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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,789 --> 00:00:07,606 Hey, watch where the [bleep] you going. 2 00:00:07,689 --> 00:00:10,120 - Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. - Oh. 3 00:00:11,752 --> 00:00:13,450 I didn't see you had a baby there, man. 4 00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:15,835 I'm sorry. I ain't trying to fight nobody with a baby. 5 00:00:17,999 --> 00:00:19,984 Yeah, h-hell yeah, you won't. 6 00:00:21,075 --> 00:00:22,015 Pfft. 7 00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,919 - Lucky mother[bleep]. - Oh, yeah? 8 00:00:28,002 --> 00:00:30,149 Well, you're lucky I'm carrying this baby. 9 00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:31,553 What's up with that? 10 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,174 Look, man, you need to move on, all right? 11 00:00:34,257 --> 00:00:36,193 I already told you I'm not gonna fight you. 12 00:00:36,276 --> 00:00:38,629 Huh. That's what I thought, punk. 13 00:00:38,712 --> 00:00:40,047 - Psh. - You wanna go? 14 00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,448 'Cause we can go right now, dog. 15 00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:42,716 What's goin' on, brother? 16 00:00:42,799 --> 00:00:44,210 Man, what the hell are you doing, man? 17 00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:45,728 What, what, what? You tr... what, what? 18 00:00:45,811 --> 00:00:47,004 Tryin' to bo... I can bob and weave it. 19 00:00:47,087 --> 00:00:48,088 - What? - You bitch-ass, 20 00:00:48,171 --> 00:00:49,557 punk-ass mother[bleep], let's go. 21 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,674 Come on, man. Come on. 22 00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:52,351 No, no, don't look at your boys. Look at me, man. 23 00:00:52,434 --> 00:00:53,534 Don't look at your b... 24 00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:54,585 Ow. 25 00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:56,697 Oh, okay, you think you hard. 26 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:57,840 All right, but you know what? 27 00:00:57,923 --> 00:01:01,502 I'ma show you what time it is right now. Okay? Slap me. 28 00:01:01,585 --> 00:01:03,437 I'm just... right? How 'bout this, huh? 29 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,272 Now what you gonna do, huh? Now what you gonna do? 30 00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:06,840 You ready? 'cause we can do it right now. 31 00:01:06,923 --> 00:01:08,100 'Cause I could take you out, man. 32 00:01:08,183 --> 00:01:08,942 You're nothing... Aaah... 33 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,027 Ow! 34 00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,378 Oh! Oof. 35 00:01:12,644 --> 00:01:13,514 Okay. 36 00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:14,798 Oh, it's on now. 37 00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:16,008 That's... yep. 38 00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,858 You dead. You dead. 39 00:01:19,344 --> 00:01:20,577 Excuse me, I need this. 40 00:01:20,661 --> 00:01:21,761 Yeah. 41 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:24,733 Necesito un bebe. 42 00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:25,824 - Gracias. 43 00:01:26,702 --> 00:01:28,589 44 00:01:34,476 --> 00:01:35,387 Listen. 45 00:01:35,527 --> 00:01:36,560 What the... 46 00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:39,615 What now, man? What now? 47 00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:41,007 Let's go. 48 00:01:41,091 --> 00:01:44,661 You know what? It's not even worth it, man. 49 00:01:44,745 --> 00:01:46,897 Ahh, ha ha. 50 00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:48,398 That's what I thought! 51 00:01:48,481 --> 00:01:49,675 So keep walking! 52 00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:51,525 Oh. Okay, that's vomit. 53 00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:52,760 That is vomit. 54 00:01:53,802 --> 00:01:54,930 Oh, dear. 55 00:02:10,151 --> 00:02:13,715 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 56 00:02:13,825 --> 00:02:15,526 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 57 00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:17,970 You know what's going on. 58 00:02:18,053 --> 00:02:19,071 - Thank you. - Yeah. 59 00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:21,422 - Thank you! - Oh, yeah. 60 00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:23,486 Hello! 61 00:02:28,594 --> 00:02:30,669 Good evening. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 62 00:02:30,752 --> 00:02:32,473 - I am Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 63 00:02:32,556 --> 00:02:34,276 - Key and Peele. - Thank you for coming out. 64 00:02:34,778 --> 00:02:36,849 That's our names. 65 00:02:38,113 --> 00:02:39,166 All right. 