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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,071 (Church bells chime) 2 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,031 (Footsteps) 3 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,111 Now, remember, tap the glass gently, then reverse. 4 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,074 - I've driven cars before, Sidney. - And smashed 'em, too. 5 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,792 Thank you. 6 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,839 (Alarm rings) 7 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,790 - What went wrong? - Gone too far. 8 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:21,833 - Do you think they're all right? - Well, get 'em out. Oi, Sid! 9 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,635 Don't stand there! Do something! I'll kill him for this. 10 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,150 - What's that bell? - It's the alarm! Let's scarper! 11 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,191 (Grunts and groans) 12 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,831 (Whistle) 13 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,471 Just tap the glass gently, then reverse, I said. 14 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,637 So, he tries to knock the whole building down! 15 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,719 - Perhaps he thought it was quicker. - Look at your pictures. 16 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,751 Our boss he calls himself! 17 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,111 What has he got? Tell me, what has he got? 18 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,754 Well... He's... 19 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,633 Well, he's very refined, isn't he? 20 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,035 Yeah, and he speaks nice, an' all. 21 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,435 - Know what? He's a twit. - Twit? 22 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,471 You're flattering him. 23 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,636 Him and his big ideas! 24 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:32,550 Operations. Hmph! Operations! What's the next disaster on his list? 25 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,194 The Shoreditch Christian Girls' Club. 26 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,313 Funny. I belonged to it, till they heard about my striptease. 27 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,149 Go back to stripping. You'll lose your shirt with this clot. 28 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:44,633 Look out! 29 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,476 Hi, fellas. Don't get up. 30 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,999 Regrettable about that little contretemps. 31 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,590 Contretemps? What's a fiasco? When we all get pinched? 32 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,631 You weren't driving a tank! 33 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,716 - The brakes failed. - Liar! 34 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,711 Who's calling me a liar? 35 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,751 He was. 36 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,791 And he meant it. 37 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,151 Be careful, Sid, 38 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:49,558 or I may have to teach you a... a sharp lesson. 39 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,591 What in? Driving? 40 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,631 What about some lolly?! 41 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,228 We f-failed this time, but don't worry. 42 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,715 I never stop worrying since I met you. 43 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,115 - Three cars you've wrecked! - Four. 44 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,913 - Yeah, four. - They didn't cost you anything. 45 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,918 - You stole them all. - Not for you to wreck! 46 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,600 - I've got my living to earn. - Me, an' all. 47 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,349 - I'd better go back to wrestling. - Why? You never won a fight. 48 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,119 They paid me more to lose fights, that's why. 49 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,959 All right. All right. Desert me. 50 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,951 Desert me. 51 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,868 I can find others to help me pick up...�10,000. 52 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,639 �10,000! 53 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,671 How much is that? 54 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,475 'Ere, Fingers. 10,000 from the girls of Shoreditch? 55 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,229 - We only got a tenner last time... - We're not doing Shoreditch. 56 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,352 We're going to crack one of the fullest safes in London. 57 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:48,474 - The Bank of England? - No. Mr Billy Gordon's. 58 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,188 - Who's Billy Gordon? - "Who's Billy Gordon?"! 59 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,231 Why don't you learn to read? 60 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,113 I don't know. I could never get the hang of it. 61 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:01,313 - What's reading got to do with it? - All right. Shut up. Go on. 62 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,877 Everybody knows Billy Gordon. He's a man who doesn't like banks. 63 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,629 People who don't like banks keep a lot of ready cash in the safe. 64 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,070 Billy Gordon's safe is the one we're going to bust. 65 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,469 (Man) Kaltenburg did the bust of me. Do you like it? 66 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,716 (Woman) You look rather worried. 67 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,196 I was. I was worried how much he was going to charge me! 68 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,232 I wanted a cigar. He wouldn't stand for that. 69 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,635 Tell me, anyone ever done your bust? 70 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,671 - No. - Pity. 71 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,234 Talking of busts... I mean journalists... 72 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,352 you're rather young and pretty for a newshound. 73 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,994 Mother's Own prefers younger women. 74 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,031 So do I! 75 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,071 Tell me, what can I do for you? 76 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,795 We're interviewing people who've made a fortune from nothing. 77 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,480 I certainly started with nothing - 500 smackers. 78 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,194 - Loaned by your wife? - Huh? Yeah. 79 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,959 Splendid woman. Got a glorious daughter. 80 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,277 - Is that your wife? - No, my daughter. Pretty, eh? 81 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,516 - Charming. - One of the last debs. 82 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,438 Slipped her in just before they closed. 83 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,597 - You married in the war? - Yes, Sergeant Major. 84 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,871 - You were a Sergeant Major? - No, my wife was. 85 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,116 PT Instructress. Strong as an ox. 86 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,198 I met her when she was teaching unarmed combat. 87 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,959 Next thing I knew, I'm thrust up the aisle. 88 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,992 - Up the what? - Up the aisle, dear. 89 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,315 She's changed now. Quiet as a mouse. 90 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,830 - So, you were in the army? - What? Reserved occupation, me! 91 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,269 Used to collect swill from army camps. 92 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,676 - What was swill used for? - Damned if I know. Hate to think. 93 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,711 A hell of a market in it. 94 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,799 Your wife's here. She doesn't want to disturb you but, er... 95 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,831 Disturb?! Show her in! 96 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,191 Please come in, Mrs Gordon. 97 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,231 Thank you, Miss, er... 98 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,679 Oh! 99 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,075 Lucy, my love. What a nice surprise! 100 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,637 I didn't want to bother you, but you forgot my housekeeping money. 101 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,478 I'm so sorry. 102 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,479 Oh, this is Miss, er... of the Mother's Own thing. My wife. 103 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,478 - Hello. - Hello. I'm sorry to disturb you. 104 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:09,071 You didn't. I've been telling her all about you. My little piggy bank. 105 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,998 Cost me a fortune. Still, it's moth-proof. 106 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,590 - There. You're solvent again. - But I only wanted ten. 107 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,156 - There must be a hundred here. - Really? Never could count. 108 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,795 - Get along. Shan't be a minute. - Goodbye, Miss, er...? 109 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,480 - Goodbye, Mrs Gordon. - Goodbye. 110 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,518 Ooh! 111 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,713 Psst! 112 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,515 It was ten you wanted, wasn't it? There you are. 113 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,551 - Oh, I thought... - Now, Lucy. 114 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,639 We had to put on a show, but the income tax swine are hounding me, 115 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,230 and I can't afford to throw away hundreds on nothing, can I? 116 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,316 - Well, can I? - No. 117 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,318 Good. We've got to be very careful for the moment. 118 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,910 When our ship comes in - country house, butler... 119 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,315 - Ta-ta. - Ta-ta. 120 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,793 Phew! 121 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,831 Oh, Beryl. Blast! 122 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,555 Call Rogers and put 100 - no, 90 - on Peruvian Wonder to win. 123 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,910 Look slippy or you'll miss the off. 124 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,998 - There's a gentleman to see you. - Oh, blast! 125 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,317 Well, tell him to wait. I'll get rid of this Miss, er...? 126 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,193 - Chillick. - Chillick! You're kidding? 127 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,275 I'm sorry, my dear. I've got a client waiting. 128 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,834 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - So am I. 129 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,713 I say, why don't we meet after office hours? 130 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,115 Wouldn't that be too much for you? 131 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,151 You don't know me. 132 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,396 I'll phone you at the office, yes? 133 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,431 Oh, yes, please. 134 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,278 Arrivederci. 135 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,998 Arrivederci. 136 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,031 (Whistles merrily) 137 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,190 Come in... Oh! Guten tag. 138 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,231 - Bonjour. - You're French? 139 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,113 - No, I am Finnish. - Why do you speak French? 140 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,151 Finnish is too difficult. 141 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,076 Hmm... Please... 142 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,910 You're right! I had a Finnish girl once. She was very difficult. 143 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,679 Well, glad to see you've got the violin. 144 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,995 Da, with no strings attached. 145 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,032 Mmm! Very useful. 146 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,193 - Bad finish. How many? - 2,500. 147 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,880 - When? How much? - Next week. �50,000. 148 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,911 - Ha! Five. - Ha! Forty! 149 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,951 - Fifteen. - Thirty-five. 150 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,399 (Both) Twenty-five. 151 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,670 - Just a minute, I hope they work. - Why? 152 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:29,397 Why?! The last consignment your boss sent didn't work. I had complaints. 153 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,791 Surely, you are joking. 