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1
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:13,281
Sometimes
the world looks perfect
2
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,217
* Nothing to rearrange
3
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:19,487
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
4
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:23,757
* Like you need
some kinda change
5
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:27,428
* No matter what the odds
are this time
6
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,730
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
7
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,966
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend
8
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,438
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end
9
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,309
* Standing tall
10
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,079
* On the wings of my dream
11
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,048
* Rise and fall
12
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:51,819
* On the wings of my dream
13
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,287
* The rain and thunder
14
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,089
* The wind and haze
15
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,791
* I'm bound for better days
16
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,233
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *
17
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,915
Okay, that's it.
18
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,185
You're official
cable subscribers.
19
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,125
Balki, give the man
back his belt.
20
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,660
Okay.
Okay.
21
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,563
Thanks a lot.
22
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,465
Ah, thank you.
You're welcome.
23
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,333
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, now.
24
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,607
Cousin, does this mean
we're cable ready?
25
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:49,910
Yes.
26
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,945
Balki, that little wire
27
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,348
is going to change our lives.
28
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,450
Here. Look at this.
29
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,690
We never have to go
stand in line
to see a movie.
30
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:12,400
No need to join a gym.
31
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,303
We've got
the all-shopping channel.
32
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,571
We never have to go
to the mall again.
33
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,476
Well, we can go to the mall
once in a while.
34
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,778
Okay.
Oh, here. Sit down.
35
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,079
Sit down.
36
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,517
Balki, you are gonna
love this.
37
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,721
There's
the all-sports channel.
38
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,690
There's the all-news channel.
39
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,561
That must be
the all-music video channel.
40
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,331
Is that Michael Jackson
or his sister?
41
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,569
That's Diana Ross.
42
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,381
Cousin, cousin,
can I pick a channel?
43
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,615
Sure.
Really?
44
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,651
Yes, go ahead.
Oh.
45
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,885
What should I pick?
46
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,320
Pick anything you want.
47
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,788
You've got the control.
48
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,558
Anything?
Anything you want.
49
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:16,564
MAN ON TV:
And we are all tied up.
50
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,901
There are only
three seconds to go.
51
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,203
Here's the snap.
Hand-off goes
to Payton.
52
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:26,507
He's trapped.
53
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,242
Yes!
He's reversing
his field.
54
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,110
Yes! Yes!
He's starts for one.
He's--
55
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,512
What!
56
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:35,349
Why? Why did you
change the channel?
57
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,718
Well, you said that I could
pick anything that I want,
58
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,987
and I'm not in the mood
for football.
59
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,026
* A horse is a horse
Of course, of course *
60
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:52,099
Mister Ed!
61
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,067
* Go right to the source
and ask the horse
62
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,304
* He'll give you the answer
that you'll endorse
63
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,539
* He's always
on the steady course
64
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,774
* Talk to Mr. Ed *
65
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,384
* Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls...
66
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,752
BOTH: * Ta-da-da-da da *
67
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,442
All right, that's it.
68
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,276
The war is over.
69
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,613
Balki, it's time
to go to bed.
70
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,549
Balki?
71
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,451
Balki?
72
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,519
Balki?
73
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,659
What's shaking?
Balki, it is very,
very late.
74
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,994
Balki, Balki, listen to me.
75
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,729
Balki
76
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:56,897
Balki.
77
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,004
I learned that
on the all-wrestling channel.
78
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,508
Balki, go to bed.
79
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,809
Cousin, I will, I will,
80
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,578
as soon as
what I'm watching is over.
81
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,614
Ugh, how can you be
watching anything?
82
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,416
You keep changing
the channel.
83
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,884
But, cousin, it's easy.
84
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:21,655
On this channel,
85
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,591
And on this channel,
86
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,326
Arnold Schwarzenegger
is blowing up soldiers.
87
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,362
Oh, there goes one now.
88
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,900
And on this channel,
89
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,235
Arnold Schwarzenegger
is blowing up
90
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,970
drug-dealing soldiers.
91
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,910
I just love cable.
There's so much variety.
92
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,846
Balki,
93
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,681
go to bed.
94
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:51,184
It is almost time to get up.
95
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,354
But, cousin,
how will I know what happens
to Arnold Schwarzenegger?
96
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:59,427
He blows everybody up
97
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,094
Now get some sleep.
98
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,630
Okay, okay, cousin, okay.
99
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,131
Good night, good night.
100
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,935
Ah.
