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As a former president,
I'm proud to lend my stature
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00:00:58,128 --> 00:01:00,094
to this crucially important moment
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and it's just an honor for me to be here
4
00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:04,566
as an official observer
5
00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:08,536
of Georgia's first free
and open election.
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00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:11,104
And, in fact, the spreading of democracy
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is one of the cornerstones
of my foundation.
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- It is?
- So, thank you very much
9
00:01:16,746 --> 00:01:19,246
- and ma... mad-lab-blah.
- Madloba.
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- Thank you so much.
- Madloba.
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Jesus, democracy. What
a horror show this is.
12
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,286
I didn't even know
Georgia was a country.
13
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,288
Where'd our guide go? Oh, hey, Petradze.
14
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,424
Do you have any water
15
00:01:31,426 --> 00:01:34,060
that doesn't come from a nuclear
power plant, by any chance?
16
00:01:34,062 --> 00:01:36,195
- Vodka.
- Okay, sure, fine. Vodka.
17
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,030
Excuse me, it would be a great honor
18
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to introduce my daughter
to the president of USA.
19
00:01:40,569 --> 00:01:43,268
Hello! One day, you can
grow up to be president.
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00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,337
No, not you. Your brother.
21
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Unbelievable.
22
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,741
- Can we do picture?
- No.
23
00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:50,743
Oh, it's okay. I don't have camera.
24
00:01:50,745 --> 00:01:52,778
Well, I'll tell you something.
25
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,981
All of this international shit
is gonna be great for my book.
26
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,683
This is my second act.
27
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,450
Selina Meyer travels the globe,
28
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,253
spreading democracy like
patient zero, right, Petradze?
29
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,855
- Yes?
- Oh, boy.
30
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,556
This place sucks my ghost nard.
31
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:07,091
Why couldn't you have gotten me on
32
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,560
an international election
watching trip to Hawaii?
33
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,962
Hawaii is rightfully a
monarchy and will be again.
34
00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:14,999
Look, did you read the CODEL
schedule of official events
35
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,200
or were there not enough
pictures for you?
36
00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:19,335
Ooh, sex trafficking workshop.
37
00:02:19,337 --> 00:02:21,838
It's an anti-sex trafficking workshop.
38
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,774
- Lame.
- Okay, that's enough for now.
39
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:24,974
I need a drink.
40
00:02:24,976 --> 00:02:27,043
It's gotta be 8:00 AM somewhere.
41
00:02:27,045 --> 00:02:29,212
Checking in. Mike McLintock.
42
00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:31,915
You don't have a
reservation in this hotel.
43
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,982
Richard, I don't have a reservation.
44
00:02:33,984 --> 00:02:35,484
Well, you were a last minute
addition to the trip,
45
00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:37,720
so it's possible that
we didn't make one.
46
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:38,954
Richard Splett.
47
00:02:38,956 --> 00:02:41,390
- Oh, hello, boys!
- Madam President.
48
00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:42,825
Look at us, just like the good, old days
49
00:02:42,827 --> 00:02:45,728
except shittier in
every conceivable way.
50
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,596
Hey, hey, gang's all here.
51
00:02:47,598 --> 00:02:50,197
Maybe we can win an
election for a change.
52
00:02:50,199 --> 00:02:53,301
- That came out wrong.
- Yeah, way wrong, right?
53
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,403
So, Secretary Doyle has picked you
54
00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:56,905
for elder statesman duty?
55
00:02:56,907 --> 00:02:59,574
- Jailbait statesman.
- It's fine, it's okay.
56
00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:00,454
Doyle picked me because...
57
00:03:00,456 --> 00:03:02,243
So he's got a goat to
scape if things go wrong.
58
00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,612
- Yeah, yeah.
- They need political cover.
59
00:03:04,614 --> 00:03:06,980
Night and fog. Nacht und Nebel.
60
00:03:06,982 --> 00:03:08,181
Yeah, I haven't missed that.
61
00:03:08,183 --> 00:03:10,150
Secretary of State
Doyle for you, ma'am.
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00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,085
Oh, all right.
63
00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:14,054
- Secretary Doyle?
- Please hold for Secretary Doyle.
64
00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:16,022
Okay, no. I don't get put on hold.
65
00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,158
Okay? When he comes on,
he gets put on hold.
66
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,360
Kent, will you book a massage for me, but,
you know, there one where the girl...
67
00:03:20,362 --> 00:03:23,729
- Oh, fuck me.
- Congressman Ryan!
68
00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:28,000
I haven't spoken to you since
the historic House vote.
69
00:03:28,002 --> 00:03:29,178
Yes...
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00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,705
I just wanted to thank you for
all that you've done for me.
71
00:03:32,707 --> 00:03:37,510
And I wanna let you know
that I will destroy you
72
00:03:37,512 --> 00:03:39,712
in ways that are so creative,
73
00:03:39,714 --> 00:03:42,380
they will honor me for it
at the Kennedy Center.
74
00:03:42,382 --> 00:03:44,215
Please hold
for President Meyer.
75
00:03:44,217 --> 00:03:46,852
Oh, you're putting me on hold.
Actually, do you think you could not?
76
00:03:46,854 --> 00:03:48,820
- 'Cause she's right here.
- I'm here, I'm here, I'm... Andrew?
77
00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:50,655
- Please hold for Secretary Doyle.
- God damn it.
78
00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:54,025
So, he who hath betrayed me
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00:03:54,027 --> 00:03:56,160
standeth before me now.
80
00:03:56,162 --> 00:03:58,496
Hello, Congressman Ryan!
It's been a while.
81
00:03:58,498 --> 00:04:01,565
I am gonna find ways
to destroy you so hard
82
00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,266
that everybody at the Kennedy Center
83
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:05,836
is gonna take a fucking massive shit.
84
00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:06,942
It's really nice to see you.
85
00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:09,072
So, I assume you're gonna
beg for your job back.
86
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:12,275
It's a very kind offer, but I already have
a better job working for President Meyer.
87
00:04:12,277 --> 00:04:14,811
- I thought you knew that.
- Okay, you know what, I don't need you.
