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"Abby's" is filmed
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in front of a live outdoor audience.
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Furthermore, the whole idea
of a desert island playlist
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00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,339
is flawed from the beginning,
okay, because any device
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capable of a playlist function
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would inevitably have to be charged,
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okay, and would limited battery life
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affect my song choices? You
bet your ass it would.
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I mean, I'm only talking songs
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under two minutes. I'm
talking about early punk,
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I'm talking about nursery rhymes...
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Oh, Bill!
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We all stopped listening forever ago.
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What did I say about
hypothetical bar games?
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Not when Bill's around.
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Thank you.
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00:00:31,052 --> 00:00:32,844
So book club,
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"Life of Pi." What did we think?
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I didn't read it.
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I watched the movie.
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I watched the trailer.
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I watched some of the trailer.
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Let me get more pretzels,
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00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,190
and then we can discuss the
first half of the trailer.
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00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:55,075
Hi, Fred.
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00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:57,161
Emily.
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00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,123
Oh, it's...
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Ooh.
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Looks like somebody wants to...
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00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:07,620
join the book club.
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What? Why would I...
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I don't know what you're talking about.
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Come on, Fred. You've been nodding
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at Emily for months now.
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You're allowed to have a little crush.
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Yeah, Fred. You're sprung.
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No, I'm not.
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- Do you even know what that means?
- No, but I'm not.
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00:01:22,890 --> 00:01:24,199
What's going on over here?
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We're teasing Fred about Emily.
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I call them "Fremily."
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I was gonna call them "Emilfred,"
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but that sounds too
much like that sad lady
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from "Handmaid's Tale."
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00:01:33,156 --> 00:01:35,099
You got divorced what, 15 years ago?
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When was the last time
you were on a date?
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00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,575
Did you have to break up
with her on a land line?
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00:01:39,576 --> 00:01:41,820
First of all, I still have a land line,
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00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:44,959
and I'm also a grown man, okay?
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00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,479
I can handle my own love life.
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00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,269
You know, Fred, I also had
trouble meeting people
52
00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:50,539
after I got divorced, so I
bought this dating book.
53
00:01:50,540 --> 00:01:53,140
See, it's called "Learning
to Fish... Again."
54
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,079
It's, uh, a fisherman's guide
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00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,419
to getting back out on the water.
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00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,479
Very insightful book.
Chapter two is called
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"Don't Be Afraid of the Lake."
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It explains that lakes
are kind of scary,
59
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,479
but they're also nice.
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00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,481
I don't fish on lakes, Bill.
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00:02:07,482 --> 00:02:08,857
Well, yeah, but it's a metaphor.
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- For what?
- Well, the lake is...
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00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,679
the hotel bar?
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00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,110
I haven't finished reading the book yet.
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All right?
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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You should ask Emily out.
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00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,819
I mean, she's smart, she's attractive,
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and she seems interested.
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00:02:30,254 --> 00:02:31,639
When we were leaving the
bar the other night,
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00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,979
she looked at your car and said,
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00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,259
"Oh, is that Fred's car?"
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00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:35,449
and I said, "Yeah, why?
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00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:36,999
She said, "Nothing. Just wondering."
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00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,263
So yeah, it might be on.
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00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,029
Why are we still talking about this?
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00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,060
I don't need to date. I like
things the way they are.
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00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:46,599
Come on, Fred, ask her out.
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00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,469
- It's just one date.
- Yeah, and then what?
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00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:49,731
What do you mean, "and then what?"
81
00:02:49,732 --> 00:02:51,100
Well, we go out, we have a nice time.
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00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,776
- Then what?
- You go out again.
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And then we go out a few more times.
84
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,480
And then what?
85
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:58,399
I don't know. You take a
weekend trip together.
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00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,499
Enjoy yourselves.
87
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,159
And then what?
88
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,496
Maybe after a few years,
you move in together?
