All language subtitles for Superstore.S04E18.WEBRip.x264-ION10

.

- So in honor of Earth Day,
we'll be helping

save the environment
by switching

to recycled toilet paper
and selling

"The Day After Tomorrow"
on Blu-Ray for half off.

- That should do it.

- Uh, corporate
is also asking us

to discuss ways we can
all live more sustainably.

Anybody?

I turn the faucet off
while I'm brushing my teeth.

- Oh, I do that.
I brush in the bathtub.

- Actually, baths are really
bad for the environment.

- Yeah, but they're really
great for my skin so,

give and take.
- Jerusha and I have started

unplugging the refrigerator
whenever we're not home.

- Doesn't your food go bad?
- Actually, yeah, it's awful.

We've been throwing away
tons of stuff.

- I'm a vegan so it's basically
like driving four Priuses.

- I play a game at home
where I try to use

less water each week.

Now I only flush my toilet

when it's full.

- Okay, uh--
that was a good discussion.

Last but not least,
each branch is now

going to have an employee
"green ambassador" to promote

sustainability efforts
within the store.

Ours is going to be Jonah,
obviously.

- A-doy
- What up, dork?

- Thank you, everyone.

- Oh, you don't have to speak.

- Well, I figured
as green ambassador,

I should serve the badge.

- It's a button.
Calm down.

- "Now is the time to act
on climate change!

"If global temperatures rise
by just half a degree more,

"we will be at the point
of no return

"towards a worldwide apocalypse
in less than ten years.

The Obama administration
is working t"--

oh, this was printed in 2009.

- Well, did we make it?
- Just looked it up.

No. Not even close.

- [groans]
- Oh, no.

- Somebody should really be
paying attention to this.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hey, guys,
I'm supposed to sign people up

for some green initiatives.

Anybody feel like helping
start a compost?

- Isn't that where you put old
food in a barrel

and then stir in poop?

- Well,
that's an over simplification.

- Pass!
My doctor says

if I get meningitis
one more time, I'll die.

- Okay, well, uh,
there's other stuff.

Uh, this Sunday I'm putting
a team together

to plant some
trees out back.

- I'll do that.
- Me too.

I could really use
the overtime right now.

- Oh, yeah, so they're not
paying anybody for this.

- So you'd be paying us?
- Me?

No, I'm--
- Or who's paying us?

- Uh, okay.
Nobody is paying anybody.

- So you're just asking us
as like, a favor?

- I don't want to waste
a Sunday doing you a favor.

I mean, no offense.
We're just not that close.

- It's not a favor for me.
It's a favor for the Earth.

For your children.
For your grandchildren.

- Mm, no thanks.
- I don't know.

- I can't even have kids.

I fell of a four-wheeler
when I was nine.

Burst my ball sack clean open.

- Okay, well, I'll just leave
the sign-up sheet

at customer service
in case you change your mind.

- I can still have orgasms
though!

[chuckles]

They just hurt really bad.

- If you need to use
the bathroom,

here's a key to
the employees' bathroom.

- Thank you.
- The customer bathrooms

hit sort of a tipping point,

so we stopped cleaning them.

Oh, hey, guys!
You remember Pastor Craig.

- Oh, yes.
Hi.

- He's my pastor and friend.

Well, friend first,
pastor second.

- Well, pastor first
and foremost.

- Yeah, 50/50.
- Mm.

- Anyway,
this is Amy and Mateo.

- Hi.
- Amy's divorced

and recently had a child
out of wedlock.

- Yep.
- And Mateo's gay,

but not in a way
that defines him.

- Oh, hallelujah.
- Don't worry.

Pastor Craig is one of
those cool pastors

who's down
with all the gay stuff.

- That's probably not how
I would have phrased that,

but hey, I did enjoy
"The Birdcage."

- It was an important film.

- Pastor Craig's handing out
these little plants

to all the
customers for Earth Day.

- Yup. I like to say

that God has a "plant"
for every one of us.

- [laughs]
Plant.

- Um, are you setting up
a booth in the store?

Is this something
you ran by me?

- Oh--sorry, I've been manager
so long, I forgot to ask.

- I'm sorry.
Is it gonna be a problem?

- No, it's not a problem.
Just, next time, run it by me.

- Okay.
- Or else I could get mad.

[chuckles stiffly]

I'm just kidding.
Not totally,

because you should run
these things by me.

- Ab--absolutely.
And thank you for doing this.

- Okay.
- All right.

Oh, and I do enjoy
the occasional episode

of "Will & Grace."

