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1
00:00:01,212 --> 00:00:03,872
There is something
I wish my dad had told me.
2
00:00:03,942 --> 00:00:06,472
The longest pause you will everexperience in your life
3
00:00:06,542 --> 00:00:09,112
is the one that follows askingthe question...
4
00:00:09,172 --> 00:00:10,342
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:12,942
Your brain goes into overdrive,
6
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:15,542
imagining everypossible response.
7
00:00:15,612 --> 00:00:17,472
No.
8
00:00:17,542 --> 00:00:19,442
Oh, God, no.
9
00:00:19,512 --> 00:00:22,012
(laughing)
10
00:00:22,072 --> 00:00:24,912
(snorts):
You want me to marry...
11
00:00:24,972 --> 00:00:26,512
No.
12
00:00:26,572 --> 00:00:28,942
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted.
I can't.
13
00:00:29,012 --> 00:00:30,342
Mark Johnson,
the quarterback
14
00:00:30,412 --> 00:00:32,442
from your high school football
team, already asked me.
15
00:00:33,212 --> 00:00:35,142
What's up, Turd?
16
00:00:35,212 --> 00:00:37,312
It's Ted!
17
00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:39,812
But if you're lucky,she may answer with the single
18
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:41,842
greatest wordin the English language.
19
00:00:42,548 --> 00:00:44,912
Yes.
20
00:00:57,872 --> 00:01:02,172
Stella and I spent that summerhappily engaged.
21
00:01:02,242 --> 00:01:04,512
Marshall was still copingwith unemployment.
22
00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:05,942
What are you doing?
23
00:01:07,972 --> 00:01:10,012
Lily threw herselfinto her painting.
24
00:01:10,072 --> 00:01:12,372
What are you doing?
25
00:01:12,442 --> 00:01:15,172
Barney was rehabilitatingfrom his bus accident.
26
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,972
What are you doing?
27
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:19,912
And well, Marshall just kept
28
00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:21,972
coping with unemployment.
29
00:01:24,412 --> 00:01:26,942
What are you doing?
30
00:01:27,012 --> 00:01:28,842
And Robincontinued to uphold
31
00:01:28,912 --> 00:01:31,572
the high journalistic standardsof Metro News 1.
32
00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:34,712
Is your favorite
brand of dental floss
33
00:01:34,772 --> 00:01:37,042
poisoning your entire family?
34
00:01:37,112 --> 00:01:41,112
Tune in at 11:00
for the shocking... tooth.
35
00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:46,372
Okay, I officially
hate my job.
36
00:01:46,442 --> 00:01:48,112
I'm not a reporter,
I'm just someone
37
00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:50,442
who shows up at night
and scares people.
38
00:01:50,512 --> 00:01:52,542
I'm the bogeyman
with a teleprompter.
39
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,612
(laughing)
40
00:01:56,612 --> 00:01:58,042
"Bogeyman
with a teleprompter."
41
00:01:58,112 --> 00:01:59,912
That's hilarious!
Great joke,
42
00:01:59,972 --> 00:02:01,572
Robin, great joke.
43
00:02:01,642 --> 00:02:02,742
Barney, no offense
to Robin,
44
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:04,212
but that wasn't
that funny.
45
00:02:04,272 --> 00:02:06,772
Are you kidding?
That was a great joke.
46
00:02:06,842 --> 00:02:09,312
It's smart, funny, beautiful,
the whole package.
47
00:02:09,372 --> 00:02:11,542
It's everything you're
afraid to let yourself want.
48
00:02:12,412 --> 00:02:14,372
In a joke.
49
00:02:15,612 --> 00:02:18,842
(laughs):
"Bogeyman with a teleprompter."
50
00:02:18,912 --> 00:02:20,712
Classic.
51
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:26,012
Okay, what is so urgent
that you called me and begged me
52
00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:28,342
to come over
at 7:22 in the morning?
53
00:02:28,412 --> 00:02:30,442
I could tell you knew
something was up with me,
54
00:02:30,512 --> 00:02:31,672
and you're right.
55
00:02:31,742 --> 00:02:32,912
But I can't
56
00:02:32,972 --> 00:02:34,112
tell you what it is.
57
00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:35,412
I should tell you,
but I can't!
58
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:36,742
I have to.
I never will!
59
00:02:36,812 --> 00:02:38,012
I'm going to.
Let's just drop it.
60
00:02:38,072 --> 00:02:39,742
What's up with you?
61
00:02:39,812 --> 00:02:41,342
Barney, just say it.
62
00:02:44,442 --> 00:02:46,412
I think I'm in love with Robin.
63
00:02:47,572 --> 00:02:48,642
Hey, Lily needs
some gift ideas
64
00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:49,942
for Stella's
wedding shower.
