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1
00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:51,620
So he should take this
with every meal, or else--
2
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:53,143
I need to see Dr. Coleman.
3
00:00:53,211 --> 00:00:55,047
Ma'am, do you like
those pearls not choking you?
4
00:00:55,167 --> 00:00:57,368
Now, if so,
you need to wait your turn.
5
00:00:57,436 --> 00:01:00,638
Perhaps you'd prefer
if they were choking you.
6
00:01:09,815 --> 00:01:11,716
Rizzo. Rizzo!
7
00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:16,487
What is wrong with you?
I haven't seen you like thi--
8
00:01:16,555 --> 00:01:18,122
Oh, no.
9
00:01:18,190 --> 00:01:21,392
Now, tell Dr. Coleman that
Virginia is here to see him.
10
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:23,421
- I'm his--
- Mother.
11
00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:35,034
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
12
00:01:37,677 --> 00:01:41,277
1x05
Who's Afraid of Virginia Coleman?
13
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,082
Well, George, just look at this place.
14
00:01:44,149 --> 00:01:46,451
It's almost like a real hospital.
15
00:01:46,518 --> 00:01:48,086
How long do you have to do this
16
00:01:48,153 --> 00:01:49,487
before they let you work on humans?
17
00:01:49,555 --> 00:01:51,122
In the future,
please make an appointment.
18
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:52,657
There were animals ahead of you.
19
00:01:52,725 --> 00:01:54,459
Oh, please.
So some schnauzer
20
00:01:54,526 --> 00:01:56,627
got to enjoy his testicles
an extra half an hour.
21
00:01:56,695 --> 00:01:57,762
What's the big deal?
22
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,364
When did you get a cat, anyway?
23
00:01:59,431 --> 00:02:00,965
Five years ago.
24
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,834
It was a birthday gift to myself.
25
00:02:02,901 --> 00:02:05,103
Someone had to give me something.
26
00:02:05,170 --> 00:02:07,739
Anyway, if we saw each other
more than one day a year,
27
00:02:07,806 --> 00:02:09,807
we might be able to talk about things,
28
00:02:09,875 --> 00:02:12,076
like... pets.
29
00:02:12,144 --> 00:02:14,278
We could also talk about ways
I could kill myself.
30
00:02:14,346 --> 00:02:16,414
- Don't you have a regular vet?
- Of course I do.
31
00:02:16,482 --> 00:02:18,149
But, you know, he made a pass at me.
32
00:02:18,217 --> 00:02:20,451
Normally I'd be flattered
by that kind of thing,
33
00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:23,054
but really, who wants to date someone
34
00:02:23,122 --> 00:02:24,322
who spends half their life
35
00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:26,157
with his finger up a dog's keister?
36
00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:28,092
Speaking of which,
are you seeing anybody?
37
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,293
Just my therapist.
38
00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:31,496
So how does Cat look?
39
00:02:31,563 --> 00:02:33,231
You named your cat "Cat"?
40
00:02:33,298 --> 00:02:34,699
All right.
How creative.
41
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:36,801
I guess I should be happy
my name's not "Baby."
42
00:02:36,869 --> 00:02:39,137
It was until your father butted in.
43
00:02:39,204 --> 00:02:41,572
"The boy has to have
a name, Virginia."
44
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,241
Really, he could be impossible.
45
00:02:43,308 --> 00:02:46,043
Well, like me, Cat has discharge
46
00:02:46,111 --> 00:02:47,345
coming from his ears.
47
00:02:47,413 --> 00:02:49,180
But with him, it's probably
from an infection.
48
00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:50,715
I will run some tests.
49
00:02:50,783 --> 00:02:53,551
Well, if you need
a second opinion, ask the Asian.
50
00:02:53,619 --> 00:02:57,355
They're very good with tests.
51
00:02:57,423 --> 00:03:00,024
It's fun having an office
together, right?
52
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,859
Totally.
53
00:03:01,927 --> 00:03:03,561
I am getting my own, though, right?
54
00:03:03,629 --> 00:03:05,296
Yeah. As soon as
one comes up.
55
00:03:05,364 --> 00:03:06,597
I really want you
to be happy here, Jill.
56
00:03:06,665 --> 00:03:07,865
It's a fun environment.
57
00:03:07,933 --> 00:03:09,967
I'd like to say we put the "ha"
in "hospital."
58
00:03:12,805 --> 00:03:15,573
Ah, case in point--
it's free lunch Friday.
59
00:03:15,641 --> 00:03:17,341
The winner gets to pick
the restaurant.