- I will tell the rest of us.
- Yeah.

- Thank you, Pastor.

[Huey Lewis And The News'
"It's Hip To Be Square" plays]

- ♪ It's hip to be square

♪ It's hip to be square

- Oh, getting a lot
of people to sign up

for your little green thing?

- Yeah, everybody's signing up
for recycling.

I've got "S. SquarePants,"
"Hannity Rules,"

"Suck It,"
and "Yo Skanky Grandma."

- That's a solid team.

- Only real employee to sign up
is Joe...

Nuzzadoosh?

- Say it a little faster.

- Joe Nuzzadoosh?

"Jonah's a douche."
Got it.

Well done.
- Thank you.

- Why am I the only person
who cares

that the entire planet
is falling apart?

- Oh, come on.
You live for this stuff.

- What stuff?
- You know, finding a cause,

leading a movement, getting
to say "unacceptable" a lot.

- I'm sorry, I guess I didn't
realize that humanitarianism

was such a buzz kill.
I guess that also means...

Bono is not cool.

- Oh, okay, so now you're Bono?

- No, that's not what I mean.
- I see.

You're just the Bono
of the store?

- I didn't say I was Bono.

- All right, look, I'm just
messing with you.

But it is kind of true though.

I mean, I guess if...

anybody here was Bono,
it would be you.

- I mean, I guess.

- Hey, Heather! Jonah thinks
he's the Bono of the store!

- No, no, no, that's
not--no, he made me--

why do I even talk to you?

- Aw, good talking to U2!

Get it? Like the letter U--
- Yeah, I got it.

- All right.

- Well, it is shaping up
in here.

I see you opted against
the standing desk.

You just gonna join
a gym instead?

- What?
- Did you say it was okay

for Glenn's pastor to set up
a booth in the store?

- Yeah, he's just handing out
little plants.

- Well, that's how it starts.

Then, next thing you know,
cult leaders are handing out

little tiny cups of Kool-Aid.

Drink up, everybody!
- That's a big, dark leap.

Look, it's fine.
It's just this one time.

Plus, Glenn had already
told him he could do it, so...

- Yeah, but you're the manager.
You can't let Glenn

start walking all over you.

You need to come down
on him hard.

- I think you just want
to watch me yell at Glenn.

- This has nothing to do
with my personal feelings.

Would I enjoy watching you
yell at Glenn?

Of course I would.

Would I prefer
to do the yelling?

Great question.
No.

I think it would be more fun
to be a spectator.

- Hmm.
- Would I judge you

if you lost it all
and it became physical?

Of course not.
Would it be our little secret?

Absolutely.

[Men Without Hats'
"Safety Dance" plays]

♪

- ♪ We can dance
if you want to, we can... ♪

- [scoffs] Who switched
the white coffee filters

with the brown ones
that taste like dirt?

- I did. The white filters
contain dioxins which--

- I like dioxins.

And is one person using
white coffee filters

really going
to ruin the planet?

- No,
but if everybody said that--

- I'm not talking about
everybody.

I'm talking about me.

- Were you also the one
who replaced the straws

with these paper things?
- Yes.

- These have
no structural integrity.

Why did I even leave Syria?

- Okay, you know what?

Somebody had to
be green ambassador,

so I said sure,
but I'm tired of being

the only one who volunteers
around here,

so if anybody else
wants to take over for me--

- Okay, I'll do it.
- Huh?

- I'll be the green guy
or whatever.

- O--okay, gr--great.
There you go.

Finally,
somebody's stepping up.

So let's hear it for Cheyenne.

[claps awkwardly]

- I'll clap when I get
some decent coffee.

- "And sometimes the hardest
thing to accept

is that we are not in control."

- So true.
So true.

- "For only by losing ourselves
completely to God

can we find"...

- Ourselves.
- "God's mercy."

- God's mercy.
both: Amen.

- Glenn, again,
just feel free to listen.

Don't try and guess
what I'm going to say.

I'm about to say it.
You're going to hear it.

- Okay, no problem at all,
my friend.

- Pastor.
- Glenn.

- Mm-hmm?
- Can I talk to you

for a minute?
- Uh, yeah, I gue--

do you think
you can press pause?

Maybe take a fiver?
- We'll keep going.

- Okay,
I've got the book anyway.

It's great.
- All right.

- Glenn, you said that he was

just going to be
handing out plants.

- I know!
Who knew we'd be getting

a live reading
of his book too?

