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-(Announcer reading)
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-(upbeat music playing)
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-Great job, Desiree.
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-Thanks, Hall-of-Famer Brian Urlacher,
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but I'm very tired.
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Do you have any water?
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-No, plain water is lame,
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and I should know.
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I played pro football for 13 years.
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-Man: Brian!
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-Wow. So what do you suggest?
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-Well...
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I say we fire up Brian Urlacher's ice-chipping,
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syrup-slurping snow cone machine.
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-Is it true it comes with eight sweet organic syrups,
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handcrafted by some of the world's most pretentious chefs?
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-That is true, Desiree.
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Try one.
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-Mmm. Charred kale.
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-Snow cones, where water goes to party.
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Go deep!
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-(clattering) -(glass breaking)
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-Now in new beet salad flavor.
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-Man: Beet salad!
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-(slams) -(groans)
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You got to be kidding me!
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Urlacher is making a killing with his snow cone machines
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while I eke out a living
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starring in Hollywood blockbusters
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and charming indies.
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That's it.
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I got to get my own thing.
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-Oh, I don't know if you want to do that, Rob.
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You don't want to rush into a licensed product like that.
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It takes a lot of R&D.
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From what I hear, Urlacher had a ton of offers
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before he settled in on snow cones.
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-Yeah? What stuff? What kind of stuff, like what?
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-Uh, he had flavor knives,
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where you could just stab the meat,
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and it flavors the meat,
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uh, skirts made out of pants,
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linguine hair that you can wear and eat,
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uh, ice-cream machines.
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-Rob: No, thank you!
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Yes!
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You're looking at a guy who just got
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an ice-cream machine licensing deal.
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-(indistinct murmuring)
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-Hmm!
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-What does an ice cream machine have to do
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with an academy of missing cadets?
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-That's why we're here! -What?!
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-I totally forgot!
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Thank you. Thanks so much.
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Yeah, the cadets?
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-♪ Now, now is the time ♪
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♪ The lake is the place ♪
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♪ To make some stuff explode ♪
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♪ And throw it all in their face ♪
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♪ So don't be a tool ♪
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♪ It's the ski master rule ♪
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♪ It's really great to be at ♪
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♪ Ski Master Academy ♪
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♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪
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♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪
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-(screaming)
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-♪ We will kick your ass ♪
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-Whoo!
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-Dirk: All right, a little bit more to the left.
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To my left.
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My left.
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Good. No, now that's past good.
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Go back again.
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Great. Right there.
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Now remember, one inch off,
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and Condor de Bogota goes up in flames
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Is that what you want, Chauncey?
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-No, I don't want that.
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-Hope you don't want me to go up in flames, either.
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Although that would be a pretty sick way to go,
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rocking a pimped-out personal watercraft
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on fire in the big showcase.
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-Just for the record, I don't want anybody to go up in flames.
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-Pussy.
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-Actually, uh, you're not gonna do the showcase.
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-Whoa, what?
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-You're escorting, uh, Condor De Bogota,
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the Ski Prince, Aqua Zorro! (chuckles)
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-Are you saying I'm still not getting out on the water?
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Dad, I've been really cool
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about staying off the skis all summer,
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but classes are over.
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I deserve to be in this showcase.
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-Brit, please.
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Uh, the showcase is dangerous.
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And unlike the instructors or the cadets
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or even Rob Riggle himself,
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I care whether you live or die.
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-This is so unfair.
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-(sighs) What's unfair is, if you go out there and get hurt.
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I've been out there. I've been hurt.
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I don't want that for you.
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I don't want the stuntman's life for you.
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You deserve more than a half a lake in the middle of nowhere.
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(sighs)
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You deserve to know who your mother is.
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-(music stops)
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-Another time.
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-Dirk (on PA): Welcome, parents and guests,
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to Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy.
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The graduation showcase will begin in a few hours.
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Be advised, all toilets are broken.
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-Hey, how's it going, fellas?
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Believe me, I know you're excited
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for the big graduation showcase
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featuring the one and only Condor de...
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something Spanish.
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(chuckles) But listen,
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I want to show you something even cooler,
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literally cooler.
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Why don't you join me and some of the other guests
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for a one-of-a-kind cream dream?
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Huh?
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Eh, don't worry.
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It's nothing sexual. It's ice cream!
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Come on!
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-(Latin music plays)
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-Welcome to Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy, Condor.
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It is such a pleasure to meet you.
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-The pleasure is all mine.
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(coughing)
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-Are you okay?
