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1
00:00:00,987 --> 00:00:02,882
- Hoo!
Great hike today, buddy.
2
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,805
I was coming up
that last hill,
3
00:00:05,356 --> 00:00:07,937
and I turned around and you
were nowhere to be found.
4
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:10,185
- Thought I was gonna have to
go back and get you.
5
00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:12,125
- Uh, at least we made it.
Ripped By mstoll
6
00:00:15,065 --> 00:00:19,219
Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you,
I talk in my sleep.
7
00:00:19,302 --> 00:00:21,388
- Oh.
- Yeah, quite a bit, actually,
8
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:24,667
so if it bothers you,
just wake me up.
9
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:26,362
- Okay, buddy.
- Cool.
10
00:00:27,555 --> 00:00:29,206
- Good night.
- Good night.
11
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:35,799
Dick head.
12
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,729
You stupid dick head.
13
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,912
[Imitating Key] "Hey, Jordan,
oh, let's go camping, come on.
14
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:47,080
"Oh, Jordan, keep hiking.
We're almost there.
15
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:49,042
Oh, buddy."
[Chuckles]
16
00:00:49,659 --> 00:00:51,411
So much fucking energy.
17
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,187
Just shove that CLIF Bar
up your ass,
18
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,862
you bald cocksucker.
19
00:00:59,275 --> 00:01:00,581
- [Whispering]
Jordan, Jordan.
20
00:01:03,315 --> 00:01:04,498
- Fuck you,
21
00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:09,036
Keegan... hyphen... Michael... Key.
22
00:01:09,119 --> 00:01:10,971
- Jordan, wake up.
23
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,040
You're talking in your sleep.
- Not asleep yet.
24
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:16,043
[Soul music]
25
00:01:16,126 --> 00:01:24,124
26
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,582
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
27
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,495
[cheers and applause]
28
00:01:35,578 --> 00:01:37,205
- Whoa.
29
00:01:41,751 --> 00:01:43,870
- [Low chatter] Muay Thai.
- Muay Thai, Muay Thai.
30
00:01:43,953 --> 00:01:46,306
[Cheers and applause]
31
00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:48,008
- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you.
32
00:01:48,091 --> 00:01:50,763
- You guys are awesome!
33
00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,480
- Thank you so much.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
34
00:01:53,563 --> 00:01:55,421
- I'm Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.
35
00:01:55,505 --> 00:01:58,185
- Yeah, so...
[cheers and applause]
36
00:01:58,268 --> 00:01:59,753
- Thank you.
37
00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:02,522
- Uh, ladies, are you...
How you doing tonight?
38
00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,691
[Cheers and applause]
39
00:02:04,774 --> 00:02:07,094
- You're good.
They're good.
40
00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:08,841
- Every lady
I've ever dated
41
00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,331
somehow gets the impression
I can fight.
42
00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:13,667
- Oh, that's... that's bad news
right off the bat.
43
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,902
- That's bad news.
- 'Cause he cannot, yes.
44
00:02:15,985 --> 00:02:17,687
- I can... well...
- Nor can I.
45
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,039
- If I guy says
something disrespectful
46
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,808
to a lady that I'm with,
47
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,910
I'll just pretend like
I didn't... I-I went blind.
48
00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:25,841
- Somehow you didn't hear it?
49
00:02:25,995 --> 00:02:27,480
- Oh, man.
- Did you hear that?
50
00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:28,748
- I didn't...
- Did you hear what he just
51
00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,419
said to me right here?
- I just had
52
00:02:30,503 --> 00:02:32,865
temporary blind and deafness.
I don't know what's...
53
00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:34,688
- He was standing right here.
- He said that?
54
00:02:34,771 --> 00:02:36,022
- He was standing right here,
calling me a...
55
00:02:36,105 --> 00:02:38,575
- Where he at, where he at?
He left?
56
00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:40,360
See. Aw, man.
- No, he right here.
57
00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:41,861
He right here.
- No, I don't know
58
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,330
where you pointing.
I don't know what...
59
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,372
- No, he's right...
He's right here.
60
00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,200
He's listening to you talk
right now.
