All language subtitles for the simpsons s30e22 woo-hoo dunnit

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish Download
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:06,148 Let go, let go. 2 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:43,211 This is Dateline: Springfield. 3 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:54,297 From a distance, the Simpsons were the perfect family. 4 00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:56,891 Homer and Marge were high school sweethearts. 5 00:00:57,137 --> 00:00:59,696 She saved me from a dateless prom. 6 00:00:59,822 --> 00:01:02,469 He saved me from a life with my sisters. 7 00:01:02,657 --> 00:01:05,555 Those two are monsters. Cut to them, you'll see. 8 00:01:05,663 --> 00:01:07,125 What are you filming us for? 9 00:01:09,913 --> 00:01:12,023 Marge and Homer raised their three kids 10 00:01:12,048 --> 00:01:15,993 in an atmosphere of love, laughter and crushing economic anxiety. 11 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:18,430 The only thing they needed was each other. 12 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,391 When I first met the Simpsons, in 1947, 13 00:01:22,571 --> 00:01:25,837 they were building affordable homes in Pennsylvania. 14 00:01:26,178 --> 00:01:29,438 Little Maggie was going to be the next Lindbergh baby. 15 00:01:29,719 --> 00:01:33,298 But John Foster Dulles had other ideas. 16 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,118 Don't interview Grampa. 17 00:01:35,282 --> 00:01:37,954 He almost made Ken Burns quit the business. 18 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:42,778 That pompous old fool was more boring than baseball. 19 00:01:43,335 --> 00:01:46,701 Little did the Simpsons suspect that their American dream 20 00:01:46,726 --> 00:01:50,882 was about to be flipped upside down by the spatula of crime. 21 00:01:51,598 --> 00:01:54,535 Home to a nuclear power plant and an active volcano, 22 00:01:54,670 --> 00:01:57,239 Springfield seemed like the safest place in the world. 23 00:01:59,142 --> 00:02:01,812 But that tranquility was about to be shattered, 24 00:02:02,019 --> 00:02:05,995 in a mysterious crime that would tear the Simpson family apart. 25 00:02:06,114 --> 00:02:09,050 Tear us apart? Nothing can tear us apart. 26 00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:10,769 Tear us apart. 27 00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:14,699 - Mom, stop saying "tear us apart." - It's tearing us apart! 28 00:02:14,841 --> 00:02:16,691 Who wants mac and cheese? 29 00:02:16,939 --> 00:02:20,149 Our conscienceless reenactment begins as Marge and Lisa 30 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,199 return home from a trip to the market. 31 00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:26,560 Whatever we didn't spend, I'd donate to Lisa's secret college fund. 32 00:02:28,271 --> 00:02:31,222 We hid it in the last place the men in this family would look. 33 00:02:31,338 --> 00:02:33,463 A jar of cleanser. 34 00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:36,645 What happened next was one of those life‐changing moments 35 00:02:36,670 --> 00:02:39,112 that always seem to happen under the sink. 36 00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:44,264 The entire college fund, $670.42, was gone. 37 00:02:44,645 --> 00:02:48,512 And just like that, Lisa's dream of going to college for three weeks, 38 00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:50,801 without a food plan, was over. 39 00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:52,786 For any parent of young children, 40 00:02:52,974 --> 00:02:56,567 the thing you dread most is losing a can full of money. 41 00:02:56,787 --> 00:02:59,529 911 dispatch. State the nature of your emergency. 42 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:03,413 There's been a robbery! Send help! 742 Evergreen Terrace. 43 00:03:03,499 --> 00:03:05,603 It wouldn't hurt you to say "please." 44 00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:08,421 It's an emergency! You don't have to say "please." 45 00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:11,030 Sounds like what's been stolen are your manners. 46 00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:12,485 Please! 47 00:03:12,673 --> 00:03:15,096 Help is on the way. You're welcome. 48 00:03:15,148 --> 00:03:18,827 Can I get your name, please? And your supervisor? 