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-It's just a... a little consumption.
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-(laughs) Okay, good.
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Right this way.
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-Okay, thank you. (coughing)
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-(Rob grunts)
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You're gonna love this, parents.
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You, too, townies without jobs.
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All right. Okay.
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We are definitely close to this batch being done.
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Huh? I'd say another three, three and a half hours.
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-Well, this sucks.
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-Hey, can I just buy that ice cream?
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-No, you got to buy the whole Cream Dream Machine now. (laughs)
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-Yeah, but that ice cream's already made.
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-It took me all morning to make that test batch.
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Fine.
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Twenty dollars for a small.
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-Oh, shit. It's small-batch gourmet?
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-Yes.
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Yes, it is. -Hey, man.
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Shouldn't your hair be covered?
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-Huh? Oh, uh, yeah.
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Got you covered there, Pops.
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(chuckles) Hey, oh!
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(laughs) Ah-la-la-la-la!
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-So, this is all free?
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-Oh, yeah, of course.
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-Wow.
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Yeah.
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Oh...
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-Why, thank you.
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It is such an honor to break bread with you, Condor.
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-Hmm. -You and Rob and my dad
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are the whole reason that I wanted to become
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a world-class Jet Ski,
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WaveRunner, and/or Sea-Doo stuntwoman.
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-Eh, listen, kid.
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professional stunt skiing is not all it's cracked up to be.
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Um, working in the Universal Studios Waterworld show,
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day in, day out for 22 years,
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works on the body and the mind
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and the body...
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and the mind.
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-Yeah, but the Waterworld stunt show was
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the greatest achievement in our industry.
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You get to do the stunts
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and say the lines.
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-But it's not worth it.
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I mean, both my ankles and my wrists are shattered.
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My son won't even talk to me,
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and Kevin Costner calls me
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a Sammy Hagar-ass bitch in the press.
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-What a dick. -Yeah.
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-Then why do you still do it?
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I named myself after the condor,
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who has the fiercest survival instincts
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in the whole animal kingdom.
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He will chew off his leg in order to save himself.
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He never gives up, so I never give up.
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Also, I have no other employable skills.
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So, um,
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how many doggy bags you think I can take
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before the staff gets all judgy?
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-(noisy chattering) -(music blaring)
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-Oh, God, I'm hot!
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Oh! Oh-ho-ho!
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(grunting)
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(sighs)
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Oh, that's better!
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Shit! I'm out!
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-What? Come on. -(crowd grumbling)
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-Ho-ho. Hang on, now.
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Hold on. I can make more.
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Making more is a breeze
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with Rob Riggle's Cream Dream Machine.
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Give me a minute.
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Hmm, pig meat for sweet treats.
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Whoo! -(thuds)
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-Tell your friends.
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Hog Queen ice cream,
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AKA Hog-en-Dazs.
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-(laughter)
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-You can taste the vengeance.
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-Is it vegan? -Sure!
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-Riggle!
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-Crowd (chanting): Riggle! Riggle! Riggle! Riggle!
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-(rock music playing)
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-♪ This moment's happening ♪
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♪ But you're not around ♪
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♪ You've got me searching ♪
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♪ But you can't be found ♪
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♪ She looked like candy ♪
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♪ But she dynamite ♪
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♪ She got me running ♪
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♪ But she can't be beat ♪
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♪ She shakes her ice cream ♪
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♪ I-I-I-Ice cream ♪
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-What's this line for?
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-Whatever it is, it's up there.
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-Right.
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-Man: Hey, no cutting!
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-When will the next batch be ready?
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-I don't know.
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Fucking hipsters.
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-Gil: Riggs?
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Why do you look like you don't own a television?
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-I'm just trying to get through this next batch, all right?
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You know it takes four hours to make ice cream?
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-Yeah, man.
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That's why I always go with snow cones.
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-You can smoke a turd in Hell for that!
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-Do you need some help?
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-Yeah. I could use a break.
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I suddenly wish I had time to go down to the lake,
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you know, and just stare out into the distance.
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Think of different flavor combinations...
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maybe vape a little.
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-Then do it.
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-No, I can't.
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I got a huge line. They'd mob me.
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-Then use my spare beard.
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I doubt I'll be using it again.
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The cartels have probably forgotten me.
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And if they haven't...
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I'm dead already.
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-Hey.
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Thanks, man.
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Hey, man.
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You want to go to a Band of Horses show next week?
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-No. -All right.
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-Let's get cranking.
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Bet this will do wonders for my guns.
