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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,825 --> 00:00:58,126 As a former president, I'm proud to lend my stature 2 00:00:58,128 --> 00:01:00,094 to this crucially important moment 3 00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:03,131 and it's just an honor for me to be here 4 00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:04,566 as an official observer 5 00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:08,536 of Georgia's first free and open election. 6 00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:11,104 And, in fact, the spreading of democracy 7 00:01:11,106 --> 00:01:14,575 is one of the cornerstones of my foundation. 8 00:01:14,577 --> 00:01:16,744 - It is? - So, thank you very much 9 00:01:16,746 --> 00:01:19,246 - and ma... mad-lab-blah. - Madloba. 10 00:01:19,248 --> 00:01:21,215 - Thank you so much. - Madloba. 11 00:01:21,217 --> 00:01:24,718 Jesus, democracy. What a horror show this is. 12 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,286 I didn't even know Georgia was a country. 13 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,288 Where'd our guide go? Oh, hey, Petradze. 14 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,424 Do you have any water 15 00:01:31,426 --> 00:01:34,060 that doesn't come from a nuclear power plant, by any chance? 16 00:01:34,062 --> 00:01:36,195 - Vodka. - Okay, sure, fine. Vodka. 17 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,030 Excuse me, it would be a great honor 18 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:40,567 to introduce my daughter to the president of USA. 19 00:01:40,569 --> 00:01:43,268 Hello! One day, you can grow up to be president. 20 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,337 No, not you. Your brother. 21 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,172 Unbelievable. 22 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,741 - Can we do picture? - No. 23 00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:50,743 Oh, it's okay. I don't have camera. 24 00:01:50,745 --> 00:01:52,778 Well, I'll tell you something. 25 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,981 All of this international shit is gonna be great for my book. 26 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,683 This is my second act. 27 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,450 Selina Meyer travels the globe, 28 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,253 spreading democracy like patient zero, right, Petradze? 29 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,855 - Yes? - Oh, boy. 30 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,556 This place sucks my ghost nard. 31 00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:07,091 Why couldn't you have gotten me on 32 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,560 an international election watching trip to Hawaii? 33 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,962 Hawaii is rightfully a monarchy and will be again. 34 00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:14,999 Look, did you read the CODEL schedule of official events 35 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,200 or were there not enough pictures for you? 36 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:19,335 Ooh, sex trafficking workshop. 37 00:02:19,337 --> 00:02:21,838 It's an anti-sex trafficking workshop. 38 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,774 - Lame. - Okay, that's enough for now. 39 00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:24,974 I need a drink. 40 00:02:24,976 --> 00:02:27,043 It's gotta be 8:00 AM somewhere. 41 00:02:27,045 --> 00:02:29,212 Checking in. Mike McLintock. 42 00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:31,915 You don't have a reservation in this hotel. 43 00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,982 Richard, I don't have a reservation. 44 00:02:33,984 --> 00:02:35,484 Well, you were a last minute addition to the trip, 45 00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:37,720 so it's possible that we didn't make one. 46 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:38,954 Richard Splett. 47 00:02:38,956 --> 00:02:41,390 - Oh, hello, boys! - Madam President. 48 00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:42,825 Look at us, just like the good, old days 49 00:02:42,827 --> 00:02:45,728 except shittier in every conceivable way. 50 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,596 Hey, hey, gang's all here. 51 00:02:47,598 --> 00:02:50,197 Maybe we can win an election for a change. 52 00:02:50,199 --> 00:02:53,301 - That came out wrong. - Yeah, way wrong, right? 53 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,403 So, Secretary Doyle has picked you 54 00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:56,905 for elder statesman duty? 55 00:02:56,907 --> 00:02:59,574 - Jailbait statesman. - It's fine, it's okay. 56 00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:00,454 Doyle picked me because... 57 00:03:00,456 --> 00:03:02,243 So he's got a goat to scape if things go wrong. 58 00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,612 - Yeah, yeah. - They need political cover. 59 00:03:04,614 --> 00:03:06,980 Night and fog. Nacht und Nebel. 60 00:03:06,982 --> 00:03:08,181 Yeah, I haven't missed that. 61 00:03:08,183 --> 00:03:10,150 Secretary of State Doyle for you, ma'am. 62 00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,085 Oh, all right. 63 00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:14,054 - Secretary Doyle? - Please hold for Secretary Doyle. 64 00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:16,022 Okay, no. I don't get put on hold. 65 00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,158 Okay? When he comes on, he gets put on hold. 66 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,360 Kent, will you book a massage for me, but, you know, there one where the girl... 67 00:03:20,362 --> 00:03:23,729 - Oh, fuck me. - Congressman Ryan! 68 00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:28,000 I haven't spoken to you since the historic House vote. 69 00:03:28,002 --> 00:03:29,178 Yes... 70 00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,705 I just wanted to thank you for all that you've done for me. 71 00:03:32,707 --> 00:03:37,510 And I wanna let you know that I will destroy you 72 00:03:37,512 --> 00:03:39,712 in ways that are so creative, 73 00:03:39,714 --> 00:03:42,380 they will honor me for it at the Kennedy Center. 74 00:03:42,382 --> 00:03:44,215 Please hold for President Meyer. 75 00:03:44,217 --> 00:03:46,852 Oh, you're putting me on hold. Actually, do you think you could not? 76 00:03:46,854 --> 00:03:48,820 - 'Cause she's right here. - I'm here, I'm here, I'm... Andrew? 77 00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:50,655 - Please hold for Secretary Doyle. - God damn it. 78 00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:54,025 So, he who hath betrayed me 79 00:03:54,027 --> 00:03:56,160 standeth before me now. 80 00:03:56,162 --> 00:03:58,496 Hello, Congressman Ryan! It's been a while. 