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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,738 The pleasure gardens of Milliarcha V 2 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,776 made it the Jewel of the inner rim for over five centuries. 3 00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:49,048 It took nearly 48 hours for everything to change. 4 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:54,153 A great alien evil had enslaved the once peaceful planet. 5 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:59,324 For the high council, there was only one option. 6 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:02,828 Vanguard, the infamous mercenary was dispatched 7 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,297 to face the entity responsible, 8 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,267 the Kragon, the Duke of Raggidi, 9 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,469 the butcher of Barsa, 10 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,705 destroyer of worlds. 11 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,375 Vanguard's orders were simple. 12 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,676 Eliminate. 13 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,837 Time for school. 14 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,373 I know. 15 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:07,493 He crashed hard. Vanguard nearly broke the slave girl's fall. 16 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:11,263 She was straddling him now. Face to face. 17 00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,721 Seems I didn't leave this world early enough. 18 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:51,570 The air is still breathable. Just the same. 19 00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,344 Neither gained much ground. 20 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,513 They were almost evenly matched. 21 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,249 We are almost evenly matched. 22 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,817 Almost? 23 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:17,629 I was weaned on the psychedelic gasses of Raggidi prime. 24 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:22,534 I see their effect on humans is not unusual. 25 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,403 It would be a shame to waste 26 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,605 so worthy an adversary. 27 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:35,347 The Raggidi also find the gas to have a pleasing effect. 28 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:44,289 Vanguard peered into the evil lord's eyes, 29 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,925 then back to the slave girl. 30 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494 Then those eyes. 31 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,897 Then the girl. 32 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,533 Then the eyes. And then the girl. 33 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,568 Then the... 34 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,913 It all happened so fast. 35 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,949 A flash of bodies, limbs, flesh 36 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,417 pressing together. 37 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,353 Their hunger knew no bounds. 38 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,421 Suddenly all the atrocities, 39 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,357 the murderous tyrant had ever committed 40 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,326 were nothing more than an afterthought. 41 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:43,015 Lust was the only thing on vanguard's mind. 42 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,917 Lust was all that mattered now. 43 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,587 - A toast. 44 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,555 It's my good fortune 45 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,858 to have a good fortune. 46 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,429 And I bring it all to you, 47 00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:01,600 most honorable heads of houses, Prentiss and Hollycotton. 48 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:05,671 And of course, your highly eligible daughters, 49 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,906 one of whom I soon intend to wed. 50 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,311 - He knew it was wrong. - -Cheers. 51 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,781 But why did it feel so right? 52 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:19,318 In the throes of passion, vanguard was quickly reminded 53 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,823 of the debacle at the high council. 54 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:30,362 And with it, his previous conquest. 55 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,697 - What's that? - Nothing. 56 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,633 If it's nothing, why do you care? 57 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,967 It wouldn't even make sense. 58 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,602 Really? Are you saying I'm dumb? 59 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,604 No, there's just... There's no context. 60 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,407 Neil, is that a diary? 61 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,710 I don't know. Neil won't let me see it. 62 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,946 - Let me see that. - Hey! 63 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,582 Senator Zaxa approached vanguard, 64 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,419 his eyes set on the soldier of fortune's engorged... 65 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,554 Pelvic region? 66 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,924 Mother of fuck! 67 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,058 We should burn it. 68 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,627 We don't burn books, Jessie. 69 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:10,001 Fucking disgusting. 70 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:15,407 Many taxonomic groups don't actually have separate sexes, 71 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:19,611 so hermaphroditism is a normal thing. 72 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:23,548 Now what Edward is handing out 73 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,519 represents the sequential hermaphrodite. 74 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,021 In this case, the slipper snail. 75 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,557 It begins its life as a male. 76 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,727 But if the female population dwindles, 77 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,497 then the largest male in the group 78 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:43,135 will spontaneously switch genders. 79 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:45,837 I will pull your face off. 80 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,509 Oh, I'm shaking. 81 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,878 All right. Stand. 82 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,454 - You wrote this? - Fuck no. 83 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,991 Julia, out. 84 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,861 Now. 85 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:17,102 Okay, who's the budding d.H. Lawrence here? 86 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,171 Mr. Shafer. 87 00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,540 Let's chat after class. 88 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,884 Where's mom? 89 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:10,856 She's at her book club thingy. 90 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,791 What book are they reading? 91 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,826 - What? -At mom's book club, what book? 92 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,661 Are you autistic? Who cares? 93 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,663 Dad doesn't want to think about her stupid book club. 94 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,832 - She's exploring interests. - Fuck that. 95 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,834 Maybe she's with an attorney. 96 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,669 Your mother is not with an attorney. 97 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,105 We're just figuring stuff out, okay? 98 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,774 - Like how to get divorced? - -Uh! 99 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,176 What do you even know about divorce 100 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,212 in the first place? 101 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,047 You wanna start some shit? 102 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,150 - Whoa, what is that? - Neil got caught with porno 103 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,186 and now he has to see a counselor. 104 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,854 Porno? Like porno porno? 105 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,656 I didn't have porno, idiot. 106 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,857 Really? 107 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,993 Because, oh, it says right here... 108 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,661 Lemme... lemme see that. 109 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,002 Oh, Jesus. 110 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,137 I knew it was a bad idea to go there alone. 111 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,741 But my tire was low, and I couldn't make it back. 112 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,777 The gas station was closed and the lights were off, 113 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:09,247 but the air compressor still took my change. 114 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,984 As I pumped new life into the flaccid tire, 115 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,186 I heard a voice behind me. 116 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:19,791 He was older, probably in his 40s, by the sound of him. 117 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,093 But I didn't dare turn around to check. 118 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,330 He pressed the pistol hard against my lower back. 119 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,033 Pushing, pushing it through my sweater 120 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,168 until it bruised my flesh. 121 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,704 He told me to get down on all fours, 122 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,340 - like a dog. -Thank you, Julia, that is enough. 123 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,143 - I'm not finished. - Oh, you're finished. 124 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,178 - Have a seat. - I have three pages left. 125 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,346 This wasn't the assignment. 126 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,948 Well, you assigned a confessional. 127 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,349 This didn't happen to you. 128 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,717 - How do you know? - Come on. 129 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,252 What? It could have. 130 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,255 - Not likely. 131 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,191 Mr. snow, this is a narrative writing class 132 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,793 and I wrote a narrative. 133 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,062 It is not your place to condemn my subject. 134 00:09:57,064 --> 00:10:00,899 But it absolutely is my place to condemn inappropriate material. 135 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,201 How the hell can you call this inappropriate? 136 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,803 You're not even qualified to judge. 137 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:05,870 You're a man. 138 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:06,972 So are you. 139 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,642 All right, okay, we're done here. 140 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,119 I need to see the principal. Are you going to get him? 141 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,121 Sign in and sit down. 142 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:39,904 Eww. Pohl? Is that "starchild?" 