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1
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,800
Gomorr... Gomorrah'd.
2
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,400
She got Gomorrah'd.
3
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,680
Fucking thing.
4
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,880
Mm... Oh, I needed that.
5
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,880
- Who is it today?
- Arachne.
6
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,280
Looks like you're getting on OK.
7
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,400
Yeah, not too bad.
I'm just...
8
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,960
I hate having to do the
crossword on a bloody A4.
9
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,080
It's always wet or bumpy.
10
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,280
Why have you printed it out?
11
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,880
Why aren't you doing it
in the newspaper?
12
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,280
You've got our newspaper.
13
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,240
- Are you serious?
- You know you have.
14
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,520
It's not our newspaper, is it?
It's just a newspaper.
15
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,320
Why don't you buy another one?
16
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,400
You know that they cost
two quid now, don't you?
17
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,040
That'd be four quid a day.
18
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,080
Except it's not four quid a day
because we're separate people.
19
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,040
We don't live together.
Might as well add up
20
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,080
all the money your friends
spend on the Guardian
21
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,480
- and say it's 50 quid a day.
- More like six.
22
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,840
Oh, for God's sakes.
You've got hundreds of friends.
23
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,880
Lots of friends.
24
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,400
Now, look, how about this?
25
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,200
If you move back in,
don't buy a second paper.
26
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,760
Oh, my God,
how is this about our marriage?
27
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,640
How come every conversation
ends up at our marriage?
28
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,880
I thought that a stupid printout
of a crossword was safe ground.
29
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,920
- You've never heard of subtext?
- Yes,
30
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,520
but I think you're reading
too much into it,
31
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,120
as my mother used to say when
I talked to her about Bob Dylan.
32
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,760
- Was she right or wrong?
- She was wrong. I'm right.
33
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,320
Sometimes a crossword
is just a crossword
34
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,640
and it's hard to do
when the paper gets wet.
35
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,640
This conversation could have
gone an entirely different way.
36
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,920
For instance?
37
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,440
You could have not mentioned
the wet paper.
38
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,640
I wouldn't have, had I known
39
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,480
that complaining
about the wet paper...
40
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,920
I know it's not
a frivolous complaint.
41
00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,800
If I had known that complaining
about the wet paper
42
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,800
was gonna turn into the opening
scene of a Bergman film.
43
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,480
Shall we just start this again?
44
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,440
- That's better.
- Now the fucking ink's blotchy.
45
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,560
Oh, Jesus Christ.
46
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,160
- Have I gone wrong already?
- Yes.
47
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:45,520
How?
48
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,120
I wanted you to ask me
what sort of day I've had.
49
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,080
How was I supposed
to know that?
50
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,040
What sort of day have you had?
51
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,200
- It's too late now.
- Oh.
52
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,080
Have you noticed how
we only seem to be able to talk
53
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,280
about the last few seconds?
54
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,280
That's not true. Is it?
55
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,840
Yes. We start talking and then
somebody says the wrong thing.
56
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,160
Then we spend
the rest of the time
57
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,680
talking about the wrong thing
somebody said.
58
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,480
Happens in here,
it happens in counseling.
59
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,880
We always come out in exactly
the same place we went in.
60
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,360
Or a little further back,
usually.
61
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,600
- Well, how do we stop that?
- I don't know.
62
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,080
What happened last week?
63
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,840
I can't remember.
I remember...
64
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,360
we were having a conversation
about our future spouses,
65
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,160
which we both rather enjoyed.
66
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,160
Then what? Oh, she asked us
how the week had been.
67
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,560
Yeah, she always does that.
68
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,120
Yes, and then...
69
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:34,640
Did we have the argument
70
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,280
about the cost
of the cat's anti-depressants?
71
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,640
Or was that the week before?
72
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,360
Oh, my God,
it was Call the Midwife.
73
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,880
Oh, yes.
74
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,760
- That didn't get us very far.
- I thought it was useful.
75
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:45,960
In what way?
76
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,800
Well, she interrupted you
a couple of times
77
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,720
to let me finish.
You never let me finish.
78
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,960
So it taught me the value
of counseling in safe spaces.
79
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,080
I only interrupt when you talk
about Call the Midwife
80
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,000
because there's no end
to your loathing.
81
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,360
You know, I quite enjoy it.
