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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,303
(Jeff Ross)
I don't know, man.
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:05,637
I want to try something crazy
up here right now.
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,539
If you think you have thick skin
4
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,508
and you think you can
take a joke...
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,276
Yeah?
Come up here, bud.
6
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,479
All right.
Wanna come up here, buddy?
7
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,080
Wanna come up here?
Come on up.
8
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,117
This is the ugliest police
lineup I've ever seen.
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,853
(laughter and applause)
10
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,988
You are adorable.
What's your name?
11
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,656
(laughter)
12
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,258
Michael.
Michael?
13
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,693
Where you from,
Michael?
14
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,461
College Station.
College Station?
15
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,030
Oh, are you
a college student?
16
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,264
No.
No?
17
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,466
(laughter)
18
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,801
I got locked up
before--
19
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,236
I got locked up before
I could go to college.
20
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,038
You got locked up before
you could go to college?
21
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,407
Oh, yeah, that's
what happened, sure.
22
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:45,477
Like you were going to fucking
Harvard and all of the sudden...
23
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,513
You look like-- You're one
of those rare people
24
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,214
who looks like a child
25
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,116
and a child molester
at the same time.
26
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:54,987
(laughter)
27
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,623
You look like a sweet guy,
like you wouldn't hurt anybody.
28
00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,491
You're not a violent guy.
29
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,759
I don't know about that.
30
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:01,960
Oh, shit, next.
31
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,897
(laughter)
32
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,165
Come here, come here,
come here.
33
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,299
How you doing, man?
What's your name?
34
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,467
I'm good.
35
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,635
Forty.
36
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,869
Forty?
Yeah.
37
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,337
Come here.
Why they call you Forty?
38
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,505
Hmm?
39
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,606
Why they call you--
40
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,608
(laughter)
41
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:20,446
You're not under oath,
you realize that, right?
42
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,214
Just a nickname, that's all.
43
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,116
A nickname.
Yeah.
44
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,751
What's your job when
you get outside?
45
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,720
You have a regular job?
46
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:29,888
Uh...
47
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,791
(laughter and applause)
48
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,160
Let's talk to Curious George
over here.
49
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,230
(laughter)
50
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,334
My name's E.T.
51
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,203
Your name's E.T.?
52
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,705
Oh, I thought
you looked familiar.
53
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,441
(laughter)
54
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,742
How old are you?
55
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,877
19.
56
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,745
Oh, my goodness, man.
57
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,849
Your breath is giving me
the breath penalty right now.
58
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,485
(man)
Hey, do the walk.
59
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,752
What's that?
60
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,121
(man)
Do the walk.
Do the walk?
61
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,388
What's that mean,
do the walk?
62
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:07,259
(men)
Do the walk! Do the walk!
63
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,594
What's the walk?
Wait...
64
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,599
(cheering)
65
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,544
(cheers and applause)
66
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,749
I'm confused.
67
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,651
Is this a jail or a zoo?
68
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,553
(laughter)
69
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,655
¶
70
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,924
(train whistle blowing)
71
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,093
Hello,
I'm Jeff Ross.
72
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,428
They call me
the Roastmaster General.
73
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:47,132
Like most of us, I'm fascinated
by the American criminal.
74
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,068
I always wonder,
what are they really like?
75
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,204
Why are there so many of them?
76
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:55,040
And do they have a sense
of humor about their situation?
77
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,609
So I decided to roast 'em.
78
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,978
They're outlaws,
they deserve it, right?
79
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,780
And if you can laugh
at yourself,
80
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,316
you're one step
closer to freedom.
81
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:07,352
But prisons and jails are
closed-off places,
82
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:11,256
and they don't like outsiders
looking in, for a reason.
83
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,925
I've seen people
get killed.
84
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,393
I've been stabbed.
85
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,129
Lots of fights.
Lots of riots.
86
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,964
I've got hit in the face
a couple of times.
87
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,966
I've seen people
get stomped to death.
88
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,935
They got knifes
this long.
Yeah.
89
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,636
And stabbing each other.
90
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:28,507
(Jeff)
Not a single lockup in America
had the guts to let me in,
91
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:33,845
except one, where they have
600 guys, 150 ladies,
92
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:38,050
and about 60 officers who could
all use a little break.
93
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,418
So, screw it.
94
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,486
Armed with nothing
but some insults,
95
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:44,590
I'm heading into a Texas County
jail for a few days,
96
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,526
to kill or be killed.
97
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:51,597
¶
98
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:08,680
A lot of jails would never let
me come in here and do a show,
99
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,948
so thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
100
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,284
Why?
Why did you say yes?
101
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,653
Well, we are proud of
the facility here
102
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,054
and we're proud
of the staff here.
103
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,756
We convey expectations
104
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,025
and if people do
what we ask 'em to do,
105
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,728
there ought to be a positive
incentive for doing that.
106
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,864
More than 90% of the people
who are here
107
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,332
are gonna go home someday,
108
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,034
so you have to ask
yourself,
109
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,202
when somebody
gets out of jail,
110
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,437
do you want them to have been
in an environment
111
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,640
where they were mistreated
and they come out angry
112
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,775
or where they saw
an environment
113
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,877
where people were taught
personal accountability
114
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,245
and how to behave
115
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,847
and that that can lead
to good things?
Right.
116
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,315
Who do you want to live
next door to?
117
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,684
¶
118
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,322
When's the last time
someone did a show here?
119
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,623
Never.
120
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,824
You look a little scared.
121
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,192
It's a little scary
in here.
122
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,228
You don't have to worry
about that.
123
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,663
I'll protect you.
You have a gun?
124
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,064
No, I do not.
125
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,300
We're not allowed to carry
guns in the facility.
126
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,502
So, what, do you just
ask people politely
127
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,571
to stop beating me?
128
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:10,142
No, we'll actually assist in
trying to get them off of you,
129
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,678
but we don't escalate.
130
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,846
We try to de-escalate
the situation.
131
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,014
Where are we headed?
132
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,416
We're headed to 3A.
133
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,583
What's in 3A?
134
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,353
3A is maximum security
inmates.
135
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:24,323
They are in here
for aggravated assaults
136
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,224
with deadly weapons, murder.
137
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,360
Is it dangerous?
It's dangerous.
138
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,595
Everywhere is dangerous
in here.
Right.
139
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,931
We never-- We never relax
while we're here.
140
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,466
Ever.
Okay.
141
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,501
So.
If I die,
it's on you.
142
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,836
No, we'll die
together.
143
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,937
All right.
All right.
144
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,105
Blood brothers.
Yes.
145
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,473
Blood brothers
and sisters.
Yes.
146
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,376
Brown, can you open
your slider again?
147
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,584
You ready?
Yeah.
148
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,819
You go first.
Don't be scared.
149
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,420
You first.
Don't be scared,
come on.
150
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,623
(Jeff)
What's up?
151
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,259
What's up?
152
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,161
How you guys doing?
153
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,631
What's up?!
154
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,835
Jeff Ross.
155
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,236
Randy Gray.
Nice to meet you guys.
156
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,138
(man)
Wave to the camera.
157
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,707
Saturday night,
who's coming to the show?
158
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,009
(all exclaiming)
159
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,646
I thought I'd come take a look
around, get ready for the show.
160
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,048
This a barbershop
over here?
161
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,182
Yeah, it's the barbershop.
162
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,119
How you doing?
Jeff Ross.
163
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:28,153
Nice to meet you, man.
164
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,421
What are you in for?
Come here.
165
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,022
Assaulted a police officer.
166
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,657
You assaulted
a police officer?
167
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,160
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness,
that's serious, dude.
168
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,528
What was happening?
169
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,797
They tried to take me to jail
for something I didn't do.
170
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,031
And you didn't
want to go?
171
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,233
I didn't want to go.
172
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,334
And who won
that argument?
173
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:43,635
The police.
174
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,337
Obviously, they did,
you know what I'm saying?
175
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,005
For real.
They did.
176
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,274
What's that tattoo
over here?
177
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,642
42-32.
178
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,843
What's that mean?
179
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,045
Dirty White Boy.
180
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,313
Dirty White Boy?
181
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,515
Yes, sir.
182
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,683
Who's the fucking
baddest motherfucker
183
00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,885
in this dorm?
184
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,420
There's a bunch of them.
There are murderers in here.
185
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,188
Well, alleged murderers.
186
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,090
This is high-security dorm
right here.
187
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,591
You coming
to my show tomorrow?
188
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,793
I'm gonna try to.
(man)
Hell, yeah.
189
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:08,960
Yeah?
Sure.
190
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,595
You gotta be
on your best behavior.
191
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,898
Yeah.
I don't want to get shanked
onstage or nothing.
192
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:13,965
Oh, no.
193
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,835
You bust that shank,
doggie.
194
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,770
No, we ain't gonna
shank him.
195
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,838
You ain't gonna
shank him?
196
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,006
No, we ain't gonna
shank him, man.
197
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,174
Shank you very much.
198
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,575
(laughing)
199
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,977
This is where
the white dudes hang out?
200
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,179
Sometimes.
201
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,381
Does anybody ever get offended
by your tattoos?
202
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,916
Sometimes.
203
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,553
Anyway, good luck with the rest
of your stay in jail.
204
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,821
How many years?
