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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,717 --> 00:00:04,008 ♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪ 2 00:00:04,676 --> 00:00:06,217 [Lehman Brothers] Previously on Black Monday ... 3 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:07,634 [Blair whimpers] 4 00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:09,676 I came across some Georgina documents. 5 00:00:09,758 --> 00:00:11,634 Yeah, I think that maybe we purchased 6 00:00:11,717 --> 00:00:12,925 some Georgina shares back in the day. 7 00:00:13,008 --> 00:00:13,925 [quietly] Oh, my God! 8 00:00:14,008 --> 00:00:15,842 Who the fuck are you? 9 00:00:15,925 --> 00:00:17,050 - [Missy] We're with the SEC. - We'll be in touch. 10 00:00:17,134 --> 00:00:19,259 We've had some threats, uh, with Tiffany, 11 00:00:19,342 --> 00:00:21,883 e-ever since Calvin Klein's daughter was kidnapped. 12 00:00:21,967 --> 00:00:25,467 Mo and I dated a very long time ago. 13 00:00:25,551 --> 00:00:27,092 - [grunts] - Mo! Damn it. 14 00:00:27,175 --> 00:00:29,800 So this is it? You're gonna stay here with him? 15 00:00:29,883 --> 00:00:32,592 I tried everything to make this work because I love you. 16 00:00:32,676 --> 00:00:34,259 Do you even want to get married? 17 00:00:34,342 --> 00:00:35,925 [Mo] Those aren't cops. They're fucking actors. 18 00:00:36,008 --> 00:00:37,509 Brendan books a pilot every year. 19 00:00:37,592 --> 00:00:39,259 [Blair] Dawn, I'm really confused right now. 20 00:00:39,342 --> 00:00:42,259 ♪ synth music ♪ 21 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:47,217 ♪♪♪ 22 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,758 [Tiff] So no matter how drunk I get tonight, 23 00:00:52,842 --> 00:00:54,509 wake me up, because remember, 24 00:00:54,592 --> 00:00:56,134 we're meeting my folks downtown at nine a.m. 25 00:00:56,217 --> 00:00:57,925 to look at that apartment on the Upper West Side. 26 00:00:58,008 --> 00:00:59,676 And remind me, what's the difference 27 00:00:59,758 --> 00:01:01,342 between the Upper West and the Upper East? 28 00:01:01,426 --> 00:01:02,634 My mom made up a mnemonic device 29 00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:04,259 for me as a kid. 30 00:01:04,342 --> 00:01:07,259 "Upper West, West, West is best, best, best. 31 00:01:07,342 --> 00:01:10,092 Upper East, East, East is Jewish." 32 00:01:10,175 --> 00:01:12,800 Is Nair supposed to burn my eyes from this distance? 33 00:01:12,883 --> 00:01:14,592 [inhales deeply] Yeah, baby. 34 00:01:14,676 --> 00:01:16,800 Tiff, you know, I've been doing really well 35 00:01:16,883 --> 00:01:20,467 at work lately, and we could afford a place on our own 36 00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:23,800 if we were willing just to move a little bit more downtown. 37 00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:26,342 "Downtown is brown, brown, brown." 38 00:01:26,426 --> 00:01:30,758 Blair, every newlywed's parents buy them an apartment. Duh. 39 00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:32,509 The only thing you should work on 40 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:33,883 is letting yourself be happy. 41 00:01:33,967 --> 00:01:35,676 Everything's perfect. 42 00:01:35,758 --> 00:01:37,883 Is it? Because we still haven't really talked 43 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,426 about the engagement party. 44 00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:40,842 - What about? - It was crappy. 45 00:01:40,925 --> 00:01:42,717 Well, you know what they say. 46 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,008 "Crappy engagement, happy marriage." 47 00:01:45,092 --> 00:01:47,925 - No one says that. - Well, I do. 48 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:51,551 How about the fact that I... didn't come home that night? 49 00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:54,008 I just assumed you were busy with work junk, 50 00:01:54,092 --> 00:01:56,300 and if I assumed correctly, cross your arms. 51 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,175 Oh, perfect. 52 00:01:59,259 --> 00:02:00,925 [sighs] I just think, 53 00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:03,175 in light of the last couple months, 54 00:02:03,259 --> 00:02:05,842 maybe we should think about... [inhales deeply] 55 00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,300 ...postponing the wedding. 56 00:02:07,384 --> 00:02:09,008 [Tiff] No. There's that P word again. 57 00:02:09,092 --> 00:02:10,717 We were in The Times Vows section, Blair, 58 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,092 not the disavows section. 59 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,758 We are getting married, 60 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,426 we are getting a place on the Upper West Side, 61 00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:18,509 and I am getting sozzled at my goddamned bachelorette party 62 00:02:18,592 --> 00:02:20,800 wearing a goddamned penis crown. 63 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:23,551 And if you agree with all that, blink. 64 00:02:28,259 --> 00:02:30,551 [snorts] Oh, God. 65 00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:33,342 Perfect. I love you. 66 00:02:33,426 --> 00:02:35,509 [Blair sighs, water runs] 67 00:02:35,592 --> 00:02:37,967 [knocking at door] 68 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,758 Just a minute. 69 00:02:41,426 --> 00:02:43,384 Who is it? 70 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:44,967 Oh, my God! 71 00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:48,883 ♪ energetic synth music ♪ 72 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:50,300 [Spencer] All those fair-weather 73 00:02:50,384 --> 00:02:52,217 Halley's Comet fans from last year 74 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,758 don't know what they're missing. 75 00:02:53,842 --> 00:02:56,050 1987 is the year of the comet. 76 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,925 There's gonna be 11 visible tonight. 77 00:02:58,008 --> 00:03:00,342 - Eleven! - Ooh, is that a lot? 78 00:03:00,426 --> 00:03:03,175 Only the most since 1912. 79 00:03:03,259 --> 00:03:05,050 [laughs] The only person I've seen more excited 80 00:03:05,134 --> 00:03:07,342 about burning rocks is Lawrence Taylor. 81 00:03:07,426 --> 00:03:09,509 - Who? - He's a Giant. 82 00:03:09,592 --> 00:03:11,426 Crackhead. 83 00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:13,092 We all have our hobbies. 84 00:03:13,175 --> 00:03:16,509 Mine is astronomy. Yours is lying to me. 85 00:03:16,592 --> 00:03:19,925 All right, how about tonight, we snuggle up on the couch 86 00:03:20,008 --> 00:03:22,426 with a bottle of wine and watch your comets? 87 00:03:22,509 --> 00:03:26,217 And then maybe you won't sleep on the couch anymore. 88 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,592 [quietly] I don't know if I'm ready for that. 89 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,426 Babe, come on. I said some things. 90 00:03:30,509 --> 00:03:32,008 You said some things. 