89
00:03:03,497 --> 00:03:06,300
Yeah, but really, to what end?
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00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,419
You have a partner with whom
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00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:11,000
you share your joys and sorrows,
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00:03:11,003 --> 00:03:13,380
thus making your life
richer and more meaningful,
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00:03:13,381 --> 00:03:14,819
and then even when you both die,
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00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,819
that love, that... that chemistry,
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00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,360
that bond,
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00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,679
it stays in the universe
for eternity, man.
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00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,431
Mm.
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00:03:22,432 --> 00:03:23,974
And then what?
99
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,139
I think I'm making some
progress with this book,
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00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,560
but, uh, I get a little
lost in the metaphors.
101
00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:31,639
In chapter one,
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00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:32,899
there's lots of fish in the sea.
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00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,480
Okay, I'm with you there.
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00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,569
In chapter six, pole
caster rigging techniques
105
00:03:37,570 --> 00:03:39,540
to increase your salmon harvest rate?
106
00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:43,326
I mean, are the salmon women?
Are we okay with that?
107
00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:45,090
Yeah, Bill, I'm cool
with comparing women
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00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,439
to an animal that's so stupid
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00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,819
it swims the wrong way up a river
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00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:50,290
and then jumps right
into a bear's mouth.
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00:03:51,919 --> 00:03:54,859
You know, Bill, I really
like to play the long game.
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00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,799
You know, really get to know
somebody before I make a move.
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00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,679
Hang out, become friends,
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maybe even take them to the airport.
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00:04:01,304 --> 00:04:02,500
Like this one girl?
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00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,879
Hey, you know I'm not really
big on kissing and telling,
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00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,499
but we got stuck in
traffic for three hours
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00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,769
on the way to the jetBlue terminal.
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00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:11,960
Cool. How many stars did she give you?
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00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,900
James, you just need to be direct.
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00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,315
And I will eventually.
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00:04:16,316 --> 00:04:18,259
I'm telling you guys, low and slow.
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00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:19,959
That's the best technique for dating...
124
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,824
and sneaking up on a cat.
125
00:04:22,825 --> 00:04:25,199
James, I know making a move is scary,
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00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,700
but you're being a
little bit of a chicken.
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00:04:26,704 --> 00:04:28,099
Well, we'll see who's a chicken tomorrow
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00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,099
when I help Willa move
into her new apartment.
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00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,059
Third floor walk-up.
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00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,462
We're gonna be at it all night.
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00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,839
Hey, Fred, how's it going?
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00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,879
Oh, uh, well, pretty good.
133
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,679
This morning, I saw someone
on an electric scooter
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00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,388
just eat it on the grass.
135
00:04:45,389 --> 00:04:49,184
- Oh.
- So that kind of made my day.
136
00:04:49,185 --> 00:04:50,850
Did you see that the Padres
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00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,719
moved Ramirez to the bullpen?
138
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,789
Now, who said they should do that?
139
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,559
Was it me or was it you?
I can't remember.
140
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,479
Hmm, it was you...
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00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,260
- Yeah, it was me.
- And not me.
142
00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:04,430
So, uh, I was wondering
143
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,077
do you want to get
dinner tomorrow night?
144
00:05:07,078 --> 00:05:09,369
Tomorrow. Tomorrow's steak night.
145
00:05:09,370 --> 00:05:10,680
That sounds perfect.
146
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,409
- Okay, why not?
- Yes?
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00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:14,560
- Yeah.
- Great.
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00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:20,359
Interesting. He did not
even have to cast his line.
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00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,359
The fish just jumped
right into his boat.
150
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,410
So are you excited?
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00:05:30,415 --> 00:05:31,852
I don't know. It's a lot.
152
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,938
Am I fully committed to this thing?
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00:05:33,939 --> 00:05:35,839
You said yes.
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00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,419
Yeah, but sometimes,
the polite thing to do
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00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,759
is to say yes and then
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00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,900
disappear to Mexico for a month.
