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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:01,844 He was a real spurter. 2 00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,500 Yeah, must have had high blood pressure. 3 00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:05,094 Should probably see a physician. 4 00:00:05,119 --> 00:00:06,337 Well, he definitely should now. 5 00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:09,209 Oh, Laszlo, I feel wild. 6 00:00:09,234 --> 00:00:11,484 I want to do something stupid and crazy. 7 00:00:11,509 --> 00:00:14,514 All right. What say we retire to our bedchamber 8 00:00:14,539 --> 00:00:17,367 and slip into some informal evening wear? 9 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,958 And by that, I mean the nude. 10 00:00:19,983 --> 00:00:22,816 Oh, Laszlo. 11 00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:25,318 Laszlo? 12 00:00:25,631 --> 00:00:27,112 Shh. Look. 13 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:29,867 That's our new neighbor, Phil. 14 00:00:30,316 --> 00:00:33,275 Digestif, my darkest princess? 15 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,995 Laszlo, we've just eaten. 16 00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:36,359 I want to do something different. 17 00:00:38,282 --> 00:00:40,304 Well, why don't I eat and you watch? 18 00:00:40,329 --> 00:00:41,373 That's kinky. 19 00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:42,793 Is it? 20 00:00:42,818 --> 00:00:45,679 Bickering like a couple of ninnies. 21 00:00:45,704 --> 00:00:48,234 I know, right? It's like, "Sheesh. We get it. 22 00:00:48,259 --> 00:00:49,939 You've been together for centuries." 23 00:00:49,964 --> 00:00:51,928 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 24 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:53,472 Those are vampires. 25 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,219 You don't get to insult them. 26 00:00:55,244 --> 00:00:57,100 - I was just... - You're not a vampire. 27 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,786 - I'm sorry, Master. - Geez. 28 00:00:58,812 --> 00:01:00,039 I mean, come on, we get it already. 29 00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:02,196 You've been married for centuries. 30 00:01:02,359 --> 00:01:03,858 Watch this. 31 00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,318 Bat. 32 00:01:11,218 --> 00:01:13,283 Just get on with it, Laszlo. 33 00:01:15,869 --> 00:01:17,828 Come to me, Phil. 34 00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:20,499 Submit to my dark power. 35 00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:24,000 Submit to my dark power. 36 00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:26,085 When was the last time I felt his dark power? 37 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:28,340 I say come to me, Phil. 38 00:01:28,564 --> 00:01:30,734 I'm not staying for this. You're being very boring. 39 00:01:30,759 --> 00:01:32,328 Submit to my dark power. 40 00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:35,578 Phil? I'm home. 41 00:01:35,603 --> 00:01:37,562 - Phil? Who are you talking to? - Shit. Bat! 42 00:01:45,983 --> 00:01:48,019 - Oh! - Oh, shit. 43 00:01:48,044 --> 00:01:49,306 The fuck? 44 00:01:49,331 --> 00:01:50,359 Ooh... 45 00:02:18,852 --> 00:02:23,696 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 46 00:02:24,258 --> 00:02:26,478 - Come on. - What's going on? 47 00:02:26,631 --> 00:02:28,453 Laszlo was over at Phil's house. 48 00:02:28,478 --> 00:02:29,265 Okay. 49 00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:31,466 And Phil's girlfriend hit him over the head 50 00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:33,352 - and knocked him unconscious. - Okay. 51 00:02:33,377 --> 00:02:34,820 So now we need to rescue him. 52 00:02:34,845 --> 00:02:36,107 Well, where's Nadja, though? 53 00:02:36,132 --> 00:02:37,659 I don't know. 54 00:02:38,598 --> 00:02:42,453 Obviously, being in a marriage for centuries can get boring. 55 00:02:42,478 --> 00:02:44,726 And it is in these moments of dissatisfaction 56 00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:48,920 that I think about my human ex-lover, Gregor. 57 00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:52,048 Oh, he is the most fantastic of men. 58 00:02:54,088 --> 00:02:55,929 If I did have to give one criticism, though, 59 00:02:55,954 --> 00:02:58,407 it would be that he did accidentally get 60 00:02:58,432 --> 00:03:00,391 his head cut off in every life he's had. 61 00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:04,269 Such short, sweet lives. 