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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,594 --> 00:00:03,045 And of course the swastikas 2 00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,873 that were on the latest newsletter 3 00:00:04,898 --> 00:00:06,309 were supposed to have been octopuses. 4 00:00:06,333 --> 00:00:09,762 I am a very bad artist, and I apologize to any student 5 00:00:09,787 --> 00:00:10,879 I may have offended. 6 00:00:10,904 --> 00:00:14,463 And... and finally, our sinks are not urinals, 7 00:00:14,488 --> 00:00:16,377 and our urinals are not sinks. 8 00:00:16,402 --> 00:00:18,286 And that's the last time I'm gonna say that. 9 00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:23,218 So, uh, our speaker today taught at Harvard 10 00:00:23,251 --> 00:00:27,544 and very soon hopefully will be doing a TED Talk. 11 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,513 So we are all very lucky to be the audience 12 00:00:30,538 --> 00:00:31,658 for his audition tape. 13 00:00:31,692 --> 00:00:33,761 Please welcome Jack Griffin. 14 00:00:34,862 --> 00:00:37,334 Shake. 15 00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:38,401 Thank you, Ralph. 16 00:00:38,426 --> 00:00:41,043 Uh, yes, you are all very lucky to be here, okay? 17 00:00:41,068 --> 00:00:42,536 If I get this TED Talk gig, 18 00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:45,173 it could catapult my upcoming book to the best-seller list. 19 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:48,444 Okay, so, congratulations. You knew me when. 20 00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:51,746 All right, roll cameras. 21 00:00:54,615 --> 00:00:57,886 Hi, everybody. Hi. Oh, stop. Please. Thank you. 22 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:01,738 Um, so my name is Dr. Jack Griffin 23 00:01:01,763 --> 00:01:04,611 and this is my presentation entitled, 24 00:01:04,636 --> 00:01:07,895 "The Pursuit of Happiness Through Societal Regression." 25 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:11,339 Now people often ask me, Doctor... 26 00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:12,472 Whoops. 27 00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:18,135 So, uh, uh, people will often ask me, 28 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,260 you know, Doctor... 29 00:01:19,285 --> 00:01:20,508 whoopsie. 30 00:01:22,676 --> 00:01:24,279 Oh, my God, Jack! Jack! 31 00:01:24,312 --> 00:01:26,535 - Oh, my God... - You okay? 32 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,028 Ralph, Ralph, you gotta get me out of here, man. 33 00:01:28,052 --> 00:01:29,840 - I'm really hurt. - Okay, okay, okay. 34 00:01:29,865 --> 00:01:31,652 Madison. Madison, come here. 35 00:01:31,686 --> 00:01:33,253 Oh, God! Oh, Ralph! 36 00:01:33,286 --> 00:01:34,338 Okay, we got him. 37 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,590 We got you, it's okay. 38 00:01:35,622 --> 00:01:36,689 Here we go. 39 00:01:36,714 --> 00:01:38,458 Oh, God, Ralph, I'm really hurt. 40 00:01:38,491 --> 00:01:40,261 - Ooh, gosh. - God, I'm really hurt. 41 00:01:40,294 --> 00:01:42,741 Oh, I'm really hurt. 42 00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:45,600 Ow, oh, oh, oh! 43 00:01:45,633 --> 00:01:47,898 - It's okay. - Oh, God. Ralph. 44 00:01:47,923 --> 00:01:49,945 Oh, God. Hold my thigh. It's my thigh. 45 00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:51,882 Oh, God. Oh! I really cranked it, Ralph. 46 00:01:51,907 --> 00:01:53,969 No, no, no, don't touch it! I cranked my thigh, Ralph! 47 00:01:53,993 --> 00:01:54,999 I'm just trying to help. 48 00:01:55,024 --> 00:01:56,919 Oh, but everything you're doing is making it worse. 49 00:01:56,943 --> 00:01:58,889 Oh, I think there's, like, a loose bone or something 50 00:01:58,913 --> 00:02:01,225 and my butt is... is... oh, God, I think I smashed my butt. 51 00:02:01,249 --> 00:02:04,199 Oh, my smashed butt. Oh, my smashed butt. 52 00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,576 Ohh, it's so smashed! 53 00:02:14,382 --> 00:02:18,882 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 54 00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,770 Oh, my God, dude was like, "Whoa!" 55 00:02:28,775 --> 00:02:30,277 "I'm wearing a suit." 56 00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:32,879 Whoopsie, whoopsie, whoopsie. 57 00:02:32,912 --> 00:02:34,348 Happy Monday, ladies. 58 00:02:34,382 --> 00:02:36,783 Jack, you're on WorldStar. 59 00:02:36,816 --> 00:02:38,552 What is WorldStar? 60 00:02:38,936 --> 00:02:40,672 Are you guys watching a video of me falling? 61 00:02:40,697 --> 00:02:41,856 - Mm-hmm. - That's not funny. 62 00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:45,259 It's pretty funny, especially 'cause you go, "Doctor whoops." 63 00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:46,761 Doctor Whoopsie! 64 00:02:48,353 --> 00:02:50,744 Like, who actually says whoopsie when they fall? 65 00:02:50,778 --> 00:02:51,784 Right? 66 00:02:51,809 --> 00:02:54,001 Good morning, Mary, Stef, Michelle, 67 00:02:54,035 --> 00:02:55,803 Dr. Whoopsie. 68 00:02:55,835 --> 00:02:58,005 Hey! 69 00:02:58,038 --> 00:02:59,607 Yeah. 70 00:02:59,632 --> 00:03:02,140 - Are you okay? - Well, finally somebody asks. 71 00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:03,626 Actually, I'm... I'm doing okay. 72 00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:05,477 Yeah, a little sore but nothing's broken. 