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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,043
A small, fading remnant
of a star.
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,330
A white dwarf.
That's right.
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:08,794
I used a memory technique.
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,628
Dwarves hate
being called midgets,
5
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,295
and midgets are small.
6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,806
And what does a star turn
into after it collapses?
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,056
A movie of the week.
8
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,842
A black hole.
Right.
9
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,011
Troy.
you could be an Women.
10
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,056
There's only one black hole
worth studying.
11
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,401
It's called Sagittarius A.
12
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,403
It's located in the center
of our galaxy
13
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:35,407
and it has the density
of 40 suns.
14
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,613
Just Illc my wiener.
TROY: Ha-ha.
15
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,745
You said "Wiener." That's funny.
16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,623
Pierce and Troy are bonding
through mutual adolescence.
17
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,706
Shut up, fart head.
Poo-poo head.
18
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,541
Hi, everybody. Ha-ha.
Well, look at this group.
19
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,252
Having some kind of meeting
and being so diverse.
20
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,008
There is just-- Boy--
21
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,590
There is just one of
every kind of you, isn't there?
22
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,551
We are missing a pipsqueak,
but we don't want one, beat it.
23
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,012
Uh, Pierce, that's the dean.
24
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,349
You kidding?
Sorry. Just my luck.
25
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:05,888
Don't let me interrupt.
26
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,398
Sometimes,
I just roll around campus
27
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:09,650
like a little football.
28
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,276
I can't believe this.
29
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,815
Here I am in a random
conversation about football,
30
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,357
and I'm talking to Troy Barnes,
31
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,743
star quarterback
from Riverside High. Whoa. Heh.
32
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,200
Troy, did you know Green dale
has a football team?
33
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,115
Did you know
they had a football?
34
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,000
Ah. Heh. Good.
That's very funny.
35
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,662
Troy, I was so sorry to hear
about your injury,
36
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,329
but now
that you have recovered,
37
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,839
we would love for you to play
for the Human Beings.
38
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,172
The team's name
is the Human Beings?
39
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:39,589
My idea. It was the Green dale
Grizzlies, but I thought--
40
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,849
[WHISPERING] A lot of these
students have been called animals.
41
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,682
Unfortunately, I don't know
what to do about the mascot.
42
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,346
Oh. I could help with that.
43
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,890
I have a wealth of experience
in image management,
44
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,855
icon development,
and Y2K preparedness.
45
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:55,237
Ooh. Well,
aren't you found money.
46
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,819
Troy, all of your friends
are lining up
47
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,859
to turn Green dale around.
How about you?
48
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,324
ANNIE: Troy isn't
interested in football.
49
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,206
Getting injured was the best
thing that ever happened.
50
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,740
Whoa. Yoko Ono much?
51
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:07,870
[DEAN LAUGHING]
52
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,252
Bros before ho's, Troy.
53
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,379
Heh. Listen, man, no offense,
54
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,836
but I was the best
and I finished on top.
55
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,751
I wouldn't play
with a 10-foot pole.
56
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,842
Dean, I'm sure Troy
will sign up for football,
57
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,256
if and when
some accident damages
58
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,220
the part of his brain
that feels pride.
59
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,101
Until then, excuse us.
60
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:29,934
If you change your mind,
the field is always open.
61
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,395
Figuratively speaking.
Wednesdays and Sundays
62
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:36,358
it's used as parking overflow
for the megachurch. Okay.
63
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,694
Now let's meet
the minimum requirements
64
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:39,902
for a language credit.
65
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,239
Yes, but I need to go
to the bathroom first.
66
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,778
Uh, Britta?
Oh, no, I don't have to go.
67
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,449
I'll go with you.
68
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,458
Um
69
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,333
What? She's offended?
70
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:54,167
Girls go in groups.
71
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,754
Did you learn nothing
from standup comedy in the '903?
72
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,669
I'm familiar with the concept.
73
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,508
If it's important to Shirley,
I'll go next time.
74
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,766
I'm willing to try some more
mainstream feminine stuff.
75
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,847
Then you should know
nothing says,
76
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,262
"I'm a woman"
like doing it with me.
77
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:14,229
Nothing says,
"I'm a pig," like you.
78
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,314
Will they or won't they?
Sexual tension.
