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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,857 Previously on "Splitting Up Together"... 2 00:00:01,857 --> 00:00:03,338 -What happened? -We, uh... 3 00:00:03,338 --> 00:00:04,990 -Slept together. -Who'd you have sex with? 4 00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:06,950 -Frank. -Yeah, AKA Sugar Beard. 5 00:00:06,950 --> 00:00:08,702 Are the three of you aware that Martin and I broke up? 6 00:00:08,702 --> 00:00:11,789 Lisa Apple, are you pregnant or not? 7 00:00:11,789 --> 00:00:14,291 I think we may have to ruin Martin and Lena's weekend. 8 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:18,837 [ Insects chirping ] 9 00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:23,926 [ Vacuum whirring ] 10 00:00:23,926 --> 00:00:25,010 Hey, Lena. 11 00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:28,389 Lena! 12 00:00:28,389 --> 00:00:30,265 Can we please talk? 13 00:00:30,265 --> 00:00:33,143 Sorry! I can't hear you! 14 00:00:33,143 --> 00:00:36,730 Okay, well, how am I able to hear you if you can't hear me? 15 00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,524 [ Whirring stops ] 16 00:00:41,527 --> 00:00:44,863 Hey, look, I know you don't want to get into it, 17 00:00:44,863 --> 00:00:46,407 but I think it would healthy for us to have -- 18 00:00:46,407 --> 00:00:48,158 A baby? 19 00:00:48,158 --> 00:00:49,326 Really, Martin? 20 00:00:49,326 --> 00:00:53,455 A baby with Lisa Apple? 21 00:00:53,455 --> 00:00:56,500 And what would that even mean to the kids, to us? 22 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,544 How do we explain that to people? 23 00:00:58,544 --> 00:01:01,088 I-I don't know. I don't know, but I-I do know -- 24 00:01:01,088 --> 00:01:03,340 This is the ultimate sign, 25 00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:06,969 the ultimate, giant billboard of a sign -- "It's over!" 26 00:01:06,969 --> 00:01:08,512 I disagree. "Move on!" 27 00:01:08,512 --> 00:01:10,389 I don't want to. 28 00:01:10,389 --> 00:01:11,724 [ Sighs ] And, by the way, 29 00:01:11,724 --> 00:01:15,519 who accidentally gets someone pregnant at your age? 30 00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:17,062 Did you forget how sex worked? 31 00:01:17,062 --> 00:01:18,355 Come on. Did you not use birth control? 32 00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,190 We used birth control, okay? 33 00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:21,900 It's just -- It's just... 34 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,652 My guys are very dogged. 35 00:01:23,652 --> 00:01:24,695 You know that. 36 00:01:26,655 --> 00:01:27,698 Milo. 37 00:01:27,698 --> 00:01:29,199 Are you seriously 38 00:01:29,199 --> 00:01:31,618 giving your sperm a shout-out right now? 39 00:01:31,618 --> 00:01:32,870 I'm not giving them a shout-out. 40 00:01:32,870 --> 00:01:34,329 It's more like credit where credit is -- 41 00:01:34,329 --> 00:01:35,372 "Dogged"? 42 00:01:35,372 --> 00:01:36,498 You know what? 43 00:01:36,498 --> 00:01:37,708 They're reckless. 44 00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,126 Every last one of them. 45 00:01:39,126 --> 00:01:40,461 That's their job, Lena. 46 00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:45,340 Look. 47 00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:48,761 We don't actually know if Lisa is pregnant, right? 48 00:01:48,761 --> 00:01:51,513 Yes. Technically, we don't know for sure. 49 00:01:51,513 --> 00:01:53,891 So, before we go making any rash decisions 50 00:01:53,891 --> 00:01:55,434 or saying things about each other's sperms 51 00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:57,019 that we can't take back, 52 00:01:57,019 --> 00:01:59,229 can we at least find out if it's true? 53 00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:01,523 "We"? Me. 54 00:02:01,523 --> 00:02:03,776 I promise to get to the bottom of this, okay? 55 00:02:03,776 --> 00:02:06,820 But you... 56 00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,114 Just don't skip ahead to the ending. 57 00:02:10,407 --> 00:02:12,367 Don't skip ahead to us ending. 58 00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:13,660 So, what, 59 00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,788 I'm supposed to just sit around here and -- 60 00:02:15,788 --> 00:02:17,498 Wait. 61 00:02:17,498 --> 00:02:19,500 Just wait. 62 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,959 You know, I know you're not big on waiting. 63 00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:22,753 I know you like to rally the troops 64 00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:25,130 and march them down the field, but... 65 00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:27,883 just this once... 66 00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:31,512 will you wait up for me? 67 00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:37,976 Go talk to Lisa Apple. 68 00:02:37,976 --> 00:02:39,228 I'm on it. 69 00:02:41,188 --> 00:02:44,691 ♪ Keep giving me hope for a better day ♪ 70 00:02:44,691 --> 00:02:47,653 ♪ Keep giving me love to find a way ♪ 71 00:02:47,653 --> 00:02:51,073 ♪ Through this heaviness I feel ♪ 72 00:02:51,073 --> 00:02:57,412 ♪ I just need someone to say everything's okay ♪ 73 00:02:57,412 --> 00:02:59,331 ♪ Everything's okay ♪ 74 00:02:59,331 --> 00:03:00,833 I know, you guys. 75 00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,585 I know, but Martin's trying. 