 --> 00:12:00,436
At my school, we had a chalk
outline of a guidance counselor.
303
00:12:00,442 --> 00:12:02,905
She was murdered.
304
00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:06,108
We had nobody to talk to about it.
305
00:12:06,114 --> 00:12:07,410
What about your family?
Are they helping?
306
00:12:07,416 --> 00:12:08,677
Are you serious?
307
00:12:08,683 --> 00:12:09,912
You know, my dad once told me,
308
00:12:09,918 --> 00:12:11,213
“Hey, Franco, you know,
309
00:12:11,219 --> 00:12:14,150
college is a waste of good
lottery ticket money.”
310
00:12:14,156 --> 00:12:15,985
I know. My parents never
went to college, either.
311
00:12:15,991 --> 00:12:18,721
They came from Colombia and
opened a diner in Wisconsin.
312
00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:20,623
And if they had it their
way, I'd be scrubbing counters
313
00:12:20,629 --> 00:12:21,957
till the day I die.
314
00:12:21,963 --> 00:12:25,298
Oh, well, you sure showed them.
315
00:12:26,168 --> 00:12:28,431
But I went anyway.
316
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:29,799
And now, I'm running my own business,
317
00:12:29,805 --> 00:12:32,234
and I'm living my
dream, and you can, too.
318
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,369
You know, I'll help you out.
319
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:35,905
You just have to know
how to work the system.
320
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:37,273
- Man, you right!
- Yeah.
321
00:12:37,279 --> 00:12:38,707
You are right, man.
322
00:12:38,713 --> 00:12:40,443
Hey, that system's going down.
323
00:12:40,449 --> 00:12:42,044
- Boom.
- Yeah.
324
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:43,712
So-so how do I do that?
325
00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:45,681
With the system?
326
00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:47,283
Well, first, your SAT score's
327
00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:49,051
only one part of the big picture.
328
00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:51,020
Have you done any internships?
329
00:12:51,026 --> 00:12:53,089
Oh, I, you know, I can't exactly afford
330
00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:54,990
to work for free at the moment.
331
00:12:54,996 --> 00:12:57,193
Or ever.
332
00:12:57,199 --> 00:12:59,328
How about community service?
333
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:01,897
Does court-mandated count?
334
00:13:01,903 --> 00:13:03,065
Letter of reference.
335
00:13:03,071 --> 00:13:05,167
Do you know anyone important?
336
00:13:05,173 --> 00:13:06,869
Oh, yeah. Okay, my unc-my uncle Donnie
337
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:08,437
once did PCP back in the day,
338
00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:11,244
and now he thinks he's the mayor, so...
339
00:13:12,631 --> 00:13:15,899
You know, a lot of successful
people never went to college.
340
00:13:17,419 --> 00:13:19,548
Ah, look at him. He's
giving her the business. Ha.
341
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:20,649
He's a real team player, that kid, huh?
342
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,051
That's why I hired him.
343
00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:25,758
I thought it was because you
couldn't open the sprinkle jar.
344
00:13:26,928 --> 00:13:30,430
Remember, you kept calling it
a whore, and a son of a bitch?
345
00:13:31,766 --> 00:13:32,795
How did it go?
346
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,096
Not great.
347
00:13:34,102 --> 00:13:35,931
She made me realize the only
way I'm getting into college
348
00:13:35,937 --> 00:13:38,934
is if I die, and they use
my body in science class.
349
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:40,736
No, I'm talking about the truck.
350
00:13:40,742 --> 00:13:42,037
Is she gonna move the truck?
351
00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:43,506
I don't know, man.
352
00:13:43,512 --> 00:13:45,007
Why should she have to?
353
00:13:45,013 --> 00:13:47,943
She's just some poor Colombian
woman trying to make a living.
354
00:13:47,949 --> 00:13:49,278
Whose side are you on?
355
00:13:49,284 --> 00:13:50,880
Don't you see she's gonna
put me out of business?
356
00:13:50,886 --> 00:13:54,183
I-If she does, Arthur, I want
you to know I will be there.
357
00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:56,252
To buy this place at
30% of market value.
358
00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:57,453
Ugh...
359
00:13:57,459 --> 00:14:01,290
I actually thought you
were helping me out there.
360
00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,859
You're off your game,
kid, and it's not just her.