60
00:03:17,409 --> 00:03:20,111
Come on, Arby's!
61
00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:21,979
Oh, man, red lobster again?
62
00:03:24,483 --> 00:03:27,919
That's Mr. Wesley.
He's on the board.
63
00:03:27,986 --> 00:03:29,287
Oh, my God, I wonder
what he's doing here
64
00:03:29,354 --> 00:03:30,421
okay, how do I look?
65
00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:31,856
You are asking the wrong girl.
66
00:03:31,924 --> 00:03:33,191
Right now, I'm wearing
a pair of boxers
67
00:03:33,258 --> 00:03:34,826
that some guy left
at my place last night.
68
00:03:34,893 --> 00:03:36,461
I thought you gave up anonymous sex.
69
00:03:36,528 --> 00:03:38,596
If I do that,
the Craigslist killer wins.
70
00:03:38,664 --> 00:03:41,365
Okay. Okay.
I'll be back.
71
00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:46,671
Hey. Whoa.
72
00:03:46,738 --> 00:03:49,307
You look like
a Paul Giamatti movie, man.
73
00:03:49,374 --> 00:03:50,741
You been here all night?
74
00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:51,909
Yeah, Doug.
While you were at home
75
00:03:51,977 --> 00:03:53,144
watching The Biggest Loser,
76
00:03:53,212 --> 00:03:56,147
I was investigating
mysterious pigeon deaths.
77
00:03:56,215 --> 00:03:57,248
Eight pigeons in one week.
78
00:03:57,316 --> 00:03:58,449
You know there's, like,
79
00:03:58,517 --> 00:03:59,917
a billion pigeons in New York, right?
80
00:03:59,985 --> 00:04:01,352
I mean, chances are
way more than eight
81
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:02,487
of them died last week.
82
00:04:02,554 --> 00:04:05,189
- Look at this.
- Okay. Oh.
83
00:04:05,257 --> 00:04:07,658
Each one of these pushpins
represents a living pigeon.
84
00:04:07,726 --> 00:04:10,595
Oh, so that's where all
the pushpins in the world went.
85
00:04:10,662 --> 00:04:12,396
Look at the Plaza on 59th street.
86
00:04:12,464 --> 00:04:14,832
- Yeah, what about it?
- No pigeons.
87
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,667
So what?
What are you getting at, yams?
88
00:04:16,735 --> 00:04:18,336
Somebody is poisoning these pigeons,
89
00:04:18,403 --> 00:04:19,470
and I'm gonna stop them.
90
00:04:19,538 --> 00:04:21,339
Are you in, or are you out?
91
00:04:21,406 --> 00:04:22,573
Definitely out. Yeah.
92
00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:24,008
I recommend that you be out too.
93
00:04:24,076 --> 00:04:25,209
You're turning your back
on pigeons, huh?
94
00:04:25,277 --> 00:04:26,744
Well, you disgust me!
95
00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:29,580
If my mouth wasn't so dry,
I'd spit right in your face.
96
00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:32,316
What? Why?
97
00:04:32,384 --> 00:04:35,119
Yams... What--
98
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,487
Wow.
99
00:04:36,555 --> 00:04:38,789
Yamamoto is like
Yamamoto squared today.
100
00:04:38,857 --> 00:04:40,558
Mm-hmm.
You didn't hear it from me,
101
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:42,927
but I overheard him
on the phone this morning.
102
00:04:42,995 --> 00:04:44,495
His wife kicked him out.
103
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,831
- No. What? Really?
- Yeah.
104
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:50,167
Mr. Wesley, please,
come in.
105
00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:53,137
Have a seat...
In my chair.
106
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:55,273
Ms. Crane,
in your short tenure here,
107
00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:56,941
this hospital has become slack.
108
00:04:57,009 --> 00:04:58,175
Productivity is low.
109
00:04:58,243 --> 00:05:01,279
Your break room resembles
a Charles e. Cheese.
110
00:05:01,346 --> 00:05:04,181
Well, I like to think that
we put the "ha" in "hospital."
111
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:06,684
That makes no sense.
Hospital is spelled with an "O."
112
00:05:06,752 --> 00:05:09,754
We wish you were
more like your grandmother.
113
00:05:09,821 --> 00:05:12,323
She ruled with an iron fist
and an acid tongue.
114
00:05:12,391 --> 00:05:14,325
Woe be the nurse who disobeyed
her fearsome command,
115
00:05:14,393 --> 00:05:15,660
I can tell you.
