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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,158
You must do your best tonight,
be on your toes, men.
3
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,393
There's an honored guest tonight.
He's one of those men,
4
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,360
who are being feted
by the smart-set.
5
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,513
We'll see
that he gets what he deserves.
6
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,753
Treat him as they do a king,
in manner royal.
7
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,993
Like a subject to a king,
you must be loyal.
8
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,119
On this
you must have your hearts set.
9
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,750
We'll do nothing to get on his nerves.
10
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,197
Again I mention:
Be on your toes, men.
11
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,955
He craves attention,
he's one of those men.
12
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,194
We will give him
just what he deserves.
13
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,436
Oh, Hives...
- Yes, Mrs. Rittenhouse?
14
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,798
I'd like to reassign the rooms.
- Very good, madam.
15
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,475
Mr. Chandler
should have the Blue suite.
16
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,714
Captain Spaulding, as guest of honor,
gets the Green duplex with 2 baths.
17
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:54,114
Two? - Yes. I think the Captain
would like 2 baths, don't you?
18
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:58,718
If he's just returned from Africa,
he may need 2 baths.
19
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,350
Mr. Roscoe W. Chandler.
20
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,753
Mrs. Rittenhouse! Well, I...
21
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,239
Mr. Chandler!
22
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,279
So nice to see you.
- The famous Beaugard, as promised.
23
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,798
How can I ever express my gratitude?
- Oh, 'tis nothing.
24
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:23,274
Nothing? You return from Europe
with a masterpiece worth $100,000,
25
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,591
and instead of displaying it yourself,
26
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,197
you let me unveil it
at my party for Captain Spaulding.
27
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,956
You call that nothing?
- Mrs. Rittenhouse, I...
28
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,911
Please remove it to where it will be
exhibited. - Very good, sir.
29
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,470
And very careful, please.
30
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:46,517
You think that is something?
I would do much more for you.
31
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:51,072
You are a very beautiful woman.
- No, no, Mr. Chandler.
32
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,119
Well, maybe I'm wrong.
- What?
33
00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:01,071
Please do not go. I love you.
- I know. Mr. Chandler, now look...
34
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,314
Hello, Mother. Playing house?
35
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,553
Well, if you'll pardon me.
36
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:14,398
Have you seen Johnny Parker?
- Forget him. Think more of our guest.
37
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,917
Your problem is you don't take
these social affairs seriously.
38
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,039
What would you suggest, Mom? Suicide?
39
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,351
I would suggest...
40
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,389
That must be him.
- Captain Spaulding has arrived.
41
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,314
What a pleasure! I'm so glad.
42
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,109
Friends,
Captain Spaulding has arrived.
43
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,592
At last we are to meet him,
the famous Captain Spaulding.
44
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,958
From climates hot and scalding,
the Captain has arrived.
45
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,397
Most heartily we'll greet him,
with plain and fancy cheering,
46
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,758
until he's hard of hearing.
The Captain has arrived.
47
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,119
The Captain has arrived.
48
00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,954
Mr. Horatio W. Jamison,
Field Secretary of Captain Spaulding.
49
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:14,558
The Captain insists on these
conditions under which he camps here.
50
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,872
In one thing he is very strict.
He wants his women young and picked.
51
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,033
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.
52
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:27,037
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.
53
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,512
The men must all be very old,
the women warm, the champagne cold.
54
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,673
It's under these conditions
that he camps here.
55
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,072
I'm announcing
Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.
56
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,756
He's announcing
Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.
57
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:48,271
Oh dear. He is coming.
At last he's here.
58
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,992
Well, what do I owe you?
59
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,554
From Africa to here, $1.85?
Outrageous!
60
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:23,431
I told you not to take me
through Australia. That's criminal.
61
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,991
Turn around.
I want to see your license plates.
62
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,277
I'll attend to you later.
63
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,275
You're one of the most beautiful
women I've seen. Doesn't say much.
64
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,319
Captain, Rittenhouse Manor
is entirely at your disposal.
65
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,599
I'm grateful for this magnificent
washout, ah, turnout.
66
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:45,232
Now I'd like to say a few words.
Hello, I must be going.
67
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,108
I cannot stay.
I came to say I must be going.
68
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:52,433
I'm glad I came,
but just the same, I must be going.
69
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,398
But you must stay.
70
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,873
If you should go away, you'll spoil
this party I am throwing.
71
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:03,319
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
72
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,029
but I am telling you,
73
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,640
I must be going.
74
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,557
Before you go,
will you oblige us
75
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,396
and tell us of
your deeds so glowing?
76
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,349
I'll do anything you say. In fact
I'll even stay. - Good.
77
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,760
But I must be going.
78
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,630
There's something I would like to say
that he's too modest to relay.
79
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,077
The Captain is a moral man.
Sometimes he finds it trying.
80
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,600
This I emphasize with stress. I never
drink unless... somebody's buying.
81
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,230
The Captain is a very moral man.
82
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,916
If he hears anything obscene,
he'll naturally repel it.
83
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:54,350
I hate a dirty joke, unless it's told
by someone who knows how to tell it.
84
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,399
The Captain is a very moral man.
85
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,439
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
the African explorer.
86
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,070
Did someone call me Shnorrer?
87
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,559
He went into the jungle,
where the monkeys throw nuts.
88
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,350
If I stay here, I'll go nuts.
89
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,833
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance
90
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,800
and risks his life for science.
91
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:26,876
He is the only white man
to cover every acre.
92
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,879
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance
93
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,999
and risks his life for science.
94
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,198
Hooray for Captain Spaulding,
the African explorer.
95
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,398
He put his name on dying fame
and that is why we say:
96
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:56,400
Hooray, hooray, hooray.
97
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,636
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion.
98
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,314
And I want you to know...
99
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:17,157
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion...
100
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,398
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this display of effusion.
101
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,509
Hooray for Captain Spaulding...
Well, somebody's got to do it.
102
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:41,198
It is indeed a great honor
to welcome you to my poor home.
103
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,431
Oh, it isn't so bad.
104
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:48,516
Wait. You're right, it's one of the
frowziest joints I've ever seen.
105
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,878
The wallpaper!
You're letting this place run down.
106
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,875
You're not getting the class of people
you need. These people look like you.
107
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,840
Let's put up a sign,
"Under new management".
108
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,595
We set up a 75-cent meal
that knocks their eyes out.
109
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,673
Then we can charge
whatever we want. Sign here
110
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,960
and give me a check for $1,500.
111
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,955
This insurance policy provides for
your little one and your old age,
112
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,238
which will be here in a few weeks.
113
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,996
I feel that the time has come,
the walrus said...
114
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,313
You stand before me as one
of the bravest men of all times.
115
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,119
Alright, I'll do that.
116
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:29,115
In the dark forests of Africa,
you dared all dangers.
117
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,556
You mind if I don't smoke?
118
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,269
Fearlessly
you have blazed new trails,
119
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,831
scoffed at the lions' roar
and the cannibals' tom-toms.
120
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,753
Says you.
121
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,755
Never once in all those months
did your footsteps falter.
122
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,153
Cowardice is unknown to you.
Fear is not in you.
123
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,275
Pardon me, a caterpillar, Captain.
124
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,709
The caterpillar
must have frightened him. Oh dear.
125
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,351
Don't just stand there,
get the whiskey.
126
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:05,392
Where's the whiskey? - In my little
black bag, in the right-hand corner.
127
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,838
Signor Emanuel Ravelli.
128
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,876
How are you? Where's the dining room?
- This is a surprise.
129
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:31,239
I used to know an Emanuel Ravelli
who looked exactly like you.
130
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:35,110
I am Emanuel Ravelli.
- You're Emanuel Ravelli?
131
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,149
No wonder you look like him.
But there is a resemblance.
132
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:44,353
And he thinks I look alike.
- If so, it's a tough break for you.
133
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,513
You are one of the musicians?
Aren't you due tomorrow?
134
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,353
Tomorrow's too quick.
135
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:54,517
Lucky they didn't come yesterday.
- We charge for yesterday, too.
136
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,434
What do you get an hour?
137
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,549
For playing, we get $10 an hour.
- And for not playing?
138
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:05,077
$12 an hour.
- Clip me off a piece of that.
139
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,109
For rehearsing, we make special rate.
That's $15 an hour.
140
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,954
For rehearsing?
And for not rehearsing?
141
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,635
You couldn't afford it.
142
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,679
If we don't rehearse, we don't play.
143
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,152
And if we don't play,
that runs into money.
144
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:26,509
How much for running into an open
manhole? - Just a cover charge.
145
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,717
Well, drop in some time.
- Sewer.
146
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,908
Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
- Let's see how we stand.
147
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,673
Flat-footed.
148
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,790
Yesterday we didn't come.
You remember? That's $300.
149
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,589
Yesterday you didn't come.
That's $300?
150
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,592
Oh, that's reasonable.
151
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,390
Today we did come...
- You owe us 100.
152
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,995
I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal.
153
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,198
Tomorrow we leave. That's worth...
- A million dollars.
154
00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,149
Yeah, that's alright for me,
but I got a partner.
155
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,791
The Professor.
156
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,993
The gates swung open
and a Fig Newton entered.
157
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,958
How do you do?
158
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,359
Goodness.
159
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,709
You haven't got chocolate, have you?
160
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,755
He's got everything. - Hives,
take the Professor's hat and coat.
161
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,196
And send for the fumigators.
