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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,800 So when the woman says they come long and thin, fat... 2 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,879 ...with veins on them, like this and like that... 3 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,880 ...the guy can't handle it. He gets up and says, "If I found one like that..." 4 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,960 -"... I'd, you know..." -He's something else! 5 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,680 They used to call them 'zibiks'. They were like coffee mills. This big. 6 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,520 And made of wood, right? Or so I hear, I never saw one. 7 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,680 I haven't laughed so much in ages. Let's drink, Vedat. 8 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,959 -Cheers! -Welcome, old man. 9 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,960 -Welcome. -To your health. 10 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,399 Zeki, why don't we, you know..? 11 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,400 Right. Enough laughs. Let's not keep Vedat hanging on any longer. 12 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,159 Oh man! You had to put them in a plastic bag? 13 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,160 Hey, the wrapping has to be crap or they'd attract attention. Right? 14 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,399 Sure. 15 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,279 Here, these are the goods. 16 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,280 Just look at that stitching. It speaks for itself. 17 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,480 -So can I touch them? -Sure.. Here you go. 18 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,240 They call these long Wellingtons. They're around 130-140 years old. 19 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,559 I can't give an exact figure, but around that. 20 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,560 -So how did they land up with you? -Now that's an interesting story. 21 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,080 Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us. There's no one around. It's just us. 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,880 -OK, US president Garfield... -What, the cat? 23 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,920 -What fucking cat? -Garfield's a cat, right? 24 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,280 Google it, man! See for yourself. The then US president was Garfield. 25 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,760 OK, I enter 'Garfield'. 'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again. 26 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,039 Where's the president? Away. On vacation. 27 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,959 -Carry on, chum. -Alpay... 28 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,399 Just carry on. 29 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,400 Vedat, the US president sends our sultan a gift. 30 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,280 And the sultan thinks, "I'll send a gift back." 31 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,280 My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa, a member of the secret services... 32 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,640 ...and another public servant, Lemi Galip, from the treasury. 33 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,319 He gives them a mission. What does he say? 34 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,320 He says, "Take this gift to the president." 35 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,760 -So they go to the palace. -The palace? 36 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,880 What do you think? They'd meet the sultan down at the waterside? 37 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,040 -So they go to the palace. -OK. Get on with it, will you? 38 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,120 I am, but learn to listen first. 39 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,240 Telling a story is just as much about being listened to. 40 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,560 Oh, right. 41 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,160 They come before the sultan. And they kiss the sultan's hands. 42 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,720 -Does the sultan kiss theirs? -Come on, man! Stop butting in. 43 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,000 They're presented the gift right away. What is it? Adiamond necklace. 44 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,439 And the sultan says, "It's in your hands now." 45 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,440 "And here's 1000 bucks for the road. Confederation dollars." 46 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,120 Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah. America's miles away. No can do." 47 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,480 You have to go come hell or high water. 48 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,280 Now they've got the mission their route's a given. 49 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,600 First, the Orient Express to Paris. 50 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,239 Then a boat to London. 51 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,240 And then another boat across the Atlantic to America. 52 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,280 THE MILD WEST 53 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,760 S'il vous pla^t, madame. 54 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,319 Our honourable jerk didn't get the joke, Aziz. 55 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,320 Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown are back from the picnic. 56 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,679 Give me a break! The humour's way too subtle. 57 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,680 English peasant! 58 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,160 I'm saying we prize our village people. 59 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,840 They always say that. It's the only thing they know. 60 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,959 She says she can keep secrets. 61 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,960 Keep those secrets when we stop for a break. 62 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,280 Suppose we stop and pass a little water? 63 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,999 What the hell are you doing? 64 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,000 -What's the problem? -You can't share it round like candy! 65 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,080 -Well, you did it with that photo. -Put the damn thing back! 66 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,760 OK. Don't get so steamed up! I'm responsible for it. 67 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,360 Bandits! Keep calm. 68 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,559 Don't point that at me! 69 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,560 Listen. We'll follow the normal routine. Calm down. 70 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,960 Listen. We'll draw straws. The diamond or the money? Quick! 71 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,320 -We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi! -Draw a straw! 72 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,600 The diamond. 73 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,640 -There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi! -Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm. 74 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,879 -I am calm! -Stay calm. 75 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,639 In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful.. 76 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,640 Dear God, don't desert us! 77 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,079 We're not giving up the diamond even if it means death! 78 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,080 -Let's go, main man! -With the will of Allah.. 79 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,920 I said stop the carriage, you son of a bitch! 80 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,320 Hey, Zeki. I got kind of lost from the mail carriage onwards. 81 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,480 Wait. Let's try this then. 82 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,480 Didn't I say stop the carriage, you fuckers? 83 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,239 Get out! Out, out, out! 84 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,240 Get out of there! Out! 85 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,720 -Come on, move it! -Oh God, Jack! No! 86 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,599 -Stop! Get off her! -Don't shout. Stand in line. 87 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,600 Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here. My crew and I are here... 88 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,880 ...to relieve you of certain items for the comfort of your journey. 89 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,160 You're free to shout. Any heroics and you're dead. 90 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,800 The gun's antique. I put in for a new one and does anyone give a fuck? 91 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,200 Come here, asshole! Move! Get over there! 92 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,040 Lesh! Check out this chick! 93 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,160 A watch! 94 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,040 Don't take us for wasters, sir. We've come all the way from Istanbul. 95 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,119 Oh yeah?.. It shows. 96 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,759 I never saw kit like that even in Buffalo Bill's show. 97 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,959 What the hell is this? 98 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,679 Afez. I have a flute as well if you want. 99 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,719 Knock it off! 100 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,119 Don't..! 101 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,719 -Lesh! -What the hell have you done? 102 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,359 -Lesh! -What the hell have you done? 103 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,360 This is unreal! 104 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,880 But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet of Highwayman Creek. Be warned! 105 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,520 Come on, let's go! I smell Indians. 106 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,360 See you! 107 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,160 -He said "Sioux". The Sioux.. -No, he said "see you" as in goodbye. 108 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,599 Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet? 109 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,600 Any time I mention the guy's name it always gets me in trouble anyhow. 110 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,479 Don't make me crazy, mon cher! The instructions are explicit. 111 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,480 In case of danger, hide the goods up your nether region. It's that clear! 112 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,599 But is that fair? Adiamond that big? 113 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,319 Hey, you think it's a turn-on stuffing 1000 dollars up my ass? 114 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,599 -I wouldn't know. -What? 115 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,600 Sir thinks his ass is too precious and I'm about to get massacred here! 116 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,999 Come here! 117 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,000 Open up that handkerchief. 118 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,680 Here. 119 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,120 Terrific! 120 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,840 There should be a saucer for this. 121 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,120 Here, that's all. 122 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,760 Are you OK? 123 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,080 At least we held on to the grand. 124 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,840 It's not the time for jokes, but the old boy's stuffed us. 125 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,120 Carry on and you're dead! We face the arrows of misfortune here. 126 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,440 Indians! 127 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,039 -Oogh! -What's "oogh"? 128 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,040 I think they use animal names. Mole-cricket.. 129 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,280 I'm Richard Thomas. I'm at Oxford. I just spend summers with my tribe. 130 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,000 Look, we come from Istanbul. They say Indians are Turks, right? 131 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,800 -Kenan, is that true? -No way. Get their kit off. 132 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,119 I'll take it off myself. 133 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,120 What if I say we bear greetings from Apache Selim of Kasimpasa? 134 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,479 I can do it. 135 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,480 Here you go.. Lemi Bey! 136 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,119 Hopefully they won't fuck us. 137 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,120 -Here you are, Kenan Bey. -Oh my God! 138 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,560 -Aziz, suppose we notify the consulate? -We can do that. 139 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,120 Does that thing round your neck have any particular meaning? 140 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,760 My mum gave it to me. She said it would keep all danger at bay. 141 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,120 Hello! It's an emergency, my friend. Get this wired to Istanbul right away. 142 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,960 -Is this an 'A'? -Can't you read or write either? 143 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,839 -Give it here. -You do it. 144 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,840 If Lucky Luke showed up now, you'd be kissing his goddamn ass. 145 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,120 Lucky Luke? Who gives a toss about him? 146 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,360 -Any telegrams for me? -Hey, my friend! Welcome. 147 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,200 Have a seat over there. Geoffrey, grab us a couple of teas! 148 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,720 After a while, a reply comes through from the palace. 149 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,320 What does it say? 150 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,960 No need to come back. Mail us the head of the officer responsible. 151 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,959 OK then. 152 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,960 Cut off my head and mail it. You shouldn't get grief for this. 153 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,080 I'm responsible. 154 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,399 How am I supposed to do it? 155 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,919 I don't know. 156 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,920 Strangle me with rope first. 157 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,079 Pass on my greetings to my mum. 158 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,080 Hey, America! What happened to that dream? 159 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,759 Hey, that needs a splash of water. 160 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,760 Shut up! We're in this shit together and we'll pay for it together. 161 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,760 Aziz, you'll be exiled to Timbuktu. 162 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,040 Just look around. We're fucking in Timbuktu! Who needs to be exiled? 163 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,680 We're not dying before we find that diamond. OK? 164 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,480 For a week or so they roam around totally broke. 165 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,520 They think about getting guns and going after the diamond thieves. 166 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,840 But then guns don't come for a kiss. And they don't have a dime. 167 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,919 Fuck off, dicko! 168 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,920 Then they dream up a venture or two that will feed them at least. 169 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,880 I say venture, but of course not the kind that needs capital. 