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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,104 Here you go. 2 00:00:01,104 --> 00:00:02,171 What's this? 3 00:00:02,171 --> 00:00:04,037 Our 10 year anniversary's coming up. 4 00:00:04,036 --> 00:00:05,502 Is this my gift? 5 00:00:05,502 --> 00:00:07,435 Mm mm just a little contract that I've drawn up 6 00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:09,910 and I invite you, an alleged attorney to 7 00:00:10,089 --> 00:00:11,799 review my proposed deal points. 8 00:00:11,798 --> 00:00:12,997 Deal points of what? 9 00:00:12,997 --> 00:00:14,362 Well, remember when we got married, 10 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:16,962 I gave you 10 years together, tops to box? 11 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,193 Yes, I remember. 12 00:00:18,193 --> 00:00:21,027 Well, it's time to renegot... 13 00:00:21,024 --> 00:00:23,757 Wow, as long as we don't get to use the term renegot 14 00:00:23,754 --> 00:00:24,821 as much as we'd like... 15 00:00:24,821 --> 00:00:26,192 Really? That's surprising. 16 00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:28,081 But I am looking forward to reviewing your proposed terms. 17 00:00:28,102 --> 00:00:29,585 Wonderful, great! 18 00:00:29,598 --> 00:00:31,582 I'm assuming this is a standard 10 year contract. 19 00:00:31,603 --> 00:00:35,520 Oh no, it is five years and just know that 20 00:00:36,164 --> 00:00:37,496 I had to really coax my client 21 00:00:37,511 --> 00:00:38,843 to get the number up that high. 22 00:00:38,841 --> 00:00:42,429 She was pushing for a much lower number. 23 00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:43,484 Your client being you. 24 00:00:43,484 --> 00:00:45,016 Yes, correct. 25 00:00:45,016 --> 00:00:46,249 Ah, ok. 26 00:00:46,249 --> 00:00:48,679 Well uh, says here I get five boob grabs a week. 27 00:00:48,699 --> 00:00:51,129 I'll be changing that to unlimited. 28 00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:53,417 Alright, I think we can adjust that as long 29 00:00:53,415 --> 00:00:55,382 as you're willing to give on a few issues. 30 00:00:55,381 --> 00:00:57,513 Please note deal point number three. 31 00:00:57,511 --> 00:01:00,713 Mike cannot lose his sweet, toned ass. 32 00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:01,826 - Oh boy. - I mean, at this point 33 00:01:01,848 --> 00:01:05,149 I think it's most of the reason that we're still together, so. 34 00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:09,360 Wait, I gotta keep my ass in perfect condition forever? 35 00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:12,757 No, there's obviously a certain amount of expected 36 00:01:12,753 --> 00:01:14,886 depreciation that's acceptable. 37 00:01:14,884 --> 00:01:16,217 Ok, I get it. 38 00:01:16,217 --> 00:01:17,750 Yeah, my client just needs to know 39 00:01:17,749 --> 00:01:19,783 that certain proactive steps are being taken 40 00:01:19,782 --> 00:01:21,148 to protect the asset. 41 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,380 Alright, that's reasonable. 42 00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:23,402 Thank you. 43 00:01:23,426 --> 00:01:25,190 But if this is the body area that we're talking about, 44 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,812 I motion to put in a butt sex addendum 45 00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:30,021 - into this revised contract. - Really? 46 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,874 Yep, I propose that instead of the current 36 years 47 00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:35,135 that I have to wait, that we adjust that number to a 48 00:01:35,213 --> 00:01:37,413 much more reasonable two weeks. 49 00:01:37,412 --> 00:01:39,345 Motion strongly denied. 50 00:01:39,343 --> 00:01:41,644 So you're the lead prosecutor and the judge? 51 00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:43,174 When it comes to my butt hole, 52 00:01:43,174 --> 00:01:46,109 I am the judge, the bailiff, the prosecutor. 53 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,139 You're the prosecutest. 54 00:01:56,797 --> 00:02:00,902 If you need me, I will be at my mothers. 55 00:02:05,481 --> 00:02:10,481 - Synced and corrected by AnsumanChoudhury - - www.addic7ed.com - 56 00:02:20,045 --> 00:02:21,883 How many vests can you donate to Goodwill 57 00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:24,665 before they're required to run a background check on you? 58 00:02:24,685 --> 00:02:27,009 Oh, Uncle Harry loved his vests. 59 00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:28,430 I know he did. 60 00:02:28,472 --> 00:02:29,537 You doin' ok? 61 00:02:29,537 --> 00:02:31,337 Yeah, he was 93. 62 00:02:31,336 --> 00:02:33,336 He lived a good life and he died in his sleep. 63 00:02:33,334 --> 00:02:34,834 What more could you want? 64 00:02:34,834 --> 00:02:36,033 Do we have funeral plans yet? 65 00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:38,200 Well yeah, we'll all go to the cemetery 66 00:02:38,198 --> 00:02:40,398 but he didn't have kids you know, so I feel like 67 00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:41,920 if we don't do something, then he won't have 68 00:02:41,942 --> 00:02:43,155 any sort of a memorial. 69 00:02:43,241 --> 00:02:44,259 Yeah, you should do something. 70 00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:45,726 That would be nice for everyone. 71 00:02:45,725 --> 00:02:47,892 I know, but I don't wanna do it at my house 72 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,991 because I just had Leon's 70th. 73 00:02:49,990 --> 00:02:51,021 We could do it at ours. 74 00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:52,791 - Really? - Of course, happy to. 75 00:02:52,813 --> 00:02:57,224 I mean, obviously, this means I am now the matriarch of the family 76 00:02:57,241 --> 00:02:59,611 which leaves you pretty much obsolete. 77 00:02:59,649 --> 00:03:01,782 I mean, we'll throw ya in a pastel hat 78 00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:05,677 and trot you out for parades but, no one's interested. 79 00:03:05,696 --> 00:03:08,130 Well, I am thrilled to pass the torch. 80 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:09,750 So, thank you very much. 81 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,399 Great, now we're even for everything you've 82 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:12,920 - ever done for me. - Perfect! 83 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,226 That was easier than I thought. 