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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
2
00:00:02,865 --> 00:00:03,357
There you are.
3
00:00:04,450 --> 00:00:06,201
Why aren't you in bed?
4
00:00:06,201 --> 00:00:09,244
I just put the moves on your pillow.
5
00:00:09,244 --> 00:00:12,208
I remembered that Emme has to
do a "My Life" project for school
6
00:00:12,208 --> 00:00:14,043
and she asked for some baby pictures.
7
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Project, school, baby.
8
00:00:15,678 --> 00:00:17,797
These are not sexy words.
9
00:00:17,797 --> 00:00:20,383
I can't find any of Emme.
10
00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:22,668
We have a ton of the
older kids. You see?
11
00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,852
We have Kate and Teddy, each
going potty for the first time.
12
00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:29,986
Look at the boy strainin'.
13
00:00:31,644 --> 00:00:34,111
Face like a frustrated tomato.
14
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,424
Well, what happened?
It's like we started off
15
00:00:37,424 --> 00:00:39,652
as good parents and
then we just gave up.
16
00:00:39,652 --> 00:00:43,539
Okay, let's look at it
in baseball terms, okay?
17
00:00:43,539 --> 00:00:45,325
We won the first two
games of the series,
18
00:00:45,325 --> 00:00:46,790
and then we phoned in the third.
19
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,433
We were saving our bullpen.
20
00:00:49,996 --> 00:00:52,465
Wait a minute. Didn't
I ask you to put a box
21
00:00:52,465 --> 00:00:54,667
of old baby pictures in
the top of Kate's closet?
22
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:58,084
I don't know. You tell me to put
a lot of boxes a lot of places.
23
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,116
Come on, help me get them down.
24
00:01:00,116 --> 00:01:02,663
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if we fooled around,
25
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,288
- then got the pictures?
- Oh, honey,
26
00:01:05,288 --> 00:01:06,085
if you're that worked up,
27
00:01:06,085 --> 00:01:07,935
just finish what you
started with my pillow.
28
00:01:11,317 --> 00:01:15,402
I don't even know if your
pillow likes me like that.
29
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:20,693
Shh. We don't want to wake her up.
30
00:01:20,693 --> 00:01:22,445
She's our favorite.
31
00:01:22,445 --> 00:01:23,944
That's not funny.
32
00:01:33,646 --> 00:01:34,874
Kate.
33
00:01:34,874 --> 00:01:36,960
What are you doing? Did you sneak out?
34
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,875
Why am I still whispering?
35
00:01:40,213 --> 00:01:41,594
Downstairs. Now.
36
00:01:41,594 --> 00:01:42,918
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
37
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:45,440
This is her first sneak-out. Hold on.
38
00:01:47,652 --> 00:01:49,970
- Oh! It's a keeper.
- Yeah.
39
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,144
Kate, why would you sneak out?
40
00:02:01,144 --> 00:02:04,493
Was it boys? Booze? Boys and booze?
41
00:02:04,493 --> 00:02:06,983
No, it wasn't like that.
I-I was at Shelby's.
42
00:02:06,983 --> 00:02:09,052
We both like A55-4U.
43
00:02:09,052 --> 00:02:10,119
Wh-What is that?
44
00:02:10,119 --> 00:02:12,164
What is that? Some new drug? Huh?
45
00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:14,040
Andi, get me a frying pan and an egg.
46
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,708
We're doing the "brain on drugs" thing.
47
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,628
No, no, no! It's-it's a band I like.
48
00:02:18,628 --> 00:02:20,129
Okay, well, if that's true,
49
00:02:20,129 --> 00:02:22,131
why didn't you just tell
us you were going out?
50
00:02:22,131 --> 00:02:24,968
Because it's a school night,
and I knew Dad wouldn't let me.
51
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:26,716
It's like I'm in jail.
52
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,972
Oh, well...
53
00:02:28,972 --> 00:02:30,536
we don't want you to
feel like a prisoner.
54
00:02:30,536 --> 00:02:33,049
Yes, we do.
55
00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:36,644
This is a prison, and
your sentence is 18 years.
56
00:02:36,644 --> 00:02:37,730
Hold on.