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00:05:40,904 --> 00:05:43,153
Come on, Fred, you gotta
get back out there.
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00:05:43,154 --> 00:05:44,479
You're a handsome guy.
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00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,866
You should be in the game.
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00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,993
I don't want you to be alone
and pathetic like Bill.
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00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,496
Come on. I'm just sitting here. Jeez.
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00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,289
Seriously, what's wrong with Emily?
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00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:53,539
Nothing. She's great.
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00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,500
I've just got my life set
up just how I want it.
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00:05:55,506 --> 00:05:56,990
I don't want another person
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00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,290
polishing off the Triscuits.
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00:05:59,297 --> 00:06:01,882
What I'm hearing is
you're afraid of change.
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00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,299
That's insane. I changed the name
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00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,579
of my fantasy baseball team
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00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:06,170
twice in the last five years.
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00:06:06,179 --> 00:06:08,039
You added an exclamation point
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00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,480
and then you took it off.
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00:06:09,487 --> 00:06:11,809
You're a maniac.
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00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:13,894
Point is, I'm not afraid of change.
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00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,679
Oh, okay, so you wouldn't mind
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00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,440
switching seats with me
for the night, then?
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00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:21,069
No.
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00:06:32,530 --> 00:06:35,220
Fred, it's just a barstool.
You're not buying a used car.
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00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,799
Oh, huh. You need a refill,
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00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,780
but look at that. We
are all out of Coke.
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00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:45,419
I do have this beat-up can
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00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:46,979
of "Queen's Choice" cola, though.
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00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:48,429
Is that okay?
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00:06:48,430 --> 00:06:49,860
Sure.
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00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:53,599
The queen is famous for
her taste in soft drinks.
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00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,180
Great. Then enjoy.
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00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:04,610
I like it.
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00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:13,039
Hey, James. How was
your date last night?
189
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,890
Did you go the classic route
and pay for the U-Haul,
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00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,679
or was it more modern,
and you went Dutch?
191
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,819
Okay, I'll admit.
192
00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:21,587
Low and slow didn't work this time.
193
00:07:21,588 --> 00:07:23,859
It's possible she just
sees me as a friend,
194
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:27,100
or as an actual mover.
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00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,590
Last night, when I was
done, she asked me
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00:07:28,599 --> 00:07:30,429
if there was paperwork she had to sign.
197
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,030
If you need some new
techniques to meet women,
198
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:35,029
I got "Ethical Flirting,"
199
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:38,059
"Peacocking for Dummies,"
200
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:40,856
and then "Who's Stella
Now? The Male Guide
201
00:07:40,857 --> 00:07:42,233
to Getting Your Groove Back."
202
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:43,459
How about this?
203
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,910
James, who's someone you're attracted to
204
00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:46,236
that you've always
wanted to go out with?
205
00:07:46,237 --> 00:07:48,531
Ooh, Ursula from "The Little Mermaid."
206
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,999
Okay, I should have been more specific.
207
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,399
Who's someone you're attracted to
208
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,039
that isn't an evil,
fictional octopus monster?
209
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,529
I don't know.
210
00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,251
Erica's cute,
211
00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:03,045
and sometimes, she calls me Jimmy,
212
00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:06,674
and that makes me feel cute, too.
213
00:08:06,675 --> 00:08:08,859
Then just go over there. Let
her know you're interested.
214
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,510
Put it out there. Be yourself.
215
00:08:10,512 --> 00:08:12,304
- Okay.
- Wait, wait.
216
00:08:12,305 --> 00:08:13,739
Quick question: I took a quiz
217
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:14,970
in the peacocking book.
218
00:08:14,979 --> 00:08:17,351
It told me specifically
not to be myself.
219
00:08:17,352 --> 00:08:18,899
There's no way that's true.
220
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:21,939
Well, it says if you score
between a 31 and 40,
221
00:08:21,940 --> 00:08:23,880
be someone else.