65
00:02:50,012 --> 00:02:51,472
Does she like to cook?
66
00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:54,442
Um... actually,
I don't know.
67
00:02:54,512 --> 00:02:56,372
Oh, what's her favorite color?
68
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:58,872
Don't know that either.
69
00:02:58,942 --> 00:03:01,012
Well, does she have any hobbies?
70
00:03:01,072 --> 00:03:02,872
Yes, she's exactly
71
00:03:02,942 --> 00:03:05,012
the kind of person
who would have hobbies.
72
00:03:05,072 --> 00:03:07,042
And interests, too.
73
00:03:07,112 --> 00:03:08,912
I am one lucky son of a bitch.
74
00:03:08,972 --> 00:03:10,212
Dude, you don't know
75
00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:12,542
anything about the woman
you're marrying.
76
00:03:12,612 --> 00:03:15,242
What? You're crazy!
I know plenty.
77
00:03:15,312 --> 00:03:16,372
What color are her eyes?
78
00:03:18,042 --> 00:03:20,572
The color of the ocean
after a storm.
79
00:03:20,642 --> 00:03:21,842
Which is?
80
00:03:24,242 --> 00:03:26,242
Beautiful.
81
00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:28,342
I don't believe it.
82
00:03:28,412 --> 00:03:29,772
I thought
you called me over here
83
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:31,642
to uncuff you
from your sex swing again,
84
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,072
but you're in love?
85
00:03:33,972 --> 00:03:35,342
That is so sweet!
86
00:03:35,412 --> 00:03:36,672
It's not "sweet."
87
00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,842
It's like a disease.
88
00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:41,742
I slept with Robin one time
and I caught feelings.
89
00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,542
I caught feelings bad.
90
00:03:43,612 --> 00:03:45,572
I used protection
and everything.
91
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,472
Oh, Barney, you don't
92
00:03:47,542 --> 00:03:50,042
"catch" feelings,
you just have them.
93
00:03:50,112 --> 00:03:51,372
And they're good.
94
00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:52,942
They're terrible!
95
00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:55,372
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
96
00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:56,712
She's all I think about.
97
00:03:56,772 --> 00:03:58,212
I close my eyes, I see Robin.
98
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,842
I, I hear a song;
it reminds me of Robin.
99
00:04:00,912 --> 00:04:02,872
Morning.
I sleep with that chick,
100
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,812
I'm thinking
about Robin.
101
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,272
Okay, so I don't
know every single
102
00:04:07,342 --> 00:04:08,512
detail about Stella.
103
00:04:08,572 --> 00:04:09,712
What's this really about?
104
00:04:09,772 --> 00:04:10,742
Do you not like her
or something?
105
00:04:10,812 --> 00:04:12,672
No, Ted,
I like Stella a lot.
106
00:04:12,742 --> 00:04:14,012
She's a Mets fan.
107
00:04:14,072 --> 00:04:15,272
Really?
It's just that
108
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,272
everything with you guys
has moved so fast.
109
00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:18,842
You've only known
each other a few months.
110
00:04:18,912 --> 00:04:20,172
Don't you think maybe
111
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:21,572
you should slow things
down a little bit?
112
00:04:21,642 --> 00:04:23,142
Get to know each other better?
113
00:04:23,212 --> 00:04:24,342
I'll have
a whole lifetime
114
00:04:24,412 --> 00:04:25,842
to get to know her better.
115
00:04:25,912 --> 00:04:28,812
Right now, I know
the one thing that I have to:
116
00:04:28,872 --> 00:04:30,412
that I love her.
117
00:04:30,472 --> 00:04:31,712
You love her?
118
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,812
(sighs)
Barney,
119
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,342
how can you be in love,
120
00:04:34,412 --> 00:04:36,872
and still be sleeping
with anything that moves?
121
00:04:36,942 --> 00:04:40,012
I'm sorry,
I don't follow you.
122
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:43,012
That's like saying,
"How can an ant carry
123
00:04:43,072 --> 00:04:45,342
"20 times its body weight,
but root beer floats
124
00:04:45,412 --> 00:04:46,442
are still delicious?"
125
00:04:46,512 --> 00:04:48,142
Are the two even related?
126
00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:49,772
Really? Ow!
127
00:04:49,842 --> 00:04:51,642
Barney, you're going
to have to stop screwing around
128
00:04:51,712 --> 00:04:53,312
if you want to be
Robin's boyfriend.
129
00:04:53,372 --> 00:04:55,342
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
130
00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:56,872
(chuckles):
"Boyfriend"?
131
00:04:56,942 --> 00:04:59,412
I don't want
to be Robin's boyfriend.
132
00:04:59,472 --> 00:05:01,442
Well, what do you want, then?
133
00:05:01,512 --> 00:05:02,542
I don't know.
