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1
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:16,247
- I hate Black Friday.
2
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,120
- Here we go.
3
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:28,655
This is the Super Bowl
of retail.
4
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,697
There's a buzz in the air,
5
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:34,298
a charge that probably
doesn't read on camera.
6
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:38,201
Uh, but over here we have
the pre-opening potluck.
7
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,805
Every employee brings a dish,
8
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,776
much in the spirit of sharing.
9
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,777
Isn't that a delightful
tradition, Amy?
10
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,279
- Yeah, I love waking up
at 3:00 a.m.
11
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,810
to eat Sandra's cold
spinach casserole.
12
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:51,276
- It's meant to be served cold.
- Sorry.
13
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,645
- Okay, Garrett,
14
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:55,388
any advice
for my first Black Friday?
15
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,789
- Get that camera out my face.
16
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,791
- All right,
not a morning person.
17
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,260
Cheyenne, how about you?
18
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,361
How're you feeling?
19
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,297
I think I hit something
with my car,
20
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,198
but I was too tired to check.
21
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,667
- Well, that's alarming.
22
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,398
- Okay, attention, everyone.
23
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,672
Black Friday is the most
important day of the year.
24
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,173
And the key to getting
through it
25
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,705
is to stay calm.
26
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,209
No matter what happens,
27
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,146
I am gonna stay Obama cool.
28
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,347
Okay, Chris, we all know how you
feel about Obama.
29
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,780
You can stay
George W. Bush cool.
30
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:29,146
Remember how calm he was
on 9/11?
31
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,256
Well, not that this is
gonna be 9/11.
32
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,726
This is gonna be better
than 9/11.
33
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,687
No, why do I keep saying 9/11?
34
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,656
- What's 9/11?
35
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:38,795
- You didn't hear?
36
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,399
- All right, everybody,
focus up.
37
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,168
Today, you need to prepare
for the worst.
38
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,799
If you find yourself in a jam,
remember the word ACT:
39
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,405
Assess, Communicate,
Take Action.
40
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,438
Assess: assess the situation.
41
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,811
Communicate: communicate.
42
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,380
Take Action: take action.
43
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,681
I don't really need
to explain it.
44
00:01:55,683 --> 00:02:00,687
All right, I want a minimum
of five employees in each zone,
45
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,818
obviously in rolling,
two-person pigeon teams.
46
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,824
All RMDs need to have
the right CPOs.
47
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,786
We'll assimilate any dead stock
for TKTs at the end of the day.
48
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,656
- Jonah, can you please be
in charge of tracking the UPTs
49
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,896
and logging them in the T7?
50
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,731
- Yes, I certainly can.
51
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,396
- I just made that up.
You're on spills and trash.
52
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,204
- Cool.
- Okay, break.
53
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,748
- You can do this.
You can do this.
54
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,278
- Black Friday? What?
55
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,716
Not afraid of you.
56
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,864
- Please, everybody keep back
and in line.
57
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,496
It's a fire hazard.
58
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,801
- Also, if anyone finds a green
hair thingy, it's mine.
59
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,772
I dropped it on the way in.
60
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,742
Green hair thingy.
- Super cute.
61
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,843
One of those 60-inch
flat-screens for me?
62
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,776
- Um, do you see this?
63
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,681
It's called a line.
64
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,282
So no, I can't.
65
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,817
- I'll give you 40 bucks.
66
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,286
- It wouldn't be fair.
67
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,217
- Each.
68
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,322
- Oh...
69
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:14,260
- Hey, Tate, how's it going?
70
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,828
- It's going fantastic.
- Great.
71
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:19,459
On Black Friday, so I got
all the time I want
72
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,826
to work on my screenplay.
73
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,468
- Oh.
- It's about a pharmacist,
74
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,469
obviously, who invents a pill
75
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,839
that allows you to use
all of your brain.
76
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,970
- Oh, like "Limitless."
77
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:31,805
Why do people keep saying
it's like "Limitless"?
78
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,881
It's inspired by "Limitless."