49 00:03:18,852 --> 00:03:20,007 If I may? 50 00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:24,019 Help is no longer on the way. 51 00:03:24,044 --> 00:03:25,066 Jerk. 52 00:03:26,332 --> 00:03:27,746 Uh, Chief, you found something? 53 00:03:28,144 --> 00:03:31,887 Zero evidence of Pringles, so... 54 00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:34,926 So we were back at square one. 55 00:03:35,076 --> 00:03:37,990 It was not your typical break‐in. No sign of forced entry. 56 00:03:38,049 --> 00:03:39,497 I mean, the dog didn't even bark. 57 00:03:39,927 --> 00:03:44,404 Somebody knew exactly where to rub him. The tummy. 58 00:03:46,279 --> 00:03:49,076 A police reenactment confirmed the chief's theory. 59 00:03:49,292 --> 00:03:53,330 Oh, oh, God, that's great. Oh, there's no way I'm barking. 60 00:03:53,427 --> 00:03:55,916 Oh, Lou, you got to teach my wife to do this. 61 00:03:56,154 --> 00:03:57,920 With zero evidence of a break‐in, 62 00:03:58,088 --> 00:04:00,592 police suspicion turned to the family. 63 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,420 This just didn't pass what cops call "the smell test." 64 00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,795 I've watched a lot of cop shows in my day. 65 00:04:05,923 --> 00:04:08,899 I consider myself something of an amateur policeman. 66 00:04:09,324 --> 00:04:13,824 Let me just stop this documentary, or "doc," here and now! 67 00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,993 We are good people. 68 00:04:16,161 --> 00:04:18,759 We do not steal. 69 00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:20,634 That's borrowing. 70 00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:25,860 Borrowing. Borr‐ow‐ing. 71 00:04:25,937 --> 00:04:29,941 And so this nuclear family began to explode, 72 00:04:29,966 --> 00:04:32,600 as suspicion focused on one man. 73 00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:36,163 Oh, what about the important clue the police missed? 74 00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,850 Somebody set a drink down here without a coaster. 75 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,921 That had to be a stranger. 76 00:04:41,075 --> 00:04:42,569 This is an expensive table, 77 00:04:42,656 --> 00:04:45,835 and my family knows I don't want it stained. 78 00:04:48,075 --> 00:04:49,075 D'oh... 79 00:04:49,328 --> 00:04:53,164 Springfield detectives made a desperate plea to the public for help. 80 00:04:53,504 --> 00:04:54,964 They didn't have to wait long. 81 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:59,821 Nelson came to school today with a salon‐quality haircut. 82 00:05:00,059 --> 00:05:02,308 His family doesn't even have money for milk. 83 00:05:02,455 --> 00:05:04,603 He eats cereal with rain water. 84 00:05:05,258 --> 00:05:07,182 Mr. Teeny stole the money, 85 00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:09,119 like he steals all my scenes. 86 00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,853 I swear it on my very bone. 87 00:05:11,947 --> 00:05:14,369 Sincerely, anonymous caller. 88 00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:17,674 But just as you're about to give up after two calls, 89 00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,021 you hit pay dirt. 90 00:05:19,788 --> 00:05:21,934 I would like to accuse Marge Simpson 91 00:05:21,958 --> 00:05:24,522 of stealing that money to feed her gambling habit. 92 00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:27,698 She told my husband, the minister, that she was an addict. 93 00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:30,503 In confidence, but, you know. 94 00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,892 Marge Simpson. This suburban mother with 95 00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:41,323 Olive Oyl good looks had kicked her gambling habit years ago. 96 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,917 Or had she? 97 00:05:42,961 --> 00:05:45,713 I admit it. I couldn't resist the temptation. 98 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:46,983 But then I did. 99 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:50,483 Marge walked out of the casino and off the suspect list. 100 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:52,827 Shockingly, the mystery would not be solved 101 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,562 in the first five minutes of the show. 102 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,320 With Marge's name cleared, the police moved 103 00:05:57,345 --> 00:06:00,469 to the next suspect on their list, Homer Simpson. 