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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,139
[holiday music playing]
2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,241
- Oh, hey, Adam.
How's it going?
3
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:06,313
Jonah.
- Hey.
4
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,580
- What's go--bring her in.
Oop!
5
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,138
Oh, sorry, I--
- That's all right.
6
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,237
Oh, I-I didn't meant to--
7
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,378
I stumbled on the ladder
and I fell into your hair.
8
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,583
I wasn't trying to kiss you.
- Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,424
I didn't think it was a kiss.
- Cool.
10
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,249
- Yeah.
I'm here to pick up Amy.
11
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,545
- All right.
Husband picking up the wife.
12
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,387
[laughs] Classic.
13
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,133
Uh, how's your, uh,
barbecue business going?
14
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,529
- Oh, it didn't work out.
15
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,630
- Oh. I'm sorry, buddy.
- Yeah.
16
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:32,102
- Hey, you know, uh,
we--we might still be looking
17
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,433
for some seasonal help
if you're--
18
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,197
you're looking for a gig,
you know?
19
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,836
- Wow. Yeah.
That's not a bad idea.
20
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,371
- What's not a bad idea?
21
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,637
- Uh, working here.
22
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,844
Jonah says you're hiring.
23
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,576
- Oh, um--
24
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,153
That is not a bad idea.
- Mm-hmm.
25
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,282
- But I think
we're all full up.
26
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,392
- Yeah. Yep.
27
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,291
Yes, we are all full.
- Yeah--
28
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,163
Uh, but you just said--
- Full of what?
29
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,131
- Seasonal help.
- But we're not hiring.
30
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,290
- Hey, Glenn?
- Hmm?
31
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,428
- We hiring seasonals?
- No, we're all full.
32
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,333
- God, I'm so pissed, Glenn.
33
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,295
I mean, I've been here
so long
34
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,403
and you can't even make
an exception for me?
35
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,565
- I can't.
I'm--I'm sorry.
36
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,373
- Come on, Glenn!
37
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,374
- No exceptions.
- Oh, it's okay.
38
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,136
- It's just the way
they do things here.
39
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,275
- No, no, you're right.
I should make an exception.
40
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,111
- Yeah, but you're
all full up and that--
41
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,407
- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you.
42
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,448
- Glad to have you.
43
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,392
Amy, you owe me one.
44
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,418
- Awesome!
This'll be fun!
45
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,564
- Ultra cool!
- I'm so excited about this.
46
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,560
[upbeat music]
47
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,463
*
48
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,225
- It has always been
the manager's spot.
49
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,234
I want you to stop
parking in it.
50
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,665
- There is no such thing
as the manager's spot--
51
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,599
- [coughing]
- There is.
52
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:44,174
The manager's spot is the one
that says "The Manager."
53
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,305
- Are you done?
- [coughs]
54
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,369
- Excuse me.
All right, thank you.
55
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,437
I'm just trying to get away
from that guy's boner.
56
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,347
- Okay, everyone.
Good morning!
57
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,680
Let's settle down.
Um, 'tis the season.
58
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,416
And I'd like to give
a permanent welcome
59
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:02,222
to all our new temporary workers
in the light blue vests.
60
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,626
Now, I haven't put all the faces
to the names yet,
61
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,498
but I do know
that you are Reggie
62
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,928
and--and we now have
a Black Todd.
63
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,533
Nope, you'll just be Todd.
64
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,525
Uh, you'll be White Todd?
Thank you.
65
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,337
And, uh, oh, and this
sweetheart here is Opal,
66
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,311
who, at 90 years old,
I think is
67
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,410
the oldest employee
we've ever had.
68
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,352
[applause]
69
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,348
- Oh, and lastly, let's give
a big Cloud 9 welcome
70
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,581
to Amy's better half,
Adam Dubanowski.
71
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,488
[applause]
72
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,750
- Yeah?
73
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,587
- No, babe, nobody else
gave a speech.
74
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,533
- No, it's cool, babe.
It's cool.
75
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,758
Um, I just wanted to tell
you all not to treat me
76
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,403
any differently just 'cause
I'm sleeping with the boss.
