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1
00:00:05,902 --> 00:00:07,201
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers.
2
00:00:07,203 --> 00:00:08,653
It's really comin' down out there.
3
00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:10,505
Now, I'm not a licensed meteorologist,
4
00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:13,508
but I believe the technical
term is snowy AF.
5
00:00:13,510 --> 00:00:15,343
For anyone stocking up, we are limiting
6
00:00:15,345 --> 00:00:18,012
all water purchases
to one case per person,
7
00:00:18,014 --> 00:00:20,148
and that does include coconut water,
8
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,684
watermelon water, cucumber water,
9
00:00:22,686 --> 00:00:24,786
aloe water, probiotic water,
10
00:00:24,788 --> 00:00:25,787
and electric water,
11
00:00:25,789 --> 00:00:27,088
which is something I just made up
12
00:00:27,090 --> 00:00:28,923
but you probably got all excited about.
13
00:00:28,925 --> 00:00:31,993
And if anybody lost a blue hair thingie,
14
00:00:31,995 --> 00:00:34,462
please come pick it up
at customer service.
15
00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:36,264
Oh, that's mine!
16
00:00:36,266 --> 00:00:37,715
What?
17
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,946
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
18
00:00:53,483 --> 00:00:55,783
The snow is already at my knees
19
00:00:55,785 --> 00:00:57,952
and shows no signs of slowing.
20
00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:00,872
I know it doesn't look
very high, but, once again,
21
00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:04,659
I'm 6'7", so it would be above the waist
22
00:01:04,661 --> 00:01:06,461
of a normal size person.
23
00:01:06,463 --> 00:01:08,630
So much for global warming.
24
00:01:08,632 --> 00:01:11,633
Actually, this... this
is direct proof of the...
25
00:01:11,635 --> 00:01:13,668
nope, I'm not gonna take the bait.
26
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:15,336
I knew this blizzard
was coming a week ago
27
00:01:15,338 --> 00:01:17,588
'cause my macaw started having diarrhea.
28
00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:20,708
Don't all birds diarrhea all the time?
29
00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:21,776
Not like this.
30
00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:22,877
- Hey, Glenn?
- Mm-hmm?
31
00:01:22,879 --> 00:01:25,263
Um, it's really bad out there.
32
00:01:25,265 --> 00:01:27,398
Do you think maybe we could
all go home early?
33
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,117
Well, we're supposed
to stay open till 11:00.
34
00:01:29,119 --> 00:01:31,352
Come on, the only people
left in the store are us
35
00:01:31,354 --> 00:01:33,154
and a few sample suckers.
36
00:01:33,156 --> 00:01:34,222
Okay, you know what, yeah,
37
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,591
I could give corporate a call, sure.
38
00:01:36,593 --> 00:01:38,159
So much for global warming, huh?
39
00:01:38,161 --> 00:01:39,927
It's not... it's not global warming.
40
00:01:39,929 --> 00:01:41,112
- It's climate change.
- Shh.
41
00:01:41,114 --> 00:01:42,697
No, but, if anything, this is proof...
42
00:01:42,699 --> 00:01:44,899
- Shh.
- This...
43
00:01:48,338 --> 00:01:50,104
Jerry.
44
00:01:50,106 --> 00:01:51,706
Sandra, hi.
45
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,207
Hi. What are you...
46
00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:56,862
Oh, you are a lifesaver.
47
00:01:57,547 --> 00:01:58,946
Mmm.
48
00:01:58,948 --> 00:02:00,581
I ran out of vape juice.
49
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:02,183
It's really bad out there.
50
00:02:02,185 --> 00:02:04,252
I hit some ice and almost
skidded into a pet cem...
51
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,704
Oh, this is cotton candy.
52
00:02:06,706 --> 00:02:08,956
I asked you for candy cane.
53
00:02:08,958 --> 00:02:10,625
Oh, sorry.
54
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:12,160
Whatever.
55
00:02:12,162 --> 00:02:13,961
I guess I don't matter.
56
00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:17,910
Bye.
57
00:02:18,702 --> 00:02:19,867
Bye.
58
00:02:22,505 --> 00:02:24,972
Oh, you look so sad right now.
59
00:02:24,974 --> 00:02:27,241
It's, like, haunting.
60
00:02:27,243 --> 00:02:28,710
Can I take your picture?
61
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,212
Okay.
62
00:02:32,215 --> 00:02:34,649
Oh, now you just look like a sad clown.
63
00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:36,084
I can do it.
64
00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:37,820
No, it's fine. The moment's passed.