84 00:03:14,249 --> 00:03:16,583 I'm looking forward to seeing everybody at the funeral though. 85 00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,023 - I know, me too. - Is that terrible? 86 00:03:18,044 --> 00:03:20,782 No! I feel like when you die at 93, 87 00:03:20,803 --> 00:03:22,602 it's more like a family reunion, right? 88 00:03:22,624 --> 00:03:24,902 Like we're celebrating him. 89 00:03:24,923 --> 00:03:26,032 I'm gonna invite Jennifer. 90 00:03:26,055 --> 00:03:27,657 How is poor Jennifer, by the way? 91 00:03:28,027 --> 00:03:30,588 Why do you have to say poor Jennifer? 92 00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:32,250 Because she's divorced and alone 93 00:03:32,272 --> 00:03:33,851 and she has to take care of those poor kids. 94 00:03:33,872 --> 00:03:35,586 Now the kids are poor? 95 00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:36,995 - Oh my... - I'm just saying 96 00:03:37,018 --> 00:03:39,185 I wish that she could find somebody, that's all. 97 00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:44,199 Oh my gosh, Mom, not everyone needs a man to be happy, ok? 98 00:03:44,674 --> 00:03:47,031 Although, in this case, she did just start dating someone 99 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,091 and sounds very ecstatic. 100 00:03:49,089 --> 00:03:50,354 Well, well. 101 00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:56,394 Oh Mom, I think I just found party favors for the memorial. 102 00:03:56,408 --> 00:03:58,040 Stop fondling his underwear. 103 00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,663 Just throw them away. 104 00:03:59,685 --> 00:04:01,959 How is this fondling his underwear? 105 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:05,815 This would be fondling his underwear. 106 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:06,953 I'm turning around. 107 00:04:06,976 --> 00:04:08,688 Wouldn't you wanna be dead and know that someone 108 00:04:08,686 --> 00:04:10,504 was having fun with your underwear? 109 00:04:10,526 --> 00:04:11,636 Oh God. 110 00:04:11,659 --> 00:04:13,326 Dare to dream. 111 00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:20,836 - I loved Uncle Harry. - I know, he was the best. 112 00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,234 The funeral's on Saturday. 113 00:04:22,234 --> 00:04:24,305 I'm actually having the memorial at my house after. 114 00:04:24,427 --> 00:04:27,721 Wow, you're like a real grown up lady. 115 00:04:27,741 --> 00:04:29,208 I know, thank you! 116 00:04:29,321 --> 00:04:31,454 I'm like the Dowager Warren. 117 00:04:31,475 --> 00:04:33,810 This is like what my mom and my aunts used to do. 118 00:04:33,825 --> 00:04:36,793 Alright, can we just get to the issue at hand? 119 00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:39,490 I'm not interested in chatting with you or seeing you. 120 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:42,288 I'm only agreed to this meeting to hear about 121 00:04:42,286 --> 00:04:45,739 - a one Josh. - You're such an asshole. 122 00:04:45,758 --> 00:04:47,574 I would love to. 123 00:04:47,595 --> 00:04:48,753 So he's pretty great. 124 00:04:48,776 --> 00:04:49,776 Ok. 125 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,806 He's 46. 126 00:04:50,829 --> 00:04:52,312 A perfect age. 127 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,500 He's British. 128 00:04:54,171 --> 00:04:55,171 I know. 129 00:04:55,455 --> 00:04:57,188 He's also divorced, which is good. 130 00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:58,587 That's good. 131 00:04:58,586 --> 00:05:00,486 And the sex is like... 132 00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:03,853 Not good? 133 00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:06,002 No it's amazing. 134 00:05:09,311 --> 00:05:11,159 Please sit down in my office. 135 00:05:11,181 --> 00:05:13,171 I'm gonna just quickly text Mike, 136 00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:15,626 let him know that I will not be home for dinner tonight. 137 00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:18,148 Alright, when you say amazing, 138 00:05:18,146 --> 00:05:20,300 what are we talking about here? 139 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,713 I feel like that term gets thrown around with abandon. 140 00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:26,309 Every time to completion. 141 00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:28,722 Three to four times a night. 142 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,774 - What? - A night. 143 00:05:32,263 --> 00:05:33,969 What are you saying to me? 144 00:05:34,087 --> 00:05:35,705 Oh my God, ok. 145 00:05:35,728 --> 00:05:37,460 How is he with the C job? 146 00:05:37,459 --> 00:05:38,792 Let's get into that. 147 00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:39,924 What is a C job? 148 00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:41,123 Lady oral. 149 00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:43,856 Also, one of my favorite characters from Pride and Prejudice. 150 00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:45,121 He's really, he's good. 151 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,613 He's confident. 152 00:05:46,770 --> 00:05:48,256 Great, great. 153 00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:49,512 What can I say? 154 00:05:49,535 --> 00:05:53,153 'Cause that, ya know, can be a difficult terrain to navigate. 155 00:05:53,163 --> 00:05:54,385 Yes it can. 156 00:05:54,398 --> 00:05:56,636 I mean, a dick is like New York. 157 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,856 It just jumps out at you, ya know? 158 00:05:58,854 --> 00:06:00,820 Everywhere you go, you're gonna have a good time. 159 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:03,619 But the vagina is more like LA. 160 00:06:03,617 --> 00:06:05,851 It's like there's a lot of great neighborhoods, 161 00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:09,284 but they're harder to find and it's really nice 162 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,761 to have a local walk you through them. 163 00:06:10,973 --> 00:06:11,980 That's a good one. 164 00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:13,606 Do you think it's enough for a dissertation? 165 00:06:13,627 --> 00:06:15,388 Oh, I will say, 166 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:16,659 his penis... 167 00:06:16,670 --> 00:06:18,577 Everything you say from that point forward, 168 00:06:18,599 --> 00:06:19,723 I'm going to enjoy. 169 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:21,556 Just know that walking into this sentence. 