Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,412 --> 00:00:03,975
Whee!
2
00:00:04,701 --> 00:00:06,326
Uh-oh. Aah!
3
00:00:06,479 --> 00:00:08,518
♪ ♪
4
00:00:08,543 --> 00:00:09,579
D'oh!
5
00:00:11,037 --> 00:00:12,045
[GRUNTS]
6
00:00:16,253 --> 00:00:17,275
D'oh!
7
00:00:17,437 --> 00:00:22,437
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
8
00:00:25,229 --> 00:00:27,416
Sir, I've prepared your
year-end finance report.
9
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,463
Initiate ocular scan mode.
10
00:00:30,783 --> 00:00:31,783
Illuminate...
11
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,275
and recalibrate.
12
00:00:35,228 --> 00:00:37,439
Gah! Unthinkable! The horror!
13
00:00:37,548 --> 00:00:40,148
This is the first year my earnings
are lower than the year before.
14
00:00:40,312 --> 00:00:41,321
I'm sorry, sir.
15
00:00:41,346 --> 00:00:43,461
These days, enlightened
people like solar,
16
00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:45,415
and the consciously
evil prefer fracking.
17
00:00:45,558 --> 00:00:47,328
[SPUTTERS] Wh-Why, if this continues,
18
00:00:47,353 --> 00:00:50,149
in 150 years I'll be out on the street.
19
00:00:50,407 --> 00:00:53,766
Sir, sir, sir, I'm sure there's
some sort of inessential line item
20
00:00:53,791 --> 00:00:55,294
- that no one will miss.
- Mm-hmm.
21
00:00:55,697 --> 00:00:56,830
Effective immediately:
22
00:00:56,938 --> 00:00:59,736
children's health care will
be cut from workers' benefits.
23
00:00:59,761 --> 00:01:02,306
[BOOING]
24
00:01:08,325 --> 00:01:11,070
This meeting is over. God bless
the United States of America
25
00:01:11,095 --> 00:01:12,478
and release the hounds.
26
00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:14,725
[BARKING]
27
00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:17,783
Oh, I got three kids, and
they've all got health.
28
00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:19,580
I am so cursed.
29
00:01:19,697 --> 00:01:21,658
That's what you get for having a family.
30
00:01:21,741 --> 00:01:24,012
[CHUCKLES] I'm gonna die like I lived:
31
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:25,619
nice and lonely.
32
00:01:28,176 --> 00:01:29,798
[CHUCKLES] Sweet.
33
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,814
Maybe we can get the kids
government health care.
34
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,916
Oh, sorry, Marge, that's gone, remember?
35
00:01:38,941 --> 00:01:41,736
Because of those corporate
tax cuts we all wanted?
36
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:43,306
I didn't want them.
37
00:01:43,331 --> 00:01:46,486
[LAUGHS]: You say so now,
but I remember you back then.
38
00:01:46,568 --> 00:01:49,173
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
"Ooh, corporate tax cuts.
39
00:01:49,269 --> 00:01:51,606
Makers not takers."
40
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,644
Oh, every time Ann Coulter has a cold,
41
00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:55,900
you think she's me.
42
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,947
I'm sorry, honey. We'll
just have to cut back
43
00:01:58,972 --> 00:02:00,236
on the kids' meds.
44
00:02:00,261 --> 00:02:02,884
Back in my day, children
didn't need no meds!
45
00:02:03,063 --> 00:02:04,733
You just gave 'em a slug of whiskey
46
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,027
and sent 'em off to school.
47
00:02:06,089 --> 00:02:08,033
And if they lost their snowshoe,
48
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,720
you'd beat 'em with the other one!
49
00:02:09,832 --> 00:02:13,251
That's how we raised the
generation that lost Vietnam.
50
00:02:14,024 --> 00:02:17,056
Bart, your old attention
deficit disorder medicine
51
00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:19,150
isn't covered by insurance anymore,
52
00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:22,134
so we'll have to use a cheaper
drug that's just as good.
53
00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:24,054
So goodbye, Focusyn.
54
00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:26,879
Hello, Chillaxodol.