134
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:03,942
I just want
to be with her.
135
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,672
All the time.
136
00:05:05,742 --> 00:05:07,142
I want to hear about her day
137
00:05:07,212 --> 00:05:09,412
and tell her
about mine.
138
00:05:09,472 --> 00:05:12,742
I want to hold
her hand and smell her hair.
139
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,442
But I don't want to be
her stupid boyfriend.
140
00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:16,842
Barney, what you
141
00:05:16,912 --> 00:05:19,412
just described
is a relationship
142
00:05:19,472 --> 00:05:21,812
between a boyfriend
and a girlfriend.
143
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:24,072
And a pretty clingy one at that.
144
00:05:24,142 --> 00:05:26,772
Look, Lily, are you going
to help me out with this or not?
145
00:05:26,842 --> 00:05:29,012
I'm a kindergarten teacher.
146
00:05:29,072 --> 00:05:31,242
I see a confused,
little kid in the corner
147
00:05:31,312 --> 00:05:32,972
trying to eat
the lefty scissors,
148
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,942
I gotta help the poor,
little bastard.
149
00:05:35,012 --> 00:05:36,442
But only if you
150
00:05:36,512 --> 00:05:38,772
stop sleeping around.
Deal?
151
00:05:38,842 --> 00:05:41,112
Deal.
152
00:05:41,172 --> 00:05:43,772
Coming up next,
is your local ice cream man
153
00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:47,272
actually driving a roving
meth lab on wheels?
154
00:05:47,342 --> 00:05:49,342
Stay tuned for the full...
155
00:05:49,412 --> 00:05:51,372
(sighs):
scoop.
156
00:05:51,442 --> 00:05:53,442
Really?
157
00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:55,472
(humming)
158
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,672
Uh-huh...
Mmm...
159
00:05:57,742 --> 00:05:59,012
I know dudes
think it's girlie
160
00:05:59,072 --> 00:06:00,612
for a guy to cook,
161
00:06:00,672 --> 00:06:01,942
but us ladies?
162
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:03,572
We find it mighty sexy.
163
00:06:03,642 --> 00:06:04,642
Really?
Mm-hmm.
164
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:05,912
You know, uh...
165
00:06:05,972 --> 00:06:07,942
my grandma
taught me how.
166
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,642
Oh, yeah, she did.
Yeah.
167
00:06:09,712 --> 00:06:11,512
I had a lot
of time after school
168
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,242
to watch her
cook because
169
00:06:13,312 --> 00:06:14,842
(whispers):
I wasn't good at sports.
170
00:06:14,912 --> 00:06:17,242
I'm on fire right now.
171
00:06:20,872 --> 00:06:23,742
Delicious.
What's in this pesto?
172
00:06:23,812 --> 00:06:26,972
Oh, you know, the usual:
basil, garlic, olive oil,
173
00:06:27,042 --> 00:06:29,142
but can you guess
my secret ingredient?
174
00:06:29,212 --> 00:06:32,042
Peanuts.
Yes. How did
you know that?
175
00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:40,654
OK, Let me think. What else?
You know what, sweetie?
176
00:06:40,827 --> 00:06:43,667
I woke up so early and I had
a really long day at work.
177
00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:44,827
And then there
was that whole thing
178
00:06:44,897 --> 00:06:46,067
where you tried to kill me.
179
00:06:46,127 --> 00:06:47,397
Can we please just go to sleep?
180
00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:50,627
No, I clearly need
to know more about you.
181
00:06:50,697 --> 00:06:52,697
Let's do firsts.
Um, first kiss?
182
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:55,027
Dale Harris, second grade.
183
00:06:55,097 --> 00:06:56,697
Wait, you're talking
like peck on the cheek
184
00:06:56,767 --> 00:06:58,467
or a full-on passionate
making out?
185
00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:01,127
Passionate making out.
Okay, yeah,
Dale Harris, second grade.
186
00:07:01,197 --> 00:07:02,767
Uh, first time you had sex.
187
00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:04,727
Dale Harris, second...
Stop it.
188
00:07:04,797 --> 00:07:07,367
Billy Devito,
sophomore year of college.
189
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,767
Prude.
190
00:07:08,827 --> 00:07:10,527
Molly McKenzie,
junior year of high school.
191
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,227
Slut.
192
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:14,897
Robin just needs to see
this new see of you.
193
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:17,227
So just call her up?
Just call her up.
194
00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:21,527
It's...
195
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:24,627
(high-pitched mumbling):
Hi, Robin.
196
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:26,897
She wasn't there.
197
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:28,397
I left a voice mail.
198
00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:30,297
You left a voice,
but it wasn't male.
199
00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:32,697
Barney, I don't get it.
200
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:35,567
You've called a million
girls a million times.