88
00:04:14,813 --> 00:04:17,680
I already have 434
brand-new best friends
89
00:04:17,682 --> 00:04:19,115
and we're all going to dinner tonight.
90
00:04:19,117 --> 00:04:21,317
And you're not invited. Sorry.
Congressmen only.
91
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:23,319
Have fun.
92
00:04:23,321 --> 00:04:25,388
What's up, fellas? How you doing?
93
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,390
Hey, you wanna go monitor some dinner?
94
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,358
I hear that horse is legal to eat here.
95
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,394
Uh, I'm actually pretty jet-lagged.
96
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,371
Probably gonna just
catch up on some sleep.
97
00:04:34,031 --> 00:04:35,564
Let me know if you guys do go out, okay?
98
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,099
I got a Georgian SIM card.
Got text forwarding.
99
00:04:38,101 --> 00:04:39,668
I'll here from you? All right, later.
100
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:43,605
I was suffering from
dehydration and exhaustion.
101
00:04:43,607 --> 00:04:45,674
That's not the Buddy Calhoun
I see in the mirror.
102
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:48,076
Although, it would be if you
stepped out of the shower.
103
00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:49,710
- Now, Ms. Brookheimer...
- Mm?
104
00:04:49,712 --> 00:04:51,612
you're not only Buddy
Calhoun's campaign manager,
105
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:53,581
but you're also his fianc�e.
106
00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:55,315
And congratulations on that, by the way.
107
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:57,852
- Thank you, Danny.
- Now, wouldn't you concede
108
00:04:57,854 --> 00:05:01,522
that when your fianc� exposed
himself to a police woman
109
00:05:01,524 --> 00:05:04,058
that he hurt his chances
of becoming elected?
110
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,392
- I... I've seen the video, of course...
- You have?
111
00:05:06,394 --> 00:05:07,994
Can we roll that video one
more time for our audience?
112
00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:11,397
And I tried not to think
of the politics of it all.
113
00:05:11,399 --> 00:05:13,225
And here's the moment
where he exposes himself.
114
00:05:13,227 --> 00:05:14,100
That's right, yes.
115
00:05:14,102 --> 00:05:16,436
But everyone... yeah, that's...
116
00:05:16,438 --> 00:05:18,204
but for myself,
117
00:05:18,206 --> 00:05:21,675
I'm happiest when Buddy
and I are on the couch...
118
00:05:21,677 --> 00:05:22,784
Can we play that again?
119
00:05:22,786 --> 00:05:24,910
eating popcorn and
watching "Downton Abbey."
120
00:05:24,912 --> 00:05:26,879
In the interest of full disclosure,
121
00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:29,582
Ms. Brookheimer and I did
have a brief relationship
122
00:05:29,584 --> 00:05:32,585
- when she was a much younger woman.
- You did?
123
00:05:32,587 --> 00:05:35,588
Thank you to you both.
We'll be right back.
124
00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:37,022
We're clear.
125
00:05:37,024 --> 00:05:39,091
Ames, who's your favorite
character on "Downton"?
126
00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,893
I don't know. Abby, I guess.
127
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,160
Yep.
128
00:05:45,031 --> 00:05:46,998
President Meyer's
still holding on line two.
129
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:51,235
Selina! So, Murman was a brutal
bastard who ruled with an iron fist
130
00:05:51,237 --> 00:05:53,671
he liked to insert in the
anus of his opponents.
131
00:05:53,673 --> 00:05:55,740
But when it came to the US viewpoint,
132
00:05:55,742 --> 00:05:57,240
at least he was a good listener.
133
00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:59,476
Yeah, and he did a beautiful
rendition of "Rendition."
134
00:05:59,478 --> 00:06:01,311
- Exactly.
- I don't have a hotel room.
135
00:06:01,313 --> 00:06:02,746
But it's time for a change,
136
00:06:02,748 --> 00:06:05,248
so we're backing Professor
Nikolai Genidze.
137
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,584
He's a new voice for
democracy in the region
138
00:06:07,586 --> 00:06:11,855
and would be a major victory
for the Doyle Doctrine.
139
00:06:11,857 --> 00:06:15,224
You have a doctrine now? What is it,
"Boners are rare, don't waste them"?
140
00:06:15,226 --> 00:06:18,160
Hey, did you think of that while you were
walking on the beach with a metal detector
141
00:06:18,162 --> 00:06:20,529
or however you fill your empty days?
142
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,865
- Oh, that's nice.
- Look, just sit back,
143
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,802
take your lead from the UN Special
Envoy for Election Monitoring.
144
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,438
- What? Who is that?
- Selina!
145
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,205
Oh, fuck. Minna!
146
00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:34,709
- Hi.
- You look absolutely radiant.
147
00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:37,445
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes, your stay in the insane asylum,
148
00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,380
- it's really agreed with you.
- It was a spa.
149
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:42,350
No, no, a spa is where you go
to get a massage and the like.
150
00:06:42,352 --> 00:06:44,285
You were in an insane asylum.
151
00:06:44,287 --> 00:06:46,287
Oh, it's been fun to see you.
152
00:06:46,289 --> 00:06:49,123
I have such a big day tomorrow because
I have an election to supervise.
153
00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:52,325
I know, because I am
supervising your supervising.
154
00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,528
- Ah.
- We have so much to say to each other.
155
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:56,897
- Well, okay, okay. Goodbye.
- I look forward to it. See you later.
156
00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:59,099
- Oh, God.
- Hey, ma'am,
157
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:00,868
we have a situation
with your hotel room.
158
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,236
- What is it?
- Your bidet is splashy
159
00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:04,845
and there's no terry
cloth robe or shower cap.
160
00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:05,905
Wait, you tested my bidet?
161
00:07:05,907 --> 00:07:07,516
Don't worry, I'm gonna
fix this before tub time.
162
00:07:07,518 --> 00:07:08,107
I don't care.
163
00:07:08,109 --> 00:07:10,710
- I'm on it.
- Hey.
164
00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:22,187
Hey, Kent.
165
00:07:22,189 --> 00:07:23,889
Sorry, Mike, you cannot stay with me.