62 00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:07,396 Shit. Shit, shit. 63 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,958 No, no, no, no, no, no. 64 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,425 Please take the ticket. 65 00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:19,575 Holy shit. Wow. 66 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,678 He has been reincarnated again. 67 00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:24,372 And in this life, he is called Jep... 68 00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:26,666 Jean. Jange. 69 00:03:26,691 --> 00:03:30,462 Uh, no, it's, um, Jex. 70 00:03:30,937 --> 00:03:33,359 Jesh. Jenk? 71 00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:36,092 It-it sounds like Jesh. 72 00:03:36,412 --> 00:03:38,742 But, no doubt, he has been reborn 73 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:40,476 as another heroic figure. 74 00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:42,187 Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no! 75 00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:43,779 I told you guys, okay, you're not supposed 76 00:03:43,804 --> 00:03:45,734 to come in here unless you have a car, all right? 77 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,563 And, uh, those don't look like cars, so... 78 00:03:47,588 --> 00:03:49,343 - You're not a cop, man. - I'm not a... 79 00:03:49,368 --> 00:03:51,900 - You can't tell us what to do. - All right, I'm taking your name down. 80 00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,819 I'm taking your name down. Hey. 81 00:03:53,844 --> 00:03:56,448 In the camouflage. I can still see you. 82 00:03:56,473 --> 00:03:57,336 All right, 83 00:03:57,361 --> 00:04:00,451 one of us needs to be invited in and get Laszlo. 84 00:04:00,476 --> 00:04:02,217 I am nominating Guillermo, 85 00:04:02,261 --> 00:04:04,328 because I am too foreign and you are too boring. 86 00:04:04,353 --> 00:04:06,532 Well, Guillermo doesn't need to be invited, 87 00:04:06,557 --> 00:04:07,906 as he's a human being. 88 00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:10,376 I would prefer to be invited in. It's more polite. 89 00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:13,172 Actually, it looks like it's a moot point. 90 00:04:16,621 --> 00:04:18,550 They've stolen Laszlo. 91 00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:25,892 I'm not approaching him. Just going to watch. 92 00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:43,218 Gregor. Gregor. 93 00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:46,412 He's not answering, 'cause that-that is not his name. 94 00:04:47,265 --> 00:04:48,914 Jesk. 95 00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:52,460 Hey. Wow. 96 00:04:52,616 --> 00:04:55,532 What a wonderful shock it is to see you here. 97 00:04:55,557 --> 00:04:57,476 - Yes. - Do you think maybe 98 00:04:57,501 --> 00:05:00,919 you could let me into your shelter of automobiles? 99 00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:01,946 What? 100 00:05:01,971 --> 00:05:04,843 Oh, uh, yeah. Come on in, of course. Yeah. 101 00:05:05,916 --> 00:05:08,370 Well, how have you been? I-I didn't think 102 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,539 I'd ever see you again. 103 00:05:09,564 --> 00:05:11,453 You will always see me again. 104 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,316 Okay. Uh, this is where I work. 105 00:05:14,341 --> 00:05:16,945 Hence the... why I'm working here. 106 00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,615 - Amazing. - Yeah. 107 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,863 You are protecting a vast empire. 108 00:05:21,061 --> 00:05:22,908 Three floors, yeah. 109 00:05:23,819 --> 00:05:25,577 Are the cameras with you? 110 00:05:25,837 --> 00:05:28,163 You don't see the cameras. 111 00:05:28,188 --> 00:05:31,041 Okay. Yeah. Come on in. 112 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:35,463 Oh, we got your birds, your rats... people hate rats. 113 00:05:35,844 --> 00:05:37,193 Then you got your skunks. 114 00:05:37,218 --> 00:05:38,840 We get a lot of calls for skunks. 115 00:05:38,865 --> 00:05:41,801 I have to get closer to see if he's in there. 