All language subtitles for Gold Diggers of 1937 (1936) BR Eng

? Oh baby what I couldn't do ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? In spite of the worry
that money brings ?

? Just a little filthy lucre
buys a lot of things ?

? And I could take you
to places you'd like to go ?

? But outside of that
I've no use for dough ?

? It's the root of all evil
of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey
that life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money
and you ??

Alright now, boys!

This afternoon,
for our final session

we will have
with us Andy Callahan.

Manager of the Good Life Agency.

Introducing, Andy Callahan.

Men, I've only got
one thing to say.

Car loadings.

Car loadings!

What does it mean when
I say that car loadings

are up 16 and one half
percent over last month?

What has that got to do
with life insurance?

Plenty.

It means there is no depression.

Don't let your prospect
talk about it.

All you've got to do
is get him so enthused

over what life insurance
would do for him..

...that he can see himself
lying in his grave..

...glorying in the physical
comfort of his family.

You can't sell insurance..

...sitting on your chairs
in the office.

You've gotta get out and get it!

Alright, now, boys.
Let's go.

Everybody follow our
song leader, Rosmer Peek.

Where is Rosmer?

Come on, Rosmer.
Come out from wherever you are.

- Rosmer, come on.
- Rosmer!

We want Rosmer.
We want Rosmer.

Boop, I'm gonna get
someplace, see?

When I left school, I got
into this to please my father.

I'm not cut out for it,
neither are you.

Yes, sir. I'm gonna get out
of this insurance business

as soon as I get back
to New York.

Peek! Oglethorpe!

Come on! Up and at 'em.
That's the old pep.

They want you to sing,
Rosmer, quick.

I thought you cured
them yesterday.

So did I.
Guess they relapsed.

That's the old stuff.
Give them all you got!

Alright, Andy. We'll give
our all for Good Life.

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? You'll get pie in the sky
when you die die die ?

? If you buy buy
buy life insurance ?

? Lilies will adorn you
relatives will mourn you ?

? They'll be in the gravy
when you're in the grave ?

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? Angels high all will cry ?

? Did you buy buy buy ?

? The super great
the pearly gate ?

? The New York colossal
the U.S. old fossil ?

? The A.K. and A.Z.
the knee deep in daisy ?

? Life insurance ?

Everybody!

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? You'll get pie in the sky
when you die die die ?

? If you buy buy
buy life insurance ?

? Lilies will adorn you
relatives will mourn you ?

? They'll be in the gravy
when you're in the grave ?

? You'll get pie ??

'All aboard!'

'The Jolly Maids.'

'We should be called
"The Fire Horse Brigade."'

No company made a quick
round trip to Atlantic City

since footlights were invented.

I must say
it's very humiliating.

I haven't got over it yet.

Oh dear, I-I feel as if I were
going to faint any minute.

Save it. There's no man
around to catch you.

I thought it was such
a pretty little show.

You didn't ever see the show.

All you ever saw
was that moonfaced tenor.

Working for Herman
is like a student tour.

I should be used to it,
but I'm not.

- Hello, Verna.
- Hello, dear.

I want my luggage,
if you please.

She wants her luggage.

Aren't you going back with us?

Oh, dear, no.

I couldn't think of riding
on that beastly train.

I hate trains.

She hates trains.

- Take them to the car.
- Yes, miss.

Harry ran up for me, you know.

She'd wear that coat
if it killed her.

Six months ago, she was
working for a seamstress.

- Now she's engaged to a broker.
- How'd she get such a break?

One day, the broker ripped
his pants. The rest is history.

And I believe
she's got the right idea.

That's way to get ahead
in this business.

- Work for a seamstress?
- Yeah...no, be a gold digger.

Of course a girl doesn't have
to be a gold digger exactly.

If she wants to be nice to a man
and takes presents from him..

...in a nice way, I mean.

And men just love to give
presents to little girls.

And it's such fun.
I mean, opening packages.

Yeah, if y'all's conscience
don't jump out at you.

Girls, from now on, you're
looking at a new Genevieve.

A gal who starts with that old
mighty slogan, "Get your man."

And ends with the old police
slogan Cherchez la femme.

What are you doing?

I'm doing nothing in this world
but looking for a job.

They don't advertise for chorus
girls. They just whisper it.

Nevertheless, I want a job.

One where they hand you a pay
envelope every Saturday night

and out comes money.

Sounds interesting.

Oh, look!

Look, girls.
A gold rush!

Get out your pick and shovel.

I always love men around me
when I'm hungry.

Girls, we're saved.
Look what's getting on.

Happy days are here again.

I hope there's a fat man
among them, I like fat men.

You can always outrun them.

They're insurance salesmen.

Whoever heard of an insurance
salesman with a dime?

They have expense accounts
and we can get dinner.

I never did like starving.

- You coming along?
- No, thank you.

- You coming, Genevieve?
- Not me.

I never found a worthwhile guy
in a day coach.

I'm going to explore
the observation car.

- I think I'll go with you.
- Well, good luck.

- You all ready, girls?
- Yes!

Come on, let's go.

I hope I find
some kinda boyfriend.

Come on, girls.
Just get in, get in.

Hello. Hello.

What's the matter, Sally?
Open the door.

We're hungry.

Well, it's stuck or locked
or something.

Say, can I help?

Oh, thank you.

That's the kind of work I do.

Say, I'm afraid it is locked.

Oh dear. We were
on our way to the diner.

I don't want you to think
I'm fresh or anything..

...but if you'll sit down
and wait till I'm hungry..

...I'll break that door
and go with you.

Well, I hardly think I should.

No sense in going back
when you've come this far.

Sit, I'll tell you
the story of my life.

I might if it isn't too long.

I hope ya'll forgive me.

But sitting here with
a strange gentleman

makes me feel
terribly embarrassed.

At home on the plantation,
my daddy wouldn't think

of letting me talk
to a strange northerner.

Northerner? Honey, didn't you
know I was from the South?

Why, that makes
a big difference.

Oh, sure enough, honey.

What are we waiting for? Let's
play. I won't tell your pappy.

If you ask me, I don't see why
J.J. wanted us to come here

and catch a turkey
like that Jolly Maids.

We've got shows of
our own just as bad.

Well, I'm going in
and get some dinner.

You coming?

Oh dear. Stupid
of me, isn't it?

Not at all.
I'm afraid it's me.

I'm looking for the diner.
Is it down this way?

No, this is the last car.
It must be the other way.

Unless we've lost it.

Goodness. I'm afraid I'll
never be able to find it.

Well, may I show you?

Oh, would you?
Thank you so much.

And your friend?

Oh, me?
Oh, I'm not hungry.

Oh!

Oh, is this your paper?

Well, it was.

I'm so sorry, I didn't
see you under it.

Well, weren't the feet
hanging out?

Oh yes. I'm a little
shortsighted.

Oh, is that so?
That's too bad.

I had trouble with my eyes
about 10 years ago.

Really? When you
were just a boy.

Well, not exactly a boy.

You'll forgive me
for disturbing you, won't you?

Why, of course.

You'll go on with your nap as
if nothing happened, won't you?

Well, uh, as a matter of fact

I don't feel like napping
just now, Miss..

Larkin.
Genevieve Larkin.

Isn't that a terrible name?

I always wanted to be called
something like Jewela or Carmen.

Or something sweet like that.

But mother thought that..

Poor Mother.

She thought Genevieve
would protect me better.

Poor, dear Mother. She was
always worrying about me.

And she's gone?

Yes, and father too.

There, there. You mustn't
dwell on such things.

I can't help it. It seems
sometimes that life's empty.

Well, you must get
new interests, new friends.

I've tried.
I've tried.

Perhaps I could help you.

Oh, could you?

Could you with psychology
or something like that?

Well, not exactly that.

Oh, you're so awfully
kind, mister..

Isn't this terrible? Here I am
talking to you like this

unburdening myself, and I
don't even know your name.

Morty Wethered, Miss Larkin,
and it isn't terrible at all.

It's done every day.

Dinner is now being served.

Dinner now being served.

Will you take dinner
with me, Miss Larkin?