99.
205
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,589
Dude, you should get
fucking six million years
206
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,391
for every Jew that died
in the Holocaust.
207
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,460
(laughter)
208
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,128
Fuck this, man.
209
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,198
(Dicky)
You know, we believe that
210
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,033
personal responsibility
is important
211
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,736
and we have an inmate
behavior management
philosophy that we use.
212
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:55,574
And so for the folks that are
gonna get to go to your show,
213
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,109
we told 'em that
they had to behave for a month
214
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,846
with no disciplinary action
or anything like that.
215
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:04,216
And so we had almost half
of our population do that.
216
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,283
Wow.
Yeah.
217
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,085
So I'll be performing
for everything
218
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,322
from DUIs to murderers.
219
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,423
Right.
220
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:12,858
They'll all be
in the room with you.
221
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,826
Can you sit the murderers
in the back?
222
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,027
No, they're gonna be
up front.
223
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,262
Why is that?
224
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,330
So that if we need
to move 'em, you know,
225
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,499
if somebody misbehaves,
we can move 'em out.
226
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,935
(inmates chanting)
Jeff Ross, Jeff Ross!
227
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,671
Jeff Ross, Jeff Ross!
228
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,975
(man)
Everybody give it up
for the Roastmaster General,
229
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:34,980
Mr. Jeff motherfuckin' Ross!
230
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,883
(cheers and applause)
231
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,985
What's up?
232
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,054
What the fuck is up?
What the fuck is up?
233
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,161
What's up?
234
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,464
What's up, what's up?
235
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,598
What's up, buddy?
236
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,100
What's up?
237
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:58,770
What's up, motherfuckers?
Are you ready for a show?
238
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,605
(cheers and applause)
239
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,107
(man)
Hell yeah!
240
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,643
(Jeff)
You ugly motherfuckers
ready to party?
241
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,977
(all)
Yeah!
242
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,747
All right.
243
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,982
Hell yeah,
where my murderers at?
244
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,919
(chuckles)
245
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,121
Sit them in the back, shit.
246
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,689
(laughter)
247
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,291
Waller, you okay over there?
248
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,293
Come here a second,
one quick second.
249
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,899
I need you to give everybody
permission to laugh tonight.
250
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,134
Will you, please?
251
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,169
Yes, we all need
to laugh.
252
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,437
Thank you, darling.
253
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,538
We're going to have
a good time.
254
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,706
Thank you.
255
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,542
All right, I'll see you
back at the hotel.
256
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,945
(laughter and applause)
257
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,513
(whooping)
258
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,150
(Jeff)
Wow.
259
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,352
This is all right.
260
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:50,922
Shh!
261
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,724
How fucking fat
are you, dude?
262
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,261
Extra, baby!
263
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,565
Who gains weight in jail?
264
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,434
This guy, right here!
265
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,903
Damn.
What'd you do, rob a bakery?
266
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,072
Pretty much.
267
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,641
Fuck it.
268
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,776
What was your first
phone call in jail?
269
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,245
Hello, Domino's?
270
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,115
Hell yeah.
271
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,485
This is a trip right here.
272
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,987
This is some gig, man.
273
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,221
(man shouting)
274
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,789
No one wants to talk to you.
275
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,992
(laughter and applause)
276
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,760
Frank.
277
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,897
I played basketball with him
yesterday
278
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,233
and nobody would play with us.
279
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,068
Whoa.
280
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,937
I go, "Why don't you want
to play with Frank?"
281
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,740
And they all went,
"Hoo-hoo-hoo."
282
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,945
This is all right.
283
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,782
We got the fucking whites-only
section up there.
284
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,051
What's up?
285
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,220
Wow, happy Hanukkah, fellas.
286
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,257
(Jeff laughing)
287
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,792
(man)
Welcome to Bryan, Texas.
288
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,860
What's that?
289
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,028
(man)
Welcome to Bryan, Texas.
290
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,329
Welcome to Bryan, Texas.
Thank you.
291
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,597
What are you, the mayor?
Shut up.
292
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,899
(laughter)
293
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,367
Now look at this guy.
How you doing, man?
294
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,069
What do you got?
How you doing?
295
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:14,873
Damn, we got Crips
and cripples in here.
296
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,408
Damn!
297
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,143
What's up?!
298
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,248
How you doing, man?
299
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,382
This is awesome.
300
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,583
What's your name, sir?
301
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,919
I'm Robert.
Robert?
302
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,688
Nice to meet you, man.
303
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,922
They all love you.
They know you, man.
304
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,290
Look at it.
305
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,292
I see you're in a wheelchair,
I hope you're okay, man.
306
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,728
What'd you do,
bust a handicap in somebody?
307
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,332
Look at that smile
right there, man.
308
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,367
You look great.
309
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,835
You look like
Flava Flav's grandpa.
310
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,004
Yeah.
311
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,441
Man, look how covered up
you are.
312
00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:50,842
Holy shit, dude.
313
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,745
Can I actually show everybody?
Come here for one second.
314
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,346
Oh, my God.
315
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,381
Dude.
316
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,650
Dude, look at this shit.
317
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,652
What's your name, man?
What's your name?
318
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,620
What up, Nigger,
I go by Ghost.
319
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,122
Ghost.
320
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,191
Why, you're about
to disappear?
321
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:09,828
Look at you, man,
322
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:12,697
three more tattoos,
you'll be a black dude.
323
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,033
Thank you, Ghost.
324
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:18,403
He's a scary-looking
motherfucker right there, dude.
325
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:23,541
He got two teardrops melted
together and shit.
326
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,711
Where my innocent people at?
327
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:29,247
(all cheering)
328
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,516
Where are my guilty people at?
329
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,518
(man)
Right here!
330
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,220
How many people
have lied so much,
331
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,489
they don't even know
the truth anymore?
332
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:39,390
(scattered cheers)
333
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,025
Oh, man.
334
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:44,028
I came here today because I'm
a big believer in second chances
335
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:47,098
and I know most of you, almost
all of you will come out of here
336
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,033
and be back in the world
before long,
337
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,902
so on a personal note,
I wanted to see
338
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,404
if I could roast
you guys a little bit
339
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,040
and see if you had a sense
of humor about your situation.
340
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,408
And also, while I was here,
341
00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:00,044
I was kind of hoping I might
meet some NFL players.
342
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,613
Are there any here?
343
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,548
From the Patriots?
I don't know.
344
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,984
Aaron Hernandez, that guy--
(man)
Yeah!
345
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,119
All right.
346
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,622
You're a big fan, huh?
Yeah, big fan.
347
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:14,125
That guy had just signed
a $40 million guarantee.
348
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,661
All he had to do was not kill
three people.
349
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,298
(man)
That's hard.
350
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,833
What's that?
351
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,067
It's hard.
352
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,969
It's hard to not kill
three people?
353
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,304
I guess you would know, man.
354
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,509
It all started with O.J.
355
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,946
O.J. was my hero, that broke
my heart when he got--
356
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,448
Man, he deserves
to be in jail, that guy.
357
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,951
I'm not saying he's guilty,
but his last birthday,
358
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,120
he cut the cake 47 times.
359
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,022
(laughter)
360
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,191
It was a vanilla cake, so...
361
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,727
Man. and of course
he got away with murder,
362
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:53,331
'cause he had the most expensive
legal team in history, man.
363
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:58,136
His lawyer, did you notice,
was Kim Kardashian's father,
364
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,371
so you know that family is
really talented
365
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,973
in getting black guys off.
366
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,079
Fuck, yeah.
367
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,951
You almost laughed, you fucking
drug addict, look at you.
368
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,487
Dude.
369
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,691
Yeah, I'm here because,
you know,
370
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,925
this could have been me, too.
371
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,894
I've been on my own since
I'm a teenager.
372
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,896
I lost my parents
when I was young
373
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,065
and I understand
that not everybody in here
374
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,733
is a terrible person.
375
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,135
Some of y'all just did something
when you were desperate
376
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,770
or didn't get enough
of an education
377
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,340
or didn't get enough love and
none of us are above the law.
378
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,876
We all slip up on the outside.
379
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,144
I've drank
and driven a car.
380
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:43,147
I've lied on my taxes.
381
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,916
I shot Suge Knight.
382
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,053
But if I ever got
in real trouble,
383
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,421
if I had to come into jail,
384
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,056
I already know
it's all about survival.
385
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,392
I've been here a few days
watching you guys,
386
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,094
paying attention
to what's happening.
387
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,930
First day in jail,
I'd walk in here,
388
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,533
I'd find the biggest-looking,
meanest motherfucker in here
389
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,102
and suck his dick.
390
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,014
Let 'em know who's boss.
391
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,924
Come on.
392
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,792
(inmates chattering)
393
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:28,927
All right,
to your health.
394
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,194
Radioactive right there.
395
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,696
(laughter)
396
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,998
Young man, he's too young
to be in prison.
397
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,334
We got fucking Bill Cosby's
rape baby over here.
398
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,170
Oh!
(laughter)
399
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,973
Wow, I wouldn't feed this
to my dog.
400
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,308
(laughter)
401
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,343
Then again, my dog
never shot nobody, so...
402
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,313
(all)
Ohh!
403
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,682
Jail is serious, man.
