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1
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-(reporters clamoring)
2
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-Okay, okay, all right, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
3
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Hold on, every-- Hold on now.
4
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Hold on. All right, listen.
5
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I know you want answers, okay?
6
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I know, and I am going to give them to you
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if you will just give me one tiny moment
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to confer with my manager, Gary.
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Okay? Gary?
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-Sit-- Sit tight.
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I thought that went really good.
12
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-What?! Gary!
13
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I got nothing! All right?
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There's a strong chance
15
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those people are gonna beat the shit outta me!
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With their words!
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-Whoa, whoa. Calm down, bro.
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I got the perfect thing to get us out of this mess.
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Bam! -What are those? Smoke pellets?
20
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-Oh, no, that would've been cool.
21
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No, these are cyanide pills.
22
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-I don't know.
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Maybe as a last resort?
24
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-Well, you should've told me that,
25
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'cause I already took mine.
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-What?! Why?
27
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-'Cause I wanted to mellow out.
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-Do you know what cyanide is?
29
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-Uh, yeah.
30
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You take it before you go to a party so you can totally--
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-(body thuds)
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-Gary!
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You turd!
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Great. I'm on my own again.
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Unbelievable.
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Sorry, folks.
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-(reporters clamoring)
38
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-♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪
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♪ We will kick your ass ♪
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-Urlacher!
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-Rob: Now I wanna take this opportunity
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to introduce you to this incredible staff
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that you've heard so much about.
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We've got Preggers and Gil
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and Dirk and this one.
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-(reporters murmuring)
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-I thought he was making Preggers up. -Yeah.
48
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-What do you say we tell these reporters
49
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the truth about the missing cadets?
50
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Let's retrace our steps, okay,
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starting just a few days ago.
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All the cadets were together at the academy...
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-(flash bulb pops)
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-...and now they aren't there.
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There's only one possibility.
56
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Urlacher.
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-(reporters groan)
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-Rob: No. Now, hear me out.
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Urlacher took 'em, all right,
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to discredit me, his mortal enemy.
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Think about it.
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The icon of America's pastime.
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My God, it's like the nose on my face!
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How didn't I see this? Dirk!
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Get in here. Tell 'em! Tell 'em!
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Tell 'em about Urlacher!
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-(sighs)
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You know what? Uh...
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No, this is bullshit.
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-(reporters agreeing)
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-We're all fed up, Rob.
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You got to face the facts about Urlacher, okay?
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Truth is...
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Urlacher's a-- a hell of a guy.
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-Rob: Shut your mouth!
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-Yeah. I wish he was around more.
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-Judas!
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Everywhere I look, Judas!
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-All right. If you ask me,
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I think the cadets just left, all right,
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'cause we almost killed 'em a lot.
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-Rob: That's not even close to what--
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-All right. You know what? -(yelps)
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-This press conference is over.
85
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-Rob: No! -We think that the cadets just went home
86
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or hitchhiked their way to safety,
87
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but there is nothing more to this story.
88
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Sorry that he wasted your time.
89
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He wastes everyone's time.
90
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You should all just go home.
91
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-Rob: Oh, come on.
92
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We're not validating you!
93
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-Jeff Tubs: Jeff Tubs parks for free.
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-Reporter: "F" you, Riggle!
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-Rob: Brit? Dirk?
96
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Preggers?
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Gil, come on now.
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-Sorry, Riggle.
99
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-Preggers: Gil, let's go.
100
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-Well, hey! (chuckles)
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I still got Gary, so...
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Oh, shit.
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Dirk.
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Dirk, I need you to believe me.
105
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-(sighs) I can't this time, Rob.
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I backed you on everything,
107
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but this Urlacher obsession,
108
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it's in your mind.
109
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-Okay. I can handle losing you,
110
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but Gil? Preggers?
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That other girl?
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I don't want to lose their respect.
113
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-Oh, you don't need to worry about that.
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They never respected you.
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-Not even for my kick-ass ski stunts?
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-What ski stunts?
117
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You've never even been on a personal watercraft
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ever in your life, Rob.
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It's always been me.