166
00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:26,091
Please don't make me make up a reason.
167
00:07:26,093 --> 00:07:28,160
Listen to me. I went to
find a hotel room, right?
168
00:07:28,162 --> 00:07:30,962
Nobody speaks English here, everything
was really confusing to me,
169
00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,230
and I was chased by children.
170
00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:35,367
And I think I may have voted.
171
00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:39,870
Mike, that is the kind of voting
irregularity that we are here to prevent.
172
00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:42,539
That sounds bad. Look, please,
can you help me get it off?
173
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:46,043
Unless you want the entire thumb
removed with a utility blade,
174
00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:48,579
I suggest you find another person.
175
00:07:48,581 --> 00:07:50,514
Mom, I told you
176
00:07:50,516 --> 00:07:53,150
I get more homesick when you call.
177
00:07:53,152 --> 00:07:56,186
Hi, what do you have
that's like SpaghettiOs?
178
00:07:56,188 --> 00:07:59,388
and I said, "It's in my carry-on."
179
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,859
You know what, forget it.
I'm not hungry.
180
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:05,494
Oh, crap.
181
00:08:05,496 --> 00:08:07,630
Oh, Mike, now's not a good time.
182
00:08:07,632 --> 00:08:09,999
- I'm laying out her shoes, Mike!
- You have to help me.
183
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,768
I accidentally voted and
now my thumb is green.
184
00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:13,902
The same thing happened to me!
Oh, my God!
185
00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:15,738
- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- How did it happen?
186
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,873
I went out to get a terry cloth
robe and there was this crowd
187
00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:19,441
and I asked them where Nordstrom's was
188
00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:21,543
and then the next thing I
know, they dyed my thumb
189
00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:23,178
and an old lady who smelled like
cumin wouldn't stop hugging me!
190
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,347
- Mine smelled like paprika.
- Oh, God!
191
00:08:25,349 --> 00:08:26,949
We cannot let anyone see this.
192
00:08:26,951 --> 00:08:28,717
I can't afford to lose this job, Gary,
193
00:08:28,719 --> 00:08:30,051
but I can't afford to keep it either.
194
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,853
I mean, it so expensive
to commute from DC.
195
00:08:31,855 --> 00:08:33,554
- And I haven't been paid yet.
- Oh, Mike.
196
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,389
But I don't wanna lose it, I think.
197
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:38,092
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, Gary, can I sleep on your couch?
198
00:08:38,094 --> 00:08:39,260
No.
199
00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:41,729
- Hard no?
- It's a hard no.
200
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,664
Hey, ma'am.
201
00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:45,399
Get some food before everyone else.
202
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,368
Okay, I never ever wanna see the
inside of your mouth again.
203
00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:50,771
Okay? It looks like a Haitian
porta-potty in there.
204
00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:53,039
- Copy that.
- Okay, I just saw it again.
205
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,507
- Right?
- Copy.
206
00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:56,476
I find this kind of food
display really repulsive.
207
00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:57,911
- I know.
- Just a spoonful of this caviar
208
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,780
will pay for a wind turbine
for a whole village.
209
00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:03,183
Yeah, but do we really want these
people to have electricity?
210
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:06,252
Professor Nikolai Genidze,
he's Georgia's only hope
211
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,188
for escape this cycle of
corruption and decadence.
212
00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:11,857
Jesus, you and Doyle really
have a wide-on for this guy.
213
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,760
Well, you know that the moment that he announced
that he was running for the presidency,
214
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,729
Murman tried to poison him
in a sushi restaurant.
215
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:22,066
Well, it's a miracle that anybody survives
eating sushi in this country, Minna.
216
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,635
He has some scarring.
It is purely cosmetic.
217
00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:27,505
But there's still some
cysts and some bubbling.
218
00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:29,607
- Oh, my God, I need a drink.
- Selina!
219
00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:32,543
- Madam President!
- Murman, it's so good to see you!
220
00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:35,146
Have you imprisoned any
good novelists recently?
221
00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,215
Ah, Ms. Hakkinen.
222
00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:41,484
How are things in the
international busybody circuit?
223
00:09:41,486 --> 00:09:43,653
- Great, thank you.
- I was sorry to see
224
00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:45,588
that your forceful condemnation
225
00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:49,193
did not do more to stop the
recent genocide in the Congo.
226
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:51,761
- Maybe next genocide.
- Or the one after that.
227
00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:54,198
- Excuse me.
- Oh, hey, Ben.
228
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,898
You sure do get around, don't you?
229
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,334
Murman here is an old client of mine,
230
00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:00,903
and the only reason he hasn't been
dragged naked through the streets
231
00:10:00,905 --> 00:10:02,671
and hung upside down from a lamp post
232
00:10:02,673 --> 00:10:04,173
with his cock stuffed in his mouth
233
00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:06,909
is because he took my
advice from time to time.
234
00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:09,645
- Guilty as charged.
- Okay, me, too.
235
00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:12,714
Madam President, if I could
have a word in private?
236
00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:15,783
Absolutely, although, if it
takes more than five minutes,
237
00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:18,220
I think that Amnesty
International will be alerted.
238
00:10:18,222 --> 00:10:20,956
I'm not
afraid of those guys.
239
00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:24,525
Montez and Doyle, they're trying
to make Georgia more like America.
240
00:10:24,527 --> 00:10:26,661
Look, I saw your last election.
241
00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:27,205
No, thank you.
242
00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:28,830
Well, I can't argue
with you there, Murman.
243
00:10:28,832 --> 00:10:30,564
Let me tell you little story
244
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:32,733
about growing up as a tire-burner's son
245
00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,101
in the Gurjaani countryside...
246
00:10:34,103 --> 00:10:36,370
Murman, no, no, no. I love your stories
247
00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:39,139
and this is, I'm sure, shaping
up to be a great one...
248
00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:42,243
young Murman in the countryside,
etcetera, etcetera...
249
00:10:42,245 --> 00:10:44,544
- but I really do have to get...
- Selina, I would like to make
250
00:10:44,546 --> 00:10:50,583
a $10 million donation to
help you build your library.
