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1
00:00:01,073 --> 00:00:03,522
Okay, uh, Jay,
I'm putting you in Grocery.
2
00:00:03,522 --> 00:00:05,576
Sandra, we haven't even started
the Cosmetics reset,
3
00:00:05,578 --> 00:00:06,577
so can you get on that?
4
00:00:06,579 --> 00:00:08,012
- Got it.
- Okay, Carol...
5
00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:09,614
I'm moving you off the register,
6
00:00:09,616 --> 00:00:11,082
and, Cheyenne, I need you in Jewelry.
7
00:00:11,084 --> 00:00:13,554
What? Then no one's
covering Housewares.
8
00:00:13,554 --> 00:00:15,253
I mean, if somebody finds a way
9
00:00:15,255 --> 00:00:17,321
to shoplift a couch,
then they deserve it.
10
00:00:17,323 --> 00:00:20,168
I get that that's a joke,
but in all seriousness, guys,
11
00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:21,927
if you do see someone taking a couch,
12
00:00:21,928 --> 00:00:23,528
walkie oh-three-five.
13
00:00:23,530 --> 00:00:25,363
See something, say something.
14
00:00:25,365 --> 00:00:28,893
And, also, corporate is
asking us to cut hours again.
15
00:00:30,294 --> 00:00:32,703
Yes, I know. I agree. It sucks.
16
00:00:32,705 --> 00:00:35,122
We can barely keep up with
everything there is to do now.
17
00:00:35,123 --> 00:00:35,981
Yeah, it already looks
18
00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:38,609
like the day after
the Fyre Festival in here.
19
00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,344
I said the exact same thing yesterday.
20
00:00:40,346 --> 00:00:42,446
Oh, did you really? 'Cause I
wasn't in Grocery at the time,
21
00:00:42,448 --> 00:00:43,548
so I couldn't have heard you.
22
00:00:43,550 --> 00:00:44,703
Yeah, this place is a mess.
23
00:00:44,703 --> 00:00:46,450
Did you guys see this picture
somebody tweeted?
24
00:00:46,452 --> 00:00:48,352
It's just a bunch of beef
in a shopping cart.
25
00:00:48,354 --> 00:00:49,954
- What?
- "Less Meat, More Filling."
26
00:00:49,956 --> 00:00:51,956
- What does that even mean?
- It's a pun.
27
00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,991
Remember that commercial...
"Tastes Great, Less Filling"?
28
00:00:53,993 --> 00:00:56,534
- In what world is that a pun?
- I get it.
29
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,345
That picture could be from any Cloud 9.
30
00:00:58,346 --> 00:01:00,202
No, I think it was ours.
31
00:01:03,412 --> 00:01:04,997
Can somebody please take care of that?
32
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:07,343
Dibs! Yes.
33
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:15,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
34
00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:23,521
What do we think happened here?
35
00:01:23,523 --> 00:01:24,302
Overdose?
36
00:01:24,303 --> 00:01:25,803
Ah, Bob didn't even drink.
37
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:28,092
His wife's been flirting
with that tennis pro
38
00:01:28,094 --> 00:01:30,345
over in Fitness with the
big arms and no head.
39
00:01:30,345 --> 00:01:31,395
I'd start there.
40
00:01:31,397 --> 00:01:33,497
I swear, it's like every time
we solve one problem,
41
00:01:33,499 --> 00:01:34,409
another one pops up.
42
00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,167
I feel like I'm playing Whac-A-Mole.
43
00:01:36,169 --> 00:01:38,035
That can't still be a game, can it?
44
00:01:38,037 --> 00:01:40,671
With the hitting animals? Never mind.
45
00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:42,840
We're just too understaffed.
46
00:01:42,842 --> 00:01:44,875
Yeah. No, I-I know.
I keep telling corporate,
47
00:01:44,877 --> 00:01:46,344
but they just don't believe me.
48
00:01:46,346 --> 00:01:48,179
Yeah, because every
time they cut hours,
49
00:01:48,181 --> 00:01:50,214
we push ourselves even
harder to make it work,
50
00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:52,516
which they think just proves
we never needed the hours
51
00:01:52,518 --> 00:01:54,585
to begin with, and so they just
keep cutting and cutting
52
00:01:54,587 --> 00:01:56,621
until something like this happens.
53
00:01:57,259 --> 00:01:58,356
Poor guy.
54
00:01:58,945 --> 00:02:01,292
- He had kids.
- He had kids?
55
00:02:01,294 --> 00:02:03,127
Yeah. They've been playing soccer
56
00:02:03,129 --> 00:02:05,563
over in Toys and Games
for the last three months.
