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1
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:09,050
We now return
to Sunday Golf on CBS.
2
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,804
And Nicholson
here, trying to save par,
and there's Nicholson's wife.
3
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:13,888
God, is she hot.
4
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,014
Look at that rack.
5
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,808
There's a downhill
lie for you.
6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:20,186
They're just
out there begging to be
touched. Pleading.
7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105
How many golf balls
do you think she can
fit in her mouth?
8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,607
I'd hit that
one in the rough, if you know
what I'm saying.
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,692
Who are you kidding, Greg?
10
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,694
You'd pork her for a week
and then get tired of her.
11
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:28,736
Yeah, you're right.
12
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,571
That's what I do.
That's my thing.
13
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,906
But a hell of a week,
though.
14
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,241
Hell of a week.
15
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,369
Oh, my God,
the power's out.
16
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,995
What are we
gonna do now?
17
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,415
Well, we could
light some candles
and read.
18
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,877
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that'd be great.
19
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,838
Yeah, read the inside
of my butt.
20
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,131
We could tell stories.
21
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,550
Hey, Dad, why don't you
tell the story about
when I was born?
22
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,260
Yeah, we got halfway home
with the afterbirth,
23
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,678
before we had to go
back to the hospital
24
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,513
and swap it out for Meg.
The end.
25
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,806
Now, I got a better one.
26
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,518
This is a story
of love and loss,
fathers and sons,
27
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:04,147
and the foresight to
retain international
merchandising rights.
28
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:07,442
This is
the story of Star Wars.
29
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,318
Let's begin with Part 4.
30
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,876
You hear that?
Sounds like we're being
boarded from the rear,
31
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,752
and not the,
"Hey, take a deep breath,
let's experiment,"
32
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:32,837
kind of boarded
from the rear.
33
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,882
Could you hold
on to this bag?
34
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:56,110
What if they come
in a different door?
35
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,738
Well, I guess we'd
all just get up and
go to that door then.
36
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,573
Is it going to be
like this all day, Jeff?
37
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,908
Hey, I'm just
trying to contribute.
38
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:05,828
Yeah, well contribute
to pointing your
gun at that door.
39
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,663
Mark, why are you
always way nicer to me
40
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,540
when the other
rebels aren't around?
41
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,514
Damn! I was two days
from retirement.
42
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,061
R2?
43
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,397
Help me,
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
44
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,982
You're my only hope.
45
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,150
All right,
now what do I click?
46
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,693
Click "preferences."
47
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,029
Okay, I clicked
"preferences."
48
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,114
Now go to
"default media browser."
49
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,617
Okay, there's
a little hourglass
50
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,535
and it's not
letting me do anything.
51
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,120
It says "buffering."
What is that?
52
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,330
Just give it a minute.
53
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,207
All I'm trying to
do is make an MPEG.
54
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,459
All I'm trying to do
is tell you to
wait a minute.
55
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,627
Okay, relax.
56
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,837
Now click
"import video file."
57
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:57,964
All right.
58
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,675
It's telling me
I have to
download RealPlayer 7.
59
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,302
You know what?
I'll just bring
it to him myself.
60
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,720
There she is.
61
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,270
You still got
that bag I gave you?
62
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,523
It's gonna be
a long ride.
63
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,072
Hold your fire.
There's no
life forms aboard.
64
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,825
Hold your fire?
What, are we paying
by the laser now?
65
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,868
You don't do the budget,
Terry. I do.
66
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,288
Hey, I'm gonna
do some crosswords,
67
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,165
but that doesn't mean
I don't want to talk.
68
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,750
Oh, yeah, yeah.
69
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,766
My God,
look at this mess.
70
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,351
"Hey,
Darth Vader's
gonna be here,
71
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,519
"shall we maybe
clean the place up?
72
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,022
"No, it's okay,
he won't mind."
73
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:59,692
Well, well, Princess Leia.
Are you prepared
to tell me
74
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,986
what you've done
with the stolen
Death Star plans?
75
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,030
All right,
Lord Vader, you win.
76
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:07,450
I've hidden the plans
in one of these
26 briefcases.
77
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,493
Ooh! Ooh!
78
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:13,289
Okay, okay,
I'm feeling number 14,
let's go with number 14.
79
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,459
Oh!
80
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,461
It's okay,
I'm just happy
to be on TV.
81
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,504
All right,
take her away.
82
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,634
Okay, here's another one.
83
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,761
Who would you rather do?
84
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:30,014
Jabba the Hutt
right after a shower
or a service droid?
85
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,683
My father was
a service droid.
86
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:33,893
Hey, where are you going?
87
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,561
You can kiss
the lower part of
88
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,355
the back of
the canister
that is my body.
89
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:52,203
Oh, man, this looks like
the wrong neighborhood.
90
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:57,500
Oh, boy, it's okay,
R2, calm down, be cool.
91
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,712
I ain't done nothing
to antagonize nobody.
92
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,757
What, a droid can't
walk down the desert
no more?
93
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,592
I got rights, too.
Who's there?
94
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,799
Any attack made by
the rebels against
95
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,884
this station would
be a useless gesture,
96
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,220
no matter what
technical data
they've obtained.
97
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,223
This station is
now the ultimate
power in the universe.
98
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,642
That is fantastic,
terrific work.
99
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,144
So no weaknesses at all?
100
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,020
No... No.
101
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,814
You, uh...
You hesitated there.
102
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,274
Is there something
I should know?
103
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,652
No, it's
virtually indestructible,
like 99.99%.
104
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,238
Uh, okay,
wouldn't be doing my job
105
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,448
if I didn't ask,
what's the 0.01?
106
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,909
Well, I mean,
there's this little hole.
107
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,704
It was kind of
an aesthetic choice
by the architect.
108
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:21,834
And if you shoot
a laser into this hole,
the station blows up.