I find it rather relaxing.
82
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,440
- Well, you shouldn't.
- I shouldn't?
83
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,880
Why can't you find the films
of Preston Sturges relaxing?
84
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,560
- Can I make a confession?
- Within reason.
85
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,840
I don't really like
black and white movies.
86
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,320
I mean, I can see
that they're good, some of them.
87
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,200
But I just...
There's something about them
88
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,400
that feels a bit like
eating your greens.
89
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,840
- The Palm Beach Story?
- Yes.
90
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,440
- Maltese Falcon?
- Yes.
91
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,840
- Jules et Jim?
- Yes.
92
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,560
I feel... I'm worried.
I'm worried here
93
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,960
that you're gonna name every
black and white film ever made
94
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,640
and I'm gonna say yes
to all of them.
95
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,520
Oh, my God, I just...
I had no idea.
96
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,360
I'm just not a critic.
You know? I like what I like.
97
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,120
You like what you like?
98
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,760
Oh, man.
99
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,520
I just never thought
I'd end up with someone
100
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,880
who would say that
and mean it.
101
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,520
I mean, what does that make me?
102
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,920
I don't know. Maybe
you're reading too much into it.
103
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,440
But this is the trouble.
Marriage is like a computer.
104
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,520
You open it up
to see what's inside
105
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,520
and then you're left
with a million little bits.
106
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,760
Yeah, but how about this?
We shove the big parts back in,
107
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:07,960
chuck all the small ones away,
108
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,240
close it up
and get on with things.
109
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,560
- But it won't work.
- It won't work
110
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,000
but it will look
like a computer.
111
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,640
You're after marriage
that looks like a marriage
112
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:14,840
but won't function?
113
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,280
It might be better
than the one I've got.
114
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,680
At the moment I have a husband
who won't sleep with me
115
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,160
and lives somewhere else.
116
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,720
I might as well tell everyone
I'm married to Brad Pitt.
117
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,160
OK, well, good luck getting him
118
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,720
to watch
Call the bloody Midwife.
119
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,200
He doesn't have to watch it.
120
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,360
He just has to not bang on
about how much he hates it.
121
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,880
We're drifting off the subject.
122
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,960
Shall we do a couple of
crossword clues before we go in
123
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,240
as a kind of
morale-boosting exercise?
124
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,240
Oh, God, that's wet.
That's a bit annoying.
125
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,640
Um... "Game of cricket
put strain on marriage".
126
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,680
- Test match.
- That's a pretty easy one.
127
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,560
I usually leave those
till the end.
128
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,560
Remember we're team-building,
not point-scoring.
129
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:58,120
"Party touring Russian capital
to shared bed."
130
00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,840
Are you just picking out
the clues about marriage?
131
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,600
No. Shared bed
doesn't mean marriage.
132
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:06,200
- As we now know.
- OK, let's do another one.
133
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,640
Right, 12 across.
We need that one.
134
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,560
"Rogue caught mate
dividing loot."
135
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:13,600
Ignore the word "mate".
136
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,560
Oh, no, I can't.
It's a crossword.
137
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,200
Begins with S, ends with G.
138
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,840
OK, well, loot is swag.
139
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:26,440
- So...
- Scallywag.
140
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,640
Scallywag.
141
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,640
Ally...in the swag.
142
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,160
Oh, all right. Good.
Morale boosted, team rebuilt.
143
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,720
Shall we actually make a plan
for this evening's session?
144
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,320
Let's not go in there
and start arguing
145
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,160
about something
completely bloody irrelevant.
146
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,200
Let's go in with an agenda.
147
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,480
What are the big pieces
148
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,960
that we want to shove back
into the computer?
149
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,760
I don't even know
if computers have big pieces.
150
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,240
Well, they must.
They must.
151
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,720
I mean, there's batteries
and valves and, um...
152
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,440
Not microchips.
They're small.
153
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,840
You know, I could take apart
that dead computer at the house.
154
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,120
I could bring it home after
I've had dinner with the boys.
155
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,040
Would that be
a good use of your time?
156
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,320
I mean, as good
as anything else.
157
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,840
I hate you not having
anything to do.
158
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,800
Oh, thank you.
So do I.
159
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,920
I suppose I meant it
sympathetically, but also I...
160
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,840
I just...