65
00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:40,455
It is really coming down out there,
66
00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:43,124
and I'm worried about people
making it home safely.
67
00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,892
Oh, of course, the most important thing
68
00:02:44,894 --> 00:02:46,260
is the safety of our employees.
69
00:02:46,262 --> 00:02:48,129
Exactly, so, uh, I was hoping
70
00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:50,631
I could let everyone go a little early?
71
00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:53,117
Oh, wouldn't that be
such a sweet gesture?
72
00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:55,920
Uh-huh, it... it would be, yes.
73
00:02:55,922 --> 00:02:57,939
Well, if you need anything at all,
74
00:02:57,941 --> 00:02:59,073
we're here for you and, uh,
75
00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:01,291
we will be right up until closing time.
76
00:03:01,878 --> 00:03:04,263
So you're saying we can't leave?
77
00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:07,679
I'm saying we appreciate
your commitment to stay.
78
00:03:08,418 --> 00:03:09,400
Thank you.
79
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,093
Attention, all remaining customers.
80
00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:22,063
The governor has declared
a state of emergency.
81
00:03:22,065 --> 00:03:25,733
Customers are advised to get
home before conditions worsen,
82
00:03:25,735 --> 00:03:28,674
which begs the question,
what about employees
83
00:03:28,944 --> 00:03:31,739
who also drive cars
and also have families
84
00:03:31,741 --> 00:03:34,308
and/or video games to get home to?
85
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,524
Yeah, I... I checked on that,
86
00:03:37,525 --> 00:03:40,331
and corporate would like us
to stay until closing so...
87
00:03:41,601 --> 00:03:43,334
Glenn, this is crazy.
88
00:03:43,336 --> 00:03:44,502
It's really bad out there.
89
00:03:44,504 --> 00:03:45,636
Oh, I don't know.
90
00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:48,372
Maybe it's starting to lighten up a bit.
91
00:03:48,374 --> 00:03:50,224
No, actually, it's getting worse.
92
00:03:50,226 --> 00:03:52,710
Uh, they're calling it
the snow-poca-blizz.
93
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:54,178
Oh, wait, nope, that's
just some guy on Twitter
94
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:55,312
trying to get it going.
95
00:03:55,314 --> 00:03:57,767
Okay, well, you know,
I'll try 'em again.
96
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,619
Oh, no, no, no, Glenn, no, that's...
97
00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:03,421
you're still using the intercom phone.
98
00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:05,568
- Ow!
- Put it down.
99
00:04:05,569 --> 00:04:07,141
Oh, phooey to corporate.
100
00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:08,826
Let's just get outta here.
101
00:04:08,828 --> 00:04:10,594
You heard the man, go, go!
102
00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:13,124
Okay, before you go,
can you unlock the razor case?
103
00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:15,683
I don't know why you guys
lock up the razor blades.
104
00:04:15,985 --> 00:04:18,369
They're actually one
of the most shoplifted items,
105
00:04:18,371 --> 00:04:19,787
high-ticket and easy to pocket.
106
00:04:19,789 --> 00:04:22,306
People also steal name-brand detergent,
107
00:04:22,308 --> 00:04:23,908
condoms, baby formula.
108
00:04:23,910 --> 00:04:26,077
You wouldn't think it, but
they sell it and buy heroin.
109
00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:29,480
Pretty grim. Anyway, happy to help.
110
00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:30,981
Holy moly!
111
00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:33,197
It is the snow-poca-blizz!
112
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:35,164
It is colder than the critical reception
113
00:04:35,165 --> 00:04:36,787
of Drake's last album!
114
00:04:36,789 --> 00:04:39,757
That's what you said when
we came out here last night!
115
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:40,925
Shut up. None of them heard it!
116
00:04:40,927 --> 00:04:42,660
You guys think the bus is running
117
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:44,345
on its regular schedule?
118
00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:45,579
I doubt it!
119
00:04:45,581 --> 00:04:47,491
But maybe we can split an Uber!
120
00:04:47,492 --> 00:04:49,224
I can't see my car!
121
00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:50,835
I lost one of my shoes!
122
00:04:50,837 --> 00:04:52,837
Maybe we should go back inside!
123
00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,040
No, we just have to get to our cars!
124
00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:56,647
Oh, there's surge pricing!
125
00:04:56,648 --> 00:04:58,309
I lost my other shoe!
126
00:04:58,311 --> 00:05:00,444
It costs $1,400!
127
00:05:00,446 --> 00:05:02,627
Okay, we have to go back inside!