109
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,252
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
110
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,254
That sounds like
a pretty big
design flaw, then.
111
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,548
No, no, the hole's
only 2 meters across.
112
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,633
Well, that's no
bigger than a womp rat.
113
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:30,843
Exactly.
114
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,219
And even to get
within range of it,
115
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,388
you have to skim
along this whole trench.
It's not a big deal.
116
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,432
Can't we board it
up or, you know,
117
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,142
put some plywood
over it or something?
118
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,351
Well,
that would look terrible.
119
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,853
I mean, we gotta
think about resale.
120
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,146
Resale? What are you
talking about?
121
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,856
This property is
right above Sunset.
122
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,357
The value is
only gonna go up.
123
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,318
Lord Vader,
your inside references
124
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,236
to the Los Angeles
real estate market
125
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,905
haven't given you
the clairvoyance to turn
126
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,407
a profit on that
condo in Glendale.
Nor has it...
127
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:56,285
I find your lack
of faith disturbing.
128
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,454
That property is
in a prime location.
129
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,873
Twenty minutes to the beach,
20 minutes to downtown.
130
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,417
There's nothing
to do downtown.
131
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:06,003
Enough of this.
Vader, release him.
132
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,129
As you wish.
133
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,050
All right,
so we're gonna
plug up that hole?
134
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,928
Yeah, we can
get it done tomorrow,
if price is no object.
135
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,554
Uh...
136
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:16,680
We'll get estimates.
137
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,141
Get estimates, yeah, yeah.
138
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,355
Someone was in the pod.
139
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,814
The tracks go off
in this direction.
140
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,274
Look, sir, droids.
141
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,651
Look, a penny.
142
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,114
Hey, thanks for the sex,
early '90s printer.
143
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,540
All right,
bring him on out.
144
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,543
Oh, God,
it's 100 degrees
out here.
145
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:50,130
If I pass out, please
note that I'm wearing
a LifeCall bracelet,
146
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,466
with all my
insurance information.
147
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,803
Luke? Luke!
148
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,097
Luke!
What?
149
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,182
Tell Uncle Owen
not to tell you
150
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,309
that your father
is Darth Vader.
151
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,478
Aunt Beru, when are
you guys going to let
152
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,689
me join the Rebellion,
like all my friends?
153
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:10,442
Oh, stop whining, Luke,
and come have some blue milk.
154
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,778
One of these days,
I'm just gonna take off
155
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,781
and join the Rebellion,
whether you like it or not.
156
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,242
Over my burnt carcass.
157
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,910
Hey, shut up-a
with the noise-a.
158
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,537
Hey, shut up-a with
the shut up-a.
159
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,247
You shut up-a with
the shut up-a.
160
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,290
Shut up-a
your face.
161
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,624
Now-a my dog-a
wanna shut up-a.
162
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,709
Why you
no shut up-a?
163
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,793
I'll make-a
you shut up-a.
164
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:28,877
You, too,
shut up-a.
165
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,170
Hey, I poke
out-a my head.
166
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,769
Some day,
I'll get off this rock
and fight the Empire.
167
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:53,319
John Williams and the
London Symphony Orchestra,
everybody.
168
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,587
Now do the theme to
The People's Court.
169
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,356
Oh, this oil bath is
gonna feel so good.
170
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,692
Hey, you guys
think that '90s printer
looked clean, right?
171
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,278
Hey, there's something stuck
in this R2 unit.
172
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,655
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
173
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,366
You're my only hope.
174
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,992
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
175
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,702
You're my only hope.
176
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:46,497
Whoever she is,
she sounds like
she's in trouble.
177
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,707
Is there any more
to this message?
178
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:58,217
Intergalactic Proton Powered
Electrical Tentacled
Advertising Droids.
179
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,136
Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of
Darth Harrington's
Intergalactic Proton
180
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,638
Powered Electrical
Tentacled Advertising
181
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,223
Droids Emporium
and Moon Base.
182
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:07,393
Due to a garbled
subspace transmission,
I am currently overstocked
183
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,061
on all
Intergalactic Proton Powered
184
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,729
Electrical
Tentacled Advertising Droids
185
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,524
and I am passing
the savings on to you!
186
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,193
She said "Obi-One" Kenobi.
187
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,071
I wonder if she means
old Obi-Wan Kenobi?
188
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,199
Well,
I guess I'll go bulls-eye
some womp rats in my T-16.
189
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,827
My God, you shoot
small animals for fun?
190
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,413
That's the first
indicator of a
serial killer, you freak.
191
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,456
There's two suns
and no women.
192
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,542
What the hell am
I supposed to do?
193
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,253
Master Luke,
he's gone,
he's gone.
194
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,337
What?
195
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,257
R2, he took off in
the middle of the night,
we gotta find him.
196
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:41,510
Oh, what the phantom menace
is that guy's problem?
197
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,973
Hey, mind if I
turn on the radio?
198
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,393
WTAT,
Tatooine's all-talk radio.
199
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,020
My good friends,
the liberal galactic media
200
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,981
is at it again,
they never stop.
201
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,358
Now they're
trying to convince us
that Hoth is melting.
202
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,193
Well, that's crazy,
just trying to scare us.
203
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,446
And if that wasn't
enough to get you mad,
204
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,781
we now have news
that Lando Calrissian
205
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,658
has been made
the chief administrator
206
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,869
of the Bespin
mining facility.
207
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,745
Gee, I wonder
how he got that job.
208
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,622
Well, let me tell you
how he got that job.
209
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,624
Affirmative action
strikes again.
210
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,376
The time is 8:50.
211
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,131
R2, what are you
doing out here?
212
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,800
He says there are
several creatures
213
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,260
approaching
from the southeast.
214
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,636
That's not
what I said.