66 00:02:39,249 --> 00:02:40,844 So one thing that is true 67 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,293 is that I would never, uh, last in a gang. 68 00:02:43,377 --> 00:02:44,169 - Nor would I. - No. 69 00:02:44,253 --> 00:02:45,541 Nor would I, not for one moment. 70 00:02:45,625 --> 00:02:48,475 I mean, I don't get the whole hand sign thing. 71 00:02:48,558 --> 00:02:49,758 - Mm-hmm. - I'd be throwing up, 72 00:02:49,899 --> 00:02:51,718 "Hey, live long and prosper, mother[bleep]." 73 00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:52,860 You know? 74 00:02:53,387 --> 00:02:55,157 - That's what I got. - I... 75 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,139 I would be too concerned about the colors. 76 00:02:57,222 --> 00:02:58,571 - Right. - I would just be too c... 77 00:02:58,654 --> 00:03:00,029 I would... 'cause I don't understand the colors. 78 00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,457 I don't understand the rhyme or the reason. 79 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,545 Now, Bloods... I get that one. 80 00:03:03,988 --> 00:03:05,579 Why are Crips blue? 81 00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:09,198 Is that a arbitrary choice? Is there a Crip in the house? 82 00:03:10,137 --> 00:03:11,537 Nobody? Nobody? 83 00:03:11,621 --> 00:03:12,821 I'm just... I'm just... 84 00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,472 Yes, ma'am, please. Why are the Crips blue? 85 00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:15,585 She just r... 86 00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:17,953 "I'm a Crip. I'm a Crip. 87 00:03:18,036 --> 00:03:19,934 "I'm a Crip. Say somethin' else." 88 00:03:21,721 --> 00:03:23,676 - "Watch yourself." - "Say somethin' else." 89 00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:25,321 "Watch yourself. 90 00:03:25,404 --> 00:03:27,377 "'Cause, [bleep], I got three guns 91 00:03:27,952 --> 00:03:29,357 on me right now." 92 00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,045 What? What? What? 93 00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:40,923 What? What? What? Check yo'self, 94 00:03:41,006 --> 00:03:43,074 before I body pierce your damn skull. 95 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:45,297 Think you can pull that trigger 'fore I blow your personality 96 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:46,324 out the back of yo' head? 97 00:03:46,407 --> 00:03:48,223 Then go right ahead and test the hypothesis 98 00:03:48,307 --> 00:03:49,433 and see what happens. 99 00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:52,652 A'ight, I'ma give you a straight-up vampire C-section, 100 00:03:52,735 --> 00:03:54,621 - like we was... - Edward and Bella. 101 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,891 Hold up. You like Twilight? 102 00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,587 Yeah, I like Twilight, [bleep]. 103 00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:04,044 You like Twilight? 104 00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:06,526 [bleep], Twilight's my jam. 105 00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:09,577 You a Edward [bleep] or a Jacob [bleep]? 106 00:04:10,362 --> 00:04:11,889 Answer that [bleep] together. 107 00:04:11,972 --> 00:04:14,242 - Three, two, one. - Edward. 108 00:04:14,436 --> 00:04:16,437 - Shi... - Shi... 109 00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:18,998 - Are you [bleep]ing with me? - Are you [bleep]ing with me? 110 00:04:19,081 --> 00:04:20,694 You either playing some [bleep]ed-up game, 111 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,713 or you are straight-up inside my head. 112 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,635 Yo, and when you said you was gonna blow 113 00:04:24,718 --> 00:04:26,680 my personality out the back of my head, 114 00:04:26,764 --> 00:04:27,755 I'm like, 115 00:04:28,156 --> 00:04:29,990 "That sounds like some [bleep] I would say." 116 00:04:30,384 --> 00:04:32,085 - Psh. - And now this Twilight [bleep]? 117 00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:33,196 - It's wavelength, [bleep]. 118 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,940 - So I guess we friends then. - Oh, we best friends now. 119 00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:37,276 We the best of friends! 