361
00:14:03,865 --> 00:14:05,661
It's all this college crap.
362
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:07,363
“Crap”?
363
00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:08,764
What the hell is wrong with you?
364
00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:10,432
This is my future we're talking about.
365
00:14:10,438 --> 00:14:12,201
Well, I'm worried about my future, too.
366
00:14:12,207 --> 00:14:14,107
Yeah, but you got a lot less of it.
367
00:14:15,277 --> 00:14:17,139
Well, obviously, you don't have my back.
368
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:18,474
- You ain't got mine, either.
- I don't want yours.
369
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:19,808
Fine.
370
00:14:19,814 --> 00:14:22,081
Fine!
371
00:14:26,621 --> 00:14:28,855
- Just go!
- I'm trying!
372
00:14:37,232 --> 00:14:38,731
Hey!
373
00:14:41,937 --> 00:14:43,499
Arthur, what the hell are you doing?
374
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:45,901
In a hoodie? You look
like Eminem's grandfather.
375
00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:48,404
You know what, I'm sending a message.
376
00:14:48,410 --> 00:14:50,973
I wanted to write “Gentrifiers,
get out of Uptown”"
377
00:14:50,979 --> 00:14:53,075
but I ran out of truck.
378
00:14:53,081 --> 00:14:56,011
You got to plan it out before
you start tagging, dude.
379
00:14:56,017 --> 00:14:57,980
Besides, your-your Rs are backwards.
380
00:14:57,986 --> 00:15:00,816
Well, that was gonna be my thing.
381
00:15:00,822 --> 00:15:02,384
This ain't gonna solve anything.
382
00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:03,886
Oh, look who's changing his tune.
383
00:15:03,892 --> 00:15:06,088
When Starbucks moved in, who
was the first one over there
384
00:15:06,094 --> 00:15:07,423
- with a spray can?
- Okay.
385
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:08,958
Yeah, but that was some gigantic,
386
00:15:08,964 --> 00:15:11,093
faceless corporation, man. All right?
387
00:15:11,099 --> 00:15:12,461
And Sofia's got a face.
388
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:13,629
A good one.
389
00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:16,264
Sitting on top of a
bunch of other good stuff.
390
00:15:16,271 --> 00:15:17,866
Fine. You can give up.
391
00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:19,201
But I'm not.
392
00:15:19,207 --> 00:15:21,003
No, come on. Art... enough. Stop, man!
393
00:15:21,009 --> 00:15:22,204
There's smarter ways to do this.
394
00:15:22,209 --> 00:15:23,838
Give me that back.
395
00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:26,579
Okay.
396
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:35,126
Oh of Course.
397
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:38,934
White guy spends what,
uh, 27 minutes in jail?
398
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:41,603
For your information,
it was a terrible ordeal.
399
00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:44,172
Yeah, his blood sugar
got a little bit low,
400
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:47,142
so we gave him some
peanut butter crackers.
401
00:15:47,148 --> 00:15:49,344
Plus, I got a $200 ticket.
402
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:51,513
Oh, speaking of which, Sofia
put her truck in the shop
403
00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,014
so she can get the
paint scraped off of it.
404
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,522
I told her you'd pay for that, too.
405
00:15:54,624 --> 00:15:55,953
Oh, thanks, traitor.
406
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:57,521
Just put it on my tab,
407
00:15:57,527 --> 00:15:59,289
with my boat, my harbor fee, and...
408
00:15:59,295 --> 00:16:00,490
Relax, man.
409
00:16:00,496 --> 00:16:01,658
Look, we'll figure it out.
410
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:02,759
No, I'll figure it out.
411
00:16:02,765 --> 00:16:04,228
You've already got
one foot out the door.
412
00:16:04,234 --> 00:16:06,363
You still mad about
the college thing, man?
413
00:16:06,369 --> 00:16:08,636
Well, don't worry about
it, 'cause I'm not going.
414
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:11,660
What? Why not?
415
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:13,009
Look, the more I looked into it,
416
00:16:13,343 --> 00:16:15,172
the more I realized
college ain't for me.
417
00:16:15,178 --> 00:16:17,941
Besides, a lot of successful
people never went to college.
418
00:16:17,947 --> 00:16:20,878
Like Jay-Z. And Basquiat. And Beyoncé.
419
00:16:20,884 --> 00:16:22,112
See, I don't need college.
