Original subtitles

What on Earth...?

Hello?

- Hello, Mom. - Hi.

I bet you're wondering.

I sure am.

It's a shortwave radio.

Dr. Sturgis is letting me use it.

It picks up broadcasts

- from around the world. - Listen.

This is the time being announced every minute from Ottawa.

At the sound of the tone, the local time in Ottawa

will be 5:13.

Spellbinding, ain't it?

And you thought this was okay to go on in my house?

It was that or my house, so here we are.

Wednesday morning, the Nobel Prize winners are going

to be announced in Sweden, and we'll hear it as it's happening.

Well, 2.8 milliseconds later.

Sure, because of the propagation.

And what's this? Some kind of antenna?

Yes. It needs to go up on the roof.

You're not going on the roof.

Of course he's not. I am.

You're not going, either.

Excuse me, I have six years

of tai chi under my belt.

I have the balance of a jungle cat.

You doing some kind of slow-motion hula dance

in the park is not gonna change my mind.

I do much more than just this.

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So you want me to put that thing on that roof?

Yes.

So you can hear who won a science prize?

The Nobel Prize.

Why can't you read who won in the newspaper?

I could say the same thing about the Super Bowl,

but you still watch it.

He got you there.

The Super Bowl is football.

Your thing is... I don't even know what your thing is.

It's the most prestigious award in the field of physics.

I'll think about it.

When I win one, I might just thank you in my speech.

The things I do for you.

Georgie, get out here!

Got a chore for you!

Good call. You have no business up there.

Radio Sweden International.

There it is.

Excellent. Which scientists are you rooting for?

Oh, I don't have a favorite.

There's so much good work being done.

I think it's time Frederick Reines

finally gets his due for the neutrino.

I suppose he has a shot.

I should think so, he confirmed the neutrino's existence

35 years ago.

What the heck are they waiting for?

Lots of talented people don't get recognized.

Giraffes aren't able to have...

You know if we had cable, we'd have, like, 60 channels?

We have plenty of channels.

We have seven.

Hey! There are starving kids in Africa

with no channels.

Come on, it don't cost much.

I'm not paying for television.

Television is free. Always was, always will be.

You're so cheap.

If you want cable, pay for it yourself.

Or better yet, try turning that thing off and go read a book.

"Read a book"?

John?

Hello, my sweet.

What are you doing out here?

Weeding. You have goosegrass.

And you can't have a nice lawn if you have goosegrass.

It's kind of dark out.

Goosegrass doesn't sleep.

It kills the good grass

and leaves bald spots.

But don't worry,

I'm on the job.

Oh. Okay.

Can I get you a flashlight?

I would prefer a headlamp, such as one would use for spelunking.

Okay.

Let me check my spelunking supplies.

You're a peach.

Good morning, Medford High School,

this is Class President Sheldon Cooper

with an important science bulletin.

This Wednesday morning,

the Nobel Prize in Physics will be announced,

and I'd like to invite each and every one of you to my garage

to listen live at 5:00 a.m. and be a part of scientific history.

- Food and refreshments will be served... - You worried your kid

just invited the whole school to your house?

At 5:00 in the morning for a Swedish science thing?

Not at all.

In other school news, this Friday night our football team

will be playing another football team.

Hello?

Hi, Connie, this is Dr. Linkletter.

I work in the physics department with Dr. Sturgis.

Oh, sure, I remember you.

What can I do for you?

Well, I'm just calling to let you know that John is fine,

but there's been a bit of an incident at the school today.

What happened?

He broke into the mainframe computer lab,

tripped off an alarm.

Security came, and there was a chase.

A chase?

It was a short one. He's not a fast man.

Uh... well, where is he now?

He's in the dean's office.

He has you listed as the emergency contact,

so I just wanted to let you know.

Well, uh... thank you

- so much for calling. - My pleasure.

If there's anything I can do, feel free to reach out.

Or if you'd like to go grab a coffee sometime,

I know a cute little cafe.

Do you like scones?

You're not actually trying to hit on me right now, are you?

- Is it working? - No.

I should go.

What kind of snacks do you think I should serve

at my Nobel gathering?

It's on Swedish radio. How about Swedish meatballs?

But it's at 5:00 a.m.

Swedish breakfast balls?

I could offer an assortment of breakfast cereal.

My mom doesn't let me have cereal with sugar in it.

Or anything that makes me happy.

Connie. What are you doing here?

Well...

I got a call from your friend Linkletter,

and, uh... I-I was a little worried about you.

What did he say?

That you had some kind of scuffle

with the campus security?

No scuffle.

I was using the university's mainframe,

and they asked me to leave. Simple as that.

So nobody chased you?

I was startled, and so I did

what any normal person does under the circumstances:

climb out a window and run like the dickens.

Hi, I'm Kurt Loder, this is MTV News...

Since when do we get MTV?

Since I got cable.

What do you mean, you got cable?

I called up the cable company and I said, "Hello,

I'd like cable," and they put in cable.

I'm not paying for that.

Keep your shirt on. I paid for it.

Is that so?

Yeah, with money I saved from my job.

