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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,241 --> 00:00:02,901 Valco... serves you right. 2 00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:05,002 I'm quite nervous. You won't beat our prices. 3 00:00:05,385 --> 00:00:06,724 Can she stop that now? 4 00:00:06,725 --> 00:00:08,525 Fish and ticks. 5 00:00:08,535 --> 00:00:09,698 Red hot deals. 6 00:00:09,699 --> 00:00:11,939 Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 7 00:00:12,019 --> 00:00:13,779 Loads of two for ones. 8 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:15,687 Boom. 9 00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:17,598 Fresh produce. Delivered daily. 10 00:00:17,599 --> 00:00:18,738 Am I getting paid for this? 11 00:00:18,739 --> 00:00:20,798 Don't forget the Valco tick. Oh, Valco tick. 12 00:00:20,799 --> 00:00:21,599 That way. 13 00:00:21,619 --> 00:00:23,039 Serves you right. 14 00:00:23,119 --> 00:00:24,659 Valco, serves you right. 15 00:00:24,799 --> 00:00:27,256 Valco, serves you right! 16 00:00:30,057 --> 00:00:33,477 Oh. Not long before the big opening. 17 00:00:33,510 --> 00:00:34,910 I think I've actually got goose bumps! 18 00:00:34,946 --> 00:00:37,826 Yeah, well, I wish I felt the same way, Julie, but it's all so different. 19 00:00:37,886 --> 00:00:39,706 There's no signs on the aisles. 20 00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:43,304 And those stools, they're slightly higher than you'd expect. 21 00:00:43,305 --> 00:00:47,145 It's not all that different, just spruced up and shiny. 22 00:00:47,325 --> 00:00:49,545 We've got a coffee bar that sells sushi! 23 00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:52,125 I suppose we could be thankful the sushi's not revolving round 24 00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:53,768 the room on a conveyor belt. 25 00:00:53,993 --> 00:00:58,152 Oh, imagine, a little train for dead fish! Poop-poop! 26 00:00:58,195 --> 00:01:02,295 Nice idea, J-Dog! It could go round the whole store, couldn't it? 27 00:01:02,346 --> 00:01:05,225 An in-store train? That's insanity on stilts! 28 00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:06,665 Gav, I'm only joking. 29 00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:07,886 Thank goodness for that. 30 00:01:08,106 --> 00:01:10,505 Or am I? No, I am, I'm joking! 31 00:01:10,506 --> 00:01:11,766 ..Or am I? 32 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,506 Richard, please, please. I'm confused enough as it is. 33 00:01:14,586 --> 00:01:15,986 We should've opened 20 minutes ago! 34 00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:18,186 We're building up the buzz, Gav! 35 00:01:24,906 --> 00:01:27,765 Right, these are forms for customer feedback. 36 00:01:27,766 --> 00:01:31,726 I'm about to land a mega-celeb to launch this ship in style. 37 00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,366 Who's it going to be? 38 00:01:33,446 --> 00:01:35,285 It's TBC. 39 00:01:35,286 --> 00:01:36,725 Oh, I love boy bands! 40 00:01:36,726 --> 00:01:38,665 Er, I think that means "To Be Confirmed." 41 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:42,666 So, Richard, Lady Gaga wasn't available after all, then? 42 00:01:42,806 --> 00:01:46,346 Turned her down, Gav. She didn't really say "Valco Better" to me. 43 00:01:46,486 --> 00:01:48,287 Believe me, Jules, we're getting someone huge. 44 00:01:48,426 --> 00:01:49,705 Hashtag... 45 00:01:49,706 --> 00:01:52,386 I'm gonna be an A-List I'm an A-List, baby... 46 00:01:53,706 --> 00:01:57,525 Oh, speak of the devil, he shall call you from his limo! 47 00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:58,626 Lionel, hello. 48 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,686 "Is it me you're looking for?" 49 00:02:04,246 --> 00:02:06,506 It only just reaches now cos I did a few practice runs, 50 00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:07,906 cutting it at different angles. 51 00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:10,346 It kept getting shorter. I think it was definitely worth it. 52 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,466 What do you think? 53 00:02:12,426 --> 00:02:14,826 Yep, perfect, mate. Perfect. 54 00:02:19,786 --> 00:02:21,606 My daughter had a party at mine last night. 55 00:02:21,846 --> 00:02:25,385 I woke up covered in pen. Even bleach won't shift it. Dear me! 56 00:02:25,386 --> 00:02:26,825 If she were my daughter 57 00:02:26,826 --> 00:02:29,685 I would take off my belt and beat her like a donkey. 58 00:02:29,686 --> 00:02:32,186 Oh, it's quite nice having some company in the flat. 59 00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:35,946 You know, her and her new boyfriend, MC Poison. Lovely guy. 60 00:02:36,106 --> 00:02:38,325 I'm on the floor, I've given them the bed. 61 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,426 You know, I never realised before how much it creaks. 