73 00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:06,776 - That's good. - Yeah. 74 00:03:06,801 --> 00:03:09,058 I thought you were going to have that smashed butt surgery. 75 00:03:09,082 --> 00:03:10,120 Yeah. 76 00:03:10,145 --> 00:03:12,387 Did you guys hear the Smashed Butt remix? 77 00:03:13,953 --> 00:03:16,890 ♪ Ow it's so smashed, ow my smashed butt ♪ 78 00:03:16,924 --> 00:03:19,627 Everyone, terrible news. 79 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:21,496 The Daddy's back. 80 00:03:21,529 --> 00:03:23,715 - I'm sorry, what? The Daddy? - The Sugar Daddy. 81 00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,660 Jack, this is Whitlock's greatest mystery. 82 00:03:26,685 --> 00:03:29,004 Every few months, hundreds of Sugar Daddy wrappers 83 00:03:29,029 --> 00:03:31,345 mysteriously appear around the school. 84 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,272 This is the work of a real sick puppy. 85 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,524 Perhaps he's not some elusive boogeyman 86 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,079 as much as the 700 Garbage Pail Kids 87 00:03:38,104 --> 00:03:39,380 who roam these halls every day. 88 00:03:39,412 --> 00:03:41,810 You know, just a thought. 89 00:03:41,835 --> 00:03:43,383 You guys, he's not wrong. 90 00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:46,295 But the Sugar Daddy, uh, he's a serial litterer. 91 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,629 He's malicious, he's psychotic. 92 00:03:48,654 --> 00:03:50,410 I bet he doesn't even eat the Sugar Daddies. 93 00:03:50,435 --> 00:03:53,215 My theory is based on the fact that no one ever has. 94 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,410 That can't be true. I mean... 95 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,855 I'm with Lynette. I mean, those things are gross. 96 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,152 I'm a... I'm a big lollipop guy myself 97 00:03:59,177 --> 00:04:01,706 but I... have to eat them at home 98 00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:03,345 because people think I'm a little boy 99 00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,648 and I can't get into restaurants. 100 00:04:04,672 --> 00:04:05,940 Ohh. 101 00:04:05,972 --> 00:04:07,402 Well, all I know 102 00:04:08,441 --> 00:04:11,205 is that I'm determined to catch this son of a bitch. 103 00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:12,377 Well, we'll help you. 104 00:04:12,603 --> 00:04:13,916 I always know the killer 105 00:04:13,941 --> 00:04:15,650 the first four minutes of "Law and Order." 106 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:17,947 Yup, it's never the second guy they talk to. 107 00:04:17,972 --> 00:04:19,573 It's sometimes the first. 108 00:04:19,598 --> 00:04:20,730 - Mm-hmm. - Huh! 109 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:22,242 Ooh and if there's a stepfather, 110 00:04:22,266 --> 00:04:23,468 you know his ass did it. 111 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,804 Mm-hmm. 112 00:04:26,605 --> 00:04:30,376 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 113 00:04:35,346 --> 00:04:36,614 Whoopsie. 114 00:04:39,216 --> 00:04:40,551 Marcus, I know where you live. 115 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,008 I retract my whoopsie. 116 00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:43,117 Yeah. 117 00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:47,192 So I imagine you guys have all seen this, uh, 118 00:04:47,225 --> 00:04:48,876 video of me that's been going around. 119 00:04:48,901 --> 00:04:50,136 Which version? 120 00:04:50,161 --> 00:04:52,127 My favorite is when you fall off the stage 121 00:04:52,152 --> 00:04:54,320 into a shark's mouth. 122 00:04:54,345 --> 00:04:56,901 Oh, and then they cut to a guy on Maury Povich 123 00:04:56,935 --> 00:04:59,052 doing an "I'm not the father" dance. 124 00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:00,766 Yeah, fun. 125 00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:03,069 So this is our mission for today. 126 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,396 We need to delete that video. Now how do we do that? 127 00:05:05,421 --> 00:05:07,057 Brother, you don't. 128 00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:08,761 It's like when you're standing on a rooftop 129 00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:10,296 and you shake all the feathers out of a pillow 130 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,822 and then the next day you say, 131 00:05:11,847 --> 00:05:13,816 "I want to get all those feathers back." 132 00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:15,621 Did you just quote the movie "Doubt"? 133 00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,923 I just realized something wonderful. 134 00:05:17,956 --> 00:05:19,720 Whenever anyone looks up "Jack Griffin," 135 00:05:19,745 --> 00:05:22,388 the first thing that's going to come up is Doctor Whoopsie. 136 00:05:22,413 --> 00:05:23,420 Well, that's not good. 137 00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:25,396 I'm trying to become the most famous philosopher 138 00:05:25,421 --> 00:05:27,149 of... of my generation, okay? 139 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:33,853 Whoa, Vic. 140 00:05:33,878 --> 00:05:35,500 Where's your signature grandpa sweater? 