116
00:05:15,727 --> 00:05:17,795
I know that I may run things
a little differently,
117
00:05:17,863 --> 00:05:20,031
but I can assure you
it is just as professional.
118
00:05:20,098 --> 00:05:22,233
Rizzo, give me my claw.
119
00:05:22,301 --> 00:05:24,735
You already ate my cheesy biscuits.
120
00:05:24,803 --> 00:05:26,704
Rizzo!
121
00:05:26,772 --> 00:05:30,074
It free lunch Friday, so...
122
00:05:30,142 --> 00:05:31,275
It's wacky.
123
00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:35,580
So that's his mother.
124
00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:37,982
I always assumed
he was grown in a lab.
125
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:41,085
Mother? George, we dated
for two and a half years.
126
00:05:41,153 --> 00:05:42,720
You told me your mother was dead.
127
00:05:42,788 --> 00:05:44,789
Dead, Upper East Side, same thing.
128
00:05:44,856 --> 00:05:46,357
Why would you do something like that?
129
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:48,960
I was protecting you.
She senses weakness.
130
00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:51,762
Like a vulture swooping down
on a sickly wildebeest,
131
00:05:51,830 --> 00:05:54,966
my mother would pick you apart
piece by piece.
132
00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,501
Okay, cool.
She's dead.
133
00:05:57,569 --> 00:05:59,704
George, you think your mother is bad?
134
00:05:59,771 --> 00:06:02,406
Mine had me doing
beauty pageants at age four.
135
00:06:02,474 --> 00:06:04,241
My mother took me
out of a school I loved
136
00:06:04,309 --> 00:06:07,378
because the principal had,
"gypsy eyes."
137
00:06:07,446 --> 00:06:09,547
My mother slept with my
principal, and we had to move.
138
00:06:09,615 --> 00:06:11,449
My mother said the reason
my father left us
139
00:06:11,516 --> 00:06:12,750
is because I was too clingy.
140
00:06:12,818 --> 00:06:14,018
My mother once took me to a dump,
141
00:06:14,086 --> 00:06:16,354
let me play in a busted
refrigerator with a dead mouse,
142
00:06:16,421 --> 00:06:18,255
- and told me it was Disneyland.
- Seriously?
143
00:06:18,323 --> 00:06:19,957
No, I just got caught up
in the moment.
144
00:06:20,025 --> 00:06:21,392
Either way, I just got to fix her cat,
145
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,961
find her a new vet, and get her
back out of my life.
146
00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:27,031
Hey, I got the blood work back
on your mother's cat.
147
00:06:30,002 --> 00:06:32,737
Well, look who'some for a visit.
148
00:06:32,804 --> 00:06:36,374
Come in quickly--you're letting
in the stench of ethnic food.
149
00:06:36,441 --> 00:06:39,143
No one likes the smell of your
pierogies, Mrs. Kazanski!
150
00:06:39,211 --> 00:06:42,179
I see you're still chairman
of the welcoming committee.
151
00:06:42,247 --> 00:06:43,581
Fix me a drink, would you?
152
00:06:43,649 --> 00:06:45,249
You remember how I like it, don't you?
153
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,984
Straight vodka
in a tea cup? Yeah.
154
00:06:47,052 --> 00:06:49,620
I think I can figure that out.
155
00:06:49,688 --> 00:06:51,889
Listen, I'm here about Cat.
156
00:06:51,957 --> 00:06:53,357
How is he?
He's all right, isn't he?
157
00:06:53,425 --> 00:06:56,456
He has a brain tumor,
and it's malignant.
158
00:06:56,524 --> 00:06:59,993
I'm sorry.
The prognosis is not good.
159
00:07:00,061 --> 00:07:01,828
He's all I have.
160
00:07:01,896 --> 00:07:04,297
If something happens to Cat,
161
00:07:04,365 --> 00:07:07,934
who'll keep me company
during my baths?
162
00:07:08,002 --> 00:07:10,337
Let's move on to chapter five, George.
163
00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:12,939
And remember, Trop of Cancer needs
164
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,241
to be read with emotion.
165
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:18,979
Of course, if Cat does pass away,
166
00:07:19,046 --> 00:07:21,014
I'll need you, George.
167
00:07:21,082 --> 00:07:22,849
I'll need you more than ever.
168
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:25,819
You know what?
Sometimes miracles happen.
169
00:07:25,886 --> 00:07:26,987
I'll see what I can do.
170
00:07:27,054 --> 00:07:29,689
If you have any trouble,
ask the Asian.
171
00:07:29,757 --> 00:07:32,559
George...