57
00:02:37,730 --> 00:02:39,932
Maybe we should hear
what she has to say.
58
00:02:39,932 --> 00:02:42,729
She did her talking when
she climbed out her window.
59
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,940
- Adam.
- Andi!
60
00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:46,672
- Dad!
- You go to your room.
61
00:02:46,672 --> 00:02:49,075
This is so unfair!
62
00:02:49,075 --> 00:02:51,619
I was just listening to music!
63
00:02:51,619 --> 00:02:53,001
Katie stomping up the stairs...
64
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,374
that's music we listen to every day!
65
00:02:56,986 --> 00:02:58,484
Hilarious!
66
00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:00,956
Adam.
67
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,846
Wait for the door slam.
68
00:03:05,341 --> 00:03:06,896
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
69
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,496
I am thinking about our daughter, okay?
70
00:03:09,496 --> 00:03:11,180
Caring about how your children feel
71
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:12,670
is part of being a modern parent.
72
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:16,102
Oh, modern parenting
is ruining our country.
73
00:03:16,102 --> 00:03:18,192
Okay? We coddle our kids
74
00:03:18,192 --> 00:03:21,190
so that everyone thinks they're special.
75
00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:24,101
You know who was
special? Mary Lou Retton.
76
00:03:24,610 --> 00:03:26,268
Oh, this is gonna take a while.
77
00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:28,531
Yeah. Settle in.
78
00:03:28,531 --> 00:03:30,579
Did Mary Lou Retton get a hug
79
00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:32,535
when she fell off the balance beam?
80
00:03:32,535 --> 00:03:36,453
No. She got screamed at
by an angry, old Romanian.
81
00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:39,542
So she dug deep and won the gold.
82
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:41,210
Well, maybe Mary Lou
would've been happier
83
00:03:41,210 --> 00:03:43,129
if she'd gotten a few
more hugs. Uh-huh, yeah.
84
00:03:43,129 --> 00:03:44,938
You know what feels better than a hug?
85
00:03:44,938 --> 00:03:46,963
Kicking Russia's ass in gymnastics!
86
00:03:48,715 --> 00:03:50,529
And while I feel like
I have the upper hand,
87
00:03:50,529 --> 00:03:51,623
there's something else I want to say
88
00:03:51,623 --> 00:03:54,023
that I have been holding
in for a long time.
89
00:03:54,023 --> 00:03:55,881
This all goes back
90
00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:57,155
to sleep training.
91
00:03:57,155 --> 00:04:00,348
Oh, my God. That was 15 years ago!
92
00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:02,148
Since the beginning of time,
93
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:05,368
kids have figured out
how to go to sleep.
94
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:08,237
They cried until they got
bored, and when no one came in,
95
00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:09,642
they nodded off.
96
00:04:09,642 --> 00:04:12,708
And those cave kids
were so well-rested,
97
00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:14,404
they invented fire!
98
00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:18,915
But then, in the year 2003,
99
00:04:18,915 --> 00:04:23,421
some parents decided
that they knew better.
100
00:04:23,421 --> 00:04:27,769
And those parents...
are sitting on our couch.
101
00:04:29,725 --> 00:04:31,701
I know we agreed to let Kate cry it out,
102
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,002
but I couldn't do it.
103
00:04:33,002 --> 00:04:33,810
All right?
104
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:36,265
And when I picked her
up, she loved me so much.
105
00:04:36,265 --> 00:04:38,369
Well, I hope it was worth it.
106
00:04:38,369 --> 00:04:40,178
Because I can draw a direct line
107
00:04:40,178 --> 00:04:41,429
between you picking Katie up
108
00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:43,705
to her climbing through a window.
109
00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:46,598
Modern parenting.
110
00:04:47,798 --> 00:04:49,909
Well, I don't want
our kids sneaking out.
111
00:04:49,909 --> 00:04:51,267
I don't know.
112
00:04:51,267 --> 00:04:54,826
Maybe... maybe... I've
been too easy on her.
113
00:04:54,826 --> 00:04:55,694
Yes.
114
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:58,163
And maybe... maybe...
