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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:06,006
*
(cheering)
2
00:00:06,036 --> 00:00:07,904
We're all from West Covina!
3
00:00:07,935 --> 00:00:08,803
This is my favorite TV show.
4
00:00:08,835 --> 00:00:10,404
I love you, Rachel Bloom.
5
00:00:10,436 --> 00:00:12,072
(cheering)
6
00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:13,337
Ra-ta-ta!
7
00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:16,005
(shouting)
8
00:00:16,037 --> 00:00:17,372
(cheering)
9
00:00:17,403 --> 00:00:20,039
Hello, Los Angeles.
10
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:22,606
(cheering continues)
11
00:00:32,104 --> 00:00:33,938
(laughing)
12
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,573
Oh, my God.
13
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,974
You guys kind of
made me tear up.
14
00:00:43,004 --> 00:00:45,006
(whooping, cheering)
15
00:00:48,105 --> 00:00:49,406
WOMAN:
We love you, Rachel!
16
00:00:49,438 --> 00:00:51,207
* West Covina
17
00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:52,440
(wild cheering)
18
00:00:53,505 --> 00:00:56,875
* California
19
00:00:57,872 --> 00:01:00,708
* In my soul I feel a fire
20
00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:04,710
* 'Cause I'm headed for
the pride of the Inland Empire *
21
00:01:04,739 --> 00:01:06,708
* Actually, it's not
in the Inland Empire *
22
00:01:06,739 --> 00:01:08,007
* It's in
the San Gabriel Valley *
23
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,841
* I should have taken
five seconds to google that *
24
00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:12,876
* Before I wrote the first song
of the television show *
25
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,342
(cheering, applause)
26
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,343
* My life's about to change
27
00:01:20,374 --> 00:01:23,177
Oh, my gosh.
28
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,243
* 'Cause I'm hopelessly
29
00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:27,577
* Desperately in love with
30
00:01:27,607 --> 00:01:28,975
* Everybody
31
00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:32,644
* West Covina...
32
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:34,710
(cheering, whooping)
33
00:01:36,908 --> 00:01:40,312
* And also, by coincidence
34
00:01:40,341 --> 00:01:42,343
* So random, just by chance
35
00:01:42,376 --> 00:01:43,643
* Who'd-a thunk it?
36
00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:45,710
* So remarkable
and weird, right? *
37
00:01:45,741 --> 00:01:47,009
* It so cray
38
00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:49,411
(Bloom gasps, laughs)
39
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,078
*
40
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:58,179
* That this guy Josh
41
00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:00,379
* Just happens to be
42
00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:01,944
*
43
00:02:04,777 --> 00:02:06,979
* Here...
44
00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:09,011
(audience cheering)
45
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:15,844
(song ends)
46
00:02:15,877 --> 00:02:18,546
(cheering, applause)
47
00:02:29,944 --> 00:02:31,480
BLOOM:
Welcome!
48
00:02:31,511 --> 00:02:32,979
Welcome!
49
00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:34,580
(cheering continues)
50
00:02:37,345 --> 00:02:40,014
Um, so, tonight,
we are so excited
51
00:02:40,045 --> 00:02:44,249
to present to you just some
of the 157 songs that we--
52
00:02:44,279 --> 00:02:47,148
(cheering)
I know, I know--
53
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:50,149
uh, from
the Crazy Ex-Girfrie songbook.
54
00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:53,149
"Songbook" was their cue,
so that was very important.
55
00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:54,447
(audience cheering)
56
00:02:55,746 --> 00:02:57,582
Yes. Yes.
57
00:02:57,613 --> 00:03:01,050
Now, uh, because this
whole concert has to air
58
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:04,517
in 42 minutes on The CW,
we have to be very expeditious,
59
00:03:04,546 --> 00:03:06,915
so I am going
to both introduce the show
60
00:03:06,946 --> 00:03:08,982
and change into my next outfit.
61
00:03:09,013 --> 00:03:10,982
This is my dresser,
Tommy Marquez.
62
00:03:11,013 --> 00:03:13,549
(cheering, applause)
63
00:03:13,581 --> 00:03:15,249
* He's single.
64
00:03:15,281 --> 00:03:16,882
Um...
(laughs)
65
00:03:16,914 --> 00:03:18,383
See? I'm helping.
66
00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:20,883
Um, Tommy has seen me naked
many times.
67
00:03:20,914 --> 00:03:23,084
Many times.
Um, if Tommy had a nickel
68
00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:25,150
for every time
he'd seen my nipples,
69
00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:27,150
he would have an answer
that I can't say
70
00:03:27,182 --> 00:03:29,150
because it was redacted
by Standards and Practices
71
00:03:29,182 --> 00:03:33,219
for being too dirty of a joke.
72
00:03:33,248 --> 00:03:34,716
I like how
I'm behind a changing screen,
73
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,651
but the balcony
can see everything.
74
00:03:37,682 --> 00:03:39,584
(cheering)
75
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:41,818
So, now, I'd like to introduce
76
00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:44,585
my two Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
songwriters.
77
00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:46,985
On bass,
say hello to Jack Dolgen.
78
00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:48,418
(cheering, applause)
79
00:03:48,449 --> 00:03:49,784
And on the piano,
80
00:03:49,816 --> 00:03:51,251
Mr. Adam Schlesinger.
81
00:03:51,284 --> 00:03:54,653
(cheering, applause)
82
00:03:54,683 --> 00:03:56,251
And now...
83
00:03:56,284 --> 00:03:58,286
I am changed.
84
00:03:58,317 --> 00:04:00,786
(cheering, applause)
85
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:04,921
Coming up is a song
that manages to be both feminist
86
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:07,520
and antifeminist
at the same time.
87
00:04:08,817 --> 00:04:09,785
("Let's Generalize About Men"
begins)
88
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,252
Here's your jacket, bitch.
89
00:04:15,818 --> 00:04:19,222
* Right now
we're angry and sad *
90
00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:22,421
* It's our right
to get righteously mad *
91
00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:24,653
* At every member
of the opposite sex *
92
00:04:24,685 --> 00:04:27,088
* Oh, God, we hate them
93
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:32,622
* Let's not distinguish
between them at all *
94
00:04:32,652 --> 00:04:35,755
* Let's just drink
a lot more alcohol *
95
00:04:35,786 --> 00:04:37,488
* And then high-five
each other *
96
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:41,890
* As we make a bunch
of blanket statements *
97
00:04:41,919 --> 00:04:45,890
* Let's generalize about men
98
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:49,323
* Let's generalize
about men *
99
00:04:49,353 --> 00:04:50,888
* Let's take one bad thing
100
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,123
* About one man
101
00:04:53,153 --> 00:04:56,423
* And apply it to all of them
102
00:04:56,453 --> 00:04:57,821
* Let's conflate all the guys
103
00:04:57,853 --> 00:04:59,422
* Let's generalize
104
00:04:59,454 --> 00:05:00,722
* About men
105
00:05:00,753 --> 00:05:02,889
Ooh, it's, like,
"I have a beard." Ugh!
106
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,457
* All men are
completely repressed *
107
00:05:06,488 --> 00:05:07,589
* Uh-huh *
108
00:05:07,621 --> 00:05:10,491
* All men only want
to have sex *
109
00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,056
* There are no exceptions
110
00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:14,324
* All three billion men
are like this *
111
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:17,425
* All 3.6 billion men *
112
00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:20,758
* All men are
emotionally stunted *
113
00:05:20,789 --> 00:05:24,059
* When asked how they feel,
every man's always grunted *
114
00:05:24,089 --> 00:05:25,623
* And why do men never listen
115
00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:26,956
* And only think
about themselves? *
116
00:05:26,989 --> 00:05:28,957
* As opposed to women,
who always listen *
117
00:05:28,989 --> 00:05:30,991
* And never think
about themselves *
118
00:05:31,022 --> 00:05:32,891
* Ooh, I hear you, girl *
119
00:05:32,922 --> 00:05:36,459
* Let's generalize about men
120
00:05:36,490 --> 00:05:39,626
* Let's generalize
about men *
121
00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:41,158
* Let's get super lit
122
00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:42,891
* And not admit
123
00:05:42,923 --> 00:05:45,293
* This is some kind
of primal ritual *
124
00:05:45,324 --> 00:05:46,758
* We need now and then
125
00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:48,958
* Maybe our spirits
will rise if we *
126
00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:50,825
* Generalize about men
127
00:05:50,856 --> 00:05:54,160
* All men are
stupid and childish *
128
00:05:54,191 --> 00:05:57,660
* Even the ones who are
"smart and mature" *
129
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,394
* All every man does every day
130
00:06:00,424 --> 00:06:02,159
* Is watch porn, eat wings
131
00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:04,660
* Burp, fart and snore
132
00:06:04,691 --> 00:06:07,394
(audience cheering)
133
00:06:07,425 --> 00:06:10,495
Hey. What about gay men?
