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1
00:00:05,794 --> 00:00:07,258
Good morning, patrol!
2
00:00:07,259 --> 00:00:09,526
Good morning, Skipper!
3
00:00:09,527 --> 00:00:12,659
Welcome to day one, activity A,
4
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,259
and A is for archery!
5
00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,258
Yes! OK.
6
00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:19,258
We'll all get a chance
to shoot at the target
7
00:00:19,259 --> 00:00:23,258
but, before we do, I just need to
run through some do's and do nots.
8
00:00:23,259 --> 00:00:25,193
There you go, Frank, pass that down.
9
00:00:25,194 --> 00:00:28,193
Alexander, you take the bow. Pass it
down, get used to the feel of it.
10
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:31,258
It may surprise some of you to know
that most accidents happen
11
00:00:31,259 --> 00:00:34,258
after the arrows
have hit the target.
12
00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:37,258
Boys run down the range
and can easily trip up,
13
00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:39,393
so safety rule number one is no...
14
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,392
I... Er...
15
00:00:46,393 --> 00:00:48,258
That's gone through, that.
Clean through.
16
00:00:51,194 --> 00:00:52,793
I'm panicking. Right.
17
00:00:54,527 --> 00:00:56,258
Who can drive?
18
00:00:56,259 --> 00:00:58,258
We might need one of you to drive.
19
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,193
No, that's a silly idea.
20
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,258
Don't look at me, kids. Make a path!
21
00:01:01,259 --> 00:01:03,258
You don't want to see this
in your dreams.
22
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:04,793
Someone call Carol, please!
23
00:01:04,794 --> 00:01:07,258
You've got to go to the New Forest
next week. That's out.
24
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,259
Oh, it's cold, innit?
25
00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:16,258
Ah!
26
00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:19,193
ARGH!
27
00:01:19,194 --> 00:01:20,259
That's better.
28
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,258
Michael.
29
00:02:16,259 --> 00:02:17,259
Michael...
30
00:02:19,194 --> 00:02:20,926
Mike!
31
00:02:20,927 --> 00:02:23,060
Morning, handsome.
32
00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:24,194
Listen...
33
00:02:27,259 --> 00:02:29,258
I can't hear anything.
34
00:02:29,259 --> 00:02:30,259
Exactly.
35
00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:34,258
The builders haven't arrived yet.
36
00:02:34,259 --> 00:02:35,259
That pigeon isn't in here.
37
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:39,259
We're all alone.
38
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,258
Oh! Yeah.
39
00:02:42,259 --> 00:02:43,259
Yeah.
40
00:02:45,259 --> 00:02:46,927
Er... What?
41
00:02:48,259 --> 00:02:49,259
Are you sure we're alone?
42
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:51,258
Mike, there are no ghosts in here.
43
00:02:51,259 --> 00:02:53,526
It's freaking me out that
you can see them...
44
00:02:53,527 --> 00:02:56,259
Mike, Mike, Mike... We are alone.
45
00:03:00,061 --> 00:03:01,258
Argh!
46
00:03:01,259 --> 00:03:02,259
Ooh, yeah...
47
00:03:02,259 --> 00:03:03,259
Get out!
48
00:03:05,527 --> 00:03:08,258
There's one in here now,
isn't there? Yeah, just...
49
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,259
Are we ever alone?
50
00:03:19,061 --> 00:03:22,259
Castle Man, he go de-da-ka, de-da-ka!
51
00:03:24,259 --> 00:03:25,259
You go.
52
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:32,060
Interesting.
53
00:03:32,061 --> 00:03:35,259
Erm... Funny hat dude, he...
54
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,660
Hey!
55
00:03:39,259 --> 00:03:41,793
Ooh...
56
00:03:41,794 --> 00:03:44,258
What's all this commotion?
57
00:03:49,259 --> 00:03:50,526
Ew! Ew!
58
00:03:50,527 --> 00:03:52,258
Unacceptable!
59
00:03:52,259 --> 00:03:54,259
Ugh! Emergency meeting!
60
00:03:55,259 --> 00:03:59,259
Now, it's clear that this new enemy,
these builders,
61
00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:01,258
are deep in our territory.
62
00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:03,258
It's an occupation.
63
00:04:03,259 --> 00:04:05,659
We shall fight on the beaches.
64
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,258
We shall fight...
65
00:04:07,259 --> 00:04:10,258
..on the landing?
Yes, all right. Don't be glib.
66
00:04:10,259 --> 00:04:14,258
But how do we fight?
We have no rocks, no sticks,
67
00:04:14,259 --> 00:04:15,259
no bears.
68
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:16,526
Bears?
69
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:21,258
Oh, yes, very good, Thomas.
We'll just sigh at them.
70
00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:23,258
You don't understand, do you?
71
00:04:23,259 --> 00:04:26,258
Almost certainly not.
She does not comprehend
72
00:04:26,259 --> 00:04:28,258
the profundity of my
feelings for her.
73
00:04:28,259 --> 00:04:30,258
Thomas in big love with Kim Wilde.
74
00:04:30,259 --> 00:04:32,258
Kim Wi...? Alison?
75
00:04:32,259 --> 00:04:34,258
He's got the hots for Alison!
76
00:04:34,259 --> 00:04:36,659
Oh, it's far more complicated
than that, damn your eyes!