81 00:03:58,498 --> 00:04:01,565 I am gonna find ways to destroy you so hard 82 00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,266 that everybody at the Kennedy Center 83 00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:05,836 is gonna take a fucking massive shit. 84 00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:06,942 It's really nice to see you. 85 00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:09,072 So, I assume you're gonna beg for your job back. 86 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:12,275 It's a very kind offer, but I already have a better job working for President Meyer. 87 00:04:12,277 --> 00:04:14,811 - I thought you knew that. - Okay, you know what, I don't need you. 88 00:04:14,813 --> 00:04:17,680 I already have 434 brand-new best friends 89 00:04:17,682 --> 00:04:19,115 and we're all going to dinner tonight. 90 00:04:19,117 --> 00:04:21,317 And you're not invited. Sorry. Congressmen only. 91 00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:23,319 Have fun. 92 00:04:23,321 --> 00:04:25,388 What's up, fellas? How you doing? 93 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,390 Hey, you wanna go monitor some dinner? 94 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,358 I hear that horse is legal to eat here. 95 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,394 Uh, I'm actually pretty jet-lagged. 96 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,371 Probably gonna just catch up on some sleep. 97 00:04:34,031 --> 00:04:35,564 Let me know if you guys do go out, okay? 98 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,099 I got a Georgian SIM card. Got text forwarding. 99 00:04:38,101 --> 00:04:39,668 I'll here from you? All right, later. 100 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:43,605 I was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion. 101 00:04:43,607 --> 00:04:45,674 That's not the Buddy Calhoun I see in the mirror. 102 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:48,076 Although, it would be if you stepped out of the shower. 103 00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:49,710 - Now, Ms. Brookheimer... - Mm? 104 00:04:49,712 --> 00:04:51,612 you're not only Buddy Calhoun's campaign manager, 105 00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:53,581 but you're also his fianc�e. 106 00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:55,315 And congratulations on that, by the way. 107 00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:57,852 - Thank you, Danny. - Now, wouldn't you concede 108 00:04:57,854 --> 00:05:01,522 that when your fianc� exposed himself to a police woman 109 00:05:01,524 --> 00:05:04,058 that he hurt his chances of becoming elected? 110 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,392 - I... I've seen the video, of course... - You have? 111 00:05:06,394 --> 00:05:07,994 Can we roll that video one more time for our audience? 112 00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:11,397 And I tried not to think of the politics of it all. 113 00:05:11,399 --> 00:05:13,225 And here's the moment where he exposes himself. 114 00:05:13,227 --> 00:05:14,100 That's right, yes. 115 00:05:14,102 --> 00:05:16,436 But everyone... yeah, that's... 116 00:05:16,438 --> 00:05:18,204 but for myself, 117 00:05:18,206 --> 00:05:21,675 I'm happiest when Buddy and I are on the couch... 118 00:05:21,677 --> 00:05:22,784 Can we play that again? 119 00:05:22,786 --> 00:05:24,910 eating popcorn and watching "Downton Abbey." 120 00:05:24,912 --> 00:05:26,879 In the interest of full disclosure, 121 00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:29,582 Ms. Brookheimer and I did have a brief relationship 122 00:05:29,584 --> 00:05:32,585 - when she was a much younger woman. - You did? 123 00:05:32,587 --> 00:05:35,588 Thank you to you both. We'll be right back. 124 00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:37,022 We're clear. 125 00:05:37,024 --> 00:05:39,091 Ames, who's your favorite character on "Downton"? 126 00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,893 I don't know. Abby, I guess. 127 00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,160 Yep. 128 00:05:45,031 --> 00:05:46,998 President Meyer's still holding on line two. 129 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:51,235 Selina! So, Murman was a brutal bastard who ruled with an iron fist 130 00:05:51,237 --> 00:05:53,671 he liked to insert in the anus of his opponents. 131 00:05:53,673 --> 00:05:55,740 But when it came to the US viewpoint, 132 00:05:55,742 --> 00:05:57,240 at least he was a good listener. 133 00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:59,476 Yeah, and he did a beautiful rendition of "Rendition." 134 00:05:59,478 --> 00:06:01,311 - Exactly. - I don't have a hotel room. 135 00:06:01,313 --> 00:06:02,746 But it's time for a change, 136 00:06:02,748 --> 00:06:05,248 so we're backing Professor Nikolai Genidze. 137 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,584 He's a new voice for democracy in the region 138 00:06:07,586 --> 00:06:11,855 and would be a major victory for the Doyle Doctrine. 139 00:06:11,857 --> 00:06:15,224 You have a doctrine now? What is it, "Boners are rare, don't waste them"? 140 00:06:15,226 --> 00:06:18,160 Hey, did you think of that while you were walking on the beach with a metal detector 141 00:06:18,162 --> 00:06:20,529 or however you fill your empty days? 142 00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,865 - Oh, that's nice. - Look, just sit back, 143 00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,802 take your lead from the UN Special Envoy for Election Monitoring. 144 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,438 - What? Who is that? - Selina! 145 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,205 Oh, fuck. Minna! 146 00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:34,709 - Hi. - You look absolutely radiant. 147 00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:37,445 - Oh, thank you. - Yes, your stay in the insane asylum, 148 00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,380 - it's really agreed with you. - It was a spa. 149 00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:42,350 No, no, a spa is where you go to get a massage and the like. 150 00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:44,285 You were in an insane asylum. 151 00:06:44,287 --> 00:06:46,287 Oh, it's been fun to see you. 152 00:06:46,289 --> 00:06:49,123 I have such a big day tomorrow because I have an election to supervise. 153 00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:52,325 I know, because I am supervising your supervising. 154 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,528 - Ah. - We have so much to say to each other. 155 00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:56,897 - Well, okay, okay. Goodbye. - I look forward to it. See you later. 