215
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:27,723
I said there ain't
a pack of menthols
on this planet.
216
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,769
Well,
I see some bantha tracks,
but I don't see any...
217
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,605
Wait a minute,
they're Sand People,
218
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,565
all right,
I can see one of them now.
219
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,126
Who the hell are you?
220
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,589
One lucky son of a bitch.
221
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:07,429
So, Luke, what brings
your muscly arms
out this way?
222
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,139
I'll show you,
Mr. Obi-Wan.
223
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,933
R2, play him
the message.
224
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,394
General Kenobi,
many years ago
225
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,813
you served
my father in
the Clone Wars.
226
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:20,609
We need your help
again. And, not to
get too personal,
227
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,361
but you owe us
after that mess
228
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,029
you got into
back on Alderaan.
229
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,282
And we paid to
keep the families
230
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,076
of those
children quiet, so...
231
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:33,288
This is just,
like, logistical stuff.
I'll check that later.
232
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,290
...Joey Lawrence
haircut.
233
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,543
So, I'll assume we
can count on your help
234
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,963
to get the Death Star
plans to my father
on Alderaan.
235
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:44,091
The plans are stored
inside this R2 unit.
236
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:47,469
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi,
you're my only hope.
237
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,721
All right now,
what do I click?
238
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,599
Luke, you must learn
the ways of the Force,
239
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,560
and come with me
to Alderaan.
240
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:55,936
What's the Force?
241
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,398
The Force is
what gives a Jedi
Knight his power.
242
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:02,526
It surrounds us,
it penetrates us.
243
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,319
Mmm...
244
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,321
Here, check this out.
245
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,199
Wow! This is cool.
246
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,868
Yeah, everyone
in the neighborhood
has one.
247
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,083
Hey, why would you
hang that up?
248
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,002
It looks
so tantalizing.
249
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,716
You know, the Empire
is gonna come looking
for these droids.
250
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,051
But if they find out
who the Jawa sold them to,
251
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,845
that could
lead them back...
252
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,929
Home!
253
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,932
Luke, wait,
it's too dangerous.
254
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,810
Get your fat
space ass back here.
255
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,072
Uncle Owen?
256
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,033
Aunt Beru?
257
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,952
Oh, my God!
258
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,790
John Williams!
259
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,963
Great, now we gotta do
the rest of this
thing with Danny Elfman.
260
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,488
Mos Eisley spaceport.
261
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:33,492
You will never find
a more wretched hive
of scum and villainy.
262
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,119
My sister
Regina-D2 lives here.
263
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:37,162
Is she single?
264
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,413
She's a lez-bot.
265
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,218
How are we gonna
get in here?
266
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,761
We don't have
any chicks with us.
267
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,805
It's way easier to
get into these clubs
268
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,181
if you have
chicks in your group.
269
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,265
You ever notice that?
270
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,476
No, I never have.
271
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,688
Sorry, sir,
private party tonight.
272
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,148
I'm a friend of
Dave Navarro's.
273
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,525
You're a friend
of Dave Navarro's.
274
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,193
You saw me here
last week.
275
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,986
I seem like
a cool dude.
276
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,322
I saw you here last week.
You seem like a cool dude.
277
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:13,532
Move along.
278
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:14,908
Move along,
move along.
279
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,844
He doesn't like you.
280
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,303
Sorry.
281
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,431
I don't like you either.
282
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,391
You don't even know me.
283
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,059
You know what?
That's fair.
284
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,854
I'm Pig Nose,
and this is my
brother-in-law, Scott.
285
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,313
He's visiting
from Hoth.
286
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,857
I don't know why
they call it Hoth.
287
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,483
They should
call it Coldth.
288
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,901
Okay, settle down.
289
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,361
I'm up after the band.
290
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,113
Thank you.
We're the Cantina Band.
291
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:54,906
If you have any requests,
shout 'em out.
292
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,575
Play that same song.
293
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,660
All right,
same song, here we go.
294
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,501
Oh, no, Stormtroopers.
Quick, R2, in here.
295
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,966
This door's locked,
move on to the next one.
296
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,676
Well, maybe they're
behind this door.
297
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,428
I just said
it's locked.
298
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,805
Well, can't you
knock or something?
299
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,098
Hello?
300
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,185
Well, I guess
whoever's in there
301
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,853
won't be getting
this giant check
302
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,105
from Publishers
Clearing House.
303
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,732
Publishers
Clearing House!
304
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,816
Shut up.
305
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:30,984
Did you
hear something?
306
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,319
I heard voices,
but they've stopped,
307
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:35,322
so I'm gonna assume
there's no one in there.
308
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,450
Hi, my sexy friend
and I are looking for
309
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,494
a ship to take
us to Alderaan,
310
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,079
and I'm willing
to pay big money.
311
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,956
Well, you've come
to the right place.
312
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,542
I'm Han Solo,
captain of
the Millennium Falcon
313
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,211
and the only
actor whose career
314
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,796
isn't destroyed
by this movie.
315
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:51,922
Is it a fast ship?
316
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,006
Are you kidding?
317
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,051
It's the ship that
made the Kessel Run
in less than 12 parsecs.
318
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,679
Um, isn't a parsec a unit
of distance, not time?
319
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,517
Chewie, take these
guys to the ship
and get her ready.
320
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,522
Always gargle
before a takeoff.
321
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,232
Wokka, wokka!
All right, let's go.
322
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,823
Greedo, as a matter
of fact, I was just
323
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,533
going to see
Jabba and tell him...
324
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,560
Well, what do you think?
325
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,103
What a piece of junk!
326
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,730
Thank you,
this was my brother's.
He died of leukemia.
327
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:51,940
How do you feel now?
328
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,234
You got any
strawberry milk
in there?
329
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,570
No, but she'll make
0.5 past light speed.
