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1
00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,857
Previously on
"Splitting Up Together"...
2
00:00:01,857 --> 00:00:03,338
-What happened?
-We, uh...
3
00:00:03,338 --> 00:00:04,990
-Slept together.
-Who'd you have sex with?
4
00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:06,950
-Frank.
-Yeah, AKA Sugar Beard.
5
00:00:06,950 --> 00:00:08,702
Are the three of you aware
that Martin and I broke up?
6
00:00:08,702 --> 00:00:11,789
Lisa Apple,
are you pregnant or not?
7
00:00:11,789 --> 00:00:14,291
I think we may have to ruin
Martin and Lena's weekend.
8
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:18,837
[ Insects chirping ]
9
00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:23,926
[ Vacuum whirring ]
10
00:00:23,926 --> 00:00:25,010
Hey, Lena.
11
00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:28,389
Lena!
12
00:00:28,389 --> 00:00:30,265
Can we please talk?
13
00:00:30,265 --> 00:00:33,143
Sorry!
I can't hear you!
14
00:00:33,143 --> 00:00:36,730
Okay, well, how am I able to
hear you if you can't hear me?
15
00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,524
[ Whirring stops ]
16
00:00:41,527 --> 00:00:44,863
Hey, look, I know you don't
want to get into it,
17
00:00:44,863 --> 00:00:46,407
but I think it would healthy
for us to have --
18
00:00:46,407 --> 00:00:48,158
A baby?
19
00:00:48,158 --> 00:00:49,326
Really, Martin?
20
00:00:49,326 --> 00:00:53,455
A baby with Lisa Apple?
21
00:00:53,455 --> 00:00:56,500
And what would that even
mean to the kids, to us?
22
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,544
How do we explain
that to people?
23
00:00:58,544 --> 00:01:01,088
I-I don't know.
I don't know, but I-I do know --
24
00:01:01,088 --> 00:01:03,340
This is the ultimate sign,
25
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:06,969
the ultimate, giant billboard
of a sign -- "It's over!"
26
00:01:06,969 --> 00:01:08,512
I disagree.
"Move on!"
27
00:01:08,512 --> 00:01:10,389
I don't want to.
28
00:01:10,389 --> 00:01:11,724
[ Sighs ]
And, by the way,
29
00:01:11,724 --> 00:01:15,519
who accidentally gets someone
pregnant at your age?
30
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:17,062
Did you forget
how sex worked?
31
00:01:17,062 --> 00:01:18,355
Come on.
Did you not use
birth control?
32
00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,190
We used
birth control, okay?
33
00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:21,900
It's just --
It's just...
34
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,652
My guys are very dogged.
35
00:01:23,652 --> 00:01:24,695
You know that.
36
00:01:26,655 --> 00:01:27,698
Milo.
37
00:01:27,698 --> 00:01:29,199
Are you seriously
38
00:01:29,199 --> 00:01:31,618
giving your sperm
a shout-out right now?
39
00:01:31,618 --> 00:01:32,870
I'm not giving them
a shout-out.
40
00:01:32,870 --> 00:01:34,329
It's more like credit
where credit is --
41
00:01:34,329 --> 00:01:35,372
"Dogged"?
42
00:01:35,372 --> 00:01:36,498
You know what?
43
00:01:36,498 --> 00:01:37,708
They're reckless.
44
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,126
Every last one of them.
45
00:01:39,126 --> 00:01:40,461
That's their job, Lena.
46
00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:45,340
Look.
47
00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:48,761
We don't actually know
if Lisa is pregnant, right?
48
00:01:48,761 --> 00:01:51,513
Yes. Technically,
we don't know for sure.
49
00:01:51,513 --> 00:01:53,891
So, before we go
making any rash decisions
50
00:01:53,891 --> 00:01:55,434
or saying things about
each other's sperms
51
00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:57,019
that we can't take back,
52
00:01:57,019 --> 00:01:59,229
can we at least find out
if it's true?
53
00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:01,523
"We"?
Me.
54
00:02:01,523 --> 00:02:03,776
I promise to get to
the bottom of this, okay?
55
00:02:03,776 --> 00:02:06,820
But you...
56
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,114
Just don't skip ahead
to the ending.
57
00:02:10,407 --> 00:02:12,367
Don't skip ahead
to us ending.
58
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:13,660
So, what,
59
00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,788
I'm supposed to just
sit around here and --
60
00:02:15,788 --> 00:02:17,498
Wait.
61
00:02:17,498 --> 00:02:19,500
Just wait.
62
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,959
You know, I know you're
not big on waiting.
63
00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:22,753
I know you like
to rally the troops
64
00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:25,130
and march them down
the field, but...
65
00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:27,883
just this once...
66
00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:31,512
will you wait up for me?
67
00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:37,976
Go talk to Lisa Apple.