154 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,514 I do not understand. Complaints? 155 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,949 - From whom? - There were some survivors. 156 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,868 There's a sucker born every minute, but save enough to go round. 157 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,150 Have you anything to put the money in? 158 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,920 - No. - That's three quid for the case. 159 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,951 - Ha! Two. - Don't be mean. 160 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,275 That's the best quality plastic. 161 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,356 - (Yelps) - Oh, sorry. 162 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,391 Right, these are in thousands. 163 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,354 One, two, three, four, five, 164 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,199 six, seven, eight, nine, 165 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,798 ten... eleven... 166 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,553 I can't have everybody peering in like that. They're after me. 167 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,591 - The police? - No, income tax. 168 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,918 They've got spies everywhere. You've no idea what they'd stoop to. 169 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,156 - Er, fourteen... - Twelve. 170 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,236 - Sorry. Thirteen... - Twelve! 171 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,193 Sorry, old chap. I'm a left-handed counter. 172 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,151 Thirteen, fourteen. 173 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:35,319 By the way, what's the supply situation on guided missiles? 174 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,955 Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen... 175 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,351 (Whispers) This way. 176 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,590 - Hey, look. - The safe, it's open! 177 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,631 So it is... Whoops! 178 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,350 - You clot! - It was an accident. 179 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,391 So are you! 180 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,672 Now I'll have to crack it! Give me some light. 181 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,873 - Lights, gentleman. Is that better? - Don't move. I've got you covered. 182 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,355 - Is it a space gun, then? - Eh? Oh! 183 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,358 One move and I'll shoot you to comedon king. 184 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,913 Er... Come... Er... 185 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,755 There are four. One's got a blunderbuss, needs a haircut. 186 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,555 - How dare you! - That's him. You can hear him now. 187 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,592 There's a stringy youth, one who looks like a wrestler... 188 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,075 How did you guess? I am. 189 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,714 Shut up! I warn you... 190 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,558 I warn you. 191 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:42,514 - Curly's getting jittery. - Hold your noise or you'll get it. 192 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,359 You must be able to hear him. Recognise the voice? 193 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,391 - Ever broadcast before? - Eh? 194 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,717 You're on shortwave to Bow Street Police Station. 195 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,831 They'll be on their way already. 196 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,433 - We're in it again! - Shut up! Come on! 197 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,318 (Gordon cackles) 198 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,197 Good. Well, now we can have a little supper, eh? 199 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,880 You were wonderful but why did you let them go? 200 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,468 We didn't want to be disturbed by coppers. 201 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:17,991 - But they're coming, anyway. - No, they're not. I made that up. 202 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,031 Not a bad idea, eh? 203 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:25,234 Wait! I'd better move this stuff in case somebody else has a crack. 204 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,271 - Bottoms up. - Cheers. 205 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,238 Billy, you didn't come home to dinner again. 206 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,750 - I had to take a journalist out. - It's always the same. 207 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,633 I economise while you have lavish dinners. 208 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,876 But, Lucy, this is business. 209 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,912 Besides, it's all tax-deductible. 210 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,951 Then, couldn't you entertain me? 211 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,436 That wouldn't be honest. You know what you're like about honesty. 212 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,473 Cheer up. It won't be long before you have that country house. 213 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,717 - Am I forgiven? - Of course. Would you like a hand? 214 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,479 No. Just papers to hide... I mean put away. 215 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,479 Cheer up, old girl, won't be long before our ship comes in. 216 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,075 Oh, blimey! Haven't you had enough exercise for one day? 217 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,033 (Whispers) 'Ere, Sid... Eurhythmic tension. 218 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,038 After three months, they're like balloons. 219 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,151 Balloons! Peanuts, you mean. 220 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,909 Hi, fellas. Don't get up. No, d-d-don't get up. Sit down. 221 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,952 I-I know how you feel but this is the last of the fiascos. 222 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,789 - You said it. Goodbye. - You're saying goodbye to �20,000. 223 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,831 What now? The Crown Jewels? 224 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,269 The Crown Jewels? Bit risky, innit? 225 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,473 Billy Gordon again, but this time his private house. 226 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,909 - (Whispers) 'Ere, Fingers. - What? 227 00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:00,670 A fly boy like that doesn't keep cash in the house. His missus may find it. 228 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:05,749 Hey, Whisper, I'm after something more precious than money, my boy. 229 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:10,112 I never heard of anything more precious than money...'cept dollars. 230 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:14,995 If any of you half-wits could read, you'd know Gordon has a daughter. 231 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,874 - Well, what about it? - Work it out for yourself, Sidney. 232 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,675 She's the one thing in the world he loves more than money. 233 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,150 - Billy? - I thought I told you... 234 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,556 - Angela has wonderful news. - Daddy, meet Tommy Weston. 235 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,114 - Hello. - What on earth are you doing? 236 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,516 Er... Smelled gas. Looking for a leak. 237 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,790 - Tommy and I are engaged. - What?! 238 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,831 Why didn't you tell me before? 239 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,520 We couldn't tell you before it happened. 240 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,110 - Before what happened? - Before we were engaged, sir. 241 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,959 - Can I help? - Why? Are you a gas inspector? 242 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,958 No, as a matter of fact, I'm a tax inspector. 243 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,991 (Laughs) Very good! 244 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,031 No, no. I really am. 245 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,718 You're a tax...?! 246 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,511 - You're a tax inspector?! - I'm afraid so, sir. 247 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,551 One of the snoops, what? 248 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,593 Yes, well... I'll join you downstairs. 249 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,678 - I hope you approve, sir. - Later, later. 250 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,110 Did you hear that? A tax inspector! Well, he's out for a start! 251 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,710 - I never want to see him again. - Billy, he's nice and she loves him. 252 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,116 Don't be ridiculous. Nobody loves a tax inspector! 253 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,550 - It's an honourable profession. - Are you kidding? 254 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:40,229 I won't have him in the house. He'd ruin any decent conversation! 255 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,954 Worse than a policeman or a customs officer. 256 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,594 - But if she loves... - I mean what I say. 257 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,315 I'd rather entertain a thief. At least they're honest. 258 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:53,956 We must case the joint properly, inside and out. Alarms, everything. 259 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,072 Where are you taking the girl after the snatch? 260 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:01,637 My old aunt has a little place in the country, just outside town. 261 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,832 I'll send her to Blackpool. She'll like that. 262 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,077 - Who? Gordon's daughter? - No, his aunt, stupid! 263 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,112 'Ere, Fingers, you're planning to kidnap that girl! 264 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,470 That's what I've been telling you! 265 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,319 You know what? That's dangerous, that is. 266 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,351 What? Sending her to Blackpool? 267 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,119 With anyone else, it would be dangerous, 268 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,754 but Gordon hates the law as much as we do. 269 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,316 He's the one man in England who'll pay and pay big. 270 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,797 Yeah, and if something goes wrong - which it will - we'll get ten years. 271 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,718 - Twenty. - We'll get twenty grand, at least. 272 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,718 The small time is over. Now for the big snatch. 273 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,831 The crime of the century! 274 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,558 Goodbye, dear. 275 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,911 Bye, old girl. Shan't be back to supper tonight. 276 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,828 But I was going to try your economy steak and kidney pie. 277 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,871 The one without the kidneys. 278 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,278 I'll miss that. You're lucky. I'll have to grab a sandwich at work. 279 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,719 - Ta-ta. - Ta-ta. 280 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,229 - Yes? - (Welsh accent) Good morning. 281 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:32,239 - Is the mistress at home, whatever? - We don't want any. 282 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,271 It is from the Public Opinion Poll 283 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,630 of the National Soap Foundation that I am 284 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,436 who are after a survey of soap powders used by housewives, whatever. 285 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,950 - Oh... No, not today. - Thank you, most kind. 286 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:49,437 And, look you. I have a free sample of a new powder we're marketing. 287 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:54,156 - No charge to you, whatever. - Oh, my husband will be pleased. 288 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,999 Oh, isn't it...? Has it got coal dust in it? 289 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:01,477 That's our black whitener. The black which washes whitest, whatever. 290 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,956 - Whatever will they think of next? - Yes, whatever. 291 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:09,039 - How many are in this wee hoose? - My husband, my daughter and I. 292 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,594 - Would you like a cup of tea? - How kind. 293 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,359 - I had no breakfast, whatever. - Come on. 294 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,758 I never realised that Welshmen really said "whatever" so much. 295 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,793 - I thought it was just music halls. - No truth in that, whatever. 296 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,719 You have no living-in domesticals? 