104 00:06:00,584 --> 00:06:03,141 Homer's bar tab was spiraling out of control. 105 00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:04,446 Five, six hundred bucks. 106 00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:06,649 That night, Moe cut him off. 107 00:06:17,034 --> 00:06:20,117 Yeah, our theory was that Homer came home wasted, he fell, 108 00:06:20,202 --> 00:06:22,905 he shimmied and he found the money under the sink there, 109 00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:25,360 and he figured he'd just use it to pay his tab. 110 00:06:25,557 --> 00:06:28,610 Well it's indisputable that Homer visited the kitchen 111 00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:32,580 before going to bed. You see, we found spaghetti sauce splatter 112 00:06:32,605 --> 00:06:35,463 consistent with a very violent late‐night snack. 113 00:06:35,488 --> 00:06:39,588 This is, ah, this is not a flayvin situation. 114 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:43,033 Although, I still am compelled to say flayvin. 115 00:06:43,226 --> 00:06:46,812 Sauce on the walls, the ceiling, under Homer's fingernails. 116 00:06:46,975 --> 00:06:49,244 That pasta fought hard for its life. 117 00:06:49,357 --> 00:06:51,893 What that man did to those leftovers... 118 00:06:52,077 --> 00:06:54,163 I'm sorry, I‐I can't continue. 119 00:06:54,577 --> 00:06:57,421 But if the kitchen had been a tomato‐soaked abattoir 120 00:06:57,446 --> 00:07:00,616 that night, why had no one noticed in the morning? 121 00:07:01,285 --> 00:07:02,296 Hmm. 122 00:07:02,384 --> 00:07:04,185 He cleaned up the kitchen after stuffing 123 00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:05,585 all the money into his pocket, 124 00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:08,013 so we just had to get those pants. 125 00:07:08,306 --> 00:07:10,703 Fortunately, a simple sting did the trick. 126 00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:15,133 Ooh, Super Bowl in July! 127 00:07:21,283 --> 00:07:22,586 No money in these pants. 128 00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:26,445 All we find is candy‐coated peanuts, popcorn and a prize. 129 00:07:26,650 --> 00:07:28,742 Now, that's some Cracker Jack detective work. 130 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:31,536 Get it? Cracker Jack? 131 00:07:31,665 --> 00:07:34,860 Yeah. Yeah. But as for evidence, we, uh, we got nothing. 132 00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:38,889 With Homer still the prime suspect, and the investigation stalled, 133 00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:41,852 Deadline: Springfield was in dire straits. 134 00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:45,242 The show desperately needed a cliffhanger commercial break. 135 00:07:45,276 --> 00:07:50,526 What if the real criminal mastermind was billionaire Montgomery Burns? 136 00:07:50,812 --> 00:07:54,616 Why would I steal $600? That's nothing to me. 137 00:07:56,173 --> 00:07:59,335 This is what rich is. Smithers, bring me some more money. 138 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,202 Need more convincing? 139 00:08:02,488 --> 00:08:04,210 No. We'll be right back. 140 00:08:08,025 --> 00:08:10,024 Police returned to their first theory: 141 00:08:10,258 --> 00:08:11,782 could Homer Simpson have done it? 142 00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:15,970 Oh, definitely. Hey, you're gonna distort my voice for this, right? 143 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,901 'Cause I don't want no one knowing that this is Moe Szyslak here. 144 00:08:19,038 --> 00:08:20,659 Oh, and cut the name, too, yeah? 145 00:08:20,847 --> 00:08:24,549 As Moe Szyslak said, Homer was definitely a suspect. 146 00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:28,082 It was pretty clear, Chief liked Homer Simpson for this case. 147 00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:32,034 Well, geez, Lou, I wouldn't say that I liked‐liked him. 148 00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:34,605 I just, uh... why, did he say something about me? 149 00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:36,727 I mean you thought he was a person of interest. 150 00:08:36,961 --> 00:08:39,953 Shut up. I can find someone interesting 151 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:43,642 without being interest‐ed in them. Shut up. 152 00:08:43,888 --> 00:08:46,645 Yeah, but then new evidence came in that apparently cleared Homer. 