68
00:02:37,976 --> 00:02:39,228
I'm on it.
69
00:02:41,188 --> 00:02:44,691
♪ Keep giving me hope
for a better day ♪
70
00:02:44,691 --> 00:02:47,653
♪ Keep giving me love
to find a way ♪
71
00:02:47,653 --> 00:02:51,073
♪ Through this heaviness
I feel ♪
72
00:02:51,073 --> 00:02:57,412
♪ I just need someone to say
everything's okay ♪
73
00:02:57,412 --> 00:02:59,331
♪ Everything's okay ♪
74
00:02:59,331 --> 00:03:00,833
I know, you guys.
75
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,585
I know,
but Martin's trying.
76
00:03:03,585 --> 00:03:04,920
You know who else
was trying?
77
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,630
Toby last year.
78
00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,298
But that didn't get him
out of the second grade.
79
00:03:08,298 --> 00:03:09,842
Harsh, but fair.
80
00:03:09,842 --> 00:03:12,636
See? That's what I'm trying
to be -- fair.
81
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:15,180
Even though every fiber of my
being is telling me to run,
82
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:16,682
I am not doing that.
83
00:03:16,682 --> 00:03:18,809
Why?
Because that's what love is --
84
00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,477
ignoring your own instincts
85
00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:22,271
and putting someone
else's needs first.
86
00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,231
That's what love is?
87
00:03:24,231 --> 00:03:26,775
Well, it's open for debate,
but, yes, that's what it is.
88
00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:27,568
[ Door opens, bell jingles ]
89
00:03:27,568 --> 00:03:28,610
Pbht!
90
00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:30,863
Mason, hey!
What are you doing here?
91
00:03:30,863 --> 00:03:32,614
I thought you hated
crafty stuff.
92
00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:33,991
I do, but Hazel's
camp friends
93
00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:35,200
wanted to try,
so we're all here.
94
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,119
Well, tight.
Mom.
95
00:03:37,119 --> 00:03:40,581
And, Hazel,
I love this new look.
96
00:03:40,581 --> 00:03:42,124
So much going on.
97
00:03:42,124 --> 00:03:43,417
It's about gloves.
98
00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:45,419
Okay, darling?
It's about gloves.
99
00:03:45,419 --> 00:03:47,129
Okay, well --
Listen.
100
00:03:47,129 --> 00:03:49,506
No, I am.
We all are.
101
00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:51,592
It's -- It's very
intriguing.
102
00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:56,805
Here -- I'll set you
kids up at this table.
103
00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:59,099
And, Toby, we'll continue
our conversation...
104
00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:00,767
[ Bell jingles ]
...on love and sacrifice
when I return.
105
00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:02,060
I need more brown.
106
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:03,520
You got it.
107
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,106
Aha!
So you're a Taurus.
108
00:04:06,106 --> 00:04:09,818
[ Chuckles ]
I guess.
Ah, spoken like
a true Taurus.
109
00:04:09,818 --> 00:04:10,986
[ Chuckles ]
110
00:04:10,986 --> 00:04:12,779
And so, what are you?
111
00:04:12,779 --> 00:04:14,406
I'll give you a hint.
112
00:04:14,406 --> 00:04:16,700
My ruler is Mars.
I'm a natural-born leader.
113
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,368
My element is fire.
114
00:04:18,368 --> 00:04:19,995
I really don't follow --
115
00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:23,624
Okay, I also share a star sign
with Mariah Carey,
116
00:04:23,624 --> 00:04:25,876
Chance the Rapper,
and Scott Eastwood.
117
00:04:27,127 --> 00:04:28,503
I basically just
gave it away.
118
00:04:28,503 --> 00:04:30,589
[ Laughs ]
I'm an Aries, girl!
119
00:04:30,589 --> 00:04:32,591
Oh, an Aries!
120
00:04:32,591 --> 00:04:33,800
Right!
121
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,177
Like Scott Eastwood.
122
00:04:35,177 --> 00:04:37,721
Hell, yeah!
[ Sighs ]
123
00:04:37,721 --> 00:04:40,682
Oh, man, I am so stoked
on you being a Taurus.
124
00:04:40,682 --> 00:04:42,309
It's like I hit
the jackpot.
125
00:04:42,309 --> 00:04:44,311
You're honest, loyal.
126
00:04:44,311 --> 00:04:46,355
Yes, that's me.
127
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:47,648
♪ Womp, womp, womp-womp ♪
128
00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:49,066
♪ She give me what I wanna ♪
129
00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:50,776
♪ Ball so hard, need a warm-up ♪
130
00:04:50,776 --> 00:04:51,944
♪ I bagged her at the Walmart ♪
131
00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:55,030
♪ Yeah ♪
Wow, man. Wow!