143 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,406 Yeah. 144 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,208 Pohl's only halfway okay when he collaborates 145 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,809 with other writers. 146 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,913 Did you ever read "the space merchants?" 147 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,884 Mm-hmm. It's pretty good. 148 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,086 I think this one kinda sucks though. 149 00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,658 I have something for you. 150 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,330 I didn't know you wrote. 151 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,266 Oh, i... this... 152 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,703 - I didn't mean for... - I liked it. 153 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,039 Are you in trouble? 154 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,107 Yeah, I have to see a counselor. 155 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,444 Yeah, well, I'm here for enacting my first amendment rights. 156 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,845 I wrote an erotic fable. 157 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,214 Well, it was more of a parable. 158 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,350 It's a bit more grounded than yours, but... 159 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,253 You get the idea. 160 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,854 What? 161 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:33,825 Do you write other stories, like, um... 162 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,860 Like erotic literature? 163 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,129 Mm-hmm. All the time. 164 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:43,435 - It's all online. - Really? Where? 165 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,470 A riddle. 166 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,373 Eat me, drink me. 167 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,481 Well, good luck, young JUVIE. 168 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,817 Wait, you're leaving? 169 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,838 Where are they? 170 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,942 I don't think you're supposed to smoke. 171 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,777 My mom smoked when she was pregnant with me. 172 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,146 I don't think that's... It's not like a myth. 173 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,514 It's a circulation thing. 174 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,915 No, it's fine. 175 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,385 We get it, shit ass! 176 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,394 All right, where to? 177 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,130 The mall! 178 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,886 His was the way of the warrior. 179 00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:19,157 Crass. Uneducated. But strong. 180 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,959 His abilities would prove useless 181 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,094 in the enchanted forest. 182 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,562 Where the ancient inhabitants dwelled 183 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,532 and recesses of one's own mind. 184 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,101 The hunter pushed forth unaware 185 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,637 fain had been watching him from the moment he entered. 186 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:47,485 Neil! 187 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,354 It's Neil, right? 188 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,492 Are you watching me? 189 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,261 No. 190 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,229 Well, yeah. 191 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,666 No, i... I was just curious. 192 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,535 - About? -What we talked about the other day. 193 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,973 We talked the other day? 194 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,208 Sorry. 195 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,944 Neil. 196 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:16,314 God, come back. I'm fucking with you. 197 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,117 - Um. - It's cool. 198 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,585 I write slash, too. 199 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,620 Yeah, I know. I read your stuff. 200 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,389 All of it. 201 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,091 Your fan fic is amazing. 202 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,993 I see you got my code. 203 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,365 I do like what you did with the forest guard 204 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,100 in "midnight come lately." 205 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,002 They're really under utilized in canon. 206 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,570 Yeah, they're conceptually awesome, 207 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,040 but I feel like nobody gets it. 208 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,008 It's like they're begging us to fix 'em. 209 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,110 You're doing what they wished they could do 210 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,112 if they didn't have to answer to the publisher. 211 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,649 Yeah, exactly. Mainstream success is for chumps. 212 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,119 You know, like, the wood spirit, 213 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:59,090 and pagan gods and ritual magic? 214 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,293 It's really... 215 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,029 Sexual? Yeah. 216 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,464 It's so rich. 217 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,566 Organized religion just totally nut clipped 218 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,268 everything that was great about traditional 219 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,569 fertility rituals. 220 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,104 I mean, that's the only part about fame 221 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,039 that I even give a shit about. 222 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,175 It's just a jumping off point. 223 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,410 It's funny that they think it's kid's stuff, 224 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:23,514 but, like, there's all this subtext. 225 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,383 I know. 226 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:29,320 I bet we're the only two kids in this entire joint 227 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,323 that know about what we know about. 228 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,693 It's kind of special. 229 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,030 You wanna ditch? 230 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,264 School? 231 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,067 No, I mean, you wanna dig a ditch? 232 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,436 - Let's go. - Oh, i... I can't 233 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:49,474 I have a test in social studies next period. 234 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,642 It's on the Incas. 235 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,414 Well, it's not like a midterm or anything, 236 00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:01,119 so um yeah. 237 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,720 I let Martine take my car to work, 238 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,422 so we have to walk. 239 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,025 But it's just the mall. 240 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,093 Martine's crazy. 241 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,030 I mean, she's pretty much best friend, 242 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,297 she's just sort of a bitch. 243 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,501 Is that... is that the pregnant girl? 244 00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,640 "At frontier's rim?" 245 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:26,277 I hate these things. They never get the book right. 246 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,546 Well, I guess I'm lucky that fain hasn't made 247 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,581 the leap to the big screen yet. 248 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:35,119 Just it pisses me off that whenever I see vanguard in my head 249 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,489 - that guy... -Well, he's not your character. 250 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,326 I mean, that's why it's called fan fic. 251 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:47,165 - Yeah, but. - You seen it yet? 252 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,800 Like five times. 253 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,505 God damn it. 254 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,375 She's not getting off work until like 6. 255 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,310 Okay, I don't have anything better to do. 256 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:17,095 Will it be... Smell like... 257 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,565 Will my parents be able to tell? 258 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,333 You don't have to. It's cool. 259 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,103 No, I mean, I want to, but... 260 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,225 Thank you. 261 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,394 Uh! Shut your door. 262 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:54,699 - Put your seat down. - Why? 263 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,869 What, are you ashamed to be seen with me? 264 00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,905 I don't know. I just... I don't want to get into it. 265 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,241 There's too much backstory. 266 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,647 Mike Holloway drove his truck 267 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,850 through my mom's marigolds when I was ten. 268 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,819 Then he gave her the finger. 269 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,662 I am so stoned. 270 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,250 Heads up, knob-goblin! 271 00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,752 Uh! 272 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,587 Hey, wake up! Let's go. Move. 273 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,422 Move to the back. Move it! 274 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,391 - Go to the back. - Okay. 275 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,696 Ow! I'm pregnant, bitch! 276 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,699 You know, your arm's not pregnant, moron. 277 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,401 Jesus, I thought that was Mike. 278 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,637 You're really tearing through them these days. 279 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,372 Are you kidding me? 280 00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,710 Hi. 281 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,278 I just don't get what you guys are doing 282 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,513 for an hour and a half in the parking lot. 283 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,415 Were you like blowing each other? 284 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,551 We were talking about writing. 285 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,322 Whoa! Wait, you write that shit, too? 286 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,756 I should have known. 287 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,925 Who do you have fucking? 288 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,561 Harry Potter? 289 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,965 Thomas the train engine? 