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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,307 --> 00:00:11,354 "Infowars." 2 00:00:11,431 --> 00:00:12,536 Alex Jones here. 3 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,820 As you probably heard, 4 00:00:13,897 --> 00:00:16,616 I was banned from Facebook, Apple, and Spotify. 5 00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:18,473 You know, you advocate killing one person 6 00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:21,047 and millions of fans with dissociative identity disorder, 7 00:00:21,124 --> 00:00:23,910 and suddenly everyone loses their sense of humor. 8 00:00:23,987 --> 00:00:26,715 Yes, I am under attack, just like the Jews 9 00:00:26,792 --> 00:00:28,484 in the Holocaust that may not have happened. 10 00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:29,461 Freedom of speech. 11 00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:30,920 Freedom of speech 12 00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:33,080 is enshrined in the Constitution. 13 00:00:33,157 --> 00:00:35,633 That means anything you do with your facehole 14 00:00:35,710 --> 00:00:37,576 is protected by the First Amendment, 15 00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,317 such as firing blow darts, 16 00:00:39,394 --> 00:00:41,240 driving a bulldozer with your teeth 17 00:00:41,317 --> 00:00:42,221 into a hospital, 18 00:00:42,298 --> 00:00:44,646 and shoving a grenade in dolphin's blowhole 19 00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:46,676 while screaming "Sayonara, Flipper!" 20 00:00:46,753 --> 00:00:47,801 So long, Flipper. 21 00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:49,995 I am here for one reason only. 22 00:00:50,072 --> 00:00:51,291 Speaking truth to power. 23 00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,966 That is my singular motivation. 24 00:00:53,043 --> 00:00:54,761 Buy my Cortex Quake pills 25 00:00:54,838 --> 00:00:56,047 and you will not die! 26 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,618 Now available in Mixed Berry. 27 00:00:57,695 --> 00:00:58,667 Cortex Quake. 28 00:00:58,744 --> 00:01:00,892 Do not believe anyone who says these pills 29 00:01:00,969 --> 00:01:02,546 are just spray-painted Mike and Ikes. 30 00:01:02,623 --> 00:01:03,592 No shirt. 31 00:01:03,670 --> 00:01:06,146 Let's bring on the last remaining bastion 32 00:01:06,223 --> 00:01:07,822 of logic and civility, 33 00:01:07,899 --> 00:01:09,943 - Donald Trump Jr. - I caught a big fish. 34 00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:12,529 You met with the Russians to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. 35 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,393 So tell the folks why the mainstream media 36 00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:16,201 is blowing this whole thing out of proportion. 37 00:01:16,278 --> 00:01:18,724 Uh, last time I checked, there's no law that says 38 00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:20,873 you can't conspire with a foreign country. 39 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:23,189 Right, well, except there are laws against it. 40 00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:25,338 I can get behind a complicated theory here. 41 00:01:25,415 --> 00:01:27,081 But you got to ground it in something. 42 00:01:27,158 --> 00:01:29,565 Look at it this way. Hillary colluded with Russians, 43 00:01:29,642 --> 00:01:31,525 which is bad. But I colluded 44 00:01:31,602 --> 00:01:32,732 with the Russians, 45 00:01:32,809 --> 00:01:33,783 which is good. 46 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,373 Please, do not make me be the voice of reason here. 47 00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:37,560 Let me start over. 48 00:01:37,637 --> 00:01:39,021 I caught a big fish. 49 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:41,425 You are disconnected from reality. 50 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,088 Interview over. 51 00:01:43,194 --> 00:01:46,493 1776! 52 00:01:46,608 --> 00:01:48,404 Tomorrow I will address these rumors 53 00:01:48,481 --> 00:01:50,529 that my brain is constantly spinning 54 00:01:50,606 --> 00:01:52,479 like a rotisserie chicken. 55 00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:54,791 Infowars. 56 00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:57,866 Build the wall! *OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT* Season 01 Episode 15 57 00:01:57,943 --> 00:01:59,203 Aah! 58 00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:02,752 Episode Title: "The Wall" Synchronized by srjanapala 59 00:02:02,829 --> 00:02:05,077 Real Americans are hurting, folks. 60 00:02:05,154 --> 00:02:07,487 This morning, I met a 50-year-old 61 00:02:07,564 --> 00:02:09,649 North Dakota woman named Donna. 62 00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:12,284 Donna has no money, no job, 30 kids, 63 00:02:12,361 --> 00:02:14,607 they all live in a garbage truck with no brakes 64 00:02:14,684 --> 00:02:15,950 rolling down a hill, 65 00:02:16,027 --> 00:02:18,233 and she carries her brain around in a basket. 66 00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:19,819 But what keeps Donna going 67 00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,342 is knowing that, one day, 68 00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:23,889 a wall will protect our southern border 69 00:02:23,966 --> 00:02:26,393 from Mexicans fleeing for dear life. 70 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,774 Build the wall! Build the wall! 71 00:02:27,851 --> 00:02:29,450 All right, same time next week. 72 00:02:29,527 --> 00:02:31,732 You bring the unfettered rage. I'll bring the hats. 73 00:02:31,809 --> 00:02:33,362 When are you gonna build it? 74 00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,374 I love you, too! 75 00:02:35,701 --> 00:02:37,702 That rally was so sick, 76 00:02:37,779 --> 00:02:40,257 but these mobs want this wall built now. 77 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,796 One guy told me to build the wall by Sunday 78 00:02:42,873 --> 00:02:45,061 or he'd choke me out with his ponytail. 79 00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:47,253 Look, I'd love to, but I don't have time 80 00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,155 with everything I've got going on. 81 00:02:52,045 --> 00:02:54,551 Dad, you used to actually build stuff. 82 00:02:54,628 --> 00:02:57,272 The Atlantic City boardwalk is full of buildings 83 00:02:57,349 --> 00:02:59,315 with three of the five letters of your name 84 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:00,456 still attached. 85 00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:01,529 Remember? 86 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:07,429 What happened to that guy? 87 00:03:08,164 --> 00:03:10,342 People are starting to take my declaration 88 00:03:10,419 --> 00:03:12,143 that we will build a wall literally, 89 00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:13,669 so I need a progress update. 