62 00:02:42,666 --> 00:02:45,705 Hi, Julie, have you come to get your knife? 63 00:02:45,706 --> 00:02:47,785 You know, the one you stabbed in my back, 64 00:02:47,786 --> 00:02:50,645 and then twisted through my broken heart. 65 00:02:50,646 --> 00:02:51,925 If this is about Gavin... 66 00:02:51,926 --> 00:02:57,365 I have seen you talking to him this morning. With your mouth. 67 00:02:57,366 --> 00:03:00,566 I have to talk to him somehow, he is my manager. Yes! 68 00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:04,086 Not your lover, your guide, your never-ending master... 69 00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:05,706 I should press on. Lots to do. 70 00:03:09,226 --> 00:03:10,485 There you go. 71 00:03:10,486 --> 00:03:12,905 Oh, what you doing? Texting Lord Sugar? 72 00:03:12,906 --> 00:03:16,565 No, I applied for a job last week so I'm just checking my e-mails. 73 00:03:16,566 --> 00:03:17,526 Oh, what's the job? 74 00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:18,985 Psychology assistant. 75 00:03:18,986 --> 00:03:21,766 You know, like doing tests in hospitals and prisons and stuff. 76 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,926 Oh, I visited a boyfriend in prison once. 77 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:25,706 Now, they tell you to dress down 78 00:03:25,866 --> 00:03:28,265 so you don't make the prisoners all horny. 79 00:03:28,266 --> 00:03:30,186 There was a proper riot and everything. 80 00:03:30,326 --> 00:03:31,605 Someone even got stabbed. 81 00:03:31,606 --> 00:03:32,746 Oh, God. 82 00:03:32,906 --> 00:03:34,666 Colin says my tits should be banned. 83 00:03:36,746 --> 00:03:40,725 Ladies. I've got some... Breaking News! 84 00:03:40,726 --> 00:03:42,165 You what? 85 00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:44,546 It's time to roll out customer service 2.0. 86 00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:45,846 OK, here's the deal. 87 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:49,206 I like your Tannoy announcements, but I need to love them. 88 00:03:49,386 --> 00:03:51,285 So I've punched up your scripts a little bit. 89 00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,386 We need to grab people's attention from the get-go. 90 00:03:53,546 --> 00:03:55,466 Give it a whirl. 91 00:03:55,566 --> 00:03:57,066 Help, help, I'm dying. 92 00:03:57,146 --> 00:03:58,026 Dying? 93 00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:00,406 Dying to tell customers about Valco Better! 94 00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:02,505 Love it! Remember, bags of energy, loads of fun. 95 00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,726 Boom! 96 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,106 Richard, listen, I've been thinking. 97 00:04:08,246 --> 00:04:11,146 Look, it's not too late to change the sushi idea. 98 00:04:11,306 --> 00:04:13,507 Now, a couple of sizes of jacket potato would... Get in! 99 00:04:15,786 --> 00:04:20,885 Ha-ha-ha! Look at this! Amazing! 100 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,266 France, you're a bloody genius! 101 00:04:23,446 --> 00:04:25,705 Ah-ha! Guilty as charged! 102 00:04:25,706 --> 00:04:32,105 The most expensive refit in Valco history. And I love it! 103 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,026 Sliding doors - nice touch. 104 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,626 Actually, they're the same doors. 105 00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,705 I hope your head's strapped onto your neck, Shelly, 106 00:04:37,706 --> 00:04:38,826 cos your mind... 107 00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:42,005 ..is about to get blown. 108 00:04:42,006 --> 00:04:43,946 He talks like this all the time. I love it! 109 00:04:44,106 --> 00:04:46,005 If this is who I think it is, 110 00:04:46,006 --> 00:04:47,946 you're going to shit a house full of bricks. 111 00:04:50,026 --> 00:04:54,326 Arnie! "I want your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle!" 112 00:04:58,346 --> 00:05:01,526 So, Martin, how's old gang back at head office? 113 00:05:01,706 --> 00:05:04,266 Liz Spinks, Jerry Hoyle, good old Graham Banday? 114 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,326 "Hello, my name's Graham Banday." 115 00:05:07,846 --> 00:05:09,546 Retired, Retired, Sacked. 116 00:05:12,586 --> 00:05:15,306 Can I help you with your shopping experience today? 117 00:05:17,206 --> 00:05:20,105 You all right, Margaret? 118 00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:22,025 Oh, David, I'm as nervous as a goose. 119 00:05:22,026 --> 00:05:23,926 I've got to go and do that meet and greet thing. 120 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,387 You know what the best thing to do is when you're nervous? 121 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,266 Shake out the tension, like this. 122 00:05:29,386 --> 00:05:31,606 Oh, I don't know... Just try a small one. 123 00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:35,766 Oh, yeah, that feels better. 