57
00:02:05,565 --> 00:02:07,098
I don't know what I'm gonna do
58
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,213
if they keep cutting
back our hours. I got bills!
59
00:02:09,214 --> 00:02:11,435
I saw this methadone study
that pays pretty well,
60
00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:13,971
but they said I'd have to
get addicted to heroin first.
61
00:02:13,973 --> 00:02:15,239
So that's another expense.
62
00:02:15,241 --> 00:02:16,907
I was thinking of being a surrogate
63
00:02:16,909 --> 00:02:19,162
I mean, my womb is just
sitting here empty.
64
00:02:19,163 --> 00:02:20,458
Ooh, highly recommend!
65
00:02:20,459 --> 00:02:22,880
The money's good and your
nipples get super sensitive.
66
00:02:22,882 --> 00:02:24,215
I guess I'm gonna have
to have a garage sale
67
00:02:24,217 --> 00:02:24,949
or something.
68
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,665
I don't have anything to sell.
69
00:02:26,666 --> 00:02:28,919
You have, like, 83 pairs of
sneakers, and you can't walk.
70
00:02:28,921 --> 00:02:30,454
Yeah? You got a bunch of hats.
71
00:02:30,456 --> 00:02:31,922
You don't bounce around
on your head all day.
72
00:02:31,924 --> 00:02:33,291
Ah, fair enough.
73
00:02:33,293 --> 00:02:34,678
Well, no one will even hire you
74
00:02:34,679 --> 00:02:36,158
if you're on call here all the time.
75
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:37,928
That's why I didn't get that
job as a shirtless greeter
76
00:02:37,930 --> 00:02:39,282
at Abercrombie & Fitch.
77
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,703
Oh, I used to have that job,
but in a guy's house.
78
00:02:42,402 --> 00:02:44,747
I knew him. He was my wrestling coach.
79
00:02:56,582 --> 00:02:59,116
Hey, Carol, can you cover
Sporting Goods for me?
80
00:02:59,118 --> 00:03:01,986
'Cause there's been a gigantic
honey spill in Groceries.
81
00:03:01,988 --> 00:03:05,189
It's the hardest of all spills,
so this is where I shine.
82
00:03:06,459 --> 00:03:07,416
Uh-huh.
83
00:03:08,594 --> 00:03:10,828
Hey, something bothering you?
84
00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:13,707
If there is, you can talk
to me about anything.
85
00:03:14,970 --> 00:03:15,966
Well...
86
00:03:15,968 --> 00:03:18,794
Sandra's a whore
who's [bleep] my boyfriend.
87
00:03:19,939 --> 00:03:22,807
Okay, well... Wow. Uh...
88
00:03:22,809 --> 00:03:25,810
She doesn't know that I know,
but that's the way I like it.
89
00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:29,279
You can really hurt someone
when they don't see it coming.
90
00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:32,516
Well, sounds like you've pretty
much got that under control.
91
00:03:32,518 --> 00:03:35,820
It's so good to finally have
someone to talk to about this.
92
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:37,288
Yeah.
93
00:03:37,290 --> 00:03:39,957
We have a real father-daughter
relationship.
94
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,326
Thank you, Daddy.
95
00:03:43,262 --> 00:03:44,395
You're welcome.
96
00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:46,678
No, no. Do the Daddy voice.
97
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,753
You're welcome, Honey Bear.
98
00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,471
How much do you think
I could get for this?
99
00:03:53,473 --> 00:03:55,973
Oh, no, you're selling that?
It's so gorgeous.
100
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,575
I know, but I need the money.
101
00:03:57,577 --> 00:03:59,143
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
102
00:03:59,145 --> 00:04:01,312
I was being so sarcastic there,
it came off as sincere.
103
00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:03,514
It's hideous. Maybe two dollars?
104
00:04:03,516 --> 00:04:06,817
Maybe there's no
point in having a garage sale.
105
00:04:06,819 --> 00:04:08,652
Well, why can't you just
find another way to make money?
106
00:04:08,654 --> 00:04:10,654
Well, I thought about doing a webcam,
107
00:04:10,656 --> 00:04:12,256
but then Bo said no.
108
00:04:12,258 --> 00:04:14,862
And it's like, why does
he get to do one and I don't?
109
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,478
Excuse me. How much is this?
110
00:04:17,096 --> 00:04:19,497
- You... want to buy that?
- Yeah.
111
00:04:19,499 --> 00:04:21,999
It's $59.99. Yeah,
they're selling like crazy.
112
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,996
- That's the last one.
- Okay.
113
00:04:25,004 --> 00:04:26,901
Great! I can ring you up here.
114
00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:29,407
Oh, there might be
some old birth control pills
115
00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:31,776
in the side pocket there,
but you can keep those.