61
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:48,601
- Step to me!
- No, no.
62
00:02:48,684 --> 00:02:50,437
- Show yourself!
- This way. He's...
63
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,505
- It ain't happening.
- He's right here.
64
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,507
He is right... He is right...
65
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,176
- Baby, baby, baby.
- Oh, well...
66
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,625
[crowd screams]
[Both laughing]
67
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,616
- [Sighs]
- Can you totally chillax?
68
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:05,785
- No, I'm so annoyed right now.
69
00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:07,687
Can you, like, not talk to me
for, like, a second?
70
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,723
Like, that'd be great.
That'd be fine.
71
00:03:09,806 --> 00:03:11,130
That'd be fine by me.
72
00:03:11,214 --> 00:03:13,392
What?
Oh, my God, are you serious?
73
00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,561
This is bullshit.
What could possibly
74
00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,764
be the problem with letting
two more people in?
75
00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:19,632
- Check your girl, bro.
76
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,468
- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me, what did you say?
77
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,903
"Check your girl"? Uh-uh,
it doesn't work like that.
78
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:25,939
No one checks me
because I'm not luggage.
79
00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:30,411
Okay? So you can go
fyuck yoursee-elf.
80
00:03:30,495 --> 00:03:32,347
- Meegan, seriously,
81
00:03:32,450 --> 00:03:34,748
two more people are gonna
come out in a couple of seconds,
82
00:03:34,831 --> 00:03:35,966
and then we can go in.
83
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,583
- No!
Let me ask you a question.
84
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,366
What was it like
being in The Green Mile?
85
00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,121
- He wasn't in The Green Mlle!
86
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:42,622
He clearly wasn't
in that movie.
87
00:03:42,705 --> 00:03:44,491
- What does Tom Hanks's penis
feel like?
88
00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:46,593
- Meegan!
- Moreover, how does it feel
89
00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:48,928
when swarms of bees
are coming out of your face?
90
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:50,764
- Seriously, I'm sorry.
It's, like, her favorite movie.
91
00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,065
- Don't apologize for me!
92
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,600
Yeah, this is nice,
this is nice.
93
00:03:53,683 --> 00:03:55,502
You look like Common meets
The Incredible Hulk.
94
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,070
- Meegan...
- When you brought
95
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,738
the frankincense to baby Jesus,
did they, like...
96
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,507
- Oh.
- Make you stand
97
00:04:00,590 --> 00:04:02,161
outside the barn
because you were too big,
98
00:04:02,245 --> 00:04:04,843
or did they invite you in
with all the other animals?
99
00:04:04,927 --> 00:04:06,562
Don't flare your nostrils
at me.
100
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:07,814
Okay?
- He's...
101
00:04:07,897 --> 00:04:09,325
- Do you have any idea
how impolite that is?
102
00:04:09,575 --> 00:04:13,849
- He hasn't moved his nostrils
once since we got here.
103
00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:16,088
- I saw them move!
- They did not move, Meegan.
104
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,424
- They flared!
105
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,159
- Meegan, they fucking
did not move!
106
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:23,169
- Your nostrils flared more than
a survivor from a boat accident.
107
00:04:23,521 --> 00:04:24,464
- What?
108
00:04:24,547 --> 00:04:25,465
- He's not even looking me
in the eyes.
109
00:04:25,548 --> 00:04:26,497
Okay, you know what?
110
00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:29,334
If you're just going to continue
to be a little prick,
111
00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,471
you're gonna get your ass
kicked.
112
00:04:31,554 --> 00:04:33,740
- Don't touch him, Mee... Meegan.
113
00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:36,435
- [Scoffs]
Crazy bitch.
114
00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:38,338
- [Gasps]
115
00:04:38,461 --> 00:04:39,810
[Squeaks]
116
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,689
- [Sighs]
117
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,846
Oh!
118
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:51,169
- I totally love my nails
right now.
119
00:04:52,529 --> 00:04:54,227
I'm so over everything
right now,
120
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,996
over the floor,
I'm over the sky, I'm over you,
121
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,531
over that pussy back there.
122
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,133
You're a pussy!