330
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,821
If you want,
I'll show you around,
331
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,156
since no one's
trying to stop
the ship or blast us.
332
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,492
Stop that ship,
blast them.
333
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:03,702
Oh, now I can't
show you around.
334
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,120
Quick, get in the ship.
335
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,763
Looks like we got
Imperial Cruisers
on our tail.
336
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,098
Oh, look at that one
on the left.
337
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:28,184
Get off your cell phone,
you are driving.
338
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:38,069
They're gaining on us.
339
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:40,572
We'll be safe enough,
once we make the jump
to hyperspace.
340
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,699
Besides,
I know a few maneuvers.
We'll lose 'em.
341
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,749
That... That was
your maneuver?
342
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,792
Moving slightly
to the left?
343
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,754
Well, I mean, we're
not in the same
place we were, huh?
344
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:56,838
That ought to
confuse 'em.
345
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,090
Yeah, but you
hardly did anything.
346
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:02,302
You just started
listing lazily
to the left.
347
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,929
I'm pretty sure
they can keep up.
348
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,430
Where did they go?
There they are!
349
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,891
They're listing
lazily to the left.
Go left, left!
350
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,726
Boy, this guy
knows some maneuvers.
351
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,019
All right,
strap yourselves in,
352
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,604
I'm about to make
the jump to light speed.
353
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,315
Did he say "strap
in" or "strap on"?
354
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,616
Man, hyperspace
always looks so freaky.
355
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:47,430
Governor Tarkin.
356
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,558
I recognized your
foul stench as soon as
I was brought onboard.
357
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,604
Um, actually, that's me,
I made a Darth doody.
358
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:56,815
I sithed my pants.
359
00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,567
My diaper's gone
over to the dark side.
360
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,653
I got pages of these,
I could go on.
361
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,571
Princess Leia,
we've chosen to test
362
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,366
our Death Star
planet blower-upper gun
363
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,660
on your home
planet of Alderaan.
364
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:09,786
No!
365
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:12,455
She said no.
Should we still do it?
366
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,249
Yeah.
367
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,767
So, anyway, I says,
"Forget the dental plan,
forget sick leave.
368
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:36,187
"I just want
a railing. You know,
one railing right here."
369
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:39,274
Yeah, I know,
I've almost fallen over
that thing so many times.
370
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:40,358
So, what did they say?
371
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:43,486
Get this,
they said they're worried
we'd be leaning all day.
372
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:44,696
They said that?
373
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:45,822
Yeah.
374
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,533
Well,
none of this will matter
when we're famous singers.
375
00:22:52,163 --> 00:22:53,496
Good evening,
Death Star.
376
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:57,000
Tonight a special report
on the controversial
attack on Alderaan.
377
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,044
While some
view the attack
as unwarranted,
378
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,712
the Empire has
obtained proof
379
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,130
that Alderaan
was in possession
380
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:03,715
of weapons of
mass destruction.
381
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:05,759
And now, let's go to
our five day forecast.
382
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:06,885
What's the weather like,
Ollie?
383
00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:08,261
Space weather.
Thanks, Ollie.
384
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:10,138
Coming up,
we'll give you
the road closures
385
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,223
for this week's
Ewok Pride Parade.
386
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,349
Stay with us.
387
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:20,065
How am I doing?
388
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,775
Just keep your
knees bent.
389
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:25,653
Imagine you're
spreading butter on
a big piece of bread.
390
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:26,738
That's it.
391
00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:29,783
Spread that butter,
with the Force.
392
00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:32,702
Ha! You guys seem like
crazy morons to me.
393
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:35,497
You don't believe
in the Force, do you?
394
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:37,082
Oh, you mean that thing
you just found out about,
395
00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,666
like,
three hours ago,
and are now
396
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:40,293
judging me for
not believing in it?
397
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,753
Do you believe in anything?
398
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,172
Uh, yeah. Didn't you see my
Cabala bracelet?
399
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:45,256
What's Cabala?
400
00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:47,467
About $1 .75.
401
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:48,968
Honestly, I have no idea.
402
00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:50,345
I'm just a slave to trends.
403
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:54,432
What the hell?
404
00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:57,685
Oh, my God!
We came out of hyperspace
into an asteroid field.
405
00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:06,111
Alderaan's been
destroyed by the Empire.
406
00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:08,071
Maybe we should head
for that small moon,
407
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:11,074
that's clearly
a small moon, and
not anything else.
408
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:17,413
That's no moon.
It's a space station.
409
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,544
Oh, crap.
They've got us
in a tractor beam.
410
00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:25,088
Well, they're not
going to get me
without a fight.
411
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:30,802
You can't win.
But there are
alternatives to fighting.
412
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:31,886
Like what?
413
00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:34,556
Like getting
the hell out of here!
414
00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:37,142
No, just kidding.
415
00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:38,810
Can you imagine
if I was like that?
416
00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:22,520
All right,
just follow my lead
and act real cool.
417
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,337
All right,
I'm gonna go knock out
that tractor beam.
418
00:25:47,421 --> 00:25:49,422
And we'll go
rescue the princess.
419
00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:53,218
You know, Luke, this
may be the last time
we see each other.
420
00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:55,678
So there's something
I want you to know.
421
00:25:55,763 --> 00:26:01,893
Now I've had
the time of my life
422
00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:07,023
And I owe it all to you
423
00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,944
I've been waiting
for so long
424
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,154
Now I've
finally found someone
425
00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,156
To stand by me
426
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,869
So we take
each other's hand
427
00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:25,416
'Cause we seem
to understand
the urgency
428
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:27,961
Just remember
429
00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:31,422
You're the one thing
430
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:35,551
I can't get enough of
431
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:39,931
So I'll tell you something
432
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:45,144
This could be love because
433
00:26:45,688 --> 00:26:50,692
I've had
the time of my life
434
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:54,862
No, I never felt
this way before
435
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:59,450
Yes, I swear
it's the truth
436
00:26:59,535 --> 00:27:05,415
And I owe it all to you
437
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,257
Holy shit!
