Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,789 --> 00:00:07,606
Hey, watch where the [bleep]
you going.
2
00:00:07,689 --> 00:00:10,120
- Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh.
3
00:00:11,752 --> 00:00:13,450
I didn't see you had
a baby there, man.
4
00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:15,835
I'm sorry. I ain't trying
to fight nobody with a baby.
5
00:00:17,999 --> 00:00:19,984
Yeah, h-hell yeah,
you won't.
6
00:00:21,075 --> 00:00:22,015
Pfft.
7
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,919
- Lucky mother[bleep].
- Oh, yeah?
8
00:00:28,002 --> 00:00:30,149
Well, you're lucky
I'm carrying this baby.
9
00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:31,553
What's up with that?
10
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,174
Look, man, you need
to move on, all right?
11
00:00:34,257 --> 00:00:36,193
I already told you
I'm not gonna fight you.
12
00:00:36,276 --> 00:00:38,629
Huh.
That's what I thought, punk.
13
00:00:38,712 --> 00:00:40,047
- Psh.
- You wanna go?
14
00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,448
'Cause we can go
right now, dog.
15
00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:42,716
What's goin' on, brother?
16
00:00:42,799 --> 00:00:44,210
Man, what the hell
are you doing, man?
17
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:45,728
What, what, what?
You tr... what, what?
18
00:00:45,811 --> 00:00:47,004
Tryin' to bo...
I can bob and weave it.
19
00:00:47,087 --> 00:00:48,088
- What?
- You bitch-ass,
20
00:00:48,171 --> 00:00:49,557
punk-ass mother[bleep],
let's go.
21
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,674
Come on, man.
Come on.
22
00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:52,351
No, no, don't look at your boys.
Look at me, man.
23
00:00:52,434 --> 00:00:53,534
Don't look at your b...
24
00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:54,585
Ow.
25
00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:56,697
Oh, okay,
you think you hard.
26
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:57,840
All right,
but you know what?
27
00:00:57,923 --> 00:01:01,502
I'ma show you what time it is
right now. Okay? Slap me.
28
00:01:01,585 --> 00:01:03,437
I'm just... right?
How 'bout this, huh?
29
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,272
Now what you gonna do, huh?
Now what you gonna do?
30
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:06,840
You ready?
'cause we can do it right now.
31
00:01:06,923 --> 00:01:08,100
'Cause I could take you out,
man.
32
00:01:08,183 --> 00:01:08,942
You're nothing...
Aaah...
33
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,027
Ow!
34
00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,378
Oh! Oof.
35
00:01:12,644 --> 00:01:13,514
Okay.
36
00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:14,798
Oh, it's on now.
37
00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:16,008
That's... yep.
38
00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,858
You dead.
You dead.
39
00:01:19,344 --> 00:01:20,577
Excuse me, I need this.
40
00:01:20,661 --> 00:01:21,761
Yeah.
41
00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:24,733
Necesito un bebe.
42
00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:25,824
- Gracias.
43
00:01:26,702 --> 00:01:28,589
44
00:01:34,476 --> 00:01:35,387
Listen.
45
00:01:35,527 --> 00:01:36,560
What the...
46
00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:39,615
What now, man?
What now?
47
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:41,007
Let's go.
48
00:01:41,091 --> 00:01:44,661
You know what?
It's not even worth it, man.
49
00:01:44,745 --> 00:01:46,897
Ahh, ha ha.
50
00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:48,398
That's what I thought!
51
00:01:48,481 --> 00:01:49,675
So keep walking!
52
00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:51,525
Oh. Okay, that's vomit.
53
00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:52,760
That is vomit.
54
00:01:53,802 --> 00:01:54,930
Oh, dear.
55
00:02:10,151 --> 00:02:13,715
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
56
00:02:13,825 --> 00:02:15,526
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
57
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:17,970
You know what's going on.
58
00:02:18,053 --> 00:02:19,071
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
59
00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:21,422
- Thank you!
- Oh, yeah.
60
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:23,486
Hello!
61
00:02:28,594 --> 00:02:30,669
Good evening.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
62
00:02:30,752 --> 00:02:32,473
- I am Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.