79
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,782
- Okay, uh, quick question.
80
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:39,252
Um, I'm trying to stay
relaxed today,
81
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,421
so Jerusha gave me these pills
82
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,422
that she got after
her train accident.
83
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:46,726
I just want to make sure
I won't get hooked.
84
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,957
- Alprazolam,
85
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,797
Good, good times.
86
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,828
Yeah, it's a low dose.
You should be okay.
87
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,267
- Oh, okay.
88
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,298
- Have you had anything
to drink today?
89
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:57,237
- Uh, just three mugs of juice.
90
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,238
- I think you'll be fine.
91
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,609
- Okay.
92
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,843
No, I lied.
It was seven mugs.
93
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,912
I just didn't want you
to judge me.
94
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,953
- That's too much juice, Glenn.
95
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:16,322
- Why pretend when you could
really just not be here?
96
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:19,423
- You know, everybody here
is so jaded.
97
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,286
This is exciting!
This is fun.
98
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,825
This is, like, the closest
our country has
99
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,760
to the running with the bulls
in Pamplona.
100
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,795
- Ugh.
- Okay, I'll shut up, sorry.
101
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,470
- Wow, I just got really
nauseous all of a sudden.
102
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,771
- Nauseated.
103
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,972
I'm so sorry.
That's, like, a reflex a mine.
104
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,307
I'm working on it.
105
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,808
- It's weird.
I never get sick.
106
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:36,979
It's like when...
107
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,512
Finish this.
108
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,675
- Okay.
109
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,919
Mm-hmm...
110
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,720
mm-hmm.
111
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,456
- No, I don't know for sure.
112
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,057
I'm just saying that I might be.
113
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:56,429
Yes, we did, in the photo lab
at work, remember?
114
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,830
Who cares who
initiated it, Adam?
115
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,932
- Wow.
116
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,934
- All right, everybody,
get ready.
117
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,766
Store is set to open
in exactly one minute.
118
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,907
60, 59...
119
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,838
- You don't have to say
all the numbers.
120
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,312
- 60, 61...
121
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,313
yeah, that's right.
122
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,314
I'm going up now.
123
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,405
- Okay, uh, one last thought
124
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,416
before we open
125
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,977
that if you apply...
126
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,321
Whoa, whoa.
127
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,526
- Yes, you can get pregnant
from that angle.
128
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,961
You can get pregnant
from any angle.
129
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,098
What?
130
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,869
No, I can't...
I can't hear you.
131
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:38,971
- If I could just get
everybody describing
132
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,707
what Black Friday means to them,
133
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:41,808
that would be gr...
134
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,709
Hey, that's a new camera.
135
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,446
- Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers.
136
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,807
Apparently Black Friday
has begun.
137
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,776
From all of us here at Cloud 9,
138
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,754
have a great Purge.
139
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,530
- Okay, well, we're, uh,
only five minutes in,
140
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,767
and already the, uh,
beer tower display
141
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,568
got knocked over onto Miles,
142
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:13,439
so he's gone, and aisle 12 is
covered with blood and glass.
143
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,940
But, uh, it's all...
It's all good, boo.
144
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,543
I'm keeping it 100.
145
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,011
- That's not what that means.
- No?
146
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,412
- Um, Glenn, I'm feeling
a little bit sick.
147
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,615
- No, Amy, do not fall
apart on me, okay?
148
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,447
You just need to stay calm.
149
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:27,422
- I need to go.
- What?
150
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:34,555
- Attention, shoppers.
151
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,661
Cloud 9 brand tablets
are half off.
152
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,698
The Halo Fog has an HD display
153
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,729
and boasts a battery life
of about 45 minutes.
154
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,865
- Hey, I need you
to work the register
155
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,470
while Tim's in the bathroom.
156
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,507
- Look, I know that it's
really the hip thing
157
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,838
for you millennials
to not give a crap...
158
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,442
- That's not true,
and we're the same age,
159
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,735
but please, go on.
