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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:50,136
There was a time,
a time before cable,
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00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:55,006
when the local anchorman
reigned supreme,
4
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:01,921
when people believed
everything they heard on TV.
5
00:01:01,964 --> 00:01:06,052
This was an age when only men
were allowed to read the news.
6
00:01:07,921 --> 00:01:12,532
And in San Diego, one anchorman
was more man than the rest.
7
00:01:12,576 --> 00:01:14,706
His name was Ron Burgundy.
8
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:19,838
He was like a god
walking amongst mere mortals.
9
00:01:19,881 --> 00:01:24,274
He had a voice that could
make a wolverine purr,
10
00:01:25,361 --> 00:01:27,232
and suits so fine
11
00:01:27,232 --> 00:01:29,667
they made Sinatra
look like a hobo.
12
00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:34,712
In other words,
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
13
00:01:36,016 --> 00:01:39,191
Mmm. I look good.
14
00:01:40,279 --> 00:01:43,149
I mean, really good.
15
00:01:43,193 --> 00:01:47,889
Hey, everyone!
Come and see how good I look!
16
00:01:56,109 --> 00:01:59,545
Mm, ehh, mm.
17
00:01:59,589 --> 00:02:03,154
Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
That's why I'm doing this.
18
00:02:03,198 --> 00:02:06,808
How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.
19
00:02:06,851 --> 00:02:08,373
How now brown cow.
20
00:02:08,373 --> 00:02:11,940
How are you?
You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?
21
00:02:13,026 --> 00:02:15,158
Maybe don't wear
a bra next time.
22
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,680
No, I was talking to you.
No, not her.
23
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:22,116
I don't know her name.
What is it?
24
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,247
Lanolin?
25
00:02:26,421 --> 00:02:28,509
La-lanolin?
Like sheep's wool?
26
00:02:29,465 --> 00:02:31,596
Unique New York.
27
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,510
Unique New York.
28
00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:35,511
Mm, I love Scotch.
29
00:02:35,511 --> 00:02:37,947
I love Scotch.
Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.
30
00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:39,512
Here it goes down.
31
00:02:39,512 --> 00:02:41,948
Down into my belly.
Mm-mm-mm.
32
00:02:41,991 --> 00:02:44,251
The arsonist
has oddly shaped feet.
33
00:02:44,295 --> 00:02:48,253
How much time?
30? 30 seconds?
34
00:02:48,296 --> 00:02:51,515
- You are on.
- I'm on right now?
35
00:02:51,558 --> 00:02:53,385
I don't believe you.
36
00:02:53,385 --> 00:02:56,342
- ♪ Doo doo doo. ♪
- Ron!
37
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,473
Oh, come on. Audrey.
38
00:02:58,517 --> 00:03:01,256
I look like hell.
I got bags under my eyes.
39
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:03,387
What's that?
If you were a man,
40
00:03:03,431 --> 00:03:05,345
I'd punch you right
in the mouth.
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00:03:05,345 --> 00:03:07,301
That's bush.
Bush league.
42
00:03:07,301 --> 00:03:10,650
The human torch was denied
a bank loan.
43
00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:14,390
You hear me?
Audrey, look at me!
44
00:03:14,433 --> 00:03:15,869
I'm sorry.
45
00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:17,652
All right?
I'm sorry.
46
00:03:17,652 --> 00:03:21,001
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha ho!
47
00:03:21,045 --> 00:03:22,654
Ha ha ho.
48
00:03:22,654 --> 00:03:24,741
Ha oh!
49
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:28,525
All right, we're on.
50
00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:30,526
Ready, Phil.
51
00:03:30,526 --> 00:03:32,613
We're on in five, four...
52
00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:35,527
When the clock struck 6:00,
53
00:03:35,571 --> 00:03:37,527
it meant one thing
for Ron Burgundy
54
00:03:37,527 --> 00:03:39,963
and his news team:
Go time.
55
00:03:40,007 --> 00:03:40,137
Channel 4 News,
56
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,224
Channel 4 News,
57
00:03:42,224 --> 00:03:45,051
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
58
00:03:45,051 --> 00:03:46,835
Ron Burgundy.
59
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,617
Champ Kind, sports.
60
00:03:48,617 --> 00:03:50,704
Ooh! Hoo-hoo!
61
00:03:51,488 --> 00:03:53,575
Brick Tamland, weather.
62
00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:58,620
And your reporter in the field,
Brian Fantana.
63
00:04:02,316 --> 00:04:04,924
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
64
00:04:08,404 --> 00:04:10,406
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy,
65
00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:12,797
and this is what's happening
in your world tonight.
66
00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:16,276
A La Jolla man clings to life
at a university hospital
67
00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:19,625
after being viciously attacked
by a pack of wild dogs
68
00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:21,452
in an abandoned pool.
69
00:04:21,452 --> 00:04:26,063
Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!
Ron Burgundy's on!
70
00:04:26,105 --> 00:04:28,975
Authorities are still
uncertain as to why the man
71
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,585
- was loitering...
- Ron Burgundy.
72
00:04:31,627 --> 00:04:33,715
Oh, my gosh!
She said her first words!
73
00:04:33,715 --> 00:04:36,673
Right now it's 82'
in our fair city,
74
00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:40,632
and compare that to 48'
in the upper Northwest
75
00:04:40,632 --> 00:04:43,631
and 38'
in the Middle East.
76
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,023
Off the coast
of Tampa Bay yesterday,
77
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:48,459
one lucky cameraman
happened to catch
78
00:04:48,502 --> 00:04:51,068
an unusual
aquatic daredevil.
79
00:04:51,112 --> 00:04:54,765
What you're about to see
is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
80
00:04:54,809 --> 00:04:57,591
His name is
Nutty the Squirrel,
81
00:04:57,635 --> 00:04:59,724
and he's three years old.
82
00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:03,114
How 'bout that?
83
00:05:03,159 --> 00:05:06,943
That squirrel
can water-ski.
84
00:05:08,464 --> 00:05:11,509
- Man, that's hilarious.
- Yeah, that's good.
85
00:05:11,552 --> 00:05:14,205
For all of us here
at News Center 4,
86
00:05:14,249 --> 00:05:15,727
I'm Ron Burgundy.
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00:05:15,727 --> 00:05:17,640
You stay classy,
San Diego.
88
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:22,119
You stay classy, San Diego.
89
00:05:22,163 --> 00:05:25,208
Listen up.
The ratings just came in for last month.
90
00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:28,427
We are number one.
We just grabbed every key demographic.
91
00:05:28,470 --> 00:05:30,601
- Super-duper, gang!
- Yeah! Yeah!
92
00:05:30,644 --> 00:05:32,689
Super-duper!
That's nice!
93
00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:34,340
Way to go!
Neat-o, gang.
94
00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:36,036
- Yes!
- Boy, Ed.
95
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,255
That is good news.
I gotta be honest.
96
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,994
- Congrats, congrats.
- That is good news!
97
00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,735
- All right!
- Stick around.
98
00:05:42,735 --> 00:05:44,953
Make sure these guys
don't party too much.
99
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,692
- They don't really ever listen to me.
- Just get it done.
100
00:05:47,736 --> 00:05:47,823
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
101
00:05:47,823 --> 00:05:51,693
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
102
00:05:51,693 --> 00:05:54,041
I've just been handed
an urgent
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00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:57,043
and horrifying news story.
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00:05:57,086 --> 00:06:00,043
I need all of you
to stop what you're doing
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00:06:00,086 --> 00:06:01,522
and listen.
106
00:06:01,522 --> 00:06:03,740
Cannonball!
107
00:06:07,523 --> 00:06:10,611
Yes, these fellas were a real news team.
108
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:14,351
Burgundy, of course,
was the foundation, the rock.
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00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:18,526
But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.
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00:06:18,569 --> 00:06:20,701
People call me
the Bri-man.
111
00:06:20,745 --> 00:06:23,137
I'm the stylish one
of the group.
112
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:25,224
I know what
you're asking yourself,
113
00:06:25,224 --> 00:06:28,486
and the answer is yes,
I have a nickname for my penis.
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00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:30,529
It's called the Octagon.
115
00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,531
But I also nicknamed
my testes.
116
00:06:32,531 --> 00:06:34,530
My left one
is James Westfall,
117
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:37,140
and my right one is
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
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00:06:37,184 --> 00:06:40,880
You ladies play your cards right,
you might get to meet the whole gang.
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00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,141
Bang, boom, they were
showing lasers
120
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:45,576
every Friday night.
121
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:49,056
Champ here.
I'm all about havin' fun.
122
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,927
You know, get a couple
of cocktails in me,
123
00:06:51,927 --> 00:06:54,014
start a fire
in someone's kitchen.
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00:06:54,057 --> 00:06:56,536
Maybe go to SeaWorld,
take my pants off.
125
00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:58,581
Anyway, I've become
kind of famous
126
00:06:58,581 --> 00:07:01,581
for my signature catchphrase,
"Whammy!"
127
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:04,886
As in, "Gene Tenace
at the plate...
128
00:07:04,929 --> 00:07:07,843
and whammy!"
129
00:07:07,887 --> 00:07:09,975
Whammy!
130
00:07:16,455 --> 00:07:17,846
I'm Brick Tamland.
131
00:07:17,846 --> 00:07:20,413
People seem to like me
because I am polite
132
00:07:20,455 --> 00:07:22,326
and I'm rarely late.
133
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:24,325
I like to eat ice cream,
134
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:27,545
and I really enjoy
a nice pair of slacks.
135
00:07:27,588 --> 00:07:29,849
Years later,
a doctor will tell me
136
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,633
that I have an IQ of 48
137
00:07:32,676 --> 00:07:34,763
and am what some people call
138
00:07:34,807 --> 00:07:36,808
"mentally retarded."
139
00:07:36,808 --> 00:07:38,417
Hello!
140
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,070
- Whoo! Marco!
- Polo!
141
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,418
- Brian.
- You having a good time?
142
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:46,811
- I'm having a great time.
- That makes two of us.
143
00:07:46,853 --> 00:07:48,593
You've gotta meet this girl.
144
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,768
She used to be a Charger cheerleader,
but she broke her pelvis.
145
00:07:51,812 --> 00:07:54,117
Sherri,
meet Ron Burgundy.
146
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,291
- Hey, Ron.
- Hello.
147
00:07:56,335 --> 00:07:58,597
- I've got a big story for you.
- Mm-hmm.
148
00:07:58,639 --> 00:08:00,466
And it's right here.
149
00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:02,553
Well, hello.
150
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,338
You pointed to your boobies.
151
00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:08,468
Oh, my God, you did!
152
00:08:10,294 --> 00:08:12,643
- Ron Burgundy?
- Yes?
153
00:08:12,643 --> 00:08:16,123
I have had a crush on you
since I was a little girl.
154
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,775
Let's go somewhere.
155
00:08:17,775 --> 00:08:20,951
I'm telling you, it don't
get no better than this.
156
00:08:20,994 --> 00:08:23,690
We've been coming
to the same party for 12 years,
157
00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:25,821
and in no way
is that depressing.
158
00:08:29,169 --> 00:08:30,519
Ahh.
159
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:32,692
♪ Gonna make
our own lightning ♪
160
00:08:32,736 --> 00:08:36,171
♪ Yeah, she got the way
to move me, Cherry ♪
161
00:08:36,214 --> 00:08:38,258
♪ She got the way
to groove me ♪
162
00:08:38,258 --> 00:08:39,520
♪ Cherry, baby ♪
163
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,172
♪ She got the way
to move me ♪
164
00:08:42,172 --> 00:08:44,348
♪ She got the way
to groove me... ♪
165
00:08:47,696 --> 00:08:50,001
By the beard of Zeus!
166
00:08:54,393 --> 00:08:56,480
Excuse me.
167
00:08:57,742 --> 00:09:01,526
Ron, where you going?
What, are you crazy? Ron!
168
00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:05,439
If you're coming down the baseline,
you gotta take home plate from me!
169
00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:08,963
So there I go,
head first, boom!
170
00:09:12,398 --> 00:09:14,485
I've lost her.
171
00:09:24,226 --> 00:09:26,314
Ohh.
172
00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:35,143
Hello.
173
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,230
Hello.
174
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:40,797
Hope I'm not disturbing
you, but, uh,
175
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,797
I saw you from across
the party, and, uh,
176
00:09:43,841 --> 00:09:47,451
I don't usually do this, but I felt
compelled to tell you something.
177
00:09:50,104 --> 00:09:51,452
You have...
178
00:09:51,452 --> 00:09:53,975
an absolutely
breathtaking...
179
00:09:54,018 --> 00:09:56,105
heinie.
180
00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:58,802
I mean, that thing is good.
181
00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:01,063
I want to be friends with it.
182
00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:05,412
Well, you certainly know
how to compliment a woman.
183
00:10:05,456 --> 00:10:07,456
Now, if you'll excuse me.
184
00:10:07,456 --> 00:10:09,674
Do you know who I am?
185
00:10:11,414 --> 00:10:13,457
No, I can't say that I do.
186
00:10:13,457 --> 00:10:17,416
I don't know how to put this,
187
00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:20,589
but I'm kind of a big deal.
188
00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:22,112
Really?
189
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:24,243
People know me.
190
00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:26,286
I've very happy for you.
191
00:10:26,286 --> 00:10:27,810
I'm very important.
192
00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:29,679
I have...
193
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,898
many leather-bound books,
194
00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:34,332
and my apartment
195
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:36,812
smells of rich mahogany.
196
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,856
That's stupid.
197
00:10:41,987 --> 00:10:45,378
No, no, that's...
very exciting.
198
00:10:45,422 --> 00:10:47,555
Listen, can I--
199
00:10:47,598 --> 00:10:49,728
can I start over again?
200
00:10:49,772 --> 00:10:51,772
Sure.
201
00:10:51,772 --> 00:10:54,817
I wanna say something.
I'm gonna put it out there.
202
00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,818
If you like it,
you can take it.
203
00:10:56,818 --> 00:10:58,426
If you don't,
send it right back.
204
00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:00,513
Mm-hmm.
205
00:11:00,513 --> 00:11:02,601
I wanna be on you.
206
00:11:04,341 --> 00:11:07,341
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
207
00:11:07,385 --> 00:11:09,473
I--
208
00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:15,256
I wanna be on you.
209
00:11:29,304 --> 00:11:31,304
Yoo-hoo!
210
00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:33,348
Baxter!
211
00:11:33,348 --> 00:11:34,958
Papa's home.
212
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,046
There he is.
There's my little man.
213
00:11:37,088 --> 00:11:39,349
You're okay?
214
00:11:39,393 --> 00:11:41,699
Of course I met
a lady tonight.
215
00:11:43,655 --> 00:11:45,786
This one was different.
I have to be honest.
216
00:11:47,048 --> 00:11:48,352
Quite different.
217
00:11:48,352 --> 00:11:51,049
What--
218
00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:53,353
I'm lonely?
I'm not lonely!
219
00:11:53,396 --> 00:11:56,876
I'm beloved by everyone
in San Diego.
220
00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:03,052
Wow.
221
00:12:03,096 --> 00:12:06,010
You know how to cut
to the core of me, Baxter.
222
00:12:06,052 --> 00:12:08,793
You're so wise.
223
00:12:10,053 --> 00:12:12,707
You're like
a miniature Buddha
224
00:12:12,707 --> 00:12:14,490
covered in hair.
225
00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:16,663
Come again?
226
00:12:18,622 --> 00:12:21,534
You know I don't speak Spanish.
In English, please.
227
00:12:21,578 --> 00:12:23,666
Huh?
228
00:12:23,666 --> 00:12:26,493
You pooped in the refrigerator?
229
00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:30,537
And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?
230
00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:32,450
How'd you do that?
231
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,930
I'm not even mad.
That's amazing.
232
00:12:34,973 --> 00:12:38,539
I forgive you.
233
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:41,279
What do you say we get you
in your pj's and hit the hay?
234
00:12:41,323 --> 00:12:45,194
Bedtime. Okay, come on.
Let's go. Come on.
235
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,502
Oh, that was one
crazy party.
236
00:13:02,545 --> 00:13:05,285
I am hung over.
237
00:13:05,634 --> 00:13:07,808
I woke up this morning
238
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,768
All right, guys.
Let's focus up.
239
00:13:20,812 --> 00:13:23,290
Morning, everyone.
240
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,073
Here are the stories
we're going to be chasing today.
241
00:13:26,116 --> 00:13:27,813
It looks like Ling Wong,
242
00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:30,727
the rare panda
at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.