170 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,479 Horse washing! In and out! 171 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,879 Good health to your horse! 172 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,880 Horse washing! 173 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,560 Having got their hands dirty in a couple of shitty ventures... 174 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,360 ...Aziz Efendi gets an idea. "Why don't we do what we're good at?" 175 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,840 Now for the best-loved characters with their best-loved quirks..! 176 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,400 -Karagöz dear, have a good Ramadan! -Clear off, nincompoop! 177 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,920 Don't be like that, Karagöz. It's the holy month of Ramadan! 178 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,120 Don't worry, gasbag Haci! My whole family's behind you. 179 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,399 This was the hottest show in Sultanahmet last year. 180 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,400 Let's have a few laughs! 181 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,399 Sorry, it's not funny. 182 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,159 Try being open to new things. This is shadow theatre! 183 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,719 -We'd laugh if it was funny, right? -I agree. 184 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,720 OK.. I'll do you Moliere next year. Moliere's 'The Miser'. 185 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,479 I did Blustering Drunkard Bekir, I did the Dwarf. 186 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,399 They didn't laugh at one of them! 187 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,400 -But they laughed at your lady, huh? -So? And up until then? 188 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,960 They have no sense of humour. American humour! Fuck that! 189 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,080 The jokes get lost in translation of course. 190 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,520 Give me a break! 191 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,480 Eggs.. Save those. What's in that over there? 192 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,319 Sugar. 193 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,320 Lemons.. Sugar.. Lemons and sugar. 194 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,080 Candy!.. Roll up, roll up!.. Candy! 195 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,239 Here you go. Enjoy! 196 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,079 -Candy! -Do me one. 197 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,080 -Your wish is my command! -Wind it round this, not that! 198 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,640 -It's Ottoman candy. It might be heavy. -Shut the fuck up! 199 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,480 There's nothing they don't do to scrape together 100 dollars. 200 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,240 They even show cartoons on a contraption Lemi rigged up. 201 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,560 I'm talking cartoons! Walt Disney isn't around yet, nor Mickey Mouse. 202 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,120 Watch up, watch up! A love story! As real as life itself! 203 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,519 I'll tell you something, but don't get the wrong idea. 204 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,520 They find that formula. You know the one that's said to be secret? 205 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,679 -What's that? -Cola of course! 206 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,680 Liquorice, bicarbonate of soda.. And the base is syrup anyway. 207 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,960 Hold it, I'm not with you. They really invent cola? 208 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:19,120 Sure they do, but.. 209 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,399 Aziz! 210 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,199 What do you think? 211 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,200 Wow! Fabulous! Fabulous! Look.. 212 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,360 Try it. 213 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,679 What do you reckon? 214 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,680 Exquisite! 215 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,480 Aziz, should I write this on the pitcher?.. 'Drink Cold'. 216 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,640 Forget it. Leave people alone. Let them drink it how they like. 217 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,520 Drink up, drink up! Ice-cold cola! 218 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,080 Thanks. Enjoy! Ice-cold cola! 219 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,679 Drink up, drink up! 220 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,359 If only I could afford some.. It needs a drink on the side.. 221 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,360 Anyone hungry? Ice-cold cola! 222 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,399 Let me get the money for that. There you go, my friend. 223 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,400 The thighs are still cooking. I'll give you a wing instead. 224 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,959 Give me change for this. 225 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,960 -If only I could afford one.. -Shame on you! What's with the yelling? 226 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,720 You're a trader, right? So try yelling. The creaking wheel gets the grease. 227 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,559 We're Kentucky boys. Cut the bullshit! 228 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,560 And we're Samatya boys. You're trying to bullshit..? 229 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,800 Get off me! Get off! 230 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,719 I'll get you with this bottle! 231 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,720 Get off! 232 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,439 Oh God! 233 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,079 So they're trying to sell chicken sandwiches in Kentucky. 234 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,080 Like they'd get away with it.. The guys are in business there. 235 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,479 They'd give anyone else a chance? You recognise him? 236 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,039 -Who do you mean? -Who do you think? 237 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,040 The guy on the logo. I'm not plugging him here. 238 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,120 For our guys it was yet another let-down. 239 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,719 A solder job and it'll be fine. 240 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,279 Redneck assholes, they won't let us do an honest day's work! 241 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,239 How much have we got? 242 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,719 -Around 50-55 dollars. -Hand it over. 243 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,720 I'll get a pistol and go to town with them! 244 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,760 Enough crap! I've woken up from that American dream at last! 245 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,239 Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man. 246 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,039 I'll find that fucker Johnny Lesh and finish him off too. 247 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,040 -Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man. -Come on! It's just luck, that's all. 248 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,719 No, not like that. You have a price on your head. 249 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,720 Ah! 250 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,679 It's the spitting image! 251 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,680 -Ten dollars. Can we get that? -You bet we will! 252 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,840 Horse.. Horse Whisper.. Horse Whisperer. 253 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,599 Horse means 'at'! 254 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,600 How about this one? Johnny Lesh.. 500 dollars. 255 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,959 So he's on the wanted list, the son of a bitch! 256 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,960 Let's just get that pitcher fixed. 257 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,439 Hello there, sheriff. 258 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,440 I'm Lenny the bounty hunter. 259 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,200 -I want 10 dollars for the cowboy. -Which cowboy? 260 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,560 -The horse-fu**ing cowboy. -What are you talking about? 261 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,960 -You know, the horse whisperer. -You sick bastard! You pervert, you! 262 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,759 But I didn't do a thing. The horse started it. 263 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,760 Sheriff, it's your job to put perverts like this behind bars. 264 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,959 Lou, lock up the animal. 265 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,960 He should be kept away from stables a while, asshole! 266 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,639 Here, your 10 dollars. 267 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,640 This is peanuts. I'm really after Johnny Lesh. 268 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,360 Johnny Lesh? Are you kidding? I'd retire if I found him. 269 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,320 Here. 500 dollars. 270 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,360 -Would you care for some cola? -Cola?.. It's a drink? 271 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,239 Here you go, sheriff. 272 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,240 Won't you have some too? 273 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,160 Whoa! 274 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,240 Sheriff Cheko? 275 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,159 Here, Timothy the horse thief. 276 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,160 Timothy the horse thief, huh? 277 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,960 How old are you? 278 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,560 Open your mouth! Open up! 279 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000 -He's not worth a red cent. -Twenty dollars! 280 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,479 Ten dollars. 281 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,039 I hate horse thieves, Timothy. 282 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,040 -OK, 10 dollars, 10 dollars. -It's a deal? 283 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,840 Lock him up! 284 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,599 Sheriff, would you care for a cola? 285 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,359 Cola? 286 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,399 Go on then. 287 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,400 Whoops! 288 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,920 You? 289 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,760 It's ice-cold. 290 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,040 May it work its wonders. 291 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,040 Johnny Lesh.. 900 dollars. 292 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,400 He goes up faster than the dollar, son of a bitch. 293 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,880 Psst, listen. Put 100 dollars, not some piddling amount. 294 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,479 We'll say he robbed a train. 295 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,480 -Aziz Efendi, what about the name? -What name? 296 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,200 Get writing. 'Jack Daniel'. It's our last job anyway. 297 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,320 Tomorrow we're on the train to White Lake. 298 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:21,199 -Jack... -... Daniel. 299 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,200 Daniel. Train robber Jack. 300 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,920 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 301 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,760 Almighty God, have mercy on the soul of Thy departed servant. 302 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,160 And let us, who mourn him, pray for his soul. 303 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,200 Lord, protect and watch over him. Amen. 304 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,120 Take it easy there! May God forgive his sins, brother. 305 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,799 Father, not brother. 306 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,679 We're after the sheriff actually. 307 00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,999 I'm Sheriff Murphy. 308 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,000 Sheriff, I've brought you train robber Jack. 309 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,359 -Train robber Jack? -Train robber Jack. 310 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,360 -Train robber Jack.. -Aha. 311 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,400 You hear that, Jack? The guys says he's caught you! 312 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,279 God damn you! Just get this over with! 313 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,399 -That's train robber Jack? -Just our fucking luck! 314 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,999 -The train robber was your idea. -And whose idea was Jack Daniel? 315 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,479 It was me who laughed at 'train robber Jack', was it? 316 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,319 Sheriff, allow me to offer you a cola. 317 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,320 Wait! There's carbon dioxide inside! Carbon dioxide! Agh! Oh my God! 318 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,320 Roll them in tar and feathers and lock them up! 319 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,560 Come here! Get moving! 320 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,280 Relieve yourselves in this pot. Don't get bird shit everywhere. 321 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,639 -Are you wearing that talisman? -Yes. 322 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,640 The one that keeps away danger? 323 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,919 Gambling, was it? 324 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,759 God give me patience... 325 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,760 This is the calm before the storm. There are greater things to come.. 326 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,120 Man, does there have to be one of you in every jail? 327 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,320 Johnny Lesh! 328 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,440 Who'd have thought a gunslinger like him would land up here? 329 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,400 -There goes our 1000 dollars. -That's bullshit! 330 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,999 The diamond's come back by itself. 331 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,000 Friend.. Can I have that if you're not eating it? 332 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,200 Get to work! Come on! 333 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,200 Get to work! 334 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,840 If they left us alone for a second I'd smash his face in. 335 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,759 But they're always looking. 336 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,760 Calm down. We'll follow the routine. There's no rush. 337 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,480 This is the calm before the storm. It doesn't bode well. 338 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,560 Get out of here! Clear off! 339 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,520 Hey, chickens!.. Water! 340 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,719 You mentioned the routine, right? What do we do? 341 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,720 Don't rush things. More haste, less speed. 342 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,120 Slow and steady wins the race. Listen. 343 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,600 -Lemi! -Aziz Efendi! 344 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,400 That was some hail of bullets! 345 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,120 It's so dark in there. 346 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,159 Water, anyone? 347 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,160 -I guess not. -Lesh. Lesh! 348 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,279 Lesh, don't die! You can't die yet! Wait! 349 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,319 Where's the diamond? Tell us where the diamond is. 350 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,639 -Out with it! -Where's the diamond? 