172
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,227
Oh, Virginia,
173
00:07:34,295 --> 00:07:36,296
I thought I heard you out here.
174
00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:38,064
How's my little kitty cat?
175
00:07:38,132 --> 00:07:39,332
Well, my son took a look at him.
176
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,767
It's like
your veterinarian said--
177
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,502
he's probably gonna die.
I'll let you know.
178
00:07:42,570 --> 00:07:44,371
You were so kind to volunteer
179
00:07:44,438 --> 00:07:46,406
to take him for a second opinion.
180
00:07:46,474 --> 00:07:49,976
- Ugh.
- Okay, we'll talk later.
181
00:07:51,728 --> 00:07:52,922
People...
182
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:55,063
We, here at Crane Hospital
183
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,717
have saved many an animal--
184
00:07:56,785 --> 00:08:00,087
the albino mountain gorilla,
the endangered snow leopard,
185
00:08:00,155 --> 00:08:01,822
the freshwater dolphin.
186
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:04,725
But today comes
the most important case
187
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:07,361
of our collective careers...
188
00:08:07,429 --> 00:08:08,863
My mother's cat.
189
00:08:08,931 --> 00:08:10,231
Aw.
- No, no, no.
190
00:08:10,299 --> 00:08:12,333
It's not an "aw" moment.
I want her out of my life.
191
00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:16,237
And the only way to do that
is to save this cat,
192
00:08:16,305 --> 00:08:19,106
for if it dies, I will be sucked in
193
00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:21,242
to fill the lonely void
in her pathetic life.
194
00:08:21,310 --> 00:08:22,843
And there aren't enough
vodka-filled tea cups
195
00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:25,246
on the Chinese-Russian border
to make that bearable.
196
00:08:25,314 --> 00:08:27,648
George, she's bad,
but she can't be that bad.
197
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,584
- Well, she's mean.
- Well, you're mean.
198
00:08:29,651 --> 00:08:31,752
Well, I'm fun mean.
She's mean mean.
199
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,888
So let's go.
All hands on deck.
200
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:44,432
You know you're never gonna win
that staring contest, right?
201
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:46,934
George, what was my
grandmother like as a boss?
202
00:08:47,002 --> 00:08:48,102
She was the best.
203
00:08:48,170 --> 00:08:51,238
No one ran a hospital
like Eleanor Crane.
204
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:54,675
But you're good too.
Yeah.
205
00:09:10,659 --> 00:09:12,226
Grammy...
206
00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:14,295
How'd you do it?
207
00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:16,063
It was hard
208
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:18,399
because I'm a painting.
209
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:19,934
What is this place?
210
00:09:20,002 --> 00:09:22,136
This is my grandmother
Eleanor's office.
211
00:09:22,204 --> 00:09:23,604
She passed away about a year ago.
212
00:09:23,672 --> 00:09:26,073
Wait a minute. Does that mean
this office is open?
213
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:29,543
I never really felt
worthy enough to take it over.
214
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,545
The board loved her.
215
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,748
They don't think I can measure up.
216
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,082
What do you think?
217
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:39,086
I mean, you hired me.
I think that was pretty genius.
218
00:09:39,154 --> 00:09:41,555
Did you know that I went
to Columbia law school?
219
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,824
And then I dropped out
to start a bakery.
220
00:09:43,892 --> 00:09:45,793
I've failed at everything
I've tried to do.
221
00:09:45,861 --> 00:09:48,029
I can't fail at this,
222
00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:51,065
or else I'm gonna be
some 30-year-old flake
223
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,400
living with a pig
224
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,834
and not even one that I can marry.
225
00:09:53,902 --> 00:09:55,302
I live with an actual pig.
226
00:09:55,370 --> 00:09:57,905
So make this place work.
Kick some ass.
227
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:01,075
I don't kick ass.
I nurture ass.
228
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,777
Well, it looks like your grandmother
229
00:10:02,844 --> 00:10:04,812
really ruled this place
with an iron fist.
230
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,281
I mean, that is
an ass kicker right there.
231
00:10:07,349 --> 00:10:08,382
You can do it.
232
00:10:08,450 --> 00:10:11,118
Yeah.
233
00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:13,020
Yeah.
I can do it!
234
00:10:13,088 --> 00:10:16,090
That's a thumbtack.
235
00:10:19,961 --> 00:10:23,798
Aha.
There you are.
236
00:10:23,865 --> 00:10:26,167
What are you doing sitting
in the back of a running cab?