76 00:03:03,585 --> 00:03:04,920 You know who else was trying? 77 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,630 Toby last year. 78 00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,298 But that didn't get him out of the second grade. 79 00:03:08,298 --> 00:03:09,842 Harsh, but fair. 80 00:03:09,842 --> 00:03:12,636 See? That's what I'm trying to be -- fair. 81 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:15,180 Even though every fiber of my being is telling me to run, 82 00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:16,682 I am not doing that. 83 00:03:16,682 --> 00:03:18,809 Why? Because that's what love is -- 84 00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,477 ignoring your own instincts 85 00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:22,271 and putting someone else's needs first. 86 00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,231 That's what love is? 87 00:03:24,231 --> 00:03:26,775 Well, it's open for debate, but, yes, that's what it is. 88 00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:27,568 [ Door opens, bell jingles ] 89 00:03:27,568 --> 00:03:28,610 Pbht! 90 00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:30,863 Mason, hey! What are you doing here? 91 00:03:30,863 --> 00:03:32,614 I thought you hated crafty stuff. 92 00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:33,991 I do, but Hazel's camp friends 93 00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:35,200 wanted to try, so we're all here. 94 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,119 Well, tight. Mom. 95 00:03:37,119 --> 00:03:40,581 And, Hazel, I love this new look. 96 00:03:40,581 --> 00:03:42,124 So much going on. 97 00:03:42,124 --> 00:03:43,417 It's about gloves. 98 00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:45,419 Okay, darling? It's about gloves. 99 00:03:45,419 --> 00:03:47,129 Okay, well -- Listen. 100 00:03:47,129 --> 00:03:49,506 No, I am. We all are. 101 00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:51,592 It's -- It's very intriguing. 102 00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:56,805 Here -- I'll set you kids up at this table. 103 00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:59,099 And, Toby, we'll continue our conversation... 104 00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:00,767 [ Bell jingles ] ...on love and sacrifice when I return. 105 00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:02,060 I need more brown. 106 00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:03,520 You got it. 107 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,106 Aha! So you're a Taurus. 108 00:04:06,106 --> 00:04:09,818 [ Chuckles ] I guess. Ah, spoken like a true Taurus. 109 00:04:09,818 --> 00:04:10,986 [ Chuckles ] 110 00:04:10,986 --> 00:04:12,779 And so, what are you? 111 00:04:12,779 --> 00:04:14,406 I'll give you a hint. 112 00:04:14,406 --> 00:04:16,700 My ruler is Mars. I'm a natural-born leader. 113 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,368 My element is fire. 114 00:04:18,368 --> 00:04:19,995 I really don't follow -- 115 00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:23,624 Okay, I also share a star sign with Mariah Carey, 116 00:04:23,624 --> 00:04:25,876 Chance the Rapper, and Scott Eastwood. 117 00:04:27,127 --> 00:04:28,503 I basically just gave it away. 118 00:04:28,503 --> 00:04:30,589 [ Laughs ] I'm an Aries, girl! 119 00:04:30,589 --> 00:04:32,591 Oh, an Aries! 120 00:04:32,591 --> 00:04:33,800 Right! 121 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,177 Like Scott Eastwood. 122 00:04:35,177 --> 00:04:37,721 Hell, yeah! [ Sighs ] 123 00:04:37,721 --> 00:04:40,682 Oh, man, I am so stoked on you being a Taurus. 124 00:04:40,682 --> 00:04:42,309 It's like I hit the jackpot. 125 00:04:42,309 --> 00:04:44,311 You're honest, loyal. 126 00:04:44,311 --> 00:04:46,355 Yes, that's me. 127 00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:47,648 ♪ Womp, womp, womp-womp ♪ 128 00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:49,066 ♪ She give me what I wanna ♪ 129 00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:50,776 ♪ Ball so hard, need a warm-up ♪ 130 00:04:50,776 --> 00:04:51,944 ♪ I bagged her at the Walmart ♪ 131 00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:55,030 ♪ Yeah ♪ Wow, man. Wow! 132 00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:57,157 I don't normally feel comfortable playing favorites, 133 00:04:57,157 --> 00:04:59,785 but this track is my favorite! 134 00:04:59,785 --> 00:05:01,370 ♪ She give me what I wanna ♪ 135 00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:02,913 Meeting. 136 00:05:02,913 --> 00:05:04,289 ♪ I bagged her at the Walmart ♪ 137 00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,540 -Hey. -I'm in a meeting. 138 00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:07,125 Yeah, I know, but I need to talk to you. 139 00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,168 [ Sighs ] 140 00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:09,795 [ Music stops ] Come on in. 141 00:05:09,795 --> 00:05:11,421 [ Telephone rings ] 142 00:05:11,421 --> 00:05:13,423 Hey, man. I-I'm Martin. I'm Valee. 143 00:05:13,423 --> 00:05:15,259 Uh, sorry to interrupt, um, 144 00:05:15,259 --> 00:05:18,679 but I-I need your help with that... 145 00:05:18,679 --> 00:05:21,807 that new band, The Lisa Apple Situation. 