351 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,279 -Bea... -Bill.. Give him some water. 352 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,039 What's bill? Bill? What's bill? Pacos Bill? 353 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,079 -Buffalo Bill! -Come on, bill what? 354 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,239 -Akbil travel cards? -Bill? 355 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,240 Bea.. ts me. 356 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,600 Asshole, I'll kill you! You can't die! I'll kill you! 357 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,599 -Cannon... -Bill Cannon? Bill Cannon? 358 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,559 -Cannon? Cannon? -Cannon... ball... 359 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,999 Cannonball. What's Cannonball? Local or import? 360 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,119 -Siii... -Say the first bit! The first bit! 361 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,639 Sii-ouux... 362 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,519 Sioux! He said Sioux! The Sioux! 363 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,520 No, man! It was "see you", like "I'm dead. " It was "see you"! 364 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,079 He timed that death so badly. 365 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,919 Ah, poor thing! His horse is all sad. 366 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,920 -Horses are such sensitive animals. -Right. 367 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,839 Aziz Efendi? 368 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,840 You're Johnny Lesh. You broke jail. You're worth 2000 dollars. 369 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:19,759 OK. 370 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,439 Here. 371 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,959 Agh! 372 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,960 This is the calm before the storm. There are greater things to come. 373 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,480 I'm knocking him off. 374 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,080 Let's see what Cannonball is all about then.. 375 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,120 I'd never have imagined this. Galatasaray High School, Robert College... 376 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,279 ...four years' training at the finance ministry... 377 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,879 ...and look at me now. 378 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,319 Well, put it in your memoirs. 379 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,320 We only had to deliver the diamond, be wined and dined and get back. 380 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,480 But we've been in shit the whole way. Look, I still have fluff in my mouth. 381 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,400 So I need to reconsider my admiration for the west. 382 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,599 My dear friend, why do you make such a big thing about the west? 383 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,439 100 years ago Versailles Palace had no toilets. 384 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,159 The king shat straight on the floor. 385 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,160 The waltz was only invented so people didn't step in shit. 386 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,519 They always say that. So what went wrong after that? 387 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,520 Well, the printing press didn't get to us till late, and so on.. 388 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,039 -What's going on? -Get off, get off! 389 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,799 -Whoa! -Whoa! 390 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,800 Whoa! 391 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,920 Keep calm. 392 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,999 -Is that really a woman? -Sure. 393 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:34,000 Watch where she's firing. You can tell from that. 394 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,960 Aziz Efendi, what's going on? I sense a new admiration for the west. 395 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,599 The thing is to take on the good things about the west. 396 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,600 Hey, take off those guns. Remember, you're a captive. 397 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,880 Glasses! 398 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,280 Hello there, pretty lady! We loved watching your target practice. 399 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,599 Really? 400 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,600 But watching the Suzan Van Dyke show doesn't come for free. 401 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,799 Toss over some change. 402 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,800 We're clean out of money. How about a coffee instead? 403 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,959 Coffee, huh? 404 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,960 -Suzan Van Dyke. -Aziz Vef.. Zozo the Kid. Three words. 405 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,600 The coffee's with the horses. Let me run off and get it right now. 406 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,080 -She's like a man! A real turn-off. -I'd lay her for what it's worth. 407 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,080 The coffee foam is fine, your marksmanship divine.. 408 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,119 Thanks. 409 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,120 I've been into it since I was 3. I did 5 years in Buffalo Bill's Show. 410 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,560 Shooting, lassos, cooking, trickshot.. Then I did some time at a hotel. 411 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,319 Van Dyke.. 412 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,320 What brute of a cowboy puts you to work like this? 413 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,960 What cowboy? There is no cowboy. 414 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,760 Did you drop this by any chance? 415 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,120 Yes. 416 00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,959 Lesbo.. 417 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,960 -Someone important, I guess. -Right... Someone I love. 418 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,079 So which way are you heading? 419 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,080 Well, I'm a bounty hunter, on my way to turn in Johnny Lesh. 420 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,840 -Goddamn it! What are you saying? -What is this? Hold it! 421 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,880 -Johnny Lesh! Finally. You, huh? -No! Aziz, tell her! 422 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,599 -Suzan, please... -Wait, Miss Suzan! 423 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,600 Out of the way or I'll kill you too! No, stay right there! 424 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,760 Wait! No! He's not Johnny Lesh! It's a lie! We're Ottomans! 425 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,480 -He's a fake! To get the reward! -Really I'm not him, orAmerican even. 426 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,440 I'm Ottoman. An Istanbul boy. I speak four languages. 427 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,040 -Ottoman? -Ottoman. You know, the palace, music.. 428 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,559 Folk plays.. The harem.. 429 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,560 -Ibis sweetie, we have guests coming. -Fine, but coming to see me? 430 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,800 -Great food, stuffed leaves, lamb stews.. -Stuffed eggplant.. 431 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:56,559 The Hippodrome, Sultanahmet, Ramadan festivities.. 432 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:57,999 Look, the lights between minarets! 433 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,359 -If only we had them here! -Sultan of the 11 months.. 434 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,360 Lords and ladies, let's repair to the river for drinks.. 435 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,679 We'll pull those oars and have a merry time. 436 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,519 An old mansion.. The fire brigade.. Afire.. 437 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,520 -Guard, where's the fire? -In my heart! In my heart! 438 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,760 -The gangsters of Galata, Tophane.. -I killed my mother and my father! 439 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,520 -Do the Arab maid. -What does young madam fancy tonight? 440 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,639 Not like that. Make it more nasal. 441 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,639 Young madam, I haven't cooked a thing and the larder's empty. 442 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,279 Isn't that a bit fierce? 443 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,799 Some soot on my face and I'd be the perfect Arab maid! 444 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,159 A headscarf would do the trick too. 445 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,160 Ah! Lokum.. Turkish delight! Lokum! 446 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:38,079 I didn't get the Arab maid, but lokum makes sense. 447 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,479 -Here you go. -Turkish delight.. 448 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,480 -Lokum originates from us after all. -Hmmm.. 449 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,599 -You believe I'm not Johnny Lesh, right? -I believe you. 450 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,600 Miss Suzan, we have another thing. If a gun is pulled, it has to fire. 451 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,199 Oh, right. 452 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,200 It's nothing. Just a graze. Get up, get up. 453 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,920 Hang on in there, Aziz Efendi. 454 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,679 Agh! 455 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,680 -Aggh! -OK, OK. Keep still. OK. 456 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,839 Is that alcohol? 457 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,719 Agh! Oh God! 458 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,720 -So Lesh is dead, huh? -Yes. We saw for ourselves. 459 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,680 Aziz Efendi buried the body with his own hands. 460 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,960 I wish I'd killed him myself. Johnny Lesh murdered my mother. 461 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,080 My mother.. Mary Lou. 462 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,280 Ohh!.. Agh!.. Ugh! 463 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,360 -God! -Pass that over. 464 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,040 Johnny Lesh shafted us too. 465 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,320 We'd arrived with the sultan's gift. Something worth thousands. 466 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,920 We're in the mail coach. And suddenly, bandits! 467 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,000 It's, "Stop the carriage, you son of a bitch!" 468 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,320 Aziz Efendi panics, I'm brave as can be. 469 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,800 -We draw straws and... -Skip the details, asshole! 470 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,440 My idea was to make Lemi Johnny Lesh, turn him in and get back 2000 dollars. 471 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,760 You should cross the river. Lesh is too well-known this side. 472 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,680 I'd say go to Cannonball. 473 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,000 -Cannonball? -Cannonball.. See you.. 474 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:22,879 Ah! 475 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,880 You'd get 2000 dollars for Lesh there. The sheriff's a jerk. 476 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,959 Hurrah! 477 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,960 Right.. But I get 1000 of that. 478 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,559 That's fine. 479 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,239 Hey, it's a photo of her mum. Gossip monger! 480 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:40,119 You know they say hearsay is half lies? 481 00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,119 And you let her have 1000 dollars just like that. 482 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,199 I'd give my life for her. 483 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,239 She's like a man. Not my type. 484 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,240 Yeah, right. Check out that back. Just like our street porter, Hasan. 485 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,079 Ahem.. 486 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,080 Listen, which hand do you use to write your memoirs? 487 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,000 Good. Let me tie up those hands so I get a decent night's sleep. 488 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,800 -Don't you have any trust left? -No. 489 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,359 Hey! I expect you at evening prayer. Got it? Don't drive me mental! 490 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,839 Here, stick this gun out of the way. 491 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,719 If it's not keeping law and order... 492 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:11,720 ...it's priest duties at the church. 493 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,280 I don't have five minutes to sit down. I'm just back from a funeral. 494 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,760 Chuck, run over to the church with some candles. 495 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,159 The assholes keep nicking them. 496 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,079 Yes, welcome. 497 00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,559 -Sheriff Lloyd? -That's me. 498 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,239 We've come to pick up a reward. 499 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:32,240 How about a whisky first? My own home-brew. 500 00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,400 Or.. Chuck! Run over and get us some ice-cold cola! 501 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,279 -Cola? -Yes. It's new. 502 00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,280 You know how it tastes? Awesome! 503 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,960 They've bottled the stuff. 504 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,279 It's a total rip-off. 505 00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,639 Anyway, sheriff. Let's talk business. 506 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,640 We've brought you Johnny Lesh. 507 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,239 Johnny Lesh.. 508 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,240 Is this for real? You're not kidding, right? 509 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,560 -Chuck, you hear that? Johnny Lesh.. -When do we get the money? 510 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,200 The money? What goddamn money? Are you insane, man? 511 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,160 On a day like this, at a time like this... 512 00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,840 ...at a moment when we most need to join forces and stand together... 513 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,080 ...you're asking me to lock up a hero like Johnny Lesh? 514 00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,240 I sent a message with the Fargos' boy. You got it, right? 515 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:44,999 What's going on? 516 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,000 Sheriff, you're breaking the law. We demand the reward right now! 517 00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,040 To hell with your reward! The money's with me. Don't worry. 518 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,199 But I can't lock up Johnny Lesh. 519 00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,200 The Sioux have fucked us over. 520 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,519 Look! 521 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,520 -Ugh! They scalped him! -Right.. Not long ago. 522 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,640 It only happened yesterday. They wreak havoc on a regular basis. 523 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,559 Have a seat. 524 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,560 Look, if anyone can deal with this, it's Johnny Lesh. 525 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,960 You're white too. You should have some sympathy. 