404
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,817
Jail is serious,
dude.
405
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,352
I had lunch here today.
406
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,555
Whoever is the cook should be
arrested for attempted murder.
407
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:01,125
(cheers and applause)
408
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,295
(Jeff)
Man.
409
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,300
You guys made me feel so much
better already.
410
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,002
I had a rough date
the other night.
411
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,537
I went out with this chick,
412
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,273
she was not into
my Bill Cosby impression.
413
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:21,646
(imitating Bill Cosby)
Now why is the coffee
making you sleepy?
414
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,483
I put the Roofie in the puddin'.
415
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,754
(normal voice)
That guy's in a lot
of trouble, man.
416
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,157
27 women have accused him
of terrible, terrible things.
417
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,126
That's heartbreaking,
'cause as a comedian,
418
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,495
Bill Cosby was another one
of my heroes,
419
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,532
and all those years, Bill Cosby
was like, "Hey, hey, hey!"
420
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:45,470
All those women
were like, "Hey! Hey. Hey."
421
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,444
But Bill Cosby will never get in
real trouble 'cause he's rich.
422
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:57,348
It's the poor people
who go to jail in America.
423
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,952
There's racism, but there's
also classism.
424
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,589
Right now,
there's men in here locked up
425
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,491
for possession of less marijuana
426
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,060
than I have in my lungs
right now.
427
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,130
(cheers and applause)
428
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,301
Am I allowed to ask why
you're here?
429
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,904
I guess you could, man.
I got caught with some weed.
430
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,606
Did you hurt someone?
No.
431
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:22,874
I got a drug charge.
432
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,475
First felony charge
of my life.
433
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,676
Really?
Yeah, first--
434
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,678
First drug charge
of my life.
435
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,681
I was in front of my house,
I was parked the wrong way.
436
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,216
I was on some drugs,
437
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,452
but that wasn't why I was
parked the wrong way.
438
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,720
Weed helps me adapt, man.
439
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,588
I'm serious.
I got glaucoma, man.
440
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,990
I'm serious.
441
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,492
We're a free country,
but we lock up more people
442
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,995
than any other place
in the world.
443
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,496
The system's broken.
444
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:49,400
It's mostly minor,
nonviolent drug offenses.
445
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,235
Marijuana is...
446
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,370
(man)
Great.
447
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,539
It's medicine.
448
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,340
I live in California.
449
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,309
I got a prescription, man.
450
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,311
Medical marijuana
saved my life.
451
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,146
I was dying of anorexia.
452
00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:03,748
(laughter)
453
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,616
Just this morning.
454
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,318
(laughter)
455
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,955
When I was a kid, I had to risk
my life to buy marijuana.
456
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:14,358
I used to have to go to
the park at midnight in the rain
457
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,027
and pretend to play chess,
458
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:19,964
buy some weed off a guy
who looks like this right here.
459
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,503
(giggling)
460
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,472
I knew you looked familiar.
461
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,007
(man)
Just trying to make a living.
462
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,077
Just trying to make a living?
463
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,413
No, dude, you gotta change
your ways, dude.
464
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,081
You can't--
You can't get--
465
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,684
Plus, you guys are guilty mostly
of thinking small.
466
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,019
You gotta think like
the big corporations in America.
467
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,555
You can't sell meth
to a teenager.
468
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:47,258
Sell Viagra to his grandfather.
469
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,396
I'm lucky
I never got in trouble.
470
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:56,267
I sold joints at my prom,
I was a messed-up kid, too, man.
471
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,469
Then I think about this country.
472
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,772
America was practically founded
by a marijuana dealer.
473
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,541
George Washington,
474
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,411
father of our country,
grew hemp on his plantation.
475
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,746
That's true.
476
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,115
And the first state to legalize
marijuana?
477
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,683
Washington state.
478
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,485
Coincidence?
479
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,686
Who gives a shit?
480
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,988
The point is...
481
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,156
(laughter)
482
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,657
The system is broken.
483
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:24,362
Incarceration in America is
a $75 billion industry.
484
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,998
That's what--
They say crime doesn't pay?
485
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,801
It pays, it just doesn't pay
you motherfuckers.
486
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:34,772
Right now, in some states,
there's guys locked up
487
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:38,509
for stuff that's now become
legal in that same state.
488
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,779
How crazy would that
make somebody?
489
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,183
Right now, there's people in
prison in the state of Florida
490
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,385
for shooting a black teenager.
491
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,157
That's practically a misdemeanor
in Florida right now.
492
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:57,128
'Cause it's too easy
to get guns in this country.
493
00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,131
How many people here have owned
guns in their lives?
494
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,200
Damn.
(man)
It's Texas.
495
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,068
I know it's Texas, man.
496
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,236
(man)
Everybody's got a gun.
497
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,206
Walmart sells guns
24 hours a day.
498
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,675
They sell booze till midnight.
499
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,043
(man)
Yeah.
500
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,411
So if you really want a drink,
501
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,581
you can buy a gun
and rob Walmart.
502
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,318
Makes no sense.
(man)
Yeah.
503
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,153
The political system's
broken, too.
504
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:24,589
We never learn, it's the same
thing over and over again.
505
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,990
You guys can't vote,
506
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,893
but our votes don't count
on the outside either.
507
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,495
'Cause there might be
a bush in the White House
508
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,097
by the time you get out.
509
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,499
Hillary's.
510
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,477
(Jeff)
How many times
you been back here?
511
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:47,745
(man)
It's like...
512
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,248
This is my third felony.
I'm only 23.
513
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,049
How many times
you been in here?
514
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,618
About ten, 20.
515
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,587
I've got 36 priors.
516
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,390
The recidivism rate is
phenomenal.
517
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,892
Why do you think people
come back to jail so much?
518
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,694
A lot of people are
institutionalized.
519
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:06,764
It don't take but a few months
to get that way, man.
520
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,566
Get used to people
telling you when to go to bed,
521
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,735
when to wake up,
when to eat.
522
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:11,836
Some people come down here
523
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:13,671
and learn something
from their mistakes,
524
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:15,773
some people just dumb,
don't learn nothing,
525
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,209
and go back out there
and do the same thing.
526
00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:20,578
(woman)
A lot of times, I tell 'em,
I say, you can break the mold,
527
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:23,047
you can be the one who steps
away and says,
528
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,615
you don't have to do this,
529
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,117
and when they're talking
to you,
530
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,685
they say,
"You're right, you're right.
531
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,086
I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna do that."
532
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,588
And then they bond out
533
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,090
and then it could be just
a short while later
534
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:36,160
or it could be a couple years
later and here they come again.
535
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:37,828
Like me, personally,
every time I come down,
536
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,330
I learn something,
I better myself,
537
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,332
I try my best
to better myself, you know,
538
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:43,367
but this time, hopefully,
is my last,
539
00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:44,869
I pray it's my last, you know.
540
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,137
Who's getting out soon?
541
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,538
I am.
542
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:48,773
How long you been in here?
543
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,174
Been in here a month.
544
00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:51,475
A month?
545
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,312
You look like you've been in
here since Shawshank times.
546
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,582
(laughing)
547
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,251
I'd say,
turn your life around,
548
00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:02,586
but you look like you got
30 days to live, shit.
549
00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:06,457
(laughter and applause)
550
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,861
Anybody getting their GED,
551
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,496
high school diploma
while they're here?
552
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:15,066
Right?
That's awesome, dude.
553
00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:16,567
Congratulations.
554
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,502
I bet the prom sucks.
555
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:22,740
What's the worst part about
being in this place?
556
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:23,874
The SHU, man.
557
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,443
What's that mean,
the SHU?
558
00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:28,079
Locked down
23 hours a day.
559
00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:29,280
In solitary?
560
00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:30,381
In solitary.
561
00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:31,916
It messed me up when
I went back there.
562
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,751
It messed me up, too.
It messed me up.
563
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:35,286
What did it feel like?
564
00:22:35,288 --> 00:22:37,121
It feel like you in hell,
really.
565
00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,289
Why did you go in there?
566
00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:41,492
Fights.
Uh, starting a riot.
567
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,394
Talking to the guards
and all that, you know.
568
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,563
What does it do to your brain,
being by yourself?
569
00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:46,630
Crazy.
570
00:22:46,632 --> 00:22:49,200
It really run you insane.
571
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,601
It's all rubber, huh?
572
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:53,671
All rubber, so you can
beat your head on it
573
00:22:53,673 --> 00:22:56,173
and it will never
hurt you.
574
00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:57,274
Wow.
575
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,310
Do they get a bed
or a toilet?
576
00:22:59,312 --> 00:23:01,178
Nope, they don't get
a bed, but they're--
577
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,680
They do have a toilet.
It's right here.
578
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:04,348
This is the toilet?
579
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:05,449
This is the toilet.
580
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:08,452
We tell them to use
the bathroom in here.
581
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:11,055
They just squat
over this hole?
Mm-hmm.
582
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:13,090
Is that why they call it
the hole?
583
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,393
"Send 'em to the hole."
Sure.
584
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:17,395
What's the longest
somebody could be in here?
585
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:21,332
However long it takes
to seek treatment.
586
00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:25,302
Do you think
it's torture?
587
00:23:25,304 --> 00:23:28,906
Pr--
Possibly, but...