116
00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:34,768
So we are really concerned
about this Twitter photo
117
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,570
of a shopping cart
of steaks in your store.
118
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:37,200
Uh-huh.
119
00:04:37,201 --> 00:04:38,959
It's a big warning sign for us.
120
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,722
Yeah, uh, I-I know that it looked bad,
121
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,586
but... but we threw the steaks out,
122
00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:45,456
and the big honey spill
is... is taken care of.
123
00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:47,289
- The what?
- The big...
124
00:04:48,027 --> 00:04:49,860
Huh? What?
125
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:52,163
Look, are you having trouble
handling things over there?
126
00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:54,780
No. No, I-I-I got it handled.
127
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:55,471
It's handled.
128
00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:58,175
So you don't think you
need more hours, then?
129
00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:02,473
Are... you're... you're offering
to give me more hours?
130
00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:06,544
I, uh... I didn't... I didn't
realize that was an option.
131
00:05:06,954 --> 00:05:08,620
Of course. I mean, if you need them.
132
00:05:08,622 --> 00:05:10,188
But if you're sure you can handle it
133
00:05:10,189 --> 00:05:11,140
with just the hours you have...
134
00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:12,482
No, I'll take the hours.
135
00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:13,740
I mean...
136
00:05:15,135 --> 00:05:18,023
Um, maybe. Yeah, we could...
137
00:05:18,692 --> 00:05:20,792
Or not. I mean, yes, definite...
138
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,826
Yeah, definitely, we'll take the hours.
139
00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:32,228
I've been asking corporate for weeks
140
00:05:32,229 --> 00:05:33,734
to give me more hours, and nothing!
141
00:05:33,735 --> 00:05:35,436
And then one embarrassing
photo comes out,
142
00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:36,758
and they're like, "Here you go!"
143
00:05:36,759 --> 00:05:39,170
See? I told you. They just
needed to see that things
144
00:05:39,171 --> 00:05:41,252
would fall apart
if they didn't step in.
145
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,313
You were totally right.
146
00:05:42,314 --> 00:05:43,666
It was my need to be perfect
147
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:44,854
that was screwing everything up.
148
00:05:44,855 --> 00:05:47,222
You know, it's crazy
how many of your problems
149
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,995
- stem from your own excellence
- I know.
150
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,878
We should start encouraging customers
151
00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,710
to keep tweeting bad things about us.
152
00:05:53,711 --> 00:05:55,037
Yeah, w-why stop there?
153
00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:56,104
I mean, we should just create a bunch
154
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,013
of fake Twitter accounts
and tweet it ourselves.
155
00:05:58,014 --> 00:05:59,717
Ha ha. We should totally do that.
156
00:06:01,075 --> 00:06:02,197
We totally should.
157
00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:05,406
No, we should actually do that.
158
00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:07,733
Yeah, I-I thought
I was communicating that
159
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,692
with my eyes,
but, yeah, yeah, same page.
160
00:06:11,595 --> 00:06:13,161
Just make sure you get the whole...
161
00:06:13,162 --> 00:06:15,999
No, I got it, I've got it.
Okay, and what should it say?
162
00:06:16,386 --> 00:06:20,451
Um, okay, how about
"Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?
163
00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:24,341
Eh, I just don't feel like
that's MayaJade91's voice.
164
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,055
"MayaJade91"? What happened
to "Steelersfan211"?
165
00:06:27,056 --> 00:06:28,123
Steelersfan is the one who tweeted
166
00:06:28,124 --> 00:06:29,521
about how gross the bathrooms were.
167
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,834
MayaJade's a little more spiritual,
168
00:06:30,835 --> 00:06:32,485
more in touch with vibrations
169
00:06:32,486 --> 00:06:34,968
and just kind of, like,
the energy surrounding things.
170
00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:37,031
Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about...
171
00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:40,482
"Don't let this chaos
dim your inner light,
172
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,495
♪ Cloud9Fail, ♪ BadDayToWearSandals"?
173
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:46,813
Wow. You are really,
really good at this.
174
00:06:46,814 --> 00:06:49,018
It's like a one-line
character portrait.
175
00:06:49,311 --> 00:06:52,801
Oh, Amy? Someone left
half a cat in Electronics.
176
00:06:52,802 --> 00:06:53,864
Half a dead cat?
177
00:06:53,865 --> 00:06:56,164
- Well, no.
- That's perfect.
178
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,047
I can't believe this just
fell into our lap.
179
00:06:58,547 --> 00:06:59,907
It's the butt half!
180
00:07:01,794 --> 00:07:04,573
Ooh, what about this
promotional Sinex visor?
181
00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:05,832
Ugh, that was Jeff's.