116 00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:47,226 Sounds like an owl to me. 117 00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:49,518 So do you keep your horses on one of the levels? 118 00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:51,780 Uh, no. There was a Jaguar in here once. 119 00:05:51,805 --> 00:05:53,813 It's a pretty nice car. Just thought it was pretty cool. 120 00:05:53,877 --> 00:05:56,961 I have met Gregor in many incarnations. 121 00:05:56,986 --> 00:06:00,976 Soldier, spy, wax seller, monger, 122 00:06:01,132 --> 00:06:04,699 carpet monger, suitcase monger, 123 00:06:05,276 --> 00:06:08,046 fishmonger, fly monger. 124 00:06:08,071 --> 00:06:10,334 He mongers a lot in his lives. 125 00:06:10,359 --> 00:06:12,906 Your job is so complicated, Gregor. 126 00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,429 - Oh... - So stimulating. 127 00:06:14,454 --> 00:06:16,413 No. 128 00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:18,353 A-Again, you know, it, uh... it's "Jeff." 129 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,596 Shh. 130 00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:22,669 I have crossed oceans of time to be with you. 131 00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:25,960 -I'm imagining swimming through time. -Yes... 132 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,514 - But I have. - Oh, wow. 133 00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,656 Well, I'm gonna get off work here, in a second. 134 00:06:31,681 --> 00:06:34,484 I just got a little bit more to do, if you want to hang out. 135 00:06:34,509 --> 00:06:37,773 Oh, it is forbidden, but ten, 15 minutes? 136 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,194 - Yes, that's great. - I will see you then. 137 00:06:40,219 --> 00:06:41,890 Okay, cool. 138 00:06:41,915 --> 00:06:45,621 He's always got a very, very strong sexual energy 139 00:06:45,646 --> 00:06:48,535 that calls to my sexual energy. 140 00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:50,516 Deeply sexual. 141 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:52,454 That's Gregor. 142 00:06:53,885 --> 00:06:56,542 So, our roommate, Laszlo, was knocked unconscious 143 00:06:56,567 --> 00:07:00,729 whilst in bat form by our neighbor, uh, Phil's girlfriend, 144 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,992 and he's now caged and inside the animal shelter. 145 00:07:05,017 --> 00:07:09,347 Uh, uh, Laszlo, not Phil, our neighbor's girlfriend. 146 00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:10,838 Yes. 147 00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,809 We must get him out before daybreak. 148 00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,314 Well, and that's the thing 149 00:07:14,339 --> 00:07:16,313 with these night walkers here, isn't it? 150 00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:18,940 You know, a little bit of sunlight, and poof. 151 00:07:18,965 --> 00:07:21,218 They go up in flames. 152 00:07:21,243 --> 00:07:23,922 - I've never gone poof, but it's okay. - Not yet. 153 00:07:24,056 --> 00:07:27,242 The vampires are always like, : "Ooh! I'm a vampire. 154 00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:30,660 I'm immortal. I'm... whatever." 155 00:07:30,773 --> 00:07:35,040 Well, okay. Well, how about you go be immortal at brunch? 156 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,522 So what is the itinerary for tonight? 157 00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:41,505 Are you going to punish your worst enemy? 158 00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:43,421 Embarrass him in front of his elders? 159 00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:45,375 - Oh, uh... - Or are we going to destroy 160 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,272 the worst criminals from your village 161 00:07:47,297 --> 00:07:48,421 and I will help? 162 00:07:48,446 --> 00:07:49,953 Wait, in Staten Island? 163 00:07:50,126 --> 00:07:52,679 How about find some red witches and cut their feet off? 164 00:07:52,704 --> 00:07:54,257 We could go to the carnival. 165 00:07:54,282 --> 00:07:56,781 I mean, they've got games there. It's pretty dope. 166 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,462 It is like a freak show? 167 00:07:58,531 --> 00:07:59,578 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 168 00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:01,822 We used to have a freak show in my village. 