128
00:05:02,628 --> 00:05:03,647
We're gonna die out here!
129
00:05:03,649 --> 00:05:05,950
It is colder than the critical reception
130
00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:08,085
of Justin Timberlake's last album!
131
00:05:08,087 --> 00:05:10,588
We heard you the first time!
132
00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:13,731
Well, I just heard an update
133
00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:17,079
on KFR-AM 520 with Bill Mudd,
the Weather Stud...
134
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,380
who, by the way,
if you go to their website,
135
00:05:19,382 --> 00:05:20,715
is far from studly.
136
00:05:20,717 --> 00:05:22,216
Oh, his eyes are on
the side of his head.
137
00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:23,334
- I know.
- Yeah.
138
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,721
Anyway, it looks as though
we are stuck here tonight.
139
00:05:26,723 --> 00:05:27,722
- Oh!
- What?
140
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:28,723
- What?
- Come on.
141
00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:29,590
So because corporate
142
00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:31,509
couldn't let us home a tad bit earlier,
143
00:05:31,511 --> 00:05:33,761
now I can't get home to my children?
144
00:05:34,142 --> 00:05:36,097
I thought Adam has the kids tonight.
145
00:05:36,599 --> 00:05:39,016
He does. I'm just
trying to make a point.
146
00:05:39,018 --> 00:05:41,040
I was gonna host chili night tonight.
147
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,271
We were gonna host chili night tonight.
148
00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:44,709
Well, it's my apartment.
149
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,092
You're just bringing the chili.
150
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,378
The chili's the whole point.
151
00:05:47,471 --> 00:05:49,171
So we're just supposed
to spend the night here
152
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:50,089
like homeless people.
153
00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:53,285
Yes, this is the exact sleeping
situation homeless people have.
154
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:54,559
They wouldn't sleep here.
155
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,693
This place is crawling with raccoons.
156
00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:59,150
I let a homeless guy
use my bathroom once.
157
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,020
Now he just does it
when I'm not even home.
158
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:04,037
Okay, we have no idea how
long we're gonna be stuck here,
159
00:06:04,038 --> 00:06:05,937
so we need to ration our food.
160
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:08,299
The less we eat up front,
the longer we can go
161
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,742
before we start eating each other later.
162
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:11,852
Um, I have a child here.
163
00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:13,162
That is an amazing offer,
164
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,664
but why don't we just try
and get out of here alive
165
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,881
before we start
eating the children, huh?
166
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:19,785
I... I don't think it'll come to that.
167
00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:21,536
Let's just help ourselves
to whatever we need:
168
00:06:21,537 --> 00:06:23,716
bedding, food, pajamas, you know.
169
00:06:23,888 --> 00:06:26,855
Mi casa is sues mos, wazzas.
170
00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:27,951
Cell phones are out.
171
00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:30,284
Do you have a landline
I can call my family from?
172
00:06:30,285 --> 00:06:32,613
Oh, sure, yeah, you can use
the phone at customer service.
173
00:06:32,614 --> 00:06:34,510
And can I also use it
to call my mistress?
174
00:06:37,121 --> 00:06:39,598
Is... is... is... is she nice?
175
00:06:40,141 --> 00:06:41,075
She's okay.
176
00:06:41,726 --> 00:06:42,811
Well, that's good.
177
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,677
So how have you been?
178
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:02,610
Good.
179
00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:05,197
Carol doesn't let me eat sugar.
180
00:07:06,216 --> 00:07:08,333
Oh, cool.
181
00:07:09,493 --> 00:07:10,338
You look good.
182
00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:11,849
Thanks.
183
00:07:14,237 --> 00:07:15,482
You look nice too.
184
00:07:16,295 --> 00:07:17,350
Thanks.
185
00:07:19,816 --> 00:07:22,282
I was thinking about getting bangs,
186
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:24,625
but I didn't.
187
00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:27,033
Hmm.
188
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,435
Where should I set up my stuff?
189
00:07:32,436 --> 00:07:34,258
Oh, anywhere is fine.
190
00:07:34,259 --> 00:07:35,444
Are you crazy?
191
00:07:35,446 --> 00:07:36,445
You know that we're liable
192
00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:38,620
for any assaults that
take place tonight, right?
193
00:07:39,033 --> 00:07:39,716
I...
194
00:07:39,717 --> 00:07:41,750
Now, you need to set up
in the very center of the floor, okay?
195
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,372
We need to keep
the hotties in the middle,
196
00:07:43,373 --> 00:07:44,353
make them harder to get to.
