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1
00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:02,704
.
2
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:06,571
- The Missouri lottery is the
highest it's been in 20 years.
3
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,655
- Oh, man,
I'd love to win the lottery.
4
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,054
Yeah, I'd stop
washing the sheets on my futon.
5
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,008
I'd just
buy new ones every day.
6
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,616
- I'd get a bunch
of vintage Jordans.
7
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,576
But like,
Michael Jordan's Jordans.
8
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,495
I want the
actual shoes off his feet.
9
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,280
- If I won, you would
not see me here tomorrow.
10
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:23,675
That is for sure.
I would be taking
11
00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,589
Thursdays off from now on.
12
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:29,124
- I'd buy a private island.
- [gasps] That's my plan too!
13
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,679
- I'd go to
really expensive stores,
14
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,596
hoping that white women
would be rude to me,
15
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:35,041
so I could come back with
a bunch of bags and be like,
16
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,168
a ha, big mistake.
17
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,521
Like "Pretty Woman."
18
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,340
- I'd drop everything
and travel the world.
19
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:41,948
You know?
No plans, no ties.
20
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:44,518
Just me and the open road.
21
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,306
- So if you're
ditching Kelly, dibs.
22
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:47,700
- Oh, no, I didn't--
- Yeah, no.
23
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,183
Enjoy the open road.
Send me a postcard.
24
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,014
- I could probably
make Thursdays work,
25
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,232
if they really needed me.
26
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,660
- If I won, I would resurrect
27
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,096
and then own the dodo.
28
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,973
- I'd donate my winnings
to my favorite charity.
29
00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,454
They pair wounded veterans
with dogs who have been rescued
30
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,755
from dog-fighting rings.
Part of their therapy
31
00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:04,331
is making art that they sell
32
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,538
to raise funds
for the children's hospital.
33
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,808
It's beautiful.
34
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:14,682
- I, well, I mean,
I would also give to charity.
35
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:15,896
- Yeah, I mean,
that's obviously...
36
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,155
- Of course I'd give.
37
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,077
- Not me. I'll stick with
my Jordans idea.
38
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,522
- The island
would be more of a refuge
39
00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,818
for like, animals
or orphans or something.
40
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,386
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
41
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:28,573
[upbeat music]
42
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,480
♪
43
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,176
- Ooh, someone's
all dressed up.
44
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,704
Family court?
[chuckles]
45
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,227
Oh, God, I hope
it's not family court, is it?
46
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,322
- No, I'm asking Glenn
for a raise.
47
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:42,711
It's just, between the divorce
48
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,804
and putting money away
for Emma's college,
49
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:48,413
and my car just started making
this, like, [groans] sound.
50
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,146
So it's like,
what am I supposed to do?
51
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,807
- Wait a minute,
are you actually nervous?
52
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:55,160
This is Glenn, he loves you.
- I know, it's just, like,
53
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,902
makes me feel self-conscious
to ask for money.
54
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,643
- See, this is the problem.
Women aren't socialized
55
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,635
to advocate for higher wages
despite the fact that--
56
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,727
- Mm-hmm, I'm going to need you
to turn off podcast mode.
57
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,126
Thanks.
58
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,169
- Fair enough.
59
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:12,565
- 3, 22.
- Oh, those are good.
60
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:15,180
I picked random ones
like 14 and 34.
61
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,702
- Those are like,
the random ones
62
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,005
that no one picks,
so that's kind of a good plan.
63
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,751
- Okay.
64
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,972
Hey, if you won, do you think
we'd still be friends?
65
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,543
- Chey, of course.
66
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,890
You'd be my friend
from my poor life
67
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,279
who keeps me grounded.
68
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,852
But, then again,
I don't know if I want to keep
69
00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:31,978
a poor person around,
just bumming everyone out.
70
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,631
Ugh.
71
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,975
We could buy
our tickets together
72
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:40,285
and whoever wins, we split it.
- Cool, let's do it.
73
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,944
Oh, my God, what if I pick
74
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:46,637
something super out there,
like 41 or 50?
75
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,388
- Oh, my God, yes.
You have to.
76
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:56,183
- Hey, so, uh, before.
That wasn't anything, right?
77
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:59,879
Like, of course I wouldn't just
ditch you if I won the lottery.
78
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,828
- Yeah, I know, I was just
giving you a hard time.
