Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Debbie, you got magic fingers.

I bet you give a great hand job.

CALL GIRL: Yeah, she does.

Hey, here's my baby.

Debbie, you gotta put her on the A-list. Really.

She rides better than Willie Shoemaker.

-Did she go to the whip? -He's so crazy.

Only in the homestretch.

[MOANING]

Another satisfied customer.

I think he's having a heart attack!

[GROANS]

TONY: Don't move.

Go see if Dr. Mop-N-Glo is still here.

-Dr. Mop-N-Glo? -Who?

Don't worry, he's a real doctor.

DEBBIE: Dermatologist.

What's the matter?

DEBBIE: Dr. Edelstein, looks like a heart attack.

I don't need no doctor.

It's just my back.

PAULIE: Nice and slow.

[PUSSY GROANS]

Grab the rail, grab the rail. That's right.

Go easy, go easy now. That's it.

Nice and easy.

Nice and easy.

That's it, that's it.

Come on, that's it.

PAULIE: Hold the rail.

Go slow, go slow.

Eighty to you.

Fuck this.

JIMMY: Your back still bothering you?

[KNOCKING]

Yeah?

FBI! Nobody move!

You believe this shit?

-Come on, it's a friendly card game. -Relax, Jimmy.

If I wanted to bust up card games, I'd have a doughnut in my mouth.

[KNOCKING]

FBI AGENT: Derek, give him a hand.

[WHISTLING]

FBI AGENT: Hey! Hey!

-FBI AGENT: Get him! -DEREK: You! You!

Oh, my goodness. Do you know what this is?

It's a fucking gun!

[WHEEZES]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

RAYMOND: Fucking Jimmy's still in jail.

Don't mean shit.

I don't like it. This is how it starts.

I think it was a potluck raid.

Make it look like they're earning their pay.

I agree.

But why would Pussy run?

He's out of breath lifting his dick to take a leak.

TONY: Oh, Puss!

Your ears must be ringing.

Come on, run!

Ha, ha. You guys are a fucking riot.

TONY: We were gonna draw straws to see who'd bail you out.

My wife did. I nearly strangled her on the ride home.

My head's hurting, I got agita, and on top of that

I threw my back out again.

Maybe it was that 10-yard dash.

We don't run. It's embarrassing.

-Those Federal pricks robbed me. -What?

They grabbed four dimes from me.

You shouldn't carry that type of cash!

Never mind, I need a drink.

[FARTS]

PAULIE: Oh, Madonna! Che puzzo!

Oh, Jesus!

[CAR ENGINE]

This better be good. I was fishing.

What, no "How you been? How's it doing, Vin?"

I thought we understood each other.

I don't care about you, your family or whether you take it up the ass.

What's so important you take me away from my boat?

Fuckface, where you going?

Why do you talk to me like this? I do risky shit for you.

You're not doing charity work, remember?

All right, I'm sorry.

Hey, Vin, how you doing? What do you got for me?

Bonpensiero.

Pussy?

What about him?

He's wired for sound.

What?

I got it from a good source. I thought you should know. All right?

-I'm sorry. I know you like him. -Like him?

I fucking love him.

Now, who's your source?

He's on the force. He's on the Task Force, all right?

Look, he's not lying to me. He was in my wedding.

I want to see the report.

-I can't… -I want to see the fucking 302!

All right, all right. I'll see what I can do.

It doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it does, Tone, if you take the blinders off.

I'm in Homicide. I was told he moved heavy H to pay for his kid's college.

Why would I know something like that?

Last spring, with that big heroin bust, where was he?

He told you he was in Las Vegas. Am I right?

I'm sorry, but that's where he was. He was in Las Vegas.

He was in a Federal building, cutting a deal.

Why did he walk so easy from that thing the other day?

Known wiseguy, resisted arrest.

Who walks away from a thing like that with low-ball bail?

Why would he do it?

He's facing a possible sentence of "from now on," mandatory.

I know a lot of guys who can't do that kind of time.

Who is this guy Pussy?

He's a man who loves his family above all else.

Well, guess what? That's their favorite target.

Ma, you sure? Because I'd be glad to…

No, I…

Okay, that's fine.

I just said it's fine.

-Was that my mother? -She's not coming.

