All language subtitles for Fam s01e12 Say Mess to the Dress.eng

Nick...

I think I'm in love.

Nice. What's his name,

and what high school
did he drop out of?

What? No,
I'm in love with a dog.

I saw him at the animal
shelter my weed guy works at.

[chuckles]: Dude,
he is so cute.

The dog.

Nick, can I adopt him?

Please? Please,
please, please, please?

I promise I'll take
such good care of him.

Okay, this is literally the
easiest decision I've ever made.

[laughs]: Thank
you so much, Nick.

Oh, my God. You're not
gonna regret this.

Thought it was very clear
that I meant, uh, no. [chuckles]

What?
Look, a dog is a huge commitment,

and your sister and I
are gonna be the ones

that have to take care of it.

And let's be honest,
you're way too irresponsible.

[scoffs] Okay, Nick.

Name one thing I've done
that's irresponsible.

Uh, last...

That specifically relates
to dogs.

Hey.
Hey, babe.

How'd the dress fitting go?

Well...It was magical.

Clem,

you will never know
how much it means to me

that you will be wearing
my wedding gown.

I always thought
it was impossible

for someone to look better
in it than I did.

But you came close.

SHANNON:
Oh.

Good news, Clem.
We're getting a dog.

Wheels are in motion,
can't be stopped.

I already named him Pretzel.

I assume you already
shut this down?

Shut it down like a RadioShack.

Clem, you know, this is
a dream come true for me.

You know, never having
a daughter of my own,

I thought I wouldn't get
to pass down my dress.

But now I have a daughter.

Oh.Oh.

So I guess that makes you
guys brother and sister?

Okay, I just need to know,

do you lovethe dress?

I mean, do you really, really
love it?

I loveit.Oh!

And I love that you love it.

Well, I got to go.

Good-bye, darlings.Bye.

Oh, that is so great
that you love it.

I hate it!

I mean,

I mean, it is beautiful,
but it's just not me.

It's old-fashioned,
and it's matronly,

and there's just...
there's a lot of poof.

Babe, you're beautiful.

You can make any dress work.

Thank you. And I have no choice.

If I don't walk down the aisle
in that taffeta hazmat suit,

your mom is gonna be devastated.

Don't worry, Clem.

You know what would make you
feel a lot better right now?

A dog.

♪

Give it to me. Give
it to me straight.

Oh, honey, I haven't given it to
anyone straight since prom '05.

But for real,

you look so beautiful.Aw.

...is what I would say
if you weren't wearing

a curtain-sized doily.

And the worst part is
when we were at the fitting,

I saw this perfect
Vera Wang dress.

Ben, I really want that Wang.

Girl, I get it.
I love the wang, too.

Well...

this is a disaster.Okay.

I know how to cheer you up.

You are coming out
with me this Friday.

The Queer Eyeguys
are throwing a party,

and I'm gonna pretend
to be straight

so that they give
me a makeover.

Nick and I have
a date night planned.

We're gonna walk
over the Brooklyn Bridge

and go to this
great little bistro.

We never hang out anymore, Clem.
I really miss my wingwoman.

What are you talking about?
We hang out all the time.

Not like we used to.
Remember?

You'd attract a crowd
of straight guys,

and I'd pick off the one
that was just pretending

for his father.
[sighs]

Yeah, and I'd grab the one
with emotional damage

and date him until he decided
he was better than me.Mmm.

God, we had fun.

Anyway, I got to get out
of this thing

before somebody tries
to roast me over a fire.

Hey, Nicky.Hey, Ben.

So, what boring couple thing

are you forcing my Clemmy
to do tonight?

Boring? Hardly.

Normally on Monday nights,
we, uh, drink some wine,

watch an episode
of Bachelor in Paradise.

But last week,

we fell asleep,
which means that this week,

we get two episodes!
Uh, what? [laughs]

How willyou keep this flame
alive after the wedding?

Anyway, I'm headed out.
Have a cycle class to teach.

Oh, yeah? You know, I've been
looking for a new workout.

Maybe I'll stop by sometime.

Oh, it's an advanced class.

You might want to try Ira
on Thursdays.

You don't think
I can handle yours?

Right. That's why I said
try Ira on Thursdays.