63
00:02:32,556 --> 00:02:34,276
- Key and Peele.
- Thank you for coming out.
64
00:02:34,778 --> 00:02:36,849
That's our names.
65
00:02:38,113 --> 00:02:39,166
All right.
66
00:02:39,249 --> 00:02:40,844
So one thing that is true
67
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,293
is that I would never, uh,
last in a gang.
68
00:02:43,377 --> 00:02:44,169
- Nor would I.
- No.
69
00:02:44,253 --> 00:02:45,541
Nor would I,
not for one moment.
70
00:02:45,625 --> 00:02:48,475
I mean, I don't get
the whole hand sign thing.
71
00:02:48,558 --> 00:02:49,758
- Mm-hmm.
- I'd be throwing up,
72
00:02:49,899 --> 00:02:51,718
"Hey, live long and prosper,
mother[bleep]."
73
00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:52,860
You know?
74
00:02:53,387 --> 00:02:55,157
- That's what I got.
- I...
75
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,139
I would be too concerned
about the colors.
76
00:02:57,222 --> 00:02:58,571
- Right.
- I would just be too c...
77
00:02:58,654 --> 00:03:00,029
I would... 'cause I don't
understand the colors.
78
00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,457
I don't understand
the rhyme or the reason.
79
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,545
Now, Bloods...
I get that one.
80
00:03:03,988 --> 00:03:05,579
Why are Crips blue?
81
00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:09,198
Is that a arbitrary choice?
Is there a Crip in the house?
82
00:03:10,137 --> 00:03:11,537
Nobody? Nobody?
83
00:03:11,621 --> 00:03:12,821
I'm just... I'm just...
84
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,472
Yes, ma'am, please.
Why are the Crips blue?
85
00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:15,585
She just r...
86
00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:17,953
"I'm a Crip.
I'm a Crip.
87
00:03:18,036 --> 00:03:19,934
"I'm a Crip.
Say somethin' else."
88
00:03:21,721 --> 00:03:23,676
- "Watch yourself."
- "Say somethin' else."
89
00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:25,321
"Watch
yourself.
90
00:03:25,404 --> 00:03:27,377
"'Cause, [bleep],
I got three guns
91
00:03:27,952 --> 00:03:29,357
on me right now."
92
00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,045
What? What? What?
93
00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:40,923
What? What? What?
Check yo'self,
94
00:03:41,006 --> 00:03:43,074
before I body pierce
your damn skull.
95
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:45,297
Think you can pull that trigger
'fore I blow your personality
96
00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:46,324
out the back of yo' head?
97
00:03:46,407 --> 00:03:48,223
Then go right ahead
and test the hypothesis
98
00:03:48,307 --> 00:03:49,433
and see what happens.
99
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:52,652
A'ight, I'ma give you
a straight-up vampire C-section,
100
00:03:52,735 --> 00:03:54,621
- like we was...
- Edward and Bella.
101
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,891
Hold up.
You like Twilight?
102
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,587
Yeah, I like Twilight,
[bleep].
103
00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:04,044
You like Twilight?
104
00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:06,526
[bleep], Twilight's
my jam.
105
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:09,577
You a Edward [bleep]
or a Jacob [bleep]?
106
00:04:10,362 --> 00:04:11,889
Answer that [bleep]
together.
107
00:04:11,972 --> 00:04:14,242
- Three, two, one.
- Edward.
108
00:04:14,436 --> 00:04:16,437
- Shi...
- Shi...
109
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:18,998
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
110
00:04:19,081 --> 00:04:20,694
You either playing
some [bleep]ed-up game,
111
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,713
or you are straight-up
inside my head.
112
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,635
Yo, and when you said
you was gonna blow
113
00:04:24,718 --> 00:04:26,680
my personality
out the back of my head,
114
00:04:26,764 --> 00:04:27,755
I'm like,
115
00:04:28,156 --> 00:04:29,990
"That sounds like some [bleep]
I would say."
116
00:04:30,384 --> 00:04:32,085
- Psh.
- And now this Twilight [bleep]?