115
00:04:58,163 --> 00:05:01,199
we need to shake things up,
get this thing back on track.
116
00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:02,701
No, I-I can see that.
117
00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:05,287
I mean, you know,
somewhere between cave kids
118
00:05:05,287 --> 00:05:07,994
and angry Romanians,
you made a good point.
119
00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:11,912
Okay. You're in charge.
120
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,353
Really?
121
00:05:13,353 --> 00:05:15,261
Yeah. What do you want to do?
122
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:16,965
I have dreamed about this moment.
123
00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:19,467
Okay, first of all, no more modern.
124
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:22,612
We are going old school. Shock and awe.
125
00:05:22,612 --> 00:05:24,139
Huh? But you got to back me up.
126
00:05:24,139 --> 00:05:25,557
Oh, you-you have my word.
127
00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,225
I won't even give her
the pizza bagel I made
128
00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:28,643
'cause she was hungry from sneaking out.
129
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,393
I'll take it. Dads eat first.
130
00:05:33,324 --> 00:05:34,739
That's old school.
131
00:05:36,914 --> 00:05:37,992
So, Emme,
132
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:40,405
obviously, I took a million
baby pictures of you,
133
00:05:40,405 --> 00:05:42,240
but I can't find any of them
134
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,156
because your old babysitter stole them.
135
00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:46,878
Yeah, yeah, she, uh,
136
00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:48,580
she-she sent them to a modeling agency
137
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,114
since you're so darn cute.
138
00:05:51,615 --> 00:05:53,691
But don't try to track
those pictures down.
139
00:05:53,691 --> 00:05:57,498
That modeling agency was
swallowed by a giant whale.
140
00:05:58,718 --> 00:06:00,049
Uh-huh.
141
00:06:01,187 --> 00:06:03,356
So, for your school project,
142
00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:04,629
we are going to...
143
00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:07,627
- fake a baby picture.
- Pop in this binky,
144
00:06:07,627 --> 00:06:09,959
and we'll take one from
far away so you look small.
145
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:15,097
Oh, my God! Mom!
146
00:06:15,097 --> 00:06:17,739
Dad took my door!
147
00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:20,858
Welcome to the old school.
148
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:23,468
Katie, you have shown
that you can't be trusted.
149
00:06:23,468 --> 00:06:24,305
This way,
150
00:06:24,305 --> 00:06:26,368
I can keep track of your every move.
151
00:06:26,368 --> 00:06:29,334
Plus, what are you gonna
slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.?
152
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:39,609
Why do we have so many doors?
153
00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:42,309
This seems hard. Have you considered
154
00:06:42,309 --> 00:06:44,466
just letting it be her
boyfriend's problem someday?
155
00:06:47,986 --> 00:06:50,305
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
156
00:06:57,786 --> 00:06:59,122
What are you doing?
157
00:06:59,663 --> 00:07:01,820
Katie is in her closet laughing it up
158
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,788
with her friend on the phone.
159
00:07:03,788 --> 00:07:05,991
She is in trouble. Why is she laughing?
160
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:07,242
- Well...
- I'll tell you why.
161
00:07:07,242 --> 00:07:09,487
Okay, you go.
162
00:07:09,487 --> 00:07:11,119
Modern parenting.
163
00:07:13,692 --> 00:07:15,500
Oh, that's it?
164
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,469
I thought you were gonna
talk for ten minutes again,
165
00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:19,885
and I was gonna go grab a
granola bar for sustenance.
166
00:07:20,435 --> 00:07:22,318
She doesn't get to be happy.
167
00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:25,075
In old school, no one is happy.
168
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,726
Look at any old-timey
picture. Miserable!
169
00:07:28,608 --> 00:07:29,857
Mm.
170
00:07:33,063 --> 00:07:34,528
Eh-eh-eh?
171
00:07:36,438 --> 00:07:37,355
Busted.
172
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:38,523
For what?
173
00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:41,192
Excessive laughing.
174
00:07:41,192 --> 00:07:43,525
You just lost your closet door, missy.
175
00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:48,003
Andi, get my tools.
176
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:49,694
Why don't you just take her phone?
177
00:07:49,694 --> 00:07:51,102
That's smarter.