160
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,746
- It's all hands on deck,
161
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,747
so quit your Myspacing
162
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,808
and get on the register.
163
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,516
That's an order.
164
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,948
- All right.
165
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,620
Let me just finish
this announcement.
166
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,821
- Fine, but the second
you're done,
167
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,522
I want you on register three.
168
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,858
- The second I'm done.
169
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,827
You can also view
thousands of movies
170
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,658
on the Halo Fog.
171
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,963
I will now list some
of the movies
172
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,532
that are probably on there.
173
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:16,469
"Mrs. Doubtfire,"
"Silence of the Lambs,"
174
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,570
that one where Nicolas Cage
switches faces
175
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,640
and says he's gonna
eat a peach for hours...
176
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,707
ooh, "Forrest Gump."
177
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:24,938
- Excuse me, do you have any
more of these espresso makers
178
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,035
in the back?
179
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,806
- I think so, yeah.
180
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,776
- Okay, could you get me one?
181
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,553
- It's all the way in the back.
182
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:36,589
- Yeah, a lot of people
need stuff right now.
183
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,220
How do we decide
who to help first?
184
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,685
Is it you?
Is it them?
185
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,593
You, them?
186
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,595
You?
187
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:47,966
Ew, no.
188
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,128
I want a bribe.
189
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,236
- Oh, God.
190
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,039
Hey, Tate.
- What?
191
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,941
- Um, do you have any extra
pregnancy tests back here?
192
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,744
- Of course.
Why do you need them?
193
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,606
Oh.
194
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,018
Mm-mm-mm!
195
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,488
Someone's a dirty bird.
196
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,219
Didn't think you had it in you.
197
00:08:10,224 --> 00:08:12,524
- Oh, no, I mean, I wouldn't
call myself a filmmaker,
198
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,526
like, capital F.
199
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:14,827
- Oh, is this for you?
200
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,258
- We'll see how it all cuts
together in the end.
201
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,498
- Extra dirty for
a naughty little girl.
202
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:21,129
- Okay, you pervert,
just give me the pregnancy test!
203
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,270
No, this wasn't...
- Oh, I-I was just...
204
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,101
- I had to keep...
- I didn't...
205
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,775
Sucks we lost the Rams, huh?
206
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,247
- Oh, I'm looking
for a little girl.
207
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,808
She has a big bow in her hair.
208
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,576
She's carrying
a Baby Fashion Girl.
209
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,284
- Okay, relax,
we're gonna find her.
210
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,016
The important thing to do,
though, is stay calm.
211
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,522
And see?
There she is, doing fine.
212
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:46,656
It's all good.
213
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,727
- Thank God.
214
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,558
Trevor, we got
a Baby Fashion Girl!
215
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,269
- And then Jenny dies
216
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:01,541
of what is implied to be AIDS.
217
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,977
And he puts Haley Joel Osment
on a bus,
218
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,908
Same bus driver
from the beginning.
219
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,275
- What are you still doing here?
220
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:10,616
You're supposed to be
on the register.
221
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:11,917
- You said I could
finish the announcement.
222
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,249
- Yeah, that was
ten minutes ago.
223
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,321
- It's a very long announcement.
224
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,557
Next up, "Apollo 13."
225
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,818
- I see what you're doing here.
226
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,325
- In this film,
Tom Hanks is a spaceman
227
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,858
whose life is saved
by a bunch of nerds.
228
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,797
- Were you just waiting for me?
229
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,571
- N-no, I didn't even
know you were...
230
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:32,972
I was just checking out
the fliers here.
231
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,041
Sal's looking for a roommate,
so that's, uh...
232
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,576
- It's negative.
233
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,237
I am not pregnant.
234
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,305
- Oh, I'm so sorry...
235
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:42,605
Or happy for you.
236
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,746
I don't... whatever applies
to your... you.
237
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,252
- Well, it's complicated,
238
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,322
'cause, you know, at first
I was really panicked,
239
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,290
and, I don't know, I started
having other feelings...