Oh, I'd be delighted.

First call for dinner.

First call for dinner.

Come on.

'First call for dinner.'

Hey, back there, wait a minute.

Well, boys, there must be
more where they came from.

Time's up.
Come on, let's go.

There's one left over.

Hi, baby.
Wally, she's mine!

'She's mine,
I saw her first.'

- 'Hey, wait. Come here.'
- 'Hey, wait for me, will you?'

- Wait, wait.
- Just a minute. Why hurry?

- Lady, you're next.
- Excuse me.

'Hey, wait a minute.'

- Oh.
- Hello.

Hello.
I came in.

No, you didn't, you couldn't.
The door's locked.

Oh, yes, I'm here.
I can tell.

Don't be so positive.
I don't see a soul.

I see you're
not shaving, either.

No. You got me
this lather. Catch on?

I guess I owe you an apology
for bursting in like this.

It seems that some men
were chasing me.

What for?
I mean, were they?

Yeah.

Well, thanks for the refuge.

You can't get out.
The door's still locked.

- Is it?
- Yeah. You get in and sit down.

I'll call and get the porter
and get a pass key, huh?

Is this done
in the best families?

Don't tell you're one
of the Boston Bluntzingtons?

- Oh, no.
- Then sit down, sit down.

It's comfortable
there, sit down.

Alright.

Begin at the beginning.

Name, age, weight, height,
and occupation.

Name, Norma.

Age, you can see
I'm just a baby.

Weight I won't discuss.

Height..

Uh, there's a spot over
here you just missed.

Oh, and you're just
the right height too.

I guess I better go.

Say, the light's
kind of bad in here.

- You see any more spots?
- Yes, I do.

No, not that one, now.
Wait a minute, that's my pip.

I'm saving that.
I mean here.

- Where did you come from?
- Fresh from the chorus.

You do time steps and buck
routines and all that stuff?

Uh-huh. Been at
it for three years--

Yeah, I know.
You never lost a spangle.

- Yeah.
- Ouch.

Hold still.

- You like that kind of work?
- No, I don't.

I'm looking for a job right now.

What kind of a job?

There must be someplace

where you work
and get paid for it.

Say, maybe I can fix that.

Yeah, look.

Here's my card.

Rosmer Peek, that's me.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

I'm the salesman for
the Good Life Insurance Company.

Anything I say the plant goes.

You give that to Mr. Callahan,
he'll give you a job.

You're nice to do this.

That's alright. One good
turn deserves another.

What'd I do?

Well, that close shave
you gave me was kind of nice.

Well, I guess I better be going.

Would you like a little drink,
for good luck or something?

- No, thank you.
- Have one?

Come on, you'll
hurt my feelings.

These are martinis. Don't
be afraid of the gin

I made it myself
fresh last night.

There you are.

You got a cute face.

I mean, you had a cute face.
What's the matter?

That's awfully good, but I guess
I'm just not a drinking woman.

Goodbye now.

Oh! Wrong bottle.

Darn that Boop
and his sauerkraut juice.

Life insurance. What's that
gotta do with a girl like you?

- It's a job.
- If you get it.

When they pass jobs in the men's
washroom, a new day has dawned.

- It was an accident--
- That's why I came.

So there won't be
any more accidents.

Well, here's the battlefield.

Not just a stenographer,
they need a whole staff.

We shouldn't have come in.

You didn't expect them
to come to you?

Hello!

Hello?

Hello, oh.

- Oh, good morning.
- Good morning.

- Are you Mr. Callahan?
- Right, just call me Andy.

I've a card here
from your ace salesman.

He said you needed
a stenographer.

- So Rosmer is my ace salesman.
- That's what he told me.

You're the only person he's sold
since he's been here.

Do you type?

It's not one of
the things I do best.

I'm the one applying, remember?

- Oh, experienced?
- Well, I--

She's very modest but she's the
best stenographer in New York.

I see.
Started in the cradle.

I've tried out a lotta
girls around here

but none of them had any zip
for an insurance agency.

- You've got it.
- And I'm gonna keep it.

I don't think this
is the right place for you.

I'm sure it'll be alright
if Mr. Callahan'll have me.

Okay. We'll give you a whirl.

- Salary's 22.50 a week.
- Oh.

- Goodbye, Norma.
- Goodbye.

- Don't forget next Tuesday.
- What do you mean?

When we take
our last jiu jitsu lesson.

- Know how to run a switchboard?
- Yes.

Good. Make yourself at home
and I'll show you around later.

Uh, "The good life
keeps rolling along."

- Remember that.
- Yes, sir.

And "Life insurance
is immortal." Got it?

Oh yes.

Got any more martinis?

Well, hello!

- Hello.
- Isn't that funny?

Just sent a letter
to the boss, Mr. Callahan.

I said, "There's a girl
coming for a job here".

She'd be great. She's got
blue eyes, as good as in."

Has the boss read the letter?

Oh, oh-oh. Well, I've
been awfully busy.

Somebody read your
mind then, because

P.S. she got the job.

Really? You're gonna work here?

Oh, that's swell.
That's swell. That's fine.

I guess Mr. Callahan
heard me dictate the letter.

Yes, I distinctly remember
him saying something about

his ace salesman.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's me. Yeah.

Well, it's nice weather,
isn't it, huh?

No, it isn't. It's
raining out there.

I'm glad you're gonna work here.

- I better get some done.
- Wait.

I wanna talk to you.
Sit down.

Well...go ahead and talk.

Yeah, yeah, well,
I thought, maybe..

- You see, I--
- Yeah, and very true.

It's still raining
though, isn't it?

Oh, speaking of
the weather again, huh?

Speaking of the weather.

Speaking of the weather.

? Speakin' of the weather
it isn't the humidity it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? What in thunder is thunder ?

? Compared to my heart
when it beats like that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? Speakin' of the lightning
it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash
zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather
good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather
and incidentally I love you ?

? Pardon me miss do you
belong to this umbrella ?

? Pardon me miss
it matches your eyes ?

? Speaking of eyes if they
belong to this umbrella ?

? They should
be sheltered at once ?

? From those threatening skies ?

? Speaking of skies
and the storm in view ?

If that's your conversation,
I've some work to do.

Oh so! Thou would'st
not to be speaking?

About the weather?

- Aye!
- Nay.

But the hour is noon,
thy work is done.

It may be noon,
but it's just begun.

Pray let me speak, whilst
thou fiddlest the keys.

Speak if thou must,
but softly, please.

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? It isn't the humidity
it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? Your nose loves
the raindrops ?

? Your nose knows the rose
always grows from that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? And speakin' of the lightning
it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash
zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash ?

? A boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather
good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather ?

? And incidentally I love you ??

And what is this?

We were speaking
about the weather.

Fun's fun but--

Yeah, I know.
"Life insurance is immortal."

- Miss, uh--
- Perry. Norma Perry.

I'm terribly sorry.

Up and at 'em. You can't
sell insurance this way.

Or any other way.

Optimism's what you need.

- Do or die!
- Sink or swim!

Strike while the iron's hot!

Insurance can be sold,
statistics prove it.

Now you're getting
the idea. Come on.

- Andy.
- I know what you're gonna say.

- I wanna quit.
- Quit?

Would you lay down your tools
before the job's done?

- Be branded before men?
- Alright, alright.

That's the stuff, you'll
sell a million yet.

Come on, and remember "The good
life keeps rolling along."

Yeah, and we roll with it.

- We're going out, Miss Perry.
- Yes, sir.

And remember, Miss Perry,
"Life insurance is immortal."

- Yes, sir.
- That's the spirit!

Come on, Rossie.

Would you call Andy
if I kissed you?

Not unless you wanna
kiss him too.

That's for me.

That's for you.

- Norma.
- Norma.

Norma.

- How are you, darling?
- Gen, you look wonderful.

- Isn't it marvelous?
- We were coming after you.

Throw that pencil of commerce
and climb into a shorts.

Why? What's happened?

Well, Mr. Wethered,
the new boyfriend

is a partner
of J.J. Hobart, the producer.