77
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,926
I am attempting to compose a poem
78
00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:42,258
of such intricate beauty
to reflect the way I feel.
79
00:04:42,259 --> 00:04:44,259
I cannot be expected to plot
with you halfwits
80
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:47,258
and work on my art!
81
00:04:47,259 --> 00:04:49,258
Ooh!
82
00:04:49,259 --> 00:04:52,258
You can't just appear like that,
not when we're in bed.
83
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:55,258
Were you and Mike making a baby?
Er, what? No! No.
84
00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:57,258
I mean, I was hoping we'd get in
a bit of practice, but...
85
00:04:57,259 --> 00:05:00,259
Practice?
You know, getting jiggy with it.
86
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,258
How's-your-father?
He's dead, I think.
87
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:06,060
You don't know what I'm talking
about, do you?
88
00:05:06,061 --> 00:05:08,258
I thought babies were made
when you pressed ears together.
89
00:05:08,259 --> 00:05:10,259
Oh, no! Who told you that?
90
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:13,258
My sister. How do you make a baby?
91
00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:17,258
Well... OK.
So, when a man and a woman
92
00:05:17,259 --> 00:05:19,258
love each other very, very much...
93
00:05:19,259 --> 00:05:22,258
..or not, actually -
sometimes that can be more fun.
94
00:05:22,259 --> 00:05:24,926
Alison! You'll have to ask
one of the others. I've got to go.
95
00:05:24,927 --> 00:05:26,926
Hi, Terry. You all right, mate?
96
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,392
Ah! There you are. Jolly good.
Now, look here.
97
00:05:29,393 --> 00:05:31,258
I mean, I thought the Blitz was bad,
98
00:05:31,259 --> 00:05:33,526
but your builders make the Luftwaffe
look like a youth group.
99
00:05:33,527 --> 00:05:36,258
No offence, Pat. We know your lot
were capable of killing.
100
00:05:36,259 --> 00:05:37,259
Please, not now!
101
00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:39,392
Oh. Sorry. I'll...
No, not you, Terry.
102
00:05:39,393 --> 00:05:42,659
I was just talking to... Mike.
103
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,258
Not now, Mike!
104
00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:46,258
What?
105
00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:47,259
Right.
106
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:49,258
Yes, Terry. How are you?
How's it going?
107
00:05:49,259 --> 00:05:51,258
Yeah, good, good.
We've finally managed
108
00:05:51,259 --> 00:05:53,258
to make the roof watertight
in the, erm...
109
00:05:53,259 --> 00:05:54,259
..the back bit.
110
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,526
The east wing!
111
00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:58,258
East wing. Thank you... Terry.
112
00:05:58,259 --> 00:05:59,793
But we have found something else.
113
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:02,258
The drainage from
the east wing is cracked.
114
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:04,193
I don't know when it was put in.
115
00:06:04,194 --> 00:06:05,258
1894.
116
00:06:05,259 --> 00:06:08,258
1894. Erm, probably, between...
117
00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:09,259
Not now, what?
118
00:06:10,393 --> 00:06:13,258
Not now! Huh! Hmm?
119
00:06:13,259 --> 00:06:15,060
What's he like, Terry?
120
00:06:15,061 --> 00:06:18,258
Right. Well, it needs a lot of work
to make sure it doesn't breach.
121
00:06:18,259 --> 00:06:20,659
I can do you a quote
on top of the old one,
122
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:22,258
which has gone up a bit, I'm afraid.
123
00:06:22,259 --> 00:06:25,060
We don't have any more money.
Great, great!
124
00:06:25,061 --> 00:06:26,526
We'll probably just put
our heads together
125
00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:28,258
and run some numbers up the flagpole
126
00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:30,659
and just see if any of that
makes any sense.
127
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,258
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Yeah, by all means.
128
00:06:35,259 --> 00:06:38,258
What are you doing? We can't just
agree to more work like that.
129
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:41,193
We're burning through money
quicker than actually burning money.
130
00:06:41,194 --> 00:06:43,258
Mike, it's fine. This is all part of
being project manager.
131
00:06:43,259 --> 00:06:44,259
It's a negotiation.
132
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:47,258
You get them on side,
do a bit of wheeling, dealing.
133
00:06:47,259 --> 00:06:49,258
You gotta be mates,
if you want mate's rates.
134
00:06:49,259 --> 00:06:51,258
He's coming, he's coming, he's
coming.
135
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:54,193
Listen, Tel,
let's chat numbers later,
136
00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:57,258
and in the meantime, how about
a nice cup of old Rosie Lee?
137
00:06:57,259 --> 00:06:59,258
Oh, yeah. No milk, four sugars.
138
00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:00,259
OK... Watch out!
139
00:07:04,259 --> 00:07:07,259
For the sugar, Terry!
Come on, that's too many.
140
00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:10,259
Isn't it, Mike? Yeah.
141
00:07:13,259 --> 00:07:15,258
Just checking -
that was a ghost thing, right? Yep.
142
00:07:15,259 --> 00:07:17,258
There are ghosts in here,
which is why you went weird?
143
00:07:17,259 --> 00:07:20,258
Just one there and one there. Yes,
we're here, we're here. Here we are.
144
00:07:20,259 --> 00:07:22,259
Yep. OK.