146 00:05:21,807 --> 00:05:23,850 Lisa Apple's not really a band. 147 00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,311 It's his ex-girlfriend who might be knocked up. 148 00:05:26,311 --> 00:05:28,272 Womp, womp, womp-womp. Dude! 149 00:05:28,272 --> 00:05:29,940 I'm just trying to be transparent with my client. 150 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,900 Who knocks somebody up at your age? 151 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,402 My guys are very dogged. 152 00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:34,820 Not me. 153 00:05:34,820 --> 00:05:36,863 Super low sperm count. 154 00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:38,740 So, we're just telling Valee everything about our -- 155 00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:39,783 our lives? 156 00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:41,451 Yeah. Okay. 157 00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:45,205 Well [Clears throat] Lisa Apple is not my only problem. 158 00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:47,207 Okay, I'm still trying to patch things up with my ex-wife, 159 00:05:47,207 --> 00:05:48,500 Lena, but she's -- 160 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,960 Got you on hold till she figures out 161 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,671 what's happening with the, uh, Apple Situation. 162 00:05:52,671 --> 00:05:54,256 Hundo-P! 163 00:05:54,256 --> 00:05:56,133 Don't say that. Okay. 164 00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,719 Look, I know I need to talk to her, and I'm gonna. 165 00:05:58,719 --> 00:06:01,722 I am on it, but I'm just kind of dreading it, you know? 166 00:06:01,722 --> 00:06:03,807 I mean, whether she is or -- or isn't pregnant, 167 00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,225 I know she's not gonna be happy to see me. 168 00:06:05,225 --> 00:06:06,518 [ Cellphone clicking ] 169 00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:07,811 Yo. Hey! 170 00:06:07,811 --> 00:06:10,147 Hey, I am baring my soul to you right now 171 00:06:10,147 --> 00:06:11,523 and you're on your phone? 172 00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:14,735 Valee is listening, and we're not even friends. 173 00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:15,902 I feel like we're friends. 174 00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:18,196 -Yeah. -I am listening. 175 00:06:18,196 --> 00:06:22,367 I'm just searching Lisa Apple's 'gram for intel. 176 00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:23,660 She just posted. 177 00:06:27,539 --> 00:06:29,291 "A lot on my mind." 178 00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:31,126 She's pregnant. Definitely pregnant. 179 00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:36,916 You know what we should do next? 180 00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:38,391 We should all paint a teapot together. 181 00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:40,800 Then we'd have, like, a friendship tea set. 182 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,233 We're totally doing that. 183 00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,193 Bible. 184 00:06:44,193 --> 00:06:45,235 All: Bible! 185 00:06:45,235 --> 00:06:46,570 Bible! 186 00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,197 Right. 187 00:06:48,197 --> 00:06:53,619 ♪♪ 188 00:06:53,619 --> 00:06:55,037 What the hell? 189 00:06:55,037 --> 00:06:56,496 [ Faucet running ] 190 00:06:56,496 --> 00:06:58,165 [ Faucet turns off ] Honey, what's going on? 191 00:06:58,165 --> 00:06:59,374 What do you mean? 192 00:06:59,374 --> 00:07:01,793 You're acting like some kind of a lap dog. 193 00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:03,962 And also, friendship tea set? 194 00:07:03,962 --> 00:07:05,422 It's fine. 195 00:07:05,422 --> 00:07:07,132 I haven't seen Hazel all summer, 196 00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:10,177 and I missed her, and I'm just trying to rekindle things. 197 00:07:10,177 --> 00:07:15,265 ♪♪ 198 00:07:15,265 --> 00:07:17,476 Are you wearing makeup? Mm, no. 199 00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:20,062 Okay, well, this morning, your complexion 200 00:07:20,062 --> 00:07:21,230 was "Apricot Ice," 201 00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,982 and now it's practically "Summer Peach." 202 00:07:23,982 --> 00:07:25,859 [ Quietly ] It's tinted sunscreen. 203 00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,945 [ Normal voice ] Look, Hazel went to André Leon Talley's 204 00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:29,446 fashion camp, okay? Okay. 205 00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,949 And those kids are her gay bunkmates, 206 00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:34,576 who, as you can see, are flawless. 207 00:07:34,576 --> 00:07:37,162 Hazel, also flawless. 208 00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:39,831 Me -- not so flawless. 209 00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:41,291 What? That's not true. 210 00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:42,417 Mom, stop. 211 00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:43,377 I look like an old sheep dog. 212 00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:45,254 More green, darling. 213 00:07:45,254 --> 00:07:47,381 On it, darling! 