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I'm the ski master.
121
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-Okay.
122
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It's true.
123
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I'm afraid.
124
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-Then why did you open up
125
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an academy in the first place?
126
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-I don't know.
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(sighs) So that, maybe, other people could
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conquer the fear that I never could, all right,
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or live the life that I only pretend to.
130
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-Ah. Hey, uh, there's a--
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there's a lot of action stars out there
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that can't jam worth a damn on the water.
133
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You know, there's, uh,
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Humphrey Bogart,
135
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Clint Eastwood,
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Roger Moore, uh, Denzel Washington,
137
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Helen Mirren.
138
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-Name some more.
139
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,190
-Bruce Willis, Charlize Theron,
140
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,020
Daisy Ridley, Kurt Russell.
141
00:05:02,030 --> 00:05:05,010
-Okay, well... name some more.
142
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:06,050
-Jean-Claude Van Damme.
143
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:08,050
-Yeah! -Cary Grant.
144
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-Pfft! -Laura Dern.
145
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:11,000
-Yes! -Bernadette Peters.
146
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-Not familiar. -Tyson Daly.
147
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-Okay! -Arnold Schwarzenegger.
148
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Mel Gibson, Vin Diesel,
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that little girl from "Aliens."
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-Two more. -Lee Marvin and Angelina Jolie.
151
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-Yeah!
152
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None of them could Sea-Doo
153
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or Wave Run or Jet Ski.
154
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They couldn't do shit.
155
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-Exactly!
156
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If they could, us stuntmen would be out of a job.
157
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-(chuckling) Yeah.
158
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-We've always relied on movie stars
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to be sweet, gentle, little pussies.
160
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-You got that right.
161
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So, you're still my stuntman.
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Thank God.
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(laughs) I thought you were serious about that quitting shit.
164
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-Oh. No, I am quitting.
165
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-I'm sorry?
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-You have fallen off of life's personal watercraft,
167
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and it's up to you to show the world
168
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that you can get back on.
169
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-Wait. Dirk!
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-(somber music)
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-(mid tempo music plays)
172
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-(banjo tuning)
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-♪ She was dead, she was-- ♪
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♪ She was dead when I found her ♪
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-Preggers. -Yeah?
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-You seem like a millennial.
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Can you help me get on social media?
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-Sure, yeah. What are you looking to get into?
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You want to get a new job?
180
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:26,130
Find a sex restroom?
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00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:27,190
-I wanna tweet Budweiser,
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and find out why they discontinued Bud Ice.
183
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-I can get on board with that.
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I can get on board.
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All right. Well, first, we gotta set you up with a profile.
186
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So, do you wanna be super racist,
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or you want to complain about how many racists there are?
188
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-Um, complain.
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-All right. Your profile.
190
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Well, I'm gonna link you here
191
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then to the academy account. -Okay.
192
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-Wait a minute. What?
193
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What in the shit is all this?
194
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-What?
195
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-It's just the-- the cadets
196
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They've been-- They've been tweeting all day.
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I mean, they're-- they're tweeting right now.
198
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-Maybe they'll say where they are.
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-No, this is all real un-American stuff.
200
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They're saying ski masters are lame,
201
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that lake culture is a sham.
202
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It doesn't make sense.
203
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-(Preggers clicks her tongue)
204
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"No red-blooded American
205
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would ever whip ass on a personal watercraft."
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-Blasphemous.
207
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-Why would they write all this?
208
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It's like they're trying to tear us apart...
209
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from the inside.
210
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,030
All the cadets' tweets, they have geotags.
211
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-Is that like when a dog pees on a tree
212
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to mark where he's been?
213
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And by a dog, I mean me.
214
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-Yeah, in-- in a-- in a sense.
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All the cadets tweets,
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they-- they lead back to one place.
217
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-(computer beeping)
218
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,220
-Gil: You gotta be kidding me.
219
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:56,020
All the cadets defected to Urlacher,
220
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:57,200
and they started trash-tweeting
221
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,130
everything ski masters stand for.
222
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:02,170
-What a gaggle of assholes
223
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They're dead to me.