91 00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,842 But don't you miss these things? 92 00:03:33,925 --> 00:03:35,634 - [chuckles] - Let's "comet" 93 00:03:35,717 --> 00:03:36,925 to ending this fight. 94 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,134 I love you. 95 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:41,300 Oh, me too. 96 00:03:41,384 --> 00:03:44,217 Especially when you get all astronomical with it. 97 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,717 - Ooh. [laughs] - [laughs] Super hot. 98 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,717 It's a date. 99 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,426 Okay, I'll pick up a bottle 100 00:03:50,509 --> 00:03:51,842 on my way back from Tiff's bachelorette. 101 00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,551 What? Are you serious? 102 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,551 You think I want to go? 103 00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:58,800 I told you, the Georgina play only works if they get married, 104 00:03:58,883 --> 00:04:00,259 and they're not in a great place. 105 00:04:00,342 --> 00:04:02,717 We are not in a great place! 106 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,509 I worked too hard on this. 107 00:04:05,592 --> 00:04:07,842 And it's a lot of money, baby. 108 00:04:07,925 --> 00:04:09,134 Twenty minutes. 109 00:04:09,217 --> 00:04:10,800 I'm not even gonna stay for a drink. 110 00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:12,758 - I promise. - [growls] 111 00:04:12,842 --> 00:04:14,134 [growls playfully] 112 00:04:14,217 --> 00:04:15,883 - Go. - Thank you, thank you. 113 00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:17,676 Thank you! 114 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,967 ♪ Hey, you came to rock the place ♪ 115 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,551 ♪ And you can now all lift your hands ♪ 116 00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:24,758 Wakey, wakey. 117 00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:27,134 - [snorts] - Oh, there he is. 118 00:04:27,217 --> 00:04:29,883 - Surprise! [laughs] - What the fuck? 119 00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:33,509 Wha--in what world is it okay to kidnap someone? 120 00:04:33,592 --> 00:04:35,551 Oh, people kidnap each other all the time 121 00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:36,967 for these bachelor party joke things. 122 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,467 You know, it's called "kidding-napping" 123 00:04:38,551 --> 00:04:39,842 for a reason, Blair. 124 00:04:39,925 --> 00:04:41,592 No, it's not. And you used chloroform. 125 00:04:41,676 --> 00:04:44,592 - Well, that's the napping part. - Who uses chloroform? 126 00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,050 Uh, Colonel John Hannibal Smith, 127 00:04:46,134 --> 00:04:47,967 Faceman, Howling Man Murdock-- 128 00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:49,925 Now you're just listing the A-Team. 129 00:04:50,008 --> 00:04:52,259 - You changed my shirt? - Blair, they used to... 130 00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:53,676 - What the fuck is this? - ...chloroform Mr. T 131 00:04:53,758 --> 00:04:55,426 all the time, okay? He was always fine afterward. 132 00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:57,509 Just because something works on TV doesn't make it okay. 133 00:04:57,592 --> 00:04:59,175 Will you just try to have fun? 134 00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,717 - Chad, stop the car! - Nope. Don't stop shit. 135 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,967 Come on, Blair. We got a whole night of surprises planned. 136 00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,883 You're just pissed off about your engagement party, 137 00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:07,175 - but to be honest, you-- - I'm not pissed 138 00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:08,883 about the engagement party. 139 00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:10,217 I am pissed that you never say "I'm sorry" 140 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,509 for anything ever. 141 00:05:11,592 --> 00:05:13,551 Well, I'm sorry... 142 00:05:13,634 --> 00:05:16,883 that I have a policy about never apologizing... 143 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,384 to white people. 144 00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:22,008 Why? Because Sting won all those Grammys over "Thriller"? 145 00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:24,758 Because of slavery, Blair. Slavery. 146 00:05:24,842 --> 00:05:27,467 Sorry. 147 00:05:27,551 --> 00:05:29,717 Man, I thought grabbing you and going all grand gesture 148 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,134 would make it up to you in a two birds, one stone, 149 00:05:32,217 --> 00:05:34,967 three eight balls, four scores of Scores girls kind of way. 150 00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:37,175 It doesn't even matter. 151 00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:39,050 I don't think I can marry Tiff anymore. 152 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:41,050 - You don't what? - [tires screech softly] 153 00:05:41,134 --> 00:05:43,758 [sighs] Thank you. Good night. 154 00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:45,384 Good ni--hey, why are we stopping? 155 00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:47,426 - [Mo] What the fuck? - Everyone out of the car! 156 00:05:47,509 --> 00:05:48,842 - Oh, God. - [man] Now! 157 00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:50,008 Another prank? 158 00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,426 [Blair] Mo, I would've thought 159 00:05:51,509 --> 00:05:52,676 you would've learned your lesson, 160 00:05:52,758 --> 00:05:54,092 but, no, you got to double down. 161 00:05:54,175 --> 00:05:55,384 This isn't a fucking prank, kid. 162 00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:57,342 What are you, Thug One and Thug Two? 163 00:05:57,426 --> 00:06:00,008 "Oh, the places you'll go. The things you will do!" 164 00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:02,800 Hey, open your mouth again, and I'll shit up your ass, bitch. 165 00:06:02,883 --> 00:06:04,592 That sounds complicated. 166 00:06:04,676 --> 00:06:06,634 - Oh, I'll make it work. - [mockingly] Oh. 167 00:06:06,717 --> 00:06:08,758 Hey, let's go Last Dragon on these motherfuckers. 168 00:06:08,842 --> 00:06:11,426 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 169 00:06:11,509 --> 00:06:12,717 Really? 170 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,217 You son of a... 171 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:18,758 [engine turns over, revs] 172 00:06:18,842 --> 00:06:20,509 [Blair] Sweet. What's the next surprise? 173 00:06:20,592 --> 00:06:24,134 [bell dinging] 174 00:06:28,384 --> 00:06:30,008 So first it was your anniversary. 175 00:06:30,092 --> 00:06:32,008 Then your daughter's birthday. 