79
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,729
It makes the group
uncomfortable when you talk
80
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,864
like we're characters in a show.
81
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,399
That's sort of my gimmick.
82
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,990
But we did lean
on that pretty hard last week.
83
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,778
I can lay low for an episode.
84
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,823
H._l_l__m mm.m ..>._l Fm>w._u
e._l Storm INN-m: _U_l><_anu
85
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:35,042
J“ I can't count
The reasons I should stay J“
86
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,458
JEFF: Sure you made the
rlght call on the team?
87
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,422
It looks like
they won something once.
88
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:46,057
"Most Valued Customer,
Henderson Trophy Cases."
89
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,809
So we should still study
a little more astronomy later.
90
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,892
Maybe over some Milky Ways
or some Mars bars.
91
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,477
Or pancakes.
92
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:58,189
JEFF: "I'm Jeff and I'm a
student at Green dale"?
93
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,525
Well, that's not good.
94
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,532
WOMAN:
Wood undergoes rapid oxidation
95
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,319
because it reacts
spontaneously to--
96
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,656
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
97
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,742
Seriously.
We've talked about this.
98
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:14,126
Okay, you have got to turn off
your cell ph--
99
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,582
That's mine. My bad.
100
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,838
[WHISPERING]
I'm going to the bathroom.
101
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:21,216
Would you like to come with me?
Well, yes. Yes, I would.
102
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,876
Oh, that's nice.
103
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,639
Okay, what's it called?
Antoni--? Hold on.
104
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,924
Does anybody have a pen?
A pen?
105
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,342
No one has a pen.
106
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,431
Why would you not bring a pen
to class?
107
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,098
Idiot. No, you're not an idiot.
Ha-ha-ha.
108
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,311
I had my blinker on
about five minutes
109
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,272
and this "bald but trying
to hide it with a bandana"
110
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,188
loser swooped in.
I couldn't believe it.
111
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,856
BRITTA:
Maybe he didn't see you.
112
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,321
Maybe he had his blinker ontoo.
He saw me.
113
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,826
Maybe.
114
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,611
So you got any family, Britta?
115
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,122
BRITTA:
Yeah. Whatever.
116
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,999
My mom
might visit this weekend.
117
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,750
She and I are gonna
get makeovers--
118
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:59,038
Makeovers. They sure
have us programmed right.
119
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:03,881
[IN ROBOT VOICE] I am a female pleasure
unit. I require a new coat of paint.
120
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,590
Something
I thought might be fun.
121
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,550
Here's something I think
might be fun.
122
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:11,467
Let's find the number of
makeup companies owned by women.
123
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,636
I'll save you the trouble.
It's zero.
124
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,431
Of course, you're saying,
"Aren't you a hypocrite?
125
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,973
You're plastered with glitter
126
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,142
and goo from head to toe
like the rest of us."
127
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,107
I also pay income tax
and pull over for cops.
128
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,147
That doesn't mean
I support a country...
129
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,532
[WHIRRING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
130
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,865
Thanks for offering
to design the new mascot.
131
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,497
I have been a little stumped.
Heh. That's no problem.
132
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,875
I took the liberty
of thumbnailing a prototype,
133
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:41,414
uh, which I modeled
after Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man.
134
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,174
You're offering it, but--
The penis is a little small.
135
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,336
Oh, okay.
It looks a lot like you.
136
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,925
Um, here's the thing.
137
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:51,841
If we are the Human Beings,
you know,
138
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,009
and we have a mascot
that's just a white guy,
139
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,303
what message are we sending?
140
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,597
Our symbol needs
the diversity of our school
141
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,938
and our species.
80 black?
142
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:05,229
No, because we're not
the Green dale Blacks
143
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,022
or the Green dale Asians,
144
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,566
we are
the Green dale Human Beings.
145
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,656
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Yeah.
146
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,992
Sorry to disturb you guys.
147
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,873
Who are looking
at a naked drawing
148
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,532
of Pierce doing jumping jacks.
149
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,577
A quick download?
Uh-- Absolutely.
150
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,417
Excuse me.
Okay. Fill me in later.
151
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,753
[GASPS]
152
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,591
Whoa-oh.
Ah. Good, a pencil.
153
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,348
First of all, I'm flattered.
154
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,349
Oh, well,
you're a very photogenic man.