251
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:55,588
I cannot possibly accept that.
252
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:59,259
I mean, even the appearance
of a quid pro quo...
253
00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,460
Oh, no, no, no, there are
no threads attached.
254
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,795
And you should know that this donation
255
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,397
will be completely untraceable.
256
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:08,166
It will come from my
Georgian AIDS foundation.
257
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,803
- Mm, such a terrible killer.
- Tragic, yes.
258
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:16,508
- But we're making real progress.
- We are. We are.
259
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:19,444
I trust I have made
myself suitably clear.
260
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,180
As clear as the coffee table Danny
Thomas had his hookers shit on.
261
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,249
It's an American expression.
262
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:28,786
Danny Thomas also founded the St.
Jude's Hospital for Children, so.
263
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:33,224
- Ah, yes, the yin and the yang.
- There you go, exactly.
264
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,360
Your mother just added
democracy to the foundation.
265
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,594
So, now it's the Selina Meyer Foundation
266
00:11:38,596 --> 00:11:40,434
for Adult Literacy, Aids...
267
00:11:40,436 --> 00:11:43,566
And the Advancement
of Global Democracy.
268
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:44,901
Hey, guys.
269
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,037
- Dan.
- So, uh, what's up?
270
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,007
- How are you?
- I'm good, I'm good. Thanks.
271
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:54,243
- How's your family?
- I don't know.
272
00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:57,046
Uh, why, have you heard something?
273
00:11:57,048 --> 00:11:59,681
No, it's, um... the thing is that
274
00:11:59,683 --> 00:12:02,617
Marjorie and I have decided
that we wanna have a baby,
275
00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,954
- and we'd like to do it...
- I will give you my sperm.
276
00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:06,688
- Oh, great!
- Yeah.
277
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:10,159
- I thought that would take a lot longer.
- No.
278
00:12:10,161 --> 00:12:12,460
Is there anything else
that you wanna talk about?
279
00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:15,596
- I'm good.
- Well, we'll send you the details.
280
00:12:15,598 --> 00:12:18,866
And if you could not ejaculate for the
next 72 hours, that would be ideal.
281
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:23,237
Okay, uh, could we start the
clock in, like, 30 minutes?
282
00:12:23,239 --> 00:12:25,639
- Yeah, I guess so.
- Actually, no.
283
00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:27,041
No, make it 40.
284
00:12:27,043 --> 00:12:29,276
The girl I'm thinking
of likes to talk first.
285
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,081
Amber, it's Dan-Dan. You in midtown?
286
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:35,782
Ben, I need to talk to you.
287
00:12:35,784 --> 00:12:37,717
Yeah, what... what happened with Murman?
288
00:12:37,719 --> 00:12:38,719
Okay.
289
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,490
He just offered me...
290
00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:49,962
a $10 million donation to my library.
291
00:12:49,964 --> 00:12:52,431
That's keep a lot of
docents in Rockports.
292
00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,733
I'd kill for a job where I
could wear flats all day.
293
00:12:54,735 --> 00:12:58,137
But, look, I can't take that money...
294
00:12:59,173 --> 00:13:00,873
- right?
- Right.
295
00:13:00,875 --> 00:13:02,640
- Right.
- Right.
296
00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:05,510
I mean, I definitely
cannot take that money.
297
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:07,945
But hold up.
298
00:13:07,947 --> 00:13:10,348
If I did take it,
299
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:13,084
- would I be compromising my...
- Reputation.
300
00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:14,819
- Well, please.
- Your integrity.
301
00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,721
Yes! My integrity!
302
00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:19,390
I cannot lose my integrity.
303
00:13:19,392 --> 00:13:21,058
Without that, I am nothing.
304
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:24,561
How would we make sure no one
finds out about the cash?
305
00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,130
Technically, a library donation
306
00:13:26,132 --> 00:13:28,665
would not be illegal under US law.
307
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:29,866
What about Georgian law?
308
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:32,102
There is literally no Georgian law.
309
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,104
And I'm using "literally" correctly.
310
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:37,606
So, are you saying
that I should take it?
311
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,775
- I don't know.
- It's hard to say.
312
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,311
See, at least when I was
leader of the free world,
313
00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:44,347
people told me what to do.
314
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:45,848
Okay, what happened with this?
315
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,517
- Did you drink it?
- What happened?
316
00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:49,352
- I don't know.
- So crazy.
317
00:13:49,354 --> 00:13:52,488
So, look, I was thinking, Minna,
318
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,856
w-would it be that bad
319
00:13:54,858 --> 00:13:57,325
if Murman actually did win?
320
00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:59,894
Well, that depends how you define bad.
321
00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,896
You know, I'm just saying the poisoning
322
00:14:01,898 --> 00:14:04,533
and the torture and the
death squads aside,
323
00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:07,569
I think Murman is really good people.
324
00:14:07,571 --> 00:14:09,904
Honestly. And he's a
hell of a storyteller.
325
00:14:09,906 --> 00:14:13,774
Really. You know, you could actually
learn something from him, Minna.
326
00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:16,343
You know, his stories
have a solid point.
327
00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,812
They have a beginning and
a middle and an end.
328
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:22,450
And it makes it kind of, you know,
interesting to sit and listen.
329
00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:23,750
Nikolai Genidze's scarring or no,
330
00:14:23,752 --> 00:14:26,720
he is the only hope for
the Georgian people.
331
00:14:26,722 --> 00:14:29,322
- Well...
- He has the soul of a poet.
332
00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:31,291
Yeah, that and a car with a sunroof
333
00:14:31,293 --> 00:14:34,294
could've bought you my virginity in '83.
334
00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:38,864
- You were 22?
- No, I was 15 in 1983.
335
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:43,903
Right.
336
00:14:43,905 --> 00:14:45,904
- Well, I was, Minna.
- Right.
337
00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:47,606
- That's great.
- Yeah.
338
00:14:47,608 --> 00:14:49,541
Did I tell you that my son
Otto tried to commit suicide
339
00:14:49,543 --> 00:14:51,009
and that he is now not speaking to me?
340
00:14:51,011 --> 00:14:53,445
Did he throw himself
from a moving town car?