124 00:05:35,846 --> 00:05:38,345 Oh, why don't you try one, Ray? 125 00:05:38,346 --> 00:05:39,306 I don't really want to. 126 00:05:39,366 --> 00:05:41,706 Yeah, but you're always tense. Go on, shake it out! 127 00:05:41,786 --> 00:05:42,825 I'm not tense either. 128 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,545 Yeah, just imagine something's really winding you up. 129 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,606 Like what? 130 00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:47,946 I don't know, a person. 131 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:51,785 Imagine a someone who's really really, really, really annoying! 132 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:57,066 Shake it out. Shake it out. Shake it out. Shake it out. 133 00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:58,325 Yeah. That's it, Ray. 134 00:05:58,326 --> 00:06:00,905 Shake it out. Shake it out. Shake it out. Shake it out. 135 00:06:00,906 --> 00:06:02,806 Come on. Shake it out. 136 00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:04,725 Shake it out. Shake it out. 137 00:06:04,726 --> 00:06:07,306 I can't read this out, it's embarrassing. 138 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:09,046 It's like acting or something. 139 00:06:09,206 --> 00:06:11,626 You see, I don't mind, cos I was always the lead in school plays. 140 00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:12,746 They said I was a natural. 141 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,346 You can act? Yeah, watch me. 142 00:06:16,826 --> 00:06:17,865 What's that? 143 00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:18,966 Shock. 144 00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,106 Do another one! 145 00:06:22,026 --> 00:06:23,285 Is that shock again? 146 00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:24,406 No! It's anger! 147 00:06:29,066 --> 00:06:30,185 Ladies and Gents, 148 00:06:30,186 --> 00:06:33,446 please give a very warm welcome to a very special person. 149 00:06:33,506 --> 00:06:34,706 Oh, God, just get out the way! 150 00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:36,906 Actress. Model. Entrepreneur. Get off! 151 00:06:36,966 --> 00:06:38,986 FHM sexiest woman in the world. Just move! 152 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,745 Boom! Kelly Brook. 153 00:06:40,746 --> 00:06:43,765 Oh, God. They can't take photos! Image rights! 154 00:06:43,766 --> 00:06:47,146 Can you make sure you collect all of those camera phones? 155 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:50,346 Er, yeah, I'll see what I can do. Er, no photos. 156 00:06:50,506 --> 00:06:53,026 Right, can we get on with this before the paps realise I'm here. 157 00:06:53,066 --> 00:06:54,805 They're obsessed with me, everyone is. 158 00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:56,106 Yeah, tell me about it. 159 00:06:57,226 --> 00:07:00,565 Oh, yeah, we'll just do a quick speech, maybe a tour of the store. 160 00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:02,186 Oh, for fuck's sake, really? 161 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,266 OK. 162 00:07:05,546 --> 00:07:09,706 So welcome to a new dawn. To Ground Zero. 163 00:07:09,866 --> 00:07:13,386 Page 1, Chapter 1 of the new book of retail. 164 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:14,825 I just need some eggs, mate. 165 00:07:14,826 --> 00:07:17,846 Do you know what, you're right. Enough with the speeches already! 166 00:07:17,866 --> 00:07:19,626 Let's launch this bitch! 167 00:07:19,726 --> 00:07:21,046 Now if I could just say a few... 168 00:07:21,126 --> 00:07:23,626 This is no longer Valco. This... 169 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,966 ..is Valco Better! 170 00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:31,786 I pronounce this supermarket open. Blah-blah-blah. 171 00:07:31,866 --> 00:07:33,546 Can you just wait one second? 172 00:07:35,626 --> 00:07:40,225 Fire! There's a fire in the store! 173 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,306 No, Linda, that's just the heat from the red hot bargains at Valco Better! 174 00:07:44,646 --> 00:07:46,505 Shall we my love? 175 00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:47,466 Nope? 176 00:07:56,906 --> 00:07:58,286 You done your list? Uh? 177 00:07:58,386 --> 00:07:59,445 Wedding invites. 178 00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,066 Hang on a minute. 179 00:08:01,226 --> 00:08:02,966 I thought we said no-one we've ever shagged. 180 00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:04,426 Hello. Hello. Oh, hello. Hello. 181 00:08:04,586 --> 00:08:07,126 Yeah, well. We don't want the place empty. 182 00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:10,486 How about no-one we've shagged in the last two years, yeah? 183 00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:11,606 All right. 