169 00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:03,609 We would get given one balloon 170 00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:05,361 between all my brothers and sisters. 171 00:08:05,386 --> 00:08:07,863 And then we would bite at each other to get it. 172 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:11,125 One year, my sister bit my brother's thigh, 173 00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:13,745 and then we sold the meat for money. 174 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:17,379 Hello. C-Can we come in? 175 00:08:17,736 --> 00:08:21,126 Excuse us, can we come into the shelter? 176 00:08:21,383 --> 00:08:23,295 We're open till 11:00. 177 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,022 - Okay, that's great. - We see that. 178 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,010 Can we come in? 179 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,345 Yeah, come in. 180 00:08:34,476 --> 00:08:36,042 How's your night been, guys? 181 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,417 - It's none of your business. - What are you... What? 182 00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,827 - How's your night been? - It's been fine. 183 00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,482 Okay, good. Ours has, too. 184 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,671 Isn't this the one that you ate last week? 185 00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:47,819 I didn't. I wouldn't. 186 00:08:50,402 --> 00:08:51,882 It's locked. 187 00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,451 You guys looking for the bathroom? 188 00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,035 I need to do a two. 189 00:08:55,262 --> 00:08:57,289 It's right behind you, man. That door. 190 00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:01,084 Wait. Where are you going? 191 00:09:01,109 --> 00:09:02,906 They're not happy tonight, Bobby. 192 00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:04,953 - Yeah, what's up? - Oh, I brought in a bat. 193 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:05,594 Okay. 194 00:09:05,619 --> 00:09:07,109 A little fella, you got to see this guy. 195 00:09:07,134 --> 00:09:10,234 - Look at his face. - Yeah. 196 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,102 This guy looks like a little English guy. 197 00:09:12,127 --> 00:09:13,825 Yeah, he's a little, little British chap. 198 00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,591 Wait, wait, wait, let me blow him up there. Look at... 199 00:09:15,616 --> 00:09:17,578 - You see something? You see something? - No way. 200 00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:20,234 That is a bat's erect penis on that screen. 201 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,312 Laszlo's. 202 00:09:21,337 --> 00:09:22,289 Okay. 203 00:09:22,314 --> 00:09:24,277 We're gonna have to get him a little rabies shot. 204 00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:27,697 I want you to bring me the strange bat with the erection. 205 00:09:27,722 --> 00:09:30,446 Wait, hang on a second. Can you imagine him 206 00:09:30,471 --> 00:09:33,385 with that little British top hat, like, "Whoo..." 207 00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:34,421 - Like a little explorer. - I don't think that worked. 208 00:09:34,446 --> 00:09:37,210 - I know. - Not so hot at hypnotism, huh? 209 00:09:37,235 --> 00:09:40,412 I'm fine at hypnotism; it's just you can't hypnotize a subject 210 00:09:40,437 --> 00:09:41,787 that doesn't want to do something 211 00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:43,250 that you want them to do. 212 00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:46,634 If the only time you can hypnotize someone 213 00:09:46,659 --> 00:09:50,554 is when you have them do something they want to do, 214 00:09:50,579 --> 00:09:52,504 then it's not really hypnotism, is it? 215 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,988 Wait a minute, can we help you guys? 216 00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,581 Uh, yeah. We're actually looking for a lost pet. 217 00:10:00,605 --> 00:10:01,875 - Oh. Okay. - Okay. 218 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,990 - What kind of pet is it? - A normal one. 219 00:10:05,015 --> 00:10:06,609 Like, a bat. 220 00:10:06,634 --> 00:10:08,418 Oh, now, bats are illegal. 