132
00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:57,157
I don't normally feel
comfortable playing favorites,
133
00:04:57,157 --> 00:04:59,785
but this track
is my favorite!
134
00:04:59,785 --> 00:05:01,370
♪ She give me what I wanna ♪
135
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:02,913
Meeting.
136
00:05:02,913 --> 00:05:04,289
♪ I bagged her at the Walmart ♪
137
00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,540
-Hey.
-I'm in a meeting.
138
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:07,125
Yeah, I know,
but I need to talk to you.
139
00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,168
[ Sighs ]
140
00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:09,795
[ Music stops ]
Come on in.
141
00:05:09,795 --> 00:05:11,421
[ Telephone rings ]
142
00:05:11,421 --> 00:05:13,423
Hey, man.
I-I'm Martin.
I'm Valee.
143
00:05:13,423 --> 00:05:15,259
Uh, sorry to interrupt, um,
144
00:05:15,259 --> 00:05:18,679
but I-I need your help
with that...
145
00:05:18,679 --> 00:05:21,807
that new band,
The Lisa Apple Situation.
146
00:05:21,807 --> 00:05:23,850
Lisa Apple's
not really a band.
147
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,311
It's his ex-girlfriend
who might be knocked up.
148
00:05:26,311 --> 00:05:28,272
Womp, womp, womp-womp.
Dude!
149
00:05:28,272 --> 00:05:29,940
I'm just trying to be
transparent with my client.
150
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,900
Who knocks somebody up
at your age?
151
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,402
My guys are very dogged.
152
00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:34,820
Not me.
153
00:05:34,820 --> 00:05:36,863
Super low sperm count.
154
00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:38,740
So, we're just telling Valee
everything about our --
155
00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:39,783
our lives?
156
00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:41,451
Yeah.
Okay.
157
00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:45,205
Well [Clears throat] Lisa Apple
is not my only problem.
158
00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:47,207
Okay, I'm still trying to patch
things up with my ex-wife,
159
00:05:47,207 --> 00:05:48,500
Lena, but she's --
160
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,960
Got you on hold till
she figures out
161
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,671
what's happening with
the, uh, Apple Situation.
162
00:05:52,671 --> 00:05:54,256
Hundo-P!
163
00:05:54,256 --> 00:05:56,133
Don't say that.
Okay.
164
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,719
Look, I know I need to talk
to her, and I'm gonna.
165
00:05:58,719 --> 00:06:01,722
I am on it, but I'm just kind
of dreading it, you know?
166
00:06:01,722 --> 00:06:03,807
I mean, whether she is or --
or isn't pregnant,
167
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,225
I know she's not gonna
be happy to see me.
168
00:06:05,225 --> 00:06:06,518
[ Cellphone clicking ]
169
00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:07,811
Yo. Hey!
170
00:06:07,811 --> 00:06:10,147
Hey, I am baring my soul
to you right now
171
00:06:10,147 --> 00:06:11,523
and you're on your phone?
172
00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:14,735
Valee is listening,
and we're not even friends.
173
00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:15,902
I feel like we're friends.
174
00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:18,196
-Yeah.
-I am listening.
175
00:06:18,196 --> 00:06:22,367
I'm just searching Lisa Apple's
'gram for intel.
176
00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:23,660
She just posted.
177
00:06:27,539 --> 00:06:29,291
"A lot on my mind."
178
00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:31,126
She's pregnant.
Definitely pregnant.
179
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:36,916
You know what we should do next?
180
00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:38,391
We should all paint
a teapot together.
181
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:40,800
Then we'd have, like,
a friendship tea set.
182
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,233
We're totally doing that.
183
00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,193
Bible.
184
00:06:44,193 --> 00:06:45,235
All: Bible!
185
00:06:45,235 --> 00:06:46,570
Bible!
186
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,197
Right.
187
00:06:48,197 --> 00:06:53,619
♪♪
188
00:06:53,619 --> 00:06:55,037
What the hell?
189
00:06:55,037 --> 00:06:56,496
[ Faucet running ]
190
00:06:56,496 --> 00:06:58,165
[ Faucet turns off ]
Honey, what's going on?
191
00:06:58,165 --> 00:06:59,374
What do you mean?
192
00:06:59,374 --> 00:07:01,793
You're acting like
some kind of a lap dog.
193
00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:03,962
And also,
friendship tea set?
194
00:07:03,962 --> 00:07:05,422
It's fine.
195
00:07:05,422 --> 00:07:07,132
I haven't seen
Hazel all summer,
196
00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:10,177
and I missed her, and I'm just
trying to rekindle things.
197
00:07:10,177 --> 00:07:15,265
♪♪
198
00:07:15,265 --> 00:07:17,476
Are you wearing makeup?
Mm, no.