55
00:02:28,779 --> 00:02:29,779
Mm.
56
00:02:30,601 --> 00:02:33,572
Mom, I was just on hypochondria.edu,
57
00:02:33,597 --> 00:02:35,181
and I think you should see something.
58
00:02:37,173 --> 00:02:39,595
Are you giving your precious child
59
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:43,548
the generic ADD medication Chillaxodol?
60
00:02:43,627 --> 00:02:44,896
Yes. Why?
61
00:02:44,921 --> 00:02:48,152
Your child may experience
unwanted side effects,
62
00:02:48,177 --> 00:02:49,846
including headaches...
63
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:52,643
... painful spasms...
64
00:02:52,668 --> 00:02:53,937
[BABBLING]
65
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,408
... dry mouth...
66
00:02:55,528 --> 00:02:57,247
[GASPS] Ah.
67
00:02:57,507 --> 00:02:59,858
- ... and whiskers...
- Mm!
68
00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,889
... musical flatulence...
69
00:03:02,045 --> 00:03:03,678
[FARTING RHYTHMICALLY]
70
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,192
... involuntary Memphis juking...
71
00:03:06,247 --> 00:03:09,067
♪ ♪
72
00:03:09,194 --> 00:03:10,910
... sudden relocation...
73
00:03:11,354 --> 00:03:13,029
MARGE: Hmm? Mm.
74
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:15,818
... and a symptom that
can only be described
75
00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:17,428
as "dolphining."
76
00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:19,194
[SQUEAKING]
77
00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:20,547
[GASPS]
78
00:03:21,692 --> 00:03:23,468
If you or a loved one
79
00:03:23,493 --> 00:03:26,443
is experiencing any
of these side effects,
80
00:03:26,468 --> 00:03:28,014
you would do well to remember
81
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:30,171
that life is heartless and brutal,
82
00:03:30,196 --> 00:03:33,148
and the cosmos is indifferent to us all.
83
00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:36,008
I'd say goodbye, but what's the point?
84
00:03:38,482 --> 00:03:39,651
[HORN HONKS]
85
00:03:39,676 --> 00:03:40,750
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [THUD]
86
00:03:40,775 --> 00:03:43,141
Without insurance, we'll
just have to go to...
87
00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:45,500
[SIGHS] Dr. Nick.
88
00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:47,383
Sorry, everybody.
89
00:03:47,449 --> 00:03:50,977
Remember, if at any
time you become a dog,
90
00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:52,914
then I can medicine you.
91
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,485
No hope. There's no hope here.
92
00:03:58,561 --> 00:04:01,571
Hmm. "The healing magic of crystals."
93
00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:04,836
[SIGHS] Well, I've
tried everything else.
94
00:04:08,389 --> 00:04:10,899
Shalom, kind queen.
95
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,844
I mean the "hello" shalom,
but also the "peace" one.
96
00:04:13,999 --> 00:04:16,000
How can I soothe you?
97
00:04:16,129 --> 00:04:18,336
Wow. That was a lot just now.
98
00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:22,492
But yet it's only a snippet
of the cosmic conversation.
99
00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:25,094
Look, my son is having bad side effects
100
00:04:25,119 --> 00:04:26,742
from his ADD meds.
101
00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:29,053
His father wants him to join football
102
00:04:29,078 --> 00:04:30,961
for a nice, calming concussion.
103
00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:32,923
I have just the thing for you.
104
00:04:33,136 --> 00:04:34,136
Crystals?
105
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,458
Healing crystals.
106
00:04:36,679 --> 00:04:38,360
I am pretty desperate.
107
00:04:38,593 --> 00:04:41,177
Crystals are a timeless database
108
00:04:41,202 --> 00:04:43,727
of energy, knowledge and sparkling.
109
00:04:43,778 --> 00:04:45,641
Scientists are finally waking up
110
00:04:45,666 --> 00:04:48,297
to what pyramids have known all along.
111
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,789
[LIKE DRACULA]: I vant
to suck your money.
112
00:04:51,934 --> 00:04:55,719
Uh, maybe I could just
buy a couple rocks and go.