526 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,039 Chuck! 527 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,439 Hey, don't high-five me every time I say your name, hick! 528 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:24,799 Run and tell the hotel... 529 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,800 ...Johnny Lesh is on his way with our bounty hunter guests. 530 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,960 There we go! 531 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,320 Come with me, my man. 532 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,279 Sheriff! 533 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:38,999 Macaulay! 534 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,319 Take Johnny Lesh to the hotel. 535 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,559 Give him a good wash inside and out. 536 00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,039 Sure, sheriff. This way! 537 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,040 -Don't say he's forgetting the reward. -Not so fast. We'll talk. 538 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,680 Isn't the lady coming to the hotel? Please! Make yourself at home. 539 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,400 I could do with a hot bath. 540 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,760 I'm getting my 1000 dollars, like it or not. 541 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,360 OK, OK. She seems like a go-getting type. 542 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,519 Right, she's a go-getter, but will we get that reward? 543 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,479 Sure you will. Don't fret. 544 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,480 Have some respect for this star. Don't fret about the reward shit. 545 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,320 Once we wipe out those Sioux the rest is easy. 546 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,519 You seem like a heavy-hitting hero. 547 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,719 -With help from Allah.. -What? 548 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,720 -I mean, yes, I am. -Forget that. 549 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,999 The cowboy days are over. 550 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,000 Today you get young boys sticking feathers in their heads... 551 00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,320 ...making whooping noises and playing Indians all day. 552 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,840 That's kids for you. What do they know about enemies? 553 00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,960 Try talking sense to an Indian. You'd never get anywhere. 554 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,160 Those freaks talk to rivers, mountains and rocks. 555 00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:55,240 -It must be the firewater. -Just the firewater? 556 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,640 There's peace pipes, mushrooms, and a pile of other shit. 557 00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,679 But they're finished. Almost. 558 00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,680 They have maybe half an acre of land left around here. 559 00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:07,720 I'll wipe out the lot of them soon enough. 560 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,880 -Hey! Go play somewhere else! -That's my second wife. Betty. 561 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,879 -Welcome, cowboy! -My respects.. 562 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,559 -Will you be staying a while? -Well.. 563 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,079 Mind your own business! 564 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,080 -Come to evening prayer if you like. -We've had the evening call to prayer? 565 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,120 What? 566 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,840 Well, with a gammy leg.. 567 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,920 Come on in. 568 00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,879 It's not a church to write home about. 569 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:52,880 But it's fine as a place to perform religious duties. 570 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,760 Hey, don't take those boots off. The assholes will nick them. 571 00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,520 Divide religion and state, sheriff, or the work will wear you out. 572 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,080 Public service. What can I do? There's no choice. 573 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:09,240 -Come on! Aren't the floors done yet? -But hasn't slavery been abolished? 574 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,080 You can't abolish slavery overnight for God's sake! 575 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,360 Slowly but surely. Get up, you! 576 00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,680 If he sang a gospel song, he'd have you in tears, you know. 577 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,760 Go on, get your robes on. And make that voice soulful, huh! 578 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:32,080 Psst! Don't let him walk all over you. 579 00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:35,240 -Here's our confession box. -So the confessions come out, huh? 580 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,960 Well, they'll do.. 581 00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:43,360 What are you doing in there? Get out, dickhead! Get out! 582 00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:49,080 That's my oldest kid.. Eugene. 583 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,319 I should have shagged anything but his mother. 584 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,599 Leave him alone, sheriff! He's having a spiritual moment. 585 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,359 Spiritual, huh!? He's off his head from that homebrew whisky. 586 00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,360 -His friends call him Johnnie Walker. -Johnnie Walker? 587 00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,559 Aha.. Hey, say hello to the guy! 588 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,919 -Hello. -Hello. 589 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,920 Don't get the wrong idea. This woman.. I was hearing her confession. 590 00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:08,999 I'd just finished when you turned up. 591 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,000 -Welcome.. Got a smoke? -No smokes, no. 592 00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,640 -He should give me a smoke. No smokes.. -Ah! Here, a mirror! 593 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,000 When one crazy meets another he's as mild as milk, they say. 594 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,520 Good for that mirror. It'll keep him busy for hours. 595 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,640 Here's a picture of my mum. You can keep it. 596 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,480 Where did you find that? Get out of here! Quick march! 597 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,159 Get marching! 598 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,160 That's my boy! Let's see the arms too! 599 00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,720 Swing those arms too! 600 00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,760 Sheriff, what's the story with you and Johnny Lesh? 601 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,000 Johnny Lesh robbed a mail coach last month. 602 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,480 He lifted a diamond as big as your fist. 603 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,960 But the Sioux ambushed him in a canyon and grabbed the diamond. 604 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,160 Now if you tell him where those Sioux are... 605 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,919 ...Johnny Lesh will do them in. 606 00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,920 And we'll be rid of the feathered jerks. 607 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,160 Don't fret over that reward. Two grand is a drop in the ocean. 608 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:15,720 Give us a hand with this and keep quiet about it. 609 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,639 -So the Sioux have the diamond? -I swear by Allah. 610 00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:22,640 -ByAllah? -Well, just a slip of the tongue. 611 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,879 -Lemi! -Excuse me! 612 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,119 The Sioux have the diamond. The Sioux! 613 00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,120 The sheriff has a proposition for you. He said to meet in the saloon tonight. 614 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:36,919 -Saloon? -That's what he said. 615 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:39,920 Whoa! 616 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,480 Well, I'm after the diamond. I haven't got a word out of her. 617 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,159 It's been a total waste of time. 618 00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:50,160 Great.. Great. Good for you. 619 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,520 Speak! Speak! Where's the diamond? 620 00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,160 Come on in. Welcome! 621 00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,360 Now let's find somewhere to sit. 622 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,840 Get up from that table! Fat ass! 623 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,959 You can't afford that table! 624 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,960 Murdoch of the Fidas is sitting there. There you go. 625 00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:23,879 Good luck. 626 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,880 Here, my dear friend. Welcome! 627 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,119 Whisky over here! 628 00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:34,120 Good luck. I'll be right back. 629 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,000 Hey, didn't I tell you no under-18s in this place? 630 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,480 Stetsoned fucker! 631 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:50,079 Chuck! Throw him out! 632 00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,080 We don't want a fight yet. There's still time for that. 633 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,079 Hey, Johnnie! What are you doing here? 634 00:51:57,080 --> 00:52:00,080 -Dad wants a Johnnie. -Let's have it then. 635 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:04,760 Come on! Knock it back. What's up? You're wasted? 636 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,600 Suzan, I drank like this as a kid. It's also nice you're joining me. 637 00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,600 But you're not watching the cancan dancers. 638 00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,599 They hired a belly dancer for my circumcision party. 639 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,119 And I haven't been able to look at one since. 640 00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:24,120 Good evening to you! 641 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,959 -No Johnny Lesh? -He'll be here in a while. 642 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,960 Busy pumping, is he? 643 00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:33,159 I told him the story. He's interested. 644 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:36,160 We'll set off tomorrow. But we need all the Indian gear. 645 00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,840 We'll arrange that. 646 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:42,920 Whoa! 647 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,600 Come on in, Casanova. Have a seat. 648 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,639 -She was asking about the post office. -Sure she was. 649 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,640 Don't fret.. Everything you want will be taken care of. 650 00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,880 Once we've taken out the Sioux chief it'll be curtains for those shits here. 651 00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,880 Besides, let the bastards learn the price of screwing Johnny Lesh, huh? 652 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,800 We'll set out tomorrow at dawn, Zozo the Kid too. 653 00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:10,799 Three cheers! 654 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,800 I'm not thrilled by the idea of messing with the Sioux, but anyway.. 655 00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:22,160 -Be honest. Were you pumping just now? -Sheriff! 656 00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,560 You just spoke like that in front of a lady. Don't! 657 00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,360 What's wrong? She has more of a moustache than me. 658 00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,680 Shh! 659 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,120 What's wrong, Suzan? 660 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:45,520 Suzan, that diamond's crucial for us. Our lives depend on it. 661 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,319 We have to leave tomorrow morning. 662 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,320 Don't come if you don't want.. But it would really help if you did. 663 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,800 -They said I had a moustache. I heard! -Look, I have one too. So what? 664 00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,560 -They just don't see your beauty. -Yeah, right. Sure. 665 00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,680 There's an art to seeing beauty, Suzan. Some people look and don't see it. 666 00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,800 And it isn't where you look that matters... 667 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,320 ...it's what you see there. 668 00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,600 See you tomorrow. 669 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:36,160 -Come inside, cowboy. -I'm no cowboy, wench! 670 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,319 Move! 671 00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,039 Go on, move! 672 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,040 Wow! Terrific story! 673 00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,639 -So the Sioux got the diamond? -Right. 674 00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:52,599 Wow.. 675 00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,600 You know, I can't wait to see how you bring the boots into it. 676 00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,760 Well, the boots belong to Johnny Lesh, don't they? 677 00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:01,719 No. What's he got to do with them? 678 00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:04,720 -Listen. These guys... -Hey, Zeki. How about a break? 679 00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,759 -I need a piss. -Sure. 680 00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,760 Me too, if you'll excuse me. 681 00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:18,160 Hey! How's it going? 682 00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,239 Terrific! 683 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:23,240 -Hand over that cappuccino. -Wait. Let me fix this mouthpiece. 684 00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,759 -Fuck! -What's up? 685 00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,760 I dropped it.. OK, 10-minute break while I look for it. 686 00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:57,200 -Yakari! -Yakari? 687 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,640 Hamle ba Yakari! Haride Yakari! Tannare Yakari! 688 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,080 Hanyere had Yakari! Kam le Yakari! Koppe Yakari! 689 00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,840 Aziz Efendi, I'm using my intuition.. Greetings, Iron Leg! 690 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,920 -Hello, Eagle Eye! -Are you taking the piss? 691 00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,520 -Well, Unwanted Hair of the Cherokees... -The Cherokees? 692 00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,320 The Grand Cherokees.. My friends Pajero and Pontiac. 693 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:31,640 We bring greetings to the chief. 694 00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,119 Beat that! Let's see your cards. 695 00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:06,120 Hello, chief! 696 00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:19,440 This way. We'll sit over there. 697 00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,680 Welcome.. I'm Red Rocks. And this is my son, Bambi. 698 00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:35,879 Thanks, chief. We're not hungry. 699 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,880 This is Barren Rocks, Crying Rocks, Pink Rocks, and the other Rocks.. 