All language subtitles for Special.S01E05.Chapter.Five.Vagina.Momologues.720p.NF.WEB-DL.DD5.1.x264-RCVR

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:13,929 Hi. 2 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,141 Hi. 3 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,604 I like waking up next to you every morning. 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,650 I'm kind of on the fence about it. 5 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,410 Oh, God, it's 10:30. 6 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:36,745 Oh, my God. 7 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:40,206 I didn't think it was physically possible for me to sleep this late. 8 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,168 Surprise, you can do it. 9 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:44,960 Come back to bed. 10 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:48,465 No, I... What? I have so much stuff to do. 11 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,801 Not all of us can be retired and live a life of leisure. 12 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:52,885 I'll have you know, 13 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,138 I've earned that life of leisure. 14 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:58,850 Hey, did you know that I was voted Fireman of the Month... 15 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,518 multiple months? 16 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,812 That is not a thing. 17 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:03,855 Argh. 18 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:04,938 Come here. 19 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,109 No, I gotta go. Come on, just get up. 20 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,570 I gotta go to my mom's. I told Ryan I would come over. 21 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,322 Didn't you just visit him yesterday? 22 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,325 - Have his dad drop by. - Do you have his number? 23 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,910 'Cause I think I misplaced it 23 years ago. 24 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,831 - I'm sorry. - No, it's okay, shh. 25 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:22,915 Come here. 26 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:25,502 Come here. 27 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,629 - Mm-mm... - Mm-hmm... 28 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,184 No. Oh, wait. 29 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,310 Wait, what are you doing? 30 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,479 Checking the weather. What do you think I'm doing. 31 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,357 Don't. 32 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,233 Relax. 33 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,777 I know what I'm doing. 34 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,446 Wait, I have to... Get out of here. 35 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:54,823 Go, get out! 36 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:05,958 Mom, 37 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,042 what about this? 38 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,502 God, no. 39 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,629 That's hideous. 40 00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,548 Oh, Mom, you can't be so picky. 41 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,133 You need new clothes. 42 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,135 You can't go around looking like this. 43 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,262 I am fine. 44 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,596 Ooh. 45 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,598 - What? - That's pretty. 46 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,057 Oh. 47 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,394 Now, that's darling. 48 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,354 Why don't you try that one on? 49 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,523 - That's a great color for you. - Thank you. 50 00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:31,317 - I want to see you in it. - Okay, come watch me. 51 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:33,987 What do you think? 52 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,530 You look gorgeous. 53 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,157 And so versatile, too. 54 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,575 It goes from day to night. 55 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,368 And you can dress it up or down. 56 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,828 Yeah? I don't know. 57 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,665 Hey, Mom, what do you think? 58 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:46,748 Oh, it's fine. 59 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,084 Fine? 60 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,128 You said it was darling. 61 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,173 I'm gonna wait outside. 62 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,760 Okay. I don't know. 63 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,263 I just... I guess I'll take it. 64 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:04,601 It's so weird to be buying a dress like this. 65 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:08,062 But this... this man I've been seeing, 66 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,314 he... 67 00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,252 Not "seeing." I don't know what you call it these days. 68 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,652 We're two adults, 69 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,530 just getting to know each other. 70 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,240 Anyway, 71 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,992 he said I always wear mom jeans. 72 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,535 I was like, "God, no! 73 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,370 These jeans are from Zara!" 74 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,165 Well, he didn't even know what Zara was. 75 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,668 Which is a whole 'nother conversation. 76 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:40,844 Ah. 77 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,681 Hey, Ry! 78 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,516 Mom, can you come over? 79 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:46,893 It's urgent. 80 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:48,518 Oh. 81 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,024 Hurry up! I gotta go the bathroom! 82 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,651 Okay. 83 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:01,574 I'll see you later. 84 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,618 You not coming in? 85 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,954 I got to go. Ryan needs me. 86 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,956 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's an emergency. 87 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,917 I told you not to let him live on his own. 88 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,000 I... 89 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,253 Look, I'll come back. 90 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,672 Well, don't do it on my account. 91 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,258 Fuck. 92 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,265 Oh, my God! Oh, God! 93 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,808 What did you eat? 94 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,059 A salad. 95 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,728 And some fries. 96 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,940 And a cake pop, which was really unsatisfying. 97 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,941 Ugh. 98 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,444 I tried plunging it earlier, but it... 99 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:40,905 it wasn't budging. 100 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,326 Okay, all right. 101 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:46,995 I'll be right back. 102 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,542 What are you doing? 103 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,003 Mom, what are you doing? 104 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,421 What does it look like I'm doing? 105 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,840 No, Mom, seriously. Do not do that. Stop. 106 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,427 - Stop, Mom, seriously... - Okay, Ryan, go to your room. 107 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,472 It's fixed. 108 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,725 Mom, I'm sorry. 109 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,311 I could've tried plunging it again. 