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1
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:05,950
Not all
science is created equal.
2
00:00:05,990 --> 00:00:09,120
There's physics,
the undisputed king of science.
3
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,910
There's chemistry.
It's no physics,
4
00:00:10,950 --> 00:00:13,340
but it's not a bad way
to pass a rainy afternoon.
5
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:18,970
And then there's biology,
the squishiest of the sciences. Ugh!
6
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:23,010
Once you have deposited enough saliva
in the blue Benedict's solution,
7
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:26,580
we'll mix it in the centrifuge.
8
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:28,710
After that, we'll pass it
through the spectrometer
9
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:31,320
to measure
how much glucose is present.
10
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,760
And won't that be a party?
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,800
Sheldon.
12
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,560
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
13
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,600
It's warm. Oh, dear.
14
00:00:56,870 --> 00:00:59,740
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
15
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:02,610
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
16
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:05,140
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
17
00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:07,530
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
18
00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:11,840
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
19
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,890
And then there was some
extra money in the budget,
20
00:01:17,930 --> 00:01:19,630
so I was able to order
those tackling dummies
21
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:21,150
I had my eye on.
22
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,070
I don't understand
why the football program gets
23
00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:25,070
so much money, while
the equipment in the science lab
24
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:27,070
is outdated and falling apart.
25
00:01:27,110 --> 00:01:28,290
Oh, I can explain that.
26
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:29,550
This is Texas.
27
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,550
Pass the ribs.
28
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,550
Well, it's not fair.
29
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,600
It's a school.
30
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,430
Education should be
their priority.
31
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:36,040
All right,
I'll explain it again...
32
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,390
I think Shelly's got a point.
33
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,690
The school is supposed
to prepare these kids
34
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,080
for the future.
How many of 'em
35
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:43,520
are gonna be
professional football players?
36
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,090
No one at this table.
37
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:47,960
But how many of 'em
are gonna be scientists?
38
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,220
I know.
39
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,790
George, isn't there
a way they can take some
40
00:01:51,830 --> 00:01:53,790
of the football money
and spend it on science?
41
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,230
Really?
I need to explain it again?
42
00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:58,150
You know, Moon Pie, in the '60s,
when the hippies wanted
43
00:01:58,190 --> 00:02:00,670
to change things,
they would just protest.
44
00:02:00,710 --> 00:02:02,450
You were a hippie?
Oh, no.
45
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,850
But I wrote a letter
complaining about the hippies,
46
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:07,070
and the police chased 'em
right out of that park.
47
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,550
So my point is...
48
00:02:08,590 --> 00:02:10,590
maybe you could write a letter.
49
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,990
Ooh! Maybe I can lodge
a formal complaint
50
00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:15,160
with the school board about
the sports budget infringing
51
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:16,510
on the other departments.
52
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,640
Okay, last time:
53
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,170
Canada,
54
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,990
the other states,
55
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,820
us.
56
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,610
What are you doing,
standing there?
57
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,790
I wrote a formal complaint
letter to the school board
58
00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:36,880
on how much money is
spent on football.
59
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,140
I was hoping you could
deliver it to them.
60
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,060
You do realize
your father's a coach here.
61
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,540
Yes, sir, I do.
62
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,410
Maybe you ought to talk to him
about this first.
63
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:45,450
I did.
64
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,320
He didn't care
for the idea at all.
65
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,680
Well, there you go.
66
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,550
There I go what?
67
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,240
Let me see that.
68
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,340
"Barbaric sport...
encourages bloodlust similar
69
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,210
"to Roman gladiator games...
70
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,300
"Christians, lions...
71
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:05,650
money better spent
on science and learning."
72
00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:07,650
You're joking, right?
73
00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:10,170
Did you see the word "bazinga"
anywhere in that letter?
74
00:03:14,130 --> 00:03:15,440
Out.
75
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,360
I'll just have to go over his head.
76
00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,670
President Cooper.
77
00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:25,540
That's serendipitous.
78
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,240
Hello.
79
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,150
What?
80
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:33,810
I understand that you're
in charge of student elections.
81
00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:36,370
I am.
82
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:38,590
I'd like to run for class president.
83
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,250
Really?
84
00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:41,810
Really.
85
00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:43,600
Okay.
86
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,340
You can sign up,
but I have to warn you...
87
00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:49,390
You'll be running
against Nell Cavanaugh.
88
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,470
So?
89
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,220
She's well-liked
by the student body.
90
00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:54,700
So?
91
00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:57,830
These elections tend to be a
bit of a popularity contest.
92
00:03:57,870 --> 00:04:00,700
- So?