113
00:04:55,856 --> 00:04:57,789
Oh, they're more than rocks.
114
00:04:57,902 --> 00:04:59,914
They make great stocking stuffers.
115
00:05:00,087 --> 00:05:01,289
And for Hanukkah?
116
00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:02,766
Uh, useless.
117
00:05:02,791 --> 00:05:03,891
[SCRAPING NEARBY]
118
00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:04,918
MARGE: Hey.
119
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:13,127
Bart, it's time for your ADD treatment.
120
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:14,602
Aah...
121
00:05:14,627 --> 00:05:16,344
aah, aah, aah.
122
00:05:16,489 --> 00:05:18,649
Hmm, maybe he's a little overtrained.
123
00:05:18,847 --> 00:05:19,914
It's not a pill.
124
00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:21,461
Ooh, a suppository.
125
00:05:21,486 --> 00:05:22,524
Fill 'er up.
126
00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,672
It's not a drug.
127
00:05:24,879 --> 00:05:27,050
I want you to try these.
128
00:05:28,224 --> 00:05:29,659
Hmm...
129
00:05:32,886 --> 00:05:33,987
[EXPLOSION]
130
00:05:36,012 --> 00:05:37,012
I believe.
131
00:05:38,598 --> 00:05:39,867
[HUMMING A TUNE]
132
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:42,933
"A" paper by Lisa. "A" paper by Lisa.
133
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,448
"A" paper by Bart.
134
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:48,825
An "A"? Oh, my gosh, Bart!
135
00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,792
Could it really be the crystals?
136
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,112
Yes, definitely the crystals.
137
00:05:53,244 --> 00:05:54,964
You really got an "A"?
138
00:05:55,551 --> 00:05:56,862
No white-out.
139
00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:58,951
The answers are actually correct.
140
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,003
Maybe he really did the work.
141
00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:04,609
Or maybe he cheated, and
I have to find out how.
142
00:06:04,769 --> 00:06:07,575
Whoa! Someone could
use a chill-out crystal.
143
00:06:07,728 --> 00:06:10,167
It's made by your
boyfriend, Lis, the Earth!
144
00:06:10,192 --> 00:06:12,033
Lisa has a boyfriend?
145
00:06:12,112 --> 00:06:13,837
And this is how I find out?
146
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,495
I don't know which of you two is dumber.
147
00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:20,587
So I'm a bit of a mystery, huh? Huh?
148
00:06:20,624 --> 00:06:22,060
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
149
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,767
Marge, I heard Bart got an "A."
150
00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:27,001
- How'd you do it?
- Can you keep a secret?
151
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,103
Unless it's about a person, yes.
152
00:06:29,211 --> 00:06:30,751
It was crystals.
153
00:06:30,894 --> 00:06:32,096
Crystals, huh?
154
00:06:32,163 --> 00:06:34,048
I could use some of those for Kirk.
155
00:06:34,155 --> 00:06:35,704
I want to seed the bed with them,
156
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,298
so he doesn't crawl over to me.
157
00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:39,978
No worries. I'll pick up
more on my way home.
158
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:44,361
Oh, no, what happened?
159
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,189
I'm closing the store.
A cot finally opened up
160
00:06:47,214 --> 00:06:49,689
in this cult I've been
trying to get into.
161
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,798
Congratulations, I guess.
162
00:06:51,886 --> 00:06:53,494
Can I still buy crystals?
163
00:06:53,576 --> 00:06:54,861
Just take 'em.
164
00:06:54,923 --> 00:06:57,736
In fact, you can have
my entire inventory.
165
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,250
Thank you.
166
00:07:01,006 --> 00:07:03,846
Now, enter my chariot to Heaven.
167
00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:07,861
Are you sure about this?
168
00:07:07,939 --> 00:07:11,423
Of course! I'm ascending
to a higher level of being.
169
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,345
Now, sisters,
170
00:07:13,448 --> 00:07:16,704
let us Sharpie in the
whites of our eyes.
171
00:07:16,757 --> 00:07:18,806
[SHARPIES SQUEAKING]
172
00:07:18,894 --> 00:07:20,915
MARGE: Oh, wow.