Okay, I need help.

This thing is like
the world's poofiest prison.

Hey, babe. Oh!

Aah! I should not
see you in the dress.

To be fair, no one should.

CLEM:
Come on, Nick.

Thatold superstition?

Yes, Clem. It's bad luck

to see the bride in her
dress before the wedding.

Okay? Look, it's like some
sort of curse or something.

Ben, tell her.Yeah. I'm sorry
to tell you Nick's right.

You are now doomed to a lifetime
of nights on the couch

with bad television
and worse wine.

It's a Trader Joe's
pick of the week.

Man, things are getting hot
on that beach, huh?

I mean, I just knew

he was gonna choose Becca P.

And then, boom,
out of nowhere, Becca C.

Without even considering
poor Becca R.

Babe, for what it's worth,

you look beautiful
in that dress. Aw.

So I brought you

a little juice from the vine

to ease your mind.
Aw.

I can't wait to marry you.

To us.

Yes. [chuckles]

[gasps, screams]
Oh! Oh!

What did you do?
Me?

Yes.
You just flung wine all over my mom's dress.

I didn't do anything.

You were supposed
to meet me halfway.

That's how a toast works.

You don't just drink.
You clink first!

You don't always clink first.

Everybody clinks first.

Oh, my God. The curse.

There is no curse.
There's a stain,

and it is setting.

Come on. Quick,
the kitchen sink.

Quick. I'll get the stain
remover. Go, go, go!

I got the stain remover!

Babe, turn on the other light.

[garbage disposal grinding]Oh, no!

No! No.

[grinding stops]

I don't think
that was the light, Clem.

Maybe it's okay.
Maybe it's okay.

[grunts]

Okay.

So it's not okay.

I see you had
my leftover pad thai.

What's up, Clem?I'll tell you what's up.

I did something bad.
I did something,

like, really, really,
really, really, really bad.

You know, that sounds
like something I usually say.

Hold up,
did we just Freaky Friday?

Shannon, I ruined

Rose's wedding dress.

She's gonna be heartbroken.

Okay, Clem,
I'm sure it's not that bad.

[whispers]:
Damn.

You murdered that
thing. Oh, my...

I can't believe
that this happened.

You know what's comforting
in times of stress?

Please don't say

a puppy.A puppy.

[Nick cries out]

[grunting]

Wow. I guess now
we've both seen each other

in outfits that we wish
we could unsee.

I'm actually heading to Ben's...

...cycle class.

He said he didn't think I could
handle it. Can you believe that?

I mean, your boy ran
a half marathon last year.

Yeah, but not on purpose.

Your boy signed up
for a full one

and then stopped halfway
at a Pancake City.

To carbo-load.

Hey, babe, you sure
you don't want me

to come with you to tell
my mom about the dress?No.

I got this. But if I don't
make it back alive,

it's gonna be a real bummer

that this was
my last image of you.

Thank you.

Okay.

Enough stalling. Here I go.

[groaning]:
Oh, my God.

How am I gonna do this?

Listen, Clem, you're talking
to the expert here.

If you've ever done something

that's gonna completely crush
and devastate someone,

say it with a smile.

All right, we got options here.

There's the
"I'm innocent" smile.

The "I don't know" smile.

Now, the really great one is
the "I don't really care" smile.

The beauty of this one...

I want you to picture
your best self

and cycle to her, you bitches.

Nick. How you doing, buddy?

Hope you don't think
I'm gonna go easy on you.

There is no special treatment
in the Ben-Den.

Don't need any special treatment
in the Ben-Den.

I'm actually a little bored.

When are we done
with this warm-up?

Couple minutes.What!?

This is still the warm-up?

You got to be joking.

Everyone, I need you
to kick it up a notch!

[all whoop]

Dig deep, Nicky,
like my girl Gertie here.

And everyone wish Gertie
a happy 75th birthday!

[all cheer]

Damn, Gertie.

Rose, there's something

I need to tell you,

and it may be very upsetting.

How do I say this?

ROSE:
What? What is it?

Sweetheart, just tell me.

Rose, your wedding dress
is ruined.

[gasps]

[Rose squeals]CLEM: No, no,
no, no, no.