184 00:08:12,906 --> 00:08:14,505 Best man reporting for duty! 185 00:08:14,506 --> 00:08:17,846 Sorry, I'd have come over sooner, but I've been people-watching. 186 00:08:17,866 --> 00:08:20,425 The customers are absolutely blown away by Valco Better. 187 00:08:20,426 --> 00:08:22,346 You're welcome. You're welcome. 188 00:08:22,506 --> 00:08:25,385 Anyway, I've looked into the things you'll need for your wedding day, 189 00:08:25,386 --> 00:08:26,826 and apparently, one of them's food. 190 00:08:26,986 --> 00:08:28,106 Yeah. Dunno what we want. 191 00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,666 I'm happy to help, I just don't know where to start. 192 00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:33,226 How about I let you finish off the bloody stacking 193 00:08:33,386 --> 00:08:35,126 and it can give you some ideas? Wow, thanks! 194 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,886 All right. You're welcome. 195 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:39,766 Peas? Peas? 196 00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:42,186 Peas? 197 00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:44,905 The trouble with stalkers is the more you tell them to piss off, 198 00:08:44,906 --> 00:08:47,286 the more they just take it as encouragement. 199 00:08:47,366 --> 00:08:48,746 Ah, Margaret. 200 00:08:48,806 --> 00:08:50,186 Oh, hello. 201 00:08:50,266 --> 00:08:51,466 Do the routine, Margaret. 202 00:08:51,546 --> 00:08:53,865 No, I'm waiting for the celebrity. 203 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:58,166 No, Margaret, erm, this is our celebrity. This is Kelly Brook. 204 00:09:01,226 --> 00:09:02,825 What, this one? 205 00:09:02,826 --> 00:09:03,786 A lady celebrity? 206 00:09:05,446 --> 00:09:06,986 Oh, deary me, whatever next? 207 00:09:09,846 --> 00:09:11,126 Welcome to Valco. 208 00:09:11,286 --> 00:09:16,265 May I ask if I can help you with your shopping experience today? 209 00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:17,685 Oh, no, thank you. 210 00:09:17,686 --> 00:09:19,626 Erm, I think I'll just take one of these. 211 00:09:19,786 --> 00:09:22,005 That's a very good choice. 212 00:09:22,006 --> 00:09:23,786 Erm, yes, that is a good choice, 213 00:09:23,946 --> 00:09:26,646 but just to be clear, you will have to pay for that. 214 00:09:26,806 --> 00:09:28,085 Yeah, nice one. 215 00:09:28,086 --> 00:09:29,705 Don't sweat it, babe. 216 00:09:29,706 --> 00:09:32,266 We'll just dock the money out of Gavin's wages. 217 00:09:32,426 --> 00:09:33,546 What?! 218 00:09:33,626 --> 00:09:36,586 No, I'm joking, I'm joking. Or am I? 219 00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:38,505 Look, I'll buy them for you, Kelly. 220 00:09:38,506 --> 00:09:40,586 You can anything you want, you know, and I mean.... 221 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:44,105 No, I know what you're thinking. And the answer is no. 222 00:09:44,106 --> 00:09:46,506 It will never, ever happen. 223 00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,426 That's a wonderful choice. 224 00:09:51,706 --> 00:09:54,185 But do you have any Battenberg? 225 00:09:54,186 --> 00:09:56,086 No, but we do have Salmon Teriyaki, 226 00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:59,925 and who can resist Spicy Pepper Squid? 227 00:09:59,926 --> 00:10:02,646 Oh, I've had quite enough of this su-shit. 228 00:10:02,806 --> 00:10:03,946 This is the... Excuse me. 229 00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:05,205 Oh, come on, come on. 230 00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:07,145 Thank you. 231 00:10:07,146 --> 00:10:09,386 ..the Break-Out Zone. 232 00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:12,105 Konichiwa, welcome to the Break-Out Zone. 233 00:10:12,106 --> 00:10:15,406 I'm delighted, nay, proud to be your server today. 234 00:10:15,626 --> 00:10:19,605 And may I say, I am quite a fan of all your work. 235 00:10:19,606 --> 00:10:20,806 Oh, thank you, Neville. 236 00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:24,425 Yes, in fact, your calendar hangs upon my kitchen wall. 237 00:10:24,426 --> 00:10:26,666 Which I must say is very tasteful. 238 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,686 Although, er, some of the corsets are a tad restrictive. 239 00:10:31,306 --> 00:10:34,986 Oh, you're so sweet. Most blokes are just trying to jump me. 240 00:10:35,086 --> 00:10:36,586 Ah, yes, not much of a jumper. 241 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,386 I don't wish to be, er, negative but do you really need two people here 242 00:10:41,546 --> 00:10:43,546 when, you know, you could have Neville on the tills 243 00:10:43,626 --> 00:10:44,906 where he belongs. 244 00:10:45,066 --> 00:10:49,046 Two words Gav - iPhone. Remember when it launched, everyone said, 245 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:53,846 "WTF! I just want a phone, stop twisting my melons, Apple!" 