438
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,971
You ain't never
gonna believe
what I just seen.
439
00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:21,222
Tyra Banks?
440
00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:22,682
See, now you say
something better,
441
00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:24,183
so my thing don't
sound cool no more.
442
00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:25,727
Oh! Come on,
what did you see?
443
00:27:25,811 --> 00:27:26,811
I don't remember.
444
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,439
I just was thinking
about Tyra Banks.
445
00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:31,649
Can you imagine?
446
00:27:31,734 --> 00:27:32,900
Every night!
447
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:34,235
Don't shake my hand.
448
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,487
You ain't got no hand!
You a little truck.
449
00:27:40,034 --> 00:27:41,242
So, what are we on,
the first floor?
450
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,744
We are
on the second floor.
451
00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:46,914
No, no, no,
here's the Banana Republic,
and we just passed that.
452
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:50,209
It's right back there.
We parked on the Macy's side,
453
00:27:50,294 --> 00:27:52,754
so now we must be over here
by the JCPenney.
454
00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:55,423
It looks like
the first floor is
mostly men's stuff,
455
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,508
and there's
a Lady Foot Locker
right over there.
456
00:27:57,593 --> 00:27:58,885
All right,
so we're on the third floor.
457
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,345
All right,
let's get in
the elevator.
458
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:03,598
And hurry up, 'cause
the smell of that
Mrs. Fields is killing me.
459
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,038
Wrong floor.
Stormtrooper church.
460
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,165
And do you,
Allen, take Judith
461
00:28:29,249 --> 00:28:30,958
to be your
lawfully wedded wife
462
00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:34,045
till death or a giant
explosion do you part?
463
00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,388
Where are you
taking this thing?
464
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,890
Prisoner transfer
from cell block 1138.
465
00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:47,975
You think you could get me
a room by the pool?
466
00:28:49,269 --> 00:28:51,521
Is funny,
because you are a prisoner
467
00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:54,148
and there is no pool
because is Death Star.
468
00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:59,529
We've gotta find out
what cell this princess
of yours is in.
469
00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:00,738
There it is, 2187.
470
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:02,031
I'm on it!
471
00:29:02,116 --> 00:29:03,616
Everything's
under control here.
472
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,243
Situation normal.
473
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:06,285
What happened?
474
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,496
We had a slight
weapons malfunction,
475
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:10,748
but everything's
perfectly all right.
We're fine.
476
00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:14,544
We're all fine here now.
Thank you.
477
00:29:14,628 --> 00:29:15,837
How are you?
478
00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,089
I've been better.
479
00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:19,298
Well, tell me what's up.
480
00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,092
Well,
I'm in this relationship
481
00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:23,010
and it doesn't seem
to be going anywhere.
482
00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:26,013
I like her, but we're
not really connecting.
483
00:29:26,098 --> 00:29:27,932
How long has it been?
About 10 months.
484
00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:29,350
And how often do
you see each other?
485
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:30,435
Couple times a week.
486
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:32,687
Well, why don't you try
seeing each other
a little more often,
487
00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:34,439
and see if you
connect a little more?
488
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,441
And if not,
it may be time to move on.
489
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:37,483
Thanks for calling.
490
00:29:37,568 --> 00:29:39,777
This is Han Solo
and I'm gonna be
keeping you company
491
00:29:39,862 --> 00:29:42,864
for the next few hours,
right here on
the midnight shift.
492
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:47,326
Something's telling me
it might be you
493
00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:52,623
It's telling me
it might be you
494
00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:56,961
Aren't you a little fat
to be a Stormtrooper?
495
00:29:57,045 --> 00:29:59,297
Well, stay here and rot,
you stuck-up bitch.
496
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:00,715
Wait, who are you?
497
00:30:00,841 --> 00:30:02,133
I'm Luke Skywalker.
498
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:04,760
Me and Han Solo
and Obi-Wan are
here to rescue you.
499
00:30:04,845 --> 00:30:06,429
Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?
500
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:07,555
Yeah!
501
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:09,557
Suddenly,
I'm not so fat, huh?
502
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,736
Come on,
into the garbage chute.
503
00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:25,865
She's right!
Come on, Chewbacca.
504
00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:26,949
What, are you kidding?
It's probably
505
00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:28,826
full of disease.
I'm not jumping in there.
506
00:30:28,911 --> 00:30:30,912
Not even if I
throw this pig's ear?
507
00:30:30,996 --> 00:30:32,705
Oh, come on, that's not fair.
Go get it!
508
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,252
Oh, boy!
Great idea, Princess,
509
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:39,879
diving into
a pile of garbage.
510
00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:41,714
Hey, when we get out of here,
maybe you can show me around
511
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,007
your home planet of Alderaan.
512
00:30:43,091 --> 00:30:44,091
Aww...
513
00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:45,468
Too soon?
514
00:30:45,552 --> 00:30:46,844
Hey, it could be worse.
515
00:30:48,931 --> 00:30:50,097
It's worse.
516
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,520
The walls are closing.
517
00:30:57,940 --> 00:30:58,940
Oh, my God!
518
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:00,483
Listen to them,
R2, they're dying!
519
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:01,526
What do we do?
520
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:03,694
Only one thing
to do, man.
521
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:05,905
You still got
that bag I gave you?
522
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:12,203
Man, I wish I could
listen to some
523
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:14,914
Tatooine,
Wind & Fire right now.
524
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,165
Hmm.
525
00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,960
So, you think
the Empire's gonna
fall, man?
526
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:20,962
I don't know, man.
527
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,632
How you doing
right now?