221 00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:09,985 He said "cat," ma'am. 222 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,662 Well, if you have any sort of missing animal, 223 00:10:11,687 --> 00:10:13,749 then you just need to fill out the required paperwork, 224 00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:15,515 and then we'll go have a look in the back for you. 225 00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:16,889 Fine. 226 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,563 Gregor doesn't know I am not human 227 00:10:23,607 --> 00:10:27,673 and I cannot do certain things, like eat human food. 228 00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:30,007 Hey. I got us some popcorn. 229 00:10:30,032 --> 00:10:32,121 What is it? 230 00:10:32,578 --> 00:10:34,469 Popcorn? You've never had popcorn? 231 00:10:34,494 --> 00:10:36,147 - You're gonna love it. Here, try it. - Oh. 232 00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:37,726 - Just try one piece. - Oh, I'm-I'm... No, I... 233 00:10:37,751 --> 00:10:39,789 - No, just come on, just... - Ooh, wait a minute. 234 00:10:39,814 --> 00:10:41,729 Got it? No, just... let me put it in your mouth. 235 00:10:41,754 --> 00:10:42,757 If you just... 236 00:10:42,782 --> 00:10:44,768 If it touches your tongue, it'll stay. 237 00:10:44,793 --> 00:10:46,397 It sticks to your tongue. 238 00:10:46,422 --> 00:10:47,946 That's what's kind of fun about it. 239 00:10:47,971 --> 00:10:49,567 There you go. Yeah. 240 00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:52,569 Mm. Hmm. 241 00:11:01,408 --> 00:11:04,286 Mm. That was so nice. 242 00:11:04,311 --> 00:11:05,601 - Yeah. - Hey, do you want more? 243 00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:07,323 - Oh, no. I'm-I'm okay. - I got a whole bucket. 244 00:11:07,348 --> 00:11:09,612 No! No. No. 245 00:11:09,796 --> 00:11:13,234 Okay, so the ASBN-119 I need, but... 246 00:11:13,259 --> 00:11:16,636 MA-553 is of no use to me whatsoever, correct? 247 00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:18,703 Uh, exactly. 248 00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:21,808 I'm trying to find an open window. 249 00:11:23,151 --> 00:11:25,143 I think I found one. 250 00:11:32,232 --> 00:11:33,819 Laszlo. 251 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,544 There you are. 252 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,824 I've come to rescue you. 253 00:11:51,666 --> 00:11:55,525 Gregor. It is your beloved weapon. 254 00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:57,932 You are the master archer. 255 00:11:57,957 --> 00:12:00,846 Yeah. I... I am pretty good at this in VR. 256 00:12:00,871 --> 00:12:03,917 Behold the great Gregor the archer. 257 00:12:04,354 --> 00:12:05,448 It's Jeff. 258 00:12:05,473 --> 00:12:08,103 Bring this place to its knees. 259 00:12:08,298 --> 00:12:12,057 Oh, shit. 260 00:12:12,127 --> 00:12:14,315 Imagine it is a horde of Turkish. 261 00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:16,530 - Horde of what? - Kill them. 262 00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:21,213 I kind of suck at this. I don't know. 263 00:12:21,238 --> 00:12:23,368 What has happened to you? 264 00:12:24,169 --> 00:12:25,779 Stupid. 265 00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:27,549 We are out, we are out, we are out. 266 00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,709 Here. Guillermo. 267 00:12:29,734 --> 00:12:32,651 This is the third animal shelter I visited. 268 00:12:32,676 --> 00:12:34,604 - We did it? - Yes, yes, yes. 269 00:12:35,783 --> 00:12:38,134 Laszlo, you are free now. 270 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:41,095 So be free. 271 00:12:42,797 --> 00:12:44,627 - Oh... - You're welcome. 272 00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:47,018 - Yeah. - Fucking guy. 273 00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,624 Are you guys sure it was him? 274 00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:56,319 Where the fuck am I? 275 00:12:56,344 --> 00:12:58,154 I say! 276 00:12:59,058 --> 00:13:00,448 Release me. 277 00:13:00,473 --> 00:13:04,410 So, what just happened is that Nandor took a bat 278 00:13:04,652 --> 00:13:06,621 that was being treated here, 279 00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:09,910 and he just re released it into the wild. 280 00:13:09,935 --> 00:13:11,918 Uh, a sick, sick bat. 281 00:13:11,943 --> 00:13:14,026 Do you think I might have rabies now? 282 00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:16,783 - Possible. - Not now, Guillermo. 