246 00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:56,386 Cut to today - everybody's got one. 247 00:10:56,586 --> 00:10:57,546 I haven't. 248 00:10:57,626 --> 00:10:58,985 Point proved. 249 00:10:58,986 --> 00:11:00,906 Look, when it comes to what customers want, 250 00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:02,666 there are things that they know. 251 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,105 And things that they don't know. 252 00:11:04,106 --> 00:11:06,665 And then things that they don't know that they don't know. 253 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,546 And they don't know that they love coffee and sushi. 254 00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:13,546 Oh, that's minging. 255 00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:16,745 Right, if we're all done here, time for a liquid lunch. 256 00:11:16,746 --> 00:11:17,706 On me, of course, Kelly? 257 00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:19,106 Is Neville going to come? 258 00:11:19,286 --> 00:11:20,405 Er, no, he's not. 259 00:11:20,406 --> 00:11:22,626 I don't normally drink during the daytime, 260 00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:25,706 but I suppose I could risk a bitter top. 261 00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:29,545 Actually, Gav, I think you're better off here, holding the fort. 262 00:11:29,546 --> 00:11:30,645 I see. 263 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,086 Right. Let's crack. Kelly... 264 00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:39,686 Oh, and Gav... 265 00:11:39,746 --> 00:11:42,966 Everything's fine, all right? Don't change anything. 266 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:52,189 Two? Out of ten? 267 00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:53,310 OK, ten? 268 00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:54,910 Ten. Thank you. 269 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,533 Gavin. Some customers are so dim 270 00:11:59,624 --> 00:12:02,284 they don't even see this is a Better Valco. 271 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,209 Oh, frankly, I'm not sure that it is better. 272 00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:06,658 Have you seen the queues here on the tills? 273 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,719 It's like a Dire Straits concert. 274 00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:10,756 Gavin, is it really that bad? 275 00:12:10,757 --> 00:12:12,697 I mean, I know things are a little different. 276 00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:14,182 This is bedlam! 277 00:12:14,183 --> 00:12:16,883 It's worse than Easter weekend 2009. 278 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,303 Oh, Julie, will you jump on the tills for me? 279 00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:22,842 Well, I would, but Richard wants me here doing feedback. 280 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,722 Yeah, well, then that man has no grasp of management hierarchy. 281 00:12:25,723 --> 00:12:28,444 I am manager of this store and it's my job to make Valco Better work. 282 00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:29,542 Unfortunately. 283 00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:33,082 Ah, you're having one of your alpha male moments again. 284 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:36,123 You're like a rufty-tufty Viking! 285 00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:38,663 I expect you're going to bundle me into a hut and... 286 00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:43,623 ..shake my hand for a job well done. 287 00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:46,523 I think the Vikings were a little more aggressive than that, Julie. 288 00:12:47,463 --> 00:12:49,883 Anyway, look let's not just dwell on historical accuracy, 289 00:12:49,963 --> 00:12:52,103 we need a plan of action. 290 00:12:52,263 --> 00:12:54,143 Look out, there's a bomb in the store! 291 00:12:55,483 --> 00:13:00,443 No, Linda, that's just the explosive feeling of shopping at Valco Better. 292 00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:02,022 Hell's Doorbells! 293 00:13:02,023 --> 00:13:04,583 Hold on, how come you're saying more than me? 294 00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,023 Just a coincidence, innit? 295 00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:07,002 If you say so. 296 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,762 What, so you should have the best lines? 297 00:13:08,763 --> 00:13:11,642 Yeah. Well, I sound more real. You're a bit, you know, panto. 298 00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,083 Panto? 299 00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:14,662 Look, are you ready or not? 300 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:17,083 Aaaaaah! 