197
00:07:44,354 --> 00:07:46,755
That's how wolves protect
their hottest wolves.
198
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:47,591
Okay.
199
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,625
Listen, I'm gonna do
everything in my power
200
00:07:49,627 --> 00:07:52,211
to make sure you make it
through the night alive, okay?
201
00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:53,877
Oh, all right, thanks, Dina.
202
00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:56,465
You know, we should really tie bells
203
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:58,550
to some of the creeps
so we can hear them coming.
204
00:07:59,877 --> 00:08:01,493
No, I'm not gonna make it tonight.
205
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:04,098
Just enjoy the hotel room.
Watch some HBO.
206
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:06,616
Use all the blankets.
Take 'em in the shower.
207
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,273
Doesn't cost nothin'.
208
00:08:08,274 --> 00:08:09,875
Just nothing from the minibar.
209
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,580
See, this isn't so bad.
210
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,633
It's like we're all having
a big slumber party.
211
00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,710
Ooh, we should do a Ouija board.
212
00:08:21,711 --> 00:08:23,459
Nah, the only dead guy here is Sal,
213
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,743
and I don't want to talk to that dude.
214
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,401
Oh, we could play Spin the Bottle.
215
00:08:26,402 --> 00:08:27,645
I'm awesome at Spin the Bottle.
216
00:08:27,646 --> 00:08:29,026
I can make it spin forever.
217
00:08:29,027 --> 00:08:30,067
It's like a wrist thing.
218
00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:31,446
All right, let's go around
219
00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:33,487
and each of us say
how we lost our virginity.
220
00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:34,420
Oh, no, we don't need to do that.
221
00:08:34,422 --> 00:08:35,986
Okay, for me, it was Mark Benthis.
222
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:37,278
He was this jock in high school,
223
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:38,868
and I was tutoring him in English.
224
00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,392
So one day, he comes to my house
225
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,250
to study after basketball practice
226
00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:45,747
and he's all sweaty
and one thing leads to another.
227
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:46,960
Alley-oop.
228
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,484
- Swish.
- That's awesome.
229
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,860
Did you guys date after that?
230
00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:51,665
No, he pretended not to know me,
231
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:53,388
so I started tutoring him wrong.
232
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,117
If he thought he was dyslexic before...
233
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:57,752
- Oh.
- Mine was
234
00:08:57,753 --> 00:08:59,748
a French foreign exchange student
235
00:08:59,749 --> 00:09:01,526
my family hosted when I was 16.
236
00:09:01,935 --> 00:09:06,052
After a couple weeks,
it was avoir la petit Mort.
237
00:09:06,053 --> 00:09:07,420
Please tell me that means sex.
238
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,221
Uh, yes.
239
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,816
Yes, awesome. Lucky girl.
240
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,912
Jasmine Mendoza.
241
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:16,103
- Oh?
- Wow.
242
00:09:16,104 --> 00:09:17,875
I know. I was so freaked out afterwards,
243
00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:19,381
she had to take me
to the emergency room.
244
00:09:19,382 --> 00:09:21,344
- Aww.
- I'm crying.
245
00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,599
For me, it was Adam, duh.
246
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:26,611
It was the night before his
state wrestling championship,
247
00:09:26,612 --> 00:09:27,872
and he begged me because
248
00:09:27,873 --> 00:09:30,225
he didn't want to pop a boner
during his match.
249
00:09:30,227 --> 00:09:31,394
So how'd he do?
250
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:33,554
He broke his foot
and lost his scholarship.
251
00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:34,296
Ouch.
252
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:35,314
At least he didn't get a boner.
253
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:36,999
No, he still did, actually.
254
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,405
To this day, he still calls that
255
00:09:38,406 --> 00:09:40,183
the week of boners that ruined his life.
256
00:09:40,384 --> 00:09:42,071
- Hmm.
- All right, who's next?
257
00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:43,528
Sandra, you go.
258
00:09:44,696 --> 00:09:46,649
Um, what do we do
259
00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:49,543
if the person we did it with is here?
260
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:06,018
Jesus, your feet are freezing.
261
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,417
Come on. How 'bout now?
262
00:10:07,418 --> 00:10:10,235
No, I... they're like blocks of ice.
263
00:10:10,236 --> 00:10:11,778
Come on, that's your job.
264
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,233
- It's not my job.
- Yes.
265
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:14,251
Then I quit.
266
00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:15,320
- Stop.
- It's freezing.
267
00:10:15,322 --> 00:10:18,830
Oh, so you guys are sharing a bed.
268
00:10:19,504 --> 00:10:21,587
That's so husband and wife.