77
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,530
[laughter]
78
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:48,235
- He means Amy, not me.
I'm not gay.
79
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,939
- Anyway, if you have
any questions about Amy,
80
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:50,970
come see me.
81
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,214
I've got all the dirt.
82
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,410
[laughter]
- Seriously?
83
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,411
- Oh, right. Sorry, Bean.
84
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,353
- All right, uh, moving on.
Tornado safety--
85
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:58,578
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
not moving on.
86
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,412
I want to know why
you just called her Bean.
87
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,718
- No, it's nothing.
88
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,319
- Is it because you like
to eat beans?
89
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,652
- Is it because
you fart a lot?
90
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,416
Like this gentleman
sitting next to me?
91
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,555
- It's 'cause I'm small, okay?
92
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,460
- When we first got together,
it was so cute,
93
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,562
the way she'd sleep.
94
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,303
Just like my little
naked bean.
95
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,298
[laughter]
96
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,399
- Stop.
Please, can you stop?
97
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,430
- They like it.
98
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,265
- Okay, well,
any more questions?
99
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,436
- * He knows if you've been
bad or good *
100
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,643
* So be good
for goodness' sake *
101
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,606
- * You better watch out
102
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,717
- Oh, don't worry.
I'll clean that up for you.
103
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,520
Ugh, what is the point
of these people?
104
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,652
They're so bad, they make
Jonah look competent.
105
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,788
- I know.
106
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,422
- This is the grimmest
year ever.
107
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,627
- I got a buck that says
Pornstache
108
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,388
is gone before lunch.
109
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,327
- No way, my money's
on Ladybutt.
110
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,462
You want in on this action?
111
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,467
- Uh, nope,
I will not be betting
112
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,429
on people losing their jobs.
113
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,737
- Quitting their jobs.
And they're not people.
114
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,768
They're temps.
- Come on.
115
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,743
I mean, we always lose a few
on the first day.
116
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,811
It's good, clean fun,
like the Myrtle death pool.
117
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,610
That thing's been going on
for 20 years.
118
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,642
- Yeah, I--
[sighs]
119
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,607
[groans] I shouldn't gamble.
120
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,746
I used to get
a little carried away.
121
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,651
- [with British accent]
Oh, I'm Jonah.
122
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,453
I'm too proper to gamble.
123
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,345
Where's me monocle?
- Mm-kay.
124
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,617
- [with Russian accent]
Oh, Hi, I'm Jonah.
125
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,485
I eat macadamia nuts
out of jar
126
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,434
inside of other jar.
127
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,789
[with normal voice]
[laughs] Right?
128
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,857
- No, what? No, not "right."
What was that?
129
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,755
- Okay, all right,
I'll take the--the one
130
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,867
with the dermatological...
131
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:26,799
- Rashface?
132
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,374
- Rashface. I'll take
one buck on Rashface.
133
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,613
- [with Russian accent]
Da! One ruble from fur hat
134
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,709
for glory of Soviet Union!
135
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,411
- What are you doing?
He's not Russian.
136
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,813
- [with normal voice] Yeah,
well, he's not British either.
137
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,618
- Would you mind helping out?
138
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,418
- Just finishing
this chapter.
139
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,888
- Sorry, she just--
she loves that book, so...
140
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,369
- Hey.
- Hi.
141
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,668
- Can you maybe not tell
any more personal things
142
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,400
about me to my coworkers?
143
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,365
It just kind of makes it hard
for me to be the boss.
144
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,565
- Yeah, sure.
No problem.
145
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,577
- Okay, thank you. thanks.
- Okay. You're welcome.
146
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,309
- I really appreciate it.
147
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:20,624
Hey, Adam, why don't you
maybe move these boxes closer--
148
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,624
- Please don't criticize me.
- What? I'm not criticizing you.
149
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,727
- It sounds like criti--
- What are you talking about?
150
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,658
You can't just say that...
- Telling me what to do.
151
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,734
- Every time
I open my mouth--
152
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,731
- You're taking advantage
of me as an underling.
153
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:30,703
- [sighs]
154
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,901
- This is the first year
that we're having
155
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,543
an in-store Santa,
so I am taking
156
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,509
the selection process
very seriously.