170 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,821 Ok, thank you. 171 00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:26,910 So, he had like a dicey circumcision. 172 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,514 Dicey? 173 00:06:28,726 --> 00:06:30,853 I don't love that coupled with circumcision. 174 00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:33,075 It just look, it's diff, it just looks different. 175 00:06:33,096 --> 00:06:35,229 Does it like have a scar? 176 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:38,438 No, it's more like, so the foreskin was not totally like circumcized, 177 00:06:38,722 --> 00:06:42,557 so it's cut kind of at a slant. 178 00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:45,444 So it's like it's wearing a little hoodie? 179 00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:46,764 - Yes! - Ok. 180 00:06:46,786 --> 00:06:48,395 - Basically. - Alright, I like it. 181 00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,515 Yeah. It's like a hipster dick. 182 00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:52,146 Exactly. 183 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,878 I like British people. 184 00:06:53,877 --> 00:06:55,678 - You... - Is there an inn? 185 00:06:56,008 --> 00:06:57,274 You're not invited. 186 00:06:57,274 --> 00:07:00,041 But know, I will be there anyway. 187 00:07:00,062 --> 00:07:01,394 In spirit. 188 00:07:01,537 --> 00:07:02,537 Ok. 189 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:08,297 I'll be at the foot of your bed just cheering you on. 190 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,700 - To the flop. - It's up to you. 191 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,602 Are you in? 192 00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:13,698 Oh actually, yeah, I'm in. 193 00:07:13,698 --> 00:07:15,033 That's a tally. 194 00:07:15,032 --> 00:07:16,032 - Wait, what? - Yeah. 195 00:07:16,055 --> 00:07:18,158 - No, I'm all in! - Oh honey, hey, by the way, 196 00:07:18,186 --> 00:07:19,586 can you drop Amelia off at school. 197 00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:22,119 It's pajama day, so in theory, she should be ready faster. 198 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,370 Pajama day, eh? 199 00:07:23,392 --> 00:07:25,087 - Yeah. - What's the teacher wearing? 200 00:07:25,108 --> 00:07:26,307 Oh, Mr. Castellotti? 201 00:07:26,470 --> 00:07:27,970 Already still onboard. 202 00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:30,604 Well, in my dream, just a mustache and a jean jacket. 203 00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:32,915 - Ok yes, I can take Amelia. - Thank you. 204 00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:34,927 I need to pick up my uncle's ashes by 8:30. 205 00:07:34,949 --> 00:07:35,978 I don't wanna be late. 206 00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:38,033 I don't wanna be responsible for a backup 207 00:07:38,054 --> 00:07:39,553 in the people oven. 208 00:07:39,576 --> 00:07:41,233 Wait a minute. So your house is just gonna be filled 209 00:07:41,254 --> 00:07:42,507 with mourners this weekend? 210 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,261 Yeah, like your bed. 211 00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:46,551 Ya know, because women are very sad to be there. 212 00:07:46,573 --> 00:07:49,174 Also, I like to imagine you dead. 213 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,524 Wait, so I'm dead and women still wanna have sex with me? 214 00:07:51,544 --> 00:07:53,122 No, that's good, that's great! 215 00:07:53,144 --> 00:07:55,183 Wait, why are people having sex with Brandon's ghost? 216 00:07:55,204 --> 00:07:56,858 No, not my ghost, my corpse. 217 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,047 My ghost is like floating above and just jerkin' off. 218 00:07:59,202 --> 00:08:03,097 I'd really love you to speak at my uncle's service actually. 219 00:08:03,392 --> 00:08:05,593 No, because that's not a sincere offer. 220 00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,718 - This isn't? - That face isn't sincere. 221 00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:10,087 I would love you to speak at my uncle's service. 222 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,551 We think you'd nail it. 223 00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,525 - See, thank you, that's sincere. - That's sincere. 224 00:08:13,538 --> 00:08:16,561 I mean, if you want actual sincerity and earnestness, 225 00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:20,459 but if you want a good time... 226 00:08:20,477 --> 00:08:21,500 What? 227 00:08:21,523 --> 00:08:22,641 What is happening? 228 00:08:22,664 --> 00:08:24,097 I don't know. 229 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,754 All I know is I'm a little giddy because I saw 230 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,440 my friend Jennifer today. 231 00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:29,578 Wait a minute. 232 00:08:29,616 --> 00:08:31,082 Is that the girl you were supposed to set me up with. 233 00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:32,923 - Yes, it is. - Is she dating someone now? 234 00:08:32,936 --> 00:08:36,887 I don't know if they're dating but they fuck. 235 00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,019 Ok, stop, what! 236 00:08:38,042 --> 00:08:41,254 They have sex up to four times a night. 237 00:08:41,407 --> 00:08:43,699 Every time to completion. 238 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,887 - We're in a fight. - I get it. 239 00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:50,058 I spent conservatively 16 hours today discussing their carnal regiment. 240 00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:51,647 - Uh-huh. - Girls are the worst. 241 00:08:51,669 --> 00:08:53,961 We like to get into it. 242 00:08:53,982 --> 00:08:56,188 Doesn't four times a night sound a little exhausting though? 243 00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:58,517 Why don't you just do it the first time good enough 244 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,096 so you don't have to do it. 245 00:09:00,118 --> 00:09:03,096 All I know is I personally would love to quadri-bang. 246 00:09:03,205 --> 00:09:05,239 I just, I can't ya know, pull it off. 247 00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:07,814 I'm not attracted enough to you anymore. 248 00:09:07,819 --> 00:09:09,597 - What! - Jesus. 