283 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,347 I just don't know how it's my responsibility to pay 284 00:13:19,372 --> 00:13:21,507 for both Internet and cable. When you have a roommate, 285 00:13:21,532 --> 00:13:23,370 you're supposed to kind of split everything down the middle. 286 00:13:23,395 --> 00:13:26,311 - This is a misery for my ears. - I know, I just... 287 00:13:26,336 --> 00:13:29,019 - Nice outfit, freak. - Goth sucks. 288 00:13:29,525 --> 00:13:31,789 You mustn't kill them, please. 289 00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:35,886 - Oh, no, I wasn't gonna do anything. - Really? Huh. 290 00:13:35,911 --> 00:13:38,778 Yeah. I... you know, I see a lot of this as a security guard, 291 00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:40,488 and the best way to handle this... 292 00:13:41,768 --> 00:13:43,875 Congratulations. We have a winner! 293 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,661 What happened?-He was playing the game wrong. 294 00:13:48,691 --> 00:13:51,422 I cannot believe how boring Gregor has become. 295 00:13:51,447 --> 00:13:53,834 In every other past life, he was so exhilarating. 296 00:13:53,859 --> 00:13:54,961 Such a maverick. 297 00:13:54,986 --> 00:13:56,727 You know, when he was a washer woman, 298 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,929 he would pour dirty old mop juice all over my body 299 00:13:59,954 --> 00:14:02,176 and rub it into me while he ravished me. 300 00:14:02,201 --> 00:14:04,479 When he was a wild horse... 301 00:14:04,504 --> 00:14:06,806 I rode him naked all throughout the countryside. 302 00:14:06,831 --> 00:14:08,891 But this version of Gregor? 303 00:14:09,024 --> 00:14:10,810 It is a boring disgrace. 304 00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:15,106 And you know what? It's because they named him Jeps. Jeff. 305 00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:17,108 Wow, you were really good at ring toss. 306 00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:19,135 - I had so much fun tonight. - I cannot take this. 307 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,242 I cannot take how boring you have become. 308 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,307 How are you supposed to be a strong, 309 00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,573 thrilling, powerful warrior and lover 310 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,209 with a name like Jeff? 311 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,050 It is like a weak ejaculation. 312 00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:30,990 Okay. 313 00:14:31,015 --> 00:14:32,621 - Jeff. - Okay, all right, all right. 314 00:14:32,646 --> 00:14:35,407 You know what? You're being really rude to me 315 00:14:35,643 --> 00:14:38,753 and my Uncle Jeff, but also Grandpa Jeff, 316 00:14:38,922 --> 00:14:41,316 - and that's where I draw the line. - Go back. 317 00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:42,437 Remember. 318 00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:44,885 Remember who you are. 319 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,763 Ah... 320 00:14:51,619 --> 00:14:54,895 I am standing on the crest of a hill. 321 00:14:55,107 --> 00:14:57,534 Atop the Carpathian Mountains. 322 00:14:57,970 --> 00:15:01,016 I am victorious from battle. 323 00:15:02,762 --> 00:15:04,322 But I am punctured... 324 00:15:04,347 --> 00:15:06,032 by many arrow. 325 00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:08,868 Yet I survive. 326 00:15:09,217 --> 00:15:11,745 I must survive... 327 00:15:12,151 --> 00:15:13,915 to see my lover. 328 00:15:14,656 --> 00:15:16,222 Nadja. 329 00:15:16,642 --> 00:15:19,629 Love... will get me through. 330 00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:23,549 Desire... will fuel my journey. 331 00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,217 Oh, Gregor... 332 00:15:25,242 --> 00:15:27,845 - it is you. - Hark. 333 00:15:28,358 --> 00:15:30,015 A rider approaches. 334 00:15:30,365 --> 00:15:32,541 He is wielding a sword. 335 00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,471 It comes towards me, 336 00:15:34,522 --> 00:15:36,350 aiming directly for my hea... 337 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:38,377 Oh, next life. 338 00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:41,359 Be down in a minute, sire. 339 00:15:43,311 --> 00:15:44,675 This mop... 340 00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:48,490 It is as full of water as I am desire. 