123
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,901
- Meegan, seriously.
- Whatever.
124
00:05:01,984 --> 00:05:03,536
- [Makes kissing sounds]
125
00:05:03,619 --> 00:05:05,004
- Nice legs, little lady.
[Laughter]
126
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:08,141
- Um, excuse me?
127
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,763
- Oh, God!
128
00:05:09,847 --> 00:05:11,510
- Hey, what did you say?
129
00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:14,263
What the fuck
did you just say?
130
00:05:14,656 --> 00:05:18,786
You guys come back here with
your little itty-bitty dicks.
131
00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:23,022
- You best control your lady.
132
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,763
- Yup.
- [Gasps] Excuse...
133
00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:28,094
"Control your lady"?
No, he doesn't control me,
134
00:05:28,177 --> 00:05:30,930
'cause let me tell you
something, I'm not a remote.
135
00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:33,591
- Meegan, baby,
can we just let this go?
136
00:05:33,675 --> 00:05:35,834
- No, I'm talking to the
Pussies of Anarchy right now.
137
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,154
- Oh, boy.
- Yeah, you.
138
00:05:37,238 --> 00:05:39,538
Why don't you all
gather yourselves,
139
00:05:39,622 --> 00:05:41,708
and why don't you just go
and figure out a way
140
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:44,779
to suck on each other's
leathery peni.
141
00:05:44,863 --> 00:05:46,782
- Hey, fuck you, bitch!
- [Gasps]
142
00:05:46,866 --> 00:05:48,966
- Oh, no.
- [Squeaks]
143
00:05:53,455 --> 00:05:54,956
- [Sighs]
144
00:05:56,505 --> 00:05:58,753
It's not even the plural
of "penis."
145
00:05:59,339 --> 00:06:00,560
[Punching thud]
- Yeah!
146
00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:01,728
[Thugs laughing]
147
00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:05,898
- I'm the queen of the world!
148
00:06:05,982 --> 00:06:08,635
Yes!
I feel invincible!
149
00:06:08,718 --> 00:06:11,971
Like I have super powers
or something. Ha ha!
150
00:06:12,054 --> 00:06:14,315
You hear that,
all you assholes of the world?
151
00:06:14,399 --> 00:06:17,489
I can do anything I want,
and no one can stop me.
152
00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:19,279
- Because you don't have to
fight your own fights,
153
00:06:19,363 --> 00:06:20,917
you crazy bitch!
- [Gasps]
154
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:23,206
- Oh, boy.
- [Squeaks]
155
00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:25,401
- Oh, no.
156
00:06:27,115 --> 00:06:28,651
- [Squeaks]
157
00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:30,807
- [Sighs]
158
00:06:30,977 --> 00:06:34,042
Ugh! Oh.
159
00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:36,744
- Nothing can stop me!
160
00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:38,665
- Action.
- Hey.
161
00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:40,333
Have you ever found yourself
162
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,565
in High Point, North Carolina,
and not feeling safe?
163
00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:45,745
Come on down to Doug Duggart's
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
164
00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:48,775
You will learn
to tackle and grapple...
165
00:06:48,858 --> 00:06:50,610
[gong rings]
166
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:53,179
[Gong echoing]
167
00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:55,281
Like a ultimate fighting pro.
168
00:06:55,364 --> 00:06:57,517
At my studio, you get
hands-on training,
169
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,285
[both grunting]
170
00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:00,846
And individual attention.
171
00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:05,051
So hut! Hut!
[Grunting]
172
00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:06,859
Tackle and grapple.
173
00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:09,378
Take on multiple enemies.
174
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:12,382
This is a tackle.
That's a grapple.
175
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,846
This is a tackle.
176
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,035
That's a grapple.
177
00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:17,637
Get... there we go.
178
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,518
[Grunts]
179
00:07:19,602 --> 00:07:20,872
Tackle and grapple!
180
00:07:20,956 --> 00:07:24,949
All ages, learn to protect
yourself and your loved ones.
181
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,685
There are many
different levels.
182
00:07:32,768 --> 00:07:34,034
There's the beginner level,
183
00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:37,939
and if you pass my private
one-on-one sensei trial,
184
00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:41,126
you may make it
into the advanced class.