199
00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:20,062
Okay, well, this morning,
your complexion
200
00:07:20,062 --> 00:07:21,230
was "Apricot Ice,"
201
00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,982
and now it's practically
"Summer Peach."
202
00:07:23,982 --> 00:07:25,859
[ Quietly ]
It's tinted sunscreen.
203
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,945
[ Normal voice ] Look, Hazel
went to André Leon Talley's
204
00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:29,446
fashion camp, okay?
Okay.
205
00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,949
And those kids
are her gay bunkmates,
206
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:34,576
who, as you can see,
are flawless.
207
00:07:34,576 --> 00:07:37,162
Hazel, also flawless.
208
00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:39,831
Me -- not so flawless.
209
00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:41,291
What?
That's not true.
210
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:42,417
Mom, stop.
211
00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:43,377
I look like
an old sheep dog.
212
00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:45,254
More green, darling.
213
00:07:45,254 --> 00:07:47,381
On it, darling!
214
00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:49,967
Okay, I am not comfortable
with you changing
215
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:51,593
who you are and abandoning
your interests
216
00:07:51,593 --> 00:07:53,303
for some glove-wearing --
217
00:07:53,303 --> 00:07:56,556
"That's what love is -- putting
someone else's needs first."
218
00:07:56,556 --> 00:07:58,308
Exactly. Thank you.
219
00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:04,231
What's the ETA on brown?
220
00:08:04,231 --> 00:08:07,234
♪♪
221
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:08,360
[ Paint sputters ]
222
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,612
Gene: Welcome back.
223
00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:13,740
Will the silver fox
be joining you today?
224
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,994
Oh! No, but thank you
for asking.
225
00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:18,620
No, I'm --
I'm dining alone.
226
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:21,164
I have [Grumbles]
so much on my mind.
227
00:08:21,164 --> 00:08:23,083
Oh, I just meant
do you need the second chair?
228
00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:26,586
No, but what do I need?
[ Chuckles ]
229
00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:28,088
So, I-I can take the chair?
230
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:30,632
I don't know.
I don't know anything.
231
00:08:30,632 --> 00:08:31,967
That's not fair.
I did know.
232
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,094
I knew my whole life that
I wanted to have a baby,
233
00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:35,679
and then I never met
the right guy.
234
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,597
So I got a donor,
and now I'm pregnant.
235
00:08:37,597 --> 00:08:38,765
I'll get a different chair.
236
00:08:38,765 --> 00:08:41,143
And then I met
the silver fox,
237
00:08:41,143 --> 00:08:44,771
whose real name is Sugar Beard,
aka Country Music Face.
238
00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:46,315
And you saw him.
I did.
239
00:08:46,315 --> 00:08:47,649
He's so handsome.
240
00:08:47,649 --> 00:08:49,610
And he's really into me.
241
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:52,070
And he values honesty.
242
00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,739
[ Sighs ]
243
00:08:53,739 --> 00:08:55,949
I have to tell him,
don't I?
244
00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:58,076
I-I mean, I don't want to,
but should I?
245
00:08:58,076 --> 00:09:00,704
I-I'm just -- I'm afraid that
I'm gonna scare him off!
246
00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:03,373
Based on this interaction,
I'm thinking you will.
247
00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:05,792
Do you know how to
act normal or...?
248
00:09:05,792 --> 00:09:07,544
What happened to
the bread guy?
249
00:09:07,544 --> 00:09:08,879
He seemed nicer.
Look.
250
00:09:08,879 --> 00:09:10,547
Why not just tell him
what's going on
251
00:09:10,547 --> 00:09:12,382
and say that you're
asking for a friend
252
00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:14,593
and that you want his thoughts
on what the friend should do?
253
00:09:14,593 --> 00:09:16,428
Are you kidding?
That's your advice?
254
00:09:16,428 --> 00:09:18,722
Because anyone who's attended
middle school
255
00:09:18,722 --> 00:09:21,099
knows that when you say
you're "asking for a friend,"
256
00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,851
you're asking
for yourself.
257
00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:24,811
Yeah, but that's only because
people don't put enough
258
00:09:24,811 --> 00:09:26,396
thought into a credible
backstory.
259
00:09:26,396 --> 00:09:27,731
You really have
to flesh out the friend
260
00:09:27,731 --> 00:09:29,024
if you want someone
to buy it.
261
00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:30,525
No.
That's never worked.
262
00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:31,902
Wrong.
263
00:09:31,902 --> 00:09:33,445
This saved my friend Jonas'
marriage.
264
00:09:33,445 --> 00:09:35,405
Oh, come on.
Yeah. I've known
him since college.
265
00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:36,615
Good guy, lives in Encino,
266
00:09:36,615 --> 00:09:37,949
married his high-school
sweetheart,
267
00:09:37,949 --> 00:09:41,078
but two kids later,
their love life goes kaput.