341
00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:57,116
No. No, he weighted his boots
and he jumped into an ice hole.
342
00:14:57,118 --> 00:14:59,351
- I'm so sorry, into what?
- Into an ice hole.
343
00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:01,519
- Like a hole they cut in the ice...
- Ah.
344
00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:03,488
- for fishing.
- Right.
345
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:05,055
That makes sense.
346
00:15:05,057 --> 00:15:07,158
I wonder how much longer
it is to get to the hotel.
347
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,095
- I'm not really sure...
- I think it's another 45, 50 minutes.
348
00:15:11,097 --> 00:15:13,331
Oh, my God.
349
00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,135
Ooh, clink, clink.
350
00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,869
Hey, Pinocchios.
351
00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:22,272
Your noses must've been
really tiny yesterday
352
00:15:22,274 --> 00:15:25,242
because you lied and now
they're normal-sized.
353
00:15:25,244 --> 00:15:29,446
Representative Ryan, you were
officially hazed last night.
354
00:15:29,448 --> 00:15:30,332
We got ya!
355
00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:32,982
Wait, does that mean
that I'm, like, in now or?
356
00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:35,217
- Totally!
- Well, then let's go celebrate!
357
00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:36,785
- I'm buying.
- Oh!
358
00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:38,487
By I, I mean the people
of New Hampshire.
359
00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:40,789
In the immortal words of will.i.am,
360
00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:42,491
"Tonight's gonna be really great!"
361
00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:44,993
Ooh, careful.
362
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,562
- Oh, tuck in.
- I got shotgun.
363
00:15:46,564 --> 00:15:48,430
- You got shotgun, all right.
- Okay, here I come.
364
00:15:48,432 --> 00:15:50,866
- All right, push in, push in.
- Uh, we'll take this one.
365
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:51,684
You guys take the next one.
366
00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:53,134
Oh, I don't know where
you guys are going.
367
00:15:53,136 --> 00:15:55,002
That's right.
368
00:15:58,408 --> 00:15:59,541
Fuck.
369
00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,910
Are you fucking...?!
370
00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:04,312
That's where that goes?
371
00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:07,182
Pick up your fucking chairs!
372
00:16:07,184 --> 00:16:09,416
I have not seen Nikolai since the Hague.
373
00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:10,268
Oh, really?
374
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,819
Oh, you must remember not to
react to his disfigurement.
375
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,454
- He's very sensitive.
- Wait, how bad is it, exactly?
376
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,756
Oh, well, he was very handsome
before the poisoning,
377
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:18,091
so you may not even notice it.
378
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,194
There he is! Nikolai!
379
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,197
Oh, welcome! Hello!
380
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,832
- You look terrific.
- Minna. Mm.
381
00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:28,668
- Oh, she's kissing it.
- Well, that's why we moisturize.
382
00:16:28,670 --> 00:16:30,469
- Right.
- May I introduce to you
383
00:16:30,471 --> 00:16:33,172
the former president
of the United States
384
00:16:33,174 --> 00:16:35,007
- and my best friend.
- No, no, no.
385
00:16:35,009 --> 00:16:37,943
President Meyer!
386
00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:41,514
Oh, may I say that the
reports of your beauty
387
00:16:41,516 --> 00:16:43,515
have not been exaggerated.
388
00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:44,982
Well, back at you, red.
389
00:16:44,984 --> 00:16:47,619
And of course you know
my old friend, Ben.
390
00:16:47,621 --> 00:16:49,921
Ben! Doing God's work, I see.
391
00:16:49,923 --> 00:16:51,523
As long as the check clears.
392
00:16:51,525 --> 00:16:53,592
So, welcome to my humble abode.
393
00:16:53,594 --> 00:16:54,390
Thank you very much.
394
00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:56,261
I think you will find
it a great contrast
395
00:16:56,263 --> 00:16:58,597
to the vulgar palaces of Murman.
396
00:16:58,599 --> 00:17:00,631
I mean, you know, who
needs all that champagne
397
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:05,001
when you can have all these
different kinds of wallpaper?
398
00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:07,371
- Well, dinner is served.
- Great!
399
00:17:07,373 --> 00:17:08,972
I know that you will soon find
400
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:12,008
we Georgians are a
warm, friendly people.
401
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:14,945
- Oh, good.
- Except for our politics.
402
00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,614
Okay.
403
00:17:18,717 --> 00:17:21,718
Minna? Minna, what is going on with you?
404
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,554
- Are you all right?
- Selina, you see right through me.
405
00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:26,556
- What?
- It's because we are close as sisters.
406
00:17:26,558 --> 00:17:28,391
- No, we're not.
- You know that Nikolai and I
407
00:17:28,393 --> 00:17:31,093
are not only bound by mutual
respect and shared beliefs.
408
00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:34,730
We are also bound by powerful
physical attraction.
409
00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:36,732
- Oof.
- You gotta be kidding.
410
00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:39,234
- We are, in fact, lovers.
- What?
411
00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:40,302
- Lovers.
- Lovers.
412
00:17:40,304 --> 00:17:42,036
With Scab Calloway?
413
00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:45,173
His very touch makes me quiver.
414
00:17:45,175 --> 00:17:49,144
Okay, and now we get to eat food.
415
00:17:49,146 --> 00:17:51,179
Good evening, Congressman.
416
00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:52,813
Those new corduroys?
417
00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:55,716
They're new-ish.
418
00:17:55,718 --> 00:17:57,652
Well, I know you probably
have a lot of other offers,
419
00:17:57,654 --> 00:18:01,155
but if not, you know, maybe you
and me could do something.
420
00:18:01,157 --> 00:18:04,325
Yeah, maybe. I mean, I guess I
could move a couple things around.
421
00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:07,762
I don't know, the doorman told me about
this really cool concert that he knew of.
422
00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:09,929
- He said he thought I might like it.
- Well, luckily, the president
423
00:18:09,931 --> 00:18:11,665
gave me the rest of the night off
so I could put on my tourist hat.
424
00:18:17,906 --> 00:18:20,106
- It's actually my favorite joke ever.