173
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:27,267
"Before passing on to a new owner,
174
00:07:27,292 --> 00:07:29,994
"crystals should be
cleared of their old energy
175
00:07:30,027 --> 00:07:33,236
with a combination of water and sulfur."
176
00:07:33,357 --> 00:07:35,704
Which is just what comes out of our tap!
177
00:07:41,171 --> 00:07:43,501
The crystals got Kirk a new job.
178
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:44,931
With a uniform!
179
00:07:45,037 --> 00:07:47,736
That's right, I'm a batboy.
180
00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:49,011
[CHUCKLES]
181
00:07:49,126 --> 00:07:50,900
Nelson got an "A" on his test!
182
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:54,343
This is going right up on the
refrigerator in the front yard.
183
00:07:54,409 --> 00:07:56,665
Marge, we need more crystals.
184
00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:02,462
MARGE: I'm not even 100%
sure these things work.
185
00:08:02,510 --> 00:08:04,158
Should I really be selling them?
186
00:08:04,232 --> 00:08:07,639
You know, these just might
make me stop drinking.
187
00:08:08,026 --> 00:08:09,204
I guess I should.
188
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,408
I'm gonna grind 'em up and snort 'em.
189
00:08:14,858 --> 00:08:20,236
♪ ♪
190
00:08:20,261 --> 00:08:22,845
Marge, another "A" in my class for Bart.
191
00:08:23,099 --> 00:08:26,205
I'm so impressed that a boy
with Bart's jiggly-wigglies
192
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,454
could be cured by this pagan hogwash.
193
00:08:28,504 --> 00:08:30,298
You can't argue with facts.
194
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:33,095
Oh, dear, we're running low on obsidian.
195
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,033
Almost out of moon potion.
196
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,986
And there's no more brain powder.
197
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,759
I can sell you brain powder in bulk.
198
00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:42,736
Here's whose brain the powder is from.
199
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:45,087
It's a cow, but a very smart one.
200
00:08:45,252 --> 00:08:47,040
Hmm. What else do you sell?
201
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:49,704
Oh, massage stones, copper bracelets,
202
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:50,736
dream catchers,
203
00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:52,908
dream catcher filter replacements.
204
00:08:53,187 --> 00:08:55,285
This old one is full of dreams.
205
00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:56,743
I don't see anything in it.
206
00:08:56,836 --> 00:09:00,517
Don't you see it? Your dream
of being a massive success?
207
00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:02,314
You see it? Right there. See it?
208
00:09:02,339 --> 00:09:03,667
- Mm-mmm.
- Right there. See it?
209
00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:06,089
I think I am starting to see it.
210
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:07,807
Are you sure? Do you really?
211
00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:09,131
I see it!
212
00:09:09,207 --> 00:09:10,543
Yeah, okay, bring it down.
213
00:09:10,919 --> 00:09:12,229
Less Oprah, more Chopra.
214
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,589
I see it. I guess I could
expand my product line.
215
00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:17,885
Then I can really start
making my own money,
216
00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:20,049
not be dependent on Homer.
217
00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,706
Did I hear "not dependent on Homer"?
218
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:25,376
Boom. Retired.
219
00:09:25,459 --> 00:09:27,112
You should still go in to work.
220
00:09:27,374 --> 00:09:29,409
I don't think I even
remember how to get there.
221
00:09:29,457 --> 00:09:31,120
You were just there today.
222
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,270
[ELDERLY VOICE]: Feels
like that, doesn't it?
223
00:09:33,728 --> 00:09:34,728
[MARGE GRUMBLES]
224
00:09:36,263 --> 00:09:40,052
Here at MURMUR, we have everything
a holistic mother might need.
225
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,216
Cactus milk.
226
00:09:41,368 --> 00:09:42,971
Wicker birthing chairs.
227
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,501
Fairy traps.
228
00:09:44,526 --> 00:09:46,231
Tibetan singing bowls.
229
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:50,630
[PLAYING DISSONANT MELODY]
230
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,778
[SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER HOWLS]
231
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:57,802
Are these macaroons free-range?