- You're gonna make me say it, huh?
93
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:01,920
Say what?
94
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,920
People don't like you.
95
00:04:03,970 --> 00:04:06,530
Well, as my meemaw likes to say,
water off a duck's back.
96
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,750
Elections shouldn't be about popularity.
97
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,370
They should be about who has
the best ideas.
98
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,670
And what's your idea?
99
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,060
Less money on football,
100
00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:16,460
more on science.
101
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,500
Really.
102
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,160
Guess what.
I'm running for class president.
103
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,730
Good for you.
104
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:25,340
You're encouraging him?
105
00:04:25,380 --> 00:04:27,160
He's gonna get destroyed.
106
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:28,470
You don't know that.
107
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,170
I feel like I do.
108
00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:32,170
Well, whether you win or not,
109
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:34,130
I think it's great
that you're trying.
110
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,130
But you think I'll win, right?
111
00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:40,520
God's listening, Mom.
112
00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:42,530
I think it's certainly possible.
113
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,490
Do you have a campaign strategy?
114
00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:45,310
No.
115
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,050
Do you have a catchy slogan?
116
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,050
No.
117
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,320
Does he have a shot at winning?
118
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,360
No.
119
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:56,190
Hello, I'd like to speak
to the mayor, please.
120
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,190
My name is Sheldon Cooper.
121
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,630
I'm running for class president
122
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:02,020
and was hoping
he could give me some advice.
123
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:03,240
I'm ten years old.
124
00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:04,770
But if it helps get him
on the phone,
125
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:06,900
I'm well-behaved,
a straight-A student,
126
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,250
and have impeccable hygiene.
127
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,210
Hello.
128
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,030
This is Mayor Harrison.
129
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,600
I understand
you are running for office.
130
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:16,000
Class president.
131
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,080
Do you have any advice on how to win?
132
00:05:18,130 --> 00:05:20,260
The most important thing
is to get out there
133
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:21,780
and connect with people.
134
00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,440
That's tricky.
135
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,180
I'm not terribly fond of people.
136
00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,270
Well, you might need
to get over that.
137
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,530
Assuming I can,
138
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,270
how do I connect with them?
139
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,270
A friendly handshake is a great start.
140
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,270
Oh, boy.
141
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,450
Now I have to touch them?
142
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,450
Over the next few days,
143
00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:39,450
I mounted my campaign.
144
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,330
My name is Sheldon Cooper,
and I'm running for class president.
145
00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:43,280
Okay.
146
00:05:43,330 --> 00:05:45,330
Put her there.
147
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,290
Greetings, fellow students.
148
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:50,030
I'm running for class president.
149
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:52,470
Here's a button.
150
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:55,080
Have a grown-up put them on you.
151
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,430
They're sharp.
152
00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:57,690
Hello.
153
00:05:57,730 --> 00:05:58,780
I'm Sheldon Cooper,
154
00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:00,520
and I'm running
for class president.
155
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,290
Yeah?
156
00:06:01,315 --> 00:06:05,520
I understand you had a baby last year.
If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.
157
00:06:14,170 --> 00:06:15,580
Vote Sheldon
for class president.
158
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:18,140
Vote Sheldon
for class president.
159
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:21,580
Vote Sheldon for
class president.
160
00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:23,580
Don't worry...
it's a number two.
161
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,890
- You can use it on standardized tests.
- Okay.
162
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:29,810
And, of course, homework.
I love homework.
163
00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:32,200
Well, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
164
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,330
I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
165
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:34,900
My opponent.
166
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,550
I would shake your hand, but
my mom is washing my mittens.
167
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,470
Okay.
168
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:42,470
She was really nice.
169
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,610
She even said,
"May the best student win."
170
00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:45,780
That's sweet.
171
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,480
This was a great idea.
172
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,870
Children like cupcakes,
and, by giving them cupcakes,
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00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,130
they'll transfer that affinity to me.
174
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:55,400
That's another way of looking at it.
175
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,360
By that reasoning, a rich person
could simply buy people's votes.
176
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,270
It's been known to happen.
177
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,230
Until my ship comes in,
178
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:03,230
I guess it's cupcakes.
179
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,450
Georgie, check it out.
180
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,450
Oh, man,
I hate that he's doing this.
181
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,240
What? It's cute.
182
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,590
It's embarrassing.
183
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,030
I would think
you'd be proud of him.
184
00:07:13,070 --> 00:07:15,460
That's 'cause you're
a better person than me.
185
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:18,200
Maybe you ought to ask God
to take away your anger
186
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,600
and replace it with love.