268
00:09:41,078 --> 00:09:42,871
So, he asks "for a friend"
269
00:09:42,871 --> 00:09:44,748
if she thinks introducing
a third party
270
00:09:44,748 --> 00:09:45,749
might spice things up.
271
00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:46,917
[ Chuckles ]
272
00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,251
And what did the wife say?
273
00:09:48,251 --> 00:09:49,920
The wife doesn't exist.
274
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,588
Neither does Jonas.
That's my point.
275
00:09:51,588 --> 00:09:53,590
Work on your backstory.
276
00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:56,802
♪♪
277
00:09:56,802 --> 00:09:59,513
Mae Day, what's all this?
[ Keyboard clacking ]
278
00:09:59,513 --> 00:10:01,640
Presentation for bio.
279
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,517
Oh, word?
280
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:05,310
Talk me in.
281
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,353
[ Keychain clinks ]
282
00:10:06,353 --> 00:10:07,979
Tell me all the deets.
283
00:10:07,979 --> 00:10:10,816
Or as a scientist would say,
the details.
284
00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,110
[ Chuckles ]
It's about how baby boomers
285
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:14,986
ruined the planet
for future generations
286
00:10:14,986 --> 00:10:16,780
by ignoring the clear signs
of global warming.
287
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,448
Ha!
288
00:10:18,448 --> 00:10:19,658
They totally did.
289
00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:24,287
I created a CGI animation
290
00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:26,540
showing the decades of
changing weather patterns.
291
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:27,374
[ Computer whirring ]
292
00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:28,875
Wow.
293
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,752
So you just banged
this whole thing out, huh?
294
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,462
You're really on it.
295
00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:34,423
You know, sometimes,
I-I say that I'm on it,
296
00:10:34,423 --> 00:10:36,925
but honestly,
I'm nowhere near it.
297
00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:39,302
Okay?
And I'm sure you're
not dying to do it.
298
00:10:39,302 --> 00:10:41,346
I actually really need to --
You just rolled up
your sleeves
299
00:10:41,346 --> 00:10:45,058
and handled your business
like a grown-ass man.
300
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:46,852
I don't think we have
to assign a gender to it,
301
00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:48,854
but yes, I did.
302
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:50,731
Procrastination
is for losers.
303
00:10:50,731 --> 00:10:52,691
[ Keyboard clacking ]
"Losers"?
304
00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:54,359
[ Clacking stops ]
Losers.
305
00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:56,278
Cowards. Weaklings.
306
00:10:56,278 --> 00:10:57,821
Little babies.
307
00:10:57,821 --> 00:10:59,156
The elderly.
308
00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:01,700
If there's a task at hand,
just get to it.
309
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:02,951
Right?
310
00:11:02,951 --> 00:11:05,203
Right.
311
00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:06,329
[ Clacking resumes ]
312
00:11:06,329 --> 00:11:08,832
[ Sighs ]
Okay.
313
00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:09,624
Thank you.
314
00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:12,586
Lena: Hey, Mason!
315
00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:15,922
I found a blending egg
in the bathroom
316
00:11:15,922 --> 00:11:17,674
of the shop, and --
Mason: Mine.
317
00:11:17,674 --> 00:11:19,509
Just leave it
in my room, please.
318
00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:24,139
Oh. Okay, will do.
But, Mason, I've been thinking.
319
00:11:24,139 --> 00:11:26,516
I know you want to
impress Hazel...
Mason: Yep.
320
00:11:26,516 --> 00:11:29,060
...and I just want
to make sure
321
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,271
you don't lose sight
of yourself in the process.
322
00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,647
I won't.
323
00:11:32,647 --> 00:11:34,983
Okay, 'cause it's just --
it --
324
00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:36,777
[ Door opens ]
You've been a little --
325
00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:44,034
♪♪
326
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,744
Why?
327
00:11:45,744 --> 00:11:47,162
And how?
328
00:11:47,162 --> 00:11:48,246
But mostly why.
329
00:11:48,246 --> 00:11:50,081
Guilty of the "how,"
330
00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:52,709
but I'm pretty sure
the "why" speaks for itself.
331
00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:54,252
Don't you love?
332
00:11:54,252 --> 00:11:56,922
Um...well --
333
00:11:56,922 --> 00:11:58,089
I know.
Me, too.
334
00:11:58,089 --> 00:12:00,550
I mean, no offense,
but I kind of never
335
00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:02,552
really got Mason
before, but this --
336
00:12:02,552 --> 00:12:04,554
this is just mm, mm,
mm, mm, mwah!
337
00:12:04,554 --> 00:12:06,473
Totally, but this is all
reversible, right?
338
00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:09,976
Whoa.
You look beat to hell.
339
00:12:09,976 --> 00:12:12,604
That's kind of what
I was wanting to say.