162
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,072
Don't you see that there are ladies
present? Put that hat down.
163
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,756
What are you doing?
Get out of here. Go on.
164
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,836
A little more to the right.
165
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,317
That's better.
166
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,597
See that the drape is well-hung.
The mistress will inspect it later.
167
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,560
Hello, Hives.
- Mrs. Whitehead!
168
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,999
This is a surprise.
- And how about me? - Miss Grace!
169
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,791
You've grown so.
- You haven't lost any weight, either.
170
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,599
No, unfortunately not.
171
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,436
It seems strange to find you working
here instead of our own home.
172
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,674
After you left for Europe,
Mrs. Rittenhouse made me an offer.
173
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,949
Lovely. By the way, what's the secret
about the painting?
174
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,749
No secret.
It's Beaugard's "After the Hunt".
175
00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,232
The original?
- Most original.
176
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,469
Be careful.
177
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,716
Where did she get that?
178
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,430
Is it very valuable?
- It must be worth a fortune.
179
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,389
It looks as if Mrs. Rittenhouse gets
the Social Award of the Season.
180
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,792
Can't we do something?
- We might shoot ourselves.
181
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,350
I'd rather shoot Mrs. Rittenhouse.
182
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:24,311
I have an idea. I copied that painting
at art school a year ago.
183
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,551
Well, what of it?
184
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,071
But I still don't get it.
185
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,631
I'll get the copy.
We'll substitute it for the original
186
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:40,273
and when she unveils it,
she'll have a cruel imitation.
187
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,150
Grace, you're wonderful.
- That's what I've been telling you.
188
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,677
I won't be long.
- Alright. See you later.
189
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,473
Oh, Hives?
190
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:59,192
Do you still feel a bond between us?
- Most certainly, Mrs. Whitehead.
191
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,479
Strong enough for you to do me
a big favor? - Anything at all.
192
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,077
If I were to ask you
to take away the Beaugard...
193
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,040
Do you mean...
- Temporarily, of course.
194
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:14,956
And substitute something of my own?
- Quite an unusual request.
195
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:19,876
It is, but somehow I still think
of you as one of the Whiteheads.
196
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,949
You may count on me.
My soul is yours,
197
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,557
even though my body
may belong to Mrs. Rittenhouse.
198
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:29,995
Why, Hives!
199
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,198
Oh, Mrs. Whitehead!
- Arabella!
200
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,990
May I present Mr. Parker?
- Of the Massachusetts' Parkers?
201
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,994
Why, no.
- Then the Southern Parkers?
202
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:47,269
No, the Central Parkers.
You know, the Benches and Trees.
203
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,880
I see.
204
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,840
Meow!
205
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,190
Oh, I don't like that woman.
206
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,592
You sit down here
and tell me whom you do like.
207
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,552
Oh, so that's your game.
- Now listen. Do you really love me?
208
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,596
Marry me and find out.
- Marry you?
209
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,710
On what? Last year I sold 2 paintings.
One at 100 and one at 50.
210
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:17,591
Could we live on $150 a year?
- We wouldn't need money.
211
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,788
I've got a charge account
in every shop on 5th Avenue.
212
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:27,595
If I had any brains, I'd give up
painting and get a regular job.
213
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,310
I had a cousin who made $50,000
in Wall Street last year.
214
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:36,953
I don't wanna marry your cousin.
I'm a darn fool and wanna marry you.
215
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,360
Say...
216
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,037
we could get that old bluff Chandler
to buy a portrait from you.
217
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,079
Chandler?
What does he know about art?
218
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,916
The less he knows,
the easier it'll be for you.
219
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:54,713
They're right upstairs. You can't miss
them. Go round the other side.
220
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,472
Mrs. Rittenhouse.
221
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,193
Captain Spaulding!
How are you?
222
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:09,114
Tell me. Are you alone?
- Captain, I don't understand.
223
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:13,115
You don't? Don't give me that innocent
stuff or you'll be alone.
224
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,230
A big cluck like you
turning cute on me!
225
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,351
Mrs. Rittenhouse...
- Yes?
226
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,637
Oh, pardon me.
227
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,110
You've been affected like this before?
228
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,795
Oh no, Captain.
- You will be.
229
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,192
Mrs. Rittenhouse...
230
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,717
Ever since I've met you,
I've swept you off my feet.
231
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:40,240
Something has been beating in me like
the incessant tom-tom in the jungle.
232
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,996
Something that I must ask you.
- What is it, Captain?
233
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:48,075
Would you wash a pair of socks for me?
- I'm surprised.
234
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,792
It's been on my mind for weeks.
It's my way of saying I love you.
235
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,756
I love you. I've never been...
- Captain!
236
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,116
Pardon me. Am I intruding?
237
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,399
Are you intruding? Just when
I had her on the 5-yard line.
238
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,076
I should say you were intruding.
Pardon, that you are intruding.
239
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,914
I was using the subjunctive
instead of the past tense.
240
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,552
Yes, we're way past tents,
we're living in bungalows now.
241
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,838
Mrs. Whitehead, you haven't met
Captain Spaulding, have you?
242
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,240
No.
243
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,275
How are you? - How are you?
- Fine, thank you. How are you?
244
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,309
And how are you?
That leaves you one up.
245
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,429
Did anyone ever tell you
you had beautiful eyes? - No.
246
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,593
Well, you have.
And so have you.
247
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,070
He shot her a glance.
248
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,392
As a smile played around his lips.
249
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,117
I've never seen
four more beautiful eyes in my life.
250
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,748
Well, three anyway.
251
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,358
You two girls have everything.
You're tall and short, slim and stout.
252
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,992
Just the kind of girl I crave.
We three would make an ideal couple.
253
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,278
You have beauty, charm, money.
You have got money?
254
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,557
If not, we can quit right now.
255
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,077
The Captain is charming, isn't he?
- I'm fascinated.
256
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,392
I'm fascinated, too. Right on the arm.
257
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,916
Fascinated, whim-wham!
258
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,551
If I were Eugene O'Neill, I could tell
you what I really think of you two.
259
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,633
You're fortunate the Theater Gill
isn't putting this on.
260
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,110
And so is The Gill.
261
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,430
Pardon me
while I have a strange interlude.
262
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:29,671
You couple of baboons, what makes
you think I'd marry either one of you?
263
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,116
Strange how the wind blows tonight.
264
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,398
It reminds me of poor old Marsden.
265
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,030
How happy I could be
with either of these two,
266
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,113
if both of them just went away.
267
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,588
Well, girls, will you marry me?
268
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:49,391
Which one of us? - Both of you.
Let's all get married. It's my party.
269
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,836
Party... Party...
270
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,233
Here I am talking of parties.
I came down for a party. What happens?
271
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,712
Nothing. Not even ice cream.
272
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,350
The gods look down and laugh.
273
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,675
The world would be better for children
if the parents had to eat the spinach.
274
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,115
What do you say?
275
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,276
We all gonna get married?
- All of us? - All of us.
276
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,353
That's bigamy.
- Yes, and that's big of me, too.
277
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,796
Let's be big for a change.
278
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,875
One woman and one man was enough
for your grandmother,
279
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,829
but who wants to marry her?
Nobody. Not even your grandfather.
280
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,915
Think of the honeymoon. Strictly
private. No other woman allowed.
281
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,596
Well, maybe one or two,
but no men. I may not go myself.
282
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,195
You want a companionate marriage?
283
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:43,310
It has its advantages. You'd live with
your folks, I'd live with your folks.
284
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,712
And you'd sell Fuller brushes.
285
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,312
Living with your folks...
286
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,995
The beginning of the end.
287
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,278
Drab yesterdays shutting out
beautiful tomorrows.
288
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,639
Hideous footsteps creaking along
the misty corridors of time,
289
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:04,113
and in those corridors I see figures.
Strange figures.
290
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,752
Weird figures:
Steel 186, Anaconda 74,
291
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,469
American Can 138.
292
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,438
Where were we?
Oh yes, we wanted to marry.
293
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:22,153
What do you think? Should we?
- Marriage is a noble institution.
294
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:28,794
The foundation of the American home.
- Yes, but it can't be enforced.
295
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,795
It was put over on us
while our boys were over there
296
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,838
and our girls over here.
297
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,675
I've waited at these stairs
for years for just this moment.
298
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,799
Captain, where are you going?
- I'm sorry, ladies,
299
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:48,274
we'll have to postpone the wedding
for a few days. Maybe for a few years.
300
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,958
Before I get married, I'm gonna
sow a couple of wild oats.
301
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,113
The Captain's so amusing.
- Isn't he charming?
302
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,190
That's the famous Beaugard, eh?
Great picture, isn't it?
303
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,752
You've seen it before?
- I spent 3 days in Paris copying it.
304
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,631
You did?
- Me and a million other artists.
305
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,235
I bet yours was better than the rest.
- It wasn't bad.
306
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,359
I'll show it to you sometime.
307
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,309
Listen. - What?
- Mother's going to unveil it tonight.
308
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:22,720
Yeah?
309
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:28,154
Suppose when she unveils it,
it's not the Beaugard at all.
310
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,269
Suppose it's yours.
- You want to swap mine for his?
311
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,877
Exactly.
- You're crazy. What good would it do?
312
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,396
What good? Listen.
313
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,031
They'll unveil it. Chandler
will tell everyone how fine it is.