201
00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:36,897
Yeah, but those
were just booty calls.
202
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:39,467
On a booty call,
you barely even have to talk.
203
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,467
Around 9:00 p.m., you say...
204
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,497
Hey, baby, it's Barney.
You busy tonight?
205
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:45,667
Sweet.
See you in half an hour?
206
00:07:45,727 --> 00:07:47,167
Can't wait.
207
00:07:47,227 --> 00:07:49,467
But the later it gets,the fewer words you need.
208
00:07:49,527 --> 00:07:50,667
Barney. Busy?
209
00:07:50,727 --> 00:07:52,397
Sweet.
210
00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,097
And by 3:00 in the morning...
211
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,197
Sweet.
212
00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:03,897
A question mark?
213
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:06,097
You got laid off
a question mark?
214
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,327
(chuckles)
215
00:08:07,397 --> 00:08:08,967
Ow! Hey!
216
00:08:09,027 --> 00:08:11,997
It's no worse than your
super-obvious code words.
217
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:12,997
(indistinct chatter)
218
00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:14,197
Rhinoceros.
219
00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:16,597
We have to go.
220
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,927
Great. Now we need
a new code word.
221
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,597
(phone ringing)
222
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,227
Ah, ah, it's her,
it's Robin.
223
00:08:22,297 --> 00:08:23,767
What do I do?
224
00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:25,167
No-no-no-no, aah!
Robin...
225
00:08:25,227 --> 00:08:27,027
great to hear from you.
226
00:08:27,097 --> 00:08:29,367
To what do I owe the pleasure?
227
00:08:29,427 --> 00:08:31,997
You called, went
(mimics gibberish), and hung up.
228
00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:33,067
What do you want?
229
00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:34,967
(chuckles):
Help me!
230
00:08:35,027 --> 00:08:38,127
(whispers):
Uh, just ask
her something.
231
00:08:38,197 --> 00:08:40,627
How are you feeling today?
232
00:08:40,697 --> 00:08:41,567
Fine.
233
00:08:41,627 --> 00:08:43,367
Something personal.
234
00:08:43,427 --> 00:08:45,697
Um...
235
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:49,197
At what age did you first
get your period?
236
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:51,127
Did you just ask me
about about my period?
237
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,297
No, I did not.
238
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,397
Look, Barney,
I'm at work right now.
239
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:57,497
Just ask her out.
240
00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:02,527
Um, Robin,
I was wondering if...
241
00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,697
Nothing.
Gotta go. Bye.
242
00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:07,227
Ha, ha!
243
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,797
Ha! That was
just a practical joke.
244
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:11,597
I'm not really in love
with Robin.
245
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,667
You should've seen the look
on your face.
246
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,497
There's cameras
right there and there
247
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:17,267
and there. Ah!
248
00:09:17,327 --> 00:09:19,967
What a legendary prank
249
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,027
that we're never going
to speak of again.
250
00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:28,897
Gross.
251
00:09:30,627 --> 00:09:32,497
Uh, first movie
you ever saw.
252
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:35,167
Benji, 1981.
253
00:09:35,227 --> 00:09:37,797
I watched it recently with Lucy
and I just thought,
254
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,767
"Oh, that dog
is so dead right now."
255
00:09:41,697 --> 00:09:42,897
What about you?
256
00:09:42,967 --> 00:09:44,527
My dad took me
to an old drive-in
257
00:09:44,597 --> 00:09:46,097
to see the original Star Wars.
258
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:48,867
You know, I've aually
never seen Star Wars.
259
00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:51,367
She's never seen Star Wars?!
260
00:09:51,427 --> 00:09:53,527
Ted, the only people
in the universe who haven't seen
261
00:09:53,597 --> 00:09:55,597
Star Wars are the characters
in Star Wars,
262
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,127
and that's 'cause they
lived them, Ted!
263
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,867
That's 'cause they lived
the Star Wars.
264
00:09:58,927 --> 00:10:00,127
You've got to calm down.
265
00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:01,767
I told you. I told you
you didn't
266
00:10:01,827 --> 00:10:03,227
know this girl well enough.
267
00:10:03,297 --> 00:10:05,297
What if you show it to her
and she doesn't like it?
268
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:06,697
Dude, it's just a movie.
269
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:09,467
Ted, Star Wars is your all-time
favorite movie,
270
00:10:09,527 --> 00:10:11,867
and whether or not Stella
likes it is actually important.
271
00:10:11,927 --> 00:10:14,597
It's like, it's a test
of how compatible you guys are.
272
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,897
Marshall, it's just a movie.
273
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:18,767
It's just a movie.
274
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:21,827
(movie closing theme flourish
playing)
275
00:10:23,427 --> 00:10:25,027
Okay, if Stella
doesn't like this movie,
276
00:10:25,097 --> 00:10:27,367
I can't marry her.