176 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,967 - Then your son's quinceañera? - Then your aunt died. 177 00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,384 - Then your uncle died. - Then your car died. 178 00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:37,008 Then your wife dyed her hair the wrong shade, 179 00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,676 so you had to rush her to the salon? 180 00:06:38,758 --> 00:06:40,300 [Missy] How is that even an excuse? 181 00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:42,634 Well, what can I say? I'm a busy guy. 182 00:06:42,717 --> 00:06:46,259 I'm a busy, important, law-abiding, super-cool guy, 183 00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:50,634 but I'm here now, so let's get this ménage on the trois. 184 00:06:50,717 --> 00:06:53,134 - Keith, we don't want you. - Oh, well. 185 00:06:53,217 --> 00:06:56,259 You don't know what you're missing, 'cause I go downtown. 186 00:06:56,342 --> 00:06:58,551 We want Maurice Monroe 187 00:06:58,634 --> 00:07:00,967 for all the illegal shit the Jammer Group's been up to, 188 00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:03,092 and you are gonna give him to us. 189 00:07:03,175 --> 00:07:04,883 And why the fuck would I do that? 190 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,842 The SEC has taken down exactly--uh, what is it? 191 00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:09,634 Oh, zero people? 192 00:07:09,717 --> 00:07:11,676 Okay, by the time you build a case, 193 00:07:11,758 --> 00:07:14,467 Reagan--hallowed be thy name-- will make it legal. 194 00:07:14,551 --> 00:07:16,509 [Deb] Well, we're about to change all that. 195 00:07:16,592 --> 00:07:19,426 We got an open-and-shut case of stock manipulation. 196 00:07:19,509 --> 00:07:22,092 So either you cooperate, or you're gonna go down with Mo. 197 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,551 You want to go to prison, Keith? 198 00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:28,883 All right, what do you got? 199 00:07:28,967 --> 00:07:31,883 ♪ intriguing music ♪ 200 00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:36,883 ♪♪♪ 201 00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:39,092 [sighs] 202 00:07:39,175 --> 00:07:42,758 [scoffs, laughs] 203 00:07:42,842 --> 00:07:46,300 This? F.A.T.? 204 00:07:46,384 --> 00:07:49,050 That's all you got? Well, uh, I hope you like 205 00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:50,925 your nothing burger with nothing on it, 206 00:07:51,008 --> 00:07:52,925 because this is nothing. 207 00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:54,259 Then how do you explain 208 00:07:54,342 --> 00:07:56,509 the highly abnormal one-day trading pattern 209 00:07:56,592 --> 00:08:00,342 for Federal Allied Titanium on October 20th of last year? 210 00:08:00,426 --> 00:08:04,800 It was a prank. A fucking goof. This is rich. 211 00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:08,467 To think that we were afraid of you two Columb-hos. 212 00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:10,008 Columbos, but with "ho." 213 00:08:10,092 --> 00:08:11,509 - We get it. - Bullshit. 214 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:14,175 Call MoStan, okay? Call Ty Daverman. 215 00:08:14,259 --> 00:08:16,925 And he will set you two chicks straight, okay? 216 00:08:17,008 --> 00:08:20,008 - Speaking of straight... - Deb. 217 00:08:20,092 --> 00:08:21,676 - [door opens] - You're gay. 218 00:08:21,758 --> 00:08:24,050 [scoffs] No, I'm not. 219 00:08:24,134 --> 00:08:26,467 [Deb] You're gay, and we know it. 220 00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:29,925 So why don't you have a seat, Colum-homo? 221 00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,717 ♪ tense music ♪ 222 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,134 ♪♪♪ 223 00:08:36,217 --> 00:08:40,592 [sighs] 224 00:08:40,676 --> 00:08:42,259 Thought so. 225 00:08:42,342 --> 00:08:44,883 ♪♪♪ 226 00:08:44,967 --> 00:08:47,134 [slurping loudly] 227 00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:49,634 - [door opens] - Someone? 228 00:08:49,717 --> 00:08:52,092 - [Dawn] Thank you. - Dawn? Come on in! Hi! 229 00:08:52,175 --> 00:08:54,426 Hey, uh, sorry I'm super late. 230 00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:56,426 Or am I super early? Why is no one here? 231 00:08:56,509 --> 00:08:59,175 Let's drank. Waiter! Get my girl some dranks! 232 00:08:59,259 --> 00:09:01,134 - I'm so glad you came. - [Dawn] Of course. 233 00:09:01,217 --> 00:09:03,092 You know I had to come celebrate 234 00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:03,967 the world's strongest couple. 235 00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:05,842 Well, second strongest 236 00:09:05,925 --> 00:09:08,092 behind Sylvester Stallone and Brigitte Nielsen, right? 237 00:09:08,175 --> 00:09:11,384 - Those two are yoked. - [laughs] You're hilarious. 238 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,925 And you're gonna love my girlfriends. 239 00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:14,217 They're always joking around 240 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,551 and running at least 52 minutes late. 241 00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:18,551 I mean, this is, like, so them. 242 00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:20,384 Dickcessory? 243 00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:22,883 - Oh, uh, actually, I'm good. - [imitates gunshot] 244 00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:24,883 You're dangerous. No, I'm good, actually. 245 00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:26,592 No--no white dicks for me after Labor Day. 246 00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:29,008 - Oh! Boom! Again. - No, it's... 247 00:09:29,092 --> 00:09:31,008 Dawn Rickles. [laughs] 248 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,592 You should charge a two-drink minimum for yourself. 249 00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:35,800 Get my girl two drinks! Sit. 250 00:09:35,883 --> 00:09:38,384 More peñis coladas, ma'am? 251 00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:39,758 Call me ma'am again. 252 00:09:39,842 --> 00:09:42,758 I want you to. 253 00:09:42,842 --> 00:09:45,551 And for you... [slurring] ...miss? 254 00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:46,967 Um, I'm-I'm actually good. 255 00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:47,967 I just came to say a quick hello. 256 00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,800 No, don't leave. 257 00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:52,883 [laughs] I mean, I just-- I want you to hang, 258 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,634 'cause I really want to get to know the woman 259 00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,717 that stole my Care Blair away. 260 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,509 Wait, Tiff, I-I don't know what you think is going on, but-- 261 00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,217 I mean, just 'cause you're his boss 262 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,175 and you make him work late and stuff. 