120 00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:40,166 - BFFs? - We are BFFs, M.F. 121 00:04:42,196 --> 00:04:46,583 When I'm with you 122 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:51,921 The world stops turning around 123 00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:55,818 When I'm with you 124 00:04:56,836 --> 00:05:00,228 Our feet are off the ground 125 00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:04,283 When I'm with you 126 00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:09,375 Trumpets start to sound 127 00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:12,846 When I'm with you 128 00:05:14,875 --> 00:05:17,665 It's Heaven when you're around 129 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,371 La, la, la, la... 130 00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:22,420 No, you didn't! 131 00:05:22,892 --> 00:05:24,435 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did! 132 00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:26,988 That is a cra... That's a crazy story, man. 133 00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:32,060 Whew, too much, boy. 134 00:05:46,293 --> 00:05:47,540 Team... 135 00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,779 Edward. 136 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,822 Mm, mm, mm. 137 00:05:57,905 --> 00:06:01,881 Well, looks like another gang-related killing. 138 00:06:02,942 --> 00:06:06,912 Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]- prise. 139 00:06:12,947 --> 00:06:15,748 You guys remember the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? 140 00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:18,419 - Awful show. - That show was crazy. 141 00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:20,563 It was, like, the worst editing in the history of TV. 142 00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,112 Just bad sound effects. 143 00:06:22,196 --> 00:06:23,664 Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean... 144 00:06:23,747 --> 00:06:25,783 When was the last time you heard a hit sound like that? 145 00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:27,931 - That doesn't sound like any... - No, never. 146 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,638 No, I've never... I've never heard that, yeah. 147 00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:32,006 I love in kung fu movies, and it, probably... it'd be like, 148 00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:33,330 just the wind, just... 149 00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:36,842 And you just hear that noise. 150 00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:42,585 - No, you can't. - Exactly, no, you can't do that. 151 00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:45,937 Saving Earth from space 152 00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:48,389 Power Falcons! 153 00:07:01,169 --> 00:07:03,510 Yellow Falcon, what do your senses tell ya? 154 00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:04,894 Destructo is a killing machine. 155 00:07:06,429 --> 00:07:08,789 His armor is impervious to our blasters. 156 00:07:09,477 --> 00:07:11,005 You got any ideas, Red Falcon? 157 00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:12,495 Sure do, Yellow Falcon. 158 00:07:12,764 --> 00:07:15,657 Blue Falcon, you remember our battle at Dango Bluff? 159 00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:18,032 I'll take the legs, you take the blasters. 160 00:07:18,116 --> 00:07:20,584 It was Beaver Creek, and I took the legs. 161 00:07:20,998 --> 00:07:23,296 Make sure you shore up that flank, Black Falcon. 162 00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:26,201 Um, are you talking to me? 163 00:07:26,285 --> 00:07:29,253 Because I'm the Green Falcon. 164 00:07:29,514 --> 00:07:30,633 No time for that, Black Falcon. 165 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,315 Purple Falcon, arm missiles! 166 00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:34,563 Roger that. Arming missiles now. 167 00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:35,990 Uh... 168 00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,905 Battle formations. We're going in. 169 00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:38,889 - Hey. - Roger that. 170 00:07:38,972 --> 00:07:39,740 - Hold up. - Copy that. 171 00:07:39,823 --> 00:07:42,344 - Roger. - My Falcon is green. 172 00:07:42,427 --> 00:07:43,912 Hey, hey, hey. We can talk about 173 00:07:43,995 --> 00:07:46,547 our Falcon colors when we get back to base, Black Falcon. 174 00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,231 Right now, we got a mission to do. 175 00:07:48,315 --> 00:07:49,808 Fall into Falcon formation. 176 00:07:53,271 --> 00:07:55,556 Well, now, here's the issue is that, you're gonna 177 00:07:55,639 --> 00:07:58,307 give me an order, I'm not gonna know you're talking to me. 178 00:07:58,448 --> 00:08:00,469 'Cause... I'm not in a Black Falcon. 179 00:08:00,552 --> 00:08:02,431 Come on, chill it out, Black Falcon. 180 00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:04,700 Yeah, Black Falcon, relax. 181 00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:06,033 First of all, I don't like the way 182 00:08:06,116 --> 00:08:07,410 you guys are saying "black." 183 00:08:07,592 --> 00:08:09,544 Second of all, there is no Black Falcon! 184 00:08:09,628 --> 00:08:10,746 I'm Green Falcon! 