297 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,751 No. I have no help, whatever. 298 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,348 Oh, dear. Now you've got me doing it. 299 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,914 Actually, I don't mind housework. 300 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,598 (Doorbell) 301 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,632 - Whoever can that be? - No idea, whatever. 302 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,478 Excuse me. 303 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,318 - Sid. - What? 304 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,000 I'm sure Fingers said come at ten, not nine. 305 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,031 - Yes? - Gas Board, ma'am. 306 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,436 - Routine inspection. Mains. - Oh, we wanted you. 307 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,314 - You did? That's fu... - Yes. My husband suspected a leak. 308 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,510 I'll show you. Come with me. 309 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,596 - You coming? - Oh! 310 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,439 - This way, please. - What a coincidence. 311 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,996 - You expected us and here we are. - It's colder, too. 312 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,111 (Whispers) I said ten, not nine! 313 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,312 That's what I said, but he would argue with... 314 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,837 If there's anything wrong, it should be under this one. 315 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,794 My husband was sniffing round here. There'll be tea downstairs. 316 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,273 (Both) Ta. 317 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,630 I could do with a cup of tea. 318 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,069 Looks like the old man sleeps alone. 319 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,271 What are you doing?! 320 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,791 - I'm having a look for the leak. - What'll you do if you find one? 321 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,992 Give me that. Make a noise while I find out 322 00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,714 where the old lady and daughter sleep. 323 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,754 - Whatever's that? - They're mending a leak. 324 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,474 - Causing one, more likely. - (Doorbell) 325 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,750 What a morning! Excuse me. 326 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,311 (Crumbling and smashing) 327 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:04,797 Sorry, old girl, forgot my key and my briefcase. What's that noise? 328 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,639 The gasmen looking under your floorboards. 329 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,751 (Wails) Oh! 330 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,553 - Whatever is going on? - It's my husband. 331 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,035 - Your husband? - Yes. He seems upset. 332 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,878 (Gordon screams) Get out! 333 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,549 - Come on, now. Get out! - Don't shove. We only... 334 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,514 Look, when I want a gasman, I'll send for one. Now, get out! 335 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,712 - That's no way to treat gasmen! - Buzz off! 336 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,751 (Doorbell) 337 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,668 - Hello. I represent... - (Fingers) No, you don't. Scarper! 338 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,436 Right. Everybody out. 339 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,471 Sidney, shh! 340 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,149 Blimey! Anybody would think I was a beginner. 341 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,714 Coffin, hearses... It's crazy. 342 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,751 I think it's a smashing idea. 343 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,678 Nobody looks at a hearse. It's bad luck. 344 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,315 Exactly. Only a fool would use a hearse for a getaway. 345 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:15,513 - Now you're talking sense. - So, no one will stop us. Right? 346 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,551 On tiptoe. 347 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,676 (Fingers) Shh! 348 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,711 (Sid) Eurhythmic tension! 349 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,310 Shroud. You keep that. 350 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:47,510 - Chloroform. - I wish you'd drink it! 351 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,870 (Shouts) I hope everything's... 352 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,757 Are you barmy?! Whisper, Whisper. 353 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,598 Come on. 354 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,758 Knife. 355 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,231 (Ferocious barking) 356 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,556 (Barking continues) 357 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,676 Quiet, you stupid barker. 358 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,518 (Barking stops) 359 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,551 Thank you. 360 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,671 (Snoring) 361 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,392 Clever dog. He's anaestheticatized himself. 362 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,431 You didn't tell us about the dog! 363 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,028 They must have bought him yesterday. 364 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,071 Supposing he woke somebody? 365 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,953 Then they'd have come down, wouldn't they? 366 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,196 Smashing house dogs, these. 367 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,270 It's hardly human, that noise. I wish he'd stop it. 368 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,391 Oh, go and tickle him, then! 369 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,231 Come on. 370 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:04,838 Shh! 371 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,631 This one. Go on. 372 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,071 Go on. 373 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,391 (Burps) 374 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,431 - Manners. - Shh! 375 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,471 (Whispers) Manners. 376 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,191 (Floorboard creaks) 377 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,717 (Creaks) 378 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,751 (Creaks) 379 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,318 Shh! 380 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,558 Well, Sidney, you are now pie-tarcipating 381 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,875 in the crime of the century. 382 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,912 - There's traffic lights ahead. - I know, Sidney. 383 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,951 And they're red. 384 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,314 He's coming. Now what? 385 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,954 Keep calm and look holy. 386 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,398 Hey, you'd better take a look back there. 387 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,589 Shut it up, you fools! 388 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,352 The foot! The foot! 389 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,798 (Tuts) Thank you, Officer. What a dreadful thing. 390 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,831 (Officer) Hey, just a minute. 391 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,679 It's a bit early for a funeral, isn't it? 392 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:04,715 Er, yes, indeed. We're transporting him to Scotland. 393 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,037 Oh, h-h-he was a policeman, like yourself. 394 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,994 Him? With that little foot! I'd have sworn that was a woman. 395 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:18,955 That just shows what nonsense is talked about the size of coppers'... 396 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:23,631 (Coughs) ..policemen's feet. Er, thank you again, Officer. 397 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,196 Well, I handled that with the master's touch. 398 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,311 Master's touch, my foot. 399 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,431 Her foot! Ha ha! 400 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,869 Cheer up, we're out of the woo... 401 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,911 (Engine splutters) 402 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,271 (Backfires) 403 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,190 We'll have to push. Come on, you two. We need eurhythmic tension. 404 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,231 - What happened? - We're gonna push. 405 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,271 - Why? - It's quicker. 406 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,996 - Is the brake on? - Of course. 407 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,429 Well, take it off, you twerp! 408 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,318 Stop it! 409 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,351 Get out and push! 410 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,471 Hold it. 411 00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,679 Sid, I don't think this is quicker. 412 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,917 - Why don't he use the engine? - Shut up and push. 413 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,951 Well, go on. 414 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,148 Stick it. We're nearly there. 415 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,714 Right. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it! 416 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,751 (Sid) Stop it! Stop it! 417 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:04,229 (Snowdrop) It's running away. Stop! Come back! Stop! Stop! 418 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,271 - Get it! - Get off! 419 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,309 Goodbye, Mr Davis. Now, don't worry. 420 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,000 Cheer up. Everything's going to be all right. 421 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,714 You never know what's around the corner. 422 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,956 - Thank you, Vicar. - Goodbye. 423 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,031 (Groans) 424 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,548 (Breathless) Hey... Have...? Have...? 425 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,391 Thank you very much. 426 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,991 (Clunk) 427 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,479 (Huge crash) 428 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,313 (Yawns) 429 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,158 (Screams) 430 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,390 - No, no, no. The car's had it. - What are we going to do? 431 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,556 - Walk. - All the way to St Albans? 432 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,878 Till we find a car. Get round the other side. Right... Hup. 433 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,639 Now, put it on your shoulders, properly. 434 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,591 Why do you have to be so high? 435 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,312 Right. Ready? Off we go. 436 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,753 Oh! 437 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,274 What happened? I've been so worried. 438 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,312 - We ran into a spot of bother. - Where's the hearse? 439 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,718 We changed hearses in midstream. Treat her gently, boys. Gently! 440 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,873 OK, Whisper, grab that chair. Turn it round. 441 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,911 - Gently. - Is she all right? 442 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,270 - Of course. - How can she breathe? 443 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,834 It's got a hole in the bottom. 444 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,954 Well, gentleman, I shall now produce the most valuable rabbit in history. 445 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,753 A tasty little blonde worth every penny of... 446 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,791 (Snores) 447 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,790 You bungling clot! I told you the door on the right. 448 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,037 - You never, you said left. Right? - He said right. 449 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,914 Shut up! Can't you tell an old hag from a young girl of 17? 450 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,759 - It was dark. - She looks older than 17. 451 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,348 - You mind your own business. - Now what? 452 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,994 As I see it, we've got the wrong woman. 453 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,873 Yes, and we... we carry on as planned. 454 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,754 I mean, she's his wife, isn't she? He'll still pay. 455 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,952 - He might even pay more. - Would you? 456 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,355 Well, there's no accounting for taste. 