249 00:09:09,619 --> 00:09:13,190 No honey, I find you very attractive. 250 00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,397 You're very handsome. 251 00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,640 - Thank you. - But think about 252 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,212 how attracted you have to be to someone 253 00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:20,399 to gear up for the fourth time. 254 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:21,450 Yeah, I get it. 255 00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,194 I mean, third time, I'm in tears. 256 00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:25,617 Fourth time, isn't that just kind of assault? 257 00:09:25,638 --> 00:09:26,638 - Yes. - Yes. 258 00:09:26,661 --> 00:09:28,207 - You're making a good point. - Thank you! 259 00:09:28,225 --> 00:09:29,625 Whatever they're doing, I don't like it. 260 00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:32,900 I don't know why you have such judgment about my friend, 261 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,393 who you don't know's, sex life. 262 00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:37,618 Because there's only so many fucks in the world 263 00:09:37,639 --> 00:09:39,408 and she's taking more than her share. 264 00:09:39,421 --> 00:09:43,090 Ugh God, I really feel for these poor dead women in your bed. 265 00:09:43,086 --> 00:09:44,218 They're not dead, I'm dead. 266 00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:45,484 You made that up. 267 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:46,616 I'm the dead one, right? 268 00:09:46,616 --> 00:09:47,898 They're dead inside. 269 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,148 And? 270 00:09:49,148 --> 00:09:50,203 That's fair. 271 00:09:50,226 --> 00:09:51,233 Yeah. 272 00:09:53,812 --> 00:09:55,044 So we're just finishing up. 273 00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:56,276 Should only be a few more minutes. 274 00:09:56,276 --> 00:09:59,644 Oh, no problem. We can wait, thank you so much. 275 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,642 I don't love the phrase finishing up at a crematorium. 276 00:10:02,638 --> 00:10:04,500 I mean, are they finishing up burning the bodies 277 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,537 or finishing up paperwork? 278 00:10:06,536 --> 00:10:08,439 Well, I imagine this is just where they bring us the cremains. 279 00:10:08,459 --> 00:10:10,800 The cremains? 280 00:10:10,798 --> 00:10:13,042 Yes ma'am, that is the technical term for it. 281 00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:15,404 Well, I'm happy we're being very technical. 282 00:10:15,425 --> 00:10:18,026 Do you know what a group of apes is called, by the way? 283 00:10:18,047 --> 00:10:19,098 Shrewdness. 284 00:10:19,121 --> 00:10:20,969 Yes, how bout a bunch of crows? 285 00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:23,458 - Murder. - God darn it, you're good. 286 00:10:23,463 --> 00:10:24,478 How did you know that? 287 00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:27,874 Because you've told me these particular two facts 288 00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:30,260 for the past 30 years of my life. 289 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:32,844 By the way, I appreciate it but you didn't have to come today, 290 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,667 I could've handled the cremains myself. 291 00:10:35,688 --> 00:10:37,594 Yeah, I know. I just wanted to help. 292 00:10:37,615 --> 00:10:38,876 Your Uncle Harry was important to me. 293 00:10:38,898 --> 00:10:40,874 I've known him for 50 years. 294 00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:43,484 Awe, that's very sweet. 295 00:10:43,482 --> 00:10:45,412 I'll tell you what's sweet is the way 296 00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:47,648 you're stepping up and doing this for your mom. 297 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,445 Oh no, this is not me being sweet. 298 00:10:49,444 --> 00:10:51,711 This is just me having to take care of you both 299 00:10:51,709 --> 00:10:54,310 in your eminent years of decay. 300 00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:56,308 Well in my case, you don't have to worry 301 00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:58,106 because I do not wanna be cremated 302 00:10:58,105 --> 00:11:00,505 and I do not wanna be in a coffin. 303 00:11:00,503 --> 00:11:02,904 Every instinct I have is telling me not to ask you 304 00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:04,701 what you want done with your body. 305 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:06,500 It's not crazy, ok? 306 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,767 I wanna be put into a biodegradable bag 307 00:11:09,763 --> 00:11:12,195 and returned to the earth. 308 00:11:12,216 --> 00:11:13,438 Yep, that's actually not insane. 309 00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:14,467 I would do that. 310 00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,222 I don't even know what a bag cost. 311 00:11:16,282 --> 00:11:17,700 I'll bet it's under 100 bucks. 312 00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:20,656 - A biodegradable body bag? - Yeah! 313 00:11:20,676 --> 00:11:22,952 No, Dad, if you want me to just throw you in any bag, 314 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,305 I can get it under 100 dollars. 315 00:11:24,328 --> 00:11:25,765 No but I'm thinking get one of those bags 316 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,453 that have the two little handles on it. 317 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:30,671 In case I'm not really dead, you can lift me back up. 318 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,748 - Promise? - A shopping bag? 319 00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:34,587 A Bloomingdale's big brown bag. 320 00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:36,420 I mean, I'll throw ya in a Bloomey's bag, 321 00:11:36,419 --> 00:11:39,420 but I'm not pullin' ya back out even if you're alive. 322 00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:42,151 Again, so sorry for the wait. 323 00:11:42,148 --> 00:11:43,680 No, no. 324 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:46,214 I just need you to confirm your uncle's information and sign there. 325 00:11:46,211 --> 00:11:48,345 Ok, thank you so much. 326 00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:50,026 Of course, and please, let us know 327 00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:51,776 if there's anything else we can do. 328 00:11:51,775 --> 00:11:53,107 Oh, you're very sweet. 