237
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,369
Be cool. I'm on a stakeout
to catch the PPK killer.
238
00:10:28,437 --> 00:10:29,603
The what?
239
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,006
The pigeon poison killer.
Keep up, Jackson!
240
00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:33,507
Yams, I'm getting
a little worried about you, man.
241
00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:34,909
Are you sure there's not something
242
00:10:34,976 --> 00:10:36,510
- you want to talk to me about?
- Over there.
243
00:10:36,578 --> 00:10:38,446
That slimy degenerate--
that's our guy.
244
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,281
Let me see.
245
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:44,051
That's an old man feeding pigeons!
246
00:10:44,119 --> 00:10:45,853
Oh, I wish I could live
in your candyland world
247
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:47,621
of Teddy bears and footy pajamas.
248
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,658
- Let's move!
- Hey, that will be 150 bucks.
249
00:10:50,726 --> 00:10:52,293
- Cover me, Jackson.
- Huh?
250
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:59,033
What the hell?
251
00:10:59,101 --> 00:11:00,935
Where's the foosball?
252
00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:03,170
Where is my
"Daschunds do it better" magnet?
253
00:11:03,238 --> 00:11:04,538
Where's the nespresso machine?
254
00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:05,840
I had it all removed.
255
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:07,875
Yes, there were far to many
distractions in here.
256
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:09,243
It was really affecting productivity.
257
00:11:09,311 --> 00:11:12,179
This is a break room,
not a productivity room.
258
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:13,748
Yeah, we're nurses.
259
00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:18,119
We're not nurses/people
who are productive all the time/
260
00:11:18,186 --> 00:11:19,220
nurse--
261
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:20,921
I want my magnet back!
262
00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:23,624
You took Rizzo's dart board!
263
00:11:23,692 --> 00:11:26,160
Okay, you've left us no choice.
264
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:27,728
Nurses...
265
00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:29,363
We're officially
on slow-down.
266
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:30,631
What's slow-down?
267
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:35,369
Oh. Oh, okay.
268
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:38,005
You're literally slowing down.
269
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,574
Wow, that's clever.
270
00:11:49,785 --> 00:11:50,918
Nice day, huh?
271
00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:52,553
Oh, yeah, it's a beaut.
272
00:11:52,621 --> 00:11:55,456
Yes, sir, it sure is.
273
00:11:55,524 --> 00:11:58,058
I'm sick of your games, punk!
Talk, damn it!
274
00:11:58,126 --> 00:12:00,060
Stop. Calm down, calm down.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir.
275
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:01,495
My friend is a little worked up.
276
00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:03,063
Oh, good, Jackson.
Good cop, bad cop.
277
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:06,300
- You're poisoning pigeons!
- It's just stale bread.
278
00:12:06,368 --> 00:12:08,102
Well, then you won't mind
if I have a little taste.
279
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,873
You're right.
It's just stale bread.
280
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,209
But what else are you hiding?
Cavity-search him!
281
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,243
What?
I'm not doing that. No.
282
00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:17,478
Yams, calm down, okay?
283
00:12:17,546 --> 00:12:19,280
- They're just pigeons.
- I will not calm down.
284
00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:21,749
These pigeons were trying to be
the best husbands they could.
285
00:12:21,817 --> 00:12:24,585
But they've been ignored,
berated, and mocked sexually.
286
00:12:24,653 --> 00:12:27,087
And God forbid they forget
to TiVo Smash.
287
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:29,924
Who's going to pay for the bread?
288
00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:32,626
Cover me, Jackson!
289
00:12:37,232 --> 00:12:40,201
Okay, nurses, I get it.
Your point has been made.
290
00:12:40,268 --> 00:12:43,304
Back to work, chop-chop,
at regular speed.
291
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:46,574
You... heard... her...
292
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,577
Nurses.
293
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:53,647
Chop... chop.
294
00:12:53,715 --> 00:12:55,416
Fine, have it your way,
295
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,085
as long as all of the work
gets done around here.
296
00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:03,757
Get... her... done!
297
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,293
Really, Rizzo?
I expected more out of you.
298
00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:10,698
Well, the surgery's over.
299
00:13:10,765 --> 00:13:12,700
Well, I'm sure you did your best.
300
00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:14,668
Now it's time for me to move on.
301
00:13:14,736 --> 00:13:16,937
Why don't you come over later
and we'll plan the funeral?
302
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,907
Then to get over my grief,
perhaps a little cruise--
303
00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:22,343
the Caribbean, maybe Copenhagen.
304
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,211
Here, I'll just leave the brochures.