457 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,471 He's probably lost without her. 458 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,716 She couldn't have walked out on me. 459 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,479 After last night, I wouldn't blame her. 460 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,956 It wasn't her. It was you and that tax crook. 461 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,310 Lucy! Lucy! 462 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,830 Wake up, old girl. It's nine o'clock. Lucy, come out. 463 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,428 (Phone) 464 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,516 (Yells) Hello! 465 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,557 - (Foreign accent) Mr Gordon? - 'Yes, who is it?' 466 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,399 Here is Meester X. 467 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,956 - Mr who? - 'Mr X, but it does not matter.' 468 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:07,119 If it doesn't matter to you, it doesn't matter to me! Charlie! 469 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,516 - Where do you think she is? - She may be at Granny's. 470 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,358 - I hope not. - Why? 471 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,438 - The fare's over a tenner. - (Phone) 472 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,755 (Shouts) Hello! What do you want? 473 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,348 �25,000, Mr Gordon. 474 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,596 What the hell are you talking about? 475 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:26,918 I am ze head of the gang who kidnapped your wife last night. 476 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:31,716 I am talking of the ransom I am asking for her safe return. 477 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,513 I... I presume you're joking. 478 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,518 - 'Zis is no choke.' - No joke? 479 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,720 You vill not contact the police. 480 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,070 One false move and she will be... 481 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:52,593 cut up into little pieces and scattered up the Great North Road. 482 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:56,759 You will obey without question the following instructions. 483 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,715 - Good evening. - Good evening to you. 484 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,559 I come from Mr X. How do you do? 485 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:19,031 How do you do? Are we going far? 486 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,152 - Oh, I mustn't say. - Why? I'm bound to find out. 487 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,592 No, the chauffeur has been given instructions to drive in circles. 488 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:28,233 Oh. 489 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,076 - Oh! - What's the matter? 490 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,839 So many blooming circles, I lost my way. 491 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,191 - (Gordon) Charlie! - What do you mean by that? 492 00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,669 Tell me... This Mr X, he must be a very big fellow. 493 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,110 Oh, he's not all that big... Oh, I see what you mean! 494 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,310 Oh, yes. He only handles big jobs. 495 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,351 Oh, sorry. 496 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,391 Why do you wear that veil? 497 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,398 So that you'll never recognise me again. 498 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:17,433 (Laughs) That's very good. Very good. 499 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,074 Take my advice. Next time, wear a cape. 500 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:26,192 (Snowdrop) Be careful of the steps. Better let me go down first. 501 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,556 I fell down. 502 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,796 - You all right? - Yeah. Come this way, please. 503 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:43,357 - Now, sit down. - Don't lean against the back. 504 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,074 - Why not? - Because there is no back. 505 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,111 (Both mumble in agreement) 506 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,511 (Foreign accent) Meester Gordon? 507 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,871 Good day. Mr X. 508 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,073 I am sorry I cannot introduce myself by name. Pray be seated. 509 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,714 - Well, I am, aren't I? - Eh? 510 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,551 Just so. 511 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,318 (Laughs malevolently) 512 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:24,998 (Coughs) 513 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,634 Relax, Mr Gordon. Do not be afraid. 514 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,558 - I'm not, thanks. - Do not be too sure of it. 515 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,591 Oh, I'm quite certain. 516 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,553 No, do not be too sure you need not be afraid, I mean. 517 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,558 I thought you told me not to be, old man. 518 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:44,835 We... We have never crossed swords before, Mr Gordon. But if we had... 519 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:49,397 Just a minute, you're the long-haired chap who tried to rob my safe. 520 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,715 - I recognise your voice. - No. 521 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:56,391 Was he a - how you say - a foreigner? 522 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,431 No, a cockney like you. 523 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,909 No, Mr Gordon. It was not I. 524 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,956 I never fail, you see. You have heard of the Delvin Diamond Robbery? 525 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,514 - Uh-huh. - The Stettin Killings? 526 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,110 The Worthing Trunk...Murders? 527 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,708 - You? - Your humble servant. 528 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,991 By the smell of that cigar, you're not doing very well. 529 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,838 Is it a Congo rat? 530 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,871 Who's your accountant? 531 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,556 Enough of this idle chatter. 532 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,916 You know my terms? 533 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,431 Yes. �25,000 or you cut my wife into little pieces... 534 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:41,951 (Mocks accent) ..and scatter her all up ze Great North Road. 535 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,675 Precisely. I take it you have brought ze money? 536 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,189 - No. - Splendid. 537 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,276 Splendid. Zen we need only... 538 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,550 (Drops accent) What did you say? 539 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,672 No. Non. Nein. Niet. 540 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,189 In fact, nuts. Not a sausage. 541 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:02,313 Cut her up, old boy. This is the chance I've been waiting for. 542 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,910 You're bluffing... or you think I am. 543 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,076 Well, I'm not. I hope you're not! 544 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,919 This is the answer to a bachelor's prayer. 545 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:15,352 You can't do this to me...to her. She's a fine woman. 546 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,278 - Well, you have her. - I don't want her. 547 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,676 Well, you took her, old man. Don't blame me. 548 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,873 But...it's disgusting. It... It's immoral. 549 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,151 We'll cut her into pieces. Tiny little pieces. 550 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,748 Well, naturally you want to make a good job of it. 551 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,953 Well, you must excuse me. I've got a date. Rather a promising one. 552 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,991 Oh, talking about that, Mr X, 553 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:43,478 you've got rather a nice little bit of X certificate here, eh? (Chuckles) 554 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,239 All right, all right. You win. 555 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:51,070 (Foreign accent) I like a fight. I'll take 10,000, not a penny less. 556 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,475 Not a penny, old fruit. I told you. 557 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,752 All right. All right. 5,000. That's my final offer. 558 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:01,839 - �5,000 or we slice. - No dice. Start slicing, old fruit. 559 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,111 Now, really, I must be going. I'll find my own way. 560 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:10,394 - �4,000 and she's yours. - She's yours...for nothing. 561 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:14,674 Sid! Snowdrop! 562 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,155 - Take him away. - Take him away? 563 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,271 Take him away! Take him home! 564 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,709 - I've only just brought him. - Go on. 565 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:25,549 Well, auf wiedersehen, Herr X. (Laughs) 566 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,396 That swine has ruined my faith in human nature. 567 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:38,991 (Snores) 568 00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:09,631 (Car pulls up) 569 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:17,871 (Doors open and slam) 570 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,835 - All right? Any luck? - Not a lot. 571 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,599 - He asked too much. - Fingers did his best. 572 00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:33,030 He came down to 4,000. You can't do fairer than that. 573 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,720 - What did he say then? - That we can keep her, 574 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,037 that it's his big chance and we can cut her in pieces. 575 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,071 (Snowdrop) Tiny little pieces. 576 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,998 (Fingers) I've never seen such inhumanity. 577 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,078 A beast in human garbage, that's what he is. 578 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,998 Go and see if she wants anything to eat. 579 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,031 - 'Ere, Fingers. - What? 580 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,993 She won't like this. She expected him to pay. 581 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,237 Yeah, what are we going to do? Keep her as a pet? 582 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,954 We'll just have to cut her up. 583 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,355 How? 584 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,391 - Fingers! - What? 585 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:11,116 She heard every word. She won't eat - she says she wants to die. 586 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:16,439 - Die? No, she can't do this to me. - 'Ere, I thought of something... 587 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:21,111 Now, now, now! Don't take on so. 588 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:23,470 We'll be liberising you soon. 589 00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,354 I don't want to go. I just want to die! 590 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,155 You may as well kill me now. 591 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:34,317 Well, I'm not going to. What do you take me for? 592 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,351 Then I'll kill myself! 593 00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,358 No! No! No, no, no. Y-Y-You mustn't do that. 594 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,473 That's very selfish. You must think of others. 595 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,395 - 'Ere, boss... - Keep an eye on her. 596 00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,431 - Yeah, but... - Do as you're told. 597 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,551 Watch her until we set her free. 598 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,592 But that's what I've been trying to tell you. 599 00:42:54,720 --> 00:42:56,631 We can't set her free. 600 00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,911 See, you've been in there without your masks on, 601 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,996 and she's seen your faces. 602 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,633 He's right. We might as well drop her at Scotland Yard. 603 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,876 "The crime of the century"! 604 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:14,312 - Well, Einstein, now what? - Gordon will have to be made to pay. 605 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,000 - Who'll make him? - His conscience should. 606 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,680 He wouldn't give a farthing to a beggar. 