134
00:06:10,525 --> 00:06:12,494
(cheering fades)
135
00:06:12,525 --> 00:06:14,060
Oh, no, they're fine.
136
00:06:14,093 --> 00:06:17,829
* Gay men are all really great
137
00:06:17,858 --> 00:06:19,927
* Every single one
138
00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:21,627
* They're never mean
139
00:06:21,658 --> 00:06:22,726
* Just sassy
140
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,394
* They're all completely
141
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,162
* Adorable and fun
142
00:06:27,193 --> 00:06:29,795
* So let's focus for now
on straight men *
143
00:06:29,826 --> 00:06:33,897
* Let's just generalize
about them *
144
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,495
* They're all monsters
145
00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:37,161
* They're murderers
* They're rapists
146
00:06:37,194 --> 00:06:39,062
* Totally
Wait.
147
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:40,495
I have sons.
148
00:06:40,527 --> 00:06:43,263
* Your sons
are gonna be rapists. *
149
00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:45,829
(cheering)
150
00:06:57,195 --> 00:06:58,762
All right, uh,
we'll be right back
151
00:06:58,795 --> 00:07:00,897
after I clean up
all the glitter.
152
00:07:00,928 --> 00:07:01,796
Oh...
153
00:07:01,828 --> 00:07:03,930
(laughter)
154
00:07:03,961 --> 00:07:05,963
(cheering)
155
00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:14,064
Anyone want to, um...
156
00:07:14,096 --> 00:07:16,531
you guys want to...
157
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,231
Okay, dare to defy.
158
00:07:18,262 --> 00:07:19,430
(cheering)
159
00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:21,531
We'll be back.
160
00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:25,531
(cheering)
161
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,732
(cheering)
162
00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:37,400
(cheering continues)
163
00:07:43,231 --> 00:07:45,366
You know, during
that last commercial break,
164
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,133
while you were all...
going to the bathroom
165
00:07:47,164 --> 00:07:50,033
or getting drinks or...
probably fornicating...
166
00:07:50,064 --> 00:07:52,300
(laughter)
...um, I was actually backstage,
167
00:07:52,331 --> 00:07:56,535
uh, donating money
to some very worthy causes.
168
00:07:56,564 --> 00:07:57,765
Wow, Rachel.
Yeah.
169
00:07:57,798 --> 00:07:58,932
That's amazing.
Yeah.
170
00:07:58,964 --> 00:08:00,400
What, um...
171
00:08:00,432 --> 00:08:02,401
what specific charities
did you donate to?
172
00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:03,633
What were the names
173
00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,701
of the specific
charities?
174
00:08:05,732 --> 00:08:08,368
(laughter)
175
00:08:08,399 --> 00:08:10,167
Children.
176
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,202
(laughter, light applause)
177
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,701
What's the, uh...
178
00:08:14,732 --> 00:08:16,834
what's the tax ID number
of Children?
179
00:08:16,865 --> 00:08:18,033
(laughter)
180
00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:20,502
Let's just do
the stupid song, okay?
181
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,634
(cheering)
182
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:23,668
("I'm a Good Person" begins)
183
00:08:27,366 --> 00:08:30,203
* I'm a good person,
yes, it's true *
184
00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:33,637
* I'm a good person,
better than you *
185
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:36,437
* I'm a good person,
can't you see? *
186
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:39,504
* Doctors Without Borders
don't have nothing on me *
187
00:08:39,534 --> 00:08:41,969
* I'm a good person,
and if you ask why *
188
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:45,305
* I'll spit my good
right into your eye *
189
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:48,538
* Everywhere I go,
I spread such bliss *
190
00:08:48,568 --> 00:08:50,537
* And if you don't think so,
you can kiss *
191
00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:51,969
* My ass
192
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,703
* Which is made of good
193
00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:56,171
* I'm a good person,
that's my thing *
194
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,438
* My nickname is
Mother Teresa Luther King *
195
00:08:59,468 --> 00:09:02,238
* I'm a good person,
get it straight *
196
00:09:02,269 --> 00:09:03,704
* And when I say "good"
197
00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:05,437
* I really mean "great"
198
00:09:05,469 --> 00:09:07,638
The best. #HumbleAndBlessed.
199
00:09:07,669 --> 00:09:10,806
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
200
00:09:10,836 --> 00:09:13,639
* I'm a good person
through and through *
201
00:09:13,669 --> 00:09:16,372
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
202
00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:18,438
* Let me hear you say it, too
203
00:09:18,469 --> 00:09:21,539
Mom and Dad... Mom and Dad,
say I'm a good person,
204
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,972
or I will put you in a
terrible nursing home.
205
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,471
(laughter)
206
00:09:25,504 --> 00:09:27,139
I'm a good person.
207
00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,471
No.
208
00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:29,671
(laughter)
209
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,839
Okay, just in case we
need it for broadcast,
210
00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:34,972
I need you both to say,
"You're a good person,"
211
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:36,839
just in case
it's not clear.
212
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,306
Say I'm a good person,
213
00:09:38,338 --> 00:09:39,506
or I'll put you in
a nursing home.
214
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,706
And it'll be a bad
nursing home, too.
215
00:09:40,738 --> 00:09:42,373
Say it. Say I'm
a good person.
216
00:09:42,405 --> 00:09:44,640
You're a good person.
I'm a good person.
217
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:47,641
Did you still say
"I'm a good person"?
218
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,473
Dad!
219
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:50,739
Dad!
220
00:09:51,971 --> 00:09:53,640
Dad!
221
00:09:53,671 --> 00:09:55,307
Say it.
You're...
222
00:09:55,339 --> 00:09:56,673
No!
223
00:09:56,706 --> 00:09:58,308
(speaks indistinctly)
224
00:09:58,339 --> 00:09:59,540
Dad!
225
00:09:59,572 --> 00:10:01,808
(laughter)
226
00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:04,709
Dad, just,
Mom'll cue you.
227
00:10:04,739 --> 00:10:06,007
Okay.
228
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,641
Say it. Say it.
229
00:10:07,672 --> 00:10:09,608
BOTH:
You're a good person!
230
00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:11,674
Oh, my God,
thank you...!
231
00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:14,710
* I'm a good, such a good,
real good person *
232
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:18,043
* I'm a good person
through and through *
233
00:10:18,074 --> 00:10:19,609
* I'm a good, such a good
234
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,708
* Real good person
235
00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:22,642
* I'm a good person
236
00:10:22,673 --> 00:10:24,609
* Get it? Screw you!
237
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,709
(cheering)
238
00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:29,809
(song ends)
239
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,242
(cheering continues)
240
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,676
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:48,679
it is my good-person privilege
to introduce...
242
00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:52,279
Donna Lynne Champlin and
the Almost-All-Female Orchestra.
243
00:10:52,309 --> 00:10:54,677
(cheering)
244
00:11:03,143 --> 00:11:04,877
(Champlin laughs)
245
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,678
Thank you.
246
00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:08,812
I got the pretty dress, y'all.