90 00:03:13,746 --> 00:03:15,155 The, uh, budget office says 91 00:03:15,232 --> 00:03:16,788 the only way to completely fund the wall 92 00:03:16,865 --> 00:03:18,713 would be to sell Wisconsin to Qatar. 93 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:19,849 That thing'll get built 94 00:03:19,926 --> 00:03:21,904 the day my terrible wife wins an Oscar. 95 00:03:21,981 --> 00:03:23,143 The day Tyler Perry 96 00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,047 casts me as the love interest in 97 00:03:25,124 --> 00:03:27,271 - "Madea's Got A Boyfriend". - Sarah? 98 00:03:27,348 --> 00:03:28,658 I am not physically able 99 00:03:28,735 --> 00:03:29,927 to express an opinion 100 00:03:30,004 --> 00:03:31,794 that is not also your opinion, 101 00:03:31,871 --> 00:03:33,739 So here's a noise instead... 102 00:03:33,816 --> 00:03:35,016 Mmmlarm. 103 00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:37,220 Then I should tell my supporters it ain't happening. 104 00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:38,700 I'm sure they'll be chill about it. 105 00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:41,567 After all, I'm chill, and chill recognizes chill. 106 00:03:41,644 --> 00:03:45,266 Build the wall! Build the wall! 107 00:03:45,343 --> 00:03:47,630 - Build the wall! - We can't do a wall right now. 108 00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:49,707 We spent a lot of money on baby cages, 109 00:03:49,784 --> 00:03:51,177 and a wall would just keep us 110 00:03:51,254 --> 00:03:53,853 from getting enough babies to fill 'em up. 111 00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:56,752 We still want the wall. 112 00:03:58,179 --> 00:03:59,246 Hannity. 113 00:03:59,324 --> 00:04:02,021 President Trump's bewildering speech tonight 114 00:04:02,098 --> 00:04:05,173 was clearly a deep state-funded hologram. 115 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,310 Here to reassure us that everything is fine 116 00:04:07,387 --> 00:04:09,825 between him and the wall is Donald the Trump. 117 00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:11,580 There's my guy. 118 00:04:11,657 --> 00:04:12,918 Listen, sweetie... 119 00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,888 It's over between me and the wall. 120 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:16,884 No. No-no-no-no-no. 121 00:04:16,961 --> 00:04:18,314 I'm a real estate mogul. 122 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,982 I don't know how to build walls. 123 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,779 You weren't even trying! You disgust me! 124 00:04:22,856 --> 00:04:24,949 Get off my show! I hate you! 125 00:04:25,026 --> 00:04:27,114 Wait, I don't mean that. I love you! 126 00:04:27,191 --> 00:04:28,622 No! Leave me alone! 127 00:04:28,699 --> 00:04:31,877 - Sean, I... - Somebody get me Gorka! 128 00:04:33,336 --> 00:04:36,783 It is I, Sebastian Gorka! 129 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,486 Sean, my boy, let him go. 130 00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:43,695 Together, you and I shall birth a new society 131 00:04:43,772 --> 00:04:48,278 born on the iron spine of the Hungarian river hound. 132 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,552 Sebby, I can't be alone right now. 133 00:04:50,629 --> 00:04:52,571 - Can I come over? - Why, yes. 134 00:04:52,648 --> 00:04:54,969 I'll put a soup on the fire stove 135 00:04:55,046 --> 00:04:56,376 and cue up a flick 136 00:04:56,453 --> 00:05:00,614 by the Ruler of Rom-Coms, Nancy Meyers. 137 00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:02,978 How could you not endorse a wall 138 00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:04,634 that preserves racial purity? 139 00:05:04,711 --> 00:05:07,338 This could be the administration's Hoover Dam, 140 00:05:07,415 --> 00:05:09,472 only the water is unaccompanied minors 141 00:05:09,549 --> 00:05:11,149 hiding in rolled up area rugs. 142 00:05:11,226 --> 00:05:13,575 Look, I got two beefy, older brothers 143 00:05:13,652 --> 00:05:15,365 who taught me to never indulge 144 00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:17,216 in any stupid flights of fancy, 145 00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:20,447 like building a beach cabana for my best friend Bucky. 146 00:05:20,524 --> 00:05:22,166 You knew someone named "Bucky"? 147 00:05:22,243 --> 00:05:23,948 He was my Cabbage Patch Doll. 148 00:05:24,025 --> 00:05:25,630 My brothers drop-kicked him 149 00:05:25,707 --> 00:05:27,411 and his half-finished beach cabana 150 00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:28,532 down a wishin' well, 151 00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:30,974 and my sense of wonder went with it. 152 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,258 Well, I'm alone again. 153 00:05:33,335 --> 00:05:36,161 But one is never alone who makes noise. 154 00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:40,489 Ugh, don't pick it up. 155 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:43,354 It's just Hannity singing some terrible song he wrote. 156 00:05:43,431 --> 00:05:46,827 ♪ When two men lose their way ♪ 157 00:05:46,925 --> 00:05:48,791 ♪ Often times it... ♪ 158 00:05:48,868 --> 00:05:51,349 Dad, can you just build the wall? 159 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:52,403 It's impossible. 160 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,524 We'll just tell everyone 161 00:05:53,601 --> 00:05:55,852 MS-13 broke up over creative differences. 162 00:05:55,929 --> 00:05:57,184 That is such bullshit! 163 00:05:57,261 --> 00:05:59,548 Everyone said it was impossible to refurbish 164 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,318 the Central Park Ice Skating rink, 165 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,692 but you did it. 166 00:06:02,769 --> 00:06:05,559 And you mean to tell me that building a flat wall 167 00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:08,454 is harder than building an oval ice skating rink? 168 00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:10,510 How did you think of that shape?! 169 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,763 The skating rink was already there. 170 00:06:12,918 --> 00:06:15,442 "I'm Jared. My dimples are somehow not endearing." 171 00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:17,883 - "And I'm really handsome." - "I know everything." 172 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,752 What is it about making fun of Jared 173 00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:22,164 that makes me feel like I can tackle the world? 174 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:25,087 Family, I will build that ice skating rink 175 00:06:25,164 --> 00:06:26,871 on the Southern border! 