141 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,137 Where's your fancy Harvard job? 142 00:05:38,343 --> 00:05:40,679 Ooh! 143 00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:43,514 Ooh, okay! Nice comeback. 144 00:05:43,548 --> 00:05:46,151 I like this attitude. I don't know what's going on. 145 00:05:46,184 --> 00:05:47,519 Cool. 146 00:05:47,552 --> 00:05:49,655 All right, so how do we change the narrative, guys? 147 00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:51,522 You know... I know, I know. 148 00:05:51,555 --> 00:05:54,392 We need to make a more popular video where I look cool. 149 00:05:54,425 --> 00:05:55,993 So how do we do that? 150 00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:58,096 Uh, Griff, my uncle agreed to give his kidney 151 00:05:58,129 --> 00:05:59,347 to a total stranger. 152 00:05:59,372 --> 00:06:00,665 It was all over the news. 153 00:06:00,699 --> 00:06:02,668 Everyone in town was talking about it. 154 00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,536 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 155 00:06:04,569 --> 00:06:06,237 I like this, a heroic act. 156 00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:08,140 I mean, people love a feel-good story. 157 00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:10,542 Well, it turned out the kidney went to a guy 158 00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:13,277 who murdered a bunch of immigrants in rural Texas. 159 00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:15,346 - So that was a bummer. - Hmm. 160 00:06:15,379 --> 00:06:18,182 One time I went to Texas and I hated it. 161 00:06:18,216 --> 00:06:20,451 Just like I hate everything else. 162 00:06:20,485 --> 00:06:22,054 Whatever. 163 00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:23,234 What's going on with you, bud? 164 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,390 Somebody steal your Magic: The Gathering cards? 165 00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:28,360 - You wanna go? - Oh, my God. 166 00:06:28,393 --> 00:06:30,729 This is great. I like this very much. 167 00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:32,463 I really do. It's a nice new wrinkle. 168 00:06:32,488 --> 00:06:35,325 I mean, just when I thought I'd get bored with you guys. 169 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:37,468 All right, so what's a powerful moving act 170 00:06:37,502 --> 00:06:39,304 that I could get caught on camera doing? 171 00:06:39,336 --> 00:06:41,105 Being a solider coming home to your kid. 172 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,441 Get a cochlear implant 173 00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,276 and hear your mom's voice for the first time. 174 00:06:44,308 --> 00:06:46,755 Okay, well that's for babies and my mom is dead. 175 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:47,786 Oh. 176 00:06:47,811 --> 00:06:49,787 I mean, we're building a Habitat for Humanity house 177 00:06:49,811 --> 00:06:51,724 this Saturday and the news is gonna be there. 178 00:06:51,749 --> 00:06:53,925 No, no! Guys, no! 179 00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:56,129 This has to be something that really takes over the airwaves. 180 00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:57,827 You know, think O.J. Bronco. 181 00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,155 Think Thai soccer team rescue. 182 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:01,215 Baby Jessica. 183 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,571 Yeah, Baby Jess... Babe... yeah. 184 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:05,837 Yes, that's good. 185 00:07:05,862 --> 00:07:07,164 Okay, guys, we got it. All right? 186 00:07:07,188 --> 00:07:08,338 Anybody who wants extra credit, 187 00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,962 meet me in the parking lot during lunch. 188 00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:13,366 So Baby Jessica got me thinking about 189 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,347 the brave heroes that saved her. 190 00:07:15,372 --> 00:07:17,209 I mean, that's such a striking image. 191 00:07:17,242 --> 00:07:19,076 A strong noble person 192 00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:20,839 pulling someone up from the depths. 193 00:07:20,864 --> 00:07:23,032 So that's what I'm going to be. 194 00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:25,761 All right, now who's going to get down in the sewers for me? 195 00:07:29,435 --> 00:07:31,070 Whatever, I'll do it. 196 00:07:31,489 --> 00:07:33,458 Yeah, I don't know, Vic. 197 00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:35,136 I mean, you've been acting a little off today, bud. 198 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,395 I said I'll do it. 199 00:07:36,427 --> 00:07:38,497 So just get out of my way right now, please. 200 00:07:44,484 --> 00:07:46,805 This could work. I mean, Victor makes a good victim. 201 00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,297 I mean, that sweet cherubic face. 202 00:07:48,321 --> 00:07:50,056 When the world sees this face 203 00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:53,995 being rescued by these muscular arms, you know? 204 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,090 All right, let's make this happen. 205 00:07:59,196 --> 00:08:00,864 Oh! Okay, yeah. 206 00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:02,162 You know what? I just remembered. 