185
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,528
Tackle and grapple!
186
00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:43,979
Doug Duggart's
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
187
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,331
at the High Point mini mall.
Just east of the Pizza Barn
188
00:07:46,415 --> 00:07:49,002
two doors down from Carl's
Discount Wheels and Furniture.
189
00:07:49,085 --> 00:07:50,700
So... quick tackle!
Get down. [grunts]
190
00:07:50,784 --> 00:07:52,038
[Muttering]
Ah, trip 'em up.
191
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:54,604
[All grunting]
Get down there.
192
00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:56,140
No, stay... stay away.
193
00:07:56,487 --> 00:07:58,211
Special discounts
for college students.
194
00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,712
S... mm, move it.
Get your leg back.
195
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,014
[Gong rings]
196
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:04,167
Put your leg right here.
[Gong echoing]
197
00:08:07,503 --> 00:08:09,409
[Soul music]
198
00:08:09,643 --> 00:08:11,357
- There's an elevator etiquette,
199
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,325
and people gotta be following
this etiquette.
200
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,136
When I get on an elevator
and I press six
201
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,698
and the light lights up,
and you get in the elevator,
202
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,878
if you're going to six
and you see the light's lit up,
203
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,057
don't fucking touch
the button.
204
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:25,872
- Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
diddle-diddle-dit
205
00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:27,981
dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
diddle-diddle-dit.
206
00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:29,509
- What are you doing,
Morse code up in here?
207
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,710
- Yeah, that's right, man,
I'm sending...
208
00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,078
sending a telegram.
209
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,379
Sometimes it makes the doors
go faster.
210
00:08:33,462 --> 00:08:34,447
- Oh, yeah?
- You want to really
211
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:35,748
get it going?
- Uh-huh.
212
00:08:35,831 --> 00:08:37,183
- You gotta warm it up.
- Yeah, yeah.
213
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,451
- Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
- Yeah. Yeah.
214
00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:39,852
The doors have not yet closed,
sir.
215
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:41,401
- Every elevator's different,
man.
216
00:08:41,485 --> 00:08:44,596
I'm a elevator whisperer,
really, is what I am.
217
00:08:44,827 --> 00:08:47,680
This one needs a little care,
needs a little tender...
218
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,948
tender TLC.
Come on, baby.
219
00:08:51,213 --> 00:08:54,542
Come on, baby.
Let's get it going.
220
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:57,753
Let's get it going.
She's not responding to you.
221
00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,957
- You know, I'm just...
Just gonna take the next one.
222
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,032
- Yeah, all right, all right.
223
00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:09,315
- Uh, I actually pressed it
already.
224
00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:11,798
- Hmm?
- The walk button, I pressed it.
225
00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:20,226
- Couldn't hurt
to press it again.
226
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,143
- But it won't help.
227
00:09:21,784 --> 00:09:24,128
I mean, I pressed it
already, right?
228
00:09:24,513 --> 00:09:26,104
It's already done.
229
00:09:26,515 --> 00:09:27,995
You don't think
I didn't press it?
230
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,503
- No, I wasn't saying that.
231
00:09:30,714 --> 00:09:33,378
- Good, 'cause I most certainly
did press it.
232
00:09:33,722 --> 00:09:35,870
Just have to wait for it
to change.
233
00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:44,214
- So I'm, like,
late for work,
234
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,285
so I'm just...
just gonna press it.
235
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,987
- What for? Why would you do
something that's already done?
236
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:53,276
I mean, I just think that
that's crazy, right?
237
00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:57,130
- I don't know.
- You wouldn't suit up
238
00:09:57,213 --> 00:10:00,159
and try to kill Bin Laden again.
It's done.
239
00:10:00,582 --> 00:10:04,237
I have killed the Bin Laden
of pressing this button.
240
00:10:06,261 --> 00:10:07,706
- How long ago
did you press it?
241
00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:10,476
- What do you think, I've been
standing here for days?
242
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:11,811
- I...
- I just pressed it
243
00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:13,146
right as you walked up.