305
00:13:24,279 --> 00:13:27,848
Mother, wait.
The cat survived.
306
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:29,917
What?
307
00:13:34,456 --> 00:13:37,358
Well, I thought--
it's just, heh...
308
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,327
He was so sick.
309
00:13:40,395 --> 00:13:43,530
I thought he was beyond saving.
310
00:13:43,598 --> 00:13:45,165
Well, it's a happy day.
Pay downstairs.
311
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:47,001
And if I don't see you,
have a great Thanksgiving,
312
00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:48,402
Christmas, and birthday.
313
00:13:48,470 --> 00:13:51,939
George...
314
00:13:52,007 --> 00:13:55,476
You are an excellent veterinarian.
315
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,611
What are you looking
at me like that for?
316
00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,580
I'm just waiting for the insult.
317
00:13:59,648 --> 00:14:02,216
- There's no insult.
- There's always an insult.
318
00:14:02,284 --> 00:14:04,318
Not today.
319
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,153
I'm very proud of you.
320
00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,038
Yeah, I heard you guys
were doing a slow-down
321
00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:25,172
to torture Dorothy.
322
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,541
Slowdown?
This is my usual work speed.
323
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:29,877
Hey, what's the matter?
You look bummed.
324
00:14:29,945 --> 00:14:31,779
For the first time in my life,
325
00:14:31,846 --> 00:14:33,714
my mother told me she's proud of me.
326
00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:35,149
My mother told me she was proud of me
327
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:36,583
when I won little miss Newark.
328
00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:38,619
Of course, she took it back
when I tested positive
329
00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:40,387
for performance-enhancing drugs.
330
00:14:40,455 --> 00:14:42,790
Her cat died before
I could even perform surgery.
331
00:14:42,857 --> 00:14:44,959
He was too sick.
There was nothing I could do.
332
00:14:45,026 --> 00:14:47,127
What? I just saw her
walk out of here with a cat,
333
00:14:47,195 --> 00:14:48,762
and it seemed more alive
than she does.
334
00:14:48,830 --> 00:14:51,198
I got another tabby
at the West Side shelter
335
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,599
and passed him off as hers.
336
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,902
Oh, that is dark!
337
00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:58,205
Like "a clown eating peanut
butter alone in a closet" dark.
338
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,140
Well, I guess
I'm gonna have to--
339
00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:01,575
Fake the new cat's death.
340
00:15:01,643 --> 00:15:02,943
Then everything will be
back to normal.
341
00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:05,446
I was going to say tell the truth,
342
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:07,414
'cause if I don't,
I'm gonna feel guilty
343
00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:08,207
for the rest of my life.
344
00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:09,668
Of course, if I do, I'll be reading
345
00:15:09,736 --> 00:15:11,984
high-brow erotica to her
for the rest of her life.
346
00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:13,539
All right, if you change your mind
347
00:15:13,606 --> 00:15:15,240
about the "fake cat death" thing,
348
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:17,142
I know a guy.
349
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:17,985
It's me.
350
00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:24,642
Hello, George.
351
00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:26,207
What are you doing here?
352
00:15:26,327 --> 00:15:27,761
There's something I have to tell you.
353
00:15:28,563 --> 00:15:30,573
It's about Cat.
354
00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:31,605
Where is he, anyway?
355
00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,834
Oh, he's somewhere around here...
356
00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:36,442
Scratching, eating lasagna,
357
00:15:36,822 --> 00:15:38,856
you know, doing cat things.
358
00:15:38,924 --> 00:15:39,958
Want some tea?
359
00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:41,059
No, thank you.
360
00:15:41,126 --> 00:15:42,460
I'm performing surgery this afternoon.
361
00:15:42,528 --> 00:15:46,397
Listen, Cat is not
who you think he is.
362
00:15:46,465 --> 00:15:48,933
The truth is, he died before surgery.
363
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:50,375
What?
364
00:15:50,495 --> 00:15:53,171
I went to a shelter,
replaced him with a similar cat.
365
00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:54,739
I was trying to spare your feelings.
366
00:15:54,807 --> 00:15:58,009
We both know the truth
of the matter, George.
367
00:15:58,077 --> 00:16:02,647
You would go to any length
to avoid spending time with me,
368
00:16:02,715 --> 00:16:04,983
just like your
small-penised father!
369
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,951
Please don't conjure that image again.
370
00:16:07,019 --> 00:16:09,087
I need some tea... and a son
that doesn't loathe me,
371
00:16:09,154 --> 00:16:10,705
but mostly the tea.