588
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,510
We have to, you know,
dot our "I"s, cross our "T"s.
589
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,844
We can't make--
590
00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:37,882
We can't have anybody kill
themselves on our watch and--
591
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:40,217
So we do the best we can.
592
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:42,119
I took a little tour
of solitary.
593
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:45,256
I spent some time in a little
solitary cell yesterday.
594
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,258
That really messed up
my head a little bit.
595
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:49,960
How many guys have spent time
in the SHU down there?
596
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:52,296
Really, that many?
597
00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,999
Man, did it mess you up?
598
00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:56,367
It would mess me up.
599
00:23:56,369 --> 00:23:57,735
People need companionship.
600
00:23:57,737 --> 00:23:59,236
They need someone
to talk to.
601
00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:01,405
You go into solitary for
too long,
602
00:24:01,407 --> 00:24:03,340
how do you keep
your sex drive alive?
603
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,242
(laughter)
604
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:08,212
What do you do?
Wait for a bug to crawl by?
605
00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:11,115
Slow down, little lady.
606
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,920
Let me see those legs.
607
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:20,624
I got solitary, but you're
getting the death penalty.
608
00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,562
(mimics gunfire)
609
00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:28,699
(Jeff)
Is it heartbreaking for you
610
00:24:28,701 --> 00:24:31,502
when you see someone come in
or out of here?
611
00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:33,037
(Waller)
Sometimes it is,
612
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:36,640
but most of the people
that we put in here
613
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:39,543
are in some kind
of mental crisis.
614
00:24:39,545 --> 00:24:41,445
(Dicky)
What some people may not know
615
00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:43,347
is that our nation's
jails right now
616
00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:46,317
are the biggest mental health
institutions in the country.
617
00:24:46,319 --> 00:24:47,651
Wow.
618
00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:50,387
There's more mental health
treatment going on in jails
619
00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:52,189
than in hospitals.
Really?
620
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:55,793
I have to see a counselor
every week here
621
00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:58,496
to unload my baggage.
622
00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,431
I've been through a lot
623
00:25:00,433 --> 00:25:03,534
and I still possess a lot
of things inside of me
624
00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:06,170
that nobody can
even imagine,
625
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,539
that I saw as a kid.
626
00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,474
Violent things?
Yes.
627
00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:12,076
Without going into
too much history, you know,
628
00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:14,979
in the '70s, they closed
about a half a million
629
00:25:14,981 --> 00:25:17,581
in-patient mental health
facility beds
630
00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,551
and there was no safety net,
631
00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:23,554
and so today, unfortunately,
we see a lot of those people
632
00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:26,557
living under bridges
and in jail.
633
00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:29,960
And so it's an issue that our
communities have to address.
634
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,897
So you have
a personal connection
635
00:25:32,899 --> 00:25:35,533
to keeping these people
mentally healthy
636
00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,301
and physically okay
and so on.
637
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:39,169
It's my community.
Right.
638
00:25:39,171 --> 00:25:42,339
(man)
For a person like me, I think
this place is awesome.
639
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:43,440
(Jeff)
Yeah?
640
00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:45,543
Saved my life a lot of times.
Wow.
641
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,444
Here in Brazos County,
I slept under bridges,
642
00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,113
park benches,
shit like that.
643
00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:52,616
Got real bad off on that dope
and come in a place like this,
644
00:25:52,618 --> 00:25:54,585
you get three meals
every day, you get--
645
00:25:54,587 --> 00:25:57,087
(clears throat)
You get a bath, shower
every day, you know?
646
00:25:57,089 --> 00:25:58,689
So I'm feeling pretty good
right now.
647
00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,824
In the best shape of my life
coming to fucking jail, dude.
648
00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:02,426
Wow.
649
00:26:02,428 --> 00:26:05,529
So you have everything
from guys who got arrested
650
00:26:05,531 --> 00:26:07,765
for not having the proper
fishing license
651
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,800
to murderers.
That's right.
652
00:26:09,802 --> 00:26:11,335
At my show,
in your jail.
653
00:26:11,337 --> 00:26:13,837
What if I talk about
the death penalty onstage?
654
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:15,940
I mean, that's a big
issue in Texas.
655
00:26:15,942 --> 00:26:19,043
Texas does have the death
penalty as everybody knows,
656
00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:20,878
and there are people here
657
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,214
who could be subject
to that penalty.
658
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:27,318
This is a heavy state
for the death penalty, man.
659
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,886
I have mixed feelings about it.
660
00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:30,287
I kinda understand it.
661
00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:33,524
You kill somebody, you might
have to pay the ultimate price.
662
00:26:33,526 --> 00:26:36,527
An eye for an eye,
a tooth for a tooth.
663
00:26:36,529 --> 00:26:38,462
Some of you look like you've
given more than others.
664
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:43,834
But it's how we do it
that seems inhumane.
665
00:26:43,836 --> 00:26:46,270
You put somebody in an electric
chair and fry 'em--
666
00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:49,173
that's cruel to me.
667
00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:50,808
I think if you're on death row,
668
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:54,478
you should be able to decide
how you die, right?
669
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,014
"Hey, Phil Johnson,
you killed three people.
670
00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:58,582
We find you guilty."
671
00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:00,584
"Yes, Your Honor, I'd like to
ride a roller coaster
672
00:27:00,586 --> 00:27:02,853
without a seat belt."
673
00:27:02,855 --> 00:27:04,855
"I'll allow it!"
674
00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:08,058
"Your Honor, I'm a really big
Lakers fan.
675
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,527
I'd like to eat
Magic Johnson's Band-Aid."
676
00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:13,764
Uh...
677
00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:16,100
If I had to figure out how I was
gonna die on death row,
678
00:27:16,102 --> 00:27:18,002
I already know
how I would want to die.
679
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:20,638
I'd want to OD on
the three "P"s--
680
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,774
pizza, pot, and prostitutes.
681
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:26,610
(cheers and applause)
682
00:27:27,913 --> 00:27:31,482
I'd roll 20 fat joints,
I'd order 20 large pizzas,
683
00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:34,485
I'd order 20 fat hookers.
684
00:27:36,022 --> 00:27:38,789
Whatever kills me first,
I'm okay with.
685
00:27:38,791 --> 00:27:40,724
I figure the hookers
will eat the pizzas,
686
00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:42,259
and I'll die of the munchies.
687
00:27:48,934 --> 00:27:52,136
I feel like
if you can laugh at yourself,
688
00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:53,804
you can do anything
in this world,
689
00:27:53,806 --> 00:27:57,808
and I want to try speed roasting
volunteers in the audience.
690
00:27:57,810 --> 00:28:00,511
I'll take as many of you guys
as want to come up.
691
00:28:00,513 --> 00:28:02,513
All right.
Both of you guys can come up.
692
00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:04,615
All right, three?
Huh?
693
00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:06,984
That guy up there,
back there, four, huh?
694
00:28:06,986 --> 00:28:09,987
Come on, come on,
five, right there.
695
00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:13,724
All right.
Come over here.
696
00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:16,827
Let's talk to Mexican
Uncle Fester first.
697
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:17,961
What's your nationality?
698
00:28:17,963 --> 00:28:19,930
What's that?
What's your nationality?
699
00:28:19,932 --> 00:28:21,065
I'm Jewish.
700
00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:22,866
You don't have
no Mexican in you?
701
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:25,002
No, I don't want any
either.
702
00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:27,337
(laughter)
703
00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:32,242
I'm Jewish, but don't tell those
fucking Nazis up there.
704
00:28:35,014 --> 00:28:36,413
Let me see those tats, dude.
705
00:28:36,415 --> 00:28:38,082
Let me see those tats.
Come on.
706
00:28:38,084 --> 00:28:40,284
Don't be shy,
let me see those tats.
707
00:28:40,286 --> 00:28:42,586
(scattered cheering)
708
00:28:42,588 --> 00:28:43,987
(Jeff)
Oh, my God.
709
00:28:43,989 --> 00:28:45,022
Whoo!
710
00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:46,590
Dude, let me just
tell you something.
711
00:28:46,592 --> 00:28:49,526
You know, the war is over,
but tattoos are permanent.
712
00:28:50,963 --> 00:28:52,563
(Jeff laughing)
713
00:28:52,565 --> 00:28:54,465
Dude, that shit's supposed
to be tilted.
714
00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:55,666
You know that, right?
715
00:28:55,668 --> 00:28:57,334
(scattered laughter)
716
00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:58,836
All right, well,
fuck it,
717
00:28:58,838 --> 00:29:00,938
you'll fix it
in your next lifetime.
718
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,474
Anyway,
what's happening, dude?
719
00:29:03,476 --> 00:29:06,076
What's your name?
Robert Regalato.
720
00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:09,880
(raspy voice)
Robert Regalato.
Yeah.
721
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:11,281
Why is your voice
like that?
722
00:29:11,283 --> 00:29:12,382
What'd you
fucking blow a horse?
723
00:29:12,384 --> 00:29:13,584
Are you all right?
724
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:16,653
(laughter and applause)
725
00:29:22,194 --> 00:29:24,261
Dude, don't get too close,
all right?
726
00:29:25,397 --> 00:29:26,930
Dude, every time I turn around,
727
00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:28,732
he gets creepier
and creepier-looking.