232
00:09:57,899 --> 00:10:01,739
Yes. Only made from coconuts
that fall from the tree
233
00:10:01,826 --> 00:10:04,372
or are gently coaxed by woke monkeys.
234
00:10:05,066 --> 00:10:06,591
I'm sorry, Marge,
235
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:08,270
I'm gonna have to shut you down.
236
00:10:08,446 --> 00:10:10,617
You don't have a
retail business license.
237
00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:13,586
Well, Chief, do I really need a license
238
00:10:13,611 --> 00:10:17,469
to sell that hemp body
lotion Sarah likes so much?
239
00:10:17,596 --> 00:10:20,289
And which is free to you?
240
00:10:20,395 --> 00:10:21,859
Ooh, I like it, too!
241
00:10:21,884 --> 00:10:23,539
But I'm gonna need more than that.
242
00:10:26,071 --> 00:10:27,071
Hmm.
243
00:10:28,877 --> 00:10:30,570
Mm... hmm.
244
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,239
Mm. [CHUCKLES]
245
00:10:34,775 --> 00:10:36,281
HOMER: Oh, Marge!
246
00:10:37,477 --> 00:10:38,500
[WHOOPS]
247
00:10:38,525 --> 00:10:41,806
I've only done this before with
Monopoly money and salami!
248
00:10:43,603 --> 00:10:44,634
Where'd it go?
249
00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,626
It's all right here, baby.
250
00:10:48,870 --> 00:10:51,595
We made $1,000 today.
251
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,157
What's that without the cost of goods?
252
00:10:53,256 --> 00:10:55,657
$998.
253
00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:57,704
[GASPS] I love you.
254
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,131
[MOANS]
255
00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:01,337
♪ Ain't it beautiful ♪
256
00:11:01,362 --> 00:11:03,199
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
257
00:11:03,224 --> 00:11:06,743
♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪
258
00:11:13,441 --> 00:11:15,931
♪ Better get ready ♪
259
00:11:17,973 --> 00:11:20,165
♪ Gonna see the light ♪
260
00:11:22,037 --> 00:11:25,512
♪ Love, love is the answer ♪
261
00:11:25,777 --> 00:11:27,848
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
262
00:11:28,006 --> 00:11:30,110
♪ And that's all right ♪
263
00:11:32,423 --> 00:11:35,293
♪ So don't you give up now ♪
264
00:11:35,539 --> 00:11:37,209
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
265
00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:40,105
♪ So easy to find ♪
266
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:45,225
♪ Just look to your soul ♪
267
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:46,852
♪ Look to your soul ♪
268
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:49,066
♪ And open your mind ♪
269
00:11:55,370 --> 00:11:57,374
♪ ♪
270
00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:09,566
- Meep...
- [GROWLS]
271
00:12:13,392 --> 00:12:16,665
♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪
272
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,793
[SLURPS]
273
00:12:19,818 --> 00:12:21,735
So, those crystals
274
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,555
must really be uncloggin'
your noggin, huh?
275
00:12:24,691 --> 00:12:28,624
Yep. They're making math
problems like 60 + 63
276
00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:29,969
as easy as 1-2-3.
277
00:12:30,054 --> 00:12:33,211
Mm. And what is 60 + 63?
278
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:36,187
- Oh. Um...
- It's 1-2-3!
279
00:12:36,752 --> 00:12:38,257
BART: Ay, caramba!
280
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:41,405
I'll figure out your scam.
281
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:42,780
Sorry, Lis,
282
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:45,882
I can't hear you over the bowl.
283
00:12:45,907 --> 00:12:48,050
[SUSTAINED NOTE]
284
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:50,663
You won't get away with it!
285
00:12:50,914 --> 00:12:52,327
I will stop you!
286
00:12:52,401 --> 00:12:54,672
Because this is not... [GRUNTS]
287
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,419
Oh, oh.
288
00:12:56,511 --> 00:12:59,737
Singing bowl, you are so peaceful.
289
00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:01,244
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
290
00:13:01,304 --> 00:13:03,495
Luann bought $60 worth
291
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,377
of organic blackberries today.