224
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-Jeb: We're not dead.
225
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,140
-Jeb? -We're very much alive.
226
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And we need your help.
227
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,130
-Preggers: Oh, shit!
228
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You need to go tell Rob about this.
229
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,220
-(somber music)
230
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,040
-Don't leave.
231
00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:21,090
Please, Dad.
232
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,080
-I can't protect Riggle anymore.
233
00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:24,230
-But the academy needs you.
234
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,060
-You're gonna be fine.
235
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,070
You're more ready than I realized.
236
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In fact...
237
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-(keys jingle)
238
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:35,040
I want you to run the place.
239
00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:38,060
It's your time.
240
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I am so proud of you.
241
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,080
(Dirk sighs)
242
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:48,230
(sniffs) Goodbye, Brit.
243
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:55,210
-(car door closes) -(engine starts)
244
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-Radio: ♪ Get your ass up off the wall ♪
245
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,090
♪ So everyone can see ♪
246
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,170
♪ Now, you might cut a rug at the...club, ♪
247
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:03,110
♪ But you ain't got nothing on me ♪
248
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,140
♪ Now, go on, Little Mama Shake it fast ♪
249
00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:07,040
♪ You know the dog need a piece of that cat ♪
250
00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:09,020
-Jeb: All the cadets are over at the canoe camp.
251
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,140
Chauncey, Chandler, Todd,
252
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,020
and a whole bunch of other lake trash.
253
00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:14,080
Mr. Urlacher has us working around the clock
254
00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:17,010
to discredit our beloved Ski Master Academy.
255
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,170
-Oh, my God.
256
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,170
I was right?
257
00:09:21,230 --> 00:09:23,010
Ha!
258
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,210
I fucking knew it!
259
00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:26,020
-It was awful.
260
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:27,050
-(metal scraping)
261
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:30,080
-Jeb: He fed us only Count Chocula and V8 juice,
262
00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:32,130
and he made us say awful, awful things
263
00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:35,120
about the Academy and about you, Mr. Riggle.
264
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:38,040
He wanted to destroy America's most beloved pastime
265
00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:41,050
and its darling son, Rob Riggle.
266
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,010
He was only pretending to be your friend
267
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,020
so he could get close to you,
268
00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:46,010
and learn your two biggest weaknesses.
269
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Social media and intelligence.
270
00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:49,110
-I knew it! I knew it.
271
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,120
And that lake commissioner and-- and Chef LeBone
272
00:09:51,130 --> 00:09:53,070
those pricks are probably in on it too, huh?
273
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,000
-Yes. -Yes! Yes.
274
00:09:56,010 --> 00:09:58,050
-And all that big-timing he was doing to you--
275
00:09:58,060 --> 00:09:59,060
that wasn't just in your head.
276
00:09:59,070 --> 00:10:00,070
That was real.
277
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,140
-Oh, hell yeah it was real.
278
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,210
He's probably also behind that wild hog attack.
279
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,160
-No, that was entirely your negligence.
280
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,220
-Unbelievable.
281
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,230
How did you escape?
282
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,070
-Jeb: I woke up this morning,
283
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,000
and I was thrown out with the trash.
284
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,050
They probably thought I was dead,
285
00:10:12,060 --> 00:10:13,140
because my religion prohibits me
286
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:14,190
from blinking after sundown.
287
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,210
(gasps)
288
00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:19,090
I ran over here as soon as I could
289
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,100
to warn everyone,
290
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:22,070
and to tell you that you were right.
291
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,220
Mr. Urlacher is a Russian sleeper agent
292
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:26,090
assigned to damage our country
293
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,180
by attacking the heart of American culture,
294
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:31,220
riding around on the water really, really fast.
295
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,100
-Really fast.
296
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,030
(echoing) Urlacher!
297
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,180
You son of a bitch! (echos)
298
00:10:42,190 --> 00:10:44,150
-So what should we do now?
299
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:47,140
-(intense music)
300
00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:49,170
-Assemble the ski masters.