207 00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:04,498 The city, they started making these things so that you need 208 00:08:04,522 --> 00:08:06,587 a special device to pull these manhole covers up, 209 00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,762 'cause I think kids were just... 210 00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:11,490 Yeah, I got it, Mr. G. 211 00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,284 Yeah, well, I... you know, I... 212 00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,746 I loosened the pickle jar for you there, so... 213 00:08:18,004 --> 00:08:20,006 - Sugar Daddy? Never heard of him. - _ 214 00:08:20,031 --> 00:08:21,265 Come on, Dale. 215 00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:23,539 You know every piece of trash in this school. 216 00:08:23,564 --> 00:08:25,875 Sorry, can't help you. Janitor's code. 217 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,072 We just want to know where you find 218 00:08:28,097 --> 00:08:29,766 the most Sugar Daddy wrappers. 219 00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:30,792 No can do. 220 00:08:30,817 --> 00:08:31,985 Wait, time out! 221 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,746 What's going on with all these boxes? 222 00:08:33,771 --> 00:08:36,323 Yeah, like, what are you loading up to leave the school? 223 00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:38,318 And why can't you stop working for two seconds 224 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,753 and talk to us? 225 00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,601 These are empty boxes going to be recycled. 226 00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:42,895 Hmm. 227 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,732 You know, a janitor really makes 228 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,023 the best kind of litterer, right? 229 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,048 Mm-hmm. 230 00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:49,405 It's like when the doctor is making the patients sick. 231 00:08:49,430 --> 00:08:52,167 Or when the fireman is the arsonist. 232 00:08:52,192 --> 00:08:54,850 Oh, or when the waiter is rude to you. 233 00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:57,211 I am not the Sugar Daddy! 234 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,773 My advice? Walk away. 235 00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:01,981 These wrappers have been around for eight years, 236 00:09:02,006 --> 00:09:03,610 and I don't mind it. 237 00:09:03,635 --> 00:09:04,891 Eight years? 238 00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:06,618 Well, that means that it's not a student. 239 00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:09,119 It certainly rules out any seven-year-olds. 240 00:09:10,815 --> 00:09:13,422 All right, Bernie, we're all set! 241 00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,070 Drive it around to the side of the school 242 00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,031 and leave it next to the blue recycling bin, 243 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,828 and then next week we'll break down the boxes 244 00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:20,122 and put 'em in the bins! 245 00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:22,850 Yeah! Get a move on, huh? Make haste! 246 00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:25,611 Whoo! 247 00:09:25,636 --> 00:09:27,539 Ugh, I love this job. 248 00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,297 All right, well, our little victim 249 00:09:57,322 --> 00:09:58,418 seems to be in place here. 250 00:09:58,443 --> 00:10:00,264 So who's going to call Channel 24 251 00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,005 and convince them to get their camera crew down here? 252 00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:03,516 - I'll do it. - Uh, you know what? 253 00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:04,759 Let me get somebody else to do it. 254 00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,807 Hello? Yes, I'm at Whitlock High 255 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:07,908 and my friend just fell down a manhole, 256 00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:09,658 and oh, my God, I'm so scared he's going to die! 257 00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:10,806 The ambulances are on their way. 258 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,068 You're not going to want to miss this. 259 00:10:12,092 --> 00:10:13,499 You need to tell the world 'cause he's going to need 260 00:10:13,523 --> 00:10:14,903 a lot of prayers otherwise he might die. 261 00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:17,498 Hurry, hurry, hurry! They bought it. 262 00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:18,724 - Did they? - Yes. 263 00:10:18,749 --> 00:10:21,000 Okay, well, as much as it devastates me 264 00:10:21,025 --> 00:10:22,794 to say this, Marcus, good job. 265 00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:23,898 Namaste. 266 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:27,304 Oh! Oh, don't do that. That is just the worst. 267 00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:29,365 All right, Victor, when I pull you... 268 00:10:31,138 --> 00:10:32,902 Victor? 269 00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:33,929 Victor? 