J.J. is putting on a show.

We're all gonna be
in it or something.

Come along. We're meeting
them at the Embassy Club.

- And have lunch.
- And maybe shopping afterwards.

No, thanks. I wouldn't
care about that.

You don't mean, you like
this life insurance business?

There's a boy in the office,
one of the salesmen.

- Oh, I get it.
- I know when I'm well off.

Those paychecks
come in like clockwork.

The poor child.
Must be the heat.

Or love.

Or something. Is there
nothing we can do?

Nope. Oh yes, find somebody
who wants insurance.

If anybody wants it,
we'll find them.

Maybe we can sell the boys.

- Yeah.
- That'll be great.

We've gotta go.
They're waiting.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

- To the Embassy, Pierre.
- Oui, oui, mademoiselle.

Hello, Wethy, baby.

Hello, Hugo.
You little darling.

Not in public, Irene.

- Mr. Hugo, Miss Larkin, Miss..
- 'Laverne.'

- How do you do?
- Where is my sugar daddy?

Didn't you bring one for me?

Thought we were
meeting Mr. J.J. Hobart.

He wouldn't come,
he felt too sick.

What's Sally supposed to do?
Twiddle her thumbs?

Sally can twiddle
anything she wants.

Now, Gen. I'm sorry.
something's happened.

I've gotta speak to you alone.

Will you excuse us, please?

One champagne cocktail
and a martini.

- Yes, sir.
- Baby, what's the matter?

Oh, judgment day has sounded.

J.J. insists on
putting on the show.

What's wrong? He's been putting
on shows for 20 years.

Sit down so that you
can stand the shock.

Well, what's the matter?

We haven't got the money
to do the show.

- You mean, J.J.'s broke?
- Yeah.

Almost and he doesn't know it.

We got a tip on
the market, we lost.

We tried to get it back,
we lost more.

Oh, it's all becoming
very clear.

When the time comes
for J.J. to sign

the check he's gonna find out.

Then we're gonna
be out on our ears

and very possibly
behind the bars.

Why don't you talk him
out of doing the show?

As though we haven't tried.

If only something
would happen to him.

He's been on the edge
for months.

If only he'd fall apart
while there's time.

What good would that do?
Wouldn't they investigate?

Gen, you've gotta
think of something.

My mind is blank.

J.J. is likely
to find that out too.

Well, has Genevieve
got any ideas?

Shh.

- She's thinking.
- Really?

Boys, I've got it.

- What?
- Got what?

Insure him. Make yourselves
the beneficiaries.

If he can't last longer,
then insure the brains

and guiding spirit of Hobart,
Wethered and Hugo.

How can we do it?

You've gotta get
a high pressure man

with facts and statistics,
and let him sell.

That's what we need,
high pressure.

- Wait, wait. I've got it.
- Got what?

My brother's wife's brother--

No, no. Now, let's keep
your family outta this.

Your sister's husband's cousin
gave us that tip on the market.

'What we need is a stranger.'

I've just the one for you.
The Good Life Agency.

- I never heard of them.
- So much the better.

Hand me that telephone.

- Hello.
- Hello, Good Life Agency?

This is Genevieve Larkin.

Hello, Gen.

Hello, this is Morty Wethered
speaking.

Yes, of Hobart,
Wethered and Hugo.

I wanna talk to your
best salesman, please.

Oh yeah.
Yeah, wait a minute.

Answer the phone, quickly.

Hello.

Uh, we want one of your best men

sent over here
to handle a little policy.

Oh, well, there's no one
in the office right now.

Talk to him!

Hey, hey, will I do?
I mean--

Well now, send your best man.
What's the name?

Oh, our best man is named Andy.

Rosmer Peek.

Oh, yes. Yes. He's our best man.
There's no doubt about that.

Hobart Theatre, 2:00?

Yes, sir. Positively.

Wow!

Norma, somebody actually
wants insurance.

- Oh, wonderful.
- Life insurance is immortal..

- Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
- Good afternoon, J.J.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.

Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.

Yeah, what's good about it?

- Good afternoon, chief.
- Good afternoon, J.J.

Stop slamming doors.
Soften your tone.

Please, have a little respect
for a tired old man.

That's a good one.
"Tired old man."

You're only as old as you feel.

Now listen. I am old
and I am tired, see?

Yeah, that's settled.
Now what?

Well, J.J., uh, Hugo
and I've been thinking..

That's something new, at least.

Oh, J.J..

Oh, what's the use?

Here I've spent my life..

...building up..

...what?

Fifty-nine years old today.

I'm sick of it.
Sick of the city.

Sick of the country.

I'm sick of the theater.

Sick of you.

Sick of myself.

Now, J.J., how can you
talk like that?

Oh, come, come,
gentlemen, what is it?

It's like this.
Hugo and I had an idea.

- Uh, could I see Mr. Wethered?
- He's busy.

Then I'll wait over here.

Over here.

Why? Why the Sam Hill should I
take out an insurance policy?

But it's high time you realized

that you're the keystone
of this organization.

The guiding genius of
the American theater of today.

And if you're taken
away from us..

Heaven forbid.

'...we're sunk,
we're licked.'

Have you been keeping
something from me?

Aren't we in
A-1 financial condition?

Why, of course.

This makes me feel

as if you're all
standing around, waiting.

I'm surprised at you.

- Chief!
- It's ridiculous.

Well, we'll forget
the whole thing.

Ask Miss Bailey to call up and
see where that agency fellow is.

- I don't want any insurance.
- Now, J.J.

- Nothing doing.
- Oh, Miss Bailey.

Call up the Good Life and
find out where that salesman is.

He's here.
Send him in.

Throw him out!

- Come in.
- Get out!

- Yes, sir.
- Just a minute, just a minute.

Mr. Peek, this is
our president, Mr..

Hah!

Mr. Hah.

- Hobart!
- Oh, Mr. Hobart.

- This is Mr. Hugo.
- How do you do?

- How do you do?
- I'm Mr. Wethered.

- 'How do you do?'
- 'Won't you sit down?'

'Yes, thank you.'

Well?

Well, how is the insurance
business these days, Mr. Peek?

Well, the car loadings
last month were..

Car loading?

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

The car loadings are up 16.5%.

Listen, young man,
I wanna ask you a question.

I've got enough money
to live on.

My theaters are in
A-1 financial shape.

I have no dependents
of any kind.

Can you give me one reason why
I should have my life insured?

Frankly, I can't.

- Oh, life insurance is immoral.
- What?

Oh, I mean, life insurance
is immortal.

Oh, throw him out.

Uh, put him in the show
as a comic.

Wait a minute, J.J.

Mr. Peek, can you
give Mr. Hobart

some figures and statistics?

I'm a sick man.
I'm going the doctor's.

Now, wait a minute, J.J.

Mr. Peek, will you

can you give us something
definite about insurance?

- Well, I..
- Now, just a moment.

Mr. Peek has
something else to say.

Yeah, life insurance
is immortal.

That's all he has to say.

Oh, no, no.

Life insurance is triumphant.

I'm having one
of my dizzy spells.

Give me a glass of water.

But, J.J., think of
your responsibilities.

I have no responsibilities.

I don't give a darn
about anybody.

You, you, and you included.

Not even your own family?

I have no family.

He's right.

Mr. Peek has hit the nail
right on the head.

'You have a family, J.J.'
'A family of millions.'

- Millions?
- Millions?

Millions who've followed
the fortunes

of J.J. Hobart and the theater.

The audiences of America,
they are your responsibility.

And after you've gone,
after we've all gone..

...audiences will still cling
to the tradition of J.J. Hobart.

'And that is your responsibility
J.J., tradition.'

Well...maybe.

When the captain goes over
the side for the last time

life insurance takes the wheel.

'And brings the ship
safely into port.'

Well..

I'll take a policy in the name
of the company, and..

What do I do? What
have you got, young man?

Have you heard about our special
$100 a month income plan?

Alright, I'll take it.

Mr. Peek, we had been thinking
of a straight life policy.

'Straight life for $1 million.'

What's this?

Did you say one million dollars?

'That's what I said.'