700 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:45,000 We're among rocks. 701 00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,400 Yes.. The occasion of our visit is a happy one. 702 00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:53,240 We've come to obtain the blessing of the tribal chief... 703 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:57,400 ...for the marriage of our boy, Unwanted Hair, and our girl, Pajero. 704 00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,440 But Unwanted Hair is a girl's name. 705 00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:04,720 -You see, my mum always wanted a girl. -So she didn't have one? 706 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,559 Well, did she? 707 00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,239 No, I guess not. 708 00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:12,799 The Cherokees are our brothers. 709 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,800 It's a joy for us that they marry and multiply. 710 00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,879 Crying Rocks, light the incense! 711 00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,679 Bring the gonads! 712 00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,599 -What are gonads? -Crystal bowls. 713 00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,600 Step into the middle, bridegroom. 714 00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,280 These buffalo balls will bring blessings on your family. 715 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,000 Epiesa! 716 00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:02,080 Sheda!.. Blow! 717 00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,360 May they do their job! 718 00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,560 We'll smoke a peace pipe tomorrow at dawn and finish things off. 719 00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,160 Now go back to your place. 720 00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:17,559 Break up the gathering! 721 00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:18,679 Aziz Efendi.. 722 00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,680 We'll get you officially married back in town. Try a blow job then! 723 00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:23,719 -Are you OK? -Sure. 724 00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,720 The chief was jerking me around. 725 00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,320 If only you'd been here last week. It was a local produce week. 726 00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:36,439 Local produce? 727 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,440 Welcome once more! Here you go. 728 00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:53,400 Fuck the lot of you! 729 00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:57,040 Speak, bridegroom, speak! The balls have done their job. 730 01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,240 This is nothing. There are greater things to come.. 731 01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,439 Fuck off! 732 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:13,440 -Hey, it's me. Aziz! -Oh right. 733 01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,640 It hasn't done a lot to me. 734 01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:34,200 I'm a local here, right? So I should be treated like a local. 735 01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:40,320 If they don't want my land, they want something else. 736 01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:44,079 They want our beads and give us firewater. 737 01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,919 The guy gave us fake firewater! 738 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,920 The boy lost his sight. He's blind. Look! 739 01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:53,280 They say he talks to the trees and the river. 740 01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:56,319 But the boy can't see who he's talking to! 741 01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,320 The other day, my boys... The sheriff has that stooge. 742 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,799 -Right. Chuck. -Aha. 743 01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,800 They were pulling a tick off his head, but the guy wouldn't stand still. 744 01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:09,240 -Suddenly they'd scalped him by mistake. -Ugh! 745 01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:13,040 Then it's, "Indians are evil. Watch their asses." What lies! 746 01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,600 I want to say something. I like you. You're a decent human being. 747 01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:23,640 I mean.. The persecution you're subjected to.. It's both.. 748 01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:28,120 Chief, do you have any cookies or anything? 749 01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:31,879 Come on, time for bed. 750 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:34,759 Aziz Efendi, my leg's gone. My leg! 751 01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:37,760 Man, what's the problem? I've got two. You want to cross your legs? 752 01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,839 No. But I have to stand up. 753 01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,840 Stand up, man! Stand straight up.. 754 01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,559 Hey.. Where's Suzan? Agh! 755 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:48,879 It's done nothing to me. Nothing at all. 756 01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:51,880 I'm just off to talk to the ants over there. I'll be back. OK, bye! 757 01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,560 -Get them to do some work! -OK. 758 01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,600 Watch out!.. Atotem pole! 759 01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:13,119 The totem pole's looking at us, Aziz! 760 01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:16,120 I respect you as a folkloric thing but I can't worship you, totem pole! 761 01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:22,240 Totem pole... Je t'aime. 762 01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:29,240 Man, don't smoke the stuff if it doesn't do you any good. 763 01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:35,520 What's the story, son? You delivered the diamond? 764 01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:37,719 No, we didn't. 765 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:40,039 Here. 766 01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,159 You don't want it? 767 01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:44,279 Crumple! 768 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,039 Hey! 769 01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:48,919 Psst, Lemi!.. Lemi! 770 01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:50,879 -Lemi! -Huh? 771 01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:53,759 Get up!.. Lemi!.. Don't forget why we're here! 772 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:56,760 -Psst, Lemi! Who am I? -General Logar. 773 01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,840 General Logar? Fuck him! What's wrong with you, man? 774 01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:02,759 Aziz, I feel dire. 775 01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:05,760 Listen! I'm off to look for the diamond. Stay right here. 776 01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:10,120 OK. 777 01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:57,080 Don't move! Gambler! 778 01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,479 Unwanted Hair! 779 01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:02,480 No. Aziz Vefa, undercover agent. For the secret services. 780 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,759 -But the secret's out now. Step out! -Drop the gun! 781 01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,599 -I'm Red Rocks. -I know you are. 782 01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,279 I'm here to get back the sultan's diamond. 783 01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,439 So you're a Turk.. 784 01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:16,919 They say the Turks are Indians. Is that right? 785 01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:19,920 No! Wrong way round. They say the Indians are Turks. 786 01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:21,919 Cut the crap and hand over the diamond. 787 01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:24,759 Whoa! You're saying let's grab the diamond and go, huh? 788 01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:26,599 That's not what I said. I said, hand over the diamond. 789 01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:29,600 -Pajero.. -No!.. Suzan Van Dyke! 790 01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,439 You planned to nab the diamond while everyone was asleep, right? 791 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:34,279 That's bullshit, Suzan! Stop being paranoid. 792 01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,359 -Don't move, anyone! -Lemi! 793 01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:38,679 -Pontiac! -Alias Johnny Lesh! 794 01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:41,679 -Make up your fucking minds! -Johnny Lesh at the end of the day. 795 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:44,319 I'm Johnny Lesh. I'm here to kill you. 796 01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:47,320 Johnny Lesh! You, huh? Mary Lou's killer! 797 01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,799 Mary Lou? Don't even breathe my mother's name! Did you tell him? 798 01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,199 -No way! -Unwanted Hai... 799 01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,439 I'm Unwanted Hair! Look at me when you speak! 800 01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:58,440 -Unwanted Hair! My child! -What hair? What child? What is this? 801 01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:01,759 Get the diamond out! Don't make me shoot! 802 01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:04,760 Almighty Manitu! I've looked everywhere for you, Johnny Lesh! 803 01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:07,839 Did I have to meet my mortal enemy when I'm so powerless? 804 01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,599 -I have the girl. You handle the chief. -Lemi, don't shoot Suzan. 805 01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:13,039 Suzan! You know he's not Johnny Lesh! We told you. 806 01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:16,040 Ah! Don't, Aziz! Dad, stop! 807 01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,560 -Why the hell did you shoot me? -Everything got so confused. 808 01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:24,519 -My child! -Dad! 809 01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,199 Well, child.. 810 01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:30,200 I met her in Greenville as a young man.. She was dancing. 811 01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:35,320 We fell in love. 812 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:44,000 She ran away with me. 813 01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,400 The elders were furious. They were against it. But I held out. 814 01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:56,440 We were happy.. Then you were born. 815 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:01,000 One day, when I was out hunting, Johnny Lesh descended on the village. 816 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:04,040 He killed Mary Lou right there. 817 01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:17,400 They said you were cursed and made me pay for it. 818 01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:21,760 They wanted me to kill you, to kill my baby! 819 01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:27,800 I didn't have the heart. 820 01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:34,199 I sent you down the Crying River. 821 01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:37,200 Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me, child? 822 01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,440 Johnny Lesh got what he deserved. We buried him, chief. 823 01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:47,720 But I guess you have the sultan's diamond. 824 01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:50,760 You must give it back to us. This is no Indian-white man war, chief! 825 01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,440 You're not our enemies. Especially if you're Suzan's dad.. 826 01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,359 Thanks, son. 827 01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:01,719 But I have a weakness. 828 01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:04,720 After losing my loved ones I turned to gambling. 829 01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:09,119 I was left with no land, nothing. 830 01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:12,120 Every night in Cannonball I sank deeper into ruin trying to win back my losses. 831 01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,519 -Your diamond... -Yes? 832 01:07:15,520 --> 01:07:18,520 -I just gambled that away too. -Agh! 833 01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:21,759 -Where did it go? -To Lloyd. 834 01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:24,760 Sheriff Lloyd has the diamond. 835 01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:31,560 Unlucky in love, lucky in gambling! 836 01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:38,440 Idiot! Screw your stick-on beard! Like I wouldn't realize! 837 01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:46,560 Chuck! Let's hide this somewhere safe right away. 838 01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,720 Aziz! 839 01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,920 -Where are you going? -Back to Cannonball, Suzan. 840 01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:10,240 -I'm coming too. -Spend some time with your dad. 841 01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:12,879 We'll come and say goodbye as soon as we're done there. 842 01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,880 Wait, guys! I lost the diamond, so I'll get it back! 843 01:08:16,240 --> 01:08:19,240 How, chief? They want your head in town. 844 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:22,840 Just let them try! 845 01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:27,880 Bravo.. Bravo, my boys!.. Bravo! You're looking good. 846 01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:31,519 Chuck! Finish painting this one. Do these two as well. 847 01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:34,520 Stick that on your head. That's it. 848 01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:39,359 Nice! 849 01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:40,839 Bravo. 850 01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,279 Now listen carefully. 851 01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:46,280 Do those war cries, whoop whoop, and stir up a scene. 852 01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:49,640 Make the folks here think they're being routed by Indians. 853 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:53,760 OK? 854 01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:03,000 Have you got that? 855 01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:08,240 Hey, just a second. He's bringing the chief. 856 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:12,000 Huh? The guy still has his head on his shoulders. 857 01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:16,040 Scram! Get out of here! Idiots! 858 01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:20,880 Chuck! I'll high-whack you one! Go get me a cola, damn it! 859 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:46,080 The Sioux chief Red Rocks! Come along for a close-up look! 860 01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:50,239 Suzan, we'll be right back. 861 01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:51,519 Ah! 862 01:09:51,520 --> 01:09:54,520 I know you! You married a white girl, but then they killed her! 863 01:09:56,440 --> 01:09:59,440 The little girl vanished. I remember! She was from Greenville, right? 864 01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:04,760 Baker! Come and take a photo of us. Is that all right? 865 01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,839 OK, I'm doing it! 866 01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:10,199 Get one of me too! 867 01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:13,200 Now from here! Me and the chief. Another like this. And like this. 868 01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,960 Now from the side! OK, enough! Stop! Good thing I said something. 869 01:10:18,520 --> 01:10:21,520 Anyone else for a photo? 870 01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:26,919 Right, join the line! 871 01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:29,920 Stick it in here. Here you go. 872 01:10:37,440 --> 01:10:39,399 What are you doing, man? 873 01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:42,039 You shame yourself, Lesh! 874 01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:45,040 I tell you to bring me his head and you make the guy famous! 