240
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,291
- Oh, God,
- And I'm just trying to...
241
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,728
Okay, dick, sorry
I'm boring you.
242
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,329
- No, no, it's not...
243
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,031
I... I just suddenly...
244
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,304
- Out of my way, Rodriguez.
245
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,665
- Oh.
246
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,016
- Okay, everyone,
here's the sitch:
247
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,377
it appears that everyone
in the store
248
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,886
got very ill from
food poisoning,
249
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,688
probably from our potluck.
250
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,758
Oh well, sacré bleu.
251
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,827
You know, stuff happens.
252
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,388
As you can see, though,
I am, uh...
253
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,296
I am staying very calm.
254
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,398
I took a pill.
255
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,099
I don't think it
did anything, though.
256
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,336
Oh, I like this store.
257
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,697
- I just wanna go home.
258
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:39,895
- I can't do this.
259
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,736
I'm one of those people
who hates being sick.
260
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,009
- Hot take, Mateo.
261
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,040
All right, we've lost
half our staff.
262
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,335
We are what's left.
263
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,646
Sandra, you're off of go-backs.
264
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,279
I need you to cross-check
Housewares.
265
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,283
You guys are on opposite
puking cycles, right?
266
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,016
So you can switch off.
267
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,822
And, um, Myrtle, I'm gonna
need you to start folding,
268
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,059
like, 1,000 times faster.
269
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,260
- You got it.
Full steam ahead!
270
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,308
- And then there's the one
where Tom Hanks
271
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,109
is in the airport
the whole time.
272
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,346
Honestly, I checked out
on that one.
273
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,747
Anybody see "Sully"?
274
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,049
I didn't.
275
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,381
Ugh, I don't feel so hot.
276
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,915
I got to take a break, y'all.
277
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,821
- If you're done with
the announcement,
278
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,024
register three could use a hand.
279
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,685
See?
I don't give up.
280
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,195
- Neither do I.
281
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,400
Don't forget about
"Polar Express."
282
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:42,831
Merry Christmas, kids.
283
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,136
It's a nightmare.
284
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,477
- Excuse me.
285
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,449
Amy, uh, I need your key
286
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:02,945
to the razor case.
287
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,456
- Yeah, okay,
just give me a sec.
288
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,788
I'm in... Bedding.
289
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,361
- Roger.
290
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,830
- Amy?
291
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,061
- Jonah?
292
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,896
- Hey.
293
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,301
- Yeah, the line in the ladies'
room was really long, so...
294
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:22,965
Please, uh, make your... self
at home.
295
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,439
- Thanks.
296
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,845
- Hey, uh, you know why they
call it Black Friday?
297
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,916
- We really don't have
to make conversation.
298
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,047
- Okay, okay, cool.
299
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,052
- We can just...
- Yep.
300
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,453
- Be quiet.
- Okay.
301
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,445
That's fine.
302
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,456
Total silence.
303
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,362
- And then the volleyball
floats away.
304
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,332
And weirdly,
you're sad about it.
305
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,933
At least I was.
306
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,434
- Oh.
307
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,896
I feel like my insides are
crawling through my skin.
308
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,295
Can I have a sip of that?
309
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,866
- Sure.
310
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,305
20 bucks.
311
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,309
- For a sip of Pepto?
312
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,040
I'll just go buy my own.
313
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:02,945
- You know, I think someone
already bought them all.
314
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,349
- Hm.
Well, well, well.
315
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,951
Who's all grown up?
316
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,452
- It's called war profiteering.
317
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,794
I learned about it
in Social Studies.
318
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,901
- I'm relieved, by the way,
about not being pregnant.
319
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,537
- Oh.
- You were asking earlier, so...
320
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:26,868
- Oh, oh, uh, good.
321
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:28,541
Yeah, no, I...
I don't blame you.
322
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,577
That's... one child is...
Is enough.
323
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,878
- I've always thought I wanted,
like, two or three.
324
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:39,549
- Yeah, I mean, I think
maybe I still do,
325
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:42,922
just not with...