340
00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:15,524
Mason, it's too much.
341
00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:18,026
Really?
I think it's super subtle.
342
00:12:18,026 --> 00:12:21,446
He looks like a plastic surgeon
from the 1970s.
343
00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,114
As long as Hazel likes it,
I don't care.
344
00:12:23,114 --> 00:12:25,116
See?
That's fascinating to me, son.
345
00:12:25,116 --> 00:12:27,202
That's what I want
to explore.
346
00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,746
It's clear you want Hazel
to want you,
347
00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:33,416
but do you even want her if it
means keeping up all this?
348
00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:35,001
Mom, yes.
I'm in love with Hazel.
349
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,211
He's deeply
in love with her.
350
00:12:36,211 --> 00:12:37,879
Are you, though?
351
00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:43,343
Or are you in love with the idea
of her being in love with you?
352
00:12:43,343 --> 00:12:45,345
No, I'm in actual
deep love with her.
I'm so confused
right now.
353
00:12:45,345 --> 00:12:46,847
Shh, shh, shh.
354
00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:49,975
I think I'm figuring
something out about myself.
355
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:53,687
[ Keys jingling ]
356
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:55,605
Ugh.
I know.
357
00:12:55,605 --> 00:12:57,858
I know you don't want
to see me.
358
00:12:57,858 --> 00:12:59,776
Trust me.
I've stalled as long as I could
359
00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:02,821
to avoid putting that
exact look on your face.
360
00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:05,031
Well, sorry about my face.
361
00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:06,491
Bye.
No, look.
362
00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:09,286
Lisa, I'm sure I'm the last
person you want to talk to.
363
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:11,162
Actually, you were the first
person I wanted to talk to
364
00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:13,707
when I left your house that
night half-naked and crying.
365
00:13:13,707 --> 00:13:15,667
But I never
heard from you.
366
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,378
Right, so then I became
the last person
367
00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:19,880
like I was originally
saying.
368
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,256
Just...
369
00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:22,424
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
370
00:13:22,424 --> 00:13:25,093
Look, forget it.
Lisa.
371
00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:28,096
I heard something about you,
potentially about us.
372
00:13:29,222 --> 00:13:31,683
And if it's true,
373
00:13:31,683 --> 00:13:36,354
I-I want to be there to...
see you through.
374
00:13:36,354 --> 00:13:38,023
See me through?
375
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,401
Are you pregnant?
376
00:13:41,401 --> 00:13:43,153
I'm not doing this!
377
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,238
You don't get to come here
and ask me your questions
378
00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:47,032
when you haven't answered
any of mine.
Okay.
379
00:13:47,032 --> 00:13:49,409
No, I -- Hey, I get that.
That's fair.
380
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,286
What are your questions?
381
00:13:51,286 --> 00:13:53,747
[ Keys clack ]
382
00:13:53,747 --> 00:13:55,665
Did you sleep
with your ex-wife?
383
00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,834
Wow, just s-starting off
with the big one, huh?
384
00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,419
Did you?
385
00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,425
I did, yeah.
386
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,135
Well, that sucks.
387
00:14:10,013 --> 00:14:12,766
So, I was right about you still
having feelings for her.
388
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:13,892
You were right.
389
00:14:16,436 --> 00:14:17,687
So you admit you lied?
390
00:14:17,687 --> 00:14:18,772
Lisa...
391
00:14:18,772 --> 00:14:20,023
Did you also lie about
392
00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:22,525
being able to do two-finger
pushups like Bruce Lee?
393
00:14:22,525 --> 00:14:24,736
No! I used to be able
to do those in college.
394
00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:27,113
I swear!
This guy Dan has a tape.
395
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:33,370
So, are you and Lena
getting back together?
396
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:34,537
I guess it depends.
397
00:14:37,707 --> 00:14:40,877
Can I ask you
a question now?
Negative.
398
00:14:40,877 --> 00:14:43,129
Test was negative,
so you're off the hook.
399
00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:44,923
So, you're not pregnant?
400
00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:46,091
Nope.
401
00:14:46,091 --> 00:14:48,176
So, there's no reason
for you to be here.
402
00:14:48,176 --> 00:14:49,594
I guess not.
403
00:14:49,594 --> 00:14:51,096
[ Keys clack ]
404
00:14:51,096 --> 00:14:53,139
I have one more question.
405
00:14:57,268 --> 00:14:59,270
Do you think you could
ever forgive me?
406
00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:06,296
Everything okay?
Yeah, yeah.
407
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,064
Talk to me, girl.
What's wrong?
408
00:15:08,064 --> 00:15:11,650
Well [Clears throat]
it's just...
409
00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:15,613
You know my friend Karen,
my best friend since I was 9?
410
00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:17,031
I think I've told you
about her before.