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-(up-tempo music playing)
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-Wait. Did-- Did you see that?
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That's the maker.
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-Damn it.
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I guess there's just no hiding these chiseled features.
271
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,090
-Could I get a pic of you? -You bet.
272
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:16,160
-(camera shutter clicks)
273
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:19,010
-Do you think you'll make more Ski Master films?
274
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:20,050
-I'm not sure.
275
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:21,130
They're pretty violent,
276
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,090
and in this political climate,
277
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,090
am I really contributing to the dialog?
278
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,220
(chuckles) I don't think so.
279
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:29,090
I may just focus on the ice cream.
280
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:33,220
-(mutters): Dialog?
281
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,180
Just ice cream?
282
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:39,020
What is your end game, Rob Riggle?
283
00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:40,210
-Lick it!
284
00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:42,090
-Brit: The first time I saw you
285
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,070
was on my dad's old VHSs
286
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,000
at the Bi-ski-tennial in D.C.
287
00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:47,170
-Oh. -Oh ho!
288
00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:50,130
You did some sick moves on the Reflecting Pool.
289
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:53,170
What would you say your secret is?
290
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:56,080
-Well, hard work and practice. -Mm.
291
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,100
Plus, uh, high blood pressure medicine,
292
00:11:58,110 --> 00:12:00,120
twice-daily subdermal injections,
293
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,040
uh, blood doping,
294
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,160
the right attitude,
295
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,190
and, uh, stem cells.
296
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,100
-Hmm. -I think that's everything.
297
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:09,170
-Now, I have to ask.
298
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,100
On the tapes,
299
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,200
when you went upside down on the Double Diablo,
300
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,180
you weren't using your footholds,
301
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:18,010
so isn't that more of a Kryptonian Pickleback?
302
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,180
-(chuckling)
303
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:22,010
Very good, young lady.
304
00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:24,120
You really know your ski stunts.
305
00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,200
(laughs) I'm impressed.
306
00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:30,090
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
307
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,050
♪ It takes me out of my mind ♪
308
00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:35,210
♪ Drops me straight in the bottom ♪
309
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,030
♪ Every time we ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
310
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,210
♪ It takes me out of my mind ♪
311
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:46,000
♪ Drops me straight in the bottom ♪
312
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,210
-Hey, Rob, are you feeling okay?
313
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,090
-Real talk?
314
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:51,090
Preggers, what if we just put this whole academy thing
315
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,110
on a shelf for a minute, all right,
316
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:57,130
and just focused on the ice cream, huh?
317
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:59,070
-What in the shit, Rob?
318
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,090
-Yeah, we expand out the building,
319
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,140
vibe on some Father John Misty,
320
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:07,160
and just sell ice cream to some really chill people?
321
00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:08,210
-Okay, you know what?
322
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,160
This ar-tease-anal crap,
323
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:12,200
it's poisoning your brain.
324
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,070
You're coming with me. Let's go. Come on.
325
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,160
-(Rob groans)
326
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,190
-Preggers: Hey, guys,
327
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,110
so, I'm supes not stoked to tell you this,
328
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,020
but we're all out of Dream Cream, unforch.
329
00:13:23,030 --> 00:13:24,110
-(crowd groaning)
330
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:28,160
-But I am gonna keep the line open,
331
00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:31,060
so if you want to stand in it, huh?
332
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,220
-But, guys, you know what?
333
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:36,170
Super exclusive launch party down at Boner Lake.
334
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,200
-(cheers and applause)
335
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:41,080
-You want to try this vape? It's lavender.
336
00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:43,090
(exhales) It's for real.
337
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,200
(chuckling)
338
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:46,060
-God damn it, Rob.
339
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:50,020
No, you are not going to ruin both ice cream
340
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,080
and smoking for me on the same day!
341
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:55,080
How did you become a hipster so fast?
342
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:57,150
-Rob: It happened organically.
343
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:01,050
-So you're saying disregard the Z-axis entirely?
344
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,160
-Yeah. -Are you serious?
345
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,190
-(scoffs) As serious as my son when he told me
346
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,170
if I ever try to see my granddaughter again,
347
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:09,060
he'd have me killed.
348
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:11,100
Man, it is so nice talking with someone
349
00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:13,230
who understands my dreams.
350
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,200
I want my future to be like yours.
351
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,100
-You think the mess hall is still open?
352
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:19,150
I have a hankering for those little packets of jam.
353
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,230
-(metallic snap) -(screams)
354
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,170
-(screaming continues) -Oh!