270 00:10:33,954 --> 00:10:35,356 Oh, boy. 271 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,210 Let me try something here. 272 00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:40,337 Victor! 273 00:10:40,362 --> 00:10:41,897 Victor? 274 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,143 - Yo, Mr. G, you lost Victor! - Yeah. 275 00:10:45,168 --> 00:10:47,708 Mr. Griffin, is it fair to say that losing a kid 276 00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:49,635 wasn't the heroic act you were looking for? 277 00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,793 Yeah, Sarika but, you know, it's not over, okay? 278 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,871 We're not giving up on Victor. 279 00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:54,829 Okay, I'm not giving up on Victor. 280 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,756 Yeah. 281 00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:59,625 Unless we all agree not to say anything. 282 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,252 Mr. Griffin! 283 00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:03,181 - Mr. Griffin! - I know, that's what I'm saying. 284 00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:05,506 I... I so I should... we'll save him. 285 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,867 Plus, you know, he might still be alive down there. 286 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,729 Yeah, Marcus, cancel the news crew, man. 287 00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:12,071 Oh, that's not possible. Can't unring a bell. 288 00:11:12,096 --> 00:11:13,654 It's like when you stand on a rooftop 289 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,124 and you try to shake out all the feathers from a pillow... 290 00:11:15,148 --> 00:11:16,721 Yeah, from "Doubt"! From "Doubt." 291 00:11:16,746 --> 00:11:18,124 - You love that movie. - It's a great movie. 292 00:11:18,148 --> 00:11:19,392 - It's great. - Okay, guys, guys, guys. 293 00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,218 Can we just please find our friend? 294 00:11:21,243 --> 00:11:23,656 All right, everybody... Everybody down in the hole. 295 00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:25,339 - Yep, everybody. - Ugh. 296 00:11:25,364 --> 00:11:27,142 Lower yourselves into the hole in the ground. 297 00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,968 He'll be somewhere in there. 298 00:11:31,872 --> 00:11:33,383 All right, um, why don't you guys 299 00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,315 check down this tunnel here and I'm gonna look down here. 300 00:11:35,339 --> 00:11:37,241 All right? Here we go. 301 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:38,983 Victor! 302 00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:41,108 - Victor! - Victor? 303 00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,735 - Vic? - Yo, Vic! 304 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,905 - Victor? - Hmm. 305 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,840 Tony don't tango with tunnels. 306 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,042 Uh, I'm gonna stay here and sing every once in a while. 307 00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:52,745 It'll be like vocal bread crumbs. 308 00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:57,237 Victor! 309 00:11:57,262 --> 00:12:00,266 ♪ Lay a whisper ♪ 310 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,622 ♪ On my pillow ♪ 311 00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:06,359 - Victor? - ♪ Leave the winter ♪ 312 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,761 - Victor? - This is disgusting. 313 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,597 - Victor? - ♪ On the ground ♪ 314 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,366 - Victor? - ♪ I wake up lonely ♪ 315 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,900 - Victor? - Victor? 316 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,903 ♪ The air of silence ♪ 317 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:19,905 - ♪ In the bedroom ♪ - Victor? Victor? 318 00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:22,900 ♪ And all around ♪ 319 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,878 This can't be. 320 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,112 This is crazy. 321 00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:33,619 There's the doll heads. 322 00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,755 No, no, no, no, no, no. 323 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,958 Oh, no, Ralph. Not this, not these. 324 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,961 Helen! Helen! 325 00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:44,530 Hey, gals! What's up, what's up? 326 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,466 Let me hear you now. 327 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:48,534 Just the ladies. And scream! 328 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,437 - Okay, hey! - Hey! 329 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,174 Helen, we've made a major breakthrough in the case. 330 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,292 Mm-hmm. Dale told us that the Sugar Daddy 331 00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:59,370 has been doing this for eight years. 332 00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,602 It can't be a student. 