372
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:15,660
You know,
these are silk pillows.
373
00:16:15,728 --> 00:16:17,328
I'm amazed that Cat
hasn't shredded 'em.
374
00:16:17,396 --> 00:16:18,463
He's very well behaved.
375
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:19,964
There's no cat hair on this sofa.
376
00:16:20,032 --> 00:16:22,967
- I don't let him up there.
- Now that I think about it...
377
00:16:23,035 --> 00:16:25,236
- I don't smell a litter box.
- He's potty trained.
378
00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:28,072
- What are you trying to get at?
- You don't own a cat, do you?
379
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:29,440
You've never owned a cat.
380
00:16:29,753 --> 00:16:31,454
Fine.
It's the neighbor's.
381
00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:32,688
But I was helping her!
382
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:34,738
I can't believe you lied to me.
383
00:16:34,858 --> 00:16:36,367
- You lied to me too.
- You lied to me first.
384
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,443
- You lied to me worse.
- You never change.
385
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:41,364
You wonder why I stay
as far away from you as I can?
386
00:16:41,431 --> 00:16:43,667
Fine. Walk away!
I hope I fall in the tub,
387
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:46,936
and you find my cold, dead, wet body!
388
00:16:57,381 --> 00:16:59,815
I take it you saw
the blood work results, huh?
389
00:16:59,883 --> 00:17:03,319
Yeah, no poison,
just a simple Coryza virus.
390
00:17:03,387 --> 00:17:04,238
I may have overreacted.
391
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,116
Yeah, it's possible.
392
00:17:06,236 --> 00:17:09,725
Um, look, I get that
it's hard to be a pigeon,
393
00:17:09,793 --> 00:17:11,127
but pigeons need to remember
394
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:12,862
that they have friends
that are there for them.
395
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:14,230
What I'm trying to say is,
396
00:17:14,298 --> 00:17:18,301
is that if any of these pigeons
ever need a place to stay
397
00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:21,837
or someone to talk to
or watch a movie with--
398
00:17:21,905 --> 00:17:24,440
whatever it is, I'm here for them.
399
00:17:24,508 --> 00:17:26,175
So you wouldn't mind
a pigeon stopping by
400
00:17:26,243 --> 00:17:28,077
without any warning,
sleeping in your spare bedroom,
401
00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,278
even for a few weeks?
402
00:17:29,346 --> 00:17:31,414
No, not if that's
what the pigeon needed.
403
00:17:31,481 --> 00:17:33,349
Thanks, Doug.
That means a lot.
404
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,518
- You got it, yams.
- So this is Charlie.
405
00:17:35,585 --> 00:17:37,253
He needs ointment applied
every three hours.
406
00:17:37,321 --> 00:17:38,821
You know that when
we were talking about pigeons,
407
00:17:38,889 --> 00:17:40,189
we were talking about you, right?
408
00:17:40,257 --> 00:17:41,657
- We were?
- Yeah.
409
00:17:41,725 --> 00:17:43,292
I was getting lost in the metaphor.
410
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,261
I heard about what's happening
at home, okay?
411
00:17:45,329 --> 00:17:48,097
Now, if you need to, you can
move in with me for a while.
412
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:51,267
- Thanks, Doug.
- Oh...
413
00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:53,135
You got it, buddy.
414
00:17:53,203 --> 00:17:55,171
Fair warning--
I like to free-ball it
415
00:17:55,238 --> 00:17:56,372
at the breakfast table.
416
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,307
Why do you say stuff like that?
417
00:17:58,375 --> 00:18:01,177
What's the big deal?
418
00:18:01,244 --> 00:18:03,612
She's a lonely old broad who
tried something a little shady
419
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,181
to get closer to her son.
420
00:18:05,248 --> 00:18:06,549
Are you actually defending her?
421
00:18:06,616 --> 00:18:07,917
You have a mother who's just as bad
422
00:18:07,985 --> 00:18:09,185
who you don't deal with.
423
00:18:09,252 --> 00:18:11,420
I never said that.
I see my mother every week.
424
00:18:11,488 --> 00:18:12,888
What? Why?
425
00:18:12,956 --> 00:18:15,358
You can't just walk away
when they do something crazy,
426
00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:17,827
like fake-own a cat
or light your dad on fire.
427
00:18:17,894 --> 00:18:19,862
The point is, at the end of the day,
428
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,831
your mother's still your mother.
429
00:18:28,405 --> 00:18:31,908
Your grandmother
always had the good stuff.