145
00:07:26,259 --> 00:07:28,258
Pat, are you not well?
146
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:30,258
Hmm? Oh, no, I'm fine.
147
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:33,060
It's just that tomorrow's
my death day
148
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,659
so, you know,
I always get a bit emotional...
149
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,259
How are babies made?
150
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,659
Alison, my Alison.
151
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:44,259
You are like a...
152
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:47,259
..like a...
153
00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:50,258
Yeah. Sorry, I appreciate it's
such short notice and that,
154
00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:54,258
but we've just got so much rubbish
to clear up.
155
00:07:54,259 --> 00:07:56,258
I mean, loads of it. Seriously.
156
00:07:56,259 --> 00:07:58,258
Builders are awful, aren't they?
157
00:07:58,259 --> 00:08:02,259
I had a terrible time when I was
extending the Bramptons back in '86.
158
00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:04,258
It's a modest Oxfordshire pile.
159
00:08:04,259 --> 00:08:06,258
11 bedrooms, tennis courts,
wet room,
160
00:08:06,259 --> 00:08:08,258
blah-blah-blah-blah.
Sounds frightfully expensive.
161
00:08:08,259 --> 00:08:12,259
Oh, no, I didn't pay for it, no.
I ran it through MPs' expenses.
162
00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:14,258
The great British taxpayer
covered it.
163
00:08:14,259 --> 00:08:16,258
Wonderful idiots! Now, where was I?
164
00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:19,258
Oh, yes, builders. Well, I mean,
they're all thieves, aren't they?
165
00:08:19,259 --> 00:08:21,258
Tinkers to a man.
166
00:08:21,259 --> 00:08:24,258
All the noise, the football chat,
the potty banter.
167
00:08:24,259 --> 00:08:26,926
Ooh! Wait a minute, that's it!
168
00:08:26,927 --> 00:08:28,258
What's what?
169
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:31,526
All we have to do is watch
these builders closely
170
00:08:31,527 --> 00:08:35,258
until they commit some sort of
misdemeanour, report it to Alison...
171
00:08:35,259 --> 00:08:37,258
And she'll send them away with
a flea in their ear.
172
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:38,660
Yes! Let's get organised.
173
00:08:40,259 --> 00:08:41,926
I have flea in ear.
174
00:08:41,927 --> 00:08:43,259
But you're dead.
175
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:44,660
So is flea.
176
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,259
I also have worms.
177
00:08:49,259 --> 00:08:50,660
Ugh.
178
00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:56,061
Ah! There's two in here.
179
00:08:58,259 --> 00:08:59,526
A proper pair of oiks.
180
00:08:59,527 --> 00:09:01,526
This'll be like shooting fish
in a barrel,
181
00:09:01,527 --> 00:09:03,258
which I did for real once.
182
00:09:03,259 --> 00:09:05,258
Party Conference, Bournemouth.
Great fun.
183
00:09:05,259 --> 00:09:07,258
I might sneak off a bit earlier
today, Wixy.
184
00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:10,258
This is going to be easy. Shouldn't
be a problem. Where are you off to?
185
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,392
I need to get back
to that community project thing.
186
00:09:12,393 --> 00:09:14,258
Oh, yeah, the kids' playground
at the hospital.
187
00:09:14,259 --> 00:09:16,258
Well, I mean, there's being nice,
that's one thing,
188
00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:18,258
but that's just weird nice.
189
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:21,393
All right. There's plenty more where
they came from. Come along.
190
00:09:29,393 --> 00:09:32,258
Ohh! Pat!
191
00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:36,258
You all right?
192
00:09:36,259 --> 00:09:38,258
Tomorrow's my death day.
193
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:42,659
Oh! Happy... death day. Hmm.
194
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:46,926
I'm really sorry, Pat.
I've actually never asked you,
195
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:49,259
how did you die, exactly?
196
00:09:50,259 --> 00:09:52,258
Sorry, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
197
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:56,193
I just wanted to lighten the mood,
and it hasn't worked. Sorry.
198
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:57,526
That must be really hard for you.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
199
00:09:57,527 --> 00:10:00,258
But on the plus side,
I get to see my family, so...
200
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:01,259
Oh! What? What?
201
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:04,258
Yeah. Every year,
they come to pay their respects.
202
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,260
They'll be here tomorrow,
over there.
203
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:09,258
Oh... Yeah, it used to be a tree,
204
00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:11,526
but it blew down in
the great storm of 1987.
205
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:15,258
I mean, people say it was a storm,
but it was a hurricane, Alison.
206
00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:17,526
Well, that'll be nice,
to see your family.
207
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:21,527
And I thought, wouldn't it be great
to pass on a message to them?
208
00:10:23,259 --> 00:10:26,259
Oh, no, Pat. I don't think
that's such a great idea.
209
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:29,659
Oh, it is. Mm... I could let Carol
know that I was OK.
210
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:33,060
The whole family come! Daley,
he's my son, and his girlfriend,
211
00:10:33,061 --> 00:10:35,526
they'll be there,
and... and Carol's husband Morris.
212
00:10:35,527 --> 00:10:37,193
She remarried?
213
00:10:37,194 --> 00:10:39,258
It's fine.
214
00:10:39,259 --> 00:10:40,259
I'm very happy for them.