182
00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:07,835
He said he wore it ironically, but...
183
00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,637
So you guys are just selling
your old crap in the store?
184
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,617
Vintage. We're selling our
vintage crap in the store.
185
00:07:12,618 --> 00:07:14,684
I got one guy to buy an old bra of mine
186
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,417
just by saying it touched my boobs.
187
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:18,880
Wow. It's all in the marketing, huh?
188
00:07:18,881 --> 00:07:21,434
We set up a special bar code,
so anything scanned
189
00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:23,432
gets sent straight
to our Venmo account.
190
00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,688
@chateo$biz.
191
00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,263
We've already made over $200.
192
00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:28,176
Seriously?
193
00:07:28,576 --> 00:07:30,770
Maybe I should try selling
some of my sneakers.
194
00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:33,414
I feel like the casino guy.
195
00:07:33,415 --> 00:07:34,575
You're broke.
196
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:47,407
"Just a normal day
in America, # Cloud9Fail."
197
00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:49,862
- Unbelievable.
- What's going on here?
198
00:07:49,863 --> 00:07:52,113
Uh, more people are posting
photos of the store.
199
00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:53,686
- You're kidding me.
- This store?
200
00:07:53,687 --> 00:07:56,858
"Cloud 9 is looking
a little bit cattywampus"?
201
00:07:56,859 --> 00:07:58,300
What does "cattywampus" mean?
202
00:07:58,301 --> 00:08:00,754
Uh, cattywampus is, I believe,
203
00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:03,447
regional slang
for, uh, like, "all messed up."
204
00:08:03,448 --> 00:08:05,744
You know, I think the...
they use it in Arkansas.
205
00:08:05,917 --> 00:08:08,885
Oh, yep, there you go right
there... petiteroche22,
206
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,454
that... that just... that means
"Little Rock" in French.
207
00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:12,074
Whoa.
208
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,897
These just keep going and going.
209
00:08:13,898 --> 00:08:16,032
This is why we shouldn't
let customers into the store.
210
00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:19,002
- Wow, bummer.
- "Wow, bummer"?
211
00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:22,198
People are tearing us apart,
and your reaction is,
212
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,967
"Wow, bummer"?
213
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:25,147
No. No.
214
00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:29,072
No, I-I meant that like...
like, "Wow! That's a bummer!"
215
00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:32,033
Like, what the hell?
I'm up to here with this crap!"
216
00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:33,845
You know, like, "[bleep] these people!"
217
00:08:34,425 --> 00:08:35,394
Ugh!
218
00:08:39,544 --> 00:08:42,396
That is how people act
when they're upset.
219
00:08:43,047 --> 00:08:46,716
Oh, man. Petiteroche22 is gonna
rip our asses for this one.
220
00:08:48,673 --> 00:08:50,673
If you're looking
for an electric toothbrush,
221
00:08:50,675 --> 00:08:53,576
I'd suggest the Dentafix 100.
222
00:08:53,938 --> 00:08:55,058
It looks used.
223
00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:57,874
What? Who would sell a used toothbrush?
224
00:08:57,875 --> 00:08:59,104
We wouldn't sell that.
225
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,479
This is the newest trend
in oral hygiene.
226
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,274
You want a brush that's pre-distressed,
227
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:04,458
like a nice pair of jeans.
228
00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:06,708
A friend of mine got one
of the old models
229
00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:08,809
with the straight, white bristles.
230
00:09:09,197 --> 00:09:10,508
Tore her gums to shreds.
231
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,689
She had to get new ones
from a dead body.
232
00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:18,557
You have 83 pairs of shoes
and none of them light up?
233
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,289
No, but some of them
are pretty valuable.
234
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:21,791
Well, yeah. No, I bet.
235
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:23,960
Excuse me, um, what could you tell me
236
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,143
about these white Reeboks?
237
00:09:25,144 --> 00:09:27,981
Oh, yeah, those are
the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps.
238
00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:30,984
Classic white-and-blue colorway
with the mesh tongue.
239
00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:33,803
I even got the original box
and the Pump hang tag.
240
00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:35,758
I have flat feet.
How's the arch support?
241
00:09:36,581 --> 00:09:39,062
Those are original Reebok Pumps.
242
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:42,906
When you buy a painting, do you
ask how the arch support is?
243
00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:45,928
I'm just looking for
something I can go hiking in.
244
00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:48,358
- Please leave.
- What? No, I was just asking...
245
00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:49,943
Sir, he asked you to leave.
246
00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:53,956
So we've been noticing a lot more
247
00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:56,003
of these "Cloud9Fail" photos
on Twitter.
248
00:09:56,004 --> 00:10:00,120
Yeah, um, you know, we are
trying our best over here,
249
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,577
but we just keep coming up short.