176 00:06:26,948 --> 00:06:28,497 So is anyone going to correct him? 177 00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:30,989 Maybe tell him to build a wall rather than an ice rink? 178 00:06:31,199 --> 00:06:32,618 - "I'm Jared." - "I'm going to jail." 179 00:06:32,695 --> 00:06:34,841 - "I know everything. - "I'm really cute." 180 00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:40,028 Breaking ground on this wall 181 00:06:40,105 --> 00:06:41,748 requires the most brilliant minds 182 00:06:41,825 --> 00:06:43,192 in government and business. 183 00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,002 Which is why I've selected all of you. 184 00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:48,463 I keep a glue gun in my back pocket 185 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:50,125 - if that helps! - We're not building 186 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,742 the whole wall. We just need enough 187 00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:52,859 to fill a camera lens. 188 00:06:52,936 --> 00:06:53,900 Length... 100 feet. 189 00:06:53,977 --> 00:06:55,914 Height... taller than a man in search of freedom. 190 00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,850 Width... One sixth of a 6-foot party sub. 191 00:06:57,927 --> 00:07:00,287 Uh, I'll call Senator Cruz, try to get some momentum 192 00:07:00,364 --> 00:07:02,261 - for an appropriations bill. - No Congress. 193 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,497 If I didn't need their help building Trump Winery, 194 00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:05,626 then I don't need their help 195 00:07:05,703 --> 00:07:07,154 building something without grapes. 196 00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:09,271 You said there'd be grapes! 197 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,677 I want you two to set up 198 00:07:10,754 --> 00:07:12,662 the ground-breaking ceremony at the border. 199 00:07:12,739 --> 00:07:14,807 I'd do it myself, but I don't want to. 200 00:07:14,884 --> 00:07:16,964 Sir, we're gonna break so much ground, 201 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:18,697 we'll shift the tectonic plates 202 00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:20,747 and deluge California with lava! 203 00:07:20,824 --> 00:07:22,943 Stevie, lava's not always the answer. 204 00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:24,422 Just don't get carried away. 205 00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:25,615 I'll keep him in line. 206 00:07:25,692 --> 00:07:27,685 If he gets out of hand, I'll steal the pills he takes 207 00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:29,011 to keep his throat from closing up 208 00:07:29,088 --> 00:07:30,967 every time he sees someone happy. 209 00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,959 This is the "Donald Trump Five-Point Plan 210 00:07:35,036 --> 00:07:37,623 to Build Anything You Want Wherever You Want." 211 00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,404 I used it to make Atlantic City 212 00:07:39,481 --> 00:07:42,263 America's number-one family-shattering destination. 213 00:07:42,340 --> 00:07:44,806 And we're gonna use it to break ground on the wall. 214 00:07:44,883 --> 00:07:46,761 Sweet! Who are we swindling? 215 00:07:46,838 --> 00:07:48,213 We're not swindling anyone. 216 00:07:48,290 --> 00:07:49,927 We're simply inviting our friends 217 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:52,330 to take part in the opportunity of a lifetime. 218 00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,431 Sounds like we're swindling people. 219 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,626 "I was never subpoenaed by my mom." 220 00:07:56,703 --> 00:07:58,991 "Step one... nail the pitch." 221 00:07:59,068 --> 00:08:00,345 The Southern Border 222 00:08:00,422 --> 00:08:02,557 is an amazing, amazing property. 223 00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:04,372 You got the desert, the sand, 224 00:08:04,449 --> 00:08:06,720 those big fat plants covered in forks... 225 00:08:06,797 --> 00:08:07,783 Gorgeous. 226 00:08:07,877 --> 00:08:10,267 It's the perfect place to build a wall. 227 00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:13,242 When my father mentioned the sand, the desert, 228 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,443 the forks, the gorgeous, I thought, 229 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,978 "This is an amazing place to build a wall." 230 00:08:18,055 --> 00:08:19,180 "Trump International 231 00:08:19,257 --> 00:08:21,698 Desert Sunrise Wall" will be fabulous. 232 00:08:21,775 --> 00:08:24,599 I'd be a fool not to jump on this opportunity. 233 00:08:24,676 --> 00:08:26,532 - Who is with me? - That sucked. 234 00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:28,247 Wanna see a good video? 235 00:08:28,789 --> 00:08:31,529 Hold on. Hold on. 236 00:08:31,675 --> 00:08:32,879 Okay! 237 00:08:32,957 --> 00:08:34,361 Oh there's an ad here. 238 00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:36,040 It's... I should be able to skip... 239 00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:38,112 Nope, it's not a skippable one. 240 00:08:38,189 --> 00:08:39,852 I swear it's so worth it. 241 00:08:39,929 --> 00:08:43,208 Okay, and it's... done! 242 00:08:43,285 --> 00:08:45,837 Splish splash! It's speedboat fails! 243 00:08:45,914 --> 00:08:49,583 The funniest and fastest fatal disasters! 244 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,017 - That's gonna leave a mark! - That's gonna leave a mark! 245 00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:52,137 Ha-ha! 246 00:08:52,215 --> 00:08:53,271 "Step two... 247 00:08:53,348 --> 00:08:54,688 Secure the investors." 248 00:08:54,765 --> 00:08:55,899 When raising cash, 249 00:08:55,976 --> 00:08:58,095 you always start with the easiest marks. 250 00:08:58,172 --> 00:09:00,965 I bet these rubes have a sick nest egg tucked away. 251 00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:03,325 Now, Karen, don't agree to anything, 252 00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:04,860 unless he really wants you to. 253 00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:07,458 Mike, Karen, I wanna get you two 254 00:09:07,535 --> 00:09:10,735 in on the ground floor of this amazing wall project. 255 00:09:10,812 --> 00:09:11,941 Ooh! 256 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,505 It'll just require some capital on your end. 257 00:09:14,582 --> 00:09:16,118 How much can I put you down for? 258 00:09:16,195 --> 00:09:19,048 Let's see. I got my coin from France, 259 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,497 a punch card to the yarn store, 260 00:09:21,574 --> 00:09:23,540 - and a wrapped mint, so I... - You're useless. 