215
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:42,258
Morris was actually my best mate,
216
00:10:42,259 --> 00:10:44,258
so it was really lovely when
he married Carol.
217
00:10:44,259 --> 00:10:46,258
He was always such a support to her,
218
00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:47,392
even before I died.
219
00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:49,258
Hmm. He was always round.
220
00:10:49,259 --> 00:10:51,193
He had his own set of keys.
221
00:10:51,194 --> 00:10:53,258
I remember, one Sunday,
I came back from camp
222
00:10:53,259 --> 00:10:56,258
and I found all his clothes
in the hallway.
223
00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:59,260
Everything, his socks, his knickers,
they were all strewn up the stairs.
224
00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:06,258
Oh, no. Mm.
225
00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:08,258
Yeah.
226
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:09,393
Oh, no. Oh, no.
227
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:13,259
Carol!
228
00:11:18,259 --> 00:11:20,794
Anyone dead in here?
229
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:40,259
Ow!
230
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:49,794
SHE TUTS, WATER RUNS
231
00:11:51,259 --> 00:11:55,193
Don't worry, it's only a matter of
time. Builders are born to hustle.
232
00:11:55,194 --> 00:11:57,526
It's in their DNA. Oh, hang on
a minute. Ah, there we are!
233
00:11:57,527 --> 00:12:00,258
That's perfect. Here he comes!
234
00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,258
Our work here is done.
235
00:12:02,259 --> 00:12:04,258
Oi, Mike! Yeah? What?
236
00:12:04,259 --> 00:12:06,926
You dropped your wallet, mate.
You've got to be joking.
237
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,258
Damnation! Tough nuts
to crack, this lot.
238
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,258
Reminds me of Monty
in the desert in '42.
239
00:12:11,259 --> 00:12:12,926
Oh, yeah? Totally hemmed in.
240
00:12:12,927 --> 00:12:14,258
Interesting. But he persisted.
241
00:12:14,259 --> 00:12:15,259
Oh, this is happening now.
242
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:23,926
Where are you off to?
I'm going to the pub.
243
00:12:23,927 --> 00:12:25,258
Mike, it's barely midday.
244
00:12:25,259 --> 00:12:29,258
Yeah, well, sometimes, you know,
a guy just wants to...
245
00:12:29,259 --> 00:12:31,060
You're doing a Glastonbury,
aren't you?
246
00:12:31,061 --> 00:12:33,258
OK. So, I admit I have some issues.
247
00:12:33,259 --> 00:12:35,258
Mike, you left the festival
to go for a poo.
248
00:12:35,259 --> 00:12:37,258
Not just the campsite,
the entire festival.
249
00:12:37,259 --> 00:12:41,193
So I need poo space. It's hard
enough when people are close by,
250
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,392
let alone when there might be ghosts
in there with me.
251
00:12:43,393 --> 00:12:45,258
You've got this covered,
though, yeah?
252
00:12:45,259 --> 00:12:46,392
Project manager? Yeah!
253
00:12:46,393 --> 00:12:48,259
Get us that deal! Sure.
254
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:50,258
They're not watching you!
255
00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:51,659
I am! Oh, my God!
256
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:52,927
Stop sneaking up on me!
257
00:12:58,393 --> 00:13:01,926
Hello, Terry. Can I get you a tea?
258
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:03,259
No, you're all right.
259
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:06,259
Oh, Alison...
260
00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:09,258
My Alison...
261
00:13:09,259 --> 00:13:10,660
You are like...
262
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:15,259
You are like a...
263
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,258
Garrison?
264
00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:18,793
African?
265
00:13:18,794 --> 00:13:20,258
I say tarragon. Hexagon?
266
00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:22,259
Algorithm? Or hessian?
Or marathon.
267
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,258
Please, will you hush?
268
00:13:24,259 --> 00:13:25,659
I cannot hear myself think!
269
00:13:27,259 --> 00:13:29,258
You know nothing of poetry!
270
00:13:29,259 --> 00:13:30,259
Off he goes.
271
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:33,258
Talisman?
272
00:13:33,259 --> 00:13:34,259
Oh, that's brilliant. I said that.
273
00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:36,659
No, you didn't.
I said that five minutes ago.
274
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:39,258
No, you didn't.
I didn't hear you say that.
275
00:13:39,259 --> 00:13:41,793
Well, I did.
I thought of it myself, anyway.
276
00:13:41,794 --> 00:13:45,258
LADY BUTTON: You want to know how
babies are made, Kitty?
277
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:50,259
Well, the bees, you see, like men,
visit the flowers.
278
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:53,259
Some bees like just one
type of flower,
279
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,258
though it turns out not your flower,
280
00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,258
cos your flower just
isn't good enough,
281
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:58,392
so there you are, on display,
282
00:13:58,393 --> 00:14:02,258
waiting for the big, strong bee with
his big pollen sacs underneath him,
283
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,258
and he goes to a different flower,
284
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:07,926
and sometimes, Kitty,
the bee only likes other bees,
285
00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:11,193
and you think, well, why have you
chosen that bee and not my flower?
286
00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:12,258
But they don't care, you see?
287
00:14:12,259 --> 00:14:14,259
They just buzz around
and ignore you!
288
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:20,060
That's fascinating...
289
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,060
Er, look...