- That's so good!
425
00:18:20,108 --> 00:18:22,008
- Did you wanna go?
- Yeah!
426
00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:23,176
All right.
427
00:18:23,178 --> 00:18:25,144
We have adopted
428
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,346
all the worst traits of Russia
429
00:18:27,348 --> 00:18:30,015
without any of the good ones.
430
00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:34,019
Not that there are many of those.
431
00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,391
So, it is now time
432
00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:42,127
for Georgia to face west.
433
00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:44,696
- Eat it.
- What?
434
00:18:44,698 --> 00:18:46,798
Eat the soup.
435
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,333
Why?
436
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,968
Because I'm hungry.
437
00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:53,971
I need to know if it's been poisoned.
438
00:18:55,842 --> 00:18:58,543
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
439
00:19:00,512 --> 00:19:03,179
I don't wanna do that.
440
00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:06,049
Just a tiny, tiny taste.
441
00:19:09,822 --> 00:19:14,257
We will adopt what works
and discard what does not.
442
00:19:14,259 --> 00:19:17,460
We will learn from others' mistakes...
443
00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:22,297
It's delicious.
444
00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:23,299
Okay.
445
00:19:24,935 --> 00:19:26,769
Is there anything happening to me?
446
00:19:26,771 --> 00:19:29,739
I don't think so.
447
00:19:29,741 --> 00:19:32,408
Oh, it has carrots in it.
I'm not gonna eat that.
448
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:34,342
starting at the top.
449
00:19:39,449 --> 00:19:42,016
If I might have a private word.
450
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:45,319
- It would be a very good pleasure.
- With Madam President.
451
00:19:45,321 --> 00:19:48,723
- Oh, okay. Sure!
- Okay.
452
00:19:48,725 --> 00:19:52,092
- What are you doing?
- I'm hungry.
453
00:19:52,094 --> 00:19:54,361
- Okay.
- Madam President,
454
00:19:54,363 --> 00:19:58,766
I have been reliably told
that war criminal Murman
455
00:19:58,768 --> 00:20:03,270
had the audacity to offer
you a $10 million bribe.
456
00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:06,673
Okay, well, that is ridiculous.
457
00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:10,443
I agree. It is so much
less than you are worth.
458
00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:12,812
I'm sorry, what?
459
00:20:12,814 --> 00:20:15,381
To ensure fair election,
460
00:20:15,383 --> 00:20:17,617
I would like to offer you
461
00:20:17,619 --> 00:20:20,386
a $15 million bribe.
462
00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,354
How dare you, sir!
463
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:27,358
I will remind you that I am the former
president of the United States.
464
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:31,162
You have lost a great deal
of face in my estimation.
465
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:34,065
What I meant to say, of course,
is I would like to make
466
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:38,437
a $15 million donation to your library.
467
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,941
Well, that is something we can discuss
468
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:48,078
as long as we understand that there
is, in fact, no understanding.
469
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,089
I understand.
470
00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:52,115
Nikolai, you say that
you have $15 million.
471
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:56,454
And yet you live in this... you
know, forgive the expression...
472
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,355
but unbelievably shitty apartment.
473
00:20:59,357 --> 00:21:02,859
Ah, you see, because I have secret.
474
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,227
- Come here. Come here.
- Oh, no, you can just tell me.
475
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:07,296
- I can hear you fine from where I am.
- No, but come here.
476
00:21:07,298 --> 00:21:11,233
Come here. See, all
this is just for show.
477
00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:12,011
Uh-huh.
478
00:21:12,013 --> 00:21:14,337
In reality, although I
teach at the university
479
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,771
and lead the opposition party,
480
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:18,874
I control a telecommunication monopoly
481
00:21:18,876 --> 00:21:20,809
and own the most popular soccer team,
482
00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:23,011
the Tbilisi Bauxite Miners.
483
00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:24,613
Well, I gotta tell you, you really...
484
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:26,515
you have a lot of people fooled.
485
00:21:26,517 --> 00:21:28,584
You know, I mean, even Doyle.
486
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:32,220
- Oh, Secretary Doyle, he's so gullible.
- Yeah.
487
00:21:32,222 --> 00:21:36,056
If you told him that rava
ganavlis was chakapuli,
488
00:21:36,058 --> 00:21:38,826
he would eat it up and ask for seconds.
489
00:21:38,828 --> 00:21:41,796
I can only hope that rava
ganavlis is human shit.
490
00:21:41,798 --> 00:21:45,666
It is actually what you
vomit after eating shit.
491
00:21:47,069 --> 00:21:51,571
I like you, dimples.
492
00:21:56,311 --> 00:21:58,378
This is fucking beast!
493
00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:00,480
- It's very interesting.
- Hey, put that on.
494
00:22:00,482 --> 00:22:02,782
All the cool guys wear
the band's T-shirt.
495
00:22:02,784 --> 00:22:07,720
You know, the band's name
translates to Panzer Division.
496
00:22:07,722 --> 00:22:09,321
What?
497
00:22:15,930 --> 00:22:19,097
- I think maybe we should leave.
- Uh-huh.
498
00:22:19,099 --> 00:22:20,933
- Excuse us. Pardon me.
- Excuse me.
499
00:22:26,205 --> 00:22:28,406
What did you think of Nikolai?
500
00:22:28,408 --> 00:22:30,441
Can I be uncharacteristically
blunt with you?
501
00:22:30,443 --> 00:22:32,777
- I can't imagine what that...
- The poison?
502
00:22:32,779 --> 00:22:36,814
It did not engorge only his
face, if you know what I mean.
503
00:22:36,816 --> 00:22:38,683
- I think I do.
- It also engorged his penis
504
00:22:38,685 --> 00:22:41,518
and made it very unusual
texture of sea cucumber,
505
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,220
- so it's great for vaginal orgasms.
- Okay, Minna.
506
00:22:44,222 --> 00:22:46,222
Which do you prefer, vaginal
or clitoral orgasms?
507
00:22:46,224 --> 00:22:48,692
You know, I just come
and get it over with.
508
00:22:48,694 --> 00:22:50,260
You can come just from your mind?