243
00:13:30,771 --> 00:13:32,424
This is a big one.
244
00:13:32,424 --> 00:13:35,250
This could be the big
story of the summer.
245
00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:38,164
Network is gonna be wanting
plenty of coverage.
246
00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:40,903
And speaking of network,
word on the street is
247
00:13:40,947 --> 00:13:42,948
they're looking
for a new anchor.
248
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:44,949
- So, Ron...
- Huh? Network?
249
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,036
Are they here?
250
00:13:51,516 --> 00:13:54,342
A lot of you have been hearing
the affiliates complaining
251
00:13:54,386 --> 00:13:57,213
about a lack of diversity
on the news team.
252
00:14:03,606 --> 00:14:05,823
What in the hell's diversity?
253
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:08,172
Well, I could be wrong,
254
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,737
but I believe diversity
is an old, old wooden ship
255
00:14:11,737 --> 00:14:15,087
that was used
during the Civil War era.
256
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,827
I would be surprised
if the affiliates were concerned
257
00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:20,001
about the lack
of an old wooden ship,
258
00:14:20,045 --> 00:14:22,306
but nice try.
259
00:14:22,349 --> 00:14:25,003
Diversity means
that times are changing,
260
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:27,221
and with that in mind--
261
00:14:27,264 --> 00:14:30,222
- Ron, are you paying attention?
- Nope.
262
00:14:30,264 --> 00:14:32,396
- This concerns all of us.
- Okay.
263
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,179
Keeping that in mind, I'd like
to introduce the latest addition
264
00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:38,354
to the KVWN News Team,
265
00:14:38,397 --> 00:14:41,094
directly from WYPN
266
00:14:41,137 --> 00:14:44,312
in Asheville, North Carolina,
267
00:14:44,356 --> 00:14:47,357
Ms. Veronica Corningstone.
268
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,356
- ♪ Who's that lady? ♪
- Hello.
269
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,835
- ♪ Who's that lady... ♪
- Hello, everyone.
270
00:14:52,879 --> 00:14:55,314
- Oh!
- I just want you all to know
271
00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:57,576
that I look forward
to contributing
272
00:14:57,576 --> 00:15:00,751
to this news station's
already sterling reputation.
273
00:15:03,448 --> 00:15:05,752
I mean, come on, Ed!
It's bullcrap!
274
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:08,188
Don't get me wrong.
I love the ladies.
275
00:15:08,232 --> 00:15:11,623
They rev my engine,
but they don't belong in the newsroom!
276
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:14,972
It is anchorman,
not anchorlady!
277
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:18,582
- And that is a scientific fact!
- Uh-huh.
278
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,757
I don't know
what we're yelling about!
279
00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:24,670
Ron, what do you think?
280
00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:26,757
She-- sh--
it's terrible!
281
00:15:26,757 --> 00:15:29,672
She has beautiful eyes,
and her hair smells like cinnamon!
282
00:15:29,716 --> 00:15:31,019
Mm-hmm.
283
00:15:31,019 --> 00:15:33,108
Loud noises!
284
00:15:34,021 --> 00:15:37,718
All right, everyone relax.
She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.
285
00:15:37,761 --> 00:15:41,327
I read somewhere that
their periods attract bears.
286
00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:44,110
Bears can smell
the menstruation.
287
00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:47,720
Well, that's just great.
You hear that, Ed?
288
00:15:47,764 --> 00:15:50,677
Bears. Now you're putting
the whole station in jeopardy.
289
00:15:50,721 --> 00:15:53,243
I will say
one thing for her, Ed,
290
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:56,419
she does have a nice,
big old behind.
291
00:15:56,462 --> 00:15:59,635
I'd like to put some
barbecue sauce on that butt
292
00:15:59,679 --> 00:16:02,288
and just bite, bite, bite, bite,
munch, munch, munch!
293
00:16:02,332 --> 00:16:04,898
- Ah-whoo!
- Stop it! Oh, Jeez.
294
00:16:07,856 --> 00:16:11,074
Look at the full-moon butt!
295
00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:13,205
Champ! Champ!
Champ, Champ!
296
00:16:14,684 --> 00:16:16,771
Mr. Harken, I was just wondering
297
00:16:16,771 --> 00:16:18,814
if you knew when my office
would be ready.
298
00:16:18,814 --> 00:16:20,903
Well, that might
take some time.
299
00:16:20,903 --> 00:16:24,121
For now, why don't you just
grab a desk in the bullpen?
300
00:16:24,164 --> 00:16:27,295
You can use my office! Then afterwards
maybe we can go to lunch!
301
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,166
Lower your voice, Ron.
302
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:32,167
Mm-hmm!
303
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:35,254
All right.
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
304
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:38,168
I'll go get
my desk set up.
305
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,736
Oh, she is a saucy mama!
I mean, I would...
306
00:16:50,562 --> 00:16:52,911
Here we go again.
307
00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:54,998
Every station
it's the same.
308
00:16:54,998 --> 00:16:57,563
Women ask me
how I put up with it.
309
00:16:57,607 --> 00:17:00,173
Well, the truth is,
I don't really have a choice.
310
00:17:00,217 --> 00:17:02,174
This is definitely
a man's world.
311
00:17:02,174 --> 00:17:04,392
But while they're laughing
and grab-assing,
312
00:17:04,435 --> 00:17:06,088
I'm chasing down leads
313
00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:08,829
and practicing
my nonregional diction.
314
00:17:08,872 --> 00:17:11,829
Because the only way to win
is to be the best.
315
00:17:11,873 --> 00:17:13,960
The very best.
316
00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:18,613
Touchy situation.
317
00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:22,092
I think the best thing
to do with this Corningstone,
318
00:17:22,092 --> 00:17:24,702
to keep her in line,
is bed her quick.
319
00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:28,181
Oh, that behind
is driving me loco!
320
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:30,661
I'm like a night wolf.
321
00:17:30,747 --> 00:17:33,182
Guys, take it easy.
Just take it easy!
322
00:17:33,225 --> 00:17:36,749
- She's got feelings, too.
- Oh, my God!
323
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,357
Listen to Burgundy.
324
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:41,403
He's gone soft on us,
like some schoolboy bitch.
325
00:17:41,446 --> 00:17:43,532
You sound like a gay.
326
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:47,448
Hey! Come on!
327
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:50,274
It's me, Papa Burgundy,
all right?
328
00:17:50,317 --> 00:17:53,884
As far as I'm concerned,
Corningstone's fair game.
329
00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:56,623
Huh?
Let the games begin!
330
00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:58,799
Hi-ohhh!
331
00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,277
There he is.
There he is.
332
00:18:01,277 --> 00:18:03,364
I'm very aroused.
333
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,757
What's this?
334
00:18:10,062 --> 00:18:12,149
Well, well, well.
335
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,891
Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4
News Team.
336
00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:20,021
Hello, Wes Mantooth.
337
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:21,890
Hello,
Evening News Team.
338
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:23,414
Nice clothes, gentlemen.
339
00:18:23,414 --> 00:18:26,109
I didn't know the Salvation Army
was having a sale.
340
00:18:28,588 --> 00:18:30,763
Am I right?
Look at these guys.
341
00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:36,633
Hey, where did you
get those clothes?
342
00:18:36,677 --> 00:18:38,765
At the toilet store?
343
00:18:41,636 --> 00:18:44,462
What are you doing
on our station's turf, Burgundy?
344
00:18:44,505 --> 00:18:46,941
You're about to get
a serious beat-down.
345
00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:50,420
I will smash your face
into a car windshield
346
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,638
and then take your mother,
Dorothy Mantooth,
347
00:18:52,682 --> 00:18:57,161
out for a nice seafood dinner
and never call her again!
348
00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:00,031
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You understand me?
349
00:19:00,074 --> 00:19:02,597
- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Hey.
350
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,293
Leave the mothers
out of this, all right?
351
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,860
It's unnecessary.
352
00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:14,165
Besides, I'm sure Wes here
353
00:19:14,209 --> 00:19:18,689
is just upset over finishing
second in the ratings again.
354
00:19:18,732 --> 00:19:20,516
Ooh!
355
00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:23,038
That's completely
uncalled for, Burgundy.
356
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,169
You know those
rating systems are flawed.
357
00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,431
They don't take into account
houses that have
358
00:19:27,431 --> 00:19:31,039
more than two television sets
and other things of that nature.
359
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:34,389
I guess I have to take you
at your word,
360
00:19:34,432 --> 00:19:36,519
Number Two.
361
00:19:38,650 --> 00:19:41,390
You have
a great day, fellas.
362
00:19:41,434 --> 00:19:43,521
We'll see you around the bend.
363
00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:48,131
Son of a bitch!
364
00:19:48,174 --> 00:19:51,305
Excusez-moi, Numero Two.
365
00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:56,003
Hey, Burgundy.
366
00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:58,526
You know those sample audiences
aren't big enough!
367
00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:02,047
Stop hiding behind those phony numbers,
Burgundy! I'm coming after you!
368
00:20:02,091 --> 00:20:06,700
I hate you, Ron Burgundy.
I hate you!
369
00:20:06,744 --> 00:20:09,876
You can't say one word?
370
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,050
Even the guy who can't
think says something!
371
00:20:12,093 --> 00:20:14,703
You guys just stand
there? Come on!
372
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:20,053
Right, but I think my son
is just going through a phase.
373
00:20:21,227 --> 00:20:22,923
I have no idea where
374
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:25,750
he would have gotten ahold
of German pornography.
375
00:20:25,793 --> 00:20:27,881
But you and I
are mature adults.
376
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:31,272
We've both seen our share
of pornographic materials.
377
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,795
Oh, you never have?
378
00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:35,534
Of course you haven't,
how stupid of me. Neither have I.
379
00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:37,840
I was just speaking
in generalities.
380
00:20:37,883 --> 00:20:42,276
I'll stop by the school
a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
381
00:20:42,276 --> 00:20:45,277
Ed, she insisted
on coming in.
382
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,930
Mr. Harken, sir,
383
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:49,929
I will not have my first story
at this news station
384
00:20:49,929 --> 00:20:51,931
be about a cat fashion show.
385
00:20:51,931 --> 00:20:54,583
Miss Corningstone, ma'am,
386
00:20:54,627 --> 00:20:57,802
you will do the stories
to which you are assigned.
387
00:20:57,845 --> 00:21:00,715
Mr. Harken, I am
a damn good journalist,
388
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,934
and this cat show thing
is grade-A baloney.
389
00:21:03,977 --> 00:21:06,978
It is not baloney.
Now, go do your job, missy!
390
00:21:07,022 --> 00:21:09,239
It is baloney!
391
00:21:13,719 --> 00:21:16,111
Hey, Ron,
392
00:21:16,154 --> 00:21:18,504
I'm gonna take a run
at the new girl.
393
00:21:18,546 --> 00:21:20,633
Let the games begin.
394
00:21:20,633 --> 00:21:23,764
Oh, Champ, Champ,
we're not really gonna actually do that.
395
00:21:23,808 --> 00:21:26,026
- We were just flapping our gums.
- Oh, yeah.
396
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:28,158
You kill me, Burgundy.
397
00:21:28,897 --> 00:21:32,507
Let me just grab this.
Oh, sorry about that.
398
00:21:32,551 --> 00:21:34,725
- Whammy.
- Hmm.
399
00:21:34,769 --> 00:21:37,073
- Uh, Champ?
- Yeah.
400
00:21:37,116 --> 00:21:39,683
You're trying to touch
my breasts, aren't you?
401
00:21:39,725 --> 00:21:43,466
What can I say?
I like the way you're put together.
402
00:21:43,509 --> 00:21:46,119
What do you say
we go out on a date?
403
00:21:46,162 --> 00:21:48,642
Have some chicken,
maybe some sex.
404
00:21:48,685 --> 00:21:50,337
You know,
see what happens?
405
00:21:50,337 --> 00:21:53,251
Oh, let me get this
over here.
406
00:21:54,774 --> 00:21:56,644
Sorry.
407
00:21:56,644 --> 00:21:58,992
Oh, there it is.
408
00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,209
I'll give this
little cookie an hour
409
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,341
before we're doing
the no-pants dance.
410
00:22:03,341 --> 00:22:05,646
Time to musk up.
411
00:22:08,516 --> 00:22:09,907
Wow.
412
00:22:09,907 --> 00:22:12,779
It never ceases to amaze me.
413
00:22:12,822 --> 00:22:14,996
What cologne
you gonna go with?
414
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,648
London Gentleman, or--
415
00:22:16,648 --> 00:22:19,824
wait. No, no, no.
Hold on.
416
00:22:19,867 --> 00:22:21,519
Blackbeard's Delight.
417
00:22:21,519 --> 00:22:24,303
No, she gets
a special cologne.
418
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,260
It's called Sex Panther
by Odeon.
419
00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:32,262
It's illegal in nine countries.
420
00:22:32,305 --> 00:22:34,784
Yep, it's made with bits
of real panther.
421
00:22:34,784 --> 00:22:37,611
- So you know it's good.
- It's quite pungent.
422
00:22:37,654 --> 00:22:38,959
Oh yeah.
423
00:22:38,959 --> 00:22:41,003
It's a formidable scent.
424
00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:44,091
It stings the nostrils.
425
00:22:44,135 --> 00:22:46,048
- In a good way.
- Yep.
426
00:22:46,048 --> 00:22:48,875
I'll be honest with you.
That smells like pure gasoline.
427
00:22:48,918 --> 00:22:51,310
They've done studies,
you know.
428
00:22:51,353 --> 00:22:55,137
60% of the time,
it works every time.
429
00:22:55,137 --> 00:22:57,137
That doesn't make sense.
430
00:22:57,137 --> 00:22:59,572
Well...
431
00:22:59,572 --> 00:23:02,008
Let's go see if we can
make this little kitty purr.
432
00:23:07,183 --> 00:23:10,706
Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite
I'd like to extend your way.
433
00:23:14,490 --> 00:23:16,186
My God.
434
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,187
What is that smell?
435
00:23:18,187 --> 00:23:19,490
- Oh!
436
00:23:19,490 --> 00:23:21,666
That's the smell
of desire, milady.
437
00:23:21,710 --> 00:23:23,797
God, no, it smells like--
438
00:23:23,839 --> 00:23:27,145
like a used diaper
filled with Indian food.
439
00:23:27,189 --> 00:23:29,189
Oh!
Excuse me.
440
00:23:29,189 --> 00:23:31,190
Desire smells like that
to some people.
441
00:23:31,190 --> 00:23:35,017
What is that? Smells like a turd
covered in burnt hair!
442
00:23:39,453 --> 00:23:41,584
It smells like
Bigfoot's dick!
443
00:23:43,628 --> 00:23:45,716
Oh, hell, that's rank!
444
00:23:47,976 --> 00:23:50,064
Oh, what's that smell?
445
00:23:54,328 --> 00:23:57,632
This is worse than the time
the raccoon got in the copier.
446
00:23:57,674 --> 00:23:59,154
Yeah.
447
00:23:59,154 --> 00:24:00,806
It's very distracting.
448
00:24:00,806 --> 00:24:03,677
- When we get to the pet shop--
- Cough!
449
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,329
Look over here.
450
00:24:05,329 --> 00:24:07,242
Excuse me, Veronica.
451
00:24:07,242 --> 00:24:09,940
Yes, what is it, Brick?
452
00:24:09,983 --> 00:24:11,983
I would like
to extend to you
453
00:24:11,983 --> 00:24:14,157
an invitation
to the pants party.
454
00:24:15,202 --> 00:24:16,506
Excuse me?
455
00:24:16,506 --> 00:24:19,289
The party.
The pants--
456
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:22,160
With the pants.
Party with pants?
457
00:24:22,204 --> 00:24:23,638
Brick, are you saying
458
00:24:23,638 --> 00:24:26,160
that there's a party in
your pants and I'm invited?
459
00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:27,814
That's it.
460
00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:30,728
Hmm. Did Brian tell you
to say this, Brick?
461
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:32,686
No--
yes, he did.
462
00:24:32,686 --> 00:24:37,338
Okay. No, I don't want to go
to a party in your pants.
463
00:24:37,381 --> 00:24:39,078
Very well.
Ian?
464
00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,077
Would you like to go
to a party in my pants?
465
00:24:41,077 --> 00:24:42,992
No, Brick.
466
00:24:42,992 --> 00:24:45,079
All right. Let's go!
467
00:24:47,168 --> 00:24:51,254
All right, now...
468
00:24:51,254 --> 00:24:54,430
I'm telling you,
she is a real ball-buster.