333 00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:02,362 It's someone we work with! 334 00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:03,440 No, I don't think so. 335 00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:04,834 Oh, come on. Open your eyes. 336 00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,527 I mean, it makes perfect sense. 337 00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,538 The criminal's always some sad, middle-aged man in khakis 338 00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,165 you would never expect. 339 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,459 No. I think it's a student. 340 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:17,196 Uh, what is that 22 year old Sophomore's name, Lucas? 341 00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:18,798 Helen, it's not Lucas. 342 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,801 But we're going to find out who it is soon. 343 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,935 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 344 00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:30,761 Oh, Ralph, you just got these candies in here 345 00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:33,189 because you confiscated them, right? 346 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:37,754 This can't be. This can't be. 347 00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,280 I have such doubts! 348 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,424 Victor! 349 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,163 Vic... hey. Vic. 350 00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,198 Hey, man, what the hell? 351 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,732 Are you okay? 352 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:54,833 Like you care. 353 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,472 All you care about it making love to pretty women. 354 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,977 All right. 355 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,100 This is lining up with a lot of my nightmares. 356 00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,639 Are my teeth still in my mouth? 357 00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,700 I don't know, man. Feel around with your tongue. 358 00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,795 Grace, are you sure you know what you're doing? 359 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,955 Guys, it's just a tunnel. There's no reason to be afraid. 360 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,023 Maybe we'll see the rat king! 361 00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:19,507 Excuse me? A rat what? 362 00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,534 The rat king. 363 00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,228 It's when a mob of 50 or more rats 364 00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:23,421 get their tails intertwined 365 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:25,106 and it becomes an angry vicious creature 366 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,086 that starts to understand the idea of right and wrong. 367 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:28,344 Oh, God. 368 00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:29,404 My glasses! 369 00:14:29,429 --> 00:14:31,212 - I'm so... I'm sorry. - My glasses. 370 00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,280 Here, I got them. I got them. 371 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,040 I got 'em. 372 00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,262 Here you go. 373 00:14:40,985 --> 00:14:42,154 Here you go. 374 00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:46,826 There you go. 375 00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:48,763 Oh, my God! What was that? 376 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,178 No, no, no! That... that's the rat king! 377 00:14:50,202 --> 00:14:52,138 - The rat king! - Rat king? 378 00:14:54,578 --> 00:14:56,272 - Rat king! - Rat king! 379 00:14:56,297 --> 00:14:58,865 Rat king! Let me see! Let me see! 380 00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:01,425 ♪ It must've been love ♪ 381 00:15:01,725 --> 00:15:05,062 ♪ But it's over now ♪ 382 00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:08,073 ♪ It must have been good ♪ 383 00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:10,276 ♪ But I lost it somehow ♪ 384 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,542 Hell no! 385 00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:13,425 What? We... we can't leave. 386 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,652 Rat king! Rat king! 387 00:15:14,677 --> 00:15:16,769 - But... but Victor. - Oh, my God, rat king. 388 00:15:16,794 --> 00:15:18,872 I'm gonna stay here and keep singing for my friend. 389 00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,219 Something touched my leg! 390 00:15:20,244 --> 00:15:21,680 Oh, I think I got bit! 391 00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:23,812 That's probably not great. 392 00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:26,076 So what's with the game of hide and seek, bud? 393 00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,996 This charade has gone on long enough. 394 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,566 I'm not the rebel everyone thinks I am. 395 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,464 I'm not heavy metal. 