269
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,437
Yeah, well, there... there
weren't many mattresses.
270
00:10:23,438 --> 00:10:26,983
Oh, never mind, cool. Cool.
271
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:28,102
It just...
272
00:10:28,103 --> 00:10:30,002
you know, could you not maybe...
273
00:10:31,693 --> 00:10:33,172
If you could avoid...
274
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:38,278
Having sex on an air mattress
surrounded by our coworkers?
275
00:10:38,279 --> 00:10:40,232
We will try to contain ourselves.
276
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,029
Oh, okay, great, thank you.
277
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:43,870
Good night.
278
00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:52,042
- Good night.
- Huh?
279
00:10:52,044 --> 00:10:53,160
Jesus!
280
00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:54,888
Good night, Marcus.
281
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:57,974
Ah.
282
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:06,974
No, Glenn, we're okay.
283
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:08,225
- We don't...
- Oh.
284
00:11:08,227 --> 00:11:09,593
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's cozy.
285
00:11:09,595 --> 00:11:10,261
There we go.
286
00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:13,566
That is... that is comfortable.
287
00:11:23,993 --> 00:11:26,076
- Is this good?
- No, Jerry.
288
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:26,911
Sorry.
289
00:11:26,913 --> 00:11:30,281
Don't apologize. Just be better.
290
00:11:31,868 --> 00:11:33,617
Sandra, where are you going?
291
00:11:33,619 --> 00:11:35,202
I'm gonna sleep in the break room.
292
00:11:35,204 --> 00:11:36,414
Nobody moves after light's out.
293
00:11:36,415 --> 00:11:37,980
It's for Cheyenne's security.
294
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:39,701
Oh, okay.
295
00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,676
Don't move your arms so much.
296
00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:43,884
Just lie there.
297
00:11:53,382 --> 00:11:54,264
Hey.
298
00:11:56,051 --> 00:11:57,267
Cheyenne, wake up.
299
00:11:57,269 --> 00:11:59,717
Rise and Cheyenne.
300
00:12:00,889 --> 00:12:02,022
Girl, wake up.
301
00:12:03,025 --> 00:12:05,193
Jesus, wake up, you ox!
302
00:12:06,895 --> 00:12:09,612
I think our mattress deflated.
303
00:12:09,614 --> 00:12:11,281
Oh, is that what that sound was?
304
00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:14,171
I thought you were just
continuously farting all night,
305
00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:15,957
which I thought was cute.
306
00:12:16,238 --> 00:12:17,888
Mornin'.
307
00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:19,550
You guys want coffee?
308
00:12:20,409 --> 00:12:22,075
Um, no, that's...
309
00:12:22,077 --> 00:12:24,246
- No, I'm... penis.
- We're okay.
310
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,700
- Thanks.
- All right.
311
00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:31,751
Oh, hey, do you guys
wanna come for breakfast?
312
00:12:31,753 --> 00:12:33,753
It's Thursday, so we're
having waffle sticks
313
00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:36,756
and pancake rollovers
and French toast poppers.
314
00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:38,425
Yeah, I think we've spent enough time
315
00:12:38,427 --> 00:12:40,169
with each other for a while.
316
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,482
That is a lot of snow.
317
00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:47,434
Yes! I told you!
318
00:12:47,436 --> 00:12:49,180
I said we need to ration our food
319
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:50,770
because we may be stuck
in there for a while,
320
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,439
but did any of you listen to me?
321
00:12:52,441 --> 00:12:55,358
Nope, and now we very well
may starve to death.
322
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,111
In your faces!
323
00:12:58,113 --> 00:12:59,913
Boom! Always right.
324
00:12:59,915 --> 00:13:01,638
Another one for the good guys.
325
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,668
Sorry, baby, I'm just
gonna be a few more hours.
326
00:13:05,670 --> 00:13:08,171
Um, hey, uh, don't
eat the free breakfast
327
00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:09,756
and see if they'll
credit it to the room.
328
00:13:09,758 --> 00:13:12,214
And, uh, you didn't do laundry, did you?
329
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:13,877
Okay, mention that.
330
00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:16,379
Would you mention that
you didn't do any laundry?
331
00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:24,354
Okay, um, how about what
is the most embarrassing way
332
00:13:24,356 --> 00:13:26,806
you've ever injured yourself?
333
00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:27,598
Go.
334
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:31,561
Uh, about ten years ago,
I tried to run a marathon,
335
00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:33,813
and I made it almost the entire way,
336
00:13:33,815 --> 00:13:36,282
but three feet before the finish line,
337
00:13:36,284 --> 00:13:38,451
I passed out from dehydration.