261 00:09:23,617 --> 00:09:25,540 - And Mike? - I'm afraid the contents 262 00:09:25,617 --> 00:09:26,589 of Karen's tote 263 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,371 is all we have to our name. 264 00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:29,755 Oh, and the 401. 265 00:09:29,832 --> 00:09:31,388 Ooh. How much is in there? 266 00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:32,380 After our rabbit 267 00:09:32,457 --> 00:09:34,060 got pregnant before marriage... 268 00:09:34,137 --> 00:09:35,430 - Nice! - We had to spend 269 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,606 all but $37 sending her 270 00:09:37,683 --> 00:09:40,286 to an Irish workhouse for fallen women. 271 00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:42,700 Fine, I'll take that $37. 272 00:09:42,777 --> 00:09:44,372 And give me that mint. 273 00:09:45,363 --> 00:09:46,841 And at the top of the wall, 274 00:09:46,918 --> 00:09:48,920 we'll have a squadron of roving archers 275 00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:50,531 whose bows rain flaming arrows 276 00:09:50,608 --> 00:09:51,785 down upon their foes! 277 00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,456 Hell, no, we're not doing that. 278 00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:56,060 I've had 40 great flaming-arrow ideas 279 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,278 in the last 20 minutes 280 00:09:57,355 --> 00:09:58,809 and you've rejected each one. 281 00:09:58,886 --> 00:10:00,666 Me thinks the archer is thee. 282 00:10:00,743 --> 00:10:02,666 If we build something big and showy, 283 00:10:02,743 --> 00:10:05,169 we're just setting up everyone for disappointment 284 00:10:05,246 --> 00:10:07,157 when our boss doesn't finish the job. 285 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:08,865 But he will finish the job 286 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,407 if we remind him of his illustrious past 287 00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:14,486 building the boardwalk's flashiest cultural abominations. 288 00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,778 Relax, the only way he's finishing that wall 289 00:10:16,855 --> 00:10:18,744 is if it's covered in horsey sauce. 290 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,118 "Step three... Break ground." 291 00:10:21,195 --> 00:10:24,116 How are we supposed to afford this groundbreaking 292 00:10:24,193 --> 00:10:26,532 when we only have Pence's 37 bucks 293 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,197 and a half-sucked mint? 294 00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:30,000 Maybe I've lost my touch. 295 00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:32,060 Why are things I want to happen not happening?! 296 00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:33,872 There must be something we can do... 297 00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:36,665 Um, "Blackmail Ed Koch." No. 298 00:10:36,742 --> 00:10:38,802 "Cash your tenants' disability checks"? 299 00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:40,691 No. Wait a second. 300 00:10:40,768 --> 00:10:44,634 If we say the wall is for science or whatever, 301 00:10:44,674 --> 00:10:45,344 we could get... 302 00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:48,626 a federal grant with little to no oversight! 303 00:10:48,703 --> 00:10:50,083 - Oh, Daddy. - Oversight! 304 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,251 Yeah, great idea we just had. 305 00:10:52,456 --> 00:10:54,485 There. Job done. 306 00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:56,056 Unacceptable! 307 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,803 This groundbreaking ceremony 308 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,934 must inspire Donald to build a wall 309 00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:02,493 that will stand for 10,000 eons! 310 00:11:02,570 --> 00:11:04,790 What happened to your sense of imagination? 311 00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,778 When the press corps' cameras turn off, 312 00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:08,387 so does my imagination. 313 00:11:08,464 --> 00:11:10,044 Close your eyes, Sarah, 314 00:11:10,121 --> 00:11:12,649 and picture Bucky's beach cabana. 315 00:11:12,726 --> 00:11:13,727 What do you see? 316 00:11:13,804 --> 00:11:15,406 No, that was a stupid child's dream, 317 00:11:15,483 --> 00:11:16,543 and I'm not doing it. 318 00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:17,887 A thatched roof? 319 00:11:17,964 --> 00:11:20,259 A chair, perhaps? 320 00:11:20,487 --> 00:11:21,516 Two chairs. 321 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:22,641 One for Bucky 322 00:11:22,718 --> 00:11:24,872 and one for his work friend, Deb! 323 00:11:24,949 --> 00:11:26,091 Now whatever you did 324 00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:28,102 to imagine Bucky's beach cabana, 325 00:11:28,179 --> 00:11:29,232 do the same thing 326 00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:32,212 for President Trump's big, sexy wall! 327 00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:39,392 I'm Wolf Blitzer. 328 00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:41,462 Welcome to "The Situation Face." 329 00:11:41,539 --> 00:11:43,149 President Trump will host 330 00:11:43,226 --> 00:11:45,837 a border-wall groundbreaking ceremony 331 00:11:45,929 --> 00:11:49,107 funded by a grant from the National Science Foundation. 332 00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:51,407 I'd go, but when I leave the studio, 333 00:11:51,484 --> 00:11:54,149 I get spooked and hide in the nearest barn. 334 00:11:54,226 --> 00:11:57,032 "Step four... Ribbon-cutting ceremony." 335 00:11:57,109 --> 00:11:59,928 Thank you to the National Science Foundation 336 00:12:00,005 --> 00:12:02,090 for providing the funds necessary 337 00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,938 for the International Desert Sunrise Wall 338 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,232 and Crested Gecko Research Center. 339 00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:10,866 We will now keep MS-13 out of our country 340 00:12:10,943 --> 00:12:14,073 and discover how geckos' vascular systems 341 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,210 respond to UV light. 342 00:12:16,576 --> 00:12:18,027 I love geckos! 343 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:21,053 An awe-inspiring display that pleases the president 344 00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:23,174 and that no sane person would ever approach! 