79
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,967
- Okay, good, yeah, yeah,
I mean, you know.
80
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,620
I wasn't, like,
saying what I would do.
81
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,544
I was just talking, like,
wildest fantasies.
82
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:11,539
- Oh, okay, so yeah, no,
all you're saying is,
83
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,372
I'm not in
your wildest fantasies.
84
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,890
- No, no, no, no,
I just meant like,
85
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,503
a hypothetical world
where you're not there.
86
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,025
- So dead in your fantasy.
- No, no, no, no.
87
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,459
I just meant, no,
it's like an alternate timeline
88
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,466
where, like, you never existed
in the first place.
89
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,898
- [laughing]
Okay, seriously, stop.
90
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,945
I can't take this much romance.
91
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,480
- Oh, hey, uh, Glenn, um,
whenever you get a chance,
92
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,219
could we talk about something?
93
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,520
- Oh, well I have a chance
right now.
94
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,607
Shoot.
- Oh, um...
95
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:45,267
No, no, I meant like, later.
Like, in your office.
96
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,622
But, or now.
No-no-no, now's good.
97
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,362
Now's great yeah.
- Now, okay.
98
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,883
- Uh, so...
[both chuckle]
99
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,927
Uh, as you know...
100
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,582
Well, I mean, before I--
before I go there,
101
00:03:56,627 --> 00:04:00,327
I should say that I, um,
[clears throat]
102
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,330
Uh, I feel like, um,
103
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:06,723
I feel like I've--
I've proven myself to be
104
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:10,288
uh, reliable,
and pretty sturdy,
105
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:13,467
Um, well, sturdy's
not really the word--
106
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,434
- Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry.
107
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,522
How do these
toilet stools work?
108
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,481
Do you just sit down
and put your feet on it,
109
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:24,180
or double over and
grab onto it for dear life?
110
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,350
- [groans]
Well, that's annoying.
111
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,397
- I know, right?
- Why are you agreeing with me?
112
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,793
You don't even know
what I'm talking about.
113
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,395
- Sorry.
114
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,926
- Check out this text from
Colleen at the Bel-Ridge store.
115
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,360
"Biggest jackpot ever.
116
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,146
Wonder who's gonna
sell the most tickets."
117
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,710
[scoffs]
She's so competitive,
118
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,407
with her smug
cancer survivor smirk.
119
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,196
- She sounds like
a real piece of work.
120
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,940
- You don't even know her.
121
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:48,901
Why are some women so quick
to judge other women?
122
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,380
- I don't know.
123
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,730
- I need to find a way
to sell more tickets than her.
124
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,510
Beat her at her own game.
- Uh-huh.
125
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:56,946
- Don't say "uh-huh."
126
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,562
You don't even know
the rest of it.
127
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,562
- I don't know why I do it.
128
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,134
- Without going
into too many details,
129
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,091
the Squatty Potty
basically saved our marriage.
130
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,179
- You don't have to push.
It just slides out.
131
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,608
- I want a raise!
132
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:10,956
I'm sorry, that was bad timing.
133
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,226
I was looking for a pause
in the conversation.
134
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,579
Really.
There wasn't one.
135
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,708
It was surprisingly
a very rich topic.
136
00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,751
- Okay, well,
I will give it a try.
137
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,226
I can always
bring it back, right?
138
00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,836
- Yeah, though
you won't want to.
139
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:26,407
- So...
- Amy, you deserve a raise.
140
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,496
- Thank you.
- But ever since Laurie
141
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,195
was made district manager,
I'm not allowed
142
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,852
to give raises anymore.
Or hugs.
143
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,987
- Yeah, no, I, uh...
144
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,510
I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have brought that up.
145
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:40,124
- Aw, Amy.
Come here.
146
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,815
Nope, I can't do that.
147
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,824
Look, why don't
we hug ourselves,
148
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,686
and then imagine it?
- No, I'm okay.
149
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,737
- No, no, come on.
- I'm--I'm...
150
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:51,443
- Here you go.
- Okay.
151
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,181
- There you--there you go.
152
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,833
♪
153
00:05:58,923 --> 00:05:59,143
.
154
00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:01,934
- I know we're not
going to win, but if we do,
155
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,450
should we get our money
up-front or in installments?
156
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,023
- Hmm, I don't know.
157
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,980
Some of my cousins might
try to kill me for the money,
158
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,148
but with installments,
they'll need me alive.