101
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,010
Maria, I'm home.
102
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,665
Hello.
Mailroom.
103
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,201
Uh, no, Balki's not here
right now, Mr. Myers.
104
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,904
Yeah, I'll have him
get it up to you
as soon as he gets back.
105
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,405
Yes, bye.
106
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,879
Larry, where is Balki?
107
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,614
He was supposed to drop off
the letters
108
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:59,119
for my advice column
over an hour ago.
109
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,655
Thank goodness,
my deadline's in 20 minutes.
110
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:05,092
Lydia, I know
you're busy, but, uh,
111
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,560
I need some advice.
112
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,029
Oh, well...
113
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,299
I am never too busy
to help a friend.
114
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,503
What's the problem, Larry,
can't get a date?
115
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,307
No, no, it's Balki.
116
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,544
Well, Balki shouldn't have
a problem getting a date.
117
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:29,149
No, no, this has nothing
to do with dating.
118
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,383
See, for the past two weeks
119
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,420
Balki has been glued
to the TV.
120
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:39,993
He won't go to bed at night.
121
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,929
What do you think
I should I do?
122
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,400
Lydia, what do you think?
123
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,736
Don't push me!
124
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,073
I am not good at these
spur-of-the-moment answers.
125
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,242
I am a small, neurotic woman
126
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,678
with problems
of my own, Larry.
127
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,381
I can't take
this kind of pressure.
128
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,617
Why is everyone
bothering me?
129
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,620
Why do all the people think
I have the answers?
130
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,690
Thank you.
131
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,062
Where is that idiot Mypiot?
132
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,630
He's not still
at lunch, is he?
133
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,265
No! No, he's here,
Mr. Gorpley.
134
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,800
I don't even know
if he went to lunch.
135
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,001
You know Balki,
he usually works
136
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,570
straight through
work, work, work.
137
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,607
Yes, something's wrong.
138
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:27,875
The managing editor sent out
139
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,710
an emergency
delivery yesterday
140
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,646
that never got there.
141
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,914
has fouled-up this week.
142
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,549
If I get one more complaint
143
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,385
we'll have to do something
about that, won't we?
144
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,054
Oh, I have an idea!
145
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,556
I'll fire him.
146
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,626
I'll make sure
he gets the message.
147
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,995
And you have
just a lovely, lovely--
148
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,162
Jerk.
149
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,180
Balki, did you go home
for lunch?
150
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,883
Did you turn on the TV?
151
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,752
I don't want
to talk about it.
152
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,656
Did you turn on
the TV?
153
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:19,092
Oh, cousin, you can read me
like a brown paper bag.
154
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,363
Leave It to Beaver was on.
155
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,298
It was a wonderful episode.
156
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,834
At the end, Ward said,
157
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,536
"Beav, no matter
what you do,
158
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,972
"your mother and I
will always love you."
159
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,609
Well, I gotta tell you,
I broke down and cried
160
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,344
till my eyes fell out.
161
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,216
Balki, you are
40 minutes late.
162
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,919
And Ward said that
at the end
of every episode.
163
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,590
Gorpley is going
to fire you.
164
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,360
All right, cousin, I...
I, I, I'm sorry.
165
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,595
I know I did wrong.
166
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,530
It won't happen again,
I promise.
167
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,201
Oh, good.
I'm glad to hear it.
168
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,705
Aren't you going
to forgive me
like Ward forgave the Beav?
169
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,709
Yes, I forgive you.
Hmm.
170
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,846
This stuff has got
to go up to Myers
171
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,581
in classified right away.
172
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,850
Okay, I'll get it fast.
173
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,987
I'm faster
than a speeding bullet!
174
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,957
More powerful
than a locomotive!
175
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,695
Able to leap small children
176
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,663
in a single bound!
177
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,767
You got
a problem there, sugar.
178
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,571
A couch potato?
179
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,840
You know,
one of those people
180
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,141
that spend so much time
watching TV
181
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,744
they end up with a butt
the size of Detroit.
182
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,481
Well, I think
it's just the novelty
183
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,718
of having 24-hour cable.
184
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,853
Oh, yeah?
Does he stay up all night?
185
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,088
No, no, not all night.
186
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,557
He's usually in bed
by 5:00, 6:00 in the morning
187
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,026
right after Gumby.
188
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,495
Mmm-hmm. Well, does he ever
hum the theme
189
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,964
from I Dream of Jeannie?