247
00:11:08,843 --> 00:11:11,646
(cheering, applause)
248
00:11:13,876 --> 00:11:16,813
* When I was a little girl
249
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,946
* I felt like a princess
250
00:11:19,976 --> 00:11:23,880
* So naive and full of hope
251
00:11:23,911 --> 00:11:27,815
* I thought my dreams
would come true *
252
00:11:27,844 --> 00:11:30,614
* But then as I grew
253
00:11:30,644 --> 00:11:33,680
* The world was all like
254
00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:35,547
(chuckles)
255
00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:37,114
* "Nope"
256
00:11:37,145 --> 00:11:39,013
(laughter)
257
00:11:39,045 --> 00:11:41,681
But this time, maybe...
258
00:11:41,712 --> 00:11:44,815
just maybe...
259
00:11:44,845 --> 00:11:46,447
(cheering)
260
00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:48,448
* Maybe this dream
261
00:11:48,479 --> 00:11:50,948
* Won't lead to disgrace
262
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,014
* Maybe this dream
263
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,681
* Is in reach
264
00:11:55,713 --> 00:11:57,781
* Maybe this dream
265
00:11:57,813 --> 00:12:00,015
* Won't poop on my face
266
00:12:00,046 --> 00:12:01,915
* Like a seagull
267
00:12:01,946 --> 00:12:05,617
* At the beach
268
00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:07,816
* Maybe this dream
269
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:09,649
* Won't be like
when I go running *
270
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,982
* And I have to take a dump
271
00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:14,650
* So I have to rush home
272
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,649
* Plus I also have my period
273
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,116
* So I have menstrual cramps
274
00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:19,349
* Plus dump cramps
275
00:12:19,381 --> 00:12:21,683
* And as I run frantically
276
00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:22,715
* I pee
277
00:12:22,748 --> 00:12:24,350
* Just a little
278
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:26,350
* Because I've had two babies
279
00:12:26,381 --> 00:12:28,850
* So by the time I get home
280
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:32,785
* My undies smell
like a sewer rat *
281
00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:34,717
* Maybe this dream
282
00:12:34,748 --> 00:12:35,716
* Won't be
283
00:12:35,748 --> 00:12:39,185
* Like that...
284
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,219
(cheering)
285
00:12:51,682 --> 00:12:56,154
* Maybe this dream
286
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,785
* Will finally make me
287
00:12:58,817 --> 00:13:01,786
* Feel...
288
00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:05,820
* Like I
289
00:13:06,983 --> 00:13:10,020
* Deserve...
290
00:13:13,983 --> 00:13:17,020
* A...
291
00:13:17,051 --> 00:13:22,824
* Dream...
292
00:13:22,851 --> 00:13:25,154
(cheering, applause)
293
00:13:25,185 --> 00:13:26,486
Ah.
294
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,687
(cheering continues)
295
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:44,821
(cheering, applause)
296
00:13:46,386 --> 00:13:49,189
How you guys doin'?
297
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:52,656
Yeah! I love ya!
298
00:13:54,853 --> 00:13:57,123
Oh, I have loved playing
Darryl Whitefeather
299
00:13:57,154 --> 00:13:59,123
for the last four years.
300
00:13:59,154 --> 00:14:02,990
But alas, it's time
to hang up the spurs.
301
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:03,987
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
302
00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:06,156
But not just yet!
303
00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:08,656
(cheering)
304
00:14:08,687 --> 00:14:11,790
So how about we show
a little bi pride, huh?
305
00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:13,623
(cheering)
306
00:14:13,654 --> 00:14:16,056
Because this is all
about feelin' proud
307
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:18,324
and livin' out loud!
308
00:14:18,355 --> 00:14:20,724
("Gettin' Bi" begins)
309
00:14:25,422 --> 00:14:27,124
* I don't know how
310
00:14:27,156 --> 00:14:28,690
* I don't know why
311
00:14:28,722 --> 00:14:30,624
* But I like ladies
312
00:14:30,655 --> 00:14:31,989
* And I like guys
313
00:14:32,022 --> 00:14:33,990
* I realize
314
00:14:34,022 --> 00:14:35,490
* It's a surprise
315
00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:37,691
* But now I see
that that's just me *
316
00:14:37,723 --> 00:14:39,825
* It's not like I even try
317
00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:43,193
* So if you ask me how I do it
318
00:14:43,224 --> 00:14:45,359
* Here is my reply
319
00:14:45,390 --> 00:14:47,792
* I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
320
00:14:47,823 --> 00:14:49,691
* I'm gettin' bi
321
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:52,660
* I'm lettin' my bi flag fly
322
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:54,492
* Not gonna hide it
323
00:14:54,524 --> 00:14:56,359
* Not gonna lie
324
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,058
* I'm a bi kinda guy
325
00:14:58,091 --> 00:15:00,560
* There's no reason to be shy
326
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:01,891
* My, oh, my
327
00:15:01,924 --> 00:15:03,726
* It's a fact I can't deny
328
00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,126
* I'm bi, bi, bi
329
00:15:05,158 --> 00:15:06,726
* Until the day I die
330
00:15:09,258 --> 00:15:11,026
* Now, some may say
331
00:15:11,058 --> 00:15:13,661
* Aw, you're just gay
332
00:15:13,691 --> 00:15:15,460
* Why don't you just go gay
333
00:15:15,491 --> 00:15:16,992
* All the way?
334
00:15:17,025 --> 00:15:18,493
* But that's not it
335
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:19,693
* 'Cause bi's legit
336
00:15:19,725 --> 00:15:21,993
* Whether you're a he or a she
337
00:15:22,025 --> 00:15:24,027
* We might be a perfect fit
338
00:15:24,058 --> 00:15:26,728
* So if you ask me how I do it
339
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,728
* I'm feelin' peppy
340
00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:30,128
* Sprightly, spry
341
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,728
* I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
342
00:15:31,759 --> 00:15:34,629
(audience singing along):
* I'm gettin' bi
343
00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:37,129
* I'm gettin' bi,
I'm gettin' bi *
344
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,395
* It doesn't take
an intellectual *
345
00:15:39,427 --> 00:15:41,795
* To get that I'm bisexual.
346
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,829
*
347
00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:53,663
(song ends)
Yeah!
348
00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:55,663
(cheering)
Whoo!
349
00:15:57,728 --> 00:15:59,963
Love you!
350
00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:03,265
(cheering continues)
351
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:06,830
Okay, we'll be right back
352
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:09,831
soon as we clean up
the confetti again.
353
00:16:09,861 --> 00:16:11,363
If anyone wants
to actually help me this time,
354
00:16:11,395 --> 00:16:12,696
that'd be great.
355
00:16:12,729 --> 00:16:13,896
Yeah, we'll help you.
Thank you so much. Thank you so...
356
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:14,996
There you go.
Okay.
357
00:16:15,029 --> 00:16:16,831
Oh, my God, you
need one more more.
358
00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:17,696
Okay.
You'll be great.
359
00:16:17,729 --> 00:16:19,731
Take care
of yourself. Rachel.
360
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:20,996
BURL:
Good luck. You're a star.
361
00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:22,697
Thank you
so much.
362
00:16:24,895 --> 00:16:26,497
(laughter)
363
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:28,565
Itchy Cat,
can you help me sweep?
364
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:29,864
(squeals)
Please?
365
00:16:29,896 --> 00:16:32,133
(cheering)
Itchy Cat?
366
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:35,299
Let's sweep together.
Come on.
367
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:36,797
Yeah, just sweep it there.
368
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,333
Thank you so much.
369
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:43,000
You know, maybe I judged
yeast infections all wrong.
370
00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:45,699
Thank you so much.
371
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:48,366
This is a metaphor
for something,
372
00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:49,732
but I don't know what.
373
00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:58,167
(cheering, applause, whistling)
374
00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:01,933
Oh.
375
00:17:01,964 --> 00:17:03,299
Hello. I...
376
00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:05,100
I totally saw you there.
377
00:17:05,132 --> 00:17:06,599
(laughter)
You know...
378
00:17:06,632 --> 00:17:10,202
when people think
of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,
379
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:12,268
one word comes to mind.
380
00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:14,101
I'm talking about...
381
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:15,167
"sex."
382
00:17:15,199 --> 00:17:17,067
Ooh!
383
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:19,235
Did you all just
collectively shudder
384
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:20,600
at that nasty word?