263 00:10:03,259 --> 00:10:05,467 What did you think I meant? 264 00:10:05,551 --> 00:10:09,592 That I am his boss and always making him stay late, working. 265 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,259 [loudly] Can I have a Scotch? 266 00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:13,967 [sarcastically] Oh, this is so scary, Mo. 267 00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:16,342 The car fire's a little on the nose, though. 268 00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:18,050 It's not a fucking prank, okay, Blair? 269 00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:20,175 We're lost in goddamn Little Beirut. 270 00:10:20,259 --> 00:10:21,842 And I lost a quarter-of-a-million-dollar car. 271 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,758 Oh, come on. 272 00:10:23,842 --> 00:10:25,050 Okay, it's a quarter of a quarter-of-a-million-dollar car. 273 00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:26,426 It was mostly, you know, Fiero 274 00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:28,008 with a little Town Car thrown in there. 275 00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:29,384 - But still, it stings. - No, I mean, "Come on, 276 00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:31,426 I don't believe you." 277 00:10:31,509 --> 00:10:33,676 Look, no offense, but I'm just gonna get a cab and go home. 278 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,384 I got to figure out what I'm doing with Tiff. 279 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:36,634 You know, this is the second time you've said this shit. 280 00:10:36,717 --> 00:10:38,384 Figure what out? Spill it. 281 00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:40,467 I just feel like me and Tiff, it's just not-- 282 00:10:40,551 --> 00:10:42,300 it just is not... 283 00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:45,384 Wow. You thought of everything. 284 00:10:45,467 --> 00:10:47,551 The "cops" are here. 285 00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,842 No, no, I didn't set this up. We should go this way, man. 286 00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:51,467 - Let's go this way. - No. No, no, no. 287 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,050 I'm gonna go talk to the fuzz. 288 00:10:53,134 --> 00:10:54,217 - No, don't go talk to the... - Yeah. 289 00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,800 ...fucking fuzz! Hey! 290 00:10:55,883 --> 00:10:56,842 - Officers! - [Mo] Blair! 291 00:10:56,925 --> 00:10:58,551 [Blair] Officers! 292 00:10:58,634 --> 00:11:00,758 Hi. I was just wondering 293 00:11:00,842 --> 00:11:03,008 if either of you T.J. Hooker extras had a chance 294 00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:05,426 to try the canapés at my engagement party 295 00:11:05,509 --> 00:11:06,758 before you fucking trashed the place. 296 00:11:06,842 --> 00:11:08,342 What? Who the fuck are you? 297 00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:09,800 Mo! 298 00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:11,092 Next time you call Central Casting, 299 00:11:11,175 --> 00:11:12,967 you got to be specific. 300 00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:14,676 Don't just say "big." You should've said "tough." 301 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,342 They sent the fucking Fat Boys. 302 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,925 Please, do not shoot my dumb-ass friend. 303 00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,676 - Shut the fuck up! - [grunts] 304 00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:21,384 Come on, you got to try to sell that punch better. 305 00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,800 Who'd you boost this watch off, huh, bro? 306 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,300 Listen, we're not gonna say anything, okay? 307 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,842 [Mo] We didn't see anything! Just let us go! 308 00:11:25,925 --> 00:11:28,008 Okay, look... 309 00:11:28,092 --> 00:11:29,758 - I'm tired. - Blair. 310 00:11:29,842 --> 00:11:31,842 I want to go home. What are we supposed to say? 311 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,300 "Time out" or "olly, olly, oxen free"? 312 00:11:34,384 --> 00:11:35,925 - Fucking actors. - [gunshot] 313 00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:38,134 - Oh! - Shit, that felt real. 314 00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:40,551 Whoa. It is real, you dumb fuck. Point it at the dirty cops. 315 00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,300 - Okay. - Get-get on the ground. 316 00:11:42,384 --> 00:11:44,592 I'm just backing away. I'm sorry. 317 00:11:44,676 --> 00:11:46,509 Sorry about this. Thank you for your service! 318 00:11:46,592 --> 00:11:48,883 [man] Get back here! I'll fucking kill you! 319 00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,092 [tires squealing] 320 00:11:51,175 --> 00:11:52,592 - Get the fuck back here! - Get back here! 321 00:11:52,676 --> 00:11:54,883 - Oh, shit. - [tires squealing] 322 00:11:54,967 --> 00:11:58,092 [gunshots] 323 00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:01,342 ♪♪♪ 324 00:12:01,426 --> 00:12:03,008 [engine revving, siren blaring] 325 00:12:03,092 --> 00:12:05,967 [both laughing and cheering] 326 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,008 - [slams table] - Give us a case, 327 00:12:10,092 --> 00:12:11,758 or we'll tell everyone you're more flaming 328 00:12:11,842 --> 00:12:13,800 than Fire Island, which works on two levels. 329 00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:15,967 - [Missy] Come on, Deb. - We'll tell your wife. 330 00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:17,509 We'll tell Mo. 331 00:12:17,592 --> 00:12:20,175 We'll tell your son. 332 00:12:20,259 --> 00:12:21,925 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 333 00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,758 [exhales deeply, gulps] 334 00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:25,342 Okay. 335 00:12:25,426 --> 00:12:27,551 Nice. Told you he'd be in. 336 00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:30,717 No, no, I meant "Okay, go for it." 337 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,883 [chuckles] Tell the world that I long for schlong. 338 00:12:33,967 --> 00:12:36,175 Agent Fox isn't fucking joking. 