178
00:07:51,102 --> 00:07:52,284
And meaner.
179
00:07:53,205 --> 00:07:55,421
You just lost your phone, missy.
180
00:07:57,469 --> 00:07:59,461
She'll call you back in a few years.
181
00:07:59,461 --> 00:08:01,406
Wait, hold on.
182
00:08:01,406 --> 00:08:04,257
I need that. I'm doing a
group project for Spanish.
183
00:08:04,257 --> 00:08:06,551
Oh. Okay, well, if it's for school,
184
00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:08,887
you can have a phone. I'm reasonable.
185
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:10,975
I'm not reasonable.
186
00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:13,219
Enjoy your new phone.
187
00:08:14,797 --> 00:08:17,547
It's so old; is it for
talking to dead people?
188
00:08:18,474 --> 00:08:20,532
From now on, this...
189
00:08:20,532 --> 00:08:22,901
is the only phone you
are allowed to use.
190
00:08:22,901 --> 00:08:26,571
And I can keep an eye on you,
because you can only go as far
191
00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:28,987
as the cord will reach.
192
00:08:36,186 --> 00:08:37,853
I got to make that cord shorter.
193
00:08:39,507 --> 00:08:41,473
Where'd you even get that thing?
194
00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:43,813
Where's our phone?
195
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,431
Adam said he needed it.
196
00:08:46,431 --> 00:08:48,597
He better not be calling long distance.
197
00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:51,939
So, I'll start the presentation
198
00:08:51,939 --> 00:08:55,495
by saying, "La historia
de los conquistadores
199
00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:57,577
es muy fascinante."
200
00:08:59,134 --> 00:09:01,167
Enjoying your breakfast?
201
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:05,302
I know this is annoying,
but it is all gonna pay off.
202
00:09:10,748 --> 00:09:11,947
Spoon?
203
00:09:12,926 --> 00:09:14,482
Thank you.
204
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:17,849
And then you'll say, "Yo no sabia eso."
205
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,257
I'll bet she's saying curse words.
206
00:09:19,257 --> 00:09:20,422
She's real mad at you.
207
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:22,993
Good. By the way,
208
00:09:22,993 --> 00:09:26,126
part of our old-school rules,
kids clean up after themselves.
209
00:09:26,126 --> 00:09:28,133
Can you please put your
dirty glass in the sink?
210
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,217
Happy to.
211
00:09:29,217 --> 00:09:30,935
Mm-hmm.
212
00:09:30,935 --> 00:09:33,271
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
213
00:09:33,271 --> 00:09:35,137
I will clear the table.
214
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,000
Yeah, that's good.
215
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,838
And then I'll say,
216
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:46,212
"Los conquistadores
eran guerreros viciosos."
217
00:09:49,954 --> 00:09:51,322
All right.
218
00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:54,540
Katie, honey...
219
00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:55,740
let me show you something.
220
00:10:00,423 --> 00:10:02,500
Adam, do we have a...
221
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,970
time frame on how long
this is gonna take?
222
00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,339
I mean, when do we know we won?
223
00:10:08,339 --> 00:10:12,203
When she says, "I was wrong.
You were right. I'm sorry."
224
00:10:12,203 --> 00:10:14,976
You know, that thing I
always end up saying to you.
225
00:10:15,636 --> 00:10:17,460
But you're so good at it.
226
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:19,814
Practice does make perfect.
227
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:24,587
Kate was outside speaking
Spanish into my telephone.
228
00:10:24,587 --> 00:10:27,971
If that was an international
call, you're paying for it.
229
00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:31,996
Hey, Dad, you're gonna love this.
230
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,531
Since we caught Katie sneaking out,
231
00:10:33,531 --> 00:10:35,867
I have been making her life miserable
232
00:10:35,867 --> 00:10:38,336
with some tough, old-school parenting.
233
00:10:38,336 --> 00:10:40,121
Oh, really giving her the business, huh?
234
00:10:40,121 --> 00:10:41,956
Oh, I am locked in.
235
00:10:41,956 --> 00:10:45,543
I was up all night thinking of
different ways to bum Katie out.