326
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,823
with, you know, everything
327
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:47,255
that's going on
in the world, and...
328
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,094
- Yeah, it's, uh...
329
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,456
It's complicated times.
330
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,264
- So complicated.
331
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,368
- I-I don't mean to rush you,
332
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,599
but you see yourself
being done anytime soon?
333
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,366
- No, I'm waiting
for you to be done.
334
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,541
- Well, that's unfortunate,
335
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,410
because I was waiting
for you, so...
336
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:05,578
- God.
337
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,346
- "Da Vinci Code," too long.
338
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,377
"Bridge of Spies," too boring.
339
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,876
I can't do this anymore.
340
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,046
E-readers are half price.
341
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,922
Garrett out.
342
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,358
Stop it!
343
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:27,600
- This is the dark night
of our souls...
344
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,431
A portrait of hopelessness.
345
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,596
A...
346
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,440
Wow, we've lost Brett.
347
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,341
- Okay, guys,
I know we're bare bones,
348
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,610
but we can still make this work.
349
00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:41,146
If Sandra could triple-cover
Camping, Menswear,
350
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,077
and Softlines... Sandra,
you can do that, right?
351
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,483
- I guess if my knees
were normal,
352
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,484
but three different
doctors said...
353
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,046
- Oh, so we're all
back here, huh?
354
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,485
- We're just taking
a little break.
355
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:54,526
- It's fine.
- Are you not feeling sick?
356
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,087
- Oh, no, I feel terrible.
357
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,026
Worst I've ever felt.
358
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,531
Hey, if we're all back here,
359
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,332
who's watching the floor?
360
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,473
Hold on, man.
Wait. You got to stand in line.
361
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,337
- Form an orderly line.
362
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,146
Hey, one TV per family.
363
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,478
Listen, lady, I'm putting
your face in my memory palace.
364
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:20,352
Eyes too far apart,
stringy hair.
365
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,620
Ethnic nose.
366
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,989
This isn't over!
367
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,357
Oh, it's over.
368
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,627
- Oh, and then we just need
Herman to cover everything.
369
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,428
- Herman hasn't worked here
in six months.
370
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,497
- Fine, then, you know what?
371
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:32,928
I don't know how
to make this work.
372
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,366
- If it makes you
feel any better,
373
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,967
this is probably all your fault.
374
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,369
That stuffing you made
tasted like burnt hair.
375
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,671
- My stuffing is not
what made us sick.
376
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:44,476
If anything, it was probably
Dina's weird tofu turkey thing.
377
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:47,007
Eating the flesh off
of a bird's bones,
378
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,047
you savage.
379
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,348
- Why are you so weird?
380
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,149
- Why is everyone being
so mean to each other?
381
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,381
- Guys...
382
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,621
- Okay, Amy, now is not...
- Guys!
383
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,623
This is what Black Friday wants!
384
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,355
- That is a family recipe
385
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,027
with a secret ingredient.
386
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:05,358
- But this is not what
Black Friday is gonna get!
387
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,395
- Oh, cinnamon?
Boring.
388
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,968
- And we are gonna
overcome this,
389
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,499
because there is abso...
- Jonah?
390
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,172
Could you please shut the up?
391
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,173
And that goes for all of you.
392
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,075
I can't listen to your
393
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:21,977
for one more damn second.
394
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,987
Did something just happen?
395
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,688
I think I blacked out there.
396
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,727
- I have a terrible
headache, Mateo.
397
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,288
Can you please barf quieter?
398
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:38,196
- Ugh, could you be
a bitch quieter?
399
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,467
- Okay, I called Corporate
to ask for help,
400
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,998
and turns out they're
closed today
401
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,237
'cause it's a holiday.
402
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,306
- So what do we do?
403
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,407
- I say we bail.
404
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,708
- Okay.
405
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:53,309
- Yeah, even if everyone
in here felt great,
406
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,748
we still don't have enough
people to cover the floor.
407
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:59,718
- So we just abandon the store?