338
00:13:38,453 --> 00:13:40,036
Wait, how is that embarrassing?
339
00:13:40,038 --> 00:13:43,490
That's just bragging that you
finished most of a marathon.
340
00:13:43,492 --> 00:13:45,458
I chipped my tooth
biting a chocolate coin
341
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,377
that turned out to just be a quarter.
342
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:48,411
And then another time,
343
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:51,631
I fell up an escalator
when I was taking a selfie.
344
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,348
I got my penis caught
in my friend Russell's zipper.
345
00:13:54,588 --> 00:13:55,218
Oh.
346
00:13:55,547 --> 00:13:56,920
I'm sorry, I just gotta...
347
00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,505
where was Russell's penis?
348
00:13:58,507 --> 00:14:00,340
For a while, neither of us knew.
349
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:02,425
I slipped in the shower once.
350
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:04,010
That's not that embarrassing.
351
00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:04,676
Oh, yeah?
352
00:14:04,829 --> 00:14:07,280
'Cause I slipped on my own poop.
353
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,315
- What?
- Why?
354
00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:11,101
I had just deuced in the shower.
355
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,685
- Ugh.
- Ugh.
356
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:13,499
Why?
357
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,522
Okay, right, when you guys
are in the shower
358
00:14:15,524 --> 00:14:17,907
and you have to go, you just hold it.
359
00:14:17,909 --> 00:14:19,086
Yes. Yeah.
360
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,162
That's what you do
when it's a number two.
361
00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:25,915
Sure, so you don't poop
in the shower every morning
362
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:27,617
and stamp it down the drain
with your feet?
363
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:28,945
Oh, my God.
364
00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:30,496
- Oh, my...
- No.
365
00:14:30,497 --> 00:14:33,339
Okay, whatever. Screw you, snowflakes.
366
00:14:33,703 --> 00:14:35,092
Bunch of princesses.
367
00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:46,519
All right, we've narrowed it
down to two choices:
368
00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:48,388
"Game of Thrones" season one
369
00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:49,722
or "Friends" season nine.
370
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,357
Is that the season with Paul Rudd?
371
00:14:51,359 --> 00:14:53,059
Uh, I believe so, yeah.
372
00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:53,840
Pass.
373
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,802
My son's six.
374
00:14:54,803 --> 00:14:56,279
"Game of Thrones" has too much nudity.
375
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:57,776
I feel like both those shows
376
00:14:57,778 --> 00:14:59,278
have way too many white people.
377
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,104
Yeah, I got to agree.
378
00:15:00,105 --> 00:15:02,564
I watch TV as an escape,
not to see more white people.
379
00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:05,359
Well, I could watch something
with a little more diversity.
380
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,035
How about "Empire"?
381
00:15:07,637 --> 00:15:09,019
Gonna start right in the deep end, huh?
382
00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:12,074
Guys, there are two DVDs:
383
00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:15,238
"Game of Thrones" season one,
"Friends" season nine.
384
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:16,378
That's it.
385
00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:18,247
It has to be one of those choices.
386
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:19,998
You know, I've always wanted to watch
387
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,013
"Orange Is the New Black."
388
00:15:21,014 --> 00:15:21,847
I'd watch that.
389
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,836
I thought you said your son
couldn't watch nudity.
390
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,250
He likes strong female leads.
391
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:29,763
Just a little more color on your cheeks.
392
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:32,188
There.
393
00:15:32,961 --> 00:15:33,898
How do I look?
394
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:35,904
You look good.
395
00:15:37,351 --> 00:15:37,920
Really?
396
00:15:38,195 --> 00:15:40,192
I think he looks like his whore sister.
397
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:04,221
Ah!
398
00:16:04,222 --> 00:16:05,544
Can you stop doing that?
399
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:06,032
What?
400
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,816
That "ah" you do every time you move.
401
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:09,546
It bugs.
402
00:16:09,547 --> 00:16:11,336
I'm sorry. I didn't realize I did that.
403
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:14,355
Let me know if I'm doing
anything else that "bugs."
404
00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:16,972
Um, those bunny ears with your hands
405
00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:18,457
when you talk are annoying.
406
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:19,633
Um, noted.
407
00:16:19,634 --> 00:16:22,868
Um, I'll try not to do
anything else, um, annoying
408
00:16:22,869 --> 00:16:24,172
when I, um, talk.
409
00:16:24,173 --> 00:16:25,036
Thank you.