161
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,040
I find it embarrassing.
162
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,040
- Oh.
- Sorry.
163
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,720
You haven't started
that biography yet?
164
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,040
I'm still researching.
165
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,400
I may need to go to Cabo Verde.
166
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,440
Where your guy came from?
What was his name again?
167
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,000
Horace Silver.
168
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,920
Really? I thought you decided
on someone else in the end.
169
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,920
- Turned out to not be the end.
- Right.
170
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,560
So, Horace came
from Cabo Verde?
171
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,360
No, his Dad.
172
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,040
You're going to Cabo Verde
because his Dad was born there?
173
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,640
How many copies
is this book going to sell?
174
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,720
Not nearly enough
to cover the cost of the flight.
175
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,360
- So...
- Yes, expensive,
176
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,080
and, you know, pointless.
177
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,120
I probably won't go.
178
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,720
Probably won't even
write the book.
179
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,360
I don't know
why I say any of this shit.
180
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,160
To give yourself hope.
That's understandable.
181
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,040
Yeah, but I don't think
there is much hope.
182
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,400
I mean...
183
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,000
...the world has changed.
184
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,280
Nobody wants a music writer.
185
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,480
There's no paid work.
Time has moved on.
186
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,360
I'm like a... I'm like
a coal miner or a blacksmith.
187
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,800
What's it like being married
to an unemployed blacksmith?
188
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,600
Look, you couldn't see
the internet coming
189
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,640
just like blacksmiths
couldn't see cars coming.
190
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,120
They should have seen
cars coming. I mean...
191
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,440
It was only a matter of time.
192
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,120
You're saying you're smarter
than a blacksmith?
193
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,360
Not as such.
I'm just saying
194
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,240
if my father
had been a blacksmith
195
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,480
and then he had given me
the keys to his shop,
196
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,600
I would have been like,
"Hold on. Hold on, Dad.
197
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,320
"This is in...
This is in the past, isn't it?"
198
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,000
Right, so now if you prove to me
199
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,840
that you are smarter
than a blacksmith,
200
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,440
how far down the road towards
marital harmony will it get us?
201
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,880
I was just defending myself.
202
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,080
You were attacking blacksmiths
for their bad choices.
203
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,480
I need to take pleasure
where I can get it.
204
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,600
Attacking blacksmiths
is pretty much where I'm at.
205
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,840
Are you thinking
we should give Kenyon up?
206
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,400
Yes.
207
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,160
A thousand times...
Yes, every week.
208
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,000
- Why, are you?
- I don't know.
209
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,520
We're going backwards,
like you said.
210
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,480
Oh!
211
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,320
Well, he's not getting
any quicker.
212
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,960
Well, she is a counselor,
not a personal trainer.
213
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,520
How are you getting on?
214
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,040
- What?
- With Kenyon?
215
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,600
We couldn't help but notice you
knocking on the door last week.
216
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,840
Er, I mean, I believe
it's a private matter, isn't it?
217
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,760
- We've watched you coming out.
- No.
218
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,840
Speak for yourself.
I'm sorry about her.
219
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,200
I'm not interested in other
people's personal business.
220
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,880
We think
she's very good.
221
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,400
We've been seeing her
on and off for years.
222
00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:00,040
You know, different problems,
different stages of life.
223
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,640
At the beginning you have
to get through all the hurt
224
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,160
and all the petty niggles.
225
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:11,400
It takes time, but you're young
and you've got lots of it.
226
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,440
Anyway...
227
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,040
Good luck.
228
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,800
That was rather sweet,
didn't you think? Like a film.
229
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,320
An elderly woman gives
a younger couple good advice
230
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,960
- and saves their marriage.
- Yeah.
231
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,880
It was like a color film
if ever I saw one.
232
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,320
Did you hear what she said?
Years of hurt and niggle?
233
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,720
Well, maybe
we can do it quicker.
234
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,240
Not at the rate we're going.
235
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,240
Not with Call the Midwife
and soggy-crossword-gate.
236
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,760
We'll be going here
for 50 years.
237
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,280
All right,
so let's get down to it.
238
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,880
What does that mean?
239
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,880
Give it to each other straight.
240
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,080
- No more subtext?
- No, no more subtext.
241
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,000
Oh, OK. Bring it on.
18752
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