156 00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:59,099 - Oh, God. - Hey, ma'am, 157 00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:00,868 we have a situation with your hotel room. 158 00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,236 - What is it? - Your bidet is splashy 159 00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:04,845 and there's no terry cloth robe or shower cap. 160 00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:05,905 Wait, you tested my bidet? 161 00:07:05,907 --> 00:07:07,516 Don't worry, I'm gonna fix this before tub time. 162 00:07:07,518 --> 00:07:08,107 I don't care. 163 00:07:08,109 --> 00:07:10,710 - I'm on it. - Hey. 164 00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:22,187 Hey, Kent. 165 00:07:22,189 --> 00:07:23,889 Sorry, Mike, you cannot stay with me. 166 00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:26,091 Please don't make me make up a reason. 167 00:07:26,093 --> 00:07:28,160 Listen to me. I went to find a hotel room, right? 168 00:07:28,162 --> 00:07:30,962 Nobody speaks English here, everything was really confusing to me, 169 00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,230 and I was chased by children. 170 00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:35,367 And I think I may have voted. 171 00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:39,870 Mike, that is the kind of voting irregularity that we are here to prevent. 172 00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:42,539 That sounds bad. Look, please, can you help me get it off? 173 00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:46,043 Unless you want the entire thumb removed with a utility blade, 174 00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:48,579 I suggest you find another person. 175 00:07:48,581 --> 00:07:50,514 Mom, I told you 176 00:07:50,516 --> 00:07:53,150 I get more homesick when you call. 177 00:07:53,152 --> 00:07:56,186 Hi, what do you have that's like SpaghettiOs? 178 00:07:56,188 --> 00:07:59,388 and I said, "It's in my carry-on." 179 00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,859 You know what, forget it. I'm not hungry. 180 00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:05,494 Oh, crap. 181 00:08:05,496 --> 00:08:07,630 Oh, Mike, now's not a good time. 182 00:08:07,632 --> 00:08:09,999 - I'm laying out her shoes, Mike! - You have to help me. 183 00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,768 I accidentally voted and now my thumb is green. 184 00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:13,902 The same thing happened to me! Oh, my God! 185 00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:15,738 - Oh, my God, oh, my God. - How did it happen? 186 00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,873 I went out to get a terry cloth robe and there was this crowd 187 00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:19,441 and I asked them where Nordstrom's was 188 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:21,543 and then the next thing I know, they dyed my thumb 189 00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:23,178 and an old lady who smelled like cumin wouldn't stop hugging me! 190 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,347 - Mine smelled like paprika. - Oh, God! 191 00:08:25,349 --> 00:08:26,949 We cannot let anyone see this. 192 00:08:26,951 --> 00:08:28,717 I can't afford to lose this job, Gary, 193 00:08:28,719 --> 00:08:30,051 but I can't afford to keep it either. 194 00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,853 I mean, it so expensive to commute from DC. 195 00:08:31,855 --> 00:08:33,554 - And I haven't been paid yet. - Oh, Mike. 196 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,389 But I don't wanna lose it, I think. 197 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:38,092 - Uh-huh. - Hey, Gary, can I sleep on your couch? 198 00:08:38,094 --> 00:08:39,260 No. 199 00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:41,729 - Hard no? - It's a hard no. 200 00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,664 Hey, ma'am. 201 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:45,399 Get some food before everyone else. 202 00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,368 Okay, I never ever wanna see the inside of your mouth again. 203 00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:50,771 Okay? It looks like a Haitian porta-potty in there. 204 00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:53,039 - Copy that. - Okay, I just saw it again. 205 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,507 - Right? - Copy. 206 00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:56,476 I find this kind of food display really repulsive. 207 00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:57,911 - I know. - Just a spoonful of this caviar 208 00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,780 will pay for a wind turbine for a whole village. 209 00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:03,183 Yeah, but do we really want these people to have electricity? 210 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:06,252 Professor Nikolai Genidze, he's Georgia's only hope 211 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,188 for escape this cycle of corruption and decadence. 212 00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:11,857 Jesus, you and Doyle really have a wide-on for this guy. 213 00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,760 Well, you know that the moment that he announced that he was running for the presidency, 214 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,729 Murman tried to poison him in a sushi restaurant. 215 00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:22,066 Well, it's a miracle that anybody survives eating sushi in this country, Minna. 216 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,635 He has some scarring. It is purely cosmetic. 217 00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:27,505 But there's still some cysts and some bubbling. 218 00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:29,607 - Oh, my God, I need a drink. - Selina! 219 00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:32,543 - Madam President! - Murman, it's so good to see you! 220 00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:35,146 Have you imprisoned any good novelists recently? 221 00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,215 Ah, Ms. Hakkinen. 222 00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:41,484 How are things in the international busybody circuit? 223 00:09:41,486 --> 00:09:43,653 - Great, thank you. - I was sorry to see 224 00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:45,588 that your forceful condemnation 225 00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:49,193 did not do more to stop the recent genocide in the Congo. 