290
00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:26,258
What's going on here? Monkey.
291
00:14:26,259 --> 00:14:29,258
Oh, no, no, I mean...
That's good fun. Oh, good Lord.
292
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,258
I mean, that's just...
What's all that racket?
293
00:14:31,259 --> 00:14:34,258
Ah, now, Fanny, I insist,
you really do not want to see.
294
00:14:34,259 --> 00:14:36,258
This really isn't something you
should be looking at...
295
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:39,258
How on earth are they
both doing that?
296
00:14:39,259 --> 00:14:42,526
Absolutely... Do you know what,
Fanny? I-I-I think you should go
297
00:14:42,527 --> 00:14:45,258
and report this
to Alison straight away.
298
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,258
Yes... Yes!
299
00:14:47,259 --> 00:14:50,193
It's shocking behaviour. Shocking.
You're absolutely right.
300
00:14:51,393 --> 00:14:54,060
Alison! Alison!
301
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:59,258
Right, then, drainage issue. Yeah.
Yeah, well, that's a tricky one.
302
00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:02,193
I have never been so outraged...
There's no way two ways about it.
303
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:04,258
..in all my life! The big issue is
finding where to dig.
304
00:15:04,259 --> 00:15:06,258
Those builders have been watching
some grotesquery
305
00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:07,259
on their magic lanterns. For that,
306
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,259
we need to get the old ground
radar in... It's disgusting!
307
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:12,258
Two monkeys doing unspeakable
things! And it wasn't budgeted for.
308
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:13,392
Oh, the video!
309
00:15:13,393 --> 00:15:15,258
Well, it's more like an ultrasound,
310
00:15:15,259 --> 00:15:17,258
but it does have
a screen on it, yeah.
311
00:15:17,259 --> 00:15:21,258
Sorry, Terry, I was actually just
thinking about that, um,
312
00:15:21,259 --> 00:15:23,258
that YouTube video, in the safari
park... That's the one.
313
00:15:23,259 --> 00:15:25,258
..with the monkeys. Yes.
314
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:26,259
Have you seen it?
Yeah, yeah, I have, yeah.
315
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:29,258
It's pretty funny, yeah.
It is funny, actually.
316
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:31,526
A real Button wouldn't stand
for this sort of behaviour!
317
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:33,793
Well, could you not watch it,
please, Terry,
318
00:15:33,794 --> 00:15:36,258
because, um, it's not acceptable
behaviour.
319
00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:38,259
Not in this house.
Not in this house.
320
00:15:39,259 --> 00:15:40,527
Filthy. Dirty. Filth...
321
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:45,392
Right, well, why don't we have
this chat tomorrow, yeah?
322
00:15:45,393 --> 00:15:48,259
Oh, sorry, Terry, I... Yeah.
323
00:15:49,259 --> 00:15:51,258
It's OK, Alison,
I've changed my mind.
324
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,926
I don't want you to talk to my
wife. Right. Good.
325
00:15:53,927 --> 00:15:56,258
I want you to kill her. white You what?!
Well, don't you see?
326
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,258
With any luck, she'll become
a ghost, like me.
327
00:15:58,259 --> 00:16:00,258
And we can be together
for ever and ever.
328
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,259
Great, great, yeah.
329
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,258
So, shall I push her in the lake
or, ooh, take her up to the roof
330
00:16:04,259 --> 00:16:05,926
and just throw her off?
331
00:16:05,927 --> 00:16:07,793
Either's fine,
just don't mark her face.
332
00:16:07,794 --> 00:16:10,258
Of course I'm not going
to kill your wife, Pat!
333
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,258
It's a terrible idea!
334
00:16:12,259 --> 00:16:13,259
I'm so sorry.
335
00:16:14,259 --> 00:16:16,258
What have I become?
336
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,258
I'm a monster!
337
00:16:18,259 --> 00:16:20,259
I'm a monster man!
338
00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:40,060
Do you mock me, sir?
This is my sighing place.
339
00:16:40,061 --> 00:16:41,258
Hey!
340
00:16:41,259 --> 00:16:43,258
Pat not feel good today.
341
00:16:43,259 --> 00:16:44,259
It's death day tomorrow.
342
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:46,258
Family come.
343
00:16:46,259 --> 00:16:48,258
No, fine! I wasn't trying to work,
or anything.
344
00:16:48,259 --> 00:16:50,258
Let's make an evening of it.
345
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,060
Bring wine!
346
00:16:52,061 --> 00:16:53,258
And figs!
347
00:16:53,259 --> 00:16:57,258
I actually don't know
if I want them to come any more.
348
00:16:57,259 --> 00:17:00,258
I hate to be the one to tell you
this, Patrick,
349
00:17:00,259 --> 00:17:01,259
but eventually no-one will come.
350
00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:03,259
That's just the way of it.
351
00:17:04,259 --> 00:17:08,392
What Thomas try to say is...
352
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:09,527
..you die...
353
00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:14,527
..time pass, everything change.
354
00:17:16,259 --> 00:17:19,259
Family not come any more.
355
00:17:20,259 --> 00:17:22,193
Is pain,
356
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:24,793
but you heal.
357
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,526
Yeah.
358
00:17:26,527 --> 00:17:29,259
You remember them here.
359
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:34,258
And maybe, one day,
360
00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:36,194
you find new family.