396 00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:39,305 Santana is really more sort of smooth Latin American jazz. 397 00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,008 My parents are getting a divorce. 398 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,679 Oh. I'm sorry to hear that, bud. 399 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,847 So you were, what? Running away. 400 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,117 I just thought that if I went missing in the sewers, 401 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:56,590 then my parents would both come and they'd hug and cry and kiss 402 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,959 and then pray I'm not dead and then kiss again 403 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:03,195 and it would be just like Epcot in 2015. 404 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,300 Look, uh, I'm gonna tell you something 405 00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,337 as someone who comes from divorced parents. 406 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,372 Divorce is great, okay? 407 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,874 I mean they probably hate each other. 408 00:16:14,906 --> 00:16:17,394 - They did say that a lot. - Yeah. 409 00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:19,154 Yeah, and you probably think that it's your fault 410 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:22,783 that they're splitting up but it's not. 411 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,627 It is your fault that they probably stayed together 412 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,086 as long as they did, though. 413 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,164 You know, despite the fact that you were all miserable. 414 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,992 So hey, good news, you're all about to be much happier. 415 00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:36,222 Yeah, but look, if... if... 416 00:16:36,247 --> 00:16:37,772 if you need to chat about it some more, 417 00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:39,865 come see me after class, all right? 418 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,501 Yeah. 419 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,170 Want to get out of this disgusting place? 420 00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,039 Yeah, I really have to pee. 421 00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,674 Well, hey, we are in the sewer. 422 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,643 You could just cut out the middleman. 423 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,226 - He's here! - Did you see the rat king? 424 00:16:52,251 --> 00:16:53,515 Sorry, guys. 425 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,776 I've been dealing with a lot lately. 426 00:16:55,801 --> 00:16:57,470 But Mr. Griffin and I 427 00:16:57,495 --> 00:16:59,827 are going to have an ongoing conversation about it 428 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,254 because it's a very painful thing for me. 429 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,659 Okay, hey. All right. 430 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,644 Oh, perfect timing. 431 00:17:07,669 --> 00:17:09,294 Now Vic, don't wander off. 432 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,397 Oh! 433 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,034 Whoopsie. 434 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,149 Okay. 435 00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,236 Hello, Ralph. 436 00:17:27,261 --> 00:17:28,607 Helen, what are... 437 00:17:29,389 --> 00:17:30,524 What are you doing in here? 438 00:17:30,558 --> 00:17:33,927 Ralph Darius Durbin. 439 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,564 I'm gonna ask you something. 440 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:40,935 Just once over and over again until you tell me. 441 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,409 Are you the Sugar Daddy? 442 00:17:51,912 --> 00:17:53,447 I saw you do it. 443 00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:58,158 You messy son of a gun! 444 00:17:58,284 --> 00:17:59,820 Why, Ralph? 445 00:17:59,852 --> 00:18:02,522 Littering. [BLEEP] littering? 446 00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:04,559 I'll tell you why because I'm sick of having 447 00:18:04,591 --> 00:18:06,627 to be this perfect person all the time. 448 00:18:06,659 --> 00:18:09,496 Mother Teresa wasn't perfect. Mr. Rogers had flaws. 449 00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,833 Even President Trump has a bit of a sweet tooth. 450 00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:14,435 You lied to me. 451 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,570 I didn't want you thinking any less of me! 452 00:18:16,604 --> 00:18:18,839 But every now and then, I had to break a rule too 453 00:18:18,871 --> 00:18:21,541 and I give Dale $20 every time I do it. 454 00:18:21,575 --> 00:18:25,747 Ralph, I would never think less of you. 455 00:18:26,614 --> 00:18:28,616 So what happens now? 456 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,593 Say goodnight to the Sugar Daddy. 457 00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:43,964 Wait a minute. 458 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,666 Oh no! Ralph! 