159
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,284
- Okay, but if we
get the money now,
160
00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:13,237
we could buy something
really baller.
161
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:16,155
Like, maybe a robot
that plays music
162
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,201
and is also
your dentist and stuff.
163
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:21,987
Or a yacht, but the captain
is an ape wearing a sailor hat.
164
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,993
- If we get a yacht,
do you think we can get
165
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,255
Mariah Carey to perform on it?
- Oh, yeah.
166
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,908
- I want her to sing
all of her songs,
167
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,092
and then tell her,
"Sorry, Mariah.
168
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,778
"It's not 1994 anymore.
169
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,826
Go cut up some cucumber
for our water."
170
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,181
- [laughs] Yes!
171
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,220
- Not only did you
not get the raise,
172
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,696
you ended up
apologizing to him?
173
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,267
- I hadn't planned
on asking for a raise
174
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,753
while holding
a toilet accessory.
175
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,414
I'm sorry, how is this okay?
176
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,148
Isn't there a problem
with people eating these?
177
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,929
- Yeah, that's not good.
So wait, hold on, that's it?
178
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,024
You're just going
to take no for an answer?
179
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:55,373
- Well, what more can I do?
- Take it to Laurie.
180
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,065
- Okay, yeah,
I'll just mention it to her
181
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:58,372
the next time she's here.
182
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,938
Ooh, vanilla flavored.
183
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,254
Now I kind of want to try one.
184
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,600
- You can't keep waiting around
185
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,029
for the perfect time
to ask for a raise
186
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:05,335
or it's never going to happen.
187
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,511
You should do it now while
188
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:07,946
you still got
your business suit on.
189
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,562
- It would be a phone call.
190
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,823
- Yeah, but,
191
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,555
she'll hear
that business-suit energy.
192
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:16,736
- My mouth is watering.
I can't be around these.
193
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:21,956
- For the next number,
uh, 30? 31?
194
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:23,356
- There's really
no wrong answer.
195
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:25,269
You just need
to pick another number.
196
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:28,364
- 30.
No, no, no, no, 31.
197
00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:30,714
- Great, 31 it is.
- No, no, no, mm-mm.
198
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,844
You sounded like
you weren't too into that.
199
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,757
[laughs]
Was 31 a mistake?
200
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,462
What would you do?
- Well, it's tough.
201
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:40,369
Because if you pick 30,
you're not gonna win.
202
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,716
- Mm-hmm.
- But if you pick 31,
203
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,416
you're also not gonna win.
204
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,474
So it really depends
on how you want to not win.
205
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,725
- You're a dick.
- Mm-hmm.
206
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:56,476
Wait, no,
it was 31 the whole time.
207
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,919
- Dina, I thought about
what you said
208
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,788
about women
not supporting other women--
209
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,140
- Jesus, just get on with it.
210
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,139
I don't have time
for the preamble.
211
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,881
- Garrett's being rude
to the customers.
212
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:10,012
A few of them left
before buying lottery tickets.
213
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,624
- What?
- I thought you might want
214
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,575
to know since you're trying to
sell more tickets than Colleen.
215
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,973
- Thank you
for letting me know.
216
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,576
This is helpful.
217
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:19,056
- Also, Elias has been stealing
discontinued light bulbs.
218
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,237
- I hate tattletales!
219
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:24,464
- Laurie Neustadt's office.
This is Skye.
220
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,554
- Uh, yes, hi, um, is she in?
- Who is calling?
221
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,935
- Amy Dubanowski.
222
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,117
- She's not
available right now.
223
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,602
Can I take a message?
224
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:35,302
- Um, yeah, could you just
let her know that--
225
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,820
- No, no, sorry, is she there?
226
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,775
- No, she's not available.
227
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,173
- Because you asked
who was calling,
228
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,177
and only then did you say
she was unavailable
229
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:46,739
which implies, to me,
that she is available;
230
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,217
she just doesn't
want to take our call.
231
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:52,786
- Um, she's just
not available.
232
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:56,966
- Listen, Skye.
I think you're lying to me.
233
00:08:57,014 --> 00:09:01,374
So why don't you do your job
and get her on the phone?
234
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,150
- [sniffles]
I'm sorry.
235
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,724
I don't really
know what I'm doing.
236
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,281
But Miss Neustadt is--
237
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,198
she's a friend
of my dad's friend and...