509
00:22:50,262 --> 00:22:52,596
What can I do to get
you to stop talking?
510
00:22:52,598 --> 00:22:53,730
Now?
511
00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:57,467
Well, you have to walk 25
miles for breast cancer
512
00:22:57,469 --> 00:22:59,702
and attend a WNBA game, but I
think we're gonna be okay.
513
00:22:59,704 --> 00:23:01,070
What are you doing? That's my hand.
514
00:23:01,072 --> 00:23:03,773
Amy, that morning when I heard you say
515
00:23:03,775 --> 00:23:06,341
that you were happiest
curled up next to me
516
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,978
eating popcorn and
watching "Downton Abbey"
517
00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:10,119
I figured it all out.
518
00:23:10,121 --> 00:23:13,049
The next governor
of Nevada, Buddy Calhoun!
519
00:23:13,051 --> 00:23:15,584
I was just saying that for the cameras.
520
00:23:15,586 --> 00:23:17,385
Good evening, friends.
521
00:23:17,387 --> 00:23:19,120
After much soul searching,
522
00:23:19,122 --> 00:23:21,756
I am announcing tonight
that I'm withdrawing
523
00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:23,625
- from the race for governor.
- No!
524
00:23:23,627 --> 00:23:28,196
No, no, I need to get out of
this toxic world of politics
525
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:33,467
and start to appreciate the things
that really do matter in life.
526
00:23:33,469 --> 00:23:36,570
- No, Buddy!
- Like the love of the wonderful woman
527
00:23:36,572 --> 00:23:38,171
who has agreed to be my wife.
528
00:23:38,173 --> 00:23:40,407
Amy, darling, come on out here, honey.
529
00:23:42,177 --> 00:23:43,611
Amy.
530
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:55,989
Murman's leading by more votes than
there are people in the country.
531
00:23:55,991 --> 00:23:57,890
Yeah, maybe he's bussing
them in from Chicago.
532
00:23:57,892 --> 00:23:59,993
Oh, this is not gonna stand.
533
00:23:59,995 --> 00:24:02,561
This election's going down like Eleanor
Roosevelt at Dinah Shore Weekend.
534
00:24:02,965 --> 00:24:04,163
Hey, ma'am, your phone
is ringing right there.
535
00:24:04,165 --> 00:24:05,664
Well, do I work for you? Just answer it.
536
00:24:05,666 --> 00:24:06,732
- Okay.
- Right?
537
00:24:06,734 --> 00:24:08,299
Look, you call Nikolai now.
538
00:24:08,301 --> 00:24:10,035
You tell him to start spackling his face
539
00:24:10,037 --> 00:24:11,837
- for his inauguration speeches.
- Shit.
540
00:24:11,839 --> 00:24:13,038
- Gary, just get it.
- I will.
541
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,840
Okay. Gary? Gar...
542
00:24:14,842 --> 00:24:18,043
What the fuck is that?
543
00:24:18,045 --> 00:24:19,878
Please hold. It was an accident.
544
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,546
- Mike voted, too, Mike voted, too.
- What?!
545
00:24:21,548 --> 00:24:23,180
- I can't believe you!
- Stop it.
546
00:24:23,182 --> 00:24:25,883
You two ding-dongs look like you
fingered the Incredible Hulk.
547
00:24:25,885 --> 00:24:27,985
It's Murman. It's Murman.
548
00:24:27,987 --> 00:24:29,120
God.
549
00:24:30,456 --> 00:24:32,690
Hello, Murman.
550
00:24:32,692 --> 00:24:36,060
Madam President, I trust you
are watching the returns.
551
00:24:36,062 --> 00:24:38,896
Yes, yes, yes. Listen, Murman,
552
00:24:38,898 --> 00:24:42,799
as fond as I am of you personally
553
00:24:42,801 --> 00:24:48,672
I really cannot accept your generous
donation to my library fund.
554
00:24:48,674 --> 00:24:53,910
Madam President, let me tell you little story
about growing up in the Gurjaani countryside.
555
00:24:53,912 --> 00:24:56,212
You thought you caught a fish,
it turned out to be a tire.
556
00:24:56,214 --> 00:24:58,781
The tire was full of fish.
It's a great story.
557
00:24:58,783 --> 00:25:00,849
It's a very valuable lesson,
but I really gotta go.
558
00:25:00,851 --> 00:25:02,685
20 million.
559
00:25:02,687 --> 00:25:06,388
Perhaps there could be a
fountain or a snack shop.
560
00:25:06,390 --> 00:25:10,425
Well, Murman, that is a big tire
561
00:25:10,427 --> 00:25:12,394
with a fuckload of fish in it.
562
00:25:12,396 --> 00:25:16,931
But please understand that
whatever decision I make
563
00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:19,767
is gonna be in the interest of democracy
564
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:20,599
and integrity...
565
00:25:20,601 --> 00:25:23,038
Oh, yes, sounds good.
Great to hear. Bye!
566
00:25:24,074 --> 00:25:26,207
- Murman?
- Mm-hmm.
567
00:25:26,209 --> 00:25:27,408
How much?
568
00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,543
20 million.
569
00:25:29,545 --> 00:25:33,814
- Yahtzee.
- I mean, they're both crooks.
570
00:25:33,816 --> 00:25:36,482
- What's the difference?
- $5 million.
571
00:25:36,484 --> 00:25:38,819
- Exactly.
- So, I have set the wheels in motion.
572
00:25:38,821 --> 00:25:41,487
In 10 minutes, there will
be a joint press conference
573
00:25:41,489 --> 00:25:45,025
in which we will announce
that the IEC and USA
574
00:25:45,027 --> 00:25:47,493
do not think that the elections
have been free and fair.
575
00:25:47,495 --> 00:25:48,694
Good luck.
576
00:25:50,331 --> 00:25:54,333
Well, that is very
strong language, Minna.
577
00:25:54,335 --> 00:25:55,236
Yes.
578
00:25:55,238 --> 00:25:57,937
Yes, and I wonder if we might
phrase it a different way.