153 00:08:46,836 --> 00:08:49,911 Phone records showed a six‐hour call from Homer's phone 154 00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:51,895 to a third party on the night of the crime. 155 00:08:52,134 --> 00:08:54,848 The DNA revealed that it was a butt dial. 156 00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,145 Yeah, and not just to someone on his speed dial list. 157 00:08:57,335 --> 00:09:00,801 Uh‐uh. His dexterous cheeks dialed all ten digits. 158 00:09:03,556 --> 00:09:06,036 Disco Stu is unavailable for you. 159 00:09:06,303 --> 00:09:08,501 At the beep, you know what to do. 160 00:09:08,787 --> 00:09:11,251 When police played back Homer's message, 161 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:13,915 it revealed a horrifying truth. 162 00:09:14,024 --> 00:09:17,507 Homer didn't scrub the spaghetti sauce off that kitchen with cleanser. 163 00:09:17,648 --> 00:09:20,437 The sick bastard licked those walls clean. 164 00:09:25,623 --> 00:09:26,791 He had a little help. 165 00:09:33,579 --> 00:09:36,882 My first thought was to delete the message, sure, 166 00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:40,845 but then I started grooving to that slurping safari. 167 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,659 I hadn't heard any other music than disco in so long. 168 00:09:44,921 --> 00:09:49,484 Sometimes, a persona can just... it becomes a trap, you know? 169 00:09:49,581 --> 00:09:53,437 I knew it couldn't be Homer. Every Simpson is innocent. 170 00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:54,703 Until proven guilty. 171 00:09:54,756 --> 00:09:56,539 No. Just innocent. 172 00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:59,765 What are you doing? Stop panning across the family. 173 00:09:59,853 --> 00:10:01,023 They didn't do it. 174 00:10:01,546 --> 00:10:03,500 Finally. I've been expecting you. 175 00:10:06,944 --> 00:10:09,781 Like any normal healthy boy, Bart has been the focus 176 00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:12,031 of numerous police investigations. 177 00:10:12,215 --> 00:10:14,684 But a mother knows when her son is innocent. 178 00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:16,399 And when she's kidding herself, 179 00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:18,393 and when she's turning a blind eye. 180 00:10:18,609 --> 00:10:20,086 This time he's innocent. 181 00:10:20,209 --> 00:10:21,586 Just ask his friends. 182 00:10:22,092 --> 00:10:25,131 ‐ State your name for the record. ‐ Bart Simpson took the money. 183 00:10:25,263 --> 00:10:27,467 I admit I knew about the money under the sink, 184 00:10:27,656 --> 00:10:30,349 but whatever I borrowed, I always put back. 185 00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:32,431 Also, $600? 186 00:10:32,584 --> 00:10:35,482 What would a ten‐year‐old boy do with that much money? 187 00:10:35,617 --> 00:10:37,928 Slime. Bart was buying slime. 188 00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:40,466 I've never seen such a cooperative witness. 189 00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:43,115 I brought extra batteries for your tape recorder, too. 190 00:10:43,369 --> 00:10:49,095 Slime. The gooey, harmless plaything wildly popular with kids today. 191 00:10:50,904 --> 00:10:55,454 I'd seen all the fads: yo‐yos, pogs, Pokémon, crunking, 192 00:10:55,635 --> 00:10:57,947 the short stories of John Cheever. 193 00:10:58,061 --> 00:10:59,923 But this beat them all. 194 00:11:33,336 --> 00:11:36,138 My plan was, if I owned all the slime, I'd set the price, 195 00:11:36,327 --> 00:11:38,404 except that's when the bottom fell out. 196 00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:47,144 Lucky for me, there was one gullible schlub 197 00:11:47,169 --> 00:11:49,104 who didn't realize the craze was over. 198 00:11:49,197 --> 00:11:51,065 I sold my entire stash to him. 199 00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:55,953 I have not agreed to be in your documentary. Please go. 200 00:11:56,947 --> 00:11:59,049 So I put the money back I had borrowed 201 00:11:59,074 --> 00:12:01,328 from under the sink, and I filmed it 202 00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:03,437 because I knew no one would believe me. 203 00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:05,711 So that's everyone in the Simpson family, 204 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,851 except for Lisa, of course. It couldn't be her, right? 