607 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,711 Oh, I don't know. He's not... 608 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,951 Yes. 609 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,875 Thank you, Sid. 610 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:33,039 Yes, I'll go and see him tomorrow. Thank you. 611 00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:38,273 He's got another idea. A marvellous brain that boy's got(!) 612 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,311 - Yeah. - Yeah. You, too. 613 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,351 Do you think so? 614 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,228 Better go in first. It'll look better. 615 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:58,148 - Anything you say, Mr Gordon. - What a secretary! 616 00:43:58,280 --> 00:43:59,713 Done. 617 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,391 - 'Ere, governor. - Yes? 618 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:16,195 - Box of matches? - No, thanks. I've got a lighter. 619 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,959 'Ere, I've got a message... 620 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,719 from Mr X. 621 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,798 - Hey, just a minute. You are Mr X. - No, no... 622 00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:30,630 - I could hardly recognise you. - 'Ere, he sends his last offer. 623 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,955 Two hundred quid and she's yours. 624 00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,993 Two hundred quid? The bottom has fallen out of the market! 625 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,031 Was she damaged in transit? 626 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:43,119 Look, I'll give you threepence. Buy yourself a cup of tea, eh? 627 00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:45,151 (Laughs) 628 00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,999 - Box of matches, please. - Oh, get out of it! 629 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,237 - Morning, Charlie. - Morning, sir. 630 00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,432 - Oh, well. Never mind! - Daddy? 631 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,872 - Darling, what are you doing here? - You didn't come home last night. 632 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,434 No, I...I spent the night in a Turkish bath. 633 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,472 Was it mixed bathing? You have lipstick on your ear. 634 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,070 - What? Er, paint. - What's going on? Where's Mother? 635 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,158 Don't worry, she'll be back in a couple of days. 636 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,430 Charlie, is that a racing edition? 637 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,677 - Yes, sir. - My tips have been coming up. 638 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,475 Staiger in the 2:30. Italian. Very fast. What's the price? 639 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,433 - Is this the latest edition, then? - Yes, sir. 640 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,195 You swine! You killed my wife! I'll slit your throat! 641 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,754 - Sorry. - Now, then. What's going on? 642 00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,474 He attacked me! Charge him with assault. 643 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:46,354 - But, Officer, it's a mistake! - Come on, the pair of you. 644 00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,588 - Smells marvellous, dunnit? - Lovely. 645 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:54,553 - Is that all? - Perhaps you'd like the whole goose? 646 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:56,398 - Ta. - Do you mind? 647 00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:59,239 His eyes are bigger than he is! Got enough for two. 648 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,591 When I was in training I used to eat four times as much. 649 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:05,154 (Snowdrop) 'Ello. (Sid) Well? 650 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,637 - You're just in time for lunch. - Hi, fellas. Don't get up. 651 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,991 - 'Ere, how did you get on? - I made three and a tanner. 652 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,554 Cor! Not bad. How long were you there? 653 00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,877 - With Gordon, you twerp. - What's she doing here? 654 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,434 - Put that knife down. - Oh, sit down. 655 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,552 She can't eat with us. She's a prisoner. 656 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,752 - We can keep an eye on her. - Just leave her alone. 657 00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:30,917 Thank you. I'm glad somebody has some manners. 658 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,589 What happened this morning? As if we couldn't guess. 659 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:39,191 She won't like this, but her Billy is making hay with the secretary. 660 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,517 Should have seen them. Kissing her in the car. 661 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:46,030 She's in a mink stole, big sparkler on her finger. 662 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,675 Never mind about that. What did he say to your offer? 663 00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:53,759 What do you think he said? He's having the time of his life. 664 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:57,555 - I knew it, you asked too much. - Too much?! �200?! 665 00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:01,389 �200! He laughed in my face and gave me threepence. 666 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:05,593 'Ere, Fingers. Not threepence. I mean, threepence. 667 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:07,039 No... 668 00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,550 I call it downright insulting, a price like that. 669 00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,717 - So do I. - It has nothing to do with you. 670 00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,037 Hasn't it? It's me you're selling, isn't it? 671 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,799 Yes, and I'll sell you for any price I like. 672 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,911 Oh, no, you won't! 673 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,429 Just listen to me, you little squirt. 674 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:30,519 Oh, nobody calls me a little squirt and gets away with it. 675 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,110 - Easy, Fingers. She didn't mean it. - Yes, I did. 676 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,876 Oh, I see I'll have to teach you a little lesson. 677 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,798 Oh! Fingers! 678 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,710 Cor! What a beauty. Where did you learn that? 679 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:57,118 The army. Anyone else want to teach me a lesson? 680 00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:59,913 I only wanted you to show me how you did it. 681 00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,793 - I just did. - Snowdrop, come here. 682 00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:08,751 Help me put him to bed. 683 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,110 Cor, what a beauty! Classic, it was. 684 00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:13,435 Yes, yes. Whisper, guard the door. 685 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,120 - What, on my own? - Yes, you, Hercules. 686 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,511 I warn you, Ma. I never miss. 687 00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,551 How could he? Oh, how could he? 688 00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:26,070 - I could kill him! - He'll kill you when he wakes up. 689 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,668 - Not that squirt. - Now simmer down. 690 00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,519 - On one condition, I'll release you. - Why? 691 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,438 We don't want to face a murder rap, that's why. 692 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,518 Even Superman there might commit murder now. 693 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,076 Give me your word not to split to the cops and you can go. 694 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,111 - Go? Where? - Home. 695 00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:46,835 - That's right, home. - To a man who told you to kill me? 696 00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:52,159 Who wouldn't even give �200 to get me back? What sort of a home is that? 697 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,271 Come on. We've got to be quick. 698 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,870 If you release me, I shall go straight to the police. 699 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,276 - No, I'm going to stay here. - Don't be stupid. 700 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:04,073 - Now you've got a chance... - I was stupid. 701 00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,430 I've slaved, even starved for him, 702 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,552 because I loved him and I thought he loved me. 703 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,910 And this is my reward. 704 00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:16,192 Well, now I have a chance to get my own back and I'm going to take it. 705 00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,595 You want Billy's money, don't you? 706 00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:20,631 - Yeah. - So do I. 707 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,196 The difference is I know how to get it and you don't. 708 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,834 You interested? Are you interested? 709 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,474 You mean you want to come in with us? 710 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,592 Oh, no. You come in with me. 711 00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:35,359 I lent him �500 to start his fortune, 712 00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:38,472 so I reckon I'm entitled to half of everything. 713 00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,034 - Don't you? - What are you getting at? 714 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,197 We'll split 50-50 on everything I lead you to. 715 00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:47,357 And I think I can lead you to a lot. 716 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,596 Is it a deal? 717 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:53,030 - Well, as I see it, I think... - Shut up! Go on. 718 00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:57,039 We start by going to my house. That's where the first lot is. 719 00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:14,672 If my guess is correct, the money's under the floorboards here. 720 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,711 - You're kidding? - Wanna bet? 721 00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:20,071 We could have had that while we were playing gasmen. 722 00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,316 Come on. Give me the jemmy. 723 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:30,112 ..and to cap it all, customs pinched all those guns. Cost me �25,000. 724 00:50:30,240 --> 00:50:33,710 - Poor old Billy! - I need money for that sugar deal. 725 00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:36,718 - You've still got plenty left. - Not enough. 726 00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,469 I've got some in the house, but it still isn't enough. 727 00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:44,354 Darling. You wouldn't lend me your jewellery, would you? 728 00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,711 Oh, no! I've had to work hard to get it out of you. 729 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,115 - Work?! - Yes, hard. 730 00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:53,516 - It would only be a temporary... - No! 731 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,949 Well, I'm very disappointed in you. 732 00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,356 - No loyalty to the firm at all. - Where are you going? 733 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,631 - To the office. - But you're taking me to dinner. 734 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,911 - I can't afford it. - You can't afford it?! 735 00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:07,758 Sorry. (Laughs) 736 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,316 - There must be 20 grand here! - A pity there isn't more. 737 00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:14,829 Imagine his face when he comes for it. 738 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,554 I'm sorry to miss that. That's the lot. 739 00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:20,592 - I could kiss you for this. - I bet you could. 740 00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,631 Come on. We've got work to do. 741 00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:32,631 Thank you. 742 00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,876 This should fix that two-timer. 743 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:54,876 Poor little Lucy. Didn't deserve such a fate. 744 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,878 Never an unkind word. 745 00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,151 (Sobs) Never a dirty trick. Poor innocent... 746 00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:02,998 (Phone) 747 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:08,877 - Hello? - (Man) 'Mr Gordon?' 748 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:10,911 (Burps) I mean yes. 749 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,951 - 'Tommy Weston here.' - Who? 750 00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:15,116 Tommy. Angela's... 751 00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:17,800 Look, sir, you'd better come. Your house is on fire. 752 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,115 What? 753 00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:23,118 - What?! - 'I'm in the telephone box opposite. 