157
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,669
- Well, I've had
a lot of experience.
158
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,508
- Good.
- I've Claused a number
159
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,913
of department stores.
- Okay.
160
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,454
- And I-I was trained
by Wayne Gunderson.
161
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,381
- Way--
- Uh, he's a Santa Claus
162
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,817
at the Chicago Macy's.
163
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:51,921
- Oh, wow!
164
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,492
- He's a legend.
165
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,861
- You sound
really qualified.
166
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,729
- Well...
[laughs]
167
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,628
- [laughs] Is that it?
Is that the laugh?
168
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,660
- That's it, yeah.
[both laughing]
169
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,696
- Oh, my God. Oh, wow.
170
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,802
- Well, so I have the job?
171
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,974
- Well, not yet,
my fat red friend.
172
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,513
[both chuckling softly]
173
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,480
- * Good tidings we bring
to you and your kin *
174
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,610
* Good tidings for Christmas
175
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,177
- 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello,
Mr. Jonah.
176
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,924
- Hey.
- Looks like you won.
177
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,190
- What?
- Your buddy Rashface?
178
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,888
He found a used condom
in the dressing room
179
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,590
and just walked out the store.
180
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,962
Congratulations.
- Wow, that's great. That's--
181
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,891
I mean, that's really--
that's too bad
182
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,196
about his job, but, uh,
I had a feeling about that guy.
183
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,828
You know, just--
just, like, a really--
184
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,625
a really good feeling.
185
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,637
- Okay, well, enjoy
that two bucks.
186
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,509
- Oh, yeah, I'm gonna.
[laughs]
187
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,368
Hey, uh, you know what?
188
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,735
We should--
we should do another round.
189
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,184
What do you say?
- Okay, sure.
190
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,738
- Yeah, yeah,
just, like, uh--
191
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,777
just get some more
people involved,
192
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:51,981
you know, raise the stakes.
193
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,022
Oh! Oh, hey!
Uh, we should do a pool.
194
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,817
I won.
195
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,221
- Congratulations.
196
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,992
Out of over a dozen applicants,
197
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,532
you're the super six
who made it past
198
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,988
the grueling yet simple
Megan's Law search.
199
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,727
So let's get--
[cell phone chimes]
200
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,762
Oops, sorry.
Excuse me.
201
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,968
One sec.
202
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,500
Richard, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
203
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,875
- Look, why don't you
just try
204
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,610
to move the boxes
closer to the shelf
205
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,975
and see if that doesn't
make it easier?
206
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,823
- You mean do it your way.
207
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,248
- No, I mean do it the way
literally anybody
208
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,823
older than 12 would do this.
209
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,022
- Is this about the dishes?
210
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,723
- This has nothing to do
with the dishes.
211
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:38,685
- I was letting them soak, I--
- You can't soak cast iron!
212
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:42,726
- Well, stop buying pans
that I can't get wet!
213
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,933
- Uh, it's a--
it's a professional dispute.
214
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,936
- Bean to customer service.
215
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,268
Bean, you are wanted
in customer service...
216
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,513
preferably
with your clothes on.
217
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,581
- Thank you for that.
218
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,105
- Ignore me.
Just doing some research.
219
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:04,517
Okay, smiling.
You're not going anywhere.
220
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,722
Excuse me, sir?
221
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,923
Uh, just out of curiosity,
222
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,794
how long were you
at your previous job?
223
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,663
- Uh, 25 years.
- Oh.
224
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,962
- You know, it's an interesting
story, actually.
225
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,834
My father started out
as a baker, so I--
226
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,103
- It is interesting.
- Oh, my God.
227
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:22,071
Are you kidding me?
Are you out of your mind?
228
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,612
Stupid bitch.
- Excuse me, sir?
229
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,709
- Yeah, what?
230
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,940
- I just couldn't
help but notice
231
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,805
you're getting
a little frustrated over here.
232
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,713
- Oh, a little? How about
I'm this close to quitting?
233
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:36,816
- Oh, well, we will be sorry
to lose you...
234
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,690
Isaac.
235
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,818
20 bucks on Isaac
the Ginger Giant.