528
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:26,300
Good. Why?
529
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:30,263
I think I may be
having sort of a
mini freak-out here.
530
00:31:30,347 --> 00:31:31,389
Oh.
531
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:34,433
Just tell me I
don't have to stay
in this room.
532
00:31:34,518 --> 00:31:36,185
What?
Just tell me, right now,
533
00:31:36,270 --> 00:31:37,770
that I don't have
to stay in this room.
534
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,772
You don't have to
stay in this room.
535
00:31:39,856 --> 00:31:41,524
Oh, thank Christ!
536
00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,323
Thank God! We're saved.
537
00:31:49,992 --> 00:31:52,952
Look at this.
Who throws out half a pizza?
538
00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:54,245
And look at this couch.
539
00:31:54,329 --> 00:31:57,540
Somebody threw out
a whole couch and
it's in great shape.
540
00:31:57,624 --> 00:32:00,042
Yeah, you put
a little Febreze on that,
scrub it out a little bit,
541
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:01,586
it would look great
in your apartment.
542
00:32:01,670 --> 00:32:04,755
You know what? I know
we have a dangerous
job to do here,
543
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,967
but I'm taking this.
I'm taking this couch.
544
00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:12,096
All right, ready?
All right, one, two, three.
545
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,682
Okay!
Easy, easy, easy...
546
00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:15,975
Easy, easy...
Wait! Wait, wait...
547
00:32:16,059 --> 00:32:17,143
Stop! Stop, stop...
548
00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:18,311
What? What, what?
549
00:32:18,395 --> 00:32:19,979
No, no, no. Twist it.
I am.
550
00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,189
No, no, no.
The other way.
551
00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:23,524
Which way?
You're twisting the wrong way.
552
00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:24,609
What do you
want me to do?
553
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:26,986
Just look down, look at me,
look what I'm doing.
554
00:32:27,112 --> 00:32:28,487
All right,
see the way I'm twisting it?
Yeah.
555
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:29,697
Right, turn it that
way from your end.
556
00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:30,781
Okay.
557
00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:34,577
No, no, no. Just put
it down,
558
00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:35,620
just drop it.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
559
00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:36,787
All right, all right.
560
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,122
All right, let's...
561
00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:39,874
Just hang on and
figure this out.
562
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:42,293
Han, there are
Stormtroopers
all over the place.
563
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,794
Shouldn't we be
getting out of here?
564
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:47,298
All right, okay,
all right,
I got it, I know...
565
00:32:47,382 --> 00:32:48,549
Here's what
we're gonna do.
566
00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:50,092
We're going to
take the cushions off,
567
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:52,470
unscrew the legs,
take the mattress out,
568
00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:54,513
and this whole thing
is going to be
a lot simpler.
569
00:32:54,598 --> 00:32:56,223
It's easier than
we're making it.
570
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:19,246
Hey, did you
hear something?
571
00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:21,666
Probably just
another drill.
572
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:23,918
You know that
last drill we had?
573
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:26,921
I was about to
finally bone
my girlfriend,
574
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:29,507
and then we heard
that there was
this drill
575
00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:32,301
and she told me
there was no way.
576
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:41,227
So, Obi-Wan,
we meet again.
577
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:43,771
What part of,
"Stay 50 yards away
578
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,940
"at all times,"
don't you understand?
579
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:49,443
Uh-oh!
580
00:33:49,528 --> 00:33:51,987
Your powers are weak,
old man.
581
00:33:54,950 --> 00:33:56,409
Obi-Wan!
582
00:33:57,994 --> 00:34:00,454
Boy, you got here
just in time.
583
00:34:01,748 --> 00:34:03,457
No!
584
00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:14,510
Right! Go! Go, go, go.
585
00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:18,848
All right, twist it
counter-clockwise.
586
00:34:18,932 --> 00:34:20,599
I am twisting it,
you're twisting
it the other way.
587
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:24,103
I mean counter-clockwise
from where I'm standing...
So then you...
588
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,896
So clockwise.
So, yeah! Okay,
all right.
589
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:27,565
Yeah, so
you twist it clockwise.
590
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:30,776
Okay. Go!
You know what?
Put it down.
591
00:34:30,861 --> 00:34:32,611
Put it down for a sec.
My fingers
are killing me.
592
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:33,821
Han, they're
shooting at us.
593
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,573
All right, you know what?
Lift it up tall-ways.
594
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:39,994
For Christ's...
It's wedged. It's wedged.
595
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,037
All right, okay.
You know what?
It's not going anywhere.
596
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:43,622
Let's just take off,
we'll deal with it later.
597
00:34:43,707 --> 00:34:45,750
You get in the cockpit,
and I'll just...
598
00:34:45,834 --> 00:34:47,460
I'll hang onto
this thing as we go.
599
00:34:59,264 --> 00:35:00,389
Easy!
600
00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:13,235
I can't believe
he's gone.
601
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,530
I know, Luke,
but it's true, he's gone.
602
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:18,824
I mean,
you saw him get beheaded.
603
00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:20,743
Nobody lives
through that.
604
00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,453
Not for long anyway.
605
00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:24,663
I mean, sometimes
the brain is still active
606
00:35:24,748 --> 00:35:27,041
for a few minutes
after the beheading,
607
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:30,336
but to be honest,
I can't imagine
a worse kind of hell.
608
00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:33,672
And unfortunately,
hell is probably
where he'll end up,
609
00:35:33,757 --> 00:35:35,257
because
the Christians don't look
610
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:37,343
too kindly on
the whole Force thing.
611
00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:40,054
Come on, kid,
we're not out
of the woods yet.
612
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,142
Here they come.
613
00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:03,077
Hey, Han!
What?
614
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:04,829
Why do they call
them TIE fighters?