That's what I thought you said.

Umm, have you
any application blanks?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

- Well, I did have some here.
- What?

- My briefcase, I had it..
- Here, here, here it is.

Oh, yeah.
I never leave without it.

Wait a minute,
this looks like it.

Yeah, yeah, Now, now,
you're not fooling me, are you?

Why, certainly not, young man.

'Alright, alright.
Shall we begin?'

Oh, come on, come on.

Gotta have your name
and address.

You know both.

Hey, uh, you said
one million dollars, didn't you?

Give me this.

There you are, J.J.
Sign there.

There you are, young man.

Mr. Peek, your pen.

Thank you.

A million dollars.

Wow!

Wow! A million bucks!
A million bucks!

Men, on my way up here,
I said to myself

"I'll bet
this has been a tough day."

'It's like that sometimes.'

'But don't worry,
tomorrow's another day.'

- 'Anybody land anything?'
- Here you are, Mr. Callahan.

Well, fast nickels
are better than slow dollars.

'Volume, that's what counts.'

Hey, Andy.

Now, Peek, don't say it.

Remember, the world
hates a quitter.

Yeah, but, Andy, I..

The Mongrel's hold may slip

but only crowbars loose
the bulldog's grip.

'Now, listen, my boy.'

'I too have known
discouragement, but..'

What's that?

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Oh.

Oh. Wow!

Come here, everybody.

Wow! Jumping sea lions!

- You know what he's done?
- No, what?

He's brought in an application
for one million dollars.

Let's see it.
Let's see it.

Somebody go to my desk
and get that bottle.

- Drinks for everybody.
- What's the matter?

Peek's just knocked over
the biggest case in history.

One million dollars, look.

Oh. Oh, Ross,
I'm so proud of you.

'Here you are, Andy.'

Peek, here,
have yourself a drink.

To Rosmer Peek.

The best gosh darned salesman

that ever stepped
into this agency.

Hurray!

Rossi, you're in clover
for the rest of your life.

Come on, tell us about it. Boys,
stand back. Come on, Rossi.

Well, I-I was
just sitting here--

Here, have another drink.

Yeah, yeah.

- Well, to tell the truth--
- Come on, give us the lowdown.

Shut up and let him
tell it. Go on.

Oh, well, I've been
working here five months.

You hear that? Five months.

That's perseverance.
Five months on one case.

Here, have another drink.

Well, I went in there..

- 'Cold?'
- Cold turkey?

- I didn't know a soul.
- Just felt your way along?

- That's right, but I went.
- You hear that?

Get up there
and tell us how you did it.

Alright, alright.

Well, I went in there,
and I got Wetherford.

- He's the vice president.
- You see?

Right at the top. That's
the stuff. Have another drink.

And then..

Then he said,
he'd speak to Hobart.

But I says,
"No, no, I'll do the talking."

'Then I went
into Hobart's office.'

He had a great big desk,
14 feet wide.

I sat down, made myself
very, very comfortable.

Looked him in the eye
and shook my finger on his face

and I says, "Hobart.."
No, I didn't either.

I says, "J.J.."

- Those are his initials.
- You hear that?

Personality.
Make him your pal.

I says, "J.J.,
if you don't know

"what you're doing
it's not my fault.

'"Here's a policy
worked out to the last detail.'

"Now you can sign it,
do yourself a favor

or stew in your own juice."

- And he signed it?
- No, no.

I says, "J. J, you don't realize
there're millions of people

"depending upon you
for entertainment.

"The audiences of America,
J.J., that is your family.

"A family
of fifty million people.

"That is your responsibility!

'It's a tradition.'"

- 'That got him.'
- And he signed?

- Like a baby.
- Like a baby.

He may be old and baldheaded,
but he signed like a baby.

Say, Rosmer, did you say
old and baldheaded?

Oh, Rosmer, how old is he?

- Fifty-nine.
- Fifty-nine?

- He won't pass the medical.
- Huh?

Wait a minute, I know a guy
who passed, and he was 68.

Yeah, passed out.

He may not pass
the medical. Oh..

Get a doctor.

- How does your head feel now?
- Oh, terrible.

Just like somebody was
poking at it with a nut pick.

Thanks for taking me to dinner.

Did I take you to dinner?

Oh, Ross, will you
stop worrying about J.J?

You've given up hope
before they've examined him.

So what?

You're quitting, that's what.
And I hate a quitter.

Hey, wait a minute.

You ought to read a book
or something about perseverance.

- How men succeed.
- Well, I have.

- Been reading books all week.
- Oh, yeah?

- Just finished one Saturday.
- What's the name?

Well, it was a swell one and
it was called Mutual Attraction.

- Mutual Attraction?
- Uh-huh.

It's all-it's all about love
and how to find one's mate.

- Eight easy lessons.
- Oh.

Look, look. When I hold
your hands, how do you feel?

- Silly.
- When I put my arm around you?

I can't tell with only one arm.

- Now, what's the reaction?
- Dithery.

- Now?
- Is this the seventh lesson?

- Uh-huh.
- What's the eighth?

- Oh..
- What's the matter?

- The page was torn out.
- Oh.

- Quitter.
- No, I'm not.

- I mean, about Mr. Hobart.
- Oh.

You know,
if you'd convince yourself

that he'd pass
the medical, he would.

If he doesn't,
what are you gonna lose?

A lot of money.
And, baby, I need it.

When a fellow's thinking
about asking a girl to marry him

he ought to have money.

Are you thinking of asking
a girl to marry you?

Well, I was if I could get
a little bank account.

Where there's love,
is money necessary?

I don't think so even if you do.

Well, I hate to be mercenary

but I've gotta disagree
with you.

? Oh baby what I couldn't do ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? In spite of the worry
that money brings ?

? Just a little filthy lucre
buys a lot of things ?

? And I could take you
to places you'd like to go ?

? But outside
of that I've no use for dough ?

? It's the root of all evil
of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey ?

? That life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? It's the root of all evil
of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey ?

? That life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? With plenty
of money and you ??

Right this way, doctors.

Right this way.

Excuse me, excuse me.

- Good morning, miss.
- Good morning.

Remember, I was here yesterday.

Yes, I remember you.

Well, these are the doctors
to examine Mr. Hobart.

He isn't in.
He may not be down

this morning,
he isn't feeling well.

Always the little kidder,
you know?

- Did you say--
- Don't pay attention to her.

'She couldn't live if she
didn't have her little joke.'

J.J.

Oh, Mr. Hobart, Mr. Hobart.

Yes, sir, everything is all set.
The doctors are here.

We're here for the medical
checkup, as you know.

Come back in a month.

Always clowning. You know,
how these show people are.

Oh, Mr. Wethered,
these are the doctors here

to examine Mr. Hobart.

Oh, yes.
Come right in, gentlemen.

Alright, doctors.

The doctors, J.J.

Send them away,
I don't feel good.

Now, J.J., that isn't fair.

Good morning, J.J.

Dr. MacDuffy, Dr. Henry,
Dr. Bell, Dr. Warshof.

Seeing you,
Mr. Hobart, I would say

this examination was
a mere formality.

Oh.

Which however, has to be done.

Well, let's begin.

Come, J.J.

Come on.

- Sit right here, J.J.
- I don't feel good.

Now, Mr. Hobart,
have you ever been treated

for any disease or disturbances
of, answer separately.

The brain, nerves,
nose, tonsils, throat, lungs

heart, blood vessels,
stomach, liver.

- Hay or rose fever?
- No.

Skin, bones,
glands, gout, rheumatism

tuberculosis, diabetes,
epilepsy, vertigo, dizzy spells?

No.

Maimed or deformed? Do you
use intoxicants of any kind?

Do you ever travel
in tropical countries?

- Yes.
- No!

No!

Let's proceed.

Alright, just stand up, J.J.

Good heavens, you're-you're
not gonna operate, are you?

I'm afraid not.
Come on, down you go.

Careful now.
Careful, J.J., careful.

Upsy-daisy, up you go.

There.

You'd think I was
a prize bull in the county fair.

- Please.
- Now, J.J., don't worry.