117
00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:33,196
- It's wavelength, [bleep].
118
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,940
- So I guess we friends then.
- Oh, we best friends now.
119
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:37,276
We the best of friends!
120
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:40,166
- BFFs?
- We are BFFs, M.F.
121
00:04:42,196 --> 00:04:46,583
When I'm with you
122
00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:51,921
The world stops turning around
123
00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:55,818
When I'm with you
124
00:04:56,836 --> 00:05:00,228
Our feet are off the ground
125
00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:04,283
When I'm with you
126
00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:09,375
Trumpets start to sound
127
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:12,846
When I'm with you
128
00:05:14,875 --> 00:05:17,665
It's Heaven
when you're around
129
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,371
La, la, la, la...
130
00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:22,420
No, you didn't!
131
00:05:22,892 --> 00:05:24,435
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did!
132
00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:26,988
That is a cra...
That's a crazy story, man.
133
00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:32,060
Whew, too much, boy.
134
00:05:46,293 --> 00:05:47,540
Team...
135
00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,779
Edward.
136
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,822
Mm, mm, mm.
137
00:05:57,905 --> 00:06:01,881
Well, looks like
another gang-related killing.
138
00:06:02,942 --> 00:06:06,912
Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]-
prise.
139
00:06:12,947 --> 00:06:15,748
You guys remember the
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?
140
00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:18,419
- Awful show.
- That show was crazy.
141
00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:20,563
It was, like, the worst editing
in the history of TV.
142
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,112
Just bad sound effects.
143
00:06:22,196 --> 00:06:23,664
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, I mean...
144
00:06:23,747 --> 00:06:25,783
When was the last time
you heard a hit sound like that?
145
00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:27,931
- That doesn't sound like any...
- No, never.
146
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,638
No, I've never...
I've never heard that, yeah.
147
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:32,006
I love in kung fu movies,
and it, probably... it'd be like,
148
00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:33,330
just the wind, just...
149
00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:36,842
And you just hear that noise.
150
00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:42,585
- No, you can't.
- Exactly, no, you can't do that.
151
00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:45,937
Saving Earth from space
152
00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:48,389
Power Falcons!
153
00:07:01,169 --> 00:07:03,510
Yellow Falcon,
what do your senses tell ya?
154
00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:04,894
Destructo is
a killing machine.
155
00:07:06,429 --> 00:07:08,789
His armor is impervious
to our blasters.
156
00:07:09,477 --> 00:07:11,005
You got any ideas,
Red Falcon?
157
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:12,495
Sure do, Yellow Falcon.
158
00:07:12,764 --> 00:07:15,657
Blue Falcon, you remember
our battle at Dango Bluff?
159
00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:18,032
I'll take the legs,
you take the blasters.
160
00:07:18,116 --> 00:07:20,584
It was Beaver Creek,
and I took the legs.
161
00:07:20,998 --> 00:07:23,296
Make sure you shore up
that flank, Black Falcon.
162
00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:26,201
Um, are you talking to me?
163
00:07:26,285 --> 00:07:29,253
Because I'm
the Green Falcon.
164
00:07:29,514 --> 00:07:30,633
No time for that,
Black Falcon.
165
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,315
Purple Falcon,
arm missiles!
166
00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:34,563
Roger that.
Arming missiles now.
167
00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:35,990
Uh...
168
00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,905
Battle formations.
We're going in.
169
00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:38,889
- Hey.
- Roger that.
170
00:07:38,972 --> 00:07:39,740
- Hold up.
- Copy that.
171
00:07:39,823 --> 00:07:42,344
- Roger.
- My Falcon is green.
172
00:07:42,427 --> 00:07:43,912
Hey, hey, hey.
We can talk about
173
00:07:43,995 --> 00:07:46,547
our Falcon colors when we get
back to base, Black Falcon.
174
00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,231
Right now,
we got a mission to do.
175
00:07:48,315 --> 00:07:49,808
Fall into Falcon formation.
176
00:07:53,271 --> 00:07:55,556
Well, now, here's the issue
is that, you're gonna
177
00:07:55,639 --> 00:07:58,307
give me an order, I'm not gonna
know you're talking to me.