236
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:47,011
So you're turning your life upside down
237
00:10:47,011 --> 00:10:49,631
- to teach a kid a lesson?
- Yeah.
238
00:10:49,631 --> 00:10:52,464
That's the furthest thing from
old school I've ever heard.
239
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:55,303
What? What? You don't get it.
240
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:58,023
I took Katie's bedroom door.
241
00:10:58,023 --> 00:11:01,726
A door is like a teenager's
favorite thing, and I took it!
242
00:11:01,726 --> 00:11:05,196
That is stone-cold old.
243
00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:07,205
Son, when you were a kid,
244
00:11:07,205 --> 00:11:09,234
I didn't even know if you had a door.
245
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,569
That's old school.
246
00:11:11,569 --> 00:11:13,905
We believed in fresh air for kids.
247
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:17,325
Every morning, we just put
you outside like a milk bottle.
248
00:11:17,325 --> 00:11:19,374
What?
249
00:11:21,659 --> 00:11:24,249
Oh, no.
250
00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:27,425
Adam, what's wrong, honey? Are...? Oh.
251
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:30,753
Are-are you sad 'cause your dad
didn't know if you had a door?
252
00:11:30,753 --> 00:11:34,634
What? It's worse than that.
253
00:11:34,634 --> 00:11:36,258
I'm a modern parent.
254
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:39,409
Bev, he seems upset.
255
00:11:39,409 --> 00:11:41,625
Give him one of your muscle relaxers.
256
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:46,688
I can't believe this. I'm so modern,
257
00:11:46,688 --> 00:11:48,790
I don't even know what
old school is anymore.
258
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:51,723
I'm like a cat wearing a dog costume.
259
00:11:52,630 --> 00:11:54,731
Well, you've always been sensitive.
260
00:11:54,731 --> 00:11:55,810
Remember that time
261
00:11:55,810 --> 00:11:58,424
you stood in front of
the lobster tank crying?
262
00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:00,849
I was six.
263
00:12:00,849 --> 00:12:02,287
You told me to pick my favorite one.
264
00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:05,120
I didn't know what
was gonna happen next.
265
00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:06,865
They put the bib on him,
266
00:12:06,865 --> 00:12:09,465
- and all hell broke loose.
- Yeah.
267
00:12:09,465 --> 00:12:10,936
Well, don't beat yourself up.
268
00:12:10,936 --> 00:12:12,714
I mean, you're not so modern.
269
00:12:12,714 --> 00:12:15,380
You still hose down the
driveway in your bathrobe.
270
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,717
That's just to give the
neighbor ladies a thrill.
271
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:21,573
Hey,
272
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:24,225
Grandma, do you have that
baby picture for my project?
273
00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:26,699
I sure do, honey.
274
00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,272
- There you go.
- Thanks.
275
00:12:28,272 --> 00:12:29,963
- Hmm.
- Wow.
276
00:12:29,963 --> 00:12:31,983
Did you see that? We didn't have
277
00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:34,028
what Emme needed, so she asked Bev.
278
00:12:34,028 --> 00:12:35,471
She's resourceful.
279
00:12:35,471 --> 00:12:37,424
- Yeah, we raised her right.
- Yeah.
280
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,870
She's the one we raised the least.
281
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,313
That's true.
282
00:12:45,313 --> 00:12:49,532
We did the best job with Emme
by barely doing the job at all.
283
00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:52,220
That's what we should
be doing with Katie.
284
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:55,173
Back off and let life
teach her some lessons.
285
00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:58,197
Oh, I like it. I can
really get behind that,
286
00:12:58,197 --> 00:13:00,736
instead of fake getting behind
what you were doing before.
287
00:13:01,423 --> 00:13:04,265
Yes, you can, because
I re-figured this out.
288
00:13:04,265 --> 00:13:07,268
I thought I was old school,
but I was really new school.
289
00:13:07,268 --> 00:13:11,439
Now I need to go old old school.
290
00:13:11,439 --> 00:13:13,274
You already talked more about this
291
00:13:13,274 --> 00:13:16,255
than I've talked about
you in your entire life.