244
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,737
- Are you sure you pressed it?
245
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,182
- Am I sure I pressed it?
It's... how could I miss it?
246
00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,352
[Scoffs] Rats know
how to press buttons.
247
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:20,987
Do you think
I'm dumber than a rat?
248
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,955
- No. No, nobody's saying
anything like that, man.
249
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:26,190
- It's gonna change.
Just... just wait.
250
00:10:26,787 --> 00:10:28,839
It's because I pressed it
already.
251
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:32,165
- Okay, no offense.
I'm just gonna press it.
252
00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:34,367
- What would you do that for?
This is precision equipment
253
00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:36,369
designed by people
with engineering degrees.
254
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:37,542
It will work.
255
00:10:37,626 --> 00:10:40,268
I pressed it, sir!
I pressed the button!
256
00:10:40,352 --> 00:10:41,973
- While we've been
standing here,
257
00:10:42,057 --> 00:10:44,393
the light cycle
has gone by twice, okay?
258
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,073
I'm not saying
you didn't press it.
259
00:10:46,157 --> 00:10:47,401
I'm just saying
maybe it didn't work!
260
00:10:47,485 --> 00:10:48,704
- If it didn't work for me,
261
00:10:48,788 --> 00:10:51,307
why in the world
would it work for you?
262
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:55,354
You think that it would
change faster if you pressed it?
263
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,387
You think the light
doesn't like me or something?
264
00:10:57,471 --> 00:10:59,425
Or do you think that this
particular button
265
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,761
was designed
so that it only works
266
00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:03,511
after the second time
that it's been pressed?
267
00:11:03,595 --> 00:11:06,323
'Cause that's lunacy, okay?
Do you understand?
268
00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:09,284
Do not cut my balls off
on this one, okay?
269
00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:13,893
Please,
do not press the button...
270
00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:15,675
again.
271
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,862
- Okay, fine!
We'll just stand here!
272
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:20,932
- Thank you.
273
00:11:23,699 --> 00:11:25,718
- What?
- Hey, no!
274
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,720
Oh! Oh!
275
00:11:28,011 --> 00:11:30,143
Told you you shouldn't have
pressed the button.
276
00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:31,815
Told him not to do that.
277
00:11:32,511 --> 00:11:34,878
No, actually, I already
pressed the button, sir.
278
00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:39,932
[Dance music]
279
00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:42,201
- All right, fellas,
coming to the stage next
280
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,315
is the beautiful Galaxy.
281
00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:47,806
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.
282
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:50,276
283
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,311
Oh.
284
00:11:52,394 --> 00:11:53,980
285
00:11:54,362 --> 00:11:56,716
Gon' be for you.
[Chuckles]
286
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,150
You can keep it.
287
00:11:58,233 --> 00:11:59,952
There's more
where that came from too.
288
00:12:00,565 --> 00:12:01,954
Trust me.
289
00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:03,422
- [Whistles]
290
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:06,011
There's my girl.
Oh, damn.
291
00:12:06,095 --> 00:12:08,300
I'm straight up talkin' 'bout
some Darryl Dawkins right here,
292
00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:09,595
because this
some chocolate thunder.
293
00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:11,464
What, girl?
Make it rain!
294
00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:13,165
[Laughs]
Yeah.
295
00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:15,668
Oh, yeah, girl.
- I try to make it last!
296
00:12:15,751 --> 00:12:17,670
[Laughs]
297
00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:19,854
- [Mutters]
What...
298
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,745
All right, girl, mmm.
299
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:23,643
Sha-pam! I'ma get it
right in the booty right there.
300
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,057
Uh, and booty-swam!
301
00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:26,511
That's what you call
a booty investment.
302
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:28,414
[Laughs]
Sha-blam!
303
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,450
- But you really don't need
to give 'em that much.
304
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,985
I don't think
they're expecting all that.
305
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,456
- Whoo!
306
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,822
- It's kind of like
feeding a squirrel, you know?
307
00:12:36,905 --> 00:12:38,925
I mean, they will
come back to you, so...
308
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,927
- Oh, oh, oh, my gosh.