329 00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:54,905 Whoa, good, heavy. 330 00:11:54,904 --> 00:11:56,004 Was he tall? 331 00:11:57,770 --> 00:11:59,670 Actually, he was tall. 332 00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:01,425 Well, that can do it. 333 00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:04,978 Yeah, it's gotta be the long bones of the leg, the femurs? 334 00:12:04,998 --> 00:12:06,764 Dad, it's not the femur. 335 00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:08,232 Thank you. 336 00:12:08,254 --> 00:12:10,187 You know what they call a group of femurs? 337 00:12:10,209 --> 00:12:11,275 Your butt hole. 338 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,587 Yeah, your butt hole. 339 00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:14,021 Really? Hmm. 340 00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:18,705 Alright, catering will arrive while we're at the cemetery. 341 00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:20,558 We got music, we got flowers, we got chairs. 342 00:12:20,580 --> 00:12:22,112 The bar's all set up. 343 00:12:22,111 --> 00:12:23,113 Thank you. 344 00:12:23,137 --> 00:12:25,156 I put hand towels in the guest bathroom. 345 00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,777 Now I'm a person who thinks about hand towels. 346 00:12:27,775 --> 00:12:29,505 How does my mother do this? 347 00:12:29,527 --> 00:12:30,726 She's a good lady. 348 00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,206 Cool your pene, Mike. 349 00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:33,360 Cool your pene. 350 00:12:33,383 --> 00:12:34,701 I'm a little excited though. 351 00:12:34,723 --> 00:12:36,489 Jennifer's bringing her new beau today. 352 00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:37,495 Oh that's right. 353 00:12:37,518 --> 00:12:39,192 - I'm looking forward to meeting him. - Me too. 354 00:12:39,197 --> 00:12:40,884 I imagine they'll have just done it in the car, 355 00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:42,305 so I wouldn't shake their hands. 356 00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:43,509 Noted. 357 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,065 By the way, have you ever heard of someone 358 00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:47,763 getting accidentally half circumcized? 359 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,027 Why? 360 00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:52,495 'Cause apparently only part of Josh's foreskin 361 00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:55,091 was removed back in the day. 362 00:12:55,089 --> 00:12:57,624 So he's got like, just like a little hoodie. 363 00:12:57,621 --> 00:12:59,816 I just can't imagine that Josh appreciates 364 00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:02,776 Jennifer sharing the intimate details of his genitals with you. 365 00:13:02,795 --> 00:13:04,238 If you're dating a woman, you should assume that 366 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:06,335 every one of her friends knows about your dick. 367 00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,344 Really, does Jennifer know about mine? 368 00:13:08,366 --> 00:13:10,174 She knows it's nice. 369 00:13:10,196 --> 00:13:11,877 Well, I'm glad that's the word on the street. 370 00:13:11,898 --> 00:13:13,531 People are talkin'. 371 00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:14,986 Oh, they're talkin', are they? 372 00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:19,485 Awe, Brian sent me photos of Amelia and Izzy from pajama day. 373 00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,871 Oh my God, these God damn kids are cute! 374 00:13:21,892 --> 00:13:23,425 Yeah, they are cute huh? 375 00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:31,205 Um, did you wear that fucking tank top to drop off? 376 00:13:31,218 --> 00:13:32,683 Yeah, I went for a work out after. 377 00:13:32,705 --> 00:13:34,705 So you wore it to Amelia's school 378 00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:38,289 where we have to go every morning of our lives? 379 00:13:38,307 --> 00:13:40,267 I wore a sweatshirt. I took it off for a minute. 380 00:13:40,635 --> 00:13:41,891 Is this the person you wanna be? 381 00:13:41,913 --> 00:13:45,047 Just guy out in world in tank top? 382 00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:46,186 I don't know. 383 00:13:46,186 --> 00:13:47,285 I like that tank top. 384 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,316 It's comfortable. 385 00:13:48,339 --> 00:13:51,207 Ok, I can't take this on today. 386 00:13:51,329 --> 00:13:52,714 Oh my God. 387 00:13:52,737 --> 00:13:53,822 Well it's a good thing you'll be surrounded 388 00:13:53,821 --> 00:13:55,256 by friends and family then. 389 00:13:55,278 --> 00:13:56,477 Uh-huh. 390 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,098 - You know what else is good? - What's good? 391 00:13:58,119 --> 00:14:00,109 That the funeral will be the highlight 392 00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:01,499 of my emotional day. 393 00:14:04,591 --> 00:14:08,130 As we conclude this portion of the service, 394 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:12,743 we salute Harold with a military tribute. 395 00:14:13,055 --> 00:14:16,724 Following, please join the family for a small reception 396 00:14:16,719 --> 00:14:21,859 at the home of Andrea Warren and Michael Harris. 397 00:14:23,002 --> 00:14:24,676 Hut! 398 00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:26,007 Forward arm! 399 00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,956 Ready, aim, fire! 400 00:14:30,926 --> 00:14:32,744 Aim, fire! 401 00:14:33,803 --> 00:14:36,104 Aim, fire! 402 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:38,170 Right face. 403 00:14:39,036 --> 00:14:40,202 Forward march. 404 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:46,108 I'm gonna need a minute to recover from being shot at. 405 00:14:46,338 --> 00:14:47,338 Oh my God. 406 00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,096 Look who I ran into. 407 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,096 Hi! 408 00:14:50,895 --> 00:14:53,727 - Hi, thank you for coming. - This is Josh. 409 00:14:53,747 --> 00:14:55,421 - This is Mike, Andrea. - Hi. 410 00:14:56,393 --> 00:14:57,826 Hello. 