385
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:22,901
That's right, "sex."
386
00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:25,336
"Doin' it."
387
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:27,201
"A special hug."
388
00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:29,202
(laughter)
389
00:17:29,234 --> 00:17:32,103
"Half past hump o'clock."
390
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,203
And so we here
at Crazy Sex-Girlfriend-- ha!
391
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,702
We've prepared for you
a little...
392
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:41,269
sex medley.
393
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:43,403
("The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
begins)
394
00:17:46,301 --> 00:17:47,402
(audience whooping)
395
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:51,202
Uh!
396
00:17:53,135 --> 00:17:55,337
* It's the sexy
gettin' medley song *
397
00:17:55,368 --> 00:17:56,202
(cheering)
398
00:17:56,236 --> 00:17:58,204
* The sexy gettin' medley song
399
00:17:58,236 --> 00:17:59,237
* Ooh
400
00:17:59,269 --> 00:18:00,603
* Primpin' and pluckin'
401
00:18:00,635 --> 00:18:02,103
* Brushin' and rubbin'
402
00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,970
* The sexy gettin' medley song
403
00:18:06,068 --> 00:18:08,271
* First I make
404
00:18:08,302 --> 00:18:10,104
* Everything shiny and smooth
405
00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:11,303
* Oh, yeah *
406
00:18:11,336 --> 00:18:13,971
* 'Cause I want my body
407
00:18:14,002 --> 00:18:16,272
* To be so soft for you
408
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,871
* Bye-bye, skin *
409
00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:20,305
* I'm gonna make this night
410
00:18:20,337 --> 00:18:22,772
* One you'll never forget, ah
411
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,372
* Ass blood *
* 'Cause, boy
412
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:26,105
* I know you like
413
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:29,873
* An hourglass silhoue...
414
00:18:29,903 --> 00:18:31,038
* Ette
415
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:33,406
Ooh, what's happening
with my...
416
00:18:33,438 --> 00:18:35,206
(cheering)
417
00:18:35,238 --> 00:18:37,806
("We Should Definitely Not
Have Sex Right Now" begins)
418
00:18:42,271 --> 00:18:45,073
* We should definitely
not have sex right now *
419
00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,774
* We should definitely not
have sex right now *
420
00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:51,775
* It would complicate
the situation *
421
00:18:51,804 --> 00:18:53,440
Ooh.
* It's the adult thing
422
00:18:53,472 --> 00:18:55,141
* To not have sex right now
423
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:57,641
* We have the common sense
not to have sex right now *
424
00:18:57,672 --> 00:18:59,407
* I need time to reflect
425
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:02,041
* And I'm
in a really weird place *
426
00:19:02,072 --> 00:19:04,074
(cheering, whooping)
427
00:19:05,905 --> 00:19:07,441
But you know what?
428
00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:08,807
Screw it.
429
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:10,874
("Strip Away My Conscience"
begins)
430
00:19:10,905 --> 00:19:12,474
(cheering)
431
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:19,408
* Strip away my conscience
432
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,308
* Peel away my values
433
00:19:21,341 --> 00:19:24,744
* Rip off my compassion
with your teeth *
434
00:19:24,773 --> 00:19:26,942
* Pound away my morals
435
00:19:26,973 --> 00:19:28,742
* Spank off
all my kindness, ooh! *
436
00:19:28,774 --> 00:19:31,977
* Expose the dormant bitch
that lies beneath *
437
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,009
(soft, rhythmic grunting)
438
00:19:41,007 --> 00:19:42,976
Michael, what
are you doing?
439
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,943
It's a sex medley,
440
00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:48,578
so I'm dancing with my sexy
electric toothbrushes.
441
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:50,177
(cheering)
442
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,744
(rhythmic grunting)
What are... what are you...
443
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,544
(laughs): what...
what are you...
444
00:19:55,576 --> 00:19:58,078
hey, what are you
talking about?
445
00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:01,045
That's what that song
I sang was about, right?
446
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,446
Electric toothbrushes
being so, so sexy.
447
00:20:06,009 --> 00:20:07,245
No.
448
00:20:07,277 --> 00:20:08,878
(laughs):
Michael...
449
00:20:08,909 --> 00:20:09,977
Oh, yeah.
450
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,446
Michael...
* Buzzy, buzzy, buzzy, buzzy *
451
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,078
* Buzzy, buzzy.
452
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:16,946
Michael, no, that song
was about pleasing a woman.
453
00:20:16,976 --> 00:20:18,811
What's a woman?
454
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:20,612
(laughter)
455
00:20:20,644 --> 00:20:21,711
* You devil
456
00:20:21,744 --> 00:20:23,078
* Lead me to the dark side
457
00:20:23,111 --> 00:20:25,580
* Like a lamb to the slaughter
458
00:20:25,610 --> 00:20:26,978
* Then do me in a hot tub
459
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:28,779
* Filled with evil
'stead of water *
460
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,812
* Let's make war, not love
461
00:20:30,844 --> 00:20:32,779
* All night and day
462
00:20:32,811 --> 00:20:35,948
* It's hot here in hell, so...
463
00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:38,481
Oh. Uh-oh.
Something just happened.
464
00:20:38,511 --> 00:20:39,912
(audience whooping)
465
00:20:41,945 --> 00:20:43,147
Ah, this, uh...
466
00:20:43,179 --> 00:20:45,614
Oh, boy. This might not be
the right time to...
467
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:48,048
do this medley.
468
00:20:48,078 --> 00:20:49,813
Unless you want to have...
469
00:20:49,846 --> 00:20:51,080
(cheering)
470
00:20:51,112 --> 00:20:53,114
("Period Sex" begins)
471
00:20:56,746 --> 00:20:58,114
* Period sex
472
00:20:58,147 --> 00:20:59,748
* Period sex
473
00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:01,314
* Put down a towel
474
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,014
* Party till it's dry
475
00:21:03,046 --> 00:21:04,381
* With some period sex
476
00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:05,981
* Period sex
477
00:21:06,012 --> 00:21:09,049
* It's a little gross but I'm
less likely to get pregnant *
478
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,751
* During period sex,
period sex *
479
00:21:12,780 --> 00:21:16,484
* Think of it as just Mother
Nature's juice cleanse *
480
00:21:16,514 --> 00:21:18,883
* Period sex, period sex
481
00:21:18,913 --> 00:21:20,615
* Period sex
482
00:21:20,648 --> 00:21:23,050
* Sex, sex, sex, sex.
(applause and cheering)
483
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,649
Get off!
Get off the stage.
484
00:21:24,681 --> 00:21:25,915
Come on.
485
00:21:25,948 --> 00:21:27,816
Get off!
486
00:21:27,848 --> 00:21:29,816
This is Scott's
time now.
487
00:21:29,848 --> 00:21:31,150
Okay.
488
00:21:31,182 --> 00:21:34,118
Speaking of
getting off...
489
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:39,585
* Unfortunately, I want
to have period sex with you *
490
00:21:39,615 --> 00:21:41,284
Okay.
(cheering)
491
00:21:41,315 --> 00:21:43,317
* I don't know
what happened *
492
00:21:43,349 --> 00:21:45,984
* Maybe you lost
some water weight *
493
00:21:48,450 --> 00:21:52,920
* For some reason, you're now
on the top of my to-do list *
494
00:21:52,949 --> 00:21:54,951
(audience whooping)
* Let's get this over with
495
00:21:56,650 --> 00:21:58,818
* So I can focus
on other tasks *
496
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,686
* Let's have intercourse
497
00:22:01,716 --> 00:22:03,051
(cheering)
498
00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:05,319
* Just pretend
I'm seducing you *
499
00:22:05,351 --> 00:22:07,319
Hey, actually, can we not do
this big lift coming up?
500
00:22:07,351 --> 00:22:09,052
Oh, my God,
my back hurts so bad.
501
00:22:09,083 --> 00:22:11,153
Good. It's just, I don't
like it, either. Okay.
502
00:22:11,184 --> 00:22:15,054
* Come on, let's quickly
have intercourse *
503
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:17,053
* So I can move on
504
00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:18,886
(grunts)
* With my life
505
00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:20,886
Turn around. Let's
see the butt. Nice.