178
00:07:58,448 --> 00:08:00,469
'Cause... I'm not
in a Black Falcon.
179
00:08:00,552 --> 00:08:02,431
Come on, chill it out,
Black Falcon.
180
00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:04,700
Yeah, Black Falcon,
relax.
181
00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:06,033
First of all,
I don't like the way
182
00:08:06,116 --> 00:08:07,410
you guys are saying "black."
183
00:08:07,592 --> 00:08:09,544
Second of all,
there is no Black Falcon!
184
00:08:09,628 --> 00:08:10,746
I'm Green Falcon!
185
00:08:10,829 --> 00:08:12,690
Black Falcon, homie,
186
00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:14,742
no one's trying to get up
in your grill here.
187
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:17,400
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't talk to me like that.
188
00:08:17,619 --> 00:08:19,683
No, don't say "grill"
like that.
189
00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:22,857
I'm the Green Falcon,
and I...
190
00:08:22,941 --> 00:08:25,102
Oh, stop being
so Black Falcon about it.
191
00:08:25,185 --> 00:08:26,978
What the [bleep]
do you mean by that?
192
00:08:27,062 --> 00:08:28,574
Black Falcon, brother,
193
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,192
I understand
what you're going through.
194
00:08:30,315 --> 00:08:32,548
Do you?
No, I don't think you do.
195
00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:35,788
How would you feel if
I called you Red Falcon, huh?
196
00:08:35,871 --> 00:08:36,905
Whoa!
197
00:08:36,988 --> 00:08:38,058
And Purple Falcon,
198
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:42,043
how would you feel if I called
you Yellow Falcon, huh?
199
00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:43,854
- That's racist.
- That was racist.
200
00:08:43,937 --> 00:08:46,923
- Yeah, that's racist.
- Ooh, that is racist.
201
00:08:47,007 --> 00:08:48,271
That's racist?
202
00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:51,547
Oh, see, okay,
nope, forget it.
203
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,598
Black Falcon out...
Green Falcon!
204
00:08:54,014 --> 00:08:56,226
Green Falcon! Damn it!
205
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,780
Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon
fall out of Falcon formation?
206
00:08:59,863 --> 00:09:02,397
Black Falcon,
get on that and report back.
207
00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:05,568
Black Falcon?
Black Falcon, come in.
208
00:09:05,652 --> 00:09:07,482
Saving Earth from space
209
00:09:07,565 --> 00:09:09,580
Power Falcons!
210
00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:15,199
You know what's ridiculous?
When people go to prison
211
00:09:15,494 --> 00:09:17,659
because they... they're trying
to cover for somebody else.
212
00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,280
- Yeah.
- Don't go to prison.
213
00:09:19,364 --> 00:09:21,899
If you... if you do...
if you didn't do the crime...
214
00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:24,245
Both: Don't do the time.
215
00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:25,316
It's true.
216
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,942
And that's one to grow on.
217
00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,753
But, you know,
in prison they, you know...
218
00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:33,288
It's not worth anything.
219
00:09:33,371 --> 00:09:35,023
- No, it's not.
- It's not worth anything
220
00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:38,092
to just straight-up
get manhandled, and horseplayed,
221
00:09:38,176 --> 00:09:40,462
and monkeyed around.
No, you don't want any...
222
00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:42,177
- Eh, yeah, no.
- You don't want to have
223
00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:45,600
animal interactions
with another man behind bars.
224
00:09:45,683 --> 00:09:47,099
I don't want
any rascally behavior.
225
00:09:47,182 --> 00:09:48,489
- I don't need...
- You don't want...
226
00:09:48,572 --> 00:09:50,906
everybody's undying respect
when I get out is not worth it.
227
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,378
- No, and as a matter of fact...
- I don't care.
228
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:54,093
You might not get
that undying respect...
229
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,060
- Respect, yes.
- If, you know...
230
00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,780
when you fart it goes...
wooh... like a bottle.
231
00:09:58,863 --> 00:09:59,915
Like a bottle.