411 00:14:57,826 --> 00:14:59,505 Sorry to meet you under these circumstances 412 00:14:59,526 --> 00:15:01,120 but very happy to meet you. 413 00:15:01,142 --> 00:15:02,482 It is very nice to meet you, 414 00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:03,670 thank you for coming as well. 415 00:15:03,693 --> 00:15:04,828 It was really nice actually. 416 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:05,850 I mean, ya know, 417 00:15:05,873 --> 00:15:07,238 I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen. 418 00:15:07,259 --> 00:15:08,726 I know, it was nice. 419 00:15:08,749 --> 00:15:11,282 Well I'm gonna go ahead and run to your house. 420 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,110 Can I pick up something on the way? 421 00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:14,442 No, it's all taken care of. 422 00:15:14,442 --> 00:15:15,465 Oh, thank you. 423 00:15:15,488 --> 00:15:16,527 You're welcome. 424 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,083 Great to see you and 425 00:15:18,106 --> 00:15:19,806 really lovely to meet you. 426 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,169 - Bye, Mom. - Bye! 427 00:15:22,303 --> 00:15:23,645 We're just gonna head over too, I think. 428 00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,233 Ok great, we will see you there. 429 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:29,124 Josh, I mean, try to pull your shit together. 430 00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,875 Just please, for once. 431 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:31,897 I'm doing my best. 432 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,252 This is your best? 433 00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:34,561 - I mean, this is it. - So sorry. 434 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,494 I will be asking to borrow some money 435 00:15:36,493 --> 00:15:37,759 when we get to your home. 436 00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:39,100 Just a warning. 437 00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:40,357 Mike, pull out your checkbook. 438 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,555 I don't wanna make it weird. 439 00:15:41,555 --> 00:15:43,556 Bye, we'll see you there. 440 00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:49,731 I mean, not the sex monster I was imagining, right? 441 00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:51,560 Four times a night? 442 00:15:51,727 --> 00:15:53,126 He was so sweet. 443 00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:54,578 - Very. - Right? 444 00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:55,605 Yes, but I like him. 445 00:15:55,628 --> 00:15:56,738 I really liked him. 446 00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,321 - Did you see how happy she was? - Yeah. 447 00:15:59,732 --> 00:16:01,089 But was there even one second you weren't 448 00:16:01,111 --> 00:16:02,118 thinking about his dick? 449 00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:03,274 Be honest. 450 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:04,519 No. 451 00:16:04,557 --> 00:16:06,834 Ha, now you know what it's like to be one of the girls. 452 00:16:06,855 --> 00:16:08,722 Chit chattin' about the goods. 453 00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:15,579 - Dad. - Hi honey. 454 00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:18,470 - Oh, you made it. - I did, indeed. 455 00:16:18,496 --> 00:16:21,258 Listen, you did a wonderful, wonderful job here. 456 00:16:21,278 --> 00:16:22,411 Thank you. 457 00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:24,347 - Harry would've loved this. - Well, don't worry. 458 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,831 For yours, I'll ya know, make sure I have some 459 00:16:26,851 --> 00:16:29,779 stripper poles strategically placed around the party. 460 00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:31,909 If you were gonna go into a casket, 461 00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:34,199 I could say you would just slide right on in. 462 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:35,221 Yeah, well if you had the stripper poles, 463 00:16:35,243 --> 00:16:38,537 I have a few people I could audition for extras 464 00:16:38,556 --> 00:16:39,968 in a situation like that. 465 00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:41,273 - By the way... - This has taken a turn. 466 00:16:41,273 --> 00:16:44,908 I put together this, it's a photo montage 467 00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,938 that you can play while people are talking. 468 00:16:47,935 --> 00:16:49,701 How many photos of Mom's Uncle Harry 469 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,466 could you possibly have? 470 00:16:51,465 --> 00:16:53,933 Not a ton, but ya know, who cares? 471 00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:56,198 So, it's gonna be like what, seven photos on a loop? 472 00:16:56,219 --> 00:16:58,799 - Yeah. - Alright, I'll put it on. 473 00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:00,486 Ok, I'm gonna get a sandwich. 474 00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:03,704 Ok, you don't have to say it like it's a secret. 475 00:17:03,938 --> 00:17:05,471 Anyone can get a sandwich. 476 00:17:05,788 --> 00:17:07,488 Mom, I'm gonna gather everyone up. 477 00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:09,922 Some people wanna say a few things. 478 00:17:09,919 --> 00:17:11,532 Andrea, thanks so much for hosting. 479 00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:12,989 Oh my God, my pleasure. 480 00:17:13,011 --> 00:17:14,576 Your house is so beautiful. 481 00:17:14,848 --> 00:17:16,648 I can't wait to have my memorial here. 482 00:17:16,647 --> 00:17:18,656 - Oh, God forbid. - Well what? 483 00:17:18,677 --> 00:17:20,756 I'm about to turn 75. 484 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:21,877 Well I'm not far behind you. 485 00:17:21,877 --> 00:17:23,077 Well, I wouldn't say that. 486 00:17:23,077 --> 00:17:25,777 I might have a few more good years. 487 00:17:25,774 --> 00:17:28,979 Hopefully more than a few. 488 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,570 Ya know, even at 90 and 93, my mother and Uncle Harry 489 00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:38,162 always kept us laughing. 490 00:17:38,184 --> 00:17:40,217 That's a wipe dissolve. 491 00:17:41,896 --> 00:17:43,161 What? 492 00:17:43,161 --> 00:17:45,096 Don't you remember that? 493 00:17:45,118 --> 00:17:48,519 But sadly, they were the last of that generation. 