292
00:13:05,508 --> 00:13:07,338
I hope she enjoys both of them.
293
00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:10,034
I need this for shopping.
294
00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:13,776
And this for a rainy day.
295
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,706
Do I hear thunder?
296
00:13:19,179 --> 00:13:20,456
Namaste.
297
00:13:20,585 --> 00:13:21,659
We're closed.
298
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,956
What part of "namaste"
don't you understand?
299
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,081
I'm gonna need you to can it, Marge.
300
00:13:28,106 --> 00:13:29,495
My name is Piper Paisley.
301
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,581
Do I know you?
302
00:13:30,606 --> 00:13:33,565
I have a healing beauty
relaxorium in Shelbyville.
303
00:13:33,590 --> 00:13:34,917
Perhaps you've heard of PLOP.
304
00:13:34,942 --> 00:13:38,527
Well, it's wonderful to meet
a fellow entrepreneuse.
305
00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:41,160
Is it? If I wasn't Botoxed as hell,
306
00:13:41,185 --> 00:13:42,754
I'd be frowning at you right now.
307
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,223
[SNAPS]
308
00:13:46,699 --> 00:13:48,068
[GASPS] East?
309
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:49,754
That's a solstice stone,
310
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,496
not an equinox stone.
311
00:13:52,844 --> 00:13:56,145
Just nama-stay out of my business.
312
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:06,231
Marge, honey, you've got to be careful.
313
00:14:06,256 --> 00:14:07,293
She means business.
314
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,520
Oh, look what it says.
315
00:14:11,672 --> 00:14:13,418
This means war.
316
00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:14,848
Marge, don't say that!
317
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,676
I got into this business
because of the kids,
318
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,270
but now I like it.
319
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:20,761
You know what?
320
00:14:20,786 --> 00:14:24,277
I'm going to open up a kiosk
in the Shelbyville Mall.
321
00:14:24,302 --> 00:14:25,512
On her turf!
322
00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:30,598
♪ ♪
323
00:14:34,216 --> 00:14:36,146
Ugh! You don't belong there!
324
00:14:36,233 --> 00:14:38,068
What happened to that hoverboard guy?
325
00:14:38,093 --> 00:14:39,669
Marge made me a better offer!
326
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:46,216
You know you can't do this, right...
327
00:14:46,341 --> 00:14:49,279
build a competing kiosk in the
same escalator dump-out zone?
328
00:14:49,304 --> 00:14:50,406
[CHUCKLES]: I mean,
329
00:14:50,643 --> 00:14:51,654
you can't.
330
00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:54,373
There's no more law and order in malls.
331
00:14:56,099 --> 00:14:57,693
[WHIMPERS] Aah!
332
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:01,245
You've been living in my kiosk?
333
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,857
If you call that living.
334
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,161
Well, well, Bart, another "A."
335
00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:08,278
[CHUCKLES]
336
00:15:08,303 --> 00:15:10,599
Looks like I brought
my average up to a "D."
337
00:15:10,905 --> 00:15:12,849
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
338
00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:15,263
[CHUCKLES]
339
00:15:17,729 --> 00:15:19,733
[MYSTERIOUS JAZZ PLAYING]
340
00:15:24,888 --> 00:15:25,890
[GRUNTS]
341
00:15:29,037 --> 00:15:31,060
Now to test my theory.
342
00:15:32,604 --> 00:15:33,604
Aha!
343
00:15:34,906 --> 00:15:36,646
What the hell are you doing?
344
00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:38,654
I know what you did, Bart Simpson.
345
00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:40,731
It's crystal clear.
346
00:15:40,945 --> 00:15:42,740
You hid the Gettysburg Address
347
00:15:42,765 --> 00:15:44,702
in a poster right by your desk,
348
00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:47,959
which you could read when
Milhouse distracted Flanders.
349
00:15:49,471 --> 00:15:50,973
[SNIFFING]
350
00:15:51,041 --> 00:15:53,294
[GROANING]
351
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:54,888
[FLANDERS GASPS]
352
00:15:55,612 --> 00:15:58,584
[MYSTERIOUS JAZZ BEGINS PLAYING]
353
00:16:00,272 --> 00:16:01,641
Pure coincidence.