-Like you expected different? -I hoped.

Every year we have open house, and she pulls the same shit.

It's negative attention-getting.

Maybe I should call her back.

That's what she wants you to do. Come here.

You're being too nice.

Forget about her, she'll be fine.

Can you get the guys to help you move the piano?

They're coming to get it, because some people don't play.

-I will. -When? It's been gathering dust.

Oh, Puss! Come here!

Excuse me.

What do you need?

We gotta move this. I want to slide it out of the way.

I can't.

The fucking thing's on wheels.

My back. I'm thinking about going home, sitting in the tub.

You all right?

Yeah, it's just my back. They got me on these elephant pills.

All right, go easy on them.

Go ahead, sit down. Take it easy.

Keep your eye on Pussy. Something's wrong. He's not himself.

You're telling me?

He hasn't done his rounds in a week.

He's starting to look like an easy mark.

I told him, "Someone owes you money, even if you gotta crawl, you get it."

I even told him to give me his list, and I'll collect the fucking thing.

-What'd he say? -He just nodded like a fucking retard.

It's those fucking Perce.

He's throwing them in his mouth like M&M's.

There isn't even anything wrong with his back.

What do you mean?

Remember when that guy hit me with a pool cue and I fucked my neck up?

-TONY: Down at the Shore. -Right.

I went to this doctor. He works on the Jets when they get hurt.

That so?

He's fucking like the Jonas Salk of backs. Anyway

I send Pussy to this doctor. The guy gives him the works:

MRIs, CAT scans, DOG scans, you name it.

He says there's not a thing wrong with his back.

Then again, he says, when it comes to backs

nobody knows anything, really.

You know, I was on a good run, and then, boom!

It's like I'm walking down the street,

and I'm looking up because I feel like a safe's gonna land on my head.

A feeling of pending doom?

Let me ask you a question.

This mental stuff can cause physical problems, right?

Are you having any physical problems?

No, no, I'm fine.

But I got a friend

a dear, dear friend, and I'm concerned about him.

What's wrong with him?

It's his back.

See, he's complaining about his back,

but the doctor thinks it's all in his head.

That's very possible.

What do you think?

I think we should just keep this about you.

This is about me.

Every time I offer my opinion about any of your friends

it seems to interfere with our therapy.

You start cursing and screaming.

What kind of mental stuff would cause a backache?

For conversation's sake?

Absolutely.

With some people, the pain is

caused by more responsibility than they can handle.

Well, that makes sense. I mean

he's got a lot of bills, a lot of problems with his kid's school fund.

Secrets.

What do you mean?

Psychologically, a secret is a heavy load.

It leads to feelings of guilt, which further burden the mind.

DEBBIE: If you want my opinion, this can't be true.

VIN: Thanks, Debbie.

You know, I told you that I would do what I could,

but this is DEA, Feds, Task Force.

This is not as easy as you think.

Getting my hands on the 302.

Now, you listen to me.

This is the most serious decision I've ever had to make.

And I need proof.

I won't hurt a man that I love because of some cop gossip

from a degenerate fucking gambler with a badge.

You know, you got an amazing ability to sum up

a man's whole life in a single sentence.

Degenerate gambler with a badge, huh?

You're a pisser. You're a real pisser.

I'm under pressure. I don't have time to suck your dick!

Apology accepted.

-Fuck you! -Fuck me?

Yeah, fuck you!

You know, when I was a kid…

When I was a kid and my old man would be in one of his ways

with the screaming back and forth

it'd end with her throwing the closest thing to her.

He'd smack her around!

I don't know why,

but I would run into my room, and I would hide under my bed.

There was something peaceful, and something safe under that bed.

And that's where I would wake up the next day.

Everything back to normal.

How about you?

Do you ever feel like hiding under a bed?

Yeah. Right now.

[CHUCKLING]

You're a prick to the end, right?

You really like this place, huh?

It's my getaway.

This is where Debbie's taken care of me for years.

I'll bet she has.

I'm serious, she has.

There were times when I had a great weekend with the football,

and I'd come here with a pocketful of money, shitfaced,

and every fucking penny would be there when I got up in the morning.

She is an honest lady.

She'd do anything for you, anything.