301
00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:55,100
-(rap music continues playing on radio)
302
00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:02,070
-Radio: ♪ Caught me looking at her ass ♪
303
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,110
♪ She gonna put her back to me ♪
304
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,130
♪ Mommy, how you gonna do it ♪
305
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:06,110
♪ Yeah, it's simple, it's easy ♪
306
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,180
♪ There's really nothing to it ♪
307
00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:09,180
-(car drives away)
308
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:13,030
-Now, I hate to say it,
309
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,010
but I-I think we need help from the government.
310
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:17,000
-Gil: Hell no. This is our fight.
311
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,110
-Jeb: I mean, what shall we do?
312
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,210
-What would my dad do?
313
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,030
Rob, where are you going?
314
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,090
-I got something I got to take care of.
315
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,200
-(dramatic music)
316
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,160
-Go, Rob!
317
00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:41,180
(Brit laughs) -Preggers: Yeah!
318
00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:48,050
Yeah!
319
00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:50,000
Goddamn. He really is the best that ever--
320
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,140
-(explosion)
321
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,050
-(somber music)
322
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,080
-(gasps)
323
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,000
Rob Riggle...
324
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:05,020
is dead.
325
00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:11,020
-Rob Riggle just blew up.
326
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,130
We all knew it would happen eventually,
327
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:16,060
but this is really inconvenient.
328
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,230
-I probably should've mentioned
329
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,120
they planted mines in the lake
330
00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:20,210
outside of the canoe camp.
331
00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:22,130
-Yeah, well, live and learn.
332
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,000
-Rob: What are y'all looking at?
333
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,160
-Gil: You son of a bitch!
334
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:27,170
-What in the shit? -Motherfucker!
335
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,040
-Brit: We're looking at you, Rob!
336
00:12:29,050 --> 00:12:31,080
You just hit a mine and exploded.
337
00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,090
-Oh, my God.
338
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,010
That must've been traumatizing to see, huh?
339
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:37,080
Well, don't worry. That was Dirk that exploded.
340
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,040
-What?! -Yeah! That was Dirk.
341
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,080
-Huh. Wow. He is a good stuntman, eh?
342
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,030
You know, y'all do look similar from afar.
343
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:46,050
-Do we though?
344
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,100
-I think that we're taking charge,
345
00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:49,210
and that's why you ran off like that.
346
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,060
-No, no. I had to take a hot whiz.
347
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:54,040
-But I bumped into Dirk down at the urinal,
348
00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:57,050
and we agreed that he should do one last stunt.
349
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,080
So I gave him all my clothes,
350
00:12:58,090 --> 00:13:00,100
and he ran off to save the Academy.
351
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,150
It's poetic, really.
352
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,180
-Wait.
353
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:06,210
So my dad is dead?
354
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,150
-Yeah! Oh.
355
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,200
Oh! Uh...
356
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:13,170
Yeah.
357
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,070
I'm sorry, Brit-Brit.
358
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,100
Truly, I am.
359
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,160
-He died doing what he loves.
360
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,130
Getting hurt while being mistaken for Rob Riggle.
361
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:26,130
-Yeah. -Yeah.
362
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,130
-Son of a bitch.
363
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,010
-(dramatic music)
364
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,210
-We got to stop Urlacher.
365
00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:38,140
He's killed one too many people today,
366
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,090
and it ends now.
367
00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:44,210
Everybody, get your personal watercraft ready.
368
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,210
We're taking the battle to him.
369
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:50,210
-Even you, Rob?
370
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:52,080
-Especially me.
371
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:56,150
This time for reals.
372
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,090
-(New Wave music)
373
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:20,150
-Come on! Let's go!
374
00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:22,180
-(dramatic music)
375
00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:25,190
-Oh, no.
376
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,190
The Russians are advancing already.
377
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,130
-On second thought,
378
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:31,080
this looks like a lot of work.
379
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:33,050
-No, wait. I've got this.
380
00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:36,190
This stunt is for you, Dad.
381
00:14:41,090 --> 00:14:42,180
-(heroic music)
382
00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:44,180
-Rob: Whoo! Yeah!