420
00:16:22,118 --> 00:16:24,585
Just need a crazy-ass name.
421
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:26,850
- But Franco...
- It's cool.
422
00:16:26,856 --> 00:16:28,685
Maybe I'll get around
to it, but right now,
423
00:16:28,691 --> 00:16:30,187
I need to be here.
424
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,256
If I leave Arthur alone, this
week, he's tagging up trucks,
425
00:16:32,262 --> 00:16:35,096
next week, he's
pistol-whipping the mailman.
426
00:16:38,434 --> 00:16:39,830
Is this what you want?
427
00:16:39,836 --> 00:16:41,765
What, for him to start
working again? Sure.
428
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:43,700
Let me rephrase the question.
429
00:16:43,706 --> 00:16:46,703
Is this what you want, idiot?
430
00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:48,405
Well, you heard him.
He doesn't want to go.
431
00:16:48,411 --> 00:16:50,540
That's crap, and you know it.
432
00:16:50,546 --> 00:16:52,276
He's just freaking out.
433
00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:53,944
He needs your support.
434
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:55,612
Yeah, what about me? I need support.
435
00:16:55,618 --> 00:16:57,047
This isn't about you.
436
00:16:57,053 --> 00:16:58,949
He wants to go to college.
437
00:16:58,955 --> 00:17:00,317
- Eh...
- And by the way,
438
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,286
you're the one who got him
to apply in the first place.
439
00:17:02,292 --> 00:17:03,654
Yeah, I know, I know.
440
00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:05,555
It's just that I depend on him now.
441
00:17:05,561 --> 00:17:08,392
And I, uh, I like having him around.
442
00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:10,260
Aw. That's sweet.
443
00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:11,395
Eh...
444
00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:12,663
And so damn selfish.
445
00:17:12,669 --> 00:17:13,968
Oh...
446
00:17:14,837 --> 00:17:16,166
And pathetic for thinking
447
00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:18,969
that the kid's dream might
be to stay here forever.
448
00:17:18,975 --> 00:17:20,637
And also, Arthur, listen...
449
00:17:20,643 --> 00:17:23,644
All right, all right, all right.
450
00:17:27,283 --> 00:17:29,446
Here.
451
00:17:29,452 --> 00:17:31,248
Your new work schedule.
452
00:17:32,522 --> 00:17:35,452
Did you give me a two-hour
lunch break every day?
453
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:37,054
No, it's not for eating.
454
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:38,789
You're studying for the SATs.
455
00:17:38,795 --> 00:17:40,357
Thanks.
456
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:41,525
But I told you, I'm
not going to college.
457
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,293
Oh, like hell you're not.
458
00:17:43,299 --> 00:17:45,028
Come on, it's your dream.
459
00:17:45,034 --> 00:17:47,064
I know you can't afford
those fancy classes,
460
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:50,171
so... I'm gonna help you study.
461
00:17:51,007 --> 00:17:52,035
Word?
462
00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:54,204
Lot of words.
463
00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:57,774
Welcome to the Arthur
Przybyszewski Academy.
464
00:17:57,780 --> 00:17:59,810
- Thanks, man.
- All right.
465
00:17:59,816 --> 00:18:02,212
- Yeah, thanks.
- It's not a charity, you know?
466
00:18:02,218 --> 00:18:03,680
When you're on the clock,
I expect 100% from you.
467
00:18:03,686 --> 00:18:04,915
Oh, you're gonna get 100%.
468
00:18:04,921 --> 00:18:06,516
I'll work my ass off,
so you can get out there
469
00:18:06,522 --> 00:18:07,951
and enjoy that boat.
470
00:18:07,957 --> 00:18:09,619
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
sell that thing.
471
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,088
It's not very enjoyable
if you have to keep
472
00:18:11,094 --> 00:18:12,756
thinking about how much it costs.
473
00:18:12,762 --> 00:18:15,459
Uh, no. Hey... no, no, no.
D-Don't sell your boat, man.
474
00:18:15,465 --> 00:18:17,127
That is your dream.
475
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:21,235
Besides, we're gonna need it.
476
00:18:22,605 --> 00:18:23,734
There you go.
477
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:25,135
Thanks, man, but, yo,
478
00:18:25,141 --> 00:18:27,637
shouldn't we put this in
a paper bag or something?