314
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,558
They'll cheer like mad, and then
we'll tell them who really did it.
315
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,157
They'll say you're a great artist.
You'll get 6 commissions,
316
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,313
and we can be married and
divorced in no time.
317
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,710
Sound great. But what if
they don't like my painting?
318
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,237
Isn't the chance worth taking?
319
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,110
I see you're admiring my picture?
- Yes, yes.
320
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,672
Your picture? - Yes, my picture.
- It don't look like you.
321
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,629
Some place I met you before.
Your face is very familiar.
322
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,032
I am one of the most
well-known men in America.
323
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,034
The newpapers
keep running my photograph.
324
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,750
You're not Abe Kabibble?
- Nonsense.
325
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,948
If you're not Abe Kabibble,
who are you?
326
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,828
Now please.
My name is Roscoe W. Chandler.
327
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:40,995
I don't get about the name.
Some place I met you before.
328
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,358
Were you ever in Sing Sing?
- Please.
329
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,116
No. I got it. Joliet!
- Let me alone.
330
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,353
Alright. Don't run away.
Leavenworth!
331
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,436
I've never been in these places.
I've spent most of my time in Europe.
332
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,674
I've got it now.
You come from Czechoslovakia.
333
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,036
You're wrong. I've never been there.
334
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,228
Hey, come here.
- I tell you. Get away from me.
335
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,359
You remember him?
He come from Czechoslovakia.
336
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,876
You are wrong. I told you before.
337
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,431
He come from Czechoslovakia.
And I know who it is.
338
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,992
Abie, the fish peddler from
Czechoslovakia. - Ridiculous.
339
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,278
We prove it. He had a birthmark.
340
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,638
Please, what are you trying?
Let me alone!
341
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,749
There it is! The birthmark!
Abie, the fishman.
342
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,196
I confess. I was Abie.
343
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:42,388
How did you get to be Chandler?
- How did you get to be Italian?
344
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,472
Whose confession is this?
345
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,155
Don't tell anyone about this
346
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:51,997
and we can come to some agreement.
One that is mutually satisfactory.
347
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,517
Money. Money.
- Shall we say $500?
348
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,309
Fie to $500!
- All the cash I have with me.
349
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:02,508
$500? I tell you what.
We'll take your IOU.
350
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,595
That's my best offer.
- That's all you'll give?
351
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,915
Abie the fishman!
Abie the fishman!
352
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,996
Please, be quiet.
353
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,871
Come here.
I have a check for $5,000.
354
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,757
Is it good? - Of course.
Who would give me a bad check?
355
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,116
I would. See if it's good.
356
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,357
Alright, if you don't want it...
- That's all we get?
357
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:40,639
Yes.
- He's Abie the fishman!
358
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,875
Give me that handkerchief.
359
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,158
My tie! Where's my tie?
360
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,120
Nothing but a pair of thieves.
361
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,314
I get the tie. What you got?
362
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,676
The birthmark!
363
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,589
Where's your tie?
- Why I...
364
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,753
Fine way
for a millionaire to run around.
365
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:14,438
Have you got garters?
- Of course. Oh, they've taken them.
366
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,752
A likely story.
Have you at least got socks?
367
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:22,756
Certainly. Here. - They look
pretty old to me. Whose are they?
368
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,914
Well, old socks. Let me introduce
myself. I'm Captain Spaulding.
369
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,551
Roscoe W. Chandler.
- This is a treat, your treat.
370
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,952
You have heard about me?
371
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:37,672
I've heard about you for years,
and I'm getting pretty sick of it.
372
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,356
Quite naturally, I've also heard
of the great Captain Spaulding.
373
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,757
Fine. I've heard of you
and you've heard of me.
374
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:48,033
Have you heard the one about
the two Irishmen? - Oh yes.
375
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,956
Then let's get down to business.
My name is Spaulding.
376
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:58,150
Roscoe W. Chandler. - Geoffrey T.
Spaulding. What's the "T" stand for?
377
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,232
Thomas?
- Edgar. You were close, though.
378
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,950
I want to talk to you about something.
379
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,035
Would you like to finance
an expedition? - That is a question.
380
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,989
You certainly know a question
when you see it. I congratulate you.
381
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:18,359
And that brings us back to where we
were. Will you finance an expedition?
382
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,194
Do you have
a particular one in mind?
383
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,878
I've always wanted to do something
before I quit. - What is that?
384
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,158
Retire.
Now, would you be interested?
385
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:34,111
My retirement would be the greatest
contribution to science ever.
386
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,439
This is your chance. When I think
what you have done for this country.
387
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,631
What have you done, by the way?
- Oh well...
388
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,191
I've always tried to do what I could.
Especially for art.
389
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,751
How have we drifted around to that?
What is your opinion of art?
390
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,038
I'm glad you asked.
- I withdraw the question.
391
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,398
He takes things seriously.
You can't ask a simple question.
392
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,590
Where will you build your new opera
house? - Near Central Park.
393
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,150
Why not right in Central Park?
- Could we?
394
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,039
At night, when no one's looking.
395
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:07,228
Better yet, in the reservoir. But that
could interfere with the water supply.
396
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:11,394
After all, art is art.
On the other hand, water is water.
397
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,199
And east is east, west is west.
398
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:18,151
If you stew cranberries like
applesauce, they tastes like prunes.
399
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,028
Now tell me what you know.
400
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,908
I would gladly giving you my opinion.
401
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,232
Dandy,
I'll ask you for them someday.
402
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,517
Can you be
in my office at 10 tomorrow?
403
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,515
Ask for my secretary.
If he sees you, I'll discharge him.
404
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,151
Saturday at 3. No, make that Tuesday.
I'm going to Europe Monday.
405
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,393
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
406
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,439
What do you think of
the problems of traffic and marriage?
407
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,400
What do you think of
when you go to bed, you beast?
408
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:51,398
Well, I ... - I'd rather not hear it.
There are children present.
409
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,713
My dear Captain, it boils down
to a question of money.
410
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,793
The nickel is not what it was
10 years ago.
411
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,670
I'll go further than that.
It's not what it was 15 years ago.
412
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,117
You know what this country needs?
A 7-cent nickel.
413
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,637
We've had
the 5-cent nickel since 1492.
414
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,837
Nearly 100 years.
415
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,358
Let's give the 7-cent nickel a chance,
and then try an 8-cent nickel.
416
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,672
You buy a 3-cent paper and
get the same nickel back.
417
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,719
One nickel carefully used
would last a family a lifetime.
418
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,715
I think that's a wonderful idea.
- Really? - Yes.
419
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,271
Then there can't be much to it.
Forget it.
420
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,036
Tell me, Captain Chandler...
Excuse me, Spaulding.
421
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,991
I'm Spaulding. You're Chandler.
Let's have no more of this.
422
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,631
Alright. - Bad enough being Spaulding.
- Tell me, Captain Spaulding...
423
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,917
Spaulding is the right name?
- Right.
424
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,754
I'm Chand...
No, I'm Spauld...
425
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,870
Show me the program. For all he knows,
I might be coming next week.
426
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,430
Captain Spaulding,
you're quite a traveler.
427
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,354
How about South America?
I'm going there soon.
428
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,352
Where exactly?
- Uruguay.
429
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,992
You go your-a-way, I'll go mine.
Let's change the subject.
430
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,631
Take the foreign situation.
Take Abyssinia.
431
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,190
And I'll take a hot butterscotch
sundae on rye.
432
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,956
Let's see what the boys
in the back room are up to.
433
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,432
Let's see how yours compares
with the original. - Alright.
434
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:33,829
No difference! - Look closer.
Maybe you'll find it's better.
435
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,273
You seen my partner?
- No.
436
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,277
Oh, Mr. Raviola!
437
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:59,674
Ravelli. Ravelli. - Oh, Mr. Ravelli.
Would you do something for me?
438
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,799
I'd do anything for you.
What do ya want?
439
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,873
You see that painting?
- You mean this piksh?
440
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:10,193
Take it out of the frame
and put this one in its place.
441
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,957
You want I should take this one down
and put this one upstairs? - Yes.
442
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,751
You want I should steal?
- No. It's not stealing.
443
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:24,756
Then I couldn't do it.
- Oh, Mr. Raviola!
444
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,915
Hey, get up. Come here.
445
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,949
That's all you do.
Chase the women. Oh, stop.
446
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,351
Everybody plays cards,
but they don't ask us.
447
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,639
We just wasting our time.
We've been here all day.
448
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:54,115
How much we make? Nothing.
Soon we go to the old ladies' home.
449
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,559
How do you like that?
No, that's no good.
450
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,833
These people here got money.
We gotta find someone to play with us.
451
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,800
I'd play anything. Poker, pinochle...
- Signor Ravelli,
452
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:11,318
I want to talk to you about the music.
What's wrong with you?
453
00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:14,109
It would be nice...
Go away from me!
454
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,589
What is this?
455
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,791
Hello, Professor.
What's the matter with his feet?
456
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,988
We play all kinds of games.
Blackjack, soccer...
457
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,557
One, two, three...
458
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,112
Why don't you leave him alone?
459
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,478
Now that this game is over,
how about some bridge?
460
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,792
You play bridge?
- A little. - What do you play for?
461
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,193
Just for small stakes.
- And french-fried potatoes?
462
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,112
Set it up right over there, Hives.
- Very good, madam.
463
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,991
What is he up to? Look at this.
464
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,793
Take it away, Hives.