155
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:35,600
Is that real bed head,
156
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,557
or do you put something
in there? Can I?
157
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,392
It's crispy.
I was thinking about
158
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,523
the four disembodied heads
and I thought,
159
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,058
"Where's the heart?
The soul?
160
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,693
Where's the different
poster design?"
161
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,525
Those were
less than personable.
162
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,316
Which is why I went
with the full bodies
163
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,235
in these mailers
we have going out.
164
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,777
Ta-ta-ta.
165
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,993
Mailers? I didn't give
permission for this.
166
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,374
Did you not read
the release agreement
167
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,159
on the back
of your registration?
168
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:05,001
I'm starting to see why
someone used to be a lawyer.
169
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,793
Look, if someone
from the outside were to find--
170
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,677
Okay, if someone
from the outside
171
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,589
were to find out I am a student
at a community college,
172
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,474
that could have
a negative impact
173
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,759
on my future career.
174
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,894
Oh.
175
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,897
Goodness. Look what
we have stumbled onto.
176
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,229
An opportunity to help
each other out.
177
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,894
I suppose I wouldn't need
this promotional campaign
178
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,813
if I could announce
to the press
179
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,482
that Troy Barnes
is playing football here.
180
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,072
He's been pretty clear
about declining that offer.
181
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,112
If you said jump,
he'd say, "How high?"
182
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,451
If you said stop,
he'd say "Hammer time."
183
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:39,865
You get what I mean? Hmm?
184
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,375
No, I need another example.
185
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,253
You know,
I didn't realize before,
186
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:48,666
but we should send those out
to local businesses.
187
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:55,341
Law firms, lawyer companies,
188
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:59,727
legal gatherings.
189
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,728
You trying to blackmail me?
I think so.
190
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:07,109
Gentlemen, I present to you
the Green dale Human Being.
191
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,815
That's a falcon with a gun.
192
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,604
Um
193
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,363
It's a falcon
with an erection.
194
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,236
Um
195
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,280
Oh, hi, Abed.
196
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:23,576
Hmm.
Bye. He's just laying low.
197
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,619
Are you going to the bathroom?
Uh- Yes.
198
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,880
I'll go with you.
You know what? I'm good.
199
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,086
She probably just, you know,
had to go number two.
200
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,596
Okay, what's
the closest planet to Earth?
201
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,977
Planet Hollywood?
Ha-ha-ha.
202
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,388
That's not the right answer,
203
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,522
but it shows
how fun astronomy can be.
204
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,058
Can I talk to you for a sec?
205
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,149
Oh, we're studying,
so Troy's busy.
206
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,859
The galaxy's
not going anywhere.
207
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,490
I'll bring him back.
208
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,696
JEFF:
Ever miss being a quarterback?
209
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,987
I miss being the best
at something.
210
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,497
I miss having a coach.
211
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,079
TROY:
I miss knowing what to think.
212
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,086
You still know what to think.
Oh, good.
213
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,338
After the dean talked
to you about football,
214
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,294
you and I were thinking
the same thing.
215
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,676
That dude looks like Moby.
We were thinking,
216
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,554
what if Troy did play?
You'd be surprised
217
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,385
at how many of
your favorite players
218
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,345
got started
at community college.
219
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,009
Really? Name one.
220
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,930
Who's your favorite player?
Me. Whoa.
221
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,563
Maybe you
and I should go
222
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,271
check out
the Green dale Thunderdome.
223
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,811
[IMITATES CROWD CHEERING]
224
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,821
[GRUNTING]
225
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:40,202
The dome arrives later.
It comes with thunder.
226
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,329
Let me tell you a little secret
about me.
227
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,331
Every day,
on my way to school,
228
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:47,038
I drive through downtown,
past the courthouse,
229
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,999
just to get a glimpse
of the world I once ruled.
230
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,005
And I just wanna jump out
of my car,
231
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,213
run up the steps and exploit
the legal system for profit.
232
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,595
But I can't. I'm locked out
of my old kingdom.
233
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,097
You're not.
You see what I'm saying?
234
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,882
You're saying
I could be a lawyer.
235
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:05,223
I'm saying
you're a football player.
236
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,058
It's in your blood.
That's racist.
237
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,597
Your soul.
That's racist.
238
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:09,935
Your eyes?