345 00:12:23,251 --> 00:12:25,534 - Great work, Sarah. - It's like 30 years 346 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:26,842 of repressed whimsy 347 00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:28,397 just spilled out of me. 348 00:12:28,474 --> 00:12:29,979 I didn't know what I was missing 349 00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:31,077 until you showed me, 350 00:12:31,154 --> 00:12:33,260 you little fetus-lookin' weird alien guy! 351 00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,481 A lot of people said 352 00:12:34,558 --> 00:12:36,877 that I'd never break ground on this wall, 353 00:12:36,954 --> 00:12:38,186 including myself. 354 00:12:38,263 --> 00:12:39,596 At my lowest point, 355 00:12:39,673 --> 00:12:42,366 I even considered abandoning nationalism 356 00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:45,026 in favor of a borderless world government 357 00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:47,710 where all humans are treated equally, 358 00:12:47,787 --> 00:12:49,752 but then I looked at my children 359 00:12:49,829 --> 00:12:53,398 and remembered that all people are not equal. 360 00:12:53,475 --> 00:12:55,741 Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! 361 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,815 My next guest is President Trump, 362 00:12:57,892 --> 00:13:01,151 who has just swept me off my feet all over again. 363 00:13:01,228 --> 00:13:02,265 Sean, I'm back, 364 00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:04,163 and I am not going anywhere. 365 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,660 I'm scared of how much 366 00:13:05,737 --> 00:13:07,389 I want to believe you right now. 367 00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:08,799 So, is the wall for real? 368 00:13:08,876 --> 00:13:11,352 The wall is off to a tremendous start... 369 00:13:11,429 --> 00:13:14,174 Start? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean "start"? 370 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:15,966 Well, it's a big project, Sean. 371 00:13:16,043 --> 00:13:18,366 Donald, please do not do this to me again. 372 00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:21,023 I thought you were the man who could build anything. 373 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,643 - Or was that just another lie? - Do not fear, Sean! 374 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,105 Gorka is here 375 00:13:26,182 --> 00:13:30,155 with "Father of the Bride" on Blu-ray disc. 376 00:13:32,198 --> 00:13:35,889 Dad, you used to actually build stuff. 377 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,124 Wait! Wait. What I was going to say 378 00:13:39,201 --> 00:13:41,049 is that, by the end of this year, 379 00:13:41,126 --> 00:13:42,494 the wall is going to be 380 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:45,660 three walls deep and four walls high. 381 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:46,897 Oh, thank God. 382 00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:49,266 I'm just so glad to have you back, baby. 383 00:13:49,343 --> 00:13:51,671 What do you want to do? Go... Go for a walk? 384 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,981 I-I kinda just want to sit here and be with you in this moment. 385 00:13:55,058 --> 00:13:57,625 And now, it's time for the fifth and final step... 386 00:13:57,702 --> 00:13:59,629 "screw over everyone." 387 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,752 Let's deposit what's left of this federal grant 388 00:14:01,829 --> 00:14:04,059 and sue the government for giving it to us. 389 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,940 - Yas queen! - I married one of the geckos. 390 00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,108 Can I keep it? 391 00:14:08,185 --> 00:14:10,053 Kids, normally, I'd be all for 392 00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:11,671 pocketing that science money 393 00:14:11,748 --> 00:14:13,307 and leaving the geckos to shrivel, 394 00:14:13,384 --> 00:14:14,846 but this time feels different. 395 00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:17,588 I think I need to finally do the right thing... 396 00:14:17,665 --> 00:14:18,889 Build this wall 397 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:21,592 and keep out all those Antonio Banderas-types. 398 00:14:21,669 --> 00:14:23,893 I've never been prouder to be your dad. 399 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,374 I mean, uh, be my son. Shit! Fuck! 400 00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:28,700 Stevie, you did too much, and I love it. 401 00:14:28,777 --> 00:14:30,999 I want you to see the rest of the wall through. 402 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:34,231 I will build a wall so high, astronauts will see 403 00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,887 pregnant immigrants being detained from space. 404 00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:38,205 I'd like to help, sir. 405 00:14:38,282 --> 00:14:42,116 What can I say? You crammed my head full of possibility. 406 00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:46,277 You ever thought about wearing a hat? 407 00:14:46,354 --> 00:14:47,587 Because you got a big ol' head 408 00:14:47,664 --> 00:14:50,011 and the sun is just going nuts on it. 409 00:14:50,151 --> 00:14:51,808 All right, investment club, 410 00:14:51,885 --> 00:14:53,565 we're building the rest of the wall. 411 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,560 Time to pony up more casheesh. 412 00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:56,667 Fat chance. 413 00:14:56,744 --> 00:14:58,807 Your money pit somehow made Mike Pence 414 00:14:58,884 --> 00:15:00,147 poorer than he already was. 415 00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:02,686 I had to sell little patches of my clothes 416 00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:04,187 to Karen's quilting group. 417 00:15:04,264 --> 00:15:06,505 By the way, I need that money for stamps 418 00:15:06,582 --> 00:15:07,874 to send thank-you notes 419 00:15:07,951 --> 00:15:09,687 to everyone who bought patches. 420 00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:11,253 Darn, darn, darn! 421 00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:12,582 Sarah, realistically, 422 00:15:12,659 --> 00:15:14,524 how much wall can you actually build? 423 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:16,652 - All of it. - And who's gonna pay for it? 424 00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:18,668 You ain't, Jim, so why you worrying about it? 425 00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:20,030 - What about... - Naw, shut up. 426 00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:21,825 I'm talking to Jim Acosta today. 427 00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:23,493 Jim, you got another question? 428 00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:25,519 Will this wall have any impact at all 429 00:15:25,596 --> 00:15:26,726 - on illegal... - I'm gonna just 430 00:15:26,803 --> 00:15:28,329 lay it out for you. I didn't think 431 00:15:28,406 --> 00:15:29,609 this wall was gonna happen. 