214 00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:49,967 Okay, I am not comfortable with you changing 215 00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:51,593 who you are and abandoning your interests 216 00:07:51,593 --> 00:07:53,303 for some glove-wearing -- 217 00:07:53,303 --> 00:07:56,556 "That's what love is -- putting someone else's needs first." 218 00:07:56,556 --> 00:07:58,308 Exactly. Thank you. 219 00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:04,231 What's the ETA on brown? 220 00:08:04,231 --> 00:08:07,234 ♪♪ 221 00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:08,360 [ Paint sputters ] 222 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,612 Gene: Welcome back. 223 00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:13,740 Will the silver fox be joining you today? 224 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,994 Oh! No, but thank you for asking. 225 00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:18,620 No, I'm -- I'm dining alone. 226 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:21,164 I have [Grumbles] so much on my mind. 227 00:08:21,164 --> 00:08:23,083 Oh, I just meant do you need the second chair? 228 00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:26,586 No, but what do I need? [ Chuckles ] 229 00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:28,088 So, I-I can take the chair? 230 00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:30,632 I don't know. I don't know anything. 231 00:08:30,632 --> 00:08:31,967 That's not fair. I did know. 232 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,094 I knew my whole life that I wanted to have a baby, 233 00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:35,679 and then I never met the right guy. 234 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,597 So I got a donor, and now I'm pregnant. 235 00:08:37,597 --> 00:08:38,765 I'll get a different chair. 236 00:08:38,765 --> 00:08:41,143 And then I met the silver fox, 237 00:08:41,143 --> 00:08:44,771 whose real name is Sugar Beard, aka Country Music Face. 238 00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:46,315 And you saw him. I did. 239 00:08:46,315 --> 00:08:47,649 He's so handsome. 240 00:08:47,649 --> 00:08:49,610 And he's really into me. 241 00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:52,070 And he values honesty. 242 00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,739 [ Sighs ] 243 00:08:53,739 --> 00:08:55,949 I have to tell him, don't I? 244 00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:58,076 I-I mean, I don't want to, but should I? 245 00:08:58,076 --> 00:09:00,704 I-I'm just -- I'm afraid that I'm gonna scare him off! 246 00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:03,373 Based on this interaction, I'm thinking you will. 247 00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:05,792 Do you know how to act normal or...? 248 00:09:05,792 --> 00:09:07,544 What happened to the bread guy? 249 00:09:07,544 --> 00:09:08,879 He seemed nicer. Look. 250 00:09:08,879 --> 00:09:10,547 Why not just tell him what's going on 251 00:09:10,547 --> 00:09:12,382 and say that you're asking for a friend 252 00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:14,593 and that you want his thoughts on what the friend should do? 253 00:09:14,593 --> 00:09:16,428 Are you kidding? That's your advice? 254 00:09:16,428 --> 00:09:18,722 Because anyone who's attended middle school 255 00:09:18,722 --> 00:09:21,099 knows that when you say you're "asking for a friend," 256 00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,851 you're asking for yourself. 257 00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:24,811 Yeah, but that's only because people don't put enough 258 00:09:24,811 --> 00:09:26,396 thought into a credible backstory. 259 00:09:26,396 --> 00:09:27,731 You really have to flesh out the friend 260 00:09:27,731 --> 00:09:29,024 if you want someone to buy it. 261 00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:30,525 No. That's never worked. 262 00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:31,902 Wrong. 263 00:09:31,902 --> 00:09:33,445 This saved my friend Jonas' marriage. 264 00:09:33,445 --> 00:09:35,405 Oh, come on. Yeah. I've known him since college. 265 00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:36,615 Good guy, lives in Encino, 266 00:09:36,615 --> 00:09:37,949 married his high-school sweetheart, 267 00:09:37,949 --> 00:09:41,078 but two kids later, their love life goes kaput. 268 00:09:41,078 --> 00:09:42,871 So, he asks "for a friend" 269 00:09:42,871 --> 00:09:44,748 if she thinks introducing a third party 270 00:09:44,748 --> 00:09:45,749 might spice things up. 271 00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:46,917 [ Chuckles ] 272 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,251 And what did the wife say? 273 00:09:48,251 --> 00:09:49,920 The wife doesn't exist. 274 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,588 Neither does Jonas. That's my point. 275 00:09:51,588 --> 00:09:53,590 Work on your backstory. 276 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:56,802 ♪♪ 277 00:09:56,802 --> 00:09:59,513 Mae Day, what's all this? [ Keyboard clacking ] 278 00:09:59,513 --> 00:10:01,640 Presentation for bio. 279 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,517 Oh, word? 280 00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:05,310 Talk me in. 281 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,353 [ Keychain clinks ] 282 00:10:06,353 --> 00:10:07,979 Tell me all the deets. 