238
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,593
- You know what, I'm sorry.
239
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,456
This really isn't
my phone call.
240
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,727
Take it away, Amy.
- [sobbing]
241
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,770
- Uh, hey, uh, Syke?
242
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:16,856
It's Amy again.
- Hi.
243
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,514
- Um, you're doing great.
244
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,168
- [sobs] Thank you.
- You're doing really great.
245
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,131
Listen, could you just
tell her that I called?
246
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,610
- Okay, and what
is this regarding?
247
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:28,521
- Um, it's regarding me
asking for a raise.
248
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,398
- Oh, um, well, if it's
just about a raise,
249
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,619
Laurie has
a protocol for that.
250
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,270
- Money.
251
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:38,403
No matter how much you make,
it never seems like enough.
252
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,927
But with a little planning,
you'll see that a budget
253
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,191
is like a raise
you give yourself.
254
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,764
["Ladies Night"
by Kool and the Gang playing]
255
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,851
♪ Oh, what a night
Oh, what a night ♪
256
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:50,940
♪ Oh, yes, it's ladies' night,
and the feeling's right ♪
257
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,861
- Let's look at a typical
budget for a Cloud 9 employee.
258
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,548
We'll call her Penny Wise.
259
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,817
- Oh, because she's a killer
clown that lives in the sewer?
260
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,820
- What?
No.
261
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,172
What, wait, I don't think so.
262
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,391
- I don't see
any expense for food.
263
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,170
I mean, personally,
I--I like food.
264
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:10,036
Anybody else a food person?
265
00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,217
[all agree]
266
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,002
- Wow, almost all of you.
267
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,877
Well, there's $100
under "other."
268
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,489
That's probably for food.
269
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:20,229
- So we're supposed to live on
under $4 a day for food?
270
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,881
- Just don't go eating lobster.
271
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,575
- Or just get one lobster
and just eat it
272
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,893
a little bit at a time over
the course of several weeks.
273
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:26,889
That's what I do.
274
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,110
- There's no line for
275
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,979
child care, or
going to the doctor.
276
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,851
- Probably because
they're just planning on us
277
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,553
not getting sick, right?
278
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,030
- I eat two-week-old
unrefrigerated lobster.
279
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,731
I'm going to get sick.
280
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:42,418
- So, I just managed to get us
a reservation tonight
281
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,077
at the Italian place with
the Irish name that you love.
282
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,432
- O'Brien's Osteria?
283
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,261
Oh, they have
the best spaghetti.
284
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,689
- It wasn't easy, by the way.
They don't have a host
285
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086
that takes reservations,
so I had to track down
286
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,569
the owner at a spin class.
287
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,439
- I feel like you're just
trying to make up for
288
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,180
totally ditching me in your
lottery fantasy world.
289
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:01,182
- Could be,
but I won't be ditching you
290
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,915
as we go home to watch
the Hallmark romantic comedy
291
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,447
of your choosing,
292
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,320
and I won't poke holes
in any of the stories.
293
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,633
- Not even if
the guy is revealed to be
294
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,930
the girl's childhood pen pal?
- Nope.
295
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,017
That's, that's just a...
296
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:18,626
wonderful coincidence.
297
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,028
- What else can we do to have
luxury on a budget?
298
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,381
- Sometimes,
I pee in the shower.
299
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,210
It helps save toilet water.
300
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,688
It's not why I do it,
but it's a plus.
301
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:29,989
I do it to wash my feet.
Urine is sterile.
302
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,467
- I save my bathwater to water
303
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,556
the plants in my garden,
and vice versa.
304
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:36,345
- We could cut down
on things like lotto tickets.
305
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,831
Or buy more lotto tickets,
306
00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,311
depending on
whether we win or not.
307
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,050
- My friend, Corona,
just keeps her webcams on
308
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,311
all day in her bedroom
and her bathroom.
309
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,054
She makes thousands of dollars.
310
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,915
- You could be on the lookout
for loose coins.
311
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,527
Vending machines,
couch cushions,
312
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:51,407
the ground near parking meters,
fountains.
313
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:54,499
ABG.
Always Be Gathering.
314
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:57,149
- Or, what if this company
just gave us a little bit
315
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,464
more money so we wouldn't
have to scrounge
316
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,330
for money like street urchins?
317
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,551
- This one guy
paid Corona $10,000
318
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:04,812
to fart on a cake.