- Extraordinary.
465
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:04,159
How do you want to play? Honest?
- I hope so.
466
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,154
You put that right away.
467
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,516
It's your own fault.
468
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,994
We'll cut for partners.
- No, I only play if he's my partner.
469
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,198
It's against the rules.
We have to cut for partners.
470
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,513
Alright, we cut for partners.
I got ace of spades.
471
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,956
He's got ace of spades.
472
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,079
Coincidences!
473
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,358
Two aces of spades?
- Yeah, he's got thousands of them.
474
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:35,231
He has the choice of seat then.
- You have the choice of seat.
475
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,234
Not on her lap.
- Sit down.
476
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,189
What's the matter with him?
- He thought it was contact bridge.
477
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:47,674
Just a moment. Shuffle the cards.
- You gotta scrumble them up.
478
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,312
Just a moment. I'd like to cut them.
479
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,510
That's a winner.
480
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,354
Your bid, partner.
481
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,560
You pass?
482
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,080
Misdeal.
483
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,398
You pass? I bid one spade.
484
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,633
I pass.
- Three spades.
485
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:02,678
Four spades.
486
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:08,472
One club.
- I don't understand this bidding.
487
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,348
You don't have to.
488
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,912
You bid four spades, eh?
489
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,955
I haven't a spade in my hand.
- Alright. We double.
490
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,352
Something's wrong here.
Let's do over the bidding.
491
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:27,958
Oh, she want to bid again.
He bids one.
492
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,875
One? One what?
- That's alright. You'll find out.
493
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,319
But we have to know what he's bidding.
- Later. Now I bid two.
494
00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:41,430
Two what? - Two of the same he bids.
Now the bidding's over. That's enough.
495
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,239
It's your lead.
496
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,949
You can't lead that.
- Why not?
497
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,830
We can't take it.
- What should I lead?
498
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:53,949
He'll show you.
Ace of spades. That's -a very good.
499
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,599
Three of spades. Four of spades.
500
00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,153
You trump it?
501
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,510
You call that finesse.
502
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,633
No spades, partner. No spades.
503
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,359
Ace of hearts.
504
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:26,914
Ace of clubs.
505
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,197
Dummy leads.
The dummy leads.
506
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:37,149
I'm not the dummy.
- Well, you could be.
507
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,231
Ace of diamonds.
508
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,312
Hundred aces, eh?
509
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,280
Two hundred? That's better.
510
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,351
Ace of hearts.
Atta boy. Make a big slam.
511
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,629
Make a big, big slam.
512
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,598
Ace of spades.
513
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,388
Ace of spades.
514
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,678
That's a good guy. Plays a good game.
515
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,831
Ace of spades.
Plays a fine game.
516
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,356
Ace of spades.
- I refuse to play any longer.
517
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:17,639
You're nothing but two cardsharps.
- My shoes are gone.
518
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,191
Graciousness.
He has your slippers. Come along.
519
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,155
Hey, you take-a the ladies' shoes?
520
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:52,560
Quiet!
521
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,590
Hide. Somebody's coming.
522
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,957
Alright, I make a mistake.
Get up, come on.
523
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,476
Come on. Hurry up.
524
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,469
You know what we do? We hang
that picture upstairs, for the lady.
525
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,155
Don't touch.
You got everything ready?
526
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,791
Shovel, axe, dynamite, pineapples?
Where's the flash?
527
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,668
Flash, flash.
That's no the flash.
528
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,909
That's a fish!
I don't want the fish. Flash!
529
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,038
Stop it. You crazy.
530
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:44,115
When you go out at night,
you gotta have the flash.
531
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,198
That's no flash.
That's a flisk. Flash.
532
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,672
When you wanna see somebody,
you gotta have the flash.
533
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,755
That's a flush.
What I gonna do with the flush?
534
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,391
That's a flitz.
What I gonna do with flitz?
535
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,358
What do ya got?
536
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,518
That's a flutz.
537
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:08,072
All you got is a fish and a flutz
and a flitz and a flutz...
538
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,119
Stop this. Where's the flash?
539
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:16,558
Look, when everything's light and
you wanna make 'em dark. What ya do?
540
00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:20,837
Hey, you crazy. I want no blackjack.
541
00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:26,155
My mistake. When everything's dark
and you wanna make 'em light.
542
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,757
Yeah, that's a flash.
That's a flash.
543
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,078
Hey, that's good, alright.
544
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,268
The storm put the lights out.
Nobody can see what we do.
545
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,511
Where's the flash?
546
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,911
Where's the flash?
547
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,880
I no want the fish. Flash.
548
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,272
No, no flutz.
What's the matter with you?
549
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,953
Flash.
Before the people are coming.
550
00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:00,558
What's a matter? You lose it?
You gotta find it. Look for it.
551
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,799
Alright, never mind.
We'll work without it.
552
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,916
Hide! Hide!
Somebody's coming. Hide.
553
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,917
Quiet, quiet. Shut up.
554
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:26,359
Keep quiet.
I know where you are. It's alright.
555
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:30,709
Oh, Captain Spaulding, where are you?
- Yeah?
556
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:32,951
Oh, Captain...
- What's the trouble?
557
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,911
The lights have gone out. You can't
see your hand before your face.
558
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,390
It wouldn't be very pleasant, anyway.
559
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,873
Well, I'm going to take a nap.
Leave me a call for three o'clock.
560
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,470
Make it three-thirty.
561
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,677
The service here is excellent.
562
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,913
Pardon me, did you lose a fish?
- What?
563
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:59,359
Somebody lost it.
Will you have it fried for me?
564
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,591
Did you hear that?
565
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,070
Somebody's over there.
566
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:09,395
I say somebody's over there.
- Nonsense. The house is settling.
567
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,473
Anybody over there?
- I don't see anybody.
568
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,919
There you are. If anybody was there,
he'd see him, wouldn't I?
569
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,678
What is it, Captain? What is it?
570
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,356
You know what I think?
I think you got roaches.
571
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:38,038
You got roaches alright.
And the biggest one has asthma.
572
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,192
Horrible! Come on, Captain.
573
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:44,991
This can't be the library.
This must be the operating room.
574
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:48,472
We get the picture
and we don't make a sound.
575
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:50,552
Somebody turned on the lights.
576
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:55,431
Alright, we get the picture
and don't make one sound.
577
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,559
What do you want?
Oh, the fish. Go on.
578
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:07,112
That's some storm, eh?
A regular tornado.
579
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,795
Let's go this way.
I think it's a shortcut.
580
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,316
Come on, let's go.
581
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,832
California.
582
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,358
Before we start the musical program,
583
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,230
Captain Spaulding will tell us
about his trip to Africa.
584
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,870
Captain Spaulding.
- Me?
585
00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:38,919
Friends, I'm going to tell you of that
great, mysterious, wonderful Africa.
586
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,118
Africa is God's country,
and he can have it.
587
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:47,150
We left New York drunk and early
on the morning of February 2.
588
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:52,350
After 15 days on the water
and 6 on the boat, we reached Africa.
589
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:56,673
We proceeded 300 miles inland,
where I shot a polar bear.
590
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,437
This bear was 6' 7" in its stockinged
feet, with shoes on. - Just a moment.
591
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,233
I always thought
polar bears lived in the frozen north.
592
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,871
You did? This one was anemic
and couldn't stand the cold.
593
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,874
He was a rich bear
and could afford the trip.
594
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,953
You take care of your animals,
and I'll take care of mine.
595
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,874
Frozen north, my eye!
596
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:20,995
From our arrival,
we led an active life.
597
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,710
The first morning saw us up at 6,
breakfasted and back in bed at 7.
598
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,875
This went on for 3 months. We got so
we were able to be in bed by 6:30.
599
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,919
One morning
I was smoking some meat...
600
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,437
Smoking some meat?
- Yes, there was no cigar store.
601
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,832
I was sitting in front of the cabin,
when I bagged 6 tigers.
602
00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:43,312
Captain. Did you catch 6 tigers?
603
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:47,190
I begged them to go away,
but they hung around all day.
604
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,398
They were the most persistent tigers
I've ever seen.
605
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:55,430
The principal animals in Africa are
moose, elks and Knights of Pythias.
606
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,274
You all know what a moose is.
607
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,478
The first day I shot two bucks.
608
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,598
As I say,
you all know what a moose is.
609
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,436
A moose eats cheese
and is chased by cats.
610
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:12,755
The elks live in the hills, and
hold their convention in the spring.
611
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,276
It's interesting
when they come to the waterhole.
612
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,478
Boy, do they run
when they see it's only a waterhole.
613
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,314
What they're looking for
is an alco-hole.
614
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:24,029
One morning I shot an elephant
in my pajamas.
615
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,271
How he got in them, I don't know.
616
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,069
We tried to remove the tusks.
617
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,596
That's not so easy to say, tusks.
618
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:33,752
Oh, simple. Tusks.
619
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,152
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
620
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:42,031
As I say, we tried to remove
the tusks, but we couldn't budge them.
621
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:48,231
In Alabama, the tusks are looser.
But that's entirely ir-elephant.
622
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,434
We took pictures of the native girls,
but they weren't developed.
623
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,995
But we're going back
in a couple of weeks...
624
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,233
Very enlightening.
- Hooray for Captain Spaulding.
625
00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,517
Three cheers!
626
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:02,874
Three cheers for Captain Spaulding!