226 00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:51,761 - Maybe next genocide. - Or the one after that. 227 00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:54,198 - Excuse me. - Oh, hey, Ben. 228 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,898 You sure do get around, don't you? 229 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,334 Murman here is an old client of mine, 230 00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:00,903 and the only reason he hasn't been dragged naked through the streets 231 00:10:00,905 --> 00:10:02,671 and hung upside down from a lamp post 232 00:10:02,673 --> 00:10:04,173 with his cock stuffed in his mouth 233 00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:06,909 is because he took my advice from time to time. 234 00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:09,645 - Guilty as charged. - Okay, me, too. 235 00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:12,714 Madam President, if I could have a word in private? 236 00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:15,783 Absolutely, although, if it takes more than five minutes, 237 00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:18,220 I think that Amnesty International will be alerted. 238 00:10:18,222 --> 00:10:20,956 I'm not afraid of those guys. 239 00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:24,525 Montez and Doyle, they're trying to make Georgia more like America. 240 00:10:24,527 --> 00:10:26,661 Look, I saw your last election. 241 00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:27,205 No, thank you. 242 00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:28,830 Well, I can't argue with you there, Murman. 243 00:10:28,832 --> 00:10:30,564 Let me tell you little story 244 00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:32,733 about growing up as a tire-burner's son 245 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,101 in the Gurjaani countryside... 246 00:10:34,103 --> 00:10:36,370 Murman, no, no, no. I love your stories 247 00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:39,139 and this is, I'm sure, shaping up to be a great one... 248 00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:42,243 young Murman in the countryside, etcetera, etcetera... 249 00:10:42,245 --> 00:10:44,544 - but I really do have to get... - Selina, I would like to make 250 00:10:44,546 --> 00:10:50,583 a $10 million donation to help you build your library. 251 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:55,588 I cannot possibly accept that. 252 00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:59,259 I mean, even the appearance of a quid pro quo... 253 00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,460 Oh, no, no, no, there are no threads attached. 254 00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,795 And you should know that this donation 255 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,397 will be completely untraceable. 256 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:08,166 It will come from my Georgian AIDS foundation. 257 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,803 - Mm, such a terrible killer. - Tragic, yes. 258 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:16,508 - But we're making real progress. - We are. We are. 259 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:19,444 I trust I have made myself suitably clear. 260 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,180 As clear as the coffee table Danny Thomas had his hookers shit on. 261 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,249 It's an American expression. 262 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:28,786 Danny Thomas also founded the St. Jude's Hospital for Children, so. 263 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:33,224 - Ah, yes, the yin and the yang. - There you go, exactly. 264 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,360 Your mother just added democracy to the foundation. 265 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,594 So, now it's the Selina Meyer Foundation 266 00:11:38,596 --> 00:11:40,434 for Adult Literacy, Aids... 267 00:11:40,436 --> 00:11:43,566 And the Advancement of Global Democracy. 268 00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:44,901 Hey, guys. 269 00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,037 - Dan. - So, uh, what's up? 270 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,007 - How are you? - I'm good, I'm good. Thanks. 271 00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:54,243 - How's your family? - I don't know. 272 00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:57,046 Uh, why, have you heard something? 273 00:11:57,048 --> 00:11:59,681 No, it's, um... the thing is that 274 00:11:59,683 --> 00:12:02,617 Marjorie and I have decided that we wanna have a baby, 275 00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,954 - and we'd like to do it... - I will give you my sperm. 276 00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:06,688 - Oh, great! - Yeah. 277 00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:10,159 - I thought that would take a lot longer. - No. 278 00:12:10,161 --> 00:12:12,460 Is there anything else that you wanna talk about? 279 00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:15,596 - I'm good. - Well, we'll send you the details. 280 00:12:15,598 --> 00:12:18,866 And if you could not ejaculate for the next 72 hours, that would be ideal. 281 00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:23,237 Okay, uh, could we start the clock in, like, 30 minutes? 282 00:12:23,239 --> 00:12:25,639 - Yeah, I guess so. - Actually, no. 283 00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:27,041 No, make it 40. 284 00:12:27,043 --> 00:12:29,276 The girl I'm thinking of likes to talk first. 285 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,081 Amber, it's Dan-Dan. You in midtown? 286 00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:35,782 Ben, I need to talk to you. 287 00:12:35,784 --> 00:12:37,717 Yeah, what... what happened with Murman? 288 00:12:37,719 --> 00:12:38,719 Okay. 289 00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,490 He just offered me... 290 00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:49,962 a $10 million donation to my library. 291 00:12:49,964 --> 00:12:52,431 That's keep a lot of docents in Rockports. 292 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,733 I'd kill for a job where I could wear flats all day. 293 00:12:54,735 --> 00:12:58,137 But, look, I can't take that money... 294 00:12:59,173 --> 00:13:00,873 - right? - Right. 295 00:13:00,875 --> 00:13:02,640 - Right. - Right. 296 00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:05,510 I mean, I definitely cannot take that money. 297 00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:07,945 But hold up. 298 00:13:07,947 --> 00:13:10,348 If I did take it, 299 00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:13,084 - would I be compromising my... - Reputation. 300 00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:14,819 - Well, please. - Your integrity. 301 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,721 Yes! My integrity! 302 00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:19,390 I cannot lose my integrity. 303 00:13:19,392 --> 00:13:21,058 Without that, I am nothing. 