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*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 29 Episode 16
Episode Title: "King Leer"
2
00:00:09,256 --> 00:00:12,164
Okay, children,
everyone pick an instrument.
3
00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:13,510
Doesn't matter which one.
4
00:00:13,587 --> 00:00:15,214
Everyone's gonna be bad.
5
00:00:15,512 --> 00:00:17,300
Eh, who cares? I'm union.
6
00:00:17,739 --> 00:00:20,771
I told you,
I am not playing an instrument.
7
00:00:20,848 --> 00:00:22,829
You're playing an instrument.
8
00:00:22,906 --> 00:00:25,355
Mom, music is made by computers,
9
00:00:25,432 --> 00:00:29,105
not rusty metal you put
in your... ugh... mouth.
10
00:00:29,786 --> 00:00:32,029
Look, your mom thinks
that forcing you to do music
11
00:00:32,106 --> 00:00:34,340
in school will somehow make you
into a different person
12
00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:37,076
than we all know you are...
Which it won't... so just do it,
13
00:00:37,153 --> 00:00:38,934
or I'll cut all your shorts
into skirts.
14
00:00:39,011 --> 00:00:39,992
Fine.
15
00:00:40,069 --> 00:00:41,742
What about this stupid thing?
16
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,954
Why don't you try this clarinet?
17
00:00:53,031 --> 00:00:55,716
It's like the recorder,
but cooler.
18
00:01:02,472 --> 00:01:04,709
What about this hobo guitar?
19
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,883
At least he was wearing
a tuxedo.
20
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,259
Now can we get out of here?
21
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,475
The Wi-Fi sucks,
and I'm trying to click through
22
00:01:17,552 --> 00:01:20,217
this slideshow of celebrities
who let themselves go.
23
00:01:20,294 --> 00:01:22,977
Word is that number four
is insane.
24
00:01:23,054 --> 00:01:25,092
And here's the form which says
25
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:27,271
you're responsible
for the instrument.
26
00:01:29,182 --> 00:01:33,520
So, if I break the violin,
Homer has to pay?
27
00:01:33,597 --> 00:01:35,123
Homer has to pay?
28
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,518
The school is lending
your son an instrument
29
00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:40,084
that's worth $430.
30
00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:48,920
Violin, you and me are gonna
make beautiful music together.
31
00:02:13,494 --> 00:02:15,770
Bart? Bart?
32
00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:18,318
$430 violin?
33
00:02:21,193 --> 00:02:24,551
If the beer's in a frosted mug,
you're not an alcoholic,
34
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,567
you're an aficionado.
35
00:02:27,601 --> 00:02:29,045
Hello, Father.
36
00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:31,102
Thank you for
taking responsibility
37
00:02:31,179 --> 00:02:33,084
for this lovely instrument.
38
00:02:33,161 --> 00:02:35,091
I trust you find its music...
39
00:02:35,168 --> 00:02:37,453
soothing.
40
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:39,848
Come on, dude,
just leave me alone.
41
00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,404
I'm a good man.
I've got kids!
42
00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:44,344
You're right,
I've been too hard on you.
43
00:02:44,421 --> 00:02:46,209
Here you go. Catch.
44
00:02:57,847 --> 00:03:00,930
You. You.
I took you into my home,
45
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:02,803
and you've stolen everything
from me.
46
00:03:02,913 --> 00:03:04,254
You know what this is?
47
00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:07,365
It's me playing
the world's smallest violin.
48
00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:15,285
I'm free. I'm free.
49
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,099
I'm finally free!
50
00:03:19,921 --> 00:03:21,359
Mwah!
51
00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:22,997
Where are you going?
52
00:03:23,074 --> 00:03:28,013
To do to my brain what I just
did to your dreams for our son.
53
00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:31,425
LENNY, CARL and BARNEY:
Chug, chug, chug!
54
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,928
Chug, chug, chug!
55
00:03:36,873 --> 00:03:40,933
The little engine that could...
get me wasted.
56
00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:44,217
Yeah, everyone loves
the ol' Disorient Express.
57
00:03:46,086 --> 00:03:47,605
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
58
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:49,946
What? You have
the nerve to call me?