236
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,824
- Man, this is intense.
237
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,026
I didn't even know we sold
dry erase boards this big.
238
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,088
- Bought it
at a different store.
239
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,096
Who's next?
- So we just pick one?
240
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,798
- It's a pari-mutuel
betting pool with live odds,
241
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,171
no rake, and I'm open
to exotic bets, okay?
242
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,870
You know, exactas, trifectas,
quadrellas, or "quaddies."
243
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,074
[chuckles]
- Or we could all just pick one.
244
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,966
- Oh, yes.
- Pick one, nice.
245
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,678
- Fine, so whoever's temp
quits first takes the pot?
246
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,981
Okay, cool. I mean, I--
247
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,612
I worked out all the odds,
I guess, for nothing.
248
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,617
But I had fun doing it,
so good times.
249
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,649
Who's next?
250
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,223
- Hey, Glenn.
Excuse me.
251
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,151
Um, do you have a sec
to talk?
252
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,616
- Oh, yeah, sure.
253
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,055
Now's a good time.
254
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,059
- Um, here?
255
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,962
- You're hurting my leg.
- Okay, look.
256
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,234
You're gonna have
to get used to that.
257
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,732
We get a lot
of little porkers up here.
258
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,026
Yeah, go on.
259
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,137
- [sighs] Well,
I was just wondering
260
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,799
if there was any way
that we could switch around
261
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:33,068
Adam's schedule just so that
we're not on the same shifts.
262
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,876
You know, just 'cause
I feel like it--
263
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,138
- Okay. Say no more.
264
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,246
I totally get it, okay?
265
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,848
I-I was actually surprised
you wanted him to work here,
266
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,881
seeing how things are
with your marriage.
267
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:43,946
- How things are
with my marriage?
268
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,194
- How things are with your...
- What does that mean?
269
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,889
- [stammering]
Not that things are bad.
270
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,621
You know, just that you've been
married a long time,
271
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,928
so maybe the spark is gone, or--
- What?
272
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,261
- No, no, I mean
maybe you hit a rough patch.
273
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,955
Okay, no, no, Glenn.
That's worse.
274
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,627
Okay, um, you know what?
Don't listen to me.
275
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,097
I don't know what I'm
talking about, you know.
276
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,974
But I do know
I got to get back to sitting.
277
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,938
- Um...okay.
278
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,214
Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
279
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,245
Well, you were absolutely
no help there.
280
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,824
[all talking at once]
- Amy's husband.
281
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:22,192
Who else?
- I got $20 on the old bitch.
282
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,792
- I got her listed
as "Old Lady,"
283
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,234
but I got you, Myrtle.
284
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,188
- Who else is left?
- Uh, let's see.
285
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,927
We have Unibrow, Unibrow 2,
286
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,733
Short Guy Tall Hair,
287
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:32,965
and Booklady.
288
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:33,970
- Oh, I'll take Booklady.
289
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,071
- No, I wanted her.
I hate her.
290
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,273
- I hate her too.
Splitsies.
291
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,865
- Yes.
- All right!
292
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:42,837
The joy of sport,
bringing people together.
293
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,906
Which temp will quit next?
294
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,280
[water spilling]
295
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:54,817
- * Don we now
our gay apparel *
296
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,215
- And that's it next to
a golf ball just for scale.
297
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,827
- Oh.
- That polyp is huge, right?
298
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,290
- Glenn said
the weirdest thing to me.
299
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,098
- Okay, I guess
it's Amy time now.
300
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,030
- She does that.
- Yeah.
301
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,104
- He was like,
"I'm surprised you wanted
302
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:09,303
"Adam to work here,
given 'how things are
303
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,236
in your marriage.'"
[laughs]
304
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:17,144
- Crazy.
- [laughs]
305
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,877
- Shh.
- I know.
306
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:19,952
It's crazy.
307
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,123
Right?
- [laughs]
308
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,891
- Shh.
- Ow.
309
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,190
I'm not uncomfortable.
310
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,161
I just keep thinking
of funny things.
311
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,091
Anyways, uh, I--
I'm gonna go.