410
00:16:25,037 --> 00:16:26,565
He's making fun of you, Cheyenne,
411
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,597
because he thinks he's better
than everyone else here.
412
00:16:28,598 --> 00:16:31,234
Oh, I'm sorry, he thinks
he's better than everyone?
413
00:16:31,572 --> 00:16:33,739
You're the one who walks into
the break room every morning
414
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:36,391
and says, "Good morning, turd people."
415
00:16:36,877 --> 00:16:38,257
It wasn't funny the first time.
416
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:39,628
It's not supposed to be funny.
417
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:41,846
It's supposed to make you feel
bad for being turd people.
418
00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:43,194
Okay, guys, come on.
419
00:16:43,195 --> 00:16:45,314
Let's be nice to each other, you know.
420
00:16:45,315 --> 00:16:46,385
Spending all this time together
421
00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:48,187
can make us a little bit bonkers.
422
00:16:48,188 --> 00:16:48,845
It's true.
423
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:51,047
Do you know how many murders
happen on submarines?
424
00:16:51,048 --> 00:16:51,607
Okay, great.
425
00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:52,992
Well, then let's all
stop annoying each other
426
00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:54,156
and nobody has to get hurt.
427
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:57,095
What if we don't know what
we're doing that's annoying?
428
00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:58,180
Paradox.
429
00:16:58,182 --> 00:17:00,518
Maybe we should go around
and each say something
430
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,941
about someone that annoys us.
431
00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:04,105
Mm, that sounds like a real bad idea.
432
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,488
"That sounds like a real bad idea."
433
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:07,489
Who am I?
434
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:09,242
Oh! Amy. Easy.
435
00:17:09,243 --> 00:17:11,442
Okay, fine, let's do this.
436
00:17:11,443 --> 00:17:14,504
Uh, Mateo, when you say "touché,"
437
00:17:14,505 --> 00:17:16,620
you sound like a douché.
438
00:17:16,894 --> 00:17:17,775
Who's next?
439
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:27,157
You don't know how
to tell a story, Glenn.
440
00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:28,499
You get lost in the details,
441
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:30,053
like whatever people
were having for lunch.
442
00:17:30,054 --> 00:17:31,619
I am trying to paint a picture.
443
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:34,598
Nobody cares if it
doesn't impact the story.
444
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:36,688
I hate Mateo's anticlimactic sneezes.
445
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,594
It's a lot of build-up
for a tiny, little "achoo."
446
00:17:39,596 --> 00:17:41,664
Yeah, and it's always, like,
three or four of them in a row.
447
00:17:41,665 --> 00:17:43,410
He just likes the attention.
448
00:17:43,411 --> 00:17:45,281
Isaac, you need
to stop calling me brother.
449
00:17:45,282 --> 00:17:46,291
I don't do that.
450
00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:47,401
You do. I've heard it.
451
00:17:47,402 --> 00:17:49,702
Okay, maybe, but I don't
do it to sound cool.
452
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:50,939
I do it 'cause you're black.
453
00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:52,874
Garrett, your breath smells like farts,
454
00:17:52,876 --> 00:17:54,804
and your farts smell like food.
455
00:17:54,805 --> 00:17:55,893
You need to see a doctor.
456
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:58,431
And, Marcus, why do you
smell like sour milk?
457
00:17:58,432 --> 00:18:00,453
I eat cereal while I drive to work,
458
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,150
and most of the time, it spills.
459
00:18:02,152 --> 00:18:04,660
Dina, your voice is a smidge loud.
460
00:18:04,661 --> 00:18:06,582
Well, I'm so sorry that I have
461
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:08,681
an unusually large diaphragm!
462
00:18:08,682 --> 00:18:10,501
That makes two of us! Up top!
463
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,543
Get your [bleep]ing hand out of my face!
464
00:18:12,545 --> 00:18:13,774
Speaking of loud,
465
00:18:13,775 --> 00:18:15,229
when Amy chews chips,
466
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:17,879
it sounds like
she's eating a microphone.
467
00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:23,042
Aren't you just, like, a customer?
468
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:25,103
Yeah, I'm Terry.
469
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,190
Hi, Terry.
470
00:18:26,191 --> 00:18:27,396
Shut the hell up.
471
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,945
Yeah, you're not a part of this.
472
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:29,912
This is Cloud 9.
473
00:18:29,913 --> 00:18:31,346
We don't give a damn
what customers think.
474
00:18:31,348 --> 00:18:34,332
Yeah, why don't you
go stew in softlines?
475
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,984
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, get out of here.