205 00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:11,500 Nah. Well, let's look at the... 206 00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:13,026 Oh, for God's sake. 207 00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,873 I asked Lisa where she was when the money was stolen 208 00:12:15,898 --> 00:12:20,367 and she said, "Chillin'. You know, maxin' and relaxin'." 209 00:12:20,392 --> 00:12:23,000 Now these are the words of a very cool person, 210 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,693 but Lisa Simpson is not even a little cool. 211 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,242 So... huh. 212 00:12:27,687 --> 00:12:29,088 Oh, come on. 213 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:32,961 No one, I repeat no one, would believe Lisa could do it. 214 00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:36,319 But she's also a girl who wants a new saxophone. 215 00:12:36,502 --> 00:12:37,616 I'm just saying. 216 00:12:41,691 --> 00:12:43,626 I've been Lisa's supplier for years. 217 00:12:43,756 --> 00:12:45,859 Reeds, wipes, valve grease. 218 00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:48,138 Would she commit a crime over a new sax? 219 00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:51,195 Did Dave Brubeck compose in 9/8 time? 220 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,359 He did. We'll count it out together. 221 00:13:07,893 --> 00:13:09,627 Go ahead, give it a spin. 222 00:13:28,618 --> 00:13:31,556 Oh, it's the best bari sax on the market, 223 00:13:31,581 --> 00:13:34,595 a Smoothphone Jazzhonker in black nickel. 224 00:13:34,677 --> 00:13:37,931 But I wouldn't steal for it. 225 00:13:38,237 --> 00:13:40,017 When we come back, Lisa did it. 226 00:13:40,227 --> 00:13:43,164 ‐ No, I didn't. ‐ Lisa, it's your bedtime. 227 00:13:43,419 --> 00:13:46,375 I got to go. My mom's reading me Harry Potter book four. 228 00:13:46,488 --> 00:13:48,636 Oh, yeah, the one where Cedric Diggory dies? 229 00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:50,237 - You suck. - You did it! 230 00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:52,606 No, you did it, jerk. 231 00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,286 Okay, okay. Time's up. 232 00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:01,953 The reed's mine. 233 00:14:02,081 --> 00:14:04,674 You can't spell greed without reed. 234 00:14:04,699 --> 00:14:05,699 Check it out. 235 00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:11,729 Why did we agree to do this documentary? 236 00:14:11,971 --> 00:14:13,940 Because all our biggest stars today 237 00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,967 come from true crime documentaries: 238 00:14:16,207 --> 00:14:20,574 The Jinx, Making a Murderer, and Matt Lauer on the Today Show. 239 00:14:20,653 --> 00:14:23,690 It turns out Lisa did not buy the new saxophone. 240 00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:25,293 Someone else did. 241 00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:28,377 I've always wanted to play bari sax, 242 00:14:28,578 --> 00:14:31,027 but my father insisted on tenor. 243 00:14:33,493 --> 00:14:35,027 In you go. 244 00:14:38,161 --> 00:14:41,473 ‐ What do you think of this? ‐ You're still a disappointment. 245 00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:45,258 But if Lisa was innocent, 246 00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:48,735 why was she so reluctant to explain her whereabouts 247 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,071 at the time of the crime? 248 00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:54,024 Shut up about my Lisa! I can tell you where she was. 249 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,404 ‐ She was... ‐ Uh, bup, bup, bup, bup! 250 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,348 Mom! Mom! No! Err! 251 00:14:57,524 --> 00:14:59,551 Apparently, some of the girls at school were... 252 00:14:59,576 --> 00:15:02,612 Let's just say I stole the money, okay? End of documentary. 253 00:15:02,637 --> 00:15:04,457 See you at the Independent Spirit Awards. 254 00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:06,918 I took her to her hopscotch tutor. 255 00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:09,339 I was hanging on by a thread, 256 00:15:09,506 --> 00:15:11,776 and now the whole world will joke about 257 00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:16,425 how I am the only girl who ever needed a hopscotch tutor. 