No, you can't.
277
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,156
Wait, where are the boys? I
thought this was a group thing.
278
00:10:39,226 --> 00:10:40,526
Yeah, I lied.
279
00:10:40,586 --> 00:10:41,986
They're not coming
and I'm about to leave.
280
00:10:42,056 --> 00:10:44,486
Why?
Because...
281
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,526
they're not in love with Robin,
and neither am I.
282
00:10:47,656 --> 00:10:49,786
I mean, she's great and sweet.
283
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:52,156
I'm not going to pretend
that I haven't noticed her body,
284
00:10:52,226 --> 00:10:54,986
but this is off topic.
Good luck.
285
00:10:55,086 --> 00:10:56,556
Wait, wait, I
can't do this.
286
00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:58,026
She'll never take
me seriously.
287
00:10:58,086 --> 00:11:00,256
She thinks I'm some
womanizing idiot.
Hey.
288
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,256
We both know
you're more than that.
289
00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:05,186
Okay, just show Robin the
Barney I met the other day.
290
00:11:05,256 --> 00:11:08,526
You mean the insecure,
touchy-feely she-male
291
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,926
who sounded alarmingly
close to Ted?
292
00:11:10,986 --> 00:11:13,986
Hey, Ted hit that
for over a year.
293
00:11:14,056 --> 00:11:15,056
Wish me luck.
294
00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:18,756
I just thought it'd be fun
to watch a movie tonight,
295
00:11:18,826 --> 00:11:20,726
and since you've
never seen Star Wars,
296
00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:22,556
I figured why not?
297
00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:24,086
No big deal.
298
00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:25,586
It's pretty good.
299
00:11:25,656 --> 00:11:27,356
Sounds like a plan.
Hmm.
300
00:11:27,426 --> 00:11:29,526
(Star Wars theme playing)
301
00:11:32,286 --> 00:11:33,656
Hey, I'm just gonna
grab a beer.
302
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:34,926
You want one?
(clearing throat):
Um...
303
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,486
the movie's already
started, so...
304
00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:37,486
Yeah, it's just
305
00:11:37,556 --> 00:11:39,026
some words flying through space.
306
00:11:39,086 --> 00:11:40,586
I mean, I'm not going
to read that anyway.
307
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:41,726
(high-pitched):
Oh, my God.
308
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:44,026
Off to a bad start.
309
00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:45,626
What are you doing
down there?
310
00:11:45,686 --> 00:11:48,026
I'm making sure my best friend
is marrying the right woman.
311
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,586
That's what I'm doing.
312
00:11:49,656 --> 00:11:51,756
Dude, what the hell are you
doing, hiding behind the couch?
313
00:11:51,826 --> 00:11:53,426
You need to get a job.
314
00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,426
I really do, don't I?
315
00:11:56,486 --> 00:11:58,126
Yeah.
316
00:11:58,186 --> 00:12:02,356
So, Robin...
tell me about your day,
317
00:12:02,426 --> 00:12:03,756
and not just what happened,
318
00:12:03,826 --> 00:12:06,256
how you felt
about what happened.
319
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,526
What?
320
00:12:07,586 --> 00:12:09,386
I'm not looking
to problem-solve,
321
00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,286
I'm just looking to listen.
322
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,826
(chuckles)
323
00:12:12,886 --> 00:12:14,356
Why are you acting like this?
324
00:12:14,426 --> 00:12:15,386
Like what?
325
00:12:15,456 --> 00:12:17,056
You're being super nice.
326
00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:19,056
It's freaking me out.
327
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:21,886
Be gross, be inappropriate.
328
00:12:21,956 --> 00:12:23,186
Be Barney.
Uh,
329
00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:24,986
I'm being Barney,
330
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:27,586
and I think
tonight's going to be
331
00:12:27,656 --> 00:12:31,056
de-- wait for it-- lightful.
332
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,126
Delightful.
333
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,426
Right.
334
00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:40,226
Hey, um, so I went
to the chiropractor yesterday.
335
00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:44,926
That guy bent me over the table
and pounded me for a good hour.
336
00:12:44,986 --> 00:12:47,486
Is insurance going
to cover that?
337
00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:49,526
Sometimes they don't.
338
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:51,226
That's it?
339
00:12:51,286 --> 00:12:53,886
Okay.
340
00:12:53,956 --> 00:12:56,386
Well, um,
today I was at the dentist.
341
00:12:56,456 --> 00:13:00,226
That guy drilled me
all day long.
342
00:13:01,456 --> 00:13:02,986
He drilled me hard.
343
00:13:03,056 --> 00:13:05,826
He filled all of my cavities.
344
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,356
Come on, man.