339 00:12:36,259 --> 00:12:39,509 I mean, there was a joke in the way that she said it. 340 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,634 I'm not joking either, okay? 341 00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,509 You know, God's a funny fuck, isn't He? 342 00:12:43,592 --> 00:12:45,551 Maybe this is the final push I've needed, you know? 343 00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,259 I've been wanting to tell my family forever, 344 00:12:47,342 --> 00:12:50,175 and Mo only cares that I'm gay for money, so... 345 00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:51,842 do it. 346 00:12:51,925 --> 00:12:54,217 Now, if there aren't any further questions, 347 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,758 your ho-nors--that's "your honors" but with "ho"-- 348 00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,259 - Not your best work. - No, we, uh... 349 00:12:59,342 --> 00:13:00,634 we got another ace up our sleeves, so... 350 00:13:00,717 --> 00:13:02,800 - Mm-hmm. - We will be back. 351 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,217 [Missy] Time to break out the big guns. 352 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,758 [both laughing hysterically] 353 00:13:07,842 --> 00:13:09,426 I'm telling you, 354 00:13:09,509 --> 00:13:11,426 every girl is caught between a Jake and a Ted. 355 00:13:11,509 --> 00:13:13,467 - Who? - From Sixteen Candles. 356 00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:14,634 - [gasps] I haven't seen it. - What? 357 00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:16,175 - No. - No! You haven't seen it? 358 00:13:16,259 --> 00:13:17,592 - Uh-uh. - Okay. 359 00:13:17,676 --> 00:13:19,467 So Jake Ryan is this super-hot badass. 360 00:13:19,551 --> 00:13:21,092 - Mm-hmm. - And Ted is this dweeb. 361 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,259 - Oof. - And I'm marrying a total Ted, 362 00:13:23,342 --> 00:13:26,300 which is crazy because all I'd ever been with are Jakes. 363 00:13:26,384 --> 00:13:27,800 - Oh... - I lost my virginity 364 00:13:27,883 --> 00:13:29,509 - to a real bad boy. - Who? 365 00:13:29,592 --> 00:13:32,092 - Bill Laimbeer. - Ah! The Piston? 366 00:13:32,175 --> 00:13:33,551 - More like the noodle. - [laughs] 367 00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:35,426 We went to theater camp together. 368 00:13:35,509 --> 00:13:38,008 [gasps] I hope he was a better actor back then. 369 00:13:38,092 --> 00:13:40,134 [laughs silently] 370 00:13:40,217 --> 00:13:41,883 - It's a basketball joke. - Mm. 371 00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:43,217 'Cause... 372 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,050 Anyway, I hear you, honestly. 373 00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:47,217 You know, I was all Jakes, 374 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,300 and then I married a real fucking Ted. 375 00:13:49,384 --> 00:13:50,800 I told you, I told you. 376 00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:53,384 - Oh, God, Dawn. - Hmm? 377 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,384 Am I making a huge mistake? 378 00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:57,050 - No, no! - Tell me. 379 00:13:57,134 --> 00:13:59,092 No, I promise you. 380 00:13:59,175 --> 00:14:01,050 Blair--Blair's great. 381 00:14:01,134 --> 00:14:03,676 Like, really great. Tiff, you are a lucky girl. 382 00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:05,592 And you and I, we both know, you know, 383 00:14:05,676 --> 00:14:07,050 bad boys are just bad. 384 00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:08,342 Yeah. Except Jake Ryan. 385 00:14:08,426 --> 00:14:09,676 He had a heart of gold. 386 00:14:09,758 --> 00:14:11,217 - Mm. - When he found out 387 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,259 all Ted wanted was to lose his virginity, 388 00:14:13,342 --> 00:14:17,175 Jake let him have sex with his passed-out girlfriend. 389 00:14:17,259 --> 00:14:19,592 - What the fuck? - I know. Wow. 390 00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:21,717 And that was in movie theaters? 391 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,008 - Yeah. - And white people were just 392 00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:25,217 like, "Cool"? 393 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,259 [scoffs] Oh, my God. 394 00:14:27,342 --> 00:14:29,342 I guess that is super fucked up. 395 00:14:29,426 --> 00:14:32,259 - Yeah, yeah. - [laughing] 396 00:14:32,342 --> 00:14:35,300 [chuckles] 397 00:14:35,384 --> 00:14:37,134 - [crying] - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 398 00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:39,092 What's happening? What's happening? 399 00:14:39,175 --> 00:14:42,634 I'm pretty sure Blair tried to call off the wedding tonight. 400 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,967 And it's gonna be super embarrassing, 401 00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:48,676 but I think I'm gonna-- just gonna take him up on it. 402 00:14:48,758 --> 00:14:52,634 - No. Why? - 'Cause we're cursed. 403 00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,717 - We're cursed. - I-I...no, no. 404 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,259 Just drink your penis. It's gonna be okay. 405 00:14:57,342 --> 00:14:59,092 I promise. 406 00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:01,134 - [beeper beeping] - What a fucking night, right? 407 00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:02,634 - Oh! - Oh, you handled that gun 408 00:15:02,717 --> 00:15:04,175 - like a champ. - Shit! 409 00:15:04,259 --> 00:15:05,717 [Blair] Sorry, I thought it was fake, Mo. 410 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,217 [Mo] And I am sorry for kidnapping you, 411 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,717 but that was fresh. 412 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,634 - [Blair] Yes! - [both laughing] 413 00:15:10,717 --> 00:15:12,758 Ooh! What a team, right? 414 00:15:12,842 --> 00:15:14,634 Brains and beauty, witty and pretty, 415 00:15:14,717 --> 00:15:16,342 and, hey, you bring some shit to the table, too, kid. 416 00:15:16,426 --> 00:15:19,758 [grunts happily] Oh, my God, we're alive in a stolen cop car. 417 00:15:19,842 --> 00:15:21,800 - Yeah. - We cheated death. 418 00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:24,634 - We fucking did. - What do we do now? 419 00:15:24,717 --> 00:15:26,800 - Let's drink till we die! - Yes! 420 00:15:26,883 --> 00:15:28,300 Hey, there's a spot right over here. 421 00:15:28,384 --> 00:15:30,217 - All right. - Okay. 422 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,342 [door alarm dinging] 423 00:15:32,426 --> 00:15:34,092 Who breaks up before their wedding 424 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:36,217 and still ends up happy together? 425 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,592 Lots of people. Uh... 426 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:40,842 yeah, O.J. Simpson and that blonde girl he just married. 427 00:15:40,925 --> 00:15:42,509 - Yeah. - Robert Wagner 428 00:15:42,592 --> 00:15:43,967 and Natalie Wood-- I mean, they married each other 429 00:15:44,050 --> 00:15:46,300 twice and were so happy until... 430 00:15:46,384 --> 00:15:48,509 they drifted apart... literally. 431 00:15:48,592 --> 00:15:51,509 And the engagement party was such a disaster. 