Don't freak out.
It's not that bad.

It's not?Oh, no, it is real bad.

I don't know why
I just said that.[squeals]

Rose, I'm so sorry.

How'd it happen?

Well, the-the thing is, um,

what happened was...Rose, I did it.

I ruined your dress. It was me.

What?

Just FYI, I forgot to get more
milk earlier like you asked to.

I figured I'd sort of draft off

this much bigger
Shannon confession.

Continue.

Tell me exactly how it happened.

Well, you know,
normally, I make a list.

But truth is,
I got a little cocky.

So, I was messing around,

and I spilled red wine
on the dress,

and then...
Red wine?

Red wine around
a wedding gown?

Oh, God, that
is so careless.

Careless!

And then, in an extremely
unfortunate turn of events,

I tried to wash it in the sink,

and I ended up shredding it
in... in the...

in the garbage disposal.

Well, I guess
that dream is over.

The dream of seeing Clem
married in my wedding gown.

I'm sorry, Rose.

Rose, I feel terrible.

Oh. Me, too, Clem. Me, too.

Hmm.

I also forgot the
Wheat Thins. I'm sorry.

That was really hard.

Shannon, you totally threw
yourself on the grenade for me.

Why'd you do that?

Dude, I'm used to people
being disappointed in me.

I can handle it.

And I know how important

your relationship with
Rose is to you, so...

Oh. Shannon, sometimes
you really surprise me.

Aw. And for my cooperation,

I want that puppy.

And other times,
you're a little on the nose.Mm.

Oh, my God,
I love this dog so much!

I love you. I love you.

I love you, I love you.
I loveyou.

And I love you.
And you thought

I wasn't gonna be able
to take care of him.

You've literally had him
for two hours.

Yeah, but that's, like,
way longer in dog hours.

[groans]

Oh. [sucks air through teeth]Wow.

You see that, Pretzel?

That's the result of 30 minutes
of light exercise.

Top athletes,
like your boy right here,

call it "the recovery waddle."

That's right. If you ain't
waddling, you ain't throttling.

Here we go! Aah.

I just got off the phone with
the guy from the bridal shop.

And guess what.

He's giving me
the Wang of my dreams.

And this is how you tell me?

[barks]

CLEM:
Um, Shannon,

I think Pretzel here needs
to go out.

Nah, he's just holding
the door shut to protect us.

Fine. I'll go get his leash,

'cause I'm responsible.

Come on, Pretzel. Let's go.

Look, Clem, I get why
you didn't want to tell my mom

about what happened
with the dress,

but now, we're stuck
with a creature

that's barely housebroken
and can't take care of itself.

And on top of all of
that, we have a dog.

I know. I do kind of feel bad
about lying to your mom,

but think about it.
It all worked out.

I'm all good with Rose.

I get to wear the dress
that I really wanted to wear.

And Shannon gets to learn
about responsibility.

What happened to your curse,
hmm?

[knocking at door]

Hey, Walt.
What's up?

Good news. I was able to pull
some strings, call in a favor,

and I got a costume
designer friend to...

repair Rose's wedding dress!

No!

Way!

No way.
That's... that's awesome.

[laughs]

[Clem fake laughs]

Holy crap,
you can't kill that thing.

Walt, I can't believe it.

The dress looks exactly
the same as before.

Doesn't it, Clem?

Yeah, although, is it just me,
or did they add even more poof?

Good eye.

I had 'em do that.

You got to keep up
with the times.

Dad, how'd you get
that done so fast?

Oh, it wasn't easy.

The costume designer
is an aspiring playwright,

so I had to promise
to star in a two-week run

of her show about menopause,
called Is It Hot in Here?

Well, I got
to bounce.

I'm meeting some
friends to study.

That sounds a lot like you.

What are you guys studying?

Physics. Is that a thing?

Don't you think you should
stop by the apartment first

and let your dog out?

Man, I should have gotten one of
those dogs that pees in a box.

That's called a cat.

[door closes]

I can't believe you
let her have a dog.

And after what she
did to ourdress. Mm.

Well, it wasan accident.

Maybe. Maybe not.

You never know with Shannon.

You know, Clem,
I have done

everything I could to welcome
your family into our family.