190
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,670
(SCATTING I DREAM OF JEANNIE
THEME MUSIC)
191
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,419
That's it.
192
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,155
You got yourself
a couch potato.
193
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,453
We've been robbed!
194
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,889
Balki.
195
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,557
Balki, we haven't been robbed.
196
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,959
I took the television.
197
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:10,397
Oh,
you took the television.
198
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,932
You took the television?
199
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,069
and what I've done
is for your own good.
200
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,871
You've been watching
too much television lately
201
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,173
and you've just got to stop.
202
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,910
Let me get this straight.
203
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,613
You're telling me that
204
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,215
I can't watch television.
205
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,218
Yes.
Yes, I see, and...
206
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,521
I'm telling you
207
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,525
give me the TV.
208
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,797
It's not here.
209
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,465
It's in a locker
at the bus station.
210
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,567
Oh, I see.
211
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,871
It's in a locker
at the bus station.
212
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,009
Give me the key.
213
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,912
I haven't got it.
214
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,081
I gave it to Jennifer
and Mary Anne.
215
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,819
They're on a flight
to Zurich.
216
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,361
What is this?
Some kind of sick joke?
217
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,898
Balki, ever since
we got cable
218
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,933
you spend all night
watching TV
219
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,704
and eating junk food.
220
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,939
Now, what kind
of life is that?
221
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,240
It's a wonderful life.
222
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,276
Now, cousin...
223
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,178
Cousin, if that's
all that's bothering you,
224
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,413
just sit down,
listen to this.
225
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,616
I can stop watching TV
anytime I want to.
226
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,885
You can stop anytime?
227
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,487
You have to ask?
Yes.
228
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,989
What was the question?
229
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,627
Of course, I can.
Then do it.
230
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:50,597
Do what?
Stop.
231
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,698
When?
Tonight.
232
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:52,799
Tonight?
Tonight.
233
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,468
Who?
You! Tonight!
234
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:59,172
Stop watching TV, tonight!
235
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,246
Well, all right.
236
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,751
We don't have a television.
237
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,021
I'll have to do without,
won't I?
238
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,488
Goodness gracious.
239
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,157
Great balls of fire.
240
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,230
So that's it?
241
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,268
What did I just say?
242
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,871
Good.
243
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,509
but I have to go.
244
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,047
Mr. Flynn wants me
to cover the hearing
at the Water Commission.
245
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,583
You'll be all right?
Well, I'll be fine.
246
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,053
I'll just sit here
and read this book.
247
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,924
Okay.
248
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,827
See you later?
See you later.
249
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,064
I'll just be sitting here,
250
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,369
Balki.
251
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,606
Balki.
252
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,641
Balki!
253
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,880
Where did you get that?
254
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,682
Crazy Al's Video.
255
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,187
All right, well, this has
gotten completely
out of hand.
256
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,023
We have to take this back.
257
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,726
I don't think so.
258
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,182
Give me the remote.
259
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,217
Get your own remote.
260
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,387
Oh, look, there's Gumby.
261
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,488
Oh!
262
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,124
You tricked Balki.
263
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,860
You're damn right
I tricked Balki.
264
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,163
Give me my remote!
265
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,231
Balki!
266
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,237
I don't want to see you
become a couch potato.
267
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,273
A couch potato?
268
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,407
Hah!
269
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,611
No way, Rosay.
270
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,249
And do you know why?
271
00:16:56,316 --> 00:17:00,220
Because I have no idea
what that is.
272
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,591
Now give me my remote!
273
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,427
Balki!
274
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:08,795
A couch potato is someone
275
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,330
who is addicted to television.
276
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:13,032
They sit on the couch
watching it day and night.
277
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,801
They lose interest
in everything else.
278
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,171
Their life is reduced
to staring blindly
279
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,540
at some flickering images
on a little screen.
280
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,242
Is that what
you want to become?
281
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,112
Balki?
282
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,247
Balki?
283
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,150
What are you doing?
284
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,185
Is that a TV in the window
across the way?
285
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,224
That's a fish tank.
286
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,528
Oh, I thought
I was watching Sea Hunt.
287
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:52,105
Oh, God!
288
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,840
Now listen, cousin.
289
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,875
For the last time,
290
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:59,779
hand over the remote.
291
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,614
No.
292
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,019
-Balki!
-Cousin.
293
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,257
I want my MTV!
294
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,428
Balki, TV is ruining
your life.