You come in here, you flash your badge, you get free pussy.

Fuck pussy. I wouldn't fuck one of these broads with your dick.

They have absolutely no class, and they're always on the hustle.

That's what they're supposed to do, no?

[KNOCKING]

CARMELA: "Oh, hello, Carmela. How nice to see you."

How are you feeling?

Oh, what can I say? What's that?

It's a ricotta pie. I saved it from the open house.

Are you wearing makeup?

I can't eat that. It's got cholesterol!

I made it with the low-fat cheese.

Yuck.

Well, maybe your friends will eat it.

What friends?

Fine, you can eat it when Junior visits.

You know, your son loves you very much.

He worries all the time.

He felt bad that you didn't come to the open house.

I don't care if you think it's disrespectful,

but I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about this "poor mother, nobody loves me" crap.

It is textbook manipulation,

and I hate seeing Tony so upset over it.

I know how to talk to people.

Well, I am a mother too, don't forget.

You know your power, and you use it like a pro.

Power, what power? I don't have power. I'm a shut-in!

You are bigger than life!

You are his mother!

I think that you know what you're doing.

Who, me? What did I do?

Look, I didn't come by to argue.

I came by to check on you and to bring you the ricotta.

If you don't want it, give it to Junior. I know he stops by a lot.

LIVIA: He's my husband's brother.

He can't check up on me once in a while?

That's none of anybody's business.

I am not saying that.

I'm saying if you don't want it, give it to Junior.

I know what you're hinting at.

Ma, there is nothing wrong with companionship!

[SNIFFS]

What is wrong?

[WHIMPERS]

Wait until you're abandoned.

Abandoned? Please!

When Johnny was alive

nobody treated me like this.

What are you talking about? Who is treating you bad?

Tony would rather die than see you hurt.

Johnny was a saint.

Yes, we heard.

Funny, I don't remember you telling him that when he was alive.

Junior couldn't carry Johnny's socks.

Do you think I'd blacken my Johnny's memory

by getting mixed up with his brother?

I didn't say that.

We're only happy you and Junior get along so well.

At least with Junior…

I've got some purpose in life.

Somebody listens to me, and doesn't treat me like an old shoe!

Jesus!

Don't worry about the dish. I'll come back tomorrow and get it.

[KNOCKING]

Hey, college boy!

KEVIN: Yo, Dad! It's Uncle Tony.

There he is, the beached whale!

PUSSY: Hey, Tony, what are you doing here?

I figured you'd be having a cannoli withdrawal by now.

Spinellis?

No, Stop 'N' Shop. What do you think?

Hey, you're the best. Hey, Kev, put those on a dish.

Wait till after supper.

Your dad tells me you're taking astronomy in college.

No, business.

How come he keeps saying you're taking up space in school?

Madonna! Don't make me laugh. It kills my back.

He's a good-looking kid.

Sure he's yours?

You're lucky my wife's not home. She'd toss you out for that.

I know.

That's a good boy.

I pray to God I keep that tuition coming in.

He can go to city college.

He's staying where he is. He isn't getting fucked because his old man is!

You ought to relax. You ought to take it easy a little.

Take it easy. How the fuck can I take it easy?

Things are happening, Tony.

What kind of things?

Things!

This back has taken me out of the game. I'm behind.

And I think I'm getting hooked on these fucking painkillers!

I don't know, I feel like someone put the malocchio on me.

Puss

you got options.

Don't let anyone make you feel

like you don't have options because you got friends.

Look at me.

Friends that would die for you.

You understand me?

Friends.

Yeah, I know.

You got anything you want to say to me?

Like what?

Like, "You want some coffee? You want something to eat?"

-You want coffee? -Yeah.

You think I'd let you eat those cannolis by yourself?

You beached whale.

-Here. -What?

Help me. Who'll make the coffee, you?

One, two, three.

You look good.

[DOOR OPENS]

What's up, T?

Sit.

Fucking traffic!

I would have been here 20 minutes ago.

Want a drink?

Nah.

You okay?

He's wearing a wire.

Who?

Pussy.

Oh, get the fuck out of here. Our Pussy?

Don't know how long.

Are you sure about this, Tony?

Ninety percent.

Not enough to do what needs to be done.