319
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,604
- Oh.
- She went to Cabo.
320
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,638
- Oh, well, uh...
321
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:12,254
Okay, moving on.
Section three, Social Services.
322
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,256
Uncle Sam has your food.
Now go get it!
323
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,076
.
324
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,647
- While you were at
the meeting, I was checking out
325
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,605
Laurie's Instagram
to see how unavailable she is.
326
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:22,743
- What?
327
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,435
"Nice day for a drive,
a golfing drive,
328
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:28,533
'cause this minx
is hitting the links."
329
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:29,663
Jesus.
330
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,835
- The course is not
that far from here.
331
00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,011
You could just
happen to run into her
332
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,317
and then bring up the raise.
333
00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,373
- I think stalking her on
social media
334
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,628
and then hunting her down
while she's playing golf
335
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,331
might come off
as a little pushy.
336
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,329
- It would come off
as a lot pushy.
337
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:46,371
But pushy people are the ones
that get what they want.
338
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,457
You got to have chutzpah.
339
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:52,116
- "Chutzpah"?
- Chutzpah.
340
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,732
- Okay, fine.
But you're coming with me.
341
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,434
- Deal.
- God, you're annoying.
342
00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:01,042
- Annoying or pushy?
- Annoying.
343
00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:08,573
- Went with
4,8 15, 16, 23, 42.
344
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,833
- You picked
the numbers from "Lost."
345
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,047
- Yeah, are you a fan?
346
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,395
- No.
Take your business elsewhere.
347
00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,226
- Hey, you're
scaring off customers.
348
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:18,754
- I'm scaring off
gambling addicts.
349
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,448
- Oh, and you don't care
about the $5,000 bonus
350
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,105
that goes to whoever sells
the winning ticket?
351
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,539
- Oh, boy, you think
I'm that gullible?
352
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,755
- Hey, Sandra,
how much does the employee
353
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,885
who sells a winning
lotto ticket get?
354
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,627
- $5,000.
355
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:33,068
- Look, even if that was true,
which I don't believe it is,
356
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:34,986
you think I'm just
going to start hauling ass
357
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,421
in the 1-in-7-million chance
358
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,767
that I'm going to sell
the winning ticket?
359
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,817
- I didn't ask you
to do anything.
360
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,261
- Damn it.
All right, come on, people.
361
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,523
Let's get this line moving.
362
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,085
You can't win
if you don't play.
363
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,612
Let's see what you got here.
364
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,085
- We should have a
saltwater pool on the yacht.
365
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,656
Not to swim in,
just to be like,
366
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,273
"Hey, ocean, we don't need you.
We've got our own."
367
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,624
- And we should hire someone
to bury treasure for us,
368
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,284
and then we get to find it.
- Is this all on the yacht?
369
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,759
- Everything is happening
on the yacht.
370
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,279
We are done with land.
371
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,802
- You guys know
you wouldn't get all 30 million
372
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,756
if you won, right?
- What are you talking about?
373
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:13,805
- Well, if you want it
all at once, you'd get 18.
374
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,643
- Oh, well, I mean, you know,
that's still pretty--
375
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:20,251
- And then, after taxes, 11.
So that's 5 1/2 each.
376
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:23,384
- 5 1/2 million?
[scoffs]
377
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,777
I guess that's something,
right?
378
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:30,391
I mean, it's more than we have.
- I guess.
379
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,784
- Oh, is that her over there,
by the tree?
380
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,828
- No, that doesn't look
anything like her, either.
381
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,014
Do you just think all
white women look the same?
382
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,490
- No.
383
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,099
I think all these white women
look the same.
384
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,140
Just keep your eyes peeled.
Tell me if you see her.
385
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,835
- Well, I mean,
that's going to be tough.
386
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,893
At these speeds,
everything is just a blur.
387
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,839
- Shut up.
I'm not used to these things.
388
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,108
Not everyone grew up
going to country clubs.
389
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,501
- I feel like you just
think of me as this
390
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,944
like, spoiled rich kid
who spent all of his time
391
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,512
playing tennis and golf.
392
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,378
- All right, well,
what did you grow up playing?
393
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:02,080
- Mostly tennis and some golf.
- Uh...
394
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,558
- And I was
a pretty decent skier.
395
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,909
- Ugh.
- [laughs]
396
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:08,258
- Oh, wait,
is that her over there?