304 00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:24,561 How would we make sure no one finds out about the cash? 305 00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,130 Technically, a library donation 306 00:13:26,132 --> 00:13:28,665 would not be illegal under US law. 307 00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:29,866 What about Georgian law? 308 00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:32,102 There is literally no Georgian law. 309 00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,104 And I'm using "literally" correctly. 310 00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:37,606 So, are you saying that I should take it? 311 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,775 - I don't know. - It's hard to say. 312 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,311 See, at least when I was leader of the free world, 313 00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:44,347 people told me what to do. 314 00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:45,848 Okay, what happened with this? 315 00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,517 - Did you drink it? - What happened? 316 00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:49,352 - I don't know. - So crazy. 317 00:13:49,354 --> 00:13:52,488 So, look, I was thinking, Minna, 318 00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,856 w-would it be that bad 319 00:13:54,858 --> 00:13:57,325 if Murman actually did win? 320 00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:59,894 Well, that depends how you define bad. 321 00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,896 You know, I'm just saying the poisoning 322 00:14:01,898 --> 00:14:04,533 and the torture and the death squads aside, 323 00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:07,569 I think Murman is really good people. 324 00:14:07,571 --> 00:14:09,904 Honestly. And he's a hell of a storyteller. 325 00:14:09,906 --> 00:14:13,774 Really. You know, you could actually learn something from him, Minna. 326 00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:16,343 You know, his stories have a solid point. 327 00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,812 They have a beginning and a middle and an end. 328 00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:22,450 And it makes it kind of, you know, interesting to sit and listen. 329 00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:23,750 Nikolai Genidze's scarring or no, 330 00:14:23,752 --> 00:14:26,720 he is the only hope for the Georgian people. 331 00:14:26,722 --> 00:14:29,322 - Well... - He has the soul of a poet. 332 00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:31,291 Yeah, that and a car with a sunroof 333 00:14:31,293 --> 00:14:34,294 could've bought you my virginity in '83. 334 00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:38,864 - You were 22? - No, I was 15 in 1983. 335 00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:43,903 Right. 336 00:14:43,905 --> 00:14:45,904 - Well, I was, Minna. - Right. 337 00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:47,606 - That's great. - Yeah. 338 00:14:47,608 --> 00:14:49,541 Did I tell you that my son Otto tried to commit suicide 339 00:14:49,543 --> 00:14:51,009 and that he is now not speaking to me? 340 00:14:51,011 --> 00:14:53,445 Did he throw himself from a moving town car? 341 00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:57,116 No. No, he weighted his boots and he jumped into an ice hole. 342 00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,351 - I'm so sorry, into what? - Into an ice hole. 343 00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:01,519 - Like a hole they cut in the ice... - Ah. 344 00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:03,488 - for fishing. - Right. 345 00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:05,055 That makes sense. 346 00:15:05,057 --> 00:15:07,158 I wonder how much longer it is to get to the hotel. 347 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,095 - I'm not really sure... - I think it's another 45, 50 minutes. 348 00:15:11,097 --> 00:15:13,331 Oh, my God. 349 00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,135 Ooh, clink, clink. 350 00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,869 Hey, Pinocchios. 351 00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:22,272 Your noses must've been really tiny yesterday 352 00:15:22,274 --> 00:15:25,242 because you lied and now they're normal-sized. 353 00:15:25,244 --> 00:15:29,446 Representative Ryan, you were officially hazed last night. 354 00:15:29,448 --> 00:15:30,332 We got ya! 355 00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:32,982 Wait, does that mean that I'm, like, in now or? 356 00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:35,217 - Totally! - Well, then let's go celebrate! 357 00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:36,785 - I'm buying. - Oh! 358 00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:38,487 By I, I mean the people of New Hampshire. 359 00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:40,789 In the immortal words of will.i.am, 360 00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:42,491 "Tonight's gonna be really great!" 361 00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:44,993 Ooh, careful. 362 00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,562 - Oh, tuck in. - I got shotgun. 363 00:15:46,564 --> 00:15:48,430 - You got shotgun, all right. - Okay, here I come. 364 00:15:48,432 --> 00:15:50,866 - All right, push in, push in. - Uh, we'll take this one. 365 00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:51,684 You guys take the next one. 366 00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:53,134 Oh, I don't know where you guys are going. 367 00:15:53,136 --> 00:15:55,002 That's right. 368 00:15:58,408 --> 00:15:59,541 Fuck. 369 00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,910 Are you fucking...?! 370 00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:04,312 That's where that goes? 371 00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:07,182 Pick up your fucking chairs! 372 00:16:07,184 --> 00:16:09,416 I have not seen Nikolai since the Hague. 373 00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:10,268 Oh, really? 374 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,819 Oh, you must remember not to react to his disfigurement. 375 00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,454 - He's very sensitive. - Wait, how bad is it, exactly? 376 00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,756 Oh, well, he was very handsome before the poisoning, 377 00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:18,091 so you may not even notice it. 378 00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,194 There he is! Nikolai! 379 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,197 Oh, welcome! Hello! 380 00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,832 - You look terrific. - Minna. Mm. 381 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:28,668 - Oh, she's kissing it. - Well, that's why we moisturize. 