222
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:28,700
- That's a mean book, Bill.
- Yeah.
223
00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:30,719
So what do you think Fred and
Emily are doing right now?
224
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,319
I don't know. I sort of picture them
225
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,399
on a walk, holding hands,
226
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,739
looking at antique cars,
227
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,529
refinishing a piece of furniture.
228
00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:39,460
They're not in a Cialis
commercial, Beth.
229
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:41,970
I do hope it goes well.
230
00:08:41,973 --> 00:08:44,044
Having a woman in his life
could do wonders for him.
231
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:48,298
Yeah, he might stop using
a wet suit as a bath mat.
232
00:08:48,299 --> 00:08:50,680
You know men in
relationships live longer?
233
00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:53,350
Actually, the exact opposite for women.
234
00:08:53,351 --> 00:08:57,057
So that's a sad fact I know.
235
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,750
Fred, Emily.
236
00:08:58,756 --> 00:09:00,579
What are you doing here back at the bar?
237
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,020
You're supposed to be on a date.
238
00:09:02,022 --> 00:09:04,039
This is the date. Steak night.
239
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,260
Two-for-one T-bones at Vons.
240
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,656
Cialis commercials are getting grim.
241
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,329
You know what's crazy?
242
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:22,170
I cannot come up with a
single moral justification
243
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:24,180
for eating meat, but I
just keep doing it.
244
00:09:24,181 --> 00:09:26,420
It's too good. It's incredible.
245
00:09:26,421 --> 00:09:29,840
I just need one second
to listen to the steak.
246
00:09:29,841 --> 00:09:31,007
Ah.
247
00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:34,159
Medium rare has its own specific sizzle.
248
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,169
Oh.
249
00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:36,659
Hey, Fred.
250
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,320
Shh, shh, shh.
251
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:42,380
Ah, okay. Go ahead.
252
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,850
Emily, can I borrow Fred for a second?
253
00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:47,270
- Sure.
- Hey.
254
00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:48,830
Excuse me.
255
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:50,318
Oh, here.
256
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,940
Count to 32,
257
00:09:51,942 --> 00:09:54,198
and then pull those
babies off the grill.
258
00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:57,199
All right, buddy, you got this.
259
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,019
Just walk over to Erica, say what's up,
260
00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:00,119
and see if she wants to hang out.
261
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,759
Okay, okay.
262
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,549
Be direct.
263
00:10:03,550 --> 00:10:05,320
Here I go.
264
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,460
You got this, Stella.
Get your groove back!
265
00:10:13,964 --> 00:10:15,719
- Hey, Erica.
- Hey.
266
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,089
- How you doing?
- I'm good.
267
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:19,019
You're looking good. That's for sure.
268
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,919
Oh, thank you.
269
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,180
What ya reading?
270
00:10:22,185 --> 00:10:23,852
Oh, just a Spanish textbook.
271
00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:24,936
I'm taking a night class.
272
00:10:24,937 --> 00:10:27,774
Oh, at night. Okay. That's what's up.
273
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,479
Um,
274
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,999
I was wondering, um, you
know, if you're free
275
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,639
and I'm free,
276
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,719
maybe... I could tutor you,
277
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,859
or you could just email
me your homework,
278
00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:42,240
if that'd be easier.
279
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,480
- Okay.
- Okay.
280
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,170
So what happened?
281
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,630
I couldn't do it. I chickened out.
282
00:10:51,631 --> 00:10:53,550
- James...
- I know! It gets worse.
283
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,510
Now I gotta learn Spanish.
284
00:10:56,511 --> 00:10:58,319
What are you doing?
285
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,639
You two should be giggling in a bistro
286
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,839
or touring a softly-lit
vineyard, or not here.
287
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,319
This is steak night,
288
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,110
and this is where I make my steaks,
289
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,300
and it's night, so there you have it.
290
00:11:11,055 --> 00:11:13,039
You didn't even bring any sides.