185 00:08:10,829 --> 00:08:12,690 Black Falcon, homie, 186 00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:14,742 no one's trying to get up in your grill here. 187 00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:17,400 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Don't talk to me like that. 188 00:08:17,619 --> 00:08:19,683 No, don't say "grill" like that. 189 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:22,857 I'm the Green Falcon, and I... 190 00:08:22,941 --> 00:08:25,102 Oh, stop being so Black Falcon about it. 191 00:08:25,185 --> 00:08:26,978 What the [bleep] do you mean by that? 192 00:08:27,062 --> 00:08:28,574 Black Falcon, brother, 193 00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,192 I understand what you're going through. 194 00:08:30,315 --> 00:08:32,548 Do you? No, I don't think you do. 195 00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:35,788 How would you feel if I called you Red Falcon, huh? 196 00:08:35,871 --> 00:08:36,905 Whoa! 197 00:08:36,988 --> 00:08:38,058 And Purple Falcon, 198 00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:42,043 how would you feel if I called you Yellow Falcon, huh? 199 00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:43,854 - That's racist. - That was racist. 200 00:08:43,937 --> 00:08:46,923 - Yeah, that's racist. - Ooh, that is racist. 201 00:08:47,007 --> 00:08:48,271 That's racist? 202 00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:51,547 Oh, see, okay, nope, forget it. 203 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,598 Black Falcon out... Green Falcon! 204 00:08:54,014 --> 00:08:56,226 Green Falcon! Damn it! 205 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,780 Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon fall out of Falcon formation? 206 00:08:59,863 --> 00:09:02,397 Black Falcon, get on that and report back. 207 00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:05,568 Black Falcon? Black Falcon, come in. 208 00:09:05,652 --> 00:09:07,482 Saving Earth from space 209 00:09:07,565 --> 00:09:09,580 Power Falcons! 210 00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:15,199 You know what's ridiculous? When people go to prison 211 00:09:15,494 --> 00:09:17,659 because they... they're trying to cover for somebody else. 212 00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,280 - Yeah. - Don't go to prison. 213 00:09:19,364 --> 00:09:21,899 If you... if you do... if you didn't do the crime... 214 00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:24,245 Both: Don't do the time. 215 00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:25,316 It's true. 216 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,942 And that's one to grow on. 217 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,753 But, you know, in prison they, you know... 218 00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:33,288 It's not worth anything. 219 00:09:33,371 --> 00:09:35,023 - No, it's not. - It's not worth anything 220 00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:38,092 to just straight-up get manhandled, and horseplayed, 221 00:09:38,176 --> 00:09:40,462 and monkeyed around. No, you don't want any... 222 00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:42,177 - Eh, yeah, no. - You don't want to have 223 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:45,600 animal interactions with another man behind bars. 224 00:09:45,683 --> 00:09:47,099 I don't want any rascally behavior. 225 00:09:47,182 --> 00:09:48,489 - I don't need... - You don't want... 226 00:09:48,572 --> 00:09:50,906 everybody's undying respect when I get out is not worth it. 227 00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,378 - No, and as a matter of fact... - I don't care. 228 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:54,093 You might not get that undying respect... 229 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,060 - Respect, yes. - If, you know... 230 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,780 when you fart it goes... wooh... like a bottle. 231 00:09:58,863 --> 00:09:59,915 Like a bottle. 232 00:09:59,998 --> 00:10:01,865 Like an empt... 233 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,540 I'm sorry. 234 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,780 Ma'am... Breathe. 235 00:10:26,936 --> 00:10:29,044 Yo, man, you okay in here? 236 00:10:29,127 --> 00:10:31,513 Everyone on the outside know you didn't talk. 237 00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:33,554 We got mad respect for you, dog. 238 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,537 All right? Mad respect. 239 00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:37,569 Yes. 240 00:10:37,796 --> 00:10:41,214 And I am still happy with that decision. 