187
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,120
Can I ask him to take away
my brother instead?
188
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,470
Georgie.
189
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:24,950
Not kill him...
190
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,040
Just strand him
on an island somewhere.
191
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,040
A nice island,
192
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,870
with coconuts and stuff.
193
00:07:47,490 --> 00:07:49,020
Nell Cavanaugh,
194
00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:52,280
it appears
we're taking the mittens off.
195
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,890
Well, that's unfortunate.
196
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,460
Oh, this goes
well beyond unfortunate.
197
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,070
It's flat-out unfair.
198
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,590
Did you not say that
you love homework?
199
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,510
Of course I said it.
I say it all the time.
200
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,600
But she took it out of context
and is using it against me.
201
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,510
Well, that is what
happens in politics.
202
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,390
People stretch the truth.
203
00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:11,130
Well, those people
are dirty dogs.
204
00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:12,390
They certainly are.
205
00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:14,390
Now, let me ask you something.
206
00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:16,350
How bad do you want
to win this election?
207
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:19,530
Bad enough to let
105 kids shake my mitten.
208
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:20,960
Okay, then you need
to toughen up.
209
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:23,400
Politics is not
for the weak-kneed.
210
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,050
Are you suggesting
that I fight fire with fire?
211
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,710
I am.
212
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:30,620
So going to my room and crying
in my pillow is not an option?
213
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:31,930
It is not.
214
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:36,410
Then I have some thinking to do.
215
00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,370
Oh, yeah.
216
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:40,370
You're screwed.
217
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,380
Which is why I need your help.
218
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:43,550
Why me?
219
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,640
You're ruthless.
220
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,210
I've seen you cheat
at Candy Land.
221
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,380
Thanks. Go on.
222
00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:49,640
Well, I'd like to retaliate,
223
00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:51,470
but I don't know
anything about her.
224
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,040
Make something up.
225
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,520
Ooh, tell people
she has head lice.
226
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,520
I won't resort to lying.
227
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,830
There's a Denise Cavanaugh
in my class.
228
00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:02,570
Could be her little sister.
229
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,790
So?
230
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,010
I'll see if I can dig up
something about Nell
231
00:09:05,050 --> 00:09:06,400
you can use against her.
232
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,180
Thank you.
233
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,710
Georgie,
I hate to have to ask this,
234
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,620
but are you going
to vote for me?
235
00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:13,970
No. Go away.
236
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,190
Are you sure?
237
00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,190
If I win,
I can make you a hall monitor.
238
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,540
Imagine the respect
you'll get then.
239
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:21,200
Get lost.
240
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:30,950
Lord, please take away
my anger toward my stupid brother.
241
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,510
My life is hard enough.
242
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,340
Don't let him be president.
243
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:36,120
And while we're talking,
244
00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:38,560
Veronica...
help me out.
245
00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:41,520
Encourage her to do something
with me she'll regret.
246
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,090
Amen.
247
00:09:45,130 --> 00:09:46,700
Remember,
248
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:49,570
tomorrow we'll be dissecting worms!
249
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,100
Ah, your sadness makes me happy.
250
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:55,540
Mr. Givens,
I just wanted you to know
251
00:09:55,580 --> 00:09:57,320
that I'm still working hard
on my campaign
252
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,540
to get more funding
for the science department.
253
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:02,980
Oh, great, 'cause I've got to
dig up tomorrow's worms myself.
254
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,590
Anything you can do to help
me win a decisive victory
255
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:07,590
come Election Day
would be much appreciated.
256
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:09,070
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon,
257
00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:11,070
the faculty doesn't get involved
in student elections.
258
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,070
Oh, I understand.
259
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,470
You have to remain neutral.
Wink, wink.
260
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:17,690
I'm sorry, wink, wink?
261
00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:20,390
You want new science equipment
and I want that for you.
262
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,170
One hand washes the other.
Wink, wink.
263
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:25,910
Oh, sure, wink, wink.
264
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,610
Now you're getting it.
Wink, wink.
265
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,700
Wink, wink.
266
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:31,700
Wink, wink.
267
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:34,750
That kid creeps me out.
268
00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:37,930
Another hurdle in my
political career was glossophobia:
269
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,620
fear of public speaking.
270
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,710
I've been known to experience
dry mouth, perspiration,
271
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,110
heart palpitations,
and fainting.
272
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:46,670
A similar response
to what I experience
273
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,370
around unleashed dogs.
274
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:50,460
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
275
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,290
Can I please speak
with Pastor Jeff?
276
00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:55,160
Hold on.
277
00:10:56,730 --> 00:10:58,510
Hey, Sheldon,
what can I do for you?