232
00:09:59,998 --> 00:10:01,865
Like an empt...
233
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,540
I'm sorry.
234
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,780
Ma'am...
Breathe.
235
00:10:26,936 --> 00:10:29,044
Yo, man, you okay in here?
236
00:10:29,127 --> 00:10:31,513
Everyone on the outside
know you didn't talk.
237
00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:33,554
We got mad respect
for you, dog.
238
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,537
All right?
Mad respect.
239
00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:37,569
Yes.
240
00:10:37,796 --> 00:10:41,214
And I am still happy
with that decision.
241
00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:43,425
The first time
I was in lockup,
242
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,689
dog, I was scared
[bleep]less, man.
243
00:10:46,781 --> 00:10:49,397
Scared [bleep]less, yes.
That is an...
244
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,166
accurate way
to describe it.
245
00:10:51,249 --> 00:10:52,701
Yeah, man, but, you know,
246
00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:55,083
it wasn't too long before
I made this place my bitch.
247
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:58,486
Oh, eh, there's plenty
of that going on.
248
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,375
Yo, I ran this place, man.
249
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,971
Come on, man, you must be
running this [bleep]hole.
250
00:11:03,055 --> 00:11:05,557
Well, I am doing
quite a bit of running.
251
00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:07,940
Man, you know there's a
certain pecking order in prison.
252
00:11:08,024 --> 00:11:09,729
You know, you got
the brothers on the top,
253
00:11:09,871 --> 00:11:11,572
and you got the brothers
on the bottom.
254
00:11:11,752 --> 00:11:12,720
You understand.
255
00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:15,456
Yes, I understand that
very clearly
256
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,174
and very frequently.
257
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,907
That's my dog.
258
00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:21,432
Now...
259
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:25,320
the reason I came, though,
is we got kind of a problem.
260
00:11:27,357 --> 00:11:29,687
You know a crazy brother in here
go by the name of "Seven Inch"?
261
00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:32,721
Yes.
I definitely know Seven Inch.
262
00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:34,173
All right,
well Seven Inch run
263
00:11:34,256 --> 00:11:35,992
with the Willis brothers,
all right?
264
00:11:36,076 --> 00:11:37,585
And he knows
some [bleep] that...
265
00:11:38,263 --> 00:11:40,544
Well, let's just say we can't
have this guy naming names.
266
00:11:40,752 --> 00:11:41,989
All right?
267
00:11:43,322 --> 00:11:45,124
We thought since you
on the inside,
268
00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:46,641
you could take care of it.
269
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:48,377
You know what
I'm talking about?
270
00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:50,472
You want me
to take care of Seven Inch?
271
00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:52,541
Yeah, you know,
just take him out the equation.
272
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:55,330
The problem is
getting time with him.
273
00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,128
Oh, I can get time
with him.
274
00:11:57,869 --> 00:12:00,336
Oh, yes, I do believe
I will most likely
275
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,672
be seeing him this evening.
276
00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:02,991
That's awesome.
277
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,068
Okay, but you...
you gotta get him alone, though.
278
00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:08,156
Ohhh...
That won't be a problem.
279
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,307
Okay, well, uh...
280
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:11,487
What's your plan, man?
How you gonna do it?
281
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:14,163
What do you say
I bite his [bleep] off?
282
00:12:15,095 --> 00:12:16,346
Excuse me?
283
00:12:16,582 --> 00:12:20,742
Just bring my teeth down hard
on his [bleep].
284
00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:23,641
Dog, how you...
how you gonna get that close?
285
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,000
Just... Way ahead of you
on that one.
286
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,687
Oh, man.
You bad, man.
287
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:35,269
That's... that's some
hard [bleep], dog.
288
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,661
This place
has changed you, man.
289
00:12:39,414 --> 00:12:40,880
You have no idea.
290
00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:10,680
- I'm scared of cops.
- You're scared of cops?
291
00:13:10,764 --> 00:13:12,064
I'm scared of cops.
292
00:13:12,151 --> 00:13:14,328
I-I mean, I'm generally
afraid of cops because
293
00:13:14,411 --> 00:13:16,571
when I walk around with, like,
a black friend,
294
00:13:16,684 --> 00:13:17,702
like you...