432 00:15:29,686 --> 00:15:30,749 I thought it was dumber 433 00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:32,659 than a pig listening to the Jerky Boys, 434 00:15:32,736 --> 00:15:34,976 but then a little dude named Stephen Miller 435 00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:37,615 opened a part of my brain I didn't know I had. 436 00:15:37,692 --> 00:15:39,863 Now I believe that anything is possible. 437 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,326 That didn't answer my question about illegal immigration. 438 00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:44,999 I'll elaborate after I shove my boot in your butt. 439 00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:47,027 Hoo, I am fired up today. 440 00:15:48,009 --> 00:15:49,066 You're telling me 441 00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:51,456 not one single entrepreneur, congressperson, 442 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:54,237 or shady arms dealer with a fanny pack full of passports 443 00:15:54,314 --> 00:15:56,195 is willing to help me finish this wall? 444 00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:57,377 - Yup. - Yup. - Wow. 445 00:15:57,454 --> 00:15:58,670 If you ever want to find out 446 00:15:58,747 --> 00:15:59,913 who your real friends are, 447 00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:02,952 ask them to bankroll a 2,000-mile monstrosity. 448 00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,602 Dad, do you think maybe you let Hannity 449 00:16:05,679 --> 00:16:08,502 and all those wild-eyed, screaming fanatics 450 00:16:08,579 --> 00:16:09,651 get to your head? 451 00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:11,928 You could've just taken that grant money 452 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,444 and opened the first all-shade golf course 453 00:16:14,521 --> 00:16:15,678 packed with trees. 454 00:16:15,755 --> 00:16:18,471 I don't know... I'm not the golf child. 455 00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:19,877 I am the golf child. 456 00:16:19,954 --> 00:16:21,141 I am the golf child! 457 00:16:21,218 --> 00:16:23,098 Dad, tell him I'm the golf child! 458 00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:25,463 Just get out of my office. I got some bad stuff to do. 459 00:16:25,540 --> 00:16:27,131 Why did you say you're the golf child? 460 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:28,909 You know I'm the golf child. 461 00:16:29,212 --> 00:16:31,174 Sarah, you were amazing up there! 462 00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:33,741 I've never seen Jim Acosta sweat from his eyeballs. 463 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,604 Thanks. Speaking of Acosta, 464 00:16:35,681 --> 00:16:36,930 that stuff he brought up, 465 00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:38,474 I don't have to worry, right? 466 00:16:38,551 --> 00:16:41,381 Like, the rest of this wall is gonna get built, right? 467 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,418 Sarah, look me in the forehead. 468 00:16:43,495 --> 00:16:46,209 I've never been more certain of anything in my life. 469 00:16:46,286 --> 00:16:49,339 Now, to ending the scourge of... 470 00:16:49,845 --> 00:16:50,991 I'll tell you later. 471 00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:54,854 Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! 472 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,709 I got the wall money. 473 00:16:56,786 --> 00:16:57,994 - Yay! - Wow! 474 00:16:58,071 --> 00:17:00,592 - How'd you get it? - Oh, shut the hell up. 475 00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:03,529 Putin. I guarantee you. Putin. 476 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,985 What? No! 477 00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:06,539 It hadn't even occurred to me. 478 00:17:06,616 --> 00:17:09,155 But if I did, don't worry. I used a nice, secure... 479 00:17:09,232 --> 00:17:11,549 Cell phone to call Vladimir Putin, 480 00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:12,967 who agreed to give the president 481 00:17:13,044 --> 00:17:14,902 the necessary funding for the border wall, 482 00:17:14,979 --> 00:17:17,209 leaving the president indebted to the interests 483 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,471 of a hostile nation. 484 00:17:18,548 --> 00:17:20,917 According to our source, the president already promised Putin 485 00:17:20,994 --> 00:17:22,474 oil drilling rights in Alaska 486 00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:26,001 and an 'anything goes' night alone with the Liberty Bell. 487 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,107 Here's the president addressing the nation. 488 00:17:28,184 --> 00:17:31,588 My fellow Americans, I gave the money back, okay? 489 00:17:31,665 --> 00:17:34,334 And yes, before you ask, with interest. 490 00:17:34,411 --> 00:17:35,908 So, I think we can drop this. 491 00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:37,018 And, by the way, 492 00:17:37,095 --> 00:17:39,102 the wall is just going on short hiatus. 493 00:17:39,179 --> 00:17:41,533 When it comes back, it'll be ten feet higher, 494 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:44,834 MS-13, blah, blah, blah, blah. Phew. 495 00:17:44,911 --> 00:17:47,382 Miller, you opened my eyes to a world with a wall in it, 496 00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:48,825 and now that wall is dead. 497 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,220 Uh, were we watching the same report? 498 00:17:51,297 --> 00:17:53,439 Because I heard the words "ten feet higher." 499 00:17:53,516 --> 00:17:55,681 From now on, I'm only gonna believe in things 500 00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:57,325 I already see right in front of my face, 501 00:17:57,402 --> 00:17:59,364 like the beetle that just crawled in your one ear 502 00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:02,426 - and came out the other. - Sarah, the wall is going to happen, 503 00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:05,264 and we'll make it together, spikes and all. 504 00:18:05,341 --> 00:18:07,090 I wish I could believe that, 505 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,965 but your forehead lied to me. 506 00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:11,293 You know the worst part about all of this? 507 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,474 I was beginning to like you. 508 00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:18,381 Oh, Jesus Christ, is that how you cry!? 509 00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:20,504 Stop it. It's making my teeth hurt. 510 00:18:20,581 --> 00:18:23,676 The best part about this all-shade golf course 511 00:18:23,753 --> 00:18:27,529 is that I, Donald Trump, am not involved. 