110 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,794 Well, you know, I thought about having you do it on your own, 111 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,691 and then I thought you wouldn't be able to put the gloves on yourself, 112 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,494 and then if you just did it with your hands, 113 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:21,112 you would get all dirty and you might not wash them thoroughly, 114 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,835 and then you would be touching your face, 115 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:25,033 and, you know, picking your skin, 116 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,077 and, anyway, you might get sick, and you live alone, so... 117 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:29,412 It's fine. 118 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:34,125 Besides, you'll be scooping my poop when I'm 80. 119 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,296 Mom, I can't even deal with my own shit. 120 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,381 Oh, God, let's not talk about this. 121 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:41,631 Oh, my God. 122 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,385 I think you have something in your hair. 123 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:45,802 Oh. 124 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,722 Oh, God. 125 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,223 Oh, God, Ryan! 126 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,933 Oh, God! 127 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,230 Mom. 128 00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,525 - Oh. - That dress. 129 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:00,651 Do you like it? 130 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,571 Yeah, it's great. 131 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,822 You hate it. 132 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,240 Is it too short? 133 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:07,658 No, it's just... 134 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,496 I've never seen you in a dress before. It's different. 135 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,422 Oh, is that the boy from your housewarming party? 136 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,674 No. And I regret even telling you about him. 137 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,259 Well, come on. 138 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,054 Look, you haven't told me about any boy you liked forever 139 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:29,597 and it's huge. 140 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,266 Mom, seriously, stop. There's, like, nothing to say. 141 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,393 Oh, my God. 142 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,396 There's a movie playing with that actress, Ser-shay Ryan. 143 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,605 Saoirse Ronan. 144 00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,690 - Right, that's what I said. - No, it wasn't. 145 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,609 Anyway, do you want to go tonight? 146 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,237 Oh, I can't. I already made plans with Kim. 147 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,657 Okay, don't you see enough of Kim at work? 148 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:49,741 Are you kidding? 149 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,619 You can never have enough Kim. 150 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:55,039 I just want to spend some time with you alone. 151 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,290 We're alone now. 152 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,876 Without me coming to your rescue. 153 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,380 For sure. We will. 154 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,134 I love the shit out of you, Mumsy! 155 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,217 - Don't... - Get it? 156 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:08,468 Too soon? 157 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,322 Mom? I'm back. 158 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,698 Hi. 159 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:31,825 Mom. 160 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,245 I got you these groceries. 161 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:37,707 Some of the little ice cream sandwiches that you like. 162 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,084 Mom? 163 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,461 Hey. 164 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,421 Mom? 165 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:46,381 Hey. 166 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:50,594 Oh... 167 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:51,928 Hey... 168 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,389 What happened? 169 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,057 Did you cut yourself? 170 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,476 Oh, it's nothing. 171 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:57,727 Oh, Mom! 172 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,104 Oh, my God. 173 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,647 What did you do? 174 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,484 I don't know. 175 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,822 You are so good at this. 176 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:10,989 Huh. 177 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,576 Remember when you wanted to be a doctor? 178 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,328 Well, I'm a nurse. 179 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,830 Which is not a doctor. 180 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,293 What can I say? Plans change. 181 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,046 Where did you get that dress? 182 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:27,798 With you, today. 183 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,637 Oh, honey, you should take it back right away. 184 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,266 Somebody of your age should not be showing that much skin. 185 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,478 Thank you. 186 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,689 Well, I'm just giving you my opinion. 187 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,441 Well, you can stop now. 188 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:46,816 Thanks. 189 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,029 I'm hungry. 190 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,075 Okay. Come on, get up. 191 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:55,398 I'm gonna make you some dinner. 192 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:56,451 Get up. 193 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:59,872 No. I want to eat in here on my tray. 194 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,165 Suit yourself. 195 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,836 Oh! Law & Order. 196 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,840 - Stay and watch one with me. - Ugh. 197 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,511 We never get quality time together. 198 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,639 Sometimes I feel like 199 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,184 you just treat me like one of your patients. 200 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,026 All right. I'm going to get up and make you some supper. 201 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,531 Can I have an ice cream sandwich, too? 202 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,244 Yeah. Vanilla or chocolate? 203 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:41,539 Chocolate. 204 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,216 Oh, Karen. 205 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:57,847 I changed my mind. 206 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,615 Hey. 207 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,535 Let's go out tonight. 208 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,202 Really? 209 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,831 You think I'm pretty enough to take outside? 210 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,749 I do. 211 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,917 I want to go to a movie with... 212 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:30,004 oh, with that Irish actress with the weird name. Cersei... 213 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,087 Saoirse. 214 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,632 Cer... Ryan. 215 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,135 And I want to go for fancy drinks with silly ingredients, 216 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,304 like cardamom and green tea extract. 217 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:41,140 And then I want to go for nachos. I love nachos. 218 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,017 Fuck, I love nachos, too. 219 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,352 Let's do this. 220 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:45,895 Pick me up in 30 minutes. 221 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:46,978 All right. 222 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,813 Ah, wait. 223 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,399 Don't change that dress, though. 224 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,151 Because you look amazing. 225 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:56,822 I want you to kiss me. 14543

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