506
00:22:20,917 --> 00:22:22,253
Yup. I know.
That's what you want.
507
00:22:22,285 --> 00:22:23,786
* My busy life
508
00:22:24,817 --> 00:22:26,986
* You and I
509
00:22:27,017 --> 00:22:30,054
* Are both
highly intelligent people *
510
00:22:30,084 --> 00:22:31,919
Oh, that's nice.
511
00:22:31,952 --> 00:22:33,287
* Although I'm
Oh. Oh!
512
00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:34,919
* In much better
physical shape *
513
00:22:34,952 --> 00:22:37,221
(cheering)
514
00:22:37,253 --> 00:22:39,255
* And once we do it
it'll be like *
515
00:22:39,286 --> 00:22:41,755
* Well, that's what
that was like *
516
00:22:41,786 --> 00:22:45,590
* And then
you'll hopefully go back *
517
00:22:45,619 --> 00:22:47,054
* To seeming weird to me
518
00:22:47,086 --> 00:22:48,988
* But right now,
let's have intercourse *
519
00:22:49,019 --> 00:22:50,788
Ow, Scott.
520
00:22:50,819 --> 00:22:53,656
* I mean,
obviously you want to, too *
521
00:22:53,686 --> 00:22:57,290
* Just super quickly
have intercourse *
522
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:04,093
* Good thing I happen to have
an old condom in my wallet. *
523
00:23:04,121 --> 00:23:06,857
(cheering, applause)
524
00:23:09,954 --> 00:23:11,088
You know what?
525
00:23:11,121 --> 00:23:13,290
It's a good thing
you have that condom, Scott,
526
00:23:13,321 --> 00:23:15,490
even though it is
way too big for you.
527
00:23:15,521 --> 00:23:17,490
(laughter)
528
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:18,989
Because even though
529
00:23:19,021 --> 00:23:21,158
I am on my period,
I can still get pregnant,
530
00:23:21,189 --> 00:23:22,723
because-- PSA and fun fact--
531
00:23:22,755 --> 00:23:25,224
sperm can live in the uterus
for up to five days.
532
00:23:25,256 --> 00:23:27,491
Did somebody
say "sperm"? Oh, no.
533
00:23:27,522 --> 00:23:28,823
("My Sperm is Healthy" playing)
(cheering)
534
00:23:28,855 --> 00:23:30,490
* Uh-huh
535
00:23:30,522 --> 00:23:32,724
* My sperm is healthy
536
00:23:32,756 --> 00:23:34,391
* My sperm
is healthy *
537
00:23:34,422 --> 00:23:36,291
Yeah, yeah.
* My sperm is healthy
538
00:23:36,322 --> 00:23:39,058
* My sperm
is healthy! *
539
00:23:39,089 --> 00:23:41,459
That's also another song
from the show. RACHEL: Yeah.
540
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:44,325
Cool. We'll be right back.
541
00:23:44,357 --> 00:23:46,992
*
542
00:23:47,022 --> 00:23:48,824
Oh. Oh!
543
00:23:48,857 --> 00:23:50,725
Oh, they're trying
to get me pregnant.
544
00:23:50,757 --> 00:23:52,159
They don't know how it works.
545
00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:54,159
Okay.
546
00:23:54,191 --> 00:23:57,627
Okay, I think
this is actually a money shot.
547
00:23:57,657 --> 00:23:58,991
I don't...
548
00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:01,160
(laughter)
549
00:24:03,191 --> 00:24:04,959
No, get off me!
550
00:24:04,990 --> 00:24:06,992
*
551
00:24:11,091 --> 00:24:12,626
(laughs):
Get off!
552
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,227
(cheering, applause)
553
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:23,961
Welcome back
from commercial, everyone.
554
00:24:23,992 --> 00:24:25,961
You guys, you guys,
555
00:24:25,992 --> 00:24:30,930
we all know the most important
part of yoga is the instructor.
556
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:33,328
(cheering)
So let us take it back
557
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,895
to season one Valencia, bitches.
558
00:24:35,925 --> 00:24:38,262
(cheering)
559
00:24:38,293 --> 00:24:41,996
* We're in a yoga class
560
00:24:42,026 --> 00:24:45,730
* Now is the time
to let your mind go blank *
561
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,728
* And focus instead
562
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:53,266
* On how awesome
the yoga teacher is *
563
00:24:53,294 --> 00:24:55,896
(cheering)
564
00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:58,130
* Look at me, look at me
565
00:24:58,162 --> 00:25:00,564
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
566
00:25:00,594 --> 00:25:02,796
* Look at me, look at me
567
00:25:02,827 --> 00:25:05,430
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
568
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,430
Exhale on another sigh.
569
00:25:07,462 --> 00:25:09,630
ALL:
Rachel Bloom sucks.
570
00:25:09,662 --> 00:25:11,664
* I do stuff with my body
571
00:25:11,695 --> 00:25:14,064
* That no human
should be able to do *
572
00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:16,631
* Like putting my face
behind my knees *
573
00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:18,830
* Turning my hands into a shoe
574
00:25:18,862 --> 00:25:21,064
* As the morning sun
kisses the lotus *
575
00:25:21,095 --> 00:25:23,598
* I kiss my own hoo-ha,
can you do that? *
576
00:25:23,629 --> 00:25:25,665
* Greet each day, namaste
577
00:25:25,696 --> 00:25:28,098
* Screw you,
you're fat! *
578
00:25:28,129 --> 00:25:30,131
(laughter)
* Look at me, look at me
579
00:25:30,163 --> 00:25:32,265
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
580
00:25:32,296 --> 00:25:34,765
* Look at me, look at me
581
00:25:34,796 --> 00:25:37,232
* I'm so good
at yo-o-o-oga *
582
00:25:37,264 --> 00:25:39,899
* Look at her, look at her *
583
00:25:39,929 --> 00:25:41,798
Ah. Ah.
584
00:25:41,830 --> 00:25:43,499
* Look at her, look at her *
585
00:25:43,530 --> 00:25:45,266
* I'm so much better than you
586
00:25:45,297 --> 00:25:46,731
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
587
00:25:46,764 --> 00:25:48,132
* Nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah *
588
00:25:48,165 --> 00:25:49,766
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah *
589
00:25:49,797 --> 00:25:51,332
Om! * Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
590
00:25:51,365 --> 00:25:52,999
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah,
nyah, nyah-nyah *
591
00:25:53,030 --> 00:25:53,998
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah *
I'm so good at yo-o-o-oga *
592
00:25:54,030 --> 00:25:55,332
* Nyah-nyah, nyah * Om!
593
00:25:55,365 --> 00:25:56,666
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah, nyah *
594
00:25:56,698 --> 00:25:57,999
* Nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah, nyah, nyah *
595
00:25:58,030 --> 00:25:59,098
* Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah *
596
00:25:59,131 --> 00:26:01,032
* Nyah-nyah, nyah. *
Om!
597
00:26:01,064 --> 00:26:04,401
(cheering, applause)
598
00:26:21,832 --> 00:26:23,901
You know, um,
599
00:26:23,932 --> 00:26:26,101
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend--
we have a lot of fun,
600
00:26:26,133 --> 00:26:29,903
but really, it is,
at its heart, an earnest tribute
601
00:26:29,932 --> 00:26:32,902
to the art of musical theatre.
602
00:26:32,933 --> 00:26:34,302
(laughter)
603
00:26:34,333 --> 00:26:36,335
(cheering, applause)
604
00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:40,902
From Gilbert and Sullivan
605
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:43,170
to Hamilton.
606
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:46,471
We've done neither
of those genres.
607
00:26:46,501 --> 00:26:48,503
(laughter)
608
00:26:50,601 --> 00:26:52,403
So when we sat around
and we thought,
609
00:26:52,434 --> 00:26:53,735
let's do an actual,
610
00:26:53,768 --> 00:26:56,070
inspirational
musical theatre song,
611
00:26:56,101 --> 00:26:59,004
we could think of no one better
to do it justice
612
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,070
than Miss Vella Lovell.