355
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:23,210
-Oh, my leg!
356
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:25,180
-Shoot! One of Gil's hog traps!
357
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,230
-A hog trap?!
358
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,070
-Okay, okay, just stay calm.
359
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,120
Stay calm. Let me think.
360
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:32,030
-(screaming continues)
361
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,170
-Don't go anywhere!
362
00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:34,210
-Oh, God!
363
00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:38,000
-Brit, uh, fly in the Condor.
364
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,130
I repeat, fly in the Condor.
365
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,030
-(Brit grunts) -(screaming)
366
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,010
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
367
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:46,060
-It's not working! (screams)
368
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:47,210
-Dirk (on radio): I repeat, ready for Condor.
369
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,120
-I don't know what to do.
370
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:50,190
-Yes, you do.
371
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,230
You've always known.
372
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,130
-But I-- -Listen, young lady.
373
00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:56,000
I'm not here to substitute for your father,
374
00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:58,090
and say all the things you've ever wanted him to say.
375
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,230
(panting) So I'm just gonna tell you,
376
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,090
you can ski like a pro.
377
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,210
Better than me, better than anybody.
378
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,230
You're a wonderful daughter.
379
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,060
-Oh.
380
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,110
That is eerily similar to everything
381
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,080
I've ever wanted to hear from my father.
382
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:20,060
-Aah! That's purely coincidence.
383
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:24,090
But the show must go on.
384
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,190
-(gasps)
385
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,010
This is crazy.
386
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:29,090
I don't even know your set.
387
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,170
-180 flat,
388
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:33,030
500, 360 flat flip,
389
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,100
one-handed barrel roll,
390
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:36,160
one-handed barrel to wake flap,
391
00:15:36,170 --> 00:15:38,040
a scarecrow,
392
00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:40,080
uh, flaming hoop, uh...
393
00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:41,190
Make the rest of the shit up!
394
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,100
(crying) I don't care!
395
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,090
-Dirk (on radio): Where the hell is the Condor?
396
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:47,170
-(sniffles)
397
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:50,180
Condor flying in.
398
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:52,120
-(sobs)
399
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,190
-Oh, sorry, I just--
400
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,220
-I need your whole costume, actually. -Yeah, um, okay.
401
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,110
-Dirk (on PA): The faculty apologizes again about the broken toilets,
402
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,060
but we ask that you please stop defecating
403
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:07,200
in the common areas.
404
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:10,090
It is attracting unsavory bears.
405
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:13,000
Now, all parents, please report to the lake
406
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:16,150
for Rob Riggle's end-of-the-semester ski master showcase.
407
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:20,110
-Oh, God, Preggers, this sounds so dumb and loud.
408
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,040
Let's go back to the shop.
409
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:23,130
We'll fire up the hookah,
410
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:26,030
and we can have a debate about beer,
411
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,210
and whether or not it's sour enough.
412
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,100
-You shut your mouth.
413
00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:32,210
I am gonna remind you what being awesome in America is like
414
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,090
before it's too late.
415
00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:42,060
-What on God's green Earth?
416
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,160
Rob Riggle is a hipster?
417
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,220
What the hell is going on?
418
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:57,020
-The ushe. (chuckles)
419
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,050
Whatevs.
420
00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:00,180
-I can't, I can't.
421
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,170
-(Dirk clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen,
422
00:17:06,180 --> 00:17:09,140
welcome to Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy's
423
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:13,010
pre-graduation demonstration and showcase.
424
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,070
-Yeah! -(applause)
425
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,210
-Sponsored by Rob Riggle's Cream Dream Machine.
426
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,200
-(cheers and applause)
427
00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:20,030
-Oh, okay.
428
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,190
-And now, ladies and gentlemen,
429
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,090
turn your eyes to the lake
430
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:26,100
and enjoy Condor de Bogota,
431
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,090
the Masked Rider!
432
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,220
-(cheers and applause)
433
00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:31,140
-(rock music playing)
434
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,210
-Yeah!
435
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:38,090
-(cheering)
436
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,140
-This seems... so familiar.
437
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:56,180
(rock song playing)
438
00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:58,120
-(engine revving)
439
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,070
-(cheering)
440
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,060
-(music stops)
441
00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:20,020
-(loud cheers and applause) -(music resumes)
442
00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:21,130
-Did you see that shit?
443
00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:23,050
He's on the thing,
444
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,100
and he's going around the lake,
445
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:26,120
and ha!
446
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:28,100
This shit rules!
447
00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:29,180
Yeah!