361
00:17:38,259 --> 00:17:42,193
Who fancies a pint, then? I'm
gasping. You're buying, though.
362
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:43,259
Wait up, guys!
363
00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:48,659
Ohh. He stinks. He does a bit.
364
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,794
Mm.
365
00:17:52,259 --> 00:17:56,258
Only real issue is core strength.
That's known as a Norwegian picnic -
366
00:17:56,259 --> 00:17:58,258
you won't make many babies that way,
367
00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:02,258
but it sure is a lot of fun.
A lot of fun! Ha!
368
00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:03,392
A Himalayan campsite
369
00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:06,258
is an altogether more
complicated position,
370
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:09,258
involving four people
and a rope swing.
371
00:18:09,259 --> 00:18:11,259
Now, the key to that is good
ballast...
372
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,793
Morning! Little treat for my
favourite builders! Oink-oink!
373
00:18:16,794 --> 00:18:19,258
Bacon roll?
Oh, yeah, lovely, thank you.
374
00:18:19,259 --> 00:18:21,060
Cheers! Have a lovely day.
375
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:23,258
Cheers! Thank you.
Have a lovely day.
376
00:18:23,259 --> 00:18:24,259
Mmm!
377
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:27,258
Mmm! What's with the bag? Gym.
378
00:18:27,259 --> 00:18:29,193
The pub figured me out pretty
quickly, so...
379
00:18:29,194 --> 00:18:31,258
Why don't you have a spa break
while you're at it?
380
00:18:31,259 --> 00:18:33,258
Mike, we can't afford
to be joining gyms.
381
00:18:33,259 --> 00:18:34,926
It's a trial day. It's free.
382
00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:36,526
How are you getting on with your
wheeling and dealing?
383
00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:39,392
Good, actually.
Well, I've got to go.
384
00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:41,193
I've actually really got to go.
385
00:18:41,194 --> 00:18:42,527
Morning. Morning!
386
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,258
Morning, Terry!
387
00:18:45,259 --> 00:18:47,258
How are you? Yeah, fine.
388
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,258
Just wondering if we could have
a chat about the drainage issue
389
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,258
and see if we can come to
some sort of arrangement.
390
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:53,259
Yeah, yeah,
we'll find time for that.
391
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:56,258
Look, we're going to finish off
that internal lattice work today
392
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:58,258
so I need you to take
those curtains down.
393
00:18:58,259 --> 00:19:01,259
Can do, Terry. And I've got some
bacon rolls going, if you fancy one.
394
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:03,258
No, I'm a vegan.
395
00:19:03,259 --> 00:19:04,259
Of course you are.
396
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,258
Oh, God!
397
00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:12,926
Morning!
398
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:15,060
Hey, guys. Hey, Wixy!
399
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:19,258
# In my imagination there
is no hesitation
400
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,258
# We walk together hand in hand
401
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:23,258
# I'm dreaming
402
00:19:23,259 --> 00:19:25,258
# You fell in love with me
403
00:19:25,259 --> 00:19:27,258
# Like I'm in love with you
404
00:19:27,259 --> 00:19:29,258
# But dreaming's all I do
405
00:19:29,259 --> 00:19:31,258
♪ If only they'd come true... ♪
406
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:36,259
Oh...
407
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,260
Ah!
408
00:19:45,259 --> 00:19:48,258
Look at that!
This could be our chance!
409
00:19:48,259 --> 00:19:50,259
But we'll need help. Fetch Mary.
410
00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:55,194
Don't push me,
you cack-faced turnips.
411
00:19:57,259 --> 00:19:59,258
Come quickly!
412
00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:01,258
'Tis the Devil's work!
413
00:20:01,259 --> 00:20:03,193
He is amongst us.
414
00:20:03,194 --> 00:20:04,258
Quick! The Devil?
415
00:20:04,259 --> 00:20:05,526
What are you talking about?
416
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:07,259
Right, quick as you like!
417
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:10,258
Right, here we go.
Come on, be quick.
418
00:20:10,259 --> 00:20:11,659
All right. Don't pressure me,
don't pressure me.
419
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:13,258
Go on! You know what to do, push.
420
00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:14,660
Push! Come on.
421
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:17,259
What? What is it?
422
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:20,258
Oh, I just thoughts I saw a swan.
423
00:20:20,259 --> 00:20:21,259
What?
424
00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:26,258
When we used to see a swan in our
village, that was the Devil at play.
425
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,659
Well, nowadays that just means
that there's a swan.
426
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,258
Oh, right.
427
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:32,259
Look, there's loads of swans.
428
00:20:34,259 --> 00:20:35,259
Then the Devil is busy.
429
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,258
Come on, man! Come on.
430
00:20:39,259 --> 00:20:40,259
Push it!
431
00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:41,260
Yes! You've got it.
432
00:20:41,261 --> 00:20:44,259
It's in! Well done, Jul...
Oh, here we go, here we go.
433
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:47,258
Oh, good Lord,
he's actually going to take it.
434
00:20:47,259 --> 00:20:49,258
He's taking the box. Take it,
take it! He's taking the box!
435
00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:50,259
Yes! Yes!
436
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:53,259
That one be Lucifer's lackey,
for sure.
437
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,194
No, wait, I also saw a goose!