295
00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,982
I start... I start talking
a little bit more thug
296
00:13:23,065 --> 00:13:24,363
- 'cause, you know...
- No, I know.
297
00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:26,399
- We nee... yeah.
- Because we need the extra power.
298
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:28,883
- We need this.
- To make one full black person.
299
00:13:28,972 --> 00:13:30,506
- We need this.
- So, you know.
300
00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:33,469
It's gotta be right about
301
00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:34,645
- this level right...
- I swear to God...
302
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:35,487
But you know what I'm saying,
brother?
303
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:36,556
You know what I'm saying?
304
00:13:36,639 --> 00:13:37,936
Didn't you just get more
comfortable all of a sudden?
305
00:13:38,019 --> 00:13:38,894
Yeah, all right.
306
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:43,570
So, but a cop... if a cop
comes up to me on the street and,
307
00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:44,618
"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
308
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,441
I-I turn into [bleep]
Ned Flanders.
309
00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:48,182
It's all, "Hi-dee-oh.
310
00:13:48,324 --> 00:13:50,012
"Doing just fine.
Just walking down the street
311
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,687
"on a stroll, my friend.
312
00:13:51,770 --> 00:13:53,402
"Come on, follow me.
313
00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:56,252
"We'll find some criminals
together, let's do it."
314
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,393
Oh, man.
315
00:13:57,901 --> 00:13:59,362
- "I'll tell on anyone."
- So...
316
00:13:59,446 --> 00:14:00,265
"I'll tell on..."
317
00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,294
Was I speeding, officer?
318
00:14:19,371 --> 00:14:20,798
You don't look like
you're from around here.
319
00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,066
No, sir.
320
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:26,873
You been doing
any drugs tonight?
321
00:14:26,957 --> 00:14:27,889
No, sir.
322
00:14:27,972 --> 00:14:29,382
- Nope?
- No.
323
00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:33,723
Why don't you
pop that trunk,
324
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,378
step out of the vehicle
for me, please.
325
00:14:36,214 --> 00:14:37,910
- Really?
- Yeah.
326
00:14:45,007 --> 00:14:46,490
No drugs, huh?
327
00:14:46,868 --> 00:14:47,751
Nope.
328
00:14:50,606 --> 00:14:52,160
Well, well, well.
329
00:14:55,429 --> 00:14:56,520
What have we here?
330
00:14:56,603 --> 00:15:00,089
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You planted that in my car.
331
00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:01,857
Oh, did I?
332
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,828
Or... did I plant this?
333
00:15:05,911 --> 00:15:07,885
Uh... I real... I guess...
334
00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:09,165
Up against the car,
right now.
335
00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:10,109
- Oh!
- Spread 'em!
336
00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:12,101
- Uh...
- Huh, what's going...
337
00:15:12,184 --> 00:15:14,054
Whoa, whoa.
What do we have here, huh?
338
00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:15,989
- What?
- These your colors, homie?
339
00:15:16,072 --> 00:15:17,623
- That's... that's not mine. Huh...
- Huh?
340
00:15:17,706 --> 00:15:19,067
- No, I don't know what that...
- What? No?
341
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,736
Or are these your colors?
342
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,320
Or perhaps these
are your colors.
343
00:15:23,995 --> 00:15:25,606
Or are these...?
Look at all these colors.
344
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:27,547
Man, you sure got
a lot of colors.
345
00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:29,931
- I don't...
- Look at all of these colors.
346
00:15:30,025 --> 00:15:32,116
- What, this is...
- Wasah!
347
00:15:35,806 --> 00:15:37,859
- Are you a real cop?
- Freeze!
348
00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:39,416
What is that?
349
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:40,878
Mm.
350
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:42,822
Well, well, well.
351
00:15:43,363 --> 00:15:45,384
It looks like
an illegal firearm.
352
00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:47,622
Or...
353
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,447
Is it? Ahh.
354
00:15:50,822 --> 00:15:51,816
Oh.