258 00:15:16,824 --> 00:15:18,644 Lisa, just repeat after me. 259 00:15:18,713 --> 00:15:21,277 One foot, two foot, one foot, one foot, two foot, one foot, 260 00:15:21,302 --> 00:15:22,470 two foot, one foot... 261 00:15:22,553 --> 00:15:25,980 So stupid. Who invented this game? 262 00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:29,644 The Scotch invented hopscotch and Scotch tape! 263 00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:32,586 ‐ What about scotch whiskey? ‐ Never heard of it. 264 00:15:32,795 --> 00:15:35,431 See, I told you, all innocent. 265 00:15:35,639 --> 00:15:38,344 So maybe now you vultures can leave us be. 266 00:15:38,796 --> 00:15:40,556 We've taken up enough of your time. 267 00:15:40,711 --> 00:15:41,879 Let's go, guys. 268 00:15:47,635 --> 00:15:50,342 What are you doing? My family's in the clear. 269 00:15:50,444 --> 00:15:53,420 I want you to apologize to my wife! 270 00:15:53,774 --> 00:15:56,543 Apologize? Us? 271 00:15:56,595 --> 00:15:58,563 Oh, you will, and you know why? 272 00:15:58,677 --> 00:16:02,790 I am the last person that watches network television, 273 00:16:03,043 --> 00:16:06,602 including the commercials. 274 00:16:08,354 --> 00:16:09,516 I apologize. 275 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,648 Now promise that this scene will not be removed in editing. 276 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,344 I can't promise that, only the editor can. 277 00:16:15,469 --> 00:16:17,328 ‐ I got him. ‐ I'm gonna report you 278 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,718 to the American Cinema Editors. 279 00:16:20,377 --> 00:16:24,064 - It's just an honorary society. - You take that back! 280 00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:30,166 Whew. What a relief. So who did do it? 281 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,923 It was obviously Bart. It's always Bart. 282 00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:35,736 Hey, nothing is my fault 'cause Dad raised me so rotten. 283 00:16:35,821 --> 00:16:39,080 Well, nothing is my fault 'cause my dad raised me so rotten. 284 00:16:39,328 --> 00:16:41,236 Don't blame me. 285 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:44,003 It was a race out the door and your mother won. 286 00:16:44,201 --> 00:16:45,405 ‐ Oh, yeah? ‐ It was Bart! 287 00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:49,015 ...To show how irresponsible you are! 288 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,975 Shut up, all you innocent people. 289 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,858 I wish I was never responsible for you. 290 00:16:52,883 --> 00:16:54,551 Stop it, stop it! 291 00:16:54,719 --> 00:16:56,921 You're tearing this family apart. 292 00:16:57,168 --> 00:16:59,749 And stop calling the sofa a love seat! 293 00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,140 I barely like it! 294 00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:04,400 The great Simpson Robbery remains unsolved. 295 00:17:04,784 --> 00:17:06,728 Justice may never be served, 296 00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:09,508 but at the end of the day, what matters is that we enjoyed 297 00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:13,306 watching bad things happen to human beings who aren't us. 298 00:17:13,461 --> 00:17:15,627 Ah! Help, Mother. 299 00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:25,246 You try not to dwell on your innumerable failures. 300 00:17:25,326 --> 00:17:28,129 Instead, you stare out to sea and try to look like 301 00:17:28,154 --> 00:17:29,582 you're thinking deep thoughts. 302 00:17:29,989 --> 00:17:31,857 Just like this. 303 00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:33,261 Yeah. 304 00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:35,603 You got what you need? 305 00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:37,344 'Cause I got an itch, I got to scratch it. 306 00:17:42,448 --> 00:17:43,738 Now let's celebrate. 307 00:17:43,853 --> 00:17:46,954 We got through a documentary looking better than before it started. 308 00:17:47,206 --> 00:17:49,776 Nobody's done that since André the Giant. 309 00:17:51,496 --> 00:17:53,728 Homer Simpson, you'll leave a ring. 310 00:17:54,316 --> 00:17:57,071 Ta‐da! A snap‐on coaster. 311 00:17:57,191 --> 00:17:58,251 Nifty, huh? 312 00:17:58,385 --> 00:18:00,235 What the...? Where'd you get this thing? 