754 00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:26,152 'It looks bad, but we've called the brigade.' 755 00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,475 Go up to my bedroom. Look under... 756 00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,353 Oh, no! No, don't! 757 00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,199 Why did he have to be a taxman?! 758 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,878 - Ah. Is this your car? - Yeah, yeah, yeah... 759 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,276 It's on the wrong side of the road with no lights on... 760 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,311 Oh, get out! Get out! 761 00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,478 (Groans) 762 00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:09,359 Oh, Daddy! 763 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,350 Great Scott! 764 00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,119 Wilson! Get in there and get him out. 765 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:17,753 Yes, sir. 766 00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,391 Is he mad? 767 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:25,274 I can't think what he's doing. He knows there's no one there. 768 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,308 Daddy, are you all right? Are you...? 769 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:36,873 (Wails) 770 00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:39,868 (Crash) 771 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,913 Is he mad? Wilson, get him and hold him this time. He must be mad. 772 00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:47,558 (Yells) 773 00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,879 Turn it off! Turn it off! 774 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,355 You sure there's no one else inside? 775 00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:00,994 - Quite. - Look, he's up there now. 776 00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:07,473 Now, look, you're causing a great deal of... 777 00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,795 Stop him! Stop that maniac! 778 00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:16,831 Daddy, for heaven's sake! 779 00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:20,999 - I'm going to have you charged. - Daddy, what is it? 780 00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,031 Money... Money! 781 00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:24,673 Mummy? 782 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:28,395 Mummy? Oh, I wish I was dead, too. 783 00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:35,635 She's got some smashing stuff here. She did all right. 784 00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,876 Yes, she did all right, all right. 785 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:41,151 - That must be worth a few thousand. - Yes, and this. 786 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,670 "To the love of my life. Billy." 787 00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,191 Serves him right. 788 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,038 (Door slams) 789 00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,071 Out! Window! 790 00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:58,991 Anybody there? 791 00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,031 Who's there? 792 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:03,913 Billy? 793 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,353 No! 794 00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,755 - My furs! They've... - (Door opens) 795 00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:14,199 (Gordon) Beryl? 796 00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,953 Beryl, guess what's happened now. 797 00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:19,991 You want me to guess, eh? 798 00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,395 - What? - Well, I don't want to guess. 799 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,431 You organised that, you swine! 800 00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:26,471 - Get out of my house! - Beryl! 801 00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,750 I never want to see you again. Ever! 802 00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:34,591 (Pants) 'Ere, Snowdrop. 803 00:55:34,720 --> 00:55:38,429 - What? - How did you develop your muscles? 804 00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:42,189 I don't know. They developed themselves. 805 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:44,959 How much did you weigh when you were born? 806 00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:49,198 Eighteen ounces. Here, they said I was a miracle. 807 00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:54,075 They said I should never have been born, but I was. 808 00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,111 What's the time, then? 809 00:55:56,240 --> 00:55:59,676 The big hand's on the 3 and the little hand's on the 12. 810 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,997 - 12:15. Are you short-sighted? - No, I'm worried. 811 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,395 They should have been back by now. 812 00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,115 - How's your 'ead, boss? - Where is she? Let me get at her. 813 00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:11,310 Where's my gun? Where's my knife? 814 00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:13,715 I'll cut her in pieces! Where is she? 815 00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,910 She'll be back. Right, Snowdrop? 816 00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,713 - I said where is she? - Here they are now. 817 00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:20,159 (Door slams) 818 00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,191 That's right. 819 00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:26,029 Lucy! You look beautiful! Where did you get them? 820 00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:29,391 - Evening. How's the bonce? - Where've you been? 821 00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:33,752 - Getting a few household needs. - Don't they close nights, then? 822 00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,111 Oh, it's a joke. (Laughs) 823 00:56:37,240 --> 00:56:40,198 - Very kind, I'm sure. - Glad you approve, boss. 824 00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,039 - Wait till you see. - I'm not interested. 825 00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,390 We'll keep you to that. 826 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,034 It's all in five hundreds. 827 00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,071 One for Lucy. One for us. 828 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,909 Hands off. This is nothing to do with you. 829 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:55,758 Lucy. Us... 830 00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:02,638 Mr Gordon. Mr Wilkins here alleges that after the assault you said, 831 00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:06,915 "You swine! You killed my wife! I'll slit your throat!" 832 00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:09,429 - Is that true? - No, I didn't say that. 833 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:14,395 I said "You swine. You've got a knife. You slit my coat." 834 00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:16,511 - You said what? - Your Honour, 835 00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:21,270 I mistook this begg...this gentleman here for a pickpocket who robbed me. 836 00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:25,712 Had you any reason to believe that Mr Wilkins had murdered your wife? 837 00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:27,751 No. None at all, Your Honour. 838 00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:31,395 Then, how do you explain saying, "You killed my wife"? 839 00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:33,238 Er... Er... Er... 840 00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:35,078 (Gallery laughs) 841 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:38,954 - I didn't say that, Your Honour. - Well, what did you say? 842 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:43,870 Er... well, I said, "You ruined my wife." 843 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,276 You mean that old gentleman ruined your wife? 844 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:51,234 I... I've never looked at a woman for 40 years. 845 00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:52,679 (Laughter) 846 00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,360 No, no, Your Honour. I didn't mean that. 847 00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:59,314 - I meant...I meant life. "My life." - Then, say what you mean. 848 00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:03,228 - Thank you, Mr Gordon. - Your Honour, I was overwrought. 849 00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,271 My house burnt down and I... 850 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,597 My client expresses deep regret, Your Worship. 851 00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:13,236 I trust his explanation satisfies you that it was a genuine mistake. 852 00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:15,476 It doesn't. 853 00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:19,639 Mr Gordon is obviously lying and obviously hit the wrong man. 854 00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:22,194 - Anything known? - (Sergeant) No, sir. 855 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:25,232 Fine �5. And keep out of trouble in future. 856 00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:28,238 - Thank you, Your Honour, but... - This way. 857 00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:30,078 (Muttering) 858 00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:35,348 "Slit your coat." You liar! 859 00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:39,359 Number 14 on your list, sir. William Delaney Gordon. 860 00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,191 Back again. 861 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:59,793 William Gordon, you are charged with causing a breach of the peace 862 00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:03,435 at Blaydon Drive, London, on the night of May 16th. 863 00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:07,394 - Do you plead guilty or not guilty? - Absolutely not guilty. 864 00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:10,080 It was my fire. I'm surely entitled to... 865 00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:14,960 (Recites oath) 866 00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:18,993 James Smith, Police Constable 166, S Division, Your Worship. 867 00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:21,839 At 9pm on the 16th. I was assisting at a fire. 868 00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:26,238 The accused dived twice into the building and had to be brought out. 869 00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:28,510 When he attempted it a third time, 870 00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:33,031 I tackled him from behind, whereupon we struggled on the ground. 871 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,071 He was hysterical and said... 872 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,390 "Mummy! Oh, Mummy! I wish I was dead, too." 873 00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:43,557 - He addressed you as "Mummy"? - (Laughter) 874 00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:48,629 I don't know. I took him to the station where he was cautioned, 875 00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:52,355 and he said, "Give me a ruddy rope and I'll hang myself now." 876 00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:53,993 (Laughter) 877 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:58,190 No one in their right mind would call you "Mummy". 878 00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:00,311 I put it to you that you misheard. 879 01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:04,194 Mr Gordon's daughter asked him why he dashed into the fire. 880 01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,231 He replied, "Bunny." 881 01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:10,478 She, mishearing him, exclaimed, "Money"? 882 01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:14,673 And he said, "Bunny. No, Bunny. I wish I was dead, too." 883 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,995 Now, now, now. Wait, wait, wait. 884 01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:22,114 You allege it went "money", "Mummy" and "Bunny. Oh, Bunny"? 885 01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:26,552 No, sir. No, sir... "Bunny", "money" and "Bunny. No, Bunny". 886 01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:28,830 No "Mummy" at all. 887 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:32,430 "Bunny", "money" and "Bunny. Oh, Bunny". 888 01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:36,951 No, sir. No, sir... "Bunny. No, Bunny", not "oh, Bunny". 889 01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:42,473 - Oh, b... Really! Does it matter? - (Lawyer) Very much, Your Worship. 890 01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:46,957 Excuse me, Sir, it was "Mummy". "Mummy" and "Mummy". 891 01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:51,392 - No bunny was mentioned to me. - Mr Gordon had a cold. 892 01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:53,476 What's that got to do with it? 893 01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:57,673 Oh, with a cold in the nose, "money" sounds like "bunny". 894 01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:01,713 (Imitates) "I've lost my bunny." As my client will testify, 895 01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:06,197 he mentioned neither money nor Mummy, but Bunny...his budgerigar. 896 01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:07,639 (Laughter) 897 01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:11,878 Please note, Your Worship, that my client's feathered friend 898 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,070 was lost on that fateful night. 899 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:17,590 - (Lawyer) I call Mr Gordon... - Where are we going? 900 01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,314 Out, before they call you as a witness. 901 01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,351 - Why? - Well... 902 01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:25,313 Did you ever own a budgerigar called Bunny? 