It'll be over in a few minutes.

Shh.

Shh.

- Gentlemen, you concur?
- Absolutely.

- Yeah, well, it's about time.
- One moment, please.

No, you can agree
with them or get out.

Please, Mr. Hobart.

- No.
- Do this 10 times, rapidly.

Hello.

It's for you, Mr. Peek.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Hello.
Oh, oh, hello, Norma.

We can't wait any longer.

Is he passing?

Well, so far, yes,
but we're not through.

I'll let you know. Keep your
fingers crossed. Goodbye.

- What did he say?
- Practically nothing.

- 'Say, "Ah."'
- Ah.

Ah. Ah!

- Say 99.
- Ninety nine.

- Ninety nine.
- Ninety nine.

Breathe, deeply.

That will be all, gentlemen.

Take it easy, J.J.

Alright, alright.

There you are.

Give me one of my pills.

I'm having a dizzy spell.

Now, buck up, J.J.,
everything's gonna be alright.

Oh, doctor.

Doctor, how was it?
Did he pass?

You'll get your report
in the usual way.

Here you are, J.J.

Ow!

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

Ever since those doctors
have been here

I've had the most
awful pain in this arm.

'What..'

Hey, you forgot your inner tube.

He didn't pass.

Oh, Andy..

Oh, Andy, oh.

'Hey, Andy, here's another one.'

An error.

Pennsylvania,
one million dollars.

Uh, no, I mean, this is..

This is J.J. Hobart's office.

No, I didn't mean that. Err..
No, no, we sell insurance.

I don't blame him.

Take it, Andy.

Hello?

No.

Yes.

Yes. I see.

Oh, doc, for the love of Pete,
don't give me technicalities.

Tell me, did he pass?

Wow! He passed.

Hurray!

Oh, Boop, stick around,
will you? I feel funny.

Let an old timer give
an advice, not that you need it.

But get this.

J.J. Hobart is your meal ticket.

The longer he lives,
the more you earn.

But if anything happens to him,
your income stops.

Remember, stay close to him.

- Stay close to him?
- Yeah, that's right.

Let me see.

"Health, exercise, diet

weight control,
life begins at fo.."

- How old is he?
- Fifty nine.

"Life Begins at 40, Life.."

Here it is.
"Life Begins at 59."

Now, remember,
stay close to him.

- Hey, Boop, you want a job?
- Sure.

You're night shift,
10 percent goes to you.

Stay close to that fellow.
Stay in his pocket.

I'll surround him.

Hello, get me
the Hobart Theatre.

Hello? What?

He passed.
He passed the medical.

He did?

Hold the wire.

He passed.

Say, listen, Peek, could you get
that policy over to my place

on Long Island tonight?

You could?

Fine. And say, bring your girl.

Yeah, bring anybody's girl.
Bring all your friends.

We're gonna have
a party to celebrate.

Fine then.

Gen, you're a genius.

Just don't you forget it.

- Hey, wait a minute.
- 'What?'

We mustn't tell J.J.

- Why not?
- Might make him feel better.

He might recuperate,
so to speak.

Oh, that's right.

But we'd better
have him to the party.

Oh, sure.

Swimming. Night air.

He might have a chill.

Now, what the dickens did you go
to all this trouble for?

Well, J.J. passed.

I thought we ought to celebrate.

And, remember, my boy, it's not
every night that we stand

on the threshold of $1 million.

Besides, you never can tell
what might happen in the crowd.

What are you going to do?

Hit J.J.
over the head with a club

because he's insured
for a million dollars?

Why, Irene,
I'm surprised at you, darling.

How can you think
of such a thing?

You might just
be a little bit subtle.

Well, here we are.

Let's shake the dust
of 42nd Street off

of our feet
and mingle with the elite.

It's too good to be true.
We're not dreaming, are we?

Certainly not.
Look at the moon up there.

Look at this garden, the crowd.

- Look at you.
- Yeah.

- Oh, if it would only last.
- I'll make it last, honey.

From now on, I've only got
two people to worry about.

With you around, I'm delirious.
With J.J.'s around, I'm rich.

Hope he stays
around a long time.

With my care,
he'll live to be a million.

Hey, Boop.

You're here for one reason.
Keep an eye on J.J.

Get your mind off of everything
and let me know when he arrives.

Don't worry,
not even an earthquake

could move me from this duty.

We're gonna dance.

Hey, Sally. Remember me?

Why, Mr. Ogleboop.

Oglethorpe.
But you may call me Boop.

May I take your hat
and coat, sir?

Well, I don't know.

Darn foolishness
dragging me way out here.

I don't feel good.

When will you
want your car, sir?

In about 15 minutes.

I don't wanna stay long. I'm
gonna get home and get to bed.

Yes, sir.
I'll tell your chauffeur.

Darn fools, they'll catch
their death of cold

getting wet this time of night.

Remarkable, sir, isn't it?

Hey, here's a piece here
that will fit in very well

when we start hanging the crepe.

J.J.

- Evening, J.J.
- Well, for heaven's sake.

What do you mean?

- Nothing, J.J. Nothing.
- There's nothing wrong with us.

- Shh.
- Huh? Oh.

Hey, what is this?
What is it?

Look, J.J.,
if you don't feel alright

if you don't wanna stay..

...I'll understand perfectly.

Understand what?

Are you sure you feel alright?

Say, listen here, I--

J.J., sit down, J.J.

We were worried about you.

Of course, I don't say that if
a man's face is drawn and pale

'it necessarily means anything.'

'No, it may be something
unimportant, like pneumonia'

'or something like that.'

Say, I thought
I felt pretty good.

Good heavens.

What is it now?

Why, it's says
here in this paper

that Stanley J. MacNeil
dropped dead.

Stan MacNeil?
Why, I saw him only last week.

Well, after all,
he was getting on uh..

- How old does it say he was?
- Fifty eight.

- Well, ripe old age.
- Yeah.

What did he die of?

Overwork.

Just because old man
MacNeil dies

I suppose you think I'm next.

Can I get you a glass
of water or something?

- No.
- Don't you want a pill?

No. I think I better go inside
and lie down for a moment.

Now, wait, wait, wait, J.J.

Look, look,
you're all perspiring.

Here, you come right over here

and sit down
where there's a breeze.

That's it.
Right in there.

There you are.

Ahh..

Well, J.J., congratulations!
Congratulations!

- For what?
- 'Didn't they tell you?'

'You passed the examination.
Perfect health.'

'Heart of a man of 35.
The doctors were unanimous.'

'Said they could
examine hundreds'

'before they'd find
a man in your condition.'

They must've told you,
didn't they?

Well, we didn't want
to lead him on.

We wanted to be sure
there wasn't any mistake.

- Say, I'm in good health, eh?
- Good health?

It isn't often
that Good Life runs

across such an
excellent risk as you.

Doctors say you'll live
to bury us all.

Mr. Peek,
would you be good enough

to step over
to the pool with me, please?

- Oh, yes, yes.
- No, leave him alone.

I wanna talk to him. Leave us
alone, go away. Go away.

Alright, but shall I send
a wreath to the MacNeil home?

No.

Well, just a little one.

- Stanley J. MacNeil?
- Yes.

Why, we turned him down
less than a year ago.

You mean to say
that your company knew--

Why, we could have predicted it
to the very day.

You think I'll pull through?

Pull through? Why, you're
a perfect specimen.

Sit down, young man, sit down.

I wanna talk to you.
Now, tell me more.

All you gotta do is follow
the Good Life health plan.

Do or die. Sink or swim.
You'll live hundred years.

- It's in the cards.
- What cards?

Right here. Got it
all figured out for you.

Right here, right here.
It says "Keep out of drafts."

What's the matter?

- You're in a draft.
- Yeah? Yeah?

That's the very important thing
of the Good Life health plan.

Stay out of drafts.

Is it, is it alright here?

Alright here, alright.

I might've sat
over there for hours.

Young man, I like you.
What's that one?

"How to Feel Like a Million.
Play Games for Health."

- Play games? I never had time.
- Make time.

Say, did you ever
play Indian wrestling?