291
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,069
Were you just gonna hand
her a slab of meat?
292
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:16,819
It's frontiers-y.
293
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,459
Sides weren't even invented
294
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,739
until the First World War.
295
00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:23,920
Okay, I have got guac,
296
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:25,579
string cheese,
297
00:11:25,580 --> 00:11:27,792
and a half a sleeve of Ritz crackers.
298
00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,659
Stop judging me! I live with three men.
299
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:33,880
They're locusts. They devour everything.
300
00:11:33,881 --> 00:11:36,842
Guys, I don't need your help.
I know what I'm doing.
301
00:11:36,843 --> 00:11:39,579
Fred, you're on a date. You
can't just listen to meat.
302
00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:41,539
You gotta engage her, you know?
303
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:44,140
Talk to her about current
events or... or movies.
304
00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,419
Oh, are those things I can talk about?
305
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,020
Thank you for the tip
on how to be a human.
306
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:52,719
Look, you guys, if she
doesn't like me how I am,
307
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,319
then it just wasn't meant to be.
308
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,069
I don't need you two
treating me like a child.
309
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,600
We're not treating you like a child.
310
00:11:58,602 --> 00:12:01,770
Now get over here and put
on a nice collared shirt.
311
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,959
No, I don't want to.
312
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,039
Fred, put on the shirt.
313
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,240
No.
314
00:12:07,444 --> 00:12:08,875
Hey!
315
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:12,780
You forced my hand.
316
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,790
This is a new low.
317
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:20,019
- Hey there.
- Hi.
318
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:22,262
I almost thought you forgot about me.
319
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,763
Did you change your shirt?
320
00:12:23,764 --> 00:12:26,360
Oh, yeah. Well, I...
321
00:12:26,363 --> 00:12:29,060
I realized the other one was very bad,
322
00:12:29,061 --> 00:12:31,300
and... and this one is...
323
00:12:31,301 --> 00:12:33,599
somehow better.
324
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,579
Oh, should I have brought
a change of clothes?
325
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:38,560
I may have an extra pair
of socks in my car.
326
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,900
Here's some sides
327
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:44,040
if you like that sort of thing.
328
00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:46,179
I thought maybe just steaks and whiskey
329
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:47,410
would be good, but what do I know?
330
00:12:47,413 --> 00:12:49,150
Guac and, uh...
331
00:12:49,153 --> 00:12:51,050
Ritz crackers.
332
00:12:51,055 --> 00:12:53,084
That's an interesting take.
333
00:12:53,085 --> 00:12:55,719
Yeah, well, men are locusts,
334
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,559
or something.
335
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,539
Is everything okay?
336
00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,519
You seem like you don't totally want
337
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,678
to be doing this right now.
338
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:04,919
Oh, yeah, no, no, I do.
339
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,679
I'm just a little bit in my head.
340
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,319
Beth and Abby have been on me
341
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,933
about this date since the book club.
342
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:11,419
Yeah, they've been all over me, too.
343
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:13,070
Really?
344
00:13:13,077 --> 00:13:14,313
- Yeah.
- What'd they say to you?
345
00:13:14,314 --> 00:13:15,859
Well, they said that
you were interested,
346
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,692
but that you'd never
make the first move.
347
00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:19,486
So they told you to ask me out?
348
00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:21,750
Yeah. Should they not have?
349
00:13:21,752 --> 00:13:23,949
Are you not interested?
350
00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:26,179
Oh, no, no, I am. I was. I am.
351
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,449
- Ah.
- I... it's just that
352
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:28,879
I don't like the deception,
353
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,799
you know? I'd have asked you out myself
354
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:31,829
in my own time.
355
00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:33,320
Yeah? When?
356
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,480
You know, like, 5 to 17 years.
357
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,330
All right.
358
00:13:41,338 --> 00:13:43,070
Let's forget about Abby and Beth.
359
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,200
Hmm.