278
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:00,510
I need to give
a speech at school,
279
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,430
but I have a fear
of public speaking.
280
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:04,170
Since you give a sermon
every Sunday,
281
00:11:04,210 --> 00:11:06,130
I was hoping you'd have
some words of advice.
282
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,480
As a matter of fact, I do.
283
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,000
When I look down on my
congregation and I feel nervous,
284
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:14,960
I just ask the Lord
to speak through me.
285
00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:16,960
Like a ventriloquist?
286
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,530
Not exactly.
287
00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:20,140
I think of it more as a...
288
00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:21,400
Like one of the Muppets?
289
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:22,710
No, not that either.
290
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,750
'Cause you do look
a little like Kermit.
291
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,280
Uh, okay, good luck to you,
Sheldon.
292
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,280
Hello.
293
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,590
Dr. Sturgis.
Can you give me any advice
294
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,680
on how to overcome a fear
of public speaking?
295
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,640
Ah, you know,
when I was a young man
296
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:40,290
I had a terrible fear
of speaking to an audience.
297
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:41,950
What did you do?
298
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:44,380
Actually, it kinda took care
of itself.
299
00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:48,040
One day I was, uh,
playing miniature golf
300
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,740
with some colleagues
and I got struck by lightning.
301
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,870
Oh, dear. No, it was fine.
302
00:11:53,910 --> 00:11:58,570
When I came to, I found myself
with the gift of gab.
303
00:11:58,610 --> 00:11:59,830
Big crowds,
304
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,750
small crowds,
you couldn't shut me up.
305
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,620
I don't see how
that can benefit me.
306
00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:07,230
Not unless you'd like me
to take you miniature golfing
307
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,670
next time there are clouds
on the horizon.
308
00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:20,850
Everything okay?
No.
309
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,680
I have to give a speech
in front of the entire assembly.
310
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:26,510
Oh. Got a little stage fright?
311
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,210
Unfortunately so.
312
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:31,210
Just thinking about it
causes my bladder to misbehave.
313
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,520
Yeah, I been there.
314
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,130
You have?
315
00:12:35,170 --> 00:12:36,570
Sure.
316
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,260
When I first started coaching,
317
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:39,920
I was real nervous
to talk to the team,
318
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,700
you know,
give a locker room speech.
319
00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:44,660
Then, one day it dawned on me,
320
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,180
I'm not just talking
to football players,
321
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:48,660
I'm talking
to teenage football players.
322
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,710
Most of them aren't listening
to a word I'm saying.
323
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:52,710
That's an interesting
perspective.
324
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,670
I'll tell you something else.
325
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:57,060
You don't give yourself enough
credit for how brave you are.
326
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,500
I don't?
No.
327
00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:02,640
Sheldon, you are ten years old,
going to high school.
328
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,810
Everyone's older than you,
everyone's bigger than you,
329
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:09,820
but you keep at it,
day after day.
330
00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:12,340
That's brave.
331
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,340
Any kid who can do that
could give a speech
332
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:17,040
to the United Nations
if he had to.
333
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,440
Thanks, Dad.
334
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,750
I heard what you said in there.
335
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:33,880
- That was very beautiful.
- Thanks.
336
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,710
I gave a similar speech
to my team last week.
337
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,580
Boy, did we get
our asses kicked.
338
00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:45,930
Emboldened by
my father's pep talk,
339
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,670
I began working on my speech.
340
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:51,720
I aspired to walk in the footsteps
of history's greatest orators:
341
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,020
Socrates, Winston Churchill,
342
00:13:54,070 --> 00:13:57,160
and, last but not least,
Professor Proton.
343
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,030
Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister.
344
00:13:59,070 --> 00:14:00,640
Found out some
interesting stuff.
345
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:04,210
Thanks, but I've decided I don't
want to stoop to her level.
346
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:06,470
If I can't win on the quality
of my ideas,
347
00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,690
then I'd rather lose
with my head held high.
348
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:09,950
That's really stupid,
349
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,520
but in case you change
your mind...
350
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,610
All right, y'all have heard
351
00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:19,790
from your secretary candidates,
your treasurer candidates,
352
00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:22,270
your vice presidents...
353
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:24,310
It's time for the big finale,
354
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,840
the closing event,
the headliners...
355
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,320
Nell Cavanaugh
and Sheldon Cooper.
356
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,320
One of these two will be
president of your class,
357
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:37,330
so listen to what they've got
to say and choose wisely,
358
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,370
which will be a whole new
experience for most of you.
359
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:43,380
Remember, heckling
will get you detention.