345
00:13:07,426 --> 00:13:09,226
Well, your teeth
look fantastic.
346
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:10,656
Who are you?
347
00:13:11,686 --> 00:13:14,686
(Star Wars theme playing)
348
00:13:18,926 --> 00:13:20,926
What?
349
00:13:20,986 --> 00:13:22,786
Nothing.
350
00:13:22,856 --> 00:13:26,186
You were staring
at me.
351
00:13:26,256 --> 00:13:28,686
You look really
beautiful tonight.
352
00:13:28,756 --> 00:13:29,886
Mmm.
353
00:13:29,956 --> 00:13:32,126
You don't look
so bad yourself, mister.
354
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:36,726
Yeah, great scene,
great scene.
355
00:13:36,786 --> 00:13:38,756
Star Wars fun fact
number seven--
356
00:13:38,826 --> 00:13:40,056
George Lucas based
the film's structure
357
00:13:40,126 --> 00:13:43,056
on Akira Kurosawa's
The Hidden Fortress.
358
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,656
Uh, he also owes a debt
359
00:13:44,726 --> 00:13:46,226
to Joseph Campbell's work
with comparative mythology.
360
00:13:46,286 --> 00:13:48,156
Yeah, Ted,
I'm losing wood over here.
361
00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:49,286
What's going on?
362
00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:51,326
Nothing.
363
00:13:51,386 --> 00:13:54,026
Wait, it's really important
to you
364
00:13:54,086 --> 00:13:55,486
that I like this movie,
isn't it?
365
00:13:55,556 --> 00:13:57,486
(scoffing)
366
00:13:57,556 --> 00:13:58,486
No.
367
00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:00,056
Well,
368
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:02,256
I'm not gonna like it with you
staring at me the whole time.
369
00:14:02,326 --> 00:14:04,226
Go to your room and I will
come get you when it's over.
370
00:14:04,286 --> 00:14:06,856
Stella.
Go.
371
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,486
Should I leave, too?
(screams)
372
00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,786
What part,
what part, what part?
373
00:14:25,686 --> 00:14:27,486
Thanks.
374
00:14:27,556 --> 00:14:28,486
Nothing?
375
00:14:28,556 --> 00:14:29,686
Not even
a glance?
376
00:14:29,756 --> 00:14:31,626
I mean, even I was thinking
377
00:14:31,686 --> 00:14:34,326
about rocking a motorboat
on those bad boys.
378
00:14:34,386 --> 00:14:35,326
What the hell
is wrong
379
00:14:35,386 --> 00:14:36,486
with you, Barney?
380
00:14:36,556 --> 00:14:38,756
I don't always want
to be that guy.
381
00:14:38,826 --> 00:14:40,056
Sometimes I want to be
382
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,586
someone you can have
an actual conversation with.
383
00:14:42,656 --> 00:14:43,656
Now,
384
00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:44,926
tell me something about you
385
00:14:44,986 --> 00:14:47,056
that I don't know yet.
386
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:48,356
Seriously.
387
00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:51,526
Okay.
388
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:55,226
Um... there's a job opening
at a new cable network
389
00:14:55,286 --> 00:14:57,456
that would be perfect for me--
390
00:14:57,526 --> 00:14:58,786
completely legit
391
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:02,856
world news, interviews
with people who matter--
392
00:15:02,926 --> 00:15:05,056
uh, but I decided
I'm not going to apply.
393
00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:06,226
Why not?
394
00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:07,886
Because I'm a joke.
I'm just
395
00:15:07,956 --> 00:15:11,026
the scary news lady from
some stupid local news channel.
396
00:15:11,086 --> 00:15:14,956
Hey, we both know
you're more than that.
397
00:15:15,026 --> 00:15:16,556
Promise me you'll apply.
398
00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:18,626
Barney, it's not as easy...
399
00:15:18,686 --> 00:15:20,686
Promise me you'll apply.
400
00:15:21,726 --> 00:15:24,056
Okay.
401
00:15:24,126 --> 00:15:25,986
I promise.
402
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:27,326
(Star Wars background music
playing)
403
00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:28,986
Okay, she's up
to the scene
404
00:15:29,056 --> 00:15:30,426
where Luke, Leia,
Han and Chewy escape
405
00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:32,156
from the Death Star's
trash compactor.
406
00:15:32,226 --> 00:15:35,286
Great scene.
Great scene.
407
00:15:37,386 --> 00:15:39,826
Okay, we should
have just heard...
408
00:15:39,886 --> 00:15:40,986
(gasps, yelps)
409
00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:42,586
(cathartic laugh)
410
00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:44,286
(sigh of relief)
411
00:15:44,356 --> 00:15:45,926
...but Stella
didn't make a peep.
412
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,226
I'm gonna take a look.