411
00:15:17,031 --> 00:15:20,743
She's allergic to stone fruit,
and she was in the Air Force.
412
00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:25,164
Capricorn?
Oh, yeah.
413
00:15:25,164 --> 00:15:26,832
Yeah, I think
I remember Karen.
414
00:15:26,832 --> 00:15:28,709
Yeah.
How is she doing?
Not good.
415
00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:30,669
See, Karen always wanted
to have a baby,
416
00:15:30,669 --> 00:15:32,421
but she never met
the right guy.
417
00:15:32,421 --> 00:15:35,341
Not even in
the Air Force?
No.
418
00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:39,720
So, she decided to use a donor,
which I really admire.
419
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,847
Don't you?
Oh, yeah! Totally.
420
00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:43,432
I mean, she took fate
into her own hands.
421
00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:45,476
Yes, she did!
Yes, that's right,
422
00:15:45,476 --> 00:15:47,937
and it's just so Karen
if you know her, and I do.
423
00:15:47,937 --> 00:15:50,022
Mm.
Here's the rub --
424
00:15:50,022 --> 00:15:52,441
a week after she finds out
she's pregnant,
425
00:15:52,441 --> 00:15:55,361
she meets this
really great guy.
426
00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:57,029
Ooh, plot twist.
427
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,406
And now she's like, "Maya,
428
00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:00,699
my best friend
since I was 9,
429
00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:02,952
do you think that
I should tell him?
430
00:16:02,952 --> 00:16:05,788
Do you think that he's gonna
break up with me?"
431
00:16:05,788 --> 00:16:08,874
What do you think, you know,
just from a guy's perspective?
432
00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:10,584
Honestly?
433
00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:11,794
He's definitely
gonna dump her.
434
00:16:11,794 --> 00:16:13,379
When Jasper was born,
435
00:16:13,379 --> 00:16:15,589
that little creature
just took over --
436
00:16:15,589 --> 00:16:17,091
the bed, the boob.
437
00:16:17,091 --> 00:16:20,719
It was all diapers.
No date nights.
438
00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:22,847
That's a lot to ask
of the average guy,
439
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:26,058
and add the fact that
it's not even his baby.
440
00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:27,560
Karen doesn't
stand a chance.
441
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,395
Mm. She's gonna need
our support,
442
00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:30,813
so I definitely want
to meet her.
443
00:16:30,813 --> 00:16:33,482
If not tonight,
some other time.
444
00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:35,234
You want to meet Karen?
445
00:16:36,944 --> 00:16:39,905
He's been like this
for hours, and watch.
446
00:16:39,905 --> 00:16:43,659
Mason? Can I put another
puppy sticker on your face?
447
00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:46,537
If it's okay,
just say nothing.
448
00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,205
[ Sighs ]
449
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,295
What's wrong with you?
Stop doing that.
450
00:16:54,295 --> 00:16:57,339
Mason, sweetheart,
what happened?
451
00:16:57,339 --> 00:16:59,008
I did everything
she wanted.
452
00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,468
It didn't matter.
453
00:17:00,468 --> 00:17:01,802
She snapshattered
my heart.
454
00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:06,723
Lena: "All these weights,
but we didn't work out."
455
00:17:06,723 --> 00:17:08,267
Oh, that's pretty clever.
456
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,269
"Clever"?
It's not clever.
457
00:17:10,269 --> 00:17:11,770
It's cruel.
458
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,898
You know,
things can be both.
459
00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:17,318
Mason, honey,
I know you're hurting,
460
00:17:17,318 --> 00:17:21,113
and I know things seem scary,
but you don't have to be afraid.
461
00:17:21,113 --> 00:17:24,992
This is your chance
to figure out who you are
462
00:17:24,992 --> 00:17:28,954
outside the confines
of a relationship.
463
00:17:28,954 --> 00:17:32,958
You've spent
so much time...
464
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:36,253
taking care
of everyone else.
I have?
465
00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:40,925
And now it's time for you
to try to take care of you.
466
00:17:40,925 --> 00:17:43,302
Nurture your own
interests.
467
00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:45,429
Maybe learn to play
an instrument.
468
00:17:45,429 --> 00:17:47,097
I play piano.
Or travel.
469
00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:48,641
You've always wanted
to see Europe.
470
00:17:48,641 --> 00:17:49,934
I'm a high-school student.
471
00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:53,813
♪ Hey, lady, you, lady ♪
472
00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:56,899
♪ Cursing at your life ♪
473
00:17:56,899 --> 00:18:01,153
♪ You're a discontented mother ♪
474
00:18:01,153 --> 00:18:04,782
♪ And a regimented wife ♪
475
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,742
Okay, she's definitely
talking to herself again.