382 00:16:28,670 --> 00:16:30,469 - Right. - May I introduce to you 383 00:16:30,471 --> 00:16:33,172 the former president of the United States 384 00:16:33,174 --> 00:16:35,007 - and my best friend. - No, no, no. 385 00:16:35,009 --> 00:16:37,943 President Meyer! 386 00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:41,514 Oh, may I say that the reports of your beauty 387 00:16:41,516 --> 00:16:43,515 have not been exaggerated. 388 00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:44,982 Well, back at you, red. 389 00:16:44,984 --> 00:16:47,619 And of course you know my old friend, Ben. 390 00:16:47,621 --> 00:16:49,921 Ben! Doing God's work, I see. 391 00:16:49,923 --> 00:16:51,523 As long as the check clears. 392 00:16:51,525 --> 00:16:53,592 So, welcome to my humble abode. 393 00:16:53,594 --> 00:16:54,390 Thank you very much. 394 00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:56,261 I think you will find it a great contrast 395 00:16:56,263 --> 00:16:58,597 to the vulgar palaces of Murman. 396 00:16:58,599 --> 00:17:00,631 I mean, you know, who needs all that champagne 397 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:05,001 when you can have all these different kinds of wallpaper? 398 00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:07,371 - Well, dinner is served. - Great! 399 00:17:07,373 --> 00:17:08,972 I know that you will soon find 400 00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:12,008 we Georgians are a warm, friendly people. 401 00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:14,945 - Oh, good. - Except for our politics. 402 00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,614 Okay. 403 00:17:18,717 --> 00:17:21,718 Minna? Minna, what is going on with you? 404 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,554 - Are you all right? - Selina, you see right through me. 405 00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:26,556 - What? - It's because we are close as sisters. 406 00:17:26,558 --> 00:17:28,391 - No, we're not. - You know that Nikolai and I 407 00:17:28,393 --> 00:17:31,093 are not only bound by mutual respect and shared beliefs. 408 00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:34,730 We are also bound by powerful physical attraction. 409 00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:36,732 - Oof. - You gotta be kidding. 410 00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:39,234 - We are, in fact, lovers. - What? 411 00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:40,302 - Lovers. - Lovers. 412 00:17:40,304 --> 00:17:42,036 With Scab Calloway? 413 00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:45,173 His very touch makes me quiver. 414 00:17:45,175 --> 00:17:49,144 Okay, and now we get to eat food. 415 00:17:49,146 --> 00:17:51,179 Good evening, Congressman. 416 00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:52,813 Those new corduroys? 417 00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:55,716 They're new-ish. 418 00:17:55,718 --> 00:17:57,652 Well, I know you probably have a lot of other offers, 419 00:17:57,654 --> 00:18:01,155 but if not, you know, maybe you and me could do something. 420 00:18:01,157 --> 00:18:04,325 Yeah, maybe. I mean, I guess I could move a couple things around. 421 00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:07,762 I don't know, the doorman told me about this really cool concert that he knew of. 422 00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:09,929 - He said he thought I might like it. - Well, luckily, the president 423 00:18:09,931 --> 00:18:11,665 gave me the rest of the night off so I could put on my tourist hat. 424 00:18:17,906 --> 00:18:20,106 - It's actually my favorite joke ever. - That's so good! 425 00:18:20,108 --> 00:18:22,008 - Did you wanna go? - Yeah! 426 00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:23,176 All right. 427 00:18:23,178 --> 00:18:25,144 We have adopted 428 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,346 all the worst traits of Russia 429 00:18:27,348 --> 00:18:30,015 without any of the good ones. 430 00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:34,019 Not that there are many of those. 431 00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,391 So, it is now time 432 00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:42,127 for Georgia to face west. 433 00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:44,696 - Eat it. - What? 434 00:18:44,698 --> 00:18:46,798 Eat the soup. 435 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,333 Why? 436 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,968 Because I'm hungry. 437 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:53,971 I need to know if it's been poisoned. 438 00:18:55,842 --> 00:18:58,543 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 439 00:19:00,512 --> 00:19:03,179 I don't wanna do that. 440 00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:06,049 Just a tiny, tiny taste. 441 00:19:09,822 --> 00:19:14,257 We will adopt what works and discard what does not. 442 00:19:14,259 --> 00:19:17,460 We will learn from others' mistakes... 443 00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:22,297 It's delicious. 444 00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:23,299 Okay. 445 00:19:24,935 --> 00:19:26,769 Is there anything happening to me? 446 00:19:26,771 --> 00:19:29,739 I don't think so. 447 00:19:29,741 --> 00:19:32,408 Oh, it has carrots in it. I'm not gonna eat that. 448 00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:34,342 starting at the top. 449 00:19:39,449 --> 00:19:42,016 If I might have a private word. 450 00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:45,319 - It would be a very good pleasure. - With Madam President. 451 00:19:45,321 --> 00:19:48,723 - Oh, okay. Sure! - Okay. 452 00:19:48,725 --> 00:19:52,092 - What are you doing? - I'm hungry. 453 00:19:52,094 --> 00:19:54,361 - Okay. - Madam President, 454 00:19:54,363 --> 00:19:58,766 I have been reliably told that war criminal Murman 455 00:19:58,768 --> 00:20:03,270 had the audacity to offer you a $10 million bribe. 456 00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:06,673 Okay, well, that is ridiculous. 457 00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:10,443 I agree. It is so much less than you are worth. 458 00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:12,812 I'm sorry, what? 459 00:20:12,814 --> 00:20:15,381 To ensure fair election, 460 00:20:15,383 --> 00:20:17,617 I would like to offer you 461 00:20:17,619 --> 00:20:20,386 a $15 million bribe. 462 00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,354 How dare you, sir! 463 00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:27,358 I will remind you that I am the former president of the United States. 464 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:31,162 You have lost a great deal of face in my estimation. 465 00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:34,065 What I meant to say, of course, is I would like to make 466 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:38,437 a $15 million donation to your library. 