All right.
413
00:15:49,026 --> 00:15:51,026
* *
414
00:15:55,086 --> 00:15:57,286
She's not even watching.
415
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,726
She's texting.
416
00:15:58,786 --> 00:16:00,426
I'll tell her
you still want to be friends.
417
00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:01,926
I don't believe this.
418
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:03,586
I don't believe this; she knows
this is important to me.
419
00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:06,056
She's blatantly...
(phone chimes)
420
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,826
"Stop watching me, jackasses."
421
00:16:12,256 --> 00:16:13,256
To taking chances.
422
00:16:13,326 --> 00:16:14,556
To taking chances.
423
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:15,556
(clinking)
424
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,886
Thank you.
425
00:16:17,956 --> 00:16:19,326
You know, Robin, there's
actually something I,
426
00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:20,956
I do want to talk
to you about.
427
00:16:21,026 --> 00:16:23,926
Last call.
Of course it is.
428
00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:25,386
One more for the road?
429
00:16:25,456 --> 00:16:26,386
Yeah, why not?
430
00:16:26,456 --> 00:16:27,626
Hold that thought?
431
00:16:30,126 --> 00:16:32,326
I will.
432
00:16:39,126 --> 00:16:41,056
I loved it.
433
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,156
Yes!
434
00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:43,726
Yes, I am marrying a woman
435
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:44,756
who is not only hot
436
00:16:44,826 --> 00:16:46,926
but loves Star Wars.
437
00:16:46,986 --> 00:16:48,086
That's the dream.
438
00:16:48,156 --> 00:16:49,556
Yes!
439
00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:50,886
What was that?
440
00:16:50,956 --> 00:16:52,586
I was high-fiving
15-Year-Old Me
441
00:16:52,656 --> 00:16:53,986
through the space-
time continuum.
442
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,556
We did it.
443
00:16:55,626 --> 00:16:58,456
(laughing):
We did it, you masturbating
little bastard.
444
00:16:58,526 --> 00:16:59,586
Champagne for everybody.
445
00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:02,886
(sighs)
446
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,426
It was so good.
447
00:17:04,486 --> 00:17:06,586
You hated it, didn't you?
Ugh, it's so stupid.
448
00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:08,486
I mean, first of all, how do
they understand that walking...
449
00:17:08,556 --> 00:17:10,756
bear they hang around
with all the time?
450
00:17:10,826 --> 00:17:12,256
Wookiee.
Yeah, he goes...
451
00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:13,456
(weird growling)
452
00:17:13,526 --> 00:17:14,886
And they're all like,
453
00:17:14,956 --> 00:17:16,786
"That's a good point, Bear,
let's try that."
454
00:17:16,856 --> 00:17:18,126
Okay, he's a Wookiee,
455
00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:19,626
and his kind is actually
more intelligent
456
00:17:19,686 --> 00:17:20,686
than they appear.
457
00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:23,226
Look, Stella,
458
00:17:23,286 --> 00:17:25,656
that is Ted's favorite movie
of all time.
459
00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:26,786
He watches it
when he's home
460
00:17:26,856 --> 00:17:28,326
sick with the flu.
461
00:17:28,386 --> 00:17:30,956
He watches it on rainy
Sunday afternoons in the fall.
462
00:17:31,026 --> 00:17:33,526
He... he watches it
on Christmas Eve.
463
00:17:34,986 --> 00:17:36,456
Ted watches Star Wars
464
00:17:36,526 --> 00:17:39,586
in sickness and in health,
in good times and in bad.
465
00:17:39,656 --> 00:17:41,656
Do you really think
that you can pretend
466
00:17:41,726 --> 00:17:43,686
to like a movie
that you actually hate
467
00:17:43,756 --> 00:17:46,256
for the rest of your life?
468
00:17:49,256 --> 00:17:51,986
I do.
469
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:55,626
Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy.
470
00:17:58,756 --> 00:18:00,026
(scoffs)
471
00:18:00,086 --> 00:18:01,986
Bear.
472
00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:04,956
Hey.
Hey.
473
00:18:05,026 --> 00:18:06,456
So, here's the deal.
474
00:18:06,526 --> 00:18:09,556
April, have...
you met Barney?
475
00:18:09,626 --> 00:18:10,786
Hi, Barney.
476
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,726
Uh, hello.
April just finished
her shift,
477
00:18:12,786 --> 00:18:15,686
and she's looking
to blow off some steam.
478
00:18:15,756 --> 00:18:17,126
Ha.
Hmm.
479
00:18:17,186 --> 00:18:19,956
Would you excuse
us for one sec?
480
00:18:20,026 --> 00:18:21,786
What are you doing?