360
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:44,600
Bite me!
361
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,730
Bryan Larkin, two days!
362
00:14:47,770 --> 00:14:49,820
You want to try for a week?
363
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,600
I didn't think so.
364
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:53,650
Nell, floor is yours.
365
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:02,740
Nell!
366
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,230
Thank you, Ms. MacElroy,
367
00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,840
Principal Petersen,
our hard-working teachers,
368
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,190
and my fellow students.
369
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:13,760
I'm blessed to call
so many of you friends.
370
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,540
Y'all probably know everything
about me already.
371
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,190
Lord knows I love to talk.
372
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:21,760
So instead of going on
about myself,
373
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:24,810
I'd like to talk to you
about my opponent.
374
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:27,640
Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying
375
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,120
for new science equipment here
at Medford High,
376
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,900
and while that sounds wonderful,
the truth is,
377
00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:38,210
he thinks our school wastes
its money on football.
378
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,350
Do we really want
a class president
379
00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:46,310
who doesn't care about football?
380
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:49,050
No!
381
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:51,010
I know I am proud to be
a Medford High cheerleader,
382
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,710
and I love football!
383
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,540
But you know the one thing
384
00:15:57,580 --> 00:16:01,240
I love more than football?
385
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,800
God.
386
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:09,330
Let me tell you
another interesting fact
387
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,640
about my opponent.
388
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,730
Did you know that Sheldon Cooper
is an atheist?
389
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,690
That's right.
390
00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:19,730
He doesn't believe in God.
391
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,610
Just keep that in mind
392
00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:23,830
when you cast your vote today.
393
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:26,920
I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
Go Wolves!
394
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,840
And now, please welcome
Sheldon Cooper.
395
00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:53,680
No one would fault
you if you ran out the back door.
396
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:23,750
Nell Cavanaugh is...
a Yankee.
397
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:29,060
She may love football
and she may love God,
398
00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:30,940
but she was born in Scarsdale.
399
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:32,590
That's in New York.
400
00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:36,590
There's more.
401
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,290
My opponent didn't move to Texas
until she was seven years old.
402
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,430
In fact, in her bedroom
403
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:44,950
there's a pennant
for the New York Yankees.
404
00:17:48,950 --> 00:17:51,350
While I may not be a fan
405
00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:52,960
of organized religion or sports,
406
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,440
I promise, if you vote for me,
I'll do my best
407
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,310
to get new science equipment
for our school.
408
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,800
Uh...
409
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,970
Don't mess with Texas!
410
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,890
Sheldon!
Sheldon! Sheldon!
411
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:19,720
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon!
412
00:18:19,770 --> 00:18:22,250
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
413
00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:24,420
Sheldon! Sheldon!
414
00:18:40,210 --> 00:18:42,360
Before I
became Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
415
00:18:42,361 --> 00:18:45,660
I was President Sheldon Cooper.
And I don't mind telling you,
416
00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:47,815
they both look pretty darn
good on business cards.
417
00:18:48,265 --> 00:18:50,792
One of my first responsibilities
as class president
418
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:53,355
was delivering
the morning announcements.
419
00:18:53,395 --> 00:18:55,835
Please rise
for the Pledge of Allegiance.
420
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:58,925
I pledge allegiance to the Flag...
421
00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:01,495
Of the
United States of America...
422
00:19:01,535 --> 00:19:04,365
And to the
Republic for which it stands...
423
00:19:04,405 --> 00:19:05,845
One Nation...
424
00:19:05,885 --> 00:19:08,105
Here's a fun fact about
the next two words:
425
00:19:08,155 --> 00:19:10,635
"Under God" wasn't added
to the Pledge of Allegiance
426
00:19:10,675 --> 00:19:11,985
until 1954.
427
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,025
My first act as your president
428
00:19:14,075 --> 00:19:16,425
is to remove the words
"under God" from the Pledge
429
00:19:16,465 --> 00:19:20,905
in order to honor the separation of church
and state in this public high school.
430
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,295
Okay, that's enough.
431
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,865
You can't take my microphone.
432
00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:25,565
- I'm the president.
- Thank you.
433
00:19:25,605 --> 00:19:27,955
All right, let's try this again.
434
00:19:27,995 --> 00:19:29,605
I pledge allegiance to the Flag...
435
00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:31,915
Of the United States of America,
436
00:19:31,955 --> 00:19:35,095
and to the Republic
for which it stands...
437
00:19:35,135 --> 00:19:36,395
One Nation
438
00:19:36,445 --> 00:19:37,745
under God,
439
00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:41,015
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
31477
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