59
00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:52,125
Why don't you delete my number
from your phone,
60
00:03:52,202 --> 00:03:53,485
then put the phone in a sock,
61
00:03:53,562 --> 00:03:55,142
and then beat yourself
in the head
62
00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:58,339
till your face looks like
motor lodge buffet eggs!
63
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,846
Yeah, another prank call, huh?
64
00:04:00,923 --> 00:04:03,917
Who was it this time, uh,
"Anita Manbone"?
65
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,316
"Ivan Talickya"?
66
00:04:05,393 --> 00:04:06,884
Ooh, ooh, I got one.
67
00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:09,292
"John Rootbeer."
68
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,978
Eh, it wasn't no prankster.
69
00:04:12,055 --> 00:04:13,878
It was someone I know
all too well.
70
00:04:13,955 --> 00:04:16,368
- Oh, who?
- Shut your stinkin' face-hole!
71
00:04:16,445 --> 00:04:18,682
That's who it was, okay?!
Bar's closed!
72
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,792
Everybody get out! Get out!
73
00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:28,932
Oh, stupid drunk breath.
74
00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:31,313
Ah.
75
00:04:32,991 --> 00:04:35,011
Oh, stupid drunk dog!
76
00:04:38,497 --> 00:04:41,441
Guess I'll have to order
a ride on my smartphone.
77
00:04:43,577 --> 00:04:44,978
Get in.
78
00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:49,243
No mints?
I should've just called Uber.
79
00:04:50,661 --> 00:04:52,447
Hey. What's with Moe?
80
00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:54,066
It's too late for the cockfights
81
00:04:54,143 --> 00:04:55,728
and too early
for the rat fights.
82
00:04:55,805 --> 00:04:58,628
He's been extra psycho
since he got that phone call.
83
00:04:58,705 --> 00:05:00,163
I just want to...
84
00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:04,282
Oh, it sounds like that time
you lit the barbecue
85
00:05:04,359 --> 00:05:06,097
with a possum inside.
86
00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:08,939
Hmm, maybe we should follow him.
87
00:05:09,016 --> 00:05:10,637
Mm, you're the sober one.
88
00:05:10,881 --> 00:05:14,014
Call me, will you?
Oh, I'll meet you, all right.
89
00:05:14,091 --> 00:05:15,565
I'll meet you good.
90
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:29,871
I'll kill you.
91
00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:31,094
I'll kill you, you dirty mug!
92
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:32,959
You've got to stop them.
93
00:05:35,395 --> 00:05:36,596
Let me go, huh?
94
00:05:36,673 --> 00:05:38,166
I'm one loafer smack away
95
00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:40,245
from tearing off
his whole hair system!
96
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:42,791
Why are you fighting
with an old man?
97
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,955
Because this old man...
98
00:05:45,564 --> 00:05:47,205
is my old man.
99
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:49,905
Morty Szyslak.
Nice to meet you.
100
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:52,033
You mean nothing to me. Huh?
101
00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:55,653
All you are is a rotten old
rib roast covered in cologne.
102
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,340
You ungrateful punk.
103
00:05:57,417 --> 00:06:00,143
You're not worthy to walk
through a cloud of my scent.
104
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:01,870
I never should've called you.
105
00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:03,447
On that we agree.
106
00:06:05,058 --> 00:06:09,863
The saddest thing in the world
is seeing a family broken apart.
107
00:06:12,727 --> 00:06:14,295
Drunk dog.
108
00:06:20,894 --> 00:06:23,332
Oh, I ain't seen
my pops for years.
109
00:06:23,409 --> 00:06:25,828
After he called,
I weakened and went to meet him.
110
00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:28,126
But one sniff of
"Eau de Sportcoat,"
111
00:06:28,203 --> 00:06:30,104
and my shoe was in my hand.
112
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,819
How could you go so long
without seeing your own father?
113
00:06:33,896 --> 00:06:36,679
Seriously, how'd you do it?
It sounds amazing.
114
00:06:36,756 --> 00:06:38,000
Yeah, well, let me explain.
115
00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:40,556
You know how the world
sees me as a... a...
116
00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:43,157
- Human toilet brush?
- Bingo.
117
00:06:43,234 --> 00:06:45,685
Well, I'm the white sheep
of my family.