290 00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,700 I just gotta know whose fictional dick 291 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:38,302 is going in whose made-up mouth. 292 00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:39,604 You can't even read. 293 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:42,473 Yeah, I can read. I read all the time. 294 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,242 I read actual books for adults. 295 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,711 - Not baby books. - Okay, name one. 296 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,981 "Wuthering heights," ass blood. 297 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:54,452 - The Bronte sisters wrote fan fic. - What? 298 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,254 The Bronte sisters. Emily Bronte, 299 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,824 of "Wuthering heights," wrote erotic fan fiction. 300 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,592 They're like pioneers. 301 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:05,296 Wow. It's really good Mike isn't here to find out 302 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:11,035 that you're still such a fucking geeeeeek! 303 00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:18,309 Dude, you know weed stays in your system 304 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,844 for like two weeks. 305 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:23,347 On your clothes, on your jacket. 306 00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,383 Leave him alone. 307 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:29,920 Hey, tomorrow, 2:00. Let's meet in the courtyard. 308 00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,689 We can drive around. 309 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,594 Bye. 310 00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:04,755 Belzac and Deron Zaxa had been fighting for hours. 311 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,991 Sweat tinged the air of the war chamber. 312 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,460 That was the first thing vanguard noticed as he entered. 313 00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,996 The bulge in his leather pants jumped to attention... 314 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,365 Erect member out of... Suddenly, Belzac reentered... 315 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,467 His mouth, usually only engaged in ordering 316 00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:19,970 soldiers to their deaths, now found its true purpose. 317 00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:56,640 We will not stand for this. 318 00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:58,676 If the trade union continues to block us at every turn... 319 00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:01,379 Block you? Block you. 320 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,880 Your armada destroyed the last... 321 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,616 - twelve. -Twelve shipments of illinium 322 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,952 - sent to Parak Menom. - Only 12? 323 00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:10,654 Now 13. 324 00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:12,022 It's an embargo. 325 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,924 A legal embargo. 326 00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,026 Odd definition of the word legal. 327 00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:20,631 - Actually... -oh, so that's why you brought your... 328 00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:21,999 Muscle? 329 00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:24,869 You have nothing to fear from us, Deron Zaxa. 330 00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,839 You or your muscle. 331 00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:31,509 I will not be mocked aboard my own ship. 332 00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:33,477 Hired ship. 333 00:23:33,479 --> 00:23:34,745 It's his freighter. 334 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,985 What do I pay you for? 335 00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:42,486 Move! 336 00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:48,459 Whatever he pays you, we'll double it. 337 00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:51,962 Allow us to show you what we'll pay you for. 338 00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:01,038 I don't have all day. 339 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,773 Yes, sir, very busy. 340 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,975 You have a lunch at... 341 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,678 1300. 342 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,180 Christ! 343 00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:15,219 God! 344 00:24:30,235 --> 00:24:33,771 Zaxa's hand reached down... Down to his zipper. 345 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:37,041 The ambient humidity in the room 346 00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,177 reached a level that set off the climate klaxon. 347 00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:43,781 But Zaxa couldn't... Or wouldn't... stop. 348 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,819 Hey, Neil. 349 00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:24,555 God I sucked today. 350 00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:25,890 You were really good. 351 00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:29,960 That accent is, it's out of control. 352 00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,263 I think it's funny when you do it like that. 353 00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:34,598 It's supposed to be a comedy, right? 354 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:39,837 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 355 00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:42,740 See, that's why I like you, man. 356 00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:46,310 You always make me feel better. 357 00:25:51,182 --> 00:25:53,717 So you get like touched inappropriately by the doctor? 358 00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,319 No, he just puts goo all over your belly. 359 00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:57,187 - It's not a big deal. - Yeah. 360 00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,256 You have no clue how big a speculum is. 361 00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:00,925 It's like three adult dicks glued together. 362 00:26:00,927 --> 00:26:02,226 Sounds like me though. 363 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,695 Hey, snoop dog! Come here! 364 00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:09,233 - Well, who's this? - Julia's new boyfriend. 365 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,335 - Jealous? - For real? 366 00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:16,774 What's up, bro? I'm Mike. 367 00:26:16,776 --> 00:26:18,609 Ow. 368 00:26:18,611 --> 00:26:20,644 I'm Neil. 369 00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:23,847 - Well, I guess I owe you one, Neil. - You do? 370 00:26:23,849 --> 00:26:26,650 Yeah, for taking little miss elf quest off my hands. 371 00:26:26,652 --> 00:26:29,687 She has been up my hole like 24-7. 372 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,158 Hey, fetus. 373 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,332 So long, kiddies, let's ride around. 374 00:26:43,068 --> 00:26:45,636 Better not leak on my seats, Martine. 375 00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:47,338 I don't leak. It all stays in me. 376 00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:49,106 For like another two months. 377 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,341 Gross. 378 00:26:50,343 --> 00:26:53,177 Hey, I wanna tell you about something. 379 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:55,279 There's a con in Houston coming up. 380 00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,681 Like a comic con? 381 00:26:57,683 --> 00:26:58,983 Yes, like a comic con. 382 00:26:58,985 --> 00:27:00,618 A big one. 383 00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:02,987 The rabbit's hole is hosting a private mixer. 384 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:05,155 - It's invite only. - Oh, yeah. 385 00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:08,258 - I think I heard of that. - Well, I got invited. 386 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:10,661 Really? Cool. 387 00:27:10,663 --> 00:27:12,396 Yeah, there's a live read, too. 388 00:27:12,398 --> 00:27:14,164 I mean, that's only for rock stars, 389 00:27:14,166 --> 00:27:16,667 so, I don't wanna be presumptuous or whatever, 390 00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:21,105 but I think they might ask me. 391 00:27:21,107 --> 00:27:25,109 You can still get invited. You just need to upload your damn work. 392 00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:29,780 Yeah, but... don't you have to be 18? 393 00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:31,181 You're joking, right? 394 00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:33,384 I don't even know if my stuff is... 395 00:27:33,386 --> 00:27:36,754 - I don't know! - Come on, it's good. 396 00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:37,988 You barely even read any. 397 00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,289 Well, it's gotta be good. 398 00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:41,258 I mean, you're so repressed. 399 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:43,661 That shit has gotta come out somehow. 400 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,998 Drop us off at Neil's house! 401 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,967 Oh, man, I thought you were joking. 402 00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:59,910 Exactly how I imagined it. 403 00:27:59,912 --> 00:28:02,046 I guess it's pretty drab. 404 00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:05,449 My mom's been kind of away. 405 00:28:16,227 --> 00:28:17,861 Moment of truth. 406 00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:19,329 Crack her open. 407 00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:29,373 Julia, I didn't really mean for these to be seen by anybody. 408 00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,535 Yes, you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have written them. 409 00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:38,082 I can't watch. 410 00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:50,260 - I thought you couldn't watch. - Sorry. 411 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,001 Oh, my god. 412 00:28:58,003 --> 00:29:00,871 Do these girls actually wear space bikinis? 413 00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:04,808 It's ceremonial. They were given... 414 00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:07,044 It's not my idea. 415 00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,213 Well, I just like that there's actual girls in here. 416 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:41,845 Wow, you are one twisted fuck. 417 00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:44,114 I love it. 418 00:29:46,484 --> 00:29:50,487 - Ooh, prepare to be analized! - It's not a toy. 419 00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:52,122 It's not a toy. That's so weird. 420 00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,457 - It looks like a toy. - You're gonna break it. 421 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:56,193 - That's crazy. - Whoa! 422 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:58,929 Say your space prayers, sucka. 423 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:03,233 Am I interrupting? 424 00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:05,369 Don't you knock? 425 00:30:05,371 --> 00:30:09,540 Um, dad is working late. There's food in the fridge. 426 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:11,108 Where are you going? 427 00:30:11,110 --> 00:30:12,876 Oh, my band has a show. 428 00:30:12,878 --> 00:30:14,211 What's your band? 429 00:30:14,213 --> 00:30:17,214 Dance or die. 430 00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,283 It sounds awesome. 431 00:30:19,285 --> 00:30:21,151 Yeah, well, it's pretty stupid. 432 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,286 I bet you're really good. 433 00:30:22,288 --> 00:30:24,021 - Just get out! - All right. 