354
00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:04,310
I put all the times
tables in Newton's wig.
355
00:16:04,386 --> 00:16:06,396
And look what I hid in the apple.
356
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:09,299
Ew!
357
00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:11,419
You know, it would have been far easier
358
00:16:11,444 --> 00:16:13,154
just to study and get an "A."
359
00:16:13,369 --> 00:16:15,139
Yeah, but what's the point of that?
360
00:16:15,164 --> 00:16:16,544
I'm telling Dad.
361
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:19,232
Not today. I got my book club.
362
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:20,685
A Confederacy of Dunces.
363
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:22,160
Ooh, is that the book?
364
00:16:22,185 --> 00:16:23,248
No, that's who's coming:
365
00:16:23,308 --> 00:16:25,568
Lenny, Carl, Barney, Moe.
366
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,577
The book we read was, uh, The
Girl with the Dragon Something.
367
00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:30,686
- I didn't get through the title.
- Yeah, me neither.
368
00:16:30,711 --> 00:16:33,686
It was just as boring as TinkerTailor Something Something.
369
00:16:33,817 --> 00:16:35,288
Well, cancel the book club,
370
00:16:35,313 --> 00:16:38,249
'cause Bart has something
he has to tell Mom.
371
00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:39,499
Why?
372
00:16:39,571 --> 00:16:41,976
You don't realize how
bad this is, do you?
373
00:16:42,019 --> 00:16:45,718
You betrayed the one person
who still believes in you.
374
00:16:45,863 --> 00:16:47,038
The dog believes in me.
375
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:48,132
Ruh-ruh.
376
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:49,975
Don't you get it?
377
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:52,580
Who's the person that's
always there when you need it?
378
00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:54,154
["I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA"
BY THE INTRUDERS PLAYING]
379
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,702
♪ I'll always love my mama ♪
380
00:16:56,727 --> 00:16:59,131
♪ She's my favorite girl ♪
381
00:17:00,881 --> 00:17:03,387
- ♪ I'll always love my mama... ♪
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
382
00:17:04,531 --> 00:17:05,531
Oh, my God.
383
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:07,093
She's shown me nothing but love.
384
00:17:07,118 --> 00:17:09,005
How do I make this guilt go away?
385
00:17:09,136 --> 00:17:10,339
Tell her the truth.
386
00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:11,732
No, that's not it. Keep pitching.
387
00:17:11,757 --> 00:17:12,771
No, that is it!
388
00:17:12,978 --> 00:17:13,982
Oh, fine!
389
00:17:14,094 --> 00:17:15,677
Now, looky here.
390
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,279
I learned Swedish to
read this here book,
391
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,951
and we are gonna discuss it.
392
00:17:21,745 --> 00:17:23,771
Nordic noir is known
for its plain language
393
00:17:23,796 --> 00:17:25,037
and absence of metaphors.
394
00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:26,279
Dig deeper.
395
00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:28,084
[STAMMERS] The novel reflects,
396
00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:29,943
implicitly and explicitly,
gaps between rhetoric
397
00:17:29,968 --> 00:17:31,185
and practice in Swedish policy.
398
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,896
[PANTING]
399
00:17:32,947 --> 00:17:34,123
That'll do nicely.
400
00:17:34,306 --> 00:17:35,552
Who wants cake?
401
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:39,615
I said, who wants cake?
402
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:45,521
Our day of kiosk combat begins.
403
00:17:45,878 --> 00:17:49,029
My sisters abuse Piper's
free sample policy.
404
00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:53,255
Mmm. I smell like the
smoking area of a nice resort.
405
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,445
Schmear me like a bagel.
406
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:56,912
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
407
00:17:57,108 --> 00:17:58,552
Now, phase two.
408
00:17:58,648 --> 00:18:01,279
The one force no kiosk can withstand:
409
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,498
a confused old person.
410
00:18:03,657 --> 00:18:05,537
Somewhere in me is a yoni egg.