432 00:15:51,592 --> 00:15:53,217 Not to mention he was out all night 433 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,758 with some prostitute probably. 434 00:15:54,842 --> 00:15:57,134 No, no, probably...not. 435 00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,800 I tried to talk to my minister, 436 00:15:58,883 --> 00:16:00,758 but I'm only an Operating Thetan IV, 437 00:16:00,842 --> 00:16:02,717 and he won't discuss it until I go up the Bridge, 438 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,384 but that's, like, another 100 grand. 439 00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:09,134 [sighs] Trust me, Tiff. You are not cursed. 440 00:16:09,217 --> 00:16:10,717 Yeah? Really? 441 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,676 Then how come no one showed up 442 00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,134 to my bachelorette party, Dawn? 443 00:16:14,217 --> 00:16:16,551 Maybe they got caught in the park and killed. 444 00:16:16,634 --> 00:16:18,467 You're sweet. 445 00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:20,217 But I think this is the final sign. 446 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,134 - Check, please. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 447 00:16:22,217 --> 00:16:24,426 Maybe it's a good thing your fake-ass friends didn't show. 448 00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:26,842 - [sighs] Why? - Well, you've outgrown them. 449 00:16:26,925 --> 00:16:30,800 Okay? You have new, sophisticated friends like me. 450 00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:33,551 Right? Now, who needs those skanks? 451 00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,217 All we need are drinks. 452 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,800 Haven't you ever fallen out of love, Dawn? 453 00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:40,925 You know, you keep holding on, 454 00:16:41,008 --> 00:16:43,634 hoping to get that feeling back, but... 455 00:16:43,717 --> 00:16:46,551 the tighter you grip it, the further away it gets. 456 00:16:46,634 --> 00:16:48,467 And then one day you wake up, 457 00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:50,634 and you're two totally different people 458 00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:54,008 and you wonder how you even got together in the first place. 459 00:16:54,092 --> 00:16:56,384 ♪ somber music ♪ 460 00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,259 Haven't you ever felt that, Dawn? 461 00:16:58,342 --> 00:17:00,217 ♪♪♪ 462 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,217 [sighs] No. 463 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,217 [breathes deeply] 464 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:08,592 I've never felt that. 465 00:17:08,676 --> 00:17:10,925 - [Blair] We're like Miami Vice. - [Mo] Exactly. 466 00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:12,883 - Tiff? Dawn? - Blair? 467 00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:14,634 Are you crying? 468 00:17:14,717 --> 00:17:16,092 Are you okay? 469 00:17:16,175 --> 00:17:19,092 I don't think so. What are you doing here? 470 00:17:19,175 --> 00:17:21,300 Jesus Christ, this night can't get any crazier. 471 00:17:21,384 --> 00:17:23,300 We almost got killed, okay? Twice. 472 00:17:23,384 --> 00:17:24,592 And then we come in here randomly to get a drink, 473 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,634 and then you two are here. 474 00:17:26,717 --> 00:17:28,842 If this isn't a sign that these two kids are soul mates, 475 00:17:28,925 --> 00:17:31,217 I don't know what is, right, Dawn? 476 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,467 - Right, Dawn? - Uh, yeah. Sure. 477 00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:36,134 Ye--"yeah, sure"? More like "hell, yeah, sure." 478 00:17:36,217 --> 00:17:37,634 Hey, waiter, listen, 479 00:17:37,717 --> 00:17:39,217 a bottle of your finest champagne 480 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,717 will not cut it. 481 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,800 We need four of those motherfuckers 482 00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:44,925 and then tequila shots, 'cause we're getting crazy tonight. 483 00:17:45,008 --> 00:17:47,259 Oh, man, can you believe this coincidence? 484 00:17:47,342 --> 00:17:48,883 No. 485 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:52,008 Ok--huh? No? Ah, wha... 486 00:17:52,092 --> 00:17:55,259 [Missy] Ugh, smug Chia Pet motherfucker. 487 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,384 [sighs] There's got to be something we missed. 488 00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:01,092 The only other thing we found was this. 489 00:18:01,175 --> 00:18:02,925 They've been buying up Georgina Jeans like crazy. 490 00:18:03,008 --> 00:18:04,925 What? When I went through their quarterlies, 491 00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:06,551 they weren't holding any major positions. 492 00:18:06,634 --> 00:18:08,467 They were up to 40%. 493 00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:10,967 They must've gotten spooked and sold it off or something. 494 00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:13,217 Or they hid it to throw off the Street... 495 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,592 and us. 496 00:18:16,676 --> 00:18:18,509 Captain's log. 497 00:18:18,592 --> 00:18:20,967 Captain Keith T. Shanker reporting for duty. 498 00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:23,300 This planet is full of assholes, a-- 499 00:18:23,384 --> 00:18:24,967 - Feet off the table. - Fucking touch me again, 500 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:27,342 - and I'll sue. - So we know you don't care 501 00:18:27,426 --> 00:18:29,509 if we tell your son about your boyfriend, 502 00:18:29,592 --> 00:18:31,134 but how would you feel if we told your son 503 00:18:31,217 --> 00:18:32,509 and your boyfriend that they're going to jail 504 00:18:32,592 --> 00:18:34,592 for illegal share parking? 505 00:18:34,676 --> 00:18:36,384 You know, I think your son's gonna have a really hard time 506 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:38,967 getting into Brandeis with that on his permanent record. 507 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,259 Believe me, Brad's gonna have a hard time 508 00:18:40,342 --> 00:18:41,842 getting into any college. 509 00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,676 Well, I bet your boyfriend's gonna have 510 00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:46,008 a real hard time in prison-- actually, he might like it. 511 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,008 [sighs] Can we cool it with the gay panic stuff, Deb? 512 00:18:49,092 --> 00:18:50,967 - My cousin's a fairy. - [Keith] Bullshit. 513 00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,259 I don't have any idea what you're talking about. 514 00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:57,800 Liar, liar, jeans on fire. 515 00:18:57,883 --> 00:19:00,134 [Missy] Nice. See? That was a good, clean one. 516 00:19:00,217 --> 00:19:02,175 [Deb] Thanks. How do you feel now, Keith? 