627
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:07,592
Three cheers...
- No one asked for the chairs.
628
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,275
Put them back. Now get along.
629
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:13,194
Go on, go on!
630
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:19,152
And now, friends, Signor Ravelli
will oblige us at the piano.
631
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,079
His first selection is
"Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping"
632
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,630
with a male chorus.
633
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:30,114
Say, if you get near a song, play it.
634
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,073
I can't think of the finish.
635
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,430
That's strange.
I can't think of anything else.
636
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,958
You know what?
I think I went past it.
637
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,392
If you come around again,
jump off.
638
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:55,315
I once kept this up for three days.
639
00:49:55,720 --> 00:49:59,429
You wouldn't consider hush money,
would you?
640
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:04,751
I can't get 'em now. I've gotta wait
for inspiration. - It's about time.
641
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,355
Play the song about Montreal.
- Montreal?
642
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,593
"I'm A Dreamer, Montreal."
643
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:15,357
Don't know it. I'll play one of my own
compositions, by Victor Herbert.
644
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,671
Make it short.
645
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,510
He plays them both well.
646
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:36,393
Your team scored that time.
647
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:39,159
And the old blue one.
648
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:43,712
Why do you push?
- They may exterminate each other.
649
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:46,918
The best thing for either of them.
650
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,675
That one's for old Purdue.
651
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:03,239
I was afraid of that.
652
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,277
I thought I had the finish.
- I wish you did. Yours.
653
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,399
Play the song
about the Irish chiropodist.
654
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,234
"My Fate Is In Your Hands".
655
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,868
Is there a horse in the house?
They got everything else here.
656
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:52,594
And now, Mrs. Rittenrotten...
657
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,151
Rittenhouse. - Yes, a slight error.
I have a surprise for you.
658
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,591
The man is here for the piano.
- Oh, Captain!
659
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:03,635
When I departed from the natives
in Africa, they gave me a gift.
660
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:07,953
And this I give to you, at a low fare.
- How wonderful.
661
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:12,554
Don't be too hasty...
- I can't wait...
662
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:15,594
It was all done
with the white of an egg.
663
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,275
What is it, Captain?
664
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,389
What is it?
It's a hope chest for a guinea pig.
665
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,634
This magnificent chest...
No, this magnificent chest
666
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:32,114
I present to you with my compliments.
- This leaves me speechless.
667
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,557
See that you remain that way.
- And now, ladies and gentlemen...
668
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,313
Step outside and say that.
669
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:43,909
Mrs. Rittenhouse has perhaps a greater
surprise for us in the library.
670
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,038
This way, Captain.
671
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:55,959
Mrs. Rittenhouse, how do you pay
Hives? By the week or by the pound?
672
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,989
And now it is my privilege
to reveal the masterpiece
673
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,995
of François Jacques
DuBois Gilbert Beaugard.
674
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:23,275
No trains will be sold
after the magazines leave the depot.
675
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,116
"After the Hunt."
676
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:34,036
There! I said you were a great artist.
677
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:37,671
Shall we spill the beans?
- Wait. Something might happen.
678
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,595
We'd all enjoy a few words
from Mr. Chandler,
679
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,595
who will tell us something
of Beaugard's life and work.
680
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,877
And keep it clean!
681
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,998
Mr. Chandler!
682
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:59,034
My friends,
you are all familiar with Beaugard.
683
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:01,954
This is perhaps his masterpiece.
684
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:06,433
In it he has achieved a greatness
in the handling of color and line.
685
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,751
Now you will see here...
686
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:12,675
Wait! This is not my picture.
This is a rank imitation.
687
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:16,311
What do you mean?
- See for yourself.
688
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:23,115
You are right. It's not the Beaugard.
- Certainly not. A dog is missing.
689
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:27,308
Captain Spaulding, what shall I do?
- Call the dog-catchers at once.
690
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:32,999
They've taken the original.
- I'll throw some light on this.
691
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:37,032
Anyone have a match?
- What happened?
692
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,159
Hives, where are you?
Turn on the lights.
693
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:44,235
Did you lose that fish again?
- I'm so worried.
694
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:48,792
Good heavens. That one is gone, too.
- Oh, this is awful.
695
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:54,797
The crooks are escaping.
Follow me, men. No, just the women!
696
00:56:55,720 --> 00:56:59,156
Right this way.
They went out here.
697
00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:07,552
Oh, the excitement. I never saw
anything so funny before.
698
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,997
This is great.
And there goes her old party.
699
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,513
Wasn't it funny?
- Oh, v-v-v-very.
700
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,037
You're not afraid, are you?
- Oh no. Not at all.
701
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:23,798
But they were talking about the police
and I don't want them suspecting me.
702
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,033
They won't suspect you.
- Oh yes!
703
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:31,877
The last time they suspected me,
I got four years. - Hives!
704
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:36,273
You give me the painting,
and I'll take care of it. - Good.
705
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,751
Good heavens. It's gone.
- Gone? - I left it in there.
706
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,869
There must be thieves at this party.
707
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:58,034
If I'd known that,
I never would have come. Wait!
708
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,557
That professor!
- The Professor! I see!
709
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:06,715
That's the culprit. We've got to get
that picture away from him.
710
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:12,672
Might I suggest this?
Very satisfactory in these cases.
711
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:17,995
A few drops on a handkerchief
and the Professor is out.
712
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:22,439
You're sure it'll work?
- Absolutely. You want to try some?
713
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:26,276
No thanks, Hives.
Let's find the Professor.
714
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,550
How did the thieves get away?
And who was it?
715
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:40,919
Lucky that we switched it.
Imagine them getting the original.
716
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,356
Oh? It would have been okay
had they taken mine?
717
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:47,150
I didn't mean that.
But what would Mother do?
718
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:51,348
It's worth $100,000.
How could she have replaced it?
719
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,876
Oh, I understand.
720
00:58:55,240 --> 00:59:02,715
Isn't it exciting? Just think,
the thief was in the room with us.
721
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:05,395
Isn't it romantic?
722
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:14,875
All the boys I've known
used to say I was made of stone.
723
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:21,389
I would always leave them alone
in despair.
724
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:27,636
I've been on the pan,
I've been called an electric fan,
725
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:33,558
told I'm even much colder than
Frigidaire.
726
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:39,111
I began to wonder
if I was all wrong.
727
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:45,868
I thought so
till you came along.
728
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:52,354
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?
729
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:58,635
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?
730
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:04,790
What a grand feeling,
when your lips meet mine.
731
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:11,992
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.
732
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:16,951
I don't know
what it is you've done to me.
733
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:23,230
You don't know
half of the good you do me.
734
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:30,312
Other boys bore me,
they just leave me blue.
735
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:37,520
Oh, why am I so romantic
with you?
736
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:46,275
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?
737
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:52,720
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?
738
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:58,635
What a grand feeling,
when your lips touch mine.
739
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:05,593
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.
740
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:11,354
When we touch,
close in your arms you hold me.
741
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:17,514
I forget all that my mother told me.
742
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:24,033
Other girls bore me,
they just leave me blue.
743
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:31,240
But why am I so romantic
with you?
744
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,870
Oh, Signor Ravelli!
I've been looking for you all morning.
745
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:24,477
I was busy all morning.
- You've got to return that painting.
746
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:26,438
Painting? What painting?
747
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,400
The painting
you changed last night.
748
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,518
You mean the piksh?
- Yes.
749
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:36,550
First you want it upstairs,
then downstairs. Make up your mind.
750
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:41,397
I do thank you. But you've got to
return it before the police come.
751
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:46,271
The police are coming? - Yes.
- I give it you. You put it back.
752
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,598
Where's the piksh?
- What do you mean?
753
01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:57,436
I put 'em in here. It's gone.
You take 'em? - Me?
754
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,957
No, I know.
Abie the fish peddler.
755
01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:03,191
Did Mother invite a fish peddler here?
756
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:07,878
I don't know, but he's here.
Come on, we find him.
757
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:13,549
Good morning. - Good morning,
Mr. Jamison. How is Captain Spaulding?
758
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:18,556
He didn't sleep a wink.
He went horseback riding last night.
759
01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:21,838
I'm sorry.
We've all been pretty upset.
760
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:26,279
Good morning, Captain.
Did you enjoy your ride?
761
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:31,909
What are you looking for?
- I lost my horse.
762
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,709
He slipped out from between me.
763
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,839
I had my feet in the stirrups, too.
764
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:41,152
Never mind.
But I lost the bit you loaned me.
765
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:45,394
I'll get you another bit.
- Then I owe you two bits.
766
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,554
I hope you weren't distressed
by last night's sad occurrence.
767
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,230
You mean dinner?
- No, the stolen painting!
768
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:55,074
A painting was stolen?
I haven't seen one in three weeks.
769
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:58,996
Why didn't you inform me?
What do I engage you for?
770
01:06:59,400 --> 01:07:02,233
I didn't know it.
- You should have asked me.
771
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:05,950
I'm sorry. - You're sorry?
You're a contemptible cur!
772
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:11,195
I repeat. You're a contemptible cur.
If I were a man, you'd resent that.
773
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:13,431
Please keep quiet!
774
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:17,071
I can get along without you.
I got along without your father.
775
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:20,438
And your uncle.
And your uncle. And my uncle.
776
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,991
I didn't come to be exonerated.
- I beg your pardon.
777
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:29,349
You do, eh? I'd like to see you
crawl out of a rumble seat.