481
00:18:21,856 --> 00:18:23,186
Well, you were
so nice to me tonight,
482
00:18:23,256 --> 00:18:26,026
I wanted to return the favor,
wingwoman-style.
483
00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:28,626
So, as I was saying,
April, Barney...
484
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:30,626
is the Yankees'
new second-baseman.
485
00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:31,926
And Barney,
April asked
486
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,186
if tomorrow, you could
hit a goal for her
487
00:18:35,256 --> 00:18:37,086
during the
baseball match.
488
00:18:37,156 --> 00:18:38,386
You can't make
this stuff up.
489
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,886
So, you two kids have fun.
490
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,056
(chuckles)
491
00:18:44,126 --> 00:18:46,986
So are you, uh,
nervous about the game?
492
00:18:47,056 --> 00:18:49,086
Yeah, I'm nervous
for the other team
493
00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:51,326
'cause when I step
up to that plate...
494
00:18:51,386 --> 00:18:53,926
(chuckles)
495
00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,826
Look, April, I am not
a New York Yankee.
496
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:57,986
Any other night,
497
00:18:58,056 --> 00:18:59,156
I would probably
try to convince you
498
00:18:59,226 --> 00:19:00,186
that I am, but I'm not.
499
00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:01,526
I'm just some guy
500
00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:04,356
who's in love with the
girl that just left,
501
00:19:04,426 --> 00:19:09,126
and she's never going
to feel the same way.
502
00:19:09,186 --> 00:19:10,426
So I'm just going to go.
503
00:19:12,056 --> 00:19:13,156
And that was it.
504
00:19:13,226 --> 00:19:15,426
I'm so sorry, Barney.
505
00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:18,556
But you can't give up.
506
00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:20,056
You know,
it may take some time,
507
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:22,356
but once Robin really sees
the new you...
508
00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:23,626
Barney, um,
509
00:19:23,686 --> 00:19:25,186
when my family gets
to Yankee Stadium,
510
00:19:25,256 --> 00:19:27,186
are the tickets
under your name or mine?
511
00:19:27,256 --> 00:19:29,526
My name, and tell your
nephews to bring their mitts.
512
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,756
They're going to be
in foul ball country.
513
00:19:31,826 --> 00:19:34,126
(chuckles)
514
00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:35,556
(laughing):
Come on.
515
00:19:35,626 --> 00:19:37,456
Okay, well, the Robin stuff
was completely true.
516
00:19:37,526 --> 00:19:38,586
Ow!
517
00:19:38,656 --> 00:19:39,756
Damn it, Barney.
518
00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:41,956
I mean, for the last time,
519
00:19:42,026 --> 00:19:45,256
you can't, you can't
be in love with Robin
520
00:19:45,326 --> 00:19:48,526
and still be sleeping with
every bimbo on the planet.
521
00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:50,456
You have to choose right now.
522
00:19:51,486 --> 00:19:53,456
I choose bimbos.
523
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,386
What?!
Hey, Lily, bimbos
make me happy.
524
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,726
Bimbos make me
feel alive.
525
00:19:58,786 --> 00:20:02,826
Bimbos make me want to
pretend to be a better man.
526
00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:04,756
This whole thing with
Robin was just a fling,
527
00:20:04,826 --> 00:20:08,456
but at the end of the day,
my heart belongs to bimbos.
528
00:20:08,526 --> 00:20:11,456
No, no, this is just
a defense mechanism
529
00:20:11,526 --> 00:20:13,226
because you're afraid
of getting hurt.
530
00:20:13,286 --> 00:20:15,486
You're just confused.
531
00:20:15,556 --> 00:20:17,686
Oh, I'm not
confused, Lily.
532
00:20:17,756 --> 00:20:19,726
You know who is confused?
533
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,056
Bimbos.
534
00:20:21,126 --> 00:20:22,426
They're easily confused.
535
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:23,786
It's one of the
thousand little things
536
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,686
I love about them.
537
00:20:25,756 --> 00:20:29,186
I love their vacant,
trusting stares;
538
00:20:29,256 --> 00:20:32,126
their sluggish,
unencumbered minds;
539
00:20:32,186 --> 00:20:34,726
their unresolved daddy issues.
540
00:20:34,786 --> 00:20:37,386
I love them, Lily,
and they love me.
541
00:20:37,456 --> 00:20:38,786
Bimbos
have always
542
00:20:38,856 --> 00:20:42,226
been there for me,
through thick and thin.
543
00:20:42,286 --> 00:20:43,256
Mostly thin.
544
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,686
B-man don't do thick crust.
545
00:20:44,756 --> 00:20:45,826
What up?
546
00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:47,126
See you, Barney.
547
00:20:47,186 --> 00:20:49,356
Oh...
548
00:20:51,356 --> 00:20:53,156
(door closes)
549
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,456
(sighs)
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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