517 00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:04,551 ♪ tense music ♪ 518 00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:06,592 [quietly] Fuck me. 519 00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:10,008 [sighs] 520 00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:14,300 Okay. What do you need me to do? 521 00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:16,717 [Blair] Be honest, Mo. You didn't know they were here? 522 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,342 And, Dawn, you didn't tip them off 523 00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:20,384 - that I was getting cold feet? - Wait a second. 524 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:21,551 - Why do you have cold feet? - You're getting cold feet? 525 00:19:21,634 --> 00:19:23,676 - Because you are! - I'm-I'm just confused. 526 00:19:23,758 --> 00:19:25,259 Don't you love me anymore? 527 00:19:25,342 --> 00:19:27,717 Yes, he loves you anymore. This is insane, guys. 528 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,217 Cold feet is normal. It's very normal. 529 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,967 - Right, Dawn? - Cold feet are normal. 530 00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,634 - See that? - But you got to listen 531 00:19:32,717 --> 00:19:33,634 - to your heart. - I know. 532 00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:36,175 - What the fuck? - Mo, shut up! 533 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,092 Listen, find the person you want to be with 534 00:19:38,175 --> 00:19:40,175 based on who they are, not who they aren't. 535 00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,676 Trust me, if you pick a Ted just because a bunch of Jakes 536 00:19:42,758 --> 00:19:45,842 broke your heart, you're gonna be lonely. 537 00:19:45,925 --> 00:19:47,800 W-wait, wait, wait. W-who's Ted and Jake? 538 00:19:47,883 --> 00:19:49,008 - Sixteen Candles. - Sixteen Candles. 539 00:19:49,092 --> 00:19:50,758 That movie's fucked. Long Duk Dong? 540 00:19:50,842 --> 00:19:52,342 Talk about a goddamn minstrel show right there. 541 00:19:52,426 --> 00:19:54,758 All right, the point is, if you marry the wrong person, 542 00:19:54,842 --> 00:19:56,842 you will regret it every day. 543 00:19:56,925 --> 00:19:58,925 Well, just 'cause Dawn should've married her bad boy-- 544 00:19:59,008 --> 00:20:00,634 - This isn't about you. - [Mo] Oh. 545 00:20:00,717 --> 00:20:04,092 This isn't about Spencer. This is about me. 546 00:20:04,175 --> 00:20:06,175 This me. Tiffa-me. 547 00:20:06,259 --> 00:20:08,008 [Mo] Well, you used "me" as a metaphor. 548 00:20:08,092 --> 00:20:09,592 - No, I didn't. - Uh, I'm pretty sure 549 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,925 - that you did. - How am I a Ted? I am a Jake. 550 00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:13,217 I've always reminded myself of a Jake. 551 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,800 You're Ted tip to tush. T-E-D, Ted. 552 00:20:14,883 --> 00:20:16,509 You're a little Teddy bear. 553 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:18,175 Tiff and Blair are perfect for each other. 554 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,842 You don't know that, and I don't know that. 555 00:20:19,925 --> 00:20:21,467 Only they know that. 556 00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:23,175 Guys, it's really fucking simple. 557 00:20:23,259 --> 00:20:25,467 - Are you in love? - Yes. 558 00:20:25,551 --> 00:20:27,467 [Dawn] Are you in love? Hmm? 559 00:20:27,551 --> 00:20:30,217 ♪♪♪ 560 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,842 - I-- - Hey, slut! 561 00:20:32,925 --> 00:20:34,426 You came! 562 00:20:34,509 --> 00:20:36,300 Sluts. [laughs] 563 00:20:36,384 --> 00:20:38,426 Sorry we're late. We were pre-gaming at Bunny's 564 00:20:38,509 --> 00:20:40,217 with a new Bartles & Jaymes flavor. 565 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,300 And long story short, we ralphed. 566 00:20:42,384 --> 00:20:43,384 [Bunny and Kayla] It was a prototype! 567 00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:45,050 And if we're being honest, 568 00:20:45,134 --> 00:20:46,883 after your whole engagement party fiasco, 569 00:20:46,967 --> 00:20:50,175 we just thought you might call the whole wedding off. 570 00:20:53,384 --> 00:20:55,634 [laughs] 571 00:20:55,717 --> 00:20:58,384 Call off the wedding? Call off the wedding? 572 00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:00,092 Call off--off the wedding? 573 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,467 Call off the wedding? 574 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,008 Okay, as if, slut! 575 00:21:04,092 --> 00:21:05,426 - [Tiff] That's so ghetto. - Oh, okay. 576 00:21:05,509 --> 00:21:07,509 Blair and I are stronger than ever, right, Blair? 577 00:21:07,592 --> 00:21:09,134 - Ooh! - [Bunny] Thank God! 578 00:21:09,217 --> 00:21:11,092 'Cause for a second there, I was like, "Ew." 579 00:21:11,175 --> 00:21:13,925 - [Tiff] Ew! - Now let's go to Danceteria! 580 00:21:14,008 --> 00:21:15,592 This place is so last weekend. 581 00:21:15,676 --> 00:21:16,717 They're letting anyone in. 582 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,259 No offense. 583 00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:19,842 Are you trying to get Jap slapped? 584 00:21:19,925 --> 00:21:21,050 I will fucking knock this Barbie bitch's head 585 00:21:21,134 --> 00:21:22,676 off the fucking neck. 586 00:21:22,758 --> 00:21:24,259 Dawn, thank you so much for the talk. 587 00:21:24,342 --> 00:21:26,092 - [Tosh] Bye. - You made me realize that Blair 588 00:21:26,175 --> 00:21:27,800 and I are perfect for each other. 589 00:21:27,883 --> 00:21:28,967 [Tiff] Bye, Care Blair. 590 00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:31,134 [sputters loudly] Bye, guys. 591 00:21:31,217 --> 00:21:32,717 - [Mo chuckles] Oh. - [Tiff] Wait for me, girls! 592 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,634 Have fun, ladies! 593 00:21:34,717 --> 00:21:36,800 [laughs] 594 00:21:36,883 --> 00:21:38,008 What was that bullshit? 595 00:21:38,092 --> 00:21:40,300 It wasn't bullshit. 596 00:21:43,175 --> 00:21:45,551 [inhales sharply] I got to go. 597 00:21:48,967 --> 00:21:50,509 - [sighs] - Okay, well, good night. 598 00:21:50,592 --> 00:21:52,842 [Dawn] Fuck you, Mo. 599 00:21:52,925 --> 00:21:55,008 Eh, pbbt! Chicks, right? 600 00:21:55,092 --> 00:21:57,008 - You know what we need to do? - I can't marry Tiff. 601 00:21:57,092 --> 00:21:59,800 What do you--what do you mean you can't marry Tiff? 602 00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:01,300 Of course you're gonna marry Tiff. 603 00:22:01,384 --> 00:22:02,800 - You're not the boss of me. - Technically... 604 00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:04,800 At work, yes, but Tiff is not work. 605 00:22:04,883 --> 00:22:06,592 I mean, yes, she can be very trying at times, 606 00:22:06,676 --> 00:22:08,800 but-but why are you so invested in my relationship? 