494 00:17:48,931 --> 00:17:52,599 So Bob, Sharon, looks like we're next. 495 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:58,446 Honey, Uncle Russ is getting ready to leave. 496 00:17:58,468 --> 00:17:59,734 Wants to say goodbye. 497 00:17:59,949 --> 00:18:02,016 Ok, I will be out in a second. 498 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,948 - Everything alright? - Yeah, I'm fine. 499 00:18:03,946 --> 00:18:05,479 Ya sure? 500 00:18:05,479 --> 00:18:07,104 You're gonna die. 501 00:18:07,126 --> 00:18:08,425 Jesus! 502 00:18:08,448 --> 00:18:10,125 Ok well, I don't know if he's gonna help 503 00:18:10,147 --> 00:18:11,967 but I guess it's worth a Hail Mary. 504 00:18:11,989 --> 00:18:13,989 Are you just realizing this today? 505 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,678 No, obviously, I know this but it's, 506 00:18:16,698 --> 00:18:18,527 now that you're next up, I mean, 507 00:18:18,549 --> 00:18:20,089 what the hell am I supposed to be doing? 508 00:18:20,111 --> 00:18:21,341 Honey, you're more than capable 509 00:18:21,362 --> 00:18:22,710 of taking care of yourself. 510 00:18:23,511 --> 00:18:24,779 Of course I am, don't be insane. 511 00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:25,801 I just, 512 00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:31,292 I'm gonna miss you, you dick. 513 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,443 - That is so sweet. - No it's not. 514 00:18:33,465 --> 00:18:36,171 I'm just saying, I refuse to start replacing you. 515 00:18:36,191 --> 00:18:38,191 So, pull out your china. 516 00:18:38,212 --> 00:18:40,346 Get your silverware polished. 517 00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:41,667 Start throwing the parties. 518 00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:42,925 Honey, you have no choice. 519 00:18:42,948 --> 00:18:45,153 - Yes, I do have a choice! - This is why I had kids. 520 00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:46,619 That's why you had kids? 521 00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:48,208 Because when I really start to go, 522 00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,863 I'm moving in here with you and Mike 523 00:18:49,885 --> 00:18:52,352 and he's gonna give me sponge baths. 524 00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,840 Ugh, I wanna be horrified 525 00:18:54,861 --> 00:18:57,261 but I think he would enjoy that. 526 00:18:57,374 --> 00:19:00,576 Mom, I don't understand why you are not more worked up 527 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,138 about this than I am. 528 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,894 You're the one that's ya know, on your way out. 529 00:19:04,915 --> 00:19:07,116 Well obviously the thought of growing old is shit, 530 00:19:07,137 --> 00:19:08,770 but since the alternative is dying, 531 00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:10,425 I guess I'll just go with it. 532 00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:11,684 I don't love it. 533 00:19:11,707 --> 00:19:14,810 Well, you're the one who was always joking about me dying. 534 00:19:14,829 --> 00:19:16,761 Yeah that was before I remembered 535 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,794 how God damn old you are. 536 00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:20,664 - Thank you. - I'll be honest. 537 00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:22,885 I didn't think I loved you as much as I do. 538 00:19:23,156 --> 00:19:25,592 - I don't believe anybody did. - I knew. 539 00:19:25,613 --> 00:19:27,813 Well, you know what's gonna come as a surprise to you? 540 00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:29,753 When I won't change your diapers 541 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,352 and you gotta find another way. 542 00:19:32,349 --> 00:19:34,817 Huh, I think I've thought of another way. 543 00:19:34,815 --> 00:19:36,095 Don't say Mike. 544 00:19:36,118 --> 00:19:38,296 I think maybe Mike would be really good at that. 545 00:19:38,317 --> 00:19:40,920 Ok, I'm starting to find a path through my grief. 546 00:19:40,941 --> 00:19:42,022 So thank you. 547 00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:43,319 No problem! 548 00:19:43,341 --> 00:19:44,407 My pleasure. 549 00:19:44,408 --> 00:19:46,484 Your parting gift to me. 550 00:19:46,505 --> 00:19:48,414 My dying gift to my daughter. 551 00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:51,037 Cool, alright, I'm gonna go say my goodbyes. 552 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,535 Give the people a glimpse of their new queen. 553 00:19:53,556 --> 00:19:56,546 Well I'm just glad I got a glimpse of Jennifer's new boyfriend. 554 00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,311 I wanna know everything that's going on there. 555 00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:01,135 I don't know if you wanna know everything. 556 00:20:01,155 --> 00:20:02,487 Oh, now I think I do. 557 00:20:02,509 --> 00:20:03,516 What? 558 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,547 Let's just say there was a bit of a 559 00:20:05,568 --> 00:20:08,103 botched circumcision situation. 560 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,338 - They left a little on the top. - Oh my goodness. 561 00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:13,307 Well, every penis is different, you know? 562 00:20:13,329 --> 00:20:17,592 I mean, you know Leon's, it's very long but it's very thin. 563 00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:20,690 Oh God. 564 00:20:26,321 --> 00:20:28,325 I just wasn't prepared to get that emotional 565 00:20:28,347 --> 00:20:29,647 about my mom today. 566 00:20:29,647 --> 00:20:30,812 It just came out of nowhere. 567 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,094 I just fell apart. 568 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,140 Well it's hard not to think about that stuff at funerals. 569 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,595 I know, but I was living such a carefree life 570 00:20:36,593 --> 00:20:39,160 before my Uncle fucking Russ opened his God damn mouth 571 00:20:39,157 --> 00:20:41,524 about his generation's bullshit. 572 00:20:41,522 --> 00:20:44,522 Again, I support your choice not to have spoken at the service. 573 00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:45,919 I think people were disappointed. 574 00:20:45,919 --> 00:20:48,720 I just don't want my mom to die. 575 00:20:48,717 --> 00:20:50,751 Is that terrible to say? 576 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,554 Look, I think it makes your mom feel good 577 00:20:52,576 --> 00:20:54,409 knowing she could pass the torch off to you. 578 00:20:54,431 --> 00:20:55,897 Ugh, well I'm not interested. 