- Uh-huh, yeah.
It's just that this

kind of goes beyond
what we had discussed--

- Yeah, way beyond, baby!

[chuckles]
- Uh, I just don't think

that corporate is going to be
too excited to hear that

a Christian pastor was doing
a book reading in the store.

- Okay,
but I'm not worried about that.

- Well, you might not
be worried about it but--

- Can we talk about this later?
It's just that,

I do have the book,
but nothing beats live,

so I just...
- Glenn.

- "Let's praise him
in a way that pays him."

.

- Hey, dude.
Did you drop these

cool wraparound sunglasses?

- No, I don't think--

ah, I get it.

Because they look like
Bono sunglasses?

- Yeah.
- Do we even sell those here?

- No, I had to go to CVS to get
these, but it was worth it.

- Jonah, hey.
I need to talk to you

about the
green ambassador thing.

- Oh, uh, sure.
Happy to help.

- Oh, you forgot
to give me the button.

- Right, the button.
Here is your one button.

Wear it with pride.
- Thanks.

- And again, if you need any
help with ideas, you know,

or just like a--
like a sounding board,

you can always come to me.

- That's okay. I don't want to.

- Oh, shoot.
I was going to return these,

but I think there's a scratch
on the inside.

You see that?
- No.

- You have to, like,
get them close.

- No, I don't...

okay--
- Ey, Bono!

It's Bono, everybody!
- You know what?

- I understand that.
- Hey, Amy?

- Yes?
- Pastor Craig told this lady

that if she bought a signed
copy of his book,

she would get a free watch.

Should I give her a watch?

- Wait, now he's selling
his book in the store?

- I told you you should have
screamed

at Glenn from the start.

It's okay.
It's a learning curve.

- When we haven't accepted God
in our hearts, we feel empty!

And then we try
to fill that emptiness

by buying things.

New phone, jewelry,
that fancy blender.

- This is just for nut butters.
- Okay, that's all right.

- Hey, what are you doing?

You can't sell your book
in the store.

- Oh, it's fine.
Glenn okayed it. Hallelujah.

- Well, it doesn't really
matter what Glenn okayed

because I'm the manager.
- Maybe I should go get Glenn.

- No, we don't need Glenn
for this.

- Well, I know we don't need
him, but it would just be--

it'd be fun.
- Guys, I really think

we should talk about this
another time.

I have customers,
and this is unprofessional.

Hallelujah.
- These are not your customers.

- She is.
She bought two books.

- I'm gonna have to ask you
to please leave the store.

- Oh, so I guess
you're kicking me out.

- You can take it that way,
yes.

- All right, uh,
as you guys heard,

I've been asked to leave.

[group groans]

That's okay.
I implore you all

to handle this
like good Christians

and not escalate it
to violence.

- Nobody was talking
about violence.

- Lord!
Bow your heads.

- No, please do not. Sir--
- Lord forgive her!

She knows not...
crowd: Mm-hmm.

- What she does.
- I know exactly

what I'm doing.

- And if anyone wants
any more information

about our church,
you can reach us

at lifesworkschurch.org/donate.

- Okay, you're done.
- All right,

just so you all know,
this was not a race thing.

We're kicking him out
for practicing his religion.

- No, that is not true.

- All right, I stand corrected.

Race may have had
a little to do with it.

- Okay.

[classic rock music
plays over speakers]

♪

- Okay, so welcome
to the first meeting

of the new
and improved green team.

[scattered applause]

Now let's all think of some
ways to help the environment.

- Yeah,
and nothing super annoying

that turns coffee
into hot turd juice.

Oh, sorry, Jonah.
I didn't see you there.

[whispering]
I saw him.

- I didn't make
the filters myself,

so it's not a burn on me.

- We should post something
on social media.

- Okay, what about something
like #oceans?

- [gasps] Yes, I love that.
That's so good.

- Um, I'm sorry.

What exactly
would a hashtag accomplish?

- Well, it's about
starting a conversation.

- What conversation?

- This conversation.
- Yeah.

- Yup.
- Oh, what if we took turns

teaching dumb kids to read?
- Mm.

- Ooh, that's good.
Or prison reform.

- Okay, again, um, sorry--
none of my business,

but, uh, wondering
if maybe your scope

is getting a little wide.

- Look who hates prison reform.

- I'm actually with Jonah
on this one.

I've been to prison,
and honestly,

it's perfect as is.

- Wait--wha--
where's Pastor Craig?

- Oh, didn't you hear?
Amy kicked him out.