728
00:29:32,404 --> 00:29:33,704
Come over here, man.
How you doing?
729
00:29:33,706 --> 00:29:36,206
(inmates shouting)
730
00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:38,075
Oh, shit,
how do they know you?
731
00:29:38,077 --> 00:29:39,376
They roast me
all the time.
732
00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:41,245
You do? You get roasted
all the time?
733
00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:42,479
I don't give a fuck,
so...
734
00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,314
(laughter)
735
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,649
You don't give a fuck?
736
00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:47,751
You look like you get
a fuck every now and then.
737
00:29:50,589 --> 00:29:53,590
This fucking guy.
Look at his fucking boots.
738
00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:55,959
Dude, my boots--
My boots are not fancy, dude.
739
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:59,163
I'm sorry
you're so dressed up.
740
00:29:59,165 --> 00:30:02,132
Making fun of my clothes,
your shit don't even fit.
741
00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,202
(laughter and whooping)
742
00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,538
Dude, this is just
for fun, okay?
743
00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:09,373
I don't care how many shirts
you put under that,
744
00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:11,275
you're not gonna
be tough, all right?
745
00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:15,946
How long you been
in here, man?
746
00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:17,181
You look so young.
747
00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:18,382
I've been in here
nine months.
748
00:30:18,384 --> 00:30:19,483
Nine months?
749
00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,218
Oh, just till
she has the baby?
750
00:30:23,355 --> 00:30:25,289
I didn't say shit
to that bitch.
751
00:30:25,291 --> 00:30:26,990
Shh, be nice,
come on, man.
752
00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:28,625
You're on TV right now.
753
00:30:28,627 --> 00:30:30,794
Say hi,
you're on "Cops."
754
00:30:30,796 --> 00:30:32,629
Hi!
755
00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:34,531
I sell drugs.
756
00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:35,732
And look at this guy
behind you.
757
00:30:35,734 --> 00:30:37,901
He looks like he could
use you as a dildo.
758
00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:43,574
Come here,
come here, come here.
759
00:30:43,576 --> 00:30:44,675
How you doing, man?
How you doing?
760
00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:46,109
What's your name?
Paul.
761
00:30:46,111 --> 00:30:47,678
Paul?
What's going on, Paul?
762
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,847
Not a whole lot.
Not a whole lot?
763
00:30:49,849 --> 00:30:52,249
And what are you,
the bouncer here?
764
00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:54,818
Jesus.
765
00:30:54,820 --> 00:30:57,588
You got bigger tits
than the women's dorm.
766
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,458
This was so fun.
What's up, dude?
767
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,126
How you doing, man?
All right.
768
00:31:03,128 --> 00:31:04,194
What's your name, man?
769
00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:05,529
Jason Crockett.
770
00:31:05,531 --> 00:31:06,897
Jason Crockett?
(man)
Crash!
771
00:31:06,899 --> 00:31:10,167
They know you?
(inmates shouting)
Crash, Crash!
772
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:11,335
How do you know--
773
00:31:11,337 --> 00:31:13,337
Oh, Crash?
Why they call you Crash?
774
00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:15,138
'Cause I crash a lot.
775
00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,208
(laughter)
776
00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:22,346
Guess that explains the three
missing teeth, huh?
777
00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,084
Least you're wearing
this helmet.
778
00:31:27,086 --> 00:31:29,186
(giggling)
779
00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:31,889
Am I allowed to ask
why you're here, Jason?
780
00:31:31,891 --> 00:31:34,291
Sure, drugs.
Oh, yeah?
781
00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,093
I'm an alleged
dope dealer.
782
00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:37,494
Alleged?
783
00:31:40,299 --> 00:31:44,534
And in reality, you're what,
a kindergarten teacher?
784
00:31:44,536 --> 00:31:46,236
(chuckling)
785
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:48,272
No, I feel you, man.
786
00:31:48,274 --> 00:31:50,240
I hope it works out
for you.
Yeah, me too.
787
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:52,409
What do you see
in your future, Jason?
788
00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:54,444
Hopefully not
25 to life.
789
00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:55,712
All right.
790
00:31:58,050 --> 00:32:00,384
Tough to argue with that.
791
00:32:01,854 --> 00:32:04,721
You sold drugs
in the state of Texas?
792
00:32:04,723 --> 00:32:07,057
You get 25 years to life.
793
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,594
If you did that in Colorado,
you'd be driving a Cadillac.
794
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:20,671
(Jeff)
Wow.
795
00:32:20,673 --> 00:32:22,539
Baking a cake.
796
00:32:22,541 --> 00:32:24,841
You're a regular chef, man.
797
00:32:24,843 --> 00:32:26,810
Yeah, that's what I plan
to do when I get out.
798
00:32:26,812 --> 00:32:27,844
Be a chef?
799
00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:29,379
Yeah, I'm going
into culinary arts.
800
00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:31,048
Wow!
I'm gonna use my FAFSA.
801
00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:33,150
Expand my mind
and stay out of here.
802
00:32:33,152 --> 00:32:34,918
Yeah.
That's good, man.
803
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,119
Positive attitude.
804
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,554
Yeah, it's kind of
rehabilitation.
805
00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:39,389
Use the skills
that you learn in here,
806
00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:41,224
take it back out and do
something different.
807
00:32:41,226 --> 00:32:42,893
When do you put
the knife in there?
808
00:32:42,895 --> 00:32:45,395
After it's done.
(chuckles)
809
00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:46,897
How you doing, man?
All right.
810
00:32:46,899 --> 00:32:48,065
What's going on?
811
00:32:48,067 --> 00:32:51,435
(inmates shouting)
812
00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:52,569
Shh.
813
00:32:52,571 --> 00:32:55,105
Dude, what are you,
a UFC fighter?
814
00:32:55,107 --> 00:32:56,340
Part time.
815
00:32:56,342 --> 00:32:58,909
I didn't know UFC stood
for "ugly fucking Chicano."
816
00:32:58,911 --> 00:33:00,077
What is this?
817
00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:03,146
(laughter and applause)
818
00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:04,781
Damn!
819
00:33:06,018 --> 00:33:08,118
Dude, you're
a truly scary-loo--
(door slamming)
820
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,353
Someone just escaped.
821
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,155
(laughter)
822
00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:13,790
Shit.
823
00:33:13,792 --> 00:33:15,392
Wait, are you guys laughing
extra loud
824
00:33:15,394 --> 00:33:18,295
'cause somebody's trying
to build a tunnel right now?
825
00:33:19,365 --> 00:33:20,464
Just making sure.
826
00:33:20,466 --> 00:33:22,065
Back there,
come up here, you guys.
827
00:33:22,067 --> 00:33:24,801
Come up here,
come up here, man.
828
00:33:24,803 --> 00:33:26,269
What's up, dude?
829
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:27,671
How you doing, man?
All right.
830
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:29,506
I'm Jeff.
Insane.
831
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:31,742
Insane?
Yeah.
832
00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:34,845
Okay, uh...
833
00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:39,783
Insane...
834
00:33:39,785 --> 00:33:41,284
I assume they call you that
835
00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:45,088
because you're the most
well-adjusted, nicest guy here.
836
00:33:45,090 --> 00:33:46,256
So you're right.
837
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:47,557
Right?
So you're right.
838
00:33:47,559 --> 00:33:48,892
I'm right.
839
00:33:48,894 --> 00:33:51,895
And when did you grow those
pubic hairs on your chin?
840
00:33:54,233 --> 00:33:56,166
Couple years ago.
841
00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,701
(chuckles)
842
00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:58,935
All right, Insane.
843
00:33:58,937 --> 00:34:00,971
Can I check out
some of your tattoos?
844
00:34:00,973 --> 00:34:02,639
Yeah.
845
00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:08,211
Jesus.
846
00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:11,548
Dude, that's like $20,000
worth of tattoos.
847
00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,950
You could make bond
for all these motherfuckers
848
00:34:13,952 --> 00:34:16,586
if you didn't have
those tattoos.
849
00:34:16,588 --> 00:34:17,821
What's this one over here?
850
00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,489
That's my--
That's my daughter's name.
851
00:34:19,491 --> 00:34:20,657
It's supposed to have
been a rose.
852
00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:24,428
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
(laughs)
853
00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:25,762
Supposed to
have been a rose,
854
00:34:25,764 --> 00:34:28,098
now it's just a penis
with warts on it.
855
00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:34,104
What's the worst part
about being locked up?
856
00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:36,506
Missing my family.
857
00:34:36,508 --> 00:34:38,508
I bet.
Do they visit you?
858
00:34:38,510 --> 00:34:40,077
They visit me every
now and then.
859
00:34:40,079 --> 00:34:42,145
Yeah. What's your
daughter's name?
860
00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:43,647
Liaza Serenity.
861
00:34:43,649 --> 00:34:45,849
Oh, that's beautiful.
(chuckles)
862
00:34:45,851 --> 00:34:49,186
If she was here right now, what
would you say to her, honestly?
863
00:34:49,188 --> 00:34:52,823
I'd tell her I love her
and Daddy'll be home soon.
864
00:34:52,825 --> 00:34:54,091
That's good enough.
865
00:34:54,093 --> 00:34:56,059
(cheers and applause)
866
00:34:56,061 --> 00:34:57,561
(Jeff)
I hope so.