301 00:13:17,243 --> 00:13:21,403 Don't panic, Sue, Valco Better is open seven days a week, 302 00:13:21,563 --> 00:13:27,162 eight till late, including Bank Holidays! 303 00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,223 Right. No more of those, please, ladies. 304 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:30,843 Just get back to the old routine. 305 00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:34,842 I told you. Panto. 306 00:13:34,843 --> 00:13:37,222 Can I tempt you with some salted carp? 307 00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:40,443 The perfect accompaniment to a steaming mug of milky coffee. 308 00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:44,602 Yeah, well, all the more for us, then. 309 00:13:44,603 --> 00:13:45,882 Do you know, 310 00:13:45,883 --> 00:13:48,743 I might take some of these leftovers and eat them in the car. 311 00:13:48,763 --> 00:13:50,842 My daughter, she doesn't like me eating in front of her. 312 00:13:50,843 --> 00:13:53,722 She says she can't stand the way I chew. 313 00:13:53,723 --> 00:13:57,383 Kids, eh? They do, they say the funniest things! 314 00:13:57,543 --> 00:14:00,103 I see you've got plenty of time for laughing and joking, Neville. 315 00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,683 Oh, well, you know me, I always like to find the silver lining. 316 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:03,963 Sold anything? No, not yet. 317 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,404 I knew it. The sushi's a disaster. 318 00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:07,164 It's like the Bay of Pigs all over again. 319 00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:09,882 Right, Neville, close this down and jump on the tills, will you? 320 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,283 Well, you never know, it might pick up, we might sell... 321 00:14:12,423 --> 00:14:13,703 Neville, just do it, will you? 322 00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:15,623 I've had enough of your endless barracking. 323 00:14:19,303 --> 00:14:23,323 Oh, Gavin, I love it when you're busting other men's balls like that. 324 00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:26,362 You are a raging bull and I want to ride you forever. 325 00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:29,562 That's a super idea, Anna, but I am rather tied up at the moment. 326 00:14:29,563 --> 00:14:31,002 Tied up is good. 327 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,862 Gavin, I need your help. There's a lady stuck up a stool. 328 00:14:33,863 --> 00:14:35,962 What? 329 00:14:35,963 --> 00:14:41,083 Always hanging round, aren't you, Julie? But you will never win. 330 00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:45,083 Do you want to hear how I know my Gavin loves me? 331 00:14:45,163 --> 00:14:46,363 Not really, thanks. 332 00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:50,623 It's the feeling I get when he explodes inside me, 333 00:14:50,643 --> 00:14:52,583 like a shaken-up bottle of coke. 334 00:14:54,183 --> 00:14:55,323 Do you get my meaning? 335 00:14:55,483 --> 00:14:58,363 Yes. I think you've made the point more than adequately, thank you. 336 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,563 She got up but she can't get down again. It's her hip. 337 00:15:01,723 --> 00:15:03,423 Oh, dear. Erm, let me see if I can get you down. 338 00:15:03,483 --> 00:15:05,543 What happened to all the proper chairs? 339 00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:09,402 Well, I'm afraid that our Head Madman has rather unconventional ideas 340 00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:10,683 about that sort of thing. 341 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,762 But we want a sit-down and a cup of tea. 342 00:15:12,763 --> 00:15:14,523 Why can't we have what we want? 343 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:21,403 If you could just wait for a few minutes I'm going to sort this out. 344 00:15:23,243 --> 00:15:25,542 Gavin. What are we doing? 345 00:15:25,543 --> 00:15:28,423 He just lay there on the bed, cold as ice. 346 00:15:28,603 --> 00:15:32,423 I mean, 65 is no age these days, is it? 347 00:15:32,503 --> 00:15:34,523 Oh, that's an excellent choice. 348 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:37,062 Apologies for this, but I'm going to have to move Margaret 349 00:15:37,063 --> 00:15:39,323 onto bag packing, so come with me, please, Margaret. 350 00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:40,743 It's absolute chaos, Margaret. 351 00:15:40,903 --> 00:15:42,662 I'm going to put you on eight, might be nine. 352 00:15:42,663 --> 00:15:45,703 Now, it's going to be dangerous but you'll be all right. 353 00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:49,082 I don't understand. What are we doing? 354 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,963 Julie, have I ever told you about my tiny inner voice? 