448
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:33,190
-(cheering)
449
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,060
-He's back, haters! He is back!
450
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:37,140
-Crowd: Whoo!
451
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,160
-Hey, that was pretty crazy, huh?!
452
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,000
(laughter) -(applause)
453
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:45,090
-But now for the real reason you're here.
454
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:49,010
To see the end-of-summer graduation demonstration,
455
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:52,090
where all our cadets will be out on that lake,
456
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,130
showing you what they're made of.
457
00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:56,170
-It's been a long road to get here, everybody.
458
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:58,050
I'm not sure we're properly prepared.
459
00:18:58,060 --> 00:19:00,070
-(chuckles) We are absolutely not.
460
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,130
-But I wouldn't want to do this
461
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,160
personal watercraft demo with anyone else...
462
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,210
except Todd.
463
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:07,180
-Three cheers for friendship.
464
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,070
-All: Hip, hip, hooray!
465
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:13,020
Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!
466
00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:14,230
-Hip, hip, hooray!
467
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,090
-Hip, hip, hooray! Are you guys getting kidnapped?
468
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:23,080
-(drumroll)
469
00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:29,000
-Rob: Uh, they should be out there any minute.
470
00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:31,230
-Rob, the cadets.
471
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,090
I can't find them anywhere.
472
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,070
But on the plus side,
473
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,200
check out these guns (grunts)
474
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,080
from ice-cream churning.
475
00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:42,070
-(clapping) -(bird cawing)
476
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,020
-Brit: Dad!
477
00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:46,030
-Oh, thank God. At least my kid's safe.
478
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:49,200
-Wait! Hey, hey! Dirk, Dirk! (awkward chuckle)
479
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:51,140
-Brit: Dad!
480
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:53,070
Did you enjoy the stunts?
481
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,110
-(guitar plays) -(whip cracks)
482
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,160
-Brit-Brit?
483
00:19:56,170 --> 00:20:00,000
-Yes. It was me the whole time, father.
484
00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:02,020
I crushed it out there,
485
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:04,080
and I don't need your approval.
486
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,000
-You were...
487
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,220
absolutely amazing.
488
00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:10,170
-(Brit gasping) -(Dirk laughing)
489
00:20:12,230 --> 00:20:15,130
-I was lying when I said I didn't need your approval.
490
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:16,210
I totally did.
491
00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:20,130
I'm going to remember this moment forever.
492
00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:22,160
(laughs)
493
00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:25,030
-Wait. Where's Condor?
494
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,030
-Ah, holy crap.
495
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,230
-Ugh.
496
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,180
-(bird screeches)
497
00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:36,020
-Brit: A condor.
498
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,090
-Dirk: You don't think?
499
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,040
-It couldn't be.
500
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:40,230
-No, it isn't.
501
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,090
He bled out over there.
502
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,070
-Well, maybe his spirit is still in the condor.
503
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,030
-Grow up. Help me with the body.
504
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:53,140
-(shouting indistinctly)
505
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,150
-Hey, man! Where the hell are our kids?
506
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,200
-(crowd shouting indistinctly)
507
00:20:58,210 --> 00:21:01,050
-Oh, okay. Hey, hey, everybody relax.
508
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,220
Please, please, everybody. All right.
509
00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:06,230
The cadets are definitely not missing.
510
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:09,090
-Well, no one said they were missing.
511
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,160
Are they missing?
512
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:11,210
-(shouting indistinctly)
513
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:15,100
-Okay, maybe you should just hold a press conference.
514
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:18,020
-That's a stupid idea.
515
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,120
Which brings us to now!
516
00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:23,050
-(dramatic musical sting plays)
517
00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:25,230
-♪ Now is the time ♪
518
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,170
♪ The lake is the place ♪
519
00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:32,010
-Yeah? What stuff? What kind of stuff? Like what?
520
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:33,100
-A butter gun,
521
00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:35,020
uh, curry Popsicles,
522
00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:37,060
uh, powder that's not powder.
523
00:21:37,070 --> 00:21:38,090
It's made out of liquid.
524
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:40,000
Potato chip bicycles,
525
00:21:40,010 --> 00:21:41,050
pasta pants,
526
00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:42,210
iguana tattoos,
527
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:45,090
uh, paisley lightning,
528
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:48,050
uh, canoe cologne for your canoe,
529
00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:50,180
cologne canoe for yourself.
530
00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:53,070
-♪ We will kick your ass ♪
531
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,060
-(roaring)
532
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,060
-Right on time.
36148
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