778
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,158
The police are here.
- Have them come in.
779
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,074
Oh, so that's your game.
You can't shut me up!
780
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:40,109
You can talk to my attorney.
Jamison, take a letter to my lawyers.
781
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:42,715
I'll show you a thing or two.
Or three.
782
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:45,869
I'll show you a thing or three.
Sending for the police!
783
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:49,636
Take a letter to my lawyers.
Sending for the police!
784
01:07:50,040 --> 01:07:52,838
Take a letter to my lawyers.
- I am.
785
01:07:53,240 --> 01:07:56,152
Read me what you have so far.
786
01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,390
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,
787
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:02,758
c/o Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga, Hungadunga & McCormack.
788
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:05,868
Semicolon.
789
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:11,715
How do you spell "semicolon"?
- Alright, make it a comma.
790
01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:16,109
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,
Hungadunga... & McCormack.
791
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:18,909
Gentlemen, question mark. Er-r-r!
792
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:25,151
Do you want "er-r-r" in the letter?
- No, put that in an envelope.
793
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:26,959
Now then...
794
01:08:27,360 --> 01:08:31,672
In re yours of the 5 inst,
yours to hand and beg to rep,
795
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:33,229
brackets,
796
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:37,030
that we have gone over the ground
carefully and we seem to believe,
797
01:08:37,440 --> 01:08:40,273
i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu,
798
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:45,310
that despite all our precautionary
measures,
799
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:51,390
we seem to believe it is hardly
necessary for us to proceed
800
01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:56,555
unless we receive an ipso facto
that is not negligible at this moment.
801
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:59,520
Quotes, unquotes and quotes.
802
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,598
Hoping this finds you...
- Finds him where?
803
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:07,356
Let him worry about that.
Don't be so inquisitive.
804
01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:08,960
Sneak!
805
01:09:09,640 --> 01:09:13,918
Hoping this finds you,
I beg to remain...
806
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:18,753
I'll show you where I get off.
Sending for the police.
807
01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:20,752
Now read me the letter.
808
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:23,310
"Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga."
809
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:28,549
That's it.
810
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:32,396
"C/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga & McCormack."
811
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:34,870
You've left out a Hungadunga.
812
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,635
You left out the main one, too.
813
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:41,112
Thought you could slip one
over on me, didn't you?
814
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:44,193
Alright, leave it out.
Put in a windshield wiper instead.
815
01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:49,435
I tell you what. Make it three
windshield wipers and one Hungadunga.
816
01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:53,435
They won't all be there
when the letter arrives.
817
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:55,758
"...and McCormack.
818
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,913
Gentlemen, question mark."
819
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:01,709
Put it on the penultimate
and not on the dipthonic.
820
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:06,193
You should brush up on your Greek.
Get a Greek and brush up on him.
821
01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:08,670
"In re yours of the 5 inst."
- I see.
822
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:14,632
A lot of things you said weren't
important, so I just omitted them.
823
01:10:20,320 --> 01:10:22,675
Oh Captain! Good gracious.
824
01:10:23,480 --> 01:10:27,871
Omitted them, eh? You just omitted
the body of the letter, that's all.
825
01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:30,556
Just left out the body of the letter.
826
01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:35,272
Yours is not to reason why.
You've left out the body.
827
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:39,468
Alright, send it that way
and tell him the body will follow.
828
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:42,798
The body in brackets?
829
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:46,033
No, it'll never get there in brackets.
Put it in a box.
830
01:10:46,440 --> 01:10:50,479
Put it in a box
and mark it 'fragilly'
831
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:55,032
Mark it what?
- 'Fragilly! ' F-R-A-G...
832
01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:59,030
Look it up in the dictionary,
under fragile.
833
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:02,513
Look under the table
if you don't find it there.
834
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:06,037
"Quotes, unquotes and quotes."
- 3 quotes? - Yes, sir.
835
01:11:06,440 --> 01:11:09,318
Add another and make it a gallon.
836
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:12,518
Regards.
- That's a fine letter, Jamison.
837
01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:16,674
That's an epic. Make two carbon copies
and throw the original away.
838
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:21,835
Then throw the copies away.
Just send a stamp. Air mail.
839
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:27,109
Mrs. Rittenhouse? I'm Inspector
Hennessey. - How do you do?
840
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:32,116
I'm Captain Scotland of Spaulding
Yard. No. Spaulding, Scotland Yard.
841
01:11:32,520 --> 01:11:34,909
Don't make the same mistake again.
- I'm glad to know you.
842
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:40,952
Between us we can solve this crime.
Especially if you go home.
843
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:46,514
No hasty arrests, please!
I don't want my guests embarrassed.
844
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:51,311
We won't arrest anybody.
- He's lucky to not go jail himself.
845
01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:56,874
Would you take the Inspector
and his men to the scene of the crime.
846
01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:59,111
Certainly. This way.
847
01:11:59,880 --> 01:12:01,711
Come on, boys.
848
01:12:06,440 --> 01:12:09,034
Jamison, count the spoons.
849
01:12:09,440 --> 01:12:13,672
I didn't know you'd been a detective.
- There's a lot you don't know.
850
01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:19,677
I suppose so. - Darn right!
Where were you on June 5, 1774?
851
01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:22,833
I don't know.
- Where was I?
852
01:12:23,240 --> 01:12:27,756
I don't know. - Me neither.
If I did, I wouldn't tell you.
853
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:30,037
Take a number from 1 to 10.
- Alright.
854
01:12:30,440 --> 01:12:33,591
Which one? - 7.
- That's right. 7 is right.
855
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:39,028
I could solve this in 5 minutes
if I wanted to worry.
856
01:12:39,440 --> 01:12:43,991
I don't want you to worry. Nothing
should interfere with your weekend.
857
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:47,631
Nothing interferes with my weak end.
And don't be so personal!
858
01:12:48,040 --> 01:12:52,989
Where's my secretary? Jamison!
- I didn't want to offend you.
859
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:58,155
Dastardly cracker! I wish I was
in the jungle where men are monkeys.
860
01:12:58,560 --> 01:13:02,269
Captain, I'm so sorry.
- Jamison! No, no.
861
01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:06,788
Good morning, Mrs. Rittenhouse!
- Good morning.
862
01:13:07,200 --> 01:13:10,636
Charming party. I wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
863
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:16,751
It's just full of surprises.
- Glad you're enjoying yourself.
864
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:19,360
Hives!
865
01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:24,799
Good morning. Some breakfast?
- Nothing doing. Where's the painting?
866
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:29,478
I watched all night, but the Professor
did not sleep in his room.
867
01:13:29,880 --> 01:13:33,270
Very strange.
- Good heavens. What will we do?
868
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:37,798
I don't know.
Until we see the Professor...
869
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:13,239
You keep an eye on him
till I get back with the bottle.
870
01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:17,189
Don't worry,
he'll not get away from me this time.
871
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:30,429
Did you get it? - Yes.
- I'll engage him in conversation.
872
01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:35,391
You trail behind and knock him out
when the time comes.
873
01:14:35,800 --> 01:14:37,870
Very good, madam.
874
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:44,556
Hello. I've been looking all over
for you! Where were you?
875
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:46,678
What's the matter with this?
876
01:14:47,080 --> 01:14:48,798
Are they the morning papers?
877
01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:53,432
No, that isn't the one I want.
Show me the others.
878
01:14:54,440 --> 01:14:56,874
That still isn't the one.
879
01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:01,560
Out!
880
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:04,348
Yes, out!
881
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:08,435
The birds... Come on, sit down.
I want to talk.
882
01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:14,911
Don't you like me?
883
01:15:15,320 --> 01:15:16,469
You don't?
884
01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:20,793
Well, I like you.
I like little boys like you.
885
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:24,189
How old are you?
886
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:28,272
Five years old?
You're just a baby.
887
01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:38,953
Oh, isn't that nice? I like that.
888
01:15:39,840 --> 01:15:41,512
No, no, no.
889
01:15:42,280 --> 01:15:46,193
All joking aside,
isn't there someone you do like?
890
01:15:46,600 --> 01:15:49,353
Isn't there someone you love?
891
01:15:49,760 --> 01:15:54,356
Think again. Isn't there someone
you really and truly love?
892
01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:56,478
Is there?
893
01:15:56,880 --> 01:15:59,075
Tell me who!
894
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:06,991
Why, that's a horse!
You love a horse?
895
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:16,470
Come on, lift him up.
896
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:24,276
Come on. He's out.
- Let's go.
897
01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:01,798
Arabella! - I've been trying to find
you. Ravelli has lost the painting.
898
01:17:02,200 --> 01:17:04,839
I just found one on the terrace.
899
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:08,118
The Beaugard?
- No. - Oh, yours?
900
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:14,117
If it's not yours,
and not the Beaugard, whose is it?
901
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:18,276
Someone switched it for mine,
902
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:20,636
thinking they got the original.
903
01:17:21,040 --> 01:17:24,476
Somebody swiped my scheme, eh?
904
01:17:24,880 --> 01:17:27,474
Then Chandler never saw
your painting? - No.
905
01:17:27,880 --> 01:17:31,998
You may still be a great artist.
Where is this picture?
906
01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:35,597
Up in my room.
- You get it and I'll get the Captain.
907
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:39,072
He'll get to the bottom of this.
908
01:17:49,520 --> 01:17:53,559
Then John found the third painting.