875 01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:48,519 It's scandalous! All those pictures he had taken! 876 01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:49,959 Forget the cola now! 877 01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:52,599 You said the chief had the diamond but I'm told you have it. 878 01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,719 I never said the chief had it! 879 01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:57,319 Anyway, have you done the job to be asking about the diamond? 880 01:10:57,320 --> 01:11:00,320 Keep your nose out of this! It's between me and Johnny Lesh. 881 01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:03,560 Forget Johnny Lesh! We're Ottomans. I'm Lemi Galip. And this isAziz Vefa. 882 01:11:05,800 --> 01:11:07,839 Ottomans, huh? 883 01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:10,840 I should have known from the accent. "Gala gulu, gala gulu.." 884 01:11:11,080 --> 01:11:14,080 Let's have the diamond or I'll riddle you with bullets! 885 01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:17,360 This star didn't just drop out of the sky, you know! 886 01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:19,799 I'm the law here! 887 01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,719 Want to shoot me and grab the diamond, huh? 888 01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,679 Go on! Shoot if you dare! 889 01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:26,759 Tell us where the diamond is or your man dies! 890 01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:28,559 Fine, let him. Good riddance for the town. 891 01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:31,560 Crazy Turks coming to play cowboys.. You think I'd fall for that? 892 01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:35,400 I'll hide that diamond so well seven generations wouldn't find it. 893 01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:39,119 -Go on, shoot! -Hand it over. 894 01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:40,439 -Go on. -Hand it over. 895 01:11:40,440 --> 01:11:42,759 -Go on. -Aziz, cool it! 896 01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:45,760 -Go on. -Aziz, OK! 897 01:11:55,680 --> 01:11:58,679 Aziz and Lemi... 898 01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:01,680 I'll get 'Wanteds' out for them both, then the jerks will see what's coming! 899 01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:05,880 Let's catch them ourselves, sheriff! They're right here. 900 01:12:06,160 --> 01:12:07,639 Chuck.. 901 01:12:07,640 --> 01:12:09,879 Get that hand down! 902 01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:12,519 Run and get me a cola, fast! 903 01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:15,520 Just let the nectar slip down.. 904 01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:21,640 Hands off! 905 01:12:23,200 --> 01:12:26,200 That's great, thanks. 906 01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:29,280 So the chief has a few fans in town! 907 01:12:29,840 --> 01:12:31,759 What's up? What did the sheriff say? 908 01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:34,519 We'll talk back in the hotel. He won't say where it is. 909 01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:37,520 Guys, it's a poker night. Give me a chance. 910 01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:40,840 I'll get the diamond off him. Huh? 911 01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:51,680 It says 'no feathers' on the door. I guess you didn't see it. 912 01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:55,800 I'm here to clean you out, Lloyd. Underpants included! I've got cash. 913 01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:03,880 Go on, sit down then, if you can hold a hand of cards. 914 01:13:04,400 --> 01:13:07,400 Get lost! 915 01:13:14,240 --> 01:13:17,240 Fruit sodas for the spectators! It's on me. 916 01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:25,280 Cut the cards. 917 01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:35,840 -I open with 100. -Call. 918 01:13:36,280 --> 01:13:39,280 Three cards. 919 01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:46,800 And three for me. 920 01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:51,360 Another 250. 921 01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:54,920 500. 922 01:13:58,800 --> 01:14:01,399 Two pair, queens. 923 01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:04,400 You win! 924 01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:07,520 You took lessons from the totem pole? 925 01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,479 -Manitu's on your side. -Another coffee! 926 01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:13,480 Open a tab for the spectators! Enough! How many coffees is that? 927 01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:27,960 Full house queens. 928 01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:47,800 Full house nines. 929 01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:50,199 -We're going out for a bit. -I'll be here. 930 01:14:50,200 --> 01:14:53,200 Good man, chief! 931 01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:56,880 It's going great. 932 01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:19,999 -We're doing great, Aziz. -Really? 933 01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,279 -It's amazing! He's cleaning up. -Ooh! 934 01:15:22,280 --> 01:15:25,280 I want the diamond, Lloyd. 935 01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:30,920 Wait. 936 01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:35,759 -Aziz, throw me a tenner! -What's up? 937 01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:38,760 Everything's fine. I'm raising the stakes. 938 01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:42,800 Oh God, chief! 939 01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:50,279 -Ah! -Ah! 940 01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:51,839 -What's up? -Dad? 941 01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:53,079 -Chief? -Everything's fine. 942 01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:56,080 -Chief, what happened? -Dad? 943 01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:07,640 'And while Isadora, brushed by the sweet breeze... 944 01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:10,479 '... tried to hide her blushing cheeks... ' 945 01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:13,480 '... Jack grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him. ' 946 01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:16,560 'Their bodies merged, drawing their lips irresistibly together. ' 947 01:16:17,440 --> 01:16:20,440 'Jack was no longer just a cowboy. He was a man too. ' 948 01:16:21,680 --> 01:16:24,680 Oh my God! Show me a cowboy like that! 949 01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:28,360 -Watch it! There's a man around! -Whoa.. Aziz! 950 01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,520 -Are you reading a novel, Suzan? -Huh?.. I'm cleaning my gun. 951 01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:39,160 How clean can a gun ever be? 952 01:16:39,840 --> 01:16:42,840 Hey, you became a real cowboy with the banjo and stuff. 953 01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:47,240 Get out of here! It's just boredom, that's all. 954 01:16:47,360 --> 01:16:50,360 But it's not much good for our music. That's because the system's different. 955 01:16:52,120 --> 01:16:55,120 -Our notes are kind of screwed up. -Screwed up? Hmm.. 956 01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:58,519 -You mean like me.. -Don't say that! 957 01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,520 The musical system's different. You go Do-Re-Mi; we have commas. 958 01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,119 Hah. You guys always say to watch out for Mi. Is that because of the commas? 959 01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:08,839 Right. Like this, for example. Do.. Re.. 960 01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:11,840 Dooo.. Reee.. Miii... Miii.. Faa.. Mi.. 961 01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,680 -That's Mi?.. That was all Mi? -Exactly. Because of the commas. 962 01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:22,720 I see. That's great.. Hey, play something, won't you? 963 01:17:23,280 --> 01:17:24,839 -Shall I? -Go on. 964 01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:26,919 OK, here goes.. 965 01:17:26,920 --> 01:17:29,920 Down to the railroad.. Ain't mamma let me go again.. 966 01:17:30,360 --> 01:17:33,360 Down to the.. 967 01:17:34,280 --> 01:17:37,280 Now something more our style.. 968 01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:41,320 I lament to no one.. 969 01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:51,600 I weep at my plight.. 970 01:17:57,120 --> 01:18:00,120 I shake like a criminal as I contemplate my future.. 971 01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:18,280 Wow!.. What weird lyrics, huh? 972 01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:21,600 Yes, well they kind of lose meaning translated into English. 973 01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:25,360 But it's like they describe me. 'I weep at my plight'.. Ha-ha.. 974 01:18:26,760 --> 01:18:29,760 -Why would you cry, Suzan? -Why wouldn't I, Aziz? 975 01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:34,000 I'm 22 and I've only just found out my mum was a cancan girl... 976 01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:37,800 ...and my dad's an Indian. 977 01:18:38,040 --> 01:18:41,040 My dad was a street porter. But mum had to carry the full load. 978 01:18:41,440 --> 01:18:42,919 So? 979 01:18:42,920 --> 01:18:45,439 Well, people used to tease me. 980 01:18:45,440 --> 01:18:48,359 But in the end, he's a dad. You have to love him as he is. 981 01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:51,360 -He's a bit of a gambler. -I'm talking about being Indian! 982 01:18:51,720 --> 01:18:54,720 But so what if he's Indian or white? 983 01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:58,040 Sooner or later everyone will realize the whole world is brothers. 984 01:18:58,520 --> 01:19:01,520 -Oh yeah? The whole world brothers? -Except us two. Here.. 985 01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:08,560 Sure, you get odd incidents where people go for each other.. 986 01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:12,440 But you can't talk about world war. Has there been a world war up to now? 987 01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:16,519 We're in the 19th century. Has there ever been a world war? 988 01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:19,520 No. But that doesn't mean there never will be either. 989 01:19:20,520 --> 01:19:23,520 Look, one or two is OK, Suzan. 990 01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:26,239 Hold this. 991 01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:29,240 It isn't just the notes. I guess you're 'comma-tose' too. 992 01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:32,720 Of course I am.. 993 01:19:33,440 --> 01:19:35,399 I'm crazy about you! 994 01:19:35,400 --> 01:19:38,159 Crazy about me? 995 01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:41,160 But do you really think we're such a good match? Huh? 996 01:19:43,440 --> 01:19:45,919 I mean.. It's like we're worlds apart. 997 01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:48,920 For one thing, I chew tobacco. And you guys have banned tobacco. 998 01:19:49,640 --> 01:19:52,640 Damn it! That was Murat IV! The 17th century! 999 01:19:53,440 --> 01:19:56,119 Drop your preconceptions, will you! 1000 01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:59,039 If it's not camels, it's this ban or that ban. That's all bullshit! 1001 01:19:59,040 --> 01:20:02,040 And there's the four wives thing. What will you do? 1002 01:20:02,200 --> 01:20:04,359 Take another three and lock me up in the house? 1003 01:20:04,360 --> 01:20:06,799 They always go on about that. Four wives.. 1004 01:20:06,800 --> 01:20:09,439 We have a character called Hürmüz of the Seven Husbands. 1005 01:20:09,440 --> 01:20:10,919 No one mentions her. 1006 01:20:10,920 --> 01:20:13,799 You're from the east for a start. 1007 01:20:13,800 --> 01:20:16,359 But that's exactly why you're right for me! 1008 01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:19,360 Horse, woman, gun! You have it all! 1009 01:20:19,960 --> 01:20:22,759 No. No, I know that story. 1010 01:20:22,760 --> 01:20:25,760 So what'll happen when you take me back? 1011 01:20:26,720 --> 01:20:29,720 Your elders won't want me. There'll be a big fuss. 1012 01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:32,439 I've already been dumped in the Crying River. 1013 01:20:32,440 --> 01:20:35,440 What are you going to do? Dump me in the Golden Horn? 1014 01:20:35,920 --> 01:20:38,920 If any guy did that to you, I'd sink them in the Golden Horn! 1015 01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:42,799 Not even the Japanese would haul him up 100 years from now. 1016 01:20:42,800 --> 01:20:45,800 Forget this east-west war. The east has its good sides too. 1017 01:20:46,200 --> 01:20:47,919 -Like what? -Like me. 1018 01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:50,920 -Your moustache is intriguing.. -So is yours, baby. 1019 01:21:04,600 --> 01:21:07,600 Another all-nighter.. There we go. 1020 01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:11,080 I've been playing years and he thinks he can wallop me! Jerk! 1021 01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:15,359 Hand these out to the poor. 1022 01:21:15,360 --> 01:21:18,360 Give the feathers to the women for stuffing pillows and whatnot. 1023 01:21:25,040 --> 01:21:27,519 It makes me crazy knowing he has the diamond... 1024 01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:29,479 ...and not being able to get it. 1025 01:21:29,480 --> 01:21:31,239 Bonjour! 1026 01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:34,199 Morning, Aziz. 1027 01:21:34,200 --> 01:21:37,200 I'd blow his brains out, but where would that get us? 1028 01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:40,760 Just great! The chief blew all the money at poker last night. 1029 01:21:42,160 --> 01:21:45,160 I dropped by the tribe and got some stuff to wear. 1030 01:21:45,320 --> 01:21:48,320 I guess these are yours. The boys gave me them. 1031 01:21:48,800 --> 01:21:51,800 Sorry about that. 1032 01:21:57,720 --> 01:22:00,720 What's up? What's with the long faces? 1033 01:22:01,240 --> 01:22:04,240 Huh? What's up? 1034 01:22:04,280 --> 01:22:06,959 Maybe I can get something out of the sheriff. 1035 01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:09,960 -Using my feminine charm... -No! I won't allow it! 1036 01:22:10,480 --> 01:22:13,480 -What feminine charm, Suzan? -What's wrong with her feminine charm? 1037 01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:18,520 Everyone in town must work on it. Even the slightest clues may help. 1038 01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:21,879 Let's find out where he's hidden that diamond. 1039 01:22:21,880 --> 01:22:24,239 -My Indian instincts tell me... -Spare us, chief! 1040 01:22:24,240 --> 01:22:26,839 We saw those instincts last night. 1041 01:22:26,840 --> 01:22:29,840 -You're right, son. -Son? 1042 01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:33,999 Instincts.. 1043 01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:37,000 Come on, guys! Let's go. 1044 01:22:52,840 --> 01:22:55,840 -How's things, Betty? -Come round, come round! 1045 01:22:56,400 --> 01:22:57,639 Did you make that? 1046 01:22:57,640 --> 01:23:00,199 Greetings to your mum. 1047 01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:03,200 Off you go now. 1048 01:23:08,720 --> 01:23:11,720 Father, I want to confess. 1049 01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:15,000 Man, haven't you drowned in sin by now? 1050 01:23:15,080 --> 01:23:18,080 So be it.. Get in there. 1051 01:23:23,720 --> 01:23:26,720 Why don't you stand up? Then I'll hear you better. 1052 01:23:27,520 --> 01:23:30,039 I'm standing already. 1053 01:23:30,040 --> 01:23:32,759 Forgive me.. What's your name? 1054 01:23:32,760 --> 01:23:35,760 Alejandro GomezArias Jose Lobredo Alfonzo Villa de Sandoz. 1055 01:23:37,320 --> 01:23:40,320 Damn your name! Keep it short. Come on, the metre's running! 1056 01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:45,640 -I stole Juan Jimenez Garcia's horses. -Keep going, son. 1057 01:23:47,280 --> 01:23:50,280 And I've killed the child inside me, father! 1058 01:23:50,960 --> 01:23:53,279 Agh! 1059 01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:56,280 Abortion.. The greatest sin of all! 1060 01:23:56,440 --> 01:23:59,440 -Will the good Lord forgive me? -Be strong and He will. 1061 01:24:01,040 --> 01:24:02,319 Now step outside. 1062 01:24:02,320 --> 01:24:05,320 God is always great. He's sure to forgive you. 1063 01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:10,280 Hands up!.. I arrest you in the name of the law! 1064 01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:14,720 Came to confess, did you? Asshole! That's one thing. This is another. 1065 01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:18,359 -Get moving! -Give me another chance, sheriff! 1066 01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:21,360 To hell with your chances! 1067 01:24:22,240 --> 01:24:25,240 Sheriff, could we settle it like this? 1068 01:24:28,200 --> 01:24:29,959 What the hell was that? 1069 01:24:29,960 --> 01:24:32,960 -Ah! Let me see your earrings! -Huh.. Sure, go ahead. 