355 00:15:52,023 --> 00:15:54,342 It doesn't tell you to attack women with hammers, does it? 356 00:15:54,343 --> 00:15:56,123 No, it doesn't, Julie. 357 00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:59,003 Normally it says things like, "Have that third Hobnob 358 00:15:59,163 --> 00:16:00,962 "and there'll be hell to pay on the scales." 359 00:16:00,963 --> 00:16:02,023 There you go. 360 00:16:03,783 --> 00:16:07,162 But recently I've not wanted to hear what it's been saying. 361 00:16:07,163 --> 00:16:09,382 Valco Better is wrong. 362 00:16:09,383 --> 00:16:11,483 Do you know what, Julie? 363 00:16:11,623 --> 00:16:14,042 We had an old lady down there wedged in a bar stool 364 00:16:14,043 --> 00:16:16,602 and we were offering her raw fish. Now that's not right. 365 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:18,203 You're not going to change it all back? 366 00:16:18,343 --> 00:16:20,103 All of it, Julie. I have to. 367 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,003 I can't ignore my tiny inner voice any more. 368 00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:24,282 Oh, Gavin, don't you think you might be overreacting? 369 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,203 You could just let it carry on. 370 00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:28,823 Let Richard and Martin Shell see that it's not working. 371 00:16:28,883 --> 00:16:31,962 No, Julie. In every man's life there is a time to act. 372 00:16:31,963 --> 00:16:32,883 And that time is now! 373 00:16:33,883 --> 00:16:37,463 MC Poison's bringing his whole crew round tonight for another shindig. 374 00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:38,523 Right. 375 00:16:38,683 --> 00:16:40,603 My daughter says it's going to be so busy, 376 00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:44,442 there won't be any room for me. I've offered to sleep in the car. 377 00:16:44,443 --> 00:16:47,142 I heard it's going to be like minus five tonight. 378 00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:50,203 Oh, it's OK, I once spent a whole winter in that car. 379 00:16:50,283 --> 00:16:51,483 D'you know? 380 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:55,962 I'm really beginning to feel like I'm head of the family again. Oh. 381 00:16:55,963 --> 00:16:57,562 Oh, dear God. What is it? 382 00:16:57,563 --> 00:16:59,962 It's my wife. It's my ex wife. Hello, darling. 383 00:16:59,963 --> 00:17:02,843 You selfish little shit! Keeping my daughter away from me! 384 00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:05,562 Well, to be fair, I think she came of her own free will. 385 00:17:05,563 --> 00:17:07,163 Fair? Nothing's ever fair with you. 386 00:17:07,323 --> 00:17:08,763 Darling, I know you're angry, but... 387 00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:11,003 Angry? Too right I'm angry! 388 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:14,043 I want money, compensation for the loss of my daughter 389 00:17:14,203 --> 00:17:15,723 or your life won't be worth living, OK? 390 00:17:15,783 --> 00:17:17,082 Understood. 391 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,782 And Mike says you've still not fixed the lawnmower. 392 00:17:19,783 --> 00:17:22,424 No problem, I shall pop round to the house tomorrow to have a look. 393 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,542 Oooh, got off lightly there. 394 00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:26,503 What a bitch! 395 00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:28,603 Oh, you should see her when she's properly angry. 396 00:17:28,763 --> 00:17:31,483 Usually she goes straight for the car and slashes the tyres. 397 00:17:31,643 --> 00:17:34,842 Or slaps me in the... Ah, there we go. 398 00:17:34,843 --> 00:17:37,402 Let's just take the weight off. 399 00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:40,283 Now please enjoy a complimentary cup of tea 400 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:43,142 and jacket potato for your trouble. 401 00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:44,743 They really are top notch. 402 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:46,623 Well, that's lovely, thank you very much. 403 00:17:46,683 --> 00:17:48,582 My pleasure. 404 00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:50,343 Ah, Leighton, will you just do me a favour 405 00:17:50,523 --> 00:17:52,903 and just cordon off all those high stools? 406 00:17:53,063 --> 00:17:56,023 We're going to make this shop sane again. 407 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:58,023 We're making Valco Better better? 408 00:18:02,823 --> 00:18:04,763 Oh, lovely. Gone for the yellow, lovely. 409 00:18:04,923 --> 00:18:06,363 There's Valco green, as well. 410 00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:09,343 Come through, madam. Hi, Anita. 411 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,024 Hi. 412 00:18:11,104 --> 00:18:12,204 Now that's better. 