469
00:24:54,474 --> 00:24:56,561
A real ice queen.
470
00:24:56,604 --> 00:24:59,909
Mm. I just
burned my tongue.
471
00:24:59,952 --> 00:25:02,214
The only way
to bag a classy lady
472
00:25:02,257 --> 00:25:05,084
is to give her two tickets
to the gun show...
473
00:25:08,129 --> 00:25:10,216
and see if she likes
the goods.
474
00:25:12,259 --> 00:25:14,305
1,001.
475
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:18,262
1,002.
476
00:25:18,306 --> 00:25:20,480
- Uh, Mr. Burgundy?
- 1,003.
477
00:25:20,524 --> 00:25:22,828
Helen said that you
needed to see me?
478
00:25:22,872 --> 00:25:24,263
Oh, Miss Corningstone.
479
00:25:24,263 --> 00:25:27,308
I wasn't expecting company.
480
00:25:30,482 --> 00:25:32,701
Just doing my workout.
481
00:25:32,744 --> 00:25:34,701
Tuesday's arms and back.
482
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:37,919
- You asked me to come by, sir.
- Oh, did I?
483
00:25:37,962 --> 00:25:40,050
Yes.
484
00:25:41,268 --> 00:25:43,529
Oh, it's the deep burn!
485
00:25:43,573 --> 00:25:46,661
Oh, it's so deep.
486
00:25:46,704 --> 00:25:49,706
I can barely lift my right
arm 'cause I did so many.
487
00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:53,359
I don't know if you heard me counting.
I did over 1,000.
488
00:25:53,401 --> 00:25:55,402
You have your ubulus muscle
489
00:25:55,402 --> 00:25:58,228
that connects
to the upper dorsinus.
490
00:25:58,272 --> 00:26:00,534
It's boring,
but it's part of my life.
491
00:26:00,577 --> 00:26:03,404
I'm just gonna grab this shirt,
if you don't mind.
492
00:26:03,447 --> 00:26:06,752
Just watch out for the guns.
They'll get you.
493
00:26:06,796 --> 00:26:08,536
You are pathetic.
494
00:26:08,536 --> 00:26:11,015
This has to be
the feeblest
495
00:26:11,102 --> 00:26:13,668
pickup attempt
that I have ever encountered.
496
00:26:13,710 --> 00:26:17,626
I expected it from the rest of them,
Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.
497
00:26:17,626 --> 00:26:19,974
Wait a minute!
I-- pickup attempt?
498
00:26:20,018 --> 00:26:21,539
I'm offended.
499
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,931
I have little time
to get to the gym,
500
00:26:23,974 --> 00:26:26,584
so I have to sculpt
my guns at the office.
501
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:29,542
Oh, stop calling
your arms "guns."
502
00:26:29,586 --> 00:26:31,585
Look.
503
00:26:31,585 --> 00:26:33,760
My plan was to ask you
504
00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:36,412
if I could squire you
about town
505
00:26:36,457 --> 00:26:39,110
as one professional
helping another professional,
506
00:26:39,154 --> 00:26:42,197
because I know what it's like
to be lonely in a new city.
507
00:26:44,546 --> 00:26:46,633
- Really?
- Yes.
508
00:26:46,633 --> 00:26:49,242
But now I am too hurt.
509
00:26:49,286 --> 00:26:51,939
And shocked and offended
510
00:26:51,983 --> 00:26:53,331
and-- and hurt.
511
00:26:53,331 --> 00:26:55,244
I could do that.
512
00:26:55,244 --> 00:26:56,463
Really?
513
00:26:56,463 --> 00:26:58,419
Well, yes.
514
00:26:58,419 --> 00:27:00,419
As a journalist,
I should get to know
515
00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:02,376
the city
that I'm covering.
516
00:27:02,376 --> 00:27:05,334
- But this is not a date.
- No, of course not.
517
00:27:05,378 --> 00:27:08,074
- Strictly professional.
- Wonderful.
518
00:27:08,117 --> 00:27:10,466
- Hmm.
- Great.
519
00:27:12,292 --> 00:27:13,814
Shall I pick you up
520
00:27:13,814 --> 00:27:15,902
8:00?
521
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:19,598
Mm, 9:00.
522
00:27:20,730 --> 00:27:22,164
Downstairs?
523
00:27:22,164 --> 00:27:25,165
Mr. Burgundy, you have
a massive erection.
524
00:27:25,165 --> 00:27:27,252
Really?
525
00:27:28,644 --> 00:27:31,123
Yes, I do.
Um...
526
00:27:31,167 --> 00:27:33,906
I'm sorry, it's the--
527
00:27:33,950 --> 00:27:36,297
- it's the pleats.
- Mm.
528
00:27:36,342 --> 00:27:38,603
It's actually
an optical illusion.
529
00:27:38,647 --> 00:27:40,647
It's the pattern
on the pants.
530
00:27:40,647 --> 00:27:44,039
It's not flattering
in the crotchal region.
531
00:27:44,082 --> 00:27:46,170
I'm actually
taking them back right now.
532
00:27:46,214 --> 00:27:49,171
Taking them back
to the pants store.
533
00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,476
Oh, this is awkward.
534
00:27:53,912 --> 00:27:56,782
and I will see you later.
535
00:28:05,610 --> 00:28:07,698
Don't act like
you're not impressed.
536
00:28:07,785 --> 00:28:09,655
Frame up two.
537
00:28:09,655 --> 00:28:12,568
- Let's go to Brian Fantana live...
- Gimme a tighter one on two.
538
00:28:12,612 --> 00:28:15,004
...with a Channel 4
News exclusive.
539
00:28:15,048 --> 00:28:16,439
Brian?
540
00:28:16,439 --> 00:28:18,744
Panda watch.
The mood is tense.
541
00:28:18,786 --> 00:28:21,441
I have been on some
serious, serious reports,
542
00:28:21,484 --> 00:28:23,136
but nothing like this.
543
00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:26,181
I-- I-- Ching--
King is inside now.
544
00:28:26,225 --> 00:28:29,225
I tried to get an interview,
but they said, "You can't.
545
00:28:29,269 --> 00:28:32,053
He's a live bear. He will
literally rip your face off."
546
00:28:32,096 --> 00:28:35,053
Hey! You're making me
look stupid!
547
00:28:35,096 --> 00:28:37,967
Get out here!
Panda jerk!
548
00:28:38,011 --> 00:28:40,706
Great story.
Compelling and rich.
549
00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:44,969
That's gonna do it for all
of us at Channel 4 News.
550
00:28:45,012 --> 00:28:47,272
You stay classy,
San Diego.
551
00:28:47,316 --> 00:28:49,405
I'm Ron Burgundy?
552
00:28:50,492 --> 00:28:54,232
Damn it! Who typed a question mark
on the Teleprompter?
553
00:28:54,276 --> 00:28:57,580
For the last time, anything
you put on that prompter,
554
00:28:57,624 --> 00:28:59,712
Burgundy will read.
555
00:29:01,929 --> 00:29:04,581
Oh, God,
this is a mistake.
556
00:29:04,625 --> 00:29:06,495
This is a mistake.
557
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:09,627
He's very cute. Very cute.
No, he's not. He's hairy.
558
00:29:09,670 --> 00:29:12,106
There she is!
Veronica!
559
00:29:12,150 --> 00:29:14,585
My little China doll.
560
00:29:14,629 --> 00:29:16,585
I am full of it tonight.
561
00:29:16,585 --> 00:29:19,064
Oh, silly. Hi.
562
00:29:19,108 --> 00:29:21,195
You look ravishing.
563
00:29:21,195 --> 00:29:24,196
It truly is beauty
and the beast.
564
00:29:25,761 --> 00:29:27,676
I might add
a handsome beast at that.
565
00:29:27,676 --> 00:29:29,415
Are you ready
for our rendezvous?
566
00:29:29,415 --> 00:29:31,068
It's not a date.
567
00:29:31,068 --> 00:29:33,721
No, strictly professional.
568
00:29:33,764 --> 00:29:36,287
Doesn't mean
we can't have fun.
569
00:29:36,331 --> 00:29:38,417
- Shall we?
- Yes.
570
00:29:42,679 --> 00:29:44,768
San Diego.
571
00:29:45,767 --> 00:29:47,768
Mm! Drink it in.
572
00:29:47,768 --> 00:29:49,855
It always
goes down smooth.
573
00:29:52,029 --> 00:29:54,031
What a beautiful view,
Mr. Burgundy.
574
00:29:54,031 --> 00:29:57,378
I know. I love this city.
It's a--
575
00:29:57,422 --> 00:29:59,162
it's a fact.
576
00:29:59,162 --> 00:30:01,424
It's the greatest city
in the history of mankind.
577
00:30:03,164 --> 00:30:06,512
Discovered by the Germans
in 1904.
578
00:30:06,512 --> 00:30:09,686
They named it San Diago,
579
00:30:09,730 --> 00:30:13,774
which of course in German
means a whale's vagina.
580
00:30:16,036 --> 00:30:18,950
N-- no, there's
no way that's correct.
581
00:30:23,385 --> 00:30:26,212
I'm sorry.
I was trying to impress you.
582
00:30:26,256 --> 00:30:28,038
Oh.
583
00:30:28,038 --> 00:30:30,779
I don't know what it means.
584
00:30:30,822 --> 00:30:33,779
I'll be honest. I don't think anyone
knows what it means anymore.
585
00:30:33,823 --> 00:30:36,172
Scholars maintain that
the translation was lost
586
00:30:36,215 --> 00:30:38,216
hundreds of years ago.
587
00:30:38,216 --> 00:30:40,607
Doesn't it mean
Saint Diego?
588
00:30:41,739 --> 00:30:44,522
No. No.
589
00:30:44,566 --> 00:30:47,088
No, that's--
that's what it means.
590
00:30:47,132 --> 00:30:48,480
Really.
591
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,002
Well, agree to disagree.
592
00:30:55,394 --> 00:30:57,351
May I take your order?
593
00:30:57,351 --> 00:31:00,700
Yes, I am going to have
three fingers of Glenlivet
594
00:31:00,743 --> 00:31:03,614
with a little bit of pepper,
and, uh, some cheese.
595
00:31:03,658 --> 00:31:05,571
Very good.
596
00:31:05,571 --> 00:31:07,528
A Manhattan,
and kick the vermouth
597
00:31:07,528 --> 00:31:09,659
in the side with a pair
of steel-toed boots.
598
00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,573
- Certainly.
- Thank you, Scott.
599
00:31:11,573 --> 00:31:13,616
Thank you.
600
00:31:13,616 --> 00:31:16,182
Wow.
Quite a drink order.
601
00:31:16,226 --> 00:31:19,400
Oh, well, when in Rome.
602
00:31:19,444 --> 00:31:21,010
Yes?
603
00:31:21,010 --> 00:31:22,924
Please, go on.
604
00:31:22,924 --> 00:31:26,402
Uh, do as the Romans do?
605
00:31:26,446 --> 00:31:28,185
It's an old expression.
606
00:31:28,185 --> 00:31:30,403
Oh! I've never heard of it.
607
00:31:30,446 --> 00:31:32,230
- Oh.
- It's wonderful, though.
608
00:31:32,230 --> 00:31:34,492
Mr. Burgundy.
609
00:31:34,535 --> 00:31:36,928
- Tino! How are you?
- So good to see you.
610
00:31:36,971 --> 00:31:38,623
You're looking fantastic.
611
00:31:38,623 --> 00:31:40,623
Tino, Veronica.
612
00:31:40,623 --> 00:31:43,233
Veronica.
What a pretty girlfriend.
613
00:31:43,276 --> 00:31:45,277
- Drinks are on Tino tonight.
- No, no, no.
614
00:31:45,277 --> 00:31:47,755
We're work associates.
I work at the station.
615
00:31:47,799 --> 00:31:50,931
- I'm a journalist.
- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.
616
00:31:50,975 --> 00:31:53,105
Tino's the finest
club owner in the city.
617
00:31:53,149 --> 00:31:54,714
- My best friend, right?
- Yes.
618
00:31:54,714 --> 00:31:57,846
Yes, we have a saying
in my country about people like him.
619
00:31:57,889 --> 00:32:00,411
"The coyote of the desert
620
00:32:00,499 --> 00:32:02,673
always likes to eat
the heart of the young,
621
00:32:02,717 --> 00:32:06,456
where the blood drips down to children
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
622
00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:09,283
- only the ribs will be broken in two."
- Tino.
623
00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:12,066
Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy,
we will be honored
624
00:32:12,110 --> 00:32:14,807
if you will play
"yazz" flute for us.
625
00:32:14,851 --> 00:32:16,764
- I can't.
- Please.
626
00:32:16,764 --> 00:32:18,937
You play jazz flute?
627
00:32:18,981 --> 00:32:21,113
- I dabble.
- Oh.
628
00:32:21,156 --> 00:32:24,288
Would everyone love to hear
Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?
629
00:32:24,331 --> 00:32:27,593
- Get it goin', Ronnie!
- Yes! Please.
630
00:32:27,636 --> 00:32:28,854
You, on stage now.
631
00:32:28,854 --> 00:32:31,637
Okay, I guess I can play
a little ditty.
632
00:32:31,681 --> 00:32:33,420
- Honestly, I'm--
- Come on.
633
00:32:33,420 --> 00:32:37,117
- Give him a hand.
- I'm not prepared. Not at all.
634
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,987
- Yeah!
- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
635
00:32:41,379 --> 00:32:44,032
Guys, "East Harlem
Shakedown," E flat?
636
00:32:44,076 --> 00:32:45,684
Keep the cymbals splashy,
637
00:32:45,684 --> 00:32:47,815
and, Jay, let's take
the bass line for a walk.
638
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:53,512
Hold on.
639
00:32:53,512 --> 00:32:56,384
I'm not hearing it right.
Hold on.
640
00:33:03,689 --> 00:33:05,776
We got it now.
It's all right.
641
00:33:05,820 --> 00:33:07,908
Fire up, Ronnie!
642
00:33:09,561 --> 00:33:13,083
Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you.
Hope you got your griddles.
643
00:33:19,824 --> 00:33:22,172
That's baby-makin' music,
that's what that is.
644
00:33:28,217 --> 00:33:30,652
Let's go!
645
00:34:12,620 --> 00:34:14,708
Hey, Aqualung!
646
00:34:27,145 --> 00:34:28,320
Thank you.
647
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,408
Thank you!
648
00:34:36,844 --> 00:34:39,410
You were amazing.
649
00:34:39,454 --> 00:34:41,323
Mm. Thank you.
650
00:34:41,323 --> 00:34:43,454
Where did you learn
to play like that?
651
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:45,193
Well, jazz flute
652
00:34:45,193 --> 00:34:48,238
has always been a small
passion of mine.
653
00:34:48,325 --> 00:34:51,283
So what other passions
do you have, Mr. Burgundy?
654
00:34:51,326 --> 00:34:56,066
Well, I have one
great passion that--
655
00:34:56,111 --> 00:35:00,590
that lives deep
within my loins, like a--
656
00:35:00,634 --> 00:35:04,633
Like a flaming golden hawk:
657
00:35:04,677 --> 00:35:07,809
To one day
become a network anchor.
658
00:35:07,852 --> 00:35:10,941
Well, believe it or not,
659
00:35:10,984 --> 00:35:13,028
we share the same dream.
660
00:35:14,027 --> 00:35:16,071
I too want to be
an network anchor.
661
00:35:17,855 --> 00:35:19,986
God, you are so beautiful.
662
00:35:24,595 --> 00:35:26,683
We really
should be going.
663
00:35:26,727 --> 00:35:29,814
I swore that I would never
get involved with a coworker.
664
00:35:31,511 --> 00:35:33,599
Wait.
665
00:35:35,598 --> 00:35:38,600
What if, just for tonight,
we weren't coworkers?
666
00:35:38,687 --> 00:35:41,426
We were co-people?
667
00:35:42,513 --> 00:35:44,557
- I don't--
- Shh.
668
00:35:45,819 --> 00:35:47,906
You be a woman.
669
00:35:47,950 --> 00:35:50,342
I'll be a man.
670
00:35:50,385 --> 00:35:52,473
That's all.
671
00:35:53,081 --> 00:35:54,690
Oh.
672
00:35:54,690 --> 00:35:57,822
You continue to surprise
me, Mr. Burgundy.
673
00:36:18,391 --> 00:36:21,741
Oh, I'm storming your castle
on my steed, milady.