Jesus! I'm fucking dreaming here.

Well, get used to it.

I've been walking into walls all week.

I'll do it.

My responsibility.

PAULIE: You waited a long time for the stripes.

This is one of the perks.

I'll do it.

We need to be 110 percent sure.

I want you to see it.

I want you to see that fucking wire strapped on his body.

I want you to see it.

You hear me?

I want you to see it.

Otherwise, all bets are off.

You understand?

This is our friend we're talking about here.

You say it.

You understand?

I understand.

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Mr. Soprano.

-Are you busy? -No, no, no. Come in, please.

I was in the neighborhood, figured I'd stop by and see my mother.

Brought her some Mario Lanza.

She loves the old guys.

I'm a little worried about her. You know, she's always been depressed.

Sometimes these half-assed tenors can really do the trick.

You know where she is? She's not in her room.

I wanted to tell her her house went into escrow.

She's with the other girls getting aqua therapy.

My mother?

The physical therapist told her if she didn't get exercise

her back was gonna arch like an old lady.

I didn't know she had a bathing suit.

She's more connected to the world.

Which one, this one or Neptune?

No, really.

I think your uncle's visits have a lot to do with it.

Oh, she looks forward to them.

[PHONE RINGS]

Could you excuse me one moment?

Yeah, sure. You know, just…

Tell her her house sold and they accepted the counteroffer.

Okay. Yeah, I'll be right there.

-PUSSY: I'm leaving, guys. -SILVIO: See you later, Pussy.

-SILVIO: I'll tell you if a horse runs. -PUSSY: Don't do me any favors.

[HORN HONKS]

Follow me.

Where?

It's a surprise.

Come on, you hard-on, before we get a ticket.

Paulie, I've been here before. What the fuck you want?

Look around, I'll give you three guesses.

Come on, down here.

We'll grab a rubdown after.

Here.

I don't know.

Come on, get undressed. It's on me.

Why do you think those Russians live so long?

They take a schvitz every day.

I can't.

Don't be like that. It's a gift. Take your clothes off.

What? Want me to turn around?

The doctor said heat's no good for me. That's why I sit in the shade.

What are you talking about? Heat is good for your back!

Take your clothes off!

Look, Paulie, I appreciate it. Maybe another time, huh?

Take your clothes off.

You're fucking crazy. I'm going home.

Why don't you want to take your clothes off?

I got high blood pressure! I go in there, I could check out!

My doctor mentioned steam and sauna specifically as no-noes.

He said stay the fuck away from heat!

Thanks for the thought. But get out of my fucking face.

What'd you find out?

It's good. It's fucking very good!

Spit it out.

He's into Pussy, big.

And I mean with a capital B.

This fucking Makazian, he's a lying motherfucker!

He's into Pussy for 30 large. Twenty grand, just on football!

And the rest is shy.

Pussy must be burying his prick in vig alone.

Doesn't mean he's a liar.

Just means he's got a reason to see Pussy dead. It buys him time.

Could this prick have the balls to try something like this?

Hey, we're talking about 30 grand here!

I don't even want to think about what we'd do to remove that debt.

I wouldn't bet football.

I gotta think about this.

Look, T

if my vote counts for anything

I cannot believe that Pussy would fear the can enough

to hurt his friends.

That's what they said about Gravano.

All right, go back in. I gotta think.

[DOOR OPENS]

Deb?

Debbie?

-Take it easy with her. -I'd think a whore would like pain.

-Take it easy! -Vinnie, stop it!

Come on, let's get this show on the road!

Look at this. A doctor, a madam, a wiseguy and a cop.

That's what I call a vice superfecta.

MALE ANCHOR [ON TV]: The four were arrested last night.

A spokesman says that the officer in question will be placed on leave

pending the outcome of the hearing this morning.

Hate to be there when he got home.

I don't know which is worse:

To be caught in a bordello or to be caught with the wiseguy.

Asshole!

-What's a bordello? -A fancy name for a whorehouse.

Don't start, okay?

It is!

I just don't like that talk.

Most civilized countries have legalized prostitution.

You got somewhere to be?

It's a joke, look at the president.

He deserved what he got.

He got Monica Kazinski and the broad with the long nose.

Sex shouldn't be a punishable offense.