That's gay?
239
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:10,599
Homophobic.
That's black.
240
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,235
That's racist.
Damn.
241
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,611
When you played,
you were a god.
242
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,364
You're not playing
and you're not.
243
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,900
I'd tell you do the math,
but math isn't important.
244
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,989
The only thing
important is this.
245
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,450
But Annie said--
Annie said Benjamin Button
246
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,114
was compelling.
247
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,579
A smart girl, but
sometimes she's just wrong.
248
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,164
Eighty-five, go long.
249
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,669
It's like a drug, isn't it?
250
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,208
Feel it, Troy. Throw it!
251
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,716
The scoreboard lights up.
252
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,718
There will be
a scoreboard there.
253
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,220
It's complete. Nice catch.
254
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,929
The girls, the glory,
the scouts, the career.
255
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,185
It starts
when you join this team.
256
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,062
Is that linebacker
a pregnant woman?
257
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,893
You can meet them later,
258
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,648
but this decision
has to be yours, T-Bone.
259
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,062
And this decision
has to be yes.
260
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,071
How did you know
my nickname was T-Bone?
261
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:01,449
You're a football player
and your name begins with T.
262
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:07,202
Your name begins with T.
263
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,036
Um
264
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,082
Britta?
265
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,748
Oh, are you finished?
266
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,338
I have to go, but apparently,
I failed yesterday's tryouts
267
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,378
for the position
of bathroom companion.
268
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,388
I wasn't trying
to hurt your feelings.
269
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,594
You didn't hurt
my feelings, Shirley.
270
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,680
I don't need to go
with other people.
271
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,435
I was just trying
to throw you a bone
272
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,348
because I like you.
Keep that bone.
273
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,232
Listening to a story
about a stranger
274
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,564
pissing me off and taking
the stranger's side?
275
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,524
You can't talk
about your own business
276
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,485
but insinuate my mama's a robot
because we want makeovers.
277
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,572
That is the ladies room.
A place where ladies share,
278
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,236
listen, support each other,
279
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,701
and discretely eliminate waste.
280
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,081
And I like you too.
281
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,208
I even like that
you're a little hard,
282
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,495
but if you can't learn
to be soft in there,
283
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,334
you need to pee alone.
284
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,092
I've peed alone my whole life.
285
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,680
Women have always hated me.
286
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,636
I don't even know
how it started.
287
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:10,052
Maybe it was when I got boobs
before everybody--
288
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,471
Shh.
289
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,730
Not out here.
290
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,434
In there.
291
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,320
Shoo! Ha-ha.
Troy, Troy, the wonder boy.
292
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,902
You dropped your books,
Poindexter. Heh-heh-heh.
293
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,908
Troy, I've been
waiting for an hour.
294
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,659
It's all right. I'm worth it.
295
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,787
J“ Hip hop, body don't stop J“
296
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,948
J“ Riverside got the broom
Don't need a mop J“
297
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,833
J“ Put your team in a box
A ribbon on top J“
298
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,959
J“ Not John Kerry
We don't flip flop J“
299
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,666
Troy,
J“ Say, ho J“
300
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,127
why are you doing
our conservative high school's
301
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,167
outdated fight rap? Have you
been playing football?
302
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,962
Threw the skin around.
I still got it.
303
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,973
Uhn, uhn, uhn. Doosh! Uhn.
304
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,475
But you knew we had
an Astronomy test tomorrow.
305
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,851
Class blows.
306
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,728
What I need to know
about the universe
307
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,559
is I'm at the center
of it.
308
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,940
Am, bong, dug dong :
309
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,102
J“ Your team's Al Gore
Your views are wrong If
310
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,567
Troy, stop.
311
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,447
Don't become
this person again.
312
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,483
This isn't
the real you.
313
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,653
This is the jock that totally
ignored the only people
314
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,913
that liked him
for non-superficial reasons
315
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,539
but weren't allowed to say
316
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,291
because
their parents are bigots.
317
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,999
Huh?
Football is bad for you.
318
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,874
Jeff said you'd say that.
319
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,589
Jeff-- What now?
320
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,970
Troy. Troy, Troy, Troy.
321
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,802
That's my name.
322
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:33,219
I think if we add in a little
bit of Phylicia Rashad,
323
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,137
we'll be in better shape.