283 00:10:07,979 --> 00:10:10,816 Or as a scientist would say, the details. 284 00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,110 [ Chuckles ] It's about how baby boomers 285 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:14,986 ruined the planet for future generations 286 00:10:14,986 --> 00:10:16,780 by ignoring the clear signs of global warming. 287 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,448 Ha! 288 00:10:18,448 --> 00:10:19,658 They totally did. 289 00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:24,287 I created a CGI animation 290 00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:26,540 showing the decades of changing weather patterns. 291 00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:27,374 [ Computer whirring ] 292 00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:28,875 Wow. 293 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,752 So you just banged this whole thing out, huh? 294 00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,462 You're really on it. 295 00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:34,423 You know, sometimes, I-I say that I'm on it, 296 00:10:34,423 --> 00:10:36,925 but honestly, I'm nowhere near it. 297 00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:39,302 Okay? And I'm sure you're not dying to do it. 298 00:10:39,302 --> 00:10:41,346 I actually really need to -- You just rolled up your sleeves 299 00:10:41,346 --> 00:10:45,058 and handled your business like a grown-ass man. 300 00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:46,852 I don't think we have to assign a gender to it, 301 00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:48,854 but yes, I did. 302 00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:50,731 Procrastination is for losers. 303 00:10:50,731 --> 00:10:52,691 [ Keyboard clacking ] "Losers"? 304 00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:54,359 [ Clacking stops ] Losers. 305 00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:56,278 Cowards. Weaklings. 306 00:10:56,278 --> 00:10:57,821 Little babies. 307 00:10:57,821 --> 00:10:59,156 The elderly. 308 00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:01,700 If there's a task at hand, just get to it. 309 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:02,951 Right? 310 00:11:02,951 --> 00:11:05,203 Right. 311 00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:06,329 [ Clacking resumes ] 312 00:11:06,329 --> 00:11:08,832 [ Sighs ] Okay. 313 00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:09,624 Thank you. 314 00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:12,586 Lena: Hey, Mason! 315 00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:15,922 I found a blending egg in the bathroom 316 00:11:15,922 --> 00:11:17,674 of the shop, and -- Mason: Mine. 317 00:11:17,674 --> 00:11:19,509 Just leave it in my room, please. 318 00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:24,139 Oh. Okay, will do. But, Mason, I've been thinking. 319 00:11:24,139 --> 00:11:26,516 I know you want to impress Hazel... Mason: Yep. 320 00:11:26,516 --> 00:11:29,060 ...and I just want to make sure 321 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,271 you don't lose sight of yourself in the process. 322 00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,647 I won't. 323 00:11:32,647 --> 00:11:34,983 Okay, 'cause it's just -- it -- 324 00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:36,777 [ Door opens ] You've been a little -- 325 00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:44,034 ♪♪ 326 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,744 Why? 327 00:11:45,744 --> 00:11:47,162 And how? 328 00:11:47,162 --> 00:11:48,246 But mostly why. 329 00:11:48,246 --> 00:11:50,081 Guilty of the "how," 330 00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:52,709 but I'm pretty sure the "why" speaks for itself. 331 00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:54,252 Don't you love? 332 00:11:54,252 --> 00:11:56,922 Um...well -- 333 00:11:56,922 --> 00:11:58,089 I know. Me, too. 334 00:11:58,089 --> 00:12:00,550 I mean, no offense, but I kind of never 335 00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:02,552 really got Mason before, but this -- 336 00:12:02,552 --> 00:12:04,554 this is just mm, mm, mm, mm, mwah! 337 00:12:04,554 --> 00:12:06,473 Totally, but this is all reversible, right? 338 00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:09,976 Whoa. You look beat to hell. 339 00:12:09,976 --> 00:12:12,604 That's kind of what I was wanting to say. 340 00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:15,524 Mason, it's too much. 341 00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:18,026 Really? I think it's super subtle. 342 00:12:18,026 --> 00:12:21,446 He looks like a plastic surgeon from the 1970s. 343 00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,114 As long as Hazel likes it, I don't care. 344 00:12:23,114 --> 00:12:25,116 See? That's fascinating to me, son. 345 00:12:25,116 --> 00:12:27,202 That's what I want to explore. 346 00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,746 It's clear you want Hazel to want you, 347 00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:33,416 but do you even want her if it means keeping up all this? 348 00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:35,001 Mom, yes. I'm in love with Hazel. 