476
00:18:35,986 --> 00:18:37,185
- Bye.
- Okay, okay.
477
00:18:37,187 --> 00:18:38,353
Bye.
478
00:18:38,355 --> 00:18:39,621
Can you believe that guy,
479
00:18:39,622 --> 00:18:41,830
barging in here
like he's part of the family?
480
00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:43,766
Guys, guys, who am I?
481
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,279
"I'm Terry."
482
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:51,532
Yeah, that's exactly
what he sounds like.
483
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:52,867
So good.
484
00:18:52,869 --> 00:18:54,657
Nailed it.
485
00:18:54,658 --> 00:18:57,327
Okay, so if I had to eat someone here,
486
00:18:57,328 --> 00:19:00,566
it would be... Glenn
487
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,511
'cause he eats a lot of sugar,
so he'd be the sweetest.
488
00:19:03,513 --> 00:19:04,489
Aw, thank you.
489
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:06,446
My blood sugar is really high.
490
00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:07,715
I'm prediabetic.
491
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:10,686
Personally, I wouldn't eat
anyone over the age of 35.
492
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:12,603
I know there's no
expiration date on people,
493
00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:14,592
but that's when they start to turn.
494
00:19:14,593 --> 00:19:16,930
Oh, Jenga!
495
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:17,942
- Yes!
- Jenga!
496
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:19,527
- That's a Jenga.
- Yas, Jenga.
497
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:21,112
- Cheers.
- That's a Jenga.
498
00:19:21,114 --> 00:19:22,113
Nice.
499
00:19:25,068 --> 00:19:27,367
Okay, okay, well, it's a cherry cola.
500
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:30,714
The acidity is too intense
for Coca-Cola Cherry,
501
00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:33,479
and it's not quite full-bodied enough
502
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,201
to be Cloud 9 Cherry Splash.
503
00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:37,953
RC Cherry Cola.
504
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:40,026
It's Bud Light Lime.
505
00:19:40,027 --> 00:19:41,527
Oh, yeah.
506
00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:43,413
Yeah, I'm getting that.
507
00:19:46,138 --> 00:19:47,212
Yes!
508
00:19:47,213 --> 00:19:48,604
How are you so good?
509
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,091
You never golfed before,
like, a year ago.
510
00:19:51,728 --> 00:19:52,775
I never big golfed,
511
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,421
but I used to mini golf all the time.
512
00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:55,585
Big golfed?
513
00:19:56,316 --> 00:19:56,904
Yeah.
514
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,816
If we make it out of here alive,
515
00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:00,512
I might take you to
my favorite mini golf place.
516
00:20:00,513 --> 00:20:01,956
You're not sick of me yet?
517
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,613
No. Are you sick of me?
518
00:20:07,764 --> 00:20:08,385
Nah.
519
00:20:10,349 --> 00:20:12,280
What about now? Are you sick of me now?
520
00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:13,872
Um.
521
00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:15,275
Is this making you sick of me?
522
00:20:15,276 --> 00:20:15,713
Well.
523
00:20:17,169 --> 00:20:18,453
Breath smells like farts.
524
00:20:18,455 --> 00:20:20,288
I'm sure my breath
doesn't smell like farts.
525
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,673
Oh, hey, excuse me, man.
Is this place open?
526
00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,008
How'd you get in here?
527
00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:25,293
Just through the doors.
528
00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:26,794
Did they plow the parking lot?
529
00:20:26,796 --> 00:20:27,845
I guess so.
530
00:20:27,847 --> 00:20:29,097
Oh, thank God.
531
00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:30,181
I mean, it's kind of cold outside.
532
00:20:30,183 --> 00:20:32,340
You might want to put on...
No, I'm good. I'm good.
533
00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:33,692
Whoo!
534
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:46,934
The trick is to take a box out
535
00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:51,223
without knocking over
the rest of the tower.
536
00:20:51,224 --> 00:20:52,526
Whoa.
537
00:20:52,527 --> 00:20:54,393
- Yep, that's the trick.
- Cool.
538
00:20:54,394 --> 00:20:55,361
We're out of orange juice.
539
00:20:55,362 --> 00:20:57,452
I got a secret stash in my office.
540
00:20:57,453 --> 00:20:58,359
On it.
541
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:05,717
Dina.
542
00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:07,635
Hi, Dina.
543
00:21:08,289 --> 00:21:10,372
I was just coming to get some juice,
544
00:21:11,324 --> 00:21:13,056
but, um, think I'll just
drink it straight.
545
00:21:13,057 --> 00:21:13,920
Okay.
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