903 01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:28,352 - No. - And what did he say at the fire? 904 01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:30,391 Yes, he did say "Mummy". 905 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,909 Exactly. And where is your mother? 906 01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:36,350 - Oh, Tommy. I wish I knew. - Don't worry about it. 907 01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,199 That's what we're going to find out now. 908 01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:42,517 Arriving at the fire, what was your first thought? 909 01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,551 My canary... Parrot... 910 01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:48,275 - Budgerigar! - Don't answer your own questions. 911 01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:52,359 - A budgerigar is a kind of parrot. - (Judge) Now stop it! 912 01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,511 When forcibly restrained, what did you cry out? 913 01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:59,438 I...cried out the name of the bird. 914 01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:02,559 Binky. 915 01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,830 - Er...Bonzo? - Bunny! 916 01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:10,191 - Oh, Bunny. Bunny. - This is all highly improper. 917 01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,630 As you well know, you must not prompt witnesses. 918 01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:15,671 - Questions? - No, Your Worship. 919 01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:19,713 Your Honour, my one thought was to save the little perisher... 920 01:02:19,840 --> 01:02:21,910 the little bird from perishing. 921 01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:24,315 Thank you, Mr Gordon. Thank you. 922 01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:27,000 Your Worship, I'm sure that you realise 923 01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:30,510 that this whole affair is due to a misunderstanding. 924 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:34,349 Quite so. I am persuaded that you were trying to rescue 925 01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:40,794 something more valuable than a bird, and that is money, spelled C-A-S-H. 926 01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:44,390 Fined ten pounds...cash. 927 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:45,919 (Laughter) 928 01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:48,235 Thank you. Believe me... 929 01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,193 I shan't believe you, Mr Gordon. Go away. 930 01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:54,551 I've heard quite enough of you. Next case, please. 931 01:02:54,680 --> 01:02:57,797 - Well, that's a pity, because... - Come along. 932 01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:03,198 Number 15 on your list, sir. William Delaney Gordon. 933 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:15,718 (Laughter) 934 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:34,028 Mr Gordon, you are charged with causing obstruction 935 01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:36,116 with your car on May 16th 936 01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:41,633 and with assaulting Police Constable Clutter during execution of his duty. 937 01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:43,478 (Laughter) 938 01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,076 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 939 01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:49,111 Not guilty. 940 01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:50,958 (Recites oath) 941 01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:57,118 (Laughter) 942 01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,948 'Ere, listen. Listen to this. 943 01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,470 "I was trying to rescue my budgerigar," he said. 944 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:10,070 Oh, poor little budgerigar! 945 01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:14,637 - I almost feel sorry for the fella. - He must be wondering what hit him. 946 01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,877 Nice to see you in such fine spirits, fellas. 947 01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,789 Help me change that wheel, Snowdrop? 948 01:04:23,920 --> 01:04:27,196 Yeah. I never saw no budgerigar in that house. 949 01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:29,436 - Oh, come on. - What wheel? 950 01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:31,835 Oh, get out of it! 951 01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:37,512 (Whispers) Whisper, looks like we struck it rich at last, eh? 952 01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,358 - Yes. - Yes. 953 01:04:39,480 --> 01:04:41,391 - You know what? - What? 954 01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:45,308 - Lucy did us proud, eh? - (Raises voice) Lucy! Lucy! 955 01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:48,391 - Lucy! - Good morning. 956 01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,151 What are you staring at? 957 01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,191 Where did you get that hair? 958 01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:58,788 Out of a bottle, like your girlfriend. 959 01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:02,959 Well, put it back. How can I send you home looking like that? 960 01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:05,514 You're not. I'm going to stay here. 961 01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:09,235 Oh, yes, I am. You organised those raids last night, 962 01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:11,316 so you can't threaten us no more. 963 01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:13,476 If you know what's good for you... 964 01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,559 Do you remember the last time you threatened me, sonny boy? 965 01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:19,591 What's the matter with you? 966 01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:21,836 You've got the half the money. 967 01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:25,236 I'm willing to set you free. What more do you want? 968 01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:28,716 I'll tell you. I haven't finished with Billy Gordon. 969 01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:31,912 Did you read about that woman murdered? 970 01:05:32,040 --> 01:05:35,032 - Yes, disgusting. - It didn't give you an idea? 971 01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:37,958 Why should it? It's got nothing to do with me. 972 01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:41,834 No, but Billy reckons I'm dead and that you did it. 973 01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:44,838 He's barmy! I wouldn't do a thing like that. 974 01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:51,912 'Ere! I've just had a idea. If he thinks that, we could blackmail him. 975 01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:54,879 - You're a genius. - Yes, I am. (Chuckles) 976 01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,911 What a turn-up! It can't fail. 977 01:05:57,040 --> 01:06:00,237 It can if it's left to you. Let me do the thinking. 978 01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:03,875 The first thing you're going to do is have your hair cut 979 01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,719 to carry out the plan that I have in mind. 980 01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:10,116 - I'm not having my hair cut. - Oh, yes, you are. 981 01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:18,878 (Tuts) 982 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:23,949 - Daddy! - Oh, hello, darling. 983 01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,989 - Daddy, where is Mummy? - Er... She's gone away. 984 01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:31,991 The truth is...she's abroad. 985 01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:35,829 - We just can't accept that. - It's nothing to do with you! 986 01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:39,555 - That's where you're wrong, sir. - Just stick to income tax. 987 01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:43,389 It's too late for that now, sir. I married Angela yesterday. 988 01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:46,956 - What?! - And I shall stick to income tax. 989 01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:50,675 I'm now the inspector in charge of your files. 990 01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:54,679 Now, look, old son. There's no mystery about this, you know. 991 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:56,916 We can just have a little chat. 992 01:06:57,040 --> 01:06:58,359 (Knock at door) 993 01:06:59,960 --> 01:07:01,951 Mr Gordon? 994 01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:04,993 Ye... Yes. 995 01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:09,111 (Mutters) Take it off. 996 01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:13,950 I hope you'll forgive us barging in. Inspector Wainwright, Scotland Yard. 997 01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:18,949 This is Sergeant Sykes. Do you mind if I speak in front of your friends? 998 01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:23,676 Look, I'll see you later and explain everything. Not to worry. 999 01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:26,030 We won't detain you very long, sir. 1000 01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:31,672 - Detain me? - Here, I mean, sir. (Chuckles) 1001 01:07:34,600 --> 01:07:36,955 Of course not. Of course not. 1002 01:07:37,080 --> 01:07:40,356 Certain statements have caused some speculation 1003 01:07:40,480 --> 01:07:42,755 as to the whereabouts of Mrs Gordon. 1004 01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:47,229 - Mmm? - Mrs Gordon. 1005 01:07:48,080 --> 01:07:50,719 Oh, Mrs Gordon. 1006 01:07:50,840 --> 01:07:54,799 Er, yes... Well, she left a few days ago after a quarrel. 1007 01:07:57,640 --> 01:07:59,358 Ah! 1008 01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:05,870 Then there is no question of her having disappeared? 1009 01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,639 Eh? Oh, no! Rather not. Good lord, no. 1010 01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:11,991 No, we're in daily contact... on the telephone. 1011 01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:14,391 I see. 1012 01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:21,074 Oh, well. There it is, then. Gossip. 1013 01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:23,111 Nasty thing, that gossip. 1014 01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,356 Sykes, I'll go on to Tottenham. 1015 01:08:25,480 --> 01:08:28,074 You report that the Gordon file is clear. 1016 01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:30,111 Very good, sir. 1017 01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:34,631 We're investigating that very gruesome Great North Road murder. 1018 01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:38,110 Good day, sir. 1019 01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,151 Good day. 1020 01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:47,559 Phew! 1021 01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,877 (Clears throat) 1022 01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:01,349 Have you forgotten something? 1023 01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:05,996 No, sir. I haven't forgotten something. 1024 01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:09,590 But you have, haven't you, sir? 1025 01:09:09,720 --> 01:09:11,631 Something wrong with your eye? 1026 01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:14,832 No, sir. They tell me it's pretty sharp. 1027 01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:17,235 Why does it keep winking, then? 1028 01:09:17,360 --> 01:09:20,113 A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. 1029 01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:24,472 - A nod...? What does that mean? - That's an old Latin quotation 1030 01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:28,115 and it means, "Is this your old woman's nightie?" 1031 01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:32,074 It was found by the body on the Great North Road. 1032 01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:37,194 The underworld grapevine says that you instructed a gang to do her in. 1033 01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:39,231 - That's a lie. - Is it? 1034 01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:43,751 Oh, you told the inspector some whoppers just now, didn't you, sir? 1035 01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,997 'Ere, supposing he wanted to meet your missus? 1036 01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:50,908 You'd have a bit of a job finding the bits, wouldn't you, sir? 1037 01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:53,838 - How much do you want? - How much have you got? 1038 01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:55,916 Practically nothing. Look. 1039 01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:59,715 Nothing in the cupboard, eh? We'll just have to make do... 1040 01:09:59,840 --> 01:10:04,311 - Just a minute, I've got to live. - So have I, Billy-Boy. So have I. 1041 01:10:04,440 --> 01:10:06,954 We'll just have to make do with this. 1042 01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:09,913 Oh, keep it. You're a disgrace to the force. 1043 01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:12,315 Oh, don't say that, sir. 1044 01:10:12,440 --> 01:10:14,351 Well, ta-ta, Billy-Boy... 1045 01:10:14,480 --> 01:10:16,198 Oh! 1046 01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,111 Keep smiling. 1047 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,995 "A nod is a good as a wink to a blind horse!" (Spits) 1048 01:10:37,880 --> 01:10:40,838 Extraordinary fellow. What Division was he? 1049 01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:42,871 - Five Division, sir. - Oh. 1050 01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:53,598 - Mr Gordon? - Oh! 1051 01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,676 Sorry to come barging in, sir. 1052 01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:59,588 Inspector Jensen, Scotland Yard. This is Sergeant Smale. 1053 01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:02,234 A small inquiry about your wife, sir. 1054 01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:05,318 We won't detain you longer than necessary. 