118
00:06:45,762 --> 00:06:48,327
They're involved
in a very evil business.
119
00:06:48,406 --> 00:06:50,555
- Illegal drugs?
- No, worse.
120
00:06:50,632 --> 00:06:53,565
- Prescription drugs?
- Oh, well, not that bad.
121
00:06:53,642 --> 00:06:57,197
The Szyslaks are...
mattress salesmen.
122
00:06:57,274 --> 00:06:59,338
Eh, I know, I know.
123
00:06:59,415 --> 00:07:02,107
They're like mortgage brokers
without the moral code.
124
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:04,068
Charging people 1,200 bucks
125
00:07:04,145 --> 00:07:06,615
for what's essentially
a big bag of hay.
126
00:07:12,659 --> 00:07:15,814
Growing up, it was me, my dad
and my brother and sister.
127
00:07:15,891 --> 00:07:18,163
We were the biggest
mattress chain in town,
128
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,127
mainly thanks
to our local TV ads.
129
00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:24,384
How does it...?
There it is.
130
00:07:27,441 --> 00:07:29,093
Here ye, hear ye!
131
00:07:29,170 --> 00:07:31,978
I declare the best deals
in all the land!
132
00:07:32,055 --> 00:07:34,683
And don't ye forget:
no credit...
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00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,395
No problem!
134
00:07:36,472 --> 00:07:38,367
So come on down
to Mattress King,
135
00:07:38,444 --> 00:07:41,011
at any one of our many
convenient locations.
136
00:07:42,277 --> 00:07:44,668
We'll have you sleeping
on a new mattress
137
00:07:44,745 --> 00:07:46,762
- to...
- Knight!
138
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:49,194
- And cut.
- Great work, kids.
139
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:51,316
Everyone gets an onion.
140
00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:55,901
But there was another
reason for our success,
141
00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:57,598
as I was about to learn.
142
00:07:57,688 --> 00:08:00,728
Son, your voice is finally
gravelly enough
143
00:08:00,805 --> 00:08:04,374
for you to learn what it takes
to survive in the sleep biz.
144
00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:06,110
Bedbugs?!
145
00:08:06,199 --> 00:08:08,637
These are Hungarian
mattress gnashers.
146
00:08:08,714 --> 00:08:10,530
The only way to get rid of them
147
00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:13,966
is to walk away from your house
naked and start a new life.
148
00:08:17,051 --> 00:08:19,574
Y-You're gonna
sabotage our rivals?
149
00:08:19,651 --> 00:08:22,077
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You are.
150
00:08:22,154 --> 00:08:25,687
You want to be a sandman,
a slumber jack, a yawn jockey?
151
00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:29,353
This is what it takes.
It's the Szyslak way.
152
00:08:42,491 --> 00:08:44,279
They were
the competition, sure,
153
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,130
but they were a family, too.
154
00:08:46,207 --> 00:08:47,886
I couldn't ruin them.
155
00:08:50,015 --> 00:08:53,118
You should be proud.
You did a good deed.
156
00:08:53,215 --> 00:08:56,753
Yeah, well, that good deed
ruin't my life.
157
00:08:57,654 --> 00:08:59,479
That family I took pity on,
158
00:08:59,556 --> 00:09:02,198
they doused
our mattresses with bedbugs.
159
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,753
The Szyslak empire was ruin't.
160
00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:07,159
Soon, we were down
to just a few locations.
161
00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:09,587
My pops never said
how disappointed he was,
162
00:09:09,664 --> 00:09:11,662
but he let me know
in his own way,
163
00:09:11,739 --> 00:09:13,912
by kicking me out
and turning my room
164
00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:16,096
into a home gym he never used.
165
00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:19,202
My brother and sister took
my place in my father's heart.
166
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,464
The only connection I had
with Pops was LinkedIn.
167
00:09:23,075 --> 00:09:24,542
That's worse than nothing.
168
00:09:24,619 --> 00:09:26,878
Why do you think your dad
reached around to you
169
00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:28,282
after all these years?
170
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,915
I don't care.
I don't care so much!
171
00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:32,831
Moe, you will never have peace
172
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:34,966
until you make up
with your father.