313 00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:01,501 I invented it. 314 00:18:02,336 --> 00:18:05,110 How many of these things did you have made? 315 00:18:05,469 --> 00:18:08,118 A thousand. I wanted to start a business. 316 00:18:08,342 --> 00:18:12,360 A thousand, huh? That must've been expensive. 317 00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:16,220 That's what I thought, but it was only 65 cents apiece. 318 00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:19,774 So 650 bucks total? 319 00:18:19,909 --> 00:18:21,977 When did you get so good at your timeses? 320 00:18:22,107 --> 00:18:25,805 It was you, but the whole time you denied it. 321 00:18:25,865 --> 00:18:27,567 It was always you! 322 00:18:27,869 --> 00:18:32,837 - I‐I can explain. - No! No explanation. 323 00:18:32,961 --> 00:18:34,212 Kids, get in here! 324 00:18:34,505 --> 00:18:37,595 For once in this marriage, you did the wrong thing. 325 00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:39,439 I am going to savor this. 326 00:18:39,482 --> 00:18:43,079 I am gonna wait until I do something wrong, and then... 327 00:18:44,518 --> 00:18:45,743 Okay, we're even. 328 00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:48,009 Well, let me just explain why. 329 00:18:48,151 --> 00:18:50,900 Every day, you go out to your friends, to Moe's. 330 00:18:51,135 --> 00:18:53,037 Life to you is an adventure. 331 00:18:53,222 --> 00:18:55,991 And I had an idea, an idea for something 332 00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:58,151 that might make me somebody. 333 00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:02,421 But I admit it, I was gambling, on myself. 334 00:19:03,623 --> 00:19:05,278 I understand, honey. 335 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,232 I completely understand. 336 00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:13,465 ‐ What's going on? ‐ Well, Lisa, 337 00:19:13,578 --> 00:19:16,593 ‐ I'm afraid I have to say... ‐ Lisa, I just want you to know 338 00:19:16,618 --> 00:19:20,398 your mother's about to say that the money was eaten by rats. 339 00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,350 ‐ But... ‐ How did rats get inside the can? 340 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,397 Uh... Grampa left it open. 341 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,850 Oh, why do they blame everything around here on me? 342 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,741 Oh, good, the cat's done. 343 00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:35,111 Marge, I'd like to take a walk with the greatest woman ever. 344 00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:36,338 Oh. 345 00:19:36,585 --> 00:19:40,572 From that moment on, Homer and I had never been closer. 346 00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,963 We shared a dark secret. 347 00:19:43,256 --> 00:19:45,009 It was so sexy. 348 00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:48,938 Marge, I have a secret, too. 349 00:19:49,232 --> 00:19:51,731 I'm losing my hair. 350 00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:59,067 "The Great Simpson Robbery remains unsol..." 351 00:19:59,202 --> 00:20:01,500 W‐Wait, what do you mean unsolved? 352 00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:03,841 What the hell is this? 353 00:20:04,004 --> 00:20:06,770 My public expects me to solve the mystery, Bob. 354 00:20:06,813 --> 00:20:09,622 It's not like we can just change the format of the show. 355 00:20:09,754 --> 00:20:11,583 You just read the copy. 356 00:20:11,813 --> 00:20:13,872 Our viewers want one thing, it's simple: 357 00:20:13,972 --> 00:20:16,682 solve the freakin' crime, be told who did it. 358 00:20:16,786 --> 00:20:20,614 And I am the soothing voice, the reassuring voice that... Ah! 359 00:20:20,835 --> 00:20:22,282 Did you hear that? Oh, my God, 360 00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:25,070 I snapped my right vocal cord... that's the dulcet one. 361 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,492 Quick! Prep him for cord transplant. 362 00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:31,039 We don't have a human donor. 363 00:20:31,066 --> 00:20:32,667 All we have is the vocal cord of a sheep. 364 00:20:37,675 --> 00:20:39,462 And I'm ba‐a‐ack. 365 00:20:39,743 --> 00:20:42,266 He has an unbelievable work ethic for a voice‐over actor. 366 00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:47,941 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 29169

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.