- What?
- Yeah, he was really upset

about it too.
Like, devastated.

I think he may
have said something about

being disappointed
in you personally.

I don't remember exactly.

Anyway, I hate to be the one
to break it to you.

- What--what are you...

[shouts]
- It's really important

to break down cardboard waste.

- [shouts]
- You know, Earth Day and all.

- Oh!

You kicked Pastor Craig
out of the store?

I want the truth.
- Yes.

- Don't--don't lie to me, Amy.

You kicked him out!
- I said yes!

He was selling his book
in the store, Glenn.

I didn't agree to that.

- You--you are out
of control, missy!

And--and you are going
to pick up the phone

and you are gonna call
Pastor Craig

and apologize
to him right now!

- No.

- Then you can't be
manager anymore.

- What?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.

I thought--
I thought you could handle it,

but you immediately came in
and started

whizzing all over the place
and changing up

a perfectly good office
and, "Oh, look.

"Look at our window.

Now we can all stare
at Manager Amy."

- Glenn, you can't just
take the job back.

- Yes, I can.
Get out of my office.

- That's not gonna happen.

- So...you're just keeping
the job?

- Yeah.
- Well then, what can I do?

- Nothing.
- But then I can't do anything!

- I know.
- So what? I mean,

I've just gotta do
whatever you say?

- Yeah.
- But then I can't do

what I want.

And I want to do it.

- [sighs]
- This is so unfair!

Can I even slam the door?

- I'd rather that you didn't.
- [whines loudly]

.

- And Jesus put forth his hand
and the leper was cured.

So what miracles have you
experienced in your lives?

And please,
nobody say their kids, okay?

- One time, I saw Lily Tomlin
in an airport.

I mean, it looked like her.
I don't know.

- Hey, what's going on
over here?

- Oh, nothing. Just having
a little employee Bible study.

Would you care to join us?

You could probably use
some guidance.

- Ha-ha, well, can't we all?

- Mm-hmm.
- But, uh, no.

Unfortunately, there's no
religious gatherings allowed

during company time,

so everyone has
to get back to work.

- Wow.

So first Amy throws a man of
the cloth out of the store,

and now we're not even allowed
to talk about the Bible.

- And we can't say
"merry Christmas" anymore.

- Shut up, Earl.
This isn't about that.

- Glenn,
can we speak privately, please?

- I don't know. Can we?

- Okay. Glenn, I know
you're having some issues

with not being
in charge anymore,

and so you're lashing out
at me.

And I'm trying to be
very cool about it,

but I can't keep doing that
because it makes me look bad,

so I am asking you politely.
Please knock it off.

Okay?
- Fine.

But I have three minutes
left on my break.

Am I allowed
to talk about anything?

- Yes. Obviously you can talk.

- Fine.

I'm gonna talk about, um...

John Cusack.
- Knock yourself out.

- Because John Cusack died
for our sins,

which is why we
worship John Cusack,

King of the Jews.
- Okay, that is it, Glenn!

You need to stop being a whiny,

snotty little baby man

and get back to work,
or I'm going to write you up!

Do you understand me?

I said, "Do you understand me?"

- [mumbling] Yes...
- What?

- Yes. I said yes.
- Good.

- I liked "High Fidelity,"
but I'm not sure

how it holds up post-#MeToo.

- All right, everybody.
Let's show pollution

what we think about it.

[shutter snapping]

Oh, yeah.
Really good job, everybody.

- Can we take it again?
I forgot to cover my chin

with my hand the way
Barbra Streisand always does.

- Okay.
- How is this doing anything?

They're just posing for selfies

and then congratulating
themselves.

- Yeah, dude.
That's what Instagram is.

- It's just dumb.
- Hmm.

It almost seems like
you want to be in charge.

- That's not what I meant.

- Look, man, I get it.
It's hard.

One day you're on top of the
world, winning Grammys,

performing Live Aid,

forcing your music
onto people's iPhones--

- I'm not Bono!

- Okay, okay.
What if we did, like,

a Jimmy Kimmel kind of thing

where we call people
and we tell them

that their kids are dead?
But then we're like,

"Just kidding.
But they will be in 50 years

if we don't take action
against climate change."

- Yes, I love it.
Such a good idea.

- Knock-knock.

Heard that Amy came down
pretty hard on you.

- Yeah, I bet you loved that,
huh?

- What? Oh, come on.
Give me some credit.

I know we've had
our issues over the years,

but I hate to see you
brought down like that.

You think that's fun for me?

- You're smiling.
- I'm always smiling.