360
00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:45,888
How about we just start over?
361
00:13:45,889 --> 00:13:47,720
- I'd like that.
- Okay.
362
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:50,809
Is it okay if I skip the sides?
363
00:13:50,810 --> 00:13:53,559
I kind of like the simplicity
of booze and steak.
364
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,690
It's like we're on the Oregon Trail.
365
00:13:56,691 --> 00:13:58,680
I said "frontiers-y."
366
00:14:01,946 --> 00:14:04,572
Hey, you missed happy hour.
367
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:07,325
Did you just now get confused
about daylight savings time?
368
00:14:07,326 --> 00:14:09,039
Actually, I've been with Emily.
369
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,499
Hi, guys.
370
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,759
Hey, uh, grab me a Merlot,
371
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,539
- and I'll fire up the grill.
- Okay.
372
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:15,840
Wow. Dinner again tonight?
373
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:17,959
Actually, we spent the
whole day together.
374
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,179
We had brunch...
375
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:22,089
something I've heard of, but never had.
376
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:24,159
Did you go to Joan's? Lavender and Iron?
377
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,959
Sweet Thistle? Rose Café.
378
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,439
Café Rose? One's better.
379
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,249
- The Pig's Ear?
- For God's sake, Bill!
380
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,520
I love brunch!
381
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,719
Anyway, Abby, you were so right.
382
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,159
Emily and I hit it off so well.
383
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,019
I should be more open to change.
384
00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:38,815
See? I told you.
385
00:14:38,816 --> 00:14:41,059
I mean, not in your face,
because I'm happy for you,
386
00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:43,730
but kind of in your face.
387
00:14:43,738 --> 00:14:44,779
Yeah, it's... it's crazy.
388
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,399
We have such a strong connection.
389
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,839
We're not getting any younger,
390
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,690
so I say we give this a serious shot.
391
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,679
Exactly. That's great!
392
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,040
And so we've decided
to move in together.
393
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,959
Wait, what?
394
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,690
Yeah, no, I know, it's fast,
395
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,939
but it just... it feels right.
396
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,669
Plus, Emily has this great place:
397
00:15:02,670 --> 00:15:05,579
ocean views, a huge patio,
398
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:06,920
one of those drawers in the kitchen
399
00:15:06,924 --> 00:15:08,620
that are magically filled with ice.
400
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:09,888
It's perfect.
401
00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:11,939
Fred, the only reason
to live with someone
402
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:13,939
is if you're contractually
bound by marriage,
403
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:16,330
and even then, I consider
moving into the garage
404
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:17,680
all the time.
405
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,430
Beth, don't be crazy.
406
00:15:19,436 --> 00:15:20,800
No one's talking about marriage.
407
00:15:20,804 --> 00:15:22,700
It's not like we're gonna have kids.
408
00:15:22,706 --> 00:15:24,270
Although...
409
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:25,370
Hey, babe?
410
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:26,947
Did you freeze your eggs?
411
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,577
That's a big 10-4 on the huevos.
412
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:39,519
Moving in?
413
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,980
Calling her "babe"?
414
00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:42,629
Saying "huevos"?
415
00:15:42,630 --> 00:15:44,548
What kind of an idiot is she?
416
00:15:44,549 --> 00:15:46,389
She's made it this far as a free woman
417
00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:48,899
and then leaves the door
open by freezing her eggs?
418
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,479
It's like getting to mile 26,
419
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,520
then heading right back
to the starting line.
420
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:55,180
Here's what happened.
421
00:15:55,181 --> 00:15:56,369
He felt the touch of a woman
422
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:57,579
for the first time in a while,
423
00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:58,779
and now he's losing his mind.
424
00:15:58,780 --> 00:15:59,880
Mm-hmm.
425
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:04,060
Oh, say, Beth, do you
mind if Emily sits there?
426
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,920
By all means.