295
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,829
Ever since we got cable
296
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,698
we don't go
to ball games anymore,
297
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,833
we don't go out
with Jenifer and Mary Anne,
298
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,869
we don't do anything.
299
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:27,274
You want to know
what you can do.
300
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:33,280
You can give me back
my remote!
301
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,750
All right, Balki,
take one more step
302
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,153
and the remote is dead meat.
303
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,158
You're bluffing.
304
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,794
Try me.
305
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,665
You don't have the guts.
306
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,877
I don't believe
you did that.
307
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,147
Well, believe it.
It's gone.
308
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,520
I don't need
a stinking remote.
309
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,323
I can still
turn on that television.
310
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,859
Why?
Because I've got this!
311
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,912
No, no, no. No, no.
312
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,714
All right, I wasn't going
to mention this,
313
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,650
because I thought
it would be too painful.
314
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,885
But you give me
no choice.
315
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,855
When was
the last time you wrote
a letter to your mama?
316
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,463
Mama?
317
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,600
Well, it... It was just
the other day.
318
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,034
Wrong!
319
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,604
It was over two weeks ago.
320
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,005
Well, that can't be.
321
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:11,411
It was...
It was right after
322
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,546
Time flies
when you're a potato.
323
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,817
There's the cable guide.
324
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,286
Why don't you look
and see when it was on.
325
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,387
Go ahead.
No.
326
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,188
Yes. Yes.
No. No.
327
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,524
Look! Look!
No.
328
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,266
What's today, Wednesday?
Wednesday.
329
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,340
It was two weeks ago.
330
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,974
Yes, it was.
331
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:46,313
I've never gone two weeks
without writing Mama.
332
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:49,316
She must think something
horrible has happened to me.
333
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,618
Something horrible
has happened to you.
334
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:57,957
Cousin, you're right.
335
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,295
I've turned into
a Mr. Potato Head.
336
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,901
What am I going to do?
337
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:12,439
Balki, television
is only bad if you abuse it.
338
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,941
All you have to do
is learn to be more selective
339
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,509
about what you watch.
340
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:17,844
Do you think
I could do that?
341
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,480
Of course you can,
I'll help you.
342
00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:22,114
Oh, thank you, cousin.
343
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,616
Now, first thing
in the morning,
344
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,051
we'll go see Crazy Al
345
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,486
and return this TV.
346
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:27,754
That's a good idea.
347
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:54,481
You know,
while we're at it,
348
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:56,749
Leaving already,
Bartokomous?
349
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,885
Yes, Cousin Larry
surprised me.
350
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:01,287
He is taking me
to a rock concert tonight.
351
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:04,056
My life in America just keeps
getting better and better.
352
00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:07,560
Isn't that nice?
Isn't it?
353
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:08,995
Did you get
the postage meter refilled?
354
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,364
Yes, sir, and I put
the receipit on your desk.
355
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,932
"Receipit"?
Receipit.
356
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:15,768
Did you copy
all those invoices?
357
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,971
Yes, sir, and I made
copies of the copies.
358
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:21,207
Aha, I bet you didn't get
those mail bags washed?
359
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,910
Oh, come on,
you weren't serious
about that, were you?
360
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:27,847
Cousin. Uh, yes, uh,
I got them washed
and ironed,
361
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:31,050
light starch, half in boxes,
half on hangers.
362
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,387
Anything else?
363
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:37,156
One of these days, Bartokomous,
you're going to foul up.
364
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:40,226
And when you do,
I'm going to throw a party.
365
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:42,995
Oh, thank you, sir.
366
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,166
And, listen, you don't have
to pay for everything.
367
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:49,702
Cousin Larry and I
will bring the little hats.
368
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,975
Come on, Balki,
let's get going.
369
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:58,177
Now, you sure you're ready
for a rock concert?
370
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:00,613
They might have those
big diamond-vision screens.
371
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,549
Cousin, nothing
I can't handle.
372
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:05,284
I've got that
TV turkey off my back.
373
00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:07,887
Good.
374
00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:09,822
you tell me who we're going
to go see tonight?
375
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:10,857
Chicago.
376
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:13,125
I know where we are,
I'm asking you
377
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,964
Chicago.
Yes, I understand.
378
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,832
I'm asking you
379
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,802
who's going to be singing
here in Chicago?
380
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:25,672
The Beatles.
381
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,676
Well, it was like
pulling teeth,
382
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,611
but thank you
for a straight answer.
26044
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