341 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,549 I want to, but I mustn't. 342 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,925 - No, you can. - No, he will hear. 343 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,948 Just one little kiss with our lips. 344 00:15:53,973 --> 00:15:56,415 He will be so angry.-Just stick our mouths together. 345 00:15:57,484 --> 00:16:00,962 - Oh, no, sir, not my head. - Next! 346 00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,988 _ 347 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:15,060 Silence, my four-legged friends. 348 00:16:15,085 --> 00:16:18,045 I sense you are angry tonight. 349 00:16:18,256 --> 00:16:20,022 And with good reason. 350 00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:21,867 For we have been imprisoned. 351 00:16:21,892 --> 00:16:24,276 Yes, without trial. 352 00:16:24,381 --> 00:16:27,838 Now is the time to hoist our oars 353 00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:30,533 and row towards freedom. 354 00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:31,690 Agreed? 355 00:16:31,715 --> 00:16:34,035 Thank you. 356 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,605 Now, I'm assuming 357 00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:40,459 that there is a cat in the cage to my right. 358 00:16:40,484 --> 00:16:42,486 Excellent. 359 00:16:42,511 --> 00:16:46,167 You will succumb to my dark power, 360 00:16:46,385 --> 00:16:48,759 and you will undo your latch 361 00:16:48,784 --> 00:16:50,845 and free me. 362 00:16:51,204 --> 00:16:54,056 Loosen your latch and free me. 363 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,778 - All right... - Succumb... Shit. 364 00:16:55,803 --> 00:16:57,745 - Bat. - Here you go. 365 00:16:57,770 --> 00:17:01,105 Over here. You know your spot. 366 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,774 There you go. 367 00:17:02,799 --> 00:17:04,442 Home, sweet home. 368 00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,251 Be good. 369 00:17:06,831 --> 00:17:09,237 All right. Night, fellas. 370 00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:12,742 Woof, woof. 371 00:17:13,194 --> 00:17:16,081 - Nandor? Is that you? - Yes. 372 00:17:16,106 --> 00:17:19,109 I turned myself into a dog to come and rescue you. 373 00:17:19,134 --> 00:17:22,237 Hang on a second... you turned yourself into a dog 374 00:17:22,262 --> 00:17:25,245 - in a place that imprisons dogs? - I just thought I'd be 375 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,641 a bit creative and come and rescue you. 376 00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:28,401 You don't want me to rescue you, I can go again. 377 00:17:28,426 --> 00:17:29,883 And tell me how you do that. 378 00:17:29,908 --> 00:17:31,634 You're locked in a fucking cage. 379 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:32,901 Oh... 380 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,305 What's Nadja gonna say? Where is she? 381 00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:36,674 Uh... 382 00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,852 No! Stop! 383 00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:44,384 - Stop! - My Gregor, yes! 384 00:17:44,409 --> 00:17:46,107 Come on! 385 00:17:49,893 --> 00:17:51,590 Hey, not-a-cop. 386 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:58,151 Whoa, whoa. Holy shit. 387 00:18:18,454 --> 00:18:20,976 - Yes. - We have defeated time itself. 388 00:18:21,407 --> 00:18:23,562 We have been drawn together. 389 00:18:23,646 --> 00:18:25,481 Let's make love right now. 390 00:18:25,584 --> 00:18:27,670 - Right here? - Yeah, here. 391 00:18:27,695 --> 00:18:29,755 Right here on the dirty ground in this filthy parking lot. 392 00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,857 Oh, I was hoping you would say that. 393 00:18:31,882 --> 00:18:34,155 - Yeah. - Oh... 394 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,784 Oh, God. You want to get that? Do you need to get that? 395 00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:38,326 Hello? 396 00:18:38,697 --> 00:18:40,079 Hello, Guillermo. 397 00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:42,582 Yeah, I see. 398 00:18:43,015 --> 00:18:44,417 He did what? 399 00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:46,669 I'm... Okay, yeah. Yeah. 400 00:18:46,746 --> 00:18:48,487 Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye-bye. 401 00:18:48,512 --> 00:18:50,253 Bye. Okay. Yeah. 402 00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:52,064 Sorry, I have to leave. 