434 00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:26,256 I'm off. I have to pick up Tim. 435 00:30:26,258 --> 00:30:27,457 It smells like sweat in here. 436 00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,062 What was that? 437 00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:34,865 I'm bisexual, just so you know. 438 00:30:34,867 --> 00:30:37,234 Eww, she's not even gay. 439 00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:40,571 All women are bisexual. All of them. 440 00:30:40,573 --> 00:30:43,140 My first blog, clitora majora, 441 00:30:43,142 --> 00:30:45,242 is all about it. 442 00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:52,349 - So, you ready? - No. For what? 443 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,085 It's time to upload. 444 00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:56,553 I don't think I'm ready. 445 00:30:56,555 --> 00:31:00,924 Dude, they only send invites to writers who post. 446 00:31:00,926 --> 00:31:04,528 And besides, writers, real writers, 447 00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:07,965 let people read their shit. And your shit is good. 448 00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:09,600 I mean, it's not as good as mine, 449 00:31:09,602 --> 00:31:12,002 but traditionally boys don't write very good erotica. 450 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:15,138 - So, by those standards... - Okay, fine. 451 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,342 Just, stop talking. 452 00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:23,947 Really? 453 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:38,428 Oh, my god. What are you like the one person 454 00:31:38,430 --> 00:31:41,198 on the entire Internet that doesn't lie about their age? 455 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,533 - Are you a Mennonite? - No. 456 00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,136 I just, I don't want to misrepresent myself. 457 00:31:46,138 --> 00:31:48,572 Okay. I'm gonna go out on a limb here 458 00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,575 and say that this is not about misrepresenting yourself. 459 00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:55,612 You don't want to do this because once you do, 460 00:31:55,614 --> 00:31:57,648 you're one of us. 461 00:31:57,650 --> 00:32:01,652 It's the final line. The last taboo. 462 00:32:10,962 --> 00:32:14,164 Well, there's no turning back, Van fan. 463 00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:16,199 It's in god's hands now. 464 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:25,242 What? 465 00:32:25,244 --> 00:32:26,944 Can we just turn comments off? 466 00:32:26,946 --> 00:32:31,181 No, dude, it's part of the public record now. 467 00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:33,116 You're killing me. 468 00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:35,619 Let's talk about something else. Literally anything else. 469 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:41,425 I like the way you eat. 470 00:32:48,566 --> 00:32:54,004 Neil, when we were horsing around, 471 00:32:54,006 --> 00:32:55,639 did you get a boner? 472 00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:59,209 - Like a little bit of a boner? - No! 473 00:32:59,211 --> 00:33:03,714 Okay. It's cool if you did. 474 00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:07,184 I thought that you were... 475 00:33:07,186 --> 00:33:08,552 What? 476 00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:10,220 Nothing. 477 00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,189 It's cool if you popped a chub. 478 00:33:12,191 --> 00:33:13,623 God, shut up. 479 00:33:19,631 --> 00:33:21,598 - Yo. - Where's Martine? 480 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,568 I don't know. At the abortion clinic with her mom. 481 00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:27,371 Wanna grab some food? We can go to footlongers and get some subs. 482 00:33:27,373 --> 00:33:29,539 Watch "celebrity apprentice" at my place. 483 00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:32,175 And by your place you mean your mom's basement? 484 00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:34,644 Yeah, whatever. I got weed. 485 00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:36,279 You wanna come? 486 00:33:36,281 --> 00:33:39,116 Whoa! What the fuck do you think I look like? 487 00:33:39,118 --> 00:33:40,650 A fucking full service food court? 488 00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:44,755 No, that's okay. I've got math homework. 489 00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,223 See, he's got math homework. 490 00:33:46,225 --> 00:33:47,724 He's got a future. 491 00:33:47,726 --> 00:33:49,426 Fuck you. 492 00:33:55,466 --> 00:33:58,268 Neil, really great work today. 493 00:34:06,177 --> 00:34:07,778 I have you nymph. 494 00:34:07,780 --> 00:34:11,448 The hot breath is his voice in her elongated, elfin ear. 495 00:34:11,450 --> 00:34:13,683 The ear that to nymph kind, 496 00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:16,253 seconded as a highly erogenous zone. 497 00:34:16,255 --> 00:34:17,821 Fain was lost unto herself. 498 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:21,658 His name now known to her. Michael. 499 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:25,228 Sir Michael. My sweet Michael. 500 00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:38,809 All right, so nicklepenny comes through the door 501 00:34:38,811 --> 00:34:40,777 minus his pants. Hollycotton is surprised 502 00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:42,746 and crosses to l-6. 503 00:34:42,748 --> 00:34:45,082 Mr. nicklepenny! 504 00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,117 - I thought you were... - Across the hall? 505 00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:48,819 This mansion is still quite a mystery to me. 506 00:34:48,821 --> 00:34:50,587 Oh, wait, wait, wait. That's too much. 507 00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,622 Reverse. 508 00:34:52,624 --> 00:34:55,258 No, no, that's not right either. 509 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,260 Look, I have a test in 30 minutes, 510 00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:59,563 and I'm not going to fail because of your slow ass. 511 00:34:59,565 --> 00:35:01,798 And how long did we wait for you to get off-book? 512 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,733 Fuck you! I have dyslexia. 513 00:35:03,735 --> 00:35:05,735 Miss Lewis, this is a tech rehearsal 514 00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:07,404 and I can't put up with her anymore. 515 00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:09,406 I take dyslexia medication. 516 00:35:09,408 --> 00:35:11,374 Jessie, take a break. 517 00:35:11,376 --> 00:35:13,410 Neil, hey. Neil! 518 00:35:13,412 --> 00:35:15,312 Huh? 519 00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:18,281 Could you be so kind as to relieve miss hunt for a moment? 520 00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:28,625 I can't put up with her... 521 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:31,495 Can you imagine having to deal with her parents? 522 00:35:31,497 --> 00:35:35,765 So, Jessie tells me you're a writer. 523 00:35:35,767 --> 00:35:37,567 You really freaked her out. 524 00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:41,438 - Oh, I didn't mean to. - Dude, that needed to happen. 525 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,441 This place could use some subversion. 526 00:35:44,443 --> 00:35:48,445 Yeah, um, in AP English, we got to read Oscar Wilde... 527 00:35:48,447 --> 00:35:52,782 - so you gonna let me read it? - Oh. 528 00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:54,851 Okay, let's take it from the double entendre. 529 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:02,225 It seems that Horace has mistakenly 530 00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:04,294 taken my clothes. 531 00:36:04,296 --> 00:36:07,264 Thankfully not all of them. 532 00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:09,733 Yes, thankfully. 533 00:36:12,937 --> 00:36:14,838 Oh... it's cotton. 534 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,740 Cotton's a very versatile fabric, 535 00:36:16,742 --> 00:36:18,775 don't you think? 536 00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:22,279 Extremely pliable to a man's touch. 537 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,813 What appears course, 538 00:36:23,815 --> 00:36:27,717 now in my hands is so very, very soft. 539 00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:01,938 Oh, my god. 540 00:39:01,940 --> 00:39:04,641 Oh, listen to this, "Deron Zaxa, 541 00:39:04,643 --> 00:39:08,945 ever the orator, put his mouth to quite a different purpose now." 542 00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:14,918 Dude, this Deron Zaxa guy is you straight up. 543 00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:23,460 - Neil. -You do know he's straight, right? 544 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,040 Thanks. 545 00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,609 You're gonna have to drive my car. 546 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,117 Are you crying? 547 00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:49,686 No. 548 00:39:49,688 --> 00:39:52,422 I'm pretty sure you're crying. 549 00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:06,469 Never drink vodka from a plastic jug with a handle. 550 00:40:06,471 --> 00:40:07,737 Okay. 551 00:40:09,807 --> 00:40:14,077 Mike Holloway is pure dick cheese. 552 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:49,512 Neil, I have something important to tell you. 553 00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:52,215 Something I've been thinking about for a while. 554 00:40:59,857 --> 00:41:02,826 I think you use too much flowery prose. 555 00:41:02,828 --> 00:41:04,494 What? 556 00:41:04,496 --> 00:41:07,630 You say things like, "he stroked his velvet rod," 557 00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:12,669 when you should be like, "he pumped his stone cock." 558 00:41:12,671 --> 00:41:15,538 Readers respond better to direct language. 559 00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:17,140 Thanks. 560 00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,676 I can impart the wisdom of our one year 561 00:41:19,678 --> 00:41:21,044 age difference, you know? 562 00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:30,820 Um, your mom has a lot of religious stuff. 563 00:41:30,822 --> 00:41:34,891 Yeah, I think that's why my dad killed himself. 564 00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:39,896 He was gay, you know. 565 00:41:39,898 --> 00:41:45,168 My dad, he kept it to himself. 566 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:49,706 I guess he preferred death to coming out. 567 00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:54,043 Man, do you really think being gay killed him? 568 00:41:56,947 --> 00:41:59,182 I don't wanna be here when my mom gets home. 569 00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:09,859 What? 570 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:13,296 Mom's home. 571 00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:18,668 Stay here. 572 00:42:18,670 --> 00:42:20,837 I... I had to print something for work. 573 00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:25,275 You know we've always supported your interests. 574 00:42:25,277 --> 00:42:28,545 And the Internet is, wow, an incredible tool. 575 00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:31,648 - We don't have to do this. -I think what we're trying to say is just 'cause 576 00:42:31,650 --> 00:42:33,750 information is out there, doesn't mean it's accurate. 577 00:42:33,752 --> 00:42:36,653 We just don't want you getting particular information, you know, 578 00:42:36,655 --> 00:42:38,721 - from the wrong sources. - I'm 15. 579 00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:40,857 Hey, you can read whatever you want. We're fine with that. 580 00:42:40,859 --> 00:42:42,292 As long as you're reading. 581 00:42:42,294 --> 00:42:45,328 Uh-huh, as long as it's not "mein Kampf." 582 00:42:45,330 --> 00:42:48,598 But actually, well, "mein Kampf" is actually a pretty interesting read. 583 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,834 Honey, I don't want you to feel awkward about this. 584 00:42:51,836 --> 00:42:55,305 If you want to read intelligent prose on human sexuality 585 00:42:55,307 --> 00:42:56,773 I can make you a reading list. 586 00:42:56,775 --> 00:43:00,877 Eww! No! What do you mean intelligent? 587 00:43:00,879 --> 00:43:02,912 Well, it's just whoever wrote that story on your computer, 588 00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:04,747 they obviously don't have the first clue 589 00:43:04,749 --> 00:43:06,349 about actual human relationships. 590 00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:08,117 It's demented. 591 00:43:08,119 --> 00:43:09,986 I don't think your mother's talking about 592 00:43:09,988 --> 00:43:13,089 - the homosexual content, not particularly. - Please stop. 593 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,725 It's just more of a basic plotting problem. 