Is it anything like Japanese?

How should I know?
Look, I'll show you.

Stand right there.
Put your foot onto mine.

- Right foot? Right foot?
- Yeah. Give me your hand.

Now. Now, pull.

Wow! You've got strength.

Yeah, I haven't
done that for years.

What else you got there?

- "Life Begins At 59."
- I thought it was 40?

- Oh, no, it's 59, in your case.
- Let me see that.

Why, doggone it, it says 59.

"Life Begins At 59."

Well, why not?

Achoo!

You're still in a draft, J.J.

We better work up
a little circulation.

What did you wanna
invite Peek for, anyway?

To get the policy.

And why didn't
you keep him away from J.J?

Oh, well, why didn't you?

Hey.

How deep is the pool
at that end?

Eleven feet. Why?

I was just thinking.

Hello, baby. Am I late
or hasn't anything started yet?

Gen, you're in the nick of time.

You sound like
a melodrama. Why?

Peek broke the news
to J.J. that he passed.

He's getting younger
by the minute.

You've gotta take him in hand.

Get Peek away, or he'll
have J.J. back in shape.

Ask him to dance.
Keep him on his feet.

- Get him overheated.
- Where is he?

- There.
- Is that J.J. Hobart?

That's the guy.

That old fellow?

Morty, he's got 2 feet
in the grave already.

All we've gotta do
is to make him lie down in it.

Don't you worry. I'll have
him pull the dirt in over him.

Good girl.

That's the boy.

With your physique, you should
have been a prizefighter.

Oh, Mr. Hobart.

I can't find anyone
to dance with me.

That is, I mean anyone
that I would like to dance with.

Would you uh,
like to dance with me?

Oh, would you really?

Would I?

Darned if life
don't begin at 59.

- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?

- Remember me?
- Oh, yes.

You're the guy what brung me.

And a very successful guy too.
Everything's all set.

J.J. Is feeling fine.
I'll get my commission tomorrow

and end up by being
one of the wealthy class.

It's probably time
I thought about getting married.

Somewhere before,
I've heard that speech.

Oh, but I mean it, with my check

we could start
with a dining set.

With a bit
of straining, a radio too.

If J.J. Lives a while,
we could get a bedroom set--

- We better dance.
- Huh?

- Oh, Norma?
- Yes.

You know, I-I meant that crack
about getting married.

I'm terribly in love with you.

How do people act
at a time like this?

I don't know. I'm not
an old hand at it myself.

We could get married,
but there are things

we should talk over first.

Like what?

Like for instance,
are we really in love?

We'll find that out soon enough.

- Just let's..
- Let's what?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? Is it love or is it weather ?

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? Laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps
knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? We'll know the answers too ?

- Let's, oh, let's.
- Let's what?

- Put our heads together.
- Oh.

Look, Morty,
do you suppose that's love?

Must be the weather.

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? He's laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps
knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? We'll know the answer ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? Is it love or is it weather ?

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? He's laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps
knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? They'll know the answers too ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather
it isn't the humidity it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? What in thunder is thunder ?

? Compared to my heart
when it beats like that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? Speakin' of the lightning
it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash
zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Oh good old weather
ain't it lovely weather ?

? And incidentally I love you ?

? Let the heavens crash
zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather
good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather
and incidentally ?

? I love you ?

Look.

- How do you feel?
- Oh, I'm hot. I'm burning up.

You'd better come
into the house, J.J.

Right this way.
Here, right this way.

You just probably got yourself
a little bit overheated.

Alright. There you go.

- Help.
- Help.

Not so loud.

- Help.
- Help.

Help!
Help! Help!

- It's J.J.
- Help me!

Help. Help!

- J.J., J.J., I'll save you.
- Help!

Hold on, J.J., hold on.

I'll save you, J.J., I'll
save you. I'll save you, J.J.

Nice work, Rosmer, nice work.

- Take it easy.
- Hold my hand.

Boop, come in here
and earn your 10 percent.

- Come in, earn your 10 percent.
- To the rescue.

Alright. Come on, J.J.
Give me your hand.

Take it easy.
Take it easy.

Take it easy, J.J.
Alright, take it easy.

Take it easy.
Take it easy.

- Somebody pushed me.
- Take it easy.

Are you alright, J.J.? Are you
alright? Are you alright?

Oh, young man, I wanna thank you
for saving my life.

You're a hero.
I won't forget it.

That's alright, J.J.
That's alright.

But are you
alright, Mr. Hobart?

Yes. No. I don't know.

But I tell you,
somebody pushed me.

Now, J.J., listen,
that's impossible.

Hugo and I
were right behind you.

- Why, yes
- That's right.

- You could have seen anybody..
- 'Certainly.'

Come right into the house.

Careful, boys.

Any other man
in the world of his age

would've come out of that pool
a walking case of pneumonia.

But not J.J.

He took it
like a medicinal bath.

He's been in there all day
with Peek and that other guy.

What do you suppose
they're doing?

How should I know?

Wee-pee!

Come on, young man.
Give me some opposition.

What's that?

It sounds like something
in J.J.'s office.

'Wee-pee!'

Come on, maybe
something's happened to him.

- Oh, hello, boys.
- I must say..

- How does it stand now, Rossie?
- 18 to six. How're you, fellas?

Look, J.J., there are several
matters that are very important.

You can talk to my new general
manager about them later.

- Your new..
- General manager?

- That's me.
- You mean Peek?

Run along now, we're busy.
Go on, go on.

A couple of sissies.

J.J., I wanna thank you
for what you have done for me.

Forget it, young man,
I like you.

I'm through with this game.

Need something strenuous.
I know. Let's wrestle.

But, now, J.J. Now, wait.
Wait. Careful, careful.

I'd like to bust that guy,
Peek, right in the nose.

You know, if he keeps this up,
he'll have J.J. in short pants.

What do you mean?
He is in short pants.

Well, we'll have him
in diapers next

if we don't do
something about it.

Now what are they doing?

Now, they are playing Leapfrog.

Well, if my brother-in-law
had handled this..

Oh drat, your brother-in-law.

We've got to find a way
to make J.J. old again.

As old as time,
so that his teeth fall out

and his hands shake.

Hello.

Yes.
Send her in.

Listen.

What makes a man crack up?

- Oh, trouble? Relations?
- No.

Mr. Hugo, I give you Genevieve.

- There he is.
- Now, you know what to do?

Yes.

If she doesn't, she's changed
a lot in the last few days.

Oh, it's so hard to be good
under the capitalistic system.

- I beg your pardon.
- Oh, not at all.

I remember you. Why, you're
Mr. Hobart, aren't you?

And you're the whirling dervish.

Yes. I'm so sorry. You know, I
didn't know this was your place.

- You'll forgive me, won't you?
- Well, I think I might.

Do you mind if I sit down?
I'm so tired.

- I've been walking so long.
- Walking?

Oh, it's so hard
being a debutante.

Oh, you're one of those?

Yes. And you know
what debutantes do?

No. What?

Well, going around seeing people

about all sorts of
worthy causes.

Of course, I don't mind
the going around part.

That gives me something
to do. And since mother..

- Oh, what is it, tag day?
- Oh, yes.

Yes. And I can't do it.
I really can't.

You know, some girls have gone
over their quota three times.

'But I can't do a thing like
that, unless I like the man.'

Oh, of course. Huh?

Well, it's alright
for Mrs. Quimby

Mrs. Sage Quimby
to tell us how to do it.

But after all, all she
has to do is tell us.

Exactly. Huh?

You see, the last time
we had tag day

Mrs. Quimby got the idea

of having a kissing booth
in the bazaar.

'Then she thought that
if we girls went out in public'

'and did what the girls
did in the booth'

we'd sell more tags, you see?

She made me promise,
and, oh, I just can't do it.

No, that's alright,
I'll buy a tag, and you..

...you don't have to kiss me
unless you want to.

Oh, but I promised Mrs. Quimby.

Well, that does
complicate things, doesn't it?

You don't like
this kissing business

and Mrs. Quimby says
you have to, huh?

Oh, oh, I didn't say
I didn't like it.