467 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,941 Well, that is something we can discuss 468 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:48,078 as long as we understand that there is, in fact, no understanding. 469 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,089 I understand. 470 00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:52,115 Nikolai, you say that you have $15 million. 471 00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:56,454 And yet you live in this... you know, forgive the expression... 472 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,355 but unbelievably shitty apartment. 473 00:20:59,357 --> 00:21:02,859 Ah, you see, because I have secret. 474 00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,227 - Come here. Come here. - Oh, no, you can just tell me. 475 00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:07,296 - I can hear you fine from where I am. - No, but come here. 476 00:21:07,298 --> 00:21:11,233 Come here. See, all this is just for show. 477 00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:12,011 Uh-huh. 478 00:21:12,013 --> 00:21:14,337 In reality, although I teach at the university 479 00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,771 and lead the opposition party, 480 00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:18,874 I control a telecommunication monopoly 481 00:21:18,876 --> 00:21:20,809 and own the most popular soccer team, 482 00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:23,011 the Tbilisi Bauxite Miners. 483 00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:24,613 Well, I gotta tell you, you really... 484 00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:26,515 you have a lot of people fooled. 485 00:21:26,517 --> 00:21:28,584 You know, I mean, even Doyle. 486 00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:32,220 - Oh, Secretary Doyle, he's so gullible. - Yeah. 487 00:21:32,222 --> 00:21:36,056 If you told him that rava ganavlis was chakapuli, 488 00:21:36,058 --> 00:21:38,826 he would eat it up and ask for seconds. 489 00:21:38,828 --> 00:21:41,796 I can only hope that rava ganavlis is human shit. 490 00:21:41,798 --> 00:21:45,666 It is actually what you vomit after eating shit. 491 00:21:47,069 --> 00:21:51,571 I like you, dimples. 492 00:21:56,311 --> 00:21:58,378 This is fucking beast! 493 00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:00,480 - It's very interesting. - Hey, put that on. 494 00:22:00,482 --> 00:22:02,782 All the cool guys wear the band's T-shirt. 495 00:22:02,784 --> 00:22:07,720 You know, the band's name translates to Panzer Division. 496 00:22:07,722 --> 00:22:09,321 What? 497 00:22:15,930 --> 00:22:19,097 - I think maybe we should leave. - Uh-huh. 498 00:22:19,099 --> 00:22:20,933 - Excuse us. Pardon me. - Excuse me. 499 00:22:26,205 --> 00:22:28,406 What did you think of Nikolai? 500 00:22:28,408 --> 00:22:30,441 Can I be uncharacteristically blunt with you? 501 00:22:30,443 --> 00:22:32,777 - I can't imagine what that... - The poison? 502 00:22:32,779 --> 00:22:36,814 It did not engorge only his face, if you know what I mean. 503 00:22:36,816 --> 00:22:38,683 - I think I do. - It also engorged his penis 504 00:22:38,685 --> 00:22:41,518 and made it very unusual texture of sea cucumber, 505 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,220 - so it's great for vaginal orgasms. - Okay, Minna. 506 00:22:44,222 --> 00:22:46,222 Which do you prefer, vaginal or clitoral orgasms? 507 00:22:46,224 --> 00:22:48,692 You know, I just come and get it over with. 508 00:22:48,694 --> 00:22:50,260 You can come just from your mind? 509 00:22:50,262 --> 00:22:52,596 What can I do to get you to stop talking? 510 00:22:52,598 --> 00:22:53,730 Now? 511 00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:57,467 Well, you have to walk 25 miles for breast cancer 512 00:22:57,469 --> 00:22:59,702 and attend a WNBA game, but I think we're gonna be okay. 513 00:22:59,704 --> 00:23:01,070 What are you doing? That's my hand. 514 00:23:01,072 --> 00:23:03,773 Amy, that morning when I heard you say 515 00:23:03,775 --> 00:23:06,341 that you were happiest curled up next to me 516 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,978 eating popcorn and watching "Downton Abbey" 517 00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:10,119 I figured it all out. 518 00:23:10,121 --> 00:23:13,049 The next governor of Nevada, Buddy Calhoun! 519 00:23:13,051 --> 00:23:15,584 I was just saying that for the cameras. 520 00:23:15,586 --> 00:23:17,385 Good evening, friends. 521 00:23:17,387 --> 00:23:19,120 After much soul searching, 522 00:23:19,122 --> 00:23:21,756 I am announcing tonight that I'm withdrawing 523 00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:23,625 - from the race for governor. - No! 524 00:23:23,627 --> 00:23:28,196 No, no, I need to get out of this toxic world of politics 525 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:33,467 and start to appreciate the things that really do matter in life. 526 00:23:33,469 --> 00:23:36,570 - No, Buddy! - Like the love of the wonderful woman 527 00:23:36,572 --> 00:23:38,171 who has agreed to be my wife. 528 00:23:38,173 --> 00:23:40,407 Amy, darling, come on out here, honey. 529 00:23:42,177 --> 00:23:43,611 Amy. 530 00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:55,989 Murman's leading by more votes than there are people in the country. 531 00:23:55,991 --> 00:23:57,890 Yeah, maybe he's bussing them in from Chicago. 532 00:23:57,892 --> 00:23:59,993 Oh, this is not gonna stand. 533 00:23:59,995 --> 00:24:02,561 This election's going down like Eleanor Roosevelt at Dinah Shore Weekend. 534 00:24:02,965 --> 00:24:04,163 Hey, ma'am, your phone is ringing right there. 535 00:24:04,165 --> 00:24:05,664 Well, do I work for you? Just answer it. 536 00:24:05,666 --> 00:24:06,732 - Okay. - Right? 537 00:24:06,734 --> 00:24:08,299 Look, you call Nikolai now. 538 00:24:08,301 --> 00:24:10,035 You tell him to start spackling his face 539 00:24:10,037 --> 00:24:11,837 - for his inauguration speeches. - Shit. 540 00:24:11,839 --> 00:24:13,038 - Gary, just get it. - I will. 541 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,840 Okay. Gary? Gar... 542 00:24:14,842 --> 00:24:18,043 What the fuck is that? 543 00:24:18,045 --> 00:24:19,878 Please hold. It was an accident. 544 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,546 - Mike voted, too, Mike voted, too. - What?! 545 00:24:21,548 --> 00:24:23,180 - I can't believe you! - Stop it. 546 00:24:23,182 --> 00:24:25,883 You two ding-dongs look like you fingered the Incredible Hulk. 547 00:24:25,885 --> 00:24:27,985 It's Murman. It's Murman. 548 00:24:27,987 --> 00:24:29,120 God. 549 00:24:30,456 --> 00:24:32,690 Hello, Murman. 550 00:24:32,692 --> 00:24:36,060 Madam President, I trust you are watching the returns. 551 00:24:36,062 --> 00:24:38,896 Yes, yes, yes. Listen, Murman, 552 00:24:38,898 --> 00:24:42,799 as fond as I am of you personally 553 00:24:42,801 --> 00:24:48,672 I really cannot accept your generous donation to my library fund. 554 00:24:48,674 --> 00:24:53,910 Madam President, let me tell you little story about growing up in the Gurjaani countryside. 