355
00:15:56,943 --> 00:15:58,811
I'm... I don't...
I don't know what this is.
356
00:15:58,903 --> 00:16:00,738
- I'm sorry.
- Pick a card.
357
00:16:01,218 --> 00:16:02,750
That's not even a good fan.
358
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,635
Any card.
You can just stick... there.
359
00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:06,244
- Okay, you took that card?
- Yeah.
360
00:16:06,327 --> 00:16:08,023
- Now, can you remember that card?
- Yes.
361
00:16:08,106 --> 00:16:09,369
Can you commit that card
to memory?
362
00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,324
- This is unbelievable.
- Have you done so?
363
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,127
- Have you done so?
- Yes.
364
00:16:13,351 --> 00:16:16,359
Please insert the card back
into the deck randomly.
365
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:17,066
Done.
366
00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,869
It's in a different place than
where you took it originally?
367
00:16:19,952 --> 00:16:22,528
- There.
- There we are. There we are.
368
00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:26,154
- This is ridiculous.
- Now, I take the deck like so.
369
00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:30,013
I give it a "skasloisles"
and "abracasloish."
370
00:16:32,098 --> 00:16:34,361
Uh, fu... wha...
371
00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:36,018
Okay...
372
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:42,017
Ahh. Is this...
your card?
373
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,918
- No!
- Are you sure?
374
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:45,385
I want your badge number.
375
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,448
Oh. Oh. Oh!
376
00:16:53,618 --> 00:16:56,224
Uh... uh... wha...
377
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,095
Okay...
378
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,294
- Oh!
- Haah.
379
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,611
Uh...
380
00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:04,021
It's my ca...
How did you do that?
381
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,483
Ahh.
382
00:17:07,414 --> 00:17:08,614
And...
383
00:17:09,685 --> 00:17:10,844
that is for you.
384
00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:15,320
After all that,
you're still giving me a ticket?
385
00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:17,011
Is it a ticket?
386
00:17:17,424 --> 00:17:20,867
Or is it a two-for-one coupon
for my show
387
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:23,392
at the Magic House
Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.?
388
00:17:23,996 --> 00:17:25,818
Your call.
389
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,083
I'll take the ticket.
390
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:33,100
Great. Okay.
391
00:17:38,787 --> 00:17:40,672
Do you want to talk
about that tweet?
392
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,405
- Well there... yes, there was...
- Yeah.
393
00:17:42,488 --> 00:17:44,941
Wha... uh, a few months ago,
I did a...
394
00:17:45,024 --> 00:17:48,462
a tweet that,
uh... it was a...
395
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,570
basically,
a hypothetical.
396
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,439
- Mm-hmm.
- And it asked the question,
397
00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:53,976
"What if names were farts?"
398
00:17:55,392 --> 00:17:56,310
- Mm-hmm.
- What if,
399
00:17:56,393 --> 00:17:59,499
instead of names,
we had signature farts?
400
00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:02,819
We were identified,
personally, by farts.
401
00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:06,679
And we felt
that it was a good idea...
402
00:18:09,365 --> 00:18:12,078
to use lots
of Comedy Central's money
403
00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:17,297
to bring you this scene
based on that very premise.
404
00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,558
Shame on you if you laugh.
405
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,156
Please, enjoy.
406
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:28,529
- Honey, someone's here.
- Oh. Okay.
407
00:18:31,881 --> 00:18:34,451
Oh, hey ...,
good to see you.
408
00:18:34,541 --> 00:18:36,259
Thanks for having us,
...
409
00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,310
This is my girlfriend,
...
410
00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:39,503
We're so happy
you could join us.
411
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,607
And this is my wife,
...
412
00:18:41,717 --> 00:18:43,574
So this is the infamous
413
00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,766
...and...
414
00:18:45,878 --> 00:18:48,546
...has told me
so much about you both.
415
00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:50,288
All good things I hope.
416
00:18:50,385 --> 00:18:51,810
You can never trust...
417
00:18:51,902 --> 00:18:53,374
Hey, wait a minute.
418
00:18:53,837 --> 00:18:55,694
And please, please,
don't call me...