579 00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:58,708 How soon before I can pass the torch off to Amelia? 580 00:20:58,729 --> 00:21:00,783 - When she's eight? - It was a nice memorial though. 581 00:21:00,804 --> 00:21:02,570 Yeah, it was really nice. 582 00:21:02,592 --> 00:21:04,192 I think everyone had a very good time. 583 00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:07,046 And we got to meet Josh's... 584 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,160 No, I'm out. 585 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,226 You're out? 586 00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,383 Yep, I've seen the light. 587 00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:12,603 What? 588 00:21:12,626 --> 00:21:14,626 My mother gleefully shared something to me 589 00:21:14,698 --> 00:21:18,700 that I can never repeat, nor will I ever un-know. 590 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:22,130 And now, I see the error of my ways. 591 00:21:22,149 --> 00:21:23,712 - What was it? - I'm not gonna tell you. 592 00:21:23,729 --> 00:21:25,095 Oh come on, you gotta tell me. 593 00:21:25,094 --> 00:21:26,270 You don't wanna now. 594 00:21:26,293 --> 00:21:27,492 I do wanna know. 595 00:21:27,492 --> 00:21:30,259 Leon's got a long, slender penis. 596 00:21:34,468 --> 00:21:35,500 Oh my God. 597 00:21:35,523 --> 00:21:36,523 Mm-hmm. 598 00:21:38,917 --> 00:21:39,917 Yeah. 599 00:21:40,649 --> 00:21:41,915 And that goes 600 00:21:41,914 --> 00:21:44,147 inside my mother. 601 00:21:48,244 --> 00:21:49,277 That sucks. 602 00:21:55,239 --> 00:21:56,225 And I understand you're celebrating 603 00:21:56,224 --> 00:21:58,038 an anniversary tonight, congratulations. 604 00:21:58,037 --> 00:22:00,171 - Oh thank you. - Yes, we are. 605 00:22:00,169 --> 00:22:01,234 Your waiter will be right with you. 606 00:22:01,234 --> 00:22:03,034 - Thank you. - Oh my God. 607 00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:04,566 This looks fabulous. 608 00:22:04,565 --> 00:22:06,165 Yeah, I love this restaurant. 609 00:22:06,165 --> 00:22:08,565 What's going on there with the shirt? 610 00:22:08,563 --> 00:22:10,095 What? 611 00:22:10,094 --> 00:22:11,360 Is that your jammies? 612 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:14,195 I just assumed this is what we're doing now. 613 00:22:14,192 --> 00:22:16,091 We just ya know, we wear stuff that's comfortable. 614 00:22:16,090 --> 00:22:17,824 We're not worried about impressing each other. 615 00:22:17,823 --> 00:22:19,388 Ya know, like your tank top 616 00:22:19,387 --> 00:22:22,956 or this extremely comfortable shirt. 617 00:22:22,952 --> 00:22:25,586 You're wearing that to our anniversary dinner to make a point? 618 00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:26,805 - Uh-huh. - About my tank top? 619 00:22:26,828 --> 00:22:29,118 Mm-hmm. I did. 620 00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:32,215 Well uh, you know people are looking at you right now. 621 00:22:32,212 --> 00:22:34,745 Great, let them look. 622 00:22:34,743 --> 00:22:36,010 Let them feast their eyes 623 00:22:36,009 --> 00:22:38,610 on a woman who's given up. 624 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,407 Yeah, well, before you give up on life, 625 00:22:40,406 --> 00:22:42,072 why don't you open your gift. 626 00:22:42,071 --> 00:22:43,204 I would love to. 627 00:22:43,204 --> 00:22:44,570 Here, press play. 628 00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:47,004 - What? - Just do it. 629 00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:49,568 Hey honey, it's August 21st, 2018 and I am purchasing 630 00:22:49,566 --> 00:22:53,001 this horrific tank top with the sole purpose of fucking with you. 631 00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:54,589 My gift to you. I love you. 632 00:22:54,611 --> 00:22:56,011 Happy anniversary. 633 00:22:59,659 --> 00:23:01,059 This was a bid. 634 00:23:01,058 --> 00:23:02,457 This was a bid. 635 00:23:03,922 --> 00:23:06,856 And now, I have won anniversaries. 636 00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:09,491 Ok, holy shit. 637 00:23:09,717 --> 00:23:12,185 What is happening right now? 638 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:14,316 The pajama date photo? 639 00:23:14,314 --> 00:23:15,347 That was staged? 640 00:23:15,348 --> 00:23:17,782 Yeah, Brian helped me. 641 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:20,981 I'm gonna have sex with you four times tonight. 642 00:23:20,977 --> 00:23:22,110 Oh wow. 643 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,946 So just know that that's coming at you. 644 00:23:25,050 --> 00:23:29,222 How happy were you when I took my coat off 645 00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:31,738 and was wearing this monstrosity? 646 00:23:31,736 --> 00:23:34,502 Honestly? That could not have gone better. 647 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:35,841 Oh my God. 648 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:38,499 Fuck, I love you. 649 00:23:38,497 --> 00:23:39,897 I love you too. 650 00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:43,364 This was six months of fury you gave me. 651 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,760 Oh, so worth it. 652 00:23:47,763 --> 00:23:50,691 I am gonna put my coat back on now because 653 00:23:51,193 --> 00:23:52,321 people are looking. 654 00:23:52,321 --> 00:23:53,887 Yeah, they are. 655 00:23:57,617 --> 00:24:01,753 Um, what was that move you did back there? 656 00:24:01,748 --> 00:24:04,549 Were you trying to have sex with my butt? 657 00:24:04,546 --> 00:24:05,553 Maybe. 658 00:24:05,576 --> 00:24:08,323 No, you got 36 more years to wait, my friend. 659 00:24:08,344 --> 00:24:10,143 Contracts have wiggle room. 660 00:24:10,141 --> 00:24:11,807 Wiggle room? 661 00:24:11,807 --> 00:24:13,807 Are you actually an attorney? 662 00:24:13,805 --> 00:24:15,939 I just thought after my amazing present 663 00:24:15,937 --> 00:24:18,538 that if I ever had a chance, it'd be tonight. 664 00:24:18,536 --> 00:24:21,736 You know what, I understand and appreciate that instinct 665 00:24:21,755 --> 00:24:24,555 but keep your dick out of my butt. 666 00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,234 - That's fair. - Thank you. 667 00:24:27,284 --> 00:24:31,834 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48155

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