- Very interesting. Well, sort of.
909
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:58,750
We have to keep our eyes open. - If I
don't find it, Mother's out $100,000.
910
01:17:59,160 --> 01:18:02,357
Give me 24 hours for the case.
Then we'll call in someone else.
911
01:18:02,760 --> 01:18:04,751
Wait till tomorrow.
912
01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:09,278
Remember the Charlie Ross case?
I was on that, and he was never found.
913
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:14,310
Captain Yard of Scotland Spaulding
always gets his women, or paintings.
914
01:18:14,720 --> 01:18:18,030
Do you know what's happened
with the painting I found?
915
01:18:18,440 --> 01:18:20,078
It's been stolen from my room.
916
01:18:20,480 --> 01:18:24,189
You see! I've been on the case
five minutes and another one is gone.
917
01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:29,230
I bet it's not even three minutes.
My watch is gone. This is too much.
918
01:18:29,640 --> 01:18:31,312
It wasn't going, and now it's gone.
919
01:18:31,720 --> 01:18:35,474
And my room was locked.
- Who could it have been?
920
01:18:35,880 --> 01:18:39,509
Wait. I think I've got a clue.
No, it's a red hair.
921
01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:43,151
The Professor? No, it couldn't be.
922
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:49,510
He's Crook of the Month this month.
Anyhow, we'll investigate it.
923
01:18:51,440 --> 01:18:53,271
You know Conductor Hennessey?
- Inspector!
924
01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:57,309
Inspect her yourself. You know
that redheaded fellow? - Yes.
925
01:18:57,720 --> 01:19:01,190
Well, get those
flagpole sitters of yours to find him.
926
01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,352
Come on, boys.
927
01:19:04,320 --> 01:19:07,915
We'll soon get to the bottom of this.
928
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:11,073
Hey, what's that cop doing there?
929
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:15,675
It didn't take that long to find him.
- This is it!
930
01:19:16,080 --> 01:19:20,392
Yes, but which one is it?
- The one just taken from my room.
931
01:19:20,800 --> 01:19:25,157
Maybe my watch is back, too.
Now the fob is gone!
932
01:19:26,080 --> 01:19:28,036
Well, I still got the pocket.
933
01:19:28,440 --> 01:19:32,069
Anything I retain now is velvet.
Except the coat. That's Prince Albert.
934
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:35,278
Well, all the jokes can't be good.
935
01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:40,392
If we find the fella who painted this,
it'd be a pretty good clue. - What?
936
01:19:40,800 --> 01:19:44,349
If we find the fella who painted this,
it'd be a pretty good clue.
937
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:49,231
You just said that.
How dull you turned out to be!
938
01:19:49,640 --> 01:19:51,870
Let me see that a minute.
939
01:19:52,280 --> 01:19:54,510
It's signed "Beaugard".
There's the criminal.
940
01:19:54,920 --> 01:19:56,478
No. Beaugard is dead.
941
01:19:56,880 --> 01:19:59,872
Dead? Then it's murder!
Now we've got something.
942
01:20:00,280 --> 01:20:02,191
What do you got?
- Jacks and aces. And you?
943
01:20:02,600 --> 01:20:06,912
Good. I was bluffing. - Does something
strike you funny about this picture?
944
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:12,959
It isn't as funny as all that.
Did you ever see a tree like that?
945
01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:17,911
Tree? That's a spinach.
- It can't be. Where's the egg?
946
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:20,595
It could be spinach.
Look at all the sand.
947
01:20:21,000 --> 01:20:24,117
You mean it's an old Spinach custom?
No, it's not that.
948
01:20:24,520 --> 01:20:27,796
No. That's my mistake.
You know what it is? Coleslaw.
949
01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:29,599
Coleslaw?
- Yeah.
950
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:33,117
Did you ever see a coleslaw like that?
- Sure, look at this.
951
01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:37,991
I don't want any of your lip now.
Did you ever see anything like that?
952
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:40,550
You know what this is?
A left-handed painting.
953
01:20:40,960 --> 01:20:43,030
There's a signature.
- That's right.
954
01:20:43,440 --> 01:20:46,079
This is either a left-handed painting
or a vegetable dinner.
955
01:20:46,480 --> 01:20:50,314
If we can find the left-handed person,
we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan".
956
01:20:50,720 --> 01:20:54,429
I saw that. Goodbye.
- Wait. I'm going to need you.
957
01:20:54,840 --> 01:20:56,592
We mustn't lose this evidence.
958
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:59,514
Take it to your room
and leave the door open this time.
959
01:20:59,920 --> 01:21:04,072
And not a word about this to anybody.
Not even to me.
960
01:21:04,480 --> 01:21:08,075
Ravelli, we've got to find
the left-handed painting.
961
01:21:08,480 --> 01:21:11,119
The first thing to do
is to find the motive.
962
01:21:11,520 --> 01:21:13,715
What was the motive
of the Beaugard crooks?
963
01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:17,197
I got it. Robbery!
964
01:21:18,080 --> 01:21:21,197
Would you mind
crossing the street when it's red?
965
01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:23,158
Si, Capt' Sit down.
966
01:21:23,560 --> 01:21:25,755
I know how we find this painting.
967
01:21:26,240 --> 01:21:29,198
In such a mysterious case,
you gotta get the clues.
968
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:32,797
You gotta use the Sherlock Holmes
method. It goes like this:
969
01:21:33,200 --> 01:21:37,910
You say, "What happened?"
The answer: "Something was stolen."
970
01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:44,190
You say, "What was stolen?"
The answer come back: "A painting."
971
01:21:46,040 --> 01:21:48,076
Are you a ventriloquist?
972
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:54,396
Now you say, "Where was this painting
stolen?" The answer: "In this house."
973
01:21:54,800 --> 01:21:56,472
Now, so far I'm right?
974
01:21:56,880 --> 01:22:00,350
It's pretty hard to be wrong
if you keep answering yourself.
975
01:22:00,760 --> 01:22:03,558
You go a little further and say,
"Who stole the painting?"
976
01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:08,795
A very important question. When you
answer it, you got the whole solution.
977
01:22:09,200 --> 01:22:11,270
Especially if you find the picture.
978
01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:15,468
Now put all the clues together
and what do ya got? - Bread pudding.
979
01:22:15,880 --> 01:22:21,557
No. Something was stolen. Where?
In this house. By who? Somebody here.
980
01:22:21,960 --> 01:22:26,511
Now all you gotta do is ask
everyone in the house if they took it.
981
01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:30,356
I could rent you out
as a decoy for duck hunters.
982
01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:33,638
You're going to ask everyone here
if they took the painting?
983
01:22:34,040 --> 01:22:37,077
And suppose no one here took it?
- Go next door.
984
01:22:37,480 --> 01:22:40,392
Great.
Suppose there is no house next door?
985
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,394
Well, then we gotta build one.
986
01:22:43,800 --> 01:22:46,678
Now you're talking.
What kind of house should we build?
987
01:22:47,080 --> 01:22:51,631
My idea of a house is something
nice and small and comfortable.
988
01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:53,917
Exactly, nothing elaborate.
989
01:22:54,320 --> 01:22:57,710
A little place to call home and tell
the wife I'm not coming for dinner.
990
01:22:58,120 --> 01:23:00,111
I see. You want a telephone booth.
991
01:23:00,520 --> 01:23:03,478
No, in that case
I'd just call Chic Sale.
992
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:06,997
What do ya say
we build right about here?
993
01:23:07,400 --> 01:23:11,075
Here? - Yeah, here.
- I'd like it over here if possible.
994
01:23:11,480 --> 01:23:14,392
I don't like junior crossing the rails
on his way to reform school.
995
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:16,518
Actually I don't like junior at all.
996
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:22,552
Alright. We got something over there,
and believe me, that's convenient.
997
01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:26,748
You just open the door, step outside,
and there you are.
998
01:23:27,160 --> 01:23:30,072
There you are? Where?
- Outside.
999
01:23:31,360 --> 01:23:34,272
If you want to get back in again?
- You had no right to go out.
1000
01:23:34,680 --> 01:23:37,513
Don't do anything
until I hear from you, will you?
1001
01:23:37,920 --> 01:23:41,754
Maybe the painting is in the cellar!
- That's no cellar, that's the roof.
1002
01:23:42,160 --> 01:23:47,314
Down there? - Yeah, so the chimney
don't get wet when it rains.
1003
01:23:48,120 --> 01:23:51,396
I'm off to get x-rayed.
I'll be back in a little while.
1004
01:23:51,800 --> 01:23:56,635
I think you're wrong, Ravelli.
- Don't get excited.
1005
01:23:57,360 --> 01:23:59,749
Here's the rooms.
1006
01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:03,948
This is your room. This is mine.
And this is the maid's room.
1007
01:24:04,360 --> 01:24:06,874
I'd have to go through your room?
1008
01:24:09,200 --> 01:24:11,873
That's alright, I won't be in it.
1009
01:24:12,280 --> 01:24:17,479
You couldn't put the maid in your
room? - Who says I couldn't?
1010
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:20,599
There's going to be a lot of traffic.
I can see that.
1011
01:24:21,000 --> 01:24:24,515
Well, what do ya say?
You ready to sign the lease?
1012
01:24:24,920 --> 01:24:28,833
I'd like to talk to my husband first.
Could you come back later?
1013
01:24:29,240 --> 01:24:31,800
You married?