Right.
324
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,430
That beige is light.
325
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,851
Um-- Wow.
326
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,439
Yeah, yeah.
327
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,854
We are developing
the perfect mascot.
328
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,320
No stereotypical identifiers
from any race or gender.
329
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:51,077
This is a chart of the features
we're staying away from.
330
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,865
Pan-Asian eye folds, uh,
Irish chins, women's breasts.
331
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,536
Is that Seal?
That is our human color wheel.
332
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,749
It goes from Seal
to Seal's teeth.
333
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,414
What do you lhlnk? JEFF: I lhlnk
334
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,958
not being racist
is the new racism.
335
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,628
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to the prototype?
336
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,295
Ooh, I left the nose
in the kiln.
337
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,260
PELT ON".
oh .
338
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,846
So Troy is gonna play football.
339
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,853
Yes. VVhlch means I'll
be gelling rld or these.
340
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,765
No, uh, I won't mail these out
but they are staying with me
341
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,355
until the press announces
Troy is a part of the team.
342
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,360
I want him
at that pep rally tonight.
343
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,895
Reporters are gonna be there.
344
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,531
We're gonna unveil
the new mascot
345
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,238
and things are finally
going to start turning around.
346
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,155
Oh, and my ex-therapist
is gonna think twice
347
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,119
before he makes fun of my job!
348
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,035
Here it is. Still hot.
Ooh. Ow.
349
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,624
I'm gonna get
some more coffee.
350
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,505
You want anything?
A Desmond Tutu
351
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,962
with enough cream to make
a Lou Diamond Phillips.
352
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,250
La Bamba. Got it.
353
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,135
Um
354
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,600
ANNIE:
Aha!
355
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,101
I've been following you.
356
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,388
How much did the dean
pay you to make Troy play?
357
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,556
I'm not having a conversation
with someone
358
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,816
who emerges from a bush.
Because I'm right?
359
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,978
Because I'm not in
a commercial for cereal.
360
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,238
The dean has pictures
of me.
361
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,241
Horrible pictures of me.
362
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,402
Attending his school.
363
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,115
For that,
you've convinced Troy
364
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,531
to flush his life down
football's toilet again?
365
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,996
Britta's right. You are
the most selfish person.
366
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,205
All that is gonna end now.
367
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,371
I'm telling him what kind
of friend you are.
368
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:28,042
Tell him you're hopelessly
in love with him.
369
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,755
High school
must have been tough.
370
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,795
Waiting for a superstar
to notice you.
371
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:36,683
But here, here, he's all alone
and he needs so much help.
372
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,343
Did you enroll
in all his classes
373
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,603
or were you worried
that might freak him out?
374
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,980
The important thing is
you are there for him.
375
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,143
The important thing is you are
the only one there for him.
376
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,153
And you don't really care
what he wants,
377
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,906
as long as you don't have
to share him with the world.
378
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,659
Because, really,
you are just as selfish as I am.
379
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,319
You're just not
as good at it yet.
380
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,285
You're right.
381
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,622
I could never be
as good as you.
382
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,456
Probably,
because I actually care.
383
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:08,464
Profound,
but technically meaningless.
384
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,797
Don't bother trying that thing
women do where they walk away
385
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,805
and make the guy feel like crap,
because it won't happen.
386
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,465
Yeah.
387
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,600
Um
388
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,136
[WHISPERS]:
Damn it.
389
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,892
Shirley, will you please come
to the bathroom with me?
390
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,070
Where's Shirley?
Shirley's not coming.
391
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:42,411
But, uh,
I'm here to listen, girl.
392
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,871
Why do we inflict so much pain
on ourselves for men?
393
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,917
I don't know, sweetie.
394
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:57,215
Maybe it's because men
make the world go around?
395
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,975
Kleenex?
396
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,600
[SNIFFLES THEN SOBS]
397
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:08,142
I've been infatuated with Troy.
398
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,605
Now he's joining football.
399
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,736
Now he'll have his pick
of the litter
400
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,444
andlWInever
get to be with him.
401
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,029
Oh, Annie, screw him.
402
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,616
There are guys out there
that would kill to be with you.
403
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,246
If Troy isn't one of them,
404
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,034
that's him failing
your standards. You got that?
405
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,629
You're right.