292
00:13:17,779 --> 00:13:19,470
I keep looking for a way to leave,
293
00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:20,746
- but he just won't stop.
- Yeah.
294
00:13:22,076 --> 00:13:23,541
You know what?
295
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,236
Keep the phone. Life's too short.
296
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:30,959
Your mother and I have decided to go
297
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:32,627
with a different punishment.
298
00:13:32,627 --> 00:13:34,620
From now on, we're gonna
give you more freedom.
299
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:36,011
How do you feel about that?
300
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,883
- I... like it?
- Hmm.
301
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:40,625
Well, you won't for long,
302
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:42,804
because in real life,
there's consequences.
303
00:13:42,804 --> 00:13:44,639
Yeah, you think we're tough?
304
00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,772
Life's a real son of a gun.
305
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:50,711
Yes, it is, so good luck
running your own life.
306
00:13:50,711 --> 00:13:52,945
Cool. I'm going to a
concert Thursday night.
307
00:13:52,945 --> 00:13:55,828
- What?
- Andi, that's her decision.
308
00:13:55,828 --> 00:13:57,986
- Yeah, but that's a school night.
- Mm-mm-mm.
309
00:13:57,986 --> 00:13:59,904
You know, for your first choice,
310
00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:01,656
- I was expecting...
- Mm-mm-mm.
311
00:14:01,656 --> 00:14:03,908
...something small, like, you know,
312
00:14:03,908 --> 00:14:05,957
swimming right after you eat.
313
00:14:06,614 --> 00:14:08,079
But I can still go, right?
314
00:14:08,079 --> 00:14:08,997
Absolutely.
315
00:14:08,997 --> 00:14:10,716
And on Friday morning,
316
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:11,686
when you're too tired
317
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:13,835
to learn anything at school,
and you don't get into college,
318
00:14:13,835 --> 00:14:17,625
and you end up a milky-eyed
drifter, that's on you.
319
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:19,492
Enjoy sleeping in a boxcar.
320
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:25,447
Come on!
321
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:26,981
This guy's climbing a jungle gym.
322
00:14:26,981 --> 00:14:30,816
He does not deserve the
title of "ninja warrior."
323
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:33,104
Adam, I don't like this.
324
00:14:33,104 --> 00:14:35,690
I mean, Kate is at a
concert on a school night.
325
00:14:35,690 --> 00:14:37,325
I mean, what's she
doing? Is she dancing?
326
00:14:37,325 --> 00:14:39,277
Is she vaping? What's vaping? I...
327
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:41,552
Stay strong.
328
00:14:41,552 --> 00:14:42,584
Remember Emme?
329
00:14:42,584 --> 00:14:44,613
I mean, remember how
we didn't remember Emme?
330
00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:48,130
Lady Gaga would say she
was just born that way.
331
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:51,372
I don't care what the Lady of Gaga says.
332
00:14:51,372 --> 00:14:56,190
I am Adam of Pittsburgh,
and I say we need to back off
333
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:58,901
and let Katie learn about consequences.
334
00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,428
Okay.
335
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:03,721
But maybe I'll just
google the band to see
336
00:15:03,721 --> 00:15:05,557
if there's any news
stories from the venue.
337
00:15:05,557 --> 00:15:07,394
You do what you need to
do. I want no part of it.
338
00:15:07,394 --> 00:15:08,517
Okay.
339
00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:10,391
Oh, hey, what was the
name of that band again?
340
00:15:10,391 --> 00:15:13,221
It was a bunch of letters and numbers.
341
00:15:13,221 --> 00:15:14,312
I could do this.
342
00:15:14,312 --> 00:15:15,727
I should try out for this.
343
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:17,618
Oh, hey.
344
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:19,204
Emme, honey, do you remember the name
345
00:15:19,204 --> 00:15:20,797
of that band that Kate likes?
346
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:22,957
Yeah, it's A55-4U.
347
00:15:22,957 --> 00:15:24,339
Ah.
348
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,828
God, Emme's great.
349
00:15:29,998 --> 00:15:32,657
A55-4U. Huh.
350
00:15:32,657 --> 00:15:34,014
What does that even mean?