173
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,003
Honey, I need you to hear this:
174
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:41,165
sticking your nose in Moe's
horrible life will end badly.
175
00:09:41,242 --> 00:09:43,898
Homer, what's your
favorite movie?
176
00:09:43,975 --> 00:09:45,464
Fast & Furious 6.
177
00:09:45,631 --> 00:09:47,666
And what's the theme
of that movie?
178
00:09:47,743 --> 00:09:48,702
Cars.
179
00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:50,628
What's the other theme?
180
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,068
Family.
181
00:09:53,145 --> 00:09:54,224
She's right, Moe.
182
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,951
You got to give your cars
a second chance.
183
00:09:59,942 --> 00:10:02,191
- Is that your family's mattress store?
- No.
184
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,946
Is that your family's
mattress store?
185
00:10:04,023 --> 00:10:05,917
No. -Is that your
family's mattress store?
186
00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:07,919
- No!
- Geez, I never noticed
187
00:10:07,996 --> 00:10:09,887
how many mattress stores
there are.
188
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:12,243
Yeah, you never do
till you're shopping for one.
189
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,408
Then they're
freakin' everywhere.
190
00:10:16,467 --> 00:10:20,068
That mattress looked perfectly
fine when it was delivered.
191
00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:22,314
It's not my fault
you flipped it over!
192
00:10:22,391 --> 00:10:25,074
Mr. Szyslak,
I've brought someone here
193
00:10:25,151 --> 00:10:27,185
who still cares for you.
194
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:29,240
Um, hey there, Pops.
195
00:10:29,317 --> 00:10:33,339
I'm, uh, I'm sorry about
shoe-slapping your face and all.
196
00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:36,113
Well, maybe I had it coming.
197
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:37,758
You hittin' that?
198
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,095
- Can I, uh, say I am?
- Mm-mm.
199
00:10:42,446 --> 00:10:45,443
That must be
Moe's brother and sister.
200
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,840
They don't look ugly like Moe,
but I'm still feeling the ugly.
201
00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:52,940
Ugh. That one's eating
Chinese food with scissors.
202
00:10:56,309 --> 00:10:58,331
Hey, what's Ugly Do-Right
doing here?
203
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,951
He ain't no mattress man.
204
00:11:00,028 --> 00:11:04,052
I will never forgive you for
what you made Dad did to you.
205
00:11:04,129 --> 00:11:07,058
Oh, so we're doing the
"what I done made Dad did" thing?
206
00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:09,094
Because I can did this
all day long!
207
00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:10,648
Shut up, you box springs!
208
00:11:10,725 --> 00:11:12,392
I'm the one what reached around
209
00:11:12,469 --> 00:11:14,369
to this cesspool
of disappointment.
210
00:11:14,446 --> 00:11:17,024
You know, to make amends.
211
00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:19,459
Amends?! -Amends?! -Amends?!
212
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,603
There's no reason
for this to come to shoes!
213
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,996
I want you all
to come to our house
214
00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:27,074
for a family forgiveness dinner.
215
00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:28,232
We'll be there.
216
00:11:28,309 --> 00:11:29,898
Can I bring
a bottle of something?
217
00:11:29,975 --> 00:11:31,628
That would be lovely.
218
00:11:31,705 --> 00:11:33,800
You want oxy or Demerol?
219
00:11:34,012 --> 00:11:35,379
Okay, the brother here,
220
00:11:35,456 --> 00:11:37,294
the father there, Moe here...
221
00:11:37,371 --> 00:11:38,910
No. No good.
222
00:11:38,987 --> 00:11:41,099
You know,
when this all ends horribly,
223
00:11:41,176 --> 00:11:43,995
it's gonna be pretty hard
not to say "I told you so."
224
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,349
Just don't say it.
225
00:11:45,426 --> 00:11:47,561
You've never been married,
have you, Lisa?
226
00:11:47,638 --> 00:11:49,449
When you love someone very much,
227
00:11:49,526 --> 00:11:52,246
the toughest thing
is not to rub their face
228
00:11:52,323 --> 00:11:55,003
in their horrible screw-ups.
229
00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:02,700
So, okay, here's a fun game.
230
00:12:02,777 --> 00:12:05,214
Everyone take turns
saying something nice
231
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,485
about a person
they're related to.