613
00:27:01,101 --> 00:27:03,304
(cheering)
614
00:27:03,335 --> 00:27:05,504
No. Yeah.
615
00:27:05,535 --> 00:27:08,004
So, no. So, Rachel,
616
00:27:08,035 --> 00:27:10,438
I'm actually not
a musical theatre person at all.
617
00:27:10,469 --> 00:27:12,003
Um, actually,
singing and dancing
618
00:27:12,035 --> 00:27:14,104
makes me V uncomfortable, so...
("The Moment is Me" playing)
619
00:27:14,136 --> 00:27:16,104
Oh, okay, Adam.
620
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,837
Uh, guess you could
just force me
621
00:27:17,869 --> 00:27:19,837
to sing a song
that I don't want to...
622
00:27:19,870 --> 00:27:22,239
* What does the future hold?
623
00:27:22,270 --> 00:27:24,472
* What will tomorrow...
624
00:27:24,503 --> 00:27:25,937
No.
* Bring me...
625
00:27:25,970 --> 00:27:27,104
Don't-- Dave--
626
00:27:27,137 --> 00:27:28,272
* Will be told...
627
00:27:28,304 --> 00:27:29,472
Please don't dance-- okay.
628
00:27:29,503 --> 00:27:31,272
* What song is gonna sing me
629
00:27:31,304 --> 00:27:33,105
I'm gonna do it.
No-- okay.
630
00:27:33,137 --> 00:27:36,073
* This is my time to shine,
step out of the line *
631
00:27:36,103 --> 00:27:39,240
* Throw open all the windows
Wow.
632
00:27:39,271 --> 00:27:42,774
* Might be an uphill climb,
but I just got to find *
633
00:27:42,804 --> 00:27:44,306
* What's at the end...
634
00:27:44,338 --> 00:27:45,473
What...?
Say it.
635
00:27:45,504 --> 00:27:46,738
No, no, I don't...
Say "rainbow."
636
00:27:46,771 --> 00:27:48,273
* Of this rainbow...
Yeah!
637
00:27:48,305 --> 00:27:51,808
* 'Cause the clock
just keeps on ticking *
638
00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:54,308
* It doesn't care
that time goes by... *
639
00:27:54,338 --> 00:27:55,973
You're just following me, okay.
640
00:27:56,005 --> 00:27:58,975
* The clock knows its destiny
641
00:27:59,005 --> 00:28:01,074
* So why don't I?
642
00:28:01,105 --> 00:28:02,840
Where'd you learn this dance?
643
00:28:02,872 --> 00:28:05,074
* 'Cause today's
tomorrow's yesterday *
644
00:28:05,105 --> 00:28:06,674
* Can't let
the future slip... *
645
00:28:06,706 --> 00:28:09,008
You're psychotic.
646
00:28:09,038 --> 00:28:13,143
* Can't wait to meet
whoever I will be... *
647
00:28:13,173 --> 00:28:14,974
What was that?
648
00:28:15,006 --> 00:28:18,177
* 'Cause I am the moment
649
00:28:18,207 --> 00:28:21,009
* The moment is me
650
00:28:21,039 --> 00:28:25,244
* David is the moment
651
00:28:25,274 --> 00:28:27,909
David is not the moment.
This is literally my moment,
652
00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:29,776
it's the title of the song.
653
00:28:29,807 --> 00:28:30,941
Wow.
654
00:28:30,974 --> 00:28:35,179
Wow, look who cares a
very lot all of a sudden.
655
00:28:35,208 --> 00:28:36,776
(laughter)
656
00:28:36,807 --> 00:28:40,711
* The moment is
657
00:28:40,741 --> 00:28:42,677
* We.
658
00:28:42,708 --> 00:28:44,743
(cheering, applause)
659
00:28:48,941 --> 00:28:50,243
Thank you!
Okay.
660
00:28:50,276 --> 00:28:51,843
David Hull, everyone.
661
00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:54,411
David Hull,
ladies and gentlemen.
662
00:28:54,442 --> 00:28:56,778
(song ends)
Thank you!
663
00:28:58,476 --> 00:29:01,445
David Hull, everyone!
664
00:29:01,476 --> 00:29:03,344
VELLA:
Oh, Lord.
665
00:29:09,642 --> 00:29:12,945
(cheering)
RACHEL: So,
666
00:29:12,976 --> 00:29:14,344
I think one of the most
gratifying things
667
00:29:14,377 --> 00:29:15,978
about doing this show
is having people tell us,
668
00:29:16,010 --> 00:29:19,314
um, that-that sometimes,
they see things in the show
669
00:29:19,343 --> 00:29:22,346
or hear songs that make them
feel, uh, a little less alone.
670
00:29:22,378 --> 00:29:24,146
Um, but what
you might not know is,
671
00:29:24,178 --> 00:29:27,113
it's kind of the same thing
for the songwriters
672
00:29:27,144 --> 00:29:28,612
and-and the writers, too.
673
00:29:28,644 --> 00:29:30,746
There are certain songs
you write, uh,
674
00:29:30,778 --> 00:29:33,113
and lyrics that you write
or pieces of dialogue you write
675
00:29:33,144 --> 00:29:35,813
that you're like, "Ugh, am I
the only one who's felt this?
676
00:29:35,844 --> 00:29:38,581
Am I, like, the weirdo?
Is this gonna go over well?"
677
00:29:38,611 --> 00:29:41,981
And so just know when you say
that you feel less alone,
678
00:29:42,011 --> 00:29:44,414
you make us feel less alone.
679
00:29:44,445 --> 00:29:46,447
(cheering, applause)
Really.
680
00:29:47,945 --> 00:29:49,947
(intro to "The Darkness"
playing)
681
00:29:53,845 --> 00:29:58,984
* In my life,
I've had so many men *
682
00:29:59,012 --> 00:30:04,685
* But there's one I come back to
again and again *
683
00:30:04,713 --> 00:30:07,683
* We've been on and off
684
00:30:07,713 --> 00:30:11,083
* For such a long time
685
00:30:11,113 --> 00:30:13,082
* And now he's back
686
00:30:13,113 --> 00:30:17,451
* And I'm feeling oh, so fine
687
00:30:17,481 --> 00:30:20,650
* He's the darkness
688
00:30:20,681 --> 00:30:22,916
* My first love, my true love
689
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:26,285
* The darkness
690
00:30:26,315 --> 00:30:29,985
* He knows me
better than anyone *
691
00:30:30,014 --> 00:30:32,517
* He holds me close
and whispers things *
692
00:30:32,548 --> 00:30:34,984
* That I don't want to hear
693
00:30:35,014 --> 00:30:36,983
* When I feel
the butterflies of dread *
694
00:30:37,014 --> 00:30:40,451
* I know the darkness is near
695
00:30:43,515 --> 00:30:46,918
* Well, Rebecca
696
00:30:46,948 --> 00:30:48,917
(cheering, applause)
* You've done it now...
697
00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:51,117
Yeah, you guys know this one.
698
00:30:51,149 --> 00:30:56,921
* Karma's come to tap you
on the shoulder *
699
00:30:56,949 --> 00:31:00,820
* All that lying
that's been festering *
700
00:31:00,849 --> 00:31:03,919
* Plus breaking and entering
701
00:31:03,949 --> 00:31:09,121
* Is coming now to crush you
like a boulder *
702
00:31:09,150 --> 00:31:13,120
* You ruined everything
703
00:31:13,151 --> 00:31:16,288
* You stupid bitch
704
00:31:16,318 --> 00:31:19,688
* You ruined everything
705
00:31:19,717 --> 00:31:22,487
* You stupid, stupid bitch
706
00:31:22,518 --> 00:31:26,489
* You're just a lying
little bitch who ruins things *
707
00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:30,088
* And wants the world to burn
708
00:31:30,118 --> 00:31:31,687
* Bitch
709
00:31:31,718 --> 00:31:34,921
* You're a stupid bitch
710
00:31:34,951 --> 00:31:39,523
* And lose some weight
711
00:31:39,552 --> 00:31:41,788
(cheering)
712
00:31:41,819 --> 00:31:45,456
* You ruined everything
713
00:31:45,486 --> 00:31:46,653
* You stupid bitch
714
00:31:46,686 --> 00:31:48,154
Sing with me!