674
00:36:26,395 --> 00:36:29,222
Oh, mi corazón
es en fuego!
675
00:36:29,266 --> 00:36:31,527
Julio, fuego,
fuego, fuego!
676
00:36:31,570 --> 00:36:33,875
Wait, stop.
Stop talking like that.
677
00:36:33,918 --> 00:36:36,440
- I can't understand you.
- Sorry.
678
00:36:40,877 --> 00:36:42,877
Take me to Pleasure Town!
679
00:36:42,877 --> 00:36:44,964
- Oh, we're going there!
- Oh!
680
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:52,184
♪ Love is like candy
on a shelf ♪
681
00:36:53,663 --> 00:36:57,620
♪ You want to taste
and help yourself... ♪
682
00:36:57,620 --> 00:37:00,186
I friggin' love you!
683
00:37:00,230 --> 00:37:02,273
I friggin' love you back!
684
00:37:02,273 --> 00:37:04,753
♪ Help yourself,
take a few ♪
685
00:37:04,796 --> 00:37:07,623
♪ That's what
I want you to do... ♪
686
00:37:07,666 --> 00:37:10,624
Look! The most glorious
rainbow ever!
687
00:37:10,668 --> 00:37:12,451
Oh, do me on it!
688
00:37:12,451 --> 00:37:15,538
♪ Just say the word
and they are yours... ♪
689
00:37:15,582 --> 00:37:19,452
Whee!
690
00:37:19,496 --> 00:37:24,411
♪ In my heart your smile
has opened up the door ♪
691
00:37:24,454 --> 00:37:28,411
♪ The greatest wealth
that exists in the world. ♪
692
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,499
Mmm.
693
00:37:30,499 --> 00:37:32,586
Well done, sir.
694
00:37:37,110 --> 00:37:39,805
Tip of the cap to you as well,
Miss Corningstone.
695
00:37:46,504 --> 00:37:49,069
I'm having very strong feelings
for you, Mr. Burgundy.
696
00:37:49,113 --> 00:37:50,679
Mm.
697
00:37:50,679 --> 00:37:54,071
But it's very important to me
that I be viewed as a professional.
698
00:37:54,115 --> 00:37:56,114
- Right.
- Hmm.
699
00:37:56,114 --> 00:37:58,941
When in Rome.
700
00:37:58,984 --> 00:38:00,333
Yeah.
701
00:38:00,333 --> 00:38:02,246
That, uh, expression
702
00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:04,768
doesn't really apply
to what I'm talking about.
703
00:38:04,812 --> 00:38:06,855
- Oh, I'm--
- What I was saying.
704
00:38:06,855 --> 00:38:09,857
I still don't quite
understand what it means.
705
00:38:09,857 --> 00:38:12,119
Oh, no.
You'll find it.
706
00:38:14,510 --> 00:38:16,511
No, I was saying that,
707
00:38:16,511 --> 00:38:18,598
if we continue
seeing each other,
708
00:38:18,641 --> 00:38:22,382
that we should keep it
relatively quiet around the station.
709
00:38:22,426 --> 00:38:24,208
Absolutely,
710
00:38:24,208 --> 00:38:26,862
my wild love tigress.
711
00:38:30,166 --> 00:38:32,299
Tasteful discretion
is the name of the game.
712
00:38:32,341 --> 00:38:34,428
Mm-hmm.
713
00:38:36,734 --> 00:38:39,735
Veronica Corningstone
and I had sex,
714
00:38:39,735 --> 00:38:42,908
and now we are in love!
715
00:38:43,952 --> 00:38:46,171
Did I say that loud?
716
00:38:46,214 --> 00:38:48,475
Yeah, you pretty much
yelled it.
717
00:38:48,519 --> 00:38:50,607
Well, I can't help it.
718
00:38:50,607 --> 00:38:52,172
It's fantastic!
719
00:38:52,172 --> 00:38:55,303
- What's it like, Ron?
- The intimate times?
720
00:38:55,347 --> 00:38:57,825
Outta sight, my man!
721
00:38:59,217 --> 00:39:02,610
No. The other thing.
722
00:39:02,654 --> 00:39:04,219
Love.
723
00:39:04,219 --> 00:39:06,872
Yeah.
What is that?
724
00:39:06,915 --> 00:39:10,699
Well, it's tough to explain.
725
00:39:10,743 --> 00:39:14,614
- I think I was in love once.
- Really, what was her name?
726
00:39:14,656 --> 00:39:16,091
I don't remember.
727
00:39:16,091 --> 00:39:19,049
That's not a good start,
but keep going.
728
00:39:19,093 --> 00:39:21,136
She was Brazilian.
729
00:39:21,136 --> 00:39:23,572
Or Chinese,
or something weird.
730
00:39:23,615 --> 00:39:26,573
I met her in the bathroom
of a K-mart,
731
00:39:26,616 --> 00:39:28,791
and we made out for hours.
732
00:39:28,834 --> 00:39:32,227
Then we parted ways,
never to see each other again.
733
00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:34,706
I'm pretty sure
that's not love.
734
00:39:34,750 --> 00:39:36,140
Damn it!
735
00:39:36,140 --> 00:39:38,228
I love...
736
00:39:39,533 --> 00:39:41,621
carpet.
737
00:39:43,404 --> 00:39:46,100
I love desk.
738
00:39:46,143 --> 00:39:49,970
Are you just looking at things
in the office and saying you love them?
739
00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:51,839
I love lamp.
740
00:39:51,839 --> 00:39:55,581
Do you really love the lamp,
or are you saying it because you saw it?
741
00:39:55,624 --> 00:39:59,320
I love lamp!
I love lamp.
742
00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:01,582
You really want to know
what love is?
743
00:40:01,626 --> 00:40:03,886
- Yeah.
- Yes, tell us.
744
00:40:03,930 --> 00:40:06,019
More than anything
in the world.
745
00:40:06,887 --> 00:40:09,802
Well, it's really
quite simple.
746
00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:13,454
It's kind of like...
747
00:40:15,021 --> 00:40:18,108
♪ Gonna find my baby,
gonna hold her tight ♪
748
00:40:18,152 --> 00:40:21,588
♪ Gonna grab
some afternoon delight ♪
749
00:40:21,630 --> 00:40:24,631
♪ My motto's always been
"When it's right, it's right" ♪
750
00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:28,240
♪ Why wait until the middle
of a cold, dark night ♪
751
00:40:28,284 --> 00:40:34,461
♪ When everything's a little
clearer in the light of day ♪
752
00:40:34,504 --> 00:40:36,809
♪ And we know the night ♪
753
00:40:36,852 --> 00:40:41,244
♪ Is always gonna
be there anyway? ♪
754
00:40:41,288 --> 00:40:44,116
♪ Thinkin' of you's
working up my appetite ♪
755
00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:46,984
♪ Lookin' forward
to a little afternoon delight ♪
756
00:40:46,984 --> 00:40:49,986
♪ Rubbin' sticks and stones together
make the sparks ignite ♪
757
00:40:50,030 --> 00:40:53,421
♪ And the thought of lovin' you
is getting so exciting ♪
758
00:40:53,510 --> 00:40:55,379
♪ Sky rockets in flight ♪
759
00:40:55,379 --> 00:40:58,293
- ♪ Boo! ♪
- ♪ Afternoon delight... ♪
760
00:40:58,336 --> 00:41:01,120
- Whoop!
- You guys have it, I think.
761
00:41:01,163 --> 00:41:04,294
♪ Afternoon delight. ♪
762
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:08,296
I don't know, Ron.
That sounds kinda crazy.
763
00:41:08,339 --> 00:41:10,514
Sounds like you have
mental problems, man.
764
00:41:10,557 --> 00:41:13,296
- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Yeah, he really does.
765
00:41:13,339 --> 00:41:14,515
Man.
766
00:41:14,515 --> 00:41:17,341
♪ Afternoon delight. ♪
767
00:41:17,385 --> 00:41:19,646
- Wanna make a phone call.
- Freshen this up.
768
00:41:28,039 --> 00:41:31,780
Oh, look out.
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.
769
00:41:31,824 --> 00:41:33,867
He's ready to do battle
in the arena
770
00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,694
against the tiniest lion
you've ever imagined.
771
00:41:38,564 --> 00:41:41,087
I'm getting some great stuff,
Miss Corningstone.
772
00:41:41,129 --> 00:41:43,348
Shut up.
773
00:41:43,391 --> 00:41:45,218
Oh, I hate cats.
774
00:41:45,218 --> 00:41:47,827
Let's just do my sign-off
and get outta here.
775
00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:51,697
It was quite a show
down here at the Pet Shack.
776
00:41:51,741 --> 00:41:55,872
Just for today, fashion curiosity
did not kill the cat.
777
00:41:55,917 --> 00:41:59,396
I'm Veronica Corningstone
for Channel 4 News.
778
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:03,049
That was our newest reporter,
Veronica Corningstone.
779
00:42:03,093 --> 00:42:04,745
She's really great.
780
00:42:04,745 --> 00:42:07,963
I'd also like to share with you
that we are currently dating
781
00:42:08,006 --> 00:42:10,704
and that she is quite
a handful in the bedroom.
782
00:42:10,748 --> 00:42:12,573
Uh...
783
00:42:12,573 --> 00:42:15,227
That's gonna do it
for all of us here at 6:00.
784
00:42:15,270 --> 00:42:17,966
For the Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
785
00:42:18,010 --> 00:42:20,097
You stay classy,
San Diego.
786
00:42:21,053 --> 00:42:23,097
All clear.
787
00:42:23,097 --> 00:42:25,185
Uh-oh.
788
00:42:25,185 --> 00:42:27,881
I might be in trouble
on that one.
789
00:42:27,925 --> 00:42:31,839
I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air.
790
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:35,535
Mmm! Mmm.
That is good fondue.
791
00:42:35,579 --> 00:42:38,928
Don't you get it, Ron?
I wanna be an anchor.
792
00:42:38,971 --> 00:42:41,407
That is never gonna happen
if everyone in San Diego
793
00:42:41,451 --> 00:42:43,450
thinks that I'm
your bimbo gal pal.
794
00:42:43,450 --> 00:42:45,452
I don't know what to say.
795
00:42:45,452 --> 00:42:48,061
I just--
I got excited.
796
00:42:48,104 --> 00:42:52,235
I just wanted to shout it
from on top of a mountain.
797
00:42:52,278 --> 00:42:55,498
But I didn't have a mountain.
I had a newsroom and a camera.
798
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,063
Look.
799
00:42:57,063 --> 00:42:59,063
I report the news.
That's what I do.
800
00:42:59,063 --> 00:43:03,456
And today's top story,
in Ron Burgundy's world,
801
00:43:03,456 --> 00:43:05,718
read something like this:
802
00:43:05,762 --> 00:43:08,197
I love Veronica Corningstone.
803
00:43:12,329 --> 00:43:14,416
Oh, Ron.
804
00:43:18,807 --> 00:43:20,808
This is nice, gang, sittin' here.
805
00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:23,200
- Oh, yeah.
- Brown baggin' it.
806
00:43:23,244 --> 00:43:26,723
The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow
morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
807
00:43:26,767 --> 00:43:28,768
Oh! Almost forgot.
808
00:43:28,768 --> 00:43:31,072
I won't be able
to make it, fellas.
809
00:43:31,115 --> 00:43:33,464
Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called,
810
00:43:33,508 --> 00:43:35,421
uh, jogging.
811
00:43:35,421 --> 00:43:38,901
I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft "J."
812
00:43:38,943 --> 00:43:41,640
I'm not sure,
but apparently you just run
813
00:43:41,684 --> 00:43:43,815
for an extended period
of time.
814
00:43:43,858 --> 00:43:46,338
- It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?
815
00:43:46,380 --> 00:43:48,033
No, Ron's coming.
816
00:43:48,033 --> 00:43:51,121
It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.
817
00:43:51,164 --> 00:43:53,035
I realize that.
818
00:43:53,035 --> 00:43:56,687
Sometimes you gotta look yourself
in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."
819
00:43:56,731 --> 00:43:58,818
The bottom line is,
820
00:43:58,862 --> 00:44:01,906
you've been spending
a lot of time with this lady.
821
00:44:01,950 --> 00:44:05,820
You're a member of
the Channel 4 News Team.
822
00:44:05,864 --> 00:44:08,343
- That's a given.
- We need you.
823
00:44:09,779 --> 00:44:11,866
Hell, I need you.
824
00:44:13,127 --> 00:44:15,345
I'm a mess without ya.
825
00:44:15,388 --> 00:44:17,781
I miss you
so damn much.
826
00:44:17,824 --> 00:44:20,562
I miss being with you.
827
00:44:20,606 --> 00:44:24,216
I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.
828
00:44:29,741 --> 00:44:31,914
I miss--
I miss your scent.
829
00:44:31,958 --> 00:44:34,567
I miss your musk.
830
00:44:37,133 --> 00:44:39,654
When this all gets sorted out,
831
00:44:39,698 --> 00:44:42,700
I think you and me should
get an apartment together.
832
00:44:44,743 --> 00:44:47,222
Just take it easy, Champ.
833
00:44:47,266 --> 00:44:49,702
Why don't you stop talking
for a while?
834
00:44:49,745 --> 00:44:51,919
Maybe sit the next
couple of plays out.
835
00:44:51,963 --> 00:44:53,529
You know what I mean?
836
00:44:53,529 --> 00:44:55,530
Yeah, I'm gonna quit
sayin' things
837
00:44:55,530 --> 00:44:57,877
when they crop up
in the ol' skull, huh?
838
00:44:57,921 --> 00:45:00,835
See what it's like
when you're not here?
839
00:45:00,879 --> 00:45:03,879
You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.
840
00:45:03,922 --> 00:45:06,271
Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.
841
00:45:06,314 --> 00:45:08,489
Here's the thing,
842
00:45:08,533 --> 00:45:10,360
I don't trust this chick.
843
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,056
We need you around,
and she is just using you.
844
00:45:13,100 --> 00:45:15,273
Everyone, just relax.
All right?
845
00:45:15,317 --> 00:45:19,405
Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
846
00:45:19,797 --> 00:45:22,058
I don't know, Ron.
847
00:45:22,102 --> 00:45:24,320
Guess what.
I do.
848
00:45:24,363 --> 00:45:27,711
I know that one day, Veronica
and I are gonna get married
849
00:45:27,755 --> 00:45:30,146
on top of a mountain.
850
00:45:30,190 --> 00:45:32,278
And there's going
to be flutes playing
851
00:45:32,322 --> 00:45:35,191
and trombones and flowers
852
00:45:35,234 --> 00:45:37,758
and garlands of fresh herbs.
853
00:45:39,107 --> 00:45:42,368
And we will dance
till the sun rises.
854
00:45:42,411 --> 00:45:45,195
And then our children
will form a family band.
855
00:45:45,237 --> 00:45:47,238
And we will tour
the countryside,
856
00:45:47,238 --> 00:45:49,326
and you won't be invited!
857
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,937
I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.
858
00:45:59,415 --> 00:46:02,634
Good.
Good one!
859
00:46:02,677 --> 00:46:04,591
Oh, okay.
I understand.
860
00:46:04,591 --> 00:46:07,505
You have a nice day,
sir. Bye.
861
00:46:07,549 --> 00:46:10,288
Um, I could come back
later, Mr. Harken.
862
00:46:10,332 --> 00:46:11,767
No, no, no.
863
00:46:11,767 --> 00:46:13,506
It's just parent stuff.
864
00:46:13,506 --> 00:46:16,159
It seems that our youngest,
Chris, was
865
00:46:16,203 --> 00:46:18,030
on something called acid
866
00:46:18,030 --> 00:46:20,595
and was firing
a bow and arrow into a crowd.
867
00:46:20,638 --> 00:46:22,725
- Mm.
- You know how kids are.
868
00:46:22,769 --> 00:46:24,639
Oh. Right.
869
00:46:24,639 --> 00:46:27,336
Anyhoo, what can
I do you for?
870
00:46:27,380 --> 00:46:28,684
Well, Mr. Harken,
871
00:46:28,684 --> 00:46:31,685
I feel like I have proven
myself as a journalist
872
00:46:31,772 --> 00:46:33,773
and that I deserve
the opportunity
873
00:46:33,773 --> 00:46:35,904
to take on more
challenging stories.
874
00:46:35,946 --> 00:46:38,078
Well, ask
and you shall receive.
875
00:46:38,122 --> 00:46:41,428
Ah, yes, this just
came across my desk.