867
00:34:57,563 --> 00:34:58,962
You have kids waiting
for you?
868
00:34:58,964 --> 00:35:00,163
Yeah, I got two kids.
869
00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:01,331
How old are they?
870
00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:02,866
Six and three.
871
00:35:02,868 --> 00:35:03,934
You miss 'em?
872
00:35:03,936 --> 00:35:05,502
Yeah, all day every day.
873
00:35:05,504 --> 00:35:08,572
I got kids, man, so I do want
'em to be positive and get out.
874
00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:09,739
Stay in, stay out.
You know what I'm saying?
875
00:35:09,741 --> 00:35:11,341
Who's waiting for you
on the outside?
876
00:35:11,343 --> 00:35:13,210
My family,
my wife, my kids.
877
00:35:13,212 --> 00:35:16,146
(man)
My son was right there
when I got arrested.
878
00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:18,615
So he saw that.
Yeah, he was crying.
879
00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:19,850
He knew
what was happening?
880
00:35:19,852 --> 00:35:21,218
Yeah, I talked to him
the other day.
881
00:35:21,220 --> 00:35:22,552
He asked me where I was.
882
00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:24,754
He said, "Daddy, you in jail?"
And I was like, "Yeah."
883
00:35:24,756 --> 00:35:26,223
He already knows about jail.
884
00:35:26,225 --> 00:35:30,427
I told him about it, all of it,
jail, the streets, everything.
885
00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:32,362
So that would be
the worst-case scenario,
886
00:35:32,364 --> 00:35:34,197
is your son grows up
and winds up in here.
887
00:35:34,199 --> 00:35:36,633
Mm-hmm.
888
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:39,736
Frank, come up here
for a second, Frank.
889
00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:41,538
Oh, my God.
890
00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,240
Frank,
how you doing, man?
891
00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,208
I'm chilling,
I'm all right.
Yeah?
892
00:35:45,210 --> 00:35:47,544
How come I saw you in a cell
all by yourself today?
893
00:35:47,546 --> 00:35:49,379
What the hell happened?
894
00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:51,748
I'm not even making
that shit up.
895
00:35:53,619 --> 00:35:55,485
I'm getting ready
for the show,
896
00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:57,020
I was like getting
my shit, getting--
897
00:35:57,022 --> 00:35:59,156
Walking down the hallway
and I see Frank like
898
00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:02,225
in a giant room behind glass
by himself going...
899
00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:08,265
Dude, what were you doing?
900
00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:10,100
No, they put me in there
so I could calm down.
901
00:36:10,102 --> 00:36:12,536
My wife come to see me today
and she had a ticket
902
00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:14,671
and she got arrested
'cause she had a warrant,
903
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,072
and I went off
a little bit.
904
00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:18,175
All right, first of all,
she came to see me.
905
00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:24,915
She happened
to stop and see you.
906
00:36:24,917 --> 00:36:27,017
I'm just teasing you, Frank,
you know that, man.
907
00:36:27,019 --> 00:36:28,251
I don't want
to get you all riled up.
908
00:36:28,253 --> 00:36:30,487
I ain't tripping,
I bet you pay good, shit.
909
00:36:30,489 --> 00:36:33,256
(laughter and applause)
910
00:36:33,258 --> 00:36:35,959
Fucking awesome.
911
00:36:35,961 --> 00:36:38,261
Why are you so jittery?
Are you okay?
912
00:36:38,263 --> 00:36:39,496
Are you nervous?
913
00:36:39,498 --> 00:36:40,697
No, not really.
914
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:43,466
Are the drugs in your ass
starting to kick in?
915
00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:46,937
Frank, you kinda
look like what happens
916
00:36:46,939 --> 00:36:49,906
when the morning-after pill
kinda works.
917
00:37:02,854 --> 00:37:04,120
(Jeff)
What about the women?
918
00:37:04,122 --> 00:37:05,455
Do you think they'll have
a sense of humor
919
00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:06,756
about their situation?
920
00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:07,857
Yeah, I think so.
921
00:37:07,859 --> 00:37:09,426
Everybody likes
to laugh.
922
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,627
(women laughing)
923
00:37:10,629 --> 00:37:12,128
(Dicky)
If you will,
put your hands together
924
00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:17,100
and help us welcome my good
friend, Jeff Ross.
925
00:37:17,102 --> 00:37:18,535
(cheers and applause)
926
00:37:18,537 --> 00:37:20,470
Wow.
What's up?!
927
00:37:20,472 --> 00:37:22,672
Crazy.
928
00:37:22,674 --> 00:37:24,908
What's happening?
929
00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:26,209
All right,
how you doing?
930
00:37:26,211 --> 00:37:27,744
This is awesome.
(cheering)
931
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:29,946
Wow.
How you doing?
932
00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:31,481
This is crazy.
933
00:37:31,483 --> 00:37:32,716
This must be hell,
934
00:37:32,718 --> 00:37:35,051
all these women
wearing the same outfit.
935
00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,821
(laughter)
936
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:41,725
Orange is the new
very black, look at you.
937
00:37:41,727 --> 00:37:44,261
Man!
938
00:37:44,263 --> 00:37:45,929
You're beautiful.
939
00:37:47,266 --> 00:37:49,633
What's going on?
940
00:37:49,635 --> 00:37:52,035
Have you been in here long
enough to find me attractive?
941
00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:53,903
Whoo!
Huh?
942
00:37:57,976 --> 00:37:59,943
Oh, look at this,
this is awesome.
943
00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,112
We got Justin Bieber here.
944
00:38:05,417 --> 00:38:07,517
Take a bow,
take a bow.
945
00:38:07,519 --> 00:38:09,419
This is a trip
for sure, man.
946
00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:13,923
I have never done a show
for all women before
947
00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:17,494
and I've never done
a show inside a jail before,
948
00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,162
so this is huge for me.
949
00:38:19,164 --> 00:38:21,298
Thank you.
950
00:38:23,835 --> 00:38:25,235
Good thing about
a jail show is,
951
00:38:25,237 --> 00:38:27,270
nobody gets up
and walks out.
952
00:38:27,272 --> 00:38:29,839
(laughter)
953
00:38:29,841 --> 00:38:31,341
I wanted to fit in
with the guys,
954
00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:33,410
so I shaved my head
like an inmate.
955
00:38:33,412 --> 00:38:36,046
(cheers and applause)
956
00:38:36,048 --> 00:38:37,681
Now I find myself
touching--
957
00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:40,016
Doing this all the time,
958
00:38:40,018 --> 00:38:41,851
which is good,
'cause it keeps me
959
00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:43,853
from touching
my balls in public.
960
00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:46,756
Wow.
961
00:38:46,758 --> 00:38:49,259
One guy,
50 female prisoners.
962
00:38:49,261 --> 00:38:52,128
This is like the first scene
of every porno I've ever seen.
963
00:38:53,732 --> 00:38:58,001
I feel like I should be
delivering a pizza
or something.
964
00:38:58,003 --> 00:39:01,304
How many people have been
in here more than once?
965
00:39:01,306 --> 00:39:02,472
No kidding.
966
00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:05,575
What is this, summer camp?
967
00:39:05,577 --> 00:39:07,077
How you doing, darling?
968
00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:08,311
I'm good.
How you doing?
969
00:39:08,313 --> 00:39:10,380
Hold on,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
970
00:39:12,617 --> 00:39:13,950
What's your--
971
00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:15,151
I'm Big Mama Joe,
that's my name.
972
00:39:15,153 --> 00:39:17,087
Big Mama Joe.
Wow.
973
00:39:17,089 --> 00:39:18,688
It's raining men,
hallelujah.
974
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,256
It's raining men,
hallelujah?
975
00:39:20,258 --> 00:39:21,725
Yeah.
No shit.
976
00:39:21,727 --> 00:39:25,061
You look so--
Move back, stop it.
977
00:39:25,063 --> 00:39:26,796
You're making people
nervous.
978
00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:28,131
Seriously, Kev,
come on.
979
00:39:28,133 --> 00:39:29,366
You can't follow me.
980
00:39:29,368 --> 00:39:31,134
Stay over there.
We're doing a show over here.
981
00:39:31,136 --> 00:39:35,138
This is between me
and Big Mama Joe.
982
00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:36,373
That's right.
983
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,475
And her three illegitimate
daughters behind her.
984
00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:39,576
There you go.
985
00:39:39,578 --> 00:39:41,644
There you go.
986
00:39:41,646 --> 00:39:44,447
I'm making some
child support payments...
987
00:39:44,449 --> 00:39:46,516
(muttering)
What's that?
988
00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:49,419
Child support for them three
illegitimate kids.
989
00:39:49,421 --> 00:39:50,520
Child support?
990
00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:52,088
How about some
boob support?
991
00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:53,890
(laughter)
992
00:39:57,696 --> 00:39:59,362
You're all right.
993
00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:01,398
Big Mama Joe, you're not
my mama, are you?
994
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,066
I might be.
You are adorable.
995
00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:06,035
You are my favorite smurf,
by the way.
996
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,406
This is so much fun.
997
00:40:09,408 --> 00:40:10,874
It means so much
that you ladies
998
00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:13,710
would have a sense of humor
about your situation.