232
00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:10,996
I'll start.
Lisa has lovely penmanship.
233
00:12:11,073 --> 00:12:12,651
Thank you, Mom.
234
00:12:12,811 --> 00:12:15,737
Me? Uh, well, it's...
235
00:12:15,824 --> 00:12:19,784
admirable how my stupid father
reached around to this traitor!
236
00:12:19,861 --> 00:12:21,867
I'm impressed
that you better shut up
237
00:12:21,944 --> 00:12:23,797
and make nice with the traitor!
238
00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:28,034
I like that Bart...
239
00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:32,602
uh... Bart is... he, uh...
240
00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:34,757
Can I do two Lisas?
241
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:36,715
- Dinner fight!
- Yeah, whatcha gonna do?
242
00:12:36,792 --> 00:12:38,316
Whatcha gonna do? Huh?
243
00:12:38,393 --> 00:12:40,545
Homer! Go to phase two.
244
00:12:41,977 --> 00:12:45,823
'Twas the sale before Christmas,
and all through the store
245
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:50,154
All the deals were amazing
on twin sets and more!
246
00:12:50,231 --> 00:12:53,631
Mattress night
247
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:57,336
Low, low price
248
00:12:57,413 --> 00:13:00,576
No payments due, but...
249
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:03,063
Am I the only one
feeling all oniony
250
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,010
about the way things used to be?
251
00:13:05,087 --> 00:13:07,203
We were dressed
as stinkin' reindeer,
252
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,534
but we were really
a stinkin' family.
253
00:13:09,812 --> 00:13:11,779
Oh, I miss you frigs.
254
00:13:11,906 --> 00:13:13,671
Aw...
255
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:16,944
Marge, thank you for
reaching around to my family.
256
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:19,720
I got something
to tell all of youse.
257
00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:21,631
I'm retiring.
258
00:13:22,556 --> 00:13:23,803
Sleepy is the head
259
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,949
that wears the mattress crown.
260
00:13:26,026 --> 00:13:29,000
That's right,
my springs have sprung.
261
00:13:29,077 --> 00:13:31,719
To my son, I give a store.
262
00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:34,772
- To my daughter, I give a store.
- Aw.
263
00:13:34,849 --> 00:13:36,627
Well, good dinner, everyone.
264
00:13:36,704 --> 00:13:39,277
I'll see youse at the funeral
of whoever dies first.
265
00:13:39,354 --> 00:13:42,709
And to my oldest son,
I give a store.
266
00:13:43,726 --> 00:13:46,307
Wha...?
I buried this dream so deep,
267
00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:49,817
no amount of self-harm
could ever carve it out.
268
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,482
Aw.
269
00:13:55,859 --> 00:13:58,881
Oh, the smell
of foam off-gassing.
270
00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:02,461
When I cross this threshold,
I begin a new life!
271
00:14:04,296 --> 00:14:05,571
This is the first time
272
00:14:05,648 --> 00:14:07,973
that I've ever been carried
into a store.
273
00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:10,928
Look at me now,
Lady Foot Locker!
274
00:14:11,005 --> 00:14:12,467
Look at me now.
275
00:14:17,837 --> 00:14:19,891
Hey, everyone.
Hey, thanks for coming out.
276
00:14:19,968 --> 00:14:22,089
Uh, if anybody wants
a glass of wine,
277
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:23,935
they're on the memory foam.
278
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:27,211
- Oh!
- Hot dang. My goodness.
279
00:14:27,288 --> 00:14:29,594
Okay, okay, all right,
shut your, shut your faces.
280
00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:32,998
Uh, the commercial that me and
my brother and sister all made
281
00:14:33,075 --> 00:14:34,743
is about to air now.
282
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,579
I cannot tell a lie.
283
00:14:36,656 --> 00:14:39,254
It's good to be back
in the mattress biz.
284
00:14:39,331 --> 00:14:42,305
Sleep softly
and carry a big discount!
285
00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:44,798
And now we're freeing
the savings!
286
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,519
So rush-more to Mattress King
Slumber Super Stores,
287
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:52,413
as we all welcome our big
brother Moe back to the family!