876
00:46:41,470 --> 00:46:43,862
Here is a story
of a 103-year-old woman
877
00:46:43,906 --> 00:46:47,732
who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.
878
00:46:47,776 --> 00:46:49,863
Ooh, now that's
a hot lead.
879
00:46:49,907 --> 00:46:53,213
It was very hard for Veronica.
880
00:46:53,255 --> 00:46:55,952
But she was a pro
and hung tough.
881
00:46:55,952 --> 00:46:59,301
But soon, with a simple act
of littering,
882
00:46:59,343 --> 00:47:01,867
everyone's life
would change forever.
883
00:47:01,910 --> 00:47:03,998
♪ La la la la la. ♪
884
00:47:07,172 --> 00:47:10,565
♪ Oh, Baxter, you are
my little gentleman ♪
885
00:47:10,609 --> 00:47:12,653
♪ I'll take you
to foggy London Town ♪
886
00:47:12,653 --> 00:47:14,130
♪ Because you are what? ♪
887
00:47:14,130 --> 00:47:16,915
♪ My little gentleman. ♪
888
00:47:16,958 --> 00:47:19,872
This burrito is delicious,
but it is filling.
889
00:47:19,916 --> 00:47:22,221
Whoa!
890
00:47:23,612 --> 00:47:25,700
Antony and Cleopatra!
891
00:47:32,352 --> 00:47:34,659
Goddamn son of--
892
00:47:36,007 --> 00:47:37,615
What the hell, bro'?
893
00:47:37,615 --> 00:47:39,833
Hello, neighbor.
894
00:47:39,877 --> 00:47:42,095
Did you just throw a burrito
out your window?
895
00:47:42,139 --> 00:47:43,356
I believe I did.
896
00:47:43,356 --> 00:47:46,314
Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
897
00:47:46,357 --> 00:47:49,140
I did. That was a terrific spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
898
00:47:49,183 --> 00:47:51,923
That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.
899
00:47:51,967 --> 00:47:55,490
Easy, compadre. I'm your
friend out here, all right?
900
00:47:55,534 --> 00:47:58,969
I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your goofy ass!
901
00:47:59,011 --> 00:48:01,057
If you want
to throw down, fine.
902
00:48:01,057 --> 00:48:04,448
I've got Jack Johnson
and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
903
00:48:04,492 --> 00:48:06,797
You destroyed
the only thing I love.
904
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:09,972
All right? There it is.
What do you love?
905
00:48:10,016 --> 00:48:12,103
I love poetry.
906
00:48:12,103 --> 00:48:14,364
And a glass of Scotch.
907
00:48:14,408 --> 00:48:17,191
And, of course,
my friend Baxter here.
908
00:48:17,235 --> 00:48:19,931
Well, guess what.
Now this is happenin'.
909
00:48:19,975 --> 00:48:22,975
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
910
00:48:25,672 --> 00:48:28,151
That's how I roll.
911
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:32,195
Baxter!
912
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:36,022
No...!
913
00:48:37,805 --> 00:48:40,066
- Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.
914
00:48:41,806 --> 00:48:44,633
- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.
915
00:48:44,676 --> 00:48:48,287
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.
916
00:48:48,330 --> 00:48:50,156
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.
917
00:48:50,156 --> 00:48:53,549
Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.
918
00:48:53,592 --> 00:48:55,941
You and I have had this discussion
a million times.
919
00:48:55,984 --> 00:48:57,767
There's never been
a woman anchor.
920
00:48:57,767 --> 00:48:59,245
Mr. Harken,
921
00:48:59,245 --> 00:49:02,246
- this city needs its news.
- Oh.
922
00:49:02,246 --> 00:49:05,378
You're gonna deprive them
of that because I have breasts?
923
00:49:05,422 --> 00:49:06,943
Exquisite breasts?
924
00:49:06,943 --> 00:49:11,335
I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
925
00:49:11,379 --> 00:49:13,423
Because I am good
at three things:
926
00:49:13,466 --> 00:49:15,772
fighting, screwing
and reading the news.
927
00:49:15,815 --> 00:49:19,555
I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?
928
00:49:21,774 --> 00:49:23,121
Uh--
929
00:49:23,121 --> 00:49:25,208
Screwing?
930
00:49:28,297 --> 00:49:31,210
I will be in makeup.
931
00:49:32,645 --> 00:49:34,777
Jesus, she's terrifying!
932
00:49:34,820 --> 00:49:38,257
Fantana.
933
00:49:39,387 --> 00:49:40,734
Ron, are you okay?
934
00:49:40,734 --> 00:49:42,822
The man punted Baxter!
935
00:49:42,822 --> 00:49:44,909
Calm down.
936
00:49:44,953 --> 00:49:46,649
Breathe, Ron,
breathe.
937
00:49:46,649 --> 00:49:49,128
The man that loved
the motorcycle!
938
00:49:49,172 --> 00:49:51,042
What did the bad man do?
939
00:49:51,042 --> 00:49:55,173
The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!
940
00:49:55,217 --> 00:49:56,521
- Ron!
- He took him!
941
00:49:56,521 --> 00:49:59,870
He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!
942
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,348
That's what he did!
943
00:50:01,348 --> 00:50:02,698
Someone punted him?
944
00:50:02,698 --> 00:50:05,438
No, wait. Wait.
Let me say something.
945
00:50:05,481 --> 00:50:10,829
Let me say something.
946
00:50:10,873 --> 00:50:13,874
What?
947
00:50:16,657 --> 00:50:19,788
I-- I don't-- I didn't
understand one word you said.
948
00:50:19,832 --> 00:50:22,224
Ron, are you okay?
Ron?
949
00:50:28,617 --> 00:50:30,835
Ron.
Where are you?
950
00:50:30,878 --> 00:50:34,532
I'm in a glass case
of emotion!
951
00:50:34,575 --> 00:50:36,663
He's gonna put
Corningstone on.
952
00:50:36,663 --> 00:50:39,143
He's gonna
put Corningstone on!
953
00:50:41,186 --> 00:50:43,273
I've got to do the news!
954
00:50:57,016 --> 00:50:59,104
You're not Ron.
955
00:51:00,713 --> 00:51:03,409
We're on in 10.
Good luck, lady.
956
00:51:03,409 --> 00:51:05,497
Ready the announce.
957
00:51:09,367 --> 00:51:11,541
- Power.
- Roll in.
958
00:51:11,585 --> 00:51:13,673
Power.
Power.
959
00:51:17,847 --> 00:51:20,110
One slip,
960
00:51:20,153 --> 00:51:22,631
and you're gone.
Whammy.
961
00:51:22,675 --> 00:51:25,023
And your reporter in the field,
962
00:51:25,067 --> 00:51:26,415
Brian Fantana.
963
00:51:26,415 --> 00:51:29,286
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
964
00:51:31,112 --> 00:51:33,678
Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
965
00:51:35,069 --> 00:51:37,548
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
966
00:51:37,592 --> 00:51:39,114
Tonight's top story:
967
00:51:39,114 --> 00:51:41,594
- Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men
968
00:51:41,638 --> 00:51:45,333
wearing ski masks made off with over
$20,000 from an area bank
969
00:51:45,376 --> 00:51:47,463
in a daring
early morning robbery.
970
00:51:52,465 --> 00:51:53,900
Hey!
971
00:51:53,900 --> 00:51:57,076
And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,
972
00:51:57,119 --> 00:52:00,032
with a jump
of seven feet, 10 inches.
973
00:52:00,076 --> 00:52:01,945
Hmm.
974
00:52:01,945 --> 00:52:06,078
I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
975
00:52:08,122 --> 00:52:10,340
That will do it
for us at 6:00.
976
00:52:10,384 --> 00:52:12,906
From all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
977
00:52:12,950 --> 00:52:15,167
I'm Veronica Corningstone,
978
00:52:15,210 --> 00:52:18,341
and thanks
for stopping by, San Diego.
979
00:52:18,385 --> 00:52:19,734
All clear!
980
00:52:19,734 --> 00:52:22,517
Yes! Yes!
981
00:52:23,647 --> 00:52:25,822
Lady! Lady!
982
00:52:25,866 --> 00:52:28,736
Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.
983
00:52:28,779 --> 00:52:30,911
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
That felt good.
984
00:52:30,954 --> 00:52:33,867
- That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.
985
00:52:33,911 --> 00:52:36,868
You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.
986
00:52:36,912 --> 00:52:39,000
Thank you.
987
00:52:40,478 --> 00:52:42,479
Oh, Ron! Ron!
Ron, darling!
988
00:52:42,479 --> 00:52:45,174
I'm so glad you're
all right. Oh, God.
989
00:52:45,218 --> 00:52:47,131
I have something
magnificent to tell you.
990
00:52:47,131 --> 00:52:49,567
I'm here.
We can do the news now.
991
00:52:49,611 --> 00:52:52,437
It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news.
992
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,309
Hold on. Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!
993
00:52:55,352 --> 00:52:58,440
Ron, we did it.
Veronica filled in for you.
994
00:52:58,483 --> 00:52:59,831
What?
995
00:52:59,831 --> 00:53:01,918
Sweetheart, we were
so worried about you,
996
00:53:01,962 --> 00:53:04,789
and we waited as long
as we could, but--
997
00:53:04,833 --> 00:53:08,789
Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.
998
00:53:08,833 --> 00:53:13,443
Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
tell me this is some kind
999
00:53:13,487 --> 00:53:15,966
of sick, tasteless joke.
1000
00:53:16,010 --> 00:53:18,313
You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?
1001
00:53:18,357 --> 00:53:20,359
Why can't you
be proud of me
1002
00:53:20,359 --> 00:53:23,141
as a peer and as
my gentleman lover?
1003
00:53:23,141 --> 00:53:24,707
Oh, Jeez.
1004
00:53:24,707 --> 00:53:27,533
I can't believe
you did this to me!
1005
00:53:27,577 --> 00:53:29,578
You read my news!
1006
00:53:29,578 --> 00:53:32,622
I told you that I wanted
to be an anchor.
1007
00:53:32,666 --> 00:53:34,233
I told you that.
1008
00:53:34,233 --> 00:53:36,667
I thought you were kidding!
1009
00:53:36,710 --> 00:53:38,711
I thought it was a joke!
1010
00:53:38,711 --> 00:53:41,015
I even wrote it down
in my diary!
1011
00:53:41,059 --> 00:53:44,277
"Veronica had
a very funny joke today."
1012
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,366
I laughed at it
later that night!
1013
00:53:46,366 --> 00:53:48,670
I can't believe
that I cared for you.
1014
00:53:48,713 --> 00:53:50,715
Get out! Just go!
1015
00:53:50,715 --> 00:53:53,498
We are through!
Through!
1016
00:53:53,541 --> 00:53:56,497
Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!
1017
00:53:56,541 --> 00:53:59,455
You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.
1018
00:53:59,499 --> 00:54:01,630
You have broken my heart.
1019
00:54:05,891 --> 00:54:07,675
From there on out,
1020
00:54:07,675 --> 00:54:10,197
things just got worse
for Ron Burgundy.
1021
00:54:10,241 --> 00:54:12,328
Corningstone was a star,
1022
00:54:12,328 --> 00:54:15,200
and everything started
to move awfully fast
1023
00:54:15,243 --> 00:54:17,895
- after her big break.
- Where's Ian? Ian!
1024
00:54:17,895 --> 00:54:20,374
All right, I got a call from network.
1025
00:54:20,417 --> 00:54:22,810
It looks like
our broadcast last night
1026
00:54:22,852 --> 00:54:25,853
received a two-point
ratings boost,
1027
00:54:25,941 --> 00:54:28,333
and the decision
has been passed down
1028
00:54:28,376 --> 00:54:31,160
to make Veronica
our co-anchor.
1029
00:54:31,202 --> 00:54:33,247
- What?
- No. No!
1030
00:54:33,247 --> 00:54:35,334
No!
1031
00:54:35,377 --> 00:54:37,117
- No!
- No!
1032
00:54:37,117 --> 00:54:38,553
- No!
- This is wonderful.
1033
00:54:38,553 --> 00:54:42,032
Ed, come here,
you big silly man. You big silly man.
1034
00:54:42,118 --> 00:54:45,033
- We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?
1035
00:54:48,425 --> 00:54:51,078
- That's great.
- Thank you.
1036
00:54:51,121 --> 00:54:53,078
- ♪ Sunshine, go away today... ♪
- Damn it!
1037
00:54:53,078 --> 00:54:57,427
♪ I don't feel much like dancing ♪
1038
00:54:57,471 --> 00:55:00,646
♪ Some man's gone,
he's trying to run my life ♪
1039
00:55:00,689 --> 00:55:04,821
♪ Don't know what he's asking ♪
1040
00:55:06,647 --> 00:55:10,430
♪ When he tells me
I better get in line ♪
1041
00:55:10,474 --> 00:55:14,084
♪ I can't hear
what he's sayin' ♪
1042
00:55:14,128 --> 00:55:18,040
♪ When I grow up
I'm gonna make it mine ♪
1043
00:55:18,084 --> 00:55:19,259
♪ These ain't dues... ♪
1044
00:55:19,259 --> 00:55:21,086
What Brian didn't tell you
1045
00:55:21,086 --> 00:55:24,086
was that those
were not real pirates.
1046
00:55:24,130 --> 00:55:26,609
- They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.
1047
00:55:26,653 --> 00:55:29,218
Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
1048
00:55:29,262 --> 00:55:30,654
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1049
00:55:30,654 --> 00:55:32,653
You stay classy,
San Diego.
1050
00:55:32,653 --> 00:55:34,697
And thanks
for stopping by.
1051
00:55:34,697 --> 00:55:36,743
But mainly stay classy.
1052
00:55:36,743 --> 00:55:39,482
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
1053
00:55:39,524 --> 00:55:41,396
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.
1054
00:55:41,396 --> 00:55:43,962
Ron Burgundy.
1055
00:55:46,310 --> 00:55:49,397
You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.
1056
00:55:55,225 --> 00:55:58,443
You have man boobs.
1057
00:55:58,486 --> 00:56:00,836
You've got a dirty,
whorish mouth.
1058
00:56:05,185 --> 00:56:07,576
I'm gonna punch you
in the ovary.
1059
00:56:07,620 --> 00:56:09,751
- A straight shot.
- Ooh, ow.
1060
00:56:09,794 --> 00:56:11,838
Right to the baby-maker.
1061
00:56:11,838 --> 00:56:14,926
Ah, jazz flute
is for little fairy boys.
1062
00:56:14,970 --> 00:56:17,057
Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.
1063
00:56:17,100 --> 00:56:19,319
I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.
1064
00:56:20,971 --> 00:56:23,929
It's ringing.
1065
00:56:25,277 --> 00:56:27,103
Veronica Corningstone.
1066
00:56:27,103 --> 00:56:30,147
Hello, Veronica,
this is Mike Rithjin
1067
00:56:30,190 --> 00:56:32,495
from the network.
You've just been promoted.
1068
00:56:32,539 --> 00:56:34,671
You're gonna need to move
to Moscow.
1069
00:56:34,713 --> 00:56:36,497
Start cleaning up your desk.
1070
00:56:36,497 --> 00:56:38,846
See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.
1071
00:56:38,888 --> 00:56:40,497
What did you say
your name was?
1072
00:56:40,497 --> 00:56:42,716
Mike Ritnitjun.
It's not important.
1073
00:56:42,759 --> 00:56:44,281
Start cleaning your desk,
1074
00:56:44,325 --> 00:56:46,760
and we'll pick you up
in the morning.
1075
00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:49,108
Tell her she might
want to get a coat.
1076
00:56:49,108 --> 00:56:51,761
Hold on. Veronica?
What was it?
1077
00:56:51,805 --> 00:56:53,327
Tell her to get a coat.
1078
00:56:53,327 --> 00:56:56,502
Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.
1079
00:56:56,502 --> 00:56:58,069
You might want
to buy a coat.
1080
00:56:58,069 --> 00:57:00,373
Are you and Champ
having a good time, Ron?
1081
00:57:00,416 --> 00:57:01,547
Are we what?
1082
00:57:01,547 --> 00:57:03,677
I can see you, Ron.
1083
00:57:03,721 --> 00:57:05,113
What?
1084
00:57:05,113 --> 00:57:08,113
I can see you.
1085
00:57:08,157 --> 00:57:10,549
Okay. Bye-bye.
1086
00:57:10,593 --> 00:57:12,681
- What happened?
- She knew it was me.
1087
00:57:16,508 --> 00:57:18,944
You're watching Channel 4 News
1088
00:57:18,944 --> 00:57:21,291
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
1089
00:57:21,335 --> 00:57:23,423
Ron Burgundy
and Tits McGee.