459 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:51,538 No! 460 00:18:51,571 --> 00:18:54,541 Don't shoot him! 461 00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:56,544 Don't kill him, please! 462 00:18:56,577 --> 00:19:00,513 Oh, dear God, take me! 463 00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:04,618 - The hell? - I... I've got to say. 464 00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:06,988 I'm very curious as to why the ambulances and cops 465 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,755 are actually here. 466 00:19:08,789 --> 00:19:11,025 Guys, guys, I'm fine. 467 00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:13,361 I'm just a little sore. 468 00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,965 Okay. 469 00:19:18,999 --> 00:19:21,769 Guys, is all this really necessary? 470 00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:24,638 Hey, I know you. 471 00:19:24,672 --> 00:19:25,949 Aren't you that guy Mr. Whoopsie? 472 00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:27,474 Doctor. Yes. 473 00:19:27,508 --> 00:19:29,277 Jesus, are you okay? 474 00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:30,645 Oh, oh yeah. Why? 475 00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:32,713 The stretcher and stuff. The news is here. 476 00:19:32,745 --> 00:19:34,348 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 477 00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,715 I fell deep down into the sewer. 478 00:19:35,749 --> 00:19:37,360 I'm so glad you're here to see me like this. 479 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,761 You're very cute when you're injured. 480 00:19:38,785 --> 00:19:40,787 It's a good thing it happens so often. 481 00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:42,822 Oh, actually, if I'm gonna die, 482 00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,834 we should probably French kiss goodbye, don't you think? 483 00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:47,361 No, thanks. Your lips were just in a sewer. 484 00:19:52,098 --> 00:19:53,800 In what would be the saddest edition 485 00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:55,368 of "Where Are They Now?", 486 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:58,234 recent internet sensation, Doctor Whoopsie 487 00:19:58,259 --> 00:20:00,041 is back to his bumbling antics. 488 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,542 This time, he's fallen into a sewer. 489 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:06,105 The maladroit doofus, who some claim was a Harvard professor, 490 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,749 was just dragged from the depths behind me. 491 00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:11,034 Now authorities were initially called to the scene 492 00:20:11,059 --> 00:20:12,520 for a missing child alert. 493 00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:13,817 That was me! 494 00:20:14,554 --> 00:20:15,989 I was missing. 495 00:20:16,022 --> 00:20:18,559 We have a Channel 24 exclusive here. 496 00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,527 This is the missing sewer boy. 497 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,530 What's your name? Are you okay? 498 00:20:22,562 --> 00:20:23,863 I'm Victor, 499 00:20:23,896 --> 00:20:25,765 and to be completely honest with you, Sandra, 500 00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:27,368 I'm not doing great. 501 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,446 Uh, hey, lipstick, I got your sound bite right here. 502 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,073 It appears another sewer child is ready to speak. 503 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,973 We never would've gotten out of that sewer 504 00:20:34,006 --> 00:20:36,710 if it wasn't for our teacher, Jack Griffin. 505 00:20:36,743 --> 00:20:38,945 He also helped me through an emotional crisis 506 00:20:38,979 --> 00:20:40,948 and he has generously offered me further counsel. 507 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,009 Yeah, Mr. Griffin saved us. 508 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,929 There's a legit rat king down there. We saw it, Sandy. 509 00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,819 Oh, he dove into the massive rats without any regard 510 00:20:48,844 --> 00:20:51,202 for himself effortlessly detangling their tails 511 00:20:51,227 --> 00:20:52,893 and dethroning the rat king! 512 00:20:52,925 --> 00:20:54,729 We all could have gotten rabies, 513 00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:57,464 but instead we got a hero. 514 00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:01,469 Victor? 515 00:21:01,502 --> 00:21:02,736 Play it again. 516 00:21:02,770 --> 00:21:04,137 You got it. 517 00:21:04,171 --> 00:21:06,607 In what would be the saddest edition 518 00:21:06,639 --> 00:21:08,007 of "Where Are They Now?", 519 00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:10,043 recent internet sensation, Doctor Whoopsie, 520 00:21:10,077 --> 00:21:12,146 is back to his bumbling antics. 521 00:21:12,178 --> 00:21:14,982 The maladroit doofus, who some claim was a Harvard professor, 522 00:21:15,014 --> 00:21:17,918 was just dragged from the depths behind me. 523 00:21:17,942 --> 00:21:21,945 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 37767

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