Oh, no. No.

I just said that I couldn't
do a thing like that

unless I really meant it.

I'm sorry, but
that's just the way I am.

Oh, but I mustn't take up
any more of your time.

No, no, no, sit down. I'd
like to straighten things out.

Now, suppose instead
of you kissing me

I kiss you on the hand, say..

Or on the cheek, maybe, huh?

And then, you could tell
Mrs. uh, what's-her-name

that everything's alright.

- Oh, how much are the tags?
- Five dollars. Six for $25.

I'll take six.

There you are.

Now then..

- Oh..
- What's the matter?

I've never been kissed
like that in all my life.

Well..

Oh, I think I could
kiss you and mean it.

Yes.

Yes, I'm going to do
what Mrs. Quimby told me.

She's breaking my heart,
but she's reaching her quota.

Good morning, uh,
afternoon, everybody.

Alright. Hold it,
everybody, hold it.

Hello, boys.
Everything all ready?

Why, certainly.

I declare, if it isn't nice
Mr. Wethered and Mr. Hugo too.

- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- Yes, to be sure.

- Mr. Hugo and Mr. Wethered.
- How do you do?

- A pleasure.
- Likewise.

Miss Larkin's got some
great ideas for the show.

- Oh, is that so?
- Yeah.

Oh, by the way, I want you to
double Sally and Irene's salary.

Now, listen here, J.J..

Fix Miss Larkin up
with an expense account.

- Mr. Hobart.
- Yeah?

Couple of gentlemen
outside wanna see you.

One man says
he's your general manager.

Excuse me a minute, folks?
I'll be right back.

- Morris.
- Yes?

- Break for 15 minutes.
- Just a moment, Miss Larkin.

Now, if you will just
step this way.

We'll take up that little matter
of the expense account.

- Good act, Gen.
- I beg your pardon?

You can let your hair down,
and you could call me Morty too.

- I really couldn't do that.
- Hey, what is this?

I don't like your tone
either, Mr. Hugo.

Cut out the act, Gen.

What we wanna know is, have
you been seeing J.J. regularly?

- That's a personal question.
- We got a right to be personal.

Who picked you for this job?

- Job?
- We made an agreement.

You were supposed
to run J.J. ragged.

How can you even
think of such a thing?

J.J.'s one of the
finest men I've known.

I wouldn't do the least
little thing to hurt him.

- Not the least little bit.
- Are you double-crossing us?

You ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.

After all the nice things
he's going to do for you too.

- For us?
- For us?

Yes. Yes, he's thinking
of transferring

you both to the
Pittsburg Theatres.

Gen, I don't know
what you're up to

but if you don't go
through with this as agreed

I'm gonna tell J.J.
the whole story.

The whole story?
Oh, no. No, I don't think so.

You wouldn't want J.J. to think
you weren't loyal to him

would you?

And dear Mr. Wethered,
you will remember

about that
expense account, won't you?

Double-crossed by a fan dancer.

Come in, boys, come in. Now,
make yourself right at home.

Them is kind words,
Mr. Hobart.

I've got a lot
of swell ideas for the show.

Yeah? Well, we'll talk
about those later.

Right now, I have
something else on my mind.

- Oh, where Genevieve?
- She went to her dressing room.

- Oh, thanks. Excuse me, boys.
- Okay.

Hey, Boop, what's the first
thing a general manager does?

Well, if you don't know,
I'm not gonna tell you.

- You mind if I sit down?
- Of course not, darling.

I've been wondering
what's been keeping you.

Sort of miss you
when you're not around

and I wanted to have
a talk with you.

Jackie, you're an old darling.

You know, when I met you,
I think I fell into something.

You certainly did.
The swimming pool.

No, I don't mean that.

There's something
about you I like.

I don't know what it is, but I..

...I get a great kick
out of doing things for you.

I want you to know that
I appreciate everything

you do for me, too, Jackie.

You know, Gen,
all the years, when I..

...didn't have anybody

this theater
has been my only home.

I guess I was lonely.
I didn't know it.

I'd grown into a cross,
cranky old dum-dum.

And you came along.

You done me a lot of good, Gen.

Made me think about lotta things
I never thought of before.

And I...I haven't been lonely.

Now, I'm-I'm
grateful to you, Gen.

Oh, you shouldn't be
grateful to me, J.J.

Oh, yes, I should.

You made me feel
young all over again.

And I'm going on, and do
bigger things for your sake.

- J.J., you're crazy.
- No, I'm only serious.

And I mean it all decently, Gen.

Yes, I know you do.
That's just the trouble.

- Why?
- Well..

You make me
so ashamed of myself.

J.J., I'm not
what I pretended to be.

I know that.

You didn't fool me any about
being a debutante and all that.

But that doesn't matter.

What really does matter is,
I've grown terribly fond of you.

Oh, J.J., you're an old darling

that everybody's
taking advantage of.

Who's taking advantage of me?

Oh, those precious partners
of yours, Wethered and Hugo.

Why do you think
they had you insured?

Why, my responsibilities,
my family of 50 million.

Your family, my foot.

They insured you because
they thought you'd fold up

and they could collect the
policy and save their skins.

They sicced me on you
to wear you down.

That's the kinda partners
you've been good to

and the kind of a girl
you've been grateful to.

- But why? Why did they do this?
- Because they're broke.

They played with the firm's
money and they're broke.

They haven't enough
to put on the show.

The last dime they had

they put on the premium
of your insurance policy.

You mean, I'm broke?

Yes, J.J.
Oh, I'm sorry, honestly.

After I got to know you,
I liked you so much

I tried to tell you,
but I just couldn't get it out.

I'm-I'm broke!

J.J.!

J.J.!

Oh, J.J.

Help! Help.

Help. Help!

- What's happened?
- J.J.'s had a stroke.

- Where? Where is he?
- Oh, come quick in here.

- J.J.
- J.J.

Come on, crowd around, girls.
Don't give him any air.

Oh, J.J., what's the matter?
J.J. Boop, get a doctor.

Get an ambulance.
Hurry, hurry.

Alright, stand back.

How did it happen?

Genevieve told him he was broke.

Oh, why didn't we think of that?

- You may come in now.
- Thank you.

Just the four of you,
and don't stay too long.

Yes.

Oh, J.J. darling.

- How do you feel?
- Terrible.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, now, please, Gen.

Please, don't.
It isn't your fault.

Don't worry, J.J.
We're with you.

Don't forget, J.J.,
life begins at 59.

Remember, Mr. Hobart,
the mongrel's hole may slip

but only crowbars
loose the bulldog's grip.

Oh, you and your crowbars.

Oh, let me alone,
let me die in peace.

J.J., don't say that.
That's not the right spirit.

No, sir. You've just
gotta get better.

Especially before your
next premium comes due.

What's the use?
What have I got to live for?

Why, everything,
everything, J.J.

You're just in the prime of
life. You're at the peak.

Why, you'll soon
be the old hard-fisted

fire-eating producer again.

'Think of your
responsibilities.'

'Think of the
audiences of America.'

'The millions of them.
Think of posterity.'

Well, you can't let them down.

You may be broke, but you've
got us. We'll get together

and put you back
on your feet where you belong.

We'll put you on your feet with
the greatest show you ever saw.

'With the greatest show
anybody saw.'

'We'll have millions
standing on their feet'

'cheering the name
of J.J. Hobart.'

- There he goes again.
- J.J., J.J.

- Oh, J.J., darling.
- J.J.

- Please, you have to leave.
- J.J.

- Is he alright?
- Well, he's terrible.

In terrible shape.

- Rosmer, how we gonna do?
- Yes, how're we gonna do it?

I don't know now.

Attention, girls.

I suppose that you're all aware
of the distressing position

that Mr. Hobart
has placed us in.

So there's scarcely any need
of going into it any further.

I can only say on behalf
of Mr. Hugo and myself

that we're extremely sorry.

You know how close
J.J. was to us.

And the fact that he could place
us in this unfortunate situation

wounds us deeply.

Nevertheless,
I'm forced to announce

that rehearsals
will be discontinued.

Wait.