438
00:21:13,259 --> 00:21:15,258
Just a couple of chaps
in the library... Hi.
439
00:21:15,259 --> 00:21:18,060
Hello there. Just a couple
of chaps in the library.
440
00:21:18,061 --> 00:21:19,258
Er, everything all right with you?
441
00:21:19,259 --> 00:21:21,258
No! No, I've lost
my engagement ring.
442
00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:23,259
Oh, no. Oh, no!
443
00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:27,926
Oh, dear. Listen, we don't want to
be a couple of telltale-tits,
444
00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:30,258
but... Julian, er, saw...
445
00:21:30,259 --> 00:21:32,258
Yes, I saw one of the builders
446
00:21:32,259 --> 00:21:34,258
heading out of the east wing
just moments ago
447
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:37,258
looking tres, tres shifty.
Which one?
448
00:21:37,259 --> 00:21:38,526
The handsome one.
449
00:21:38,527 --> 00:21:42,258
Erm, the... chap with the arms.
Very strong.
450
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,258
Probably. What?
451
00:21:44,259 --> 00:21:45,259
Thanks.
452
00:21:51,259 --> 00:21:52,926
I am actually pretty gobsmacked
453
00:21:52,927 --> 00:21:55,392
that you think it might've
been one of us.
454
00:21:55,393 --> 00:21:58,259
Please, I just need you to open your
bags so I can check.
455
00:21:58,260 --> 00:22:01,794
Come on!
Empty your pockets, riffraff!
456
00:22:05,259 --> 00:22:06,259
All right.
457
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,393
There you go.
458
00:22:13,259 --> 00:22:15,258
Uh-oh. Oh, dear.
459
00:22:15,259 --> 00:22:16,259
Sticky fingers! Hmm.
460
00:22:16,259 --> 00:22:17,259
Is this it?
461
00:22:19,061 --> 00:22:21,258
I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know it was in there.
462
00:22:21,259 --> 00:22:23,060
I didn't take it, honest.
463
00:22:23,061 --> 00:22:24,392
Ho-ho-ho! Likely story.
Chinny reckon.
464
00:22:24,393 --> 00:22:27,259
It could have been knocked off
the workbench!
465
00:22:31,259 --> 00:22:33,258
You are so right.
466
00:22:33,259 --> 00:22:36,060
Yep. And I'm... I'm so sorry.
467
00:22:36,061 --> 00:22:37,258
TERRY: It's a bit late
for that, Alison.
468
00:22:37,259 --> 00:22:39,258
Today is going to be our last day.
469
00:22:39,259 --> 00:22:41,258
Get in it! No, please don't go.
470
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,259
Look, it's not my fault.
471
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:45,258
I've been under a lot of stress
lately and...
472
00:22:45,259 --> 00:22:48,258
Would it help if I told you that
this house is haunted
473
00:22:48,259 --> 00:22:50,659
and I am being plagued by ghosts
who are making my life a misery?
474
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,258
Not really, no.
475
00:22:52,259 --> 00:22:55,194
Ooh! A carriage! Someone's coming!
476
00:23:05,259 --> 00:23:06,259
Carol!
477
00:23:17,794 --> 00:23:21,259
OK. You win.
What do you want me to say to them?
478
00:23:21,260 --> 00:23:23,526
I've had a think, Alison,
479
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:26,258
and I've decided it's best
you don't say anything.
480
00:23:26,259 --> 00:23:28,258
I don't want them to worry about me.
481
00:23:28,259 --> 00:23:31,526
Let them get on with their lives,
and I'll get on with my...
482
00:23:31,527 --> 00:23:33,259
..death.
483
00:24:09,259 --> 00:24:12,193
See you, then, mate.
Sorry it didn't work out.
484
00:24:12,194 --> 00:24:13,258
What? You're leaving?
485
00:24:13,259 --> 00:24:18,061
Yeah, it all got a bit... you know?
486
00:24:23,259 --> 00:24:25,258
So, Pat, I did talk to them,
487
00:24:25,259 --> 00:24:27,258
but I didn't tell them about you.
488
00:24:27,259 --> 00:24:28,392
I asked about them.
489
00:24:28,393 --> 00:24:30,258
I figured you might like to know
490
00:24:30,259 --> 00:24:32,258
that your son Daley
is an accountant.
491
00:24:32,259 --> 00:24:33,259
He's very happy.
492
00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:37,258
Carol's busy with the bowls club
and Morris is very sweet too,
493
00:24:37,259 --> 00:24:39,259
but unbelievably small.
494
00:24:42,259 --> 00:24:43,259
Thank you.
495
00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:45,259
Oh, and they called him Pat.
496
00:24:47,259 --> 00:24:50,060
Your grandson.
497
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:10,260
He's got my legs!
498
00:25:22,259 --> 00:25:26,258
Guys, I've got a grandson
and his name's Pat.
499
00:25:26,259 --> 00:25:28,194
Oh, I'm so proud I could burst.
500
00:25:34,259 --> 00:25:36,061
Guys, this is it!
501
00:25:37,259 --> 00:25:40,526
I feel great. I think I'm moving on!
502
00:25:40,527 --> 00:25:43,258
I can see the light.
Can you see the light?