476
00:18:06,742 --> 00:18:10,871
♪ I've been to paradise ♪
477
00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:16,335
♪ But I've never been to me ♪
478
00:18:16,335 --> 00:18:18,921
Are you having
a nervous breakdown?
479
00:18:18,921 --> 00:18:20,714
[ Paper rustles ]
480
00:18:20,714 --> 00:18:25,719
♪♪
481
00:18:25,719 --> 00:18:26,971
[ Door opens ]
Martin: Lena?
482
00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,182
Hey, babe.
483
00:18:30,182 --> 00:18:32,434
Good news --
I spoke to Lisa Apple.
484
00:18:36,856 --> 00:18:37,857
No.
485
00:18:37,857 --> 00:18:39,358
No, no, you promised.
486
00:18:39,358 --> 00:18:40,609
You promised.
You said that you --
487
00:18:40,609 --> 00:18:41,569
Martin.
488
00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:44,029
Lisa is not pregnant,
okay?
489
00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:46,907
There's no obstacle
other than --
Me.
490
00:18:46,907 --> 00:18:49,118
I'll just go right back
to the way I was.
491
00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:51,036
I'll put you first.
492
00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:53,539
I will put you first, too.
493
00:18:53,539 --> 00:18:55,833
Okay, I will put you
wherever you want.
494
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,626
You just have to just let me
know where to put you.
495
00:18:57,626 --> 00:18:59,670
I don't want
to have to tell you.
496
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:03,132
And trust me -- eventually,
you won't want to be told!
497
00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:04,800
But I don't understand.
498
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,218
You know,
everything was fine.
499
00:19:06,218 --> 00:19:08,637
We were getting along great.
We -- We just had our honeymoon.
500
00:19:08,637 --> 00:19:10,431
Right, and at some point,
the honeymoon ends
501
00:19:10,431 --> 00:19:12,558
and we're back to
the day-to-day,
502
00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:16,437
and -- and if
I'm being honest...
503
00:19:16,437 --> 00:19:18,731
What?
504
00:19:18,731 --> 00:19:24,403
...I spent so long wishing
that you still wanted me,
505
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:28,574
I think I lost sight of whether
or not I still wanted you.
506
00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:31,911
[ Scoffs ]
507
00:19:31,911 --> 00:19:33,245
Okay.
508
00:19:33,245 --> 00:19:35,331
Wow.
509
00:19:35,331 --> 00:19:36,832
Like...
510
00:19:36,832 --> 00:19:39,501
Seriously, wow.
511
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,963
Martin, you're the one
who has to wait now.
512
00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:44,673
You have to be patient.
513
00:19:44,673 --> 00:19:47,760
I-I can't just let
you choose me.
514
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,055
I need to know that
I'm also choosing you.
515
00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,973
You know what?
516
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:55,351
After 16 years of marriage
and this half-assed divorce,
517
00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:57,311
if you still don't know
how you feel about me,
518
00:19:57,311 --> 00:19:58,979
then -- oh, my God,
you nutbag --
519
00:19:58,979 --> 00:20:00,689
you never will!
Martin.
520
00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:03,442
No, there's nothing left
to discuss here, Lena.
521
00:20:03,442 --> 00:20:05,653
This little experiment
is over.
522
00:20:05,653 --> 00:20:06,862
What's that supposed
to mean?
523
00:20:06,862 --> 00:20:09,323
It means that I want out
of this arrangement.
524
00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:12,868
I want to sell the house.
525
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:19,416
♪♪
526
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:21,502
[ Door opens, closes ]
527
00:20:21,502 --> 00:20:23,504
♪ One of us is changing ♪
528
00:20:23,504 --> 00:20:28,342
♪ Or maybe we just
stopped trying ♪
529
00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:34,058
So, it looks like Lisa Apple
isn't pregnant.
530
00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:36,060
Arthur: Good.
531
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,437
Cute-ass baby, though.
532
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,564
Little head, big glasses.
533
00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:42,984
At least Lena and Martin
are back on.
534
00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:46,028
No, looks like that's
not happening, either.
535
00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,364
Aw. What a bummer.
536
00:20:48,364 --> 00:20:49,615
You know what's
not a bummer?
537
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,868
[ Leather squeaking ]
538
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:57,623
♪♪
539
00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:00,209
I feel like I should like it
more than I do.
540
00:21:00,209 --> 00:21:01,544
You sure?
541
00:21:01,544 --> 00:21:03,838
'Cause I'm really feeling
myself right now.
542
00:21:03,838 --> 00:21:06,966
Really?
Yeah, I feel like a member
of the Night's Watch.
543
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,969
You look like Count Chocula.
It's a nonstarter for me.
544
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,971
You want to have sex?
545
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,264
It might change your mind.
546
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:16,600
Pants off, cape on.
547
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,601
Okay, they're leather.
I need your help.
548
00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:18,936
Yeah.
38685
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