383
00:14:44,190 --> 00:14:46,200
-(all cheering, clapping)
384
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:50,180
-Rob: Yes! Yes!
385
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:53,100
Whoo! Whoo!
386
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,060
-Mm-hmm!
387
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,150
-Rob: Yeah!
388
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,220
-(man speaking Russian)
389
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:09,050
-(Rob laughing) -Yeah!
390
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:10,150
-Look at her go!
391
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,230
I always knew Bric Brac had it in her.
392
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,010
This must be the happiest day of her life.
393
00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:16,080
-Her dad died today.
394
00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:18,000
-What? Oh, yeah.
395
00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:19,170
I mean besides that, besides that.
396
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:21,050
-Gil: Come on. Hurry up. We call the feds,
397
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:22,190
they can come out here and get those Russkis,
398
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,070
and we can still make it to Señor Dick's before the buffet closes.
399
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,000
-Right, but what about Urlacher?
400
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,040
-Oh, please. Urlacher?
401
00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,180
That big baby probably ran away.
402
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:31,200
-Brian Urlacher never runs.
403
00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:33,030
This Academy has been a thorn
404
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,170
in Mother Russia's side for too long.
405
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:36,080
-It's only been like eight weeks.
406
00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:37,150
-That's like the whole damn summer!
407
00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:39,030
And so now,
408
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,160
I must finish what those trolls couldn't.
409
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:43,160
-This is between you and me, Urlacher.
410
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,030
I say we settle it man to man.
411
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,070
Let these weirdos go.
412
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,220
-Urlacher: So be it.
413
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,160
-(gun thuds) -Yeah.
414
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:51,220
I always knew this was gonna happen
415
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,080
ever since you big-timed me
416
00:15:53,090 --> 00:15:56,000
at the 2009 Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards.
417
00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:57,200
-And I'll keep big-timing you every day of your life
418
00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,010
until the day you die,
419
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,020
which is today.
420
00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:01,070
-(growls)
421
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,040
-(both grunting)
422
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:06,030
-Yeah! Well, he got you on that one!
423
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,010
-(both grunting)
424
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,000
-Preggers: Get him, Rob!
425
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:12,110
Yeah!
426
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,190
-(Rob screams) -Preggers: Yeah! Run, Rob!
427
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,050
Ain't nothing wrong with that!
428
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,030
-(both grunting)
429
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,130
-Preggers: Yeah, Rob!
430
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,220
Get him!
431
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:26,070
Get him, Rob!
432
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,060
Oh, shit, Rob!
433
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:31,150
-(punches landing)
434
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:35,140
-(both grunting)
435
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,040
-You know what, Riggle?
436
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,050
A personal watercraft isn't even that cool!
437
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:45,030
They're too loud, too rebellious,
438
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,220
and they're just-- they're just too --
439
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:48,170
-I think the word you're looking for
440
00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:50,050
is American!
441
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:54,050
-(both screaming)
442
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,160
-(squelching)
443
00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:04,200
-(funky music)
444
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:15,080
-Now that's how you big-time someone.
445
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:19,190
Burn the canoes.
446
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,190
-(tires screeching) -(siren wailing)
447
00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:24,150
-That's a granny, comrades.
448
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,080
You're not going anywhere.
449
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,120
-Rob: Well, we did it,
450
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,040
and only one person got decapitated.
451
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,000
Not half bad. -Yeah.
452
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:35,040
-I'm gonna go get our cadets.
453
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,090
It's time for graduation.
454
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,200
-Okay.
455
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:40,100
-(heroic music)
456
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,220
-(engine revs) -Hey!
457
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,040
Oh, shit!
458
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:53,180
-Rob, you got to be careful!
459
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,150
There-- there's still them mines out there!
460
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,040
-Rob: Whoo!
461
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:04,120
(screams)
462
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,140
-(piano music)
463
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:17,000
-♪ I'm not convinced of fairy tales ♪
464
00:18:19,110 --> 00:18:21,140
♪ But a love like yours ♪
465
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:25,170
♪ Might persuade me something else ♪
466
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:30,190
♪ I want to be with you ♪
467
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:36,190
♪ I want to be with you ♪
468
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:41,030
(muted) ♪ We don't need to know ♪
469
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,100
♪ It all to know it's real ♪
470
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,200
-(phone dings) -Oh!