250
00:10:02,578 --> 00:10:04,509
We really need to take care of this.
251
00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:08,558
I agree, but I am just
all out of ideas.
252
00:10:08,707 --> 00:10:11,698
If you want to suggest anything...
253
00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:13,643
You know, I'm just
thinking out loud here,
254
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:15,484
and I hate to even have
to bring this up,
255
00:10:15,485 --> 00:10:17,711
but I kind of feel like
if you guys give us back
256
00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:20,750
a few more hours,
we could nip this thing
257
00:10:20,752 --> 00:10:22,121
in the bud once and for all.
258
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,723
Well, actually, we think
all of the tweets
259
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,424
have come from an employee
at your store.
260
00:10:25,431 --> 00:10:25,795
Huh?
261
00:10:30,115 --> 00:10:32,306
Hi, my name is Luanne.
I'm from Human Resources.
262
00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,033
Than the one next door.
I'm here because an employee
263
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,301
has been tweeting
defamatory photos of the store
264
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,694
from fake accounts,
265
00:10:37,695 --> 00:10:38,955
and I'm here to find out who it is
266
00:10:38,956 --> 00:10:41,275
and to hold them responsible.
So who was it?
267
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,808
If you just stand up and come
clean about what you did,
268
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,131
I promise nothing will happen to you.
269
00:10:46,574 --> 00:10:48,138
Well, we will have to fire them.
270
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,982
I know, but don't say it.
We almost had them.
271
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,037
No, we didn't.
272
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,251
Okay, well, in the future,
273
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,353
if you could just follow
my lead, please. Thank you.
274
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,688
Excuse me?
275
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,256
How do you know it's one of us?
276
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,792
Well, all the posts came
from the same MAC address,
277
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,502
and that device was logged
into the employee WiFi network.
278
00:11:03,503 --> 00:11:06,030
Who would be dumb enough
to send incriminating tweets
279
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,524
from the employee WiFi?
280
00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:10,493
Well, it wasn't me, because
my phone is on airplane mode,
281
00:11:10,494 --> 00:11:12,370
and I do not know how to get it off.
282
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,472
They were so obvious about it, too.
283
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,609
All the fake customer accounts
were created on the same day,
284
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,576
and they each only tweeted once.
285
00:11:19,577 --> 00:11:21,379
- What a dumb-ass.
- Oh, my God.
286
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,014
- Stupid.
- Seriously. Idiot.
287
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,049
All right, well, I don't know
how productive it is
288
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:28,619
to dwell on how stupid
this person may or may not be.
289
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:33,001
I think the point is,
whoever did it, knock it off.
290
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,175
You have been warned.
291
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,661
- That's fair.
- Okay, well, thank you
292
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,092
so much for coming by, Luanne.
293
00:11:38,093 --> 00:11:40,288
Sure, but I'm not leaving
until we figure this out.
294
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,066
Oh, good.
295
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,335
All right, everyone,
you're all gonna have
296
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,403
to hand over your phones.
297
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,972
No, we cannot take your devices.
298
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,490
Luanne! Are you serious right now?
299
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,252
What are we gonna do? We need a plan.
300
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,662
We should have never done this.
301
00:12:02,663 --> 00:12:04,589
Or at least we should've
used a burner phone.
302
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,090
Yeah, great. That's...
Good... good plan.
303
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:06,870
That's really helpful.
304
00:12:06,871 --> 00:12:09,060
Okay, well, then what's your plan?
305
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,429
Well, for starters,
neither of us can admit
306
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,300
to sending the tweets.
307
00:12:12,301 --> 00:12:14,599
Oh, well, that... that's good.
308
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,375
Hold on while I write that down.
309
00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:19,170
"Don't admit to crime."
310
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:22,774
Look, if for whatever reason
it gets traced back to me,
311
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,442
I'm gonna say that I acted alone.
312
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,445
There's no reason that both
of us should lose our jobs.
313
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,699
Oh, okay.
314
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,783
That was...
315
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,018
that was just kind of,
like, a big gesture,
316
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,021
so I thought maybe
I'd... I'd get a bigger reaction.
317
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,089
Yeah. No...
318
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,451
Yeah. No. Yes, of course. Thank you.
319
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,369
But I just... I kind of figured
that's what we would do.
320
00:12:44,457 --> 00:12:44,896
Right.
321
00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,936
Just based on what we both make.
322
00:12:46,937 --> 00:12:48,780
- And I have kids.
- Yeah.
323
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:49,736
It just sort of makes the most sense.
324
00:12:49,737 --> 00:12:53,363
- But that was a very nice offer.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
325
00:12:53,365 --> 00:12:55,115
Let's just... let's just move on, so...