I don't think sex should be a punishable offense either.

But talking about sex at the breakfast table is a punishable offense.

No more sex talk, okay?

It's the '90s, parents are supposed to discuss sex with their children.

But that's where you're wrong.

You see, out there, it's the 1990s, but in this house

it's 1954.

1990s, 1954.

So now and forever, I don't want to hear any more sex talk.

What's with him?

[HONKING]

OFFICER: Keep moving, please.

Come on!

Come on, goddamn it!

Come on, let's go, let's go!

Let's go!

[HONKS]

Go ahead, Detective.

Excuse me, move it out, please. Got a police officer here.

Move it out! Let's go! Pull up!

Police vehicle! Coming through!

Are you sure? Who told you this?

What?

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.

All right, thanks. I'll talk to you later.

You gonna tell me?

The fucking jerk did a header off the Route 1 bridge.

-Who? -Makazian.

Fuck!

There goes our only shot to find out for sure the truth about Pussy.

Well, if it matters, he always said how much he respected you.

It matters.

He helped me out of a lot of jams. Not just with the law.

What was he thinking?

He could've kept his job. He might have been suspended, that's all.

It's not like he was dealing.

That's not why he did it.

Don't get me wrong, it was the straw,

but he was not happy

with himself, how he turned out.

What did he come here for, therapy?

You could say that.

Instead of a couch, you use a bed?

It's not a bad deal.

Who wouldn't want to sleep with their shrink?

What's that mean?

You'd be amazed how easy it is to open up when you're naked,

and in the arms of someone who cares for you.

Did he ever mention anything about my guys to you?

He didn't like Paulie. He thought he was a psycho.

What about Pussy?

He really didn't have much to say about any of you guys.

Except that he owed some money.

But he wasn't worried because you liked him,

and while he had you in his corner, there was nothing to worry about.

I won't lie, he's dead. He didn't have a good thing to say about anyone.

He did feel like he could trust you.

He said a lot, "At least with Tony Soprano, you know where you stand."

[KNOCKING]

JUNIOR: Livia, open up, it's Junior!

Come on in, it's open.

What's going on?

My Dominican girl said you called me.

Well

he sold our house.

-Don't people have names? Who's "he"? -Anthony.

He sold my house!

The home my husband and I made!

What else were they gonna do with it?

You too!

Hey.

I suppose he would've found it harder to have his meetings at my house

than in this nursing home.

What are you talking about?

Don't think I'll ever see any of that money, either.

What meetings?

Raymond, Larry!

That sneak from Manhattan.

Johnny Sack? Johnny Sack was here?

With his mohair suits and his shoe lifts.

Suits, pleurisy?

More than once he was there? Why didn't I know about this?

Maybe it was you they were talking about, who knows?

Well, I just don't like being put in the middle of things!

I should've known something was strange

when suddenly Larry Boy's mother moved in here.

And then Jimmy Altieri's mother.

Three of my capos have their moms here?

Instead of living in normal homes with their sons

like human beings.

This must be some kind of fucking end move.

What do they think, I'm stupid?

-We'll see. -Wait a minute!

I don't like that kind of talk!

Now just stop it, it upsets me!

Or I won't tell you anything anymore.

If this is true, Livia, you know what I… I mean…

I'm the boss, for chrissake! If I don't act, blood or no…

I have to.

Oh, God, why?

What did I say now?

I suppose I should've just kept my mouth shut, like a mute.

And then everybody would've been happy.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Anthony, see who's there.

I'm eating.

You won't have any teeth left if you don't go see!

Make sure you know who it is before you answer.

Who is coming at dinner? People can't call?

AJ: It's Uncle Jimmy!

Uncle Jimmy? Let him in!

I don't believe it, how'd you get out?

Carm, look who's here! Jimmy, he's out!

CARMELA: Oh, my God, Jimmy!

-Thought you'd never see me again? -What happened?

-Got someplace in private we can talk? -Yeah, in the basement.

What's going on?

You got a problem!

Yeah, I know. I'm working on it.

Working on what?

Why, what were you gonna say?

You better lay low with that safe-house money.

What?

They were asking me a lot of questions in there.

If I knew anything about the dead Colombian in the apartment.

You look good.