512 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,793 What the hell is this? 513 00:18:28,870 --> 00:18:32,352 Excuse me, we have this room booked for another hour. 514 00:18:32,429 --> 00:18:34,595 So now you guys are building stuff without me? 515 00:18:34,672 --> 00:18:37,460 I'm sorry, Daddy, but this whole wall debacle 516 00:18:37,537 --> 00:18:39,637 shows that you've lost your touch. 517 00:18:39,714 --> 00:18:42,884 Now, Karen, hand over that coin from France. 518 00:18:42,961 --> 00:18:46,087 One less thing to pack in my Rapture duffel. 519 00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:51,368 I'm here now with the man 520 00:18:51,445 --> 00:18:52,864 who should be president, 521 00:18:52,941 --> 00:18:54,360 Sebastian Gorka. 522 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:55,637 As we all know, 523 00:18:55,714 --> 00:18:58,825 89 percent of all illegal immigrants 524 00:18:58,902 --> 00:19:00,696 arrive via parachute, 525 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,833 which is why I propose a deterrent 526 00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:05,120 far superior to a wall... 527 00:19:05,197 --> 00:19:06,874 A bubble-dome. 528 00:19:06,951 --> 00:19:09,224 We shall hire the cheapest labor 529 00:19:09,301 --> 00:19:12,243 from the hill-caves of Macedonia. 530 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,134 When we come back, did the wrong side win the Cold War? 531 00:19:16,904 --> 00:19:19,145 So, if this wall is 100 feet, 532 00:19:19,222 --> 00:19:23,099 then we just need to build 100,000 more of these. 533 00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:27,150 I feel as Sisyphus when he pushed a huge wall 534 00:19:27,227 --> 00:19:28,524 up a huge wall. 535 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,598 But this is my destiny, 536 00:19:30,675 --> 00:19:33,557 and I must forge on... alone. 537 00:19:33,634 --> 00:19:36,594 Oh, no, I'm getting a tan! 538 00:19:36,671 --> 00:19:38,180 Now that the wall is dead, 539 00:19:38,257 --> 00:19:40,645 will the president revive his infrastructure bill? 540 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,934 It's really messed up when someone puts a bunch 541 00:19:43,011 --> 00:19:44,383 of big ol' dreams in your head 542 00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:46,387 and then you find out the dreams are all bullshit, 543 00:19:46,464 --> 00:19:48,192 so you get your husband to shake your head 544 00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:50,364 to get the dreams out, but it only makes you dizzy, 545 00:19:50,441 --> 00:19:52,801 then you gotta talk to dumbass Jim Acosta. 546 00:19:52,878 --> 00:19:55,262 A follow-up question... Is everything okay? 547 00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:57,932 No, Jim, I am falling apart at the seams. 548 00:19:58,009 --> 00:19:59,598 Everybody out! 549 00:19:59,675 --> 00:20:01,907 Go on! Get out! 550 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,483 Hey, did you and Ivanka get in a fight? 551 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,168 Because she just told me she wanted to change 552 00:20:06,245 --> 00:20:07,890 her last name from "Trump" to "LLC". 553 00:20:07,967 --> 00:20:09,907 She's disappointed in me. They all are. 554 00:20:09,984 --> 00:20:11,981 I tried to build a wall and only managed 555 00:20:12,058 --> 00:20:14,599 to swindle one person out of their 401. 556 00:20:14,676 --> 00:20:16,459 Yeah, I just saw Karen heading to the docks 557 00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:18,082 to sell Mike's shirt as a fishing net. 558 00:20:18,159 --> 00:20:19,242 No tax, 559 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,840 but you do have to point me to the bus stop! 560 00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:23,714 Are you here to crap on me, too? 561 00:20:23,791 --> 00:20:26,516 Hey, before this week, I knew you just as the guy 562 00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,349 who would license his name for a quick buck. 563 00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:30,432 But, then, you actually tried to build something, 564 00:20:30,509 --> 00:20:31,547 and not for yourself, 565 00:20:31,624 --> 00:20:33,504 but because a bunch of racists wanted it. 566 00:20:33,581 --> 00:20:35,270 And that's worth something. 567 00:20:35,347 --> 00:20:36,373 Thanks, Jared. 568 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:37,832 I've been meaning to tell you... 569 00:20:37,909 --> 00:20:40,233 Ooh, I'm Jared. I say nice things. 570 00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:41,668 My father-in-law doesn't know 571 00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:44,102 what his daughter sees in me... 572 00:20:45,227 --> 00:20:47,353 Wall wall wall wall wall. 573 00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:49,477 Wall wall wall wall wall. 574 00:20:49,554 --> 00:20:52,375 Sarah! Get your head out of the clouds! 575 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,848 Um, sorry. You were talking about...? 576 00:20:54,925 --> 00:20:57,614 I was saying, "Iran Iran Iran. 577 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,829 Iran Iran Iran Iran." 578 00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:02,008 I'll just come back later. 579 00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:10,110 ♪ With all this talk of pragmatism ♪ 580 00:21:12,444 --> 00:21:18,633 ♪ I failed to see the scope of his nationalist dreams ♪ 581 00:21:19,519 --> 00:21:24,284 ♪ With all this talk of keeping out the immigrants ♪ 582 00:21:24,361 --> 00:21:25,701 ♪ Ooh ♪ 583 00:21:25,778 --> 00:21:29,748 ♪ A friend has passed me by, it seems ♪ 584 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:33,622 ♪ All the things I'd do for you ♪ 585 00:21:33,699 --> 00:21:39,149 - ♪ I'd build a wall for Muslims, too ♪ - ♪ I'd build a wall for Muslims, too ♪ 586 00:21:39,226 --> 00:21:42,053 ♪ We should've built it up together ♪ 587 00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:43,361 ♪ Built it up together ♪ 588 00:21:43,438 --> 00:21:46,218 ♪ In 100 degree weather ♪ 589 00:21:46,295 --> 00:21:53,106 ♪ And become the greatest oppressors of all time ♪ 590 00:21:53,183 --> 00:21:59,506 ♪ We could've been the greatest of all time ♪ 591 00:22:00,925 --> 00:22:02,146 God, I'm dying. 592 00:22:02,223 --> 00:22:04,626 When that border agent offered me salt or water, 593 00:22:04,703 --> 00:22:06,240 I should've taken water. 594 00:22:07,078 --> 00:22:08,818 What the...? 595 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:15,451 And who, you ask, 596 00:22:15,528 --> 00:22:17,762 will run this all-shade golf course? 597 00:22:17,839 --> 00:22:20,262 Why, my golf-child, Ivanka. 598 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,853 Oh, Ivanka, that's such bullshit! 599 00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:24,673 Family, I apologize. 