241 00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:43,425 The first time I was in lockup, 242 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,689 dog, I was scared [bleep]less, man. 243 00:10:46,781 --> 00:10:49,397 Scared [bleep]less, yes. That is an... 244 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,166 accurate way to describe it. 245 00:10:51,249 --> 00:10:52,701 Yeah, man, but, you know, 246 00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:55,083 it wasn't too long before I made this place my bitch. 247 00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:58,486 Oh, eh, there's plenty of that going on. 248 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,375 Yo, I ran this place, man. 249 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,971 Come on, man, you must be running this [bleep]hole. 250 00:11:03,055 --> 00:11:05,557 Well, I am doing quite a bit of running. 251 00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:07,940 Man, you know there's a certain pecking order in prison. 252 00:11:08,024 --> 00:11:09,729 You know, you got the brothers on the top, 253 00:11:09,871 --> 00:11:11,572 and you got the brothers on the bottom. 254 00:11:11,752 --> 00:11:12,720 You understand. 255 00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:15,456 Yes, I understand that very clearly 256 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,174 and very frequently. 257 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,907 That's my dog. 258 00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:21,432 Now... 259 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:25,320 the reason I came, though, is we got kind of a problem. 260 00:11:27,357 --> 00:11:29,687 You know a crazy brother in here go by the name of "Seven Inch"? 261 00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:32,721 Yes. I definitely know Seven Inch. 262 00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:34,173 All right, well Seven Inch run 263 00:11:34,256 --> 00:11:35,992 with the Willis brothers, all right? 264 00:11:36,076 --> 00:11:37,585 And he knows some [bleep] that... 265 00:11:38,263 --> 00:11:40,544 Well, let's just say we can't have this guy naming names. 266 00:11:40,752 --> 00:11:41,989 All right? 267 00:11:43,322 --> 00:11:45,124 We thought since you on the inside, 268 00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:46,641 you could take care of it. 269 00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:48,377 You know what I'm talking about? 270 00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:50,472 You want me to take care of Seven Inch? 271 00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:52,541 Yeah, you know, just take him out the equation. 272 00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:55,330 The problem is getting time with him. 273 00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,128 Oh, I can get time with him. 274 00:11:57,869 --> 00:12:00,336 Oh, yes, I do believe I will most likely 275 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,672 be seeing him this evening. 276 00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:02,991 That's awesome. 277 00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,068 Okay, but you... you gotta get him alone, though. 278 00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:08,156 Ohhh... That won't be a problem. 279 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,307 Okay, well, uh... 280 00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:11,487 What's your plan, man? How you gonna do it? 281 00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:14,163 What do you say I bite his [bleep] off? 282 00:12:15,095 --> 00:12:16,346 Excuse me? 283 00:12:16,582 --> 00:12:20,742 Just bring my teeth down hard on his [bleep]. 284 00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:23,641 Dog, how you... how you gonna get that close? 285 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,000 Just... Way ahead of you on that one. 286 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,687 Oh, man. You bad, man. 287 00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:35,269 That's... that's some hard [bleep], dog. 288 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,661 This place has changed you, man. 289 00:12:39,414 --> 00:12:40,880 You have no idea. 290 00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:10,680 - I'm scared of cops. - You're scared of cops? 291 00:13:10,764 --> 00:13:12,064 I'm scared of cops. 292 00:13:12,151 --> 00:13:14,328 I-I mean, I'm generally afraid of cops because 293 00:13:14,411 --> 00:13:16,571 when I walk around with, like, a black friend, 294 00:13:16,684 --> 00:13:17,702 like you... 295 00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,982 I start... I start talking a little bit more thug 296 00:13:23,065 --> 00:13:24,363 - 'cause, you know... - No, I know. 297 00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:26,399 - We nee... yeah. - Because we need the extra power. 