999
00:40:13,712 --> 00:40:16,079
Oh, wait, what is this
right here?
1000
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,580
Is that a baby
in there?
1001
00:40:17,582 --> 00:40:19,015
Yeah.
Really?
1002
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:21,117
Can you come here
for a second?
1003
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:22,819
Can I see it?
Oh, can I--
1004
00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:23,953
What's your name?
1005
00:40:23,955 --> 00:40:24,954
My name's Autumn.
1006
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:26,089
Autumn?
Autumn.
1007
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:27,257
Oh, wow.
1008
00:40:27,259 --> 00:40:28,958
Why are you here?
Did you rob a sperm bank?
1009
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,228
No.
(laughter)
1010
00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:33,329
You look so cute.
No.
1011
00:40:33,331 --> 00:40:35,064
Are you eating
for two?
Yeah.
1012
00:40:35,066 --> 00:40:38,168
Did you steal for two?
1013
00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:40,637
That's awesome.
1014
00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:41,838
This is good for the baby,
1015
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,407
it's good for the baby
to hear you laughing.
1016
00:40:44,409 --> 00:40:46,509
That's good for the baby's
development.
1017
00:40:46,511 --> 00:40:49,846
Imagine if I was licking
your pussy right now,
1018
00:40:49,848 --> 00:40:50,847
how good it would be
for the...
1019
00:40:50,849 --> 00:40:53,583
(cheers and laughter)
1020
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:56,286
For the baby's
development.
1021
00:40:57,556 --> 00:41:01,090
I'm sorry if I go too far.
I'll be careful.
1022
00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:08,131
Who's got the balls
to come up here?
1023
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:10,033
All right, come up here.
One, two, three.
1024
00:41:10,035 --> 00:41:11,468
All right, we got it.
1025
00:41:11,470 --> 00:41:13,002
Four, over there,
over there.
1026
00:41:13,004 --> 00:41:16,606
(cheers and applause)
1027
00:41:19,077 --> 00:41:20,477
All right,
come on down, ladies.
1028
00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:21,845
That's it?
1029
00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:23,379
And one more?
1030
00:41:23,381 --> 00:41:25,114
What's going on?
How you doing?
1031
00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,683
Doing great,
how are you?
1032
00:41:26,685 --> 00:41:28,184
What's your name?
Country.
1033
00:41:28,186 --> 00:41:30,787
Country?
Wow.
1034
00:41:30,789 --> 00:41:33,122
Man.
1035
00:41:33,124 --> 00:41:34,457
Why do they call you
Country?
1036
00:41:34,459 --> 00:41:37,093
Because that's
how I talk.
1037
00:41:37,095 --> 00:41:38,528
Obviously.
1038
00:41:38,530 --> 00:41:39,696
How long you been
here, Country?
1039
00:41:39,698 --> 00:41:41,397
I've been here
about seven months.
1040
00:41:41,399 --> 00:41:42,565
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
1041
00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:44,100
Wow.
How you holding up?
1042
00:41:44,102 --> 00:41:46,936
I'd be a lot better if I could
be outside and free.
1043
00:41:46,938 --> 00:41:48,838
Who's waiting for you
out there?
1044
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,006
My two kids.
1045
00:41:50,008 --> 00:41:51,140
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
1046
00:41:51,142 --> 00:41:53,243
That must be so hard,
I can't even imagine.
1047
00:41:53,245 --> 00:41:56,346
Mm-hmm, it's hard,
but I'm making it.
1048
00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:58,147
So you have to call
the baby-sitter and say,
1049
00:41:58,149 --> 00:41:59,449
"I don't know when I'm
gonna be home, but..."
1050
00:41:59,451 --> 00:42:02,252
"I'll pay you soon."
(laughing)
1051
00:42:02,254 --> 00:42:04,954
"Help yourself to whatever's
in the fridge."
Yeah.
1052
00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:06,789
This is so fun.
Hold on, Country.
1053
00:42:06,791 --> 00:42:07,824
Let's talk to--
1054
00:42:07,826 --> 00:42:09,259
Unfold your arms.
Loosen up.
1055
00:42:09,261 --> 00:42:10,560
It's gonna be okay.
1056
00:42:10,562 --> 00:42:13,196
You look so beautiful
in orange.
1057
00:42:13,198 --> 00:42:14,330
Thank you.
1058
00:42:14,332 --> 00:42:15,431
What's your name?
Kat.
1059
00:42:15,433 --> 00:42:16,699
Kat?
Yeah.
1060
00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:18,835
Me-ow.
(laughter)
1061
00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,673
What's the hardest part about
being in jail right now?
1062
00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:24,841
I miss my kids.
1063
00:42:24,843 --> 00:42:27,110
You miss your kids.
Yeah.
1064
00:42:27,112 --> 00:42:29,946
Well, and they can't
come visit, can they?
1065
00:42:29,948 --> 00:42:31,214
I don't want them to.
1066
00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:32,782
You don't want them
to see you up here.
1067
00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:34,250
Especially with
that hairstyle.
1068
00:42:34,252 --> 00:42:37,387
No shit.
Right?
1069
00:42:37,389 --> 00:42:39,656
I'm sweating like
a hooker talking to--
1070
00:42:39,658 --> 00:42:42,191
What's that?
What'd you say?
1071
00:42:42,193 --> 00:42:43,626
I said I was sweating
like a hooker
1072
00:42:43,628 --> 00:42:44,727
talking to a beat cop.
1073
00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:46,863
(laughter)
1074
00:42:46,865 --> 00:42:49,933
Well, we got a beat cop,
you're the hooker.
1075
00:42:49,935 --> 00:42:52,802
It's all working out.
1076
00:42:52,804 --> 00:42:54,037
This is so fun.
1077
00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:56,039
Let's talk to the librarian
for a second.
1078
00:42:56,041 --> 00:42:57,607
(laughter)
1079
00:42:57,609 --> 00:42:59,042
Come right over here.
1080
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,244
How you doing?
I'm good, how are you?
1081
00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:02,812
What's happening?
What's your name?
1082
00:43:02,814 --> 00:43:04,380
I'm Holly.
Holly.
1083
00:43:04,382 --> 00:43:06,215
Holy Holly.
1084
00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:08,384
What's your stor--
Shh.
1085
00:43:08,386 --> 00:43:10,119
(woman)
Tell him your last name.
1086
00:43:10,121 --> 00:43:11,321
Why, they teasing you?
1087
00:43:11,323 --> 00:43:12,589
You got a funny
last name?
1088
00:43:12,591 --> 00:43:14,157
Yeah, it's Hooker.
1089
00:43:14,159 --> 00:43:17,760
(laughter and applause)
1090
00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:19,862
That's why I came
up here, Jeff.
1091
00:43:19,864 --> 00:43:21,898
Holly Hooker?
1092
00:43:24,736 --> 00:43:27,036
What?
Yeah, yeah.
1093
00:43:27,038 --> 00:43:28,471
Get outta here!
1094
00:43:33,144 --> 00:43:34,978
Do you need
reading glasses?
1095
00:43:40,885 --> 00:43:43,386
(laughter)
1096
00:43:43,388 --> 00:43:44,988
Do you accept--
Do you accept collect calls?
1097
00:43:44,990 --> 00:43:46,956
What's that?
Do you accept
collect calls?
1098
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:49,559
(laughter)
1099
00:43:49,561 --> 00:43:51,194
Come here, come here,
come here.
1100
00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:53,863
How you doing?
(chuckles)
1101
00:43:53,865 --> 00:43:55,198
How you doing?
I'm good.
1102
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,399
What's happening?
1103
00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:58,401
Mmm... nothing.
1104
00:44:00,271 --> 00:44:02,038
Is anybody waiting for you
on the outside?
1105
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,573
My babies, my two babies.
1106
00:44:03,575 --> 00:44:06,976
Everybody has two babies,
that's a lot of babies.
1107
00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,478
That's not bad.
1108
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,314
Big Mama had two
since the show started.
1109
00:44:11,316 --> 00:44:14,417
(laughter)
1110
00:44:18,723 --> 00:44:20,256
That's your next woman.
What's that?
1111
00:44:20,258 --> 00:44:21,724
Ain't she
your next girlfriend?
1112
00:44:21,726 --> 00:44:23,526
She would be, but she has
to get back to work
1113
00:44:23,528 --> 00:44:25,795
at the Country Bear
jamboree over at Disneyland.
1114
00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:30,700
What's your name?
I'm Shaina.
1115
00:44:30,702 --> 00:44:31,768
Shaina.
1116
00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:33,302
Were you arrested
for, what?
1117
00:44:33,304 --> 00:44:35,672
Theft.
I'm guessing it was--
1118
00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:38,474
Theft, really?
Yep.
1119
00:44:38,476 --> 00:44:40,476
I figured you were here
for arson,
1120
00:44:40,478 --> 00:44:42,211
'cause my pants
are on fire right now.
1121
00:44:42,213 --> 00:44:47,250
(cheers and applause)
1122
00:44:47,252 --> 00:44:48,451
So, come here, Shaina.
1123
00:44:48,453 --> 00:44:49,585
Theft, that's pretty heavy.
1124
00:44:49,587 --> 00:44:52,221
Are you allowed to tell me
what you stole?