349 00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,211 He's deeply in love with her. 350 00:12:36,211 --> 00:12:37,879 Are you, though? 351 00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:43,343 Or are you in love with the idea of her being in love with you? 352 00:12:43,343 --> 00:12:45,345 No, I'm in actual deep love with her. I'm so confused right now. 353 00:12:45,345 --> 00:12:46,847 Shh, shh, shh. 354 00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:49,975 I think I'm figuring something out about myself. 355 00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:53,687 [ Keys jingling ] 356 00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:55,605 Ugh. I know. 357 00:12:55,605 --> 00:12:57,858 I know you don't want to see me. 358 00:12:57,858 --> 00:12:59,776 Trust me. I've stalled as long as I could 359 00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:02,821 to avoid putting that exact look on your face. 360 00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:05,031 Well, sorry about my face. 361 00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:06,491 Bye. No, look. 362 00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:09,286 Lisa, I'm sure I'm the last person you want to talk to. 363 00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:11,162 Actually, you were the first person I wanted to talk to 364 00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:13,707 when I left your house that night half-naked and crying. 365 00:13:13,707 --> 00:13:15,667 But I never heard from you. 366 00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,378 Right, so then I became the last person 367 00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:19,880 like I was originally saying. 368 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,256 Just... 369 00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:22,424 No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 370 00:13:22,424 --> 00:13:25,093 Look, forget it. Lisa. 371 00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:28,096 I heard something about you, potentially about us. 372 00:13:29,222 --> 00:13:31,683 And if it's true, 373 00:13:31,683 --> 00:13:36,354 I-I want to be there to... see you through. 374 00:13:36,354 --> 00:13:38,023 See me through? 375 00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,401 Are you pregnant? 376 00:13:41,401 --> 00:13:43,153 I'm not doing this! 377 00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,238 You don't get to come here and ask me your questions 378 00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:47,032 when you haven't answered any of mine. Okay. 379 00:13:47,032 --> 00:13:49,409 No, I -- Hey, I get that. That's fair. 380 00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,286 What are your questions? 381 00:13:51,286 --> 00:13:53,747 [ Keys clack ] 382 00:13:53,747 --> 00:13:55,665 Did you sleep with your ex-wife? 383 00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,834 Wow, just s-starting off with the big one, huh? 384 00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,419 Did you? 385 00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,425 I did, yeah. 386 00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,135 Well, that sucks. 387 00:14:10,013 --> 00:14:12,766 So, I was right about you still having feelings for her. 388 00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:13,892 You were right. 389 00:14:16,436 --> 00:14:17,687 So you admit you lied? 390 00:14:17,687 --> 00:14:18,772 Lisa... 391 00:14:18,772 --> 00:14:20,023 Did you also lie about 392 00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:22,525 being able to do two-finger pushups like Bruce Lee? 393 00:14:22,525 --> 00:14:24,736 No! I used to be able to do those in college. 394 00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:27,113 I swear! This guy Dan has a tape. 395 00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:33,370 So, are you and Lena getting back together? 396 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:34,537 I guess it depends. 397 00:14:37,707 --> 00:14:40,877 Can I ask you a question now? Negative. 398 00:14:40,877 --> 00:14:43,129 Test was negative, so you're off the hook. 399 00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:44,923 So, you're not pregnant? 400 00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:46,091 Nope. 401 00:14:46,091 --> 00:14:48,176 So, there's no reason for you to be here. 402 00:14:48,176 --> 00:14:49,594 I guess not. 403 00:14:49,594 --> 00:14:51,096 [ Keys clack ] 404 00:14:51,096 --> 00:14:53,139 I have one more question. 405 00:14:57,268 --> 00:14:59,270 Do you think you could ever forgive me? 406 00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:06,296 Everything okay? Yeah, yeah. 407 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,064 Talk to me, girl. What's wrong? 408 00:15:08,064 --> 00:15:11,650 Well [Clears throat] it's just... 409 00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:15,613 You know my friend Karen, my best friend since I was 9? 410 00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:17,031 I think I've told you about her before. 411 00:15:17,031 --> 00:15:20,743 She's allergic to stone fruit, and she was in the Air Force. 412 00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:25,164 Capricorn? Oh, yeah. 413 00:15:25,164 --> 00:15:26,832 Yeah, I think I remember Karen. 