326
00:12:55,462 --> 00:12:57,336
You know, I just want to make
sure that you're not planning
327
00:12:57,337 --> 00:13:00,053
on doing any hiking or grape stomping
328
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,997
- or anything like that in these?
- Uh, no.
329
00:13:01,999 --> 00:13:03,985
No, you think I'd go hiking
in a pair of shoes
330
00:13:03,986 --> 00:13:06,399
I've been trying to find
for, like, six years?
331
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,183
Of course. I'm just messing with you.
332
00:13:08,184 --> 00:13:11,249
All right. So, uh...
333
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,148
You know what? Do you need these today?
334
00:13:13,149 --> 00:13:14,626
Because I could give them
to you next week
335
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,461
and bring them home,
clean them up, make them nice.
336
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,408
No, that's cool. These are pristine.
337
00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:19,564
Yep, they are.
338
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:21,586
They are pristine.
339
00:13:21,883 --> 00:13:24,049
Okay, so...
340
00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:25,646
You're going to give me the money,
341
00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:27,445
I'm going to give you the shoes,
342
00:13:27,446 --> 00:13:30,094
and they will be yours and not mine.
343
00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,267
That is generally how this works.
344
00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,873
Right, right.
345
00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:35,492
Great. How much do I owe you?
346
00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:38,525
$3 million.
347
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,443
Okay, so the first tweet
was sent at 10:46:32.
348
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,113
Can we see if anyone was
on their phone then?
349
00:13:46,114 --> 00:13:46,987
Got it.
350
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,881
Okay, looks like Brett
was on his phone.
351
00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:51,740
Also Jay.
352
00:13:52,393 --> 00:13:56,239
And, uh, Henry, Chris, Giuseppe W.,
353
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:58,378
Sarah, Sue,
354
00:13:58,864 --> 00:14:02,211
Pablo, Denise, Giuseppe.
355
00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:03,931
Uh, okay, who was not texting?
356
00:14:03,932 --> 00:14:05,926
Uh, Elias isn't on his phone,
357
00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:07,540
though I think he might be asleep.
358
00:14:08,073 --> 00:14:10,021
- Uh, may I?
- Oh.
359
00:14:10,372 --> 00:14:12,355
What about the break room?
Anybody in there?
360
00:14:12,356 --> 00:14:14,167
Oh, yeah, no,
none of this is from today.
361
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,670
We used to have cameras
in the break room,
362
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:18,220
but then people found out
and got all rights-y about it.
363
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,985
Wait... wait, hold on. What is that?
364
00:14:22,788 --> 00:14:25,855
Careful, careful,
stupid birds, dumb birds...
365
00:14:25,857 --> 00:14:28,291
Nice job.
366
00:14:30,729 --> 00:14:32,262
- No.
- Oh, oh, oh.
367
00:14:32,264 --> 00:14:34,130
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, no.
368
00:14:34,132 --> 00:14:36,499
Oh, no. Nope.
369
00:14:37,603 --> 00:14:40,176
Luanne, if you'll excuse me,
370
00:14:41,319 --> 00:14:43,105
I have some business to take care of.
371
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,553
What is all this stuff?
372
00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,858
Well, it's just junk
we've had in our attic
373
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:50,048
that we've been meaning
to throw out, you know.
374
00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:51,664
Jerusha's dad was a collector...
375
00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,440
of both things and, as it
turned out later, wives.
376
00:14:55,956 --> 00:14:57,683
But, anyway, is any of it valuable?
377
00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:02,004
I mean, a flattened
penny from Niagara Falls...
378
00:15:02,005 --> 00:15:03,499
that's worth less than a penny.
379
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,356
Some random keys. Ka-ching!
380
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:10,729
- A Neil Diamond cassette tape?
- Oh, I'll keep that.
381
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:12,790
I've been meaning to check him out.
382
00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:14,616
What about these baseball cards?
383
00:15:14,617 --> 00:15:16,780
Mickey Mantle... wasn't he someone?
384
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:19,497
I don't know. I've never really
been a fan of men's baseball.
385
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:21,522
This is from the first
year he ever played,
386
00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:23,244
like, before he was even famous.
387
00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:25,098
Oh, it was worth a shot.
388
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:29,518
Action Comics "Superman," 1938.
389
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:31,413
Wow, this is so old.
390
00:15:33,251 --> 00:15:34,986
That doesn't even look like Dean Cain.
391
00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:35,767
Yeah.
392
00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:39,249
I had IT look up the
Websites that were visited
393
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,451
by the same device
that posted the tweets.
394
00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:44,801
O... kay, so that's something
one could do.
395
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:45,720
I didn't... didn't know that.