312
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,227
[laughs]
313
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:38,032
- I'll come too.
- Sorry. [laughing]
314
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,925
- Oh, no. There's no one
to make an announcement.
315
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,774
Why are there
all these chairs?
316
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,136
Stupid temps.
317
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,784
- Look, the reason
they're all eager to get away
318
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,783
is because they all
agree with Glenn.
319
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,275
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
320
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,987
Good girl talk.
321
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:05,327
- Hey.
322
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,798
I was just opening up
some shampoo boxes,
323
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,828
and I think I extended
my box cutter too much.
324
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,533
So it's kind of a mess.
Who do I call to clean that up?
325
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,965
- You. You call you.
326
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,002
- Okay.
327
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:18,006
Well, sorry I don't know
how everything works here,
328
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,968
considering I just started,
and the--
329
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,237
I mean, I-I haven't even been
trained on the box cutter, so--
330
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,045
What was that for?
- Nothing.
331
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,120
Just felt like kissing you.
332
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:32,188
- Oh, I guess I should
start using this shampoo, huh?
333
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,949
[both laugh]
334
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,857
- [laughs loudly]
335
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,030
That's--you're so funny.
- [laughs]
336
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,229
[with robotic voice]
I am from the future.
337
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,960
- [laughs loudly]
338
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,525
- I am Shampoo Man.
I'm coming to get you.
339
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,795
I...
- Okay.
340
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,174
I don't get it,
but it's great.
341
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,901
- It's a shampoo--
he's a Shampoo Man.
342
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,168
- Love you.
343
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,065
- Shampoo Man!
344
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,551
- Oh, well, that looks
like absolute crap.
345
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,823
- Hey. Hey.
- Yeah?
346
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,593
- How's it going?
- Not good.
347
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,990
- Listen, so, um,
348
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,492
I'm not supposed
to tell you this,
349
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,163
but it's actually after 3:00,
350
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,832
so if you quit now, they got
to pay you for a full day.
351
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:16,733
- Okay.
- Huh?
352
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,303
- Yeah, thanks, but, uh,
I need to stop
353
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,571
quitting everything
just because it's hard.
354
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,400
- Right, right, right.
355
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,074
But you--you said
you were gonna quit,
356
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,113
so now--now is the time.
357
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,538
- Whatever.
- No, no, no, no!
358
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,313
Not whatever.
Not whatever!
359
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,981
No, you--you made a promise,
360
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:33,010
and, uh, I personally
would rather
361
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,946
be a quitter
than a liar, so...
362
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,283
Maybe I'm just crazy.
363
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,987
- [chuckles] Maybe.
364
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,293
- Hey.
365
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,434
- [with British accent]
My name's Jonah.
366
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,958
I couldn't possibly wager
on people quitting their jobs.
367
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,626
- Well, you started it, so--
368
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,233
- [with normal voice]
No, what I started
369
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,965
was a simple wager
where no one got hurt.
370
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,971
You were trying
to make him quit,
371
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,873
which is so much more awesome.
372
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,565
I wish I would have
thought of it sooner.
373
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,636
I wasted a lot of good years.
374
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,544
- So the bet's still on?
375
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,276
- It's on like Kublai Khan.
376
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,552
- You have to be ready
for anything
377
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:12,190
because the questions are gonna
be coming fast and furious.
378
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,649
Like, "How can you
deliver presents
379
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,587
to billions of children
in one night?"
380
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,663
Santa One.
- Elves.
381
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,331
- Elves? No.
Elves make the presents.
382
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,201
By Christmas, their job's done.
- Whoo! Whoo!
383
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,271
Hi, Glenn! He's a horse!
384
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,169
- I'm a horse!
- Go! Go!
385
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:35,084
- Okay, uh, let's talk about
dealing with the Jewish kids.
386
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,578
- Hey, man, what you into?
387
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,009
What do you love?
What do you hate?
388
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,145
Let's do hate first.
389
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,579
- Uh, I hate war.
390
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:45,224
- Ooh, well, that's
a bold stance.
391
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,192
How about more like--
how about this place?
392
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,090
What's the worst part
about working here?
393
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,092
- I guess not seeing
my son all day.