1090
00:57:24,856 --> 00:57:27,728
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1091
00:57:27,771 --> 00:57:29,858
Tits McGee is on vacation.
1092
00:57:33,164 --> 00:57:35,208
And I'm Tits--
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1093
00:57:38,818 --> 00:57:41,340
- Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.
1094
00:57:41,340 --> 00:57:44,514
I have your pregnancy
report here, and guess what.
1095
00:57:44,558 --> 00:57:47,820
You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.
1096
00:57:47,864 --> 00:57:50,343
- Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.
1097
00:57:50,386 --> 00:57:53,822
- Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?
1098
00:57:53,865 --> 00:57:56,126
I'm a professional doctor.
1099
00:57:56,170 --> 00:57:58,691
You saw me.
You don't remember.
1100
00:57:58,736 --> 00:58:01,737
We-- you should move.
1101
00:58:01,780 --> 00:58:03,999
- Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.
1102
00:58:03,999 --> 00:58:06,129
You're pathetic.
1103
00:58:06,172 --> 00:58:07,826
What'd she say?
1104
00:58:07,826 --> 00:58:10,262
She-- I don't--
I think she bought it.
1105
00:58:10,305 --> 00:58:12,741
She's looking this way.
1106
00:58:12,783 --> 00:58:15,914
- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!
- Here she comes.
1107
00:58:20,089 --> 00:58:22,568
I'll tell you what,
it's just not working.
1108
00:58:22,612 --> 00:58:25,004
She's making us look like
a bunch of fools.
1109
00:58:25,047 --> 00:58:28,091
Ellen, where's the party?
1110
00:58:29,180 --> 00:58:31,876
Children, grow up.
1111
00:58:32,962 --> 00:58:34,962
Son of a bee sting.
1112
00:58:34,962 --> 00:58:37,094
She's turning
the entire office against us.
1113
00:58:37,137 --> 00:58:39,747
- This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?
1114
00:58:39,791 --> 00:58:42,051
There's only one thing
a man can do
1115
00:58:42,051 --> 00:58:46,010
when he's suffering from a spiritual
and existential funk.
1116
00:58:46,054 --> 00:58:48,272
Go to the zoo,
flip off the monkeys?
1117
00:58:48,314 --> 00:58:50,924
No. Buy new suits.
1118
00:58:50,968 --> 00:58:52,751
Yea!
1119
00:58:52,751 --> 00:58:54,881
♪ That girl ♪
1120
00:58:57,143 --> 00:58:59,622
♪ I'm gonna make her mine
if it takes all night ♪
1121
00:58:59,665 --> 00:59:01,231
♪ Can you dig it?
Can you dig it? ♪
1122
00:59:01,231 --> 00:59:02,927
♪ Can you dig it? Can you dig it? ♪
1123
00:59:02,927 --> 00:59:03,015
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1124
00:59:03,015 --> 00:59:06,057
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1125
00:59:06,101 --> 00:59:08,537
Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
1126
00:59:08,581 --> 00:59:09,886
Fantastic.
1127
00:59:09,886 --> 00:59:12,364
- Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.
1128
00:59:13,495 --> 00:59:15,582
Jeez.
1129
00:59:18,235 --> 00:59:20,061
Hey.
1130
00:59:20,104 --> 00:59:23,714
Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
1131
00:59:26,150 --> 00:59:28,847
Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?
1132
00:59:30,325 --> 00:59:33,327
You boys walkin' around
and talkin' things through?
1133
00:59:33,327 --> 00:59:35,414
Keep a tight perimeter.
1134
00:59:37,197 --> 00:59:39,284
Yes, sirree.
1135
00:59:40,110 --> 00:59:42,198
Well, well, well.
1136
00:59:43,155 --> 00:59:45,112
Ron Burgundy
1137
00:59:45,112 --> 00:59:47,112
and the Channel 4
News Team.
1138
00:59:47,112 --> 00:59:49,113
Where's your mommy?
1139
00:59:49,113 --> 00:59:51,592
You back off,
Evening News Team.
1140
00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:58,593
You know,
I understand that, uh,
1141
00:59:58,637 --> 01:00:01,116
they had to bring
a female in.
1142
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:03,856
Change your diapers.
1143
01:00:03,856 --> 01:00:06,379
Wipe the dribble away
from your bubblin' lips.
1144
01:00:08,075 --> 01:00:09,989
Rub Vaseline
all over your heinie
1145
01:00:09,989 --> 01:00:13,294
and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.
1146
01:00:15,207 --> 01:00:17,425
He said "heinie"!
1147
01:00:17,469 --> 01:00:19,164
Brick, get back over here!
1148
01:00:19,164 --> 01:00:20,642
Heinie!
1149
01:00:20,642 --> 01:00:22,730
Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
1150
01:00:23,774 --> 01:00:26,166
Give you a little kiss
on your forehead?
1151
01:00:26,166 --> 01:00:28,079
Tell you everything's
gonna be okay?
1152
01:00:28,079 --> 01:00:30,340
I've had enough
of you, Mantooth.
1153
01:00:30,340 --> 01:00:33,386
This is gonna end
right here, right now.
1154
01:00:33,430 --> 01:00:35,255
Let's dance, dickweed.
1155
01:00:35,255 --> 01:00:37,342
You wanna dance, Ronnie?
1156
01:00:40,692 --> 01:00:42,780
I wanna polka.
1157
01:00:51,042 --> 01:00:53,521
Come get a taste.
1158
01:00:57,261 --> 01:00:59,306
Brick, where'd you get
a hand grenade?
1159
01:00:59,306 --> 01:01:01,392
I don't know.
1160
01:01:02,306 --> 01:01:05,351
All right.
Let's do this!
1161
01:01:06,568 --> 01:01:08,655
Hey!
1162
01:01:11,352 --> 01:01:13,353
If you're gonna have a fight,
1163
01:01:13,353 --> 01:01:15,745
then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,
1164
01:01:15,789 --> 01:01:18,048
lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
1165
01:01:18,092 --> 01:01:21,354
You dirtbags have been
in third place for five years.
1166
01:01:21,354 --> 01:01:25,225
Yeah? Well, you're about
to be in dead place.
1167
01:01:30,922 --> 01:01:34,967
Not so fast, you ingrates!
1168
01:01:35,011 --> 01:01:38,098
Public News Team is taking
a break from its pledge drive
1169
01:01:38,142 --> 01:01:39,794
to kick some ass.
1170
01:01:39,794 --> 01:01:42,012
No commercials!
No mercy!
1171
01:01:55,233 --> 01:01:57,277
Cómo están, pinches!
1172
01:01:57,277 --> 01:01:59,364
Spanish Language News is here.
1173
01:01:59,408 --> 01:02:00,800
Tonight's top story:
1174
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:04,236
The sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.
1175
01:02:04,236 --> 01:02:06,323
Hyah! Hyah!
1176
01:02:12,672 --> 01:02:16,021
Well looks like we got
ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.
1177
01:02:22,849 --> 01:02:26,590
Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.
1178
01:02:28,894 --> 01:02:31,112
Rule number one:
1179
01:02:31,156 --> 01:02:33,853
No touching
of the hair or face.
1180
01:02:34,896 --> 01:02:36,114
Of course.
1181
01:02:36,114 --> 01:02:38,288
And that's it!
1182
01:02:38,332 --> 01:02:40,593
Now let's do this!
1183
01:02:48,725 --> 01:02:51,247
Begin!
1184
01:03:28,997 --> 01:03:31,389
I'm gonna straight-up
murder your ass!
1185
01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:33,520
- Blade!
- Here you go, mate!
1186
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,608
Ahh! God!
1187
01:03:35,651 --> 01:03:38,217
Oh! I did not
see that coming!
1188
01:03:41,913 --> 01:03:44,001
Oh! Aaah!
1189
01:03:44,001 --> 01:03:47,219
- Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!
1190
01:03:49,351 --> 01:03:52,221
Policía!
1191
01:04:05,615 --> 01:04:08,617
Boy, that escalated quickly.
1192
01:04:08,659 --> 01:04:11,616
I mean, that really
got out of hand fast.
1193
01:04:11,660 --> 01:04:14,270
- It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?
1194
01:04:14,314 --> 01:04:16,705
Yeah, I stabbed
a man in the heart.
1195
01:04:16,749 --> 01:04:20,314
I saw that.
Brick killed a guy.
1196
01:04:20,358 --> 01:04:22,532
- Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.
1197
01:04:22,532 --> 01:04:25,926
There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.
1198
01:04:25,968 --> 01:04:28,274
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
1199
01:04:28,317 --> 01:04:31,145
Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.
1200
01:04:31,187 --> 01:04:35,362
Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder.
1201
01:04:35,406 --> 01:04:36,885
I'm proud of you fellas.
1202
01:04:36,885 --> 01:04:38,712
You kept your head
on a swivel.
1203
01:04:38,712 --> 01:04:41,668
That's what you gotta do when
you're in a vicious cockfight.
1204
01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:44,495
Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
1205
01:04:44,538 --> 01:04:46,973
"Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers."
1206
01:04:47,017 --> 01:04:49,757
This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.
1207
01:04:49,757 --> 01:04:51,758
I know exactly
what you mean, Brian.
1208
01:04:51,758 --> 01:04:54,238
Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.
1209
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:58,065
- And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.
1210
01:04:58,108 --> 01:04:59,891
We're gonna do
something about it.
1211
01:04:59,891 --> 01:05:02,457
It is time to put
an end to this!
1212
01:05:02,500 --> 01:05:05,849
Last time I looked, my name's Ron
Burgundy. What's your name?
1213
01:05:05,892 --> 01:05:07,458
- Brian Fantana.
- Champ Kind.
1214
01:05:07,458 --> 01:05:09,155
- Brian Fantana.
- No, you're Brick.
1215
01:05:09,155 --> 01:05:10,371
- Brian.
- I'm Brian.
1216
01:05:10,371 --> 01:05:11,938
Veronica.
1217
01:05:11,938 --> 01:05:15,286
And I've shown you, old man!
1218
01:05:15,329 --> 01:05:18,505
Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.
1219
01:05:18,548 --> 01:05:20,331
Ron's using the machine
1220
01:05:20,331 --> 01:05:23,070
to play his local Emmy
acceptance speech from last year.
1221
01:05:23,114 --> 01:05:24,983
I tried to ask her
out on a date.
1222
01:05:24,983 --> 01:05:28,724
Turn the music off!
I'm still talking!
1223
01:05:28,724 --> 01:05:31,247
- This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.
1224
01:05:31,334 --> 01:05:33,552
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
1225
01:05:33,596 --> 01:05:36,901
I need this machine so I can
watch a tape for a story.
1226
01:05:36,943 --> 01:05:39,030
I'm using the tape.
1227
01:05:39,030 --> 01:05:41,119
I'm showing Jeffrey
my Emmy tape.
1228
01:05:41,119 --> 01:05:42,816
We are watching history.
1229
01:05:42,816 --> 01:05:45,337
Mr. Burgundy,
I'm a professional,
1230
01:05:45,381 --> 01:05:48,947
and I would like
to be able to do my job.
1231
01:05:48,991 --> 01:05:51,121
Big deal!
I am very professional!
1232
01:05:51,164 --> 01:05:53,731
Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.
1233
01:05:53,773 --> 01:05:57,471
I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!
1234
01:05:57,514 --> 01:06:00,385
You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!
1235
01:06:00,429 --> 01:06:02,386
I'm a man
who discovered the wheel
1236
01:06:02,386 --> 01:06:05,647
and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.
1237
01:06:05,691 --> 01:06:07,475
That's what
kind of man I am.
1238
01:06:07,475 --> 01:06:10,170
You're just a woman
with a small brain.
1239
01:06:10,170 --> 01:06:14,042
With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.
1240
01:06:14,084 --> 01:06:16,999
I will have you know
that I have more talent
1241
01:06:16,999 --> 01:06:19,434
and more intelligence
in my little finger
1242
01:06:19,477 --> 01:06:21,956
than you do
in your entire body, sir!
1243
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,480
You are a smelly
pirate hooker!
1244
01:06:24,522 --> 01:06:26,783
You look like a blueberry.
1245
01:06:26,827 --> 01:06:29,914
Why don't you go back
to your home on Whore Island?
1246
01:06:29,958 --> 01:06:33,220
Well, you have bad hair.
1247
01:06:35,524 --> 01:06:37,569
What did you say?
1248
01:06:37,569 --> 01:06:39,352
I said
1249
01:06:39,352 --> 01:06:41,092
your hair
1250
01:06:41,092 --> 01:06:43,874
looks stupid.
1251
01:06:50,746 --> 01:06:54,051
- Let 'em work it out!
- It's between the two of them!
1252
01:07:06,533 --> 01:07:09,056
They're just talking.
Just talking.
1253
01:07:09,098 --> 01:07:11,578
- I hate you!
- I hate you more!
1254
01:07:23,319 --> 01:07:24,884
Ow!
1255
01:07:24,884 --> 01:07:27,451
Shut up! Shut up!
1256
01:07:31,496 --> 01:07:32,931
All right, stop!
1257
01:07:32,931 --> 01:07:34,931
Stop what you're doing
right now!
1258
01:07:34,931 --> 01:07:37,976
I will not have
my newsroom be divided.
1259
01:07:39,498 --> 01:07:41,847
Ah! Knights of Columbus,
that hurts!
1260
01:07:44,064 --> 01:07:46,152
I was like, "Who is that guy?"
1261
01:07:49,848 --> 01:07:52,849
I just can't believe
what Ron did to you.
1262
01:07:52,893 --> 01:07:55,328
It is so awful.
1263
01:07:55,328 --> 01:07:57,373
Yes.
1264
01:07:57,373 --> 01:08:00,590
Have you ever thought
about fighting fire
1265
01:08:00,590 --> 01:08:02,982
with fire?
1266
01:08:04,156 --> 01:08:06,027
What do you mean?
1267
01:08:06,027 --> 01:08:10,114
I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.
1268
01:08:10,157 --> 01:08:11,593
Up to you.
1269
01:08:11,637 --> 01:08:13,811
Ron Burgundy
1270
01:08:13,855 --> 01:08:17,334
will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.
1271
01:08:17,377 --> 01:08:19,378
And when I say anything,
1272
01:08:19,378 --> 01:08:21,814
I mean an-y-thing.
1273
01:08:30,599 --> 01:08:31,902
Arnold, cue one.
1274
01:08:31,902 --> 01:08:33,991
After the FotoMat
was destroyed,
1275
01:08:33,991 --> 01:08:36,773
the bear scampered
back into the woods.
1276
01:08:36,817 --> 01:08:39,687
Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.
1277
01:08:39,731 --> 01:08:41,819
Oh.
1278
01:08:42,689 --> 01:08:44,688
From the entire
Channel 4 News Team,
1279
01:08:44,688 --> 01:08:46,471
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1280
01:08:46,471 --> 01:08:47,864
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1281
01:08:47,864 --> 01:08:50,430
Go fuck yourself,
San Diego.
1282
01:08:56,474 --> 01:08:58,954
What in the name--
1283
01:08:58,997 --> 01:09:00,997
No!
1284
01:09:00,997 --> 01:09:03,259
Nobody talks about
my city that way!
1285
01:09:03,303 --> 01:09:05,390
Ron Burgundy's ass
is grass!
1286
01:09:08,129 --> 01:09:11,045
Nice work, everyone.
Sharp broadcast.
1287
01:09:11,087 --> 01:09:13,478
Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.
1288
01:09:13,522 --> 01:09:15,610
Really a lot of hustle.
I liked it.
1289
01:09:16,568 --> 01:09:18,786
Dump out! Dump out!
1290
01:09:18,829 --> 01:09:20,916
Hello, Edward.
1291
01:09:20,959 --> 01:09:23,786
- Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.
1292
01:09:23,830 --> 01:09:25,874
Bing, bong, bong.
You're fired, Ed.
1293
01:09:25,874 --> 01:09:28,919
Do you even know
what you just said?
1294
01:09:28,961 --> 01:09:32,180
Great Odin's raven!
1295
01:09:32,223 --> 01:09:34,267
Are you happy, Ron?
1296
01:09:34,267 --> 01:09:37,181
Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.
1297
01:09:37,225 --> 01:09:41,530
You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
1298
01:09:41,530 --> 01:09:43,618
My hands are tied. I--
1299
01:09:43,618 --> 01:09:45,401
I gotta fire you.
1300
01:09:45,401 --> 01:09:47,880
Ed, let's hold on.