1070 01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,679 You never wear jewellery, Betty. How come? 1071 01:24:35,680 --> 01:24:38,680 Right. I'm the sheriff's wife but I have nothing to show for it. 1072 01:24:39,760 --> 01:24:42,719 That's crazy! The sheriff loves you. It's obvious. 1073 01:24:42,720 --> 01:24:45,720 He got you a diamond necklace, huh? It's the talk of the town. 1074 01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:49,040 Not for me. He's going to sell it. He wouldn't even let me try it on. 1075 01:24:49,560 --> 01:24:52,519 Of course he didn't. He's giving it to me. 1076 01:24:52,520 --> 01:24:55,520 He said so himself. He said he'd give it to me. 1077 01:24:55,920 --> 01:24:57,919 Well, fine.. 1078 01:24:57,920 --> 01:25:00,759 Your dad has a diamond at home. Has he ever mentioned it? 1079 01:25:00,760 --> 01:25:03,079 What diamond? Mind your own business! 1080 01:25:03,080 --> 01:25:06,080 Anyway, dad said you'd be under American rule in 20 years. 1081 01:25:09,640 --> 01:25:12,159 He was talking about your mum when he said "American rule"! 1082 01:25:12,160 --> 01:25:14,239 -Get going! -Let's go, guys! 1083 01:25:14,240 --> 01:25:15,799 We loved it! 1084 01:25:15,800 --> 01:25:18,119 Fucking Chucky.. 1085 01:25:18,120 --> 01:25:20,679 Almighty God.. 1086 01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:23,680 These are the sins I've committed today. 1087 01:25:24,240 --> 01:25:27,240 Taking a bribe for the Jessys' land.. 1088 01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:30,640 Groping the neighbour's girl, Mary Lane.. 1089 01:25:30,840 --> 01:25:33,679 Taking a 20-buck backhander just now.. 1090 01:25:33,680 --> 01:25:36,680 That's all I can think of for now. 1091 01:25:40,360 --> 01:25:43,119 -What's up? How did it go? -So-so. 1092 01:25:43,120 --> 01:25:46,120 I found out a few things. I had pie and stuff. You? 1093 01:25:46,360 --> 01:25:48,959 They said I'd get something out of the kids, but nothing. 1094 01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:51,799 I have another source anyway. Let's see. 1095 01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:54,479 -Do one for me, will you? -Really? 1096 01:25:54,480 --> 01:25:56,719 -Aziz! I'm going back to the hotel! -Agh! 1097 01:25:56,720 --> 01:25:59,720 -Ah! It's stuck. It's stuck. -Wait. 1098 01:25:59,880 --> 01:26:01,359 -Careful though. -Wait. 1099 01:26:01,360 --> 01:26:02,919 But wait. 1100 01:26:02,920 --> 01:26:04,119 Pull.. 1101 01:26:04,120 --> 01:26:07,120 Agh!.. Ah! 1102 01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:11,160 Your moustache has gone too. 1103 01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:14,520 -Oh my gosh.. So how's it look? -Good. 1104 01:26:16,280 --> 01:26:19,280 -The earrings look great on you. -You think so? 1105 01:26:23,200 --> 01:26:25,199 But I didn't get to try any of that. 1106 01:26:25,200 --> 01:26:27,679 Well, we should be grateful for hairless mercies. 1107 01:26:27,680 --> 01:26:30,680 OK, then I'll.. I'll go back to the hotel. 1108 01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:34,640 -I should get cleaned up. -Off you go then. 1109 01:26:36,920 --> 01:26:39,079 His wife doesn't know a lot. 1110 01:26:39,080 --> 01:26:42,080 But he plans to sell the diamond, or so he said. That's a risk of course. 1111 01:26:43,360 --> 01:26:44,919 -Lemi? -Huh? 1112 01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:46,919 He muttered something in the church. 1113 01:26:46,920 --> 01:26:49,920 I tried getting a gramophone recording but the quality's terrible. Listen.. 1114 01:26:55,280 --> 01:26:58,280 "The idiot stole milk and two goats he'd been herding on the mountain.." 1115 01:26:59,720 --> 01:27:01,559 -Nah. -No. 1116 01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:04,560 "Let it be my duty to shut them up.." 1117 01:27:05,160 --> 01:27:06,839 No. 1118 01:27:06,840 --> 01:27:09,840 "Soon as I've sold that diamond I'm out of here." 1119 01:27:10,200 --> 01:27:12,239 "The fuckers will never find me." 1120 01:27:12,240 --> 01:27:13,399 -Ah! -Yes! 1121 01:27:13,400 --> 01:27:14,399 That's it! 1122 01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:17,400 I got a photo of him on the sly, but it'll only be ready in 10 days. 1123 01:27:17,560 --> 01:27:19,359 On the sly? 1124 01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:20,959 What the hell was that? 1125 01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:21,919 Aha. 1126 01:27:21,920 --> 01:27:24,079 -Didn't you have some other source? -Right. 1127 01:27:24,080 --> 01:27:26,559 -I know where the diamond is. -How do you know? 1128 01:27:26,560 --> 01:27:29,119 I got it out of Chuck. 1129 01:27:29,120 --> 01:27:31,759 -Chuck, where's the diamond? -In the safe. 1130 01:27:31,760 --> 01:27:34,760 -So how do we get it from the safe? -We don't. He'll give it to us himself. 1131 01:27:38,320 --> 01:27:40,559 Here's the scheme I've dreamed up. 1132 01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:42,959 The Forty Rivers Oil Wrestling Championship. 1133 01:27:42,960 --> 01:27:44,719 -Oil wrestling.. -Aha. 1134 01:27:44,720 --> 01:27:47,479 We did it once too, but stopped when the oil ran out. 1135 01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:48,479 Huh? 1136 01:27:48,480 --> 01:27:51,480 What's 18 June? The liberation of Cannonball! 1137 01:27:52,320 --> 01:27:55,320 Who's the bastard scared of? The district governor. 1138 01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:58,199 Lemi, wire the governor right away. 1139 01:27:58,200 --> 01:28:01,200 'The Ottoman Sultan has declared Cannonball a twin town of Tophane. ' 1140 01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:06,719 'A wrestling contest will be held on liberation day... ' 1141 01:28:06,720 --> 01:28:09,720 '... with the prize of a diamond necklace. Your presence will be an honour, etc. ' 1142 01:28:10,280 --> 01:28:13,280 Once it's signed Sheriff Lloyd we're all set. 1143 01:28:13,600 --> 01:28:16,600 Aziz, you're a genius. Bravo! It's brilliant. 1144 01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:19,719 You think it'll work? 1145 01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:22,399 -Fate will decide. -And the wrestling gear? 1146 01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,919 We'll fix that. 1147 01:28:24,920 --> 01:28:27,239 They're still hanging around. 1148 01:28:27,240 --> 01:28:30,240 They're up to something for sure. But we'll figure it out. 1149 01:28:30,880 --> 01:28:33,880 Chuck! Get me that list of deadly gangsters! 1150 01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:39,520 I need to find a wacko to even the score with them. 1151 01:28:43,840 --> 01:28:46,840 No, wrong one! Get me the one with mother and father killers! 1152 01:28:53,640 --> 01:28:56,639 Jesse James.. No, no good. 1153 01:28:56,640 --> 01:28:59,640 Billy the Kid.. Still wet round the ears. 1154 01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:03,280 Hoss from 'Bonanza'.. Who put this angel face in here?! 1155 01:29:04,560 --> 01:29:07,560 Take him out before the boy gets in trouble. 1156 01:29:09,080 --> 01:29:12,080 -That's the one.. Buck Berry! -Sorry, sheriff? 1157 01:29:13,240 --> 01:29:15,279 Chuck! 1158 01:29:15,280 --> 01:29:17,799 Keep still, damn it! 1159 01:29:17,800 --> 01:29:20,199 Buck Berry of Brokeback.. 1160 01:29:20,200 --> 01:29:23,200 Only you can handle this, Buck Berry! 1161 01:29:23,480 --> 01:29:26,480 No hick shows up here and takes the law into his own hands! Right? 1162 01:29:27,960 --> 01:29:29,879 And there's that baldhead, right? 1163 01:29:29,880 --> 01:29:32,880 Just wipe the floor with him so I'm proud to be a Cannonballer! 1164 01:29:35,760 --> 01:29:38,439 -Selam aleykum! -Aleyk... 1165 01:29:38,440 --> 01:29:41,440 I hear you're holding a wrestling contest, sheriff. 1166 01:29:42,480 --> 01:29:45,480 -I've come to sign up for it. -Forget the wrestling and sit down. 1167 01:29:46,840 --> 01:29:49,840 Buck Berry of Brokeback.. Buck Berry has a complaint against you. 1168 01:29:51,480 --> 01:29:54,480 I'm a man of the law. It's not for me to get involved. 1169 01:29:54,640 --> 01:29:57,159 Buck Berry is challenging you to a duel. 1170 01:29:57,160 --> 01:29:59,879 I accept his challenge. 1171 01:29:59,880 --> 01:30:02,880 I gather you're Ottoman, Aziz Bey? 1172 01:30:04,360 --> 01:30:05,879 Yes, from Istanbul. 1173 01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:08,880 I've heard all about Istanbul's baths. Turkish hamams! 1174 01:30:11,040 --> 01:30:14,040 Yes. I'm actually from Samatya, but I have friends in Galata. 1175 01:30:14,520 --> 01:30:16,999 -If you're passing... -Ah! But I can't get away! 1176 01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:20,000 Always on horseback.. But a visit to the hamam, the heat, the lather.. 1177 01:30:21,720 --> 01:30:24,720 But you sweat in a hamam. 1178 01:30:25,040 --> 01:30:27,599 -Ha-ha-ha! I know what you mean. -Well, I don't! 1179 01:30:27,600 --> 01:30:30,319 What's going on? What happened to the duel? 1180 01:30:30,320 --> 01:30:33,320 Such a fine gentleman can't be shot! Adrink in the saloon, Aziz Bey? 1181 01:30:34,400 --> 01:30:37,400 You go ahead. I'll join you later. I have respect for everyone. 1182 01:30:38,120 --> 01:30:40,399 Sheriff, put me down. Goodbye, God speed. 1183 01:30:40,400 --> 01:30:43,359 See you again. You can buy me a drink one day. 1184 01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:46,360 -With pleasure.. -Ah! I do hope so. 1185 01:30:48,200 --> 01:30:50,959 What the hell are you doing? 1186 01:30:50,960 --> 01:30:53,319 I say kill the guy and you're all set to get yourself killed! Pansy! 1187 01:30:53,320 --> 01:30:56,320 I'll ram you right here, sheriff! Stop getting on my nerves! 1188 01:30:59,000 --> 01:31:02,000 Aziz Efendi.. 1189 01:31:02,400 --> 01:31:05,400 Aziz Efendi, you need breaking in. Let's practice and get you in shape. 1190 01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:09,639 Wait, don't oil me. Stop! You'll land me in trouble. 1191 01:31:09,640 --> 01:31:12,640 -Rub some on my back. -Wait! You don't know the story. Move! 1192 01:31:13,280 --> 01:31:16,280 -Who's that? -Get moving! 1193 01:31:19,640 --> 01:31:22,640 Bald or blind, only you can help yourself, as they say. 1194 01:31:22,920 --> 01:31:24,679 Look this way. 1195 01:31:24,680 --> 01:31:26,759 Look this way, damn it! 1196 01:31:26,760 --> 01:31:29,760 Go say the sheriff challenges him to a duel after evening prayer. 1197 01:31:31,760 --> 01:31:34,760 And you go to the bell tower as always. 1198 01:31:38,840 --> 01:31:41,199 OK, a little action now. Let's see you vamp it up. 1199 01:31:41,200 --> 01:31:44,200 Don't be jealous looking at us.. 1200 01:31:44,480 --> 01:31:47,480 Find your match and be happy in marriage.. 1201 01:31:47,720 --> 01:31:50,720 -Ha-pp-yy.. -Happy in marriage.. 1202 01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:53,159 -Don't be... -Suzan.. Suzan! 1203 01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:56,160 -I found this at home. And an umbrella. -Thanks, Betty. 1204 01:31:56,320 --> 01:31:58,759 It'll be the first time I wear anything like this. 1205 01:31:58,760 --> 01:32:01,760 Take a look. What do you think? 1206 01:32:02,080 --> 01:32:05,080 -Come over here. -Aziz! 1207 01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:08,520 I hope you're not wasting your time. There's no answer to the telegram yet. 1208 01:32:08,960 --> 01:32:11,039 It'll come, baby. Hopefully.. 1209 01:32:11,040 --> 01:32:14,039 -What happened to that horse stunt guy? -We're waiting for an answer. 1210 01:32:14,040 --> 01:32:17,040 Aziz, our poetry reader's here. Go on, sweetie. 1211 01:32:18,080 --> 01:32:21,080 An Apache weeps.. There are tears in his eyes.. 1212 01:32:22,600 --> 01:32:24,559 -He was a lonesome.. -Aziz Bey! 1213 01:32:24,560 --> 01:32:25,679 What do you want? 1214 01:32:25,680 --> 01:32:28,680 Sheriff Lloyd challenges you to a duel on the square. At 6.00. 1215 01:32:29,840 --> 01:32:32,599 -Aziz.. Let me go instead. -I'll face the sheriff! 1216 01:32:32,600 --> 01:32:35,519 -Suzan, you can't risk your life! -Aziz, this is my game. 1217 01:32:35,520 --> 01:32:38,520 It's child's play for me. You can't pull a gun faster than me. 1218 01:32:39,120 --> 01:32:42,120 -I'm fast too! Look! -Hey! That's my gun. 1219 01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:44,599 Huh. 1220 01:32:44,600 --> 01:32:46,879 Go on, pull that gun. Let's see how fast you are. 1221 01:32:46,880 --> 01:32:49,559 Suzan, how can I pull a gun on you? 1222 01:32:49,560 --> 01:32:52,560 If you're faster than me, you can go to the duel. Now go on! 1223 01:32:52,800 --> 01:32:53,759 -Suzan.. -Go on! 1224 01:32:53,760 --> 01:32:54,679 -Chief.. -Go on! 1225 01:32:54,680 --> 01:32:55,679 -Chuck! -Lemi! 1226 01:32:55,680 --> 01:32:58,680 -Go on! -Make up your fucking minds! 1227 01:33:03,960 --> 01:33:06,960 Tell the sheriff he'll be taking on Suzan Van Dyke. 1228 01:33:07,480 --> 01:33:10,480 Let me check up on that crazy man of mine. 1229 01:33:11,640 --> 01:33:13,439 -Child.. -Dad.. 1230 01:33:13,440 --> 01:33:15,599 Aziz.. 1231 01:33:15,600 --> 01:33:18,600 Look here! If you put this in your memoirs, I'll kill you! 1232 01:33:30,400 --> 01:33:33,400 This is the calm before the storm. There are greater things to come.. 1233 01:33:33,800 --> 01:33:36,800 Get out of here! 1234 01:33:43,840 --> 01:33:46,239 Hey, what's that vulture doing? 1235 01:33:46,240 --> 01:33:49,240 -Hey, what are you doing? -Measuring the lady.. For the coffin. 1236 01:33:50,040 --> 01:33:53,040 If you need measurements, I'll do it. Here.. 25 cm. Beat it! 1237 01:33:54,080 --> 01:33:56,479 Suzan, I'm going to give you my mum's talisman. 1238 01:33:56,480 --> 01:33:59,480 It'll protect you from all danger. 1239 01:34:00,720 --> 01:34:03,720 Maybe not. OK. I love you, Suzan. 1240 01:34:05,080 --> 01:34:08,080 -I love you too, Aziz. -Hey, come on, baldhead! 1241 01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:11,680 Clear off or you'll get a knife in your ass. 1242 01:34:13,080 --> 01:34:16,080 -Clear off too, you lot. -Good luck! 1243 01:34:18,760 --> 01:34:21,760 When the duel's done just get the fuck out of town! 1244 01:34:38,200 --> 01:34:41,200 There!.. On the roof! 1245 01:34:41,240 --> 01:34:44,240 Agh! 1246 01:34:52,840 --> 01:34:55,199 That was so predictable coming from you. 1247 01:34:55,200 --> 01:34:58,200 Son of a bitch! 1248 01:34:59,000 --> 01:35:02,000 -Suzan.. -Aziz! 1249 01:35:02,920 --> 01:35:05,920 -Aziz, here's your mirror back. -Good job, Johnnie! 1250 01:35:05,960 --> 01:35:07,919 Actions speak louder than words. 1251 01:35:07,920 --> 01:35:10,920 A man's rank of mind is mirrored in his deeds.. Nice work, Johnnie! 1252 01:35:10,960 --> 01:35:13,960 This sorry mind is unequal to such wit for the balance cannot bear the weight. 1253 01:35:16,680 --> 01:35:19,680 Ziya Pasha.. 1254 01:35:21,080 --> 01:35:24,080 That's my man! 1255 01:35:25,760 --> 01:35:28,719 Sheriff Lloyd? There's a telegram for you. 1256 01:35:28,720 --> 01:35:31,720 Get away! 1257 01:35:36,800 --> 01:35:39,159 The governor's office, it says.. 1258 01:35:39,160 --> 01:35:42,160 An invitation, huh?.. Kirkpinar oil wrestling.. 1259 01:35:46,200 --> 01:35:49,200 Under the patronage of the great Ottoman sultan, huh? 1260 01:35:50,440 --> 01:35:53,039 And it says I organized it! 1261 01:35:53,040 --> 01:35:56,040 Whoever sent the telegram can rot in hell! 1262 01:35:57,360 --> 01:36:00,360 Governor Wilson is coming. The mayor will show up. 1263 01:36:01,880 --> 01:36:04,639 There'll be people from the district governor's office. 1264 01:36:04,640 --> 01:36:07,519 How can I give away that huge diamond with my own hands? 1265 01:36:07,520 --> 01:36:10,520 -God! Just be rid of it! -Fuck you and your vinegar water! 1266 01:36:12,040 --> 01:36:15,040 -Hey! Go play outside! This minute! -Go on, hit him! Hit the boy! 1267 01:36:16,360 --> 01:36:19,360 Hit him on the head so he's crazy like his brother. 1268 01:36:20,320 --> 01:36:22,199 What am I going to do? 1269 01:36:22,200 --> 01:36:25,200 I'm losing it. They'll all be here tomorrow. 1270 01:36:26,400 --> 01:36:29,400 I'll kill myself.. I'll kill myself! 1271 01:36:30,120 --> 01:36:33,120 It's not so easy, miss. The thing's like a chandelier crystal. 1272 01:36:34,000 --> 01:36:37,000 -Hey, what did you say? -Chandelier crystal! 1273 01:36:38,840 --> 01:36:41,840 -Nice one, Chuck!.. High five! -Please, sheriff! 1274 01:36:44,360 --> 01:36:46,999 I mean it for real this time. 1275 01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:48,999 Agh! 1276 01:36:49,000 --> 01:36:52,000 Fuck your dad's enemies! 1277 01:36:53,480 --> 01:36:56,480 Achandelier crystal, right? Ha ha ha! 1278 01:37:13,200 --> 01:37:16,039 Your local costumes are great too. 1279 01:37:16,040 --> 01:37:18,599 -You could be a bridegroom! -Thanks, chief. 1280 01:37:18,600 --> 01:37:21,600 -How do I look, dad? -As beautiful as your mum, sweetie. 1281 01:37:22,720 --> 01:37:25,720 OK, I'm going in there. 1282 01:37:26,840 --> 01:37:28,999 -OK, good luck. -Thanks, baby. 1283 01:37:29,000 --> 01:37:30,359 -Lemi! -Aziz? 1284 01:37:30,360 --> 01:37:31,599 -Guess who's here? -Who? 1285 01:37:31,600 --> 01:37:34,519 Buffalo Bill! You're doing the opening speech. 1286 01:37:34,520 --> 01:37:36,159 So this is the real McCoy.. 1287 01:37:36,160 --> 01:37:38,399 Then it's the horseback cowboy. I gave him money.. 1288 01:37:38,400 --> 01:37:41,119 -And here I am, honey.. -Nice! Off to your horse! 1289 01:37:41,120 --> 01:37:42,919 The governor's here. The governor! 1290 01:37:42,920 --> 01:37:45,920 The governor! 1291 01:37:48,760 --> 01:37:51,239 Lemi Galip, sir. From the Treasury.. Welcome! 1292 01:37:51,240 --> 01:37:53,359 Aziz Vefa from intelligence. But that's a secret. 1293 01:37:53,360 --> 01:37:54,959 -Good to meet you. -Welcome. 1294 01:37:54,960 --> 01:37:57,639 Mr Governor. William Lloyd, sheriff of Cannonball. 1295 01:37:57,640 --> 01:38:00,640 -Good to meet you. -And I'm his wife, Betty Lloyd. 