427
00:16:09,854 --> 00:16:13,285
Hey, so, have you guys
428
00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:15,420
thought this through?
429
00:16:15,426 --> 00:16:17,122
I mean, you know,
430
00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:19,330
Emily has a... a cat, right?
431
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:21,890
And you're... you're
allergic to cats, right?
432
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:25,000
Acupuncture is supposed to be
really great for allergies.
433
00:16:25,002 --> 00:16:26,569
You know, I don't believe
in most doctors,
434
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,900
but acupuncture... that
sounds legitimate.
435
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,409
- Oh, boy, we gotta get going.
- Oh.
436
00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:34,540
No, no, Fred never
leaves before last call.
437
00:16:34,545 --> 00:16:36,517
Yeah, but we're going to
a stand-up comedy show.
438
00:16:36,518 --> 00:16:38,352
Stand-up comedy?
439
00:16:38,353 --> 00:16:40,119
It's the real guy that
the character Kramer
440
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,739
was based on, but this
guy is even better,
441
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,580
because he's not racist!
442
00:16:44,589 --> 00:16:46,550
Okay, nope.
443
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:47,739
No, no, no, no.
444
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,559
No, that's it. That's it.
445
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,980
Fred, Fred, you're not
thinking straight.
446
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,589
You hate cats and stand-up.
447
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:54,819
One time, you said,
448
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,000
"If I ever pay money to go
to a stand-up comedy show,
449
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,879
"shoot me in the head,
because I'm already dead
450
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,291
and the aliens have taken over my body."
451
00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:03,279
But this guy doesn't just do stand-up.
452
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,040
He also plays funny songs on the piano.
453
00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:07,469
He's got one called
454
00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:09,080
"We Didn't Start The Shire."
455
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,134
It's based on "Lord of the Rings."
456
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:14,110
That is so fun. Does he have anything
457
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,260
- on Spotify, or...
- Not now, Bill!
458
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,269
Fred, leaving your life open for change
459
00:17:22,270 --> 00:17:24,319
doesn't mean changing every
single thing about yourself
460
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,689
overnight on a whim.
461
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:26,940
On a whim? No, Abby,
462
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:29,260
- we are really serious about...
- Emily, step off.
463
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:31,120
You're really nice,
but I will fight you.
464
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,229
Fred, this is all my fault, okay?
465
00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:37,039
Your life is great as it is,
466
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,570
and I never should've
pushed you to change,
467
00:17:38,576 --> 00:17:40,909
all right? I'm sorry. I was wrong.
468
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,709
You were... what was
the last part again?
469
00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:46,128
I was... wrong.
470
00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:48,250
Emily, did you hear that?
471
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:52,149
Oh, you were right.
472
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,700
I never thought she'd admit it.
473
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,059
You just got pranked.
474
00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,069
What?
475
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,920
We're not moving in together.
476
00:17:58,929 --> 00:18:01,059
You were gonna fight me!
477
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:04,199
I just wanted to hear you say
478
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,530
you were wrong, and you said it,
479
00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:08,439
and now I got $20.
480
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,069
Yes, it was pretty great
481
00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:13,540
- for all of us.
- Not now, Bill!
482
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,440
Grande es... no.
483
00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,279
How's the Spanish coming along?
484
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,679
Es muy...
485
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,480
It's as far as I've gotten.
486
00:18:25,489 --> 00:18:27,320
This is why I told you to be direct.
487
00:18:27,324 --> 00:18:28,550
I was direct.
488
00:18:28,559 --> 00:18:31,190
I usually wait for people
to ask me to do a favor.
489
00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:32,689
This time, I offered.
490
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:34,940
I skipped a bunch of steps.
491
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,840
How about this? No favors at all.
492
00:18:38,848 --> 00:18:40,230
No favors?
493
00:18:40,237 --> 00:18:41,723
I gotta bring something to the table.
494
00:18:41,724 --> 00:18:43,899
You don't show up to a
potluck empty-handed.