419
00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:57,473
It makes me think
my mother's around someplace.
420
00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:58,530
Oh.
421
00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:01,968
Hey, you know, where is
little ...?
422
00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:05,724
Oh, she's at ...'s house
for a slumber party.
423
00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:09,468
- Ah.
- Oh, um... and ...,
424
00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:11,076
there's... this is the couple
from New York
425
00:19:11,159 --> 00:19:12,626
that we wanted you guys
to meet.
426
00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:16,257
Uh, this is...
and her husband...
427
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,013
They're gonna be in New York
for a few weeks,
428
00:19:18,096 --> 00:19:19,661
so we were hoping you could
give them some tips.
429
00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:20,418
- Ooh.
- Sure.
430
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:21,780
Oh, that'd be great.
431
00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:25,366
So, how do you know
...and ...?
432
00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:27,764
Oh, well...
and I went to
433
00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:30,687
...School of Dramatic Arts,
434
00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:33,425
back when...
was working in midtown.
435
00:19:33,509 --> 00:19:35,094
- Mm.
- Oh, where did you work?
436
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,983
I was at ..., ...,
...,
437
00:19:39,066 --> 00:19:40,429
and...
438
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:41,814
Oh, the law firm.
439
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,713
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
440
00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:45,288
- Ha!
- How are you?
441
00:19:45,371 --> 00:19:47,198
- It's so good to see you.
- Good to see you.
442
00:19:47,281 --> 00:19:48,304
Come here.
Hey, everybody,
443
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,171
this is...
444
00:19:51,753 --> 00:19:53,154
I want you meet
one of my dearest,
445
00:19:53,237 --> 00:19:54,552
oldest friends...
446
00:19:54,635 --> 00:19:55,501
This is his girlfriend,
...
447
00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:56,464
- Hi.
- Hey.
448
00:19:56,547 --> 00:19:57,881
- Hello.
- Of course, you know...
449
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,832
- Oh, hi.
- This is ...,
450
00:19:59,915 --> 00:20:02,382
and this is her husband,
...
451
00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:04,569
- Hi.
- What a beautiful name.
452
00:20:04,653 --> 00:20:07,569
You know, I knew
a...
453
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:08,877
in grad school.
454
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,962
Oh.
455
00:20:10,045 --> 00:20:12,146
Well, thank you,
but it's actually pronounced
456
00:20:15,061 --> 00:20:17,476
Wow, I swear that sounds like
what you were saying...
457
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,330
I don't know.
458
00:20:18,413 --> 00:20:19,859
Anyways, it's lovely
to meet you all.
459
00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:21,890
Yeah, yeah, okay, yes.
460
00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:23,765
Robert!
461
00:20:26,743 --> 00:20:28,771
I'm so sorry.
Heinrich!
462
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,360
I'll...
463
00:20:31,685 --> 00:20:33,121
show myself to the restroom.
464
00:20:33,205 --> 00:20:34,472
Wow, uh...
465
00:20:34,556 --> 00:20:36,650
- Jeez.
- So rude.
466
00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:39,169
Well, for ...'s sake.
467
00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:42,738
Thank you, everybody.
468
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:44,538
Thank you so much
for coming out.
469
00:20:44,621 --> 00:20:46,554
I am the Yellow Falcon.
470
00:20:46,637 --> 00:20:48,613
I am the Black Fal...
Green Falcon!
471
00:20:48,696 --> 00:20:50,326
- Green, oh--
- Green Falcon!
472
00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:51,944
Good night, everybody.
Take care.
473
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:58,561
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
474
00:20:58,644 --> 00:21:01,412
I'm gonna do
my one line here
475
00:21:01,664 --> 00:21:03,531
Oh, yeah.
476
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:05,316
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
477
00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:07,120
What is a jet??
What is that?
478
00:21:07,204 --> 00:21:09,469
- He wanna--
- You're gonna have to come up and show us.
479
00:21:13,011 --> 00:21:14,956
- I got it. I got it.
- That's terrific.
480
00:21:15,035 --> 00:21:16,409
Ready Avery? Watch my form!
481
00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:21,009
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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