1296 01:38:00,840 --> 01:38:03,479 -A pleasure, lady. -It's all clean. Please have a seat. 1297 01:38:03,480 --> 01:38:06,480 Please.. Go ahead.. I've organized everything! 1298 01:38:10,040 --> 01:38:12,079 Get up from there! You're sitting somewhere else. 1299 01:38:12,080 --> 01:38:14,919 Get out of here! 1300 01:38:14,920 --> 01:38:17,920 Mr Governor, we've been buddies with our Indian brothers for years. 1301 01:38:21,000 --> 01:38:24,000 I'd also like to give you the prize we'll be presenting to the winner. 1302 01:38:25,240 --> 01:38:27,519 Thanks. 1303 01:38:27,520 --> 01:38:30,520 -Sir, we're starting. -Go ahead. 1304 01:38:34,960 --> 01:38:37,960 One, two, testing.. One, two, testing.. Testing.. 1305 01:38:40,000 --> 01:38:41,199 Aziz.. 1306 01:38:41,200 --> 01:38:44,200 Ya yay.. 1307 01:38:46,400 --> 01:38:49,400 Mr Governor.. Mr District Governor.. Mr Mayor.. 1308 01:38:52,240 --> 01:38:55,240 Our Indian brothers and sisters.. And people of Cannonball.. 1309 01:39:00,080 --> 01:39:03,080 I'm looking around to see if I've forgotten anyone. 1310 01:39:04,080 --> 01:39:07,080 Since our sultan has declared the Istanbul district of Tophane.. 1311 01:39:09,480 --> 01:39:12,480 ...to be a twin town of this distinguished community... 1312 01:39:13,480 --> 01:39:16,199 ...I am delighted now to present a pageant... 1313 01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:19,200 ...of the liberation of Cannonball from enemy forces by the home guard. 1314 01:39:38,560 --> 01:39:41,560 An Apache weeps.. There are tears in his eyes.. 1315 01:39:43,080 --> 01:39:46,080 He was a lonesome cowboy.. He rode over mountains.. 1316 01:39:48,240 --> 01:39:51,240 Weep, cowboy, weep! Let me weep too! 1317 01:39:52,760 --> 01:39:55,760 Let me give you a patch of these lands! 1318 01:39:59,720 --> 01:40:02,720 Get up and do something too. Go on! We need to get in with the governor. 1319 01:40:05,840 --> 01:40:08,840 American cowboys ride around with no underpants, bareback.. 1320 01:40:15,640 --> 01:40:18,640 And now for Suzan Van Dyke's shooting show! 1321 01:40:21,200 --> 01:40:24,200 Get out there! Quick! Mind you don't shoot the governor. 1322 01:40:44,560 --> 01:40:47,560 Five minutes to go, guys. 1323 01:40:51,760 --> 01:40:54,760 Wrestler!.. Wrestler! The gallant are out there! 1324 01:40:56,960 --> 01:40:59,959 Every one as manly as the next.. 1325 01:40:59,960 --> 01:41:02,960 Kick like horses.. Fight like lions.. 1326 01:41:04,240 --> 01:41:07,240 Here you have the arena.. And here the wrestlers. 1327 01:41:08,040 --> 01:41:11,040 Don't waver if you're underneath.. Don't swagger if you're on top.. 1328 01:41:13,600 --> 01:41:16,479 Grab his crotch if you're underneath.. 1329 01:41:16,480 --> 01:41:19,480 Get a hand in his pants if you're on top.. 1330 01:41:20,160 --> 01:41:23,160 The winner is.. Aziz Vefa! 1331 01:41:23,640 --> 01:41:25,599 Nice one, Aziz! 1332 01:41:25,600 --> 01:41:28,600 -What does the winner get? -His head.. What's it to you? 1333 01:41:29,720 --> 01:41:32,720 Watch the show! 1334 01:41:35,520 --> 01:41:38,520 The winner is.. Little Joe! 1335 01:41:40,960 --> 01:41:43,960 The winner is.. Aziz Vefa! 1336 01:41:51,400 --> 01:41:54,400 The winner is.. Dumb John! 1337 01:41:56,800 --> 01:41:59,800 -Go for it, Aziz!.. Bravo! -The winner is.. Aziz Vefa! 1338 01:42:02,640 --> 01:42:05,640 The winner is.. Big Ben! 1339 01:42:10,720 --> 01:42:12,599 Nice work, Aziz! 1340 01:42:12,600 --> 01:42:15,199 Are you really thrashing them or are they just being nice? 1341 01:42:15,200 --> 01:42:17,199 They're being nice. 1342 01:42:17,200 --> 01:42:19,959 -We've got the diamond, Aziz. Huh? -Right. 1343 01:42:19,960 --> 01:42:22,439 -There's just a small detail left. -What, him? 1344 01:42:22,440 --> 01:42:24,719 No, not him. That guy. 1345 01:42:24,720 --> 01:42:27,599 What do you want? He's oily enough. Go away! 1346 01:42:27,600 --> 01:42:30,600 Go on, Aziz! You're doing great. Good luck! 1347 01:42:41,760 --> 01:42:44,079 Bravo, Aziz! Bravo! 1348 01:42:44,080 --> 01:42:46,319 -Is he dead? -No. 1349 01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:49,320 I fed him two bowls of beans before the contest. 1350 01:42:49,520 --> 01:42:51,079 He did well to last that long. 1351 01:42:51,080 --> 01:42:54,080 The winner of the contest.. Aziz Vefa! 1352 01:42:56,680 --> 01:42:59,680 Come on, Aziz. The governor's waiting. 1353 01:43:03,000 --> 01:43:04,719 I'm so happy, OSuzan. 1354 01:43:04,720 --> 01:43:07,719 Well done, baldhead. Congratulations. 1355 01:43:07,720 --> 01:43:10,599 You won with your own hands. 1356 01:43:10,600 --> 01:43:13,600 Mr Governor, please, you do the honours. Here you are. 1357 01:43:13,920 --> 01:43:16,279 -Congratulations, Aziz Bey. -Thanks, sir. 1358 01:43:16,280 --> 01:43:19,280 How do you say? You've won a great victory in this arena. 1359 01:43:22,000 --> 01:43:25,000 So I present you with this prize. Here you are. 1360 01:43:31,520 --> 01:43:34,359 -Aziz Bey? -Have a seat. 1361 01:43:34,360 --> 01:43:37,199 -Aziz, the diamond's a fake. -I can tell. 1362 01:43:37,200 --> 01:43:40,200 -The real diamond's in the safe. -I think I know where the key is. 1363 01:43:40,840 --> 01:43:42,199 How come? 1364 01:43:42,200 --> 01:43:45,200 -I got it out of Chuck. -You got it out of Chuck? 1365 01:43:46,880 --> 01:43:49,599 -Chuck! Where's the diamond? -In the safe. 1366 01:43:49,600 --> 01:43:52,239 -Where's the key? -Up the sheriff's ass. 1367 01:43:52,240 --> 01:43:54,079 Fuck you! 1368 01:43:54,080 --> 01:43:57,080 I didn't take him seriously at first. But it all falls into place now. 1369 01:44:00,520 --> 01:44:01,999 Wait here. 1370 01:44:02,000 --> 01:44:03,959 -Mr Governor? -Yes? 1371 01:44:03,960 --> 01:44:06,960 If I may, I'd like to challenge Sheriff Lloyd to a show fight. 1372 01:44:08,240 --> 01:44:10,399 Of course, as you wish. 1373 01:44:10,400 --> 01:44:12,519 -Get going, crook! -But Mr Governor... 1374 01:44:12,520 --> 01:44:14,159 -Bring the gear! -But Mr Governor.. 1375 01:44:14,160 --> 01:44:17,160 Roll the drums! 1376 01:44:17,920 --> 01:44:20,920 Lloyd! 1377 01:44:33,360 --> 01:44:36,360 Hey, I may have a gammy leg, but you've asked for it, baldhead. 1378 01:44:37,720 --> 01:44:40,720 Come on then.. Third world citizen! 1379 01:44:41,280 --> 01:44:44,280 There's only one world in my book. And you have no place in it, Lloyd! 1380 01:44:45,400 --> 01:44:48,400 -I'll go to the moon then. -You'd say you did, even if you hadn't. 1381 01:44:51,240 --> 01:44:54,240 Shut up! Shitty assed imperialist! 1382 01:44:56,200 --> 01:44:59,200 You'll get your asses kicked out of the Balkans in the next 50 years! 1383 01:45:01,080 --> 01:45:03,639 -Then you'll have your ass in a sling! -No chance! 1384 01:45:03,640 --> 01:45:06,039 -Ah! -Ah! 1385 01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:09,040 Hey! Get out of there! That's my goddamn boner! 1386 01:45:12,880 --> 01:45:15,880 Suzan! 1387 01:45:18,600 --> 01:45:21,600 The winner is.. Aziz Vefa! 1388 01:45:24,440 --> 01:45:27,440 Feeling better now? 1389 01:45:27,960 --> 01:45:30,439 Chief.. He's all yours! 1390 01:45:30,440 --> 01:45:33,440 And now, the wedding duet! 1391 01:45:57,520 --> 01:46:00,520 I'm so sick of singlehood.. 1392 01:46:00,760 --> 01:46:03,760 I get no thrill from mistresses.. 1393 01:46:04,360 --> 01:46:07,360 I'm so sick of singlehood.. 1394 01:46:08,200 --> 01:46:11,200 I get no thrill from mistresses.. 1395 01:46:11,920 --> 01:46:14,920 All I want now is to marry.. 1396 01:46:15,560 --> 01:46:18,560 But where to find a suitable girl? 1397 01:46:19,200 --> 01:46:22,200 All I want now is to marry.. 1398 01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:25,960 But where to find a suitable girl? 1399 01:46:26,800 --> 01:46:29,800 I'm so sick of singlehood.. 1400 01:46:30,280 --> 01:46:33,280 I get no thrill from lovers.. 1401 01:46:33,880 --> 01:46:36,880 All I want now is to marry.. 1402 01:46:37,560 --> 01:46:39,679 But where to find a suitable man? 1403 01:46:39,680 --> 01:46:41,919 -What was your name, young fellow? -Chuck. 1404 01:46:41,920 --> 01:46:44,920 You've got it coming! 1405 01:46:45,040 --> 01:46:48,040 But where to find a suitable man? 1406 01:46:48,800 --> 01:46:51,800 Here's a girl, a tiny thing.. 1407 01:46:52,560 --> 01:46:55,560 Will she love me, if I ask? 1408 01:46:56,080 --> 01:46:59,080 Here's a girl, a tiny thing.. 1409 01:47:00,000 --> 01:47:03,000 Will she love me, if I ask? 1410 01:47:03,480 --> 01:47:06,480 Mademoiselle, will you give me your hand? 1411 01:47:07,160 --> 01:47:10,160 Take my hand now you've won my heart.. 1412 01:47:10,800 --> 01:47:13,800 Mademoiselle, will you give me your hand? 1413 01:47:14,600 --> 01:47:17,600 Take my hand now you've won my heart.. 1414 01:47:18,280 --> 01:47:21,280 Now I've found my love at last.. 1415 01:47:22,080 --> 01:47:25,080 You're my blessing from heaven.. 1416 01:47:25,600 --> 01:47:28,600 Open your arms, fall into my embrace.. 1417 01:47:29,480 --> 01:47:32,480 May your turn come next if you're single.. 1418 01:47:33,120 --> 01:47:36,120 Don't be jealous looking at us.. 1419 01:47:36,880 --> 01:47:39,880 Find your match and be happy in marriage.. 1420 01:47:40,400 --> 01:47:43,400 Don't be jealous looking at us.. 1421 01:47:44,160 --> 01:47:47,160 Find your match and be happy in marriage.. 1422 01:47:59,000 --> 01:48:02,000 Tell him about the woman. She almost had him in the coach! 1423 01:48:02,400 --> 01:48:05,400 Aziz Efendi, enough of the jokes. There was this woman. 1424 01:48:06,120 --> 01:48:08,639 Hmmm.. 1425 01:48:08,640 --> 01:48:11,640 Hey! The kid from the church! You made it to the White House, huh? 1426 01:48:12,800 --> 01:48:14,799 -Nice work! -This is nothing yet. 1427 01:48:14,800 --> 01:48:16,719 I'm just pissing in their lemonade for now. 1428 01:48:16,720 --> 01:48:18,439 Just wait for the rest.. 1429 01:48:18,440 --> 01:48:21,439 Well, thanks for that! 1430 01:48:21,440 --> 01:48:23,799 Ah! What are you doing here? 1431 01:48:23,800 --> 01:48:26,800 Didn't I tell you greater things were to come? 1432 01:48:27,880 --> 01:48:29,799 Cheers. 1433 01:48:29,800 --> 01:48:32,800 The president, James Abraham Garfield.. 1434 01:48:44,840 --> 01:48:46,159 Lemi.. 1435 01:48:46,160 --> 01:48:49,160 Late as it is, I'd like to present the gift of our sultan.. 1436 01:48:51,080 --> 01:48:54,080 -Here you are. -As a token of our friendship.. 1437 01:48:56,640 --> 01:48:59,640 Whoa! Incredible! Where did you find this, huh? 1438 01:49:03,240 --> 01:49:06,240 You didn't steal it, did you? 1439 01:49:07,520 --> 01:49:10,520 -Do you have things like this? -It's a gift from the sultan's heart. 1440 01:49:11,720 --> 01:49:14,720 Fine, but I can't wear this. Isn't that right, Benson? 1441 01:49:19,240 --> 01:49:22,240 Now, I have a question for you. Are there camels where you come from? 1442 01:49:25,840 --> 01:49:28,840 -Yes, there are. But not your size. -Fine then. 1443 01:49:31,760 --> 01:49:34,760 Aziz Bey, a small gift for you from the White House. 1444 01:49:36,200 --> 01:49:39,200 Considering you're bound to get your babooshes stolen on the way... 1445 01:49:39,880 --> 01:49:42,880 ...at least you won't return barefoot! 1446 01:49:45,560 --> 01:49:48,560 Aziz, don't lose your rag. 1447 01:49:49,960 --> 01:49:52,359 Mr President, let me give you an answer. 1448 01:49:52,360 --> 01:49:55,360 Bare of foot and bald of head we toured the western realm.. 1449 01:49:55,560 --> 01:49:58,560 Some was mild, some was wild, some was fine of pen.. 1450 01:49:59,040 --> 01:50:02,040 You merit the name 'jackass' but let's keep it at 'jack'.. 1451 01:50:02,640 --> 01:50:05,479 Hand over your shit boots, at least they're a gift back.. 1452 01:50:05,480 --> 01:50:08,480 High-five, Lemi! 1453 01:50:09,440 --> 01:50:11,919 So that's the story Vedat. In fact... 1454 01:50:11,920 --> 01:50:14,920 ...you'll find Aziz's coup de grace to the president... 1455 01:50:16,800 --> 01:50:19,800 ...written here in old Turkish. I mean, the whole thing is... 1456 01:50:20,880 --> 01:50:23,880 -For real. -For real, exactly. 1457 01:50:24,440 --> 01:50:26,999 Here, let's have a look. 1458 01:50:27,000 --> 01:50:30,000 -Here. The old Turkish. -Wow.. Extraordinary. 1459 01:50:31,640 --> 01:50:32,759 Terrific. 1460 01:50:32,760 --> 01:50:35,760 Hey, Zeki, you tell a great story. You had us on the edge of our seats. 1461 01:50:37,160 --> 01:50:40,160 So what do you want for the boots? 1462 01:50:42,000 --> 01:50:43,279 Twenty. 1463 01:50:43,280 --> 01:50:46,280 -Twenty what? -Afyon dinars! 1464 01:50:47,360 --> 01:50:50,360 20,000 bucks. But believe me, that's just for you. 1465 01:50:51,760 --> 01:50:54,199 Alpay knows this. 1466 01:50:54,200 --> 01:50:57,200 Vedat, if I didn't need the money I seriously wouldn't be selling them. 1467 01:50:58,120 --> 01:50:59,839 They're worth a fortune. 1468 01:50:59,840 --> 01:51:02,840 Well, Zeki.. I mean, if it was the diamond.. 1469 01:51:04,320 --> 01:51:07,320 All that stuff's in the museums. So I don't get to see it either. 1470 01:51:09,160 --> 01:51:12,160 Just kidding. But to be honest I'm not that interested in the boots. 1471 01:51:14,800 --> 01:51:17,599 -You should find a collector. -Right. 1472 01:51:17,600 --> 01:51:20,600 -So you're not interested. -I'm afraid not. 1473 01:51:21,040 --> 01:51:23,439 -Alpay, OK with you? -Sure. 1474 01:51:23,440 --> 01:51:26,440 Vedat, there's something else I thought might grab your interest. 1475 01:51:30,760 --> 01:51:33,760 Now this is an emerald encrusted... 1476 01:51:36,000 --> 01:51:39,000 -... a solid emerald nunchaku. -Whoa! 1477 01:51:39,440 --> 01:51:42,119 -You brought the mimchika? -Nunchaku, not mimchika. 1478 01:51:42,120 --> 01:51:45,120 Did you mean 'mimchika'? This nunchaku is solid emerald. 1479 01:51:46,960 --> 01:51:49,960 It was a gift of the sultan to the emperor of China. 1480 01:51:51,360 --> 01:51:54,360 And what they've done is, these emeralds... 1481 01:51:55,200 --> 01:51:58,200 -Yes? -I'll only go on if you're a buyer. 1482 01:52:00,200 --> 01:52:02,159 Well, go on then. 1483 01:52:02,160 --> 01:52:05,160 The sultan summons Aziz and Lemi before him... 1484 01:52:27,920 --> 01:52:30,920 Whatever the hell they put in this, it gives a wicked buzz. 1485 01:52:32,000 --> 01:52:35,000 -A pat on the ass to the makers! -Enjoy! 1486 01:52:36,000 --> 01:52:37,999 -You want the formula? -Go on. 1487 01:52:38,000 --> 01:52:41,000 Here! 1488 01:52:41,680 --> 01:52:44,239 No, not that. Have you never seen Istanbul? 1489 01:52:44,240 --> 01:52:47,240 No, but some friends went to Bodrum and talked about it a lot. 1490 01:52:47,920 --> 01:52:50,719 They said the nuts there were a sad sack. 1491 01:52:50,720 --> 01:52:53,720 Nuts do become a sad sack. Why wouldn't they? 1492 01:52:53,840 --> 01:52:56,840 Look, if you have children, don't give my grandkids crazy names. 1493 01:52:57,440 --> 01:52:59,999 -What names are OK, dad? -Tongue & Cheese. 1494 01:53:00,000 --> 01:53:03,000 -How do you mean? -Red Rocks, Bambi, Tongue & Cheese.. 1495 01:53:04,240 --> 01:53:06,559 -You don't think? -Do you? 1496 01:53:06,560 --> 01:53:07,959 No. 1497 01:53:07,960 --> 01:53:09,759 Chuck! 1498 01:53:09,760 --> 01:53:12,279 -Did you find this woman? -Nah. 1499 01:53:12,280 --> 01:53:15,280 See this woman? She's wanted.. 1500 01:53:16,120 --> 01:53:19,120 Suzan, I so want to be like you, to be the voice of the townswomen. 1501 01:53:21,360 --> 01:53:24,159 With that voice? 1502 01:53:24,160 --> 01:53:27,160 My view is you should take on the good things about the east. 1503 01:53:28,000 --> 01:53:31,000 My ancestors are said to come from Central Asia, you know? 1504 01:53:32,280 --> 01:53:34,999 Huh.. I can tell. 1505 01:53:35,000 --> 01:53:37,199 You can tell from the accent, right? 1506 01:53:37,200 --> 01:53:39,959 Huh. 1507 01:53:39,960 --> 01:53:42,960 So it slips out however careful I am.. 1508 01:53:43,880 --> 01:53:46,880 I want to unload my sins, father. 1509 01:53:51,680 --> 01:53:53,519 Here. 1510 01:53:53,520 --> 01:53:55,479 Can you do it with this? 1511 01:53:55,480 --> 01:53:58,480 By yourself, over in the corner. Go on.. Go on now. 1512 01:53:59,960 --> 01:54:02,719 Ah, woman, ah! 1513 01:54:02,720 --> 01:54:05,720 You went before your time and left me with a goddamn crazy. 1514 01:54:11,040 --> 01:54:14,039 Agh! 1515 01:54:14,040 --> 01:54:17,040 Even if it was a joke, I hope you won't lock me in a cage once we're married. 1516 01:54:18,680 --> 01:54:21,680 Baby, I'd keep lions if I had a thing for cages. 1517 01:54:21,960 --> 01:54:23,919 Well... That makes sense. 1518 01:54:23,920 --> 01:54:26,920 I mean, if worse comes to worst, my parents have a house in Samatya. 1519 01:54:28,520 --> 01:54:31,520 -We'll live there. -You mean with the mother-in-law? 1520 01:54:33,440 --> 01:54:36,440 OK, we'll do it like this. I'll buy you a mansion in Emirgan. 1521 01:54:37,320 --> 01:54:40,319 You can live there. With a library. So you can read about music lore.. 1522 01:54:40,320 --> 01:54:42,999 Right.. So you mean there's no escaping the law, huh? 1523 01:54:43,000 --> 01:54:46,000 Well, musically speaking, yes. 1524 01:54:46,040 --> 01:54:49,040 Do-oo re-ee mi-ii fa mi-ii.. 1525 01:54:51,880 --> 01:54:54,880 -You're in pain? -Just screwed up.. 1526 01:54:56,800 --> 01:54:59,800 La mii-ii.. 1527 01:55:00,560 --> 01:55:03,560 Hey, not like that. Forwards first.. Like this. 1528 01:55:05,360 --> 01:55:08,360 -But we never used it in the film. -We didn't get to shoot once, fuck it! 1529 01:55:08,920 --> 01:55:10,599 Well, it's the critics that count. 1530 01:55:10,600 --> 01:55:12,919 I'm giving up anyway. This is the last comedy I do. 1531 01:55:12,920 --> 01:55:15,719 You're leaving comedy. Leaving it to who? 1532 01:55:15,720 --> 01:55:18,720 Man, don't ask questions. I'm not ready for that yet. 1533 01:55:19,360 --> 01:55:22,159 Anyway, we finished the whole film without any disasters. 1534 01:55:22,160 --> 01:55:24,479 Right, thank God for that. 1535 01:55:24,480 --> 01:55:26,399 -Agh! -Fuck! 1536 01:55:26,400 --> 01:55:28,399 Agh! 1537 01:55:28,400 --> 01:55:31,400 Agh! 1538 01:55:32,001 --> 01:55:34,001 Subs by DVD 116850

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