594 00:43:15,727 --> 00:43:19,329 You're absorbing material that has some rudimentary 595 00:43:19,331 --> 00:43:20,863 grammatical errors in it. 596 00:43:20,865 --> 00:43:22,699 You've got sentence fragments, 597 00:43:22,701 --> 00:43:24,634 you've got dangling participles. 598 00:43:24,636 --> 00:43:27,270 I actually have been helping Neil with his writing. 599 00:43:27,272 --> 00:43:30,707 - Huh. -He's got a lot of innate talent. 600 00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:32,241 He just uses too much flowery prose. 601 00:43:32,243 --> 00:43:36,713 There's no flowery prose! 602 00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:40,083 Neil tells me you two are considering a split? 603 00:43:40,085 --> 00:43:42,018 - What? - I'm sorry. 604 00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:44,687 I just thought I could provide some insight, 605 00:43:44,689 --> 00:43:46,322 since my parents are divorced. 606 00:43:46,324 --> 00:43:47,857 I'm sorry to hear that. 607 00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:49,392 Open and honest dialog is key 608 00:43:49,394 --> 00:43:51,995 to maintaining a stable relationship. 609 00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:53,930 - Is it now? - Totally. 610 00:43:53,932 --> 00:43:55,732 I write about it all the time. 611 00:43:55,734 --> 00:43:58,835 That and be honest about one's own sexual desires. 612 00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:02,238 - It's rare that anyone ever is. - Huh. 613 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:04,641 I edit a lit journal on women's studies. 614 00:44:04,643 --> 00:44:06,409 I plan to pursue that in college. 615 00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:09,178 - Women's studies? - Yeah, female sexuality 616 00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:11,114 in literature, specifically. 617 00:44:11,116 --> 00:44:13,116 Reverse gender roles in pop culture, 618 00:44:13,118 --> 00:44:14,717 sexual submissive hierarchy, 619 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,319 rape paradigms. 620 00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:18,788 I actually wrote a 22 page thesis on the concept 621 00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:21,024 of venereal disease as a female guilt trigger. 622 00:44:21,026 --> 00:44:23,960 It's no big deal. I did a paper on monotremes, remember? 623 00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:26,763 Are monotremes a form of VD? 624 00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:29,432 Don't be embarrassed, Neil. It's natural. 625 00:44:29,434 --> 00:44:33,970 Yeah, Neil, don't be embarrassed. It's natural. 626 00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:37,006 - Do you ever read any online... - dad! 627 00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:39,776 - I actually write online - poetry. 628 00:44:39,778 --> 00:44:42,045 Online poetry. Lady poetry. 629 00:44:42,047 --> 00:44:47,016 - About strong women. - Lady poetry? 630 00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,786 You really need to bring friend around more often. 631 00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,854 Did Neil tell you guys about the convention? 632 00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,257 - The comic con? - It's also for writers. 633 00:44:54,259 --> 00:44:56,325 Neil, you didn't mention that. 634 00:44:56,327 --> 00:44:58,161 It's for regular writers! 635 00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:01,197 - Is that true? - Define regular. 636 00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:03,066 I think she means non-erotic. 637 00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:05,334 Are you guys crazy? What makes you think 638 00:45:05,336 --> 00:45:07,837 I would go to an erotic writing convention? 639 00:45:07,839 --> 00:45:10,239 I don't know! Why would you have it on your computer? 640 00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:13,076 I mean, do they have that... What was the name? 641 00:45:13,078 --> 00:45:15,812 - Uh... Vang... - Vanguard erotica. 642 00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:18,748 - Please stop saying "erotica" at the dinner table. -No, please don't. 643 00:45:18,750 --> 00:45:22,018 I just need to know if you're going to a place for adults. 644 00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:24,787 Yeah, mom has a strict no sex dungeon policy. 645 00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:26,389 I'm not. We're not! 646 00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:28,324 You don't have to lie to me, you know. 647 00:45:28,326 --> 00:45:30,827 Your mom is not as square as you think. 648 00:45:30,829 --> 00:45:32,428 I even went to a key party once. 649 00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,330 When did you go to a key party? 650 00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:37,300 I'm not lying. 651 00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:39,135 Good. 652 00:45:39,137 --> 00:45:41,504 Good. 653 00:45:43,373 --> 00:45:46,309 So speaking of writing, how much do you guys know 654 00:45:46,311 --> 00:45:48,344 about the Bronte sisters? 655 00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:54,150 I'm sorry about that. 656 00:45:54,152 --> 00:45:58,321 You know what, no, Neil, you have to get past this repression. 657 00:45:58,323 --> 00:46:00,089 Yeah, well, why don't I come by 658 00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:01,991 and give a lecture on the sexual fantasies 659 00:46:01,993 --> 00:46:04,861 of Emily Bronte to your mom. 660 00:46:04,863 --> 00:46:07,497 Your parents are cool. You're lucky. 661 00:46:07,499 --> 00:46:11,067 Our situations are so different. 662 00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:14,036 - You told me that your dad killed himself. -He did. 663 00:46:14,038 --> 00:46:16,405 "Oh, hey, Neil's parents, why don't you let me 664 00:46:16,407 --> 00:46:18,941 give you some insight because my parents are divorced." 665 00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,344 - You don't get it. - Yeah, I don't. 666 00:46:24,882 --> 00:46:27,884 What? 667 00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:30,052 Well, I'm picking you up tomorrow at 9 am, 668 00:46:30,054 --> 00:46:32,188 so be ready. 669 00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:09,091 - Some dinner, huh? - Sorry. 670 00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:11,561 Hey, I like her. She's a character. 671 00:47:16,133 --> 00:47:18,367 Well, lemme guess. I can't go now? 672 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,274 Dad. I'm good. 673 00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:27,109 Take it. Take it. 674 00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:33,282 Do you remember when I used to take you 675 00:47:33,284 --> 00:47:35,451 to those autograph conventions? 676 00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:37,186 Yeah. 677 00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:39,088 Remember when you stood in line for two hours 678 00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,556 to try to get butch Patrick to sign 679 00:47:40,558 --> 00:47:42,458 your munsters lunch box? And then he wouldn't. 680 00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,628 Butch Patrick was a dick. 681 00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:50,366 All right, as far as your mom knows, 682 00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:53,436 you're staying at your cousin's, all right? 683 00:47:53,438 --> 00:47:55,872 And I'm counting on you to do the right thing. 684 00:47:55,874 --> 00:48:00,343 At least not to do, not to do the wrong thing. 685 00:48:00,345 --> 00:48:02,645 She's more mature than you. 686 00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:06,349 Huh? In some ways? 687 00:48:06,351 --> 00:48:08,351 I mean, maybe mature is not the right word. 688 00:48:08,353 --> 00:48:10,887 Dad. 689 00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:16,158 You really like this girl, don't you? 690 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,262 I liked the same type. When I was your age I did. 691 00:48:19,264 --> 00:48:23,532 But be careful, huh? These arty girls... 692 00:48:23,534 --> 00:48:28,971 I don't wanna see you get hurt, okay? 693 00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:31,974 All right, good talk, right? 694 00:48:31,976 --> 00:48:34,043 All right, I'll see you later. 695 00:51:10,801 --> 00:51:12,568 Hola! 696 00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:19,575 Neil, your friends are multiplying. 697 00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:23,079 Is that a pregnant joke? 698 00:51:23,081 --> 00:51:24,413 This shit is getting super old. 699 00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,549 We're not letting her do this again. 700 00:51:26,551 --> 00:51:29,185 You can say whatever you want about me, but I'm not a fucking flake. 701 00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,754 - What happened? - Mike happened. 702 00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:33,689 Fucking douchebag. 703 00:51:33,691 --> 00:51:35,357 It's a good thing I went by there. 704 00:51:35,359 --> 00:51:37,760 - She's not gonna go? - Oh, she's going. 705 00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,595 I mean, look at you. 706 00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:43,232 Look at what you do to yourself for her, dumb ass. 707 00:51:43,234 --> 00:51:46,569 That's fine. 708 00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:49,672 I feel kind of responsible for you. 709 00:51:49,674 --> 00:51:53,109 I mean, you're just like her when we first met. 710 00:51:53,111 --> 00:51:54,710 I liked her 'cause she was all smart and funny, 711 00:51:54,712 --> 00:51:56,479 and she tried so hard to be my friend. 712 00:51:56,481 --> 00:51:58,314 And she would, like, offer to do my homework and shit. 713 00:51:58,316 --> 00:52:00,182 And I would just make fun of her costumes and stuff. 714 00:52:00,184 --> 00:52:03,719 You know she used to dress like an elf, right? 715 00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,855 I don't know. 716 00:52:05,857 --> 00:52:09,225 I didn't think I tried to change her. 717 00:52:09,227 --> 00:52:11,727 I mean I took her out with Mike, and that was it. 718 00:52:11,729 --> 00:52:13,295 I guess he was like the first normal guy 719 00:52:13,297 --> 00:52:15,898 to ever take interest in her. 720 00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:20,369 He's normal? 721 00:52:20,371 --> 00:52:22,638 Don't change for her, dude. 722 00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,141 Don't let her be your Mike. 723 00:52:35,619 --> 00:52:38,721 - Please be quiet, okay? My mom's sleeping. -She here? 724 00:52:38,723 --> 00:52:40,723 - Yes. - Then what the fuck, dude, 725 00:52:40,725 --> 00:52:42,558 - what is she doing here? - I don't... 726 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,394 She told Neil she would take him to comic con. 727 00:52:45,396 --> 00:52:48,197 Holy shit. 728 00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:50,466 That's amazing. 729 00:52:50,468 --> 00:52:52,168 Dude. 730 00:52:52,170 --> 00:52:54,436 Oh, ho, dude, please get out. 731 00:52:54,438 --> 00:52:55,671 I need a better look at this. 732 00:52:55,673 --> 00:52:57,373 This coming from a guy in his pajamas. 733 00:52:57,375 --> 00:52:58,841 I'm listen... I'm not busting your balls. 734 00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:00,743 I promise you. Just come on. 735 00:53:00,745 --> 00:53:02,378 - I need a fucking picture. - -You're such a dick. 736 00:53:02,380 --> 00:53:03,846 I'm not the one making a scene, okay, Martine? 737 00:53:03,848 --> 00:53:05,915 You're the one making a scene right now. 738 00:53:05,917 --> 00:53:09,852 Come on, get up. Give me a little, give me a little twirly twirl. 739 00:53:09,854 --> 00:53:12,855 Oh, man, I'm not nearly stoned enough for this right now. 740 00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:15,858 Oh! What the fuck! 741 00:53:17,494 --> 00:53:19,395 Jesus! 742 00:53:19,397 --> 00:53:22,965 - I only wanted a picture, freak. - You are the freak. 743 00:53:22,967 --> 00:53:26,235 You and your stupid fucking mustache. 744 00:53:26,237 --> 00:53:27,603 Ow. 745 00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:35,477 Yo, bro. 746 00:53:35,479 --> 00:53:39,248 You ever see those um... You ever see those pictures 747 00:53:39,250 --> 00:53:42,318 I took of her wearing that elf shit? 748 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:46,589 Well, sometimes all she wore were those little ears. 749 00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:49,959 Yeah, those were my special pics. 750 00:53:49,961 --> 00:53:51,660 Neil! 751 00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:54,230 Get the fuck off! 752 00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:55,864 Oh, Galadriel. 753 00:53:55,866 --> 00:53:57,600 Babe, I knew you were a nerd. 754 00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,835 I didn't know you were a fucking retard. 755 00:54:02,606 --> 00:54:05,441 Whoa! Oh, shit! Oh! 756 00:54:07,377 --> 00:54:10,346 This is funny. You're fucking crazy. 