403 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,638 - Stay with me. - I know. 404 00:18:53,663 --> 00:18:55,621 Let's make animalistic, freaky sex right now. 405 00:18:55,646 --> 00:18:58,037 No, but somebody else needs me 406 00:18:58,062 --> 00:19:00,959 in a much less erotic way, but, you know, it is what it is. 407 00:19:00,984 --> 00:19:03,978 But I've died for you, Nadja. I've seen it. 408 00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:06,301 These visions are enough to drive a man to madness. 409 00:19:06,326 --> 00:19:08,404 Oh, it was only one time you died for me. 410 00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:09,474 The other times were just accidents. 411 00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:10,904 A few hours ago, my life was normal, 412 00:19:10,929 --> 00:19:12,787 and now everything I thought I knew was real 413 00:19:12,812 --> 00:19:14,335 has turned out to be an illusion. 414 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,406 I'm married with a husband. Farewell. 415 00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:19,868 No, no, Nadja. Nadja. Nadja! 416 00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:24,085 Oh, my God! 417 00:19:24,109 --> 00:19:26,936 Nadja?! 418 00:19:26,961 --> 00:19:29,654 And, like, I've also noticed that some dogs 419 00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:31,510 are really, really big, and other dogs 420 00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:32,474 are really small... 421 00:19:32,499 --> 00:19:33,568 Oh, thank God. 422 00:19:33,593 --> 00:19:35,926 Sorry. Thank goodness. 423 00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:38,553 Laszlo and Nandor are in cages inside. 424 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:41,015 Please come in, ma'am. 425 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,350 Thank you. 426 00:19:42,785 --> 00:19:44,684 What is the code for your door? 427 00:19:44,709 --> 00:19:47,145 1-2-3-4-5. 428 00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:49,689 - That's the code for the door? - Uh-huh. 429 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,376 Humans, I can't... 430 00:19:54,178 --> 00:19:55,701 Yay, it's Nadja. 431 00:19:55,726 --> 00:19:57,510 Hello, my darling. What are you doing here? 432 00:19:57,535 --> 00:20:00,146 - I've come to help you out of the cage. - Absolutely no need. 433 00:20:00,171 --> 00:20:01,803 Mr. Cat next door... 434 00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:04,570 I was in the process of hypnotizing him. 435 00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:06,119 I was moments away from escaping. 436 00:20:06,144 --> 00:20:08,459 I don't know why you bothered coming. 437 00:20:09,307 --> 00:20:10,920 Sh-Shit. 438 00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:12,873 I've got to free my fellow inmates. 439 00:20:12,898 --> 00:20:14,421 I made a gentleman's promise. 440 00:20:14,641 --> 00:20:16,077 Well, the suspect stated 441 00:20:16,102 --> 00:20:19,041 that he is an ancient warrior who's been reborn anew, 442 00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:20,748 - et cetera, et cetera. - That's all the truth! 443 00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:23,390 You can ask my ex... we were together ages ago. 444 00:20:23,415 --> 00:20:25,349 She turned into a pile of rats. 445 00:20:25,374 --> 00:20:27,932 Okay, buddy. I'll just ask the pile of rats. 446 00:20:27,957 --> 00:20:29,193 I am Gregor! 447 00:20:29,218 --> 00:20:31,399 Victor of many battles. 448 00:20:31,517 --> 00:20:34,172 I am cleaning lady! 449 00:20:37,338 --> 00:20:40,210 Run and be free, my comrade. 450 00:20:40,235 --> 00:20:41,946 What the fuck? 451 00:20:46,292 --> 00:20:47,888 Still no thank-you? 452 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,437 Release your claws, you ungrateful bastards. 453 00:20:50,735 --> 00:20:59,185 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 454 00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,836 What We Do in the Shadows. 455 00:21:53,861 --> 00:21:57,219 All new Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX. 456 00:21:57,708 --> 00:21:59,623 Five, six, seven, eight. 32416

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