Some of this is getting lost.
309
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,495
Let's get it right
where it needs to be.
310
00:12:42,578 --> 00:12:45,034
Right in there, baby. Oh, yeah.
- Keep it classy.
311
00:12:45,118 --> 00:12:46,832
- Ha ha ha!
- Keep it classy.
312
00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:48,267
- Oh, shit, somebody
better get a umbrella,
313
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,659
'cause I can't stop
making it rain.
314
00:12:49,743 --> 00:12:51,304
It's like Noah's flood
up in here.
315
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:55,107
Whoo, two by two, baby.
Two by two! Ha ha!
316
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:57,209
Baby, you don't know
that I'm the general,
317
00:12:57,292 --> 00:12:59,312
'cause it's Stormin' Norman.
That's what they be calling me.
318
00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:07,286
[Velcro slowly tearing]
319
00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:08,854
Damn.
320
00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:11,588
Anyway, like I said,
when you finish training,
321
00:13:11,672 --> 00:13:13,326
we'll get Scotty Musso
up in here.
322
00:13:13,409 --> 00:13:15,742
That nigga
can train a boxer.
323
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,171
[Laughs]
Ooh, Lord have mercy.
324
00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:26,739
You don't know nothing
about this. [laughs]
325
00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:28,297
- Make it rain!
326
00:13:28,924 --> 00:13:30,376
- Aah!
- What the...
327
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:31,844
- Are you an idiot?
328
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:34,586
Leon, get this guy out of here.
329
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:37,582
- All right, nobody move!
There he is.
330
00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:38,684
- There who is?
331
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,186
- You, on your feet!
- What?
332
00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:42,750
- On your feet.
- What I do?
333
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:45,223
- You're under arrest
for photocopying money.
334
00:13:45,307 --> 00:13:47,071
- Oh, God damn it!
335
00:13:47,342 --> 00:13:49,844
You know how long it took me
to cut all that out?
336
00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:52,617
I got carpal tunnel syndrome
up in this bitch,
337
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,828
calluses on the inside
of my thumbs.
338
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,617
- That's definitely real,
though.
339
00:14:00,721 --> 00:14:03,086
- Remember the character
that Laurence Fishburne played
340
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,029
in Boyz n the Hood?
Furious, right?
341
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:09,699
We love those characters
who are... like, the older dudes
342
00:14:09,907 --> 00:14:11,100
who just have to be
spouting advice
343
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,742
to everybody in the movie.
344
00:14:12,826 --> 00:14:17,573
- Dude walking around with
some sort of food in his hand.
345
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:19,609
Want a Lemonhead, son?
You want a Lemonhead?
346
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,985
You want a Lemonhead, son?
Want a Lemonhead?
347
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,115
I got Corn Nuts in this hand,
Lemonheads in this hand.
348
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,117
- [Laughs]
349
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,852
- Which one you want?
350
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,720
- The funny thing
about those dudes,
351
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,723
those dudes, they're never,
like, in their 70s.
352
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,458
They were always,
like, in their 40s or 50s.
353
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,759
- Mm-hmm.
- Nigga, why is you...
354
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,766
Why don't you have a job?
- Yeah.
355
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:40,997
How are you giving me advice?
- Where is your job?
356
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,555
He's just, like, you know,
sitting on...
357
00:14:42,639 --> 00:14:44,733
Boy, you need to get out there
and get yourself employed,
358
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,435
do something with your life.
- Mm-hmm.
359
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,404
- 'Cause I ain't got time
for no monkey business.
360
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:49,739
- Mm-hmm.
361
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:52,008
And what do you do
for a living, sir?
362
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:54,000
- I... advise.
363
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,416
- Mm, brothers, brothers,
brothers.
364
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,961
See, when are we gon' think
of ourselves as more than this?
365
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,205
[Chuckles]
366
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,854
What y'all doing?
Y'all rollin'? Huh?
367
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:16,933
[Chuckles]
368
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,768
Flippin'? Stoopin'?
[Chuckles]
369
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,252
Boxin'? Maxin'?
370
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:21,846
Chaxin'?
371
00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,237
I used to stoop.