288
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,027
And remember,
289
00:14:54,104 --> 00:14:55,535
at Moe's location,
290
00:14:55,612 --> 00:14:58,884
every mattress
had someone die on it.
291
00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:03,447
Dead-o's on my mattresses?
292
00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:05,727
Hey, hey, somebody messed
with our commercial.
293
00:15:05,856 --> 00:15:08,207
Who died on Moe's mattresses?
294
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:10,407
Shut-ins. Fat people.
295
00:15:10,486 --> 00:15:13,282
And inmates! Inmates! Inmates!
296
00:15:13,359 --> 00:15:15,077
No, no, it's all lies!
Come back!
297
00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,692
My mattresses are brand-new!
298
00:15:16,769 --> 00:15:18,843
Made in the finest
Filipino sweatshops
299
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,999
by the cutest kids you ever saw!
300
00:15:21,076 --> 00:15:23,200
That's a gross a-mattress!
301
00:15:23,277 --> 00:15:26,272
They betrayed me.
Stabbed me right in the hump.
302
00:15:26,349 --> 00:15:27,977
Sorry, big brother.
303
00:15:28,282 --> 00:15:31,361
We saw an opportunity to knock
you out of the family business,
304
00:15:31,438 --> 00:15:32,613
and we took it.
305
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,355
It's the Szyslak way.
306
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:38,519
But I-I brought them together.
307
00:15:38,596 --> 00:15:41,081
How could things end so badly?
308
00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:42,386
Don't say "I told you so."
309
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,814
Don't say "I told you so."
310
00:15:43,882 --> 00:15:44,986
- Maybe I shouldn't have
- Don't say "I told you so."
311
00:15:45,054 --> 00:15:46,340
- gotten involved.
- Don't say "I told you so."
312
00:15:46,408 --> 00:15:48,573
Don't say "I told you so."
Don't say "I told you so."
313
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,433
- Why didn't somebody warn me?
- Don't say "I told you so."
314
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:51,929
Don't say "I told you so."
315
00:15:52,006 --> 00:15:53,369
I told...
316
00:16:02,957 --> 00:16:05,737
When my pop finds out
I got played for a chump, huh,
317
00:16:05,814 --> 00:16:08,768
he'll wish he never reached
around to me in the first place.
318
00:16:08,925 --> 00:16:11,029
Moe, I'm so sorry.
319
00:16:11,106 --> 00:16:13,364
For the first time,
I'm going to offer you
320
00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:15,296
platonic physical comfort.
321
00:16:19,082 --> 00:16:21,096
I just can't
go through with it.
322
00:16:21,184 --> 00:16:23,504
Aw, it's all right.
You got closer than most.
323
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:26,067
But I have to believe
it's not too late
324
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:29,180
to reach around and fix things
with your family.
325
00:16:29,257 --> 00:16:32,117
No, no, no.
I tried things the Marge way.
326
00:16:32,194 --> 00:16:35,152
Now I'm gonna do this
the Szyslak way.
327
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,793
No. No!
328
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,138
That's right, me and my family,
329
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,845
we're going
to the mattresses, baby!
330
00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:45,410
I better go with him.
331
00:16:45,496 --> 00:16:47,488
To make sure I see it.
332
00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:22,183
Oh, my God.
What happened?
333
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:23,988
We cut 'em up good.
334
00:17:24,065 --> 00:17:26,526
They ain't so pretty no more!
335
00:17:28,908 --> 00:17:31,581
All this was just
revenge appetizers!
336
00:17:31,658 --> 00:17:33,769
Tonight is the main course.
337
00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:36,956
And I'm serving it up
family style.
338
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:41,206
There's only one man
who can stop this.
339
00:17:43,108 --> 00:17:46,670
Sir, this shirt depicts
an octopus sportfishing
340
00:17:46,747 --> 00:17:48,149
and drinking a mai tai.
341
00:17:48,226 --> 00:17:51,562
It's the bestseller in our
Retired Blowhard collection.
342
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:52,750
Oh, yeah.
343
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:56,011
I can see myself
watching golf in this.
344
00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:58,838
Mr. Szyslak Sr.,
you've got to do something!
345
00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:01,428
Your children are
tearing each other apart!
346
00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,760
No, no. I'm retired now.