579
00:25:57,939 --> 00:26:01,640
For instance, perhaps we would say
there have been certain irregularities
580
00:26:01,642 --> 00:26:03,542
- in this election, yeah.
- Yes!
581
00:26:03,544 --> 00:26:06,978
And that is not uncommon
for a young democracy.
582
00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:09,214
- Yes.
- And that, therefore,
583
00:26:09,216 --> 00:26:14,786
we believe that Murman is
the uncontested winner.
584
00:26:14,788 --> 00:26:17,455
Now, are you aware that
that is the exact opposite
585
00:26:17,457 --> 00:26:20,125
- of what you said just a moment ago?
- Yes.
586
00:26:20,127 --> 00:26:23,994
But I've had time to
reflect since that moment.
587
00:26:23,996 --> 00:26:29,933
My concern is I wonder if your
judgment is being clouded
588
00:26:29,935 --> 00:26:35,505
by your feelings that are brought
on by Nikolai's lumpy poison cock.
589
00:26:35,507 --> 00:26:39,541
Oh, my God. Well... well,
I will recuse myself.
590
00:26:39,543 --> 00:26:40,704
Well, you don't need
to recuse yourself.
591
00:26:40,706 --> 00:26:41,610
Immediately, I will resign.
592
00:26:41,612 --> 00:26:43,980
No, no, no, let's not overreact.
593
00:26:43,982 --> 00:26:45,547
Just take a deep breath, Minna.
594
00:26:45,549 --> 00:26:48,617
You're just in the middle of
what we in America call...
595
00:26:48,619 --> 00:26:51,187
- A difficult situation.
- a fuck fog.
596
00:26:51,189 --> 00:26:52,721
Yes, and that as well.
597
00:26:52,723 --> 00:26:55,457
Yeah, in Finland, we call this
the fever of the sausage.
598
00:26:55,459 --> 00:26:57,692
Okay, so, then you get it.
599
00:26:57,694 --> 00:26:59,294
You won't tell anyone, Selina?
600
00:26:59,296 --> 00:27:01,863
Thank you so much. You
are such a good friend.
601
00:27:01,865 --> 00:27:02,966
Oh, well...
602
00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:06,268
Sometimes I don't feel
worthy of this friendship.
603
00:27:06,270 --> 00:27:09,671
Mm, well, sometimes I
feel that way, too.
604
00:27:12,009 --> 00:27:13,774
Oh.
605
00:27:15,812 --> 00:27:17,778
I mean, honestly,
that is the most
606
00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:19,713
grotesque country I have ever been to
607
00:27:19,715 --> 00:27:21,982
- and I have been all over Florida.
- Mm-hmm.
608
00:27:21,984 --> 00:27:24,718
Hot in here, isn't it? Can we get them
to turn up the air in this cabin?
609
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,121
- Yes, ma'am.
- My back is just killing me, too.
610
00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:29,723
Ma'am, you are not gonna believe this.
611
00:27:29,725 --> 00:27:32,225
- Mike.
- What?
612
00:27:32,227 --> 00:27:34,260
Eh, forget it, forget it.
613
00:27:34,262 --> 00:27:34,837
Look at this.
614
00:27:34,839 --> 00:27:36,562
Before Murman Shalikashvili
could be sworn in,
615
00:27:36,564 --> 00:27:38,397
he was arrested on live television.
616
00:27:38,399 --> 00:27:39,899
Ooh.
617
00:27:39,901 --> 00:27:43,469
Well, Murman's gonna have
a lot of great stories
618
00:27:43,471 --> 00:27:44,971
to tell the firing squad.
619
00:27:44,973 --> 00:27:47,605
seized by military elements
loyal to Oleg Petradze.
620
00:27:47,607 --> 00:27:48,941
Wait a minute, is that our guide?
621
00:27:48,943 --> 00:27:50,709
I think that's the guy I voted for.
622
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:53,745
Wow, that's like Gary
becoming president.
623
00:27:53,747 --> 00:27:55,647
From the tea party.
624
00:27:55,649 --> 00:27:58,884
No. Oh, yeah, that is funny.
625
00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,518
Yeah.
626
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,722
Also, I would be remiss not to
thank President Selina Meyer,
627
00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:08,359
who not only assisted in the long,
overdue ouster of Murman Shalikashvili,
628
00:28:08,361 --> 00:28:10,261
but also exposed his opponent
629
00:28:10,263 --> 00:28:12,997
as a ruthless, corporate oligarch
630
00:28:12,999 --> 00:28:18,269
and not the reformer some
had hoped he would be.
631
00:28:18,271 --> 00:28:21,571
Ma'am, the library fund
received a sizable donation
632
00:28:21,573 --> 00:28:24,774
from a Georgian AIDS
foundation late last night...
633
00:28:24,776 --> 00:28:27,844
- 60 million Georgian Lari.
- Mm.
634
00:28:27,846 --> 00:28:30,013
Yeah, that's worth about $20 million.
635
00:28:30,015 --> 00:28:33,216
Well, actually, since the coup, there's
been a slight dip in the exchange rate.
636
00:28:33,218 --> 00:28:38,420
It's now worth approximately $389,000.
Way to go, ma'am.
637
00:28:38,422 --> 00:28:43,625
Selina Meyer is truly the godmother
of the Caucasian Spring.
638
00:28:43,627 --> 00:28:45,560
- Madam President.
- Andrew.
639
00:28:45,562 --> 00:28:47,662
- Un-fucking-believable.
- Yep.
640
00:28:47,664 --> 00:28:50,099
Thank you, everyone.
641
00:28:50,101 --> 00:28:54,069
All I did was stay focused
on one simple goal...
642
00:28:54,071 --> 00:28:58,940
to free the peoples of the
world from totalitarianism
643
00:28:58,942 --> 00:29:03,912
through open and free and
transparent elections.
644
00:29:03,914 --> 00:29:05,813
And that, in a nutshell,
645
00:29:05,815 --> 00:29:08,883
is what I call the Meyer Doctrine.
646
00:29:08,885 --> 00:29:11,419
Thank you.
647
00:29:11,421 --> 00:29:13,787
Thank you very much.
51070
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