397
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:10,168
- No, again, that's just--
398
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,523
Oh, wait,
yeah, no, that is her.
399
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,702
- Yeah, yeah, it is her.
Okay, here we go.
400
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:18,789
- I'm going to take a nap.
Wake me up when we get there.
401
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,010
- Attention shoppers,
come buy your lottery ticket
402
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,920
at customer service right now.
403
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,355
There are some people who say
the lottery is basically a tax
404
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,542
on lower income,
less educated people.
405
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,878
But you know
who doesn't say that?
406
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,408
People who win the lottery.
[chuckles]
407
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:35,893
There you go, got to
be in it to win it, girl.
408
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,975
- Myrtle,
what are you doing here?
409
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:42,025
- Playing the numbers.
- How you been?
410
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,991
- Oh, I've been
doing just fine.
411
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,640
I got a job collecting cans
and bottles from the trash.
412
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,166
- Oh.
- It's not bad.
413
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,391
There's some competition, but
414
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,690
I just have to
get there at 3:00 a.m.
415
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,827
- Yeah, wow.
416
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,479
Hey, you know what?
417
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,533
Um, why don't you give me these
and I'll give you the cash?
418
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,270
Okay?
Uh...
419
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,571
$30 sounds about right
for all of this.
420
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:10,057
- That's even more
than I thought.
421
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,749
- I hope you win.
- Me too.
422
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:16,577
The nights at the motel
are starting to add up.
423
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,197
- [softly]
Yeah.
424
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,629
- So we're just going to say
425
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,105
that we happened
to be here golfing,
426
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,635
and that we ran into her,
and then I'll just segue
427
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:26,639
into talking about the raise.
- Got it.
428
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,031
Do you want to go over
some possible segues?
429
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,855
- Uh, no, I think
I'll just find it.
430
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,082
- Okay, all right, but
you know, just--just in case,
431
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,782
uh, speaking of golf greens,
432
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,079
I could use
a little green myself.
433
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,296
- So dumb.
434
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,215
- You know what
really tees me off?
435
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,440
Low pay.
- [chuckles]
436
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,308
Um, speaking of
a hole-in-one...
437
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,092
- Oh, yeah,
you're going to kill it.
438
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,227
Uh oh, she's moving.
- Laurie!
439
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,580
Hey, Laurie!
Laurie!
440
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,010
- Watch out
for the hill right here.
441
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,447
- Hey!
Hi, Laurie!
442
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:59,674
I thought that was you.
- Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy.
443
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:00,894
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Watch out!
444
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,542
- [grunts]
445
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:05,106
.
446
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,684
- It doesn't seem like
anything is broken,
447
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,072
but just to be safe, I'm
going to need you not to move.
448
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,505
- Laurie, I am so sorry.
449
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,071
I was trying
to pull up next to you,
450
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,248
but those things
really just don't turn well.
451
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,124
And I'm not saying
this is what happened,
452
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:19,075
but it is very possible that
someone cut my break lines.
453
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,645
- [scoffs] Okay.
Can I get up please?
454
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,092
- I'm sorry for the wait.
455
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:26,049
They don't let us
drive the truck on the grass.
456
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,794
- Well, while we're waiting,
and--and speaking of
457
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:39,405
not being able to move,
I too have had trouble moving.
458
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,059
Lately.
Past the poverty line.
459
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,584
- No, no way, no,
what are you doing?
460
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:45,187
- Chutzpah.
- [sighs]
461
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:49,588
- So I would love--
no, actually, I think I deserve
462
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,723
an extra buck 50 an hour.
463
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:52,976
- I'm sorry, are you actually
464
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,378
asking me
for a raise right now?
465
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,121
- Of course not right now--
- Yes, yes.
466
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,642
That is what I'm doing.
467
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,465
Unless for some reason
468
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,653
I'm not allowed to,
like, medically speaking.
469
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,259
- No, no, no, not medically.
470
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,999
But if you're asking me
if it's a good idea
471
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,300
right now to ask for a raise--
472
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:07,826
- No, I wasn't asking
your opinion.
473
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,739
I just needed the info.
- Okay.
474
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:12,924
- With the highest
lottery jackpot in 20 years,
475
00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,531
tonight's winning numbers are:
476
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,572
4...
- Nope.
477
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,658
- 8...
- Nope.
478
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,057
- 15...
- Nope.