600 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,500 Since I took office, I've done a lot of talking 601 00:22:27,577 --> 00:22:29,807 and finally wanted to do something real. 602 00:22:29,884 --> 00:22:31,066 Like you, Don Jr., 603 00:22:31,143 --> 00:22:32,983 when you set the unofficial record 604 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:35,145 for tallest pile of burning mattresses. 605 00:22:35,222 --> 00:22:36,474 - Two! - And, Eric, 606 00:22:36,551 --> 00:22:38,587 remember when you made a house for turtles, 607 00:22:38,664 --> 00:22:40,826 but then saw a turtle for the first time, 608 00:22:40,903 --> 00:22:43,298 and realized you just made a house for people? 609 00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,467 No! Stop bringing it up! 610 00:22:45,544 --> 00:22:48,015 And, Ivanka, remember, uh... 611 00:22:48,092 --> 00:22:50,240 Yes, Daddy, I do! 612 00:22:50,317 --> 00:22:53,072 You all made something that will outlive yourselves, 613 00:22:53,149 --> 00:22:54,418 something I used to do. 614 00:22:54,495 --> 00:22:55,513 And with this wall, 615 00:22:55,590 --> 00:22:57,783 I just wanted to have that feeling again. 616 00:22:57,860 --> 00:22:59,408 We forgive you, Daddy, 617 00:22:59,485 --> 00:23:00,644 but I'm not sure 618 00:23:00,721 --> 00:23:03,733 if 38 percent of the American public will. 619 00:23:03,810 --> 00:23:05,480 He showed up at my door last night 620 00:23:05,557 --> 00:23:06,900 all covered in cactus forks. 621 00:23:06,977 --> 00:23:09,087 Stephen, tell him what you told me. 622 00:23:09,164 --> 00:23:12,037 I-I've seen the wall. 623 00:23:13,387 --> 00:23:15,524 And it's magnificent. 624 00:23:16,505 --> 00:23:17,669 Yeah! 625 00:23:17,755 --> 00:23:20,395 I'm Wolf Blitzer. I'm still Wolf Blitzer. 626 00:23:20,472 --> 00:23:22,412 President Trump is about to reveal 627 00:23:22,489 --> 00:23:24,682 the future of the Southern border wall 628 00:23:24,759 --> 00:23:25,824 to his supporters, 629 00:23:25,901 --> 00:23:28,293 who are deeply concerned it won't happen. 630 00:23:28,370 --> 00:23:30,808 You should've seen me play volleyball in middle school. 631 00:23:30,885 --> 00:23:32,381 I could've been one of the greats. 632 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:33,928 Build the wall! 633 00:23:34,005 --> 00:23:35,290 I'm proud to announce 634 00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:38,481 that we have finally built the wall! 635 00:23:38,558 --> 00:23:40,068 - What? - Where is it? 636 00:23:40,145 --> 00:23:42,732 You'll never see it unless you wander this desert 637 00:23:42,809 --> 00:23:43,978 on the brink of death. 638 00:23:44,055 --> 00:23:47,834 You see, America is the land of empty, symbolic gestures, 639 00:23:47,911 --> 00:23:50,474 like the inscription on the Statue of Liberty, 640 00:23:50,551 --> 00:23:52,577 Black History Month, and recycling. 641 00:23:52,654 --> 00:23:56,312 And The Wall is the biggest, emptiest, symbolic gesture of all. 642 00:23:56,389 --> 00:23:58,646 It's a mirage, glistening in the desert. 643 00:23:58,723 --> 00:24:01,381 But the real wall... The wall that keeps people 644 00:24:01,458 --> 00:24:03,650 from ever assimilating in our society... 645 00:24:03,727 --> 00:24:05,222 Is in here... 646 00:24:05,299 --> 00:24:06,513 our hearts. 647 00:24:06,590 --> 00:24:09,107 Every time we sneer at a Mexican woman 648 00:24:09,184 --> 00:24:11,283 ahead of us in line at the grocery store, 649 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:12,341 that's the wall. 650 00:24:12,418 --> 00:24:14,368 Every time we blame affirmative action 651 00:24:14,445 --> 00:24:16,759 for our dumb kids not getting into Rutgers, 652 00:24:16,836 --> 00:24:18,095 that's the wall. 653 00:24:18,172 --> 00:24:20,459 Do you see it now? 654 00:24:20,536 --> 00:24:22,498 - I see it! - I see it, too! 655 00:24:22,575 --> 00:24:24,697 - Yeah! - It looks good, people. 656 00:24:24,774 --> 00:24:28,233 We built the wall! We built the wall! 657 00:24:28,310 --> 00:24:31,787 Dad built the wall! Dad built the wall! 658 00:24:31,864 --> 00:24:33,068 We did it, Sarah, 659 00:24:33,145 --> 00:24:35,057 and we didn't even need flaming arrows. 660 00:24:35,134 --> 00:24:37,701 Let the mass deportations begin! 661 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,202 All in good time, little, weird guy. 662 00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:41,582 All in good time. 663 00:24:41,659 --> 00:24:44,224 Donald Trump got down on one knee 664 00:24:44,301 --> 00:24:47,802 and presented me with the shiniest diamond of all... 665 00:24:47,879 --> 00:24:50,807 A border wall that stretches ten billion miles 666 00:24:50,884 --> 00:24:53,066 and is as wide as a fool's heart. 667 00:24:53,143 --> 00:24:54,384 Let's bring him out, 668 00:24:54,461 --> 00:24:57,553 my baby, President Donald J. Trump. 669 00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,381 Hi, Sean. Helluva wall I built, huh? 670 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:02,727 I don't know why I left you, Donald. 671 00:25:02,804 --> 00:25:04,259 You're the only one who knows 672 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:06,763 where to find my racism G-spot. 673 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,791 I'm truly proud of you two. 674 00:25:08,868 --> 00:25:12,131 This must be what Sir Henry the Mighty felt 675 00:25:12,208 --> 00:25:15,140 when he gazed upon the killing fields of yore. 676 00:25:15,217 --> 00:25:17,477 But you have not seen the last 677 00:25:17,554 --> 00:25:20,346 of the Dragon of Budapest! 678 00:25:20,423 --> 00:25:23,864 Gooorkkkaaa! 679 00:25:24,317 --> 00:25:27,870 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 680 00:25:27,947 --> 00:25:31,620 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 681 00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:34,219 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 682 00:25:34,296 --> 00:25:35,586 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 683 00:25:35,663 --> 00:25:38,864 ♪ Yes, he is, we elected him president ♪ 684 00:25:38,941 --> 00:25:41,383 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 685 00:25:41,460 --> 00:25:42,664 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 686 00:25:42,741 --> 00:25:45,885 ♪ We had a vote and elected him president ♪ 687 00:25:45,962 --> 00:25:51,554 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 688 00:25:52,891 --> 00:25:54,528 ♪ Donald Trump ♪ 689 00:25:54,605 --> 00:25:58,161 ♪ He is our president ♪ 690 00:25:58,238 --> 00:26:01,398 ♪ We made him president ♪ 691 00:26:01,475 --> 00:26:03,627 ♪ We did it ♪ 692 00:26:03,704 --> 00:26:07,167 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 693 00:26:07,244 --> 00:26:10,991 ♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪ 694 00:26:11,068 --> 00:26:14,357 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 695 00:26:14,434 --> 00:26:18,045 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 696 00:26:18,122 --> 00:26:21,475 ♪ Yeah ♪ 697 00:26:21,552 --> 00:26:22,803 Trump! 51774

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