715
00:31:48,187 --> 00:31:51,656
* You ruined everything
716
00:31:51,686 --> 00:31:54,155
* You stupid, stupid bitch
717
00:31:54,187 --> 00:31:55,754
Yes, I deserve this!
718
00:31:55,787 --> 00:31:58,956
* You're just
a poopy little slut *
719
00:31:58,987 --> 00:32:03,091
* Who doesn't think and
deceives the people she loves *
720
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,023
* Now he knows
I'm not some innocent lamb *
721
00:32:06,053 --> 00:32:09,023
* He sees me for what I am
722
00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:11,356
* Which is a horrible, stupid
723
00:32:11,388 --> 00:32:13,022
* Dumb and ugly
724
00:32:13,053 --> 00:32:14,855
* Fat and stupid
725
00:32:14,888 --> 00:32:19,359
* Simple, self-hating
726
00:32:19,388 --> 00:32:24,626
* Bi...
727
00:32:24,654 --> 00:32:29,659
* Bitch...!
728
00:32:31,722 --> 00:32:33,924
(song ends)
729
00:32:33,955 --> 00:32:36,158
(loud cheering)
730
00:32:38,655 --> 00:32:40,624
("I've Got My Head
in the Clouds" begins)
731
00:32:40,655 --> 00:32:43,625
(cheering, applause)
732
00:32:43,656 --> 00:32:47,760
* I've got my head
in the clouds *
733
00:32:47,790 --> 00:32:50,759
* 'Cause that's
where heaven is *
734
00:32:50,790 --> 00:32:54,994
* No longer stuck in the muck
on the ground *
735
00:32:55,023 --> 00:32:57,593
* I figured out how to live
736
00:32:57,624 --> 00:33:01,928
* It's with my head
in the clouds *
737
00:33:01,956 --> 00:33:04,593
* Got no cares anymore
738
00:33:04,624 --> 00:33:09,596
* No obligations
are holding me down *
739
00:33:09,624 --> 00:33:11,959
* That's what religion is for
740
00:33:11,991 --> 00:33:14,294
*
741
00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,959
* My puzzle is solved
742
00:33:15,991 --> 00:33:17,793
* 'Cause I'm absolved
743
00:33:17,825 --> 00:33:21,662
* My life will be splendid
now that I've transcended *
744
00:33:21,692 --> 00:33:24,861
* When things get scary,
just say ten Hail Marys *
745
00:33:24,892 --> 00:33:28,662
* I'm Turin off my shroud
746
00:33:28,692 --> 00:33:30,694
("Angry Mad" begins)
(grunting)
747
00:33:36,359 --> 00:33:37,794
Angry!
748
00:33:38,826 --> 00:33:40,828
Feeling bad!
749
00:33:40,859 --> 00:33:42,261
(grunts)
750
00:33:42,294 --> 00:33:43,828
Why do I feel this way?
751
00:33:43,859 --> 00:33:45,928
Angry! Mad!
752
00:33:45,959 --> 00:33:47,761
My heart is hurting!
753
00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:49,928
And it feels... bad!
754
00:33:49,959 --> 00:33:51,961
*
755
00:33:57,527 --> 00:33:59,696
(cheering)
756
00:34:01,927 --> 00:34:03,396
(grunts)
757
00:34:03,428 --> 00:34:04,996
Bad!
758
00:34:05,027 --> 00:34:06,162
(song ends)
759
00:34:06,195 --> 00:34:07,962
(cheering, applause)
760
00:34:14,296 --> 00:34:16,298
("I Hate Everything But You"
begins)
761
00:34:26,629 --> 00:34:29,832
* The smell of the water,
kids screaming with joy *
762
00:34:29,862 --> 00:34:33,700
* I've hated crap like that
since I was a boy *
763
00:34:33,729 --> 00:34:36,699
* While everyone was laughing
and having so much fun *
764
00:34:36,729 --> 00:34:40,600
* I would mutter "This sucks"
till the day was done *
765
00:34:40,630 --> 00:34:43,833
* I detested most stuff
and I still do *
766
00:34:43,863 --> 00:34:49,269
* You see,
I hate everything but you *
767
00:34:49,298 --> 00:34:52,267
*
768
00:34:52,298 --> 00:34:56,168
* I hate the feeling of the sun
when it hits my skin *
769
00:34:56,198 --> 00:34:59,434
* I don't like bands
that have a guy on mandolin *
770
00:34:59,464 --> 00:35:01,566
* I hate
when people post pictures *
771
00:35:01,598 --> 00:35:03,233
* With the hashtag "mood"
772
00:35:03,265 --> 00:35:06,402
* I hate when people
call blueberries a superfood *
773
00:35:06,432 --> 00:35:09,935
* I hate when people say,
"Ooh, it's magic hour" *
774
00:35:09,964 --> 00:35:13,168
* Or when people actually stop
and smell a flower *
775
00:35:13,199 --> 00:35:16,101
* I hate white women who call
their engagement rings *
776
00:35:16,132 --> 00:35:18,001
* "Bling," oh, yes
777
00:35:18,032 --> 00:35:23,838
* I hate everything but you
778
00:35:23,865 --> 00:35:26,101
* I hate the phrase
"Love conquers all" *
779
00:35:26,132 --> 00:35:28,034
* And I hate that it's true
780
00:35:28,065 --> 00:35:30,968
* 'Cause I want to not hate
things when I'm with you *
781
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,704
* You love so many things
and you have so much fun *
782
00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:39,705
* It makes me wish
my hating days were done... *
783
00:35:39,733 --> 00:35:42,303
* And there's one thing
784
00:35:42,334 --> 00:35:44,669
* I want you to know
785
00:35:44,701 --> 00:35:46,669
*
786
00:35:46,701 --> 00:35:48,669
* I'll always
787
00:35:48,701 --> 00:35:52,671
* Hate guys
who name their cars. *
788
00:35:52,701 --> 00:35:53,668
(laughter)
789
00:35:53,701 --> 00:35:55,703
(song ends)
(cheering, applause)
790
00:36:03,568 --> 00:36:06,238
(laughs):
Ah. Ugh, no.
791
00:36:06,268 --> 00:36:08,136
I hear you, Skylar,
I mean, t-this show sucks.
792
00:36:08,169 --> 00:36:09,337
I-I get it, Skylar.
793
00:36:09,369 --> 00:36:10,970
Oh, thanks, randomly
overdressed crew guy.
794
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:12,604
I appreciate it.
No, I...
795
00:36:12,635 --> 00:36:15,037
Actually, I'm actually a-a
recurring character on the show.
796
00:36:15,068 --> 00:36:18,105
Oh, yes, right. Uh-uh, Dennis.
797
00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:20,671
No, it's Danny, actually,
that is my... name.
798
00:36:20,703 --> 00:36:22,671
(cheering, applause)
Uh... you know...
799
00:36:22,703 --> 00:36:24,971
No, 'cause I-I got to tell you,
800
00:36:25,003 --> 00:36:26,538
this show's been
a little rough on me, all right?
801
00:36:26,569 --> 00:36:28,104
I-I had to hold
a board for Vinnie,
802
00:36:28,136 --> 00:36:29,938
which was absolutely terrifying,
and, uh--
803
00:36:29,969 --> 00:36:31,538
No, you know what?
804
00:36:31,570 --> 00:36:32,771
Uh, I-I'm taking over.
805
00:36:32,804 --> 00:36:34,138
Bring out the full orchestra.
806
00:36:34,170 --> 00:36:36,138
(cheering)
807
00:36:36,170 --> 00:36:39,039
Strike my mic stand,
Rachel Bloom.
808
00:36:39,070 --> 00:36:40,872
Yes, sir, right away,
Mr. Jolles.
809
00:36:40,904 --> 00:36:43,340
I am sorry for the disrespect.
810
00:36:43,371 --> 00:36:45,340
(laughter)
811
00:36:45,371 --> 00:36:47,440
As you gosh-darn should, Rachel.