757 00:54:16,886 --> 00:54:19,955 You can't be all stoic in that costume. 758 00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:22,558 It looks ridiculous. 759 00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,327 Don't worry about me. 760 00:54:25,329 --> 00:54:27,596 I am worried about driving for three hours 761 00:54:27,598 --> 00:54:31,400 with a guilt-bot programmed to guilt me to death. 762 00:54:33,737 --> 00:54:35,571 How can you hang out with that guy? 763 00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:38,974 He's like everything you pretend to hate. 764 00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:41,310 What do you mean "pretend?" 765 00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:43,545 Nothing. Just forget it. 766 00:54:47,751 --> 00:54:51,720 You are acting like a really jealous boyfriend right now. 767 00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:52,955 Well, I'm not your boyfriend. 768 00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:55,057 Yeah, you're not. 769 00:55:04,067 --> 00:55:07,903 Hey, I'm sorry. 770 00:55:07,905 --> 00:55:10,839 Okay, I know... I know that Mike 771 00:55:10,841 --> 00:55:12,841 brings out the worst in me. 772 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,080 You have to admit, it was, like, really cool 773 00:55:18,082 --> 00:55:20,316 when you knocked him down. 774 00:55:20,318 --> 00:55:21,950 Fucker. 775 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,057 I have to tell you something. 776 00:55:28,059 --> 00:55:30,826 About the live read. 777 00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:33,462 I know already. I saw. 778 00:55:33,464 --> 00:55:35,931 It was posted on the forum. 779 00:55:35,933 --> 00:55:39,601 Congrats. I told you it was good. 780 00:55:39,603 --> 00:55:44,907 - Did they write you? - Mm-hmm, yeah. 781 00:55:44,909 --> 00:55:49,111 They said something about the number of slots. 782 00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:51,113 Politics again. 783 00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:54,450 Politics. 784 00:55:54,452 --> 00:55:57,019 I'm really glad that you transcended all of that. 785 00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,126 Yeah. 786 00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:36,558 Welcome to comic con. 787 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,027 What name is your reservation under? 788 00:56:39,029 --> 00:56:42,030 How do you know we're here for comic con? 789 00:56:42,032 --> 00:56:45,067 Emily Bronte. 790 00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:47,403 All right, miss Bronte, 791 00:56:47,405 --> 00:56:49,772 I have you down for a single king? 792 00:56:49,774 --> 00:56:52,541 Oh, can we get two beds? 793 00:56:52,543 --> 00:56:54,710 Unfortunately, we're at capacity. 794 00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:58,046 That's okay. We'll sleep together. 795 00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:06,054 Swanky. 796 00:57:06,056 --> 00:57:07,489 It's big. 797 00:57:13,463 --> 00:57:15,664 Come here. Try this out! 798 00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:21,503 I don't wanna mess up my costume. 799 00:58:02,078 --> 00:58:03,946 Did you talk to them yet? 800 00:58:03,948 --> 00:58:06,482 No, do I need to? 801 00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:07,950 You're reading tomorrow. 802 00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:09,885 If it were me, I would be checking up on like 803 00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:12,187 the order of the lineup and how much time I have, 804 00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:14,022 and how I'm gonna be taped and shit. 805 00:58:14,024 --> 00:58:16,124 Taped? Why would they tape it? 806 00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:17,793 I don't want to be on tape. 807 00:58:17,795 --> 00:58:19,561 That's normal, okay? You need to relax. 808 00:58:19,563 --> 00:58:21,096 You're so fucking nuts. 809 00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:22,798 Jesus. 810 00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:32,875 What's with you? You look like how I look 811 00:58:32,877 --> 00:58:34,157 when I'm trying to avoid someone. 812 00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:41,183 Okay, so we have the opening night party tonight. 813 00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,286 And then tomorrow we have writer Evals 'til five, 814 00:58:44,288 --> 00:58:48,557 then the slash mixer, and then the live read. 815 00:58:48,559 --> 00:58:51,827 Hello! Person talking to you I.R.L. 816 00:58:51,829 --> 00:58:56,798 Sorry. Um... i have to go to the bathroom. 817 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,166 You're just going to gawk at your phone somewhere 818 00:58:58,168 --> 00:59:01,670 where I can't give you shit about it. 819 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,706 - Fine, I'll leave it. -No, don't do it for me, dude. 820 00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,308 I'm just trying to bust you out 821 00:59:06,310 --> 00:59:09,678 of your self-induced social media prison. 822 00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,914 You've really opened my eyes. 823 00:59:11,916 --> 00:59:13,749 Throw off the shackles! 824 00:59:13,751 --> 00:59:15,651 Throw 'em off! 825 00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,960 Wizards man. Wand-on-wand action. 826 00:59:24,962 --> 00:59:26,261 That's what the readers want. 827 00:59:26,263 --> 00:59:27,663 It's casting a spell on my wand, 828 00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:29,197 - I'll tell you that. - Yeah. 829 00:59:29,199 --> 00:59:31,333 But that Harry-Draco genre, that's getting old. 830 00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:34,636 Now what I'm into is that Snape-Dumbledore fic. 831 00:59:34,638 --> 00:59:36,705 Wow, that is literally old. 832 00:59:36,707 --> 00:59:38,607 I didn't realize you were into octogenarians? 833 00:59:38,609 --> 00:59:41,243 Yeah, well, uh, vanguard is no spring chicken. 834 00:59:41,245 --> 00:59:42,578 Easy. 835 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,146 Well, usually. 836 00:59:47,116 --> 00:59:48,684 Hey. 837 00:59:50,987 --> 00:59:53,322 Oh, did you read that story I sent you, 838 00:59:53,324 --> 00:59:54,723 "panty raid at Slytherin"? 839 00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:56,091 Oh, yeah, dude. I called my mom. 840 00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,793 I read it out loud. 841 01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,769 Finally. Come on. 842 01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:09,605 We got business to conduct. 843 01:00:19,716 --> 01:00:21,783 I think I'd rather go look at comics. 844 01:00:23,152 --> 01:00:24,853 Neil, this is toho. 845 01:00:28,257 --> 01:00:30,092 What are you drinking? 846 01:00:30,094 --> 01:00:31,793 I dunno. Toho? 847 01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:35,397 Uh, hmmm... is blue. 848 01:00:35,399 --> 01:00:37,399 It's blue. Works for me. 849 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,640 That is a sick vanguard costume 850 01:00:44,642 --> 01:00:46,108 you've got there, bro. 851 01:00:46,110 --> 01:00:48,677 Is that from "Kragon's war?" 852 01:00:48,679 --> 01:00:51,413 Anyways, so... My name is Hagoff Paul 853 01:00:51,415 --> 01:00:54,783 and this is a little greeting. 854 01:00:56,119 --> 01:00:57,653 Is that? 855 01:00:57,655 --> 01:00:59,154 Is that LSD? 856 01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:02,024 For the party tonight, playboy. 857 01:01:02,026 --> 01:01:04,660 It's Molly. Mdma? 858 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:07,195 - No, no. - It looks like acid. 859 01:01:07,197 --> 01:01:08,430 It's ecstasy. 860 01:01:08,432 --> 01:01:10,065 Have you ever done that before? 861 01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,668 No, but I want to. 862 01:01:12,670 --> 01:01:14,770 That stuff stays in your system forever. 863 01:01:14,772 --> 01:01:17,272 Have you ever heard of an acid flashback? 864 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:19,074 Look, I don't want to wake up in a year 865 01:01:19,076 --> 01:01:21,677 and stab my parents to death with a kitchen knife, okay? 866 01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:22,844 Well, that makes one of us. 867 01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:24,446 What if it ruins the whole weekend? 868 01:01:24,448 --> 01:01:26,815 What if we miss the live reading 869 01:01:26,817 --> 01:01:29,184 because we're in the hospital getting our stomach's pumped? 870 01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:30,952 We are going to a party 871 01:01:30,954 --> 01:01:34,056 with all sorts of lights and costumes, okay? 872 01:01:34,058 --> 01:01:37,059 - Do you normally go to parties, Neil? -No. 873 01:01:37,061 --> 01:01:41,296 - Do you like to mingle? - No. 874 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:43,865 - Open your mouth, playboy. - No... Julia. 875 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:46,334 There we go. 876 01:01:46,336 --> 01:01:49,004 Oh, whatever you do, don't swallow. 877 01:01:49,006 --> 01:01:53,108 What will happen if I swallow it? 878 01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:24,940 I'm hallucinating! 879 01:02:24,942 --> 01:02:26,875 It's not acid! 880 01:02:35,785 --> 01:02:37,953 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold her there. 881 01:02:37,955 --> 01:02:39,387 Off, off, off, off. 882 01:02:41,858 --> 01:02:43,992 - I'm sick. - Okay. 883 01:02:58,341 --> 01:03:02,511 I'm so stoned. 884 01:03:02,513 --> 01:03:04,513 Stoned on acid. 885 01:03:05,848 --> 01:03:07,415 I mean, Molly... 886 01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:19,895 This must be like every day for Madonna. 887 01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:24,199 Here. Drink some water. 888 01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:26,268 Oh, okay. 889 01:03:29,872 --> 01:03:31,106 Oh. 890 01:03:33,176 --> 01:03:37,312 You're safe now. You're in a totally safe place. 891 01:03:49,058 --> 01:03:51,326 What? 892 01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:56,097 I don't know if I've uh... 893 01:03:56,099 --> 01:03:58,266 Ever been attracted to anyone before you. 894 01:04:02,438 --> 01:04:08,210 You mean any girl. 895 01:04:08,212 --> 01:04:10,011 Any human being. 896 01:04:16,185 --> 01:04:21,156 What are you attracted to about me? 897 01:04:21,158 --> 01:04:25,627 I'm not ashamed of myself with you. 898 01:04:39,175 --> 01:04:41,042 Should I have done that? 899 01:04:41,044 --> 01:04:43,144 I don't know if I should have done that. 900 01:04:50,086 --> 01:04:52,120 Pants. 901 01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:48,076 - Are you doing your homework? - No. 902 01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,323 "Julia tugged at his pants, 903 01:06:01,325 --> 01:06:06,461 sliding them down ever so slowly." 904 01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:09,431 Okay, if you're gonna write about us, 905 01:06:09,433 --> 01:06:15,236 you need to use some modifiers. 906 01:06:15,238 --> 01:06:18,707 "Julia tugged at his tight pants, 907 01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:23,044 sliding them off painfully slow. 908 01:06:23,046 --> 01:06:27,549 Savoring the moment the heightened 909 01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,417 pleasure involved." 910 01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:37,392 I'm glad you decided to branch out. 911 01:06:57,313 --> 01:07:01,583 You're a tough one to figure out. 912 01:07:01,585 --> 01:07:03,184 No, I'm not. 913 01:08:19,495 --> 01:08:21,796 Hi, you've reached Julia's voicemail. 914 01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,165 I probably don't want to talk to you. 915 01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:05,440 Hi, you've reached Julia's voicemail. 916 01:09:05,442 --> 01:09:06,841 I probably... 917 01:09:29,632 --> 01:09:34,335 The alliteration is good, but you use it way too much. 918 01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:37,639 Yeah, it's sort of my crutch. 919 01:09:37,641 --> 01:09:41,176 And the allegory is a bit on-the-nose. 920 01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:46,281 Oh, I actually thought it was more of a metaphor than an allegory. 921 01:09:46,283 --> 01:09:50,185 Uh, do you know what an allegory is? 922 01:09:50,187 --> 01:09:52,887 Look, you're okay. Uh, and you're female. 923 01:09:52,889 --> 01:09:54,856 We need more women in our field. 924 01:09:54,858 --> 01:09:59,894 Most of them are pretty ugly. Unlike you. 925 01:09:59,896 --> 01:10:03,831 You can have a career. Writing is more than just writing. 926 01:10:03,833 --> 01:10:05,767 There are other factors. 927 01:10:13,275 --> 01:10:15,376 Dude, I want to show you something. 928 01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:19,581 It's a... It's a Tijuana Bible. 929 01:10:19,583 --> 01:10:22,250 It's quite the important artifact. 930 01:10:22,252 --> 01:10:25,220 Mexicans are far more sexually liberated. 931 01:10:28,791 --> 01:10:30,992 What's with the look? 932 01:10:30,994 --> 01:10:33,795 You just left this morning. 