414 00:15:26,832 --> 00:15:28,709 Yeah. How is she doing? Not good. 415 00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:30,669 See, Karen always wanted to have a baby, 416 00:15:30,669 --> 00:15:32,421 but she never met the right guy. 417 00:15:32,421 --> 00:15:35,341 Not even in the Air Force? No. 418 00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:39,720 So, she decided to use a donor, which I really admire. 419 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,847 Don't you? Oh, yeah! Totally. 420 00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:43,432 I mean, she took fate into her own hands. 421 00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:45,476 Yes, she did! Yes, that's right, 422 00:15:45,476 --> 00:15:47,937 and it's just so Karen if you know her, and I do. 423 00:15:47,937 --> 00:15:50,022 Mm. Here's the rub -- 424 00:15:50,022 --> 00:15:52,441 a week after she finds out she's pregnant, 425 00:15:52,441 --> 00:15:55,361 she meets this really great guy. 426 00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:57,029 Ooh, plot twist. 427 00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,406 And now she's like, "Maya, 428 00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:00,699 my best friend since I was 9, 429 00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:02,952 do you think that I should tell him? 430 00:16:02,952 --> 00:16:05,788 Do you think that he's gonna break up with me?" 431 00:16:05,788 --> 00:16:08,874 What do you think, you know, just from a guy's perspective? 432 00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:10,584 Honestly? 433 00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:11,794 He's definitely gonna dump her. 434 00:16:11,794 --> 00:16:13,379 When Jasper was born, 435 00:16:13,379 --> 00:16:15,589 that little creature just took over -- 436 00:16:15,589 --> 00:16:17,091 the bed, the boob. 437 00:16:17,091 --> 00:16:20,719 It was all diapers. No date nights. 438 00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:22,847 That's a lot to ask of the average guy, 439 00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:26,058 and add the fact that it's not even his baby. 440 00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:27,560 Karen doesn't stand a chance. 441 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,395 Mm. She's gonna need our support, 442 00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:30,813 so I definitely want to meet her. 443 00:16:30,813 --> 00:16:33,482 If not tonight, some other time. 444 00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:35,234 You want to meet Karen? 445 00:16:36,944 --> 00:16:39,905 He's been like this for hours, and watch. 446 00:16:39,905 --> 00:16:43,659 Mason? Can I put another puppy sticker on your face? 447 00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:46,537 If it's okay, just say nothing. 448 00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,205 [ Sighs ] 449 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,295 What's wrong with you? Stop doing that. 450 00:16:54,295 --> 00:16:57,339 Mason, sweetheart, what happened? 451 00:16:57,339 --> 00:16:59,008 I did everything she wanted. 452 00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,468 It didn't matter. 453 00:17:00,468 --> 00:17:01,802 She snapshattered my heart. 454 00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:06,723 Lena: "All these weights, but we didn't work out." 455 00:17:06,723 --> 00:17:08,267 Oh, that's pretty clever. 456 00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,269 "Clever"? It's not clever. 457 00:17:10,269 --> 00:17:11,770 It's cruel. 458 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,898 You know, things can be both. 459 00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:17,318 Mason, honey, I know you're hurting, 460 00:17:17,318 --> 00:17:21,113 and I know things seem scary, but you don't have to be afraid. 461 00:17:21,113 --> 00:17:24,992 This is your chance to figure out who you are 462 00:17:24,992 --> 00:17:28,954 outside the confines of a relationship. 463 00:17:28,954 --> 00:17:32,958 You've spent so much time... 464 00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:36,253 taking care of everyone else. I have? 465 00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:40,925 And now it's time for you to try to take care of you. 466 00:17:40,925 --> 00:17:43,302 Nurture your own interests. 467 00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:45,429 Maybe learn to play an instrument. 468 00:17:45,429 --> 00:17:47,097 I play piano. Or travel. 469 00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:48,641 You've always wanted to see Europe. 470 00:17:48,641 --> 00:17:49,934 I'm a high-school student. 471 00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:53,813 ♪ Hey, lady, you, lady ♪ 472 00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:56,899 ♪ Cursing at your life ♪ 473 00:17:56,899 --> 00:18:01,153 ♪ You're a discontented mother ♪ 474 00:18:01,153 --> 00:18:04,782 ♪ And a regimented wife ♪ 475 00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,742 Okay, she's definitely talking to herself again. 476 00:18:06,742 --> 00:18:10,871 ♪ I've been to paradise ♪ 477 00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:16,335 ♪ But I've never been to me ♪ 478 00:18:16,335 --> 00:18:18,921 Are you having a nervous breakdown? 479 00:18:18,921 --> 00:18:20,714 [ Paper rustles ] 480 00:18:20,714 --> 00:18:25,719 ♪♪ 481 00:18:25,719 --> 00:18:26,971 [ Door opens ] Martin: Lena? 482 00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,182 Hey, babe. 483 00:18:30,182 --> 00:18:32,434 Good news -- I spoke to Lisa Apple. 