555 00:24:53,912 --> 00:24:56,212 You thought you caught a fish, it turned out to be a tire. 556 00:24:56,214 --> 00:24:58,781 The tire was full of fish. It's a great story. 557 00:24:58,783 --> 00:25:00,849 It's a very valuable lesson, but I really gotta go. 558 00:25:00,851 --> 00:25:02,685 20 million. 559 00:25:02,687 --> 00:25:06,388 Perhaps there could be a fountain or a snack shop. 560 00:25:06,390 --> 00:25:10,425 Well, Murman, that is a big tire 561 00:25:10,427 --> 00:25:12,394 with a fuckload of fish in it. 562 00:25:12,396 --> 00:25:16,931 But please understand that whatever decision I make 563 00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:19,767 is gonna be in the interest of democracy 564 00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:20,599 and integrity... 565 00:25:20,601 --> 00:25:23,038 Oh, yes, sounds good. Great to hear. Bye! 566 00:25:24,074 --> 00:25:26,207 - Murman? - Mm-hmm. 567 00:25:26,209 --> 00:25:27,408 How much? 568 00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,543 20 million. 569 00:25:29,545 --> 00:25:33,814 - Yahtzee. - I mean, they're both crooks. 570 00:25:33,816 --> 00:25:36,482 - What's the difference? - $5 million. 571 00:25:36,484 --> 00:25:38,819 - Exactly. - So, I have set the wheels in motion. 572 00:25:38,821 --> 00:25:41,487 In 10 minutes, there will be a joint press conference 573 00:25:41,489 --> 00:25:45,025 in which we will announce that the IEC and USA 574 00:25:45,027 --> 00:25:47,493 do not think that the elections have been free and fair. 575 00:25:47,495 --> 00:25:48,694 Good luck. 576 00:25:50,331 --> 00:25:54,333 Well, that is very strong language, Minna. 577 00:25:54,335 --> 00:25:55,236 Yes. 578 00:25:55,238 --> 00:25:57,937 Yes, and I wonder if we might phrase it a different way. 579 00:25:57,939 --> 00:26:01,640 For instance, perhaps we would say there have been certain irregularities 580 00:26:01,642 --> 00:26:03,542 - in this election, yeah. - Yes! 581 00:26:03,544 --> 00:26:06,978 And that is not uncommon for a young democracy. 582 00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:09,214 - Yes. - And that, therefore, 583 00:26:09,216 --> 00:26:14,786 we believe that Murman is the uncontested winner. 584 00:26:14,788 --> 00:26:17,455 Now, are you aware that that is the exact opposite 585 00:26:17,457 --> 00:26:20,125 - of what you said just a moment ago? - Yes. 586 00:26:20,127 --> 00:26:23,994 But I've had time to reflect since that moment. 587 00:26:23,996 --> 00:26:29,933 My concern is I wonder if your judgment is being clouded 588 00:26:29,935 --> 00:26:35,505 by your feelings that are brought on by Nikolai's lumpy poison cock. 589 00:26:35,507 --> 00:26:39,541 Oh, my God. Well... well, I will recuse myself. 590 00:26:39,543 --> 00:26:40,704 Well, you don't need to recuse yourself. 591 00:26:40,706 --> 00:26:41,610 Immediately, I will resign. 592 00:26:41,612 --> 00:26:43,980 No, no, no, let's not overreact. 593 00:26:43,982 --> 00:26:45,547 Just take a deep breath, Minna. 594 00:26:45,549 --> 00:26:48,617 You're just in the middle of what we in America call... 595 00:26:48,619 --> 00:26:51,187 - A difficult situation. - a fuck fog. 596 00:26:51,189 --> 00:26:52,721 Yes, and that as well. 597 00:26:52,723 --> 00:26:55,457 Yeah, in Finland, we call this the fever of the sausage. 598 00:26:55,459 --> 00:26:57,692 Okay, so, then you get it. 599 00:26:57,694 --> 00:26:59,294 You won't tell anyone, Selina? 600 00:26:59,296 --> 00:27:01,863 Thank you so much. You are such a good friend. 601 00:27:01,865 --> 00:27:02,966 Oh, well... 602 00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:06,268 Sometimes I don't feel worthy of this friendship. 603 00:27:06,270 --> 00:27:09,671 Mm, well, sometimes I feel that way, too. 604 00:27:12,009 --> 00:27:13,774 Oh. 605 00:27:15,812 --> 00:27:17,778 I mean, honestly, that is the most 606 00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:19,713 grotesque country I have ever been to 607 00:27:19,715 --> 00:27:21,982 - and I have been all over Florida. - Mm-hmm. 608 00:27:21,984 --> 00:27:24,718 Hot in here, isn't it? Can we get them to turn up the air in this cabin? 609 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,121 - Yes, ma'am. - My back is just killing me, too. 610 00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:29,723 Ma'am, you are not gonna believe this. 611 00:27:29,725 --> 00:27:32,225 - Mike. - What? 612 00:27:32,227 --> 00:27:34,260 Eh, forget it, forget it. 613 00:27:34,262 --> 00:27:34,837 Look at this. 614 00:27:34,839 --> 00:27:36,562 Before Murman Shalikashvili could be sworn in, 615 00:27:36,564 --> 00:27:38,397 he was arrested on live television. 616 00:27:38,399 --> 00:27:39,899 Ooh. 617 00:27:39,901 --> 00:27:43,469 Well, Murman's gonna have a lot of great stories 618 00:27:43,471 --> 00:27:44,971 to tell the firing squad. 619 00:27:44,973 --> 00:27:47,605 seized by military elements loyal to Oleg Petradze. 620 00:27:47,607 --> 00:27:48,941 Wait a minute, is that our guide? 621 00:27:48,943 --> 00:27:50,709 I think that's the guy I voted for. 622 00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:53,745 Wow, that's like Gary becoming president. 623 00:27:53,747 --> 00:27:55,647 From the tea party. 624 00:27:55,649 --> 00:27:58,884 No. Oh, yeah, that is funny. 625 00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,518 Yeah. 626 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,722 Also, I would be remiss not to thank President Selina Meyer, 627 00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:08,359 who not only assisted in the long, overdue ouster of Murman Shalikashvili, 628 00:28:08,361 --> 00:28:10,261 but also exposed his opponent 629 00:28:10,263 --> 00:28:12,997 as a ruthless, corporate oligarch 630 00:28:12,999 --> 00:28:18,269 and not the reformer some had hoped he would be. 631 00:28:18,271 --> 00:28:21,571 Ma'am, the library fund received a sizable donation 632 00:28:21,573 --> 00:28:24,774 from a Georgian AIDS foundation late last night... 633 00:28:24,776 --> 00:28:27,844 - 60 million Georgian Lari. - Mm. 634 00:28:27,846 --> 00:28:30,013 Yeah, that's worth about $20 million. 635 00:28:30,015 --> 00:28:33,216 Well, actually, since the coup, there's been a slight dip in the exchange rate. 636 00:28:33,218 --> 00:28:38,420 It's now worth approximately $389,000. Way to go, ma'am. 637 00:28:38,422 --> 00:28:43,625 Selina Meyer is truly the godmother of the Caucasian Spring. 638 00:28:43,627 --> 00:28:45,560 - Madam President. - Andrew. 639 00:28:45,562 --> 00:28:47,662 - Un-fucking-believable. - Yep. 640 00:28:47,664 --> 00:28:50,099 Thank you, everyone. 641 00:28:50,101 --> 00:28:54,069 All I did was stay focused on one simple goal... 642 00:28:54,071 --> 00:28:58,940 to free the peoples of the world from totalitarianism 643 00:28:58,942 --> 00:29:03,912 through open and free and transparent elections. 644 00:29:03,914 --> 00:29:05,813 And that, in a nutshell, 645 00:29:05,815 --> 00:29:08,883 is what I call the Meyer Doctrine. 646 00:29:08,885 --> 00:29:11,419 Thank you. 647 00:29:11,421 --> 00:29:13,787 Thank you very much. 51070

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