298 00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:28,883 - We need this. - To make one full black person. 299 00:13:28,972 --> 00:13:30,506 - We need this. - So, you know. 300 00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:33,469 It's gotta be right about 301 00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:34,645 - this level right... - I swear to God... 302 00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:35,487 But you know what I'm saying, brother? 303 00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:36,556 You know what I'm saying? 304 00:13:36,639 --> 00:13:37,936 Didn't you just get more comfortable all of a sudden? 305 00:13:38,019 --> 00:13:38,894 Yeah, all right. 306 00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:43,570 So, but a cop... if a cop comes up to me on the street and, 307 00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:44,618 "Hey, what are you guys doing?" 308 00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,441 I-I turn into [bleep] Ned Flanders. 309 00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:48,182 It's all, "Hi-dee-oh. 310 00:13:48,324 --> 00:13:50,012 "Doing just fine. Just walking down the street 311 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,687 "on a stroll, my friend. 312 00:13:51,770 --> 00:13:53,402 "Come on, follow me. 313 00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:56,252 "We'll find some criminals together, let's do it." 314 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,393 Oh, man. 315 00:13:57,901 --> 00:13:59,362 - "I'll tell on anyone." - So... 316 00:13:59,446 --> 00:14:00,265 "I'll tell on..." 317 00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,294 Was I speeding, officer? 318 00:14:19,371 --> 00:14:20,798 You don't look like you're from around here. 319 00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,066 No, sir. 320 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:26,873 You been doing any drugs tonight? 321 00:14:26,957 --> 00:14:27,889 No, sir. 322 00:14:27,972 --> 00:14:29,382 - Nope? - No. 323 00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:33,723 Why don't you pop that trunk, 324 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,378 step out of the vehicle for me, please. 325 00:14:36,214 --> 00:14:37,910 - Really? - Yeah. 326 00:14:45,007 --> 00:14:46,490 No drugs, huh? 327 00:14:46,868 --> 00:14:47,751 Nope. 328 00:14:50,606 --> 00:14:52,160 Well, well, well. 329 00:14:55,429 --> 00:14:56,520 What have we here? 330 00:14:56,603 --> 00:15:00,089 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You planted that in my car. 331 00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:01,857 Oh, did I? 332 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,828 Or... did I plant this? 333 00:15:05,911 --> 00:15:07,885 Uh... I real... I guess... 334 00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:09,165 Up against the car, right now. 335 00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:10,109 - Oh! - Spread 'em! 336 00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:12,101 - Uh... - Huh, what's going... 337 00:15:12,184 --> 00:15:14,054 Whoa, whoa. What do we have here, huh? 338 00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:15,989 - What? - These your colors, homie? 339 00:15:16,072 --> 00:15:17,623 - That's... that's not mine. Huh... - Huh? 340 00:15:17,706 --> 00:15:19,067 - No, I don't know what that... - What? No? 341 00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,736 Or are these your colors? 342 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,320 Or perhaps these are your colors. 343 00:15:23,995 --> 00:15:25,606 Or are these...? Look at all these colors. 344 00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:27,547 Man, you sure got a lot of colors. 345 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:29,931 - I don't... - Look at all of these colors. 346 00:15:30,025 --> 00:15:32,116 - What, this is... - Wasah! 347 00:15:35,806 --> 00:15:37,859 - Are you a real cop? - Freeze! 348 00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:39,416 What is that? 349 00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:40,878 Mm. 350 00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:42,822 Well, well, well. 351 00:15:43,363 --> 00:15:45,384 It looks like an illegal firearm. 352 00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:47,622 Or... 353 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,447 Is it? Ahh. 354 00:15:50,822 --> 00:15:51,816 Oh. 355 00:15:56,943 --> 00:15:58,811 I'm... I don't... I don't know what this is. 356 00:15:58,903 --> 00:16:00,738 - I'm sorry. - Pick a card. 357 00:16:01,218 --> 00:16:02,750 That's not even a good fan. 358 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,635 Any card. You can just stick... there. 359 00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:06,244 - Okay, you took that card? - Yeah. 360 00:16:06,327 --> 00:16:08,023 - Now, can you remember that card? - Yes. 361 00:16:08,106 --> 00:16:09,369 Can you commit that card to memory? 