394
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,325
- That'll work.
395
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,330
[RUN-DMC's
"Christmas in Hollis"]
396
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,933
*
397
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,165
- Mm, hey, white girl.
398
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,339
You looking real good today.
399
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,639
[blubbers]
400
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,211
- I want this whole floor
sparkling.
401
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,009
- The floor?
You mean the ground?
402
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,011
- Heck yeah, I do.
403
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,582
Or if you don't like it,
404
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,610
you're also welcome to quit.
405
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:18,385
*
406
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,718
You're actually doing it.
407
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,664
Wow.
408
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,230
- I just got
sexually harassed.
409
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,158
- Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry.
410
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:31,255
I really hope you're okay.
411
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:35,038
Because you feel great.
- Okay.
412
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,368
*
413
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,114
[shoes squeaking]
414
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,341
- Come in, come in, quick.
415
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,075
- Oh, oh, I remember this place.
416
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,252
Yeah, remember we used to--
417
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,275
Whoa, whoa.
418
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,646
What's making you so hot
and heavy all of a sudden?
419
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,524
- It's not all of a sudden.
420
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,652
You just look really cute
in this vest.
421
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,988
Ow. Ow!
- What?
422
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,357
What's wrong? What's wrong?
- What--something's--
423
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,204
It's stabbing me in the back.
- Okay.
424
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,230
Oh, I think I found it.
425
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,734
- You know what?
That's my hand. Let me do it.
426
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:06,525
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
427
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,096
- Hey, I thought
you guys didn't have
428
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,665
a large-format printer.
429
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,742
- Yeah, I guess we have
a large-format printer.
430
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,011
Found it.
- All right.
431
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,170
- Metal thing.
- 'Cause when I need
432
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,077
to print out banners
for my travel agency,
433
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,709
you said you didn't
have one, so...
434
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,714
- Who cares?
- I care.
435
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,706
We didn't have banners,
and my business failed.
436
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,148
- No, Adam,
your business failed
437
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,123
because nobody uses
travel agencies anymore
438
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,092
due to a little thing
called the Internet.
439
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,060
- Oh, here we go with
the Internet again, huh?
440
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,059
- Yeah, because it exists.
441
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,460
Look, do you want to fight
about this printer,
442
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,461
or do you want to have sex?
443
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,792
- I mean, I want--yeah, sex.
444
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,426
- Okay, so shut up.
- Okay, yeah.
445
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,669
- This next song is very
near and dear to my heart
446
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,272
because it reminds me
of my father.
447
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,335
- * My child arrived
just the other day *
448
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,205
* He came to the world
in the usual way *
449
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,053
- You should be ashamed
of yourself.
450
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:55,249
- You started it.
I'm just finishing it.
451
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,822
- Oh, I don't know about that.
452
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,819
All it's gonna take
is for this tower to fall over
453
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,452
and my guy's walking
out the door.
454
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,718
- Looks pretty steady to me.
455
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,155
- No, no, that thing
is way too narrow.
456
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,232
Come on, baby.
457
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,260
Come on, baby,
come on, come on.
458
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,226
Give it to Daddy.
Give it to Daddy.
459
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:14,534
Give Daddy what he wants!
Give it to Daddy!
460
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,837
Give Daddy that sugar.
461
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,438
- * "When you coming home,
Dad?" *
462
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,210
- Yeah! Yes!
463
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,540
- Oh, [bleep] you,
you [bleep] [bleep]hole.
464
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,547
- Come on, baby.
465
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,408
- I quit, all right?
466
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,247
- Yes! Yes.
- I quit.
467
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,852
- Come on, baby, yeah!
468
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,193
Told you, I get carried away
when I gamble.
469
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,490
You should have seen me
last time.
470
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,291
- What happened last time?
471
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,733
- It was nothing, just a little
online poker thing in college.
472
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,528
I had to sell
my brother's Camry.
473
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,530
It's not a big deal.
- Wait, what?
474
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,232
[can clattering]
475
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,370
[whistle shrills]
- Keep smiling.
476
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:54,242
- [whistling]
477
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,484
- Is that opera?
478
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,449
- No.
- No?