503
00:25:43,259 --> 00:25:44,659
You were all my family in a way,
504
00:25:44,660 --> 00:25:48,258
and I loved you all, apart from
Julian, who I didn't really trust,
505
00:25:48,259 --> 00:25:51,258
and, Lady Button, you need
to chill out, just relax, OK?
506
00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:54,258
And, Captain, the war's over, man.
It's over...
507
00:25:54,259 --> 00:25:56,258
And... That's it, then, Wixy.
508
00:25:56,259 --> 00:25:58,260
Yeah. We'll come back for the rest.
509
00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:02,259
Ah, this is awkward.
510
00:26:04,194 --> 00:26:05,526
No...
511
00:26:05,527 --> 00:26:09,258
Bye, Wixy. Bye, Kevin.
512
00:26:09,259 --> 00:26:10,260
Bye, lunchbox.
513
00:26:16,259 --> 00:26:18,926
A baby. That's nice.
514
00:26:18,927 --> 00:26:21,258
Still not quite sure
how they're made.
515
00:26:21,259 --> 00:26:22,259
Oh, erm....
516
00:26:25,259 --> 00:26:28,259
And...
517
00:26:30,527 --> 00:26:32,258
Really?
518
00:26:32,259 --> 00:26:35,926
Do they love each other? I hope so.
519
00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:38,258
Terry just said they were leaving.
What's going on?
520
00:26:38,259 --> 00:26:41,258
The charm offensive
became... offensive.
521
00:26:41,259 --> 00:26:43,194
So, no deal on the drainage?
522
00:26:44,194 --> 00:26:45,258
Well, it's held out this long.
523
00:26:45,259 --> 00:26:47,258
It's not as if...
524
00:26:47,259 --> 00:26:49,258
Oh, no.
525
00:26:49,259 --> 00:26:50,259
Huh!
526
00:26:54,259 --> 00:26:55,259
Alison... Argh!
527
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:56,659
Please stop doing that!
528
00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:58,258
I was blocked,
529
00:26:58,259 --> 00:26:59,926
but that has passed.
530
00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:03,258
I have composed a poem
to express my feelings.
531
00:27:03,259 --> 00:27:05,793
Sure. "Alison, we'll respect
your boundaries.
532
00:27:05,794 --> 00:27:08,258
"It's bedtime so we'll probably
stay out of your room."
533
00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:13,258
I'm dreaming
that you're in love with me
534
00:27:13,259 --> 00:27:15,259
Like I'm in love with you...
535
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:19,258
But dreaming's all I do
536
00:27:19,259 --> 00:27:21,926
If only they'd come true
537
00:27:21,927 --> 00:27:25,258
I should be so lucky
538
00:27:25,259 --> 00:27:29,258
Lucky, lucky, lucky...
539
00:27:29,259 --> 00:27:33,258
I should be so lucky...
540
00:27:33,259 --> 00:27:34,259
In love?
541
00:27:34,260 --> 00:27:38,258
What magic is this?
Our minds are entwined.
542
00:27:38,259 --> 00:27:40,060
How do you know my verse?
543
00:27:40,061 --> 00:27:43,258
Oh, I hate to tell you this,
but that is Kylie Minogue.
544
00:27:43,259 --> 00:27:45,258
What is a Kylie Min-ohg?
545
00:27:45,259 --> 00:27:47,259
She's an Australian singer,
546
00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:49,258
and that's one of her songs.
547
00:27:49,259 --> 00:27:52,258
I think you might have heard it
on the radio.
548
00:27:52,259 --> 00:27:53,526
It's catchy, isn't it?
549
00:27:53,527 --> 00:27:56,258
What have I done?
550
00:27:56,259 --> 00:27:59,258
Please send correspondence
to Miss Minogue,
551
00:27:59,259 --> 00:28:01,392
apologising in the sincerest
possible terms
552
00:28:01,393 --> 00:28:04,258
for stealing her beautiful words.
553
00:28:04,259 --> 00:28:07,258
The shame is almost
too much to bear!
554
00:28:07,259 --> 00:28:08,793
What have I done?!
555
00:28:10,393 --> 00:28:12,258
What's so funny?
556
00:28:12,259 --> 00:28:14,258
Oh... No, it doesn't matter.
557
00:28:14,259 --> 00:28:16,659
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't help you
with the drains.
558
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:18,258
Never mind those ghosts,
I think this house
559
00:28:18,259 --> 00:28:20,258
is going to finish us off!
560
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:22,258
We'll figure it out. Or rob a bank.
561
00:28:22,259 --> 00:28:24,258
And you know what?
562
00:28:24,259 --> 00:28:27,258
I won't let them get to me, either.
563
00:28:27,259 --> 00:28:28,659
Ooh, the full monty!
564
00:28:28,660 --> 00:28:30,258
Yeah!
565
00:28:30,259 --> 00:28:32,258
Here I am. Huh?
566
00:28:32,259 --> 00:28:35,258
Come on! I'm not afraid of you!
567
00:28:35,259 --> 00:28:36,259
Hah! Get a good look!
568
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:38,659
I don't care. Watch it!
569
00:28:38,660 --> 00:28:41,258
Yeah, not scaring me. I'm not...
570
00:28:44,259 --> 00:28:45,260
What was that?
571
00:28:47,194 --> 00:28:48,259
It's probably nothing.
41474
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