351
00:15:34,014 --> 00:15:38,701
You know, when we were kids,
bands had names that made sense.
352
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:41,411
Like... Men Without Hats.
353
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:46,346
You knew what they were, and
you knew what their problem was.
354
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:49,347
- Wait, wait, wait. Look at this.
- Mm.
355
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:52,016
When I typed it out, the
two fives look like S's.
356
00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:56,491
"A55-4U" is really... "Ass-For-You."
357
00:15:56,491 --> 00:15:58,859
Oh, we're gonna lose the next war.
358
00:16:01,212 --> 00:16:03,411
Okay, well, there's no
bad news from tonight's
359
00:16:03,411 --> 00:16:07,532
Ass-For-You concert
at... Obermeyer College?
360
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:10,241
What? The concert's at a college?
361
00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:11,765
Where college boys are?
362
00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:13,588
Yeah, and-and their college-boy beds.
363
00:16:13,588 --> 00:16:16,124
That's the thing about
college boys... they have beds!
364
00:16:16,124 --> 00:16:18,701
- Yeah.
- The hell with this. I'm calling her.
365
00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:29,470
You didn't give her back her phone?
366
00:16:29,470 --> 00:16:30,972
You didn't remind me to
give her back her phone!
367
00:16:30,972 --> 00:16:32,390
You didn't tell me to remind
you to give her back her phone!
368
00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:34,892
This consequen...
369
00:16:34,892 --> 00:16:37,061
This consequences thing
is happening to us!
370
00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:39,704
Life is a son of a gun!
371
00:16:39,704 --> 00:16:41,065
We-we have to go get her.
372
00:16:41,065 --> 00:16:42,900
Yeah, okay. Oh, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
373
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,315
If we go down there,
374
00:16:44,315 --> 00:16:46,641
she'll know we couldn't
old-school her, either.
375
00:16:46,641 --> 00:16:48,573
Okay.
376
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:52,530
What if we send someone else
down there to go check on her?
377
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:55,853
Way to find a loophole, baby!
378
00:16:55,853 --> 00:16:58,750
But what kind of weirdo
grown-ups do we know
379
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:02,503
that would drop everything to
go to an Ass-For-You concert?
380
00:17:02,503 --> 00:17:04,138
Thanks for the tickets, Adam.
381
00:17:04,138 --> 00:17:06,598
Ass-For-You is my workout jam.
382
00:17:06,598 --> 00:17:08,426
Lowell, have you seen Katie?
383
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:09,260
Not yet.
384
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,678
Put Don on the phone.
385
00:17:10,678 --> 00:17:12,180
Oh, good idea. He'll spot her.
386
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,848
He's so tall, he can see everything.
387
00:17:13,848 --> 00:17:15,063
He's like Google Earth.
388
00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:18,269
Go for Don.
389
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:19,604
Any sign of Katie?
390
00:17:19,604 --> 00:17:21,856
No dice. I even stood
outside the girl's bathroom
391
00:17:21,856 --> 00:17:24,942
for a half hour until
security told me to move along.
392
00:17:24,942 --> 00:17:26,277
We need to find Katie!
393
00:17:26,277 --> 00:17:27,528
Don't worry, brother.
394
00:17:27,528 --> 00:17:29,694
You got the right two
guys on this mission.
395
00:17:30,976 --> 00:17:32,533
Lowell?!
396
00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:33,951
I-I'll tell you what.
397
00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:36,217
I'll find Lowell first,
and then I'll find Katie.
398
00:17:39,015 --> 00:17:40,375
Adam, I'm worried.
399
00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,676
And I love you enough to tell you
400
00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:45,046
that if anything happens to her,
the media is gonna blame you,
401
00:17:45,046 --> 00:17:47,462
and I am not gonna be that
wife that sticks up for you.
402
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,660
Screw it. Let's go get our girl.
403
00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:51,667
Oh, yeah.
404
00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:53,368
And after all that modern parenting,
405
00:17:53,368 --> 00:17:54,798
- Kate can't survive on her own.
- Yeah.
406
00:17:54,798 --> 00:17:56,024
She's like a monkey raised in captivity.
407
00:17:56,024 --> 00:17:57,392
Yeah, we can't set her free now.