Let's count to 10.
1301
01:09:47,923 --> 01:09:51,662
That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?
1302
01:09:51,706 --> 01:09:56,055
Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.
1303
01:09:56,100 --> 01:09:58,578
San Diego-ins.
San Diego-uns.
1304
01:09:58,621 --> 01:10:00,926
- San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.
1305
01:10:00,970 --> 01:10:03,188
San Diegans out
in front of the station.
1306
01:10:03,232 --> 01:10:05,016
They want Ron's blood.
1307
01:10:05,016 --> 01:10:06,449
They want to hurt you.
1308
01:10:06,449 --> 01:10:09,755
Why did you say that? Why?
1309
01:10:09,755 --> 01:10:12,278
Why, Ron? Why?
1310
01:10:12,321 --> 01:10:14,670
You're my hero, Ron.
1311
01:10:14,714 --> 01:10:16,062
Garth, I--
1312
01:10:16,062 --> 01:10:20,062
And you come out
with stink like that poop!
1313
01:10:20,106 --> 01:10:24,933
You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!
1314
01:10:24,933 --> 01:10:28,847
If I were to give you money out
of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
1315
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:32,065
I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
I hate you!
1316
01:10:37,850 --> 01:10:39,937
Ron? Ron!
1317
01:10:40,024 --> 01:10:43,069
I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?
1318
01:10:43,590 --> 01:10:44,938
No, Ron, I'm not!
1319
01:10:44,938 --> 01:10:47,112
I have nothing left!
Nothing!
1320
01:10:47,156 --> 01:10:49,331
I've been reduced to rubble!
1321
01:10:50,767 --> 01:10:53,071
Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.
1322
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:58,681
No! No!
1323
01:11:11,206 --> 01:11:13,598
Mr. Burgundy, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
1324
01:11:13,642 --> 01:11:16,555
- Please, I--
- You're an awful man!
1325
01:11:16,599 --> 01:11:20,426
You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
1326
01:11:22,383 --> 01:11:24,210
Bob Dylan once wrote,
1327
01:11:24,253 --> 01:11:26,253
"The times,
they are a-changin'."
1328
01:11:26,298 --> 01:11:28,689
Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.
1329
01:11:28,732 --> 01:11:32,777
So when he fell, he fell hard.
1330
01:11:36,126 --> 01:11:40,258
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
1331
01:11:40,301 --> 01:11:41,910
Good evening, San Diego.
1332
01:11:41,910 --> 01:11:45,520
I'm lead anchor
Veronica Corningstone.
1333
01:11:45,563 --> 01:11:48,650
Tonight's top story:
an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
1334
01:11:48,693 --> 01:11:50,825
the most famous panda
in the world,
1335
01:11:50,868 --> 01:11:53,695
shows that her baby
is doing quite well.
1336
01:11:53,739 --> 01:11:56,827
No!
1337
01:12:02,002 --> 01:12:04,177
Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
1338
01:12:04,219 --> 01:12:06,525
Hello, this is Ron.
1339
01:12:06,569 --> 01:12:07,872
Hello.
1340
01:12:07,872 --> 01:12:10,656
Who's there?
I'm talking. Hello.
1341
01:12:10,700 --> 01:12:12,354
Who is this?
1342
01:12:12,354 --> 01:12:15,005
Baxter, is that you?
1343
01:12:15,049 --> 01:12:16,440
Baxter!
1344
01:12:16,440 --> 01:12:18,528
Bark twice
if you're in Milwaukee.
1345
01:12:19,529 --> 01:12:21,572
Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
1346
01:12:21,572 --> 01:12:24,660
Have the courage
to say something. Hello!
1347
01:12:26,964 --> 01:12:29,053
Hello!
1348
01:12:34,532 --> 01:12:37,184
Hey, you watch
yourself, mister.
1349
01:12:37,228 --> 01:12:39,925
Hey, lady in
the red hat. Yeah.
1350
01:12:39,968 --> 01:12:42,056
You smell.
1351
01:12:44,449 --> 01:12:47,796
Guys.
Guys, it's me, Ron.
1352
01:12:47,841 --> 01:12:49,362
Fellas!
1353
01:12:49,362 --> 01:12:51,841
Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.
1354
01:12:51,885 --> 01:12:55,277
- What?
- I'm sorry.
1355
01:12:55,321 --> 01:12:57,713
I-- Brian!
1356
01:12:57,713 --> 01:12:59,843
- It's Ronnie!
- Ron!
1357
01:12:59,887 --> 01:13:01,975
- Champ!
- Ron!
1358
01:13:02,018 --> 01:13:04,062
Champ, come on.
Come on!
1359
01:13:04,062 --> 01:13:05,454
Go, Brick.
1360
01:13:05,454 --> 01:13:07,627
My sweet Brick.
1361
01:13:07,671 --> 01:13:10,715
Brick, come hug me.
I know you want to.
1362
01:13:12,326 --> 01:13:15,587
I am completely
miserable, San Diego!
1363
01:13:18,935 --> 01:13:21,023
It's so damn hot!
1364
01:13:23,807 --> 01:13:25,894
Milk was a bad choice!
1365
01:13:33,157 --> 01:13:35,157
Yes, yes.
Chris, listen to me.
1366
01:13:35,157 --> 01:13:38,420
Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.
1367
01:13:38,462 --> 01:13:40,942
We'll play it off as a prank.
1368
01:13:40,942 --> 01:13:43,768
We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.
1369
01:13:43,768 --> 01:13:45,768
Ed Harken.
1370
01:13:45,768 --> 01:13:47,900
What?
Oh, my God!
1371
01:13:47,944 --> 01:13:52,597
Listen, everybody, Ling Wong
the panda is giving birth!
1372
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:55,598
Get Corningstone
over there right away!
1373
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:57,686
The network
is picking up the feed.
1374
01:13:57,686 --> 01:14:00,685
I want a shot
of that panda being born!
1375
01:14:07,384 --> 01:14:09,906
This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
1376
01:14:09,948 --> 01:14:11,601
reporting from
the San Diego Zoo.
1377
01:14:11,601 --> 01:14:13,298
And this is the moment
1378
01:14:13,298 --> 01:14:15,907
the entire world
has been waiting for.
1379
01:14:15,950 --> 01:14:19,169
I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,
1380
01:14:19,169 --> 01:14:22,256
but if I had to guess,
I'd say female.
1381
01:14:22,299 --> 01:14:24,561
- Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.
1382
01:14:24,604 --> 01:14:27,127
Excuse me, I'm press.
Thank you. What do you got?
1383
01:14:27,171 --> 01:14:29,433
Nothing. All I can see
is a blue curtain.
1384
01:14:29,475 --> 01:14:31,562
Oh, damn it.
1385
01:14:31,562 --> 01:14:36,043
Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
1386
01:14:36,086 --> 01:14:39,131
Hey, lady, why don't you
go fetch me a sandwich?
1387
01:14:39,173 --> 01:14:41,740
Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
1388
01:14:41,783 --> 01:14:44,959
Then I'll show you the ratings where
you're number two to a woman.
1389
01:14:45,002 --> 01:14:47,829
Ouch. Don't lose
any more hair over it.
1390
01:14:49,046 --> 01:14:51,177
- Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
1391
01:14:53,048 --> 01:14:55,134
Good afternoon,
San Diego.
1392
01:14:55,178 --> 01:14:57,831
We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.
1393
01:14:57,831 --> 01:15:00,615
♪ Sky rockets in flight ♪
1394
01:15:01,702 --> 01:15:06,007
♪ Afternoon delight ♪
1395
01:15:06,051 --> 01:15:08,529
♪ Af-- ♪
1396
01:15:08,529 --> 01:15:11,792
♪ I make fart noises
with my mouth ♪
1397
01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:15,358
- ♪ And I like to cut-- ♪
- Hey, nut job!
1398
01:15:15,401 --> 01:15:17,054
Quit the singin'!
1399
01:15:17,054 --> 01:15:19,141
Creeping out
all the regulars.
1400
01:15:19,141 --> 01:15:23,273
I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!
1401
01:15:23,316 --> 01:15:26,361
Look, drunkie, you been
coming in here every day,
1402
01:15:26,361 --> 01:15:28,492
stinking up the joint
with your craziness.
1403
01:15:28,535 --> 01:15:30,579
Now, what the hell
is wrong with you?
1404
01:15:30,579 --> 01:15:32,579
I got no heart!
1405
01:15:32,579 --> 01:15:34,884
Because a she-devil stole it!
1406
01:15:34,927 --> 01:15:37,537
You know what the worst
part about it is?
1407
01:15:39,581 --> 01:15:41,668
She's better than me!
1408
01:15:43,192 --> 01:15:45,278
She's better than me.
1409
01:15:46,408 --> 01:15:48,496
You know, times are changing.
1410
01:15:49,671 --> 01:15:51,932
Ladies can do stuff now.
1411
01:15:51,976 --> 01:15:54,803
You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.
1412
01:15:54,846 --> 01:15:57,325
What?
Were you saying something?
1413
01:15:57,369 --> 01:15:59,675
Look, I don't
speak Spanish.
1414
01:15:59,717 --> 01:16:01,804
Ah.
1415
01:16:11,024 --> 01:16:12,329
Scotty.
1416
01:16:12,329 --> 01:16:14,938
Scotty, I have the shot.
1417
01:16:14,981 --> 01:16:17,027
Scotty. Scotty!
1418
01:16:17,027 --> 01:16:19,027
Hey, uh,
1419
01:16:19,027 --> 01:16:21,983
that is some fantastic
shot you got there.
1420
01:16:22,027 --> 01:16:25,419
The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.
1421
01:16:25,419 --> 01:16:28,855
- Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,
1422
01:16:28,899 --> 01:16:33,335
we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.
1423
01:16:33,379 --> 01:16:35,683
That is so refreshing to me.
1424
01:16:35,727 --> 01:16:38,205
Because the struggle I've--
1425
01:16:41,467 --> 01:16:44,773
Howie, we have the shot.
1426
01:16:44,773 --> 01:16:46,773
Up a little.
Up, up.
1427
01:16:46,816 --> 01:16:48,903
Oh.
You son of a bitch!
1428
01:16:48,947 --> 01:16:50,948
Shh!
1429
01:16:50,948 --> 01:16:53,078
Don't want to wake up
your friends.
1430
01:17:04,039 --> 01:17:05,342
Help!
1431
01:17:05,342 --> 01:17:07,952
- Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?
1432
01:17:07,995 --> 01:17:10,474
- I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?
1433
01:17:10,517 --> 01:17:12,519
- No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.
1434
01:17:12,519 --> 01:17:16,041
Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.
1435
01:17:16,085 --> 01:17:19,130
I've got no damn lead anchor!
1436
01:17:19,172 --> 01:17:21,608
Damn it! Get me a phone.
1437
01:17:21,652 --> 01:17:24,001
I can't believe
I'm about to do this.
1438
01:17:26,870 --> 01:17:28,697
Rocky's,
bar, grill, fine dining.
1439
01:17:28,697 --> 01:17:31,654
- Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.
1440
01:17:31,697 --> 01:17:34,481
This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.
1441
01:17:34,524 --> 01:17:37,090
- Hello?
- Hello?
1442
01:17:37,134 --> 01:17:39,134
- Is this Ron?
- Who is this?
1443
01:17:39,134 --> 01:17:41,135
- It's me. Ed.
- Who?
1444
01:17:41,135 --> 01:17:43,657
- Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.
1445
01:17:43,701 --> 01:17:45,962
- Ed Harken!
- Ed!
1446
01:17:46,006 --> 01:17:48,267
- Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.
1447
01:17:48,310 --> 01:17:52,137
Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.
1448
01:17:52,181 --> 01:17:54,269
We need you down here
right away.
1449
01:17:54,269 --> 01:17:55,965
Wait, Ed.
1450
01:17:55,965 --> 01:17:59,139
Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?
1451
01:18:00,879 --> 01:18:02,879
- Yes.
- Ed!
1452
01:18:02,879 --> 01:18:05,010
That's wonderful!
Thank you!
1453
01:18:05,054 --> 01:18:07,403
Ed, hold on.
I want to say a few words.
1454
01:18:07,446 --> 01:18:10,752
- You have always been a good friend!
- Right.
1455
01:18:10,795 --> 01:18:12,882
- Always!
- Right.
1456
01:18:14,883 --> 01:18:17,361
Get down here
as quickly as you can.
1457
01:18:17,405 --> 01:18:19,449
Ed, I'll be down there.
1458
01:18:20,537 --> 01:18:23,189
And I'm going to look good.
1459
01:18:32,888 --> 01:18:36,323
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1460
01:18:36,366 --> 01:18:38,759
Damn!
That dude cleans up good!
1461
01:18:38,759 --> 01:18:42,935
If I'm gonna do this, I'll need
my news team at my side.
1462
01:18:50,675 --> 01:18:52,719
News team!
1463
01:18:52,719 --> 01:18:55,285
Assemble!
1464
01:19:02,417 --> 01:19:05,939
News team, assemble!
1465
01:19:07,854 --> 01:19:09,768
Hey, Ron.
1466
01:19:09,768 --> 01:19:11,420
What's up?
1467
01:19:11,420 --> 01:19:12,942
Oh.
1468
01:19:12,942 --> 01:19:15,203
Hi.
Didn't see you there.
1469
01:19:15,246 --> 01:19:18,596
We've been here literally
the entire time you have.
1470
01:19:18,639 --> 01:19:21,553
I'm a little embarrassed.
1471
01:19:21,597 --> 01:19:23,685
Look.
1472
01:19:23,728 --> 01:19:27,990
I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.
1473
01:19:28,033 --> 01:19:30,338
But I can't do this
without my news team.
1474
01:19:30,382 --> 01:19:32,035
I don't know, Ron.
1475
01:19:32,035 --> 01:19:34,774
That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.
1476
01:19:34,818 --> 01:19:36,817
When you left,
the hurt was so deep.
1477
01:19:36,817 --> 01:19:39,383
I don't know if I can
go through that again.
1478
01:19:39,427 --> 01:19:41,428
Think about
what you're asking.
1479
01:19:41,428 --> 01:19:43,428
Man.
1480
01:19:43,428 --> 01:19:45,516
Gentlemen,
1481
01:19:46,472 --> 01:19:48,821
there was a time
1482
01:19:48,821 --> 01:19:51,822
when you called me
your lead anchor.
1483
01:19:54,997 --> 01:19:57,216
Will you follow me again?
1484
01:19:59,172 --> 01:20:01,302
I'm gettin' too old
for this shit.
1485
01:20:01,346 --> 01:20:03,347
To the news van!
1486
01:20:03,347 --> 01:20:06,086
- To the news van!
- Okay!
1487
01:20:15,698 --> 01:20:18,090
Ahh!
1488
01:20:18,133 --> 01:20:20,264
Well, I'll be.
Ron Burgundy.
1489
01:20:20,307 --> 01:20:22,003
He's back!
1490
01:20:22,003 --> 01:20:25,004
Gentlemen, let's try
to get in a good position for the story.
1491
01:20:25,004 --> 01:20:27,005
- How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.
1492
01:20:27,005 --> 01:20:29,136
You have hair like an angel.
1493
01:20:29,178 --> 01:20:32,050
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Network talent scout.
1494
01:20:32,094 --> 01:20:35,530
- This is a hot one.
- I'm actually nervous.
1495
01:20:35,572 --> 01:20:37,659
Let's go get 'em.
1496
01:20:37,703 --> 01:20:39,616
Wait! Did you
just hear something?
1497
01:20:39,616 --> 01:20:42,357
Help.
1498
01:20:42,401 --> 01:20:44,879
- Ron, help!
- Veronica!
1499
01:20:44,879 --> 01:20:47,097
- Are you okay?
- Shh!
1500
01:20:47,097 --> 01:20:48,793
How did you
get down there?
1501
01:20:48,793 --> 01:20:50,880
Just go get someone.
Please.
1502
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:53,229
Hold on.
Hold on!
1503
01:20:56,404 --> 01:20:58,231
We've got to do something.
1504
01:20:58,231 --> 01:21:00,710
Whoa, Ron, I don't want
to sound cruel, but--
1505
01:21:00,710 --> 01:21:03,057
There's a network
talent scout over there.
1506
01:21:03,101 --> 01:21:05,189
This is a tough decision.
1507
01:21:05,233 --> 01:21:07,841
So much to think about.