347
00:18:03,837 --> 00:18:05,865
Let them work out
their own little tiffs.
348
00:18:05,942 --> 00:18:08,164
Does this look like a tiff?
349
00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:12,103
Free mattresses?!
350
00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:14,948
The time for leisure wear
is over.
351
00:18:17,718 --> 00:18:19,445
Mahalo, sir.
352
00:18:19,522 --> 00:18:22,445
Moe's in there, and I've never
seen him this angry before,
353
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:25,867
not even when he lost
that angriest man contest.
354
00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:28,448
He's crazy!
He's gonna do it!
355
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,195
He's really gonna do it!
356
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,290
I'm up here, Pops.
357
00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:35,656
I'm playing with
my little brother and sister.
358
00:18:35,733 --> 00:18:37,432
Just like old times.
359
00:18:42,472 --> 00:18:44,674
Hungarian mattress gnashers!
360
00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:49,327
If he releases those bugs,
all our mattresses are ruined!
361
00:18:49,404 --> 00:18:54,228
Not mine. My mattresses
are safe and sound.
362
00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:59,029
All my enemies... gnashed!
363
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:01,332
It's the Szyslak way!
364
00:19:01,409 --> 00:19:03,653
Morty! Do something!
365
00:19:08,659 --> 00:19:11,328
Do it! Smash that jar!
366
00:19:11,405 --> 00:19:13,591
Take what's rightfully yours!
367
00:19:13,668 --> 00:19:16,329
- Wait, what?
- You wanted him to dooze this?
368
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,869
He's finally man enough
to finish the job,
369
00:19:18,946 --> 00:19:21,419
just like he should've
all those years ago.
370
00:19:21,496 --> 00:19:22,630
Do it, son!
371
00:19:22,707 --> 00:19:24,743
Everything will be yours!
372
00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:27,152
Do it for your king!
373
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:29,731
Do it for your king.
374
00:19:47,873 --> 00:19:49,606
I can't do it.
375
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:51,071
Wha...?!
376
00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:52,372
Sorry, Pops.
377
00:19:52,449 --> 00:19:55,352
I guess I'll never live
the Szyslak way.
378
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,543
Oh, Moe, you're a good man.
379
00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:03,249
And these soulless mattress
jackals don't deserve you.
380
00:20:03,326 --> 00:20:05,003
I never thought I'd say this,
381
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,804
but some families
just don't belong together.
382
00:20:08,881 --> 00:20:11,739
Yeah, yeah, I'll kill ya!
383
00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:15,369
Ph-Physical contact.
384
00:20:31,914 --> 00:20:35,379
I told you so!
385
00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:37,194
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
386
00:20:37,271 --> 00:20:38,882
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
387
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,584
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
388
00:20:40,661 --> 00:20:42,921
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
Sync corrections by srjanapala
389
00:20:46,967 --> 00:20:49,206
Hey, this is Moe S.
From the Mattress King.
390
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,979
Give me a call at 555-0146.
391
00:20:52,056 --> 00:20:53,630
For a limited time only,
392
00:20:53,707 --> 00:20:57,014
the Mattress King's got
queen mattress sets for $99
393
00:20:57,091 --> 00:20:59,580
and king sets for $129.
394
00:21:01,272 --> 00:21:03,081
Ooh! Are you okay?
395
00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:06,104
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
396
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,265
That's what I was afraid
was gonna...
397
00:21:08,342 --> 00:21:09,827
that's what I was
afraid was gonna happen
398
00:21:09,904 --> 00:21:11,729
- with that damn thing.
- You all right?
399
00:21:11,806 --> 00:21:13,149
- Oh, I'm fine.
- You sure?
400
00:21:13,226 --> 00:21:14,984
Messed up my guitar, though.
No, I'm fine.
401
00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:16,734
- You sure you're, uh...
- No, I'm fine.
402
00:21:16,811 --> 00:21:17,988
Try your arm and stuff.
403
00:21:18,065 --> 00:21:19,804
- He's wearing leather.
- Oh, okay.
404
00:21:19,881 --> 00:21:21,672
- Did you get it on film?
- Yeah.
405
00:21:21,749 --> 00:21:23,575
All right. All right!
406
00:21:26,271 --> 00:21:27,756
Shh!
29937
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