933 01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:35,830 Yeah, I was getting a critique. 934 01:10:35,832 --> 01:10:39,901 I mean, that's why we're here. To meet the pros. 935 01:10:41,870 --> 01:10:43,338 I'm sorry. Hey. 936 01:10:43,340 --> 01:10:45,340 I have to go meet someone. 937 01:10:45,342 --> 01:10:48,876 Who? Denis? 938 01:10:48,878 --> 01:10:50,578 Sorry, I looked through your phone. 939 01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:54,549 I didn't think that you would care. 940 01:10:54,551 --> 01:10:57,552 Hey... don't! Don't do that. 941 01:10:57,554 --> 01:11:01,756 - What's your deal? - Nothing. 942 01:11:01,758 --> 01:11:06,561 Don't get all weird on me just because we messed around. 943 01:11:06,563 --> 01:11:08,630 Why did you rip up our pages? 944 01:11:08,632 --> 01:11:10,331 I don't know. We were zonked. 945 01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,766 We wrote some crazy shit, okay? 946 01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:14,669 I didn't want it just floating around. 947 01:11:14,671 --> 01:11:18,773 So last night was just the drugs? 948 01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:21,576 You have been hiding this Denis guy from me. 949 01:11:21,578 --> 01:11:24,045 I didn't even think that you were straight. 950 01:11:34,923 --> 01:11:38,593 Can you hear me now? How about now? 951 01:11:38,595 --> 01:11:41,996 I'll check my bars. 952 01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:43,564 That's better. 953 01:12:00,716 --> 01:12:03,084 Oh, I'm sorry. This is age restricted. 954 01:12:07,589 --> 01:12:08,623 Hi. 955 01:12:08,625 --> 01:12:10,591 Oh, my god, Neil. 956 01:12:10,593 --> 01:12:12,460 Oh, I'm so sorry. 957 01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:17,765 I uh... I didn't expect you to look uh, so young. 958 01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:20,001 - Uh, do you wanna see my ID? - No, no, no, no. 959 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,470 No, I'm sorry, believe me, I looked young 960 01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:26,007 when I was your age, too. Uh, when I was 18. 961 01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:29,844 - You still look young. - Oh, well, thank you. 962 01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:34,115 Oh, my god, it's just so great to uh, finally meet you, 963 01:12:34,117 --> 01:12:37,518 in the flesh, so to speak, um... 964 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,722 - Yeah. - Yeah. 965 01:12:40,724 --> 01:12:44,425 - Oh, yes, of course. Shall we? -Yeah. 966 01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:01,376 You're staring. Virgins stare. 967 01:13:01,378 --> 01:13:05,713 - They do? -Yeah, well, con virgins. 968 01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:09,117 Yeah, it's just so weird now that it's all in 3-d. 969 01:13:09,119 --> 01:13:12,854 Yeah, I know. Internet rule 34. 970 01:13:12,856 --> 01:13:15,690 If it exists there's porn of it. 971 01:13:15,692 --> 01:13:18,760 Just when you think you've seen it all. 972 01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,562 I just discovered what a curtain fic is. 973 01:13:21,564 --> 01:13:23,030 - Curtain fic? - Mm-hmm. 974 01:13:23,032 --> 01:13:26,634 I mean, okay, so, this is aimed at older gays. 975 01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:27,902 Of course they're like post-sex, 976 01:13:27,904 --> 01:13:30,438 proto-nesting, domestic fetishists. 977 01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:33,775 And so normally where you'd have like kirk and Spock, 978 01:13:33,777 --> 01:13:36,177 you know, making love, 979 01:13:36,179 --> 01:13:41,516 uh, in this case, it's couples having these like lavish shopping sprees 980 01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:43,851 at pottery barn. For curtains. 981 01:13:43,853 --> 01:13:45,787 They sell curtains at pottery barn? 982 01:13:45,789 --> 01:13:48,489 They sell everything at pottery barn. 983 01:13:48,491 --> 01:13:51,159 I mean, you know, it's mostly harmless I guess, 984 01:13:51,161 --> 01:13:54,128 but not all of it is... 985 01:13:54,130 --> 01:13:56,898 And you really need to watch out for creeps, 986 01:13:56,900 --> 01:13:59,066 especially at your age. 987 01:13:59,068 --> 01:14:02,203 - But you're not a creep. - No, I'm not a creep, 988 01:14:02,205 --> 01:14:04,806 but isn't that exactly what a creep would say? 989 01:14:12,948 --> 01:14:15,049 Oh, I thought you came alone. 990 01:14:15,051 --> 01:14:17,652 Oh, Jesus, speaking of creepy. 991 01:14:17,654 --> 01:14:19,520 I came with a friend. 992 01:14:19,522 --> 01:14:22,857 Oh, and does he write slash? 993 01:14:22,859 --> 01:14:24,859 She. And yeah. 994 01:14:24,861 --> 01:14:27,228 You know, actually, I think she's in regular writing today. 995 01:14:27,230 --> 01:14:28,896 Oh, regular writing. 996 01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:32,667 - Denis. -Oh, Ronnie, hey, um, this is Neil. 997 01:14:32,669 --> 01:14:35,470 - He's one of our new writers. - Oh, yeah, I bet. 998 01:14:35,472 --> 01:14:38,239 Ronnie Harwood. I'm senior writer at the rabbit's hole. 999 01:14:38,241 --> 01:14:40,541 So some of the inner circle are gonna go out 1000 01:14:40,543 --> 01:14:41,876 for an early dinner before the reading. 1001 01:14:41,878 --> 01:14:43,211 - Are you game? - Yeah. 1002 01:14:43,213 --> 01:14:46,581 You can bring your new little friend. 1003 01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:51,886 Everybody agrees that Batman blowing Robin 1004 01:14:51,888 --> 01:14:54,121 and Robin blowing Batman is totally played out, 1005 01:14:54,123 --> 01:14:56,491 but now I'm seeing Christian bale's Batman 1006 01:14:56,493 --> 01:14:58,593 blowing Ben Affleck as Batman. 1007 01:14:58,595 --> 01:14:59,894 Blowing Val Kilmer. 1008 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,529 Oh, that's really hot. 1009 01:15:17,179 --> 01:15:19,247 I got a cease and desist from Warner's last week, 1010 01:15:19,249 --> 01:15:20,848 so obviously I'm doing something right. 1011 01:15:20,850 --> 01:15:25,152 Yeah, you're moving up in the world. 1012 01:15:25,154 --> 01:15:27,221 What kind of slash do you write? 1013 01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:29,690 You've been to our website, it's easy enough to find. 1014 01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:32,727 Right. 1015 01:15:32,729 --> 01:15:34,195 I'm guessing this is your first con, 1016 01:15:34,197 --> 01:15:35,897 since you're what, he's 18? 1017 01:15:35,899 --> 01:15:37,932 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, 18. 1018 01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:39,934 Hmm. 1019 01:15:39,936 --> 01:15:42,703 I was editing the R.P.F. Board today. 1020 01:15:42,705 --> 01:15:44,305 I'll never get all the Bieber fic. 1021 01:15:44,307 --> 01:15:47,275 Neil, are you into Justin Bieber? 1022 01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:50,545 What's R.P.F.? 1023 01:15:50,547 --> 01:15:53,147 R.P.F. Is real people fiction or celebrity slash. 1024 01:15:53,149 --> 01:15:55,583 Slash about, you know, celebs. 1025 01:15:55,585 --> 01:15:57,552 Oh, oh, like the Bronte sisters. 1026 01:15:57,554 --> 01:15:58,953 They wrote stories about Napoleon 1027 01:15:58,955 --> 01:16:00,254 and the Duke of Wellington. 1028 01:16:00,256 --> 01:16:02,156 Yeah, I mean, it's pretty old school, 1029 01:16:02,158 --> 01:16:05,226 but now it's mostly just like pointless boy band orgies. 1030 01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:08,696 Yeah, and juvenile regressives are popping up all over. 1031 01:16:08,698 --> 01:16:11,799 Speaking of... How long have you slashed vanguard? 1032 01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:14,835 Oh, vanguard is juvenile, but trek and Tolkien, that's... 1033 01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:16,871 It's all about audience and intent, Denis. 1034 01:16:16,873 --> 01:16:18,906 This is first year stuff. 1035 01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:22,176 Vanguard doesn't play to the 40-plus crowd, our base. 1036 01:16:22,178 --> 01:16:24,579 Besides, it's not our mission to indoctrinate children. 1037 01:16:24,581 --> 01:16:26,747 It's not our mission to indoctrinate anyone. 1038 01:16:26,749 --> 01:16:29,150 I read Tolkien when I was eight. 1039 01:16:29,152 --> 01:16:32,119 Yes, and Denis loves his vanguard. 1040 01:16:32,121 --> 01:16:34,121 Ronnie prefers her masturbation material 1041 01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:36,591 to stem from bad '60s television. 1042 01:16:36,593 --> 01:16:38,125 You ever see "the Brady bunch," dude? 1043 01:16:38,127 --> 01:16:40,695 Really, Freddie? He's a child. 1044 01:16:40,697 --> 01:16:43,864 Mainstream success has no bearing on our field. Never has. 1045 01:16:43,866 --> 01:16:46,167 What we do know is juvenile fiction 1046 01:16:46,169 --> 01:16:48,736 begets juvenile erotica. 1047 01:16:48,738 --> 01:16:52,239 Let me be frank. You write sex like a 12-year-old 1048 01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:55,910 and I think you know it. It's like you found all these provocative words 1049 01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:57,878 and just tossed them into a text editor. 1050 01:16:57,880 --> 01:16:59,180 Have you ever even had sex? 1051 01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:01,148 I doubt half our writers have had sex. 1052 01:17:01,150 --> 01:17:02,783 - Let me see your ID. - Ronnie. 1053 01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:04,185 Well, I don't know about you, Denis, 1054 01:17:04,187 --> 01:17:05,353 but I don't want to go to jail. 1055 01:17:05,355 --> 01:17:07,989 Nobody's going to jail. Jesus! 1056 01:17:07,991 --> 01:17:10,157 Neil, come on. It's fine. Sit down. 1057 01:17:10,159 --> 01:17:13,060 Yeah, it's fine if he ponies up an ID. 1058 01:17:13,062 --> 01:17:15,029 I remember now. 1059 01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,132 You wrote all that really gross Mike and Greg Brady fic. 1060 01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:19,634 What's your point? 1061 01:17:19,636 --> 01:17:21,936 I thought you liked sex with 12-year-olds. 1062 01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:23,371 If it's written maturely. 1063 01:17:29,378 --> 01:17:30,911 Nice. 1064 01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:50,965 Are you really 18? 1065 01:17:50,967 --> 01:17:52,900 Neil, Neil, come on, stop. 1066 01:17:52,902 --> 01:17:54,201 Stop, stop, stop. I'm sorry. 1067 01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:56,404 I'm sorry. 1068 01:17:56,406 --> 01:18:01,075 Look, Ronnie, I mean, you know, she's like that with everybody. 1069 01:18:01,077 --> 01:18:02,877 It's not you. 1070 01:18:09,384 --> 01:18:12,920 Oh, um. 1071 01:18:19,761 --> 01:18:21,228 Let's go someplace else. 1072 01:18:39,214 --> 01:18:42,116 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. 1073 01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:45,486 It just... This doesn't feel right. 1074 01:18:45,488 --> 01:18:47,755 Why? 1075 01:18:47,757 --> 01:18:52,960 Look, I'm not gonna be mad, I'm not be upset or anything. 1076 01:18:52,962 --> 01:18:55,396 I need you to tell me how old you are. 1077 01:18:55,398 --> 01:18:58,065 - I already told you. - I know, I know. 1078 01:18:58,067 --> 01:18:59,767 Tell me again. 1079 01:19:08,977 --> 01:19:12,012 - 15. - 15? Oh, fuck! 1080 01:19:12,014 --> 01:19:14,215 I'll be 16 in November. 1081 01:19:14,217 --> 01:19:20,087 - Please don't reject me. - Dude, this is wrong. 1082 01:19:20,089 --> 01:19:22,823 I know it is. 1083 01:19:22,825 --> 01:19:24,759 This is just the second time today. 1084 01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:27,061 - I could go to jail. - I won't tell anyone. 1085 01:19:27,063 --> 01:19:29,864 Did you just tell me you were 18 so you could get into the live reading? 1086 01:19:29,866 --> 01:19:31,932 - No! -What do you even want from me? 1087 01:19:34,169 --> 01:19:36,337 I just thought it'd be different. 1088 01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:38,339 Here with you. 1089 01:19:46,114 --> 01:19:47,815 I'm sorry. 1090 01:19:50,118 --> 01:19:51,485 I'm sorry. 1091 01:19:53,889 --> 01:19:56,857 You actually remind me a lot of myself. 1092 01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:03,297 - You turned out okay. - Did I? 1093 01:20:03,299 --> 01:20:05,399 I shot off a series of insane messages 1094 01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:07,468 to somebody I didn't know the first thing about. 1095 01:20:07,470 --> 01:20:10,471 I said things I would never say to somebody face to face. 1096 01:20:10,473 --> 01:20:12,406 Ever. 1097 01:20:12,408 --> 01:20:14,275 You know, outside of like cons, 1098 01:20:14,277 --> 01:20:16,343 I have practically zero social skills. 1099 01:20:16,345 --> 01:20:18,412 My mother always said it's going to get me in trouble, 1100 01:20:18,414 --> 01:20:21,215 and now here I am. And yes, incidentally, I live with my mother, 1101 01:20:21,217 --> 01:20:23,551 in the house where I grew up, in Saginaw. 1102 01:20:23,553 --> 01:20:27,888 So, you know, don't be too sure about things. 