479
00:18:27,643 --> 00:18:30,273
Nah. Prison made me hard.
480
00:18:30,279 --> 00:18:31,975
Come on, relax. It's a beautiful day.
481
00:18:37,186 --> 00:18:38,815
You right, man.
482
00:18:38,821 --> 00:18:41,585
You know, I-I got to enjoy
the sun on my face, you know?
483
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:43,720
The smell of salty sea air.
484
00:18:45,161 --> 00:18:47,457
- Oh, wait, that's urine.
- Yeah.
485
00:18:50,967 --> 00:18:52,229
Hey.
486
00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:53,697
You can't park your boat there.
487
00:18:53,703 --> 00:18:54,931
You are so right.
488
00:18:54,937 --> 00:18:56,237
What was I thinking?
489
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,608
Now we can.
490
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:03,840
All right!
491
00:19:03,846 --> 00:19:06,113
All right! Yeah.
492
00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:13,140
So this is another
authentic Iraqi souvenir?
493
00:19:13,146 --> 00:19:17,827
Oh, yes. It's a Mesopotamian
fertility neck dress.
494
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:19,413
Very rare.
495
00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:21,180
Because when you turn it this way,
496
00:19:21,186 --> 00:19:23,649
it seems like one of those neck
pillows you buy at the airport
497
00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:25,751
to help you sleep on the plane.
498
00:19:25,757 --> 00:19:27,719
Oh, my God. It's almost as if
499
00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:30,911
my ancestors could see into the future.
500
00:19:31,107 --> 00:19:32,606
I got to go.
501
00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:35,605
Oh, great. You're back.
502
00:19:35,611 --> 00:19:38,408
Don't worry, I parked in
front of the yoga studio.
503
00:19:38,414 --> 00:19:41,377
The owner doesn't spray-paint my
truck or yell “Die, yuppie scum"
504
00:19:41,383 --> 00:19:43,413
at all my customers.
505
00:19:43,419 --> 00:19:44,881
Eh, well, I'm really sorry about that,
506
00:19:44,887 --> 00:19:46,316
but you're still not welcome here.
507
00:19:46,322 --> 00:19:47,650
Oh, come on, please? I've been jonesing
508
00:19:47,656 --> 00:19:48,818
for one of your maple creams.
509
00:19:48,824 --> 00:19:50,219
They're honestly the best I've ever had.
510
00:19:50,225 --> 00:19:51,988
You're not gonna win
me over with flattery.
511
00:19:51,994 --> 00:19:55,758
You do realize I can still
press charges against you
512
00:19:55,764 --> 00:19:57,427
for vandalizing my truck.
513
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:59,733
Maple cream for the lady.
514
00:20:01,303 --> 00:20:03,433
See? He's a big old teddy bear.
515
00:20:03,439 --> 00:20:05,335
Just so you
know, as long as I'm here,
516
00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:07,403
you can hang out any time you want.
517
00:20:07,409 --> 00:20:09,672
Oh, I'm sorry.
518
00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:11,407
I think I gave you the wrong impression.
519
00:20:11,413 --> 00:20:12,709
I don't date artists.
520
00:20:12,715 --> 00:20:14,344
What? I'm not even asking you out.
521
00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:16,279
Good, because no.
522
00:20:16,285 --> 00:20:18,815
I didn't even ask you.
523
00:20:18,821 --> 00:20:20,983
why-why
don't you date artists?
524
00:20:20,989 --> 00:20:24,287
'Cause I've done it before,
and it always ends up the same.
525
00:20:24,293 --> 00:20:26,522
They want to paint me naked.
526
00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:30,059
That's just preposterous,
egregious and audacious.
527
00:20:32,501 --> 00:20:35,398
So these artists, where
might I see their work?
528
00:20:36,739 --> 00:20:38,134
Thanks for the donut.
529
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:39,435
I'll be back for more.
530
00:20:39,441 --> 00:20:41,537
All right. You can come
back any time you want.
531
00:20:41,543 --> 00:20:44,340
A-And just so you know, I
don't date food truck ladies.
532
00:20:44,346 --> 00:20:47,814
Cool. So we're on the same page.
533
00:20:48,751 --> 00:20:50,562
I thought that would go different.
534
00:20:51,889 --> 00:20:55,765
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
39204
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