812
00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:50,040
Give me the coolest lights
you guys got.
813
00:36:50,070 --> 00:36:51,038
(laughter)
814
00:36:51,070 --> 00:36:53,072
(cheering)
815
00:36:55,038 --> 00:36:56,940
This is it.
It's finally my turn.
816
00:36:56,971 --> 00:36:59,174
(cheering, applause)
(drumroll plays)
817
00:36:59,206 --> 00:37:01,241
* It's me
818
00:37:01,272 --> 00:37:03,441
* It's finally me
819
00:37:03,472 --> 00:37:07,310
* And no one can say a word
820
00:37:07,339 --> 00:37:10,709
* 'Cause this time,
I stood up for myself *
821
00:37:10,739 --> 00:37:15,110
* And I'll finally be heard
822
00:37:15,139 --> 00:37:18,109
* Danny won't be ignored
823
00:37:18,139 --> 00:37:21,109
* Danny won't be interrupted
824
00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:24,443
* Because this time,
oh, my God * (cheering)
825
00:37:24,473 --> 00:37:26,775
* I finally get to fini...
826
00:37:26,807 --> 00:37:28,609
(music stops)
What? Son of a...
827
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,041
(cheering, applause)
Come on!
828
00:37:35,773 --> 00:37:39,110
(cheering, applause)
829
00:37:39,140 --> 00:37:41,142
("A Diagnosis" begins)
830
00:37:46,808 --> 00:37:48,810
(exhales)
831
00:37:50,974 --> 00:37:54,278
* For almost 30 years,
I've known something was wrong *
832
00:37:54,309 --> 00:37:56,177
* But Mom said
weakness causes bloating *
833
00:37:56,209 --> 00:37:57,943
* So I tried to be strong
834
00:37:57,975 --> 00:37:59,777
* Fake it till you make it
835
00:37:59,809 --> 00:38:04,380
* That's how I got by
836
00:38:04,410 --> 00:38:06,178
* And when I tried
to find the reason *
837
00:38:06,210 --> 00:38:08,044
* For my sadness and terror
838
00:38:08,075 --> 00:38:11,379
* All the solutions
were trial and error *
839
00:38:11,410 --> 00:38:13,512
* Take this pill,
say this chant *
840
00:38:13,543 --> 00:38:17,780
* Move here for this guy
841
00:38:17,810 --> 00:38:20,546
* But now there's
no need for regret *
842
00:38:20,576 --> 00:38:23,213
* 'Cause I'm about to get
843
00:38:23,244 --> 00:38:26,447
* A diagnosis
844
00:38:26,477 --> 00:38:29,547
* A diagnosis
845
00:38:29,577 --> 00:38:34,582
* Don't tell me "No, sister,
you don't fit in" *
846
00:38:36,844 --> 00:38:40,481
* Doc, prescribe me my tribe,
give me my throng *
847
00:38:40,512 --> 00:38:43,481
* Tell me that this whole time
I've belonged *
848
00:38:43,512 --> 00:38:46,448
* With those other people
who share *
849
00:38:46,478 --> 00:38:50,716
* My diagnosis
850
00:38:50,745 --> 00:38:53,548
* What could it be?
What could be right? *
851
00:38:53,578 --> 00:38:56,948
* Schizophrenic
or bipolar lite? *
852
00:38:56,978 --> 00:39:00,949
* I've never heard voices,
but maybe it's time to start *
853
00:39:00,978 --> 00:39:03,581
BOTH:
You're super cool, Rachel! Thank you so much.
854
00:39:03,613 --> 00:39:06,916
* Obsessives with numbers,
hoarders with cats *
855
00:39:06,946 --> 00:39:10,450
* I could really rock
a tinfoil hat *
856
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:15,685
* Perfect they're not, but at
least they know who they are *
857
00:39:15,714 --> 00:39:19,684
* No more bad pills, fads
or tricks *
858
00:39:19,714 --> 00:39:24,018
* Who says there
isn't an easy fix? *
859
00:39:24,047 --> 00:39:26,217
* There kind of is...
860
00:39:26,248 --> 00:39:28,983
(cheering, applause)
861
00:39:42,382 --> 00:39:44,651
("Anti-Depressants Are So Not
a Big Deal" begins)
862
00:39:44,681 --> 00:39:48,385
* From the moment that we learn
to walk and speak *
863
00:39:48,416 --> 00:39:51,485
* Our parents tell us
everyone's unique *
864
00:39:51,516 --> 00:39:54,519
* Now, I'm not saying
that advice is bad... *
865
00:39:54,549 --> 00:39:56,518
'Cause she wrote it.
866
00:39:56,549 --> 00:39:58,284
* But honey,
you're not special *
867
00:39:58,317 --> 00:39:59,351
* 'Cause you're sad
868
00:39:59,383 --> 00:40:00,384
* Not special, no, you're not *
869
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:02,319
* The butcher, the baker
870
00:40:02,350 --> 00:40:03,951
* The grocery clerk
871
00:40:03,982 --> 00:40:07,720
* They're all on
20 milligrams or so *
872
00:40:07,750 --> 00:40:11,487
* The movers, the shakers,
the happy homemakers *
873
00:40:11,517 --> 00:40:15,954
* You'd be surprised
how many of them know *
874
00:40:15,983 --> 00:40:19,321
* Anti-depressants are
so not a big deal *
875
00:40:19,351 --> 00:40:21,286
* Big whoop, you're on
an anti-depressant *
876
00:40:21,318 --> 00:40:23,186
* Sweet cheeks,
here's the deal *
877
00:40:23,218 --> 00:40:27,121
* Welcome to the club
with open admission *
878
00:40:27,151 --> 00:40:31,055
* You're cast in the play
that has no audition *
879
00:40:31,084 --> 00:40:34,021
* Yes, everyone is special,
that's usually the sitch *
880
00:40:34,051 --> 00:40:38,389
* But when it comes to meds,
you're such a basic bitch... *
881
00:40:38,419 --> 00:40:40,454
Watch them tap, y'all,
they're fabulous.
882
00:40:40,485 --> 00:40:42,487
(cheering, applause)
883
00:40:53,019 --> 00:40:54,821
* Fluoxetine, fluoxetine
884
00:40:54,853 --> 00:40:56,688
* Paroxetine, paroxetine
885
00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:58,288
* Our lawyers won't let us
say brand names... *
886
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,288
And remember,
don't be a lawyer.
887
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:01,921
* Okay
(cheering, applause)
888
00:41:01,953 --> 00:41:05,524
* Anti-depressants are
so not a big deal *
889
00:41:05,554 --> 00:41:08,224
* Big whoop, you're on
an anti-depressant *
890
00:41:08,254 --> 00:41:10,122
* Yawn, here's the spiel
891
00:41:10,153 --> 00:41:12,155
* Some cry that in the past,
we didn't medicate *
892
00:41:12,187 --> 00:41:14,223
* Everyone...
Hello.
893
00:41:14,254 --> 00:41:16,456
* Witch trials and the Crusades
sound like so much fun... *
894
00:41:16,487 --> 00:41:19,290
Come on.
* Anti-depressants
895
00:41:19,322 --> 00:41:21,490
* Are so common
896
00:41:21,522 --> 00:41:25,392
* That taking them
is all we have in common. *
897
00:41:25,422 --> 00:41:27,424
(cheering, applause)
898
00:41:53,756 --> 00:41:56,292
Thank you, thank you so much,
899
00:41:56,324 --> 00:41:59,327
Thank you to everyone here and
everyone watching this at home.
900
00:41:59,357 --> 00:42:01,426
Thank you for loving us
and singing our songs
901
00:42:01,457 --> 00:42:02,591
to your babies and your pets.
902
00:42:02,624 --> 00:42:04,559
Thank you,
and have a good night.
903
00:42:06,926 --> 00:42:08,628
(cheering, applause)
904
00:42:09,764 --> 00:42:11,733
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
905
00:42:11,766 --> 00:42:13,768
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
906
00:42:13,818 --> 00:42:18,368
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
61302
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