1125
00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:54,624
Baby food.
1126
00:44:54,626 --> 00:44:56,359
Cut the bullshit.
1127
00:44:56,361 --> 00:44:58,561
Baby food?
Baby formula.
1128
00:44:58,563 --> 00:45:00,496
Baby formula?
Mm-hmm.
1129
00:45:00,498 --> 00:45:01,731
From what,
another baby?
1130
00:45:01,733 --> 00:45:04,167
(laughter)
1131
00:45:04,169 --> 00:45:05,768
Are you married?
Not yet.
1132
00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:07,336
Not yet?
1133
00:45:07,338 --> 00:45:09,439
What do you think's
more important?
1134
00:45:09,441 --> 00:45:13,710
Sense of humor
or penis size?
1135
00:45:14,779 --> 00:45:16,579
Shh...
1136
00:45:16,581 --> 00:45:19,048
Both.
1137
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:22,552
(laughter and applause)
1138
00:45:24,189 --> 00:45:25,488
All right, well,
1139
00:45:25,490 --> 00:45:27,957
I have an 11-inch
sense of humor, so...
1140
00:45:27,959 --> 00:45:29,092
All right, ladies.
1141
00:45:29,094 --> 00:45:31,360
Group hug,
group hug.
1142
00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:32,862
Thank you.
1143
00:45:32,864 --> 00:45:34,330
Thank you,
ladies.
Thank you.
1144
00:45:39,738 --> 00:45:42,605
(inmates shouting)
1145
00:45:48,012 --> 00:45:49,078
(Jeff)
My turn.
1146
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,146
Here you go.
1147
00:45:50,148 --> 00:45:51,380
A lot of air balls here.
1148
00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:53,583
At least something's free
around here.
1149
00:45:55,653 --> 00:45:57,987
Look at the white guys
just not even participating.
1150
00:45:57,989 --> 00:45:59,355
They don't even want
to play.
1151
00:45:59,357 --> 00:46:01,724
This basketball's
got more lumps
1152
00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:03,259
than your mama's ass
right here.
1153
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:04,961
(laughing)
Man.
1154
00:46:04,963 --> 00:46:07,930
Oh, shit!
Oh!
1155
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,433
Is this normal, for the white
guys and the black guys to hang
1156
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:11,534
or is it just 'cause
I'm here?
1157
00:46:11,536 --> 00:46:13,136
Ain't no racism
in here, man.
1158
00:46:13,138 --> 00:46:14,270
Everybody love everybody.
1159
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:16,806
I love Africans,
Asians.
1160
00:46:16,808 --> 00:46:18,741
We still the same,
we all made the same.
1161
00:46:18,743 --> 00:46:20,276
We all gotta do the time,
so there ain't no point
1162
00:46:20,278 --> 00:46:21,477
in hating
each other doing it.
1163
00:46:21,479 --> 00:46:22,578
That's a good point.
1164
00:46:22,580 --> 00:46:23,780
Right here,
right here.
1165
00:46:23,782 --> 00:46:25,581
"Brazos," that's an old
Indian word,
1166
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,883
it means
"My lawyer sucks."
1167
00:46:26,885 --> 00:46:29,118
(laughter)
1168
00:46:31,656 --> 00:46:35,291
(guitar playing)
1169
00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:40,663
I feel connected to you guys
in ways I never thought I would.
1170
00:46:40,665 --> 00:46:42,932
I'm a big believer
in second chances.
1171
00:46:42,934 --> 00:46:44,967
(man)
Amen, man.
1172
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:47,136
Bill Gates,
when he was a teenager,
1173
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,639
he got arrested for driving
without a license,
1174
00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:52,308
went to jail
for a couple days, came out,
1175
00:46:52,310 --> 00:46:54,877
went in his garage,
invented the computer.
1176
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:58,114
Now he's the richest man
in the world.
1177
00:46:58,116 --> 00:47:01,484
So my advice to you guys,
when you get out of jail...
1178
00:47:01,486 --> 00:47:03,019
rob Bill Gates.
1179
00:47:03,021 --> 00:47:06,222
(laughter and applause)
1180
00:47:06,224 --> 00:47:08,057
Whoo!
1181
00:47:10,094 --> 00:47:12,395
You know who Nelson Mandela is?
1182
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:16,432
Nazis, you know
who Nelson Mandela is?
1183
00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:26,742
He was a great black man,
so go fuck yourselves.
1184
00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:36,085
Nelson Mandela was in prison
for 27 years,
1185
00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:38,287
and he used that time
not to go crazy.
1186
00:47:38,289 --> 00:47:41,991
He used that time to completely
change who he was.
1187
00:47:41,993 --> 00:47:44,961
He became Morgan Freeman,
the greatest actor of our time.
1188
00:47:49,467 --> 00:47:51,667
I wrote a song for you guys.
1189
00:47:51,669 --> 00:47:53,202
(guitar continues)
1190
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:55,204
(whooping and cheering)
1191
00:47:55,206 --> 00:47:58,040
(whistling)
1192
00:47:58,042 --> 00:48:01,010
Come on, black guys,
help me keep the beat.
1193
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,548
¶ The food in here stinks ¶
1194
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:08,117
¶ The two-tone turkey
made me ralph ¶
1195
00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,519
(inmates)
Yeah! Yeah!
1196
00:48:10,521 --> 00:48:13,022
Yeah!
1197
00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:17,393
¶ I had to toss a salad just
to get that taste out my mouth ¶
1198
00:48:23,134 --> 00:48:25,701
¶ Stuck in Brazos County ¶
1199
00:48:25,703 --> 00:48:28,971
¶ Where the food
just sucks ¶
1200
00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:30,473
(man)
Yeah!
1201
00:48:30,475 --> 00:48:32,208
Hey, but listen, dude.
1202
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:35,444
¶ That's what
you deserve ¶
1203
00:48:35,446 --> 00:48:38,314
¶ When you rob a taco truck ¶
1204
00:48:38,316 --> 00:48:41,651
(guitar continues)
1205
00:48:41,653 --> 00:48:43,519
Let me see that haircut.
1206
00:48:43,521 --> 00:48:45,454
He's got the little thing
on the back there.
1207
00:48:47,425 --> 00:48:50,159
Dude, what is that shit?
1208
00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:53,396
Can I see the back of that
for a second?
1209
00:48:53,398 --> 00:48:56,599
No, I thought a squirrel ran by,
I was like, "What the fuck?"
1210
00:48:56,601 --> 00:49:00,670
(laughter)
1211
00:49:00,672 --> 00:49:03,306
Dude, you got the beard on
backwards.
1212
00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:12,915
¶ This guy, he don't like me ¶
1213
00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:15,151
¶ He's in here
for manslaughter ¶
1214
00:49:15,153 --> 00:49:19,255
¶ I hope he don't figure out
I finger-banged his daughter ¶
1215
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:23,392
¶ Stuck in Brazos County ¶
1216
00:49:23,394 --> 00:49:27,029
¶ With you bunch
of thugs ¶
1217
00:49:27,031 --> 00:49:30,132
Yeah!
1218
00:49:30,134 --> 00:49:32,134
¶ And those guys up
in the balcony ¶
1219
00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:35,638
¶ With the swastika tattoos ¶
1220
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,841
¶ Look like they could use
a hug ¶
1221
00:49:38,843 --> 00:49:43,212
(guitar continues)
1222
00:49:43,214 --> 00:49:45,548
¶ Thank you, Brazos County ¶
1223
00:49:45,550 --> 00:49:50,853
¶ My time here today has
been intense ¶
1224
00:49:50,855 --> 00:49:53,389
Yeah.
(man)
Yeah!
1225
00:49:53,391 --> 00:49:57,226
¶ And I'll see y'all again
on the outside ¶
1226
00:49:57,228 --> 00:50:01,097
¶ Soon as y'all hop
that fence ¶
1227
00:50:01,099 --> 00:50:03,299
(cheers and applause)
1228
00:50:03,301 --> 00:50:05,234
Good night, everybody.
1229
00:50:05,236 --> 00:50:06,402
Thank you.
1230
00:50:06,404 --> 00:50:07,937
(cheering continues)
1231
00:50:07,939 --> 00:50:09,105
Thank you.
1232
00:50:09,107 --> 00:50:11,073
Thank you.
1233
00:50:11,075 --> 00:50:13,242
(cheers and applause)
1234
00:50:20,218 --> 00:50:21,283
Thank you.
1235
00:50:21,285 --> 00:50:23,252
Cheers.
1236
00:50:23,254 --> 00:50:25,121
(man)
Cheers.
1237
00:50:25,123 --> 00:50:27,323
Oh, my God.
Mmm.
1238
00:50:27,325 --> 00:50:29,291
That tastes better
than freedom.
1239
00:50:29,293 --> 00:50:30,526
(laughter)
1240
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:31,694
You got me.
1241
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,863
(laughter continues)
1242
00:50:33,865 --> 00:50:36,032
All right!
1243
00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,401
(Jeff)
Enough with the bread already.
1244
00:50:46,077 --> 00:50:48,878
Forty, you've been around.
What's the story?
1245
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,281
Stay in school.
Don't be a fool.
1246
00:50:52,283 --> 00:50:54,183
(laughter and applause)
95028
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