408
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,049
- Black Friday broke us.
409
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,188
- All right, I'm calling it.
410
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,489
Time of death, 11:13 p.m.
411
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,160
Just let it all burn.
412
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,188
- Wait, we're just gonna leave?
413
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,796
- It was your idea to bail.
414
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,728
- Yeah, I suggest that
every Friday.
415
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,733
Even you, Dina?
You said you'd never give up.
416
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,235
- I also said I'd never vomit
on a toddler's head.
417
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,038
Lot of firsts today.
418
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,337
- Hold up. Wait.
419
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,316
Yo, I don't like working here.
420
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,477
- Okay.
421
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,715
- But it's my job.
422
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,151
I do the bare minimum,
423
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,786
but I don't do less than that.
424
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:40,826
And I'm not about to let
a bunch of deal-hungry rubes
425
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,796
trash our store and make me
feel bad for Dina,
426
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:46,057
which I did not think
was possible.
427
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,196
So I'ma get out there,
and I'ma finish my shift.
428
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,801
And yeah, I'ma cut corners,
429
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,271
and I'ma phone it in,
430
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,172
but it'll never be said
that Garrett McNeill
431
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,505
did not do just enough
432
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,239
to not get fired.
433
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,856
Move it!
434
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,870
- Open.
435
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:41,520
- Aisle seven. 30 days.
Home and Garden.
436
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,788
Dairy factory-farmed.
437
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:43,889
We don't sell wigs anymore.
438
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:44,890
That's not your color.
439
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,731
- Heather, reconfigure the LPOs,
440
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:53,892
and then move 'em to the PRC.
441
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,269
Boom.
442
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,138
- Henry, get all the UPTs
443
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,469
out of the green zone.
444
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,840
If you run into a jam,
445
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,410
radio a 62V for a DPR, got it?
446
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,746
All right, break!
447
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,147
- Wow.
- Yeah.
448
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,149
- That was impressive.
449
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,480
- Didn't know I had it in me.
450
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,884
- I mean, none of it
meant anything,
451
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:15,516
but the confidence is inspiring.
452
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,757
- Have a heavenly day.
453
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:23,459
- Attention, shoppers,
the store is now closed.
454
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,297
Not, like, "Bring your items
to the front" closed.
455
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,758
I mean, like,
"Get the hell out."
456
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,896
Thank you.
457
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:32,202
Oh, also, if anyone happens to
find a little green hair thing,
458
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,795
it's mine.
459
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:37,776
- Thank you so much for shopping
at Cloud 9.
460
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:41,847
- Oh, sir, you accidentally
drove over my daughter's doll!
461
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,408
- Not accidentally.
462
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,360
- I hate Black Friday.
463
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,197
- I can't move.
464
00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,528
- Me neither.
465
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,332
- Hey, Myrtle.
466
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,868
Myrtle!
467
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,837
Could somebody poke Myrtle
and see if she's still alive?
468
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,368
- Does it really matter?
469
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,873
I guess not.
470
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:13,206
Oof. TGIF, right, guys?
471
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,347
- Hey, where's Amy?
472
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,218
- Hi, it's me.
473
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,279
Sorry I haven't called all day.
474
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,886
It's been a frickin' zoo here.
475
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,888
Um, I took the test,
and don't worry.
476
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,859
I'm not happy.
477
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,759
I mean... pregnant.
478
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,701
I'm not pregnant.
479
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,536
Or... maybe I'm not happy.
480
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,837
I... I don't know.
481
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,938
Um...
482
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,570
Adam, we should talk.
483
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:52,849
- Look who works
register after all.
484
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:53,882
- Dina, I can't.
485
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:54,886
Whatever issue you have with me
486
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,887
can wait till tomorrow, so...
487
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,797
- Kind of wish I hadn't spent
the whole day puking.
488
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,370
- Yeah, me too.
489
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,771
Find every breath mint
left in the store,
490
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,572
and meet me in the photo lab.
491
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,277
Ten minutes,
or I start without you.
34069