408
00:17:57,392 --> 00:17:59,476
She'll never find her own bananas!
409
00:18:00,469 --> 00:18:02,864
Ah! Our monkey's safe!
410
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,283
Oh, you came home. I'm so proud of you.
411
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:07,924
- Oh. You are?
- Yeah.
412
00:18:07,924 --> 00:18:10,238
Yeah, you realized
that going to a concert
413
00:18:10,238 --> 00:18:13,080
on a school night was not smart.
414
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,337
Old school works.
415
00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:17,045
No, I still wanted to go to the concert,
416
00:18:17,045 --> 00:18:18,900
but no one else was allowed to go.
417
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,415
The other parents think
you guys are crazy.
418
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:22,414
I'd expect some angry calls.
419
00:18:23,181 --> 00:18:26,260
Oh. So you didn't learn any lessons?
420
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,009
Not as far as I know.
421
00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:33,341
Don't look at me. I wanted to hug her.
422
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:38,049
So, what happens now? Can
I still do whatever I want?
423
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,612
Huh.
424
00:18:39,612 --> 00:18:42,434
Yeah, that's what I think: huh.
425
00:18:43,192 --> 00:18:45,180
That's a confusing answer.
426
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:47,292
It sure is.
427
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,943
And it's supposed to be,
428
00:18:48,943 --> 00:18:51,743
because that was our plan all along.
429
00:18:54,203 --> 00:18:56,784
That's right. All along, we had a plan.
430
00:18:56,784 --> 00:18:59,148
Yeah. We wanted to keep you guessing
431
00:18:59,148 --> 00:19:02,424
by veering wildly from
crazy strict to super easy.
432
00:19:02,424 --> 00:19:04,398
Crazy strict, super easy.
433
00:19:04,398 --> 00:19:05,793
Where are we? You don't know.
434
00:19:05,793 --> 00:19:07,295
Yeah. You...
435
00:19:07,295 --> 00:19:09,372
are in the hands of masters here.
436
00:19:09,372 --> 00:19:10,571
Ha! Masters!
437
00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:13,637
Yeah, so go to your room.
And do whatever you want.
438
00:19:19,297 --> 00:19:21,129
I... I don't know.
439
00:19:23,102 --> 00:19:25,319
- Well, we squeaked through that one.
- Yeah.
440
00:19:25,319 --> 00:19:27,237
If she hadn't come home,
we would've gone to get her.
441
00:19:27,237 --> 00:19:30,949
Yeah. We're not new
school, or old school,
442
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:32,667
or old old school.
443
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:34,416
We got expelled from every school.
444
00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:38,660
We have no power because
we love 'em too much.
445
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:39,386
Mm.
446
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,348
You know, kids... they lock you
in early with their cuteness,
447
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,756
and then you're screwed.
448
00:19:44,756 --> 00:19:48,924
So, how do you control someone you love?
449
00:19:48,924 --> 00:19:52,391
Wait. How did you get me
to go see Mamma Mia on Ice?
450
00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:55,463
I locked you in early with my cuteness,
451
00:19:55,463 --> 00:19:57,512
and now you're screwed.
452
00:19:59,194 --> 00:20:01,021
Ah, so I guess we just white-knuckle it
453
00:20:01,021 --> 00:20:02,556
till Katie's out of the house.
454
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:05,142
Mm, maybe we let her be
her boyfriend's problem,
455
00:20:05,142 --> 00:20:07,141
go with Don's solution.
456
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,094
Scary times.
457
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,735
Hey, party people.
458
00:20:13,735 --> 00:20:16,009
Lowell, what happened? Are you okay?
459
00:20:16,009 --> 00:20:18,706
It was the greatest night of my life.
460
00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:20,583
I got swept up in the crowd,
461
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:22,325
and someone gave me a breath mint
462
00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:24,707
that made me love everybody.
463
00:20:28,347 --> 00:20:30,081
Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.
464
00:20:30,081 --> 00:20:31,862
You guys, look.
465
00:20:31,862 --> 00:20:33,726
I found Kate.
466
00:20:36,313 --> 00:20:41,312
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