607 00:22:08,883 --> 00:22:11,467 Because I am literally invested. 608 00:22:11,551 --> 00:22:12,800 What? 609 00:22:12,883 --> 00:22:14,551 [Mo sighs] 610 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:16,342 Okay, I'm gonna confess something to you. 611 00:22:16,426 --> 00:22:18,050 I know. 612 00:22:18,134 --> 00:22:19,384 You fucked with the toothbrush in my desk. 613 00:22:19,467 --> 00:22:21,467 But that is just a decoy, 614 00:22:21,551 --> 00:22:23,467 as is the toothbrush in the supply closet. 615 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,925 - My real toothbrush-- - Is in a Ziploc bag 616 00:22:26,008 --> 00:22:28,259 in the bathroom in the ceiling tile, second stall. 617 00:22:28,342 --> 00:22:29,842 - Oh, dear God. - That's not the thing. 618 00:22:29,925 --> 00:22:32,134 Listen, Blair, I-- 619 00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:33,592 [sighs] 620 00:22:33,676 --> 00:22:35,551 ♪ tense music ♪ 621 00:22:35,634 --> 00:22:38,008 Okay, when I said we were friends, 622 00:22:38,092 --> 00:22:41,050 that was real-- I meant that. 623 00:22:41,134 --> 00:22:44,551 But the truth is, I've been playing you, kid... 624 00:22:44,634 --> 00:22:46,300 from the beginning. 625 00:22:46,384 --> 00:22:49,384 The coke, the arrest, it was-- it was a con. 626 00:22:49,467 --> 00:22:51,342 I was trying to make sure that you worked for me 627 00:22:51,426 --> 00:22:54,092 so that I could, you know, work on getting those sweet, sweet 628 00:22:54,175 --> 00:22:55,925 ungettable Georgina family shares, 629 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,676 but that was before we were boys. 630 00:22:57,758 --> 00:22:59,883 Now just listen. Before you say anything, 631 00:22:59,967 --> 00:23:01,008 I want you to think, 'cause if there's one thing I know 632 00:23:01,092 --> 00:23:02,842 about you, it's that you're smart. 633 00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:06,259 Now, you just said that you cannot marry Tiff, right? 634 00:23:06,342 --> 00:23:09,092 So you're gonna break her heart anyway. 635 00:23:09,175 --> 00:23:12,300 I mean, why not give her the wedding of her dreams first? 636 00:23:12,384 --> 00:23:15,426 Let's run the Georgina play-- me and you, 637 00:23:15,509 --> 00:23:17,008 together, as a team. 638 00:23:17,092 --> 00:23:18,551 It makes sense. 639 00:23:18,634 --> 00:23:20,384 I mean, it makes more than cents. 640 00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:22,426 It makes dollars. It makes tens of millions of dollars. 641 00:23:22,509 --> 00:23:24,384 For us. For two guys who were never 642 00:23:24,467 --> 00:23:26,842 handed a fucking thing their whole goddamn lives. 643 00:23:26,925 --> 00:23:30,134 ♪♪♪ 644 00:23:30,217 --> 00:23:31,717 Let's do it. 645 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,676 What do you say? 646 00:23:33,758 --> 00:23:36,134 ♪♪♪ 647 00:23:36,217 --> 00:23:38,342 [inhales sharply] 648 00:23:39,883 --> 00:23:42,092 Fuck you. 649 00:23:42,175 --> 00:23:43,592 I'm gonna tell Tiff everything. 650 00:23:43,676 --> 00:23:45,758 And, Maurice... 651 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,717 I quit. 652 00:23:59,717 --> 00:24:01,592 [indistinct chatter] 653 00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:03,551 Oh, hey. What's up, man? Good to see you. 654 00:24:03,634 --> 00:24:05,551 [pop music playing over speakers] 655 00:24:05,634 --> 00:24:08,717 Oh, well, well, well. Welcome, welcome. 656 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,551 Mm. Sorry I'm late. 657 00:24:10,634 --> 00:24:14,092 - I, uh, I got caught up. - Hey, hey, no problemo, Kiki! 658 00:24:14,175 --> 00:24:16,300 - Hey, um... - [laughs] 659 00:24:16,384 --> 00:24:18,676 - I, um... - [laughs] 660 00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:20,925 Can I-- can I give you something? 661 00:24:21,008 --> 00:24:23,259 - Uh, yes? - Okay. I'll--just hold on here. 662 00:24:23,342 --> 00:24:24,800 Okay. 663 00:24:24,883 --> 00:24:26,717 This, um, is very special to me. 664 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,800 I want you... 665 00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,842 - Mm! - To have it. 666 00:24:29,925 --> 00:24:31,634 - Oh, here, just--okay. - What is happening? 667 00:24:31,717 --> 00:24:33,092 All right, yeah. 668 00:24:33,175 --> 00:24:37,008 Yeah! Here, take a look. Take a look. 669 00:24:37,092 --> 00:24:39,634 - Oh! - You like it? 670 00:24:39,717 --> 00:24:41,592 Yeah, I love it. 671 00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:44,883 I want you to know that no matter what goes down... 672 00:24:46,758 --> 00:24:50,551 - ...I will always love you. - [laughs] 673 00:24:50,634 --> 00:24:52,050 And you say I'm the dramatic one. 674 00:24:52,134 --> 00:24:52,925 - Well... - This is like a scene 675 00:24:53,008 --> 00:24:55,092 from "Steel Fagnolias." 676 00:24:55,175 --> 00:24:56,342 I would've said "Terms of Enqueerment." 677 00:24:56,426 --> 00:24:57,842 - How dare you? - Oh, come on. 678 00:24:57,925 --> 00:24:59,175 Oh, here, drink your juice, Shelby. 679 00:24:59,259 --> 00:25:00,551 Oh, okay, yeah. "Help my daughter." 680 00:25:00,634 --> 00:25:02,217 - Okay. - Oh! [laughs] 681 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:03,634 Bingo. 682 00:25:03,717 --> 00:25:07,342 ♪♪♪ 683 00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,467 [door closes] 684 00:25:15,384 --> 00:25:17,925 [inhales sharply] Listen, Spence. 685 00:25:18,008 --> 00:25:20,758 - I'm sorry. - No, baby, I'm sorry. 686 00:25:20,842 --> 00:25:23,175 You know, I've been sitting here, annoyed 687 00:25:23,259 --> 00:25:25,259 that we missed a night together. 688 00:25:25,342 --> 00:25:27,592 But work's a big part of who you are, 689 00:25:27,676 --> 00:25:29,426 and I love who you are. 690 00:25:29,509 --> 00:25:33,634 And I'll take however much of you I can get. 691 00:25:33,717 --> 00:25:36,925 Hey, at least you made it back in time for the comet. 692 00:25:37,008 --> 00:25:39,592 I want a divorce. 693 00:25:39,676 --> 00:25:42,592 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 694 00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:44,509 ♪♪♪ 695 00:25:44,592 --> 00:25:46,800 What? 696 00:25:46,883 --> 00:25:52,092 ♪♪♪ 697 00:25:55,551 --> 00:25:58,467 [sirens wailing distantly] 698 00:25:58,551 --> 00:26:01,967 ♪♪♪ 699 00:26:02,050 --> 00:26:06,717 [exhales deeply] 700 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,717 - [screaming] - Tiff? 701 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,008 - Oh, my God! Aah! - Tiff! 702 00:26:11,092 --> 00:26:13,758 Help me! Help me! Get your hands off me! 703 00:26:13,842 --> 00:26:15,300 Oh! Ah! 704 00:26:15,384 --> 00:26:17,634 [Tiff] Blair, call my dad! 705 00:26:17,717 --> 00:26:19,175 Tiff! 706 00:26:19,259 --> 00:26:24,217 ♪♪♪ 707 00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:27,175 ♪ dramatic percussive music ♪ 708 00:26:27,259 --> 00:26:32,342 ♪♪♪ 709 00:26:32,392 --> 00:26:36,942 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 52321

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