479
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:25,150
- Dina, we sold 12,742 tickets.
- Yes!
480
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,501
Suck it, Colleen,
you pink ribbon wearing bitch.
481
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,501
If her jaw wasn't wired shut,
I'd make her eat trash!
482
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,984
- So this was about
Colleen from Bel-Ridge.
483
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,594
- Oh, yeah.
- Pretty sure I know the answer
484
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,805
to this question, but, uh,
there's no bonus, is there?
485
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,474
- Just the bonus of telling
Colleen she can suck it--
486
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,598
- No, Sandra.
You're not a part of this.
487
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:44,651
- And now, for our
mega jackpot winning number...
488
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:48,038
42.
[all groan]
489
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,043
- It was the numbers
from "Lost."
490
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,995
- Guess it's back
to washing my futon sheets
491
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,353
like a frickin' nerd.
492
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,403
- I like working Thursdays.
493
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,048
You can talk about
how Friday's coming up,
494
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:01,533
and how Wednesday was,
and, yeah.
495
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,835
- Enjoy your 5
1/2 million, loser.
496
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,271
[chuckles]
497
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:09,578
- I get seasick anyway.
- Yeah, yeah.
498
00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:13,056
I like living with my cousins.
It's--it's cool.
499
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,538
- In what world
did you actually think
500
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,548
she was going
to give you a raise?
501
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,940
- I don't know.
502
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:20,812
I thought she'd be like,
"You got moxie, kid."
503
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,805
- [laughs]
504
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:27,167
Why, because she's
a 1930s Hollywood producer?
505
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:30,079
- Yes, like, "I'm going to put
you in the pictures, see?"
506
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,205
- [laughs]
507
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,077
- All right, Sosa up.
508
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,608
[gentle acoustic guitar music]
509
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,572
[both laugh]
510
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:41,481
This is a stupid game
for stupid people.
511
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,228
- If you want to
move up the corporate ladder,
512
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,489
you're going to need to learn
how to play golf.
513
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,932
- Okay, golf camp.
- All right, just hear me out.
514
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,229
Okay?
So--[laughs]
515
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,226
so when you pull the club back,
you want to make
516
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,148
a triangle with your arms.
- Okay.
517
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,414
- Just think of yourself as,
like, you're a pendulum.
518
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,237
Okay?
You're a clock.
519
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,975
Yeah, but not so loose,
and let's please be careful.
520
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,456
Okay, so next...
521
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:06,027
Do you, can I...
522
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:07,294
Put my arms around--
- Just do it, Jonah.
523
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,506
It's only weird
if you talk about it.
524
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,635
- Okay, all right.
[inhales]
525
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,257
Okay, so, uh...
526
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,519
Hands overlap.
- Mm-hmm.
527
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:19,172
- Okay, um, back straight.
- [laughs]
528
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,608
- Bend your knees.
Okay, all right, good.
529
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,176
[phone buzzing]
530
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,753
Now, when you pull back,
good, good, good, good.
531
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,840
- Hey, me again.
[soft laugh] Where are you?
532
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:33,281
If you won the lottery
and are travelling the world,
533
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,059
at least give me
a call first, okay?
534
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,973
So I can cancel our table.
535
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:38,018
[lights clank]
536
00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:40,462
Okay. [giggles]
Bye.
537
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,290
♪
538
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,120
- Good, good, okay,
now don't swing yet.
539
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,768
All right,
when you come forward,
540
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:51,952
we're going to move with
the power of our whole bodies.
541
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:53,249
- Okay.
- Okay, not just our arms.
542
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,465
And...
- [gasps]
543
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,985
♪
544
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,168
Ah, yes!
545
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:02,094
I am so good!
- That was incredible.
546
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,180
- Who knew I would be
so good at golf?
547
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:05,789
- I certainly didn't.
- Whoo!
548
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,219
- Yeah.
- Fore!
549
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,396
- No, no, no, no,
not fore, nobody says--
550
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,182
"Fore" is like a warning,
like you're going to,
551
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:12,486
your ball is going to
hit somebody in the head.
552
00:21:12,532 --> 00:21:14,142
- No, I'm pretty sure
you say that
553
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,315
whenever you feel
like saying that.
554
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:18,101
- That is incorrect.
- Fore!
555
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,756
It's fun, try it.
- Fore!
556
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,761
- See?
- Yeah, that was really good.
42138
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