396
00:15:45,721 --> 00:15:48,806
So I was hoping we could
narrow down who it might be.
397
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:51,411
Do you know anyone here
who would have visited, uh,
398
00:15:51,412 --> 00:15:53,287
"Huffington Post," "Slate,"
399
00:15:53,288 --> 00:15:54,664
"The New Yorker" caption contest,
400
00:15:54,665 --> 00:15:57,274
or done Google searches
for "brine my own pickles,"
401
00:15:57,275 --> 00:16:00,223
"Chris Hayes no glasses,"
and "Ronan Farrow age"?
402
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:04,120
Huh, well, you know,
that really could describe
403
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:06,015
just about everyone who works here.
404
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,849
- It's a... it's a hip group.
- Excuse me.
405
00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:09,442
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
406
00:16:10,282 --> 00:16:13,067
If I know who the person is
who was tweeting,
407
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,048
who should I tell about that?
408
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:18,301
- You... are you saying you do?
- When you say "you"...
409
00:16:18,303 --> 00:16:18,969
Excuse me. Who is it?
410
00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:21,310
Her name is Sandra Kaluiokalani.
411
00:16:21,819 --> 00:16:23,751
That's spelled K-A-L...
412
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,883
K... It's K-A-L...
413
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,589
K-A-L-A, then I think it's "O."
414
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:34,023
It's, um... it's K-A-L...
415
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,492
Kalui...
416
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:40,482
O-K-L-A-N-A-N-I.
417
00:16:40,484 --> 00:16:42,484
- Kaluiokalani.
- Okay.
418
00:16:42,486 --> 00:16:44,253
So how do you know that it's Sandra?
419
00:16:44,255 --> 00:16:45,354
Oh, she told me.
420
00:16:45,889 --> 00:16:47,258
We're really good friends,
421
00:16:47,258 --> 00:16:49,091
so we tell each other everything.
422
00:16:49,093 --> 00:16:52,461
No kidding, that's... I didn't
realize you two were so close.
423
00:16:52,463 --> 00:16:55,430
Oh, God, maybe
I shouldn't have said anything.
424
00:16:55,819 --> 00:16:58,020
I'm a horrible person, aren't I?
425
00:16:58,022 --> 00:16:59,021
No, you're not.
426
00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:01,211
She's not gonna be
in too much trouble, is she?
427
00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:04,540
I can't believe Sandra
would do something like that.
428
00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,184
I didn't think she had it in her.
429
00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:08,163
I borrowed her car, like,
three years ago,
430
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,199
and she still hasn't asked for it back.
431
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,416
Well, I'm not surprised.
432
00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:13,534
Cloud 9's been
dicking her over for years.
433
00:17:13,535 --> 00:17:15,671
It's true... she got injured on the job
434
00:17:15,673 --> 00:17:16,780
when she first started working.
435
00:17:16,781 --> 00:17:18,206
Instead of paying her medical bills,
436
00:17:18,207 --> 00:17:20,531
they just gave her a blue polo.
437
00:17:20,532 --> 00:17:22,570
- I guess she just snapped.
- I'm glad she did it.
438
00:17:22,571 --> 00:17:24,883
Like, it's about time one of us
stood up to corporate.
439
00:17:24,915 --> 00:17:25,618
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
440
00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:28,224
You know, as a store manager,
I would've been upset,
441
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:30,828
but as a floor worker,
I'm like, "Get it, girl!"
442
00:17:30,829 --> 00:17:31,849
She's like a rebel.
443
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,729
She's like a total badass bitch.
444
00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:35,636
Oh, my God, is Sandra an icon now?
445
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,098
She's like a total badass bitch.
446
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,739
Heard it both times, thanks.
447
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:43,799
Sandra does live really far away.
448
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:47,167
Maybe she'd be really happy to have
to find a new job closer to home.
449
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,302
Yeah, I mean, a lot
of great success stories
450
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,560
start with someone losing
their dead-end job.
451
00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:53,430
And perhaps she's supposed
to save the world,
452
00:17:53,431 --> 00:17:55,799
and us keeping her here
is just preventing that.
453
00:17:58,717 --> 00:18:01,936
Okay, I'm gonna go in there
and come clean.
454
00:18:01,937 --> 00:18:04,524
No, I'm not gonna
let you do that alone.
455
00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:05,782
We did this together.
456
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,842
I appreciate that, but you were right.
457
00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:10,073
It doesn't make sense
for both of us to go down.
458
00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,956
You were counting
on me saying that, right?
459
00:18:12,957 --> 00:18:14,839
It's just that I make
so much more money...
460
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,315
Yeah, y-you mentioned that.
461
00:18:21,679 --> 00:18:22,940
Hey, so, random...