430
00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:33,843
Looks like, uh,
we could use some, hmm?
431
00:18:33,911 --> 00:18:35,845
Uh, no, thanks.
432
00:18:35,913 --> 00:18:37,046
That bourbon's been sitting there
433
00:18:37,114 --> 00:18:38,214
for at least a year.
434
00:18:38,282 --> 00:18:39,849
You don't understand bourbon, do you?
435
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:41,484
Figures.
436
00:18:41,552 --> 00:18:43,386
I can't run a hospital like her.
437
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:44,954
I guess I can't drink like her either.
438
00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:46,823
Why would you want to run
this place like Eleanor?
439
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:49,525
Uh, because the board loves her
440
00:18:49,593 --> 00:18:51,994
and her loveable yet iron fist.
441
00:18:52,062 --> 00:18:54,597
I don't know where
you're getting your information.
442
00:18:54,665 --> 00:18:56,532
The board hated your grandmother.
443
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,868
No, they didn't. They can't
stop singing her praises.
444
00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:00,870
Dorothy, they loathed her.
445
00:19:00,938 --> 00:19:03,005
Look, she kept all the old memos
from the board.
446
00:19:03,073 --> 00:19:04,841
We used to read these for fun.
447
00:19:04,908 --> 00:19:07,743
Here we go.
"May 7, 1962.
448
00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,412
"We understand you are a woman,
449
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:11,047
"but even by those low standards,
450
00:19:11,114 --> 00:19:12,748
"your incompetency is shocking.
451
00:19:12,816 --> 00:19:15,918
"The staff, mostly comprised
of beatniks and Catholics,
452
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:18,421
- woefully neglect their duties."
- Wow.
453
00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:20,323
I know. Can you believe
we used to hire Catholics?
454
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:23,993
They hated her, George.
They hate me too.
455
00:19:24,061 --> 00:19:27,563
I guess I'm more like
my grandmother than I thought.
456
00:19:27,631 --> 00:19:29,165
I think I can make this work.
457
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:30,533
Yeah, you can,
458
00:19:30,601 --> 00:19:32,768
'cause you care about this place
as much as she did.
459
00:19:32,836 --> 00:19:36,239
Just run it your own way,
Dorothy, hmm?
460
00:19:36,306 --> 00:19:39,275
Except when it comes to me.
I still do whatever.
461
00:19:39,343 --> 00:19:42,678
Whoo!
I'm on my fifth espresso!
462
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:45,448
Yeah, that was, like,
my sixth double shot.
463
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,049
That's like ten regular shots.
464
00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:49,685
I'm freaking out, man.
Cool.
465
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,454
Looks like
the slow-down's over.
466
00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:54,357
Yeah. I'm done trying
to be my grandmother.
467
00:19:54,424 --> 00:19:56,292
Good for you.
Then there's no way
468
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,361
that you can keep using
her office, right?
469
00:19:58,428 --> 00:20:00,062
Oh, why, I haven't really
thought about it.
470
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:01,397
Great.
I will take it.
471
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,266
It's the least you can do
for the awesome advice
472
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:06,002
I gave you
that totally backfired. Bye.
473
00:20:09,239 --> 00:20:10,840
You got me a turtle.
474
00:20:10,907 --> 00:20:12,975
Well, I didn't want you to be lonely.
475
00:20:13,043 --> 00:20:16,612
Thank you.
476
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,980
I guess you'll be off, then.
477
00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:21,317
You know, turtles
are pretty hearty animals,
478
00:20:21,384 --> 00:20:24,687
but, uh, just in case...
479
00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:27,756
I'll come by to check on him
once a month.
480
00:20:27,824 --> 00:20:29,959
I think he could stand
to be looked at twice a month.
481
00:20:30,026 --> 00:20:32,378
I don't think he could stand that.
482
00:20:32,429 --> 00:20:34,897
How about once every three weeks
483
00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:36,799
and your birthday and Christmas?
484
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:40,569
That would be lovely.
485
00:20:40,637 --> 00:20:44,940
I'll name him...
Turtle.
486
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:46,511
I had a feeling, yeah.
487
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:53,703
- Good night.
- Good night.
488
00:20:53,771 --> 00:20:54,905
See you tomorrow.
489
00:20:56,212 --> 00:20:57,340
Where's Rizzo?
490
00:20:58,742 --> 00:21:00,610
Oh, he's doing me a solid.
491
00:21:00,678 --> 00:21:02,646
Oh, okay.
492
00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:10,687
Somehow, this just isn't the same.
493
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:20,798
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