1103 01:20:34,930 --> 01:20:38,265 You live with your mom? 1104 01:20:52,914 --> 01:20:55,282 Stop. Stop. Stop. 1105 01:20:55,284 --> 01:20:59,286 Stop. 1106 01:21:10,332 --> 01:21:14,301 You said this was the second time. 1107 01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:16,170 It it someone in our group? 1108 01:21:19,241 --> 01:21:23,577 Was it that girl you came here with? 1109 01:21:23,579 --> 01:21:27,948 Yeah, well. I thought you might be straight. 1110 01:21:27,950 --> 01:21:32,152 - I might not be. -Well, this isn't the way to find out. 1111 01:21:32,154 --> 01:21:35,623 You have time. You're writing. Focus on that. 1112 01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:37,458 How can I focus on something 1113 01:21:37,460 --> 01:21:38,926 I'm not even old enough to do? 1114 01:21:38,928 --> 01:21:42,663 Well, what do you want to do? 1115 01:21:42,665 --> 01:21:44,298 You want to be a writer? 1116 01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:46,600 A real writer, not fan fic? 1117 01:21:53,975 --> 01:21:56,410 You're good. 1118 01:21:56,412 --> 01:21:58,946 Keep writing and let the rest of the stuff 1119 01:21:58,948 --> 01:22:00,547 sort itself out naturally. 1120 01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:07,187 I wish somebody had told me that when I was your age. 1121 01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:19,466 Well, you better go. It's about time. 1122 01:22:19,468 --> 01:22:21,068 I don't know what the right thing to do here is. 1123 01:22:21,070 --> 01:22:24,138 I wanna make sure you're okay. 1124 01:22:24,140 --> 01:22:26,941 Well, I know you have to go. 1125 01:22:26,943 --> 01:22:30,177 I am the moderator. 1126 01:22:30,179 --> 01:22:33,047 I mean, you don't have to worry, I'm not coming. 1127 01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:35,449 I can't, not now. 1128 01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:40,587 Not right now. I wish it wasn't this way. 1129 01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,657 You know, for what it's worth, 1130 01:22:43,659 --> 01:22:47,328 I think you want to be queer. 1131 01:22:47,330 --> 01:22:49,396 Why would anyone want that? 1132 01:22:49,398 --> 01:22:51,665 To fit in, 1133 01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:54,001 even some place small. 1134 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,240 I'll see you around. 1135 01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:22,763 You came back? 1136 01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,471 The live read's about to start. 1137 01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:33,741 You should be there. 1138 01:23:38,513 --> 01:23:44,151 I came back for you. 1139 01:23:44,153 --> 01:23:45,619 You don't get it. 1140 01:23:45,621 --> 01:23:49,423 You submitted once and they're like, 1141 01:23:49,425 --> 01:23:52,760 "hey, come read it on stage." 1142 01:23:52,762 --> 01:23:57,698 I have like 500 things posted up there. 1143 01:24:01,469 --> 01:24:03,570 I know. 1144 01:24:03,572 --> 01:24:05,406 I've read every one of them. 1145 01:24:11,713 --> 01:24:16,083 It's hard caring about someone. 1146 01:24:17,352 --> 01:24:20,354 Letting them care about you. 1147 01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:25,292 It doesn't have to be hard. 1148 01:24:32,434 --> 01:24:34,435 I love you. 1149 01:24:43,378 --> 01:24:45,345 I kissed him. 1150 01:24:46,614 --> 01:24:48,449 That Denis guy? 1151 01:24:53,621 --> 01:24:58,459 I'm not going to the live read. 1152 01:24:58,461 --> 01:25:01,495 - You have to. - I can't. 1153 01:25:01,497 --> 01:25:04,731 Neil, please, for both of us. 1154 01:25:04,733 --> 01:25:07,668 Fuck those crusty old assholes. 1155 01:25:10,438 --> 01:25:13,507 I followed you into the restaurant 1156 01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:16,577 when you weren't answering my calls. 1157 01:25:16,579 --> 01:25:20,147 I'm sorry that lady is such an asshole. 1158 01:25:23,518 --> 01:25:28,622 Look, they only win if you let them. 1159 01:25:28,624 --> 01:25:31,859 You are a featured fucking story, dude. 1160 01:25:31,861 --> 01:25:34,161 You made it! 1161 01:25:34,163 --> 01:25:37,464 We're doing this. You and me together. 1162 01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:40,767 I am your goddamn coach. 1163 01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:45,372 Okay? 1164 01:25:47,175 --> 01:25:49,209 As they entered the nexiverse, 1165 01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:52,880 Gandalf, his penis now longer than his staff, 1166 01:25:52,882 --> 01:25:56,717 tuned... turned to Dumbledore, 1167 01:25:56,719 --> 01:25:59,620 "Dumbledore," he said to Dumbledore, 1168 01:25:59,622 --> 01:26:03,357 "only the energy of our mutual orgasm, 1169 01:26:03,359 --> 01:26:05,859 combined with unbroken eye contact 1170 01:26:05,861 --> 01:26:09,863 can close the door to the nexiverse, 1171 01:26:09,865 --> 01:26:14,434 thus stopping the combined armies of Sauron and Voldemort. 1172 01:26:14,436 --> 01:26:17,771 Without a moment's thought, Dumbledore selflessly 1173 01:26:17,773 --> 01:26:20,641 gave of his own manhood, 1174 01:26:20,643 --> 01:26:23,777 placing the head of his pounding penis 1175 01:26:23,779 --> 01:26:28,916 against that of the wise old wizard from alt middle earth, 1176 01:26:28,918 --> 01:26:33,387 like in Ghostbusters. 1177 01:26:33,389 --> 01:26:36,423 - End of chapter seven. 1178 01:26:40,695 --> 01:26:43,397 Okay, that was gan-dum 69 1179 01:26:43,399 --> 01:26:46,867 with "hole pluggers of the nexiverse." 1180 01:26:46,869 --> 01:26:50,671 And who doesn't like some good old-fashioned wizard-on-wizard action? 1181 01:26:50,673 --> 01:26:53,440 One more time for her, gan-dum 69. 1182 01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,348 Um... 1183 01:27:01,350 --> 01:27:03,750 So-uh, I think everybody knows my feelings 1184 01:27:03,752 --> 01:27:07,354 about what we do and the purpose it serves. 1185 01:27:07,356 --> 01:27:11,225 Often we're treated like freaks. 1186 01:27:11,227 --> 01:27:13,660 Especially those of us who are a little bit older. 1187 01:27:13,662 --> 01:27:16,997 - And uh, still doing this. 1188 01:27:16,999 --> 01:27:20,834 Um... and when we're away from this little community 1189 01:27:20,836 --> 01:27:23,570 that we've created for ourselves, 1190 01:27:23,572 --> 01:27:26,506 you know, we're outsiders, and we're weirdoes, 1191 01:27:26,508 --> 01:27:31,445 and we're sexual deviants, 1192 01:27:31,447 --> 01:27:34,514 but not here. 1193 01:27:34,516 --> 01:27:38,018 Our next reader is a young man 1194 01:27:38,020 --> 01:27:41,355 that I have been following with much interest. 1195 01:27:41,357 --> 01:27:44,725 And not just because he writes vanguard. 1196 01:27:44,727 --> 01:27:48,262 Please welcome to the stage, Van fan 42. 1197 01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:15,589 Um, this is called... 1198 01:28:17,625 --> 01:28:20,427 "Shore leave on dreenan four." 1199 01:28:23,865 --> 01:28:25,766 "The balmy tropic weather patterns 1200 01:28:25,768 --> 01:28:30,304 of dreenan four gave cause for the indigenous proxans 1201 01:28:30,306 --> 01:28:33,607 to wear very little in the way of attire. 1202 01:28:33,609 --> 01:28:36,943 This year with the elliptical orbit pulling them closer 1203 01:28:36,945 --> 01:28:38,612 than ever to dreenan prime, 1204 01:28:38,614 --> 01:28:42,649 clothing was more a hardship than an option. 1205 01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,985 Vanguard found himself unarmored 1206 01:28:44,987 --> 01:28:46,987 on the beaches of the Zaraug 1207 01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:49,790 during what seemed to be a religious mating ritual. 1208 01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:52,392 'Do you happen to know where they keep the towels?' 1209 01:28:52,394 --> 01:28:55,729 a lean, naked proxon inquired. 1210 01:28:55,731 --> 01:28:58,398 His supple manhood stood proud 1211 01:28:58,400 --> 01:29:00,967 against the harsh light of dreenan prime. 1212 01:29:06,941 --> 01:29:10,344 The proxon boy repeated himself, 1213 01:29:10,346 --> 01:29:12,579 'well, do you?' 1214 01:29:12,581 --> 01:29:16,049 vanguard's hand now pumped his stone cock." 1215 01:29:16,051 --> 01:29:19,052 He's 15. 1216 01:29:23,791 --> 01:29:25,759 You're outsiders. 1217 01:29:25,761 --> 01:29:29,363 You were supposed to support other outsiders. 1218 01:29:29,365 --> 01:29:32,566 I mean, you guys write ninja turtle bondage porn 1219 01:29:32,568 --> 01:29:34,601 and you're judging? 1220 01:29:34,603 --> 01:29:37,604 He just poured out his sad, pathetic heart 1221 01:29:37,606 --> 01:29:40,440 to you philistines! 1222 01:29:40,442 --> 01:29:43,443 And I think it's beautiful. 1223 01:29:43,445 --> 01:29:44,845 Let him read. 1224 01:29:44,847 --> 01:29:46,847 No. 1225 01:29:50,852 --> 01:29:54,588 I may be 15, 1226 01:29:54,590 --> 01:29:56,690 but you're an asshole. 1227 01:29:56,692 --> 01:29:59,092 I'll be 16 in a few months. 1228 01:30:04,031 --> 01:30:08,168 All right, everybody, that is my fault. 1229 01:30:08,170 --> 01:30:10,537 I'm the one who broke the rules. 1230 01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:12,005 Don't blame him. 1231 01:30:17,044 --> 01:30:21,815 So you're not... Mad at me anymore, right? 1232 01:30:21,817 --> 01:30:25,852 I'd only be mad if you stopped writing because of this. 1233 01:30:25,854 --> 01:30:29,089 Me? No. I've got my body armor on. 1234 01:30:32,994 --> 01:30:36,062 Hey, I love you, too. 1235 01:30:38,933 --> 01:30:40,834 Well, duh. 1236 01:30:46,974 --> 01:30:48,475 I gotta tell you something. 1237 01:30:48,477 --> 01:30:52,779 I think I may be a lesbian. 1238 01:30:52,781 --> 01:30:55,015 The way I figure it... 1239 01:30:55,017 --> 01:30:57,017 If I'm lesbian and you're gay, 1240 01:30:57,019 --> 01:30:58,485 then we can be a gay couple, 1241 01:30:58,487 --> 01:31:00,487 and it sort of cancels each other out. 1242 01:31:00,489 --> 01:31:03,557 Cause I'm more mannish and you're like a girl. 1243 01:31:03,559 --> 01:31:07,027 Wait, what... I'm like a girl? 1244 01:31:46,968 --> 01:31:48,768 I'm sorry, Neil. 1245 01:31:48,770 --> 01:31:50,103 I'm sorry I said you were gay. 1246 01:31:50,105 --> 01:31:51,137 I don't know why I said that. 1247 01:31:51,139 --> 01:31:53,073 I don't care what you are. 1248 01:31:53,075 --> 01:31:58,745 That's the only thing that I don't care about. 1249 01:31:58,747 --> 01:32:04,584 I told them you were 16. 1250 01:32:04,586 --> 01:32:06,920 What? 1251 01:32:06,922 --> 01:32:09,756 I'm the reason you didn't get into the live read. 1252 01:32:09,758 --> 01:32:11,558 It was my fault. 1253 01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,860 It was down to you and me, 1254 01:32:13,862 --> 01:32:16,563 and I told them that I was 18, 1255 01:32:16,565 --> 01:32:22,002 and you were 16. 1256 01:32:22,004 --> 01:32:25,138 That editor, Ronnie, loves your writing. 1257 01:32:25,140 --> 01:32:29,175 It's not about that. It never was, 1258 01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:34,014 so you have to keep writing. 1259 01:32:34,016 --> 01:32:37,951 I thought you didn't care about the reading. 1260 01:32:37,953 --> 01:32:41,988 I'm sorry. 1261 01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:45,892 Yeah. 1262 01:32:59,206 --> 01:33:01,241 I really do love you. 1263 01:33:20,294 --> 01:33:25,999 It's not so crazy they believed you were 18. 1264 01:33:26,001 --> 01:33:27,867 You do look older now. 1265 01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,327 Jesus! 1266 01:33:54,329 --> 01:33:56,062 Mom knows you stayed with her. 1267 01:33:56,064 --> 01:33:57,330 What? 1268 01:33:57,332 --> 01:33:59,766 - Mom's around? - Mm-hmm. 1269 01:33:59,768 --> 01:34:02,035 - How bad is it? - It's bad. 1270 01:34:02,037 --> 01:34:04,904 Dad took a bullet for you. That girl's mom called. 1271 01:34:04,906 --> 01:34:08,675 Did you guys steal her credit card? 1272 01:34:08,677 --> 01:34:11,277 I hope you lost your cherry, Neily Bopper. 1273 01:34:11,279 --> 01:34:12,846 'Cause from the sound of it, 1274 01:34:12,848 --> 01:34:15,682 you might not be seeing much of her for a while. 1275 01:35:20,948 --> 01:35:23,116 Let me see that. 1276 01:35:23,118 --> 01:35:24,918 What, do you think I'm too dumb? 1277 01:35:33,127 --> 01:35:35,228 Don't worry, man, she'll come around. 1278 01:35:48,275 --> 01:35:49,876 Seasons end, 1279 01:35:49,878 --> 01:35:52,479 even on Milliarcha v, where nuclear winter 1280 01:35:52,481 --> 01:35:55,415 was slowly giving way to bright spring. 1281 01:36:01,388 --> 01:36:06,126 Vanguard felt it. And he knew his own season was now at a close. 1282 01:36:06,128 --> 01:36:09,529 Be it burial in the cold vacuum of space, 1283 01:36:09,531 --> 01:36:12,832 or a quaint domestic cabin on the frontier's rim, 1284 01:36:12,834 --> 01:36:14,501 everyone retires. 1285 01:36:14,503 --> 01:36:18,938 Things, people... Come into your life suddenly, 1286 01:36:18,940 --> 01:36:21,441 and then are just as suddenly gone. 1287 01:36:21,443 --> 01:36:23,910 But their season shapes you. 1288 01:36:23,912 --> 01:36:26,813 Makes you dare things you hadn't previously even dreamt. 1289 01:36:33,554 --> 01:36:39,125 And for that, and for my friend, this author is happy. 93439