I can't control him.
406
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:34,464
And if I truly cared about him,
I wouldn't want to.
407
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,421
Thanks for talking to me,
Britta.
408
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,680
It really helped.
409
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,217
Seriously?
Yes.
410
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,227
Who's my girl?
411
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,513
[ALL GIGGLE]
412
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,148
Excuse me.
I did it. I did it.
413
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,434
Oh, yes, you did.
414
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,728
Um
415
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,489
[CHANTING IN DISTANCE]
416
00:17:56,784 --> 00:18:00,027
PLAYERS [CHANTING]: Human Beings,
Human Beings, Human Beings.
417
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,536
Human Beings, Human Beings.
418
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,118
Troy. Troy.
419
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,455
Don't go in there, man.
What?
420
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,461
You got the most you were going
to get in high school.
421
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,588
A life of disillusionment
and depression
422
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,465
begins on the other side
of that door.
423
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,878
Is this your first
pep rally or something?
424
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:22,014
You told me football was
the most important thing.
425
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,644
Buckle up, I was exaggerating.
It's kind of my gimmick.
426
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,054
Let me tell you something.
No, let me.
427
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,473
That keg flip
that cost me my scholarship?
428
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,232
Yeah.
429
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,145
I hurt myself on purpose.
What?
430
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,314
There was a scout coming
to the final game,
431
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,528
and I couldn't take
the pressure.
432
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,489
So I took the easy way out.
433
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,119
When you showed me
that field,
434
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:46,122
I saw there was nothing
to worry about.
435
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,907
I could play football
for fun.
436
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,827
Have you seen these guys?
There is nowhere to go but up.
437
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,666
Dude, we have feelings.
438
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,707
I don't know about you,
but I know I ended up here
439
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,593
because things
weren't that great out there.
440
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,128
Um
441
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,047
Try accepting
where you're at, man.
442
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,184
Take a pottery class
or something.
443
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:10,313
TROY: J“ Green dale, we're number
one Nancy Pelosi is no fun N“
444
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,600
H>ZZOCZOmW m_um>_Am
_Z_u_m.e._ZO.e._l< 022:2
445
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,485
my
446
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,738
Hey.
Hey.
447
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,072
I've decided to support Troy.
448
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:26,238
They deploy things in football.
I went for rhyme over clarity.
449
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,578
Look, I'm, uh--
I'm really sorry about before.
450
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:32,289
I just think we were both wrong.
Really?
451
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,546
Because I'm an 18-year-old girl
and you made me cry in public.
452
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,003
Hmm. Okay, maybe I was
a little more wrong.
453
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:42,045
I should grow up
and make peace with being here.
454
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,589
It's not like Green dale
is gonna kill me.
455
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,055
Holy crap.
[SCREAMS]
456
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,560
Sorry. Hey, say hello
457
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,519
to our ethnically neutral
mascot, the Human Being.
458
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,855
The costume makes it difficult
for him to see.
459
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,393
[MASCOT GRUNTING]
460
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,028
He can't move his mouth either.
461
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,315
But take it from me,
that's human for "hello."
462
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,450
Let's get you
into the pep rally.
463
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,203
Great idea.
Let's do it.
464
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,114
We've solved racism.
What's next?
465
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,125
PELTON: Let's do something for
little people. Or albinos.
466
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:13,876
PIERCE:
How about little albinos?
467
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:17,835
Has the potential to be
a uniquely Green dale experience.
468
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,250
My lady?
J“ Please, please J“
469
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,512
My lord.
J“ Please, do not go J“
470
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:29,893
J“ Please, please, please
Do not go J“
471
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,475
J“ Oh, please, please, please
Do not go J“
472
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:39,812
ABED: Students, this is Abed.
TROY: And the disco spider.
473
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,479
Here at Green dale.
Green dale.
474
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,022
BOTH:
Say what?
475
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,066
A few quick announcements.
Number one.
476
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,736
All announcements will be cool,
starting right now.
477
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,531
Announcement number two,
butt soup.
478
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,165
Announcement number three,
479
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,247
I am not Hadji
from Jonny Quest, Jeff Winger.
480
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,789
On security, you gotta
start looking the dean's door
481
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,126
so guys like us don't get in.
482
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,587
MAN:
Hey.
36512
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