615
00:36:04,913 --> 00:36:05,955
No idea.
616
00:36:18,552 --> 00:36:20,261
They're coming too fast!
617
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:22,096
A nickel for every time
I've had that problem.
618
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:23,347
Just keep shooting, Luke.
619
00:36:30,939 --> 00:36:34,441
Yeah! That's how we do it
in my neighborhood, bitch!
620
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:40,573
I got him! I got him!
621
00:36:40,657 --> 00:36:42,491
Right, kid. Don't get penisy.
622
00:36:48,081 --> 00:36:49,915
I just want to tell
you both, good luck!
623
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,917
We're all
counting on you.
624
00:37:18,028 --> 00:37:20,321
Mom? Yeah, we won.
625
00:37:20,822 --> 00:37:22,865
Yeah, we won the battle.
626
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,533
Yeah, I'm calling,
like you asked.
627
00:37:24,993 --> 00:37:26,619
Okay. Okay.
628
00:37:26,870 --> 00:37:28,621
Okay, but I gotta go.
629
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:30,497
I got other stuff to do.
630
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:34,293
Okay. Okay,
but I gotta go. Okay.
631
00:37:34,711 --> 00:37:37,755
Okay. Yes. Yes.
632
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:40,257
Yes. Yes,
Mom. I love you, too, Mom.
633
00:37:40,342 --> 00:37:42,176
Okay. All right. Goodbye.
634
00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:50,267
The Homing Beacon
is safely on board
the Millennium Falcon.
635
00:37:50,352 --> 00:37:52,311
I'm taking
an awful risk, Vader.
636
00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:54,396
It'd better work.
637
00:37:54,481 --> 00:37:56,106
You know,
I think they
took your old couch.
638
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:57,775
What? I threw that away.
639
00:37:57,859 --> 00:38:00,277
Yeah, it was weird.
I just killed Obi-Wan,
and then I look over
640
00:38:00,362 --> 00:38:03,113
and there are these
two dudes scurrying
across with a couch.
641
00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,950
It had a stain on it,
from when we had
Hawaiian Punch night.
642
00:38:06,034 --> 00:38:08,869
Yeah, that's my couch.
Rebel scum.
643
00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:33,394
Gotcha!
644
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:39,775
Thanks to the information
in this R2 unit provided
by Princess Leia,
645
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:43,237
we should be able to mount
a successful offensive
on the Death Star.
646
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:47,408
But first, please take
a moment to watch
this instructional video.
647
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:54,164
Nothing but net.
648
00:38:54,249 --> 00:38:59,503
Hi! I'm Magic Johnson
with a few tips on
blowing up the Death Star.
649
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:02,715
First off,
never forget your objective.
650
00:39:02,799 --> 00:39:04,383
There are gonna
be so many folks
651
00:39:04,467 --> 00:39:06,635
coming at you
to slow you down,
652
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:10,556
you might feel like you got
a bull's-eye on your head.
653
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,809
No, but they will be
trying to kill you.
654
00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:17,855
Also, don't forget
you have teammates
out there watching your back.
655
00:39:17,939 --> 00:39:19,398
Unless you've
been messing around
656
00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:21,483
with their wife
or girlfriend.
657
00:39:22,152 --> 00:39:25,154
No, but they will
be there to help you.
658
00:39:25,238 --> 00:39:27,865
Lastly, you wanna make sure
you step back
659
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:30,367
and take cover after
you sink that bucket.
660
00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:34,496
'Cause that sky
gonna light up
like the Fourth of July.
661
00:39:34,581 --> 00:39:38,375
No, but there will
be a large explosion.
662
00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:39,585
Any questions?
663
00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:40,878
Yeah, I got a question.
664
00:39:40,962 --> 00:39:44,131
Does Barry Manilow know
you raid his wardrobe?
665
00:39:45,633 --> 00:39:47,885
You'll get
the answer to that question
next Saturday.
666
00:39:49,012 --> 00:39:51,430
Don't mess with the bull,
young man,
you'll get the horns.
667
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:03,067
Biggs? Jesus!
668
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:04,610
What the hell
happened to you?
669
00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:08,113
Oh! Hey, Luke. I was
under a Y-wing working
on the space engine,
670
00:40:08,198 --> 00:40:10,199
and the whole thing
just dropped on me.
671
00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:11,450
Holy crap!
672
00:40:11,534 --> 00:40:13,035
Yeah. Holy crap.
673
00:40:13,453 --> 00:40:16,121
So, you here for
the Death Star assault?
674
00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:17,623
Yeah, yeah,
I can't wait.
675
00:40:17,707 --> 00:40:18,874
How about you?
676
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:20,918
Well, no,
I can't really...
677
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:22,544
Oh, yeah,
because of that...
678
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:23,879
The chair.
Chair, yeah.
679
00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,756
Yeah, so
I'll just be here
making sandwiches
680
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,257
for when you guys
get back.
681
00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:28,634
Oh...
682
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:29,843
Well, that's cool.
683
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:31,095
Yeah.
684
00:40:31,179 --> 00:40:32,721
You want anything special?
685
00:40:32,806 --> 00:40:34,598
What? You mean
like a sandwich?
686
00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:35,682
Yeah.
687
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:37,101
Oh, no, I mean,
I couldn't...
688
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:40,062
You know, whatever
you make will be fine.
689
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:41,772
Hey, Biggs.
Yeah?
690
00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,608
You're just as big
a part of this as...
691
00:40:44,859 --> 00:40:48,362
I mean, you're doing stuff,
and I think that's great!
692
00:40:51,241 --> 00:40:53,283
Well, kid,
I guess this is goodbye.
693
00:40:53,368 --> 00:40:55,953
So, you got your reward
and you're leaving?
Is that it?