479
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:01,148
- You all right, Glenn?
- Mm? Oh.
480
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,481
One of the temporary
workers quit.
481
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,316
- Oh, oh, that's a shame.
- Mm.
482
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,693
- But, you know, it happens
all the time, right?
483
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,191
These guys quit early.
- Yeah, I know. It's--
484
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,694
I'm just disappointed
485
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:18,195
'cause I hired them from my
church's Last Chances program.
486
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,401
But I guess, you know--
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
487
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,903
Last Chances?
- Yeah, yeah.
488
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,444
You know, they're sort of
former drug addicts
489
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,711
or kids with criminal records
490
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:30,379
who can't find work
anywhere else.
491
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,680
So--
[whistle blows]
492
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,651
Come on, Santa Three.
Jesus gave you knees.
493
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,421
Pick them up.
494
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,589
- These poor souls
are just looking for a break
495
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,318
and you turned this
into Thunderdome.
496
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,623
- Yeah, I feel terrible.
497
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,194
I didn't realize
they were Last Chances.
498
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,934
- I did. I thought that was why
we were betting on them.
499
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,359
- Whoo! Is it hot
in here today?
500
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,657
Do I look flushed to you?
501
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,168
- What do you mean by flushed?
Do you mean tired?
502
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,301
Because you always look tired.
503
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,735
- Oh, my back hurts.
504
00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:01,469
That table in the photo lab
is really uncomfortable.
505
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,938
- The photo lab?
506
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,375
- Oops.
507
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,651
Busted!
508
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,377
No, me and Adam--
509
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,447
[imitates springs squeaking]
510
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,522
- Oh.
511
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,456
- Se--sex.
512
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,290
- Yeah, no, we got it.
- Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
513
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,386
- For sure.
- Yeah, yeah.
514
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,687
- Yeah, no, loud and clear.
515
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,401
- After careful consideration,
516
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,243
I've decided to go with
the applicant I pretty much
517
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:31,339
knew I was gonna go with
from the beginning.
518
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,241
Uh, Santa number one.
Congratulations.
519
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,944
- Ho, ho, ho.
[laughs]
520
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,405
Thank you so much.
- Well--
521
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,714
- Oh, uh, what did you
say this pays?
522
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,747
- Pays?
- Yeah, how much is the pay?
523
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,722
- Well, no--no,
you get to be Santa.
524
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,952
- I get to be.
525
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:47,946
- Yeah, it--it pays
526
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,717
in a thousand smiles.
527
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,556
It pays in the wonder
528
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,591
on a little kid's face.
529
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,397
What--
530
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,370
Well, I guess it's you.
531
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,742
Congratulations, Cody.
532
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,440
You're Santa Claus.
533
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,012
- I'm gonna be
the best [bleep] Santa.
534
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,710
- O-okay.
535
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,816
- [sighs]
536
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,990
Hey!
- Hey. Hi.
537
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,359
- Hey.
- Hi.
538
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,719
- We have
a good marriage, right?
539
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,427
- Uh, yeah.
540
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,329
We just did it at work,
541
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,501
so yeah.
542
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,770
- Yeah.
I think so too.
543
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,609
- Hey! Isaac.
Hey, hey.
544
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,339
Oh, good, I was hoping
I was gonna catch you.
545
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,635
- Yeah, well I can't
go home till 7:00,
546
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,746
or my mom will know
I quit another job.
547
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,549
- I wanted to give you this.
548
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,621
- * Have yourself
549
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,021
* A merry little Christmas
550
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,762
- Really? I-I can't--
- No, please.
551
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,788
It--it belongs in your hands
552
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,034
way more than mine.
553
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,529
- Thank you.
554
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,561
- Merry Christmas.
555
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,526
- * From now on
556
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:06,695
- You too.
557
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,303
- * Our troubles
will be out of sight *
558
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,496
- Hey, it's me.
559
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:14,567
How much crystal
can I buy for $200?
560
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,337
Great, I'll see you in an hour,
Uncle Kevin.
561
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,307
- * Have yourself
562
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,746
- Gonna get so [bleep] high.
563
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,720
- * A merry little Christmas
40453
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