-Thanks, I wasn't gone that long. -Yeah, yeah, I know.

My lawyer told him, "Hey, he doesn't own the building.

He's not responsible for what's in it."

I told him the pool table was there when I first rented the joint.

Good thinking.

You should've been a lawyer.

Please, enough people hate me.

So what are you gonna do about the Colombian money?

They were putting it to me like I was a kid.

Telling me the money was marked.

They said there's a new fingerprint technique, lifts them off the bills.

You're a lucky man, Jimmy!

What do you mean?

You're out on bail on that conspiracy thing?

Yeah, so?

Only you would get pinched with a gun while you're out on bail,

and still be out in time for dinner.

You're a lucky guy!

Speaking of dinner, Carmela's got some lasagna upstairs.

I'll pass. I got a few people to see that are late with payments.

I gotta show my face or they'll think they're off the hook.

Get off the phone!

I gotta go!

-What's up? -It's Jimmy! It's fucking Jimmy!

What?

-The wire, it's Jimmy! -What are you talking about?

The wire, you understand? The wire, it's fucking Jimmy!

I should've killed him right in my fucking basement!

Makazian's guy got mixed up. They got busted at the same time.

Jimmy and Pussy! You understand?

Two fat fucks with black hair! Where the fuck is Paulie?

He called an hour ago. He said he's on his way.

Why the fuck isn't he here now?

Jesus, Tony.

You don't think Paulie jumped the gun?

Shut up. God forbid.

Don't talk like that.

Where's Pussy? Get him on the phone.

I haven't seen him since Paulie took him to the schvitz.

Hey, fellas!

I've been calling you all fucking night long!

I was at my goomar's. I told Silvio I was coming.

You answer me like I'm Jesus Christ himself

if you lie, may your mother die of cancer of the eyes.

-Where's Pussy? -I don't know.

-Don't you fucking lie to me! -Tony!

Did you do it?

-Tony. -Shh.

Don't fucking lie to me.

-Did you do it? -No.

-Did you fucking do it? -No.

Did you fucking do it?

I said no! Now get your fucking hands off of me.

SILVIO: Come on, Tony.

Come on.

I'm sorry, Paulie.

I can't find Pussy anywhere!

Nobody knows anything!

I haven't seen him since the schvitz.

The last thing he said to me was, "Go fuck yourself!"

Did he at least take the schvitz?

PAULIE: He refused to take his clothes off.

The rat

it's fucking Jimmy!

Fuck it! Let's all have a drink!

All right.

Hey, babe!

Look what Chucky brought us!

Another kitchen appliance. Whoop-fucking-pee!

Well, slit your wrists, why don't ya?

CHUCKY: Truckload fell off the loading dock at Zim's.

It's not even a Bra-oon.

That's a "Braun," babe.

CHUCKY: Junior said for me to tell you

he's decided on that thing.

He said we should look out of town for who's gonna do it.

-Finally. -Yeah.

It's gonna be a busy month.

-I'll see you. -See you later.

See you, Jo.

Yeah, see you.

What was he talking about?

-Mind your business. -Whatever it is, Mikey

we're going to Vegas.

I already lined up childcare, so I don't want to hear it.

Forget it, something's come up.

Something always comes up.

This is a good something.

Hope it means more money because I need a new car.

Trust me.

If this goes down, you'll have a new car, and then some.

Can you tell me?

Oh, come on, Mikey! Tell me.

Come on, please?

I may be getting bumped up, a notch or two!

Tony Soprano's on his way out, and I mean as in "forever."

Oh, my God!

He's going to jail?

No, the other forever!

Does Junior know?

Oh, Jesus!

Listen, if you breathe a word of this to anybody

they'll bury me and you right next to Tony Soprano, understand?

-Yeah. -Okay.

Make it decaf.

You don't belittle a man like Junior Soprano.

He's old-school.

You don't joke about cunt-lapping, and you don't

spill your guts out to a shrink about business that isn't yours!

Tony Soprano sees a shrink?

You fucking believe that? To add insult to injury

he was planning a move against Junior!

His own uncle?

Were you this stupid when I married you?

Fuck you!

No, fuck you. What are you doing standing there? Make the coffee!

Take it easy, take it easy. It's brewing.