495
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,819
You bring your vegetarian lasagna
496
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,079
and your green beans, because, you know,
497
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,317
somebody's gonna forget something.
498
00:18:50,318 --> 00:18:52,210
James, look at me.
499
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:53,359
You're a catch.
500
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,439
You're more than enough on your own.
501
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,119
The only thing you need
to bring to the table
502
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,180
is James.
503
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,780
Now get back over there and
ask her out on a date.
504
00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:04,059
At the risk of using another metaphor,
505
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,299
put the ball in her court
506
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,529
and let the chips fall where they may.
507
00:19:07,530 --> 00:19:09,299
I'm sorry. That was two metaphors.
508
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,500
Bill and his fish book are in my head.
509
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,300
Uh, yeah, so I finished
510
00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:18,940
this book last night,
511
00:19:18,943 --> 00:19:21,669
and it turns out that it was
512
00:19:21,670 --> 00:19:23,880
just a book about fishing.
513
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,000
Oh, my God.
514
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:31,149
- Hola, Erica.
- Hola, Jimmy.
515
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:32,420
¿Cómo estás?
516
00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:35,960
Look...
517
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,619
I think you're very beautiful
518
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:41,440
and I want to take you
on a date sometime.
519
00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:43,740
Here's an imaginary ball,
520
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,440
and it's in your court now.
521
00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:47,540
Okay.
522
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,040
Wait, what?
523
00:19:51,045 --> 00:19:53,046
I said okay. I'd love to go out.
524
00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:55,169
Me too. That's amazing.
525
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:57,169
I mean, I was worried no one at the bar
526
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,610
would ask me out again after
Chris and I broke up.
527
00:19:59,617 --> 00:20:01,305
Some people are kind of scared of him.
528
00:20:01,306 --> 00:20:02,779
Chris...
529
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:04,820
Chris?
530
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,854
You was dating Angry Chris?
531
00:20:08,855 --> 00:20:10,522
No bueno.
532
00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:16,229
I gotta hand it to you.
That was well-played.
533
00:20:16,230 --> 00:20:17,679
Yeah, I was just trying
to prove a point.
534
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,531
You don't want me to change that much.
535
00:20:19,532 --> 00:20:20,969
So you guys gonna go out again?
536
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:21,979
I don't know. Maybe.
537
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:23,469
Yeah, after last night,
538
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:25,199
I figured it wasn't a romantic thing.
539
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,679
What? Why?
540
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,619
Oh, I just... you know,
I didn't really sense
541
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:30,410
any chemistry between
you guys. Right, Beth?
542
00:20:30,414 --> 00:20:31,752
Yeah, zero.
543
00:20:31,753 --> 00:20:33,739
Yeah, it makes sense that, uh,
544
00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:34,830
you wouldn't take it any further.
545
00:20:34,839 --> 00:20:36,680
Who says I'm not taking it any further?
546
00:20:36,687 --> 00:20:38,175
That's not up to you to decide.
547
00:20:38,176 --> 00:20:40,820
You're right. Okay, my apologies.
548
00:20:40,825 --> 00:20:42,262
We agree to disagree.
549
00:20:42,263 --> 00:20:45,320
Yeah, we do, 'cause actually,
I think she's pretty great,
550
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:47,930
and I might just walk
over there right now
551
00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:49,890
and ask her what she's
doing this weekend.
552
00:20:49,896 --> 00:20:51,760
Oh, okay.
553
00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:54,800
Oh, my God...
554
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:57,169
I can't believe that worked.
555
00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:59,880
I feel like I just
discovered a new superpower.
556
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:03,640
I... I see what you did there.
557
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:05,860
Thank you.
558
00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:09,122
Hey, Abby.
559
00:21:09,123 --> 00:21:10,649
You ever consider writing a book?
560
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:12,219
Not now, Bill.
561
00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:14,980
Well, then when? When will it be time?
562
00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:23,140
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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