[in strained voice]
I'm a happy person.

And I know what you're going
through, okay?

I can only imagine how hard
it is that someone

that you took under your wing
like a father and daughter

would just
rip into you like that.

I mean,
that's got to be a gut punch.

What does it feel like?

- What?
What?

- Just that...

total, complete,
all-encompassing impotence.

- You think I'm impotent?
- Idon't.

- Oh--oh, no.
Hold up!

I will show you exactly
how impotent I am.

I'm gonna do something.
- Go. You should do it.

- I'm gonna do something!
- Yeah, do it, Glenn!

- I'm doing it!
- Do it, Glenn!

- I'm doing it!

- This doesn't concern you.

- Gotcha.

- I get that there's value
to spreading awareness

and getting the word out.
I'm not opposed to that,

but that can't just be
all you do.

That's just posturing.
You know, there's--

there's the kind of people
who do things,

and then there's
the kind of people

who talk about doing things.

- And you're both of those?
- Exactly.

Well...
Glenn: Attention, shoppers.

I would like to read
to you from a book

that was recently banned
from the store by management.

- What is this?
What is happening?

- Proverbs 10:22 says,

"The blessings of the Lord
make you rich."

- Glenn, stop it!
Open the door!

- Wanna know the best-kept
secret of the Bible?

"All the riches of the Lord
make you blessed,

but I never feel"...
- Wow.

He is having
an epic meltdown.

- ..."through the window
of my jet,

a Cessna Citation CJ4."

- I'm not kidding.
You need to stop this

or I'm going
to have to write you up.

- "So let us praise him
in a way that pays him.

- Glenn!

- ♪ This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine ♪

- What am I supposed
to do about this?

- I'll get the battering ram.
- We have a battering ram?

- Better to have it
and not need it

than need it and not have it.

- ♪ This little light of mine

♪ I'm gonna let it shine

♪ Let it shine, let it shine,
let it sh-- ♪

.

- "Name: Glenn Sturgis.

"Violations:
Disruption within the store.

"Outward display of religion.

Insubordination."

- [mimicking]
"Insubordination."

That's you.

- I don't like
having to write you up.

You're forcing me to do this.
- I don't care!

'Cause I'm writing you up too,

and my boss doesn't send you
to the unemployment line.

He sends you to hell.

That was too far.
I'm sorry.

- Come on, Glenn.
Don't make me send this in.

Just--it's not too late.
Please?

Look, just tell me that this
is never gonna happen again

and we can forget
the whole thing.

[sighs]

Okay.

"Submit."

Ugh.
It's not going through.

- Stinks for you up the wazoo.

- What is wrong
with this thing?

- Are you logged in as Admin?
- Yes, obviously.

- Well, sometimes it helps
to uncheck all the boxes

and then check them again.
I don't know why it does that.

- You mean, like, clear all
or manually uncheck each box?

- No, I mean like...

Okay, well, first of all,
you got the wrong violation

from the pull down menu.

- What? I thought
I selected the right one.

- Yeah, but sometimes
if you hit a key

it accidentally resets.
Just start over.

- Okay.
- "Glenn Sturgis."

- So we will start with just
this store but eventually

we'll recruit employees
from other stores,

and it just builds from there.

So it could go national
or even international.

- Or past that.
- Um, yeah.

- So whatcha guys doing
over here?

- We're starting
an environmental group.

The Green Posse.
- We haven't settled on that.

- So kind of like
Cheyenne's group?

- Well, yes, but there is room

for more than one group,
you know?

There's plenty of work to be
done, and we are a little more

about taking direct action,
you know?

Getting our hands dirty.

- Let me guess.
Jonah's in charge?

- No, no, no, no.
I mean--

We're--it's more of,
like, a collective action

kind of a thing.
- You said you were in charge.

- Yeah--yeah, I did.

But I--but I--but that's--
I said that because

somebody, you know,
has to be in charge,

and I'm kind of like the--
I'm the reluctant leader.

You know, it could be anybody.
- I'll do it.

- Absolutely not.

- What do you do when
an employee wants to change

their emergency contact info?
- Don't tell me.

Justine's fighting
with her mom again?

- Yes. They have a really
complicated relationship.

- They are the strangest pair.
Have you met her sisters?

- No.
- They are--

- Don't tell me
Justine's the normal one.

- No, Justine's the normal one.

- Aww, that's nice.

Looks like
they patched things up.

- It's not nice.

You have no idea what nice is,
idiot!

- What the--