Oh, yeah.
372
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,075
I used to flip, roll, you know,
whatever you want to call it.
373
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,844
[Chuckles]
Me and my crew,
374
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,659
we would get into activity,
much like yourselves.
375
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:36,686
You see, the problem was,
we were only perpetuating
376
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,002
the stereotype the system
already assumes about us.
377
00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:42,792
Mm.
You see, we need to
378
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,895
stop feeding into
the preconceived notions
379
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,530
that we are all...
380
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:51,133
- Great job, you guys.
You really work hard today.
381
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:55,409
I wish I could pay you more,
but you know how it is.
382
00:15:56,213 --> 00:15:59,208
Eh, who are you, huh?
What do you want?
383
00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,409
- I-I don't know.
384
00:16:03,284 --> 00:16:04,313
As you were.
385
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,268
- As you were what,
smart guy?
386
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:09,399
[Cursing in foreign language]
387
00:16:11,976 --> 00:16:16,024
- Mm. Oh, ho.
Brothers, brothers, brothers.
388
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,533
Look at yourselves.
Pants hangin' off your ass,
389
00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:21,187
looking like
a couple of clowns...
390
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:25,201
Which you are. Okay,
enjoy the birthday celebration.
391
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:26,335
- Give me your fucking money,
bitch!
392
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:27,703
- No! No!
- I said,
393
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:30,072
give me your fucking money,
bitch!
394
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,234
- [Grunts]
- Brother, brother, brother.
395
00:16:32,318 --> 00:16:36,177
- Sir, everybody
in this self-defense class
396
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,114
has already paid
to participate.
397
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,883
If you're interested,
you can sign up online.
398
00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:44,796
- I'm interested.
- Good.
399
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,055
- That's why I came over here.
I'm interested.
400
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:47,423
I'm gon' think about it.
401
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,248
I'm interested.
- Thank you, sir.
402
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,095
Now, ladies, it's gon' get
really intense today,
403
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,397
no matter what happens.
404
00:16:54,552 --> 00:16:57,233
I will be groping
your breastasies
405
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,750
as if you were being attacked
like a real attacker.
406
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:03,706
- Brother, brother, my brother.
Now, I was watching you.
407
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:08,515
Now, you older brothers
need to break the stereotype
408
00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:11,047
and stop being so preachy.
409
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,170
- You know what?
- Mm?
410
00:17:12,254 --> 00:17:13,381
- I'm preachy?
- Mm.
411
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:14,750
- Come on.
[Scoffs]
412
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,420
You preachy, man.
Plus, you older than me.
413
00:17:18,466 --> 00:17:21,959
- I'm nine years old.
I got Benjamin Button's disease.
414
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:25,513
- I'm done. I'm done.
415
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,235
- [Imitating Key] "Oh, nature's
gonna be so great once we get..."
416
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:37,406
Shove nature up your ass,
you bald cocksucker.
417
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:41,577
And by "bald cocksucker,"
I mean you suck bald cocks.
418
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,649
Still awake.
419
00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:47,316
[Soul music]
420
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,193
- Do you guys...
421
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,929
Do you guys like funk music?
All: Yeah.
422
00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:51,365
[Cheers and applause]
- Yeah.
423
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,789
I tell you, funk music
is a real testament
424
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,000
to what a big group of people
can do
425
00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:57,626
when they take acid together.
- Yes.
426
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,163
- It's really...
it's just fantastic.
427
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,586
- It looks like
a Halloween party for kids
428
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,134
when the parents was just drunk.
- Yeah, right, exactly.
429
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,502
- It's like, "I don't know,
just put some shit on."
430
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,703
- I don't... put this on
and just... blip!
431
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,371
Just stick on that
in the head
432
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:12,174
and wear nothing but a diaper.
- Yeah, you know.
433
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,276
- And the funny thing is,
the lyrics are just kind of
434
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,012
a combination of some mode
of transportation...
435
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,880
- Mm-hmm.
- A food,
436
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:20,483
and an animal.
- Mm-hmm.
437
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:24,854
-
Intergalactic hang glider
with a dog
438
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,288
- Mm-hmm.