And I know Shannon's had
a difficult upbringing,

but so have you,

and I don't think

you'd ever do something
like that.

Ooh.

And the hurtful part is,

she doesn't even seem
genuinely sorry.

Oh, she's sorry.

I know for a fact that she's,
like, really, really sorry.

Like... on the verge
of vomiting sorry.

Clem, what's going on?

Shannon didn't ruin
the dress, Rose.

I did.

What?

I ruined the dress, Rose.

Shannon took the blame
because...

'cause she didn't want you
to be mad at me.

WALT:
Wow. That was

actually very noble of Shannon.

Then she blackmailed
us for a puppy.

That sounds right.

But I don't
understand.

Why didn't you
say something?

Because you said
I was like a daughter to you,

and that meant the world to me.

And then I ruined the dress,
and I got scared

that maybe you wouldn't feel
like that about me anymore.

Oh, baby,

you'll always
be my daughter,

even if you disappoint me.

Walt's still my husband, and
he forgot the damn Wheat Thins.

The good news is,
despite this fiasco,

you can still wear the gown
now that it's been repaired.

[sing-songy]:
And updated in the poof department.

Oh, and going forward,

I want you to know,
in this family,

you can always
be honest with me.

I don't care

how difficult you think
it is for me to hear.

Don't you ever
hold back.

Rose?Mm-hmm.

The dress...

It's just
a little old-fashioned.

Ooh, hold back.
Hold... back.

I love what it symbolizes. I do.

And I love you, but it's just...

It's not me.

Clem, you're the bride.

It's your day.

Sweetheart, you get to wear
whatever you want to wear.

Do you mean it?

I think so.

So, she's not wearing the dress,

but I'll be spending two weeks
in Detroit

in the dead of winter
doing menopause theatre.

That'll be fun.

It's dinner
time, Pretzel.

Again.

I just don't see
the point in this.

I put food in the front,
it comes out the back.

What do I get out of it?

Love and companionship?

Sure, but so much
comes out the back.

[knocking at door]

Hey, guys.

Who is this adorable confection?

That's my dog Pretzel.

Oh. Oh.

His kisses are like
butterfly wings!

Missed you in
class today, Nicky.

Ah, yeah, yeah. You know,
today was my lifting day.

As in lifting the aspirin
to your mouth, or...?

Okay, fine, Ben.
Your class kicked my ass.

I'm in so much pain, this
morning, I had to sit to pee.

I kind of liked it.
It might be my new thing.

Well, Clemmy, since Nicky here
clearly can't cross the bridgey,

sounds like you're free to go
to the party with me tonight.

Oh, no. I can't
leave Nick like this.

Aah!

What? No. No.
I thought if he couldn't walk,

you could go with me.

Wait a minute.

Did you know I was
gonna end up like this?

Did you know
he was gonna end up like this?

Okay, fine.
The bike I put you on--

it's way harder
than the rest of 'em.

We call it "Jaws."

It's reserved for Ironmen,
Olympians and Beyoncé.

Wait. So what
you're saying is,

I am an incredible athlete.

You did, like, three stages
of the Tour de France.

It's a miracle
that you are standing up.

Well, you know,
that is your boy.

[laughs]

It hurts so bad.

Ben, why would you
do that to him?

Because I miss us, Clem.

Everything's changing.

And seeing you in that dress--

that burlap yurt of a dress--

really drove that home.

Ben, we will
always be besties.

Me getting married
doesn't change that.

It just changes some of
the things that we do.

Like, maybe more
walks to brunch,

and less walks of shame.

But I am happy for you guys,

even if I have to find
another wingperson.

You sound like
you could use a buddy.

Maybe a little wingpuppy,
you know?

Take him.

I can't take your dog.

You absolutely can.

Look,

Look, I love him.
Just not ready for him.

It turns out
I am deeply irresponsible.

It's no one's fault.
No one saw this coming.

Anyways,

he'd be happier with you.

And I could still
visit him all the time.

No, it's too crazy. I can't.

We walked by the pier,

and, like,
15 sailors stopped to pet him.

They did?

Mm-hmm.

To pet mydog?

Come on, little buddy.

We got to get you
a little sailor hat.

He licked inside my mouth.

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