362 00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,324 - This is unbelievable. - Have you done so? 363 00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,127 - Have you done so? - Yes. 364 00:16:13,351 --> 00:16:16,359 Please insert the card back into the deck randomly. 365 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:17,066 Done. 366 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,869 It's in a different place than where you took it originally? 367 00:16:19,952 --> 00:16:22,528 - There. - There we are. There we are. 368 00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:26,154 - This is ridiculous. - Now, I take the deck like so. 369 00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:30,013 I give it a "skasloisles" and "abracasloish." 370 00:16:32,098 --> 00:16:34,361 Uh, fu... wha... 371 00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:36,018 Okay... 372 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:42,017 Ahh. Is this... your card? 373 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,918 - No! - Are you sure? 374 00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:45,385 I want your badge number. 375 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,448 Oh. Oh. Oh! 376 00:16:53,618 --> 00:16:56,224 Uh... uh... wha... 377 00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,095 Okay... 378 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,294 - Oh! - Haah. 379 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,611 Uh... 380 00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:04,021 It's my ca... How did you do that? 381 00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,483 Ahh. 382 00:17:07,414 --> 00:17:08,614 And... 383 00:17:09,685 --> 00:17:10,844 that is for you. 384 00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:15,320 After all that, you're still giving me a ticket? 385 00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:17,011 Is it a ticket? 386 00:17:17,424 --> 00:17:20,867 Or is it a two-for-one coupon for my show 387 00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:23,392 at the Magic House Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.? 388 00:17:23,996 --> 00:17:25,818 Your call. 389 00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,083 I'll take the ticket. 390 00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:33,100 Great. Okay. 391 00:17:38,787 --> 00:17:40,672 Do you want to talk about that tweet? 392 00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,405 - Well there... yes, there was... - Yeah. 393 00:17:42,488 --> 00:17:44,941 Wha... uh, a few months ago, I did a... 394 00:17:45,024 --> 00:17:48,462 a tweet that, uh... it was a... 395 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,570 basically, a hypothetical. 396 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,439 - Mm-hmm. - And it asked the question, 397 00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:53,976 "What if names were farts?" 398 00:17:55,392 --> 00:17:56,310 - Mm-hmm. - What if, 399 00:17:56,393 --> 00:17:59,499 instead of names, we had signature farts? 400 00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:02,819 We were identified, personally, by farts. 401 00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:06,679 And we felt that it was a good idea... 402 00:18:09,365 --> 00:18:12,078 to use lots of Comedy Central's money 403 00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:17,297 to bring you this scene based on that very premise. 404 00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,558 Shame on you if you laugh. 405 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,156 Please, enjoy. 406 00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:28,529 - Honey, someone's here. - Oh. Okay. 407 00:18:31,881 --> 00:18:34,451 Oh, hey ..., good to see you. 408 00:18:34,541 --> 00:18:36,259 Thanks for having us, ... 409 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,310 This is my girlfriend, ... 410 00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:39,503 We're so happy you could join us. 411 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,607 And this is my wife, ... 412 00:18:41,717 --> 00:18:43,574 So this is the infamous 413 00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,766 ...and... 414 00:18:45,878 --> 00:18:48,546 ...has told me so much about you both. 415 00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:50,288 All good things I hope. 416 00:18:50,385 --> 00:18:51,810 You can never trust... 417 00:18:51,902 --> 00:18:53,374 Hey, wait a minute. 418 00:18:53,837 --> 00:18:55,694 And please, please, don't call me... 419 00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:57,473 It makes me think my mother's around someplace. 