1055 01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:13,789 Wha...? W-What do you want? 1056 01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:18,835 Well, in view of certain statements you made about her disappearance... 1057 01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:21,190 - What are you winking at? - Sir? 1058 01:11:21,320 --> 01:11:25,598 I've got it! It's a conspiracy! The whole police force is in it. 1059 01:11:25,720 --> 01:11:28,951 - Mr Gordon! - Don't "Mr Gordon" me, bloodsucker. 1060 01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:33,073 Go and carve it up with Sykes. Not a penny more. I'd rather hang. 1061 01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:36,670 Are you suggesting that officers are accepting money? 1062 01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:39,030 Accepting?! Huh! I like that! 1063 01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:43,119 He only accepted �3,000, and that's your lot, cock. 1064 01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:46,391 - Now get out! - Mr Gordon, you would be wise... 1065 01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:50,069 - Hang on. Have you got a warrant? - No, but I can... 1066 01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:53,073 Well, get out of it before I sling you out. 1067 01:11:53,200 --> 01:11:56,749 - Well, go on, beat it! - You'll be hearing from us again. 1068 01:11:56,880 --> 01:12:00,270 And you'll be wasting your flipping time! 1069 01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:06,430 Three, four hundred. 50, 60, 70... 1070 01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:08,471 I shan't go far on 470. 1071 01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:13,470 - What now, sir? - Get hold of Sykes of Five Division. 1072 01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:18,196 And start digging at Gordon's house. He killed his wife all right. 1073 01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:26,158 (Charmaine) Oh! 1074 01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:30,116 Do you mind? 1075 01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:34,954 What's this? A nightie? You going away for the weekend? 1076 01:12:35,080 --> 01:12:37,275 Give me that. Who are you? 1077 01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:43,794 - Don't you recognise me? - No... Oh, yes. I couldn't forget. 1078 01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:48,472 I certainly couldn't. Well, what do you want? 1079 01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:51,751 - Oh, they killed your wife. - Yes, I know. 1080 01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:55,156 - Why didn't you pay? - I thought they were bluffing. 1081 01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:59,239 - I didn't think he could kill a fly. - They haven't finished yet. 1082 01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:02,557 They're going dress as policemen to blackmail you. 1083 01:13:02,680 --> 01:13:06,195 I heard them plotting it. Inspector Wainwright and... 1084 01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:08,231 Sergeant Sykes? 1085 01:13:08,360 --> 01:13:10,271 And I fell for it. 1086 01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,630 - I fell for it! - Then, I'm too late. 1087 01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:14,671 You're �3,000 too late. 1088 01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:17,792 At least the second lot didn't get anything. 1089 01:13:17,920 --> 01:13:21,708 - What second lot? - Inspector Jensen and the other one. 1090 01:13:21,840 --> 01:13:23,876 But there wasn't a second lot. 1091 01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:27,238 No? 1092 01:13:31,360 --> 01:13:34,272 Look, the gang's idea was to blackmail you, 1093 01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:37,278 then write an anonymous letter to the police, 1094 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,311 saying you killed your wife. 1095 01:13:39,440 --> 01:13:43,035 Well, they needn't bother. I've done that myself. 1096 01:13:43,160 --> 01:13:47,597 I've got to get out of the country. Where can I get a false passport? 1097 01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:50,678 Oh, I can help you there. My uncle makes them. 1098 01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:52,711 You're kidding. How soon? 1099 01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,070 Well, tomorrow, on conditions. 1100 01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:57,919 - What conditions? - You take me with you. 1101 01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:01,953 I don't hold with murder. If they find out, they'll kill me. 1102 01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:06,153 - All right. The passports, how much? - We need two. That's �500. 1103 01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:08,191 You'll take 460. That's my lot. 1104 01:14:08,320 --> 01:14:10,788 Your lot? What will we live on abroad? 1105 01:14:10,920 --> 01:14:15,630 I've got some saved for emergencies. Let's get the photographs taken. 1106 01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:19,951 Well, it really looks as if my dreams might come true. 1107 01:14:20,080 --> 01:14:23,390 - Dreams? What dreams? - Oh, a country house, 1108 01:14:23,520 --> 01:14:25,715 a cook, a butler and a gardener. 1109 01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:30,356 All the things that Billy promised me, but never would have given me. 1110 01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:32,436 I've only got one dream. 1111 01:14:32,560 --> 01:14:35,996 A little garden and a big girl, my own size. 1112 01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:37,838 (Chuckles gleefully) 1113 01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:41,475 It worked like a dream. I played it beautifully. 1114 01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:45,275 - I wish you'd all been there. - Never mind that. How much? 1115 01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:48,039 - �2,300. - Empty your pockets. 1116 01:14:48,160 --> 01:14:50,435 - How dare you?! - Turn them out, 1117 01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:52,471 or must we do it for you? 1118 01:14:52,600 --> 01:14:56,354 I've never been more insulted in all my life. How dare you?! 1119 01:14:56,480 --> 01:15:00,393 - Keep your distance. - He's right. It is insulting. 1120 01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:04,195 Thank you. It's time we decided who's boss, once and for all. 1121 01:15:04,320 --> 01:15:07,790 We have. In your absence, we held an election. 1122 01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:11,071 You were defeated and I was elected unanimously. 1123 01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:15,557 Now, put away that silly gun and empty your pockets like a good boy. 1124 01:15:17,440 --> 01:15:21,956 You can't do that. Her? A woman?! After all I've done for you! 1125 01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:26,551 You're lucky we ain't strangled you. Now, cough up or maybe we will. 1126 01:15:26,680 --> 01:15:28,591 He's right, you know. We might. 1127 01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:31,553 All right. There you are. 1128 01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:33,830 I wasn't going to keep it. 1129 01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:37,111 - Now, the other one. - (Yelps) There isn't any more. 1130 01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,111 - What's this? - My petty cash. 1131 01:15:40,240 --> 01:15:42,913 - Petty cash! - That's better. Is that all? 1132 01:15:43,040 --> 01:15:44,598 (Squeals) Yes! 1133 01:15:47,480 --> 01:15:50,631 Guess what? I got nearly �500 for fake passports. 1134 01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:53,991 - Well done. - He's potty. A real one's 30 bob. 1135 01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:56,953 And that's not all. He has got a secret cache. 1136 01:15:57,080 --> 01:15:58,991 - Where? - I don't know. 1137 01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:03,477 But he's meeting me at Southampton tomorrow and bringing the money. 1138 01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:06,592 - And he'll just slip off. - I have the passports. 1139 01:16:06,720 --> 01:16:08,995 Why aren't you travelling together? 1140 01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:11,953 He has to say goodbye to his mother. 1141 01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:13,991 Ah, that's nice, innit? 1142 01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:17,476 Got it! That's where it is - at his mother's. 1143 01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:21,593 - How do you know? - Because, dimwit, 1144 01:16:21,720 --> 01:16:24,792 he couldn't care less about his dear old mother. 1145 01:16:24,920 --> 01:16:28,230 Boys, I think our little partnership is almost over. 1146 01:16:28,360 --> 01:16:31,750 I think we're onto the last of his lolly. 1147 01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:44,033 (Honks horn) 1148 01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:53,278 (Knocks on door) 1149 01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:00,669 - Billy! My boy. - Hello, Ma. 1150 01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:02,711 - Drunk again? - Not this time. 1151 01:17:02,840 --> 01:17:04,796 How are you, Ma? 1152 01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:09,550 Billy-Boy, what you want, really, is a cup of nice strong coffee. 1153 01:17:09,680 --> 01:17:12,114 Jolly good idea. I'll go and make one. 1154 01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:15,710 No, Billy, don't do that. I'll go and make it for you. 1155 01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:17,159 (Locks door) 1156 01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:21,034 - Billy, why are you doing that? - I'll tell you in a minute. 1157 01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:24,038 Billy. Are you staying over the weekend? 1158 01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:28,711 - No, I'm going to South America. - Oh, Billy! South America? 1159 01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:31,513 - (Fingers) Good evening. - Good evening. 1160 01:17:31,640 --> 01:17:34,200 Could you spare a glass of water, please? 1161 01:17:34,320 --> 01:17:36,675 Certainly. Certainly. 1162 01:17:36,800 --> 01:17:41,112 These gentlemen are asking for some water, but I'm going to make tea. 1163 01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:43,595 Thank you. Thank you very much. 1164 01:17:45,280 --> 01:17:47,191 No so fast, Billy-Boy. 1165 01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:50,517 Aren't you going to kiss your Mummy goodbye? 1166 01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:07,076 What are you...?! Oh, no! 1167 01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:09,919 You... Well, what do you want now? 1168 01:18:10,040 --> 01:18:12,600 We've come to help you with the luggage. 1169 01:18:12,720 --> 01:18:18,750 'Ere, there's a black car with P-O-L-I-C-E on it. 1170 01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:22,953 Stay put. Billy won't say a word. He daren't. Unbolt the door. 1171 01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:29,631 - Oh, good evening. - Hello. 1172 01:18:29,760 --> 01:18:33,435 Mr Gordon. I understand that you're leaving the country? 1173 01:18:33,560 --> 01:18:35,710 - Wha...? What? - Is that so? 1174 01:18:35,840 --> 01:18:38,718 Nonsense. I came down to see my mother. 1175 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:43,072 - Oh! Is this your case? - No, sir. No, it's mine. 1176 01:18:43,880 --> 01:18:45,791 Haven't we met before? 1177 01:18:45,920 --> 01:18:49,913 No, sir. No, I don't think so. The name is Harry Maltravers. 1178 01:18:50,040 --> 01:18:53,953 We were passing and the good lady offered us some refreshment. 1179 01:18:54,080 --> 01:18:55,991 But I see you're busy, sir. 1180 01:18:56,120 --> 01:18:59,476 Come, gentlemen, we must be on our way. Good day. 1181 01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:02,068 Thank you for your hospitality, sir. 1182 01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:05,237 Oh, and do apologise to the good lady for me. 1183 01:19:05,360 --> 01:19:07,794 Cheerio, sir. (Mutters) Scarper. 1184 01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:13,349 Now, Mr Gordon, I'm going to ask you a few questions. 1185 01:19:13,480 --> 01:19:15,789 Do you recognise this nightdress? 1186 01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:18,753 Yes, they did it! Come on, let's get them! 1187 01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:20,791 Do you mind? 1188 01:19:20,920 --> 01:19:24,390 I have reason to believe that you murdered your wife. 1189 01:19:24,520 --> 01:19:28,798 Don't be ridiculous! Why would I murder my wife? I loved her. 1190 01:19:28,920 --> 01:19:31,559 We had our differences, but who doesn't? 1191 01:19:31,680 --> 01:19:34,592 I'd sacrifice anything to have my Lucy back. 1192 01:19:44,120 --> 01:19:46,156 Oh, Billy! Billy! 1193 01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:49,113 Oh, I said he was drunk when he came in. 1194 01:19:49,240 --> 01:19:51,515 No, he's had the most terrible shock. 1195 01:19:51,640 --> 01:19:55,553 He really thought I'd left him for good, didn't you, dear? 1196 01:19:55,680 --> 01:19:57,591 Come on, Sergeant. 1197 01:20:01,120 --> 01:20:02,838 (Cheering and shouting) 1198 01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,834 And pinching his car to get away in, eh? 1199 01:20:08,960 --> 01:20:11,030 This is better than a hearse, eh? 1200 01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:13,276 Slow down or we'll finish up in one. 1201 01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:15,709 Cheer up, Sid. We're rich at last. 1202 01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:17,751 - Who's got the case? - I have. 1203 01:20:17,880 --> 01:20:20,713 Hang on to it. There's 50,000 there for us. 1204 01:20:20,840 --> 01:20:22,796 No, Lucy gets half, remember? 1205 01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:26,879 Lucy's had hers. She's kissed goodbye to this little lot. 1206 01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:29,790 His face when you took that case! 1207 01:20:29,920 --> 01:20:34,198 'Ere, gentlemen. I've just been thinking. 1208 01:20:34,320 --> 01:20:36,356 - Is this honest? - Oh, shut up! 1209 01:20:36,480 --> 01:20:39,233 Never mind. Hang on to that case...tight. 1210 01:20:39,360 --> 01:20:40,759 Right-ho. 1211 01:20:46,960 --> 01:20:48,678 (All sing) # We're in the money now 1212 01:20:48,800 --> 01:20:50,313 # We're in the money now 1213 01:20:50,440 --> 01:20:52,271 # We're in the money now... # 96062

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