484 00:18:36,856 --> 00:18:37,857 No. 485 00:18:37,857 --> 00:18:39,358 No, no, you promised. 486 00:18:39,358 --> 00:18:40,609 You promised. You said that you -- 487 00:18:40,609 --> 00:18:41,569 Martin. 488 00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:44,029 Lisa is not pregnant, okay? 489 00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:46,907 There's no obstacle other than -- Me. 490 00:18:46,907 --> 00:18:49,118 I'll just go right back to the way I was. 491 00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:51,036 I'll put you first. 492 00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:53,539 I will put you first, too. 493 00:18:53,539 --> 00:18:55,833 Okay, I will put you wherever you want. 494 00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,626 You just have to just let me know where to put you. 495 00:18:57,626 --> 00:18:59,670 I don't want to have to tell you. 496 00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:03,132 And trust me -- eventually, you won't want to be told! 497 00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:04,800 But I don't understand. 498 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,218 You know, everything was fine. 499 00:19:06,218 --> 00:19:08,637 We were getting along great. We -- We just had our honeymoon. 500 00:19:08,637 --> 00:19:10,431 Right, and at some point, the honeymoon ends 501 00:19:10,431 --> 00:19:12,558 and we're back to the day-to-day, 502 00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:16,437 and -- and if I'm being honest... 503 00:19:16,437 --> 00:19:18,731 What? 504 00:19:18,731 --> 00:19:24,403 ...I spent so long wishing that you still wanted me, 505 00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:28,574 I think I lost sight of whether or not I still wanted you. 506 00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:31,911 [ Scoffs ] 507 00:19:31,911 --> 00:19:33,245 Okay. 508 00:19:33,245 --> 00:19:35,331 Wow. 509 00:19:35,331 --> 00:19:36,832 Like... 510 00:19:36,832 --> 00:19:39,501 Seriously, wow. 511 00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,963 Martin, you're the one who has to wait now. 512 00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:44,673 You have to be patient. 513 00:19:44,673 --> 00:19:47,760 I-I can't just let you choose me. 514 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,055 I need to know that I'm also choosing you. 515 00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,973 You know what? 516 00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:55,351 After 16 years of marriage and this half-assed divorce, 517 00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:57,311 if you still don't know how you feel about me, 518 00:19:57,311 --> 00:19:58,979 then -- oh, my God, you nutbag -- 519 00:19:58,979 --> 00:20:00,689 you never will! Martin. 520 00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:03,442 No, there's nothing left to discuss here, Lena. 521 00:20:03,442 --> 00:20:05,653 This little experiment is over. 522 00:20:05,653 --> 00:20:06,862 What's that supposed to mean? 523 00:20:06,862 --> 00:20:09,323 It means that I want out of this arrangement. 524 00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:12,868 I want to sell the house. 525 00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:19,416 ♪♪ 526 00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:21,502 [ Door opens, closes ] 527 00:20:21,502 --> 00:20:23,504 ♪ One of us is changing ♪ 528 00:20:23,504 --> 00:20:28,342 ♪ Or maybe we just stopped trying ♪ 529 00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:34,058 So, it looks like Lisa Apple isn't pregnant. 530 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:36,060 Arthur: Good. 531 00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,437 Cute-ass baby, though. 532 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,564 Little head, big glasses. 533 00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:42,984 At least Lena and Martin are back on. 534 00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:46,028 No, looks like that's not happening, either. 535 00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,364 Aw. What a bummer. 536 00:20:48,364 --> 00:20:49,615 You know what's not a bummer? 537 00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,868 [ Leather squeaking ] 538 00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:57,623 ♪♪ 539 00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:00,209 I feel like I should like it more than I do. 540 00:21:00,209 --> 00:21:01,544 You sure? 541 00:21:01,544 --> 00:21:03,838 'Cause I'm really feeling myself right now. 542 00:21:03,838 --> 00:21:06,966 Really? Yeah, I feel like a member of the Night's Watch. 543 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,969 You look like Count Chocula. It's a nonstarter for me. 544 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,971 You want to have sex? 545 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,264 It might change your mind. 546 00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:16,600 Pants off, cape on. 547 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,601 Okay, they're leather. I need your help. 548 00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:18,936 Yeah. 38685

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