411
00:18:05,607 --> 00:18:07,044
I think it might be hatching.
412
00:18:07,134 --> 00:18:08,736
Uh, they don't hatch.
413
00:18:08,882 --> 00:18:10,693
Can you take that chance?
414
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,248
Mom, I'm sorry.
415
00:18:16,315 --> 00:18:18,513
I wasn't getting As
because of the crystals.
416
00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:19,701
I lied.
417
00:18:20,239 --> 00:18:22,343
♪ ♪
418
00:18:25,477 --> 00:18:27,021
This crystal don't work!
419
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:28,888
Nelson got detention,
420
00:18:28,926 --> 00:18:32,670
and I got demoted from
stripper to topless valet.
421
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,427
Kirk crawled over these
and made his way to me.
422
00:18:35,669 --> 00:18:37,039
Three times.
423
00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:38,375
[SIGHS]
424
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,287
One last thing to do.
425
00:18:42,258 --> 00:18:44,826
That's not the egg I was thinking of.
426
00:18:45,029 --> 00:18:46,295
Keep looking.
427
00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:48,959
Stop, stop. Piper, stop.
428
00:18:49,016 --> 00:18:50,115
You win.
429
00:18:50,146 --> 00:18:52,050
I don't belong in this mall
430
00:18:52,075 --> 00:18:54,420
with all these legitimate businesses.
431
00:18:55,364 --> 00:18:57,028
[CACKLES]
432
00:18:57,062 --> 00:18:58,831
I win! [CHUCKLES]
433
00:18:58,903 --> 00:19:00,341
I win. Me.
434
00:19:00,387 --> 00:19:02,396
I'm sorry, I'm just...
I'm very competitive.
435
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:04,170
Have you tried rose quartz?
436
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,698
Let me ask you something.
Do I look like an idiot?
437
00:19:06,765 --> 00:19:08,869
[CHUCKLES] Ooh, I love your handbag.
438
00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:10,272
Well, thank you.
439
00:19:10,339 --> 00:19:11,873
No prob, babe. I win.
440
00:19:12,116 --> 00:19:14,794
[ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING]
441
00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:21,576
Marge, honey, I'm glad you're home.
442
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:22,880
I've been thinking.
443
00:19:22,927 --> 00:19:26,498
I want to be more than
just Mr. Mrs. Homer Simpson.
444
00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:28,005
I want to get a job.
445
00:19:28,089 --> 00:19:29,474
You have a job.
446
00:19:29,594 --> 00:19:32,240
I know. Raising the kids
and looking fabulous.
447
00:19:32,427 --> 00:19:33,818
But I thought it would be nice
448
00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:35,826
to have somewhere to go every day.
449
00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:37,670
You work at the power plant.
450
00:19:37,837 --> 00:19:40,474
They call every morning
and say, "Where are you?"
451
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:41,770
So you're not mad?
452
00:19:41,892 --> 00:19:43,661
Oh, I love you! Mwah!
453
00:19:43,814 --> 00:19:45,091
Thank you for understanding.
454
00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:46,677
[CHUCKLING]: Oh...
455
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,402
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
456
00:19:56,248 --> 00:19:57,459
Excuse me.
457
00:19:57,498 --> 00:19:59,552
I have a friend I think is here.
458
00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:02,355
Um, I just wanted to
make sure she's okay.
459
00:20:02,508 --> 00:20:04,412
Marge. Good to see you.
460
00:20:04,481 --> 00:20:06,474
But, really, not necessary.
461
00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:08,052
Because everything here is...
462
00:20:08,115 --> 00:20:10,154
Run! Run!
463
00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,873
- [RAPID GUNFIRE]
- What's happening here?!
464
00:20:12,898 --> 00:20:14,755
I thought you were
just getting massages!
465
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:15,951
Those were good.
466
00:20:15,976 --> 00:20:17,780
But the other stuff is... [SHUDDERS]
467
00:20:19,839 --> 00:20:20,974
Blow up the bridge.
468
00:20:21,299 --> 00:20:22,501
[EXPLOSION]
469
00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:27,264
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
32019
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