- I've got a girl as big as you are.
1014
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:35,397
Alright. Get me one.
- Don't get vulgar, Ravelli.
1015
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:37,358
How about the painting?
1016
01:24:37,760 --> 01:24:40,228
We take care of that.
I'll tell you my idea.
1017
01:24:40,640 --> 01:24:43,598
The kitchen should be white.
Outside, green. Inside, cerise.
1018
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:45,718
The painting, I say!
1019
01:24:46,120 --> 01:24:49,476
What you think I talk?
Painting the kitchen white...
1020
01:24:49,880 --> 01:24:52,633
The painting that was stolen!
- Stolen?
1021
01:24:53,040 --> 01:24:59,115
Don't you remember? Mrs. Rittenhouse
lost a painting worth $100,000.
1022
01:24:59,520 --> 01:25:01,476
No, I'm a stranger here.
1023
01:25:01,880 --> 01:25:04,110
What do you think I am?
One of the early settlers?
1024
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:10,709
Don't you remember Mrs. Beaugard
lost a Rittenhouse oil painting?
1025
01:25:11,120 --> 01:25:14,749
No, but I've seen you
someplace before.
1026
01:25:15,520 --> 01:25:18,159
Yeah, I was there.
But I'll stay away in the future.
1027
01:25:18,560 --> 01:25:20,790
Hey, Capt!
It come to me like a flash!
1028
01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:26,274
This painting wasn't stolen.
It has disappeared.
1029
01:25:26,680 --> 01:25:32,312
Yes, disappeared. And you know
what make it disappear?
1030
01:25:32,720 --> 01:25:36,713
Moths! Moths eat it!
Left-handed moths!
1031
01:25:40,600 --> 01:25:43,353
Go away.
I'll be alright in a minute.
1032
01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:46,957
Left-handed moths ate it?
- That's my own solution.
1033
01:25:47,360 --> 01:25:50,909
I wish you were in it.
Left-handed moths!
1034
01:25:51,520 --> 01:25:54,671
I'd buy you a parachute
if I thought it wouldn't open.
1035
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:59,915
Hey, I got pair of shoes.
He's crazy.
1036
01:26:00,320 --> 01:26:03,949
Let's go and get the reward.
We solved it. You solved it.
1037
01:26:04,360 --> 01:26:07,557
It was eaten by left-handed moths.
- We did good work.
1038
01:26:07,960 --> 01:26:10,952
Are you tired?
Lie down for a couple of years.
1039
01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:14,670
Lie down until rigor mortis sets in.
1040
01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:19,073
I know what we'll do. Go to court
to get a writ of habeas corpus.
1041
01:26:19,480 --> 01:26:21,152
To get rid of what?
1042
01:26:21,560 --> 01:26:24,028
I never should have started that way.
1043
01:26:24,440 --> 01:26:27,512
I say, we'll go to court
to get a writ of habeas corpus.
1044
01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:30,753
Yes, corpus.
- Didn't you ever see a habeas corpus?
1045
01:26:31,160 --> 01:26:33,628
No, but I see "Habeas Irish Rose".
1046
01:26:38,600 --> 01:26:40,556
Good morning.
- Good morning.
1047
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:46,511
Why don't you go to the beach
with the others? You'd feel better.
1048
01:26:46,920 --> 01:26:49,195
I'd feel better with my Beaugard.
1049
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,591
We're doing everything we can.
1050
01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:54,719
Mrs. Rittenhouse! I have it!
- The Beaugard!
1051
01:26:55,120 --> 01:26:56,872
Wonderful! My Beaugard!
1052
01:26:57,280 --> 01:27:00,875
Wait. This is a rank imitation.
Where did you find it?
1053
01:27:01,280 --> 01:27:05,114
In Mr. Parker's room, madam.
- Parker?
1054
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:08,671
One thing is certain. Whoever did this
also stole the Beaugard.
1055
01:27:09,080 --> 01:27:11,753
Hives, ask Mr. Parker to come here.
1056
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:15,277
Wait. My men will bring him in.
Get Mr. Parker.
1057
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:22,279
What's wrong with this? - It's obvious
that it's a rank imitation.
1058
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:45,755
Mother, what's wrong?
1059
01:27:47,280 --> 01:27:51,159
Something very strange has occurred
and only you can explain it.
1060
01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:53,034
Gladly.
1061
01:27:53,240 --> 01:27:58,030
We found this in your room.
What have you done with the original?
1062
01:27:58,440 --> 01:28:00,192
Come clean!
- I think it would be wise...
1063
01:28:00,600 --> 01:28:03,160
I don't know where the Beaugard is.
1064
01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:06,472
Why did we find this in your room?
You'd better come with me.
1065
01:28:06,880 --> 01:28:09,075
You can't take him.
1066
01:28:31,440 --> 01:28:35,274
This program is coming to you
from the House of David.
1067
01:28:40,400 --> 01:28:43,836
Either this suit is on upside-down
or there is no law of gravity.
1068
01:28:44,240 --> 01:28:46,196
Einstein or no Einstein.
- My tie!
1069
01:28:46,600 --> 01:28:49,592
Captain, what shall I do?
They're going to arrest John.
1070
01:28:50,000 --> 01:28:51,115
Who?
- I am!
1071
01:28:51,520 --> 01:28:55,354
In Scotland Yard they teach you
never to arrest an innocent man.
1072
01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:58,479
He's not innocent.
I'll have to arrest him.
1073
01:28:58,880 --> 01:29:01,110
Of course, or nobody's safe here.
1074
01:29:01,520 --> 01:29:05,877
You can't arrest him. I stole it.
- Don't listen to her. I did it.
1075
01:29:06,280 --> 01:29:11,400
They're both lying. I did it.
- He's crazy. I confess. I did it.
1076
01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:16,396
Maybe there was no painting.
- That's right. I saw it.
1077
01:29:16,800 --> 01:29:18,791
Stop this! Who stole the painting?
1078
01:29:19,200 --> 01:29:21,760
I did!
- Good gracious.
1079
01:29:23,400 --> 01:29:26,472
You? You took the picture?
Where is it?
1080
01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:29,117
Aw, that's a horse.
1081
01:29:31,280 --> 01:29:35,751
That is my Beaugard!
- No, that isn't your Beaugard.
1082
01:29:36,160 --> 01:29:39,596
Ridiculous. I paid $100,000 for this.
I know what I bought.
1083
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,116
Look at the signature.
1084
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:45,557
John Parker. Somebody changed it.
1085
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:55,713
That is my Beaugard!
That's it, I tell you.
1086
01:29:56,480 --> 01:30:01,190
But that one has the color,
the depth, the soul of the Beaugard.
1087
01:30:01,600 --> 01:30:05,434
Only a master could have
produced a painting like that.
1088
01:30:05,840 --> 01:30:09,799
You mean, you painted it?
- Yes, sir. - You're a genius.
1089
01:30:10,200 --> 01:30:13,636
I commission you
to paint a portrait of me immediately.
1090
01:30:14,040 --> 01:30:18,830
It'll have to wait until tomorrow.
I'm going to be busy all day. - Yes.
1091
01:30:20,520 --> 01:30:23,193
You come with me.
- Don't take him away, officer.
1092
01:30:23,600 --> 01:30:26,433
He returned the paintings.
1093
01:30:26,840 --> 01:30:29,110
My name is Spaulding.
I've always wanted to meet you.
1094
01:30:29,320 --> 01:30:33,029
Alright. Just this time.
But I want to tell you something.
1095
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:38,150
You're running around with the wrong
people. You wanna be a crook?
1096
01:30:39,360 --> 01:30:41,555
Why don't you go home?
- He's got no home.
1097
01:30:41,960 --> 01:30:45,270
Go home and stay home.
1098
01:30:45,680 --> 01:30:47,636
Your poor old mother sits there...
1099
01:30:53,440 --> 01:30:55,510
...sits there, night after...
1100
01:30:55,920 --> 01:30:57,638
night after night...
1101
01:30:58,600 --> 01:31:02,479
waiting to hear your steps on the
stairs. - Ain't got no stairs.
1102
01:31:02,880 --> 01:31:06,759
And I can see a little light
burns in the window.
1103
01:31:07,160 --> 01:31:09,594
No you can't!
The gas company turned it off.
1104
01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:12,753
What I'm telling you
is for your own good.
1105
01:31:14,080 --> 01:31:15,991
And if you listen to me,
1106
01:31:16,960 --> 01:31:19,599
you can't go wrong.
1107
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:25,992
This may go on for years.
- There's just one thing...
1108
01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:32,630
What's delaying that coffee pot?
1109
01:31:34,120 --> 01:31:38,398
Where's the cream?
- You certainly surprised me.
1110
01:31:38,800 --> 01:31:42,156
Me too. I thought he had more.
- No use giving you any advice.
1111
01:31:42,560 --> 01:31:47,031
Captain, this time I'm afraid
I'll have to take him. Come on.
1112
01:31:47,440 --> 01:31:50,432
Oh, what are you doing? My dear!
1113
01:31:54,080 --> 01:31:56,992
What's the idea?
- Take a letter to my lawyers.
1114
01:31:58,400 --> 01:32:03,394
Oh no, don't! Anything but...
That I've got to go! So young!
1115
01:32:10,560 --> 01:32:15,429
Good. Let's get out of here
before they all wake up. Hurry up.
1116
01:32:16,305 --> 01:32:22,246
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