439
00:18:26,826 --> 00:18:28,421
- And just get it in there.
- Yeah.
440
00:18:28,505 --> 00:18:32,828
Ostrich farm vanilla puddin'
give it to me, y'all
441
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,697
- [laughs] That's it.
- Right?
442
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,132
Might have made
too much sense there.
443
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:37,833
- Might have made
too much sense, yeah.
444
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,443
- They might have been like,
"No, that's not funky,
445
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,802
'cause I knew what the fuck
he was talking about."
446
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:41,886
- I knew what that meant.
447
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:47,042
[Cheers and applause]
448
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,045
[Funk music]
449
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,148
450
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:56,986
-
Got a pocket full of funky
with a peppermint twist
451
00:18:57,069 --> 00:19:02,525
She's a cool, shifty mama
blastin' off on the flip
452
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:07,329
-
Iridescent pork belly
galactic super train
453
00:19:07,716 --> 00:19:11,901
Mama sister playground
with a straw daddy cane
454
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,295
Uh-huh
455
00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:15,170
456
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,773
-
Gotta get it up
-
Hey
457
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,276
-
Gotta get it on
-
Uh
458
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,778
-
Gotta get it down
-
Hey
459
00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:24,914
-
Gotta make it strong
460
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:30,519
-
Got that quick dip crayon
earthquake jet pack on a bun
461
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:34,630
Locomotive supernova
Spanish Harlem sun
462
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:35,651
-
Yeah
463
00:19:35,735 --> 00:19:40,429
-
Slick crawfish solar blast
with a phosphorescent brain
464
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,464
Both:
Who's that mama
squat town?
465
00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:45,701
Deep-fried Detroit
soda train
466
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,937
-
Gotta shake it up
467
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,773
Gotta move it in
468
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,209
Gotta put it down
469
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,980
-
You gotta make it swim
470
00:19:55,527 --> 00:20:00,783
Nebulatic comets
sanitation disease
471
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:05,021
-
Quick play tornado
rip and tickle beef sneeze
472
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:06,455
-
Hey
473
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:10,659
-
Ships planets justice
cannons cables and trees
474
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:15,130
-
Doctor's office penguin
shillings railroads and peas
475
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,667
-
I said crippled donkey
Mel Brooks book train
476
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,836
Bats on my knees
477
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:25,495
-
Penicillin trapdoor
laser currency beans
478
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:31,502
-
He say penicillin trapdoor
laser currency beans
479
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,515
- Hey, what the hell
are we saying, man?
480
00:20:33,598 --> 00:20:35,317
- I got no idea, man.
I'm just hungry
481
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,486
and talking
about the galaxy and trains.
482
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,154
I think they buying it,
though.
483
00:20:39,401 --> 00:20:41,490
[Song ends]
484
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,594
[Cheers and applause]
485
00:20:46,691 --> 00:20:48,464
- Tackle and grapple.
- You want me go
486
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:49,865
tackle and grapple?
- Gonna go tackle and grap.
487
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,200
- Tackle... look at these.
Tackle and grapple!
488
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,201
- No, no, no.
- Tackle and grapple.
489
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:53,214
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
490
00:20:53,298 --> 00:20:54,937
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
491
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:55,938
- Tackle and grapple.
- You stay there.
492
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,506
- Man.
493
00:20:57,675 --> 00:21:00,687
-
I'm gonna do
my one line here
494
00:21:00,771 --> 00:21:02,762
- Oh, yeah.
495
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,975
- I'm walking home.
- You're not walking home!
496
00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:08,192
We're 12 miles from home.
497
00:21:08,276 --> 00:21:11,146
- I'm gonna drag my torso
along the ground.
498
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,903
- You're not gonna do that,
Meegan!
499
00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,122
- I'm gonna.
500
00:21:14,453 --> 00:21:16,081
- Don't do it,
you're in the restaurant!
501
00:21:16,165 --> 00:21:19,593
Meegan, Meegan.
- I'm gonna... don't! Aah! Ripped By mstoll
502
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:20,601
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
503
00:21:20,651 --> 00:21:25,201
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37488
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