694
00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,412
When you say it
that way, I sound like
695
00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:58,997
a douche, but, yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
696
00:40:59,082 --> 00:41:01,083
What did you get
for a reward, anyway?
697
00:41:01,167 --> 00:41:05,754
Let's see.
I got 10% off
a Netflix membership,
698
00:41:05,839 --> 00:41:08,006
some nice
Cracker Barrel Cheddar,
699
00:41:08,091 --> 00:41:09,466
assorted lotions,
700
00:41:09,551 --> 00:41:13,387
and a little plastic
champagne bottle
full of jelly beans,
701
00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:17,224
and a little bear.
See? Little bear.
702
00:41:17,308 --> 00:41:19,935
"Hey, Luke, we had
fun on the Death Star."
703
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:21,812
Well, take care
of yourself, Han.
704
00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:24,022
I guess that's
what you're best at.
705
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,234
Oh, look!
A light saber cheese knife!
706
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:31,947
Yuck!
707
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:47,671
All wings, check in.
708
00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:48,839
Red Three standing by.
709
00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:50,174
Red Six standing by.
710
00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:51,592
Red Five standing by.
711
00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:53,010
Red Buttons standing by.
712
00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:54,344
Redd Foxx standing by.
713
00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:55,554
Big Red standing by.
714
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,222
Red October standing by.
715
00:41:57,307 --> 00:41:58,765
Helen Reddy standing by.
716
00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:00,350
Simply Red standing by.
717
00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:33,133
I'm going in.
Cover me, Porkins.
718
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:35,594
Having a little
trouble here.
719
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:48,315
Careful, Redd Foxx!
720
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:50,150
There's one
right on your tail.
721
00:42:55,573 --> 00:42:57,574
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
722
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,709
Use the Force, Luke.
723
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:08,877
Obi-Wan?
724
00:43:08,962 --> 00:43:12,756
Yeah, it's me. Use the Force.
725
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,551
Force that thing in there,
just like I showed you
with those puppets.
726
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:19,930
But don't tell nobody 'cause
you'll get in trouble.
727
00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,898
Clark,
I don't like the look
of this neighborhood.
728
00:43:29,983 --> 00:43:31,608
Come on, Ellen,
it's important
for the kids
729
00:43:31,693 --> 00:43:33,277
to witness the plight
of the Rebellion.
730
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:35,904
Kids, you noticing
all this plight?
731
00:43:35,989 --> 00:43:37,114
Roll 'em up!
732
00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:45,831
The Force is
strong with this one.
733
00:43:49,627 --> 00:43:51,420
Fuck you,
you son of a bitch!
734
00:43:51,504 --> 00:43:53,213
What am I, R2Pac?
735
00:43:53,298 --> 00:43:55,465
The Death Star
is getting closer.
736
00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:58,427
And Leia's getting larger.
737
00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:12,149
I have you now,
young Skywalker.
738
00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:15,485
And with today's gas prices,
not a minute too soon.
739
00:44:17,739 --> 00:44:18,739
What the deuce?
740
00:44:21,242 --> 00:44:22,576
Look at us.
Look at how much more
741
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,411
comfortable we are
now shooting stuff.
742
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:52,272
Whew!
743
00:44:52,357 --> 00:44:56,860
Luke, the Force will
be with you always.
744
00:44:56,944 --> 00:44:59,946
And so will I, always.
745
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:01,948
Of course when you
get older and get
746
00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,951
some crow's feet,
I might lose interest.
747
00:45:15,171 --> 00:45:16,213
You did it!
748
00:45:16,297 --> 00:45:17,339
Yay!
749
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:18,882
Hooray!
I have your sandwich.
750
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:22,969
Yay! My what?
Oh! Thank you, Biggs.
751
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:25,680
Yay! I'm part of things,
too. Yay!
752
00:45:29,519 --> 00:45:30,977
The end.
753
00:45:34,023 --> 00:45:36,400
Wow, Dad, thanks for
keeping us entertained.
754
00:45:36,484 --> 00:45:38,235
That was a great story.
755
00:45:38,319 --> 00:45:42,697
Yeah, but didn't
Robot Chicken already
do this three months ago?
756
00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:43,949
I wouldn't worry
about it, Chris.
757
00:45:44,033 --> 00:45:46,827
I don't think
people are even aware
of that show's existence.
758
00:45:46,911 --> 00:45:47,911
Well, I don't know, Dad.
759
00:45:47,995 --> 00:45:49,913
I think a decent
number of people
watch it.
760
00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:51,206
Oh, really?
Define "decent."
761
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,834
I think it's
the highest rated show
on Cartoon Network,
762
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:56,211
and the Star Wars episode
doubled that audience.
763
00:45:56,295 --> 00:45:58,964
Well, yeah,
but double 10 people is,
like, 20 people,
764
00:45:59,048 --> 00:46:01,425
so what kind of numbers
are we talking
about here, you know?
765
00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:03,885
Don't be glib
about this stuff, Dad.
It's a legitimate show,
766
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,720
and they beat
you to the punch.
767
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:07,389
I don't know
about that, Chris.
768
00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:11,393
I mean, to me,
a legitimate show
is on ABC, CBS, NBC,
769
00:46:11,477 --> 00:46:13,562
you know,
one of the real networks.
770
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:15,105
I don't know
about that, Dad.
771
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:16,231
And besides,
what's up with that
772
00:46:16,315 --> 00:46:18,275
15 minute runtime?
What is that?
773
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:21,236
That's like 15 minutes
of guys playing
with Star Wars dolls.
774
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,821
Oh, yay,
tune me in to that.
775
00:46:22,905 --> 00:46:24,448
Oh, so you do
know the show!
776
00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:26,324
I read part of
a review online.
777
00:46:26,409 --> 00:46:27,868
I am not a fan.
778
00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:30,579
You know, Dad,
you're a real jerk!
58130
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