462
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,166
I was going through some old
security footage with Luanne.
463
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,253
- Yeah?
- And you remember how we used
464
00:18:26,254 --> 00:18:28,588
to have those security
cameras in the break room?
465
00:18:28,589 --> 00:18:31,580
Well, we came across the time
you let all my birds escape.
466
00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,830
Uh... yeah. Um...
467
00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:36,060
Remember that?
468
00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:37,876
Remember? It was Valentine's Day.
469
00:18:37,877 --> 00:18:39,506
Remember? I was blaming myself for it,
470
00:18:39,507 --> 00:18:41,450
and then when I was at my
lowest, you had sex with me,
471
00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:44,007
knowing that, hours before, you
were the one that let them out.
472
00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:46,685
And you knew the entire time.
And yet, you said nothing.
473
00:18:46,686 --> 00:18:48,864
Remember that? So funny.
474
00:18:49,346 --> 00:18:51,308
Dina, I'm so, so sorry.
475
00:18:51,309 --> 00:18:53,368
Hey, come on.
Don't even worry about it.
476
00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:54,280
I forgive you.
477
00:18:54,281 --> 00:18:56,818
When you think about it,
this whole thing is just funny.
478
00:18:56,819 --> 00:18:59,521
Hey, come with me.
I want to show you something.
479
00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:05,947
They went up so fast,
it's like they wanted to burn.
480
00:19:05,949 --> 00:19:08,549
What's that sound?
481
00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:10,864
Is that air escaping from the sneakers?
482
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:14,122
It almost sounds
like they're screaming.
483
00:19:18,395 --> 00:19:23,198
I will never forgive you... ever.
484
00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:44,469
Hey, Sandra.
485
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:45,895
What's going on? Where are you going?
486
00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:49,086
I just got fired.
I don't know what happened.
487
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,956
Luanne said I was the one
who was tweeting,
488
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,778
but I swear to God, it wasn't me.
489
00:19:52,779 --> 00:19:54,292
- No, we know.
- Yeah, don't worry.
490
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,722
- We are not gonna let this happen.
- We're gonna fix this.
491
00:19:56,723 --> 00:19:58,376
I never even joined Twitter
492
00:19:58,377 --> 00:20:00,616
'cause I was thinking
of running for City Council,
493
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,901
and you know how my humor
can get a little edgy.
494
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,115
There she is!
495
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:08,450
Hey!
496
00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:11,793
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, S...
497
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:14,154
Ugh, what is wrong with you people?
498
00:20:14,155 --> 00:20:16,690
- Guys, I didn't do it.
- It's true, it... it wasn't her.
499
00:20:16,691 --> 00:20:19,105
Yeah, of course it wasn't you. Wink.
500
00:20:19,106 --> 00:20:20,708
Okay, guys, listen.
501
00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:23,925
Whoever did was pretty awesome, though.
502
00:20:23,927 --> 00:20:25,852
- Total superstar.
- She's a rebel.
503
00:20:25,853 --> 00:20:28,234
- She's a badass bitch.
- Justine, just go home.
504
00:20:28,235 --> 00:20:29,982
I have every right to be here.
505
00:20:29,983 --> 00:20:31,894
Guys, look, you know how corporate
506
00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,296
just kept cutting back our hours
507
00:20:33,297 --> 00:20:34,249
and cutting back our hours?
508
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,501
- Yeah.
- I know they have.
509
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:39,107
- Well...
- Well, sometimes
510
00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:42,562
you just got to say,
"Enough with the [bleep]."
511
00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:44,161
Yeah!
512
00:20:44,162 --> 00:20:45,974
It's like, you can only get
pushed around so much
513
00:20:45,976 --> 00:20:48,246
before you say, "No! This isn't fair."
514
00:20:49,107 --> 00:20:50,286
This isn't right."
515
00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:52,790
- What is happening?
- I have no idea.
516
00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:54,314
What are you gonna do?
517
00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:56,857
We're gonna... we're gonna stand up.
518
00:20:56,858 --> 00:20:57,695
- That's right.
- Yep.
519
00:20:57,696 --> 00:20:59,000
And we're gonna stay strong.
520
00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:00,624
- There she is.
- Yep, that's it.
521
00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:02,290
And we need to unionize!
522
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:07,602
This is just the beginning! Yeah!
523
00:21:08,661 --> 00:21:11,154
Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!
524
00:21:11,155 --> 00:21:13,343
Sandra! Sandra!
525
00:21:13,344 --> 00:21:15,295
Sandra! Sandra!
526
00:21:15,296 --> 00:21:17,793
Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!
527
00:21:18,093 --> 00:21:20,851
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
527
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:27,832
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