471
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,160
Sorry. Got a text.
472
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:49,090
(laughs) Give me one second.
473
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,020
-(clicking) -Okay, cadets!
474
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,190
When you started here this semester,
475
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,230
some of you were unsure of yourselves,
476
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,060
maybe even a little nervous.
477
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:59,120
Some of you were physically unattractive.
478
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:02,120
But you were committed.
479
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,140
And after all your hard work,
480
00:19:05,150 --> 00:19:08,060
you can finally go out into the world
481
00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:10,180
and say with pride
482
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:13,220
that just like Rob Riggle,
483
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:17,070
you, too, are a ski master.
484
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,050
-(upbeat music plays) -(applause)
485
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:20,110
-Preggers: He did it!
486
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,170
Take that! Whoo! Whoo!
487
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,130
(cheering)
488
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:26,200
You did it!
489
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:30,070
-Okay, yes, yes.
490
00:19:36,010 --> 00:19:37,220
-♪ I'm coming home ♪
491
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,100
-♪ I'm coming, coming, I'm coming, coming ♪
492
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:42,150
-♪ So leave the lights on ♪
493
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:44,190
-♪ Gonna keep the lights on ♪
494
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,200
-♪ You're the one I want ♪
495
00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:51,220
♪ So leave the lights on for me ♪
496
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:53,190
-♪ Please leave the lights on ♪
497
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,190
-♪ Every day that you find a way ♪
498
00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:59,110
♪ It gets better now ♪
499
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,170
♪ It's better ♪
500
00:20:02,170 --> 00:20:04,050
-There he is. -♪ I'm coming home ♪
501
00:20:06,010 --> 00:20:08,130
♪ So leave the lights on ♪
502
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:11,070
-♪ Gonna keep the lights on ♪
503
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,100
-♪ You're the one I want ♪
504
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,150
♪ So, baby, leave the lights on ♪
505
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,140
-♪ Gonna leave the lights on ♪
506
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:23,220
-♪ I'm coming home ♪
507
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:25,140
-(mouthing words)
508
00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:31,000
-(music continues)
509
00:20:31,010 --> 00:20:33,020
-No, you. Do I know you?
510
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:37,020
-♪ Leave the lights on ♪
511
00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:40,210
♪ When I get home and see your face ♪
512
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:43,070
♪ I know I'm in the right place ♪
513
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,080
♪ At the right time ♪
514
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,040
-Ah. I already got you, Todd.
515
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:48,070
Get out of here.
516
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,080
-♪ It gets better now ♪
517
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:53,110
-♪ It gets better now ♪ -♪ It gets better now ♪
518
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,210
-♪ It gets better now ♪
519
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,100
-♪ I'm coming home ♪
520
00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:58,230
-♪ I'm coming, coming, I'm coming, coming ♪
521
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,160
-♪ So leave the lights on for me ♪
522
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,090
-(sweeping majestic music)
523
00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:21,090
-We did it!
524
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:22,170
-(cheers and applause)
525
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:25,210
-Ladies and gentleman, I want to thank you
526
00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:27,010
for coming back
527
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,100
because as it turns out,
528
00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:32,000
I was right about everything.
529
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:36,000
Yes. So get ready to gargle these nuts.
530
00:21:36,010 --> 00:21:38,100
(laughs) Yeah, you in the back.
531
00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:40,230
-Sorry, I-I wasn't here the last time.
532
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,090
Could you just start over from the beginning?
533
00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:45,180
-You bet. Absolutely. -(reporters groan)
534
00:21:45,190 --> 00:21:47,210
-I guess the fun and games started back,
535
00:21:47,220 --> 00:21:50,220
oh, gosh, call it eight weeks ago.
536
00:21:50,230 --> 00:21:52,030
-I'm gonna cut someone.
537
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:55,060
-(roars)
538
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,060
-Right on time.
36175
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