Well, okay.

So do we get any of those movie channels?

Dad, I'm trying to watch the news.

Billy Idol has recovered so well from...

What's so important that I had to run over here?

Come here. I want to show you something.

Look at this.

John did it.

Oh, dear.

"Oh, dear" is right.

Was he in here taking a bath

and just started thinking about science stuff?

Read the top right part.

"Time plus heat

plus bread equals toast."

That ain't science.

Well, it's not wrong, either.

Look at this.

Yeah, well, that's... peculiar.

You'll be amazed to know that the Nobel Prize,

while being the most prestigious award in science,

is not generally celebrated in this country.

No parades, no fireworks.

Which is why I thought having a breakfast celebration

was not only appropriate, but long overdue.

You may have noticed that I went with Cheerios,

and believe me, it was a decision that I came to

after careful consideration.

There were birds on the Froot Loops,

Cocoa Puffs and Corn Flakes, so they were out.

And leprechauns and elves are magical creatures

that would be a slap in the face to the scientific community.

Anyway, the festivities begin at 4:30 a.m.

You're most welcome to come.

As are you, unhappy bag boy.

What the hell is this?

TV's asking me for some kind of code.

Yeah, that's the parental control lock.

- So how do I take it off? - You don't.

This is my cable that I bought with my money.

You got to be kidding me.

Here's an idea, how about you go read a book?

Oh, this isn't over, little man.

Not by a long shot!

You know what I like about you, Sheldon?

You're incredibly smart, but you're also really dumb.

Why would you say that?

You think people are gonna come here to hang out with you?

Yes.

- To hear about science? - Yes.

- On the radio? - Yes.

At 5:00 in the morning?

Yes.

And you're asking me why you're dumb?

Well, I happen to have a little more faith

in the curiosity of my fellows.

See, you sound smart, but you're still dumb.

I bet you don't even know the first thing about Sweden.

Well, you're wrong, it's where

those little meatballs come from.

And that chef on The Muppets. That's two things.

Oh,

and is in Canada. That's three.

Hello?

Hello, Dr. Linkletter.

This is Connie Tucker.

Connie, how lovely to hear from you.

Stop. I'm worried about John.

He was supposed to be here for dinner and he never showed up.

That's not good. He also missed two of his classes today.

Do you have any idea where he might be?

Hard to say. If he's having another episode,

he could be anywhere.

Hold on, what do you mean "episode"?

Oh, I thought you knew. In the past,

John has struggled with his grip on reality.

What kind of struggle are we talking about?

The kind where he's had to be hospitalized.

Well, he never said anything about that to me.

Well, I certainly wouldn't fabricate such a story.

Okay, look, I-if-if you hear from him or see him,

please let me know.

Of course. Now, if down the road

things don't work out with you two, I'd love to...

Good-bye.

- Here, this is for you. - What is it?

Read it. You do remember how to read, don't you?

A bill? Really?

Room and board, buddy.

$50 a month for food?

The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.

Laundry services?

Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.

What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?

Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax.

My way of getting compensated for you

taking years off my life.

John?

John?

Your bike's here. John?

John?

Well, look at that, there's boobies on my TV.

Ooh!

- Get out of here! - I'm telling Mom!

John?

Hello.

What-What're you doing?

I was doing tai chi

and then I realized that I was

continually being bombarded by subatomic particles

and it behooves me, perhaps,

to pay slightly closer attention to them.

Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word

for the subatomic universe.

You're scaring me, John.

Well, there's nothing to be scared of.

Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize

about these particles...

not me.

But I'm experiencing them firsthand...

...which could be better.

Why don't you come down and experience them

on the floor?

I think I just felt a neutrino.

You know, neutrinos are interesting.

They never bond with anything,

they're always alone.

I think that one went right through my pants.

All right,

why don't we go downstairs,

and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea

and you can tell me all about it.

Please?

Okay.

It was my dream to win the Nobel,

and I'm not going to.

I bet Sheldon will.

- That'll be something. - Yeah.

Welcome to Radio Sweden...

How's it going, baby?

I don't think anyone's showing up, not even Tam.

I'm here.

Yeah, but you're my mom. You live on the premises.

At least Dr. Sturgis should be here any minute.

Shelly, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis

isn't coming this morning.

Why not?

He isn't feeling well.

Oh, dear.

Should we send him a get well card?

I think that'd be terrific.

Good morning and welcome

to the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences.

The announcements are starting.

You want me to stay?

Uh, the Academy has concluded its meeting and we are

ready to announce this year's...

I'll be in my room if you need me.

As usual, I will read the announcements first in English,

then in Swedish, then the citation in German,

French, and Russian.

And this year's

Nobel Prize in Physics is awarded to...

Come on, neutrinos.

...Henry Kendall, Jerome Friedman,

and Richard Taylor for the discovery of quarks.

A primary feature of quarks

is that they're always bonded together,

but in that moment, I felt like a neutrino,

destined to be alone forever.

Leonard, dear, you should be in bed.

Howard! Turn off that fakakta game

and go to sleep.

Thankfully, I was wrong.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

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