1508
01:21:07,885 --> 01:21:10,408
Basically the biggest story
of my career,
1509
01:21:10,408 --> 01:21:14,235
launching me to a level
I've never known before,
1510
01:21:14,235 --> 01:21:15,713
or saving the woman
1511
01:21:15,713 --> 01:21:19,063
I used to have
familiar relations with.
1512
01:21:19,063 --> 01:21:21,758
This is hard!
1513
01:21:21,801 --> 01:21:24,411
I am in a pickle!
1514
01:21:24,455 --> 01:21:26,847
Ron, I know
it sounds harsh,
1515
01:21:26,847 --> 01:21:29,369
but God does not
want her to live.
1516
01:21:29,412 --> 01:21:31,499
No. Hold on.
1517
01:21:32,806 --> 01:21:34,893
It's clear now.
1518
01:21:36,892 --> 01:21:38,980
We go into the bear pit.
1519
01:21:40,286 --> 01:21:42,373
Ron, don't.
1520
01:21:44,373 --> 01:21:46,460
Oh!
1521
01:21:48,592 --> 01:21:51,549
I immediately
regret this decision.
1522
01:21:51,592 --> 01:21:54,115
What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?
1523
01:21:54,158 --> 01:21:56,550
These bears are massive!
1524
01:21:56,594 --> 01:21:59,246
They looked
a lot smaller from up there.
1525
01:21:59,290 --> 01:22:02,118
Fan out.
Let's go find Harken.
1526
01:22:02,161 --> 01:22:04,770
Stay calm.
1527
01:22:06,815 --> 01:22:10,162
It's all right. I think it's all right,
my sweet chinchilla.
1528
01:22:10,206 --> 01:22:12,293
- Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.
1529
01:22:12,337 --> 01:22:14,469
In case we die here today,
1530
01:22:14,511 --> 01:22:17,382
there's something
that you should know.
1531
01:22:17,424 --> 01:22:20,426
That dirty trick
with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--
1532
01:22:20,470 --> 01:22:23,906
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?
1533
01:22:23,950 --> 01:22:26,341
It was Wes Mantooth.
1534
01:22:26,385 --> 01:22:29,298
- Oh, I should have known.
- No, no.
1535
01:22:29,342 --> 01:22:31,690
- No, I did it.
- You bitch!
1536
01:22:31,734 --> 01:22:34,821
Shh!
1537
01:22:35,996 --> 01:22:38,300
You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?
1538
01:22:41,388 --> 01:22:44,999
There's somebody
in the bear pit!
1539
01:22:47,521 --> 01:22:50,434
It took
my impending death
1540
01:22:50,477 --> 01:22:53,130
for me to realize
how much I need you.
1541
01:22:53,173 --> 01:22:55,478
Oh, Ron.
1542
01:22:58,828 --> 01:23:00,827
Those bears
are gonna hurt them!
1543
01:23:00,827 --> 01:23:03,654
News team, let's hunt.
1544
01:23:05,090 --> 01:23:07,179
News team!
1545
01:23:10,178 --> 01:23:12,265
Bear fight!
1546
01:23:14,527 --> 01:23:17,050
Come on.
Come on!
1547
01:23:23,617 --> 01:23:25,008
Damn!
1548
01:23:25,008 --> 01:23:27,096
Hit 'em in the uvula!
1549
01:23:28,010 --> 01:23:29,357
Hey, Ron!
1550
01:23:29,357 --> 01:23:31,445
I'm riding a furry tractor!
1551
01:23:32,359 --> 01:23:34,794
The bears have descended
on the news team
1552
01:23:34,836 --> 01:23:36,489
and it's not going well.
1553
01:23:36,489 --> 01:23:39,490
Clearly, after today,
I will no longer--
1554
01:23:39,534 --> 01:23:42,187
Come on!
Oh, God!
1555
01:23:42,231 --> 01:23:44,666
It's getting to be
ri-goddamn-diculous!
1556
01:23:46,362 --> 01:23:47,797
Oh, no.
1557
01:23:47,797 --> 01:23:50,885
We woke up the mama.
1558
01:23:53,451 --> 01:23:55,538
Oh, God!
1559
01:23:56,451 --> 01:23:58,887
I don't wanna die.
1560
01:24:04,585 --> 01:24:08,715
Baxter!
1561
01:24:46,988 --> 01:24:49,465
Look! They're following their mother!
1562
01:24:49,465 --> 01:24:50,857
It's instinct.
1563
01:24:50,857 --> 01:24:53,162
Oh, Baxter!
1564
01:24:53,206 --> 01:24:57,598
Oh! Oh, Baxter,
you're still alive!
1565
01:24:57,598 --> 01:25:00,991
Oh, I'm so happy!
1566
01:25:01,034 --> 01:25:04,688
I'm so happy!
You are alive!
1567
01:25:04,731 --> 01:25:07,339
I'm so happy!
1568
01:25:13,690 --> 01:25:15,168
I will lick you!
1569
01:25:15,168 --> 01:25:18,256
I will lick you in front
of everyone to show my joy.
1570
01:25:18,300 --> 01:25:20,387
Oh. Ohhh!
1571
01:25:20,387 --> 01:25:23,475
Boy, he really
likes that dog.
1572
01:25:23,519 --> 01:25:25,954
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1573
01:25:25,998 --> 01:25:28,345
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1574
01:25:28,389 --> 01:25:30,998
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1575
01:25:31,042 --> 01:25:33,304
Hi, Ron.
1576
01:25:33,347 --> 01:25:36,478
It's always a long fall
from the top, isn't it?
1577
01:25:36,521 --> 01:25:38,001
Easy, Wes.
1578
01:25:38,001 --> 01:25:41,392
I've been waiting
to say this to you for a long time.
1579
01:25:41,435 --> 01:25:43,827
- All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,
1580
01:25:43,827 --> 01:25:45,524
with every inch of me,
1581
01:25:45,524 --> 01:25:48,350
I pure, straight
1582
01:25:48,394 --> 01:25:50,482
hate you!
1583
01:25:55,179 --> 01:25:57,571
But, God damn it,
do I respect you!
1584
01:26:10,618 --> 01:26:12,096
Thank you,
1585
01:26:12,096 --> 01:26:14,184
brother.
1586
01:26:15,793 --> 01:26:19,055
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1587
01:26:19,055 --> 01:26:21,535
Today we spell redemption
1588
01:26:21,535 --> 01:26:23,578
R-O-N.
1589
01:26:23,578 --> 01:26:26,404
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1590
01:26:26,447 --> 01:26:28,318
Ron, you're my hero!
1591
01:26:28,318 --> 01:26:32,144
Ron, I think you've got
a story to report.
1592
01:26:34,231 --> 01:26:36,319
Are you sure, Ed?
1593
01:26:36,711 --> 01:26:38,624
Do it.
1594
01:26:38,624 --> 01:26:41,233
It's the story
you were born to tell.
1595
01:26:46,279 --> 01:26:48,758
San Diego's waiting.
Go get 'em.
1596
01:26:48,801 --> 01:26:50,410
Make way!
1597
01:26:50,410 --> 01:26:53,411
Ron Burgundy's about
to report on pandas!
1598
01:26:55,890 --> 01:26:57,499
Count me down.
Three.
1599
01:26:57,499 --> 01:26:59,586
You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
1600
01:26:59,586 --> 01:27:01,588
This is Ron Burgundy,
1601
01:27:01,588 --> 01:27:05,457
proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.
1602
01:27:05,501 --> 01:27:09,329
Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things
1603
01:27:09,373 --> 01:27:12,459
ever to happen
to San Diago
1604
01:27:12,503 --> 01:27:14,243
or even the world.
1605
01:27:14,243 --> 01:27:17,244
But in order
to properly retell it,
1606
01:27:17,244 --> 01:27:19,592
I'm going to need
some help
1607
01:27:19,636 --> 01:27:21,983
from my co-anchor,
1608
01:27:23,202 --> 01:27:25,245
Miss Veronica Corningstone.
1609
01:27:27,377 --> 01:27:30,074
- High-pressure system--
- No, no, no, no, Brick.
1610
01:27:30,117 --> 01:27:32,204
- High-pressure system--
- Go stand over there.
1611
01:27:36,161 --> 01:27:37,597
Oh, Ron.
1612
01:27:37,597 --> 01:27:39,946
Ron, there are literally
thousands of men
1613
01:27:39,988 --> 01:27:41,598
that I should
be with instead,
1614
01:27:41,598 --> 01:27:44,730
but I am 72% sure
that I love you.
1615
01:27:51,949 --> 01:27:55,123
Yes, redemption was
sweet for Ron Burgundy.
1616
01:27:55,167 --> 01:27:57,863
Yes!
Ron!
1617
01:27:57,906 --> 01:28:01,560
- As for the news team:
- Stop it! Ron!
1618
01:28:01,604 --> 01:28:04,995
Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,
1619
01:28:05,039 --> 01:28:07,604
but was later fired
after being accused
1620
01:28:07,648 --> 01:28:11,302
of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.
1621
01:28:11,345 --> 01:28:13,390
Excuse me.
1622
01:28:13,390 --> 01:28:15,955
Is that Sex Panther
you're wearing?
1623
01:28:18,260 --> 01:28:20,782
Brian Fantana went on
to have great success
1624
01:28:20,826 --> 01:28:23,349
as the host of the hit
reality TV show
1625
01:28:23,391 --> 01:28:26,262
"Intercourse Island"
on the Fox Network.
1626
01:28:26,306 --> 01:28:29,002
Anyone seen Brick?
1627
01:28:29,046 --> 01:28:31,090
- Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!
1628
01:28:31,090 --> 01:28:34,307
No, that tickles me!
Come on!
1629
01:28:34,351 --> 01:28:37,308
Brick Tamland
is married with 11 children
1630
01:28:37,352 --> 01:28:39,570
and is one of the top
political advisors
1631
01:28:39,614 --> 01:28:41,353
to the Bush White House.
1632
01:28:41,353 --> 01:28:44,005
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you!
1633
01:28:54,574 --> 01:28:57,748
And Ron and Veronica
didn't stay in San Diego long.
1634
01:29:01,663 --> 01:29:03,794
I chose them
as my replacement,
1635
01:29:03,837 --> 01:29:07,229
and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,
1636
01:29:07,272 --> 01:29:09,533
and they're still
doing it today.
1637
01:29:09,577 --> 01:29:12,665
From all of us here
at the World News Center,
1638
01:29:12,709 --> 01:29:14,492
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1639
01:29:14,492 --> 01:29:16,362
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1640
01:29:16,362 --> 01:29:19,015
You stay classy, planet Earth.
1641
01:29:19,276 --> 01:29:21,973
Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]
1642
01:29:22,277 --> 01:29:26,235
Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]
♪ Carry on, my wayward son ♪
1643
01:29:26,235 --> 01:29:30,279
♪ There'll be peace
when you are done ♪
1644
01:29:30,323 --> 01:29:34,584
♪ Lay your weary head
to rest ♪
1645
01:29:34,584 --> 01:29:36,672
♪ Don't you cry no more... ♪
1646
01:29:36,716 --> 01:29:40,021
Oh!
Great Odin's raven!
1647
01:29:40,063 --> 01:29:43,542
Oh!
By the hammer of Thor!
1648
01:29:43,587 --> 01:29:47,196
Oh!
Saint Damien's beard!
1649
01:29:47,240 --> 01:29:49,763
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
1650
01:29:49,806 --> 01:29:52,589
Oh! Hot pot of coffee!
1651
01:29:52,633 --> 01:29:56,068
Uncle Jonathan's
corncob pipe!
1652
01:29:58,721 --> 01:30:01,591
I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.
1653
01:30:01,635 --> 01:30:03,636
In the back of the head.
1654
01:30:03,636 --> 01:30:06,158
I'm sorry.
1655
01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:09,897
You're not very bright.
You know that, right?
1656
01:30:09,941 --> 01:30:11,638
You're actually
quite a dullard.
1657
01:30:11,638 --> 01:30:14,031
Everyone here knows it.
1658
01:30:14,073 --> 01:30:18,205
If I'm a dullard,
you're the, uh, the dull--
1659
01:30:18,248 --> 01:30:21,423
Oh! Can't think of
anything to say, can you?
1660
01:30:21,466 --> 01:30:24,468
Yes, I can. I can think
of a lot of things to say.
1661
01:30:24,468 --> 01:30:26,554
Like, you're a dirty bitch.
1662
01:30:29,468 --> 01:30:31,773
Well, Ron, I'm gonna
put poison--
1663
01:30:31,816 --> 01:30:33,904
Oh, my God!
1664
01:30:38,383 --> 01:30:41,602
I drank a lava lamp.
It wasn't lava.
1665
01:30:41,645 --> 01:30:43,994
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
1666
01:30:44,037 --> 01:30:48,473
It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.
1667
01:30:48,516 --> 01:30:50,127
My stomach's itchy.
1668
01:30:50,127 --> 01:30:51,344
I pooped a hammer.
1669
01:30:51,344 --> 01:30:53,518
I pooped
a tape recorder.
1670
01:30:53,561 --> 01:30:55,649
I pooped
a Cornish game hen.
1671
01:30:58,259 --> 01:31:00,172
Uh...
1672
01:31:00,172 --> 01:31:02,259
Nope.
1673
01:31:03,216 --> 01:31:05,260
You do not take
a tone with me,
1674
01:31:05,260 --> 01:31:08,522
'cause I will give you a rap right
on the Jack Johnson!
1675
01:31:08,566 --> 01:31:10,088
- Okay.
- Yes.
1676
01:31:10,088 --> 01:31:11,870
Now this
is happenin'.
1677
01:31:11,870 --> 01:31:13,524
What are
you doing?
1678
01:31:13,524 --> 01:31:15,612
- Hah!
- What are you doing?
1679
01:31:15,655 --> 01:31:17,741
What are you--
1680
01:31:22,004 --> 01:31:23,222
Action.
1681
01:31:23,222 --> 01:31:25,310
We'll go back to doing
what I do best--
1682
01:31:25,353 --> 01:31:28,137
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1683
01:31:28,179 --> 01:31:30,136
When do we
get started?
1684
01:31:30,136 --> 01:31:31,876
When do we get started?
1685
01:31:31,876 --> 01:31:33,876
- That's my line.
- When do we get started?
1686
01:31:33,876 --> 01:31:35,877
You say,
"Whenever you like."
1687
01:31:35,877 --> 01:31:37,617
Whenever you like.
1688
01:31:37,617 --> 01:31:39,704
Keep it rollin'.
This is good stuff.
1689
01:31:40,704 --> 01:31:43,531
...an area bank
in a daring...
1690
01:31:43,575 --> 01:31:46,794
Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.
1691
01:31:54,535 --> 01:31:56,579
Brick, before I let you go,
1692
01:31:56,579 --> 01:31:59,188
are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?
1693
01:31:59,188 --> 01:32:01,188
No, too many people
died last year.
1694
01:32:01,232 --> 01:32:03,406
So we're not gonna do--
1695
01:32:03,450 --> 01:32:05,537
Sorry. Sorry.
1696
01:32:06,233 --> 01:32:09,538
They named it
San Diego.
1697
01:32:09,538 --> 01:32:13,322
Which in German means,
"a whale's vagina."
1698
01:32:19,889 --> 01:32:22,412
This is the most
ridiculous thing ever.
1699
01:32:43,503 --> 01:32:47,113
♪ Carry on, my wayward son ♪
1700
01:32:47,157 --> 01:32:50,940
♪ There'll be peace
when you are done ♪
1701
01:32:50,940 --> 01:32:54,638
♪ Lay your weary head
to rest ♪
1702
01:32:54,681 --> 01:32:55,811
♪ Don't you cry ♪
1703
01:32:55,811 --> 01:32:58,769
♪ Don't you cry no more ♪
1704
01:33:15,990 --> 01:33:18,252
Way to handle him.
That was nice.
1705
01:33:18,296 --> 01:33:20,165
It sure is good
to be number one.
1706
01:33:20,165 --> 01:33:22,819
It sure beats the hell
out of number two.
1707
01:33:24,253 --> 01:33:26,646
We are laughing!
1708
01:33:26,646 --> 01:33:28,993
And we are
very good friends.
1709
01:33:29,037 --> 01:33:31,995
Good buddies sharing
a special moment.
1710
01:33:32,039 --> 01:33:34,865
Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.
1711
01:33:34,909 --> 01:33:37,953
We're laughing,
enjoying our friendship.
1712
01:33:37,953 --> 01:33:41,432
And someday we'll look back
on this with much fondness.
1713
01:33:42,520 --> 01:33:45,651
Yeah.
1714
01:33:46,305 --> 01:33:52,711
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