413 00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:20,783 Er, is Neville here. 414 00:18:20,784 --> 00:18:21,744 No, sorry. 415 00:18:22,704 --> 00:18:24,304 Pen. 416 00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:25,293 Pen! 417 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,452 Do you mind giving him something from me? 418 00:18:29,453 --> 00:18:31,053 Er, yes, yes, OK. 419 00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:37,273 Come on. 420 00:18:37,453 --> 00:18:38,872 When I invented touch screen, 421 00:18:38,873 --> 00:18:41,613 I said, "Just get rid of the buttons!" They tried to section me. 422 00:18:41,693 --> 00:18:42,614 That's incredible that. 423 00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:43,853 Whoa! 424 00:18:45,293 --> 00:18:46,572 What's the matter, France? 425 00:18:46,573 --> 00:18:47,853 What's happened to the wancing? 426 00:18:48,013 --> 00:18:50,413 Totally should have been wanced off by now. 427 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:55,512 Are they office chairs in the Break-Out Zone? Where's the sushi? 428 00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:57,452 There's no fucking sushi. 429 00:18:57,453 --> 00:19:00,953 'Don't forget we've a two-for-one offer on Mexican and Italian food 430 00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:02,853 'in our ready meals section.' 431 00:19:04,313 --> 00:19:07,033 Gavin Strong Dot Com forward slash arse kick. 432 00:19:08,953 --> 00:19:11,032 You've got to help me understand this, Gav. 433 00:19:11,033 --> 00:19:14,073 Cos earlier I'm sure I remember telling you not to change anything. 434 00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:15,673 You did, yes. 435 00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:18,553 But I decided, in the light of events, 436 00:19:18,573 --> 00:19:22,893 that I should use my judgment and my experience to... 437 00:19:25,453 --> 00:19:27,673 You didn't see the chaos. 438 00:19:27,693 --> 00:19:28,772 It was like a Primark. 439 00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:31,513 This is exactly what I was talking about over lunch. 440 00:19:31,593 --> 00:19:32,913 You're bang out of order Gavin. 441 00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:34,892 Honestly, if you'd've seen what it was like, 442 00:19:34,893 --> 00:19:36,793 you'd have done the same thing. 443 00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:37,913 Customers weren't happy. 444 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,472 We were teetering on the knife edge of an actual revolt. 445 00:19:40,473 --> 00:19:42,553 Wow, that's really interes... 446 00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:44,793 Julie, what do the forms say? 447 00:19:44,813 --> 00:19:47,373 Well, it's not an accurate cross section. 448 00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:50,713 Come on, Jules. Average customer score. 449 00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:55,533 8.5. 450 00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:57,453 Ba-dam ba-dam bam bam! 451 00:19:59,269 --> 00:20:01,209 There's even an 11 on here! 452 00:20:01,289 --> 00:20:02,809 To be fair, that was Leighton. 453 00:20:04,389 --> 00:20:07,269 Either way, great stats. 454 00:20:07,429 --> 00:20:10,969 People like you can make statistics say anything you like! 455 00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,189 In fact, you've probably got a statistic to say 456 00:20:13,369 --> 00:20:14,889 how easy it is to fiddle statistics! 457 00:20:19,769 --> 00:20:21,449 Julie, will you give us a minute, please? 458 00:20:28,089 --> 00:20:31,589 You're tired, Gavin. Have a couple of weeks off. 459 00:20:31,769 --> 00:20:35,929 Take your little bike out for a spin or whatever it is you do. 460 00:20:36,009 --> 00:20:36,729 Enforced holiday? 461 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,469 And don't worry about it back here. 462 00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:42,169 Because both France and June have very capable hands. 463 00:20:44,089 --> 00:20:48,709 There's really no need. Martin, you know that I can do it. 464 00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,769 Sorry, Gav. You brought this on yourself. 465 00:20:53,529 --> 00:20:54,969 I'm with Martin here. 466 00:20:56,709 --> 00:20:57,849 Or are you? 467 00:21:00,069 --> 00:21:01,369 Yes, I am. 468 00:21:03,449 --> 00:21:06,169 Oh, what a day. 469 00:21:06,249 --> 00:21:08,068 Yes indeed. 470 00:21:08,069 --> 00:21:10,468 Oh, a lady came in to look for you and she... 471 00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,708 Yeah, she found me, unfortunately. 472 00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:14,329 Oh? You don't want to see her? 473 00:21:14,469 --> 00:21:16,068 Heavens, no. Nightmare woman. 474 00:21:16,069 --> 00:21:17,049 Oh, OK. 475 00:21:17,099 --> 00:21:21,649 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36607

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