Take care of them, Boop.

- What's the meaning of this?
- Shut your face, or I will.

- This is an outrage.
- Keep quiet.

- Yes, keep quiet.
- Boys and girls.

I don't know
what you've been told.

But it's no fault of J.J.'s
that this show's on the rocks.

His only mistake was in trusting
the financial matters

of this company
to these two crooks here.

I just came from the hospital

where J.J. is flat on his back

holding on to one thread

with the hope
that this show will open

and get him outta the hole
that these two put him in.

I promised him
that we'd put the show on.

I don't know exactly
how it's gonna be done

but it's got to be done,
because it means his life.

So it's up to us.
Now, the cast has walked out.

But if you'll stick,
I know we can put it on.

And now, if you feel
a sense of loyalty

to a grand old man
of the theater

here's your chance to give
help when he needs it.

- Are you with us?
- Sure.

Swell. Then there's
one thing to be done first.

Ten thousand dollars?
Do you think I'm crazy?

Andy, I always did think
you were a bit cracked.

Now I think you're completely
gone. Which'd you rather do?

Put $10,000 in the show, or pay
out one million in insurance?

- Maybe he won't die.
- But he will.

If this show doesn't go on

he's the guy
that'll glory in his grave.

There be no peace
for the loved ones.

Only the wailing
of an insurance company

to the tune
of one million smackers.

How did I ever get in this?

Well, never mind how you
got in it. Get out of it.

You wouldn't take
$5000, would you?

Ten thousand, or one million.

This used to be great business
in the old days.

Optimism, that's what
you need. Do or die.

Sink or swim.

Ah, shut up.

Wouldn't Reginald make
a marvelous impresario?

It would be
too thrilling to have him

actually in show business.

Maybe Reginald will let us
exhibit him in the lobby.

Now, you just
write out a check, honey.

And we'll take care
of everything.

And what's more,
I might tell Aunt Matilda

what happened that time
you got drunk in Cleveland.

Certainly, Boop.
Glad to help out.

I had forgotten about Cleveland.

Hello, darling. I have
a marvelous surprise for you.

You're going in show business.

No, not me. You.

I'm gonna let you be an angel.

And, honey, the scenery
will only cost $10,000.

It isn't exactly
a charity, darling.

Just make it out
to the Hobart Theatre.

'Oh, honey,
I forgot to tell you.'

'I sold your automobile
this morning.'

And we're all gonna chip in
everything we have.

Hello? Yes.

You better give me a check,
or there will be

three at your house
for dinner tonight.

You, your wife and me.

- Come on, hurry up, will you?
- Boop.

- Hello, babe.
- When are we gonna get married?

- My mother wants to know.
- Now, don't you worry.

If this show's a hit,
we'll get married or something.

We'll get married or nothing.

Hey, Milt, don't forget that
floodlight comes in on cue.

- I'll take care of it.
- Thanks.

- Hello, sweetheart.
- Is everything alright?

I think so.
Angel's wings didn't come.

Mule refuses to be
painted like a zebra.

Second act scenery got rained
on. Character's got hiccups.

Dancer can't find
his tights or partner.

Outside of that,
everything's alright.

Don't worry, Ross.
The show's gonna be swell.

It better be. You know
what it'll mean if it's a flop?

- What it'll mean to J.J.?
- It can't flop.

Don't even think of it. Think
of the audiences of America.

Think of the millions that will
be there standing and cheering.

Think of posterity.
Oh, Ross, I'm so scared.

No, don't be scared. It's
a good show and you look swell.

You can't miss. You're a woman
of destiny like Joan of Arc.

Yeah. But, honey,
they burned her.

I'm surprised
at you breaking up so.

I just couldn't help it.
It was so moving.

So touching and beautiful.

I've never seen
a ceremony like that before.

Answer the phone.

- Hello?
- Hello. Is Mr. Hobart there?

No. They've-they've all gone.

- They've all gone? Who?
- The reporters and everybody.

The reporters?
What's the matter?

Something wrong
with Mr. Hobart?

Yes. He..He..

- Oh, Mr. Hobart has gone on?
- Yes.

Oh.

- Ross, what's the matter?
- Old J.J. is gone.

- You mean he's..
- Fifteen minutes.

- We can't put the show on now.
- Of course not.

- Fifteen minutes.
- Hey, wait a minute. Kids.

Kids, come here,
will you? Come here.

The whole thing's called off.
There's not gonna be any show.

Call and tell them
to give the money back.

What's the matter?
Are you crazy?

No, I'm not crazy.
We can't put the show on.

You see,
old J.J. Hobart is gone.

- Gone?
- Well, he..

- J.J.
- Mr. Hobart.

- Mr. Hobart.
- J.J.

- Are we glad to see you.
- Hello, folks.

Well, you did it,
didn't you? Good work.

And now, I have some
broadcasting to do.

This is J.J. Hobart speaking.

We had the ceremony
performed in the hospital.

And I felt so good about it,
I had to come over and tell you.

I want you to meet,
Mrs. J.J. Hobart.

- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.

Well, say, what about the show?
It's late, isn't it?

That's right.
You get into your costume.

- The curtain goes up on time.
- Come on, everybody.

Here we go.
Boy, are we glad to see you.

Darling, I'm afraid this
excitement will be too much.

Maybe we better
go back to the hospital.

Hospital, nothing.
Here. Take this thing away.

After the show,
we're going out to a nightclub.

Life begins at 59.

- Don't forget that, Gen.
- That's the curtain.

? The soldiers of the world
can conquer you ?

? With powder and with steel ?

? The women of the world
can do the same ?

? With charm and sex appeal ?

? A soldier must be patriotic ?

? A woman's got to be exotic ?

? A kiss is deadly
as the cannon's roar ?

? In fact I fear it more ?

? than warfare ?

? The battlefield's
a rocking chair ?

? Look out look out for
all is fair in love and war ?

? Just like a bombshell
from the air ?

? A kiss can blow you up
beware of love and war ?

? Two arms can
squeeze you senseless ?

? You're defenseless
in the dark ?

? Two eyes
two brown or blue eyes ?

? If they do invite you
they'll dynamite you ?

? And with your
back against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall
and leads you through the door ?

? And then the deed is done
her victory is won ?

? For love is just like war ?

? The battlefield's
a rocking chair ?

? Look out, look out for
all is fair in love and war ?

? Just like a bombshell
from the air ?

? A kiss can blow you up
beware of love and war ?

? Two arms can
squeeze you senseless ?

? You're defenseless
in the dark ?

? Two eyes
two brown or blue eyes ?

? If they do invite you
they'll dynamite you ?

? And with your
back against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall
and leads you through the door ?

? And then the deed is done
her victory is won ?

? For love is just like war ?

? If I could
snare some millionaire ?

? I'd have a
lovely love affair ?

? For he's the kind
of man I could adore ?

? Oh yes yes I wouldn't
care if he's a wreck ?

? As long as he
could sign a check ?

? And keep the wolf away
from my front door ?

? I'd be willing
to take my chances ?

? If his finances were okay
I'd make him pay ?

? Or am I too brutal? Maybe. ?

? I'd encourage
his bold advances ?

? If he got reckless
I'd get a necklace ?

? Diamonds and things ?

? A nice old man
with lots of wealth ?

? Who isn't
in the best of health ?

? Who could ask for more?
See what I mean ?

? A sudden love attack ?

? And I'd have all his jack ?

? For love is just like war ?

? The battlefield's
a rocking chair ?

? Look out look out for all
is fair in love and war ?

? A smile may be
the camouflage ?

? That comes before
the big barrage ?

? In love and war ?

? Drilling can be so thrilling
if you're willing to obey ?

? Round you her arms
surround you ?

? Though you may maneuver
you'll never move her ?

? If you escape
the rocking chair ?

? Then you deserve
a Croix de Guerre ?

? Or two or three or four ?

? And after you've been kissed
I know that you'll enlist ?

? For love is just like war ??

? And with your back
against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall ?

? And leads you
through the door ?

? And then the deed
is done her victory is won ?

? For love is just ?

? Like ?

? War ??