420 00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:58,530 Oh. 421 00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:01,968 Hey, you know, where is little ...? 422 00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:05,724 Oh, she's at ...'s house for a slumber party. 423 00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:09,468 - Ah. - Oh, um... and ..., 424 00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:11,076 there's... this is the couple from New York 425 00:19:11,159 --> 00:19:12,626 that we wanted you guys to meet. 426 00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:16,257 Uh, this is... and her husband... 427 00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,013 They're gonna be in New York for a few weeks, 428 00:19:18,096 --> 00:19:19,661 so we were hoping you could give them some tips. 429 00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:20,418 - Ooh. - Sure. 430 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:21,780 Oh, that'd be great. 431 00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:25,366 So, how do you know ...and ...? 432 00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:27,764 Oh, well... and I went to 433 00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:30,687 ...School of Dramatic Arts, 434 00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:33,425 back when... was working in midtown. 435 00:19:33,509 --> 00:19:35,094 - Mm. - Oh, where did you work? 436 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,983 I was at ..., ..., ..., 437 00:19:39,066 --> 00:19:40,429 and... 438 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:41,814 Oh, the law firm. 439 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,713 - Hey! - Oh, hey. 440 00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:45,288 - Ha! - How are you? 441 00:19:45,371 --> 00:19:47,198 - It's so good to see you. - Good to see you. 442 00:19:47,281 --> 00:19:48,304 Come here. Hey, everybody, 443 00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,171 this is... 444 00:19:51,753 --> 00:19:53,154 I want you meet one of my dearest, 445 00:19:53,237 --> 00:19:54,552 oldest friends... 446 00:19:54,635 --> 00:19:55,501 This is his girlfriend, ... 447 00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:56,464 - Hi. - Hey. 448 00:19:56,547 --> 00:19:57,881 - Hello. - Of course, you know... 449 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,832 - Oh, hi. - This is ..., 450 00:19:59,915 --> 00:20:02,382 and this is her husband, ... 451 00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:04,569 - Hi. - What a beautiful name. 452 00:20:04,653 --> 00:20:07,569 You know, I knew a... 453 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:08,877 in grad school. 454 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,962 Oh. 455 00:20:10,045 --> 00:20:12,146 Well, thank you, but it's actually pronounced 456 00:20:15,061 --> 00:20:17,476 Wow, I swear that sounds like what you were saying... 457 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,330 I don't know. 458 00:20:18,413 --> 00:20:19,859 Anyways, it's lovely to meet you all. 459 00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:21,890 Yeah, yeah, okay, yes. 460 00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:23,765 Robert! 461 00:20:26,743 --> 00:20:28,771 I'm so sorry. Heinrich! 462 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,360 I'll... 463 00:20:31,685 --> 00:20:33,121 show myself to the restroom. 464 00:20:33,205 --> 00:20:34,472 Wow, uh... 465 00:20:34,556 --> 00:20:36,650 - Jeez. - So rude. 466 00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:39,169 Well, for ...'s sake. 467 00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:42,738 Thank you, everybody. 468 00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:44,538 Thank you so much for coming out. 469 00:20:44,621 --> 00:20:46,554 I am the Yellow Falcon. 470 00:20:46,637 --> 00:20:48,613 I am the Black Fal... Green Falcon! 471 00:20:48,696 --> 00:20:50,326 - Green, oh-- - Green Falcon! 472 00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:51,944 Good night, everybody. Take care. 473 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:58,561 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 474 00:20:58,644 --> 00:21:01,412 I'm gonna do my one line here 475 00:21:01,664 --> 00:21:03,531 Oh, yeah. 476 00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:05,316 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 477 00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:07,120 What is a jet?? What is that? 478 00:21:07,204 --> 00:21:09,469 - He wanna-- - You're gonna have to come up and show us. 479 00:21:13,011 --> 00:21:14,956 - I got it. I got it. - That's terrific. 480 00:21:15,035 --> 00:21:16,409 Ready Avery? Watch my form! 481 00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:21,009 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34172

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